#but now her works look so empty
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thecoiledserpent · 23 days ago
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↑ this, and if a man is problematic online, then he's going to be even worse irl 🤷‍♀️ the entire perception that our online presence or persona does not reflect our true self is false. if you notice, then you can always figure out the inner workings of a person simply by seeing how they act with or react to people. a man who acts toxic on the net is going to be no different irl
Anytime a man is known for getting into fights with other men, just know he's gonna beat women up with zero hesitation in private. Look at Xxxtentacion. When I learned that Dennis Rodman headbutted other men (basketball players, a referee, an SNL comedian etc.) and would kick cameramen for no reason, all I had to do was google his name and attach 'domestic violence' to it. And what do you know. In 2008, he was charged with spousal battery.
Men who hate other men are likely to treat women like shit too. Or even worse. They don't have to be outwardly violent lmao. Never give them the benefit of the doubt either way.
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blueepink07 · 1 year ago
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Kyu kurarin ~ Mahiru
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vampmilf · 6 months ago
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hold on im still too mad at this one fucking guest to take a nap i need to be a hater for a minute
#so when i say hell on earth kinda day i mean HELL ON EARTH kinda day#we had a large bus travel group from slovakia and then some other guests and it was almost a hundred people for breakfast#the bus group all came at the same time they descended onto the buffet like fucking seagulls i swearrrrr#and i divided tasks like i had two helpers with me in the kitchen so one guys job was just to gather dirty dishes + washing + taking clean#ones back out#and the other guy running around the buffet checking whats needed + restockjng the cold food + telling me all the hot stuff that needs#refilling. so i was in the kitchen making all the hot foods on constant rotation + chopping fruits and making smoothies and shit#and like we managed. WE MANAGED. the buffet was never even half empty at any point like yes there was always something that was empty but#dude who cares if the vanilla yoghurt is empty for 5 mins just pick something else.#and everyone was happy with their breakfast and really nice when asking if we have more of this and that etc and then there was one lady#this ONE FUCKINGGGG lady i swear i almost threw hands#she was complaining about everythinggggggggggg#about there not being any more fried eggs (already in the pan. done in 2 mins. but when helper nr2 told her that she said well why did we#run put in the first place) about the bread station being full of crumbs like girl its BREAD. my giy was running up and down the buffet#wiping it off and cleaning as fast as he could but if you allow people to cut their own bread there will be fucking crumbs. the fuck.#then she also didnt like how the butter looked bc OBV people kept using the butter and no matter how many times you go in and make it look#neat again as soon as the next person takes some it will not look picture perfect anymore#like while i was running back and forth restocking stuff with my arms full she TOOK MY ARM and pointed at things and was like#'this looks shit' so does your fucking face but you dont see me getting physical about it#and then when i came out with a big tray of fresh glasses and cups she pointed to where someone had spilled some water at the dispenser and#went 'there is water on the buffet' (far away from any food + literally its just water) and i said 'yes i know' and she goes 'well it doesnt#look very appealing. this is the worst buffet ive ever seen' and i go 'well surely you have seen how busy we are' and she FUCKING GOES#'i dont care. i paid money for this.' and i go 'well that makes two of us for not caring. we'll get to it when we have the time.' and she#said something else idk what bc i was finished with my task and had SHIT TO DO BC PPL WERE STILL EATING#so i just turned and ran back to the kitchen to keep working#actually i got back to the kitchen and said to guy nr1 'i need to go punch something' and then went out the back and started kicking the#shit out of a pile of paper boxes and THEN i continued working#and then she started TAKING PICTURES of everything she didnt like of the buffet like full offense i hope she gets hit by a bus#like with some people you can just tell they never worked a day in the service industry and no matter what you do theyll keep complaining#anyways :) tag limit. apparently. so its nap time now. honk shoo snork mimimi and so forth <3
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phantomrose96 · 2 years ago
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So I know this isn't anything that like actually needs an apology but it'll make me feel a bit better to say it. Oof whoops this ABoT chapter is super late. Timing kinda sucks since I wanted to have some updates out while s3 was airing but
Been kinda mega busy and stressed since October with the whole condo buying thing which rolled right into immediate day 0 plumbing and boiler issues I had to get fixed and general moving hassle and financial commitment stress and I kinda just fried myself hard. Plus then acclimating to a new place without my familiar street or familiar grocery store or familiar room or any of that. Like there's no "just go home and take your mind off it" to this cuz home is the "it". So I'm just kinda enduring until I can calm the hell down.
