#but shit is rough. has been for a while
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Blood Blossom Au: Baby's First Commissioner Meeting :)
TL:DR This Post: Danny (orphan) gets poisoned with blood blossom extract by Vlad. He runs away from him and ends up under the care of one Pre-Robin Battinson Batman! Starry is loudly pushing her batdad agenda.
(Also known as "Late At Night, When The Nightingale Sings" on my ao3!)
This was a fun rough idea I've been sitting on for weeks, thinking about how Commissioner Gordon and Nightingale's first meeting might go.
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Commissioner Gordon likes to think that he's adjusting to the new normal of Gotham very well, -- the new normal being grown men running around dressed like bats, in military-grade strength body armor, committing acts of vigilantism, -- and slowly, little by little, he was no longer being surprised when this new normal pops up out of the shadows like the world's most terrifying daisy. His shaving lifespan thanks him for it.
....
The kid is a surprise though.
Granted, he seemed to be a surprise to the Bat too.
There's been a string of murders lately, -- which, in Gotham, is kind of like saying there's been another storm during monsoon season. And there's just been another; in some dilapidated building down in south Gotham, with the broken, boarded-up windows and mildew-crawling walls to match. The victim is a man in his thirties, multiple gunshot wounds to the chest, left in the center of the room for the blood to pool out around him.
The place is already secured when he arrives, the building swarmed with officers and the forensic detectives. The Bat emerges shortly after he does -- or, he might've been here the whole time, hiding someplace dark and shadowy. For his own sanity, Gordon doesn't think about it too hard.
The kid is a surprise, and he appears like a bolt of lightning.
He shows up in the middle of a conversation Gordon is having with the Bat.
A whistle, sharp and loud, slicing through the air, meant for open air rather than a confined space. Gordon's ears pierce and protest the sound, and the solemn, murmured chatter floating through the room abruptly cuts off like the swing of a gavel. As he turns towards the sound -- as they all do -- he swears, up and down, that he sees Batman's shoulders jump, just slightly.
At the source, perched on the window, is a boy. A boy in a gray-blue scarf and an oversized black hoodie, one that hangs off his frame and has ace bandages wrapped around the wrists in some attempt to cinch the sleeves. The hood is up, big like the rest of it, and threatens to swallow the upper half of the boy's face whole in the fabric. What upper half Gordon can see, is smeared with some kind of opaque, black face paint. He's holding onto the side of the frame with one hand, on his hip is a grappling hook. A familiar grappling hook.
Gordon has multiple questions, and his officers tense up.
Martinez puffs up, brows furrowing as his face shapes into a frown. Shoulders rolling back. "You can't be here, kid--"
The reaction is immediate, like a spark to gunpowder, the boy yanks his fingers from his mouth and his mouth twists into a scowl. Head snapping over to Officer Martinez, his hood manages to stay on but Gordon swears that as he bares his teeth, the glint makes them look sharper than they should be. His voice is rasp and quiet and harsh; snappish in its hissing; "Put a fuckin sock in it, Martinez. I'm not stayin."
Martinez reels back, and the boy immediately veers his attention off him. Like a switch, his demeanor drops. Despite half his face being covered, his mouth twists into a cringing, apologetic smile. Slanted and off-beat, embarrassed. It'd be disarming if this wasn't Gotham, and if he didn't just hiss at Martinez like he was about to bite his head off.
"Sorry." He whispers, voice deceptively polite and softer now. Gordon has to strain his ears to hear him. "I was looking for him."
He points his finger towards-- Gordon? No, Gordon follows the direction, and finds himself looking at -- the Bat.
The Bat, who always looks stiff as a pole, now looks even stiffer. Somehow. Well, the explains the grappling hook attached to the boy's waist.
"What are you doing here?" The Bat says, gruff and unable to completely smother the stumble of surprise in his tone.
The boy still holds a sheepish smile, and slips off the window ledge. His feet hit the creaky boards with a near-silent thud, the Batman finds his feet and rapidly begins crossing the room.
Gordon notes the slight tremble in the boy's legs as he straightens. He adjusts his scarf, which droops close to his knees now that he's standing, and slings a backpack -- how long has had that? -- off his shoulders. When the Bat reaches his side, he does as he always does, and looms over the boy like a spectre. A threatening mass of shadows cloaked in all-consuming black. Standing next to him, the boy looks teeny in comparison.
