#but no mention of Yosano
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ahugenerdynerd · 1 year ago
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Ok but like
where’s Yosano
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dandelion-roots · 10 months ago
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yosano-san was supposed to be taking the afternoon off...
[id in alt]
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tamanegi-san · 4 months ago
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In Japan every year we have this thing where the town has this big fireworks show to celebrate the summer, and this time when I watched the fireworks I got WAN flashbacks and wondered if we'd ever see everyone back together again. (alive)
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dragondoodling · 4 months ago
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All my Bungou Stray Dog Headcanons, ALL OF THEM
(more to be added)
-T4T skk (masc)
-sskk
-Rampoe
-Oda and Ango were dating 
-Dazai is touch starved
-Chuuya is touch-adverse, Dazai being an exception
-Chuuya loves supplying Dazai with all the touch he craves (just like me fr)
-Chuuya has top surgery, but not on T
-Dazai is on T, but no top surgery 
-Dazai binds with bandages (DON’T DO THIS ITS VERY BAD AND UNHEALTHY)
-Dazai and Chuuya were dating in the mafia and broke up after Dazai left
-They got back together after the truce
-Chuuya was very hurt by Dazai leaving, but they talked it out and Chuuya understands why Dazai left how he did
-Dazai and Chuuya live together
-Chuuya has central heterochromia 
-Chuuya’s corruption marks are always visible, albeit very faint when not active
-Chuuya’s manga hair color is his natural color, occasionally dying it ginger
-Chuuya has intervened and stopped multiple of Dazai’s attempts 
-Dazai does Chuuya’s nails
-Dazai doesn’t self harm (he dislikes pain)
-Dazai actually has abnormally low pain tolerance, but has learned to hide it in the mafia
-Dazai has autism, which is why he struggles with showing his emotions, but trauma (Mori) has led him to believe it’s because he isn’t human
-Dazai has severe medical trauma and outright refuses to enter Yosano’s office/clinic
-Dazai has mistaken Yosano for Mori on particularly bad days
-Dazai is NOT allowed on the roof of the agency without someone else there
-Dazai is blind in his right eye
-This is from @asingleflyingfuck but Dazai has alexithymia
-Within the ADA, Dazai is the closest with Rampo
-Dazai and Rampo play video games together, both enjoying Danganronpa
-Rampo and Poe don’t live together (yet)
-Rampo and Poe are both autistic 
-Rampo is also ADHD
-Rampo is farsighted, which was the original reason Fukuzawa bought the glasses
-Rampo is legally adopted by Fukuzawa (all the minors that join the agency are)
-Poe is blind
-Karl is a seeing eye raccoon that guides him like ratatouille
-Trans masc Akutagawa 
-Akutagawa isn’t on T or have top surgery due to his health issues
-Akutagawa has haphephobia
-Atsushi chuffs (tiger equivalent of purring)
-Atsushi has been legally adopted by Dazai (He doesn’t know)
-Atsushi has schizophrenia
-Kunikida has OCD
-Everyone has some form/amount of PTSD
Posts of headcanons I like:
This is what I was saying about Rampo’s poor eyesight:
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neo--queen--serenity · 10 months ago
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I’m personally devastated that Mori and Fukuchi never got to meet. Not only would it be THE pettiest bitch-off the world has ever seen, poor Fukuzawa would be just sitting there in between them with no expression whatsoever as the Hunting Dogs, PM, and ADA just watched them with growing horror, unable to look away.
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poe-tat · 7 months ago
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Interrogation arc part 2
Fukazawa: so family dinner talk... How to do that?..
The ADA: *shrugs* idk
Ranpo, just wanting to start shit: so... Dazai..
Dazai: *mind: oh shit-* yes Ranpo
Ranpo: what was Mr. Fancy Hat doing walking out of your little "house"
Dazai: I have no idea what you are talking about
Naomi: if Ranpo said it happened it happened!
Junichiro: *nods*
Yosano: exactly so why was Mr. Fancy hat walking out of your home
Kunikida: I have one better I went to the store the other day and saw Dazai walking out of Mr. Fancy hat's apartment
Atsushi: *gasps* Dazai!
Dazai: what?! What would I do at the slug's apartment? Better yet why would I want him in my own home?
Yosano: that's not a very nice thing to call your boyfriend Dazai..
Dazai: BULLSHIT! He calls me Mackerel or a waste of bandages!
Ranpo: how sweet...
Dazai: OMFG!!