And anyway I definitely have progress on ch47, like 7000-ish words of it, but it's the kind of like "there is writing there" and hasn't exactly hit the "there is substance there" that I want ABoT chapters to be. Like this in particular is a chapter I want to be good, not just be done. So it's taking time to get my brain somewhere that can do that.
#anyway#i mean just in case anyone was like wondering if its discontinued to anything#its still going i just can't make it Good quite yet#(plus i need to get furniture cuz as it stands the place is really quite empty and bare except for like my room and the kitchen)#(also the bank had my address wrong so they havent been able to send me any of the mortgage information which was technically due already)#(ive been in contact with them but it's a whole thing)#(plus im still not quite finished with all the utility switching. i still need to get water in my name)#(and the boiler issue fucked up my gas bill so now ive got a crazy high gas bill i just need to... pay)#(i have actually started seeing a therapist but thats a whole other Thing now figuring out insurance and deductables and using my HSA#account and just... it's a lot)#(oh also my homeowner's insurance policy number doesn't actually work for getting me into the online portal. and the geico guy said he was#looking into it but I havent heard anything in a while)#(its a lot im just gonna melt for a while i guess)#(plus all the upfront stress has made it really hard to associate the new place as 'home' instead of 'place of great many plumbing evils')#(i sat on like 4 million couches this week and the only one i really really like probably doesn't quite fit in my living room)#(the downstairs neighbors tv is too loud and i need to talk to her about it in a way which isn't 'hey im holding on by a thread and this#one small inconvenience is the thing which is making me turn into ash')#(oh thats right i have to go pay my january HOA dues...)#(oh also I need to file for the owner-occupied tax exemption thing now that its 2023)#anyway......... ill be normal eventually. im just not normal right now.#chrissy speaks
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passumstars · 9 months ago
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I will likely never get to do anything with her
#the band ghost#nameless ghoul oc#i mostly wanted practice making a character sheet ish thingy#and by god i got that#had to work hard for her colors which is not usually a problem for me#and the silhouette flip like if your character doesnt have a tail then bam its done and no one will notice the small problems#but it doesnt work with a tail if you want perspective i had to redraw/move her tail around to make it look right so. learned that very much#i like the layout concept though thats nice#i have a whole backstory for her. she was part of a group summon and it all went fine except that one person was missing and they ended up#with a statue. she was too terrified to talk to anyone so she got left there and after it sounded empty she reverted and found some place to#hide in the gardens. so she lives there now. and ruins a lot of socks. and helps with the plants not that anyone knows that. and panics and#turns to stone if anyone walks by. so everyone does realize theres a moving shifting statue in the abbey but no one is sure what to do about#that. doesnt speak much if at all. doesnt steal a new shirt bc people notice if those go missing unlike socks. has anxiety bitch face also#yeah. and like. i dont know what a fandom is and i certainly dont know what a music is and thats why ill likely not do anything with her#which kinda sucks. but i still made her a character sheet cause she wont leave me alone. and for the practice#cause if i think about doing a sheet for story ocs i get all perfectionist and it doesnt happen#the luck thing is that she kinda thinks being summoned was a curse#im gonna shut up now
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youreonyourown-kid · 5 months ago
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Listen I too once had Harry Potter brainrot so I get it but it’s so weird how much of fandom space it takes up. Like when I look up procedural dramas on AO3 why do a bunch of HP crossover fics show up as most popular? And like.. I could see the appeal of seeing certain characters in Hogwarts/sorting them. Categorizing is fun! But Leroy Jethro Gibbs is not a man to be shipped with boy wizards what is this
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leftoversludge · 6 months ago
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anybody else recreate entire shows in the sims 4, or like…. do you have a life?
