#I think I will feel shit
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tbh I'm avoiding rereading one flew because I'm scared I'll feel nothing when rereading. I cannot just feel nothing towards this book I swear. I'll be totally devastated
#but I felt shit when I replayed rogue right??#so maybe I shall try to reread at least#I also bought a book w ken kesey's sketches w/o even realising it lol#or al least it says so on that website for where I've ordered#like I've ordered and one day later I saw that it's that same edition w kesey's sketches SO COOL!!!#so where was I?#oh yeah#so I've replayed rogue and oh boy I loved it felt so alive. not to mention that I wasn't THIS attached to rogue#rogue was a piece of comfort provided when I had a very fucking rough time#but one flew ONE FLEW WAS SOMETHING SO SO DIFFERENT#it not only provided comfort it also made me live and feel everything chief goes through like I was in his skin#not to mention I have really lived in his skin. been through a lotta same shit#and while I was going through this shit this book suddenly appeared in my life and it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO AMAZING#suddenly felt valid and not so alone and damn kesey feels me#I think I will feel shit#something tells me I will#okay lunar park has to wait I want to reread one flewww#it arrives tomorrow I'm so happæ I love one flew#smells.like.a.freakshow
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“in all timelines, in all possibilities, only you”
#jayvik#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane s2#arcane s2 spoilers#this scene was the most gutwrenchingly romantic shit i’ve ever seen in my life#i feel sick every time i think about it /pos#hate them for making me draw jayce LMAOOO but if he makes viktor happy#anything for viktor#my art#jayce talis#viktor arcane
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Physically? I am sitting in my bedroom. Mentally? Spiritually? I AM DEAD ON THE FLOOR!!!!! THESE TWO HAVE KILLED ME!!!!
(Another drawing! This was originally attempt #1 at drawing stan, and then fiddleford just showed up. Kinda feels like them five minutes after the above acting like nothing happened though, so it works sdjkgkjfshj)
#HEALED FIDDLEFORD HAS ME BOUNCING OFF THE FUCKING WALLS!!!!!!! GIVE THE MAN A BRIGHT HAPPY FUTURE!!! FUCK!!!!!#I don't know how i'm coming off right now#when i say that i've been super manic about them for the past week I really mean it#guys Idk but I think I might be fiddlestans number one fan#I liked this pairing before book of bill and after reading it it only solidified things#IT IS SO MUCH MORE THAN A CRACK SHIP TO ME!!!!!!!!#fiddlestan#gravity falls#anyway this is supposed to be them the next summer#stan is working the shack to tutor soos for tourist season#fiddleford has changed while the twins were on the stan o war#STAN DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL AT FIRST and they have a lot of shit to work through from their past before they can start making out dksjds#sketchbook#traditional art#pencil drawing#traditional drawing#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#gravity falls fanart
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the question, you see, is not ‘is it too ooc for this character to cry’ but rather ‘what circumstances would push this character to cry’
this is the whump wisdom, go forth and make that character cry
#gav gab#‘it’s sooooooo ooc to make that character cry’ no you see I think it is ooc#to put this character through absolute unimaginable hell physically and emotionally#and NOT let them cry about it#sometimes canon framing and media format and genre#limit the ability to let a character emotionally Feel all the insanely traumatic shit that’s happened to them#that doesn’t mean that in a different medium or genre exploring these things#it would be ooc for them to do so#send tweet. let those characters feel and emote. it’s not ooc or cringe and anyone who tells you it is is a reductive dick
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another random thing that stands out to me rewatching Steven Universe as an adult:
throughout the show there's this clear Vibe that Steven has inherited some big magical destiny, right? and it makes sense narratively: he's the son of Rose Quartz, leader of the rebellion, now being raised by her friends who were the last remaining survivors of an interstellar war. he's like a human child in most ways, except he has magical powers that start to become more obvious as he's getting older. no one like him has ever existed before. it's a big deal. raising him and figuring out how he's going to grow is its own unique challenge, because nobody knows what to expect. so of course there's this magical destiny vibe, given all that.