Atsushi: Dazai you aren't answering any of the questions..
Dazai: I'm not going to answer questions that clearly didn't happen
Ranpo: are you bisexual?
Dazai: I'm leaving
Atsushi: what is bisexual?
Part 1
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tenderheartedtheodore · 6 months ago
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hey lol (with the intent of getting sedated)
remember my bsd unsaved trio/unsaved club post? yeah. turns out theres a trio/club for the ones used as government weapons too! verlaine is the founder.
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(chap. 115 ruined me. teruko deserved was so (too) young when she served in the war considering she died at 12. 12. imagine how young she was when she started using her ability to manipulate her age? it's mentioned she started using it when she was months old. God someone shoot me.)
if you were used as a government weapon (especially as a little kid) and you know it clap your hands!
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unicornpopcorn14 · 6 months ago
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FUCK FUCK I JUST HAD THE WORST HC
As much as Dazai hated Doctors, and in turn, couldn't handle going to Yosano's infirmary and avoided her at all costs once he joined.
As much as Yosano also hated the idea of suicide so fucking much, that every time Dazai mentioned it, jokingly hung up a noose to kill himself in the middle of the Agency, she'd get triggered so hard. Thus try her best and avoid him.
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sableeira · 1 year ago
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okay but does anyone except for Mori and Fukuzawa know that Yosano is exempt from the ADA member switches to PM deal? Because if Fukuzawa kicks the bucket and nobody knows about the true conditions that could cause some real problems for the future.
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fudanshipoe · 4 months ago
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bungo stray dogs, themes of trauma, the abuse cycle, and how ranpo's disability+autistic trauma is an integral part of untold origins ★
🦴 abilities represent trauma and trauma responses
🦴 trauma as a theme of cycles
- the abuse cycle
- the "savior" cycle
🦴 the government, war, and society
- yosano, mori
- verlaine, chuuya
- fukuchi, teruko
- the role of the government
🦴 untold origins
- ranpo's ability is autistic masking
- his trauma
- untold origins through the lens of autistic trauma
wc; 2.6k (Origins quotes included in pictures only but I explain them briefly)
(this is also crossposted on Twitter, this is a long read format)
In this I want to cover trauma, and by extent mental illness, as an overarching theme in BSD, and how it portrays the cycles and effect of abuse, war, and is an exploration of traumatized individuals operating in a world not built for them. Additionally, Untold Origins is about autistic trauma.
Despite the approach of supernatural themes, Bungo Stray Dogs lends itself heavily to the discussion of trauma, mental illness, and its effects. One of the most notable themes in Bungo Stray Dogs is trauma and abuse, but it extends beyond the main abuse chain that most recognize to partially originate from Mori and end with Kyouka (Mori, Dazai, Akutagawa, and Kyouka, to be specific). There is a large focus on the abuse cycle and how trauma affects people. Emphasis is also placed on the specific structural abuse and violence of society within the world of BSD. The complexities of the abuse cycle are highlighted in organizations such as the Port Mafia, which is by far the most recognizable example within the series, but the government as another authoritative state plays another role in the cycle. BSD shows its readers various depictions of how trauma will manifest or affect two people who encounter the same thing. BSD shows a very honest depiction of mental illness in general, but it's specifically in how trauma affects the characters that these themes become integral to the story.
To start off the actual analysis, abilities themselves are representative of trauma responses. They arise from high stress situations in order for the user to have a protective mechanism for themself, uncanny to how actual trauma responses develop. Whether you think it is non-exclusive because abilities are based upon literature, many if not all of the characters’ abilities parallel their trauma. This is highlighted with tons of the characters, obviously, but I'll only point out a few because a separate analysis would be needed for every ability in the series (I want to one day, but not now). Each ability exhibits what each ability user needed in order to survive. Atsushi was a victim of child torture from what could have been birth, or at least since coming into the orphanage, to young adulthood, and he needed to become something to combat it. Beast Beneath the Moonlight is an ability that allows Atsushi to become something near invulnerable, with his impenetrable fur, regeneration, and the claws that cut through abilities themself. No Longer Human reflects how Dazai never allows anyone to get close to him, how he always keeps his guard up, how he never allows himself the vulnerability of being seen or touched. Both literally and metaphorically. Akuatagwa, similar to Atsushi, growing up in the slums needed a way to protect himself, Gin, and the other children around him. His ability is one that I feel is the most obvious with its connection to his trauma, as it is so important in depicting his relationship with Dazai and his own ability, though that is more about his coat itself than explicitly Rashomon. He only had the clothes on his back to protect him, so that is what manifested, the ability to control and kill his enemies with what little shield he had against the world. These will be the only ones I highlight in this section as they're some “main” examples and this is not meant to be exclusively on what the ability represents for individual characters. There are also plenty of characters that we can only speculate on, as we don't know much about their past, if at all many of them.
