#but not the CONTEXT of defying gravity. also! i thought defying gravity was the end of the musical! not act one!!!

[botanicallyinclinednerd]

Just saw Wicked, time to listen to/ watch the musical

[amerricanartwork]

Quetzalli on Trafficlights and Birds

Well @toxictoxicities, it has been done! You gave me the chance for me to give my own interpretation on this matter, and I can’t resist chances to add some narrative significance! I decided to make a separate post on it because what I came up with ended up being long (as always with me), and in case anyone else would enjoy these thoughts.

However before I go in with this essay I've put together I have to give a very important note: These thoughts are gonna be primarily based around my personal interpretations and headcanons for Seven Red Suns and No Significant Harassment. I’m generally a person who needs to know exactly what I’m working with to do something well, and as such my ideas about metaphors, symbolism, and greater narrative significance typically depend a lot on me understanding the characters and ship not just in their general dynamic, but various other deeper elements — what their core desires/fears are, what their backstories/histories are, each of their main character traits and why they are that way, then from there what they see in each other and why their relationship benefits each other in-universe, and what other effect(s) the relationship has or could have on the characters in-universe as well as the greater narrative out-of-universe, with the additional optional knowledge of what the main plot of the story they come from is to possibly tie in important moments. Seeing as you probably aren’t going to explain your Trafficlights interpretation completely to this intense of a degree anytime soon (though I’d absolutely enjoy hearing it whenever it comes!), if I’m going to make some metaphors I think the best option is to just use my current character interpretations so I have this background familiarity, especially since I’ve actually been developing these things a whole lot for my own iterator off-the-string happy ending AU!

Also, I want to say to that if some of these idea sound familiar, it’s because I realized I can actually project some of my previous Lilypad ideas onto this Trafficlights portrayal as well. I feel my Suns and Moon are similar enough in their personality traits that many of the same dynamics and significance could reasonably apply. In fact Tox, I’m gonna admit I actually did take some inspiration for my Lilypad portrayal from seeing your particular Trafficlights and drawing my own conclusions about how that dynamic worked, and overall my depiction of Seven Red Suns is largely inspired by your own take on that character, which I found quite unique compared to the rest of the fandom for being the first one I saw to show Suns as being far less imposing and confident internally than they seem in public. So I guess I am once again coming full circle now!

I think this is already more than enough words, but I just felt the need to give those prefaces as context for all of these ideas. With that being said, I hope you like at least some of these!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Option 1: Birds as Freedom

From what I’ve read, a common symbolism for birds is freedom, which to me is easy to see because of their signature flight ability. Flight can be considered the mode of travel with the greatest freedom because it’s not restricted by landmasses (or even planets, if you include space travel), and because flying is literally defying, or “freeing oneself” from gravity, one can easily associate it with weightlessness and thus being carefree and without worries or negativity.

With any off-the-string iterator story, it’s easy to give going off-the-string a positive significance because it’s literally the puppet “freeing itself” from the limited confines of their chamber, and by extent the limits imposed upon them by the Ancients. This is further supported by how some iterators in canon do appear to perceive their cans as a limitation or cage, as evidenced by the broadcast dialogue. In fact, I've heard No Significant Harassment is one of these very iterators, so I imagine he’d absolutely want to go off-the-string so long as he has a good incentive to. 

To relate this back to birds, you could very much use a caged songbird as a metaphor for the iterators; beautiful, brightly-colored creatures “raised” in captivity and trapped in boxes to serve other people, once “singing” out their ideas from within to those people, but now just giving those “songs” to each other. Thus, going off-the-string (perhaps to the Emergence facility in your AU) could be seen as these “birds” finally flying free to be with one another “in the wild”, finally able to fly and live their lives more fully as they were denied for so long. So regardless of any other symbolism, Trafficlights — and any other off-the-string iterator ship by extent — leaving their cans could be seen as them “flying free” together from the restraints forced upon them.

However, I’ve also recently realized another freedom symbolism besides freedom from the Ancients’ restrictions, and that’s freedom from their own. This is something more impactful to my Seven Red Suns, who like Moon, is also someone who hides a lot of his true personality for a more polite, proper, and dignified public persona, shoulders a lot of weight he isn’t always able to handle alone, and puts lots of limits on himself and what he’s “allowed” or “supposed” to do, albeit for entirely different reasons. Now contrast that with Sig, who although he also hides a lot of his true feelings and knows when to dial it down, is someone who is a master at breaking rules and going against convention. In fact, I like to imagine it’s literally in his nature (er, programming) to think outside the box, generating all sorts of different ideas to solve problems that don’t always totally follow outside rules or what’s “typical” for using a certain item. 

When you bring these two together, I imagine Sig could absolutely be the one to encourage Suns to let loose more, letting down his proper and and uptight persona to show more of his emotional side and explore things he didn’t allow himself to before (like I said, this is one of the ideas that works with Trafficlights as well as Lilypad)! It’s as if Suns is a bird too used to living in the cage and afraid to truly fly again, and Sig has to coax him out into embracing that freedom. You could even take this with the idea of iterators not being used to romance, a restriction Suns absolutely puts on himself and even others because he believes a “proper” iterator isn’t supposed to have such deep attachments, of which romantic love could be considered the worst because it’s both breaking Karma 3 of Companionship and can directly lead to Karma 2 of Sexual Intercourse, so it’s essentially a double-risk. But again, Sig is willing to explore these new feelings, and now that they’re off the string and can love each other more physically and directly than ever, what better time could there be for Suns to “spread his wings” and fly alongside him?

Option 2: Birds as Passion/Romance

To me, the second biggest symbolism that birds can have is that of passion and general romantic ideas. Technically all birds could have this association because feathers and wings in general are pretty showy, so spreading one’s wings could just as easily be a gesture of great emotion and expression as it could be preparing to be free. In addition though, whereas the previous point was more related to songbirds, this seems to correlate more with birds of paradise especially, who have the most colorful and varied plumage of the bird kingdom, thus making it easy to say they’re “showing their true colors” without fear. Some birds of paradise, particularly parrots/parakeets/macaws/etc. are very social creatures by nature, so it’s even easier to draw the connection between their vibrant plumage and social behavior with being expressive and outgoing.

As for the romance element, to me it seems birds are commonly used as such symbols already; there’s doves and swans being symbols of love often included in some way at weddings, words like “lovebirds” referring to lovers as well as one of my favorite words, “twitterpated”, which means to be very smitten and infatuated and also has a clear bird-based association and maybe even origin. But then there’s the idea of songbirds singing to each other, which I think is a particularly romantic idea which plays into one of my favorite shipping tropes I call, “answering the call”. So far, I like to describe it as when someone is looking for companionship and romance for a while, either openly or as a subconscious desire, but is eventually found and “answered” by someone willing to love with them. It’s such a romantic idea to me because it often includes so much loneliness and sometimes even tragedy before, making that moment where they finally find someone all the more sweet!

Okay, now to bring this back to Trafficlights. Starting with the first idea, I think it’s easy to associate Sig with these kinds of birds, especially macaws and such, seeing as I imagine he can be just as “colorful” both literally and personality-wise, and cares deeply about his relationships in a similar manner. But even then, like I mentioned before Sig can sometimes feel like he needs to hide those feelings because others don’t fully understand him and he doesn’t want to risk creating tension (although hiding his feelings like that kinda does anyway). 

To resolve this, I’ve decided to use what I imagine Sig would appreciate and value in Suns that would evolve the relationship past friendship to romance, that being that Suns was one of the first people besides Moon who believed that Sig’s ideas and his dedication to his friends could be something more, something better and used for good. My Suns is defined largely by his perfectionism and endless drive to make things the “best” versions of themselves. In my timeline of events he already helped Sig in that way during a pretty important moment, not to mention it’s just really inspiring how much Suns cares about trying to bring about the “best” for everyone. On Sig’s end, this is how they at least developed a friendship, and in this alternative what would cause that appreciation to evolve to romance eventually. In fact, in my headcanon it was the combined efforts of Moon first understanding Sig’s feelings and Suns helping to perfect his role in his group, with both of them working really hard to help him find new belonging with the Local Group, that was what got Sig out of his “rough patch”. Thus, in a way, Suns directly helped Sig make new connections, “spread his wings”, and “find a new flock”, which can easily be the main reason why Sig would fall for Suns.

Now, what about Suns? Relating him to birds and passion also hinges largely on another pretty crucial headcanon about my Seven Red Suns, which is that he is secretly a huge romantic with a passion for the fine arts. In addition to striving for an “ideal” world at all times, he appreciates art and the deeper symbolism within. However, because of what I said earlier about Suns placing a lot of high standards on himself, he doesn’t actually make art of his own, believing it’s “not an iterator’s place” to do such a thing themselves because it’s not in their purpose. But even then, he can’t help himself from seeing things artistically and drawing his own conclusions about things.

That being said, I imagine Suns could have a strong appreciation for birds in particular; their beauty, combined with their flight, makes them seem as though they’ve already “ascended” on some level above other animals. On top of that, I think Suns would come to see Sig as sort of a bird himself! Maybe a big green macaw with the most beautiful plumes who’s also far more intelligent than others think. But even more so, when it comes to what Suns appreciates in Sig that causes him to fall in love, I imagine it’s how Sig is the only person who sees through his facade for who he really is. Everyone else around him seems to either put him on a pedestal, with their own high expectations to follow, or is intimidated by his grandeur into avoiding much direct contact. Again, however, Sig naturally thinks outside the box and challenging people’s ideas, so it’d be pretty easy for him to break down some of Suns’s diplomacy to show that more emotional side (another idea that I use in Lilypad as well). No Significant Harassment is the one person Suns feels like he can be himself around, helping him realize that even those parts of him he hides make him “perfect” by virtue of being his real and unique self. It’s like Suns is a great eagle, looked up to and feared by other birds as a large bird of prey and thus lonely and pressured to soar above all else, and only the surprisingly smart macaw is able to lower his guard, helping him see he’s just as beautiful and inspiring on the ground as he is soaring high in the clouds. 

And then there’s the idea of “answering the call”. I’ve already seen your Trafficlights will probably play out as a slow burn, with Sig and Suns harboring growing feelings for each other for a while but only really acting on it once Emergence kicks in. In this case the dynamic would be mutual, with both of them longing for a deeper connection, but perhaps not realizing it until this timeline. I imagine Sig would be the one more conscious of this desire though, seeing as he openly seeks connection with others, so it’d be as if he’s a lonely songbird wanting to sing out but never getting an answer. And then of course, when Suns finally does respond it’s that much more poetic!

Trafficlights as Rio (spoilers, by the way)

OKAY HEAR ME OUT, I just have to include some words on this because this movie, this freaking movie is not only one of the two that kickstarted my love of birds but is what started this whole Trafficlights-as-birds-symbolism thing for me.

To give some context, if you don’t already know I am someone who not only loves making metaphors and symbolism with my ships, but loves finding associations between them and outside music or stories. I often look for connections to the old Disney animated fairytales, but I really end up doing it to all sorts of animated stories that I believe have pretty universal themes.

That being said, if there’s any association I’d make for Trafficlights as I currently see them, it’s to Blue Sky’s Rio and some of the scenes from that story. Firstly, Blu as a character already somewhat parallels my Suns in that he’s awkward and not the best at interacting with others. Not to mention his inability to fly, which came from him never getting a chance to embrace his emotions before being captured and taken from his home, could be paralleled to Suns’s bottling up his emotions, especially since flight in that film is directly related to feelings of happiness, love, and freedom, so Suns in a way is also “stunted” in his emotions. Meanwhile Sig on the other hand is more like Jewel, someone who at least understands his emotions a lot better and thus “knows how to fly”, and who resists others’ attempts to cage him and tries to get his partner to do the same. Like Blu Suns refuses at first, his logic and desire for a dignified self image getting the best of him being able to let loose in any environment where he isn’t surrounded by close friends. 

Then there’s the freaking “Hot Wings” scene, which takes the most responsibility for this association of mine. Largely because the two side-characters, Nico and Pedro, also seem to carry a dynamic with their lyrics that just reminds me of Suns and Sig, respectively, a lot (honestly I just thought about it on a whim one day and I can’t unsee it now…). Not to mention the entire scene is about pretty birds dancing, which given you’ve also made a decent number of drawings of Trafficlights dancing together, I think is just super fitting. And then Jewel’s singing once again brings back this idea of freedom and showing one’s emotions and love, with the remaining question being whether or not Blu can eventually unlock this feeling inside him despite his fears and fly up with her. This is something I think could work with Trafficlights, at least how I see them, for even if Suns can be more emotional around Sig and maybe his friends, he still has trouble doing so in public, not always liking the pressure of being “perfect” but not wanting to risk looking like a fool around everyone who looks up to him.

It works even better with one of the later scenes in the film when Blu and Jewel finally manage to cut the chain keeping them together, which causes Jewel to immediately lift into the sky with the pure joy and euphoria of once again being free to fly as she pleases. However, Blu is left looking up at her as she flies with their friends, and you can tell he’s both realizing again just how beautiful she is and longing so much to join her in the sky, yet still unable to fly. Once again I can’t help seeing Suns in Blu’s place, looking at Sig having fun and being so carefree, loving the feeling of being off-the-string, and him thinking Sig so beautiful and wanting to join him too. And eventually, just like Blu does in a true “answering the call fashion”, he is able to “spread his wings” and they finally can fly away together!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Okay, I think that’s all I have to say for now on this topic. This essay, excluding the preface at the beginning, is 2498 words! I think that might be a little bit more than my Lilypad essay! I really hope it delivered!

But even then, this was so fun to do! Even though Trafficlights isn’t my main ship and isn’t going to happen in my own AU, I’ve recently been looking to better figure out Sig and Suns’s relationship anyway to understand why they’re at least friends with each other. Of course there are some other factors in their relationship, some of which I’ve edited out for the sake of these ideas because it throws a bit of tension in the dynamic that could compromise its ability to work as a ship, but this was still an important aspect and I’m glad to have gotten a chance to develop it! And then of course, a reason to think about ships as well as shamelessly plug one of my favorite movies ever is also very nice!

This may all sound super silly and maybe none of it works with your Emergence Trafficlights, but regardless this was seriously such a fun opportunity, and I’m glad you gave me a reason to do this! I would love to hear your thoughts on or additions to all this, if you can!

[pop-pop-pop-popculture]

WICKED: PART 1 REVIEW 🧹🫧

Oh my GOD. I...I actually... loved this????

Songs/Singing

"No One Mourns the Wicked" - I rate this song a 5/5

"Dear Old Shiz" - I don't really care about this song

"The Wizard and I" - I loved the sense of optimism and excitement in Cynthia's singing, which was important to me (and obviously the character considering the reason for Elphaba singing this), as well as her facial expressions. Honestly... this song ended up being cute. I rate this song a 4/5.

"What is This Feeling?" - I rate this song a 4/5

"Something Bad" - Peter is not the best singer but he's not the worst. Regarding the soundtrack, I love how context was provided before he proceeded to sing. Some of the lyrics and the setup of the song were changed, and I really liked it. Instead of beginning the song in class after everyone except Elphaba leaves, Doctor Dillamond is talking to the remaining animal professors, and that's when the song comes in. I love how eerie and dark it was compared to the Broadway version. I rate this song a 3/5.

"Dancing Through Life" - Regarding the soundtrack, I'm surprised the 'What's the most swankified place in town?' conversation was cut. Anyways, this was such a joy to watch despite the song being almost ten minutes long! Jonathan's tone of energy while singing wasn't steady in my opinion, but that didn't make me like this song any less. His version was good! I rate this song a 3/5.

"Popular" - You know what? Ariana went hard with this one and I was pleased. Her singing was pleasant to listen to compared to how she usually sings as well, and I can tell she took inspiration from Kristin all the while adding her own spin. She clearly had fun singing this one. I rate this song a 5/5.

"I'm Not That Girl" - I don't really care about this song, but I still want to add this: Cynthia has such a beautiful singing voice. I rate this song a 5/5.

"One Short Day" - I like how it started slow and then the energy in all of the citizens singing gradually increased as well as the pace of the song. It's different from the Broadway version and I don't know which one I like better. Now, I simply cannot forget to mention the 'The Wise Ones' interlude during Wizomania... . My heart, man. My fucking heart. 🥹 I’m writing a separate post on the interlude, because it was a lot for me to take in. I rate this song a 4/5.

"Sentimental Man" - I don't really care about this song

"Defying Gravity" - OH. MY GOD. I can't even write out my thoughts on this one (maybe I will another time)... . For now, I'm just going to say that I rate this song a 5/5.

Cynthia and Ariana are good at singing, and they don't sound bad together. I still, and will always, prefer Idina and Kristin, though. However, they made a good duo. Surprisingly, I was impressed, and the two actresses plus the film in general exceeded my expectations. Also, regarding the songs, I have to applaud Stephen Schwartz for rewriting some (if not all) of them to fit the film.

Acting

Most everyone did a wonderful job at bringing their respective character to life! Everyone's chemistry, which truly felt authentic, transitioned well onto the screen. I honestly couldn't tell anyone was acting! It’s clear everyone enjoyed filming this, and you can tell in their performances. The only one whose acting fell a bit short was Jeff Goldblum. Ariana fell flat a few times as well, especially when it came to facial expressions, but she was still tolerable to watch. Her ability to be comical was not that bad either. She clearly took the role seriously and put her whole heart into it. Singing, dancing, acting, etc.

(I decided to write a short summary instead of point out every actor)

Other Notes

I still wish unknown, aspiring actors between 15-19 were casted since Elphaba and Glinda teenagers in act one, but, despite that, Cynthia and Ariana ended up being slightly believable college students

I like the idea of adding new content only if it helps move the storyline forward and/or clear up confusion from the original source, but some of the new content in this film adaptation was unnecessary

Regarding the previous bullet point, there's two that come to my mind: The hot air balloon scene that happens before "Defying Gravity", which literally felt like it went on forever but in reality was maybe 10 minutes at the most, and the part where Elphaba sees her younger self as she's falling. Both parts slowed down the momentum of the song as well as made it longer than it had to be. I'm all here for drama and build up in a song, especially for one like "Defying Gravity", but that was too much. I liked the moment between Elphaba and her younger self, but that should have been placed somewhere else instead of during the song.

Elphaba's outfits: Why was she wearing black the majority of the time? I did not like that. Where was the monochromatic blue outfit in the beginning when we first meet her? Unless my memory sucks, her outfits gradually become darker and then, by the end of act one, she's wearing the black dress. We first see the dress in "One Short Day", but in the film, I think she wore black most all of the time. In the stage production, there is definitely some sort of symbolism with her outfits in act one, but the opportunity was not seized in the film.

I loved Elphaba's hairstyles

Going back to Elphaba's outfits, in order to emphasize her age, which was 17 (as stated in the book), the costume designer should've had her outfits be inspired by things teenagers wear. What even did teenage girls wear in the 1800s, though? Anyways, I know Cynthia isn't a teenager in college and neither did she pass for one, but the CGI kind of (KIND OF) helped. Her outfits, though, did not.

Glinda's outfits: I disliked how the costume designer limited her color palette to just pink. This is Galinda Upland, dude, not Barbie! On Broadway, she wore different colors (my favorite one was the yellow dress, which is worn during "One Short Day"), and as she got older, the colors became less vibrant and more monochromatic, which symbolizes her growing up. Maturing. The second part of this film comes out next year, though, so we'll just have to wait and see if the costume designer recreated the Broadway outfits from part two or not...

Regarding the soundtrack, the original "Dancing Through Life" song is seven minutes long. The length of the one in the film is nine minutes. I'm sorry to admit this, but, eventually, I got bored...

As far as the lines go, the film actually stood pretty true to the script/lines of the stage performance, so that made me happy

Regarding the previous bullet point, a few lines were either changed up, "placed" at different times, or not in the film at all

After everyone was on the boat to head to the Oz Dust Ballroom, Fiyero's face lit up when he saw Boq and Nessarose coming, and I found that so adorable

Speaking of D.T.L., the entire part when Elphaba showed up to the party and everyone laughed at her almost made me cry. Glinda deciding to dance with her and then them two dancing was so intimate and beautiful. 🥺 Ariana and Cynthia really delivered on that part!

Me, whispering out loud under my breath during this part: "A bear raised Elphaba????" 🤨😶 They really should have had the novel character, Cattery, who was the Thropp's nanny, instead, and I know exactly who the actress could have been. Obviously, she'd be a hell lot younger (and prettier).

I appreciated the emphasis on where animals who can talk like humans stand in Oz. Spoiler Alert: They're not on the wizard's good side.

I like Joel Grey better

I didn't care for him too much in the stage performance, but I liked Doctor Dillamond in the film. What a sweet little goat.

The way the Oz guards just carelessly grabbed Doctor Dillamond by the antlers...

Madame Morrible gaslighting Glinda by telling her if she wants to prove her worth and be good (or something like that), then she needs to bring Elphaba back to her and the wizard

Madame Morrible hugging Glinda towards the end of "Defying Gravity"

The entire scene with the lion cub from when we first meet him to Fiyero leaving in the woods with him. So adorable!