The Bat is a man who terrifies even the most hardened criminals, Gordon has seen grown men shiver in fear at the mention of his name. And yet when the boy looks up at him, he doesn't even flinch.
Instead, his sheepish smile melts away like ice under the sun, holding only traces of his previous embarrassment. It remains as a shadow on his face, a small upturn at the corners of his mouth. The boy pushes his hood back just enough to reveal glinting, ice-flint eyes surrounded in tar-black face paint. He holds the backpack up with one arm. "You forgot this."
#I have never seen Batman (2022) so really I'm just using battinson and crew as templates for my fic. but hey what else is new lol#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc fic#dpxdc au#dp x dc au#dpxdc fanfic#i dont know shit about detective work or true crime so forgive me for any bad terminology or incorrect procedure for how these things work#just a fun rough idea for how i imagined gordon's first meeting with nightingale goes LMAO. im sticking to the idea that danny doesn't#officially join the field for a *while* due to more than just health reasons. so his first appearances are brief and usually to give B smth#danny: im only here as express delivery for vader's little brother over there. yall stay safe tho.#bruce: *kill bill sirens bass-boosted* ohmygodwhatishedoinghere#batman: how did you get here... | danny: you have so many spare grappling hooks it was pr easy to just grab one and go#also danny is whispering on purpose because he doesn't have his ghost form to fall back on as a secret identity. so he *is* actually taking#extra steps to keep his identity safe. and people usually sound different when they're whispering. he also has personal beef with#office martinez despite the fact that they've never met. Danny's HEARD of his ass. he hATES his ass.#Martinez: *to batman* freak | danny: im going to Bite Him. | batman (reluctantly): hmr. please don't. | danny: im going for his shins#Martinez and Nightingale have this whole thing going on between the two of them. danny WILL slap a sticky note on Martinez's back that says#'asshole' on it and its the one spot square on his spine that martinez can't reach.#someone: why are you beefing with like. an actual 12 year old | martinez: HE'S A LITTLE RAT. THAT'S WHY. he's here to torment me#battinson: *did you grapple the whole way here* | danny: yah. it was kinda fun. i would've gotten here faster but i kept having to stop#battinson: *hnnn* im driving you back | danny:.. are you sure? | battinson already pulling him out of the room: y e s#i've been thinking about this for literally WEEKS. what did bruce forget? good question! i'll figure that out if or when i get to this#danny has Issues behind the word freak so its like a mini beserker button for him regardless of who the word is aimed at lol. lmao#martinez calls batman a freak once while nightingale is within range and its just the doom ost as danny simply Disappears from sight#like oops. you are now. In Danger. rip couldn't be me.#blood blossom au
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yuuta exhibits such previously abandoned, recently adopted dog behavior. incredibly anxious all the time, even though nobodyās out to get him or leave him behind. waits for you to return home or from school or from work excitedly, just to see you when you walk through the door. follows you around senselessly, hovering in your space just for the sake of companionship. initiates affection in prodding waysāstarts off next to you, then a hand on your thigh, then deems it safe to lay all the way down, then slowly pushes his head into your lap. gets up whenever you need to get up, and resumes his position as soon as youāre ready. brings you gifts as a sign that heās thinking of you, and maybe because he likes the affection it brings out in you, maybe because he likes the gentle affirming touches of a hand in his hair or a pinch to his cheek. rests his head on your stomach or his chin on your shoulder when heās sleepy, stays there, immobile, and will not move unless absolutely necessary. sometimes he gets surprised when he hears you calling for him, thereās a moment of disbelief as he thinks āme? really? you need me?ā but itās very quickly overshadowed by this compulsive need to show up, to please, to do anything for you, which is why he always answers when you call. he doesnāt realize that he has puppygod eyes, especially when heās excited or confused, but he does and itās incredible endearing. very reluctant to share your space or attention after a while, considers that to be sacred and he wonāt risk being let go or lost again, so as a safety precaution, he keeps himself right by you, waits for you always.Ā