The cycle of abuse is the main theme present under the topic of trauma and how it relates to BSD's story. The most notable abuse chain that runs from Mori, to Dazai, to Akuatagwa, and finally ending with Kyouka is easily the most recognizable example of this. Whether you believe Mori's relationship with Dazai, and affect on him, was inherently classified as child abuse is irrelevant here and up to interpretation, I suppose, as a lot of people seem to believe so for some reason. Regardless, you cannot deny that the lessons of optimal solutions, needing to live for a purpose, and harsh treatment runs in this line of mentor/mentee relationships.
This is also the case between Mori and Yosano, though I'm not sure how much Mori would constitute as a “mentor” to Yosano over just being her superior, considering his relationship and treatment of Yosano is vastly different compared to Dazai. The cycles of abuse is not only present within the mentor/mentee cycle of BSD either, another major example is how many characters treat others based upon how they would treat themself, and this treatment arises from a place of projection. In the Dark Era, Mori acts according to his own judgment, assuming that Dazai will not act adversely based upon the shared qualities he sees of himself in Dazai. A shared logistical, observant brain and their ability to navigate a situation through predicting and utilizing their pawns. Dazai trains Akutagawa the way he does because he believes it is what Akuatagwa needs in order to be successful and survive.
Kouyou is a very great instance of this, too. The Port Mafia is a root of much of the abuse taking place within the story of Bungo Stray Dogs, and Kouyou shows this the best, aside from characters like Dazai and Akutagawa. This is where I want to specify that Mori is not the root cause or direct start of the abuse cycle within the series, as the Port Mafia itself was a tool of organizational abuse from the start. The Port Mafia has always used tactics of aggression and suppression as an operation, however, there is a stark difference between the Old Boss and Mori on how this force is used. There is no real difference on how they affect the Port Mafia individually, except the methods used and the tighter reign of control Mori uses compared to the reckless abandonment for critical thought towards the end for the Old Boss. It's an inherently corrupt organization despite the importance it holds in the balance of Yokohama. Kouyou was in the Mafia from childhood, and when she lost the hope of being able to escape that world, she lost her trust in both the organization and the greater world of people. This is the reason that she pushes her own beliefs onto Kyouka and tries so desperately to keep her in the mafia. Her disdain for hope and recognition of herself in Kyouka is the causation for her to attempt to drill this mindset into Kyouka.
Kouyou isn't the only one who projects herself onto Kyouka specifically either, as Akutagawa follows the lessons he has learned and forces his beliefs of giving Kyouka's life a “reason” through her ability and killing ability. Which is exactly what he learned through his years in the Port Mafia as Dazai's mentee. Another example of a character projecting their own traumas onto someone they recognize themself in is very obviously Verlaine, through the events of him forcing Chuuya to his side because of his thought process.
There is a common justification that many of the characters make that they are doing what needs to be done. There are many other examples that could be made from the series, but all of this is to say that there is a large representation of the idea that “hurt people hurt people”. It's what the abuse cycle is on an interpersonal level. The actions taken are not excused by a victim’s own past, however it is a very real depiction of the abuse cycle and its effects in the series.
There is some hope to be found though as the parallel to this is being “saved”. Exemplified through the Armed Detective Agency as a whole, it ends up being essentially a safe haven for many of the members. Earlier I mentioned Kyouka, and she is specifically helped by Atsushi. I really don't want to refer to this as a savior cycle because it's really not, they're not all “saviors”, I just don't really have a better name for it.
The best examples for the roots of this cycle in the series are Fukuzawa and Oda, though they are naturally not the only cause for the chain of events within this cycle of influence. Fukuzawa brings me back to the topic of the Armed Detective Agency, which was established in the first place in order to help Ranpo and others. He left his influence on Ranpo first in Untold Origins, and Yosano when the two are able to get her away from Mori, but he also is the first in the chain that impacted Oda (though not the only), another important figure in this theme. He is the person that is able to plant a moral seed in Dazai and change the course of his life, and he was the only one able to do this. This brings me back around to Atsushi, who after being taken into the ADA by Dazai is able to save Kyouka, Lucy, and Sigma in one way or another.
