#but since I listened to a lot of different songs on a loop | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

corrodedseraphine · 2 years ago

Text

easy | one shot

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

summary: "But Eddie has a girlfriend!" Dustin said first. "He does?" Adam asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "I do?" Eddie muttered under his breath trying to understand what was going on. "Yeah, he is dating my sister y/n!" Will continued. "They're so in love with each other it's disgusting." Dustin rolled his eyes.

Everything would be fine if it weren't for the fact that neither you nor Eddie were informed in advance of the fact that you were a couple.

It promised to be a very interesting week. angst/fluff and almost smut (making out in the bathroom), friends to lovers

In this AU Joyce didn't move to California, but Argyle is there in Hawkins because he is too cool to erase him just like that.

TW: mention of injuries, blood, murder, drugs

the one shot is also avaliable on ao3

9 591 words

When I first got the idea, I thought it would be a very short and pleasant story. As standard, it turned out quite differently!

I know I said this fanfic wouldn't be related to any song, but as I was writing I was listening to one of my favorite songs about love Safari by Piotr Zioła on loop and couldn't resist adding elements of it in there.

eddie munson masterlist | general masterlist

"Here are my favorites!" Wayne said entering Eddie's room with a big cardboard box.

"Please let me tell Dustin that you called us that, this little shit will lose his mind." Robin grinned.

"He knows it. This is my uncle and sometimes he loves you guys more than he loves me." Eddie replied with a mouth full of pizza.

You were sitting in the Munsons' new apartment. After the huge compensation Eddie got from the government, they decided to give up on the trailer park and find a place where power failure and lack of hot water would not be on the agenda. You, of course, helped them with the moving out. Unfortunately, Eddie's condition was not the best so with the carrying furniture and cardboard boxes Steve, Jonathan, Argyle and Hopper helped Wayne. You, Robin, Nancy and Joyce took care of painting the rooms, but now it was time to eat to strengthen yourselves before continuing. You sat in a circle on the floor, since you hadn't yet had time to assemble the table. Suddenly there was the sound of a telephone in the apartment. Wayne went to answer it and returned after about 10 minutes with a worried expression on his face.

"If it weren't for the fact that the police chief is now sitting across from me I'd think I'd messed something up again." the younger Munson joked, to which Jim just rolled his eyes.

"We'll have visitors next week." sighed the old man.

"Who?"

"Remember aunt Theresa and her son Adam?"

"Jesus, no!" his reaction spoke for itself.

"They want to come for a week."

"So at the moment when we live in a trailer and can barely afford anything they don't want to know us, but when we suddenly get a lot of money and a new apartment they feel like suddenly renewing family ties?" he asked with disgust in his voice.

"It's only a week Son, you'll survive."

"Nope. I won't survive. Hopper you don't have a free cell for a week? I'll be much better off there than in their company."

"Don't be dramatic, kid." he replied.

"Joyce! Have mercy on the victim, store me for this time in your basement, you won't even notice I'm there," he whined. "I just got you out of the hospital, the doctor said that I am categorically forbidden to do any extreme activities!"

"How can a family visit be extreme?" Steve asked.

"When you meet them you'll understand."

You finished eating and everyone went back to their duties, but you went to help Eddie with changing the bandages. From the very beginning you were the only person he allowed in, because you handled him most delicately of all. You knew that Wayne was trying his best, however, Eddie always dramatically confirmed that everyone else wanted him to die in pain.

He sat on the edge of the tub as you cleaned each wound in turn. He hissed in pain from time to time, each time you heard it you sent him a slight smile whispering that it would be over soon and everything will be fine. When each wound was thoroughly cleaned you moved on to applying the ointment.

"Why do you dislike your family so much?" you asked while rubbing the ointment into his cheek.

"They have always considered themselves the best of the family, just because they have money. They love to brag about it, if they could they would wear badges that say 'we're fabulously rich, sucker,'" he said rolling his eyes.

"That doesn't sound too good." You sighed.

"I'll be hearing all week about how worthless I am. Too stupid to graduate from high school on the first try, too controversial looking to get a good job... The list goes on, if I were to list everything we'd have to sit here until night."

"Hey, look at me." you said grabbing his chin and turning him so that he was looking straight into your eyes. "You're not worthless. You saved the world, Eddie. You saved us all. The only worthless thing that exists is your hopeless aunt's words, do you understand?"

"You saved me, too. More than once." he whispered surprised with your words.

"I would have done it a second time without hesitation."

When you found yourselves in the Upside Down after passing through the gate at Lover's Lake the Demobats took you as their target. Without a second thought, Eddie rushed to your rescue when one of them wrapped its tail around your neck. Later, while Steve, Nancy, Jonathan and Robin dealt with Vecna together the two of you and Dustin were supposed to distract the monsters. Unfortunately, Eddie had no intention of listening to Steve and feeling a surge of courage he cut the line when you and Dustin returned to the trailer on the good side. That didn't stop you from jumping after him. You don't know if it was the adrenaline or the despair that overwhelmed you when you saw him that made you and the others able to get him back out the other side. The option of getting out of hell without Eddie simply didn't exist for you.

"I just... I don't want Wayne to be ashamed of me. I don't want him to listen to all the crap they say about me because I know he cares. He tries not to show it but I can see it. And that's the worst part of it all."

"Wayne loves you. And I know he would do anything for you. It's normal that when someone talks nonsense about people we love it upsets us. Remember when you had to pull me forcibly away from Craver who was bullying Will? I thought I was going to tear him apart then. I probably would have if it hadn't been for you."

"To be honest, you were terrifying, I was scared as hell," he laughed.

"If necessary I'm ready to defend you from your crazy family too. I just need to grow my nails so I can claw out their eyes better." you answered. When you saw the smile light up his face as well, you felt your heart skipped a beat. You meant it in all honesty. You would do anything for the people you love. He didn't need to know that you loved him in a little different way than the rest.

When the ultimate day arrived Eddie was sitting in his room with Dustin and Will working on the details of the next D&D campaign. This was to be Will's first time as Dungeon Master for the whole group so Eddie, as always, eagerly offered to help. They were fiercely discussing the final boss fight when the door to his room swung open gently and Wayne showed up in it.

"Hi Uncle Wayne." Dustin and Will said simultaneously.

"Hi boys. Eddie? Our guests have arrived." As soon as the last word left his mouth the door swung open wider allowing his aunt inside. There was a look of displeasure on Wayne's face at the fact that she had walked in there as if it were her own room, but he didn't comment. Immediately after her, her son Adam walked in.

"Hello, Edward!" she said in an overly high tone, looking around the room with a judgmental gaze. "Why don't you give an old aunt a hug as a greeting?"

"I'd love to, but unfortunately the doctor has forbidden me to have close contact with other people." Eddie replied in a flat tone causing the younger boys to snort quietly with laughter.

"Hm... I see you still haven't grown up. Adam threw away all his toys the moment he started high school."

"These are not some toys, they are needed for our campaign." He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Are you still playing that satanic game?" interjected Adam.

"It's not- Yeah, you know what? Yes, I play the satanic game all the time. Actually, I'm the leader of the cult now, and these are its scary members Dustin and Will. Before you say anything, yes, I am bringing the Hawkins youth to the dark side of power to worship Satan with me." Their visit had so far lasted only five minutes and they had already made Eddie think about how much more fun it was to be ripped to shreds by demobats.

"Alright." Wayne interrupted his dramatic speech before things got too far. "Why don't I show you the rest of the house and the neighborhood?" Without a word they left closing the door behind them.

"Dude, they're awful." commented Dustin.

"Are you still playing this satanic game?" Will began to mock Adam.

"This is going to be the worst week of my life." The metalhead rubbed his face with his hands.

For the next few hours, Eddie didn't leave his room for a step, knowing that the enemy was sitting right behind the wall. He tried to focus on Will's campaign but anxiety and nerves didn't help him one bit. When the doorbell rang around the apartment all three of them left the room knowing it was Hopper. However, they didn't expect it was Aunt Theresa opening the door for him.

"Good evening officer!" she said. "My name is Theresa Munson, is something wrong?" A confused Hopper sent Eddie a questioning look, to which only the latter rolled his eyes.

"Nothing happened, I-"

"Did Eddie get into trouble again? I know he's been in trouble with the law several times before," she sighed. "Edward I'm sure what you did was not intentional right?" She didn't let him get a word in edgewise.

"What the fu-" Eddie didn't have time to finish when Wayne came out of the bathroom.

"Jim! How are you?" he said shaking Hopper's hand.

"Good." he replied still somewhat surprised. "I came to pick up the boys."

"Oh, so you're not here after because of Edward? What a relief!" his aunt interjected.

"Unbelievable!" Eddie exclaimed, banging his head against the wall.

"I'm just worried that you'll follow in your father's footsteps! Look at you, tattoos? torn clothes and that satanic music you listen to? That doesn't bode well, does it, officer? If you don't change something about yourself you'll never find any girlfriend or a good job."

It was a punch below the belt. Mentioning his father was crossing the line. Seeing Eddie clench his fists and the knuckles on his hands turn white Will and Dustin sent each other a communicative look.

"But Eddie has a girlfriend!" Dustin said first.

"He does?" Adam asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"I do?" Eddie muttered under his breath trying to understand what was going on.

"Yeah, he is dating my sister y/n!" Will continued.

"They're so in love with each other it's disgusting." Dustin rolled his eyes.

"Come on boys, we have to go." Hopper said, interrupting this bizarre exchange of words. "Your mother will kill me if we don't get back before dinner."

With that, the two teenagers left them all in shock, including Eddie. After they left, he quickly locked himself in his room thinking about the situation. Apparently you are a couple now. How should he behave around you now? He didn't know what to do with all this. These two little bastards had just put him in a game of pretend relationship with the girl he wrote all his love songs about. On the one hand, it was a great opportunity for him to finally make a move on you. On the other, he was paralyzed by the fear that nothing but rejection awaited him.

"You can pick the place." Hopper said as soon as they got into the car.

"What place?" asked a puzzled Will.

"Where I can bury your bodies when y/n finds out what you've done."

"Oh come on! Everyone knows very well that she has a crush on him!" Dustin exclaimed.

"They're both only have eyes for themselves, we're just helping them finally do something about it." Will tried to defend them. "Just helping!"

"Even if it's true what you're saying, they should come to it by themselves, not by your wild ideas," he sighed. "You know what? It doesn't matter. I'm not going to get involved."

And Jim was right. As soon as you found out what they had done you were furious, yelling at them that they had no right to decide for the two of you and put you in such a strange situation. However, it was too late. Locked in your room, you nervously played with your fingers while looking at the phone standing on the bedside table, not knowing whether you should dial the number to the Munson's house and explain the situation. Apologize for the behavior of these little shits and hope that your relationship will not worsen because of it. Plunged into your thoughts, you didn't even hear the knock at your door. After a moment of unresponsiveness on your part, Jonathan and El entered the room.

"Will told us what happened." began Jonathan slowly, sitting down next to you. El wordlessly followed him. "You know very well that they didn't mean a bad thing," he said.

"You can come in too." You sighed still looking at the door. After a moment, your younger brother emerged from behind the wall and, not knowing what to expect, walked slowly into the room.

"I know that a simple apology is not enough!" he began to defend himself. "But this aunt is really awful person! She started comparing him to his father, she thought Hopper had come to arrest him, or God knows what! She said he would never find a girlfriend, so we wanted to help him a-and then this idea came to our minds! At firs it didn't seem so bad. We thought...I am really sorry y/n."

"It's okay." you said quietly and you extended your hand towards him. "I forgive you." He ignored you hand and hugged you tightly with a relief.

"Eddie didn't protest, I think he liked the idea." he said quietly and you smiled.

Despite the fact, that thinking that Eddie liked the idea of being your pretended boyfrend for a week made you feel very warm you weren't able to stop thinking about what Will have just told you about his aunt's behaviour. She compared him to his father? Your blood boiled inside you. No one had the right to say such a thing, and you set as your goal to make sure it wouldn't happen again. At least not on your watch.

All Tuesday from the very morning you could not sit still. Lessons went on mercilessly, still thinking about the situation into which you were embroiled. When you told Robin about it at lunch she looked quite excited saying that finally something would happen between you two. She was the only one who knew how you truly felt about him and from the very beginning, she was trying to persuade you to finally do something more than rambling to her about your feelings. In her opinion, Eddie should be the person to actually listen to it. The longer you thought about it the more you had to admit that the excitement was getting to you as well. Yet you still didn't know what Eddie thought about it.

When the final bell rang, you quickly ran out of the school, got on your bike and headed toward Munson's apartment, stopping by a bakery on the way. Once there, you took three deep breaths and knocked on the door, which Wayne opened a moment later.

"And who do we have here?" He asked with a smile.

"Hi Uncle Wayne." You said answering with the same. "Is Eddie home?"

"I don't know where else he could be, come in." He let you in. "This is my sister Theresa and her son Adam. And this is y/n," he said as you walked deeper into the apartment. They were both sitting on the living room couch watching TV.

"It's very nice to meet you!" you said in an over-sweetened tone.

"We are also pleased to meet you." Replied a somewhat puzzled aunt.

"Did I hear my favorite Bayers?" Eddie leaned out of the room with a broad smile. Seeing his reaction you took it as permission to take it a step further.

"It's good to know that my little brother hasn't stolen that title yet." you laughed walking up to him. "Hi, Teddy." You kissed him on his healthy cheek. Not expecting it, he fossilized for a few seconds but after a moment he woke up.

"Hi baby." he said, smacking you on the forehead. "I see you've already met my wonderful family?" he added with a hint of sacrasm.

"Yes, Wayne introduced me." you confirmed. "Did you change the bandages today?" you asked wanting to change the topic.

"Not yet." he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"So here's the plan: First we'll change your bandages, then we'll take care of the school notes I brought you." you announced "Ah! I almost forgot! I was also at the bakery on the way, and I brought your favorite doughnuts."

"I told you she was the best." he said proudly looking his aunt straight in the eyes. Wayne watched you from afar with a smile on his lips. Pretend or not - it was nice to see you in such a position.

When you disappeared behind the bathroom door, free from the prying eyes of his guests, you breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you..." he said quietly. "For playing along."

"Will told me about what you heard from her. I thought instead of clawing her eyes out right away we'd show her how wrong she is. If you don't mind, of course."

"Of course I don't. I was afraid it would be you who would mind. Those little shitheads hadn't decided anything about it with me before."

"So since neither of us has anything against it..." you said. "You told them I was the best?"

"Of course, and it wasn't even a lie!"

It took you more than two hours to come to grips with the notes. If Eddie had dispensed with his dramatic episodes the time would have been about half as short, but you were in no hurry. Sitting behind the closed door of his room nothing changed too much, your relationship from the very beginning was very good and full of laughter that reached the eavesdropper Theresa and her son. After finishing his study, Eddie played you some new songs he had written in his spare time. Three of them were related to each other telling the adventure of fighting the worst kind of evil, which was full of throwing fireballs, manipulating thoughts and knife-sharp fangs tearing skin. The fourth had no words yet. That, at least, was the version for you. The piece of paper with its words was tucked deep in the closet along with the rest he had written thinking of you. So that it would never see the light of day.

As dinner time approached Wayne called you into the living room where you helped set the table and get a few things ready. Eddie accompanied you, watching as you casually moved around the space talking and joking with his uncle. Feeling a pleasant warmth on his heart, he thought if it could stay like this forever. The way you jokingly patted his hand when he tried to snack, or when you pretended to be a princess in distress unable to open a jar, so he as a brave knight would come to your rescue. Such behavior was not something new for you, but this time as a wonderful addition, from time to time he could steal a little kiss from you on the cheek, forehead or tip of the nose, or without hesitation hug you from behind when you were standing at the counter cutting vegetables for a salad. You then leaned gently against his frame, creating an enclosure of safety around you. You both tried desperately to remember the feeling you had then if it was about to disappear as quickly as a soap bubble.

"So how did you two meet?" Theresa asked as you all sat down at the table.

"Eddie was friends with my twin brother, Jonathan, so it was only a matter of time before we met." you replied while putting food on your plate and then doing the same only with Eddie's portion. "I must admit that from the very beginning he had something about him that caught my attention." You continued.

"Interesting." she hummed. "Edward, how's the situation at school?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to finally get out of high school? You know you won't be young forever." she paused briefly. "Adam is studying in New York. He's one of the best, he's getting a scholarship."

"That's great." you commented, not wanting to drag the subject further.

"And what are your plans after graduation?" Adam turned to Eddie with a contemptous look.

"I don't know, at this point I'm just trying to get better." He shrugged his shoulders without taking his eyes off the food.

"Eddie is great with cars!" you blurted out. "Before the accident he used to work for a local mechanic, he really appreciated him." You placed your hand on his, which was lying on the table. When you squeezed it gently he looked at you and sent a slight smile showing a dimple in his cheek.

"Well, yes, but without education you can't find a good job," he said.

"I believe that if someone is good at their craft they don't need any high degree at all to succeed. And Eddie is the best, and I'm sure that as soon as he finishes high school this year he will be very successful." Your voice was still kind however this time a hint of firmness could be sensed in it.

The rest of dinner passed in silence. When you had finished eating you helped to clear the table and wash the dishes. Then it was time to go home.

"My mother and Jim are hosting an engagement party this Friday. She said to tell you that you and Adam can also feel invited. It's going to be great fun, right Eddie?" you said already standing at the door.

"Of course sweetheart." he replied with a fake smile hating the idea of them being there with all his heart.

For the last time that day you placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. Although it was gentle Eddie felt as if your lips were leaving a permanent mark there, which imprinted all the way on his heart.

The rest of the week looked similar. Except for the day of Hellfire, you came to him after school bringing notes and spending the rest of the day together. You could get used to such a course of events, unfortunately, when Friday came you felt nostalgic about the fact that this could be the last of the days like this. Theresa and Adam were going home Sunday morning which meant that these were also the last days to enjoy Eddie's closeness. Feeling a weight in your chest, you got off the bike and headed toward the apartment. You didn't expect Adam to open the door for you. He was shirtless. You immediately felt extremely uncomfortable and wanted to turn back but he stopped you.

"Wayne and Eddie went to get some groceries, you can wait for them inside." he said smiling broadly.

"Thanks." you muttered and squeezed past him in the doorway.

"I just finished doing my home workout. You know, we have a gym at the university, so I go there every day, I can't stop." He winked at you coming closer. Responding nothing with a quick step you walked to the living room and began to unpack the contents of your bag. In addition to your notes after school, you entered the store and bought the new figures for D&D that Will kept talking about that they would need for the new campaign. You carried the notes to Eddie's room, then sat down on the couch in the living room and began spreading out the figures and paints on the coffee table. Adam never took his eyes off you, watching your every move making you feel increasingly nervous.

"Do you play this stupid game too?" he asked, sitting down next to you.

"I participate in campaigns from time to time." You replied shrugging your shoulders. Not wanting to lean on the couch as his arm was stretched across the backrest, you aimlessly moved things from one place to another, making you not notice how close he was to you. It reached you when you felt his hand on your cheek. Surprised, you looked in his direction and immediately jumped away standing up on your feet.

"What the hell are you doing?" you shouted.

"Oh come on, don't you wanna mess around? It will be a while before they come back from the store." he said getting up from the couch.

"Jesus, no! Have you lost your mind? What made you even think that I might want something like that?"

Adam was wrong. Eddie and Wayne returned from shopping, but you were so preoccupied with the situation, and your voice was so loud that you didn't hear the door open. Eddie, seeing you with his half-naked cousin in the living room, felt his heart suddenly get very heavy. He was just turning to leave the apartment and not look at it when Wayne grabbed him by the arm and with a hand gesture showed him to be quiet and watch what would happen next.

"So you're saying all this talk about having a crush on him when he was just your brother's friend is true? You fell in love with a trailer trash who worships Satan? The scars are turning you on?" he smirked. "A better Munson is now standing in front of you, baby, don't waste this opportunity."

"Don't you fucking dare to say one more word!" He crossed the line. It wasn't even about how he behaved toward you. You were too concerned about what he called Eddie. "I tolerated your and your mother's snarky behavior just so I wouldn't make Wayne uncomfortable. But since he's not here now I'm happy to answer your questions. Even homeless Eddie would be much better than you. You don't measure up to him you damn asshole! I don't care about your expensive car you are so enthusiastic about, I'd rather walk everywhere my whole life than get in it. I don't give a shit about your apartment in New York. I would have had a better life homeless under a bridge. And yes, I loved Eddie when he lived in the trailer, I loved that he made me feel at home there, trailer or not I fucking love him so you have to remember that the next time you talk shit about the person I love nothing will hold me back anymore. I will make you regret it for the rest of your miserable life. I'm disgusted with you. I'm disgusted by how self-absorbed idiot you are and how your ego blows the scale. And you are right. You're damn right that these wounds are incredibly attractive. Do you know why? Because they remind me that my Eddie is a fucking hero! You don't even realize how many lives he saved back then! So yes, he and his scars are the hottest in the world and definitely much more hotter than your pathetic gym routine." The words flew out of your mouth like bullets. The shock on his face encouraged you even more but then you heard the door slam.