#atp i need to shut and write the omega verse fics that consistency plague my mind#but while im here time for my obligatory megumi mention bc i mentioned dogs teehee#yes megumi attack dog hes megumi grumbly yes megumi bark bark bite bite BUT BUT BUTTTT#megumi is also used to like... hm........ taming? having? caring for? people in his life and also literal (divine) dogs#so for him yes he bites and barks#but he also... he gets confused if YOU dont follow him around like a puppy bc everyone else in his life has so why not you?#gojo's always been the annoying yapping pomeranian chewing on his arm even if he didn't ask#always in megumi's space even tho he didn't ask but he learned to deal with it#won't admit it but knows that too much attention is better than having someone who couldn't give a shit about you#yuuji is the golden in everybody's life and megumi is no exception#unmovable unshakeable and incredibly addictive even if he doesn't mean to be#and very very attached to the people he cares about so yeah yuuji is loud and annoying but he's also loyal and megumi respects that so fine#nobara is like... she decided she liked megumi and was upset about it so she bit his ankle and he tried to kick her off but she has too muc#pride to get shaken off by someone as scrawny as megumi and somewhere along the way megumi became impressed that she was still there even i#it hurt a bit and she was a little rough it's not like he was worse so fine whatever she can stay too#so if you like... if you dont hover around megumi if you dont pry if you dont prod then he has to be the dog smh#now he's gotta bite for your attention and nudge you and how annoying. he's gonna keep doing it tho. as long as he has to#or until you learn to fall in line and accept your leash too whichever comes first n e way.... anyway.............#somebody's pampered omega always gets what he wants megumi complex is showing......#this was about yuuta right? ok i'll put his tags now....#juju#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#yuuta okkotsu x reader#yuta okkotsu x reader
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āIs This A Date?ā Part 2
(part 1)
the end~
#bakudeku#bkdk#mha#my art#holy shit this one took me so long to get out#i kept rewriting the script at first#and then i finally settled on something i liked#and then i drew all of the roughs#and then i changed the script again#so i redrew some of the panels#and then i did the finished lines#and then i rewrote the script#and then i wanted to post it this morning after i woke up#but then i rewrote more of the dialogue#it has been#a ~process~#i just had a lot i wanted them to say but also i didnt want this to be 20 pages long#it was originally supposed to be 5 not 10#but clearly i got carried away oops#anyways hopefully back to regularly scheduled posting for a while#hello if youre reading this youre lovely
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Don't be shy drop the Old Crow song šļøšļøš«“š½ /nf /silly
HnnnnGH.
Okay. Before clicking this link I will say, I don't always love my dad's music, the crow was definitely a gift divorced from my personal feelings about his music. I had to listen to him playing constantly when I lived at home and it created an antipathy for me, but that said, maybe you guys will like it?
Here's his reverbnation, I don't see the Old Crow song, but you can get the vibes. If you like his sound and really want to hear about an old time traveling crow I'll poke him to upload it.
#ask ffs#past partners have chided me for how down I am on my dad's music and it is pretty unfair#but he made a song about me called the āno songā about how intractable and stubborn I am that hurt my feelings#and also he now wants to make a song about a homeless man that will give you the shirt off his back that I just. fully disagree with#so our various autisms are at odds#but that said I did listen to one or two of these trying to see if they were the crow song and it's better than I expected?#anyway!#if you like it he'll be super jazzed#he got hit by a car while on his bike and it really messed up his hand so playing has been harder for him#but he really genuinely loves playing music so that's rough and if my tumblr following hopped on his bandwagon he'd lose his shit#although I might have to stave off him asking to see my tumblr again...