What's interesting to me, though, is that this magical destiny is in no way literally, physically present in the story, it's just something everyone kinda feels. Like, there's not some ancient prophecy about a half-gem, half-human savior. He's not the Chosen One in any literal sense, he just happens to give off Chosen One vibes. And I say that's interesting because it means that the fact he was kinda raised with this Chosen One vibe is completely a decision everyone around him made, for better or for worse. And the show is aware of this, because the weight of Rose's legacy and everyone's expectations of him is a constant theme, and as Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl all grow and develop, they also realize the downsides of them putting those expectations on a child. Like, Steven spends his whole childhood being told about how great Rose was, and how because he's inherited her gem he will probably inherit her powers - and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Imagine how awful things could have been if Steven had no exposure to the Gems and no knowledge of what they were or how they worked, and then his powers started coming in? It was hard enough even when he was surrounded by the most qualified Gem Experts on Earth. But being primed for all of this "you're going to have your mother's magical powers" stuff put a heavy weight on his shoulders, and then the fact that nobody else quite knew how his abilities worked meant he was constantly faced with the adults in his life looking to him with concern because they didn't know what was happening with him. That's gotta leave an impression on a kid - and, well, throughout the show and especially in SU Future we definitely see that it does.
I like the way the show handles the pressure that's put on him, and the fact that everyone is just... trying their best in a completely unprecedented situation. Nobody knows what to do or how to raise this kid, and that inevitably causes problems but everyone is trying. And Steven can feel that everyone is trying without knowing what to do and he just wants to help and not be a burden and none of his caretakers have said that he's a burden but he can feel everyone's confusion and concern and the expectations he's not living up to and he cares so much, about everyone, about everything. He's in an extremely unique position that grants him opportunities to help that nobody else has, and he feels like he's failing everyone if he can't fulfill that, and in the end it never should have been his job to fix things but somebody had to try. Somebody had to try, and he was one of the only people with the ability to stop the Diamonds, stop the war, stop the lies, stop his world and everyone on it from being destroyed... and he was just a kid.
#i feel so protective of this kid watching as an adult like holy shit#so much terrible shit happens to him. it's nobody's fault. it's everybody's fault.#it's destiny but it's a choice. it's necessary but it's really not. it's all about steven but it never actually was.#the show handles the contradictory nature of things well i think. everyone's feelings and relationships are complex and nuanced#ghost speaks#steven universe
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on the topic of swearing, it would be so funny if yor has the vocabulary of a sailor and makes the conscious decision not to use it
like loid is sitting with his head in his hands after anya has somehow magically procured a bad word in her vocabulary and is like "i have no idea what to do. how is this happening. what if this is the start of a downwards spiral and she becomes a swear-slinging second grader and they expel her from eden" and yor giggles like "im sure once she learns the words the novelty will wear off, that's what it was like for me" and he's like "?? what it was like for you?" fully imagining that the worst word yor knows is like, crap or damn or something because she's so gentle and softspoken
and yor goes on like "yeah! like for example when i was a kid and learned *BEEEEEEP* or *BEEP BEEP* or *BEEEEEEEEEP BEEEP BEEP* i stopped using them after a while!" and she goes on and gives some more of the most filthy, gritty examples in existence
and loid is sitting there - mind you this man was in the Army so he is no stranger to swearing, but he is sitting there gobsmacked and face REDDENED from the absolute verbal weaponry yor is expelling with a smile on her face
#i say this as someone who used to cuss in middle school thinking it was a cool thing to do and now i feel bad for saying shit#LMAO#spy x family#loid forger#yor forger#sxf#anya forger
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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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Thinking about DP x DC Jason Todd being a revenant again. Here's my scenario. Jason gets called that by some ghost. He's like "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" He's heard the term before but he doesn't know any actual lore. He googles it. He scrolls past the Leonardo DiCaprio bear movie. He opens the wiki. Sees the words "animated corpse" and gets a chill diwn his spine. He starts reading the first section.
He closes Wikipedia.
That night he has a nightmare that his family buried him, again, this time with precautions. He wakes up in his own grave, full of stones, too heavy to move, to scream.
#CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS#like reading this section in the context of jason is SO HORRIFYING#the idea of someone knowing it was possible for him to come back. to wake up down there. and wanting to keep him there#stay dead. we want you dead. you're too troublesome alive. you're meant to be down there.#so anyways. jason internalizing all this shit and feeling uncomfortable in his own body because he's thinking of it as a corpse#and of himself as haunting a place he doesn't belong#and then meeting danny and danny says 'wow you're a revenant aren't you! The dead so restless they can't bear to stay in their graves'#and he smiles. 'You're amazing. Your will is so strong'#and the Ghost King tells Jason 'You're alive but that doesn't mean you aren't one of mine. I will come for you'#and batman says 'we will keep you safe from that entity and his threats. you don't belong to him'#and jason says 'he didn't mean i was his possession. he said i was his responsibility. he said he would help me if i ever needed him'#and bruce sees the faraway look in his son's eyes and doesn't know what to say#okay I'm done#for now#dp x dc#dpxdc#revenant jason todd#danny phantom#dc#batfam#jason todd#my rambles#my writing
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"Don't you ever shut up-!?"
#zosan#description in alt text#I feel like the context behind this would be really emotional and juicy. unfortunately I have none#tennis ball shooting his shot#actually I think he presumes he's about to get the shit kicked out of him and ruin their friendship but he can't hold it in any more#he might be in for a surprise as to the actual response he gets...!
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me <3 this werewolf
remus as pics from pinterest that reminded me of him
#this started with me feeling like absolutely shit and drawing the help. one#and tadaa#here he is :3#my boy :3#my 64 year old grumpy noodle#honestly#the amount of time i spend thinking about his is probably not normal#but look at him!!!#remus lupin#remus lupin fanart#marauders#marauders era#fanart#sirius black#wolfstar#marauders fandom#james potter#harry potter#peter pettigrew#my art
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genie: so, you have three wishes-
me: i want everyone in the world to be able to size shift between two inches tall and fifteen feet tall, at will, in a totally safe manner, EXCEPT for my ex and anyone within a 100 meter radius of them. everyone they see or meet will be the exact same height as them.
genie: that’s…. specific.
me: they’re into size. imagine knowing g/t is now real and exists, and you will NEVER get to experience it firsthand. i cannot think of a worse fate for any size fan.
genie: ….y’know what, fuck yeah. let’s do this
me: YAY. so for my second wish, i’m thinking bigass sword
genie: NICE
#g/t#which ex is this about? i’ll never tell#i genuinely feel like ive moved on but sometimes i think of some funny shit like this and i have to post it#so pls dont think im hung up on anyone. im just a comedian who capitalizes on life experiences#anyways. god i want a sword. i want one so bad#i want a replica of inigo montoyas blade SOOOO BAD
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It seems there's a new lawyer in town!!!
#I think she's one of the most underutilized characters ever I will DIE on this hill#she can hear people's feelings that is the COOLEST concept ever#you get people who can hear thoughts a lot and that's cool but hearing FEELINGS is such a sick and unique concept#AND SHES A LAWYER#THATS THE COOLEST CAREER YOU COULD GIVE SOMEONE WHO CAN HEAR FEELINGS THAT OPENS DOORS FOR SO MANY GOOD STORIES#I'D LOVE IN AA TO PLAY CASES AS HER WHERE YOU HAVE TO WORK BACKWARDS FROM PEOPLE'S EMOTIONS TO FIGURE OUT MYSTERIES#IT'S A WHOLE NEW SIDE TO THE EVIDENCE#AND SUBTLE HIDDEN FEELINGS KEEP GUIDING HER AND PPL JUST CANT KEEP UP WITH HOW SHE WORKS... STUFF LIKE THAT WOULD BE INTERESTING#WHY ISN'T IT UTILIZED WHY DO WE JUST HAVE PSUEDOSCIENCE MINIGAME#ATHENA IS SO LIKEABLE AND CHARMING AND FULL OF LIFE TOO#PLEASE CAPCOM#I LOV E HER PLEASE#GIVE US A CRAZY MOMENT WHERE SHE TAKES PHOENIX ASIDE HALFWAY THROUGH A CASEAND TELLS HIM HIS CLIENT WAS JUST ELATED AT THE SIGHT OF A CORPS#OR DO IT IN THE GAMEPLAY WHERE THE PLAYER SPOTS IT IN THE MOOD MATRIX#omg yeah actually that'd make me shit my pants that'd be so cool#proper ghost trick moment#THERE'S SO MUCH COOL STUFF YOu can do fuck okay sorry there are so many tags now#can you tell I got feelings abt this character I LOVE HER so much Im in love w her tbh and she's also so me#ace attorney#athena cykes#my art#have a good day thanks for looking at my art haha
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The world needs more Yue and Zuko friendship, I squeal just thinking abt the parallels. They deserve a life changing field trip together and if u have abt ideas I’m all ears 👀
Hiii anon this ask fermented in my inbox and in my brain for so long,, so take this??? Post canon yue lives/no war au arts?? Anyway aside from the Parallels and their political position & their duty before hoes grindset I think they could learn a lot from each other. With zuko learning the gift of patience & diplomacy from yue & Yue learning that allowing yourself to feel anger and speaking up can actually be Good.
