#but ppl have been very understanding so far so I really appreciate that ;w;

[gotchibam]

Dragonite ko-fi doodle for RayStarKitty!

[britneyshakespeare]

you know. back when i reviewed poetry submissions for [insert unnamed literary magazine here], i once got a submission containing only two poems (you could submit up to five) both of which were about the author's older brothers, whose names are dan and john (my older brothers' names are dan and jon...athan) and her relationship w them and descriptions of them were not all that unlike my own brothers. still one of the weirdest things that has ever happened to me

[celestie0]

hi friends i hope it’s ok that i grouped these together :”)

1. thanks love i appreciate u! yeah its a labor of love, making these stories. i think that’s why i get so protective over them. and subsequently disheartened when i receive asks like that. much love <3

2. so happy to know you’re looking forward to it! and yes, tbh ive already spoiled more than i wouldve liked thru asks but hopefully i can tell the story thru chapters now going forward

3. yess :”) thats why i included it!! both gojo n reader have just recently left life altering relationships w ppl that know them very well, yet they choose each other in the end. i find that so romantic which is why i chose those plot points

4. oh my yea tbh i wouldnt go that far but yea i understand the frustration. if anything its just tiresome n drains me. i wish i could be fueled by spite but that’s not rewarding to me hahah

5. ikr? also its weird to me bc ive gotten less backlash over kickoff gojo being a certified bop than i have w ihm gojo having an ex wife lol. i suppose it’s flattering that ppl are jealous over my gojos, but idk a part of me doesnt really see it that way. and again it could just be a maturity difference. when i was younger, sure, i wouldnt have liked a guy that had been in many relationship before me. but at my age, its very unlikely any guy i talk to wouldnt have been in a serious relationship before me, let alone a 34 y/o man. but anywho, thanks my love

6. thanks love, and yes. it’s so upsetting for ppl to pick and choose what they like about my fics and then share that w me. idk i could be overthinking it but the way that reads to me is — “so close! u were so close to building my perfect story! now lemme tell u exactly what i don’t like about it n what i will entirely dismiss” like god dayum this isnt build-a-fic lol why u have to tell me you’re upset over a creative decision i made? keep it to yourself. yes i live for drama n angst but also realism too. anyways thx darling <3

[eclaire-went-bam]

i'm gonna post this here bcs initially i posted it to cf on instagram but frankly i have too many cfs who don't know i'm Disordered™ in this way LMAO

this isn't a super emotional vent & shouldn't have any triggers However it is a super annoyed one

i think i try too often to be "silly" scary & mean & Obviously i don't Actually Try to be either of those, i just like being annoying. i find i do this automatically with "friends" who aren't an ep — if everyone else leaves and i'm stuck with just an ep, i suddenly act like a normal person again LMAO

but anyways point is: in this act, i act really stupid on purpose. i act like a cartoon character. i'm a creature of Show✨. i often make subtle jokes abt murder & stuff that'd probably be seen as angsty teenager cringe. i tease people in a very well-meaning but annoying way. this is my persona that has been established in these circles. i want to make it clear, people do not get offended when i'm like this & when they do i make sure to ask about it & apologise bcs that's ~Healthy~ & at the end of the day they usually seem to really enjoy the way i act (some ppl actually seem to enjoy the attention from teasingly psychoanalysing them A Bit Too Much haha)

but SOMETIMES someone takes the act a bit too seriously?? thinking i'm actually Trying to be mean or threatening or whatevs??? & goes "ur gonna have to try harder than that!! it's not working!!!!" and i'm like okaaaayyyyy big boy

& then i actually do what they say & suddenly it hits a wound a bit too deep. just one single sentence.

this just happened 2 days ago & i get it but idk maybe don't get too proud when it's clear it's just fun&games (the same fun&games as Always) & then get shocked.

frankly, i will not feel bad

& i often don't even realise what is “too far” (it's either probably the autism or the low empathy + egocentrism = i wouldn't be hurt if someone said it to me, so why would others?) most times so maybe don't make it a competition bcz then my narc brain Will compete & then try to make me feel bad abt it

me when i'm in friend groups where i constantly intentionally do & say things so everyone thinks i'm stupid & then i act like i'm not for once ;;;

listen. i may not feel guilty for my actions. i may even think you're Unwise for making your ticks so obvious & then proceeding to act like they aren't. however i would greatly appreciate it if you didn't make it some competition that you can't be scared or offended when you very clearly Can Be, you just think you can't be by me bcs you think a cute little afab like wittle ole me is incapable. & then it all gets soooo awkward afterwards even when i try to apologise but they keep going on abt how it was Too Far and That Hurt & when they finally stop they're just awkwardly quiet until they leave

i can understand getting competitive like this & doing whatever necessary to "win" is not a healthy trait & is probably a result of x y & z npd stuff & yes i did feel very ugly when they started belittling me out of Nowhere but idkkk right now i'm just annoyedddd

usually if someone gets like that i have an ep w/ me who knows i'm a narc i can dm to tell them what i Wanted to say & they can laugh w me (sometimes just acting stupid with others but in the know with an ep makes the feeling go away without actually needing to risk doing anything toxic) but they weren't there this time </222

[evildilf2]

heyy dude what’s up you don’t have to post this but your discussion of this had me thinking.. as a gay and trans person who would consider myself very religious but in the Jewish way I think this sites obsession w Catholic imagery is really bizarre like I do understand finding things about it compelling or wanting to reclaim imagery but it’s soo weird to me the way nonreligious people choose to engage with it sometimes it’s corny like you said. it’s also so weird to me that catholicism specifically is what’s been chosen as The Aesthetic Religion bc the Catholic Church is soooo antisemitic (on top of many many many other obvious issues) like my family had to leave Europe bc of it. like the Catholic Church has a long bloody history of inciting violence against ppl like me and that Wouldn’t actually change if I was cishet which I think is an interesting distinction between myself and people who want to post gay Catholic imagery stuff. but it’s also like can’t rly complain I think it would be weirder to me if non-religious people engaged with non-christian religions in this way, it would be a really bizarre form of cultural appropriation. the state of being a religious transfag on tumblr in 2023. sorry for rant <3

No need to apologize, I think this is a very important thing to acknowledge! I think the reason why Catholicism is the “aesthetic religion” of choice is largely due to the fact that Christianity in general dominates American culture. So on one hand, I’d say you be hard pressed to find a gay person in the US who hasn’t been impacted by Christian homophobia. & because it’s not uncommon for people to channel their angst with oppression into fascination with or fetishism over a sensitive subject, it’s only natural that so many people would be drawn to do so for Christianity. That said, the aesthetics of many Protestant religions are far more modest than Catholicism, and many Protestant faiths are far less literal with their interpretations of the Bible/biblical rituals and all that. Aside from Catholicism the 2 other faiths I’ve seen be romanticized are fetishized is like… the whole Southern Baptist midwest gothic “Ethel cain core” type thing, and Mormonism, but the only people I’ve seen fetishize the latter are ex Mormons whereas the former seems to have more of a wider appeal.