Elphaba literally lifting her sister in the air…! I honestly had no idea that that was being insinuated on stage, so I'm glad the film made that part clearer for me.

The poppies Elphaba casted a spell on made the entire class fall asleep. That was such a clever idea and a nice homage to the 1939 film (The Wizard of Oz)! This is not what happened in the stage production, and I didn't mind. I like the film version better.

The part where the wizard was showing off the model was unnecessary and, if I'm being honest, slowed down the pace of the film

Jonathan Bailey can dance, man. Holy shit.

I loved Nessarose’s burning desire to be independent. Another detail I thought was a nice addition to the character was her not wanting anyone to touch her wheelchair without permission.

I love that Nessarose and Boq first met each other on orientation day instead of during "Dancing Through Life", because doing this allowed them time to become friends

I honesty can't wait to see how Marissa handled the transition of portraying a sweet and loving girl who wanted nothing more than to make friends to becoming an insufferable tyrant

The look on Fiyero, Boq and Nessarose's faces when they heard on the radio what Elphaba did was heartbreaking 😢

The way Fiyero and Elphaba met for the first time was great. "Get stuffed!" -Elphaba to Fiyero

Nessarose saying she couldn't watch her sister being laughed at. 😢 I wish, though, that Boq was scripted to say something supportive.

After Glinda said "That’s not fair, I told you a really good one.”, she flopped face down on her bed like she was pouting. What made me laugh, though, was the camera going back to her just for the audience to see that she was still in the same position.

Doctor Dillamond telling Elphaba she has one friend after she told him she doesn’t have any friends. Spoiler: It’s him 🥺.

Jonathan should've been more comically dramatic with the delivery of "...I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow" and Ariana should've been more comically dramatic with her delivery of "The artichoke is steamed".

Although it was cool having a prince bring his horse to university, I still wish Fiyero's grand appearance stood true to the musical. It was honestly so iconic and on-brand for that scandalous, genuinely self-absorbed prince!

The way Fiyero got offended over Elphaba rolling her eyes at him after he waved at her during "Dancing Through Life"

Glinda hesitating to set the humongous straw statue of the Wicked Witch of the West on fire during “No One Mourns the Wicked”

Overall, I give this film a 8/10.

🍁 November 22, 2024 🍁

[thecsquirrel]

A quick note about Mulan aka this weekend’s hyperfixation! 

One interesting gripe that has popped up is the complaint that Mulan seems to be a “superhero” in this film and at first, my knee-jerk reaction was: Yes!  How dare they make her some gravity defying sword master!   But then as I pressed play on Double World on Netflix, I realized that I had fallen into the American viewer trap.  

Of course Mulan is the master of her chi (new drinking game: take a shot every time they say chi), of course Mulan defies gravity, of course the Emperor (Hey Jet Li!) can fight with linen, and of course people catch arrows!  

No, this film is not a sweeping musical or even Historical fiction, but where this film does fit is into the legacy of Wuxia films.  “Wu xia pian” = sword fighting films (or the very bastardized “Wire-Fu”).  These films often rely on a mix of Chinese history and mythology mixed with supernatural and fantasy elements.  They can be comedies, romances, dramas, etc.  For many Americans the first Wuxia film they ever saw (and fell in love with) was Ang Lee’s, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000).

CTHD, masterfully uses Chow Yun Fat and Michelle Yeoh as the aging warriors with the unrequited love. It resurrects Cheng Pei Pei (who is also in Mulan!) and introduces Zhang Ziyi. This is a film where people defy gravity, run along walls and rooftops, float, and fight with unbelievable accuracy and speed.  There is a freaking battle in the canopy of bamboo trees!  And never once do we question any of these heroes abilities. It just is and they just are.  

I say all that to say, that I think it’s a narrow interpretation (which is not to say it is not without merit, but perhaps without context) to say Mulan is being diminished because she seems to be “super” Mulan.  When viewed through the lens of Wuxia then it becomes clearer what the goal was.  To wit, remember Disney was trying to tap into the Chinese/East Asian market, so American/Western sensibilities probably weren’t on the front burner.  The fact remains that the messages of the film about living your truth and gender and power ring true and I liked how they presented those themes via the juxtaposition of Fa Mulan and Xianniang aka The Witch (aka OMG Gong Li!  Whew!). 

All in all they made a beautiful film that 22 years after the animated musical, brings new life to a legendary story.  End of the day, it’s still a Disney film and they are mindful of that audience*.  

If I’m going to gripe about the film I want to reserve that for the lack of a kiss between Fa Mulan and Honghui (and let’s be honest the kiss that could have happened between Fa Mulan and Xianniang!) and for the blinding whiteness of the production team because, wow, just wow.  The cast in front of the screen is amazeballs and features all of my faves! And not to mention everybody’s fave: Ming-Na!!   But despite all that kick ass East Asian representation on the screen it was absent behind the camera and that just seems impossible.  I don’t even want to think about what Black Panther would have been without Black people in key/significant production positions.  

Anywho, this got really long!  I was just trying to enjoy my thirsting after Gong Li and then I had a thought.  Let me go find Curse of the Golden Flower and swoon.  

*If you want a grittier version of Mulan there is the 2009, Mulan: Rise of a Warrior.

-Peace and soul grease!

[bigskydreaming]

Apropos of nothing other than fuyunoakegata making me think of it with that last post, I’ve gotten enough new followers lately that its worth a refresher slash introduction on one of my personal pet themes: that of the word ‘broken’ in regards to trauma/abuse/rape victims and survivors.

Again, nothing to do with them for using the word, but rather just an awareness of the many ways the word is used in those contexts in our society, and my personal opinion that a lot of those ways are very limited and could use some expansion beyond how we typically see these things talked about.

So the below excerpt is just one I think sums up my take on it all pretty well, and as such is a cornerstone viewpoint for a lot of the stuff I regularly express and/or circle back to, as well as being the scene I think I’ve probably gotten the most feedback/reactions to over the years out of pretty much anything I’ve written. Its YJ-verse, Dick and Dinah, utilizing the Tarantula storyline and the not-at-all-uncommon baby-in-the-aftermath trope, but stands fairly well on its own and doesn’t require any context or give any spoilers beyond that.

****

In the end, it was Dick who finally broke the newly fallen quiet.

"Does Batman know yet?"

Batman, not Bruce. Dinah shook her head. They're one and the same, she wanted to remind him, wanted to shake him, wanted to scream in Bruce's face every time she'd watch him insist on the distinction over the past ten years.

"He's waiting back at Mt. Justice," she said. "But no, he doesn't know yet. He knows something is wrong, but I convinced him to let me come alone and speak with you first."

Dick snorted. "At least he actually listens to you."

"I think this makes the third time in the fifteen years I've known him," Dinah said wryly. "Don't go thinking I'm special. He only listened because I convinced him barreling in here would only make things worse. And the last thing your father has ever wanted to do is make things worse for you. He manages it sometimes anyway, but it's never his intent."

Not that intent matters, or is any kind of excuse for the harm or damage one actually causes, Dinah reflected. And normally it wasn't a line of thinking she'd ever open a door to at all, but with the past two years worth of tension between Dick and his father still a major source of the young man's turmoil, she figured it was worth it to see if Dick would seize the opportunity to defend Bruce. Lord knows Dick could hold a grudge against his father like no one's business, but anyone else trying it in his presence was usually a nonstarter.

To her disappointment - but not her surprise - Dick ignored the bait and instead just grunted. He stared at the floor, face alternately pale and purple under the neon glow that washed through the window via a strip club's signage across the street.

"I wouldn't have broken, you know," Dick said, never looking up. His lips twisted beneath the words, as if they tasted like something sour. "If he came too. I didn't...I don't want him here, not now, or yet, I mean. But it's not like. It wouldn't have broken me or whatever you're thinking. That's all I mean."

"I didn't say that it would, Dick," Dinah said carefully. But not so carefully as to lay credence to the idea she thought he was fragile. Not an easy line to traverse. Where's a tightrope walker when you need one? Oh, right. Crumpled up on the floor of his unlit apartment, afraid to even look at his own baby. Things were off to a promising start. "It's not either or. You're not broken just because you're not alright and you're not alright just because you're not broken. There's room for space in between."

She sighed and cast around the cramped apartment, dragging a chair from the kitchen table to settle down in front of him. The room was such a far cry from the opulence of Wayne Manor. She knew Dick had never been one to buy into the trappings of his father's wealthy lifestyle. She and Ollie frequently attended the same functions as the Waynes, and she'd smothered many a giggle at Dick and Jason's antics as the two reveled in shocking the Gotham elite with loud and pointed reminders of their impoverished 'low class' backgrounds. Still, looking around, she couldn't help but wondering how much of Dick's apartment and its placement was purely a result of not caring about things like wealth and status, and how much of it was a deliberate rejection of those things, of Bruce? Did it even matter? Or was she just stalling?

"You know, I've never really liked when people use that word," she mused. The baby in her arms stirred restlessly, his nose wrinkling. God. As a general rule, she preferred waiting until children were teenagers before interacting with them. She wasn't big on babies, usually - most people who cooed over their shrunken little faces and called them the most beautiful things they'd ever seen were just lying, in her opinion. But this one was a charmer. Or maybe he wasn't, and she was just already hopelessly attached because Reasons. Crap. Of all the times for a maternal bone to materialize.

"Broken. What does that even mean, really? It's just a description of a physical state, but people often use it like a judgment. As though it describes what someone is, instead of simply what state they're in at a particular moment. You can break something and then put it back together so you can never tell the difference, so what does it mean that it was broken? Why does it matter?"

Dick shifted for the first time since she'd entered the apartment. She might not be Batman caliber, but her own reflexes were nothing to sneeze at. Still, the suddenness of his movements were unexpected enough to catch her offguard as he reached over to the side and snatched up one of the escrima sticks he carried as part of his Nightwing ensemble. A slim but sturdy shaft of polished black wood about a foot long in length, it made a hell of a crack when he held it in both hands and brought it down over one knee, hard and fast enough to snap it in two. He tossed the two broken pieces onto the hardwood floor. One rolled over to rest against her foot.

"Can't fix that with crazy glue."

Dinah smoothed her features into careful non-reaction as she bent and reached down to pick up the broken stick, still cradling the infant in one arm as she rolled the shattered weapon in her other palm.

"No, I suppose not. But I bet you I could find a hundred other uses for this piece right here. Plenty of other things you could do with it, or things you could build with it. Use it as the foundation to make something else entirely, or even just carve it, turn it into a work of art, something beautiful. And whatever you end up with, could you describe it as broken? Yes, it wouldn't be your escrima stick anymore, doesn't do the same thing, have the same purpose, maybe what it was is broken. But what it is? What you make of it? Would that be broken?"

Dick jutted his jaw out, mulish, stubborn. A mirror of the expression she'd last glimpsed under Batman's cowl, not even an hour ago. They couldn't be more alike if they were blood. "I know what you're doing," he said.

"What's that?"

"Exactly what I should have known you'd do before I told Artemis she could send Wally to get you. Knew it was a mistake the second he left. I don't need a shrink right now, Canary."

She shrugged. "Good, because I'm done trying to be your therapist. I realized what a waste it was, on my way over here. I never caught a whiff of this brewing under your surface this past year, so obviously our sessions have just been a waste of both our time. I forgot that arrogant smart people make the worst patients."

That was enough to jolt a noticeable reaction out of him. Finally. It was a calculated gamble, one she already regretted as a swift flicker of hurt winged across his face, half-glimpsed and vanished as quickly as it came. It was a little harder for him to banish his gaping mouth. "Yeah, not your usual session starter," he agreed, in only the barest facsimile of his usual clever humor. But it was a start. "So I'm arrogant, now?"

"You always have been," Dinah said gently, trying to soften the blow of her harsh words. She quirked her lips in a half smile. "Just like your father. Difference is, you actually bother with social interaction and you're charming, so you can get away with it where he can't. And Dick...I'm not saying it as an insult. Or that it's a bad thing. I think you and Bruce are arrogant in certain ways, yes. I think you have to be. To do what you both do."

"You're both human, no superpowers, no magic, not even advanced technology giving you an edge. And yet you not only hold your own amidst heroes who have all those advantages and more, you take charge. You lead. You inspire. Mere confidence isn't enough to allow you to do that. You need something that goes beyond that, something that can only be called arrogance, because it's such a bone deep certainty that you can do all the things you profess you can do, that you are the right people to fight the battles you fight, that it's above questioning. There are a million and one reasons you both shouldn't be able to do the things you both do, and if there was even a second you doubted that you could, you probably wouldn't be able to. When you leap off ten story buildings with just a grapple line and your acrobatics to bring you safely to the ground, it's because you believe, no, you know, that you can defy gravity. Even though for seven billion other humans, gravity can't be defied. Dick, I'm an Olympic level gymnast. You don't see me leaping off ten story buildings if I can help it because I know I'm good, yes, but that doesn't mean I know in a battle of me vs gravity, I'm always going to win. You do. You know that. You believe that. And that is arrogance, yes. But it also happens to be justified, in your case."

He mulled that over, not looking thrilled, but at least looking engaged now, and she breathed a bit easier. Good. Engaged she could work with. It was a start. "Okay. Fine. So what about that makes me a terrible patient?"

"I never said terrible," she protested lightly. "I said the worst."

He glared.

She relented. "It's like Superman's invulnerability. Most of the time, that's exactly what he needs to keep him safe. It's all he needs. But in some specific, rare instances, even if it's only 1% of the time, the very thing that makes him so hard to hurt, makes him hard to help. All it takes is that one bullet that can pierce his skin, either because it's Kryptonite, or it's enchanted, or something else....and suddenly, that same invulnerability that keeps him safe 99% of the time is the very thing making it so hard to operate on him, to cut into him and dig out the one bullet that made it past his defenses. Dick, answer me this. What's the first thing you do when you're confronted with a problem?"

"I assess the situation and determine a course of action, I guess," he frowned. "Why?"

"Because when the problem is you, when it's something that's happened to you or something involving your behavior, the kinds of things that a therapist is meant to help you with, you do exactly that. You assess the situation, you assess yourself, your own behavior, and you come to a conclusion. Which means by the time you ever arrive at my doorstep for a session, you've already diagnosed yourself. You've made up your mind. That arrogance that gives you the strength, the certainty, the conviction you need to tackle every other obstacle you face without hesitation, it has you equally convinced that the conclusion you've already drawn about what's wrong with you or your behavior, it must be true. That you've got it already figured out. And so instead of our sessions being about me helping to guide you to a conclusion or helping you find the inconsistencies in your own logic or reasoning - that's not what you're actually there for. Because you're sure you already have the answer, and so instead of looking for it, you're really just looking for it to be validated."

She gave him a moment to absorb that, drawing a breath before continuing.

"And here's where you being so damn smart becomes a problem - because you're brilliant, Dick, just like Bruce is, you know how to read people, you know how to manipulate people, you can do it without even having to think about it. And so instead of telling me what you need to say, you tell me what you think I want to hear. And we get further and further away from actually helping you as you steer our sessions towards the conclusions you've made because of what's bothering you....instead of towards the conclusions you'd draw if you were ready to face it."

Dick leaped to his feet, face flushed in the moonlight. He stepped forward, aborted that when it drew him closer to her and the baby, features twisting in a heart-wrenching moment of agony for the briefest instant before he stepped away again. Carefully breathing in, making a visible effort to drop his voice despite his obvious agitation. Good. Awareness of his surroundings. Thinking beyond the moment to consequences of each action. Engaging more and more with his surroundings. She'd piss him off to Hell and back if that's what it took. Be angry, Dick. Rage. Scream. Yell. Hurt.

"So what?" He asked with a sharp, acidic laugh. He paced, arms buried in his armpits, hunched over, eyes on his boots as he wandered in circles. Pent up, restless energy. All the frenetic motion of Robin, of Nightwing, of a bird made for flying yet still stuck on the ground.

"You think I don't know what's bothering me? You think...I freak out a little and Wally runs to you and tells you something and you come back and find me all freaked out on the floor and you've got it all figured out from there, from just that, but you think I can't figure it out on my own? I'm brilliant, you said, but you think I'm all messed up because I can't face it, I can't see it even when its right in front of me?"

"That's not what I'm saying Dick," Dinah tried, but he just laughed again. Jabbed a hand towards the baby in her arms, took it back halfway.

"I know what happened, Canary," he bit out. "I was there. I don't need you to hold my hand and walk me through it so I can face it. Yeah, okay, I get it. I was raped. Tarantula raped me. I can say it. I'm not - I'm not in denial. I've been doing this since I was ten, I'm not...I know the statistics, I know it's not any different just because I'm a guy. I get that men can get raped, that they can be raped by women, that there's no other word for what happened to me. That it wasn't my fault, that I was in shock, that I can't be blamed for her taking advantage of me in that state. I know all that okay? It's not a fucking revelation to me, I don't need anyone's help to fucking face that!"

"Then what's the problem, Dick?" Dinah asked softly when he ran out of steam, or breath or both. His hair was wild in disarray, his stance a contradiction of defensiveness and a pending attack. His chest heaved like a bellows even though he'd yet to raise his voice past a low-pitched hiss. "If you know all that already, where's the problem? What are you having trouble with here? What reason does someone who's already faced all that have for hiding it from his friends and family for a year?"

"There's no problem, that's my whole point," Dick insisted, throwing his arms wide. "Fine, I freaked out for a minute because I just found out my rapist had my fucking baby, and I thought it was over and done with but....jesus. I'm not...it's not because I can't deal with what happened. God, nothing even happened! It was barely anything. I barely even remember it I was so out of it, and then it was over. She didn't hurt me, its not like it was painful or I was drugged or it left me damaged or something, okay? I told you, I've been doing this for ten years. I've SEEN victims okay, real victims, women and even men who are so fucking traumatized by what some sicko did to them they can barely get out of bed in the morning. I've seen victims left beaten and bloody by their attackers, who've...it was nothing like that, okay?"

Dinah nodded. "And that. That right there. That's exactly what I'm talking about."

Dick blinked and rocked back on his heels. Blindsided by her calm and her seeming non sequitur. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you misdiagnosed," she said with a helpless shrug. "You've been so busy reacting to what you thought was your problem, what you were convinced must be bothering you - whether or not you were able to admit that you were raped, that you could be raped even though you're a man, let alone an accomplished fighter able to protect himself - that you left yourself wide open to something else entirely. Tell me. What do you know about Impostor Syndrome?"

"It's a term sometimes used to describe over-achievers who have trouble internalizing their accomplishments. Perfectionists who think they're frauds because they don't know how to take credit for their own achievements and say its because of luck or timing or something other people did," Dick frowned, puzzling through both the question and the aim of it. He raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't sound like something that applies to someone as arrogant as me."

"Don't be a little shit, Dick," Dinah said with small smirk. "And you're right, I don't think any of that applies to you. However, it's also used in another capacity, to describe trauma survivors who are unable to internalize their own trauma. Who deflect from it, or mitigate it, treat it as less than it is on the basis that it wasn't as bad as what's happened to someone else. It's especially common in trauma survivors who are noted for being especially empathetic or who have caregiver personality types. People who are so used to self-identifying as someone whose role or purpose is in helping others, that they find themselves unable to identify as traumatized because it might shift the focus to themselves instead of people they feel need it more. Does that behavior sound a little more familiar?"

Dick hesitated, eyes on the floor and darting every which way as though looking for escape from a trap.

"It should," she pressed on. "Considering you've been doing that for a long time, much longer than just this past year. Pretty much as long as I've known you, in fact."

"What are you talking about?"

"What do you do whenever someone brings up your parents or their deaths?" Dinah asked softly. He flinched. Ducked his head to the side. Jaw tightened again. "You say it was a long time ago. Or that at least you have Bruce now. Or that you wish other orphaned kids could be as lucky as you ended up. Always shying away from the idea that you might need sympathy or comfort because of what happened to your parents and pointing instead to everyone else who needs it more. And it only got worse when Bruce adopted Jason."

"Don't -" Dick warned. His head snapped back up, fire in his eyes, but she refused to be deterred. Not when she finally had his full attention.

"You never allowed anyone to dwell on any of your myriad traumas once Jason came along. Not just your parents, but what happened with Two-Face, the first time you faced the Joker, nothing. You'd always deflect, always shift things back around to Jason. And what a hard life he'd had. So much harder than you, you insisted. At least your parents loved you. At least they didn't abuse you like Jason's father abused him, or were a drug addict like his mother was. Someone mentioned the time you spent in a juvenile detention center as an eight year old, all because some racist bitch of a social worker didn't like that you were Romani, and your response was that at least you didn't have to live on the streets like Jason did before he met Bruce."

"This has nothing to do with Jason!" Dick ground out, heated.

"It's not about Jason, Dick. It's about you. Because your brother had a hard life, yes. It's true. He suffered terrible traumas before Bruce found him and adopted him. And not a single one of those things are made less true, or invalidated or in any way threatened just because terrible things happened to you too. So why do you insist your pain was less than his? That yours didn't matter just because his existed?"