"Adam?" the voice of Wayne made you tighten your lips into a thin line and take a deep breath.

"Y/n! Good to see you!" he said bringing in the shopping bags.

"Hi Wayne." you said getting the nicest and the calmest tone you could afford at that moment.

"Sweetheart!" before you had time to respond Eddie with a quick step and a wide smile on his lips was already at your side. What you didn't expect, however, was what came next. He cupped your face and kissed you. Eddie was kissing you. You experienced a three-second shock and then completely surrendered to the kiss by placing your hands on his chest. His nose gently touched your cheek, you felt its tip was cold. Yet his lips were burning. Even though the kiss was brief, you felt as if your soul had left your body and had travelled to a completely different dimension. Was it a dream? If so, you didn't want to wake up.

After Eddie heard what you were saying, he felt he had to do it. Many times he saw you defending your loved ones from all kinds of attacks. You weren't afraid to cover Will with your own body when Vecna tried to get him, so verbal attacks were not a problem for you. You also handled this one very well. More than once he had the opportunity to witness this. Now you were doing it for him. This awakened completely new feelings in him. He was sincerely touched and happy. In that moment you gave him something he had not felt since Wayne took him in. He felt wanted and loved. Even if it was pretended at that moment. Nothing could take that moment away from him, so he decided to take a risk. The risk definitely paid off. He enjoyed every second of it. The satisfaction was also a bonus. He wanted to show "the better Munson" that you were his. As if what you said wasn't enough. He wanted the kiss to be a seal saying she is perfect, and she is mine. Damn, he wanted you to be his so bad.

As if nothing ever happened, you sat down on the couch with Eddie and took up painting. You didn't say a word about your exchange with Adam, and Eddie pretended he hadn't witnessed one of the best moments in his life. Painting took you a lot longer than you expected. Plus more because every now and then you glanced in his direction focusing your attention on his mouth as he told you more details of the campaign. Could you have become addicted to something you had only tasted once?

"They are being chased by a pack of wild mutant lions so they run into an old hut where the master of nightmares is waiting for them." He tells you while gesturing with his hands. You're interested in what he's saying, but damn did his lips always look this beautiful? "Earth to y/n!" he yelled clapping his hands.

"Shit, sorry, I zooned out." you woke up suddenly. "So what exactly is it about the master of nightmares?"

"He throws you into a vision that replicates your greatest fears," he said.

"And what is Eddie the Banished's greatest fear?"

Losing you. That was his first thought. "Y'know it will probably be bats." he cuckled and winked at you.

"I am so sorry Eddie, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine, clam down." he said, yawning.

"You're tired, I should go."

"No, stay." he grabbed your hand. "I mean... if you want to of course, I thought you'd wait until they're dry to take some home for Will."

"Oh, sure." a smile crept onto your lips on its own as you accepted the proposition. Lips. You had a feeling you never thought about that particular body part as often as you did today.

"We can chill a little in my room." he suggested. You knew perfectly well what he meant.

"You know very well that I won't agree to this kind of chilling." You crossed your arms over your chest. "Those strange doctors have made it very clear that until the traces of the Upside Down are out of your system for good, there is no question of smoking anything."

"But- please! Have mercy on my poor soul." fell to his knees in front of you making you giggle.

"Don't you dare use those puppy dog eyes on me Munson. It's for your own good." you said softly and tenderly stroked his cheek with your thumb.

"You heartless woman." he faltered, laying his head on your lap.

"Okay, I am able to bear the weight of those words." you chuckled. "There are many other ways to relax, you know? We can listen to music, or read."

"Will you read to me?" he asked raising his face toward you. Big chocolate button eyes glared at you. His face looked so innocent. Rarely did anyone get a chance to see it, since Eddie almost always wore his mask. The fact that he didn't have it with you made you feel very special.

"Come on, adventure awaits!" you helped him stand up and walked to his room. After a moment of deliberation and dithering about whether you should read The Hobbit for the millionth time, you decided that this time it would be some new fantasy book that Wayne had bought Eddie while he was still in the hospital.

"Wayne won't mind that I'm staying this long?"

"Of course not. Besides, we still have some time before they come back."

"We have plenty of time before a pack of wild lions reaches us?"

"And before one of your worst dreams hunts you down" He replied and patted the bed indicating for you to lie down next to him. With that, you began to read, but after a short time you both began to get sleepy. The dim light of the bedside lamp, the warmth that eminated from the two of you, the comfort and peace that you felt in each other's company succulently lulled you to sleep. When you heard a quiet snoring in mid-sentence you looked at its source with tenderness in your eyes. Feeling your own eyelids getting incredibly heavy you put the book aside. Just five minutes. You thought and, moving closer to the boy, allowed yourself a small nap.

It was not as small as you thought.

"Yes, Joyce, you have nothing to worry about." Wayne said. "They were already asleep when we got home, I don't want to wake them up. Yes, I'm sure. They will manage, they are adults. Yes, it won't be a problem for sure. Okay, bye. See you tomorrow." Eddie lazily opened his eyes and rubbed them with one hand. He listened to his uncle's words looking on in disbelief that you were still here. And much closer than before he fell asleep. He brushed your hair away from your face as gently as he could so as not to wake you up.

"Hey, kid." Wayne whispered. "I talked to Joyce, she can stay."

"Thanks, Wayne."

The man smiled and winked at him, closing the door behind him. Eddie took the blanket that lay at the other end of the bed and covered you. In your sleep you turned your back to him and he took the opportunity to embrace you becoming a big spoon. Feeling you move even closer and snuggle into him he thought his heart was about to explode. Your back touched his abdomen causing a slight pain in the areas of the still healing wounds, but this pain was bearable. Besides, it was nothing compared to the happiness he felt.

As the first rays of sunlight broke through the cracks in his blinds and his watch indicated the unmercifully early hour Eddie sighed unhappily. He had never been one of the early birds, and there was no promise of change in that regard. When he opened his eyes he remembered why he was actually sleeping in his clothes. You must have turned in the night because now your face was facing his. You kept one hand under the pillow and the other lay on his side. He wanted to close the gap between you and wake you up with a kiss like in one of the cheap rom-coms, but he didn't know if he could let himself do that. Kissing you in front of his cousin was justified, since you were going to pretend to be a couple, you had to be convincing, but wouldn't doing it when it was just the two of you be too much? He was weighing all the pros and cons when he noticed your eyes slowly open.

"Good morning Eddie." you said stretching.

"Good morning, panda." he replied in a whisper. You looked at him questioningly, and with his thumb he lightly rubbed the black mascara marks under your eyes that must have formed there overnight.

"Oh, shit." you said while covering your face. "'m sorry." you muttered and sat down on the bed.

"Don't be, you look cute." So cute I want to kiss you again and again and... again. His brain didn't let go recalling these visions every now and then. Instead, he simply told you that if you wanted to dress up you could borrow something from his closet. Since your top was a bit sweaty after the sleep, you agreed by taking one of the Hellfire shirts and went to quickly get yourself cleaned up in the bathroom. Then you waited for Eddie to shower and get dressed and helped him with his bandages as you always do. You had seen him shirtless countless times, but now that he was sitting in front of you on the bathtub in only loose sweatpants you were overcome by a feeling that you only allowed yourself in the privacy of your room by fantasizing about your friend. You were afraid of the fact that these fantasies were now at your fingertips, and before you could stop yourself your hand actually moved toward him. Eddie, as if in a trance, equally enchanted by the moment, watched your every move. Your fingers gently traced a path on his body. Starting with a healthy cheek, continuing on his neck, shoulder and then chest.

"Do you like what you see, sweetheart?" he said, unable to catch his breath.

"Very," you whispered biting your lower lip.

"I like what I see, too." He confirmed by pushing your hair off your shoulder. He imitated your movements. Starting by gently brushing your face, neck and arm which was slightly exposed by the fact that his shirt was too big on you. Your breathing became faster and faster as you rested your forehead against his. His hands quickly found their way to your waist pulling you as close to him as he could. And then you kissed him. No matter how close you stood to each other until your lips were joined the gap was too huge. Initially shy and tentative sparks ignited a fire. The desire that had been bubbling inside you for a long time exploded. Still kissing you, he got up from the tub pushing you toward the wall so that you were trapped between it and him. Trapped? You were not going to escape even if you were to burn in this fire. As he laid wet marks on your neck you sank your hand into his curls. The temperature was hotter than hell when you felt his hands go under the shirt you were wearing. His lips returned to yours as he pressed his body against yours and you felt how hard he was. You thought you were going crazy.

"Eddie..." You didn't control the moan that spontaneously left your mouth.

"Yes, Angel?" he asked pulling away from you. His eyes were darker than usual but on his lips was the same smile as always. The same dimple-showing smile that made your knees weaken.

"Please." That was all you could get out of yourself before you put your hands on his neck pulling him close. This time he was the one who moaned right into your mouth and started to roll up your shirt to take it off. And then a fire truck arrived. A huge bucket of icy water to extinguish the big fire between you. A big downpour called Theresa.

"Hello? I think you've already finished changing the bandages! Some people need to use the restroom!" she shouted, knocking quickly and hard on the door. Of course she was eavesdropping. Of course she was doing her best to squeeze in where she wasn't needed. Eddie moved away from you and unlocked the bathroom door. Visibly angry, he passed his aunt without a word and went to his room to get dressed. He was definitely uncomfortable with the fact that they could see his wounds. When he returned, he noticed you in the hallway putting your shoes on. Seeing his sad expression you smiled slightly.

"I have to go help my mom get everything ready for tonight's party." You explained grabbing his hand. "But don't miss too much, we'll see each other in a few hours, right?"

"Yeah." one corner of his mouth lifted

"See you later." In farewell you kissed him on the cheek and left the apartment. Leaving him alone with thoughts of what the hell just happened.

When you got home, you didn't have much of a chance or time to think about the morning's events. You and the rest of the household threw yourselves into the whirlwind of preparations. You sat with Mom and El in the kitchen while Jonathan and Will helped prepare the garden, carrying chairs and tables there. After some time, Steve and Eddie also came to help. Because of his condition, Eddie stayed close to you in the kitchen and Steve went to help set things up in the garden. There was a kind of tension between you and the metalhead, but it wasn't bad. All the time you were sending each other glances and smiles. When you handed him vegetables to cut, his fingers brushed yours. The tiny gestures created a kind of attraction between you, which was terribly hard to resist. Despite everything, you did not bring up the subject of what happened just a few hours ago in the bathroom.

The party was going on at its best, Hopper and Wayne were sipping beers while keeping an eye on the meat on the grill, and right next to them at the table sat Joyce, the Sinclairs, Mrs. Henderson, Jonathan, Will, Eddie, and Theresa with Adam, who today was being extraordinarily, suspiciously nice to Eddie. Shouts and laughter came from the other end of the garden. Together with Dustin, El, Robin, Argyle and Steve you were playing fresbee, while Lucas and Max cheered you on from the sidelines. The disc flew out of your hands almost every time though you didn't give up. Seeing your persistence Eddie couldn't hold back a smile.

"Eddie!" shouted Will. "Are you even listening to me?" he rolled his eyes.

"Of course! You were talking about the new campaign."

"Yeah! What exactly?" Silence and the Dungeon Master's reddened face was the only answer he got.

"Will give him a break, you can see that something else is on his mind." interjected Jonathan. "Or rather, someone?"

"Is that someone our sister?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." he muttered while covering his face with his hair.

"So, Theresa! How is life in New York for you, life in the city must be very interesting!" the voice of Joyce caught the attention of all three so they turned their heads towards the aunt.

"Oh, it is! It's also very hard. It's hard to maintain the role of the Munsons, who have not followed in the family footsteps." she laughed artfully. "Fortunately, we're doing great with Adam."

Eddie's leg began bouncing under the table at an incredibly fast pace.

"What does that mean?" Joyce asked a visibly confused.

"Our family doesn't have a very good reputation, as you well know. Not many of us are able to get out of a miserable life in a penny trailer or avoid owning a police cartorette." She sent Eddie a quick glance, through which he knew he was about to receive the final blow. As his aunt continued, his leg began to move even faster, which did not escape the Byers brothers' attention. They both sent each other somewhat frightened glances but did nothing, waiting for the situation to unfold. "When we found out that Eddie was wanted for murder we were immediately horrified that he had followed in his father's footsteps-" she didn't have time to finish when Eddie stood up abruptly looking at her. Father. A word that caused even more pain than the pack of demobats tearing through his body.

"Don't-" he began in a shaky voice. "Don't you dare mention him. Don't you dare call that man my father, you understand." he tried to be calm. In truth, with all his might he wanted to be self-controlled now, but it all seemed too much. All week he had bravely endured everything she said about him. But now when she did it in front of everyone he cared about, when she did it in front of your family, pulling the strongest card in the process he couldn't stand it. Wayne and Hopper became alarmed and walked closer to the table, but that didn't stop him. "This man is nobody to me. A stranger. A fucking sperm donor nothing more. He is a murderer. He killed my mother, and your sister. His last name is Davis. Not Munson." He felt something tighten in his throat. Something making it difficult for him to breathe. "My father's name is Wayne Munson. He raised me, he changed my last name, so don't you ever dare call that man my father again." Saying all this, he looked her straight in the eye. He wanted to make sure she understood every single word he said. Feeling tears come to his eyes and he quickly turned away walking into the house. He couldn't afford to cry in her presence. That's why it wasn't until he was in your room that everything he held inside gave vent. Angrily, he grabbed a pillow from the bed and threw it with all his strength onto the floor then sat on it himself while leaning against the bed. He took the pillow cuddling his face into it. As the smell of your scent filled his nostrils even more tears flowed into his eyes. Like tentacles full of venom, thoughts of Aunt Theresa being right wrapped around his mind. He thought he wasn't worthy of you. Maybe she was right that he didn't have a good future ahead of him. If he couldn't provide it for himself how could he provide it for you as well? How could a freak hated by the whole city be worthy of someone as wonderful as you? He felt like screaming. At that moment he hated himself even more than his aunt.

"I thought I'd find you here." Hopper said as he entered the room and sat down next to him.

"Yeah?" Eddie earned a smile while wiping away tears.

"Actually, I think that would be everyone's first thought."

"So obvious."

"Listen... I shouldn't say this, but your aunt is really insufferable. Don't worry, okay? Everything she said was one big bullshit."

"Looking at how many times I rode with you in the police car I wouldn't agree," his words were bitter and full of sadness.

"I know you Eddie. I admit that at some point you were not on my list of favorites, but later I got to know you from a different side as well, and I have to admit that Wayne did a great job raising you."

"Wayne is a great guy," he said.

"So are you." Seeing Eddie only nodding in the negative, he sighed heavily and continued. "I know the man your aunt was talking about. And you are nothing like him. You almost died protecting my kids. You are a hero. And you make one of my daughters damn happy, so as far as I'm concerned you're one of the best people I've met in this messed up life."

"You think I make her happy?" the wall of sadness was shot through with tiny hope.

"Very happy. That's why I don't even want to dig into why she came home in your T-shirt today."

"That- it's not what you think," he began to explain.

"I said I don't want to hear about it. Besides, she came back today very smiling. I haven't seen her like that in a long time."

"Eddie what happened? Jim?" when you noticed that Eddie had disappeared from the table you asked Will where he had gone, and he only said that towards the house, without giving you any details. Moments later you found him sitting on the floor with Hopper. His eyes were a little puffy and red, and you knew he had been crying. You were afraid that Hopper might have said something that led to this, and as if reading your mind he raised his hands in a defensive gesture.

"I didn't do anything. Your boy just felt a little worse, you know yourself how wounds can sometimes give you a hard time."

Hearing this seconds later you were on your knees next to Eddie. "Do you need painkillers? Maybe you need to rest? You can stay here and sleep." With concern in your eyes, you watched his eyes become even glassier. "What can I do to help you, Eddie?" without a word he pulled you close with a hug. You were his safe heaven. He knew that with you he could be vulnerable. "Eddie, I don't want to hurt you, I don't want your wounds to hurt you even more." You said quietly scared that such closeness could inflict more pain on him.

"I don't care 'bout them," he muttered into your hair.

"Come down to us when you're feeling better, we'll be making a fire soon to toast marshmallows." Hopper said, leaving you alone.

The two of you sat cuddled together for some more time. When you returned to the rest of the party, you didn't leave his side for a moment, making sure he was feeling fine and everything was okay. The rest of the evening passed peacefully, especially when you all sat around the campfire listening to the melody of the acoustic guitar that "slays dragons."

When the day of salvation arrived and the intruders left the Munson kingdom Eddie could breathe a sigh of relief. Even Wayne admitted that their visit was too much to bear and they deserved a rest. Still, Eddie could not rest. Staring at the ceiling, he wondered what your relationship would look like now. Will you forget everything that happened? Such as how close you were to each other? He tried everything to clear his head. Playing his guitar, writing songs, planning campaigns, drawing- nothing. Completely nothing was able to pull his thoughts off track. Countless times he approached the phone and was already almost grabbing the receiver but chickened out at the last moment. At the point when he could no longer handle himself he sat down on the couch with Wayne and they watched TV in silence. But whatever was playing on it didn't help. Then he heard a knock on the door. The thought crossed his mind that maybe it was his aunt who had returned, which in itself made him feel sick. Fortunately, it was you. Although the look on your face didn't indicate that you just came here to hang out. You were nervously biting your lips and your eyebrows crinkled together as you played with your fingers.

"Eddie, we need to talk." you said when he let you in and without a word you went to his room.

"What's wrong? I know pretending to love me for a week was hard, but I didn't think it was that hard." he tried to joke.

"Shut up!" you exclaimed. Your lower lip began to shake and tears came to your eyes. You had thought about the course of this conversation many times before coming here, but you didn't expect to be so carried away by your emotions. Seeing his surprised and then somewhat hurt look made you feel terrible for having erupted like that. He deserved an explanation. He deserved the truth. He didn't deserve yelling at him, for sure.

"I'm sick of how badly you talk about yourself. I'm sick of how you think you're not worth loving, because- because loving you is easy, Eddie! The easiest." you began, feeling like you were about to die of nerves, but you came here with a purpose and you were going to fulfill it. "I want to love you the way you deserve it. And you deserve the purest, the most honest and the strongest kind of love in the whole world. And I know that if you only let me, I will be able to give it to you. But I want you to know that I will understand if you don't feel the same way about me," the last words passed through your throat with extreme difficulty. You were ready to take the risk. A broken heart was a better option than keeping your feelings for him hidden. Especially since you had the opportunity to see what life at his side might look like. It looked like a dream. And you have to fight for dreams.

"You know I'm not the best at talking about feelings." he sighed. "So I'll use a little help," he said taking a couple of D&D figures in his hand and sat down on the bed. You sat down across from him. "If this were one of the campaigns I would say that a very important part was when Eddie the Banished and Y/n Golden Heart had a battle that lasted a week with two, extremely nasty monsters," the figurines portrayed a small fight scene. " After the monsters were gone they both met, in King Harrington's palace in the lobby, just by the door. Not feeling like feasting, they sneaked out and climbed onto the roof of a small shed that was nearby. Under the cover of night, they felt like they were the only people in the world. The night was beautiful. And the fact that evil was not lurking just around the corner gave it an added charm. The wind gently rustled between the trees, the hushed sounds of the feast could be heard in the background, and they were so immersed in a conversation they had created that they forgot about everything else. They talked about comets, about the next adventure that awaited them, about anything they wanted to talk about. The stars in the sky shone brighter than usual. They heralded the beginning. A good beginning." He grabbed your hand. It was a little sweaty because he vas nervous but you didn't care about it at all.

"How do you know it's a good one?" you asked quietly sniffing and feeling that you were calming down. You've always known that Eddie is amazing at storytelling, but this was the first time it involved something so sensitive.

"As the first shades of orange appeared in the sky and the sun gently began to illuminate his companion's face, Eddie the Banished realized a very meaningful matter."

"What kind of matter?" you waited impatiently for the continuation.