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I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god
#thoughts#oni talks#mean girls 2024#I think I may be the only person to kind of like it? like donāt get me wrong it is kinda ROUGH but it has so much potential and thereās bits#and pieces that I actually really enjoy or wish they had more of or just aahh#Iāve been nonstop thinking about the ideal version in my head like thereās so much potential obviously Iām biased by like a lot#since for one I know I tend to like stuff other people hate or donāt like but for two this sequel was weirdly way more relatable so maybe#Iām just projecting from my own personal experiences but Idc the POTENTIAL THERES SO MUCH ID WANNA DO INSTEAD#like thereās so many little details and characterizations that I wish was expanded on or fleshed out and itās just like it feels like either#half baked or that itās gone through too many edits itās like itās scared to exist?? like thereās some differences I love and wish they lol#leaned into but itās like it was terrified to be too different? or like they were rushing the end especially#like in my ideal form itās a tv show coz I think they honestly have enough that could be genuinely expanded in a way more interesting way#via that format probably not like a super extended series like you COULD but youād definitely need more expansion but I could see the potent#but like idk one SOLID musical season with expanded character story and not like one of those rush cram shows like a good solid one#like Reginaās characterization is so fascinating but also feels like slightly off and like they couldāve leaned way more into things?#like I think keeping Regina as a closeted lesbian gives the greatest potential and interest for an expanded story#like I loved maybe the first half of the movie the most like that one song she sang to manipulate Aaron would work so much more perfectly if#sheās singing it about/to Cady? I also think in my ideal brain an cool flashback episode for Janis and Regina would be so cool coz thereās#so much you could flesh out in a flashback than you could in a retelling which while I do like the retelling since it lets you imagine thing#I just! potential! I also want more of them interacting and I do think changing Janis to be a lesbian works if they leaned more into it?#I also think in my ideal form janis would have more comeuppance or acknowledgement of her shit? I also think an arc of Regina coming out#like one thing they missed from the original is Regina playing soccer at the end & I think they could hint more towards that and maybe lean#more into her at home life in an expanded story way coz her mom is clearly likeā¦ yikes. granted maybe some of my views on the movie are too#biased by personal experience but like the way she snaps at her mom usually in my experience isnāt out of nowhere? like parents behind#closed doors. or frustrations with what her mom has clearly been putting on her the way she tells her mom not to talk about her body is very#like idk a lot of the characters in this version feel more real to me bc they act really similar to people I know irl so the expanded story#could be cool. another one that in my ideal brain would have more is Gretchen and especially her relationships with Regina as well as with#that one guy and her parents I wanna see more of how that works and her arc to feel more meaningful when she dumps him & mentions family#also as much as I didnāt care much for the straight plot stuff thereās 100% missed potential there that I could see in the differences like#iirc in the original itās regular algebra not AP calc which I think couldāve been used as an interesting characterization opportunity for
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the problem with playing D&D is you have ships 'n' blorbos that only 4 other people know about
#still thinkin' about that motherfucker Cormac from the Thieves Guild#and how he lives rent free in Ariadne's brain#and therefore my brain#and how i have to deal with the fact that she wouldn't think about#that as much as she's plagued with conflicting feelings about this motherfucker#i honestly don't think that there's much reason that she would've made as much of an impact on him as he has on her#and it's driving me insane#like he got under her skin instantly because the first time they met she had just used her inspiration point only to roll two nat 1s#trying to get a crowd to disperse before things got rough#and this motherfucker sweeps in and does what she couldn't while also kind of shitting on the temple#which she couldn't even really argue because he wasn't really wrong but also this is the thing that makes up her identity#and she was fuckin' pissed#i mean we did also get sent to make a deal with him to keep the city chill while rise of the zombies was dealt with in the high district#so she#the temple's Brand Newest Paladin in full fuckin' armor gets sent into the den of the Thieves Guild#to talk with the guy who's been pretty openly (and frankly fairly) dunking on said temple#and we come out of it having to do a favor for him to get his help#and as much as she'd love to cover it with 'well we're really doing it because the prince wants us to and it's for the good of the city'#the fact that at the end of the day they were doing something on this motherfucker's orders was such a bur under her saddle#i think he got the party drinks while we were talking with him but ariadne didn't touch hers#because A) she's pretty sure someone would've spit in it and B) fuck u cormac fuck ur hospitality and fuck u#ANYWAY#all this happened over a year ago irl (not sure how long in-game) and YET#there's also the problem that our sessions have been shorter and more sporadic#which gives me more time between sessions to obsess over stupid shit#like a NPC who we haven't seen in a fuckin' year
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anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years