What you said about that specific oppression resonated with me; though I’m not Jewish myself, I recently learned that my mom & her side of the family are Jewish to some extent… but I was never made aware of this as a kid (despite that side of the family frequently discussing heritage), and I suspect this was due to how Catholic that side of the family is. It’s really fucked up, and I want to ask my grandma what she knows about that, but I’m hesitant to because I fear it would make her or other people in the family treat some family members differently. That dilemma itself definitely has made me uncomfortable with my family’s religious beliefs in a way that’s distinctly different from the discomfort with their homophobia I had prior, so I can only imagine it’s pretty upsetting to see that faith be romanticized when you’re directly and more severely impacted by centuries of Catholic antisemitism. I really appreciate you reaching out & sharing your perspective, apologies if I talked all over the place 👍

[yakultii]

I ain't scared, I just thought I might get the most best answer this way..I'm wondering what poet or poem you read (or were read in your childhood) that had you looking for more and aspiring to write your own? If it was a traumatic event, I feel you there. .it can really help to read a complete stranger's words of pain, when they harmonize with our own. I admit, I have only read a couple of your poems but I love your voice, keep on keepin on ☮️ 🕉 💛

HAHA DW I LOVE ANONS <33333 I encourage it.

HONESTLY no poetry inspired me to write poetry (IRONIC) I thought I hated poetry!!!! I’ve written many things since I was a kid but always been more of an essay kinda dude..I attempted to read poetry a few times over my lifetime and mostly it made no sense to me..I thought it was just a bunch of pretentious ppl flexing their advanced vocab (which honestly I lack bc of a whole other story I won’t get into and maybe I was just jealous) - the only time I wrote a poem was back in final yr of highschool lit class when my brain was malnourished af and writing it made me want to kms plus I had major imposter syndrome (and then my lovely grandma went and sent it in to a poetry magazine without me knowing and it got published and still I didn’t think poetry was for me) only in more recent times I no longer have access to a psych who I can send weekly 3000 word emails to and I needed to do something so that I would stop driving myself completely insane bc I also live alone 4hrs from family and no friends so have noone to save me but myself so I started writing every day on wattpad like a digital diary entry(today was day 118 in a row) then I started to see others who had written poetry and combined w the fact that I’ve come very far over the yrs in terms with perfectionism (as in not needing to be) I found myself in a place realising that poetry didn’t have to be “good” and that I could just make it work for me. I could just write for myself. To get things out (even tho it’s only like 5% of my mind). It didn’t need to look impressive for others etc like what I used to think poetry did… so yeah basically poetry is just my budget therapy now and a tool to prevent me from ending things :))))) everything I write about (so far, at time of writing) is from real life experience and I love using it as an outlet to say the things that wouldn’t be taken so well if they were said out loud.. cause everyone has some sort of darker side whether they are exposed to it or not and whilst I do hold onto a lot of hope I love being able to have an outlet to get the rot out of me or at least create something with it so it’s not completely useless and all consuming. ALSO I think it’s cool that poetry allows you to turn your words into art. I’ve always loved art and ppl consider me arty or whatevs but I can’t draw or paint (well - not that it matters) so this is kinda something that comes more naturally to me! (I’ve only been writing poetry for 4 months now so hopefully I can only get better)… AND THANK THE LORD in the meantime as I have come to write my own poetry I am now able to appreciate other people’s poetry, I can understand it more, I can be inspired by it, I can admire it. I get it now. Or at least I think I’m starting to get it…. But to answer ur question l wouldn’t say it was a singular traumatic event which inspired it but rather a combined experience of like 20 genuinely traumatic events combined with being neurodiverse & a lifetime of various mental illnesses which I wouldn’t say are all treated etc. and quite honestly having read NOTHING in the past which resonated with the depth of my own experience so I thought you know what I know I can’t be the only one feeling this, I’m gonna try write my own! If I can’t read it I’ll write it and hope I can be that for someone else I guessss

SOZ FOR RANT IDK HOW TO STFU AND THANK YOU FOR READING A FEW OF MY POEMS AND THANK YOU FOR THIS QUESTION ILY HAVE A LOVELY DAY <33

[waywardstation]

hey boss :D today's my birthday today but honestly i'm not really a fan of events centered around me so i'm passing by the blogs i usually frequent to greet you a very merry unbirthday (unless its also ur birthday then happy birth!! :])

that and i hope ur doing well boss, wishing you to have the motivation and the time to write all the stories you've been wanting to and a nice break <33

have a doodle of the submas bros reuniting without me looking at a reference, i cant draw bald ppl yet so ingo has hair ;w;

Hey friend!! ^^ Happy Happy birthday to you! Thanks for stopping by!! I like to keep my birthdays small too so I understand that, but I hope you still have a great birthday today! ^^

And thank you very much for the well wishes. Break’s been great so far! Motivation is always there, but it seems I never have the time I’d like to write anymore ^^; so thank you very much!

AND OP THAT’S SO SWEET what a great drawing; they both look so happy to see each other again ;v; (also do not worry! Your Ingo still looks great!! Love the hairstyle you gave him!!) I always appreciate the happy reunions!

Thanks for stopping by and sending this OP, hope you have a great rest of your birthday!!

[namtanlovesfilm]

I think ppl who are waiting w watching Not Me could maybe consider the fact that actors are still filming the series, it's not finished yet and they and the director are checking out each week what ppl say, what are the responses to the new episodes, how many viewers there are. So I'm sure it would definitely feel nice for them to see many ppl are watching it and hear appreciation... just... maybe something to consider?

oh absolutely anon! I'm not one to force anyone to watch stuff when they don't want to, but I would encourage anyone who's waiting to watch not me later or simply wanna encourage the show to watch the four parts of every episode, at least in the background while you do something else to give them more views. gmmtv has been absolute garbage at promoting the show by:

airing it at the same time as the two other biggest gmmtv 2021 shows, bad buddy & f4 thailand (granted covid did force them to so it's not the worst thing they've done, but they could've waited a bit tbh)

airing the show on sunday instead of friday which is bl day for everyone in the fandom

giving the streaming rights to ais play that's an exclusive platform to thailand instead of wetv which is way bigger & watched in many other asian countries

no effort to promote it whatsoever

taking two weeks to put the ost on spotify which means that most people who would've added it right away have already forgotten about it, and frankly just making the main ost of the show not the one offgun sing so obviously making it less popular than if it was the offgun song

not putting english titles on behind the scenes & bonus content which makes it so the majority of the gmmtv fandom (international fans) don't click on it

I could go on & on but I'm tired lol

I do think some of it might be bc gmmtv has already taken a big risk by releasing such a political show, especially in the very unstable political scene in thailand atm, so much so that they had to censor some scenes for the show to even be released in the first place. I do understand that if that show blew up like bad buddy or even bigger like 2gether, it might really piss off the government & put gmmtv in trouble. that being said, I so fucking wish this show would get more love bc again, it's revolutionary just for its political aspect & I'm not even talking about its amazing director, the incredible cast, the very inclusive themes explored in it & the queer storylines of it as well. so yeah, watch not me when you want but giving them your views now is definitely something you should do bc this is by far the most important bl show ever released!