"It's not the same thing," Dick insisted stubbornly. "You can't compare what happened to my parents to the twelve years of shit Jason had to live through."

"I'm not though, Dick. You are. You're the only one saying one must be worse than the other. All I'm saying is both existed."

She sighed. "Trauma isn't a scale to be measured on. It doesn't require a minimum threshold, and it doesn't have a ranking order. It's not about how much harm was caused or how much damage someone did, because at the end of the day, trauma is transformation."

"What do you mean?"

Dinah held up his broken escrima stick, still cradled in her hand. "Trauma is force that causes change. It's not about the act of damaging. It's about what's left behind once the damage is done. I could break this stick into two pieces. It would take a certain amount of force, a certain amount of damage. And once that was done, we'd be left with two pieces here instead of this one. But then give me another stick the same size, same dimensions, only this one is made of metal. I could break that in two as well. But it would require a whole different kind of force, a whole different order of damage. But in the end, once it was done, we'd still be left with two pieces of that too, instead of the one we started with."

"Two different sticks,” Dinah continued. “Two different traumas. Two different applications of force. And the only thing in common is in the end....both sticks would be transformed. Neither would be what they were originally. Not less. Not more. But different. Changed by the trauma they endured. You want to quantify that trauma? You probably could. It'd be arbitrary, but you could do it. You could calculate the force used, define parameters for the damage it caused. But what would that mean? What's the outcome? What happens because you decided one trauma was greater than the other? How does that alter the fact, the reality, that in the end, the survivors of those two different traumas are changed? Something different from what they started as?"

"But it is different," Dick insisted. He looked confused though, rather than forceful. "Context matters. The situations matter."

"Yes, they do," Dinah agreed. "But it's a question of focus, not degree. Which trauma was worse only really matters when you're focused on the trauma. When you're looking at what the trauma leaves behind though? When you focus on the survivors? All that really matters is...how are they different? How were they changed?"

"Dick, you only started getting angry and frustrated when you compared what you went through to what other rape victims you've seen over the years have gone through. What they went through is terrible, yes. It doesn't mean what happened to you wasn't terrible as well. You said you weren't hurt, it wasn't painful, she didn't damage you physically. That doesn't matter though. Because rape isn't about any of those things. It's not about pain, it's not about how much it hurt. Rape is about theft."

He flinched at that, taking a step back.

"Rape is theft,” Dinah pressed forward. “It's betrayal. It's someone taking something they have no right to, something precious, something that can't be taken back. It's taking away someone's right to choose who they share their body with, its using someone's body against them, against their wishes. That's what Tarantula did to you. Whether it hurt or not, whether you remember it fuzzily or in full detail...she took something from you, something you can't get back, and in doing so, she changed you forever."

He shook his head, eyes back on the ground. Denial but not denial. Acceptance but not acceptance. She forged on.

"And the thing is, you're right. You haven't been in denial about what happened. You know that she raped you, that that's what it is. What you haven't faced though is that it's not about how much that hurt you. It's about how much it changed you. Because you're different now, aren't you? And you're smart enough that you figured that out as soon as it happened, that you're not the same anymore, because I'm willing to bet everything looks different to you now. Because you lost something you didn't even know you could lose until it was gone. A sense of security you took for granted, that something like this could never happen to you, except now you know that it can, and it did. We're all made up of our experiences and your experiences now include something they didn't before, something big, something that left a sizable impact, and the be all and end of it all is that you've changed, and you know that....and you keep looking for an answer as to why. Why is everything so different now? Why are you so different?”

She sighed softly.

“And the problem is the only answer you have for that, you decided wasn't good enough for you. Because it wasn't as bad as it could have been. As bad as what happened to other people. And so you've trapped yourself because you know something's different but the thing that caused it, the thing that changed you....it wasn't big enough to explain this change, you decided. You didn't suffer enough, it didn't hurt enough, and so it's not a good enough reason for you to not be who you used to be. And so you keep finding the flaw in yourself, deciding that it must be that you're weak, that everything unsettling you, upsetting you, it's not because what Tarantula did warrants those changes, it's because you can't cut it. That's what you've been telling yourself, haven't you? You're not a survivor, because you don't think there was anything for you to survive. You're not traumatized because the trauma doesn't count. You didn't suffer enough, so that can't excuse all the turmoil you feel."

Dick paced restlessly, all that frenetic energy he always carried with him ratcheted up in intensity until Dinah was half convinced he was going to shake himself to pieces if he didn't find an outlet soon. Unfortunately, she wasn't quite ready to stop.

"All those other victims you described seeing over the years. When you helped them, did you tell them you were sorry for what they went through?"

Dick paused and raised haggard eyes. "Of course I did. Why?"

"Why did you?" Dinah asked, arching a brow. "You didn't do anything to them. You weren't apologizing for something you caused. So what did it mean, to tell them you were sorry?"

"I don't know. It's just...it's what you do. It's a comfort."

"Why though? What about it makes it a comfort?"

"I don't know, it just is. It lets them know somebody cares, I guess," Dick raged. "What are you getting at? You have all the answers, you tell me!"

"Think it through, Dick," Dinah said, firm. "They don't know you. You're a stranger to them. What does it mean for a stranger to tell a victim they're sorry, that they care. What does it matter? What does it do for them?"

Dick stared at her. His face wide and open and searching as he hunted for answers in the shadows of his room, of his own mind. He looked like he'd run a marathon, his body limp and exhausted seeming, like he was only remaining upright by the barest of threads.

"When I tell someone I'm sorry for what happened to them. I don't know. It tells them I see them, I guess," he said hesitantly. She nodded, encouraging him to go on. "That I see what they've been through. That I'm sorry they went through it."

He focused his eyes on hers, with a little more clarity this time. "I tell them...they survived, I guess. That what happened to them...it didn't just happen, it wasn't supposed to happen. But it did. It mattered. What happened to them mattered."

"Yes," Dinah agreed softly. "And every victim you've ever helped, as Robin or as Nightwing, every survivor you've told 'I'm sorry this happened to you' - every time one of them looks in the mirror and recognizes that they aren't the person they were before it happened, that they've changed...they can hold on to that memory of you saying you're sorry. And they know. It happened. It mattered. It is the reason they're different. It is the reason they changed."

Dinah hesitated, and then she said: "I'm sorry it happened to you, Dick. I'm sorry it changed you. I'm sorry that you can't go back to the way things were. I can't tell you it will get better with time. You aren't injured. This isn't a wound that will scar over if you just leave it alone long enough. You can't heal a transformation. But you can decide what you change into. You can decide who you become, even if its not what you were. It'll still be you. A whole you. A complete you. Just a different you. Just like you became someone different after your parents died. I never knew you before that changed you. But that didn't make the you I met any less worth knowing."

He sobbed. Just once, like it was ripped out of him. A tangled, tormented wreck of a sound, his face contorted in a rictus of misery beneath eyes that glistened with a watery sheen, reflecting the wan illumination. It was all he allowed himself, before he found his usual iron control and slammed the gates shut, expression going blank, but it was enough. It was a beginning.

[wanna-b-poet31]

From Safety to Protection: How Aziraphale’s lies change throughout Good Omens (A meta)

Guess who finally read the damn book?! :D  For the purposes of this Meta, I’m viewing the book and the mini-series as two halves of the same whole, not necessarily the “same” characters parading in each, but definitely similar enough that the inner thoughts of one can help us understand the inner thoughts of the other. 

The Breaking Point

So, can we all agree that Aziraphale is not cut from the same cloth as the other angels?

While he has still been exposed to the toxic “homelife” of Heaven, been consequently conditioned to believe Heaven’s “there’s nothing to see here” rhetoric, and he has witnessed many travesties at the hand of Heaven, he has difficulty reconciling his “good” heavenly orders and his (from Heaven’s perspective) “pointless” love of humanity. 

In short, there is plenty of cognitive dissidence between the actions (or inactions) of Heaven, and what Aziraphale knows to be the “right” thing to do.

For examples of his struggle, look no further than this passage in the book:

His gut reaction is to tell Crowley. He goes on to describe how he not only “likes” Crowley, but they both like the Earth, and that he unquestionably trusts (and clearly desperately loves) Crowley. 

The question here is not “can I trust Crowley”, the question is, “how do I protect what we have?” 

He WANTS to tell Crowley. In the context of the mini-series, he WANTS to find Crowley before he runs off to Alpha Centauri and save the world with him. He KNOWS that doing so, saving the world IS the right thing to do.  Both selfishly and selflessly, he KNOWS Crowley and the world as worth saving.

However, in the same breath he asserts his trust of Crowley, he acknowledges that he does NOT see eye to eye with his superiors and that Heaven and Hell both treat the world as an elaborate chess game. Something meant to be won, not protected. Not loved. 

And yet, he decides to contact Heaven Anyway. Partly because he knows what he is “expected” to do, and partly because the nature of his abuse makes it difficult to reconcile his three “truths”: that the world is worth saving, that Heaven is intrinsically “good”, and that the “good” side treats the world as a chessboard.  

But they’re HIS side. Surely, that means the two ideas can be connected? Surely, they’d be more than willing to see the redeeming qualities of humanity? Surely, the powers of Heaven, which he has been told are undeniably good, would take care of their little anti-Christ problem. Right?

WRONG. 

He is continuously told by Gabriel, by Michael, by Uriel, by damn Sandalphon, and finally by “the Metatron” how “the war is meant to be won, not diverted”. There is no love for humanity, and finally, Aziraphale SEES the abuse. He recognizes that they are gaslighting him, “supporting” his choices, when they have no intention of preventing the war. 

Clearly, every other character we meet devalues his deep-rooted love of Humanity. We can see that after 6000 years every other supernatural character has fallen into line, having somewhere along the way stopped loving Humanity for Humanity’s sake, and loving it as means to an end -- a war.  Every other character that is, except himself and Crowley.

Once it’s clear to him that no one in Heaven actually cares about humanity. Nevertheless, they persisted. 

Together. 

On a side of their own.  

So, what does one abused angel with some undying love for humanity (and Crowley) choose to do with his revelation? 

He chooses to lie to save the world.  

  SAFETY IN LYING

It would be disingenuous to say that Aziraphale is a stranger to lying. He does it all the damn time. However, it’s his growth from lying to protect himself to protect Crowley and the world. 

For example, one of his “biggest” lies is to God. Despite confessing his actions to Crawley and is comforted by the demon, when he is confronted by the voice of God herself he is pretty damn terrified. The voice who literally just cast out angels for asking questions knocks on his door and asks him a pointed question and he lies. 

On one level you could argue he is protecting humanity here, but really, he’s doing it to protecting himself. He is terrified of falling, and the trauma associated with that fear motivates Aziraphale. He has seen his cohorts fall, he has seen war, he has seen the lack of love, and he can not take it. 

Losing love, or worse, doing the wrong thing, clashes with his identity as an Angel. Based on the emotional manipulation going on in Heaven, I think it’s safe to say that he’s not getting much support from them for this anxiety, so he has to ignore his feelings. 

Look at the fear in Aziraphale’s face when he admits the truth to Crowley. Certainly, the demon is lovestruck, but Aziraphale looks terrified. His body language screams fear, his mouth falters, his eyes are begging for forgiveness, and his brow is furrowed. He knows the gravity of his actions and needs the reassurance that he is deserving of validation.

But, given how all the other angels treat him poorly, and that the voice of God is confronting him with anger in her voice, I think it safe for us to infer that he is not given validity for his compassion.  

So, he lies because there is safety in lying, and the lies he tells protect him from the vengeance of his abusers.

LYING ABOUT CROWLEY

He also lies to Heaven to protect himself from their judgment about loving (or at least being around) Crowley. 

Not always an outright lie of commission like he does with the sword, but he hides and protects the one relationship that isn’t one-sided in his life.  Just like his lie to God, he is not doing it necessarily to protect Crowley (yes, it’s an added component,) but he’s also protecting himself because he would be just as likely to be destroyed if they are discovered as Crowley is. 

Again though, his lies aren’t for vanity, but safety. The choice to be in the metaphorical closet about his relationship with Crowley most likely stems from his constant abuse by Heaven. To cope with their belittlement and his own cognitive dissidence, he has developed mechanisms for deterring their wrath against him for loving unabashedly. It’s not a healthy environment for him to be in, and it shapes how he interacts with Crowley and humanity. 

This is not a commentary to his character. Simply to survive his abuse, he has to lie about his interests, his loves, his humanity, because to be anything but the hive mind results in more trauma. It allows for his safeguards to remain intact.

THE CHARACTER GROWTH

Whereas Crowley can come up with lies with ease, Aziraphale is a terrible and liar.   Once he reaches his breaking point the kind of lies Aziraphale tells is no longer rooted in personal safety, but the protection of others. 

Throughout the series, we examples of lies of omission, commission, and character lies. However, it’s not something they are seen to do particularly often, which lends to the idea that Aziraphale is somehow flawed or broken to Heaven. 

He’s none of those things, but having him believe this to be true, helps Heaven maintain their dogmatic hive-mind. Except, Aziraphale consistently defies their norm. His ultimate rebellion is his choice to lie. First about the antichrist, and then about the divine plan. 

He doesn’t know if what is “Great” is “ineffable”. He’s taking a chance that neither Beelzebub nor Gabriel knows either, and instead of deflecting their wrath off of himself, he uses his questions to protect Adam from Heaven’s wrath. And, likely to stop Heaven and Hell from forcing Adam to restart Armageddon’t.

Unlike his previous lying examples there is no ulterior motive to his lying. No selfish or safety concern he has. Just stepping forward and using wit more cutting than a flaming sword.  Aziraphale’s skill is with words, He doesn’t actually know if it will work, but he has to try when the world needs defending from Heaven who has pushed it onto the precipice between death and life. 

TLDR: Aziraphale lies to heaven for safety reasons but once he realizes the depths of his abuser’s indifference towards humanity he lies to protect others. 

Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk

[absynthe--minded]

Blessed Hands Will Break Me: The Official Playlist

listen on spotify // listen on youtube

cover art by @princess-faelivrin

Okay. So. I’m gonna try and walk you all through this playlist? It’s a combination of “songs I listened to while writing” and “songs that just have A Vibe”; it’s a little over an hour in length. It’s vaguely meant to evoke the flow of the story, but there’s a little back and forth to facilitate a better listening experience and make it less jarring.

Survivor - Oceans: (And I can’t help but wonder out loud ‘If only we could go back to square one, if finally we could pinpoint where we lost touch, I’d stand alone reaching out my hand to you’) This is where we start the story, more or less, with Findekáno confused and lost and a little angry. It’s a song about separation, about not knowing which way is up or down, about wishing you could rekindle a lost relationship and being a little desperate to do whatever is necessary to fulfill that wish. Also the music and the production create this wonderfully mournful tone; I do get the impression of speeding across a dark ocean with nothing but pain behind and uncertainty ahead.

Emilie Autumn - Castle Down: (Trying to balance all that I had left with what I didn’t have anymore) Findekáno finding out about Maitimo’s capture, and being lost, and trying to rebuild his psyche after such a devastating blow, and wrestling with the fact that his husband is both his savior and his destroyer in one.

Shinedown - If You Only Knew: (I don’t regret any days I spent, nights we shared, or letters that I sent) More reeling from loss - this is very much a story about what you do for love, and musing on what you had before tragedy, and Findekáno’s mental state through much of chapter two matches this kind of frustrated brooding. Not to mention that he’s tormented by Maitimo’s situation and absence enough for his sleep to be disrupted - it’s all he can think on, and it consumes him. The fact that this is sung to an absent lover who presumably can’t hear the singer’s thoughts and isn’t aware of them only makes it more poignant.

Adelitas Way - Last Stand: (And I can’t make it without you, I need a second chance ‘cause I wanna make it about you - I’m making my last stand) Of course, he ultimately does decide that, for better or for worse, he’s going after Maitimo, regardless of the impact on his life and the lives of his people. This is a song about trying to do right by your partner after some kind of separation, and it’s just frustrated and desperate enough to tug at my heart.

Kamelot - Lost and Damned: (Leave me behind, don’t look back) When Maitimo becomes aware of the fact that Findekáno is sharing his consciousness and is seeing what he’s seeing and feeling what he’s feeling, he responds by shoving Finno out of his head and shredding all he can of their marriage-bond to keep his captors from noticing. This song has a specific story function in a greater rock opera, but it really works here.

Journey - Separate Ways (Worlds Apart): (Someday love will find you, break those chains that bind you) If you’re writing a story about Thangorodrim and you don’t put this song on there, what are you even doing? In all seriousness, though, this was my first song that I ever heard that made me go “oh this is about Russingon”. An eternal classic and full of yearning and desperation and pain, and perfect to describe Finno setting out under cover of darkness, I think.

Icon For Hire - Hope of Morning: (When the hope of morning starts to fade in me, I don’t dare let darkness have its way with me) This song, honestly, more than any other I’ve ever heard, is Findekáno. For one thing I’m hooked on associating him with the dawn, and with the hope that comes with the sunrise; normally in Tolkien the Sun is associated with Men and I think it’s a really interesting thing that Finno also has some of that same imagery and energy tied into him, particularly surrounding his death. But beyond that? This is a song about being worried about your legacy, struggling to balance hope and duty and mental health, worrying always that you’re not doing enough and resolving to cling to the dawn and keep looking forward. I can’t think of a better summation of my favorite elvish prince.

Devour the Day - Oath: (One way or another, I’m coming home to you) This song’s title alone would have earned it a spot on the list, but the fact that it’s called ‘Oath’ but is about endurance beyond all else in the name of returning to a loved one’s side? Yeah, that’s Blessed Hands in a nutshell, especially this first part.

Fireflight - You Gave Me A Promise: (I will hold onto this hope that I have, you gave me a promise, you gave me a promise) This is the part of Finno’s journey north that isn’t him being miserable all the time - he’s doing this for love and for the sake of his marriage and the commitments they made to one another, and the hope he has is the hope that he can do right by the nér who promised to share his life.

Linkin Park - The Catalyst: (We’re a broken people living on a loaded gun) The other half of Finno’s journey north is him worrying and fixating on the possibility that he’s left behind his people to freeze to death, even having an encounter with some sort of ghost that feeds off of that fear. What’s more, this song just has an auditory aesthetic of loneliness and cold solitary journeying through desperate situations, and of uncertainty towards the future; that fits well here.

Bastille - Icarus: (Look out to the future, but it tells you nothing, so take another breath) Mountain climbing song! No, really - the way this balances an urgent, frightened beat and fast-paced instrumentation with lyrics about not knowing what’s coming? There’s nothing better for the moments when Findekáno is terrified out of his wits and afraid he’s going to have to shoot Maitimo, only to be saved by an eagle.

Atreyu - Lose It: (This is it, I’m falling - my wings need to grow, I lose my hold, I will let go) This is a song about being afraid of falling, and doing something terrible and frightening. It’s a perfect accompaniment to amputation, and the sick horror of being forced to make a decision that might end in death for all involved.

Sara Bareilles - Gravity: (I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love) Honestly I like this song less for the lyrics than the overall aesthetic. It’s a peaceful, gentle, regretful tune with so much emotion in it, and its themes of wondering what to do and wondering whether or not to continue on a set path with someone else are fitting. I tend to apply the idea of wanting to leave someone here to mean Finno wrestling with his royal duty - once Sorontar saves him and Maitimo from the cliff, they have the chance to go elsewhere, be other people, leave the Noldor and the Oath and the war behind them. And he chooses not to do this, for both of them, because while he wants to run he knows he shouldn’t.

Skylar Grey - Coming Home - Part II: (I know my kingdom awaits, and they’ve forgiven my mistakes) A soft, sad, mournful reflection on a less than ideal return home, that’s somehow warm and uplifting at the same time. It encapsulates Finno’s feelings on his resumption of duty and social role perfectly.

Meg Myers - Running Up That Hill: (If I only could, I’d make a deal with God, and I’d get Him to swap our places) And now we come to the heart of Blessed Hands, the song that encapsulates the whole of part I in a single tune. I chose this cover by Meg Myers because I like the instrumentation’s aesthetic more than Kate Bush’s original when it comes to this subject, but any version, really, would work. This is a song about wishing things could be different, about trying to make them different, about wishing after changes and alterations. One other line that speaks to me is ‘Is there so much hate for the ones we love?’ which, in the context of this relationship and these families, cuts right to the heart of the whole matter. Blessed Hands Will Break Me is a story about loyalty, more than all else, and about choosing love over hate, and about trying to defy cruel fate and sometimes winning, and this song covers all of that and more.

[nymphl]

Lie to Me - Hux x Reader x Ch. 16: Guilty & Innocent

A/N: Hello there xD As promised, here it goes chapter 16 of Lie to Me. I’m working on chapter 25, but it’s getting quite difficult right now because whenever I get some time to write, my mom starts talking about just... about everything. And I feel extremely bad to tell her to stop even when she talks for hours nonstop and it gets on my nerves? haha So bear with me just a little more. This quarantine is being harder on her than on me. 