"From the very beginning as soon as y/n Golden Heart appeared in his life he couldn't stop thinking about her. He couldn't remember anything because all his thoughts were directed only toward her. At first he thought she charmed him with a bunch of curses, after all she was the most powerful witch in the kingdom. Because of this, he thought, he felt a constant need and desire to always be by her side. Having once been under the influence of the fumes created by the powerful herbalist Argyle, he wondered what kind of magic it would take to reduce him to the size of a rat, so that he could hide in a pocket in her robe to be by her side for a few moments longer." He laughed, and you dreamily listened on. "His life was like a hurricane. It rushed dangerously with unimaginable speed bringing with it a lot of destruction and dangerous changes. But despite the hurricane, he waited for a warmer front. That morning when y/n the Golden Heart closed her eyes and smiled slightly feeling the warm rays of the sun surround her face, he realized that she was the warmer front. They had survived a lot, rescued each other by pulling out of fires and getting out of rivers, defeated the scariest monsters in the kingdom. And they were together. They never left each other's side. It reached him that his feelings were not caused by curses. What he felt was stronger than a curse. It was love. Simply put, he was in love with her, and to his last breath he wanted to be with her."

"Eddie..."

"Yeah?"

"How many points do I have to roll to kiss you right now?" hearing this sentence from your mouth he knew that nothing more was needed for his happiness, so without hesitation he joined your lips together.

Eddie was right that this was the beginning. A very good beginning.

taglist: @i-me-mine

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wonwoonlight · 2 years ago

Text

shiny star | lee seokmin

➝ Seokmin x Reader

➝ shiny star!au // university!au // non idol!au // strangers to lovers // fluff // slice of life

➝ word count: 5.3k~

➝ warning: curses, food.

➝ inspired by: Shiny Star (2020) - KyoungSeo

➝ shiny star playlist

➝ Shiny Star masterlist (can be read as standalone)

Seungcheol // Jeonghan // Joshua // Junhui // Soonyoung // Wonwoo // Jihoon // Seokmin // Mingyu // Minghao // Seungkwan // Hansol // Chan

A/N: in an ideal world, this would drop on 18 February 2022 00:00 KST and be proofread. alas, this world is nothing but ideal. happy late birthday seokmin, it's been long since i write anything so i hope this is... okay. enjoy.

A/N 2: shoutout to @twogyuu and @lily-blue who share the same birthday as our precious boys <3

널 좋아하는 내 마음이 표현이 안 돼 the way I like you can't be expressed 꿈이 아니면 좋겠어 자꾸 웃음 나와 I hope this isn't a dream, I keep on laughing

[✾✾✾]

Seokmin has never liked people whispering.

It makes him feel like he’s out of loop and sometimes it feels like they’re whispering about him. He doesn’t like it even more when he catches people whispering with each other without trying to be subtle; why bother whispering then? Might as well just talk loudly if they’re going to make someone uncomfortable one way or another. Why make them anxious for no reason?

That said, he’s very annoyed right now because the group on the table next to him is clearly snickering to each other about someone in his class, whispering to themselves (even though he can still hear parts of their conversations that he doesn’t want to be a part of) as they not so subtly point at someone in front of the class.

Seokmin truly wishes whoever they’re pointing at, this person doesn’t notice because at least they’re not facing each other.

…always by herself. Tsk. She probably thinks she’s above everyone.

True. Just because she’s top of the class and everything. No wonder she doesn’t have friends.

Have you ever seen her talk to anyone in class?

No. I;m pretty sure she–

And he puts on his earphones and drowns their voices, turning up the song so he wouldn’t have to listen to whatever bullshit they’re spewing anymore. It works, but his eyes travel to the girl sitting by herself on the second row up in front; her body slumped forward as she leaned on her arms.

Cruel how one can stay silent and people would still make shit up somehow.

[✾✾✾]

The next time Seokmin comes to class, his eyes find the same girl on the same seat, this time with earphones on and hand busy scribbling something on her notebook.

He also notices the same girls seating a few rows behind, whispering and pointing like no one else can see what they’re doing. It irks him, but he’s never been one to confront people and act heroic; so he does what he can in his own way, makes his way next to the girl and sits on the empty seat right next to hers.

The whispering seems to stop, if only for a few seconds. And when the faint hushes continue, he assumes it’s for a different reason.

“Is it… okay to sit here?” He asks, albeit a little late.

You look so startled, as if not expecting anyone to be addressing you–let alone sit on the empty seat next to you when there are obviously lots of empty ones on the back.

“Umm… Yeah, sure.”

He beams even though you seem like you’re still not sure how to interact with him.

“I’m Seokmin, by the way. It’s too noisy in the back nowadays, figured I should try sitting in front.”

This seems to satisfy you, as you nod and offer him your name, and Seokmin pats himself in the back when you take out your earphones and put them back in their case. This means you’re not against him being there, right?

The awkwardness that follows is a little hard to swallow, but he forces another question after a painful three seconds for the both of you.

“You always sit in front, don’t you?”

You shrug then repeat what he exactly just said a while ago. “It has always been noisy in the back for me.”

And the conversation stops again.

You don’t look like you don’t want to talk to him though, just very unsure about what to say and Seokmin will take that as a win. Thankfully, Professor Kim comes in just in time and starts the class almost immediately after. It’s a hit or miss when it comes to his class, and sometimes it’s such a big miss that Seokmin regrets taking History of English Literature as an elective, cursing Wonwoo for saying this course was easy and he didn’t have to do much.

The thing about Professor Kim is that he speaks quite fast and his power point sucks. He explains well, but sometimes Seokmin struggles following his pace that he’d miss words in his notes. He sighs as this happens yet again, then his gaze ends up on your notes and he must’ve gasped audibly because you turn to give him a questioning look.

“Your notes are… very nice.” is the only thing he dumbly manages to say.

“Thank you…?” You blink in confusion then, without meaning to, turn to look at his notes. You hold back a wince at how messy it is, though you appreciate the fact that he’s trying and he’s here to actually learn something. “Do you… need help?”

With the way he looks at you, you might as well be offering the world to him. Damn, you’ve never seen someone who looks so much like a harmless puppy.

“You’d do that?”

You shrug, telling him you don’t mind. You’ve always liked helping people study, but no one except for Jennie and Jimin ever asked for your help. Even those two hesitated at first and only gathered enough courage to ask you after you got close.

“Can we talk after class?”

“Sure.”

And that’s how you end up here one hour later, still in the classroom even though everyone else has left. Seokmin, as it turns out, is not very good when it comes to speed writing. You went through his notes for a bit after class ended, and you pressed your lips together to hold back whatever you wanted to say because you don’t know this guy enough to see if he’d get offended.

Well, whatever. You were the one who offered to help, anyway, and he does look very harmless of a person.

“How do you want me to help?”

“Mmh…” Now that you put it that way, what was he expecting of you? “I either miss his explanation or miss writing things down because he speaks quite fast. So it’s always one or the other and I always end up borrowing someone’s note or asking a friend to explain it again after class.”

You seem to consider this for a bit, lips pursing in thought as you focus on his notes and Seokmin takes that time to finally, finally look at you. How has he never noticed you before? You’re not the prettiest person he’s ever seen in his life, but you’re definitely attractive and you’re most definitely his style.

You have a lot of piercings on your left ear, he notices (because your right one is covered by your hair), and when his eyes wander to your lips, he realizes that they are on the smaller side and it’s then that he snaps out of his gaze because your lips are moving and he barely registers whatever’s coming out of them.

“–tomorrow?”

“Sorry?” He smiles sheepishly. God, you’re so going to think this is why he’s bad at taking notes, that he’s bad at concentrating and you’re going to regret offering him help.

Unexpectedly, you let out a huff of amusement before repeating your words, not a speck of annoyance in your eyes.

“I said I already have plans today so I’m not sure I can help you as much as I’d like to. Would it be okay if we see each other tomorrow?”

The ‘yes!’ that comes out of his mouth is way too fast that he’s almost embarrassed, but seeing the way your face scrunches up in amusement is worth it and he quickly asks for your number so he can text you tomorrow. He feels like a high school boy all of sudden, heart giddy as he patiently waits for you to punch in your number into his phone.

Seokmin bites back a smile as he looks at your contact even minutes after you left the room, saying goodbye with the prettiest smile and a small wave.

[✾✾✾]

“I want to try this katsu place.” Jimin announces his presence before he plops down on the empty seat in front of you, though neither you or Jennie look up from your phones. “And because you brats don’t have manners, you two are coming with me. No choice whatsoever.”

Jennie groans, but still asks when and where, finally putting her phone down to give him the time of her day. You listen to the conversation, not really in the mood to join in their usual banter because you honestly just want to take a nap but you already bailed on them three times this month so you have to be here now.

You value your life more than that. You’re not risking Jennie and Jimin taking your life with their bare hands if you miss another hang out.

“Somewhere in Yeonnam. And I want to try immediately. So, lunch tomorrow.”

“Can’t.” You sigh, then glare at Jimin when he dramatically whispers that you finally put down your phone. “Promised someone I’d help them with this subject.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. This guy from my History of Literature class.” You pause. “But you guys can go ahead and try the katsu place without me if you want.” When you look up to meet their stares, you wince and sit straight on your seat. “...or not. Reschedule or we can have late lunch? I should be finished at 2 ish.”

“Late lunch it is.” Jimin grins, clapping his hands together in satisfaction. “And I’m picking you up. I’m not letting you bail last minute for whatever reason.”

[✾✾✾]

“Do you want me to be completely honest?” You end up going straight to it. Seokmin looks soft-hearted, and you mean it in the best way possible, but for someone as curt as you are, it’s not always easy to thread around someone like him. You don’t want to offend him by accident, but you don’t know him enough so you suppose you don’t really have any choice but to go straight to the point and see from there.

“...sure.”

“I think it’s less about you not paying attention, but more about you not used to writing… umm… summarized notes?”

Seokmin tilts his head, and the way his eyes are trying to find answers in yours almost make you blush, so you clear your throat and pretend to point at something on his notes.

“You don’t need to write down every single word he’s saying. Just the keywords.” You start off, making sure he’s listening. And once you’re sure he’s grasped what you say next about taking notes, you continue to go through the subject and parts that he still doesn’t quite understand.

It goes on like that for about 40 minutes, which is already more than you expected it to be. You thought Seokmin would be the type that would take breaks every fifteen minutes, even for a bit, but he’s been so focused on studying that you actually feel a little touched that he’s taking this seriously.

You have always had a soft spot for people who work hard, and even though you don’t know which major Seokmin is actually taking, you know this course is just something he takes for the credits. Perhaps he thought it’d be easy? That’s the general impression people have when it comes to literature.

Whatever it is, you appreciate him working hard right now.

You jump when your phone buzzes with notifications, and when you look at it, it’s the group chat blowing up yet again.

[13:36] Kim Jennie: we’re meeting at 3 right???

[13:36] Kim Jennie: am like 30 mins away from yeonnam so i’ll head out at 2 30

[13:43] Jiminnie: ok ok

[13:44] Jiminnie: where u at @yn

[13:44] Jiminnie: yn

[13:44] Jiminnie: ynnnnnn

[13:44] Jiminnie: yn answer me😡😡😡

[13:45] STOP wtf

[13:45] Jiminnie: YN😡😡

[13:46] Jiminnie: oh youre here

[13:46] Kim Jennie: yes jimin wtf?? I’m muting you guys

[13:46] Jiminnie: not my fault she’s not answering???

[13:47] Have you considered that some of us have something to do????

[13:47] I told you I’m tutoring this guy from my class

[13:47] And I’m in the Central Building, you’re really picking me up?

[13:50] Jiminnie: yes 🥰

[13:50] Jiminnie: brought my car with me today

[13:50] Hooo nice. Then please get me some boba while you’re at it <3 Thank you, mwah

[13:51] Yeonnam is only like 10 minutes away by car tho right??

[13:51] I’ll wrap up my tutoring session at 4.30 then

You look up when you hear Seokmin groan from your side, cracks his neck then straightens his back.

“Let’s take a ten minute break?” You offer, and his appreciative groan makes you chuckle that he scrunches his nose in embarrassment. You look through your bag to see if you have some snack, and when you find a chocolate bar you tap his shoulder and offer it to him.

“You sure?” He asks like you’re giving him some kinda expensive gift.

“You deserve it.” You shrug. “I’ve never seen someone so focused on this subject.”

“That’s a compliment… right?”

“Definitely.” The grin you send his way is enough to make him grin too, and Seokmin thanks you once again before taking the chocolate and immediately breaking it into two. “Oh, thank you.”

He looks at you weirdly, though the smile doesn’t fall from his face. “This is literally your chocolate, why are you thanking me?”

“I gave it to you though. So it’s yours.”

“Yeah, but it’s still originally yours?”

“Do you want the chocolate or not?”

“Right. Sorry.” He pretends to sulk, but the smile in his face betrays the whole act and you end up laughing with Seokmin before your phone buzzes again, making you jump once again. Seriously, you never get used to the sound of electronic devices vibrating against any surface.

Your phone lights up, Jimin’s message on top of your screen.

[13:55] Jiminnie: you’re lucky i love you

Next to you, Seokmin tenses. Why, he’s not sure.

“Boyfriend?” He says before he knows it, and when you look at him in surprise, he clears his throat and gives you a hesitant smile. “Sorry, didn’t mean to look. I thought it was my phone vibrating and I accidentally looked at your text.”

“It’s fine.” You shrug, understanding that it could happen. “And no, he’s not my boyfriend.”

And you leave it at that, not giving him any explanation because, frankly, you don’t owe him any. You don’t seem to notice Seokmin’s curious and lingering gaze though, and you start another topic as you ask about his major instead.

You end up talking for more than ten minutes, because conversation falls easily with Seokmin. You’ve always liked making new friends and talking to people despite your way of talking, but approaching someone and talking to them first is a personal fear of yours that you don’t think you’d get over anytime soon.

That said, Seokmin seems like a very sweet person and talking to him proves that your assumption has been right. He’s not overly chatty, but you can tell he’s passionate about certain topics and he’s very attentive to what you’re saying even though you’re just talking about some random episode you remember happening in retrospect to something he said.

You don’t think you’ve ever seen someone as sincere as he is.

[14:32] Jiminnie: you finished? Am gonna arrive in front of the central building in 5 mins

“Oh.” You blink at his text. Huh. It’s already half past two? Didn’t you just take a ten minute break right before two?

Seokmin looks at you in worry, and when he asks if something’s wrong, you give him a small smile and lock your phone again. “Sorry, I promised to have lunch with my friends at 3 and I need to leave in a bit.”

Friends, huh? He wonders if you’re just saying it. But he can’t deny the bitter feeling on the tip of his tongue as he remembers ‘Jiminnie’ once again and the text he saw. But, then again, doesn’t it make sense that someone as attractive as you to have a boyfriend already? Or someone who’s close to being one?

His mind suddenly takes him to the girls snickering about you; the absolute bullshit of assumptions they’ve been spewing about you. They don’t know how fun you actually are, and even though you can be blunt with your words, even from the short time he’s spent with you, he can tell that you’re very considerate. You seem to know when to stop yourself before saying anything too blunt.

“Seokmin? Are you not going to tidy up?” You ask when you realize he’s been zoning off, your fingers hovering over your phone screen.

“Huh. Right.” He wonders if he should just leave or study a little more, not that he wants to at this point. Maybe he can text Seungkwan and the others to see if they’re still in uni. “Where are you having lunch?”

“Oh! My friend wants to try this katsu place in Yeonnam so we’re going there.” You pause and wonder if Jennie and Jimin would mind you inviting him to your lunch date. Seokmin seems nice enough, though you’re not sure just yet if he’ll mix well with your little circle. Hmmm, maybe next time. “You going somewhere?”

Seokmin shrugs. “Not sure yet. I’ll try texting my friends to see if they’re still around, I don’t really feel like going home just yet.”

Should you just invite him?

“Do you w–”

“Heyyy!” A familiar place echoes through the classroom, Jimin’s happy grin peeking from the door. When he realizes you’re not by yourself, he blinks and stands straight before making his way to your table and places the boba you asked for then greets Seokmin with a friendly smile. “Oh. Hi! Sorry, I thought you’re by yourself.”

You look at the drink with twinkles in your eyes, and hug him a little from the side as a thank you.

“I’m Jimin, by the way.” He kindly offers his hand with a smile, and Seokmin returns the gesture as he introduces himself. He takes the guy in and wonders if this is the kind of guy you’re into, or if he really is just a friend. He knows he shouldn’t assume, but, then again, he always tends to do that when he’s interested in someone. Everyone feels like a competition.

Wait.

Is he interested in you?

“Oh! You’re friends with Hansol, aren’t you?” The older guy exclaims once he realizes why Seokmin looks familiar. “I think I’ve seen you around with him before.”

“Oh, yeah, I am. How do you know Hansol?” He really doesn’t feel like talking to Jimin at this point, but he doesn’t want to be rude and it’s not like he’s done anything to piss him off. He seems nice, if anything. Seriously, he needs to get his mind together.

“A friend of a friend. I need to hang out with him one of these days.” He trails off on his own, when he notices you finish organizing your stuff, he asks if you’re ready to go. “It’s nice meeting you, Seokmin! I’ll see you around.”

He returns the sentiments, giving him a forced smile that’s hopefully not too strained. His smile softens when he sees you though, and you shyly wave at him, whispering a ‘I’ll see you in class’ before you leave with Jimin.

Damn, he’s already in deeper than he thought he was.

[✾✾✾]

It becomes a routine for you to meet and just hang out with each other after Professor Kim’s class. The first few meetings, you mostly studied and would talk from time to time during breaks. But at some point, you end up just talking with so little studying on the side.

Seokmin seems to be better at taking notes nowadays, and the fact that you’re helping him probably contributes a lot to him understanding better too. Objectively speaking, your notes are really easy to understand and you’ve kindly offered him to study together if he's up for it.

Why wouldn't he be?

"I don't think I can study today," you say as soon as you sit next to him in class. That's become a routine too, one that, thankfully, has made the whispering die down even though it still happens from time to time.

“It’s fine,” he reassures you, something inside him flips at the fact that you feel the need to apologize even though it’s not like you’ve both promised to meet each other every week. It’s been… what, almost two months? Wow, has he really been constantly hanging out with you for two months straight? “Going somewhere?”

“Yeah. Jimin wanna go somewhere and he decides that I’m going with him.” You scrunch your nose in mock annoyance.

After two months of hanging out with you and Jimin popping in out of nowhere from time to time, Seokmin realizes that he really is nothing but a friend. You’d sometimes complain about his tendency to drag you and your other friend (whose name you’ve yet mentioned) without really giving you any choice to refuse. Though, most of the time, you do end up having fun so it’s just a reflex for you at this point to complain just for the sake of it.

Judging from the way you talk about him and the few times he’s seen you with the older guy, Seokmin has had his own share of close girl friends to know that you really do consider Jimin as a friend and nothing more.

“Did he at least tell you this time where you’re going?” He grins.

“Nope. This is the only thing he said.” You say as you show him your phone, a pout in your face.

[09:07] Jiminnie: lunch today.

[09:07] Jiminnie: i know none of u r busy, so.

[09:08] Jiminnie: will see u guys in the usual place at 2 <3

Seokmin laughs at that, then shows you a meme Hansol sent to the group chat some time ago that reminds him exactly of the situation you’re in. After talking so much with Seokmin, you’ve realized that you share almost not one single interest with him. Your preferences in movies, music, or TV shows are all different, but you’ve found out that your humor code when it comes to memes are exactly the same that you’ve also started sending each other memes on Instagram.

The texting has become a routine too for you two. And while he doesn’t really see you a lot around campus because your faculty’s building is on the opposite side of the campus with his, he’d see you from time to time in the campus’ park, making your way somewhere.

If he’s to be completely honest, he’s been trying to find a good time to ask you out on a date. Yes, you’ve spent a lot of time together, just the two of you, but it has never felt like a date because it’s become a routine and Seokmin wants something special.

Do you feel the same though?

What if you don’t? Will this scare you off?

No, you’re not that kind of person, he believes. If you’re not into him, you’d probably politely reject him and go on as usual. He doesn’t think you’re the type to ghost a friend just because of something like this.

The thought eases him a bit, but it still scares him a little. Perhaps he should start thinking about where to invite you first before asking you to go on a date.

“Something on your mind?” You offer him a comforting smile, one that makes his heart melt every single time.

He shakes his head though, telling you it’s nothing.

“Okay. Just know I’ll listen if you need someone, okay?”

His chest warms at your words, and a full smile blooms on his face as he nods and thanks you, his gaze piercing into yours.

“I’ll keep it in mind. But it’s really nothing, don’t worry.”

You hope Seokmin doesn’t notice the way your cheeks heat up at the way he’s looking at you.

[✾✾✾]

“You’ve been hanging out with Seokmin a lot, haven’t you?” Jimin starts the moment all of your food are served in front of you, the waiter leaving your table barely a second ago.