anyway hypothetical life changing trip outcome: zuko takes an intro gender studies class and yue says fuck
(oh and also must not forget the crush on sokka)
#id in alt text#‘toph should say fuck’ ‘let sokka say fuck’ if there’s one person who deserves to say fuck here it’s YUE#i rest my case#also yea i think comparing his life to yue’s would open zuko’s eyes towards Gender Inequality ksbfhd#he’s like you’re mai but prep what do u mean you can’t throw knives 😤#i can accept sexism but i draw the line at banned military indoctrination 😤😤#i like to think that at one point yue shows zuko how to prepare & butcher small game and he does an absolute shit job at it#+ feels queasy for 3 days#zuko#yue#my art#ash replies#ALSO I MUST SAY!!! DRAWING THIS WHILE READING LIKE THE SUN CH4??? NOT FEELING WELL BESTIES#oh also since we’re talking fics…. js if u see this…… dywtjtb will always be famous
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Guys. Guys they’re miners. They’re tiny cogless miners. Guys
I blacked out and filled the whole three canvases with sketches of them being itty bitty goobers. Figured Imma show you some haha
#maccadam#transformers#prowl#jazz#tf one#transformers one#tf one jazz#tf one prowl#jazzprowl#<- if you want it to be haha#I can’t stop thinking#like#I check ao3 very regularly and#okay bruh just. I know the movie absolutely wasnt about Jazz nor Prowl but I still feel the urge to write something about them#just like. slice of life thing but considering their life is kinda sucks because of the whole no-cog thing#Jazz talks smth like twice for the whole movie and Prowl doesn’t talk at all. That’s a lot of creative freedom to write haha#I want them to do their classic stealth missions type of shit but this time without any actual support from any kind of system#you get me#they both usually have some kind of command structure behind them. I want them to be absolutely broke low class tiny goobers#and still manage to pull their usual shady crazy stuff#idk#something like that
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life trying to force me to take a break by shutting down my laptop while i'm in the middle of work, as if i'm not going to just turn it back on and go right back to what i was doing
#vu talks shit#i had a friend over yesterday so i feel human again#i think i deserve to go back to working 12+ hours a day again#as a treat#crow's gonna see this and tell me to take a break i can fucking feel it in my bones#hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bbgirl (gnc)
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if you're a white person taking pleasure in the idea that Trump voters of colour are experiencing racist violence from white trumpers because "they got what's coming to them" I don't think you're anti-racist at all, I think you were just waiting for an acceptable target, and you're also fucking weird.
Bad Person Deserves Punishment For Their Sins give me a fucking break and get yourself out of the fucking catholic church. you're all prison abolitionists until you see someone you don't like.
#assholes still do not deserve to be victims of bigotry#people will crow this up and down until they find someone they think is a big enough asshole to really deserve it#watch your cognitive dissonance kids#i really am only speaking to white people here. as a white person.#POC can feel however they feel.#though i still don't think it's an appropriate sentiment to turn into Political Praxis there is of course a need to vent#like idk i don't find any marginalised suffering under fascism funny. i think it's fucking sad.#i think it is sad when right wing gay people experience homophobia and i think it is sad when right wing trans people experience transphobia#and when right wing disabled people experience ableism and when right wing women experience misogyny#leopards eating faces is funny when it's about like. rich people or misogynists or whatever it's.#do you understand that this is punching down?#why are we wasting our energy hoping for the victimisation of specific marginalised people#this would be a great time to do some outreach but instead everyone is just fucking MOCKING THEM#you're so fucking stupid you don't care about The Cause you care about Winning#this shit makes me furious.#have some compassion#the system speaks#USpol#Trump#racism#politics
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