#especially now that im back into literally the only interest we actually share on a deep enough level to enjoy it together LOL#i mean we were also both into hannibal but thats just not an enjoyable show to watch together its too much effort#but wow that time we read das boot slash fanfic on the bus together that was awesome#and the time we wrote fanfic together lol LITERALLY WHY DID WE STOP#he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ā¼ļø#anyway i feel sorry for every person in my life but i dont think anyone ill ever know could ever have as close a relationship to me as him#were platonic soulmates lol but like not in the spiritual sense bc its pretty obvious that its not some supernatural bond#its juuuust shared trauma haha and the fact that our trauma is so complex and layered that only we will ever truly understand each other#there has been a really rough patch where we practically did not talk for 4... 5? whole years im serious. maybe on the weekends sometimes#while we were stewing in our own shit. but now were inseperable i think it actually pisses off the rest of our family because every time#theres some event where we meet again (we live like 5 hours apart) we only hang around for like an hour before we get in his car#and drive somewhere and hang out there for the rest of the day and night and only return at like 3am drunk#in a sense i guess were catching up on all the missed time#to be honest we both had some horrible shit going on in our heads me with the transgenderism and toxic relationship#him with his anger issues and (what he calls) psychopathy. like ill say this much he was not a good person as a child he was a devil#he was quite literally what some describe as born evil like u know those satans spawns kids that cut off babys fingers and dissect rabbits#all that yk. and i was his first and most frequent victim due to availability lol and my parents did not know any of it and if they did#they ignored it. so yeah u can imagine the relationship was a little strained and for a long time i lived in fear of him#also due to all the death threats and attempts on my life HAHA its kinda funny because i can say all this all detached now#but i think to anyone else this sounds mad as hell. like im not talking roughhousing or being mad at each other#he was always scarily calm and hyperintelligent he was actually diagnosed with some form of like super high intelligence that#makes kids capable of being really manipulative and thats what he used at every turn. everything was always calculated that was scary#if he was nice to me i would question if he was trying to lure me somewhere to hurt me yk?#anyway. sometimes those old thoughts come back when were hanging out alone but mostly i know hes changed and worked on himself#sorry oversharing oh wow
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Ok also so I got my eyebrow and nose piercings back in... march, I think? I was supposed to go back in to get the bars changed out some time ago but I never did. Largely bc my eyebrow piercing has Not been healing smoothly (keep accidently banging it and getting it caught on things so it doesn't wanna heal) but I think the long bar has been actively hindering my healing (making it easier to get caught on things) so I decided to change it out Myself. Bought some new smaller jewelry online and it got here today and
I'm not generally squeamish when it comes to my own body. Like pain, blood, whatever. Don't rly care.
That, though... that took some effort.
But I did it! Smaller jewelry to hopefully make healing a little smoother from here on out. I also got some new jewelry for my nose stud that'll get here tomorrow. That one at least won't be a huge deal, since the nose piercing has healed so much more smoothly, thankfully.
(Preemptive warning for Gross Details in the tags. Lol)
#speculation nation#for the eyebrow piercing it's like....#ok this is kinda gross hfkshfks but i think i. at one point when it got caught on something#i think i like. tugged the piercing. um. smaller#?#like the area of skin that the eyebrow piercing runs thru is. smaller. bc it literally tore some of the actual pierced skin.#hurt like a BITCH i'll fuckin tell you that lmfao. ive been a lot more careful since.#but thats another thing with why i wanted a smaller thing. the prior one was fucking Massive in there. way too much#but now i have smth smaller. thinner too. which i hope will help with healing.#downsizing while healing will reduce the amount of variation in jewelry i can stick in there#but tbh i think itd just be wiser to stick to small things anyways. with the thinner patch of skin there.#i dont WANT to rip my eyebrow piercing out. which that was part of what made changing it so hard hfkshfm#these new ones r like screw on ends. but the one before was a pin i had to pull out.#and Let Me Tell You. i was so fucking scared of accidentally ripping it out when trying to pull that bitch. holy shit.#i got it without ripping anything. it still hurt and it bled a good bit but i got it.#switched out the jewelry. which eugh that part was pretty rough too. like not to be gross but rootin around in ur own skin is. somethin#hfksfhksbfmd but it's done and i dont intend to change it until it's healed more. so hopefully it will be. easier then.#i actually took out my nose piercing.. yesterday? to try to switch out with a shorter back#didnt work bc it was thicker. had to put the old one back in. which THAT was harrowing but mostly bc it was so. fucking. hard to do#but the new nose jewelry i got is supposed to come with a thing that makes it easier to put the nose jewelry on#(the hard part is trying to put a flat back base in from the inside of the nose. cant see SHIT in there š)#man. facial piercings really arent for the squeamish. good thing im not scared of pain but it has even me like Eughhh#couldve been mitigated has i gone back to the piercer. but oh well. fuck it we ball šŖ#ummm should i tag for this lol#gross/#š
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Welp I had max dragon flowers on Altina for two minutes.