“I told you I’ve been helping him study.” You try to play it cool, shrugging with nonchalance. Anyone else would believe your act, really, but these two know you too well to be fooled by your faux indifference.

Jimin narrows his eyes at you, but before he can say anything, Jennie cuts him off saying, “I think he’s friends with my cousin. A pretty close one, at that.”

“Oh? Is he cool? He seems nice the few times I’ve met him. A little too nice, to be honest, but he does seem the type.”

“I… don’t talk to my cousin enough to know.” She smiles sheepishly.

“Why did you even bring it up then…”

“Well, my cousin doesn’t really make friends because he’s quiet. And he’s pretty… uh, choosy when it comes to people he associates himself with, so I think it means something that they’re close.”

“Can we move on to the next topic?” You urge with an innocent smile. You don’t even know what you feel for him, really, but you know for sure you like hanging out with the guy and you’re more conscious of yourself when it comes to him. A part of you wants to keep on talking to him, and sometimes you find yourself wondering how would it feel like to just… go around campus with him by yourself. It’s such a small thing to wonder about, but even that itself is enough to make you bite back a smile.

“No. Not until you–”

“Jen?” A deep voice calls for her, and you’re about to thank whoever’s listening up there for the interruption only to freeze when you look up, because Seokmin is there, together with… whoever these people are.

“Oh, Wonwoo, hi.” She waves and greets everyone in his party, apparently familiar with all of them. You share a smile with Seokmin, one that doesn’t go unnoticed by Jimin. He grins to himself before standing up to greet a familiar face behind Wonwoo.

“Hansol, man! Been a long time.” He meets him in a half hug, nodding at Seokmin before turning to Wonwoo. “Hi! I’m Jimin. You’re Jennie’s cousin? Why don’t you join all of us here?”

Wonwoo looks at his friends, but none of them says anything so he shrugs and says ‘sure’. Asking the waiter to put the tables together, Wonwoo and Hansol go to order while Seokmin is left with Seungkwan at the table.

Naturally, Seokmin sits next to you and Seungkwan on his other side. Seungkwan introduces himself, and Jennie takes the role to introduce you and Jimin before the younger guy launches into different topics to find mutual grounds.

“Didn’t think I’d see you here.” Seokmin says lowly, his voice only for you to hear.

“I know right,” you murmur back, somewhat shy to be talking to him in front of your and his friends. You’re not embarrassed of him by any means, but there’s just something so embarrassing about being perceived together with him when you know Jimin already has ideas on his mind.

The feeling is pleasant, but you can’t help but turn bashful.

Your eyes meet Jimin’s, and when he raises an eyebrow just to mess with you, you glare at him in hope he’ll shut his mouth.

“So, Seokmin,” he starts, blatantly ignoring your pleading eyes. “You’ve been hanging out with our Y/N here a lot, yeah?”

“She’s been helping me study Professor Kim’s class. She’s really great at teaching, really.” He shrugs, unsure how else to address his current… situation with you. What was he supposed to say, anyway? That he’s currently looking into the right time and place to ask you on a date?

“She is, she is.” Jimin nods in agreement, chewing on his fries. “I think she mentioned his class wasn’t pleasant though. Something about people being nosy. Is it true?”

“Jimin.” You frown at him, not expecting him to take that route. You knew it still bothers him, but you thought he has let it go once you said you now have Seokmin with you in class. He’s always been protective when it comes to you and Jennie, and you had let it slip some time ago that you considered dropping Professor Kim’s classes because some people just wouldn’t shut their mouth while you’re just there to study.

“What? I just want to know if it’s true.”

Seokmin looks at the two of you, something in him breaks a little at the fact that, apparently, you know that there are people whispering about you.

“I’m…” He considers pretending not to know, but he doesn’t think that’d help and decides being honest would be best. “Yeah, I think so. That’s why I started sitting in front, actually.”

This is the first time you’re hearing this also, and the way you snap your neck to face him would be funny if not for the current topic and the atmosphere at hand.

“Really?”

“Yeah. It gets really annoying even for me.” He shrugs like it’s nothing. Because it’s really not. Sometimes he wishes he has it in him to talk to those girls and tell them to shut up, that they don’t have the rights to talk shit about people, that they’re being a nuisance and they should stop.

But he doesn’t. And he feels like a coward at times for being so soft-hearted.

Jimin hums and drops the topic though, seemingly satisfied for whatever reason. The topic moves to another one, though you don’t really join in because you’re not in the mood after the talk earlier.

Is that why Seokmin sat next to you at first?

You bite your lip as you collect your thoughts together, and when Seokmin nudges you and asks if you’re okay, you try to reassure him that you’re fine and thank him for asking. It’s almost an hour later that you’re outside to get some air, everyone’s finished eating, but they decide they want to talk some more so you excuse yourself out for a bit.

You don’t need to look up to know it’s Seokmin who’s followed you out, and you smile at him when you meet his eyes.

“You’re really okay?” He asks once again just in case.

“Mmm… Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Is that… really why you sat next to me that day?”

Seokmin doesn’t like that he’s not sure how to decipher your feelings. Are you upset? Are you thankful? Are you indifferent?

“Yeah. I noticed some people whispering and it irked me.” He admits softly, his eyes moving away from yours. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell them to shut up and stood up for you instead.”

“What? No, Seokmin, I want to thank you for even doing what you did.” You reach for his hand despite the loud beating in your chest, cheeks heating up once again when you feel him squeezing your hand. “And for sticking around after that. I didn’t expect anyone to do anything, actually. So what you did is more than enough.”

He squeezes your hand once again, then remembers something that Jimin said a while ago.

“You considered dropping the class because of it?”

“Yeah… I was thinking about dropping it that day, actually. But you sat next to me and… yeah.” You scrunch your nose adorably, looking down at your hand wrapped against his.

His face breaks into a smile at your words, and his thumb caresses your skin before he decides to just go fuck it right there.

“You want to go on a date with me?”

[✾✾✾]

permanent taglist: @kyeomjjigae @stantrash171819 @sebongmochi @luveveryonewoo @thinkinboutwonu @kpopjackie @ursweetener @lavenderautumnx @itsveronicaxxx @shuahoshiscoups @sunshinein17 @leechanniee @twogyuu @hoe4wonwoo @h3h3tm0n @noraehey @seokshook @rubyhoons @02psh @just-here-to-read-01 @listxn @janandbeyond @pearlygraysky @baekhyunstruly @svtreverie @coveyland @reallydgafaboutmyusername @sysymei @ovai @aikisbbq

#caratwritersclub #dokyeom scenarios #dokyeom fluff #dokyeom angst #seventeen fluff #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fic #seventeen au #seventeen x reader #dokyeom au #seokmin fluff #seokmin scenarios #seokmin scenario #seventeen scenario #dokyeom fic #seokmin fic #svt fic #svt fluff #seventeen

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forrestbrine · 1 month ago

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doing this finally (catching up on Auctober)

warning this is a super long post that isn’t really about Minecraft. It’s Auctober!!! I finally found some time to do this so I’m gonna do all of it then try to stay on the schedule:)

Day 1: Autism Plus

I have autism and adhd. I really like touching surfaces that are bumpy or running cloths on my face. It’s just something I’ve always done 💀 I never knew why it gave me such joy until I started researching autism. I’ve known I was ADHD since I was 12 but I always did things that didn’t exactly line up with ADHD, like literally screaming when my friends sung the “we all scream for ice cream” song when we were young and telling my friends obsessively about horses. I struggle a lot with working memory and executive function, but I am working on it every day. :)

Day 2: Infinite

I very much like the infinity symbol more than the puzzle piece. It represents that autism is a lifelong condition; forever and ever, I will always be autistic, not just in my childhood. I also like it because the infinity symbol loops back into itself, to me that represents autism affecting multiple parts of my life, not just in school or work.

day 3: Audhd

hey!!! That’s me !!!! I already talked about it in day 1 a lot :) but autism and adhd are very comorbid. I think the percentage is 30% of autistic people have adhd traits and vice versa. I think that’s neat that there’s a lot of other autistic people who also have adhd and can understand me.

day 4: music

i wear headphones with music playing a lot when im able to. Mostly it is a self-soothing measure for me and a way to block out outside noise. I like that I can control what music I listen to, whether it be sad or happy or loud or quiet.

day 5: verbose

im such a yapper when it comes to my special interests/hyperfixations. It’s weird because very very little people at my school/work want to hear me talk about minecraft lore and history 😭 I could honestly go on for hours. I would love to teach history lessons about stuff too. I love american history.

day 6: Individuals

every person with autism is different. Autism is a developmental disorder and every persons brain is different, hence it affects our brains differently. I really hate when people go “you don’t act like my autistic family member” or “you don’t (insert autistic stereotype here)” because it really shows how little people know about autism. I wish there was more social awareness around the fact that it’s a spectrum and not just totally different “types” of autism.

day 7: neuroscope

I have two friends and they’re both also neurodivergent. I also have online friends and we’re all neurodivergent. I think we attract each other like magnets at this point 😭

day 8: non-speaking

I experience this sometimes, where I have verbal shutdowns. it’s due to stress and overstimulation 😔 thankfully at work a lot of my coworkers know I’m autistic and are very accommodating and understanding :)

day 9: community

I have been in the neurodivergent community for a while, and it has been very nice! A lot of understanding people who just get me. :) I’ve met people with many different ideas, and learned a lot about myself and many other conditions I didn’t know about before. day 10: self advocacy

I’ve had to self advocate for myself in places like school and work to ensure I have an experience that doesn’t totally wipe me out. It’s a tiring process but definitely worth it. I have also advocated for myself online about my specific needs, like blocking things out that may upset or overwhelm me. I used to think that doing things like this was a sign of weakness, but now I understand that I should never be ashamed of doing something that keeps me safe and happy.

day 11: unlearning ableism

when I was about 9-10 years old I was really struggling in school. It was very hard for me to pay attention to topics and schoolwork. I didn’t know what adhd was and my teachers said that I was lazy and choosing not to pay attention. I was called sensitive and forgetful. I never knew why or how these things happened, they just did. It’s been a really hard journey for me to unlearn a lot of the stuff I was told in my childhood, that I was lazy, stupid, gullible, sensitive, a crybaby, etc. After researching things like autism and adhd I understood *why* these things happened, but it didn’t erase the subtle ableism that had been instilled in me. I have been getting better, and being kinder to myself.

day 12: wired differently

my brain is different than a neurotypical person’s brain. All of our brains are different! That’s why autism isn’t some “curable” disorder. It’s from birth and affects us throughout our entire lives. It’s not just one part of our brain, it’s all of the brain that is affected.

ummm that’s it! updates will be soon I think

#forrest’s posts #not minecraft #auctober #au-ctober #yapping #autism #actually autistic

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loubouskz · 2 years ago

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strange things happen

han jisung x thick!fem!reader

description: tour just ended, and they were going back home. jisung should be happy and excited but can't help but be in his head. when he's told about the backrooms, he didn't really think he'd end up there, nor did he think he would meet a girl too. but then again, the strangest things happen to good people.

genre: strangers to lovers, the backrooms

warning: SMUT!, pov changes a few times, foggy in head space, anxiety fear, mentions of meditation, insomnia(in text but not mentioned), crying, panic attack, passing out, body insecurity, jisung being a sweetheart, somewhat fear of water, yelling, overthinking, kissing, making out, slight marking kink, oral(both receiving), the smallest bit of dirty talk, creampie

wc: 8.8k(somewhat proof-read)

a/n: idk why I wrote this!🤣 I just couldn't shake the thought of it, so I had to write it and now I absolutely love it. I tried my best to explain the levels they were in, basing it off the game: The Complex: Backrooms Found Footage. I think I did okay. tho choosing what skz member to write it for was hard but ended up choosing jisung. anyway, I hope you enjoy this! I would love to hear your guys feedback!❤️❤️

taglist: @hgema @jisunglyricist

--------

“what? you two honestly don’t believe in that stuff, right?” minho asked, placing his drink down. jisung hadn’t been listening to the conversation and looked around the dinner table. he saw everyone laughing and enjoying dinner while he was off wandering around in his head. the hyung line(besides minho who was sitting next to jisung) were finished eating and up and doing their own thing. while the maknae line were still sat at the table. they had just finished tour and were having a celebratory dinner party with the whole staff and crew.

“you never know what could be real minho.” jeongin said, shrugging his shoulders. jisung scrunched his eyebrows. “what are we talking about?” he asked, looking around the table. “the backrooms.” felix answered, leaning into the table. “what’s that?” he asked, poking around at his food. jisung didn’t really feel hungry, just more tired than anything. all he wanted to do was go to the hotel and sleep.

“the backrooms are like an urban legend. its were you noclip out of our everyday world filled with people to a liminal space. there’s different areas or levels. the most famous one being this.” felix said, showing jisung a photo. an open room with yellow wallpaper and fluorescent lighting. “there’s been a lot of short films and documentaries to come out recently about it.” jeongin said. “but they’re fake.” seungmin cut in. “we don’t know that.” jeongin said, turning his head to seungmin. “basically you end up there, and you go through the levels to find a way out.” felix said. “that’s creepy.” jisung said as the two boys continued to show and tell him more about the backrooms.

the more felix and jeongin talked about the backrooms, the more fear set in jisung’s head. minho was starting to worry about him. “okay boys! i think that’s enough, let’s go enjoy this party before everyone gets too tired.” minho said, pushing his chair back to stand up. giving the two younger boys a stare, basically to say. shut the fuck up right now. everyone followed minho to the dance floor and processed to have a fun night. dancing the night away.

jisung could feel his body dancing to whatever song was playing. but he kept going back and forth in his head and being present while dancing. his brain had felt foggy for the last few days. even more now since the idea of the backrooms being real. he knows he shouldn’t believe it, but he can’t help it. the idea of being stuck and alone, going in endless loops, trying to find a way out…it scared him.

the party seemed to end quickly. though two hours had passed, it felt like six minutes. everyone cleaned up the areas that were messed up, and in a blink of an eye, jisung was in the van on the way back to the hotel. he doesn’t remember getting in the van and doesn’t even try to either. jisung took a deep breath and looked out the window. seeing the bright lights of the streetlamps and neon signs for the clubs, bushes and trees blurring at the speed. jisung just wanted to sleep. that’s all he needed. it had been a very long day, and he was ready for it to be over.

once in his shared hotel room. jisung took a long hot shower to relax his nerves. though he really didn’t do anything during the shower. he just stood under the water, forehead pressed against the cold wall till the water ran cold. jisung looked at himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth for the night. he felt like he was seeing himself in third-person, and his body felt like a shell. he couldn’t understand why he was feeling like this. he’s been taking his medicine, never missing a day or night. jisung turned off the light and exited the bathroom. he removed his towel and put on a pair of boxers and his pajama pants on. not bothering to put on the matching shirt.

he climbed into the bed and turned off his side lamp, ready for bed. “you okay ji?” he heard minho voice ask. jisung turned his head and smiled at minho. “yeah, i’m fine man. just really tired and ready to sleep. can you turn off your light as well?” jisung said to him. minho gave a worried face but did what jisung asked with a nod. “if you need someone to talk and listen to you, you know you can talk to me. right, jisung?” minho asked out in the dark. jisung nodded his head, then remembered the lights were off. “i know. nothing’s wrong. i promise.” he said out loud before yawning. “night minho.” jisung said in a tired voice. “good night, jisung.” minho responded back.

why wasn’t sleep coming to him. jisung laid awake in the dark, staring at the ceiling. his arms under his head. his mind and body had felt tired. he wanted to sleep, so why wasn’t it coming to him. he didn’t want to toss around too much, scared that he would wake up minho. the one thing he didn’t want to do was worry him even more. so jisung stayed still and waited for sleep to take him. but it never did, he watched as the sun came up and heard the city become loud and full of life again. he heard minho starting to wake up. jisung turned over and closed his eyes, pretending to sleep.

he heard minho get out of bed and walk over to him. shaking him to wake up. “wake up. we have to get to the airport.” minho said. jisung pretended to stir awake and sat up. “what time is it?” jisung asked. “6:43am. now come on and got to get dressed and packed.”

just like last night everything seemed to move fast but slow at the same time. jisung was dressed in his outfit for the day. a white loose fit tee, his black jacket, black baggy pants with his sneakers, dad cap, and face mask. when he blinked and looked up he at the international airport, everybody was ready to go home. he waved to the flashing cameras and stays that were there.

the group made their way through the airport, doing everything they needed to do to get to their gate in time. once they were there, got their tickets scanned and passports looked at. jisung was the last one. when he looked up to continue to board the plane, everyone was so far ahead of him. he doesn’t want to say he freaked out a little, feeling like he was getting left behind even though they were all on the same flight. but that is exactly what he felt. like his flight or fight response kicked in. he secured his carryon and jogged to catch up to the rest of his members, but the more steps he stook, the further they got. “hey chan wait up!” jisung called out to his leader, then he tripped and fell down.

jisung closed his eyes and waited for the impact of the floor, but it didn’t come. he felt the wind starting to pick up. he opened his eyes and being to panic. this has to be a dream. jisung was free falling in the sky. he couldn’t do anything but scream and cry as the city buildings got closer and closer. he closed his eyes once again, waiting for death to hit him.

then he hit a carpeted floor, but not hard but definitely enough to make a thud sound…like he tripped and fell. jisung pushed himself up onto his knees and saw where he was. just like the picture felix had shown him.

open room, yellow walls, and fluorescent lights. he was in the backrooms.

no no no no this cannot be happening. “i’m dreaming. i must be dreaming.” jisung said as he did everything he could think of to wake himself up. he pinched his arm. hit his leg. slapped his cheek. hell, he even stood up and ran into one of the walls near him and fell down. “ow.” jisung said. falling onto his butt with his head hurting. jisung didn’t know what to do. he busted into tears as he ran. ran and ran. he felt like he was going in circles. everything looked the same! this can’t be real. he stopped and thought for a quick second where he should go. he yanked his face mask off. took a deep breath and continued to run. it doesn’t make any sense of how he could have ended up here. he wanted to be with his members. on the plane. going home. the tears blurring up his vision to the point where he couldn’t see. it felt like everything was closing in around him. he started to sleep black dots. everything went dark.

opening the journal in hand, going back to read what you wrote so you wouldn’t go insane and forget who you are. saying the following words aloud. what your name was. how old you were. your birthday. what year it was. the date it was when you got here. where you are from and currently living at. family, friends, and pets. what you were studying. etc. anything. you didn’t want to risk it even if it wasn’t going to happen.

once you were done, you placed the journal in the pocket of the hoodie you were wearing. continuing down the nevering-end yellow halls. you don’t know how long you’ve been here, but it felt like years at this point. you don’t know how you end up here either, what this place was, or how to get out. the feeling of someone watching you never going away, even though you knew you were alone.

you turned the corner and physically jumped out of your skin. freezing at that moment. just ahead of you, was a person. a man lying on the ground. he looked to be passed out. you didn’t know whether to go up and shake him to see if he was okay or run. after debating with yourself, you decided to see if he was alive. you slowly walked over to him, taking quiet steps.

once you were right next to him, you squatted down. now seeing his face. you could see he was asian and around your age. his cheeks puffy and red with swollen eyes. you felt a sting to your heart. he must have just shown up here and most likely completely terrified.

“hey are you okay?” i asked, shaking him on his shoulder. he groaned as he started to wake up. “come on, get up.” i said, shaking him a bit harder. his eyes fluttered open and saw me. i could tell panic set in. he quickly flipped over and scooted away from me. looked around and made a face before looking at me again. “i’m not going to hurt you.” i said. “how do i know that?” he said back. “because we are in the same boat and trying to get out.” i told him. he brought his knees up to his chest. “my name is y/n. what’s yours?” i said. “i’m jisung. han jisung.” he said. “well it’s nice to meet you, jisung.” i said with a smile. “do you know the way out?” he asked.

i stood back up. “no i don’t. sorry. if i did, i wouldn’t be here…where ever i am.” i sighed out, looking around at the yellow walls. “you’ve never heard of this place?” jisung said, looking up at me. “no. have you?” i questioned. he nodded his head slowly before standing up. “just last night, my friends were telling me about this place. it’s called the backrooms.” jisung said, “it’s where you clip out of our everyday world and you’re here.” jisung looked around the room with a scowl. he’s crazy.

he brought eyes back to me and saw the look on my face. “you don’t believe me..” he said, taking off his cap and running his fingers through his hair. “no. that sounds too insane.” i told him. “there’s this place, a warehouse, a maintenance hall, pool area thing, house, and a lot more.” he said. “i’ve never seen any of those places you’ve mentioned besides this one.” i told him. jisung’s cheeks started to turn red. probably out of embarrassment. i breathed in, “how about we just stick together and find a way out.” i said. he nodded, “good idea.” so we began to walk the eerie room.