xxx

[cupidlakes]

It's so weird to watch old george clips, it feels like hes changed so much, like hes still george of course but hes so different from who he used to be a year ago. I was there, I watched those clips live, but it feels so far away almost. It's so eye opening to actually be able to see the whole dream teams growth. It's really cool and it reminds me of how much I've grown as well. And I really appreciate people like you who have those clips, little fragments of time, and share them with everyone.

i definitelyyy !!!! understand this feeling it almost gives me whiplash sometimes ik ppl say george has come so far it’s overstated at this point but it’s Very clear, george has always been george but the way he’s come out of his shell and gotten more accustomed to and comfortable with entertaining has been satisfying to see like no parasocial but i’m proud of the guy also thank you! :( that’s so sweet sometimes i fear i’m being overly self indulgent talking abt stuff ppl might not care abt but i’m like this is important .. view

also SAME when it comes to personal growth i’m like woah a year inside has been rough but it’s also shaped me and allowed for a lot of introspection i feel very changed in tow, minecraft youtubers helped along the way somewhat and i’m very comfortable w/ where i’m at in life rn :smile: TY for this again!!

[sporesgalaxy]

philosophytube coming out as trans made me curious so i scrolled thru some old talkpost tags and apparently I realized I was some variety of nonbinary abt 5 years ago in late 2015 :) I was 16 at the time

I am now going to talk about my gender experiences bc I appreciate seeing others share their gender experiences so much. Hope this can help someone like me feel seen and affirmed the way these things make me feel.

I have memory issues so I couldnt tell you how long I had an inkling I might be before I decided, but I made it look like I googled some stuff, read the definition of bigender, and pretty much immediately changed the pronouns in my bio. I was very gung ho about it because I felt I finally had a word for an experience I'd been silently living my whole life. I dont vibe as much with that label anymore but I absolutely still identify my variety of nonbinary-ness as an equal mixture of masculinity and femininity.

I did a lot of agonizing behind the scenes-- though, memory issues again-- I very well might have publicly complained about it some, I was very stressed and desperate to feel seen and commiserated and accepted at 16. But I definitely agonized MORE than I admitted I did. For many of my teen years after finding out about nonbinary identities, I still felt like being A Girl was somehow inescapable. I had a silent, dark sense of certainty that I would always be percieved as a girl unless I did something drastic to my body, but I also knew I didn't want to do anything drastic to my body, so I was terrified that by process of elimination, that meant I was "stuck" being A Girl. I have always really liked masculine titles (mister, sir), but I would downplay this, downplay my pronoun preferences extending beyond she/her, downplay my desire to look gender nonconforming even when I was in complete control of my appearance via art. I don't look like that, I would tell myself, I look like A Girl, and I have to be honest about that.

I repeatedly made the conscious decision to play into being more feminine, more like A Girl in ways I didn't want to be, because despite knowing about and deeply connecting with Nonbinary experiences, I had this misplaced conviction about being "honest" and "realistic" about how *exclusively* feminine I felt I was doomed to be.

I am doing much better these days. I wear more form-fitting clothes, more shorts, more jewlery than I ever have before in my life. Not all the time, but far more often. And they don't make me feel like A Girl. I don't draw myself like A Girl because I don't want to.

Growing past being a teen makes it better. The physiology of the teen brain just naturally makes everything more excruciating. Continuing to be able to casually discuss being queer w my irl friendgroup makes a world difference, even back when i WAS still a teen. Maybe especially then. It's had a huge impact on me to have ppl who see me irl often for years and years who I can trust won't have a reductive view of my identity based on appearances & my being comfortable with she/her pronouns. Living with ppl I can trust like that rather than family I'm nervous to come out to has given me a lot of confidence as well.

Living long enough to see more queer people out existing in the world, online and irl, has also had a huge impact on my confidence and my comfort with myself and my identity. Living long enough to come to a better understanding of the ways I want to express my gender has been incredible! And I look forward to continuing to figure myself out and becoming an even happier more authentic version of myself in years to come. I love trans people and I love being trans :) anyways have a good one

[masked-puppetmaster]

hey, i saw you asked a while ago why dream & techno apologists are apologists for those characters (and you liked a bunch of my posts concerning that, actually) i was wondering if you still have any more questions - and also i wanted to ask if you wanted to talk a bit about c!tommy and what makes you like him so much? like is it just the emotional attachment to him? is it the trauma? anything specific about the way in which he is written? i've always watched his pov & i'm very curious! / - red

yo yo yo hey! I think I understand it a bit more now, for the dream & techo apologists, I think I’m still a bit confused when it comes to technoblade. I see a lot about people only using him as a weapon/ him not being able to trust people / no one sticking up for him and I’m not sure where it comes from? In all fairness, I only know him as the guy who executed Tubbo / spawned withers but im assuming that’s in large part because I came into the story so late (iirc I didn’t really get into the dsmp until around doomsday, and I got most information of past events just by like. osmosis or reading wikis) so I might simply just not have enough information on techno to get it. Like, he executed Tubbo under a lot of pressure iirc but that doesn’t take away from the fact he did execute him? or things with the withers, I know technoblade doesn’t like the government and I’d go as far as to say he has a point, but was it really necessary to destroy lmanburg (iirc, multiple times). I know he was mad, but I feel like he shouldn’t have taken in that far, like from what I see and understand it’s like yes he had his points but he hurt people and doesn’t seem to care that he hurt anybody, just kinda stands there assuming he’s right about everything and not rlly looking at the situation from anyone else’s perspective. That being said like I said I came into the story really late and so my arguments might be able to be chalked up to just a lack of proper context, and even if I’m kinda annoyed at Technoblade’s behavior I still like him as a character & when techno does stream I enjoy the content so I’m not like a technoblade hater or anything I just don’t see why people can be apologists for him bcos from my pov he’s just kind of hurt people and not taken any personal responsibility for it (I mean this as in acknowledging to himself he was ever in the wrong; ex. The whole Tommy / techno betrayal situation which I think was a p complicated matter to be fair he just keeps saying over and over how Tommy betrayed him and it doesn’t seem to me like he’s even bothering to look at the situation from Tommy’s pov or rlly reflect on his own actions at all)