#Dragon flower economy is so bad. Even worse when I decided to build Askr trio lmao#Itās tough to be free to play out here#I had Alfonse and Sharena maxed. I was halfway through Anna.#I have been slowly building it forā¦ a very long time :)#I seriously canāt recall the last time I wasnāt dumping all of them into Askr trio + Brave Veronica#Fun facts; Altina is my favorite unit in the game. I adore how she plays. I love a unit with a gimmick#So much so that I slapped Alfonse with brazen Atk/Def for similar health gimmick and havenāt changed it since#God I miss when that was broken as shit. I genuinely used him in Aether raids for a while.#With summoner support he has a monster of a health bar that would help him to survive getting his ass beat. Then he would become A Menace.#Honestly building Askr trio is how I have fun with this game#Not because my builds are good. But because it makes clearing story mode a fucking NIGHTMARE#NO RESISTANCE ON THESE UNITS LETS GOOOOOO#Clearing boards in PVE with these guys is the real hard mode of this game and I live for it.#Wanna know true hell? All four units must survive.#Exaggerating but it is fun. Makes the fights against gods a bit more visceral. Helās final map was *rough* with these guys.#I should document some of my Askr trio runs. Maybe show off my silly builds too.
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#iāll be sincere for a second#iāve been wanting to take a social media break for a while#but with the boycott and the awful things happening in the world#obviously i canāt#especially bc i committed myself to posting updates#i am mostly tired bc of kpop stans and so called kpop community#bc having to deal with people being boycott denialists and then#people being dumb and hateful to idols for no reason#i just CANT#and even realizing how insanely the industry is sometimes#makes me not wanna be here itās really like š rough#i cant enjoy music for many reasons#also industry i mean both korean and western at the same time#so in general#itās been a constant turn off and itās sucks#but yeah twt is the only place i get actual facts abt the ongoing genocide#and now i committed to this and now i canāt give up#itās not that i want to give up i am willing to this#it sucks that it has to be in places where i see a shitty comment abt something#like kpop related said by an annoying kpop stan and i just canāt#itās dumb but my mental hasnāt been strong for a while#so thatās why shit is getting to me more easily#i just wanna do what i gotta do without worrying some random ass person on the internet#is gonna ruin my day#delete later
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I finally started MiraTen afterā¦how many weeks has it been since I re-reblogged @woundedheartwithinās gifs?
actually its my first time watching anything this weekā¦the last things were the BtS of GwtF and ND last Sunday š
anywho~ how am i actually meant to focus on Yasuda Ken giving the plot of the show all while Takuyaās offā¦beingā¦Takuya?
likeā¦
#i actually wasnt planning to gif this one at allā¦#whoopsieee~#the third gifā¦what is that face sir *through gritted teeth* im trying to concentrate#(its already hard enough to lmao)#sorry that imā¦basically bullying him all the fucking time rn#1) its a defense mechanism and actually trying very hard not to hyperfixate on him while keeping my brain content (ie watching his thingz)#and 2) which follows 1)ā¦work has been an absolute fucking joy (nightmare) and im trying to keep my head up but shitās rough#so my mood isnt too fantastic all-around lmao#sorryā¦hopefully back soonā¦if only for my own sake lol#drama gifs#and#dumb shit#tsukutta
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#death //#really tho just. losing two family members within a week from one another is. really rough#even if it is from natural causes and old age it still feels very sudden#and even if we werent that close it still hurts#little things remind me of the grandparents i dont have anymore. like making dinner and realizing im not eating their cooking again#or my grandmas favorite songs. its just. rough#im just thinking a lot. and not looking forward to two funerals within the next few weeks#just.. yeah. i feel kinda fucked up on the inside. more so than usually but for once not cause of myself#its. odd to me. grief hasnt really been constant in my life in years. apart from losing my brothers cat few years ago#before that i lost my other grandma like eleven years ago. since then immediate family has been okay#its just weird. i dont really know how to grief. it comes in waves and odd memories and it feels really.. idk. off to me#ive had few crying fits over some random things but i just feel. numb. maybe its cause of the sudden frequency of these#or cause i dont know how to deal. its strange to me. feels out of place to mourn something other than what i made myself lost#maybe its cause while there was a connection there was a larger disconnection. i havent seen either of them since covid started#idk. regrets and shit and whatnot. i just feel all but nothing at the same time#just. just saying. idk. just wanna clean my brain a little. its been a difficult day. sorry#night is an absolute mess on main
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THIS A DAY OF CELEBRATION!! š„³šā¤
Because today ya all, I am celebrating getting better! Way better than I have been doing for a very long time, I have started therapy, have gotten outside way more, and so many other things that has just made me happier and healthier in every possible way, and itās all worth celebrating! So I got some cake yesterday to eat today, not a full cake since sadly they were out so just some cake slices, but its all good anyway! ā¤
Hope ya all be doing good too!