“so…” jisung said, making me turn my head to him. “what do you do? i mean like in our world.” he asked. i smiled, “i’m studying at my dream university while doing part-time at a music shop on the side.” i expressed with happiness. “you?” i directed to him. “oh i’m a k-pop idol. i’m in a group called stray kids. have you heard of us?” he stated. “no sorry.” i said, shaking my head. jisung was telling me about himself and telling stories about his members. which i’ve learned that there is eight of them in total. “we recently just started getting really big these last two and half years. then covid came and we were stuck at home all of 2020.” jisung said. i stopped in my tracks. the fuck? 2020. have i been in here for that long? “my group and i just finished our tour called maniac.” jisung said, turning his head to look at me. when he didn’t see me, he turned around.

“you okay?” he asked, walking back to me. “2020. it’s 2020?” i exclaimed. he shook his head, “no it’s april 5th 2023.” jisung hesitated to say. he furrowed his eyebrows, “what year did you think it was?” he questioned. “2019. i showed up here on june 9, 2019. i didn’t think i was in here for that long.” i cried out, feeling tears welt up in my eyes. jisung’s eyes widened. “hey hey, don’t cry y/n. we’re gonna get out of here. i promise.” he comforted, placing his arms onto my shoulders. a few tears fell to my cheeks. “none of that.” he said, quickly wiping them away with the knuckle of his pointer finger. “we’re going to get back home. alright?” he said. i nodded and sniffed, “okay.” i told him. jisung gave me a bright smile. “okay then, let’s get a move on.” he said, holding out his hand to take. i placed my hand in his and we continued on our way, trying to find the exit.

turning left and right, going straight. all of it seemed to be the same, the same damn yellow walls with every turn and move. the quiet noise of the fluorescent lights buzzing.

“i feel like we are going in circles y/n.” jisung said out loud. “i don’t think we are?” i said, more in a question sense. we did another left turn and were met with a dark dead-end. there was a crawl space giving off light. “should we go through it?” jisung asked, squatting down in front of it. i looked at the size of it and looked at my body.

i was on the thicker size. a tummy, thick thighs and hips, big boobs and butt. i became overly aware of my size. starting to feel small and insecure. “umm, i don’t think i can fit through that.” i quietly told jisung. he looked up at me, eyeing me up and down then back at the crawl space. “i think you’ll get through. plus you won’t know unless you try.” jisung said in a nice tone. “will you try?” he asked. my head came up with a million and one thoughts in one second on why i shouldn’t do it. “as long as you won’t look.” i said, avoiding eye contact. “i can do that.” jisung said while nodding his head.

jisung stood back up and took a few steps back. i walked closer to the crawl space and got on my hands and knees. i looked back at jisung and he had both of his hands covering his eyes and turned to the side. i turned back to the crawl space and started to make my way through. my upper half made it easy, it was a little snug at my hips- but i got through. i stood back up and called out to jisung.

“i made it!” i said loud and proud. “great!” he said. soon enough, jisung crawled through and was standing next to me. we looked around and the yellow walls were starting to fade into gray metal like material. “i guess this is progress.” i declared, walking ahead. “yeah.” he said, following by my side. as we walked further into the gray walls, we heard a ding. “what was that?” jisung asked. we looked all around us till my eyes landed on an elevator to the right of us, tucked away in a cornered with the doors open.

“jisung there’s an elevator.” i said, making my way over to it. jisung quickly followed. it was a small elevator, but both of us fit with a comfortable distance between us. jisung looked down at the button panel. “well there’s only one direction to go.” he joked. i looked at the panel and sure enough, he was right. we could only go up. “let’s get out of here.” i said, nodding my head. jisung pressed the up button. the elevator doors quickly closed and we started heading up.

“i just thought of something.” jisung said, leaning his back against the wall. “what is it?” i mumbled. “if you’ve been in here since 2019, how are you still alive? there’s no food, no drinkable water. have you even slept?” jisung asked. i looked at him with wide eyes. “i. i honestly don’t know. it doesn’t feel like i’ve been in here that long. maybe a few days or weeks? and i’ve slept, but it was to take a break from walking. not because my energy was low and i needed sleep.” i replied, trying to understand it myself. “wow.” jisung said in pure awe. “i hope you’re not here for as long as i’ve been.” i added, just as the doors opened up. “i hope so too, but then again. i think we are going to get out of here. a lot sooner.” he said with a smile as he exited the elevator.

i followed behind him and to my surprise. we were in a completely different place. the walls were now white tiles, our shoes echoing throughout the hall. soon we came out to an open room with water. “this was the pool area i was talking about!” jisung exclaimed, giving me another one of those big smiles. i felt butterflies dance around in my stomach. god, does he have a killer smile. wait no, don’t think like that y/n. just because this is the person, especially male. does not mean you can form a crush on him.

jisung walked over to the railing and looked down to the right. i came up beside him and looked the same way. he turned his head to me. “do you believe me now.” he said, more in a statement. i could only nod my head. he pushed off the railing and walked behind me. “someone was here.” jisung said. i turned around and looked to see what he saw. there was a blanket on the floor. “so we’re not alone?” i asked. “either we’re not or that person already got out.” jisung said, “but if they are still here, let’s hope they’re as nice as you.” he added, turning around to face to water again.

“i think we are going to have to walk through the water.” jisung stated, going to the steps into the water. i slowly walked over to the steps and watched as he got in. “does it get deeper?” i asked. jisung brought his eyes to mine. “can’t swim?” he asked. “i can doggy paddle, but that’s about it.” i said. jisung rose his hand from his side. “don’t worry.” he said. i made my way down the steps and put my hand his. his hand was so soft and warm. i looked up at him. “i won’t let you go.” jisung promised.

the water covered the bottom half of our legs. deep enough to slush the water around but shallow enough to walk in. as we made our way through the water, there was an opening on the right but there was also another crawl space. jisung turned to me and i shook my head. “not that one.” i pleaded. “we don’t have to.” jisung responded, squeezing my hand. so we took the right hall, which was a little dark considering there was no light other than the sunlight at the end…if you could even call it that. whatever it was.

we slowly made our way to the end of the hall where there was a big circular column and a set of curvy steps out of the water. we quickly started up the stairs to get out of the water, jisung letting me go first. once i reached the top, there was another elevator. “if the rest of this easy to get out of, we’ll be home in no time.” i said, looking back at jisung. jisung looked back down at me and smiled. i glanced down at his lips and back up at his eyes, seeing he did the same thing. “yeah.” he whispered, a ding from the elevator made us jump.

jisung cleared his throat and guided out his hand to let me enter the elevator first. once we were both inside, i pushed the up button this time and watched as the doors closed once again. there was a bit of awkward silence. “tell me more about yourself, y/n. about things you want to do and achieve in life.” jisung said, looking down at his feet. i thought about it for a second and then told him a mini version of my life story and my goals and dreams.

jisung was laughing his butt off by the time the elevator doors opened, making me giggle. we looked out the doors and saw a mall, our laughter dropping at the slight of it. we stepped out and carefully eyed our surroundings. there was an empty fountain, newspaper and random magazines scattered around the floor, dark and quiet like every place has been. just our shoes making the most noise. we made our way forward, jisung noticing a map hung on the wall.

“do you can this will help us?” jisung asked. “i don’t know.” i said, trying to read the map. “i can’t tell what it says.” i added, looking at jisung. “me neither.” he sighed out. we walked around, not really finding anything. just more dark, dimly lit halls and rooms and rarely stuff in them. besides a chair or two.

we entered the last hall, leading us to something different. “at least we can kinda tell where we are. better than the yellow room.” jisung said, making me smile, “yeah, you’re right about that.” i replied. then my eyes caught a glimpse at something ahead of us. “is that a red light?” i asked, picking up my pace a little. that’s new. we looked at the little hall where the red light was coming from, but it lead no where.

so we just continued walking forward. making turns left and right whenever we felt like it, unless it lead us to a dead-end. to help pass the time we came up with jokes and telling embarrassing stories.

it was easy talking jisung, even if i had just met him. it felt like we had been friends for awhile. for once and surprisingly, i was happy i was stuck in here and that this happened to me. because i would have never been able to meet han jisung and get to know him for him. as terrible as it is. having someone with me, him with him, made me feel a lot better.

“hey y/n!” jisung shouted, “come here, i think i found the way to the elevator!” i quickly turned around and followed jisung down a narrow hall with random turns. it opened up to a small cafeteria thing with the elevator on the left wall to the back.

“we are making so much progress!” jisung said happily and ran over to the elevator. bouncing up and down like a little kid. i laughed as i made my way over to him and stood next to him. “how many levels are there?” i asked him as the elevator dinged. “i don’t know, but hopefully not too many.” he said as we stepped in the elevator for the third time.

the doors opened up to a hotel with chairs thrown everywhere, lit up by the wall sconces. “well this level it a bit more creepy.” i stated out loud. we left the elevator and went to the right. “it says there’s a dining hall, maybe there’s food there.” jisung said. “are you actually hungry?” i questioned. “no, but it would be nice to eat something right now.” jisung said with a smile. soon enough, we came into the dining hall.

“shit there’s nothing in here.” jisung whined. i walked over to the crawl space and looked in. “no where to go in there.” i said, turning back around. “dead-end?” jisung sighed. “dead-end.” i said back to him. he groaned as we pushed our way back the way we came to go down a different hall. we came across a small gap in the wall. jisung looked at me. “should we try it?” he asked. “sure why not. we have all the time in the world.” i answered with laugh.

jisung fit like it was nothing. for me, it was a bit of a squeeze, but bearable. it was just another long hall, just very small and dim. eventually, it opened back up and the elevator was right in front of us and already open. “luck seems to be on our side, we’re going to get home in no time!” jisung said as we entered the elevator.

the doors closed and we only went up for a few seconds then stopped. there was a tap on the door. we both looked at each other. two more taps, jisung stood in front of me in case there was actual someone there. four more taps against the door before the finally opened up. chairs were blocking the exit the leave, the room completely red. we couldn’t get out.

“are we suppose to get out?” i asked, jisung slowly shock his head. he quickly pressed the button to go up so the doors could close again. slowly but sure the doors closed and we started going up again. jisung spun around to face me. “i feel like we are getting closer to go home.” he said with a smile. the doors opened back up and saw the yellow wallpaper. “why the hell are we back here?” i said, pushing past jisung. yellow walls, carpeted floors, fluorescent lights. I turned back to jisung to had a defeated look on his face. i felt my eyes starting to burn. “you’re a fucking liar. i knew i shouldn’t have trust you.” i felt my voice cracking in the sentence. jisung jumped at the sound of my hurt voice. “y/n.” he said, stepping towards me. i back up and shook my head. “no.” i said, before turning around. i walked over to a wall and sled down. crying and feeling hopeless.

“there’s no way this is the same.” i heard jisung say. he heard him jogging around, i couldn’t even bring myself to look up to see where he was going. i’m such an idiot for thinking i could get out of this place. there’s no way out, just endless loops of different rooms all feeling the same way. hell it’s been five years since i got here. everyone probably thinks i’m dead by now. my family, my friends, my two roommates, everyone who knew me. thinks i’m dead. what’s the point of trying to get out of here when they think i’m dead and gone.

i felt a pair of hands grab my cheeks and push my face up. i saw jisung’s face with tears and a light smile. “it’s not the same y/n.” jisung said, he grabbed my hands and pulled me up. “come on, all we have to do is follow the beeping.” he said, dragging me along with him at a fast pace. we turned a couple a corners and i was first it wasn’t the same. just the color of the room. instead of there just being rooms entering rooms, there were also columns now and more space going up. i hardly had time to process what was happening, jisung just kept pulling me with him. stopping every now and then to listen.

“what are you liste-” jisung shushed me. then i heard the beep he had been following. “it’s this way.” he said, making a left turn, then a right. the beeping continued to get louder and louder as we got closer. we turned around corner and was greeted into a big room with the elevator. the next part happened so quickly. jisung turned around, placed his hands on my cheeks again and gave my a hard kiss with passion. i yelped as i wasn’t expecting that to happen. i recovered fast and kissed him back, placing my hands on his chest which made jisung smile into the kiss. he pulled away, leaving his forehead on mine.

“we’re going home like i promised.” he said just above a whisper. i looked into his soft brown eyes. “i’m sorry i yelled at you.” i apologized. he shook his head, “no i understand, you want to get back home as much i as i do and when you saw the yellow walls again you felt lied to. i understand, i would have felt the same way.” he told me. jisung removed his hands from my cheeks and down my arms. grasping my left hand with his right. “let’s keep going.” he said, to which i nodded to.

we entered the elevator once again, pressing the up button. the door closed once more, the elevator moving up once again. jisung squeezed my hand, making me turn to him. he leaned in for another kiss which i gladly accepted. it started out as a sweet innocent kiss but became more heated. jisung pushed me against the wall, pressing his body to mine. making me moan into the kiss. with that small opening, jisung slid his tongue into my mouth. exploring every nook and cranny. he tasted like a muted minty flavor. i ran my hands up his body and to the back of his neck, playing with the hair poking out of the cap. jisung groaned into the kiss, rolling his hips into mine. i whined, pushing my hips to his. feeling his erection growing by the second.

“god, i want to fuck you so bad.” jisung said, once he pulled his lips away. my body feeling tingly, goosebumps forming on my skin. i shivered at his words. i went to respond but the elevator dinged and the doors opened back up. “if we can find a not so creepy area, i’ll let you fuck me.” i said to him, looking dead in the eyes. he groaned and gave me another sloppy kiss.

he interlaced our fingers and pulled me out of the elevator. we only made it a few steps before stopping, realizing how dark it was. we could hardly see each other. we continued walking but very slowly, not knowing what was ahead.

just a few more steps forward, a loud snap echoed in the room we were in accompanied with red lights shining the area. we were in the middle of a street with few houses following the side. at the end of the road was a tunnel with the elevator in the center of the tunnel. i looked around at the lights. the redness gave the feeling a not welcoming feeling, like more eyes were on us then the last time. we listened and watched out for any nobody that could be here, but there was no one. not even in the houses. we continued to the tunnel and made our way inside the elevator.

the doors opened to a clean white wall with oak wood floors. nothing on the floor, but a blanket up ahead in front of a window. jisung bent down to it and felt it as i looked out the window. “it’s completely cold, whoever was here hasn’t been here for awhile.” jisung explained. “i think we’re in an apartment complex.” i said. i remember that being one of the places jisung said we could turn up at. jisung stood up and looked at the window as well. just looking at it gave me an uneasy feeling. it was dark ‘outside’, only light coming from all the windows and maybe one of two lamps. jisung turned to me, “let’s keep going.” he said, nodding his way down the hall.

turn after turn we were just greeted by more dead-ends. coming back out of one of the last halls. before we could even make it fully, we stopped in our tracks. there right in front of us was a an opening. like the building had been cut in half.

we got closer to it. “that would be a long fall.” jisung said as he looked down. i nodded my head. “yeah it would be.” i said. jisung looked at the other opening his could see. “do you think i could make that jump?” he questioned. my eyes widened. “please do not try to make that big ass gap han jisung.” i raised my voice at him. he turned to me, wide eyed. “yes ma’am.” he said giving me a smirk.

we headed back to where the original hall connected to the hall we were just in and the elevator door was right in front of us. like it just appeared out of no where. “well that’s new.” i said as we walked up to it. “yeah, let’s hope that doesn’t happen again.” jisung laughed out as we got in. “on the next stop do you think we can sit down and take a breather?” i asked him. “yeah sure. i don’t mind taking a break at all.” he answered back.

the doors opened up again to flat land and a singular house. we seated out, taking in our surroundings. it was like we were on a small planet, you could see a slight curve where it circled down and around. the sky was painted in a dusk night with the sun already gone and the stars starting to pop up.

“you picked a good one, y/n.” jisung pointed out as we made our way to the house. the front door was open and a room directly the right of us. a chair and a blanket on the floor. we walked a little further into the house and right there in the corner to the left was the elevator. in front of it on the other wall was a door but it was closed. jisung grabbed the door handle and twisted the knob.

“it’s locked.” he said. “did you still want to rest or did you want to just go since the elevator is right here?” he added. as much as i wanted to go, i couldn’t stand the feeling in the pit of my stomach anymore. i wanted him. right here and now. i walked up to him and placed my hands on his shoulders. i leaned my face close to his, lips barely touching. “did you forget what i told you earlier?” i asked, never breaking eye contact. i could feel his hot breath on my lips. “no.” he said, stealing a look at my lips.

i leaned in and crashed my lips onto his, him groaning in the process. jisung’s hands went for my hips before dragging them down and to my ass. giving it a hard squeeze. i moaned into the kiss, right before pulling away with jisung chasing after my lips. i giggled and grabbed his forearm, pulling him the first open room we saw. i pressed him against the nearest wall, connecting my lips to his neck. i pushed off his jacket as i left marks on his body. i bit his collarbone, getting my hand under his shirt and pushing it up. jisung quickly threw his cap off and slid his shirt off his body. i kissed down his chest and got on my knees. unbuttoning his pants and unzipping them. i pushed them down his thighs along with his underwear.

his cock was already halfway hard. i spat on my hand and gripped him. jisung moaned, throwing his head back onto the wall. i ran my hand up and down, my mouth watering at the sight of him. i placed the tip of his cock on my tongue and licked up the bead of pre-cum coming out. jisung looked down at me and brought his hand on the top of my head. i opened my mouth and shoved him in. taking as much as i could.

“oh fuck y/n.” jisung said as his body tensed up from the feeling of my warm mouth. i bobbed my head back and forth, loving how heavy he felt on my tongue. i moaned around his cock. i moved my hand to his balls and played with them. jisung thrusted his hips forward, making me gag.

“sorry.” he said, pulling his cock out of my mouth. he placed his hand under my chin and tilted my head up. “you aright?” he asked with worried eyes. i nodded my head and smiled. “yeah i’m okay.” i said. “good.” he stated as he got on the floor then kicked off his shoes and pants. jisung grabbed his clothes and laid them behind me. he gently pressed me back to make me lay down.

jisung climbed over me and kissed me as he ran his hands up my body and under my shirt. i froze and grabbed his wrists, making him freeze. “you wanna leave it on?” he asked when he pulled away. “just my shirt, everything else can come off.” i shyly told jisung. “that’s fine.” jisung said with a smile. jisung sat up, running his hands down my body to my sweats. “just so you know, i think you look beautiful.” he said, admiring every curve and roll on my body. i blushed at his statement. he pulled down my sweats and off my legs, taking my shoes off too.

jisung groaned at sight of my underwear, seeing a dark patch on the material. he made eyed contact with me as he laid down. coming face to face with my cunt. jisung placed a kissed right on top of my clit then gave a bold lick, sending shock waves though my body. he hooked his finger around my underwear and pushed it to the side.

he immediately dived in and started eating me out. i threw my head back as i ached my back. my hand found his hair and tugged at it hard. the sounds of his groans vibrated my body. i whined as he pushed his tongue inside my wet hole. I clamped my thick thighs around his head.

“god, you taste so good.” jisung said, spitting on my mound. he ran his finger up my slit before pushing it in. “gotta stretch you out for my cock baby.” he said in a gravely voice, setting up a decent speed. “want you to cum all over my hand.” he said before diving back in. his tongue playing my clit again. “oh jisung!” i yelled out. my breathing picked up as his added a finger, making me clench around him. “curl your fingers up.” i whined out. jisung did exactly what i told him to do. finding my g-spot quickly. i ached my back and angled my hips even more as i felt my orgasm getting closer. making me curl my toes and my legs start to shake.

“harder.” i pleaded, needing more pressure to help me release. jisung pounded fingers hard into me with every pullback curling them up. his tongue danced around my clit as my legs started to shake. “oh fuck, i’m gonna cum!” i moaned loudly. he wrapped his lips around my clit and hummed, which sent me head first into my climax- nearly screaming jisung’s name from my lips. he slowly removed his fingers. patting my clit a few times, making me jolt.

“i love how you scream my name.” he said, sitting back onto his knees. “want more.” i said, spreading my legs out. “i want you inside me, please.” i whined. “fuck, i love that even more.” he said, scooting up so he could line his cock up with my opening. slowly pushing in as he rubbed my sensitive clit. i closed my eyes, running my hands above my shirt. gripping at my boobs. we both moaned as he bottomed out. jisung steaded himself before placing his arms under the back on my knees, holding my legs. he slowly pulled out halfway and slammed back in.