It is important to highlight the Decay of Angels arc and portraying the tragic results of war. The ones I'm going to discuss are Fukuchi, Fukuzawa, Yosano, Mori, and Teruko as participants of war, Verlaine and Chuuya as the result of the government experimentation after the war, and then Tachihara from an outsider's perspective because of his brother. There is limited information that we have on The Great War itself, but what we do know is that it was a fight between ability user organizations and for the use of abilities in warfare. It is shown to be the cause of much of the suffering of many characters in the series, whether it is as a participant or a result of the inherent tragedy of war. Yosano was a child soldier exploited by Mori, who was able to use his position to prove his thesis for the beneficial use of abilities in warfare. It's unclear to me whether it was issued from upper levels, but his Infantry Division was for the purpose of proving what you could harness with abilities and warfare. This is not the only time that ability experimentation resulted during/from The Great War either, both Verlaine and Chuuya were a result of ability research and singularity creation. You could also infer that The Hunting Dogs project, though it is not confirmed (I think?), is a result of this as well. All of this to show the role that the government plays in the war, and alongside the damage that war already brings the government is shown to prey on the vulnerable within.
Fukuchi is probably the most noteworthy example of war and trauma in BSD, as he is the one who enacts the greatest damage in order to stop another war to his knowledge. His entire motivation for creating the DOA and bringing calamity was to prevent a repeat of what he had witnessed in the battlefield. Though he also has personal beliefs for world peace from the beginning, it grew to be more than that. The war intrinsically changed him due to the trauma, and soldier’s PTSD is naturally a common thing. The war changed Yosano as well, and while the two had very different circumstances, they carry the weight of their sins years later. Teruko was essentially born from war itself, and similar to Atsushi, she was forced to become something or someone that was able to fight, hence her ability forcing maturity and age. Teruko's ability itself is an example of how intense or prolonged trauma can cause a person to force self preservation in the face of it as a tactic to survive. Many of the characters show this, but it is especially prevalent with Fukuchi and Teruko because of the war. The entire arc brings into question the role of the government in war, corrupt power, the tragedy of war, and the point of it in the first place.
I'm making a seperate section to talk about Ranpo's ability, Untold Origins, and autistic trauma. Ranpo is the only character based on an author who does not have a literal ability, and I believe his lack of ability and insistence on keeping the illusion up is reminiscent of autistic masking. As to why I think he is autistic outside of the context of Origins, please refer to this thread .
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Masking is camouflaging autistic traits in order to appeal to neurotypical or allistic (non-autistic) expectations. This could be internalizing discomfort, suppressing behaviors, copying others’ behavior in order to “fit in”, or an array of examples of forcing yourself out of your nature. Long-term masking can lead to extreme damage to your mental health, it can cause burnout, distressed behavior (meltdowns, shutdowns), issues with sense of self, etc.
Ranpo doesn’t mask very much in the present canon, he has a support system with his friends and family in the ADA where he is not judged for his autistic traits or behavior. Yet he keeps up the illusion of being an ability user partially for his own sake, but mostly to appear a certain way for the Agency and others. His ability is the only mask he keeps up, and the reason for this is the same reason he got it in the first place. Ranpo had to deal with the world outside of himself not accepting him for the way he is, and this is specifically because of his autistic traits. His false ability was essentially given to him by Fukuzawa as a way to quell his frustrations with the world, an explanation to Ranpo for why he is the way he is, because the world didn't understand the way he was and vice versa. He does seem to mask his autistic traits in Untold Origins, however, both due to his experiences he talks about and his parents. Masking can be traumatic, growing up in a world not built for you is traumatic, and the culmination of it all is what leads to Ranpo’s meltdown. Being autistic is not inherently traumatic, but the instability of day to day life can even be a causation for it, and this is the case for Ranpo. He goes about the story assuming that he will get adverse reactions if he speaks up or acts like himself, showing specifically his autistic traits, and this is the reason that he masks. Like any other autistic person, he masks in order to survive situations or to avoid confrontation over it when he never intended it. He was already a sheltered kid, and so he was raised with the deliberate suppression of his autistic traits, to which he cannot control and that cannot be separated from him. Even if it was an effort to protect him by his parents, it had negative consequences on Ranpo. Growing up that sheltered is damaging enough but it is dire to understand that this is in relation to Ranpo's being autistic as well, so he was thrust into a world that already did not understand him as a young autistic person after he lost his parents, an added trauma on top of the loss.