I just rlly like Tommy! I think at least some part of it can be chalked up to Tommy being the first streamer I watched in the dsmp and one of the ones I watch the most from (half the time I’m watching the dsmp it’s a Tommy stream) so there’s just gonna be some inherent bias towards him there like there is with literally any of these streamers. As you put it, it is kinda the trauma, haha. trauma and emotional attachment lol. I think part of it is I relate to him a lot, and I can see where he’s coming from on a lot of things, and I also just like the way his character is written. Smthn abt him that people have pointed out is that his trauma isn’t pretty and romanticized it’s ugly and yk he acts out and all that, which I appreciate. I can see where he’s coming from on a lot of things or at least understand why he thinks the way he does. I like seeing him learn and grow I like seeing his arcs both personally with himself and with other people. He’s an interesting and complex character and he’s been through a lot and I think it’s just super interesting to see how what he’s gone though affects his mental state and his actions as a character, like just from like a mental analysis standpoint there’s a lot to talk about which I think is pretty cool. this isn’t to say that he’s never fucked up or done anything wrong, because he has, but to be fair so has everyone else on this server I don’t think there’s a single member of the server who’s done nothing wrong (except maybe like. Charlie. Charlie my beloved). He’s made his mistakes but every good character fucks up that’s what makes them a good character is their flaws and so with the ways that he’s messed up and the ways he’s hurt people I’m an apologist because I can see why he acts that way, where the feelings and actions are coming from and I can forgive him for it because I understand the why. Also I just think the punishments he’s received for his actions are rlly unfair, easy ex with exile he did something many people on the server have already done at one point or another and was exiled and mentally broken down over it and rlly it’s just been like one thing after another and even if he’s made mistakes he gets way more harshly punished than I think was fair. I’ve seen people talk about how annoying and selfish his character is and when I read the posts (not all of them, there’s a nice chunk of people who are civil about it) it just seems like they’re not rlly thinking abt his character and his experiences. I’ll see people explain his signs of trauma and say it’s annoying because it’s not soft crying trauma it’s messy acting out trauma which it’s just like you do not understand this at all, do you? Or with the discs, I’ll be honest with you here. I will defend Tommy’s attachment to these stupid little music discs till the day I die. Why can’t he have his discs? They’re his , they’re not even that valuable outside of the fact that they’re his, why can’t he have things? why isn’t he aloud to have items he’s attached to without someone taking them for the sole reason of he likes them. And all I see is people saying he is selfish and cares about the discs more than people, which is literally disproven in the rp. Ranboo flat out says he’s not selfish, when Tommy takes the blame for George’s house (also keeping in mind here tommy and ranboo barely knew each other at the time, and if Tommy was actually selfish he could’ve very easily dragged Ranboo down with him) and when it comes to the discs he’s given up the discs multiple times in favor of helping other people (he gave them up for lmanburg, and then for Tubbo I think twice actually) and the one time he told someone the discs were worth more than they were, that was the moment yeah made him realize he didn’t like who he was becoming and he immediately backtracked and allowed the disc to be handed over. TL;DR he’s not selfish he’s just got a lot of strong attachments and his attachments are both his greatest strength and his greatest weakness. And he’s a kid, he’s been though a lot of things, he’s got a lot of trauma he’s dealing

with and it’s not always pretty but he gets better, he has his arcs and he gets better and learns from some of his actions, and I think looking at him and his yk. Timeline and character development and arcs and his whole like mental deal and just general character choices are super interesting and I find it fun, as someone who enjoys character analysis, and all in all I love him I relate to him in some ways and some of it also might just be emotional attachment and bias towards him as Tommy being one of my comfort streamers

& it’s fully possible someone could have just as much of an argument for c!techno, my deal w looking at c!tommy making mistakes and c!techno making mistakes and being able to be an apologist for Tommy and not for techno is more about me understanding tommy’s character better and understand the reasoning and the why behind the things he says and does, vs. techno who i dont really get and i can’t be an apologist for him if I don’t understand anything hes doing or why he’s doing it and then seeing him over and over dismiss other peoples perspectives and never rlly reflecting on himself (not to say Tommy couldn’t use at least a little of that himself- I am Looking over at his relationship w Jack Manifold lol) can be kinda frustrating but as I said earlier that might just be me not knowing all the proper context

I could probably write more about Tommy especially when it comes to the whole technoblade vs Tommy thing but this post is already way longer than you probably ever wanted to read so I’ll stop now I’m sorry I’m just hyperfixated haha and yk if anyone wants to like add arguments or points or if you or someone rlly likes technoblade or dream or whoever and wants to talk to me about that go ahead I encourage that like I rlly enjoy having those conversations w ppl provided theyre civil abt it bc like we’ve all said a million times over before eveyone in the dsmp is an unreliable narrator and you’re just going to automatically have a bias towards a character if you watch their POV most and all that so. Yk I am a tommy apologist but I watch his streams most and I’m also just emotionally attached so anything I can say has to be taken w a grain of salt bcos I’m biased towards his character

[realityshiftingandblogging]

Can I just say that I appreciate your post on r-spawning so much? You're the only person on tumblr who I've seen who isn't being a complete asshat about it. As someone living in an abusive environment and has been struggling with a lot of mental health issues, I despise what I can only call "forced-lifers" who try to ram their "you're meant to be here! pull up your bootstraps and stick it out" agenda down ppl's throats. Jfc. 🌹

I'm glad you appreciate it <3

I won't ask who you are and I hope your home life gets better, I know how it feels in away. Not exactly because I'm not you. But it's tough, really tough. And I'm proud of you for getting this far.

------------

Cw it gets long winded from here! Just skip to the bottom if you want.

I agree it does seem forced though I don't give it a name. I tend to just ignore it. For me, I don't ever want to come across as, or be, someone who is hateful towards respawners or other subcategories of shifting. I'm kind of in a middle lane, I don't want someone to die physically but is it really my right to decide? No. Nor can I stop it, so what's the point of excluding others? There is none. I fully acknowledge it can trigger other people, it can be confusing, or a touchy subject. That's totally valid! But having a forced attitude to "stay" isn't right in general.

For example, if a friend told you they wanted to end their life and you told them "no you must stay, you're not welcome to talk to me, don't speak to me, etc" then there's something wrong there. It's not necessarily the "staying part" that's the issue, in my opinion. I see it as the more of the forceful and low-key hate that's a result if you don't listen to them when you refuse to stay. It's really rude and disgusting in general. If they claim to want people to stay and live but then have a forceful and hateful attitude then W H A T . (And no I'm not pointing fingers, I just see it pop up every now and then.) If they truly want to "help" (as they say) then they shouldn't push someone away immediately just for saying it. It's not right.

I fully acknowledge, again, it can trigger some people by the mention of death. But in no way should someone completely exclude someone but then say they support anyone who wants help. (Unless you're triggered by the mention of death but even then please ignore the topic and take care of yourself. Triggers are hard to deal with but it's also hard on the other side too.) Respawners aren't mentally ill (And, FYI, mental illness shouldn't be treated as an insult.) And respawners don't always "need help." To be clear, there are different types of respawners. There's people who want to respawn to not come back (which can be done with shifting as well), there are people who respawn for spiritual reasons which has been a practice for years, and so on.

I think the only time I have a problem with Respawning is when it turns dangerous. For example, someone doesn't care if they shift or not in the process. Which is a different type of respawner entirely. And again, I don't support the action when it turns into that but I will fully support the person. Life can be really tough and when someone doesn't care if they shift or not in the process is when I really want to go to their house and violently care for them. Obviously, I can't because 1) Social distancing 2) I'm not allowed on social media so it would be hard to explain JDBSJDND 3) I'm not sure they would consent to me coming to their house 4) Caring or loving someone doesn't solve the issue 9 times out of 10.