Story Summary: Falling for the enemy… That’s probably the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. Letting him live… for he should be dead. And you should’ve been the one to kill him. You had him, right there… and you let it escape through yours fingers. He lived. And now only the time could tell if you made the right decision — more likely wrong — by saving the amnesiac General of the First Order and telling him he was your husband. [Hux x Reader - Hux x You]

Warnings for the entire story: Will contain at times; graphic violence, sex, drugs and manipulation, coarse language and OOCness.

AO3 Tags: from enemies to lovers; eventual romance; memory loss; fake marriage; fake marriage becomes real marriage; rebellion; married couple; canon divergence; slow burn romance; politics; rebel alliance; resistance; first order; OOCness; eventual smut; eventual sex; power play; power dynamics; syndicate; lies; you lie; Hux lies; Hux backstory; manipulation; political alliances; political betrayals; secret organizations; tros fix it; anti tros; nobody likes general pryde.

Wordcount: 3420

PREVIOUS CHAPTER 

IT HAD BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE ARMITAGE HUX LAST SAW THAT ARMOR. The only indication he had his words had not gone to waste were the slight and occasional nods he could see through the compromised transmission.

The poor broadcast made it difficult for him to understand the already muffled words because of the gigantic helmet. Yet, he insisted. There was something he needed to know, and it could not be delayed any longer.

Depending on the answers he got, he would have to change his plans drastically. The future — his future, her future and the First Order’s as well and why not the whole galaxy? — depended on what Captain Phasma would say. She was, in no way, a reliable source — he doubted anyone in the First Order could be considered as such —, but the Captain of the Stormtroopers was no Politian.

As a militarist, she was good at following orders, not defying them, and yet…

…they had history together.

And if there was someone he came closer to ever trust, he could say it was the chromium-armored stormtrooper. In truth, she said very little, but more than enough for someone such as himself. Out of the triumvirate — one out of many in the First Order —, Armitage Hux could say he was the best strategist — not blessed with either the Force or physical strength, the slim and awkwardly tall boy had to work on his forte: his brain.

In any case, the possibility of another betrayal — something he quite did not expect the first time around — would not come off as a surprise at this point. He was counting on it. In fact, he planned the probable outcome for each situation. No one could say the General was a man who enjoyed the unexpected — that was why he never had time for people nor relationships; feelings were unpredictable —, and while he adapted quite easily, his distaste for such was immeasurable.

The unforeseen made him feel powerless and everything that did not add for his bright future as Supreme Leader — Emperor, no one could say he dreamed little — was disposable. A controller. Armitage Hux was a control freak and everything — people and feelings included — that could not be controllable was better left behind. Thankfully, Captain Phasma fell in the first category.   

“There’s word out there that you betrayed the Order.”

He narrowed his eyes — something she would not be able to see given the transmission.

“Careful, Phasma.”

His strategy was quite simple, really. After his reveal, Captain Phasma would either keep his secret or she would tell the Supreme Leader — or even Ren himself. Or they would read right through her — he could only hope she learned by now how to conceal her thoughts.

Nevertheless, he was ready for any outcome. If the latter happened, his plans would only be hastened a bit.

“The Resistance attacked us in Rioza. They stole the shipment in its entirety. Some believe you feed them information.”

He thought that a smirk would have looked too suspicious. And yet he smirked. The slight tilt of his lips went unnoticed by the Captain.

Instead of giving her an answer — of soothing her fears and insecurities —, he chose silence. And she knew better than to expect a response for such a stupid statement.

“So… You’re coming back? You’ll prove them wrong.”

It sounded like a question — and it was a question; Captain Phasma lacked the intricacies of a more modulated speech —, but it was also a half-assertion. Once he was alive, it was expected of him to come back. The First Order was his life — after all, he had been molded for the position and role he fit in right now; the fact he was at the sore end of the bargain, with less than he deserved was a mere casualty —; he had pledged his life to it.

Not satisfied in taking his life — or almost taking, it would be a surprise when they saw he was in fact very much alive —, those who plotted against him managed to destroy his reputation in the Order.

He almost snorted.

The irony was too good to miss. The poster-boy, the golden General — a Grand-Marshall if they would so give what he deserved and worked so hard for —, was no more than a traitor.

Shaking such thoughts away, he concentrated in her question.         

I make no idle promises.

The words were on his tongue, dying to be unleashed. He knew better. Even though he said it once, in a vastly different context, true, the meaning applied for the situation at hand. Suffice to say that Armitage Hux was a man whose distaste for the unpredictable rivaled his aversion to small talk and stating the obvious. If Phasma learned to battle with her physical strength, the slim, tall, awkwardly ginger Arkanisian boy was forced to quickly understand the power of the words.  

Instead, he nodded.

Guilt…

You felt guilty before, but it could not compare to how you felt now. It was destroying you to know he had left and was yet to come back. When he said do not wait for me, you thought he meant for the night, not for whole four days.

A monster…

You felt like a monster for not giving him an answer.

But what else could you say? What else could you do? You were caught in your lies once, it was not like you could say you trusted him when you were not sure you did. You were cornered. Afraid and feeling guilty.

You had not realized it before, but you regretted saving him — you thought that was not something that would go away. He was the enemy. He and his precious First Order had invaded your planet — your home. It is true they betrayed him and tried to have him killed — and only the Maker could know why. You wondered if the General knew the truth himself — not the twisted lie you told him. 

Besides, he said himself he probably knew about the new virus wreaking havoc in Dantooine, causing the death of so many aliens right now.

He could have lied. He could have said he had nothing to do with it, but he decided to be honest, and so did you.     

You just did not expect him to leave for good.

It had been four days since he left. Obviously, you paid no heed to his warning. You had to go back. You had to work. Your coworkers — the few of them who did not stop working — were counting on you; lives depended on you. You had to go back to the Hospital. Your own life and safety meant very little face to the gravity of the situation.

The possibility of getting infected by the disease was no longer a threat — it was confirmed it was spread through the water and only alien species were vulnerable to it. Unlike the Krytos Virus, this one — the alien flu as your coworkers called it — could not be reversed by using bacta in the treatment. And if the most powerful healing substance could not kill it, you doubted anything else would. You had discovered — out of sheer luck or utter despair, you were no longer sure — that a small substance, not found in abundance in Dantooine and already out stock, seemed to alleviate the symptoms and delay the impending death.

Yet, even if the risk of getting sick was nil, at least one healer had been eaten by the crazed aliens quarantined.  You would be lying if you said the possibility of being eaten alive did not scare you. However — and you could not help the comparison —, Aquilla would never let it hinder him. You could only hope the General understood it. Saving people was in your DNA, you could not help it.

At least, that was what you prepared yourself for when you returned to the Cave — your own house had been invaded by homeless, sick aliens; something you would not and could not complain about, they needed it more than you ever did —, only to find it empty. D-Five was making dinner for you only. The always so very efficient and proactive protocol droid told you he would not come back that day, but he was ready to be your company and talk about whatever topic you saw fit. The talk did not take place in the next day either, for you were welcomed with the same words. On the third day you gave up on the talk. You would not return to find the Cave empty.  

Today, you felt very inclined to stay at the Hospital again.

A tired sigh left you as you entered the refresher. It was a very hot day in Dantooine and even though you longed to get home — if you could call the cold and dark Cave as such —, and get some rest, you knew you had to stay awake to take care of the children in your care.

You splashed cool water in your face, trying to wash away the sleepiness that began to take over you. The mirror placed on the wall showed you a very different face from not even a week ago. You had dark circles under your eyes and your skin lacked the luster of a healthy person. It did not help you could barely eat for the past few days — worry always compromised your appetite greatly.

Placing your hands over your face, you took a moment to breathe deeply and keep your thoughts at bay. A part of you wondered if he died — it was quickly dismissed; he was too smart to die that easily and you thought you would know, you knew when Aquilla died, it was not something rational, more like empirical, you just knew —, and part cogitated the possibility of him going back to the First Order.

I am loyal only to myself.

…and to you.

Is he though?

You shook your head. He would not go back to them. They betrayed him. They conspired to have him killed — or so he said, and could you trust him? Senator Organa was still to get back to you…   

…And he said himself you should not wait for him.

It was impossible not to wonder if he was back to the First Order. He was a General and someone of his position — in control of such immensurable power — would hardly let go.

Your thoughts were interrupted with the buzz of your comm-relay. You took it with you as soon as you left home in the first day, too worried to stay parted from it — you had to know what happened to General Organa, you needed to. However, you were afraid of sending a message and it falling on the wrong hands — only the Maker could know how many lives such a message could affect.

Not giving it much thought, you opened the comm-relay only to be greeted by the tired and old face of the woman who invaded your mind more than you would like for the past few days.      

“Were the Coordinates right? Did everything go—

You stopped yourself, biting the inside of your cheeks to the point you felt the coppery taste in your tongue. You closed your eyes — well, it was too late to say anything else now.

Kriffs.

If she did not know before that you did not trust your contact, she knew now. In her place — even if everything went smoothly, you would not trust this deserter of the First Order. It was clear that unlike Finn — or FN-2187 and what a dehumanizing way of calling someone —, your contact was not reliable.  

I trust him with my life.

As if.

If she noticed your internal conflict, she chose not to comment on it, “Tell your contact we are grateful for all the information he has provided.”

You were not sure if she noticed it either, but you straightened your back. It felt as if a heavy weight was lifted off your shoulders. It felt as if you could finally breathe again. And you took a deep intake of breath. Your lungs burned with the amount of air you inhaled. And yet, you would not trade this sensation for anything else.

With the relief, came the regret.

You were once again guilt-ridden.

You should have trusted him.

You should have believed him.

You should have…

…let go of your apprehensiveness and listened to him. Listened to your heart that wanted so badly to accept his words and not to your mind, that wanted to paint him as the villain of your story.

He was… innocent all long and you were just… Kriffs. A monster for judging him so harshly. 

“…not only right, but useful as well.”

Shaking your thoughts away, you decided to actually look at her and pay attention to what she said.

“What took you so long?” you asked, not really sure you overstepped your boundaries. The nature of your relationship was not clear as of yet. However, you had to know. If the cause of her delay was not related to an imaginary — you were such a fool — betrayal on Hux’s part, you needed to know the reason. 

General Organa took a moment to answer, as if testing her words. As if testing… you. It was clear she was surprised at your disarray, but once again she chose not to comment on it. If she was preserving your privacy or if she did not trust you to such extent, you did not know.

“A new disease spread in the outer-rim territories kept the Resistance busy.”

Your eyes widened.

“The Alien Flu…” It left your lips in a meek whisper. You knew it was bad, but you had no idea it was spread in planets other than Dantooine. If eradicating a disease in a single planet was almost impossible, you could not say what you expected of part of the galaxy. “Kriffs!”

There was moment of silence.

Senator Organa was most like analyzing your reaction. And you could not say you judged her. In her place, you would do the same — if Aquilla had not spoken about this, you could say the General taught you with his posture, but you knew that silence spoke volumes about a person or a situation.

“Perhaps your contact knows something about the disease and its cure.”

It was your time to keep silent, however brief it was. Soon, the words came to life in your mouth, “No. He doesn’t.”

Her expression was somewhat blank. You had no idea if it meant she believed you or if she thought everything you said was utter bullshit. General Organa did not strike you as someone who trusted others — even if they helped her once — that easily. On your part, you were surprised for defending him so vehemently.

He could be innocent.

He is innocent.

Even if the concept of innocence did not apply to those in an organization that profited by waging War in the galaxy — by those who believed in a project of a fallen Empire, the very embodiment of tyranny and villainy.   

Kriffs.

You did not know what to believe anymore. The fact that he simply vanished did not help the tiniest bit.  

“I thought as much.” She brought a bottle of water to her lips. It concealed most of her face. “Only someone of the highest ranks would know about that.”

You bit your bottom lip.

She knew.

A shiver ran down your spine.

“Listen.” You swallowed. “I have to go.”

As soon as you ended the transmission and shut down your comm-relay, you left the Hospital. This time you did not care about your clothes or your own sanity — which you knew was lacking right now.

The fact that you did not sleep coupled with the discovery of his… — you had no idea what to call it, honesty, perhaps? — coupled with the truthfulness of his words made your heart beat faster and not only because you were running towards the Cave.

You had to get to him. You had to talk to him. You had to… see him. You were not sure you could trust your words right now. Seeing his face would suffice. However, more than the imperious need to see him, you needed to know.

By now, he already knew if he had a hand in what was taking place in Dantooine and other territories in the outer rim.

Only someone of the highest ranks would know about that.

If he still had most of his accesses to the First Order database, then he knew why they did it — and it was getting increasingly difficult not to understand their reasons; aliens ate humans and humans hated aliens. Only a racist organization, product of that dictatorship called Empire, could unleash such a hateful disease upon the distant and forgotten planets — and how to possibly end it.

Because there must be an antidote.

There has to be.

If you were to find him, D-Five would give you his coordinates. The protocol droid would know where he was. You just had to make him talk.

You ran as fast as your tired limbs would carry you. As fast as your own heartrate would allow you to. Part of you was grateful for his harsh training, without it, you doubted you would be able to stand on your legs right now. Getting almost no sleep for the last few days helped very little.

It was with some relief — great relief, actually — that as your feet brought you to a stop in front of the Cave, and you spotted not only the General, but his partner — was she really a partner or they were only analyzing each other and waiting for the best moment to end not only their partnership but the other’s life? — as well. Behind them, there was a Personal Petite Yacht you have not seen in years.

“You look like shit, hon.”

Pursing your lips into a thin line, you breathed deeply through your nose. You almost — you knew the General would scowl if you did that — placed your hands on your knees to support yourself. Even if it was a short distance between the Hospital and the Cave, you felt like you had run a marathon.

“Aurra.”

The General straightened his shoulders and shut off his electronic cigarette. You shifted your attention to him. You were not the only one who looked absolutely terrible. If you slept little, the General got close to no sleep whatsoever.

His cheekbones seemed even sharper now. Besides not resting properly, you could say he was not eating as well.

If the situation was any different, you could say you were worried about him. Right now, all you could feel was a crushing guilty and extreme relief — he was alive, and he had not gone back to the First Order. And it sufficed.

He had no time to say anything — and you doubted he would —, for she hit her walking stick on the rocky ground, attracting your attention.

“You arrived just in time, dear.”

In time for what?

“Go ahead.” She pointed at the ship behind her. “You two shall leave for Canto Bight.”

The General outstretched his hand for you to take. Even if you hesitated ­­­— to depart for Cantonica right now made no sense whatsoever, not with the medical crisis in the outer rim territories ­—, you placed your fingers upon his. He immediately pulled you into his embrace.

You bit your bottom lip —­ not risking a glance at Aurra; you had no idea if she still believed you were his weakness and honestly you did not want to let her know there were problems in paradise ­— and moved one of your hands over his shoulder.   

“Do you trust me?” he asked. His voice was no more than a whisper in your ear.

Do I?

Part of you wanted to say you did. If you learned something today, it was that he was far from the lying monster you believed him to be ­— and you had lied to him as well! You were sure of one thing only — if you wanted to survive, it you wanted to find the cure for that damned disease, you had to trust him.       

“Do I have any other choice?”

You expected silence. Instead, you felt the tip of his nose running over the sensible skin of your neck as he breathed in your scent.

“No.”

A/N - See you on Friday. Guys, I’m also posting Lie to Me now on Wattpad. I update every Wednesday xD

[saltine-kakyoin]

🎶 + joseph, and also alexandra if you want? :0 if youre still doing these!

shannon, howdy! :D this is a challenging set- i really struggle with getting into joseph’s headspace (which... i don’t know why, i too am Stupide..), and i hardly ever listen to songs for alexandra! however, i will give it a Go!!

i am putting this one under a readmore- it turned out a lot longer than i thought it would!

Joseph:

the laughing song- so. this is an odd choice at first glance, and i feel i should explain the context. I sang this song at Stetson’s Choral University when i was wee sophomore and STRUGGLED with the rhythms and jumps. i vividly remember having a meltdown over my lunch at firehouse subs bc I couldn’t wrap my mind around it, and neither could my friend!! So it became a meme between us- whenever choir was kicking our ass we’d just sing the alto line maniacally. This, I feel, is BIG joseph energy. in an alternate universe, all the crusaders despair in the cave against The Sun except for joseph.. who slowly erupts into the laughing song... litch rally madness

people say- this is more of a somber song, and I think maybe a more introspective song for Joseph. I don’t think he ever fully shakes off the survivor’s guilt from Caesar’s death, and Sergio’s death is just. the second whammy you know. The Crusade is really important to Joseph because while yes, it’s a journey to get rid of the thing endangering his whole family, I think there’s also a small part of the journey that is like. atonement? for not being there for caesar or his son (that is also, spiritually, also somewhat caesar’s son..) in their final moments. I think this song is really reflective of that part of Joseph, that’s also haunted by ghosts. the “kill the voice inside your mind/ we don’t need no answers darling/ hold me close and we’ll be fine/ let’s pretend we never parted” section in particular makes me really emotional, thinking of him and Suzi being each other’s tether in the aftermath of both deaths... oUGH :”(

luminescence- it’s hard for me to explain why, but this song makes me think of joseph’s overarching journey with hamon and hermit purple, and the friendships he forged through both. it’s partially because of the lyrics, but also just because of the chords and dynamics? i have no idea how to explain this, but i really feel this is a softer joseph song. 

aiutami- sometimes i listen to shows and imagine AUs with them but never actually commit to the idea. the light in the piazza is one such show- i’ve been haunted by the ghost of a caejose au for it for MONTHS. Joseph is also just really reminiscent of Signora Nacarelli.. “without risk, there is no drama; without drama, there is no ‘aiutami’, without asking for help- no Love!!” just really reminds me of younger joseph’s wildly melodramatic ass explaining his schemes. also, “does father cheat on mother? she suspects....does father know that she suspects? He Suspects!” is like hghdhghs. in a world where the joseph cheating subplot is Not with a 20 year old college student but rather with his + suzi’s husband caesar and their wife suzi. like.. it coulda been great, if unrealistic :(

the beauty is (reprise)- of course, the context for this choice isn’t 100% 1 to 1 with the actual context of the song. BUT. imagine, “I reach... like these paintings in the old traditions. There’s a figure reaching out in them like them, and to me it is the most familiar tableau I know” with joseph.. it is the most familiar tableau he knows because he’s was reaching First for his best bud caesar, and then decades later for his son. like :powercry: the whole song is a REALLY sad joseph song, but we are just here to suffer. also..”So much wanting something, so much reaching for it, so much wishing just to have One Moment back.” + “I thought if I had a child, I would take such care of her!” AND “If I could, then I would paint it over. I would be there and I wouldn’t turn away....If I only had a chance to not turn away” all in the context of joseph regretting his final argument with caesar, him not visiting Holly once she moved to Japan, and him not checking in on Sergio who he KNEW had a deep debilitating fear of Dio... AUGHHHHH 3 Joseph is a jester, but he’s also a man of regrets and this dichotomy is really beautiful. it breaks my heart yo ; J ;

Alexandra:

gnothi safton-  this is the only song I’ve ever listened to exclusively for Alexandra! I struggled a lot with connecting the dots around her identity, and i remember galaxybraining it in the pitch black of my room at 1 w nothing but this song pushing me on.. Anyhow! this song ties into Alexandra’s fear of stagnation and her desire to explore beyond the palais garnier (which her siblings do NOT understand. they’re like bro we were mad fortunate to be born into this opera house bro.. why would you ever leave? :( and she’s like “it IS powerKNOWLEDGE is power”). She knows costuming is her calling, but there are so many outlets for that and opera costumes are but one niche. Her drive to explore and experiment other styles leads her to La Comédie Italienne, which is where she first encounters Camille and their whole story begins. /(\\\ ///)\

super trouper- Techies get burn-out too!! this song isn’t a 1 to 1 w the interpretation in my head, either, but it’s aight! The first interaction that ever passes between Camille and Alexandra is Camille frantically pouring praises onto Alexandra for her beautiful costume design after a show at LCI, and Alexandra being absolutely swept off of her feet because she’s never had an audience member seek her out to gush over her work! And then!! Camille keeps coming back to see and photograph Alexandra’s costumes! It’s deeply invigorating for Alexandra, and the root of their entire relationship. (also, mamma mia because that’s is Alexandra’s baby- first, it’s a greek musical! second, she works as a costumer and dresser for its debut in london, and then gets carted from tour to tour for it which is a DREAM come true.) 

defying gravity- THE cliche theater song...sometimes I think about this song when hammering out the dynamic between alexandra and her siblings and go :( there are no huge blow-outs at the palais that lead to alexandra leaving, she just Does it because it’s what is right for her. this baffles her siblings, who could never imagine leaving the opera house that nurtured them as they grew up. Alexandra has a lot of Elphaba’s determination and drive. the “I hope you’re happy” repetition specifically is :( because the Xydakis kids are super tight knit! They all know that Alexandra branching out and leaving the Palais means they’ll see her much less frequently, but Marika and Panayiotis also respect that it’s what Alexandra needs to do for her own sake.

all i ask of you- Alexandra grew up in the Palais Garnier, with a ballerina mother and a lighting design father. you Cannot tell me that her parents didn’t take them to see Phantom of the Opera at the West End. you cannot tell me alexandra didn’t dream of one day loving like raoul. You cannot tell me that she and Camille didn’t dance to this at their wedding. yeet yeet in the streets fella

sofia- this song has been THE camillexandra (are we outchea making our own ship names? mayhaps) song. is the character of the narrator synonymous to alexandra? not entirely. but ughh this is the Song i’ve always written about them to.