(below are the quotes I was referring/alluding to)
(In order is Ranpo's meltdown scene, an example of the double empathy problem (difficulties due in part due to a mutual lack of understanding when socializing between autistics/allistics because of the way we experience the world internally/externally) in which Ranpo looks at the same thing as someone else but they percieve it vastly different and Ranpo does not realize this, an observation from Fukuzawa on Ranpo's inherent difference, Ranpo's expectations of rejection, another observation from Fukuzawa on how Ranpo doesn't realize any of this, Ranpo expecting rejection based upon experiences in the past, and finally what I interpret to be an example of suppression of Ranpo's autistic traits (in a literal sense it is referring to his ability, which is representative of his autistic masking/really autism in general)
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The manifestation of his ability is not a literal one like the other characters in the series, but it is an extension of his need to mask at times. Whether it is damaging or not, Ranpo clings to it because it is both connected to Fukuzawa and it is the first time he got an answer to why he is this way instead of being told to hide it for the convenience of others. When you grow up in a world that does not like you for what you are, it would only be natural for him to be desperate for the comfort of something after believing for so long that there was something inherently wrong with him.
There are definitely more thoughts that I have on this topic, such as poverty in relation to the Akutagawa siblings and Atsushi (Beast, specifically as well), but I want that to be a separate analysis.
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crowscadence · 11 months ago
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BSD as things I’ve heard in band
Tachihara: Who wants to do some carpool kareoke?!
Akutagawa: I’d rather you skin and boil me alive
Yosano: They were like “should we medicate her?” and I said no because I didn’t want to lose my sparkle
Ranpo: I don’t have to worry about that because my sparkle is autism
Kunikida: *sigh* I’ve been afflicted by Dazai’s bullshit
Dazai: hey scoot over a bit
Chuuya: no you’re not my master
Dazai: actually I am, be my dog
Dazai, holding just the head of a dog-shaped cookie jar: Isn’t he cute?
Atsushi: Dazai why do you have a dog head
Dazai: The rest of the body is in my bag :)))
Atsushi: That doesn’t make it any better-
Dazai: Hey, did you hear who just got asked out?
Chuuya: Who?
Dazai: You *finger guns*
Atsushi, running from Akutagawa: Help, I’m being attacked by a wild emo!
*15 Dazai and Chuuya arguing over the plural of penis*
Mori: you two are making me question my life choices
Nikolai: What if edible p*rn was a thing?
Sigma: please never say those words in that order ever again
Dazai, after a mission: You know Atsushi you’re really not beating those furry allegations
Atsushi: yeah I saw that one coming
Kenji: Going to Paris without seeing Versailles is like going to New York for the first time and not seeing the Tilted Towers
Kyouka: …Kenji that's from fortnite
Yosano: well you may be the best walking condom ad I’ve ever seen
(This quote would fit so many)
Ango: nothing like a government website to keep you up at 2AM
(this was from my band director)
Kunikida, talking about Dazai: The fact that he’s not responding to my texts right now is bull because there’s no way that sleep-deprived, caffeine-addicted twink isn’t awake
Dazai: this is the face of a professional
Atsushi: that’s the face of a fucking idiot
Kunikida, talking about his headcanonned college experience: do you know what kind of foul things come out of frat guys’ mouths?
Dazai: no but I know what foul things probably go in them
Akutagawa: I must be a poison type because I can’t stop fucking koffing
Dazai, mocking fyodor: what’s the point of saying meow if it’s not in a Russian accent?