“fuck.” i whispered. jisung’s eyes never left my body as he began to keep up the pace. watching every closely at my body and how it was jiggle and moving with each thrust. “shit, i’m not gonna last long.” he whined out, gripping my legs hard. i clenched around him at how whiny he sounded. just the sound of our skin hitting the walls of the room and loud moans from the both of us. jisung let go of my legs and laid on top of my body. his hot chest moving against my hoodie, making it come up a little. placing his hands neither side of my head. his hot breath fanning my face.

“you look so good under me. don’t wanna stop fucking this tight little cunt.” jisung said, punching a hard thrust. i wrapped my legs around his waist and arm around his back, burying my head into the crease of his neck. from this angle the pubic bone grazed my clit perfectly. i moaned feeling my second orgasm coming up fast. “gonna cum.” i whispered as i dug my nails into his back from the pleasure. jisung’s thrusts became sloppy and more rough. “me too, where should i cum?” he moaned. “inside. cum inside me, i wanna feel how much you fill me up.” i cried out, he shivered. he wrapped his right arm around the back of my shoulders, pulling my upper half even closer.

“cum with me baby.” he whined, sending a handful of hard thrusts with him pulling almost completely out, only leaving the tip in. slamming his cock deep inside one more time, shooting his hot seed around my walls. triggering my own climax, clenching around him harder than before. he rutted against me, my body feeling like pulp. i slowly released him from my grip, jisung helping me lay down my upper half.

he sat up and grabbed his soften cock, easing it out of my sensitive hole. both hissing at the feeling. i closed my legs as jisung laid next to me so we could actual catch our breath. i looked over at jisung who was already looking at me. we broke out into smiles and laughter. he rolled over placing his arm loosely around my waist.

“when we get out of here, i wanna take you out of a date.” jisung said with a big bright smile. i felt my eyes widen and cheeks become red. “really?” i asked, making him nodded. “are you sure you want to be seen with a girl like me?” i questioned, glancing down at my bigger body. “i don’t care about that. just the type of person you are and from what i’ve learned so far. you seem like a great woman that i want to get to know more.” he said, making me blush even harder. i smiled at him then had a thought.

“what if when we get out of here we’re not together.” i said. jisung took a deep breath and placed his hand to my cheek. “then i’ll find you.” he said quietly before leaving a gentle kiss on my lips. jisung pulled away and laid back down. “come here.” he sai, opening his arms. i smiled and cuddled into him, laying my head on his chest.

after a few minutes of cuddling, we got up and put back on our clothes. we were standing in front of the elevator. jisung turned his head to me. “ready?” he asked. “ready as i’ll ever be.” i answered back. we hopped in and watched as the doors closed. “where do you think we’ll go next?” i asked him. “well from what i remember my members telling me. we could end up in a long straight hall and a warehouse. other then those two, i don’t know.” jisung said.

the doors opened up but we weren’t completely on the level we need to be on. jisung and i looked at each other with questioning looks on our faces. jisung looked out to see what the level was. then the elevator cart jolted down a bit. jisung stumbled back into me. i grabbed ahold of his sides as we both looked at the doors. then the cart started falling, making loud screeching noises and lights going off.

“jisung!” i shouted. fear filling my body, heart pounding in my chest. jisung grabbed ahold of my arms and tried his best to face me. “grab onto my forearms y/n!” he yelled over the loud sound. i did what he said and held on tightly. “we’re going be okay!” i heard jisung said. i didn’t know what to do but scream as tears ran down my face. i tried to take a step to jisung but my body didn’t move. that’s when i realized had i closed my eyes.

i snapped my eyes open and saw that we were no longer in the elevator. i screamed out jisung’s name as i panicked. jisung opened his eyes and saw what was happening. i felt my grip of my left hand loosening and sliding down jisung’s arm. “don’t let go!” jisung screamed. “i’m trying!” i cried out as the wind started blowing faster and faster. then the wind hit us from the side, making us spin. both my hands were now at his wrists. jisung digging his fingertips into my skin.

i kept slipping from his grasp, hands to hands. jisung was using all his strength to pull me towards him the wind kept picking up. i looked at him with teary eyes the best i could. “you’ll find me!” i called out. “i promise!” jisung yelled back with tears in his eyes as well. the wind hit us once more from the other direction, making us spin hard.

that time, i lost the grip on jisung. “jisung!” i screamed. “y/n!” he screamed back but he sounded so far away. i kept spinning as the wind took me where it wanted. once i’d stopped spinning i realized i was headed straight to the ground in an alley. nonono. i closed my eyes, not wanting to see the ground getting closer. i landed on a big pile of trash bags, tumbling down them onto the concrete. landing on my side.

“ow.” i said, looking around me and it was dark. that’s when i heard it. a car. people. a town. i shot up and looked in front of me, just to see a car pass by. “holy shit. i’m back.” i whispered. i got up from the ground and made my way out of the alley. i looked both ways before deciding to go right. i went into the nearest store and asked where i was. i’m home.

i sat in the police station waiting for my family and roommates to arrive. jisung was right about it being 2023. everything. i wouldn’t have made it back here if it weren’t for him. thank you han jisung. i can’t wait to see what you've told me about you and your group.

“y/n!” i heard my best friend called out. i looked up to see them all entering the station. “oh my god!” i said under my breath as i got up and ran to them. i hugged everyone so hard with them asking a million and one questions but being grateful that i was back and safe. “let’s go home first. what i’m going to tell you is crazy.” i told them.

later that night, in my soft bed. in my bedroom. i looked up han jisung and stray kids. jisung described them perfectly. treated each other like brothers. i listened to their music as i fell asleep.

jisung hit the trash bags, landing straight on his back. he groaned in pain of the sun as he removed himself from the stink. he looked around a saw he was in an alley. walking to the end where the street was, he saw that he was back in korea. just outside of jyp entertainment. i’m back! he ran inside the building greeting everyone who had shocked looks on their faces. but he couldn’t care less. he wanted to see is members. he ran to the elevator then stopped, turning around and heading to the stairs. he pushed himself through so many flights of stairs. he opened the hall door and ran down to the practice room, hoping his brothers would be in there. passing all his peers, like members of twice and itzy.

he nearly broke down the door when he opened it. making everyone inside jump and look. the boys had stopped what they were doing and quickly ran to jisung, hugging him tightly.

“are you okay!”

“you’ve been gone for a full week!”

“what happened to you!”

“did someone kidnap you!”

“we were so scared!”

“one second we were behind us, next you were gone!”

“where have you been!”

jisung just cried being home again. “you’re not going to believe me when i tell you.” he said. explaining the full story, leaving out the sex part. felix and jeongin’s eyes were about to pop out of their head. “jisung, don’t lie.” minho said, rolling his eyes. felix shook his head. “how would he know about the the falling out of the sky! we never told him that.” felix explained. “or elevator failing when you come back!” jeongin added. “if you really did show us the girl.” seungmin said. “i need my phone then.” jisung said. chan quickly got up and ran over to a table, grabbing jisung’s phone.

once in his hands, he unlocked his phone and went straight to instagram. he typed in her fist and last name and she was the second account to pop up. jisung tapped on her icon and went to her profile. he clicked the first photo and noticed that it was posted just a few minutes ago. i scrolled down and looked at the date of the last photo. june 1st, 2019 was her last post.

jisung showed the boys the proof with the photos, old comments, the article from when she first went missing, where she lives in the world, and even read the caption on her newest photo.

‘i’m back home! i won’t explain to here because it will most likely be on the news. but i can’t help but so grateful to the person i met who helped get me out. thank you so much h.j. i hope that you’re back home and safe as well and hope that we’ll meet again soon.’

after that, the boys believe him. they spent hours talking, completely forgetting about practice. just wanted to be with jisung with the rest of the day. we went out and had dinner. everyone went back to 3racha+hyunjin’s apartment, played games, and watched a movie or two. before finally calling it a night.

jisung laid in bed, staring at his phone. instagram was open once again, but this time he was trying to figure out what to type to y/n. fuck it he siad in his head.

hey, it was easy to find you. we still on for our date?

a few minutes passed before he saw someone typing…

date, time, and where.

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huellitaa · 7 months ago

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bee's record player: march edition. 🎀𓂃 ࣪˖

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 !! notice !! ♡

surpriseee <3 wanted to try and add a little of my personal influence to my girlblog since music is literally my entire life & thought it might be funny to show u all what makes up the chaotic glittery mess that is my brain (and because there are almost 1000 of you beautiful people following me whatt?? thank you😭). i've allllways wanted to do smth like this too so, here u go !! 🩷💗

(+ this is a way for me to rant about my interests without being annoying to my friends / moots 😭. to anybody who has listened to me rant or cry or scream or whatever over music ily guys mwa)

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 NEW ARRIVALS

goddess, laufey

♡ released march 6th, 2024

♡ single

♡ running time: 4 minutes 28 seconds

eternal sunshine, ariana grande

♡ released march 8th, 2024

♡ full album / LP

♡ best songs: supernatural, the boy is mine, we can't be friends (wait for your love), intro (end of the world)

♡ running time: 35 minutes 33 seconds

unheard, hozier

♡ released march 22nd, 2024

♡ extended play / EP

♡ best songs: too sweet (i adore this song.)

♡ running time: 13 minutes 59 seconds

super real me, illit

♡ released march 25th, 2024

♡ extended play / EP, debut! ♡

♡ best songs: magnetic, midnight fiction

♡ running time: 9 minutes 36 seconds

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 BEE'S TRACKS: TOP 10

♡ 10. my world, illit

girly girl song!! i've been obsessed with illit's whole super real me album, their debut is soo good oh my gosh. its criminally short but i seem to have listened to it a lot !! 😭

♡ 9. we can't be friends (wait for your love), ariana grande

i have SO MUCH to say about this song but it resonates with me so much in so many different ways and i just. oh my god. ariana i love u so much

♡ 8. we got so much, le sserafim

k so i initially didn't really like this song but... it's grown on me. a lot. since it first came out. um. it's pretty simple honestly and it's just really girly girl it makes me feel like a school girl i love it

♡ 7. this is what makes us girls, lana del rey

girlblogger anthem!! okay confession i did not get into this song until LAST MONTH. i know. it's terrible and i am ashamed i am so sorry. but i have formed such a strong emotional attachment to this song its crazy i adore it

♡ 6. imperfect for you, ariana grande

exposing myself pt.3 i was in a really big depressive slump for like one half or more of this month actually and this song helped me so much i can't 😭 i love you ari

♡ 5. the boy is mine, ariana grande

(are you noticing a pattern here yet) um another ariana grande song no lol um idk what ur talking about haha 🥰 this song is so twerkable im sorry i wasnt a fan at first but im obsessed i need to stop

♡ 4. smart, le sserafim

no words. once again wasn't a huge fan originally but oh my god im obsessed w it now. afrobeat type of songs are, will, and always be top tier and i will die on this hill. (i've been SO OBSESSED with le sserafim lately but i think thats fairly obvious here😭)

♡ 3. eternal sunshine, ariana grande

i adore this song oh my god. its become one of my favs of all time since it came out. this was on loop for HOURS when i first heard it and its such a comfort song for me. it shows her growth so beautifully and there's so much about it i just absolutely adore like i could write a whole essay on this song and still wouldnt be able to express how much i love it

♡ 2. magnetic, illit

illit was bound to pop up here again this month tbh ok so me and my bsf were listening to this on loop the entire time at school a little after it came out like we were sitting in the front row of our class and were still watching the magnetic mv under the desk on her phone. so in love with this song it makes me so happy n feel so cute i ahh <3

♡ 1. supernatural, ariana grande

SUPERNATURAL IS THE SONG EVER. first day it came out i listened to the album and this was on loop constantly for the next week or more. it's made it up to my top 10 fav songs of all time ever and i listen to A LOT of music. this song is my life<333

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ALBUMS

♡ 1. eternal sunshine, ariana grande

fairly self explanatory. i love u ari. there was soo much ari this month bc ive been a diehard ari stan since i was 8 and have never looked back. since yes and released in january i have been ecstatic about ag7 releasing in march after 4 YEARS of no ari so this was MONUMENTAL for me 😭😭 THE DROUGHT IS OVER ARIANATORS RISE 🩷🩷🩷

♡ 2. super real me, illit

so basically the day this album came out my best friend was spamming me about them and i only listened to them like 2 days after cuz she was annoying me about it and OH MY GOD. i listened to them and then proceeded to loop the whole album for the next 72 hours 💗 and for a debut as well is amazing ily illit girlies

♡ 3. with you-th, twice

so i wasn't much of a fan at first bc they just sounded really similar and bland to me but its grown on me a lot since it came out and i've been listening to it so much throughout the entirety of march. its just so oddly comforting in a way and feels like a hug in music form (+ rush and bloom are the best songs argue with the wall)

♡ 4. easy, le sserafim

self explanatory. i'm obsessed with le sserafim at the moment and this album is everything to me. ass shaking album 10/10

♡ 5. k-12, melanie martinez

i have been revisiting one of my fav albums of all time this month and its as amazing as always. this has been my favourite album of all time since it came out and i will never ever get over k12 🩷 10000/10!!!! <3

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ARTISTS

♡ TOMORROW X TOGETHER

♡ TWICE

♡ LANA DEL REY

♡ LE SSERAFIM

♡ ARIANA GRANDE

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 SPECIAL MENTIONS

♡ happy 1 year to portals by melanie martinez! oh my god this album helped me through all of 2023 and i went to see her on tour in london for my birthday last november and it was surreal. she's amazing. i adore her and this album (i have it on vinyl hehe) and love it SOO MUCH 💖

♡ expect ordinary things by ariana grande to be high high on my top 10 next month its been on loop for days now im obsessed

♡ there's going to be a LOT in next month's issue seeing as 2 of my all time favs are coming back next month, so prepare for that! so excited ahh <3 (one has already released at the time of writing this. prepare urselves.)

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 EDITOR'S NOTE

this was SO FUN oh my gosh. i am 100% making this a regular thing~ lmk if it was entertaining, improvements needed, artists / albums you'd like me to keep up with etc, or just general comments, ideas, reviews and so on. thank you so much for reading, this was so fun! look forward to next month 💗🫶💖

lots of love 💘

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pillowspace · 5 months ago

Note

hi! hope ur doing well! out of curiosity, do you have an ISAT playlist? and if so, would you be cool with sharing it? I’ve been trying to find some good songs related to the game and i’m familiar with a lot of the artists you listen to so i figured i’d ask :)

I only just recently joined the In Stars and Time fandom, so I don't have many songs yet, but yeah!

I also started typing out notes under the readmore for (most of) the songs because I thought I'd only have a few, but then I... kept thinking of more songs, so the notes section got bigger? So uh...!! Feel free to read that or not. Up to you, shrug

youtube

I actually had not heard this song until my Spotify started randomly playing recommended songs while I was in the middle of drawing Siffrin, and the second I started processing the lyrics about familiarity and time travel, I did a startled glance over like "wh... what's playing??" This song plagues my ISAT visions

---

youtube

Genuinely been wanting to make an animatic out of the first minute but I don't know if I have it in me. Just saying, the "smi-i-i-ile" has enough in it to fit every different photo from the mirror

---

FLASHING COLOURS AT THE 3 MINUTE MARK:

youtube

One specific thing I have to note with this song is that I like to envision Siffrin waking up in the meadow on the line "the day I wake up naked in the dirt."

---

youtube

"The million what if Is between your ears. The feelings of regret, and now I'm running to forget. But know, the consequence of imagination's fear" thinks about Siffrin and Bonnie, thinks about Siffrin and Bonnie, thinks ab-- oh yeah, and the bit about ruby eyes reminds me of 2hats

---

FLASHING AT THE 3 MINUTE MARK AND LOUD POTENTIALLY OVERWHELMING SOUNDS AT THE END:

youtube

A song about feeling hurt and giving all that you've gone for an acting performance?? Back to the stage, Siffrin

---

youtube

There's some lines that aren't too too fitting for ISAT, but I'm fond of this song, so I can spin a meaning onto them with enough thinking power. Nonetheless, there still are plenty of fitting parts. Post-canon Siffrin coping after the loops :)

---

youtube

Interestingly, I've actually had this song associated with going mad from time loops since ages before I played In Stars and Time. "Maddening. It's a regular bad thing" and "nothing's really happening." Plus "I'm afraid to lose you" ties into ISAT pretty well

---

youtube

Specifically Loop tends to cross my mind whenever this comes on lately

---

youtube

I like to imagine this being about Siffrin as a child on their island being a little wanderer before that meant something else, then it slowly leading into Siffrin's adulthood (bend gravity and space being about the loops)

---

youtube

I'll never hear the sound of someone calling me home... I was the beast all alone in my hell........

#ask #isat #in stars and time

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phantomoftheorpheum · 3 months ago

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The Umbrella Academy Season 4 Review/Critique

Fair warning- this is ridiculously long. If you expand this post and don't actually want to read it, it will be a pain in the ass to scroll through; I would advise against it.

Just to be 100% clear, these are my opinions and interpretations of the show. If you don't want to see criticism (and quite a lot of it) or read a pretty raw, unfiltered/unedited review of the season, this is not for you. This is a casual platform, so I tend to just let myself think out loud on these posts, meaning that I don't go back and heavily edit my thoughts. I may express ideas for the storylines that would need some refining, I'm generally just spitballing.

This is a very criticism heavy post, I have a lot of issues with this season, so if that will upset you, please just don't bother to read this. I will be tagging anti tags (due to the large amount of criticism I have for the show) for filtering purposes.

*** Spoilers for all 4 seasons of Umbrella Academy ***

Good Stuff First

I always like to start with my favorite stuff from the show, because usually if I am bothering to critique, it means I have a lot of criticisms, but I always want to acknowledge what the show does well before I start getting into what it does not do well.

Individual Characters & Dynamics - In particular, I thought Klaus's unique character voice was present and well written and the performance continued to be top notch (I have some criticisms about the actual storyline, but I think Robert nailed what he was given from an acting standpoint). Many of the specific dialogue and character dynamics felt consistent to earlier seasons, which can be difficult with such a wacky show. There are definitely some characters who were able to shine, regardless of what they were given.

Visuals/Sets - The show still looks as good as it ever has. It's never been groundbreaking cinematography, but you can feel the budget in the aesthetics of the show. It has been able to maintain this weird "almost our world, but not quite" reality in a visual manner since season 1. It has a distinct style and look. The sets largely feel big and textured and expansive, even when they're fairly simple. I like that we've at least glimpsed the house in every season.

Tone/Humor - The Umbrella Academy is weird. It has always been weird. It must be weird or else it would feel... bad weird? It does succeed in continuing to be weird AF. I like that the show isn't afraid to be incredibly strange. It is a show that swings big. The humor is still there. Humor is hard, and I think they hit more often than they miss.

Family Road Trip - The group dynamic, family bickering, montage effect of 4x02, etc. was one of the lighter and more enjoyable choices made in season 4. The bit of "annoying song stuck on a loop" that continued to crop up throughout the season worked for me.

Abigail Completely Failing at Being Gene - This is only a very small part of the season, but Nick Offerman playing an alien cloaked in a (very weird) human skin and very poorly pulling it off added some levity while it lasted.

Soundtrack - While I think there are fewer distinctly standout tracks for this season (but this is entirely a personal opinion, maybe others feel differently), the show's commitment to its distinctive sound and use of music is still solid. I particularly appreciated the callbacks to season 1, obviously I Think We're Alone Now, but also by selecting Dead To The World in 4x06 for Five (I prefer In The Heat Of The Moment as a song, personally, but the choice was very clever). This is a show that I genuinely like to go listen to the soundtrack of after the season, and I intend to do that with this season as well (except for the Christmas stuff, I am not a big Christmas songs person).

The Cast - This is related to point one, but I really think 99% of the cast did they best they could with the material they had to work with.

Despite all my criticisms, I still found myself sad to be at the end of the journey. And I think that says something about the strength of these characters. A perfect journey? No. But one I'm still glad that I took.

My Criticisms

I want to start by saying that if I bother to critique something, that means I believe it has enough potential to be worth discussing. If it didn't, I absolutely would not bother. So while I think this is going to come off quite harshly, it is coming from a place of "I love what this show can be when it's at its best, and here's how I personally think we could have been closer to its best."

A lot of times when I write up my thoughts about a show, I start with my most specific criticisms, and as I examine those, it points me to a bigger underlying issue. Sometimes I work the other way around, thinking about the larger elements I have criticisms of, then searching out examples. But in this case, either way, I find myself ending up at the same place with the same issue, and that issue (perhaps ironically for this particular show) is time.