BUT, back on the topic. What I'm trying to say is when someone is like that, don't push them away. Respawners are still people. People will emotions. Pushing someone away isn't really helping their "you should stay" point. Because it just makes them look rude or with a goodie goodie attitude that really isn't goodie goodie.

------------

Another thing, I'm sorry that you've gone through that and honestly the behavior is beyond rude. I'm not saying I should force people to accept eachother because obviously it's 2021 and it's the internet, no one is going to get along completely. But I would like the community to AcTuaLlY do some effort into accepting respawners OR AT LEAST accept that they are also a part of social media and excluding them isn't going to do anything. It's the internet.

Honestly, I won't ever understand what you've been through because I'm not you. But if you're really sure Respawning is for you then I won't object. Like I said, I'm in the middle lane right now because that's where I want to be - but I'll support you as a person and, again, I'm really proud of you for getting this far and actually choosing to go find another life. It's a difficult decision for people in abusive situations to choose a new life. It often comes with guilt, questioning, and worry (and I'm sorry in advance if that's not your case and I'm assuming.) But to put it short, I'm really proud of you for choosing to have a new life instead of just ending it without any plans. Yeah I know Respawning it technically death but I'm proud of you for at least choosing it instead of leaving entirely without it. You're worthy of a new life and I'm still very proud of you for making it this far.

[katoodlez]

i tried to be productive this morning but i dont think my brain will let me until i do this, so sam and bucky show episode 4 letS GO

i would like to preface this post by saying that I literally got spoilers (before i watched the episode) from liTERALLY EVERYTHING from youtube to gOOGLE CHROME when i was trying to read the nEWS so in order to avoid spoiling it for anyone that hasnt seen it, STOP READING because this episode is inSANE and you don’t want it ruined for you.

Okay with that being said, let’s get started.

1. the first scene in wakanda absolutely deSTROYED ME. ayo helping bucky clear the winter soldier programming from his mind and then the silent shift of emotions on his face as the flashbacks happened and then when he realized he was free was just-- KDSFKSD the aCTING WAS SO GOOD thank you mr sebastian stan

2. bucky telling ayo that Zemo was a means to an end, especially in Wakandan, gave me chills bc it’s a direct parallel of Zemo telling Bucky that he was a means to an end. this show is just so carefully crafted omg

3. karli morgenthau got so much more screentime and development in this episode and i am hERE FOR IT. it’s really intriguing to get a deeper look into the Flag Smasher’s motivations and see a more personal side of their cause as well, especially in the memorial scene.

4. can we just take a moment. we need to take a moment. to just appreciate sam. hIS DIALOGUE IN THIS EPISODE. actually, in the whole show, but eSPECially in this episode just absolutely POPPED OFF. after this episode, I’m fully convinced that sam is 100% without a doubt the best character in this show. whoever wrote his lines is a genius. i love the scene where he talks to Karli, and I hope that they can have another chance to talk without *couGH* jOhn waLKER *coUGH* butting his head in because that conversation was just amazing. i loved how they discussed things they had in common, and a mutual understanding and how sam said “i agree with your fight, but not the way you’re fighting it.” this line was so good. and literally every other part of that conversation. the entire plot would have fallen to shambles by now if it wasn’t for sam so let’s give this man a round of applause please.

5. while we’re talking about sam, I might as well mention that i was very happy to see him in the falcon suit/wings again. he didn’t fly in episode 3 and i missed the action scenes with the wings. i think I gotta give Sam the most creativity points for the fight scenes in this show because he can fight both in the air and on the ground with a set of wings and weaponize them either way and that’s really cool

6. the dora milaje. I LOVE THEM. omg. i was so happy to see Ayo at the end of episode 3 and they just aSSERTED DOMINANCE in this episode and i loved it. their fighting style and weapons and clothing/armor design is just so elegant and mesmerizing to watch. “the dora milaje have jurisdiction wherever the dora milaje find themselves to be” omg. they took no crap from john walker and it was sO SATISFYING

7. on that note, watching walker get his butt kicked by the Dora Milaje while sam, bucky, and zemo just stood there was hilarious and probably one of my favorite scenes in this entire show so far.

8. WHEN AYO DISARMED BUCKY’s VIBRANIUM ARM. OMG. bucky was *surprised pikachu face* and so was I. I really, really hope they run into the wakandans again because there’s definitely a broken trust between them and i want that relationship to be more fully fleshed out and brought to closure too

9. there’s no way i’m making this list without talking about zemo singing to the kids and giving them candy at the beginning of the episode. that kinda gave me “creepy guy who kidnaps kids at the park” kinda vibes but it was also hilarious since Zemo was the only one making any progress on getting info in that scene xd

10. zemo getting away had the same energy as Loki yeeting with the tessaract in Endgame lmao

11. BUCKY WITH A KNIFE. when he caught the knife askdjfk i’ve been waiting for a bucky knife fight this enTIRE SHOW and i finally got it and me very happy  : >>>> (i’m determined to learn how he does the flippy trick w the pocketknife in Winter Soldier)

12. when Karli called Sarah Wilson i got chills. first of all sarah is an absolute fearless qUEEN but also the fact that Karli threatened Sam’s nephews akdfjaksdj pls dont hurt them Marvel

13. the parallel discussions between Zemo and Sam, Lemar and Walker about taking the super soldier serum were really neat. they both hark back to the conversation between Steve Rogers and Dr. Erskine in First Avenger, and i think that was the key turning point in revealing/completely clarifying both Sam and Walker’s true colors, which will now directly contradict each other for the rest of the show. 

14. people say that sam is the character who always tries to reason things out until he has absolutely no options left. i think that really shows through in this episode, and it’s also a good reference point/marker of the other characters’ development. Sam’s determination to talk things through with Karli actually brought them closer together (until sOMEONE decided to intervene coUGH) but his equal determination to keep peace/negotiate with Walker only drove them further apart, which makes me feel that even though karli and the flag smashers are the “villains” in this story, they are definitely not the antagonists (that would be walker, who’s directly trying to work against Sam and Bucky, the protagonists)

15. bucky’s “i know crazy when i see it cuz i am crazy” sent me LOL

16. when lemar died i think everyone just went 0 _ 0. i don’t think Karli intended to kill him when she kicked him into that wall, judging by the way they all ran off after they realized he was dead. tbh i’ve been netural towards lemar this entire time, tho i do appreciate his more pacifist attitude to walker’s explosive impulsiveness. he’s sort of like sam to bucky. but his death really felt like an accidental cross-fire casualty that cause walker to reach his breaking point