[ilovemygaydad]

Dance, Dance

Part Five: The Sound of Music

Based off this post that you really need to read for context!

Pairings: Analogical and Royality (past sleeplogical)

Characters: Virgil, Patton, Logan, Roman, Sleep/Remy, Deceit/Dominic, October/Toby, September/Ember

Warnings: domestic abuse, swearing, sexual humor, crude comments, bullying, making out, abusive deceit, mentions of vomiting (just one word), step parents, food mentions, rejection, logan’s kind of an asshole to virgil, and possibly something else

A/N: a few people asked me about dominic using both she/her and he/him pronouns, and the explanation is that it’s just me fucking things up. like, that’s it. you can hc him however you want, idc, but I’m just stupid. also, chris is from Sleep is for the Weak

Masterlist | Ask Blog | READ ON AO3

Tags: @adultmorelikeadolt @disneyfanatic77 @logan-smarter-than-you-sanders​ @punsterterry​ @mycatshuman @fluidityandgiggles​ @sadpunkrat @theunoriginaldaisy​

Logan had been buzzing with anticipation all weekend over who his mystery guy could be, and he could tell that it was getting on Roman’s nerves no matter how much he claimed to be a sucker for a good romance, but it was just… He was absolutely captivated, and the only clue that he had towards the identity of his mystery man was an iPod. That in and of itself should be a huge clue because, honestly, who had an iPod in 2018, but that was just it. Who even had an iPod? Not a single person that he could think of.

With that dead-end in mind, Logan turned to yearbooks. He knew that there was a possibility that he had danced with a freshman or sophomore, but he obviously didn’t have access to yearbooks from the previous year, so he had to rely on his own freshman and sophomore yearbooks. Those, too, came up with a dead-end. He found someone close--Patton King--who, in sophomore year, had dyed his full head bright blue, but the bouncy curls were completely different to the light waves in the hair of whomever he had danced with.

Logan had begrudgingly told Roman that they would have to take this search more public. Sure, there were mysteries that Logan simply wouldn’t be able to solve, but this one was so much more complicated than he had originally thought, and he was certainly going to need help.

“Hey, um, Mx. Elliott…”

“Oh, Logan! Welcome back to school--though, I’m a bit hurt that it took you this long to come and visit me.”

Logan blushed a bit. He felt bad about not visiting, but there were only so many hours in the day where he had time off. “I’m so sorry, Mx. I promise that I’ll stop here more often.” There was an awkward pause as Logan thought of what to say next. “So… How is Mitchell doing?”

“Oh. I broke up with him for good. I took yours and Joan’s advice, and I kicked him out of my apartment about six weeks ago.” They fiddled a bit with the sleeve of their sweater uncomfortably. For years, Elliott had been a good friend of Logan’s, but they were dating this awful guy named Mitchell for just as long. Elliott’s self esteem was ripped to shreds time and time again, and they had a hard time listening to their cousin, Joan, and Logan’s advice.

“I’m very proud of you for doing that. I’m sure that it took a lot of strength, and I’m glad that you’ve gotten your life back into your own hands.” Logan paused and held out the iPod. “However, I didn’t come here merely to talk pleasantries. I need to find someone. I danced with him at the ball, and he dropped this, and--”

Elliott smirked. “And you fell in love?”

“What? No! No, of course not.” Tick. “Well…” Tock. “Maybe…” Tick. “But it’s none of your business!”

“You literally came here for my assistance, Logan. It is by definition my business now.”

“Hush! Just--Roman--PA!” Logan pushed Roman, who had been standing there silently, at the PA system to make the announcement.

And, in normal Roman fashion, it was ridiculously extra. “Ladies, lords, and non-binary royalty, The Prince is on the mic to ask you all formally if you have seen a handsome lad who ditched my best friend Logie--”

“Logie?!”

Roman covered the microphone with his hand as he hissed, “Logan didn’t rhyme there!”

“Shut up and hand over the mic,” Logan growled as he pushed Roman out of the chair and sat down. “Hello. It’s me, Logan Parker.” He took a deep, calming breath. “On Saturday, I danced with one of the most amazing people. You left in a hurry, and you ended up dropping your iPod on the ground. In all honesty, it was the best night of my life, and I want to give you back your iPod, so… if you are able to name the top four songs on your playlist, I’ll return the iPod to you. And maybe we can get coffee or something. Roman and I will be sitting in the center of the cafeteria at lunch so that we can find you.” He unclicked the on button of the PA, and sat back.

“You Gucci, Specs?” Roman asked.

“Yeah. I think so. This should be easy.”

“Okay, Chris. Go.” Logan felt every ounce of his soul drain from his body as his eyes flicked over to the dozens of students lined up to try and prove that they were his mystery guy.

“‘Livin’ la Vida Loca,’ ‘Maria,’ ‘She Bangs,’ and ‘Shake Your Bon-Bon.’ All by Ricky Martin.”

Logan swiped at a puddle of tears that had been left on the lunchroom table with his hand. “Sorry, but that isn’t it.”

The boy stormed off, and Logan let his head fall into his hands. This was a disaster. Logan mentally kicked himself for not being able to recognize who he was looking for right off the bat. He was such an idio--

“Hey, Lo. Do you want me to go around the line and kick out the excesses?” Roman whispered gently.

“God, please do.” Logan looked up; he felt like he was going to cry. “They’re all the same cookie-cutter Hollywood guys, Ro. That guy from the ball was special, but… what if I can’t find him?”

“Are you kidding? You are the Logan Parker! I have no doubt in my mind that we’ll find him.” He smiled. “I think he helped pull you out of your slump. There’s no way I’m letting a guy like that go.”

“Thanks, Roman.”

“Hey, what else is a prince for?”

Virgil shivered as he felt cold water drip down the back of his neck, no doubt staining it with streaks of purple. He had been unlucky enough to fall asleep during his second block class, and one of his asshole classmates got their hands on some glitter glue and wrote transphobic slurs in his hair. It was pretty standard for shit like that to happen, but Virgil had only dyed his hair again yesterday to it’s full purple potential, so it sucked that he had to wash it again. And Patton was pissed. That was pretty normal, too.

“If that teacher had known any better, she would have reported that guy for harassment!”

“Pat, just leave it. She was doing what would protect me from the wrath of administration. If she had reported him, she would have had to explain why I didn’t stop him, which would have gotten me in trouble, and I probably would have been taken out of school by Dominic. I’m already on thin enough ice. Mrs. Larsen was helping me.” Virgil began to ascend the cafeteria stairs, slipping around people who were stationed on the sides.

“That’s still such bullsh--”

Virgil pulled Patton to the side of the stairs with enough force to dislocate a shoulder. “Shut the fuck up for a second and look.”

“Holy--”

“I didn’t think he’d actually do it!” A dozen yards away sat the longest line of people that Virgil had ever seen outside of a Black Friday sale at the Gucci store in Los Angeles. And there was Logan at the head. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Virge, you’ve gotta go down there and tell him before someone starts a riot!”

“No!” Virgil turned to Patton. “No way.”

Patton wildly gestured at Logan. “He said that it was the best night of his life.”

“Yeah. Until he finds out that it was me.” He threw another glance at Logan. “Let’s just go.”

Virgil and Patton continued to their classes, but underneath the stairs, Toby and Ember had heard everything.

The second that Virgil entered the house, Toby and Ember were there to intercept him.

“Look at you, acting all innocent!” Toby snarled. Virgil needed to know that they weren’t going to let him steal Logan away.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Virgil looked confused and tried to evade the twins.

“Oh,” Ember said, gripping Virgil’s arm tightly. “We know it was you at the ball with Logan.”

There was a short pause before Virgil said, “You guys are crazy.”

“No, actually, you’re the crazy one if you think that we’re going to let you end up with Logan, you weird stalker!”

“And if you tell him that it was you,” Toby interjected, waving one of the copies of Virgil’s video in the air. “Your video will be everywhere. Hello, YouTube!”

Virgil scoffed. “You guys can barely work the toaster, let alone YouTube.”

“Try us.”

Ember pushed Virgil away. “Go make dinner. We’re hungry.”

Virgil stared at the twins for a few moments and walked away. Toby turned and went to the door.

“Hey, Toby, where’re you going?”

Toby froze. “None of your business, Ember! I mean, uh, nowhere. For a walk… Uh, outside.”

“Oh. Okay, bye!”

“Yeah, bye.” Toby slipped out the front door and went straight to Virgil’s room. “Playlist. I need to find that playlist.”

Clothes, pencils, notebooks, and everything in between was scattered through Virgil’s room as Toby searched. For twenty minutes, he found nothing, until…

“Aha! Hidden in plain sight, of course!” He lifted up a pillow and found an old Macbook. Without a second of hesitation, he opened it up and went to iTunes. “Okay… ‘Dying in LA,’ ‘Save Rock and Roll,’ ‘Freeze Your Brain,’ ‘Defying Gravity,’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’ Perfect!” He scribbled the titles onto the back of his right hand and went to make his leave, but the door swung open right as he was about to open it, and he was flung into the wall.

Ember sauntered into the room and gasped when he saw the laptop. He picked it up to find the songs, but it tumbled right out of his hands and onto the floor. It was obvious from the loud cracking sound that the laptop wasn’t going to be useable anymore.

“Can you give me a hint as to what genre the songs are?” Chris asked, pressing closer to Roman and Logan. “Are they emo? Metal? Electroclash? Latin pop???”

“Okay, everyone! Disperse yourselves.” Roman hopped up from his seat at the table to usher people away. “Come back… after class or something. Logan’s going to take a break.”

Logan slumped in his seat and waited for Roman to return to speak. “I’m never going to find him. This is hopeless.”

“Hold up. What is this illogical garbage that I’m hearing from you, Logan?” Roman looked more offended than usual.

“It’s not illogical, though.” It was more of a question than a statement.

“It most certainly is! Say there’s an equal fifty-fifty distribution of males and females at our school--excluding the lovely non-binaries, which would make up around 1% of our school, probably. That means that there are about 750 males at our school currently. Sure, the odds don’t seem great, but there’s a chance. Therefore, Logan, we must keep hope that you will find your prince.” Roman smirked. “Logical enough for you, Specs?”

Logan smiled a bit. “Go away.”

“Nah. I’d never ditch my best friend, Lo--”

“Logan Parker!”

“Toby,” Roman sighed, standing up to escort the twin away. “Dude, Logan is on a break. Please come back during business hours, or you can send a letter that will be processed in five to seven business days.”

“Oh, of course. I’m actually in the mood for a prince…” Toby flirtatiously traced his finger on Roman’s collar.

“Are you serious?”

“No! Get out of my way!” Roman was flung backwards with a surprising amount of force, and Logan was only able to stare at his best friend as Toby approached. “I’m The One, Logan!”

Logan didn’t even have the energy to muster a laugh. “Yeah, right.”

“I can prove it. I know all of the songs on the playlist.”

“Of course. Do go on.”

Toby smiled a dazzling smile. Well, dazzling in the blinding way with his bright orange, sparkly braces bands. “‘Dying in LA,’ ‘Save Rock and Roll,’ ‘Freeze Your Brain,’ ‘Defying Gravity,’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody!’”

Roman rejoined Logan and whispered, “This is impossible. Right?”

“Ha! I’m right! Kiss me!” Toby surged forward, and Logan almost fell backwards trying to evade him.

“Woah, holy--wait!” Logan held Toby at arm’s length. “You’ve got to dance first.”

“What?!” Toby spluttered. “But--I already told you the songs! That’s all you asked. And I’m not warmed up, and there’s no music!”

Roman sighed dramatically, hanging off of Logan. “Logan, darling, he’s obviously not the one you’re looking for. I mean, he can’t even dance for you.”

“Oh, you’re right!” Logan swerved around Toby. “Well, see ya!”

“No, wait!” Toby grabbed Logan’s hand and spun him back to the table. “I love to dance!”

Logan watched in horror-filled awe as Toby started to “dance” in harsh, seizing motions. In all honesty, he hadn’t expected anything like that. Roman, completely unfazed, decided that it was time to leave, and he dragged Logan away as Toby continued to dance.

Logan was tired. He was really fucking tired of having being, well… for being Logan Parker. It honestly just sucked to be famous. Which sounded stupid and pretentious, but it was true. People fawned over him, and he just wanted some coffee, but there was only shitty canned espresso in an overpriced vending machine, so here he was. In a random hallway getting coffee. He jabbed at the coffee button and leaned down to grab the can. As he stood up, he came face to face with Ember standing in what he could only construe as a seductive position against the vending machine.

“Woah, okay, Ember…”

“Ready to meet your mystery guy, Logan?”

“You know the songs, too? God, can I just catch a break?” Logan ran a hand through his hair and started to walk away, but Ember tugged him back.

What is with these twins and tugging people around?

“But I’m the real freaking one! And I freaking love you, so you’d better freaking love me back, you freaking freak!” Ember yelled. Logan blinked a few times at the outburst.

“Way, way, way deep inside, I’m sure that you’re a… decent person, Ember, but I’ve really got to go--”

“I can prove it!” He threw his backpack on the ground with a dull plop. “Through dance!”

Before Ember could even get very far into his equally as awful dance, Logan ditched the scene, eager to find Roman to get out of the school for his off period.

“Oh my god, Virge. I can’t believe the twins would hold that video against you! You were literally eleven.”

Virgil ate another spoonful of frosting from the tub that Patton had bought him, glaring out the windshield at nothing in particular. “What do I do? I don’t want Logan to think that I’m a fucking stalker! Not to mention the fact that he obviously doesn’t remember me from pre-transition, so he’d find out about that, too. People like me don’t belong with people like him.”

“Look,” Patton said seriously; although, the off-kilter blue bow in his hair made it a little difficult to actually take him seriously. “You and Logan clicked out there on the dancefloor. You have to talk to him.”

“Nuh uh.”

“Yuh huh--oh, look!” Patton pointed out the window at Roman and Logan passing by. “It’s showtime, Virgil! You’ve got this.”

“Yeah! I can do this.” Virgil reached over to open the door, but he whipped around again. “Wait, you know what? Let’s get some food first.”

“Yeah, no,” Patton deadpanned.

“Fuck, fine!” Virgil rushed out of the van before he chickened out and walked over to Logan’s car. “Hey, Logan. I need to tell you something really important.”

“Oh!” Logan smiled charmingly, and damn this stupid crush that Virgil had. “Hello. You work for Dominic, correct?”

“What? No! That’s not what--”

Roman, from the other side of the car, giggled. “You had shrimp in your hair.”

Virgil glared at him. “Well, I mean… Yeah, that was me, but that isn’t what I wanted to say.” He took a deep breath. “I’m--”

“Oh my god!” Logan threw his hands in the air in frustration. “Seriously? Dominic is relentless. First Toby, then Ember, and now you, too?” He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “Just… I’m looking for someone, okay? I don’t have time to talk. Especially not about that stupid duet. I’ve gotta go… It was nice seeing you.”

Roman and Logan sat in their seats, and Virgil took a few steps back as they pulled out. He watched them for a few seconds before racing back to Patton’s van. Without hesitation, he whipped open the door and grabbed his back and skateboard from the floor.

“I told you, Pat.”

“Oh my god, he blew you off!”

Virgil sighed and backed away a bit. “Whatever.” He slammed the door shut and skated off, ignoring the tears that fell down his cheeks.

Part Six

[papermoonloveslucy]

LUCY, THE SKYDIVER

S3;E2 ~ September 21, 1970

Directed by Herbert Kenwith ~ Written by Larry Rhine and Lou Derman

Synopsis

When Kim and Craig take up dangerous hobbies, Lucy decides to use reverse psychology and take up skydiving.  But when Harry sees an opportunity to get publicity for the Unique Employment Agency, Lucy has no choice but to go through with her flight!  

Regular Cast

Lucille Ball (Lucy Carter), Gale Gordon (Harrison Otis Carter), Desi Arnaz Jr. (Craig Carter), Lucie Arnaz (Kim Carter)

Guest Cast

Rhodes Reason (Sam Tolliver) here marks the third of his five episodes of “Here’s Lucy” having previously appeared in “Lucy, the Matchmaker” (S1;E12) and “Lucy and the Gold Rush” (S1;E13).  He also appeared with Lucille Ball in the 1974 TV movie Happy Anniversary and Goodbye.

Bill Baldwin (Steve Campbell, Reporter for the Valley Gazette) was a voice on the radio in the Lucille Ball film Critic's Choice (1963).  

The voices on the TV soap opera (Cynthia and Herbie) as well as the two photographers are played by uncredited background performers.

The date this episode first aired, ABC TV debuted “NFL Monday Night Football,” formidable competition for “Here's Lucy.”  The show is still on the air today, although it moved to ESPN in 2006.

To simulate Lucy actually skydiving, an apparatus was built outside the sound stage. Lucille was strapped by her feet onto a high platform, her lower body in a brace. The apparatus could move in any direction, making it appear as though Lucy is moving through the air. A large fan blows air at her while she moves about as if she is free falling. The camera films her from beneath, keeping just her upper body in the frame.

The theme of this episode is 'do your own thing.' The phrase is used repeatedly in the dialogue. In the 1960s, 'do your own thing' became a common expression used by and about young people. It meant to do whatever you wanted, without feeling guilty and free of the conformity of previous generations. There was even a 1968 off-Broadway rock musical (based on Shakespeare's Twelfth Night) titled Your Own Thing. This school of thought led to what is now known as the “Me Generation.”

Doing their own thing, Craig takes up spear fishing while Kim joins a motorcycle club. When Lucy sees her daughter in a motorcycle helmet she asks if she's playing for the Rams, Los Angeles' hometown football team. Later, when she has the parachute pack strapped to her back, Lucy says she feels like she's carrying the Green Bay Packers, yet another football reference in a sports-themed episode that aired (coincidentally) the same day as the premiere of Monday Night Football.  

About motorcycling, Lucy says she doesn't want Kim to be another Steve McQueen. Actor Steve McQueen’s favorite things were racing and motorcycles. He famously rode a motorcycle in 1963’s The Great Escape.  He was mentioned in this context by Lucy Carmichael in “Lucy Goes to a Hollywood Premiere” (TLS S4;E20).

Before arriving at the idea of skydiving, Lucy borrows a book about wrestling alligators and even thinks about being a bull fighter. Lucy Ricardo fought a bull in a Tijuana bullring in “Lucy Goes to Mexico” a 1958 episode of “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour.”  

When Harry jokes about committing suicide by jumping out of the window due he says, “One giant step for mankind, one small step for Harry.” This is a paraphrase of the famous words spoken by astronaut Neil Armstrong when he first stepped foot on the surface of the moon on July 20, 1969. 

When Harry hears Lucy has changed her mind about skydiving he quips, “Good. You'd only confuse the swallows on their way to Capistrano.” This is a reference to San Juan Mission in Capistrano, southern California.  It is there that the American cliff swallow migrates every year from its winters in Argentina, making the 6,000-mile trek in springtime. The expression “when the swallows return to Capistrano” has entered common usage.  Capistrano was previously mentioned in “Lucy Gets the Bird” (TLS S3;E12) and “Lucy's Working Daughter” (S1;E10).  

Kim is going motorcycling with Tommy Murphy, who Craig says must weigh 400 pounds, a funny visual image.  

Lucy comes home singing “Off We Go, Into the Wild Blue Yonder” aka “The U.S. Air Force Song” written in 1938 by Robert MacArthur Crawford. It was previously heard over the helicopter shot that ends “Lucy Goes to the Air Force Academy: Part 2” (S2;E2).

To encourage her to make the leap, Harry invokes the names of Joan of Arc and Florence Nightingale as inspiration.  Harry later says that they may even put her footprints in front of Grauman's Chinese Theatre. Lucille Ball and Joan of Arc are two of the many powerful women mentioned in the lyrics to the song “I Want it All” by David Shire and Richard Matlby Jr. written for the 1983 Broadway musical Baby. In “Lucy Plays Florence Nightingale” (TLS S2;E14), Lucy Carmichael becomes a candystriper just as Mr. Mooney enters the hospital.  Ironically, Lucille Ball is one of the few Hollywood stars not to have ever had their footprints in the forecourt of Grauman's Chinese Theatre.  She did, however, create a classic half hour of television in which Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz steal John Wayne's footprints from iconic movie palace in “Lucy Visits Grauman's (ILL S5;E1).  

Lucy compares herself soaring through the blue sky to Columbus sailing the blue sea. Lucy Carter spoke a great deal about Christopher Columbus during her recitation portion of the Secretary Beautiful pageant in “Lucy Competes with Carol Burnett” (S2;E24).  