#i just#ok yea i made noel fielding a luxury comedy in the sims 4#but it’s fine#yeah it’s actually really good#yea i made noel and andy warhol and smooth and dolly#yea i made the cafe and the office#they’re still works in progress#i was really disappointed when there were no stingray stickers for the bottom of the pool and only turtle stickers ngl#i really wanted tony reason but it’s just an empty tank 😭#i want to make dondylion too but i can’t quite figure it out…#do i have better things i should be doing instead of making luxury comedy in the sims? most definitely#but like i can’t stop now bc i’ve almost got it man#i should make sargent raymond boombox but i think i didn’t bc they don’t have yellow skin as an option? i think#but i’ve perfect noel andy smooth and dolly#gave them all personalized bedrooms that i think quite match them#really using this as interior design simulator#although i didn’t know what to do for smooths room so i just made it vaguely shamany even though he’s not naboo……..#dolly’s room probably has room for improvement#but i nailed her outfits dude like it’s actually so good#and andy’s#i’m always tweaking noel’s outfits though#it’s all with the base game proving i’m a big time gamer#i tried to make andy warhols room look like some place you would leave a robot to charge#but he’s a snob and keeps getting bored so i had to had some paintings#but like something he would’ve made kind of paintings#it’s so good man#like i’m too good at recreating shows in the sims#i might do the boosh next#if i perfect luxury comedy#noel fielding
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girlivealwaysbean · 9 months ago
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my sister called me and kept asking excitedly that what's happening in my life and
#like life as in. i can't say love life but like you know what's happening with the guys and the girls#girl#and i was so tired#am so tired#i just made up an excuse that im too physically tired too talk to cut the call and told her id call her back but i won't#i want to okay i really do I want to hear about her life what's going on but she's not that type of person jinke saamne#i can just divert the topic from myself avoid talking about me she's determined and caring like that😭#just. kya batau main#i spent the whole day working but really if i stopped doing anything for like 2 minutes all the last convos i had with everyone i#liked loved whatever started replaying in my head constantly making me feel all down and sad in public yk that empty heaviness inside chest#i mean. what is there to say. i feel truly pathetic#everyone just keeps leaving me. they decide one day that oh nope she's not for me not interesting anymore doesn't understand is too much#draining and destroys my peace and then they leave#it doesn't even matter the weight of the relationship#whether it's been a year of being in love or two weeks of talking till 5 am or a week of wishing me good morning and good night#every day. it doesn't matter they leave and they leave and they leave and they don't look back and im left to pick up the pieces go on#pretend to be okay and normal and fucking focused on like. studying accounts as if my heart isn't breaking#into a million tiny pieces everytime#i don't know how to tell her. the sister you love so much the sister you can't live without imagine life without. the#sister who you thought about holding on for because you couldn't do that to her leave her alone when you had suicidal thoughts. she's#she's actually deeply unlovable undateable unfuckable and like truly lonely and easy to let go of#i know she loves me and i know my bestfriend loves me and she would fall apart if i wasn't there for her#but it's not enough. i really wish it was. but it's okay it's enough for now it's enough to keep me going it's enough to make me not wanna#die yk? like i don't love myself enough to live for myself get better for myself but they need me so i need to be okay be happy because i#need them to be happy. and they're happy when im happy#does that make sense#okay bye i should really start writing a diary
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caruliaa2 · 1 year ago
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what if you needed reassurance abt smth very specifc . and you wanted to go to a specifc person for the reassurance. but that person is so busy ad talking abt and getting reassurance abt this thingwas also a topic that you know your upsetness abt lead to them feeling bad too becuase hastag every single thing i touch become sick with sadness or whatever but then you where like oh i know. i have what they said writen down someonewhere in mydrawer my drawer of things theyve said to me i think its actually at the very top of my drawer even so i dont have to do searching thru things and then im like oh yeah my drawer is in a room with a bunch of my other shit and the key was stolen by someone whose refused to even listen to me when ask if they can maybe unlock the drawer and this has been the case for THREE WEEKS NOW STAFF UNSHADOWBAN @CARULIAA NOW !!!! @staff @support @joebiden @taylorswift @god @carmensandiego