I believe the largest issue with season 4 is time management, crafting storylines that are interconnected and therefore justify their screen time, and pacing. Yes, I have some criticisms that could not be fixed with better time management, but a lot of my issues lead back to this. Pacing is always a tricky element, is at the top of many criticism lists of many shows, and has been at the top of my list for several shows I reviewed this year. Pacing issues seem to be cropping up more and more with streaming service based shows on all platforms, and I don't think that's coincidental. But, imo, Netflix is our best example.

One of the greatest strengths of Netflix Originals, back when they first started, was the guarantee of a full season before a cancellation. Because they had no feedback on a show before producing and releasing an entire season, there were no early mid-season cancellations. This allowed writers a little more room to stretch out, knowing they wouldn't walk into work the next day and be told they have 2 or 3 episodes to wrap up a story, or worse, wake up to just no job at all. So while the seasons were shorter, the time was guaranteed. Many of Netflix's early properties, particularly if their first season was successful, were greenlit for multiple seasons at a time, a practice which has been all but abandoned (Bridgerton and Stranger Things have been afforded this luxury in recent years, but few other shows). But as Netflix (and other streaming services) got its legs under itself, it came to realize that there was more profit in producing the first season of many shows, then cancelling all but the most successful. This epidemic of unfinished stories has been spreading rapidly. Now, not only does Netflix have an extremely high cancellation rate and rarely renews a show for more than a season at a time, it has also been shortening seasons, bringing down production costs, and trying to minimize risk and maximize "safe" profits. Minimizing risk in favor of maximizing safe profits rarely results in good art. Which explains a lot.

And so, unfortunately, I think The Umbrella Academy is a casualty of this increasingly mercenary system. Not only was it forced to make creative decisions with the constant threat of "This could be the end, but you won't know it until after it airs, so it also has to work as not the end," during the first three seasons, but though it got warning of its final season, it received a limited run to complete the show. Now, I can't fault anyone for wanting to write each season as a possible ending, considering how often Netflix cancels shows. Is this smart? Yes. Is this also limiting? Yes. And shows like The Umbrella Academy, with universes that become increasingly complicated with increasingly detailed lore, suffer quite a lot when trying to contain a story to each individual season. And finale seasons are particularly difficult. Expectations are high. Netflix's production model gives audiences years to build up their anticipation for the finale. Too much time to think, to pick holes in what has already been created, to cool to something they were once passionate about. Delivering a genuinely satisfying finale under these circumstances would be a daunting task.

But with all that being said. Season 4 only has 6 episodes, and it somehow manages to waste so much time. I don't know what's in the water over at Netflix, because I don't know if anyone knows how to waste limited time like Netflix does. If it weren't so irritating, it would almost be impressive.

The truth is, very few of the main characters really matter to the overarching plot of the season, which is a very weird choice, particularly in a final season. It's basically Ben, Jennifer (who we barely know and just met), Hargreeves, Abigail, and tangentially Viktor. Five & Lila are basically completely taken out of play for an episode and a half, where their actions have practically no relevance to the main plot, and the critical information Five gets while using his "new" power could easily have happened without this storyline. Luther & Diego are similarly sidelined by the CIA storyline. And, again, Klaus & Allison are occupied with a side plot that removes them from the main conflict of the season and does not tie in to the finale.

I do not mind the centering of Ben & Jennifer for a season of the show in theory, but with only 6 episodes to tell this story, I think it was a stretch to believe they had the time to do this plotline justice and waste so much time elsewhere. I don't know if this was solely a me issue, but I just... didn't care about Jennifer. I mean, sure, I rooted for her in a passive "she seems nice" kind of way, but even by the end we barely know anything about her. I can live with a "cosmic connection" insta-love situation between Ben & Jennifer (not my favorite trope, but it can be okay), but just because Ben instantly connects with Jennifer, that doesn't mean the audience does. And, to make matters worse, this version of Ben is one that we don't know that well, anyway. Like... his defining character trait is that he's mean and angry. I didn't mind that in season 3, as he was new to us and at odds with our protagonists for most of the season, but we don't really learn much new about him in season 4, either. The bit of Ben's history that we get is from Umbrella Ben, not Sparrow Ben. And Sparrow Ben's personality and history isn't touched on. Why is he like this? It's never explored, not beyond the shallow "the Sparrow Academy wasn't raised as the family that the Umbrella Academy was" that was established in season 3. The fact that we know so little about this version of Ben makes it harder for me to connect with him, as well. So to center these two characters in the final season, and then not even give us scenes to flesh them out as individuals, it just feels like such a waste of time. It didn't need to be Ben and Jennifer. In fact, it very much felt like it was only Ben and Jennifer because everyone has always wanted them to tie "the Jennifer incident" into everything. Again, I think this plot could work fine if given the correct amount of screen time, but as it is, it feels rushed and shallow. We might care about Sparrow Ben (might), but we don't have much reason to care about Jennifer.

Lack of direction - There are only six episodes in this season! Every minute needs to be used wisely. This should be the most focused of all the seasons, every storyline streamlined to tie into the finale of the show. Which is the opposite of what we got. For the vast majority of the show, nothing Klaus or Allison does matters. Nothing Diego or Luther does matters. Nothing Five or Lila does matters. Sure, those storylines touch on individual character development, but when you're planning to kill everyone off in a couple hours anyway, why are we starting down unconnected character arcs that are destined to be left hanging? Every bit of interpersonal character development should be written in a way that ties into the finale plot of the show, so scenes can pull double duty and maximize the limited time available. What was the purpose of Lila and Diego fighting (other than to physically separate them)? What did they learn? How did they change or grow? They didn't. They are split apart, sent down different dead end roads, only to be gathered back up in time to die. They speak words of understanding, but we don't actually get to see them learn or put those changes into practice.

I think about it this way- if Lila and Five had gotten lost into the weird limbo subway system and we never saw what happened to them, and instead they just reappeared from that adventure for the finale, would that fundamentally change anything about how the show’s main plot plays out? No. It wouldn’t. If Klaus had stormed off in 4x03 and Allison had gone after him and we’d never seen either of them again until the finale, would that fundamentally change anything about how the show’s main plot plays out? No. It wouldn’t. If Diego and Luther had gotten their CIA passes and walked into that building and vanished from the story until the final episode of the show, would that fundamentally change anything about how the show’s main plot plays out? No. It wouldn’t. Even Viktor, who is directly addressing the main plot point of Ben & Jennifer’s connection becoming apocalyptic, has very little impact on that storyline leading up to the finale. He speaks to Ben once, he insists on trying to save Ben, and spends the rest of the time working through personal issues with his dad or being attacked in a sequence that has no consequences. The conflicts that these characters encounter have very little bearing on the physical events of the show (they get shot at, they escape. They fight, they escape. They are chased, they escape) and what are the specific consequences? There aren’t any. Viktor gets to use his powers to save Hargreeves and gets shot (I think??) doing it, but he’s fine, and it doesn’t change their approach or goals in any way. Five and Lila are trapped together for years and have a romantic relationship, but then they “go home” and it doesn’t lead to any of the characters deeply changing or acting notably differently in the following events (Five and Diego fight at a bad time, we get a funny reaction from the other siblings, etc. but it doesn't change anything) and then it is never truly resolved. Luther and Diego go to the CIA and this plot is used as a vehicle to reveal the villainy of Five’s boss (so??), but ultimately Luther and Diego get a big fight sequence, learn very little, and take up a lot of screen time for a reveal that could easily have happened in seconds. None of their actions in this storyline blatantly effects the outcome of the show. And Diego feels set up for some character work, but all it really leads to is him being like "I get it," and that change never getting a chance to be actionable. Allison and Klaus reconcile, but only after a lot of screen time is spent on another side quest. Do they really change as people from this story? We don't know because there's not enough time to see. This is clearly not a legit substitution for actually addressing the issues between them, but we don’t have time to do that, either. Not to mention, the conflict between Klaus and Allison isn’t some slow burn issue. It’s doesn’t exist before this season. What is the point of any of these plot lines? Why send Allison and Klaus off together to resolve issues that we only just found out exist, when Allison has canonically been estranged from all of her other siblings since the events of season 3? That is blatantly an unresolved issue, but instead of using her screen time to address her season 3 actions, they create a whole new issue for her and Klaus to fight and then reconcile about. Wouldn’t it be much more interesting to see Allison and Viktor work through their issues once and for all? Or to address all of the ways Allison betrayed Luther in season 3? What about Klaus reconnecting with this version of Ben? What about Luther working through being betrayed by his father? What about Diego and Lila actually being parents? What about really getting to see how this life that Allison sold them all out for isn't even the dream she thought it would be? What if, instead of getting a montage of Lila & Five’s romance, we got a montage of Jennifer and Ben finding and destroying each other in many different worlds? You want to sell me on this tragic, cosmic connection between them? Okay. Sell me on it. Make it hurt.

Five - I'm just going to be brutally honest here- I believe Five is the strongest driving force of the show and his sidelining in season 4 was a huge mistake. Five might not be the emotional core of The Umbrella Academy, but he is absolutely central and critical to what has worked well in previous seasons. And yet, in season 4, he's pushed to the side and basically written out of the main plot for half of 4x04 and all of 4x05. And then, even when he is around, he's lost a lot of the elements that make him a fan favorite. Let's talk about that- in season 1, Five's return and his mission is where it all kicks off. Yes, technically the inciting incident is Hargreeves' death, but gathering the family without Five's arrival would have been useless and led nowhere. Five drives the entire plot of season 1, while the rest of the siblings get character arcs around him. He makes things happen. He withholds information from his siblings and from the audience. Without him moving the plot forward and tying things together, season 1 would have been a disjointed mess. In season 2, we follow Five's attempts to reunite the family and fix yet another doomsday. Again, he is the one that pushes the plot forward, while the other siblings wander down various other storylines (which is not to say that they are not involved and don't contribute, just that they don't move the plot along to the same degree). In season 3, Five attempts to "retire," but pretty quickly he's back in the thick of things in search of answers and solutions. He is set against Hargreeves in an intellectual face off and is ultimately the one who pieces together the hotel's puzzle. He also discovers that he is, essentially, his own nemesis and behind a lot of what happened in previous seasons (a storyline that feels like it had a lot more to give, possibly, but is abandoned and explained away as "something a version of him did in some timelines,"). But in season 4, Five is... Well, he's suddenly not that relevant. He starts out fine, undercover and attempting to infiltrate The Keepers, and he does push the initial plot forward with his investigation, but then he just drops off the map (literally and figuratively). Five, who has always been the character to seek out answers and the character the audience trails through the bigger plot points of the story, is suddenly out of play. Now we're watching him wander around the multiverse (presumably for an attempt at character development, which ultimately falls flat) where he learns nothing important and falls unconvincingly in love with his brother's wife for an episode and half. Why? Because... they didn't know what to do with him? Honestly, I can't explain why. Five's acerbic wit, his tendency to be one step ahead of the audience, his cockiness, the uncanny personality that is a quirk of being an old man trapped in a young man's body, his absolutely brutal and ruthless methods to protect his family, and his cool fight scenes, it all just vanishes. Suddenly, for the first time, he feels the age of the actor. He feels erased long before he literally is. After 3 seasons of him having one of the coolest powers that leads to some of the coolest scenes, we're suddenly in a world where everyone else has some useful version of their power, while Five's kind of sucks. And like his teleporting power only reappearing at the very end (spurred on to save Lila specifically, rather than his family, because ???), Five's personality is frequently missing. Which leads me to-

Five and Lila - This may be a controversial opinion, but in concept this could have worked. Am I mad at the idea that two characters who are stuck together for years with no one else as company might fall in love, even if they're an odd pairing? No. Like I said, it's okay in concept. But only in concept. In reality, there was neither the time, nor the necessary casting to make this storyline hit properly. Regardless of Five's character's age, or the fact that his actor is (technically) an adult now, this felt flat out wrong to watch. Not only does Five still very much look like a teenager (inevitable, as while Aidan has aged over the course of filming the show, the age of young Five would now, still, vastly outstrip his real age of 20), but we also know that Lila was introduced to him as a child. Lila and Five meet in season 2, in which he is (physically) still a 13 year old boy, while Lila is an adult woman (considering she has the same birthday as the rest of the Umbrella Academy, this would put her at approximately 30 years old at this time). Yes, the exact ages of these characters is a bit messy to track, but no amount of text on the screen telling me so many years have passed is going to allow me to forget this detail, which makes this whole situation, at best, deeply uncomfortable. The fifteen year age gap between the actors is incredibly evident, and this romance is ultimately completely unnecessary for them to evolve in the (frankly minimal) ways that they do. They also pretty brutally sacrificed Diego's character for this. All of Diego's negative traits are cranked up to 100 this season, while Lila's are generally turned down to a low simmer (until she nearly dooms everyone to a meaningless death). While I don't think their relationship being on the rocks, or either of their character's struggle to fit into domestic life, is a bad idea, I again find myself questioning what the point of this storyline was for this particular season. We don't get much of a conclusion. Diego is basically a buffoon all season, Lila is less blatantly fucked up most of the time and also somehow less likable for it, and Five feels out of place in this storyline. Why did we do this? As far as I can tell, it's because they didn't have any other ideas to keep these characters busy while the actual plot happens around them. That's really not a good reason to blow up a dysfunctional but well liked dynamic (Diego and Lila) and never even bother to mop up the blood. And that leads me to-

Lila - Just, in general, I found myself asking "who in the writer's room is ridiculously obsessed with Lila, because that is the only explanation for any of this." For example, Klaus names everybody's problems and can't think of any real issues for Lila?? LILA? Her erratic, risk taking behavior and serious mommy/family issues are the most intensely Lila thing about her?? This is what her entire character is built upon? Why are we acting like she's not been a complete wildcard for the last two seasons?? Her new power doesn't make any kind of sense. Everyone else basically got some version of their old power back (and we eventually learn that Lila does have that power back as well, despite wildly underusing it), but now she has laser eyes.... Because? Her inability to properly control the laser eyes is funny, but also doesn't make any sense. In previous seasons we see Lila quickly adapt to using new powers only moments after acquiring them. If there is any one single person in this whole show who should have adapted to a new power immediately, it would be Lila. And somehow, for some reason, they center Lila during the finale conflict. Everything rests on her decision to stay or go. On her connection to her family (despite us barely seeing her in a room with them all season), instead of literally any of the main Umbrellas we've been following all along. And she gets the last line of dialogue from our main characters. We spend an extended sequence watching The Umbrella Academy slowly sacrifice themselves and Lila gets the last word?? And all of this is coming from someone who actually really loved Lila in seasons 2 and 3. She was one of my favorite characters coming into this season, but this... It just felt blatantly disrespectful to all the other main characters.

Everyone Dying is a Bummer - Okay, don't get me wrong, I'm not set against tragic endings in general, but... I don't think The Umbrella Academy earned this ending (at least not in this way). This idea of the world being better off without them, like they are a mistake that fundamentally ruins the world and must choose to sacrifice themselves in the name of saving humanity, that would (could) be fine. Except that it doesn't feel thematically well supported by the previous seasons, or even just season 4. At its heart, seasons 1-3 followed the ups and downs of Five's journey to save his siblings from the apocalypse, even though they are the ones to cause it. This is his entire goal. He wavers, he actively tries to walk away from this, but he cannot help himself, he always comes back around to this goal. This is what we buy into in season 1. So the idea that this is impossible and that they all must die anyway, feels antithetical to why we are asked to care in the first place. We haven't been asked to care about the world (not in any tangible sense). We watch random, innocent people, or vaguely antagonistic people, get killed in horrible ways left and right in the show and we are not asked to care. We're often asked to laugh. We care about them saving the world because we care about them saving the family, this dysfunctional group of oddballs. Sure, on a very basic and fundamental level we don't want humanity to be wiped out, but the humanity of the surrounding world is never deeply touched upon in the show. And their death wipes out infinite universes. We're told this is "right," but we don't tie any real emotional stakes to it.

Season 4, which centers around saving (or failing to save) Ben and Jennifer, around Viktor's desire to find another way because he loves his brother (even this version of him) and his siblings have always fought so hard to find another way because they love Viktor, asks us to care for these same reasons. Not for the world, but because we care about these particular characters. And the writers decide to sideline Five, whose centering I believe is absolutely essential to pulling off a "they must all die at the end" storyline to begin with. Why? Because he's the one who has fought so hard to save them. To have him not be at the center of the storyline where saving them is not possible makes absolutely no sense. Do I think that a final season where we follow Five coming to the conclusion that they are all doomed could possibly work? Yeah, if they had (and here it is again) the time to dig into that story and show us how he grapples with and fights that resolution tooth and nail until he cannot anymore (they point at it with the diner scene, but don't have the time to let us feel the weight of it). But they don't do that. We don't get to follow him throughout a season trying to cope with this impossible truth. Instead, he accepts that fate in a matter of onscreen minutes and with immediate resignation. (Yes, you could argue this is what he has been doing the last 3 seasons, but we're never truly given the impression that he is trying to prevent an absolute inevitability, only that he is trying to prevent a specific reality). It undermines the foundation of his character, and because Five is the driving force of the first three seasons, it undermines the foundation of those storylines as well. With the limited amount of time they were given to wrap up this show, instead of ending with a "everyone must sacrifice themselves" storyline, I would have, instead, centered Five's personal journey in season 4, which concludes with him realizing there can be one universe in which his family can all live, but only if he dies. They live, but he must sacrifice himself and be erased from existence so they will never mourn him, never know him, never know to be grateful. What could be more fitting for the show, more simultaneously sad and happy, than Five achieving what he set out to do in 1x01 and saving his family and that costing him everything?

Now... how to work that in and fill in some major plot holes at the same time? Well, I have some ideas, but I'm gonna save them for a different post, because while writing this review, I found myself re-outlining season 4 and trying to fix some of nonsensical elements of this season and if I get into that, it needs its own post. But I think it could be done. And speaking of nonsensical events.... Why do the Umbrellas have to die now? Like, logistically speaking, if The Cleanse is a necessary event and every single other world except the "perfect" timeline ends in apocalypse, then why can't they jump on that subway to a different universe where they have more time to be really, truly sure that's the only answer? At the very least they would have had a chance to really say goodbye to each other. We know there are plenty of universes where Ben & Jennifer both exist, there's no reason it has to be now. Since there are infinite "wrong" universes, they have all the time in the world. This is not a decision that has to be made exclusively in this moment, despite being portrayed that way. They don't die, The Cleanse doesn't work, they fact check their solution in a different universe, they get a chance to say their goodbyes, etc. etc. The urgency makes no sense. For that matter, why doesn't Five blip them all down to the subway where the show has already established in this season that time does not pass, so they can have a real conversation about this? There is literally no reason not to do this. They, quite literally, have a character who can take them to a timeless limbo where they can take as much time as they want/need to sort this out. They, quite literally, have that character take an entire family to this place, proving that he is capable of bringing a group of people there, and they don't use it.

It Doesn't Get Better - One of the major themes of Umbrella Academy is dysfunctional family and the way we cope (or don't) with childhood trauma. How burying that pain is destructive and hurts the people around us. And while I don't think the show's intent was to send the ultimate message of, "Actually, it doesn't get better, you'll never heal those wounds, and your existence is a destructive mistake," that's... kind of what it implies anyway. Throughout the whole show we explore the ways these characters are trying to work through the abusive household they grew up in, to move past the things that happened to them, and we watch them process and come together as a family and stand up against their abuser and grow into better versions of themselves and lose their way and pick each other back up. And then we're told that it doesn't matter because they all have to die. It sends a strange message. Personally, I think the show may not ever have intended to really send a message at all. It's absurd and irreverent and tragic and silly. It has never shied away from violence. It's always had a bit of a flippant nihilism hanging about it. And I think there is an argument for "People don't always get what they deserve. Sometimes they just get the short end of the stick and it sucks, but that's just how it is," being an underlying theme worth exploring. It's just... they don't really explore it, they just kind of dump it on us at the end. And because we don't have time to come to terms with this messaging (time, it's all about time), I think a lot of people feel like there's this bait & switch happening. For the last 3 seasons, we've been watching a show that is constantly addressing this childhood trauma and a toxic family dynamic, but then the end of that show is like "and all of these kids are a casualty of their abuser's arrogance and there was literally, not from the moment they were born, anything they ever could have done to grow away from that." It's pretty fucking bleak, to say the least.