A worried Kim says that her mother's rendezvous with destiny may well be more like a rendezvous with Medicare!  In 1970 Medicare was barely five years old and was still frequently making newspaper headlines.  It was also used as the source of humor on the last two seasons of “The Lucy Show.”

Just before making up her mind whether to jump, Lucy hears Harry's encouraging words in her head.  This surreal technique was previously used in “Lucy Competes With Carol Burnett” (S2;E24) when Carol derides Lucy for not wanting to compete in the Secretary Beautiful pageant.

When Lucy's parachute is revealed to have 'Carter's Unique Employment Agency' written on it, Harry remarks “Goodyear Blimp eat your heart out.” The Goodyear Blimp is a dirigible airship owned and operated by the Goodyear Tire and Rubber Company which has the name of the company written across it and is used mainly for advertising purposes. It was first flown in 1925 and still can be seen hovering over televised sports games and highly attended events.  

After crashing through the ceiling, Lucy remarks “I don't know how the Flying Nun did it everyday.”  “The Flying Nun” was a sitcom about a nun (Sally Field) whose habit and pelican-like cornet helped her defy the laws of gravity. The show aired on ABC from 1967 to 1970.  The show was previously mentioned in “Lucy's Working Daughter” (S1;E10).  

Lucille Ball did a similar stunt of crashing through the ceiling after a parachute jump in “Lucy and Bob Crane” (TLS S4;E22) when she acted in a World War One movie with the “Hogan's Heros” star.

Lucille Ball was previously dropped from the ceiling on a harness (without the crash) when Lucy Ricardo missed the boat in “Bon Voyage” (ILL S5;E13) and was lowered to the deck via helicopter.  Like this episode of “Here's Lucy,” a double was filmed in long shots and Lucy did the on-set scenes.

Reverse Psychology was a common plot point on “Lucy” sitcoms.  It was first used in “The Inferiority Complex” (ILL S2;18, above) to coax Lucy Ricardo out of a funk. They later use it when “Little Ricky Gets Stage Fright” (S6;E4) to get him to play his drums.  Later that same season, the girls use it on the boys to make them think they would be better at “Building a Bar-B-Q” (S6;E24).  

Props!  Although the reporter says he's from The Valley Gazette, the morning paper held by Craig has a masthead that reads The Daily Chronicle, the show's usual prop newspaper.  

“Lucy, the Skydiver” rates 3 Paper Hearts out of 5

This episode tries to maintain the generation gap themes of the series without adding music or celebrities.  Of course, its main draw is Lucy's stunt work at the end of the episode.

[jadagul]

I saw Book of Mormon last week, for the second time. (Graduation present for my girlfriend, who had never seen it). I actually thought it was better on the rewatch.

Thoughts with spoilers below the cut.

This show is an anthem of Moralistic Therapeutic Deism. One of the leads gives basically an explicit statement of the moral at the end of the show:

It doesn’t matter if you break the rules, if you change some things or if you have complete doubt that God exists. It only matters if we work together to make this our paradise planet.

It's all about how the content of the religion doesn't matter, and you definitely shouldn't take it seriously ("But Nabalungi, 'Salt Lake City' is only a metaphor!"); what matters is being kind to each other and working together.

One of my favorite musical moments in the show is tied into this Moralistic Therapeutic Deism cheering. Possibly the big song of the show is Hasa Diga Eebowai, which translates to "Fuck you, God" as the African villagers curse God for all the bad things in their life.

But at the end of the show, things have turned around, they are harmonious in their (new) worship, and so instead sing "Ma'hanibu eebowai!" to the same tune. It's a nice nod to how things have changed.

I didn't notice this at all the first time I saw the show. I also wouldn't have noticed this the second time if I hadn't been listening for it, since I heard it on the cast recording. I suspect nobody ever hears it in the show the first time, because this musical moment happens after the bows while everyone is clapping madly.

Another nice touch I didn't notice the first time is what they do with the "tomorrow is a latter day" theme. It's introduced for Arnold as a song his mother sang him, to give him hope for the next day.

When Kevin Price loses his temper with Arnold, he yells at him and explains that in the name of the Church, "latter day" doesn't refer to tomorrow, but to the "latter days" of paradise in the heavenly kingdom. (I don't think this is an accurate description of the use of the term either; Wikipedia says that it's drawing a distinction between the Biblical saints and the modern or latter-day saints. But we'll interpret the musical in terms of its own text).

At the time this doesn't seem that important, except as something for Kevin to yell at Arnold for. But it actually has a really nice resonance when the triumphant, happy villagers sing that "tomorrow is a latter day" at the end of the show---by coming together in moralistic therapeutic deism, they have created their own paradise on earth, and thus created the latter days.

The first time I saw the show, I was a bit sour on how aggressively derivative a lot of the songs are. You can basically go through the score and identify which Broadway song this one is riffing off of. This is most obvious in "Hasa Diga Eebowai", which is basically described on screen by the characters as a "Hakuna Matata" ripoff; but it's nearly as clear in You and Me, which uses the bass line from "Defying Gravity".

I Am Africa is a pretty ruthless sendup of "We Are the World", with a bunch of white missionaries identifying with unfortunate stereotypes, and finally concluding "You Africans are Africans, but we are Africa." And at one point they actually quote "Tomorrow" both melodically and lyrically.

But the first time I saw it, I couldn't decide whether I felt like this was a charming pastiche of Broadway songs and stereotypes, or an obnoxiously uncreative theft of everyone else's music. (Por que no los dos?)

This time I came down firmly on the "charming pastiche" side, for two reasons. One is just that I noticed a bunch of little details that made me think the execution was better.

But the other is that the main theme of the show, other than "Yay moralistic therapeutic deism!", is about the way mythology and religion evolve and syncretize through the folk process. The missionaries come to Africa with a mythology well-suited to its birthplace in America, but which doens't speak at all to the concerns and problems of the people they are preaching to. (The All-American Prophet is deliberately awkward as a sales pitch to non-Americans).

The missionaries begin to have success when Arnold Cunningham starts changing the stories to make them speak to the problems that his listeners actually have---with a lot of very silly stories made up to get him out of a tight spot, or convince his followers not to do pretty dumb or terrible things. These stories wind up being very different from the original, but well-adapted to the needs of the people telling them.

And in this context, the fact that half the songs in the show are evolutions and adaptations of popular songs from other shows really reinforces the theme they're going for. The show is exploring the syncretic folk process, and also is itself an example of it.

Even before the first time I saw the show, my old dance partner got really excited about it, and she played Turn it Off for a few friends. And my reaction at the time was "oh god, do I sound like that?"

It's a song about how useful it is to be able to take negative emotions and just turn them off (like a lightswitch!). When I listen to it, my reaction is that that's super unhealthy---you can't turn emotions off, you have to do acceptance and process them. But my philosophy of acceptance and choosing not to be upset by things tends to sound to people like I'm telling them to just not feel things.

My impression that I sound like that to other people was confirmed ten seconds into the song when my girlfriend started violently elbowing me in the side.

Apparently General Butt-Fucking Naked is a reference to a real person. That's kind of horrifying. Also apparently the character and the real person wound up ending their rampages in basically the same way, both eventually reforming and becoming religious missionaries advocating against their own prior behavior.

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Sweet/Vicious

Part I: Remember Fondly When 4th Meals Were a Thing and Breakfast at Night Reigned Supreme

The Setup: It started, as much does, with a tweet. That tweet was followed, as many are, by regret. Fortunately, Jennifer Kaytin Robinson is a generous sort.

Robinson’s glorious but short-lived vigilante dramedy Sweet/Vicious was always on the list of candidates for an all-hands Reaction -- Miri started watching a day or two after Kris did, back in the fall, so Liz and Marchae added it to their (lengthy) to-watch lists -- but we didn’t put a timetable on it until our loyal reader @crazyhannibalthedaisiesslayer suggested it.

In this post (and its continuation, on Friday), we cover the first three episodes: “The Blueprint,” “The Writing’s on the Wall,” and “Sucker,” and many thoughts and feelings about campus sexual violence and related topics.

LIZ: First thing: I only had time to watch the first 3 episodes, although I wish I’d been able to see more!

Kris you here?

MIRI: Ok, that’s how many I rewetted!

MARCHAE: I watched 4

KRIS: GOSH DARN IT

MIRI: DAMMIT rewatched 

hahahahahha insert gif here

So, Liz and Marchae, what did you think????

MARCHAE: It is oddly addicting

KRIS: Why oddly?

MARCHAE: I think because I used to work in student affairs and dealt with some of the scenarios so in that way it is weird to see a comedy/drama of this topic

LIZ: I am IN LOVE. I thought episode one was amazing and I am pretty much hooked. I am here for the message and the premise and i think every college campus needs these 2 ladies!

MARCHAE: however the characters are 100% engaging and you want them to win so hard...

I called my mom after episode one and was like should i feel bad for wanting to see the guys get beat up

LIZ: The way they show the victims of sexual assault and discuss their stories is just so real even though the show suspends our disbelief in other ways so much

MIRI:  Marchae, I don’t think you should feel bad

How do you feel about how stylized it is? I love it, but I feel like it’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea

LIZ:  Rapists who are getting away with it 100% and ruining their victims lives? no I would not feel bad

KRIS: When I first saw trailers for it (while my old roommates watched MTV reality shows) I was like oh, man, I don’t know, this seems like it might be trashy and exploitative

MARCHAE:  I do agree Lizzie... it’s weird because my brain wants this to be a straight drama

yet i am oddly satisfied with the moments of comedic relief

LIZ: I didn’t think the stylization was OVER THE TOP

MIRI: Yeah, it’s a hard show to sell but SO GOOD

LIZ: theres a lot of comedy

MIRI: I think it all works together beautifully

LIZ: agreed

I was pretty much in love

KRIS: I was almost upset at how good it was

MIRI: For me, the cold open of ep one says it all

KRIS: I had to text Miri immediately

LIZ: and then they were singing defying gravity in the car and i was like

KRIS: THERE’S A LEVERAGE WRITER

MIRI: You were definitely upset

KRIS: THE EMOTIONAL CLIMAX IS A WICKED SINGALONG

MIRI: THERE IS???

LIZ: yeah

like

MIRI: WHo?

KRIS: BRANDON MYCHAL SMITH FROM YOU’RE THE WORST

M Scott Veach

MIRI: Cool!

LIZ: oh end of sentence about defying gravity.. i felt like the show understood my soul

MIRI: Moment of appreciation for Brandon Mychal Smith playing SUCH a different type of comedy equally well

LIZ: ALSO.. it takes a certain type of weird ass show for all 4 of us to be VERY on board.. and I also like that about it

KRIS: He’s one of the only men who can say the word “bitch” and not make me a little uncomfortable

MIRI: True!

hahahahaha

LIZ: Is that Harris?

MIRI: Yes!

KRIS: Yeah

LIZ: I LOVE HIM

MIRI: Yay!

KRIS: One of the reasons I really wanted us to do 3 episodes was so you could see the start of his thing with Fiona

LIZ: What do you think about that?

MIRI: Is that the sorority girl?

KRIS: I like it!

Lemon as the one of us with the most first-hand sorority expertise what’s your general sense of the Zeta dynamic?

LIZ: I identify with the sorority characters who are actually smarter and much more .. defined as human beings than most would give them credit for or that they initially come off as

KRIS: (Harris gets crystallized so instantly with the line “I’m not saying I have sexual dreams about Ruth Bader Ginsberg... but I’m also not saying I don’t”)

LIZ: I mean.. I had several (male) friends and family members say to me when I joined my very small.. one of a kind local sorority.. “oh so you’re a sorostitute?”

MIRI: SUCH A LINE

LIZ: Yes i have a note about the RBG line

MIRI: UM that’s horrible and fuck them

LIZ: right, but that kind of mentality and characterization of college aged women who are friends with other women in the form of a sorority is so widespread

MIRI: The pilot honestly does SO much to characterize Jules, Ophelia, and Harris so quickly

KRIS: I do really like how they initially lean into the less generous expectations about sororities and then flesh out I think all of those characters in great ways

Mackenzie was a sleeper favorite for me

(the anxious redhead safety chair)

LIZ: this gives them facets.. like fuck what you thought about me and also.. I don’t have to not like to do my makeup or sometimes dress up for me to be a smart or valid female.

MIRI: I feel like Kennedy takes a little longer, but not in a bad way

Liz, you are amazing and I love you

LIZ: i don’t know many shows that give girls that kind of credit.. very legally blonde of this show..except Elle Woods was the exception there

MARCHAE: They have to save Kennedy (I say this not Having seen more than 4 epi)

KRIS: You will be pleased

MIRI: Definitely

LIZ: Visually, I am impressed with the shows set designs, makeup, and wardrobe

MARCHAE: I feel like they have to hold her close because of nick and Jules 

LIZ: hold who close?

oh kennedy

MARCHAE: (Also back to thumbs on the phone)

KRIS: I LOVE the world-building, especially on what I assume is a pretty small budget

MIRI: I do love her moment when Ophelia tells her she has a very calming presence and she’s just like “I know"

LIZ: yeah i am also worried about her

KRIS: Lemon talk about makeup

MIRI: Yeah!

LIZ: ITS EXPENSIVE

KRIS: (please)

LIZ: what else?

oh as far as this show is concerned

MIRI: yes, world building 

LIZ: Jules and Ophelia (yes to the names btw)

have such amazing looks and their hair is bouncy like they are comic book drawings, but their makeup isn’t like that (bc that would be fucking bizarre) and I love how the fresh rosy-cheeked and bright eyed look of Jules is enhanced with her makeup and Ophelia’s brows and eye makeup are dark and defined/ grungy at times, but she is also kind of sweet because they don’t cake her up or give her a heavy lip.. idk if that makes sense to anyone else

their eyes are so expressive as actresses

and then they’re important because of the ninja outfits

MIRI: That all makes sense to me and I would never have thought of it at all

KRIS: it is right on the edge of my comprehension

MIRI: Sidebar: SUPER excited for you to see more Orphan Black and discuss that makeup

LIZ: but I am pleased with the fine line between real world and cartoonish that the MUA on this show kind of stride beautifully to give them unique looks that foil one another and bring out their strengths and sometimes their faults

KRIS: Ophelia I think I understand best in this context

MARCHAE: YESS LIZ!!!

I do want to ask a question

LIZ: It is more subtle with Jules, because she is made to look more fresh, but I mean everyone on any show has lots of makeup on

ok done w makeup ranting/ observing

MIRI: What’s up, Marchae?

MARCHAE: *sorry liz...go on***

LIZ: oh no thats pretty much it

are you getting things in real time marchae? (with your computer)

MARCHAE: I wanted to chime in about wardrobe because it’s super similar to the way in which makeup is handled... and you definitely know who these people are and the kind of persons that this show is trying to share

MIRI: Ooh, please do!

LIZ: oh yes, the wardrobe feels almost theater like to me.. do you agree or am i wrong

MARCHAE: ( It was touch and go for a moment but me and my thumbs are finally #winning on the computer... I couldn’t take the tiny keyboard anymore)

LIZ: bless you for trying

MIRI: I never really notice Ophelia’s wardrobe that much, but the props they have for her are iconic and say so much

MARCHAE: I think it does... the show feels VERY comicbook-esq like I mentioned it reminds me very much in aesthetics to deadly class and there is another comic that focuses on a high school that I’m blanking on

LIZ: was this ever a graphic novel or comic book?

MARCHAE: but you get a lot in terms of wardrobe via colors that they use for these characters... Ophelia is almost always in darks, Jules in pinks and pastels

I quick checked and didn’t see it

KRIS: it was original to Jenn Kaytin Robinson

I mean she did a shit ton of research, and the producers watched The Hunting Ground and stuff

LIZ: nice..and yes I agree with the colors

MARCHAE: But these choices are interesting because they are almost opposite to the characters we meet in the show

LIZ: and the fact that Jules keeps her identity even as a vigilante with her pink backpack

MARCHAE: so Jules we meet as the original vigilante and she’s the one in the brightest colors ALWAYS in the show

LIZ: and then Ophelia has that car!

MARCHAE: that backpack is definitely our hint

MIRI: Because she’s trying SO hard to still be that girl

KRIS: Oh that’s so interesting. Jules is super dark and “damaged” and Ophelia’s ultimately a sweetheart.

MARCHAE: and Ophelia is always in darks

LIZ: right!?

MARCHAE: **taps nose at kris**

MIRI: I like that even when they put Jules in the Spitters are Quitters shirt, it’s light colored

MARCHAE: so its totally the opposite of what we see

in terms of how they are portrayed in their “normal life”

any who enough of my rant

LIZ: I find Ophelia to be much more innocent.. not because of being sexually assaulted, but because she is kind of playing catch up and barfs when she kills a guy and Jules obviously took this mission upon herself to become a kick ass fighter and to start doing something

MARCHAE: liz i absolutely agree

ophelia definitely the more innocent seeming of the two

KRIS: Ophelia’s so fucking great

MIRI: Yeah, Ophelia thinks of herself as So Hardcore but is basically a sweet 19 yr old with some abandonment issues

I love her

MARCHAE: and she tells you as much in her dialogue

LIZ: I love her!

MARCHAE: some is an understatement miri

KRIS: I loved the vomiting and I don’t even know why

MARCHAE: she has ALL the abandonment issues

LIZ: i loved that it was pink

MIRI: Because it’s pink!

KRIS: I guess the unexplained pink?

MARCHAE: the vomiting is AMAZINNNGNGGGGGGGGG

LIZ: yes

MIRI: It’s absurd and so totally the show

LIZ: hahahha

KRIS: wow we are ALL on a wavelength tonight

MIRI: But it is!

LIZ: like.. I don’t need to see chunky soup barf

i get it

MIRI: The show is 100% going to show you the puking

MARCHAE: i usually don’t want to see it at all period ever

but it works for the show

MIRI: But it’s also going to make it funny and stylized

MARCHAE: and that character as kind of a she seems hard core but is not!

OH OH

KRIS: LeBong James

MIRI: YES

MARCHAE: so my question and this was a thing that kind of made me curious

LEBONGGGGG

MIRI: She’s a nerd ❤️ 

LIZ: There is a lot of suspension of disbelief in this show.. not bc girls can’t fight injustices, but because of how they  should’ve gotten caught and how Ophelias mad hacker skills save the day alot

LEBONNNGGGGGGG

MIRI: I feel weird being the only one who hasn’t said LeBong

MARCHAE: (THEY MURDERED SOMEONE CLUMSILY AND CHICA BARFED ALL OVER THE SCENE!!!!DNA MUCH)

there it goes

LIZ: Also the male assailants aren’t even cookie cutter like on other shows or movies

MIRI: I KNOW BUT JUST GO WITH IT

KRIS: Without spoiling anything I’ll say they’re generally really good about chickens coming home to roost

Maybe not DNA specifically? But the show is serious about Consequences

MARCHAE: so question... what institution do they go to where there is an assult like every freaking second

LIZ: they are all different and some are even charming (most are) and they have different personalities and hobbies.. like Nate is acting like a really good boyfriend to Kennedy so if we didn’t know what he’s capable of, we’d forgive his jerk reaction to her missing his football thing bc of his super sweet apology

MIRI: Well, it’s Darlington University, right?

KRIS: Well A) that doesn’t actually strike me as unrealistic but B) I got the sense of a “backlog” of assaults -- they’re using that wall, which was started who knows how long ago

MIRI: So it’s at least big enough to have masters programs

KRIS: not responding to like the student weekly or something

MIRI: True

LIZ: i mean i know so many people in so many schools (large, small, medium and very small) who all have sexual assault stories

MARCHAE: thanks for the wall reminder

LIZ: i didn’t find the number to be at all shocking

KRIS: yeah

MARCHAE: I think maybe again its the dissonance of this being a drama/comedy that has me a bit jarred

LIZ: maybe the number of guys that were turned in or reported seems high, but SO FUCKING MANY are floating around in my mind right now

MARCHAE: i dealt with lots (more than i have ever wanted to) but not weekly by any stretch

that definitely doesn’t mean it wasn’t happening

MIRI: Well, just because the show aired every week doesn’t mean it’s only a week in universe

LIZ: right

thats true

MARCHAE: thanks gang

MIRI: And Kris is right--they definitely go into past exploits some

KRIS: That wall, man

MIRI: It is BRUTAL and so effective

MARCHAE: yeah the reminder of the wall definitely does it.... i literally was like

DAMN this is INSANE and darlington should be shut the hell down

KRIS: I texted Miri something like “I never do this but there’s a pure drama beat that made me 😭😭😭😭”

LIZ: I wish every college had a wall

KRIS: and it was definitely Ophelia handing Jules the Sharpie

MIRI: He did and I treasure that text

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

LIZ: oh something that I meant to google.. could be such a coincidence

MARCHAE: UGHHHH

LIZ: at my college, in the same kind of font.. the party dorm/ suites were called “Reimert Hall” and they are like “see you at Leimert” spelled the same and then they show “Leimert Hall” and it is creepily spot on

KRIS: Huh

MIRI: Whoa 

LIZ: not related to the wall

separate

MARCHAE: we did have a question from one of our readers and I promised I would bring it up to react to

LIZ: lol.. it is student housing but.. idk weird to me but maybe not to anyone else

MIRI: Yes, I want to talk about that!!!