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cuteniaarts · 1 year ago
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Young Haya WIP ft. backstory rambles in the tags
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original character#seeds of the red lotus#sotrl haya#she’s actually really fun to draw#both young and at her age in sotrl/utos#which is very ironic considering who she is as a person#well. who she will become as a person#she hasn’t yet. not at this point#knowing what she did makes it very hard to feel anything but hatred for her#but once upon a time she was a fourteen year old girl left with nothing but an empty house and a little brother on her hands#with no idea where to go from here#she dropped out of school so she could look after and provide for her brother#not like she could afford it on her own anyway#people who knew their parents talk a lot but say nothing at all. they offer condolences but no help#she works until her previously tender hands are now numb and rough with callouses#picking up any odd job she can get just to scrape together enough money to pay for the house and for food#her brother is barely five. she wants to let him mess around and play and have fun but can’t keep an eye on him if she does#he doesn’t see her as authority. she’s his big sister who’d ruffle his hair and buy him snacks on the way home from school#she’s not his mother but she tries desperately to fill that role. he doesn’t listen. she gets harsher#she hates herself for it but doesn’t know of another way. she just wants to keep him safe#the townspeople talk. they say the disease came from the swamp. their house is on the very edge. she’s wary of the far end of the backyard#her brother isn’t. the big trees lining the border of the swamp make for a superb playground. she knows. it was once her playground too#‘don’t go there’ she says. he doesn’t listen. he keeps going. one day he brings back the most sickly looking girl she’d ever seen#she has no compassion in her heart for the girl. only worry and graphic images in her mind of her brother wasting away from the disease#she can tell him to stop talking to the girl all she wants. it’s been four years and he’s grown immune to her attempts at parenting#that’s when she starts to yell. how else is she supposed to make him hear her? if he doesn’t listen he’ll get sick too. she can’t lose him#she doesn’t have anyone else
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scramble-crossing · 2 years ago
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yo tell us about the self sihp oc. no cringe man. i'll tell you about my oc if you do
The specifics will have to be pried out of my cold dead hands unfortunately because I am embarrassed 😔 but! I'll share a little bit about them :]
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[Picrew here]
Their name is Fable! I tested out my online name with them (he/she/they btw)
They're a philosopher who tends to stick a bit too rigidly to reason, even when they're constantly put in scenarios that defy common logic. Introspective and a bit antisocial, she's friendly enough, but somewhat adverse to teamwork, prefering to take matters into her own hands rather than stress the people around her. She has a bad habit of running away when things get tough, a strategic retreat, she says, but everyone can see right through it.
After his death, he won his Reaper's Game (maybe with a little extra help...) and chose to join the Reapers after discovering that an old friend had become one. This friend had taken to it like a natural, but Fable...not so much. Trying to earn enough points to stay alive was a constant uphill battle.
He fights using sigils, Fullmetal Alchemist style. He carries around an empty book and rips out pages when he wants to fight, the attack varying depending on what he draws. He's a massive glass canon and hits quick, but goes down even quicker. He has to play it smart to keep from getting erased.
They're a Union leader! They're the president, spokesman, head of public relations, director of the treasury, you get the point, of the cheesily-named organization: R.E.A.P.E.R (Reapers Educating and Assisting Players and Empowering Reapers). Their ultimate goal is to create as ethical a Reaper's Game as possible, for both Players and Reapers alike. It's uh...(glances at Shinjuku) not going great.
Her noise form is a little gecko :] She uses elaborate illusions to make herself look much, much larger than she actually is, hiding her cantus' "true" body in the mouth of a massive, frilled-neck dragon.
She spends the entirety of NEO playing super sleuth trying to sniff out what the Shinjuku gang are up to, nearly getting sniped in the process. She never notices. She's like a cartoon character bumbling through a construction site. Uzuki is NOT giving her hazard pay for this.
He's good friends with Kariya. Good enough that he's he one other member of R.E.A.P.E.R, although he doesn't do much besides bring coffee to their little two-person "committee meetings" and put up with him asking if he's ever going to call his fucking wife already.
She is divorced <3 no I am not saying to who but it's uh. Probably not hard to guess.