17. and lastly the scene with the bloody shield. 0 _ 0. the whole world was watching indeed

alright that’s it for this week. i can’t believe there’s only two episodes left 0 _ 0. to be honest, from our current point of view as fans i feel like this show needs another season, maybe 2. the reason being, I can’t really see a space that Sam and Bucky would fit into in the future of the MCU. Sam, maybe, if he resolves the deal with the Captain America mantle at the end of this show, but I feel like Bucky’s end goal is just to like, retire lmao. but also, the future of the MCU is gonna be really focused on like the more magicky characters like Wanda, Loki and Doctor Strange, and ofc Spiderman, Thor/Guardians and Captain Marvel, and then ppl are saying something abt the young avengers or something. But yeah, as near as i can figure this show seems like it should bring closure for Bucky at least, except i have no clue how they’re going to wrap all this stuff up in 2 episodes. in addition to the mess with Zemo and Walker and Sharon’s whole deal in Madripoor, I hope they also get back to America to bring their issues there full circle, like Bucky’s issue with Nakajima, Sam’s family and their home, and Isaiah Bradley. guess we’ll see, can’t wait for next week already ahhhh

[ahomeboylives]

hiii kaitlynn. don't mind me if this is annoying but i would like to hear more about irma? 🥺💗👉🏾👈🏾

KAUSAR HELLO i was so excited to see this! i have made a long post so it’s going under a read more but omg💗💜💗

and if anyone wants to know more beyond what i put here PLEASEEEE lmk what you wanna know i’d love to talk more abt irma 🥺

irma morlen!

very basics: half elf -- human dad (iaven), elf mom (kenia), second-born, w/ 4 brothers (eldest to youngest; alren, fuluin, and the twins, ayllisar and delsaran). her parents own a music shop in lushpool (d&d maps i love u… i think this city, from how i understood, would be equivalent to like maybe somewhere in italy on the sea thereabouts? looks about how you expect: lush gardens and greenery walls, breezy, bright, etc.)  which they own the area above and live there as well. 

her affinity toward music was realized when she was young, because guests always seemed to be relaxed and reported feeling incredibly rested after the times that irma joined in on her instruments. her parents were very inclined toward nurturing her magical ability, and therefore had her train with a bard that lived nearby (thus far, this bard is unknown to me! i have no idea who this bard is but idk im inclined to claim a jack black-like figure… fundamentally clashing with her reserved nature, but meshing VERY well with her weirdness). 

she met lyanna when they were somewhat young, and clicked immediately. lyanna was more outgoing, but not outspoken (family involved in local politics, meaning she’s been in diplomatic settings forever and understands what is expected of her). i like to think one day their lessons with the bard were overlapped and they just got on really nicely. HOWEVER…………… lyanna did die under mysterious circumstances. like.. nobody really knows wtf went down. (at first w/ this i was like, ‘oh this should be a the bridge to terabithia/my girl situation’ where like, the one who dies went to do something that the pair were supposed to do together but then for whatever reason they don’t? but then i was like ‘:o what if we go for a mysterious disappearance?’ but she’s 10 years older and still doesn’t know where lyanna is, in the case of disappearance, but talks to her ghost/spirit/afterimage? idk. I’ll figure it out someday! maybe it’ll change per story i tell or smth)  

yeah so basically the death of her best friend (and maybe love of her life) is like, the biggest upheaval of her life. she doesn’t know how to navigate it and neither does any of her family, because they have never had someone incredibly dear to them die suddenly with no chance of closure. they all understand loss. her mother’s loss of connection to her elven family, her father understands the loss of elders and neighbors, but none of them know the depth of this loss. this causes a rift, where irma finds it hard to connect with her family despite the love she holds for them. as a result, a few months pass and irma decides that she needs to sail, and thus begins her sailor background. she meets saren mostana (the cousin of another one of my characters!!! :O ) and sails for a few years. eventually she finds that she’s enjoying her time in neverwinter (our good ol’ generic starting point for adventuring) where she finds a group that she quite appreciates, and begins furthering her musical magic. 

she’s not a stereotypical bard, partially out of me not wanting to play up the stereotype with the group i was playing with but mostly because that stereotypical behavior just didn’t mesh with my view of her. this means she doesn’t really use vocals above humming, and also she’s charismatic in the fact that she’s just really kind with resting sad face so people just trust her and she can engage in conversations smoothly (not easily!!! but smoothly).

for ppl who are into d&d, her age in adventures that I have her in is ~27, and she’s 6th level, but i really want to try and figure her out in an urban fantasy setting! and i have recently changed her from a college of lore to a college of creation bard! :)

oddly fitting ‘irma’ name meanings found on google (learnt today because i name characters mostly willy-nilly lol): Germanic ‘world, whole, universal’; Georgian ‘deer’, and Arabic ‘universal, constant movement’

motifs: yellow, water, antlers (which was before i knew the georgian meaning of ‘irma’!), music obv, lost love, ghosts

big songs from her playlist:

the bug collector by haley heynderickx 

career day by keaton henson

liability by lorde

good grief by hayley williams

all i want by kodaline

(if you’re interested in more songs lmk i’ll share the playlist!!! just dont want a direct link here bc it has my name attached)

random note i found: “irma stuff: you are but a shadow of a memory. in my head you are always here but you are not a ghost protecting me. you are simply a shadow. an afterimage.” which I KNOOWOWWWWWWW is some will graham in dolce influenced bullshit but YEOWCH :(

and here are two picrews of her :~) i just think these ones are fun but i have more too aldjjdj this is the link to this one tho!!!!

[aresrl]

I hihi I am!!! A little nervous w/ doing this bc I've never done this b4 so please bear🐻 w// me💦 May I request a match up? A vision, a romantic partner and maybe a friend and/or enemy? If that's too much feel free to just assign me a vision + partner, ehe/// Preferably male for a romantic match-up, but either gender is fine with a friend and enemy match-up^^ I tried to be as detailed as possible but I think I ended up just ranting, so im v v sorry if it's long! I sort of fluctuate when it comes to being an introvert/extroverted. W// strangers and irl, I'm very introverted and shy!! Rarely speak and if I do it's just the usual "Hi how are you? That's good. I'm good too, thank you for asking:)" yeayea I'm not too. Keen on social interaction irl. But I always do my best to be very nice!! I never wanna come off as mean bc wow what a bad first impression that would be. But with friends / ppl ik online?? Whew I am very very friendly n chatty ^^ Either very high energy or very chill, there's rarely any inbetween. Sometimes I like to jokingly tease my friends but I'd never go too far / make them uncomfortable!! And if I do I always apologize right away!! I like to say that I'm affectionate?? My strongest love language is def physical affection, if not quality time. Idk man there's just something about vibing with someone or hugging them that just aaaaa/// Although I usually display affection w// words of affection bc. Literally most of my friends are online friends so I can't actually hug them, sad times. Idk if this is needed/important info but I just remembered: I'm 5'6 around??? Need glasses bc. Whew i am blind (near sighted), I'm poc (specifically black) anndd, hm. Actually I think thats it for this section, aha. As you can see I'm, not really all that organized. Also I don't have the best attention span - while writing this I'm circling between 4 different apps - and I'm a bit of a mess. And also a little stupid. Just a smidge dumb. But I have my moments - I solved like. 2 puzzles in Inazuma by myself so I think that counts for something. I also find that I tend to talk a whole lot when I have an idea or smthn to say abt a thing I'm super interested in!! That's info-dumping. I info dump. Yes. I also really like to listen to other people talk abt things they like!!!! Its so nice :) I'm protective over people I care about!! I've never done it but 100% would bark at someone who messed with someone close to be. Arf arf yaknow. I tend to he impulsive. I'll do something, and be all "YEAH>:D" and then regret it later. And then I'll do it all over again in a fun little cycle :) I consider myself an optimist, but quickly turn into a pessimist whenever it concerns myself. Fun funfun. Should probably mention that I am. A very insecure person w/ dangerously low self esteem, which is super fun esp when you mix that with the fact that I'm rarely ever motivated to improve. Yayayay Also sort of a pushover?? Like most often than not I'll be convinced to do something, even if I'm not too keen on doing it. Also afraid of confrontation when it comes to my friends and strangers (that is, if it's concerning me!! I'll order smthn for my friend but if I need to order for myself?? uhh stutter time aha). I'm also a mega simp ahah! Srsly though if I fall for someone/get infatuated with someone I. Will be so obvious abt it even though I try very hard not to be. Would gush over that person probably. I don't really like mean people tbh. Like yes I'll be nice and civil with them but!!! I cannot stand!!! Rude people!!! Esp when they're mean for no reason like sir??? maam??? homie??? chill pls ty<3 People who aren't necessarily mean, but moreso have bastard energy and are just really "hehe>:D" but playfully are p poggers tho!!! I think I get along with kids!! I have a little sister,, around like. Nine? And we get along really well!! I also try and match a kid's energy whenever I'm tasked with looking after them. I take pride in the fact that kids like me >:].... even if they sometimes scare me-- Ok, interest time!!