LIZ: go for it! I don’t know the question

MARCHAE: about student housing or the question from our loyal reader

i get confused sometimes

KRIS: our loyal reader

LIZ: I’m assuming she means from the reader

MIRI: The question

yes

MARCHAE: BWHA

sorry

LIZ: mine was just a point thrown out and doesn’t really leave much to comment on haha

MIRI: Share the question with us, Marchae

MARCHAE: OH MY GRIEF I  am typing then stop to read...

LIZ: I know.. Kris and Miri are too fast for me

MARCHAE: ok so the reader wants to know if we read Ophelia as bi

MIRI: Sorry!

KRIS: NO STOPPING the overlapping is half of our charm

MIRI: Omg Kris

LIZ: There was one thing that made me think that

MARCHAE: GO!

MIRI: Ok, I am deeply bi-ased (hahahahahah) so I want yawl to discuss it first

LIZ: hahaha

MARCHAE: STAP!

MIRI: 😉

MARCHAE: go lizzie

@miri you are my everything LOL

LIZ: Harris said something about her being with Jule (I’m having a brain fart and can’t remember if it is jules or rule..)

MARCHAE: her being with rules?

LIZ: and I think Ophelia was like “not like that” kind of blushing

jULE*

damnit

KRIS: For all of my striving toward wokeness I am generally still slow to pick up on, I guess, Sapphic vibes -- although being a social media-engaged Supergirl fan is training me better -- but I did also note that on my rewatch

LIZ: but it was a micro second kind of moment that made me think.. oh she dates girls too.. cool

so what do you think Kris

KRIS: This is pretty convincing to me:

http://wistfulwatcher.tumblr.com/post/154191025349/harris-has-most-definitely-seen-ofeefs-kissing-a

MIRI: Kris I offer my services if you ever need a consultant on this quest

LIZ: OHHH and PERSON yes thats smart

MARCHAE: AHHHHHHHHHHH

I didn’t even pick up on it!

MIRI: Ahhhhhhhh shit I didn’t even notice the person thing

MARCHAE: SWEET

i also think there is a lot of tension with Ophelia

MIRI: Ok, Reacting to Something officially rules Ophelia to be bi

Or pan, who knows

LIZ: I kind of also thought that was just a more interesting way of putting it..  like IS THERE A LIVE HUMAN JUST RIGHT THERE IN YOUR HOUSE?

MARCHAE: the writing and ACTING are smart like that

KRIS: And on my search for gifs to add to the post later, the scene in the cemetery -- “I think you’re amazing” -- seemed to be another touchstone

MARCHAE: yes!

MIRI: So when we got this question I was like “huh, are people seeing that?

Outside of shipping her and Jules?”

MARCHAE: but we also know that Ophelia doesn’t have friends

MIRI: But upon rewatch it’s pretty solidly set up

MARCHAE: so before the question i suspected that she was just kind of enjoying her new friendship with this person

LIZ: wait whats solidly set up

MARCHAE: she’s wanted that

LIZ: her being bi?

KRIS: yes

LIZ: just confirming

MARCHAE: then after the question we received not only did I pay more attention, but I think again there is definitely some tension

MIRI: I’m honestly so jaded from shows that like to dip their toe in the idea of something happening but will never go for it that I tend to only accept stated queerness

MARCHAE: and she might have a crush on jules!

MIRI: But it does feel very genuine and deliberate here

Which is lovely!

MARCHAE: agreed miri

LIZ: good!

K: consider it canon

KRIS: I think it was a writers room with only one straight man

LIZ: Im HERE FOR THAT

MARCHAE: That’s kind of awesome!

KRIS: (the past tense here kills me)

MIRI: I love it

UGhhhhhhhh I know

LIZ: wait

is it done?

forever

KRIS: I don’t think I’ve ever been so upset about a cancellation

LIZ: LAWD

MARCHAE: yup

LIZ: I CANT

KRIS: They’re shopping it to streaming sites

MIRI: Guys, sorry we’re making you fall in love with a cancelled show

LIZ: THIS FUCKING WEEK

MARCHAE: yeah i found out today

yeah

MIRI: OMG did we not tell you???

LIZ: *BREAK FOR EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN*

MARCHAE: i was PISSED OFF

LIZ: NO

I DIDNT KNOW

MIRI: I’M SO SORRY!!!!!!!

MARCHAE: and like this is why I DON”T WATCH TV

LIZ: This is the devils week. why not this too!?

anyways

MARCHAE: LOLOL

LIZ: also.. good girls revolt was amazing (to me)

MIRI: I loved it!

MARCHAE: also can i just have my moment for the fact that this show also digs into the issue of racism

LIZ: why can’t bad bitches get a win? why

yes

MARCHAE: and handles it kind of nicely

KRIS: That scene was surprisingly upsetting

LIZ: super upsetting

KRIS: I love that it’s the cop we saw be nice to Jules

MIRI: Yes! Let’s talk about that froyo scene

It’s so well done

MARCHAE: reminded me of trayvon martin

MIRI: And the other cop recognizing that it’s wrong, but not stepping up enough to actually stop it

MARCHAE: i also love that is it harris?

LIZ: like he was being racially profiled.. but he also had the one good thing he was looking forward to smashed on the ground

MARCHAE: yup

LIZ: yeah just kind of being like “sorry, but this is kind of what we do, i won’t stop it”

MARCHAE: it is heartbreaking and realistic

KRIS: That younger cop also comes back

MIRI: I’m glad that they played it very seriously

LIZ: ooo

MARCHAE: I was glad that he didn’t want to be seen as only one kind of black when he fought back with the paper editor as well

KRIS: This show has a really deep bench of minor-ish supporting characters

MARCHAE: they better had!

KRIS: MM I think that’s episode 4

On a lighter note I also really appreciate the importance of froyo to the world-building of this college town

LIZ: yes I’m not familiar

MARCHAE: YES

MIRI: Froyo continues to matter

As does pizza

MARCHAE: and dairy queen soft serve

LIZ: In college, we would plan a whole trek to froyo (we got one a few min away my senior year)

MARCHAE: GURL

MIRI: We once drove to Waffle House at 4 am in the snow

In South Carolina

KRIS: From earlier than I remembered, too -- Ophelia running away from Barton and running into a guy carrying a cup -- “Tart?!”

MIRI: where they can’t handle snow

KRIS: YES the pizza place

MIRI: Huh? What is the cup thing?

KRIS: of froyo

LIZ: Food culture in college .. is something very important and lets think abouthtat

MIRI: OHHHH

KRIS: Ophelia has no patience for Basic things, clearly

MIRI: Also that running away scene is great

LIZ: and by think of that .. I mean.. remember fondly when 4th meals were a thing and breakfast at night reigned supreme.

MIRI: Ophelia has a lot of opinions and I have a lot of feelings about her

KRIS: (I love Jules’s “I like sunsets on Instagram”)

LIZ: ophelia is hilarious.. i love her comment “she’s literate”

KRIS: Ophelia’s ramen diet

MARCHAE: LOL

LIZ: and also that girl [Fiona] trying to be sexy and saying “there are no drapes” so seriously

MIRI: Yeah I definitely want to see that girl eat a vegetable

LIZ: and giving up and being  like “IM SHAVED” ahaha

KRIS: Lemon I laughed so loud at “She’s literate?” on my rewatch

MIRI: I love that girl!

MARCHAE: there are a ton of one liners

LIZ: yeah the popcorn for breakfast made even me feel like OH HONEY NO NUTRIENTS

KRIS: So real

MARCHAE: that’s usually my breakfast on sundays after i mop

LIZ: miri what are your many opinions about ophelia

MARCHAE: and i’m old

MIRI: WAIT

LIZ: my dogs eat better than I do so I get it

MIRI: Marchae eat real meals please I worry

LIZ: and you mop before you eat

MARCHAE: yes almost every sunday

MIRI: Ok back to my many opinions: as stated I LOVE HER

LIZ: i had a banana, fake chicken, vegan pasta and granola today.. that is kind of healthy

MIRI: I also really love her need to belong

MARCHAE: i eat popcorn, drink a pepsi and catch up on my shows

LIZ: her need to belong to who or what

KRIS: just in general

LIZ: I guess I am really new

MARCHAE: YES

KRIS: to have friends, to have a cause

MIRI: She’s obsessed with the idea that she’s this cool fuckup who doesn’t need people, but she needs people so MUCH

LIZ: I get that

MARCHAE: its evident from episode one almost immediately

LIZ: we all do! even when we aren’t good at.. people!

MIRI: She jumps head first into this insane vigilante thing

LIZ: MARCHAE

MIRI: and kicks it into a higher gear

LIZ: STOP DRINKING SODA

MARCHAE: i think it makes her so relatable too and you fall in love with her

LIZ: IT WILL KILL YOU

MARCHAE: (mostly only on SUNDAY AFTER MOPPING but WITH POPCORN)

LIZ: I know, she is the perfect.. not robin.. robin

MIRI: She hurts Harris so easily but would be devastated if she actually lost him

LIZ: yeah i love her apology scene to him

MARCHAE: but he loves her no matter what

MIRI: She thinks she’s beyond needing that sort of connection because she can’t have it with her mom

LIZ: just a girl standing in front of  a boy.. asking for her job back

KRIS: Yes her bad-friend-ness is great

MARCHAE: *snap snap snaps fingrs*

MIRI: But she’s wrong

KRIS: Dammit Ophelia you know I can’t resist Notting Hill

MIRI: and she needs people so badly

Also she’s just hilarious and brilliant and I love her and Harris’s friendship so much

LIZ: her mom was so rude to her on the phone it made me sad especially because Jules doesn’t have a mom.. and I know those were really briefly introduced to me, but I’m sure those are important issues

MIRI: OH YOU JUST WAIT

On the subject of friendship, there are a ton of examples of girls being very affirmational to each other that really interest me

LIZ: I also love that Harris is.. presumably straight and is not afraid to love RBG or Notting Hill

KRIS: I’m so jealous you’re experiencing this show for the first time

MIRI: Because sometimes they’re played for laughs

But not most of the time

and I love that

MARCHAE: YES!

MIRI: Like, the high girls just need to hug!

LIZ: I wanted to be in the back seat of their car screaming along to Defying Gravity

MIRI: And sometimes Kennedy is a bit ridiculous with her goddess stuff

MARCHAE: i love your love for defying gravity liz

MIRI: But for the most part it is 100% genuine

MARCHAE: Kennedy is the most

MIRI: And so what I do with my friends

LIZ: yeah kennedy suggesting that shit to ophelia was HILARIOUS

basically like “HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO GOOP.COM?”

MIRI: kennedy is indeed the most

MARCHAE: I am so CURIOUS about what happens when Jules tells her

KRIS: That shot where I assume Fiona and Gabby are on a dolly when they enter Vinylton high on shrooms is perfect

MIRI: So I love that there’s drunk girl in the bathroom type compliments and Woke Freshman type compliments AND really genuine support for each other

KRIS: sorry I was just slow there

LIZ: i think that kennedy will eventually (i mean who knows since it is cancelled) be an ally and join the cause or at least be supportive in a protective way

MIRI: OH JUST WAIT

MARCHAE: if she does I may ink myself!!!

KRIS: I repeat, I am so jealous you’re experiencing this show for the first time

MIRI: It’s a very well plotted season and that is all I will say

MARCHAE: *hugs kris*

UGHHHH i’ll probably finish it this weekend

LIZ: hahaha kris I’m feeling like that repetition is to keep yourself from spoiling

KRIS: There is Jules-Kennedy closure, for sure

Yeah, so, we went really long, even for us. Find the rest of our Reaction here.

EDITED 20 April 2019: You can and should buy Sweet/Vicious on Amazon, Google Play, or iTunes. If you’re here because you just watched Jennifer Kaytin Robinson’s Someone Great, maybe now’s a good time to renew calls for Netflix to add S/V to its library.

[newyorktheater]

My eighth annual Broadway (and small theater) gift guide below includes links and information on shopping for theater tickets, theater subscriptions, cast recordings, play scripts, librettos and new and cherished books about the theater and theater on screen! I also suggest some souvenirs and knick-knacks intended as tangible reminders of an evanescent experience.

THEATER TICKETS

Gift cards:  Telecharge gift cards , TKTS gift certificates and Today Tix gift cards allow the theatergoers on your holiday list to pick their own show to go to (or several shows – depending on how much money you put on the card.)

Some suggest it’s better to give a gift card from Visa or Mastercard,because the theater-specific gift cards charge fees for each show.

If you know what specific show your theater lover would love, or are willing to guess — AND you know what date(s) they can attend — you can buy tickets for them yourself directly from the show’s website or from the box office, or from the secondary ticket seller whose links I provide below.

A sample of popular Broadway shows.

  THE BOOK OF MORMON

The Eugene O’Neill Theater Opened: March 24, 2011 Twitter feed: @BookofMormonBWY This musical by Trey Parker and Matt Stone (book), the creators of South Park, and Robert Lopez, one of the composer-lyricists for “Avenue Q” (music and lyrics) is about both the founder of the Church of Latter-Day Saints and modern disciples. It is outrageous, irreverent in one way, but also deeply reverent to (even while parodying) the best traditions of the Broadway musical.

My review

Buy Book of Mormon tickets

DEAR EVAN HANSEN

Music Box Theater Opened: December 4, 2016 Twitter feed: @DearEvanHansen

Winner of six 2017 Tony Awards, including Best Musical, this original story by songwriting team Pasek and Paul (“A Christmas Story,” Oscar winners for the lyrics on “La-La Land”) and playwright Steven Levenson is about an anxious outcast high school student who, through a well-meaning lie, is thought to have been best friends with a classmate who commits suicide. The lie gets way out of control. Its intelligent commentary on several pressing current issues, its tuneful and moving songs and its compelling performances made this a cult favorite, but the cult now could hardly be wider.   The original Evan Hansen, Ben Platt, has departed.

My review

Buy Dear Evan Hansen tickets

HADESTOWN

Walter Kerr Opened: April 17, 2019 Twitter: @hadestown

Winner of eight Tony Awards this year, including best musical, this story that  intertwines the myth of  Orpheus and Eurydice with that of King Hades and his wife Persephone, offers a delightful score, which mixes sweet and sexy folk, rocking jazz, and exquisite blues. The role of Hermes as narrator is performed to perfection by the great André De Shields, who commands the stage from the get-go

My review

Tickets to Hadestown

HAMILTON

The Richard Rodgers Opened: August 6, 2015 Twitter feed: @HamiltonMusical

When Hamilton opened Off-Broadway in 2016, I called it groundbreaking and breathtaking – and I was trying not to gush…Analyzing the importance of ‘Hamilton’ misses the main takeaway from the musical: It’s thrilling to watch. It seems always in motion, thanks to a creative team including director Thomas Kail, and especially choreographer Andy Blankenbuehler, who keeps the sexy ensemble very busy. They help enhance what are some terrific performances. (All the original principals have left, but the replacement cast are worthy heirs.)

Hamilton on Broadway 2019

Buy Hamilton tickets

THE LION KING

Minskoff Theater (200 West 45th Street) Opened: November 13, 1997 Twitter: @TheLionKing Based on the 1994 Disney animated film about the coming-of-age of a young lion in the African jungle, this musical offers African-inflected music by Elton John, lyrics by Tim Rice and the visual magic of Julie Taymor. Taymor is the director, a composer and lyricist for some of the songs. But above all, she is the designer of the costumes, masks, and puppets — and it is these visuals that make this show a good first theatrical experience.

Buy The Lion King tickets

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

Majestic Theater (247 West 44th Street) Opened: January 26, 1988 Twitter: @TheOperaGhosts The Phantom of the Opera, based on a 1911 French novel by Gaston Leroux, is about a disfigured genius named Erik who lives in the catacombs of the Paris Opera House and falls in love with Christine, an aspiring singer whom he helps…until an old flame of Christine’s named Raoul steps back into the picture. However, the story in the musical, written and composed by Andrew Lloyd Webber — with more than its share of 1980′s heavy power ballads — is starting to take second place to the story of the musical, which is the longest-running Broadway musical of all time.

Buy Phantom of the Opera tickets

TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD

Shubert Theater (225 West 44th Street) Opened: December 18, 2018 Twitter: @mockingbirdbway

Aaron Sorkin’s play turns Harper Lee’s beloved novel into a detective story, a courtroom drama, political commentary…and satisfying theater

My review

Buy tickets to To Kill A Mockingbird

WICKED

Gershwin Theater (222 West 51st Street) Opened: October 30, 2003 Twitter: @WICKED_Musical The musical tells the story of “The Wizard of Oz” from the witches’ perspective, more specifically from the Wicked Witch of the West, who was not, as a child, wicked at all, but just green-tinted, taunted, and misunderstood. There is so much to like about this musical, the clever twists on the familiar tale, the spectacular set, and music that is a lot more appealing in context (such as the song “Defying Gravity”) that I will forgive the contortions necessary to tack on a happy ending.

Tickets to Wicked

Broadway Shows Not Yet Opened

Don’t forget the shows this season that have not yet opened, although let’s hope that your theater lover is adventurous enough to avoid blaming you for any disappointment. I can’t recommend shows I haven’t seen, but here are links for tickets already on sale that have been generating some buzz.

Jagged Little Pill

Six

Company

The Lehman Trilogy

For details on these and other Broadway shows this season, check out the

Broadway Season Guide 2019-2020

What about Off-Broadway?

There are many terrific shows Off-Broadway, although their generally shorter runs can be problematic when looking for a gift.

Buy Off Broadway tickets

Off-Broadway Preview Guide Fall 2019

The best thing about tickets is that this is a gift that gives pleasure twice – at the time you give it, and then when the theater lover actually goes to the show, which can be many months in the future. Back to top

THEATER SUBSCRIPTIONS/MEMBERSHIPS

Many theaters – the non-profit ones — offer subscriptions or memberships, which can be a wonderful gift that lasts an entire season…or a terrible burden for the increasing number of theatergoers who are commitment-phobic. (I’ve written a whole article about the waning popularity of theater subscriptions.)

Still, this can be the perfect gift for the right recipient if you pick the right theater, some of whom offer more flexible alternatives to subscriptions, such as flex passes and memberships.

Here are a sampling, listed alphabetically. I’ve had a membership/subscription to each one of these at one time or another.  One of the problems you will see when you click on the links is that the subscriptions to some of these theaters this season are already sold out. (You might be able to purchase memberships for next season.)

The Brooklyn Academy of Music, which makes it easy to buy a gift membership.

Classic Stage Company

Lincoln Center Theater

MCC Theater

New York Shakespeare Festival Public Theater

Playwrights Horizons

Roundabout Theater Company

Vineyard Theater

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THEATER ON SCREEN

There are an increasing number of companies that offer online screening of what could be called theater-on demand.

BroadwayHD. ($8.99 a month or $99.99 a year) offer dozens of shows that were recorded live, such as the Broadway productions of  “She Loves Me” and “Lady Day at Emerson’s Bar and Grill,” but also a good number of shows Off-Broadway, and the offerings from the American Film Theater from the 1970s, such as “The Maids” starring Glenda Jackson and Susannah York and “Rhinoceros” with Zero Mostel.

Other theater-on demand online services include Cennarium ($9.97 a month; $95.64 a year), which focuses on offerings outside the United States, and Shakespeare’s Globe (Available worldwide, 3.99 to 5.99 pounds to rent, 5.99 to 11.99 pounds to buy).

One has to hunt for “theater” on film on Kanopy, which mostly has art films and documentaries

Great Performances from PBS streams theater mostly for free, although some require a membership in the local PBS station. (Such a membership would be a great gift!)

Throughout the year, the National Theatre Live broadcasts its productions in movie theaters throughout the United States.

For those who would prefer something more old-fashioned, both the National Theatre and  the Royal Shakespeare Company sells DVDs of its productions, although you have to pay in pounds.

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THEATER BOOKS, PLAYS, SCRIPTS

There are some wonderful evergreen, expensive gift ideas. My favorites:

August Wilson’s complete 10-play Century Cycle, which includes such gems as “The Piano Lesson,” “Fences,” “Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom” – one play for each decade of the twentieth century, which together offer a compelling look at African-American life through the eye and ear of one of the nation’s greatest dramatists.

Buy August Wilson Century Cycle

Stephen Sondheim’s two-volume collection of his lyrics, Finishing The Hat and Look, I Made A Hat, a collection of lyrics , anecdotes, fascinating scholarly notes, and strong opinions from the composer and/or lyricist of such seminal musical theater as “West Side Story,” “Gypsy,” “Company,” “Sweeney Todd,” “A Little Night Music,” “Assassins.”

Buy Hat Box: The Collected Lyrics of Stephen Sondheim

There are three recent lavish coffee table books that offer behind-the-scenes looks at favorite musicals, and include the entire script, annotated.