I might do something with them in the future because I like their story, but for now I'm recycling them for another project where I needed a character to fill a certain roll and they work quite well. I really did try to make a simple self-insert/sona, but she kind of took on a life of her own and is now just a totally separate oc. Oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'll talk about them more in the future I just have to get over the inherit shame in their origin story lol
Now
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navramanan · 2 years ago
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:/
#too many men have NO shame NO haya NO respect vallahi. it almost gets me worked up#this one guy sat next to me ON PURPOSE. the seat next to his FRIEND was empty. then along the way several more got empty#he stayed sat next to me and i'm not dumb i knew it was on purpose#then minutes before his stop he starts talking to me 'is everything well?' i dont know u and wtf do you mean#he asked several times i said yeah very weirded out#then he goes where u from are you german. then he gestures to his head saying very good meaning me wearing hijab#VOMITTTTTT WHO ARE U EW EW EW#i got so icked out cuz the audacity????? how you commenting on that?????????#i hate that it when it has to be said cuz it should be COMMON sense not to act this way not to make stranger women uncomfortable#but you like imagine someone doing this to your sister???? the fact it has to be said#the fact men dont have this common sense in their brains and only (sometimes) clock it with comparisons to their mums or sisters#before getting off he stretched out his hand to me to shake it AUUGHHHH???? NOW WE DONT KNOW THAT'S HARAM?????#had to say no two times cuz he insisted like you fr frrrrrr have to be stupid to ignore body language#cuz i was visibly weirded out. then he tapped me on my shoulder before getting off. shivers#you think it's very good when a woman wears hijab bit THEN sit right next to a non mahram woman when you couldve sat next to your friend#you look her directly in her eyes make comments about her covering (v inappropriate) THEN try shaking her hand#it's always the ones so so delusional about what theyve done wrong may Allah guide them for the sake of the women they give a hard time to#i rarely have encounters like this but i'm sure other sisters have it worse and they are TIRED#if any non muslim tries to analize this interaction to come to the conclusion that he was being normal and i'm overreacting#give it a rest xx#nesi rants
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cuteniarose · 2 months ago
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It’s almost 6 a.m and I can’t sleep because I’m being plagued by thoughts of The Latest OC
#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#Jia is genuinely making me lose my mind#right now the aftermath interests me a bit more because I live for emotional whump and angst#just.. imagine being her parents#you beg for your daughter’s life and your plea is listened to. she’s released. having proved herself useless. you barely recognise her#she’s nothing like the upbeat and cheerful girl you raised who loved working in this palace. who loved her lady#she’s so thin. hollow cheeks and empty eyes. she barely reacts to anything but Lord Jusamah’s voice which makes her flinch#you’re afraid to even hug her in case she disappears like a ghost would. something is very very wrong with her#you remember the rumours that she was tortured for the information. she looks like she’s starving#it’s clear she was hurt. she wouldn’t act like this if she wasn’t. ​you’re scared to think of what is hidden beneath her clothes#you want to lunge at Lord Jusamah and strangle him with your bare hands. inflict everything he’s done to your daughter on him tenfold#but you can’t. he’s rich and you aren’t. he has power and you don’t. if you try.. none of you are seeing the sun ever again#you barely care. it would be worth it. but you have two other children to worry about. and Jia deserves her freedom#so all you can do is drop to your knees. press your forehead to the floor. and thank him for his kindness#you tell Jia that you’re taking her home. alertness returns to her for but a moment#‘home?’ her whisper sounds so sad. so broken. you can barely stand it#you rush home as fast as you can. she’s so skittish it hurts. she feels the sun on her face and doesn’t move for a good 10 minutes#you can’t bring yourself to say anything. one of you goes ahead to warn the family so the children won’t crowd her#you finally make it to your house and Jia looks at it as if it was a mirage. she touches the wall to ensure it’s real#the first thing you do is help her take a bath. the sight of her back fuels you with bloodlust. there’s no untouched spot on it#your sweet gentle girl was whipped until criss crossing scars covered every last inch. it must have been hell#you bandage her wounds and take her to eat. she gorges