#MessedUpEssy#Essy Update#kindaish i guess#Essy's Photos#while the last 3 weeks has been really rough#so have it not changed the fact i gotten better overall#and is just way happier than i been#especially in comparison to last year#yeah what a shit year#but it was also the start of getting better so yeah#just had to share bc im very happy and proud of myself#and the cake is so good too haha#cake
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not on my watch!!!! not!! on my!!! watch!!!
#im not totally finished with pmmm but this has beamed into my head more than once#tho from context clues in getting on here it seems homura has been doing it much longer than okabe had to#im seeing stuff like TEN YEARS repeating a month where i think someone did the math from like the vn and came up with okabe spending about#a year repeating the same day#either way they both saw their loved one die and was like nope! slam that time travel redo button#pmmm#steins gate#and to top it off madoka and mayuri both seem to have this like..... inferiority complex almost. like thinking theyre useless and a burden#while their time travel protectors are like I LOVE YOU BITCH#wait a minute. 10x12=120 loops for homura. okabe like definitely had more than that even if its for a shorter time.#like i feel like im playing trauma pissing contest but like i feel the need to defend my boy bc even tho he didnt spend 10 whole years#cause like he did a lot of loops back to back to back without sleepbefore he started getting more time in his loops and i know he got SHOT#and hit by cars and shit during those loops so it was like REAL REAL ROUGH even if it wasnt like 10 whole years. my mans did the same day/#three day period like 300+ times to save his bff + gf and friends and i love him for it
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ALSO, also, since I'm thinking of him
Max finally getting his love gestures reciprocated/accepted definitely switched something in his head.
Daniela gushed about him leaving little love notes in her books, and also leaving him her own, when they started dating, and it hit him so hard like "Holy shit she actually LIKES IT-" because he's never really had somebody he could do these things with despite REALLY wanting to.
And part of the reason he's such a huge gift giver type is because he finally CAN be without some worry he's gonna get pushed away for it.
#expand the max angst beyond dead fam#because i like to think there was a time he tried to legitimatly date some of the women he'd... have fun with... back when he was younger#but they never worked out so he just kinda stopped trying for a long time#max's village life wasn't nessisarily *hard* but it was still *rough* for him#like his family still loved him (though his parents had... hesitations about the fact he liked women)#but the village was kind of... not cruel#just kind of shitty towards him#anyway im sorry for all the max ramble but my boy has not gotten much love lately and i have been sitting on this lore of his for a while#maximus vulpe#ignore any spelling shit i took a sleepy tylonol and im kinda fighting it rn
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Dying of sensory issues (chilly but the air is too still and any time I turn on a fan it makes something move and I hate the sound and also it makes me either too hot or too cold depending on the setting) BUT!! Um. Thinking about homoerotic consumption soso much so itās fine
#specifically the gentle quiet moments after the freak shit where like. daemia is holding pyr while he slowly recovers from whatever the hell#feeds her bc the mass to regrow body parts has to come from SOMEWHERE. sometimes this is Pyrric snacks. they ofc make it gay. somethin#somethin being determined good enough to feed back to her beloved something something raising pyrricās self esteem by believing#wholeheartedly that daemia wouldnāt settle for less than wonderful something something#anyhow the um. them curled into each other#if itās been particularly brutal. the moment when pyrricās healed enough to start purring. itās rough at first- of course it is- but it#settles back into the rhythm that daemia knows from them soon enough nodnod#also um. how when pyr gets stuck as big creature. goes to dae for help. heās like help Iām panicking too much to be people shaped again and#thatās freaking me out more. usually it lasts till pyr naps or smth but um. dae company helps. dae SNUGGLES especially help.#daemia: does some evil shit#Pyrric: looking at her with the biggest roundest eyes with so much love
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