Hamilton: The Revolution  is a book for fans, with page after page of full-color photographs from the production, and lots of personal anecdotes. But if it’s a souvenir book, it’s one that—like the musical and its creators—is unusually ambitious. It includes the complete lyrics, annotated by Hamilton creator Lin-Manuel Miranda, alternating with chapters that explain the evolution of the musical but also the historical and political significance of Alexander Hamilton.

Buy Hamilton: The Revolution

The other two: Dear Evan Hansen: Through the Window and The Great Comet: The Journey of a New Musical to Broadway

The three-volume set of Arthur Miller’s plays — 42 in all — from the Library of America/ Buy The Collected Plays of Arthur Miller (Library of America)

Buy American Musicals: The Complete Books and Lyrics of 16 Broadway Classics, 1927-1969 (Library of America)

This readable book focuses on the structure of successful musicals, going chronologically step by step from the overture to the finale. It is written by Jack Viertel, who recently announced his retirement after years as an executive at Jujamcyn Theaters (owners of five Broadway houses) and the artistic director of New York City Center Encores! series that attempts to gain new reputations for old musicals, He knows his musicals, and his book is invaluable in its summaries and discussions of specific shows we might not know (or not remember well) but should. And he includes a final chapter with his recommendations for the best recordings of the 37 musicals he has analyzed, and for 20 more musicals “that can’t be ignored even though they are not quoted in the book.”

Buy The Secret Life of the American Musical: How Broadway Shows Are Built

The downside of many of these books is not their size or their price — it’s that anybody who would die to get one of these as gifts may well already own it.

Other books, recently published, of interest (Click on links to learn more about them or to purchase them):

Coffee Table Books

Continuing the tradition of such lavish behind the scenes looks at Hamilton and Dear Evan Hansen:

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: The Journey: Behind the Scenes of the Award-Winning Stage Production

Come From Away: Welcome to the Rock: An Inside Look at the Hit Musical

Memoirs and biographies:

Home Work: A Memoir of My Hollywood Years

which is a follow-up to

Home: A Memoir of My Early Years

Still Here: The Madcap, Nervy, Singular Life of Elaine Stritch

Elaine Stritch: The End of Pretend

Too Much Is Not Enough: A Memoir of Fumbling Toward Adulthood

They Made Us Happy

Getting Off: Lee Breuer on Performance

It’s Always Loud in the Balcony

Life isn’t everything: Mike Nichols, as remembered by 150 of his closest friends.

A Novel About Theater in the 1940s City of Girls: A Novel by Elizabeth Gilbert (“Eat.Pray.Love”)

Picture Books For Kids

A is for Audra: Broadway’s Leading Ladies from A to Z

Feed Your Mind: A Story of August Wilson

  Check out more in the books section of this site. An place for scripts is Samuel French, the “definitive” publisher of plays and musicals in English – mostly in relatively inexpensive “acting editions.” Also now available are “e-plays” and cast recordings. You can visit at 45 West 25th Street, but it’s not a place to hang out. Their redesigned website has some cool features: Click on “Now Playing” and you will get to a map showing the location of current local productions of the plays it has published.

Applause Theatre and Cinema Books closed their bookstore on the Upper West Side, alas, but remains a publisher of quality theatrical books, which you can order online.

The online bookstore of Theatre Communications Group offers some wonderful plays it publishes. (Check out the TCG Gift Guide  — which is three years old — they don’t seem to do it annually anymore — but still useful.)

You also might want to consider one (or a bunch) of the 50 Best Plays of the Last 100 Years

Bookstores in Theaters: Some of my favorite theaters also have books for sale, mostly scripts of the plays they have produced. This includes Playwrights Horizons

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CAST RECORDINGS

The five albums above  have been nominated for the Grammy Award for Best Musical Theater Album —

Ain’t Too Proud: The Life And Times Of The Temptations [Explicit] (Original Broadway Cast Recording),

Hadestown (Original Broadway Cast Recording),

The Music of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child – In Four Contemporary Suites,

Moulin Rouge! The Musical (Original Broadway Cast Recording)

and Oklahoma! 2019 Broadway Cast Recording

— although one of them (Harry Potter) is not a musical.

Broadway Records sells gift cards, and a special treat — a limited number of CDs signed by the casts or individual perfomers. Also on offer is the 2019 Tony Award Season compilation album, which presents one song each from 13 musicals that opened in the 2018-2019 season, including “Oklahoma!” and “Wait for Me” from Hadestown,    plus a medley performed by the late Marin Mazzie.

PS Classics —  Fun Home, Lady Day At Emerson’s Bar and Grill starring Audra McDonald, On The Town, On The Twentieth Century with Kristin Chenoweth,  and a huge catalogue of Sondheim shows.

Ghostlight/Sh-k-Boom — New cast album CDs  include “Beetlejuice” and “Tina.” They  also have The Band’s Visit, A Bronx Tale, Falsettos and War Paint. Their bestseller is Lin-Manuel Miranda’s In The Heights. Their releases run the gamut, Aladdin, Beautiful: The Carol King Musical, Bridges of Madison County, Daddy Long Legs, First Daughter Suite, Fortress of Solitude, Something Rotten, The Last Five Years (available as original cast album, 2013 Off-Broadway cast album, and movie soundtrack)

Masterworks Broadway, a division of Sony Classics, offers Kinky Boots, The King and I with Yul Brynner, the 1949 recording of Kiss Me Kate, and the original 1992 recording of Kander and Ebb’s Kiss of the Spider Woman, and lots of albums that don’t begin with the letter K, including the A-list album An American in Paris, and The Essential Sondheim, featuring songs from 16 of his musicals, and one movie score.

Buy The Essential Stephen Sondheim

For an extravagant gift, they sell Broadway in a Box – The Essential Broadway Musicals Collection — 25 (!) CDs of original cast recordings, from Annie to West Side Story.

Buy Broadway in a Box – The Essential Broadway Musicals Collection

Atlantic Records, not normally in the original cast album business, is the company that put out the best-selling ‘Hamilton” album.

Buy Hamilton (Original Broadway Cast Recording)(Explicit)(2CD)

Also available from Atlantic

The Hamilton Mixtape [Explicit]

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BROADWAY BAUBLES

— posters, calendars, t-shirts and knick-knacks (magnets, mugs, keychains, umbrellas etc)

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The Lion King beach towel

Olaf plush doll from Frozen

Dear Evan Hansen t-shirt

Hamilton t-shirt

A t-shirt, “Bad Idea,” a song from Waitress

cufflinks from the Royal Shakespeare Company

Wicked Emerald City umbrella

Phantom of the Opera mug

Each Broadway show offers a range of merchandise that you can buy at the theater itself and in gift shops in the theater district, and online at each show’s website, as well as on a variety of other sites, for example at the Playbill.com store. Playbill covers are plastered over all sorts of items — posters, mugs, magnets, Christmas tree ornaments, calendar.

There is an $80 pair of Playbill pajamas for men,and a Playbill Broadway Cover – 1000 Piece Jigsaw Puzzle, which I’d only consider giving to an enemy.

The more artistically inclined might want to hire Stephen Winterhalter, proprietor of The Art of Broadway etsy store  to turn their Playbill(s) into a frame collage.

A good place to purchase theater knick-knacks is Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, which has an online store using the logos and/or  program covers from the best-known Broadway shows for everything from umbrellas and clocks  to iPhone covers and shower curtains.  They offer “Broadway Legend” tree ornaments, this year featuring Angela Lansbury. They also sell gift certificates Proceeds from their products help the needy.

Theater-related calendars strike me as a good gift — they last all year. Examples include the 2020 On Broadway Wall Calendar,

Hamilton 2020 Wall Calendar and Royal Shakespeare Company – The Tragedies Wall Calendar 2020

There’s also the Shakespearean Insults 2020 Day-to-Day Calendar but beware — if you give this as a gift, it might be used against you.

Those who don’t want to feel forced to discard their theater images at the end of next year can opt instead for theater posters, past, present and future. Many are available at Triton Gallery (which has an online store and a brick and mortar one in the theater district), but be aware that many are reproductions (and identified as such) yet can still be as pricey as a ticket to a Broadway show.

Still, it’s worth browsing in either store, as it is in the several gift shops in the theater district and the many theater websites. I’m personally partial to Cafe Press, whose Broadway pages are bursting with individual entrepreneurial spirit, if not consistent wit or sense of design. But where else could I find a “Vintage Hamlet Laptop skin” and 76 Hamlet-themed shower curtains?

Holiday Gifts for Theater Lovers 2019 My eighth annual Broadway (and small theater) gift guide below includes links and information on shopping for…

[sophie-zadeh]

Loss of a Loved One: Observed Nonverbal Behaviours and Emotion

I've been quiet on my blog for a while now because I lost my beautiful mother in May. I've wanted to share with you some observations during my experience of loss– of emotion and nonverbal expression– I'm finally ready to write about it. I'm not sharing my experience of loss as such, but what I want to do here is mention some behaviours that felt noteworthy, illustrating some of the nonverbal cues that I usually write about. 

It was sudden and unexpected, so much so, that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Living on the other side of the world, I hadn't seen my mum for over two years. I was 'greeted' at the airport by my sister, who reluctantly stepped forth from behind her partner, his body temporarily and unknowingly shielding her from what she had to do. They were waiting right at the very back of the crowd, distancing themselves from the reality of what she was about to disclose. When we don't like something, be it an object, person or topic, we distance ourselves from it. Had she had good news or even no news, she would have no doubt been standing further forward in the crowd. Shaking her head from side to side, with deep sadness etched on her face– I don't recall whether words accompanied the news or not– there was no need for them, to understand the message. 

Defeated, we hugged, supporting each other's body from collapsing in on itself. Overwhelmed by deep sadness an emotional outpouring of tears began. This kind of emotional display is rarely seen in a public place, yet the context and gravity of the situation gave way to any cultural display rules– it did not matter– emotional control was far from our minds. This is what I mean when I talk about the importance of context. Every situation is different and there is no, one size fits all approach to the nonverbal cues that we give off ourselves, or decode in others– context plays a large part. In hindsight, I believe anyone watching would have fully understood what was happening and if they didn't- who cares? 

Foot Direction

Arriving back at our family home, my dad was surrounded by my aunties, uncles and cousins, who had also just flown in– again too late. After greetings of sorrow and anguish, we sat in relative silence. Sitting on his chair facing towards his grief stricken family, my nephew's feet were placed at a 90-degree angle to his body, aligned one in front of another. If I tried to purposely get my feet into that position it would take some effort, yet there was no effort there. They pointed directly towards the door, slightly to his right, behind him. He had no idea what position his feet were in or that they communicated his desire to be somewhere else. Our feet give away our intention, without us even knowing it. Whilst we can control our feet, they are often far from our mind, making them the most honest part of our body. Yet, I doubt that anyone other than my partner and I noticed or understood this. It wasn't long before he made his exit, to join his cousins in another part of the house. 

Eyelid flutter

I saw my dad's eyelids flutter whilst talking about the loss of my mum. It signifies inner turmoil to one degree or another– sometimes we see it just at a point of contention, other times as people recount a highly emotional experience. It's an involuntary nonverbal cue which isn't too common to see, although in some people it can be. Understanding nonverbal communication cues, gives us some insight into the emotions of others, but it can't tell us everything.

Whilst my dad's eyelid flutter was within context and understandable, I approached a guest (a stranger to me) at the funeral who's eyelids fluttered continuously through our brief interaction. I don't know why. We sometimes see it a lot in people who stutter, but she didn't stutter. I wondered if she once had, and whether this had become a habit. I also wondered if she was just very uncomfortable with the situation and talking to me– it was possibly a social anxiety, or directly related to my presence. Whilst I'll never know what was going on in her mind at the time, seeing it gave me insight into her discomfort, which allowed me to subtly and politely cut short our interaction, so as to end her discomfort. Had she been the one to initially approach me, I probably would have continued the conversation knowing she had entered into it with intention– again context is important. 

Lip Purse

I haven't previously, consciously, noticed myself doing a lip purse– when we pout our lips and move them to one side of our face– but since losing my mum I've found myself doing it time and time again, always in the same context. We purse our lips when we're thinking of an alternative. I've found that I only do this when there is nobody else around to see it. I'm not consciously not doing it publicly, but I'm sure that this must my own personal display rules at work. Rules that I've never consciously created, or even thought about. Each time I do this, I'm trying to get a grip on my emotion, changing the internal dialogue so that I can get on with what I need to do- whether it's concealing my emotions before facing the world, or getting on with the task at hand. Eventually, I started to use this nonverbal cue with purpose to help me get a grip on my emotion. 

Speaking of emotional control, I'd decided I wanted to speak at the funeral. I hoped that I could control my emotion so that I could physically speak in such an emotional situation. I speak in public for my work and the emotion that I usually have to overcome is fear. I'd never before had to overcome speaking through sadness, I didn't know whether I could or not. I did manage to do it, but I used a number of techniques to allow me to do so. I want to share these techniques with you, but will do so in a post of its own, over the next couple of months. 

And finally, some good news...

2017, for me, has been one negative emotional event after another, but finally, I have some good news! I've been working on a few exciting projects this year, one of which is about to come to fruition. Last Thursday I got to jump around the house, defying gravity, whilst squealing with excitement like a giddy child as I heard the good news! Of course, I'd never do that in public (display rules). I'm waiting for the go ahead, to be able to share the news with you at this early stage. But in the meantime, I wanted to let you know I'll be posting more often than usual over the next couple of weeks– in support of the project I'm working on. It's all about emotional expression. I hope you like it. I  hope to share the news soon. 

What are your personal display rules? Do you freely express nonverbal behaviours at home, whilst concealling some in public? To what extent?

[theconservativebrief]

With each new Mission: Impossible movie, Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) must go to greater and greater lengths in order to achieve the impossible. The latest installment in the series, Fallout, is no exception to the rule, featuring a car-motorcycle-boat chase through Paris and a show-stopping (and heart-stopping) helicopter chase that calls back to the very first Mission: Impossible film and then amplifies it by a factor of 1,000 or so.

Six films in, the franchise is largely defined by its thrilling action sequences, in no small part because the stunts are executed practically rather than done against a green screen or via motion capture. A crash in the new Fallout, for example, was filmed using a real helicopter body set up on a crane 100 feet in the air, using high-speed winches to simulate the 70 to 80 mph speed at which the crash would occur.

And yes, as you’ve likely heard, Cruise does all his own stunts — including the one in Fallout that resulted in two broken ankle bones and a shooting delay. Cruise’s insistence on verisimilitude has become a major part of the mythology around the Mission: Impossible films, adding an extra dimension to “death-defying” when it comes to the franchise’s biggest action set pieces.

Doing everything for real — or “as real as we could get it,” as the film’s stunt coordinator, Wade Eastwood, puts it — while ensuring that the performers and crew aren’t in any actual jeopardy is no easy task. I spoke to Eastwood over the phone to find out exactly how the Mission: Impossible — Fallout stunts came together (and how they pulled off that jaw-dropping finale).

The key to the action is basing it on the characters. Paramount Pictures

The action in Mission: Impossible begins on paper. Before shooting on Fallout even began, Eastwood sat down with Cruise and director Chris McQuarrie — both of whom he worked with on 2015’s Mission: Impossible — Rogue Nation as well as 2014’s Edge of Tomorrow — to figure out what could be done, not necessarily based on logistics but on what worked for the characters involved.

“We constantly are pushing ourselves,” Eastwood says, stating the question that is key to all of the film’s stunt planning: “Are we doing the best character-based action here?” As Eastwood puts it, staying with the character and keeping the action subjective is what makes it compelling and builds emotional investment. “We see what drives the action.”

When it came to Hunt, that meant bargaining for just how often the agent’s plans can go awry. Though the stunts must be rigorously planned in order to shoot them, in the context of the film, Hunt is flying by the seat of his pants. “He has no real plan; he just knows that he has to complete the mission,” Eastwood explains. “All this stuff, it’s a little erratic, it’s a little last-minute. When he runs and jumps on that long line on the helicopter, he’s not planning on jumping on it that way. He’s running toward the helicopter, the helicopter takes off, and he’s like, ‘Well, if I let it go, we’re all dead, so I’ve got to do something.’ So it’s always last-minute. […] He will not give up; he’s relentless. And that’s got to come across.”

Once those character beats were established, Eastwood could move on to the practical magic. He would pre-visualize an action sequence, putting together a rough version and then bringing it back for McQuarrie and Cruise’s inspection. If they decided the sequence suited the movie and the character involved, it was time to figure out how to do it practically.

August Walker’s fighting style was developed with Henry Cavill’s physicality in mind. Paramount Pictures

When it comes to who does and doesn’t get to do their own stunts, it all comes down to their individual abilities, and how hard they push themselves. For instance, according to Eastwood, actress Vanessa Kirby, who plays the White Widow, trained so intensely on the film that she went from flagging in a 2-kilometer run to completing a half-marathon by the end of the shoot.

Eastwood does his best to tailor their action sequences to the respective actors’ strengths. CIA assassin August Walker’s brutal fighting style was developed with actor Henry Cavill’s physicality in mind. (“He’s like a bear.”) The same goes for Rebecca Ferguson as former MI6 agent Ilsa Faust. Her fighting style focuses on her long legs; hence the “killer thigh move” in Rogue Nation.

Then, of course, there’s Cruise. “If Tom didn’t have the ability, he wouldn’t be doing all of his own stunts,” Eastwood tells me. “I’ve always said if he wasn’t an actor, he would’ve made a great stuntman. And Mission: Impossible 6 is like his showreel.”

In the case of Fallout, that ability included Cruise getting a private pilot’s license, a commercial pilot’s license, and a number of ratings in order to be able to complete the helicopter chase at the end of the film, as well as keeping up that training throughout the shoot as the sequence was designed.

The scene provided its own logistical challenges in that respect, as it involved not just Cruise’s helicopter and the helicopter he’s pursuing (which he’s meant to crash into), but also the camera helicopter, all flying through a relatively narrow space. “You can’t just decide, ‘Oh, I’m going to just pull out left here,’ because you’ll go into a wall,” Eastwood says. “You have to be experienced enough to know where your out is.”

That includes knowing what to do in case of an engine flameout or a mechanical failure, which would be harrowing enough without taking the other helicopters into account. “The manual doesn’t say, ‘If you’re going to crash, you ditch it here,’ but if there are two other helicopters around you, or four or five other helicopters, and two rock faces? It would normally say, ‘Well, then, you’re buggered,’” he says.

Cruise had to train in order to be able to get through any emergency, as well as to act while simulating a crash. In the sequence, the helicopter corkscrews, which means dealing with the pull of gravity — Eastwood tells me the dive will take you out of your seat — while ensuring that the increasing speed of the main rotor doesn’t go so high that it comes off completely, leaving the helicopter to drop like a stone. Cruise had to account for all of that while being Hunt, checking to see where the bad guys are going, and making sure he’s caught by the two cameras mounted on either side of the helicopter and looking the right way to catch the light.

“I’ve always said if [Cruise] wasn’t an actor, he would’ve made a great stuntman.” Paramount Pictures

When the day of shooting arrives, it’s imperative that everything is perfectly in place. Little details may shift, but any significant changes mean going straight back to the drawing board and re-rehearsing with the stunt team and then with the actors.

“We’re doing controlled action, but there is still a danger element,” Eastwood explains. “If it’s a large thing, I never change it on the fly; I go back to the drawing board, I get the time I need, I redo it, re-rehearse it and look at all the things that could go wrong, negate that risk as much as possible — obviously within reason, you can’t go to zero — and then we go back and we carry on.”

It’s telling of how carefully Eastwood has thought it all through that he’s able to explain exactly how the final helicopter scene would have been done if they hadn’t done it practically. The sequence begins with Cruise attempting to climb up a rope and into an airborne helicopter. As he’s almost at the top, he loses his grasp, falling 40 feet onto the payload — as the helicopter continues to fly.

“You would normally have a fake helicopter flying on a crane, with a green screen and a wind machine,” Eastwood says, stressing just how different the stakes of filming would be. “We’d have all our rigs, our wires going up through the helicopter and then down to the ground; we’d have our little rigging station with our coffee hut, and everyone would be standing around there having a nice coffee. When [Tom] comes to do his stunt, we would lower the line through the winch, and he would drop down to the bag, and then he would step off and sit in his chair. But we didn’t have that luxury. […] I think everyone, the audiences, would have known that it was suddenly a cheated sequence, so we went for it for real.”

To go whole hog, Eastwood and his team took the rigging that they’d have on the ground and designed a version that would fit into a helicopter that would be flying 1,000 to 2,000 feet up in the mountains. After almost 20 rehearsals with a stunt double to make sure the stunt was doable, Cruise rehearsed once (“he nailed it straight away”), and shot the scene the next day.

Eastwood estimates that they shot the scene a dozen-odd times, which is a terrifying proposition in and of itself: even with winches in place, it’s bone-chilling to imagine falling so far, and from such a great height. Then again, that’s what makes the scene, and the Mission: Impossible movies as a whole, so thrilling to watch.

Original Source -> Tom Cruise’s most death-defying Mission: Impossible stunt, explained

via The Conservative Brief