I like art!! Quite a bit!! Less of a realistic artist and more of a cartoonist!! Idk there's just something fun abt drawing cartoons, hehe. I also like self ships - I have quite a bit of them, actually ! Idk its comforting drawings your fictional crushes loving you idkidk. I like writing too! Both original stories, and one-shots or personal fics that are associated with already created media!! Writing character backstories and personalities and stuff is also fun too! I've even made my own fictional world with a full fledged backstory n everything! It's very fun to think about. I'm a day dreamer!!! Yea remember when I said I write stories? I day dream abt potential stories even more. Mmm daydream world so nice so warm so fun I read aswell!! Mostly fantasy books, or stories where animals are the protagonists. Think Warrior Cats. But my favorite book series has got to be Guardians of Ga'Hoole. Fantasy owl books, anyway! X Readers are also things I enjoy reading :) Again, s I m p Also gaming!!! Is something fun I do sometimes!!! Although it's usually Genshin Impact, or Wii Sports/Resort w// my little sister. Oh, also pokemon! I rlly like Primarina, Vaporeon, Sylveon and Vulpix/Ninetails! I absolutely adore sweet foods, and baking is smthn I'm def interested in! Don't like foods w// weird textures though, like beans or mashed potatoes. Also I. Love spice so much. Mmm love it when my mouth burns so bad. Don't have a favorite animal but I've had three cats in my lifetime (btw not important but my current cat is named Sylvester and. He's my baby boy) so I am. A very big cat fan. Probably not needed but I really like sword and claymore characters. Literally all of the characters I main are either sword or claymore users. Although I did get Diona, so I miiight start forcing myself to learn how to aimmm. I see that I tend to like people/characters that are a little more extroverted than me. Upbeat, happy type beat!!! Nice sunshine babies, :) I think thats it! I hope this was good enough? Again, first time doing this (at 2am nonetheless) so forgive me if I got too rambly or did anything wrong ^^ Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this! And I hope your day is good / you had a good day, depending on when you read this, ehe!

Hey! Sorry if the wait has been long! I also love Warrior Cats (I promise myself, one day I'll finish it.)

You received... A Pyro vision! Optimistic, enthusiastic, impulsive, reckless, and a lot of energy are the general characteristics held by the Pyro vision. • I hesitated between the Pyro and Hydro vision, but your energy distinguishes you from the Hydro vision. • You said you were impulsive, always doing something you might regret later but still doing it. • You react quickly: as you said, if somebody hurt someone you love, you won't think twice before barking. Your partner would be... Xingqiu! “This feeling was unexpected.” • At first, you were just friends, and Xingqiu really loved to tease you. Actually, you both teased each other. But eventually, a feeling of love towards you grew into Xingqiu. And that was reciprocated. • Your relationship is filled with teases, jokes, and good/funny moments where you mostly share what you commonly appreciate. • He also knows when to get serious: for example, he does everything to support you during your moments of struggle concerning your self-esteem. Your friend would be... Childe! “Luckily, I'm here!” • You two also share funny moments, especially during situations where your “stupidity” is overtaken by his insight. • Sometimes, he finds you cute. • He likes the fact that you get along well with kids. It leads you to great moments with him and his siblings. • You're quite the opposite in terms of self-esteem. I think it's a good thing because it makes you complementary. Your enemy would be... Albedo! A misunderstanding. • You wouldn't hate each other, but I think Albedo wouldn't like the way you use your energy, and when you're more in a chill mood (meaning you're more available for him to talk), he could get pissed at how much times he'd have to repeat himself for you to understand something. • He's very patient, but he understood quickly that his interests would maybe not be within your reach. • You would just be too different. Worth to mention • You and Venti are like drama queens in Mondstadt. You are good friends. But you both know that you can't be more, as it would eventually both drag you down (because of similar problems). • Klee is also your best friend: both of you share decisions that you definitely will regret later. Or maybe not. • Hu tao and you are kinds of silently competing over who's the best tease, and she beats you. My goal is definitely not achieved. I hope I can catch up tomorrow. And don't worry, it was surprisingly good for a first description!

[rhydium]

Info dumbo about the StarFinite story?

aright u asked for it anon GET READY [cracks knuckles] this is gonna be long so obligatory cut in 3, 2........

...1!

so the uh, the au! the story!! w/e yall wanna call it! full disclaimer, i only began working on this whole thing a while ago, but it's totally taken over my fukn brain. like, we're talking big hyperfixation hrs. am i cringe for being this invested in my own content? yes? cool i do not Care >:3€

i should also throw it out there real quick that i am kin w/ infinite, n this is actually one of my two canons (both of which are my own aus lmfao wow). i didn't go into it expecting it to be but sfsfsgdfs here we are ig!! for that reason it's got extra importance to me n this definitely contributes to the euphoria i get from it!! it's a lil odd writing ur own canon,,? but i kinda just go w/ the flow!

the au n, the story that i will start Eventually, revolves around infinite n starline (obvi) n it's honestly just ... the tl;dr is big healing momence n, what's this? uh oh sisters !!! they are falling in love 😳😳😳

uhhhh so infinite is an android, made by eggman. that's like, the most notable canon divergence here! super important context to have. i've got a whole big theory on the possibility of sega originally intending infinite to be an artificial being (which i explored in the works for my Other canon too), stemming from not only the scene in forces wherein infinite comments on sonic's "data", but a line of dialogue from tails in one of the last stages of the game where he Literally Says "so this is where eggman built infinite". that ... i mean. that contrasts w/ episode shadow pretty hard don't it?? would explain why that dlc was so rushed, n the comic too. ANYWAY adsfsfs um that's a seperate ramblepost. yeah!!!