Plot Holes For Days - There are more plot holes in this show than a block of Swiss Cheese. There are so many, that I'm still mentally trying to sort out an ending that feels... somewhat in the spirit of what season 4 was intending, and doesn't leave us up to our eyeballs in nonsensical plot points. For example- in The Umbrella's original universe, they already changed things so that they don't exist anymore long before the apocalypse. One of the major plot points of season 3 is that Harlan accidentally killed The Umbrellas' mothers before they were even born (obviously this is a paradox, as Harlan could never do that without meeting Viktor). But Hargreeves was still able to adopt Marigold enhanced children! Marigold kids were still born! We're told in 1x01 that 43 women spontaneously gave birth without having been pregnant, but we're supposed to believe that The Umbrellas, right here and now, have definitely got all of the Marigold in this universe? (And that doesn't even get into the questions surrounding the Marigold's presence in this world, since The Umbrellas did not bring it with them, we see no sign of other super powered versions of them existing in this universe, but if it didn't already exist here in some capacity and no children were born with these powers, then there's nothing inherently wrong with this universe, meaning the apocalypse wouldn't need to happen, and on and on and on. Like if all the Marigold was just in that jar and that counts as being in this world, then they could have just chucked that thing at Jennifer and bam, problem solved.) We know that in the original timeline Hargreeves didn't adopt all the Marigold children, because that's the entire point of Lila's backstory. And what about the other 35 women who spontaneously gave birth and those kids? So how could The Umbrellas possibly know if they are destroying all the Marigold by sacrificing themselves in this world? They can't know that. The existence of The Sparrows (and in another universe The Phoenix Academy) also implies that there could be many universes where The Umbrella kids don't all even exist, but other children were born with their powers, so specifically The Umbrella kids all dying isn't something that would need to be set in stone, since none of the other Marigold kids had to die for The Cleanse to work in this universe. Now, a lot of shows have plot holes or paradoxes or questions left at the end, and a lot of shows I would cut some slack. I'm even willing to ignore a lot of the smaller plot holes in this show, but this is the culmination of the entire series, the explanation for what must happen and why, and the justification for all our main characters being wiped out, and it just doesn't hold up under more than a moment's scrutiny. And that, imo, is a pretty big problem.

Gene & Jean/Villains - So, on a slightly lighter note, another thing that I don't have a problem with in concept is Gene & Jean. They're weird and quirky, as all Umbrella Academy villains seem to be, and I love both actors. It's just that season 4 has a serious problem with its villains in general. That is, there are too many of them and their plans are too convoluted. The ultimate villains being in some way connected back to Hargreeves (and specifically Abigail, who up until this point has had very little to justify her existence in the show) makes sense to me. But the absolutely convoluted mess that is The Keepers cult led by Gene & Jean being at odds with Hargreeves' men who are hiding Jennifer, being at odds with Abigail masquerading as Sy Grossman and then as Gene (I still don't understand why she needed to kill Gene or Jean, like Gene & Jean were already trying to bring about The Cleanse, why is she infiltrating them??), instead of using her resources/position as Hargreeves' wife, is ridiculously messy. The person I watched this season with actually asked me after 4x04 if I had any idea what was happening because they were completely lost. Generally, I am pretty patient about how a show shares information. I always assume that I am picking up what they're putting down, and if I don't understand something, I will when I'm supposed to. That... didn't always feel like the case to me this season. I don't think it was so much that it was hard to follow, but that it just didn't make a lot of sense. The "why" for so many character actions, but particularly the villains, just never fully materializes. Abigail and Hargreeves' sides are fighting in this season, with him attempting to prevent the apocalypse and her trying to bring it about... But what is the justification for the completely convoluted nonsensical path it takes to get there? She seems to have plenty of power over Hargreeves when the kids visit. Why does she need to infiltrate The Keepers? Why do The Keepers need to exist at all? It's just a coincidence that they have the same goals as Abigail? If she actually started them, then I assume she would have installed herself into the organization and not needed Gene to infiltrate it. I don't understand her choices. There were many, many simpler ways to get where they ended up.

So... it's not as if The Umbrella Academy is the first show to do this ending. In fact, one of my favorite shows of all time does this ending (not mentioning it by name because that would be a massive spoiler, obviously). I think this ending is completely possible to pull off. But I also am neither convinced from an in-universe logical point, nor from a storyteller's point, that it earned this ending. Did I want it to be a happily ever after? No. I don't think that would fit tonally with the show. But I wanted it to feel necessary, truly inevitable, and both physically and thematically, I don't buy that it was.

My advice to anyone who was starting this show for the first time would have to be, "don't think too hard about it," because ultimately, if you do it will crumble. Just enjoy the vibes and the bickering and the comedy and strangeness. There's no point in asking too many questions. And for some people, that's totally okay. That's enough. I'm just (shockingly) not one of those people.

So, if you're still with me, I'd love to hear what you guys think. Did you feel emotionally fulfilled? Were there particular plot points you loved or hated? What was your favorite musical choice of season 4? Should I release my redesigned season 4 outline? What ending would you have chosen? I'm open to all opinions! I don't agree with all opinions, but I will very much consider them.

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pocima · 1 month ago

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My seasonal music highlights: summer 2024 🏎️

Welcome back to another installment of my songs of the season list, yes this is WAY long overdue but I was busy pretty much all throughout August and September, but it’s never too late to talk about good music. You can check out this spring’s installment here 🕳️ one fave song per artist, no particular order, the mini review section is for songs I couldn’t find to say as much about but still adore, you know the drill. * = full album/EP to be discussed in the yearly favorite project recap.

💿 Thirsty - Tinashe (Quantum Baby*)

Tinashe is never not an interesting figure in experimental alternative R&B, and she never fails to come through with something fresh right on time. I have a lot of praise for her new album Quantum Baby, which most famously includes her hit single Nasty this spring, followed up by the 2-step influenced Getting No Sleep. I adored the added experimentation of the entire project, and Thirsty was the first new track to really catch me. The essential formula is the trap genre that she’s dabbled in previously in her discography unlike, say, the Jersey drill Cross That Line or the Oklou-coded Red Flags, but the execution makes Thirsty a personal all-time stand-out nevertheless. The crunchy fast-paced claps and hi-hats among the serene synths, and as always Tinashe’s divine voice and harmonies, form this satisfying, scrumptious contrast that I can listen to at any point in time. I adore this specific type of songs that mix the gritty with the sublime. Here, Tinashe alternates between showcasing her pleasing head voice and mid-high range, I especially love the melodies in the pre-chorus and the harmonies towards the mid-end of the song. And as I mentioned, her punctuality comes through when it comes to giving me the music I need, when I need it. It’s one wonderful “end of the summer” song that firmly stayed on rotation in September as well, I’ve mentioned this trait of Thirsty on my page previously, but the song feels like a warm rain with all its textures and bliss. Fresh, timeless and flawless simultaneously.

💿 VIP - Isabella Lovestory

Previously seen in the Amor Hardcore era, Isabella knows how to do a good, intricate, attention-grabbing rollout: From the single choices to the accompanying concepts and visuals, she really lets you know that she’s back and about to show what being a real multi-media artist looks like. After the Helter Skelter inspired, kind of dramatic and theatrical, even, neo-reggaeton IL2 lead single Botoxxx, came the West coast hip-hop influenced BANGER that is VIP. I’ve been on the VIP wagon since May 11, when she teased it on a live-stream, and coincidentally it was the only unreleased song I could properly screen record, and I was hooked right there and then. That didn’t stop me from breaking the YouTube Music loop button on June 7, the actual release date of the song. Firstly, one thing Chicken (VIP’s producer, Isabella’s long-time collaborator) is gonna do is turn a track into a complete earworm with synths alone. Once you hear that trap synth pattern, good luck getting that out of your head for a good couple of months at least, not like that’s something you’re gonna want to do anyway. Secondly, Isabella’s earthiness and showcase of confidence is in a different dimension specifically on this track of hers. The bars and delivery are extra sticky, and I quite gravitate towards her singing/rapping in a deeper voice. Overall, VIP was pretty much THE summer anthem for me as well as instantly topping my personal Isabella Lovestory song ranking, however I am looking forward to her outdoing herself once more on her next project. (Embedding the SoundCloud link because the song sounds differently mixed in the MV, however as mentioned I highly recommend giving Isabella’s MVs a watch.)

💿 Underground - f5ve (+ an incredibly niche girl group redemption arc)

My mutual @nayeonline (whose music reviews I highly recommend checking out btw if you haven’t) made this compass diagram of girl groups and their concepts, and while the compass pertained to girl groups, they asked me about J-pop girl groups that pulled off something cute-futuristic. In a way, if we stretch and reach, this was a manifestation of f5ve’s 2024 comeback(s) and rise to recognition. After the debated (and overhated imo because have we heard the Umru remix?) “pots and pans” trap debut Fire Truck under the name SG5 and a Sailor Moon concept, they rebranded as their current name alongside an “intergalactic agents” direction, and came back with Lettuce. The first comeback was cute but was on the line of losing me due to the… puzzling visuals (literal lettuce involved out of nowhere) and the song not being as interesting as it could be. After garnering more fans through relatable, “chronically online” social media humor, f5ve made their real grand entrance with the rollout of Underground. This is where the girl group concept talk comes in: the girls and their creative team finally got the precise formula to serve the perfect mix of glitzy, sweet, forward-looking and nostalgic — right in the middle of the compass.

Underground, produced by the group’s executive producer BloodPop and Count Baldor, puts down sonic roots in happy hardcore and Eurobeat, two genres I’m drawn to. The track subtly nods to fast-paced 2000s J-pop and Japanese rhythm games while bringing in sounds that the current microtrends haven’t caught up on into the pop game. It tells a story of a getaway from corporate life and workaholicism, into an underground alien club. (I described Cyberia by Meth Math in a similar way and both are happy hardcore… crumbs?) Recent “office siren” aesthetics, Japanese raves, parapara and dekotora are some of the sugar and spice for the flashy, well-defined music video and visuals. What I love about this overall release and f5ve’s current direction is the precision of everything. The vision truly has settled for the music, the sound design, the concepts, the promotion and everything that makes up the group’s artistic and commercial identity. The audio-visual world f5ve are trying to convey is crystal clear, which is a trait I absolutely yearn for and something that desperately needs to be achieved more in pop music. Underground is pointy and straight-forward, it’s a throbbing pop tune that presents itself as very much one, however not only is it done with such excellence that it becomes an advantage rather than “just another girl group pop song”, but also with where f5ve and the team behind them are heading right now, there will be room for versatility while their said identity and uniqueness remains fully in tact. These girls are on a roll and I can gladly say I’ve BEEN standing with them.

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💿 Hot Mess - aespa

Get up, it’s K-pop cybergirls aespa serving EDM realness o’clock. After their debut album Armageddon, which contained some of aespa’s absolute peaks but unfortunately was underwhelming as a whole album, the girl group make their Japanese debut with a triple single (or double if we’re excluding Zoom Zoom which was previously released as the Beyblade ending theme). With Hot Mess, aespa drift from the density of Supernova and Armageddon, and return with a more poppy song and a more frisky theme while staying true to their origins. The track possesses the sharp trap foundation of Savage while introducing a sax (don’t let that throw you off like because it’s done in a way that fits really well), and it all forms something possibly 2000s/10s Vocaloid J-pop coded, especially with how textured but bright the production is. (I don’t think I need to mention the vocals because, come on, it’s aespa we’re talking and they’ve sung times more difficult stuff.)

As for the visuals, aespacore is versatile after all: it doesn’t only have to mean the metallics and the digital world, it can also be flipped into more luminant æ-emblems, pastel-colored 2000s editorial aesthetics and posing on a scanner à la the cover art for Electro World by Perfume. The music video plays around with many of the core elements and past scenes that aespa have had to offer, and it’s why I think it deserves a lot more appreciation. The Rocket Puncher, Xenoglossy, Armamenter and ED Hacker equipment take a more techy and down-to-earth form, while their users undergo magical girl transformations straight from beloved fantasy anime. This is a great choice for a Japanese debut especially, as well as the nostalgic sticker filters going on in the scenes for the second verse. Besides, Ningning now has a whole pink gas station to set on fire instead of Giselle’s house, and the girls are giants during the daytime with their heroine main character outfits, and the iconic flying Winter scene in Supernova gets a callback. All these self-callbacks are the most wholesome thing ever to me, it’s a such good nod to aespa themselves and their memorable past moments, while standing firm as a full-fledged music video on its own. It brings me an insane amount of joy, to me it’s literally dopamine in the form of a YouTube link.

Something I want to mention is how surreal it feels that aespa’s garbage fire record label is finally catching up with the value of consistency, giving us seasonal music instead of using the group as either unreciprocated piggy banks or shields during idiotic infighting. However, I am never a company devotee so I must also mention that aespa should’ve slowed down with the tours, and it’s unfortunate how said consistency came at the expense of the members’ health, due to the other side of the mismanagement coin. aespa we love you, SM you won’t get anywhere near the pearly gates.

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💿 Blink Twice - Cecile Believe (Tender The Spark*)

One of my favorite things about keeping a closer eye on musical connections between artists, such as checking on artists’ producers, labels and collaboration circles, is frequently discovering new gems, and sometimes quickly getting into the artists I’ve been meaning to tap into. In this case, I’ve been severely missing out on Cecile Believe, who’s known for collaborating with SOPHIE (most of the vocals on Oil of Every Pearl’s Un-Insides are by Cecile), Shygirl, Kero Kero Bonito, A. G. Cook, Namasenda and more. Back in late June, around Blink Twice’s release, Sega Bodega welcomed Cecile into his new record label ambient tweets and posted about Blink Twice, and while I was kind of late to the party, having only listened to the song in July, I was blown away by the vocals, the production, the sound design, the atmosphere and everything this track had to bring to the table. At first glance, the message is simple and effective: blink twice if you wanna escape from a loveless, hollow life, into the oblivion of company and euphoria. The song itself is almost like a hazy labyrinth, with the howling and pluck synths as well as the echoed and looped vocals. One thing about me, though, I adore motifs and details, and in this case, eyes and vision are the centerpiece, both physical and metaphorical. Blink, say it with your eyes, I’ll show you how I believe in you. Such a spot-on choice to accompany the misty, dusk-like worldview of the track: Cecile, indeed, shows us a gateway to her musical and inner world, and leads us into believing, by both expanding our vision, leaving us wanting more, and blurring it, leading us to getting lost in the world of Blink Twice.

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💿 Junebug - Raveena feat. JPEGMAFIA (Where The Butterflies Go In The Rain*)

“Free therapy” is a colloquial phrase thrown around for music possibly more often than it should be, but in Raveena’s case, there should be academic studies on the healing powers of her mp3 files. In full seriousness. Her work, her songs, her projects go beyond warm hugs; Raveena gently caresses her listeners with her sugary voice, sincere lyricism, lulling melodies and contagious sweetness. What she does just heals my spirit, and shout-out to @timetravellingkitty for motivating me to experience that more and building up hype (at least on my dashboard) for a new chapter in her book. Junebug, the third single for the new era, currently remains my favorite off of the gorgeous new album. Maybe it’s just me being a sucker for a BEAT, but the drums and jazz organ immediately had my ears perked up. A key change, heartfelt vocals, beautiful storytelling are some strong suits of Raveena songs that reappear here as well. JPEGMAFIA’s verse not only fit the tone (which is, in all honesty, the bare minimum for features despite the mark being missed one too many times), but is also an addition to the story Raveena presents to us both with the lyrics and delivery. And let me mention the lyrics and the main theme again: it’s a romantic-melancholic tale of lovers that can only really last while the daytime is longer, as in the junebugs that will have to close themselves off when the sunset starts coming early. Wow, there really are musicians that will paint you a whole world using notes and lyrics and create it all on what’s most likely a casual Tuesday.

💿 Bubble Bath - AJ Tracey

This year, there were numerous high quality viral tracks with artists getting the recognition that they deserve, some of which include some all-time faves, but my personal nomination for “2024’s summer hit that got away” is undoubtedly Bubble Bath. AJ Tracey is a figure that the UK rap scene should be more thrilled to have, I’ve been a casual listener of his since hearing Wifey Riddim 4 on Shygirl’s Cover Mix for Mixmag (once again thank you Shygirl, because me getting into AJ AND Brutalismus 3000 through one DJ mix?). While I admittedly haven’t checked out his whole catalogue, from the recent stuff I’ve heard, he pulls off smooth laid-back flows (a quality you’ll appreciate if you’re anticipating more from Yuki Chiba) without leaving out the effort in his bars, sound and visuals (with all due disrespect, Central Cee and a good amount of other male rappers can catch it). This single by AJ, currently his most recent one in an ongoing immaculate single run, incorporates a music box synth into a catchy Afroswing base, and the verses and chorus are simply irresistible, replaying in my head to this day. With the intensity of a lot of the music I keep in my usual rotation (no shade whatsoever, I still LOVE my overloading music), the high-quality simplicity and casualness of this track adds to the variety of my tastes. “Bubble bath on the nail, she a Goyard girlie, she could short hair, bob it, or curly” specifically deserved a publicly acknowledged “one of the most fun lyrics of 2024” title.

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Mini-reviews

🏁 survival dAnce - 4s4ki: Call it @pocima payola, call it bias, but you can never deny that 4s4ki never misses with her music and deserves her seasonal spot in these lists. Wonderful flip of a 90s J-pop classic by TRF with banging production. The music video is one of her best to date. Encapsulates the energy of the fandom really well, and by that I mean me and my oomfs that I converted into 4s4ki fanship really move like a cult. (She also teased this song in July that I STILL expeditiously need her to release. That honestly deserves a review of its own. In the meantime, stream her new EP Collective Obsession, which I will be reviewing as well 🫶🏻)

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🏁 SCARYHOT - Taichu: Owing my Taichu discovery to @a-moth-to-the-light and @lilamala, she’s such a hit-making baddie and I quite dig her aesthetics. Her music has been on replay for my neoperreo-pilled soul, and the thumping house beat and confidence of this track was no exception. Oh, and another sick MV from the season (flash/strobe warning, view with discretion)

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🏁 POPPER! - Akriila & Taichu: More neoperreo, more Taichu AND a new fave artist to keep an eye on. Honestly I loved Akriila’s entire epistolares album (another possible future review alert) and still struggle picking a favorite track off of it, but there’s something special about this type of noisy neo-reggaeton.

🏁 RED OUT - Kenshi Yonezu: One of the fathers of J-pop dropping a new album AND the lead single being the gritty electronic perfection I was craving more from him? I’ll take your entire stock, thank you. fogbound got its most worthy opponent yet.

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🏁 Check - FLO: R&B princesses coming through as always and adding a Miami bass bop to their flawless discography. And remember how I was pleading for a debut album from them on my last entry? They heard me. So hyped for Access All Areas, out November 15 🙏🏻

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🏁 Tartady - Ayau & A.boo: I have a soon-to-be-long post praising ALPHA sitting in my drafts, and if you’ve stuck around on my page this summer, you know I’m a huge enthusiast of their discography and the voices of their vocal line. A.boo on an R&B song was one of my wishes from the group, and I got that with his collab with the Kazakh alt pop delight Ayau. The music video being teased and not released is evil, though.

🏁 Senen Basqa - Madi Rymbaev & i: More exciting ALPHA features, this time with Aqzhol and his sweet higher range. As you can tell I’ve been needing more house in my life during the summer, which ALPHA’s group releases really showed out with, and now we get this piece leaning into garage too. It’s a yes from me.

🏁 GAME - echo: Hypertonic by TAN’s sister, and that’s already a huge compliment considering both are 2000s Japanese electropop inspired magnificence. I still can’t believe I discovered echo and this song on Instagram because the music promoted on there leans closer into being torturous, but this is a deeper cut with actual immense hit potential.

🏁 Bikini - Nick Léon & Erika de Casier: Firstly, can anything involving Nick Léon and/or Erika de Casier go wrong? The two are back at making magic after winter favorite Erika-Shygirl joint track Ex-Girlfriend (you can read the review on that in the winter installment of my music highlights), and now we get this Brazilian funk-dembow-trance sunset soundtrack.

🏁 Goodbye - Sumin & Slom: We’re SO back with the release of Miniseries 2, the entire project is a valley to lay in all day but this song especially does so much with its beautifully arranged minimalism.

🏁 Fugitivo Vol. 25 - Lua de Santana prod. Rico Rosa: Last but absolutely not least, Lua de Santana is a star. Rap, MCing, vocals AND it girl factor, she has and delivers all of these. It’s about time that such a talent will shake up the Brazilian funk scene.

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I’m gonna be honest, I’m most likely missing a couple releases I was enjoying lots, but thank you so much for reading about my very late take on a 2024 summer playlist ❤️‍🔥 your own recommendations and feedback are encouraged

#keyboard.com #oooooh lord I did NOT let go. it’s the middle of October. (however in my defense the weather’s still warm where I live soooo idc)#tinashe #isabella lovestory #f5ve #aespa #cecile believe #raveena #aj tracey #I was gonna tag everybody mentioned on these entries but reached 30+ tags so decided against it #me when 2024 #music reviews #new music

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