herself on it as if someone would take it away. some light returns to her eyes#she always had a good appetite. at least that didn’t change. after lunch you let her sleep in your own bed#instead of making her share with her siblings and cousins. she needs space. she passes out the second her head hits the pillow#you stay and keep watch. and when the first night terror occurs. you’re ready. her screams are impossibly loud#you wake her. calm her down and hold her hand as she falls back asleep. recovery won’t be an easy road#but you walk it anyway. and with time. she gets better. she returns to her old self. only some traces of that horror remain#she’s happy again. smiles a lot. helps out. plays with the younger kids. she’s the Jia you know and love#she has nightmares. her scars hurt. no one touches her back. she’s paranoid about food. but she’ll be okay. you’re sure of it#(I reached the tag limit again but at least I said all I had in mind. but I could probably ramble on about this for ages…)
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depresseddepot · 3 months ago
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me: hey so one of the three cats has diarrhea but I need to figure out who. can you keep an eye on your cat, because he only really comes down here to use the litter box so I can't watch how he's acting like I can the others
my mother: wh.......huh........... .? "keep an eye on him"...........i mean............ill try.......how am i expected to do that......................do i just "look" at him.....?. "pay attention to him..?"......i don't think i can do that.......... .you're being so fucking dramatic actually. this fork becoming dirty after i ate using it is your fault too
#joey i am so sorry i have to leave you with this woman#sorry ignore this lmfao i just don't understand why she acts like keeping an eye on how HERR cat behaves is so hard for her#she works less hours than i do and makes like 5x as much (literally)#''how am i supposed to know where he is'' you Look#''okay well how do i know if he's acting weird'' HES YOUR CAT. YOU LOOK AT HIM#im watching him too ofc because apparently im the only one that gives a shit about the cats in this household#but he doesn't like one of my cats so he doesn't come down here very often#is it like unreasonable of me to ask her this. like am i fucking missing something#the way she like sighed deeply after i asked and was like ''i mean.....ok....but i don't see him anymore than you do''#HE SLEEPS OJ YOUR BED#LOOK AT HIM#he walks around and plays with dogs and you pet him all the time just FUCKING LOOJ AT HIM#''and then what? youll take him to the vet?''YES????????????#yes i will take YOUR cat to the vet because you won't fucking do it#when my cat was peeing blood she wanted me to wait a week to ''see if it would clear out''#and when he couldn't use his leg she kept telling me it was just a sprain when in fact he has TORN HIS CCL#the vet told me the only other time she had ever seen a cat with a torn ccl was when a stray had been KICKED BY A DEER#yeah a sprain. uh huh. he slept for 48 hrs straight and it must've been a sprain#hes all better now thank god but im constantly kicking myself that i let her convince me into waiting a full week for his ''sprain'' to heal#just watch joey. just look at him. just literally pay any fucking attention to YOUR cat#if joey didn't hate my other cats so much i would 100% bring him with me too#but he's very much an only cat kind of cat so he WILL be happier when i leave#i just hope she gets her shit together and starts caring for him the way she's supposed to#maybe itll spark empty nest syndrome and she'll obsess over it or something#literally ANYTHING#vent
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iniziare · 6 months ago
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Tag drop: Kafka
#tag drop#kafka: inquiries. [ apologies for interrupting your little get-together. but I’m sure once you’ve heard my request; you’ll forgive me. ]#kafka: wishes. [ if you wanna look for some fun. i won't stop you. i mean after all; elio didn't put it in the script; why would it matter?#kafka: stellaron hunters. [ we all have our own individual goals. we may work together; but we work together for our own reasons. ]#kafka: astral express. [ in pursuit of the most dangerous objects in the universe? in that sense; you and i are cut from the same cloth. ]#kafka: conflict. [ looks like we're the ones getting ambushed. / but they're the ones getting besieged. ]#kafka: nessun dorma. [ da capo. fortississimo. capriccio. recitativo. doloroso. leggiero. ]#kafka: beauty. [ beautiful things have one thing in common: fragility. the more fragile; the rarer. maybe that's what makes it precious. ]#kafka: destiny. [ that's the nature of destiny; it creates a miracle but convinces you of an accident. ]#kafka: pteruges-v. [ it was one of many planets changed by a stellaron. it's a shame i never got to witness how far it fell at the time. ]#kafka: bladie. [ … her voice was very gentle. and even the monster inside his body stayed silent to listen to her. ]#kafka: caelus. [ i called out to you and you came. you had many choices; but everything led you here. to right here and right now. ]#kafka: elio. [ there's an empty space in my mind; my heart. changing that part of myself isn't something i can do alone. he can help me. ]#kafka: silver wolf. [ ignoring the rules is something she and i have in common. ]#kafka: v. new babylon. [ i was a devil hunter. when people don't feel fear; they are dominated by desire; pleasure. they become “devils”. ]#kafka: v. present. [ we can only add one gold thread each time but eventually: we will pave the way for the future that is written. ]#kafka: v. future. [ the future is like a labyrinth: every divergence is merely an inducement. there is only one real path. ]#kafka: wishes. [ if you wanna look for some fun. i won't stop you. i mean elio didn't put it in the script; so why would it matter? ]#kafka: little notes. [ the mara's tether is in her grasp. she will not pull it before the designated time. nor shall she relinquish it. ]#[ kafka. ] we believe that existence has meaning; but that meaning is bestowed by ourselves. not by choices.#[ kafka: ic. ] like a spider in the center of her web. it has a thousand radiations; and she knows well every quiver of each of them.#[ kafka: countenance. ] destiny has thousands of faces. why does it choose to wear this one?#[ kafka: introspection. ] it started with sincerity and anticipation followed by a passionate catharsis; with one climax after another.#[ kafka: meta. ] she must have sought something extraordinary. everything she does comes at a great cost.#[ kafka: etc. ] seems i came at a bad time. / no no; i think you couldn't have timed it better. 23:47:15. very punctual; kafka.#[ kafka: bladie. ] i long for you; i who usually long without longing; really and utterly long for every bit of you. [ daybreakrising. ]#[ kafka: veritas ratio. ] does it smell of me; veritas? [ avaere. ]#[ kafka: veritas ratio. ] i believe you have fallen victim to a misconception; doctor. who says it is elio who harbors an interest in you?#[ kafka: caelus. ] everything that you love: you will eventually lose. but in the end; love will return in a different form. [ astrxlfinale#[ kafka: sam. ] you should really stop playing with your food; kafka. / i know. next time. this time… it's already too late.
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floral-hex · 8 months ago
Text
me… sad boy
#I was going to whine a lot but why lot word when few word do trick?#I have been… soooooo anxious and depressed and I feel like I’m going to die soon & the world is ending the world is empty & I’m alone in it#I feel so sick#I need to get out and do something. I always need to get out and I never do and I’m dumb#so maybe I’ll just get messed up and stay in my room#I can’t sleep. I wake up tired and hurting. I can’t do anything.#woe is fucking me amirite?#also I just finished Black Sails and I cried a lot. why did I think getting emotionally attached to a show and finishing it was smart?#that’s not important. I mean it is but not really. what’s important is I constantly feel like the end is always looming over me#I miss my therapist but I’m scared to ever see him again.#same reason I’m scared to be around anyone outside of my immediate family: I’m a failure & I can’t bear to see that reflected in their eyes#so he joins a long list of people I can’t talk to anyone along with my dad and countless old friends#hey wait why did I segue to this?#boo hoo#analytically. logically. I can look past this and see how irrational these thoughts are#but goddamn if there’s not something chemical that just makes me feel sick and scared and I’m having a doozy of a time living with it#because Ian you need to work on long term goals. not just quick fixes like I dunno fucking eating pizza or playing video games#sorry. just wanted to vent. it’s been building up in me for days and I needed a quick whine#I shaved. I’m gonna get a haircut maybe tomorrow. if only to stave off my unhealthy feelings of ‘just shave your head at 3am’#my mom is finally reaching the point where she doesn’t need me to chauffeur her around all the time#and my brothers are finishing their semesters at school and also both have licenses now#so I think I can stop using those as excuses and try to… I dunno. live for myself now. that sounds cheesy.#gonna go get a low paying job doing something mindless so I can have extra cash for being alive#god I need a hug so bad#that’s not even… like… not even a lighthearted joke. I think if someone sincerely held me for a few minutes it would fix me. a little bit.#this is too much information#sorry I love you goodbye forever#but hey… really… I love ya… I mean maybe. not really. kind of. I appreciate ya and I’m here for ya… in spirit. like a ghost. a cool ghost.#you can ignore this#text
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