they are also agender n use they/them (primarily) as well as he/him!! so i'll be refering to them w/ those pronouns!

after the war, infinite is taken in by the resistance n, instead of being dismantled, they're basically given a chance to rehabilitate themselves. it's agreed that they won't be reprogrammed, as despite the potential risks, it feels wrong to do so; like a violation of their free will, individuality n thinking. if infinite is to be a good person, it's not gonna be bc other ppl recreated their entire personality, it's gonna be bc it's what they themselves truly want. robot ethics idk man!! u can't tell me that sonic n co wouldn't offer this to infinite if they offered it to metal in IDW,,,, i am Standing By This!!!

it's, yknow, a bit rocky, at first. infinite has to really fight the urge to return to eggman (something they already tried once, before the resistance found them; they were cast out). it's a struggle against what they were built to do, against giving into unhealthy familiarity over facing a, while healthier, unfamiliarity. new faces, a new life, turning their back on their mission n creator, it's like, a lot.

they work for/with the sonic crew, rebuilding the world they tore down as deemed fitting justice, being closely monitored for a bit as a natural precaution. as it becomes apparent infinite truly no longer has any ambition to harm others (they don't have much ambition for anything, really), they're then granted more freedom, n start taking on more important missions!! it at least gives them something to do, keeps them occupied. they have issues with dissociation, unreality, whether they're truly a real person bc, well, android. feeling purposeless, n a lack of worth, especially. a need to prove themselves. heavy stuff. i'll kinda go into that a bit more in a sec. their work grounds them, if only temporarily.

n soooooo... IDW comic stuff happens. metal virus time. starline gets kicked out of the empire.

now, as the comics are ongoing, n as this is already an au, there's gonna be divergence, n i must admit i haven't planned out all that yet. there's a lot i have to consider!! infinite being w the resistance/restoration is a big game changer ... tho i Do believe that they were absent, likely on a far out mission during most of the chaos. eggman doesn't know abt them, nor does starline or anyone else other than the sonic crew; n some civilians that recognise them.

i'm not 100% sure of Exactly when it happens, but i think it's just after bad guys, that infinite is sent to locate n bring in starline. it doesn't prove too difficult. there's a whole, starline realising "oh fuck it's you???", some bickering n, the two don't hit it off right away. they're both kinda like. not mentally stable ddgddgdds,,,

so uh. starline ends up essentially going thru the same sorta shit as infinite. careful watch, rebuilding, all that jazz, making sure he can be trusted. he's like... very very lost, quite like infinite is. the world has kinda calmed down, in the meanwhile.

it's at this point i'm gonna go ahead n drop a bit of a ramble i subjected my friends to a while ago, to articulate the way i see the two, n their dynamic together!! i was considering making this it's own post a while ago!

analysing their characters a bit... let's look at starline. Like. so we have this, in bad guys, which SENT ME tbfh;

i feel like it's the moment that triggers starline onto the path he is rn canonically,,, he's clearly like. rly mad n bitter. the core of this?? he wants his work n his efforts to be acknowledged.

he's big angry. still kind of in denial at this stage. he has himself obsessed w/ the idea of making eggman see him as Worthy, that if he just tries hard enough, that'll happen. he's dependent on eggman's validation, n i mean, it's no surprise; he's followed him a Long Time by the sounds of it.

then in the recent issue, hold the fuck up, bc we got, This;

god. my god it's all comin together now homies. this???? this right here??? it is the CLASSIC "i have to do this to prove i'm strong n powerful n smart n worthy n should be respected please Give Me Acknowledgement" ..... n who else is Like That? can u see where im going w/ this?

i think most ppl are aware of infinite's character being extremely indicative of self worth/esteem issues n the need to prove themself, right?? the extreme adversity, repulsion, perhaps even fear toward the idea of being weak. the compulsion to prove otherwise, to show their strength, to become powerful, to conquer to make a point. their theme exudes this same energy as their behaviour in-game; an aggressive attitude, trying to assert themself, while if u rly listen...? the lyrics are actually really sad in places. it reeks of cover up, although composition wise, a v interesting thing to note is a lot of the more telling lyrics are prominent while some of the affirming ones are in the background. indicative of a desire to have their true feelings be heard but caught in a vicious loop?

okay okay that's yet Another different analysis. AHEM.

not to get deep on main (oh who the hell am i kidding that's the point of this entire thing) but i think starline has issues w/ his worth in a similar way to infinite. they both seem to have this need to Prove something, whether it's to others or themselves, n get caught in a toxic spiral of doing worse n worse things for Some kind of validation or acknowledgement. they'll go to really big lengths chasing that, n both of them ultimately sought validation in the wrong place n wrong way.

this is a big part of my starfinite dynamic,, n so, what happens, as they get closer n open up??? we have them BOTH realising together that they don't have to do fuck all to prove anything to anyone. they don't need to do all this to show they're strong n smart n worth something, not to anyone else OR themselves. they're enough as they are. they bond over that shared feeling that they have to do xyz, to prove themselves, n that desire to just finally be acknowledged n appreciated n help each other thru it. to help each other understand that other ppls approval, or lack thereof, doesn't define them, their strength, intelligence, and worthiness.

i feel like they have an interesting parallel between them in like... the above could be taken as a general analysis, but to go more in depth on this au specifically?? ...

starline followed eggman for presumably a long time n it no doubt left him feeling a heavy and deep regret for all that time wasted n spent on an unhealthy path. infinite kinda teaches him that what matters is what he's doing Now n also reminds him that if none of it happened, starline wouldn't have learnt a lot of the serious skills he has. n while starline still feels bad, he also realises himself that, he likely never would have crossed infinite's path if none of it happened. for that reason, he wouldn't take it back.

infinite has only been recently made, on the other hand. they haven't really existed long, yet, but so far their experiences haven't been very positive n it can be .... discouraging. starline sorta, shows infinite their limited experiences w/ the world are a very tiny fraction of what's out there, n things can absolutely change, yes, including for the better; that's the essence of life, a neverending, constant flow of change.

it's a big tale of moving on n letting go, honestly; made easier as they're doing it together. n as they heal n grow, well... these bitches gay. sfshshdgds like, ig that's putting it p bluntly but!! they start to trust each other, understand each other more. as they get to truly know who the other is, they both start developing The Feelings. they're both pretty oblivious n the reveal is totally unknown so far!! yeah, i know, bummer. i suck. boo. adafsfsds however i can say there will be lots of content in the making!! if that soothes the soul! i've got of ideas i hope to bring to life.

ofc there's still a lot of more specific things i haven't covered here so! if y'all want more juice hmu w/ more focused questions but !! this is the overview n i hope it was a decent read now that gave some uhhh! Cool Insight! yea!!! ✌