Dazai: I dunno about you but Tom Riddle could grease my cork
Dazai: never thought I’d see the day when I’d be handcuffed in the band room but okay
Ranpo, putting on sunglasses inside: gotta rep that autism
*Dazai bitching and moaning about sore muscles*
Atsushi: be glad for the pain, it means you’re alive
Dazai: bitch you know I’m suicidal
Dazai, holding up a brightly colored Hawaiian shirt: oh my god guys this is the shirt I wore to emergency therapy after trying to off myself
Albatross: do y’all think I could pull off a black turtleneck or would I just look like that kid from The Incredibles
Atsushi, walking with his hoodie pocket full of tuners: I’m like a marsupial with my tuner babies
Dazai: Listen that song is a banger, but with all those weird time signatures I think that playing it would make me wanna kill— shit I forgot I’m not allowed to make that joke anymore
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lil-vibes · 2 years ago
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bro imagine you are fukuzawa and your Son comes in hand in hand with the weird racoon boy that you swear was your enemy like,, a week ago and says 'we are dating' and ur like okay! sure i can let that slide since we did kinda, sorta defeated the Guild, but then your agency doctor goes 'yeah i kiss that redhead mafia executive good morning AND good night every day" and you just gotta smile and move along bc okay okay she was originally from there okay, sure. but THEN dazai "kunikida shoot him on sight if he becomes even slightly more goofy and silly than he is now" osamu struts in with a ring and its like 'yeah so abt that Other redhead executive- ' and as you are writing your vacation notice your anxiety personified, wet cat of an employee walks into your office all shaking and goes 'i gotta tell you something but dont be mad and could you maybe please please hear me out please -'
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totheslaydogs · 5 months ago
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dazai: “i’d like to revisit something kunikida… if you were to put together a list of people you’d want to go out with would i at least be on it?”
kunikida *thinking*: “well that depends dazai, how many spaces are there?”
dazai: “one.”
kunikida: “no”
dazai: “two?”
kunikida *finally looking up and biting back a smile*: “what are you asking me right now?”
dazai “you know what they say, third times the charm” osamu: *repeats himself*: “two.”
kunikida: “perhaps…”
dazai: “do you hear that everyone, kunikida said i’d make the list!”
yosano *sliding back from her desk and shooting him that look*: “dazai, you and kunikida have been dating for three years…..”
dazai *slightly blushing* “oh, well is that so!”
kunikida *covering his mouth as he laughs* “yes dear, its so”
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angelicutz · 2 months ago
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"Teruko x Fukuchi is legal teruko can change her age" "mori sa'd dazai and yosano" "Fukuzawa graped ranpo" "fyodor will touch aya" Just say you like kids oml
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timefospookies · 8 months ago
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Post Meursault arc ADA!Sigma and the average workplace convo 😋👍
“I fantasize about killing you a lot these days, I hope you know that.”
“I fantasize about killing me too! Any tips on how you’d go about it?”
Though Sigma almost choked on their own spit, no one else in the office seemed to bat an eye. Dazai, who had been silently bothering his work partner Kunikida for the better part of 20 minutes, had nearly gotten the poor man to snap. The poet tried to ignore that bastard the entire time, growing increasingly more agitated with each tease to the point Sigma feared he might explode. So when he finally threatened Dazai through gritted teeth, they felt inclined to fully believe his murderous intent. Kunikida twitched visibly, but made no move to spare his partner a single glance (whether that be to keep his own composure or to not satisfy Dazai was anyone’s guess).
”I'd hit you on the back of the head and toss you into the ocean.”
They couldn’t blame the guy, though. Sigma themselves had only known Dazai for, what, a month? And they couldn’t say the thought of killing him hadn’t slid through their mind at least once. But Kunikida had known him for YEARS. The bandaged man seemed to have this sort of cursed aura that made anyone within a 5 meter radius immediately want him dead, so it’s a miracle he was still standing in one piece. Dazai, on his end, leaned back into his chair in disappointment.
“How unceremonious of you, Kunikida,” he huffed, bored, “Can’t you do better than that?”
“Why, you…”
The man took a deep, shuddering breath to ground himself. He balled his hands into fists as he exhaled.
“Just. Get back to work.”
“Hey, wait, now you’ve got me curious,”
Both of the men and Sigma glanced at the end of the room towards the source of the voice. Ranpo, the super detective, had glanced up from his handheld to look at Kunikida. Now that he had their attention, he popped the lollipop out from his mouth and began to wave it around as he elaborated.
“You’d kill him via blunt damage, but with what? Where? When? How would you dispose of his body? I know you’d toss him in the ocean, but how would you go about it? Would you stuff him in the trunk of your car? Take a boat? How would you conceal his body?”
Sigma shifted uncomfortably in their seat. He is a detective, so with the amount of murders he must see on the daily must make for a pretty effective reverse engineered murder plan. However, this topic of conversation was rather unsavory for an Agency who was supposed to jail murderers, not become them. Kunikida, on the other hand, looked at the detective like he’d suddenly been enlightened.
“Good point…” he muttered.
Good point?!
“Hadn’t thought about it in detail, huh?” Ranpo smirked.
“No, I suppose not,”
Dr. Yosano, the Agency…well…doctor, spoke up.
“Me, personally? I’d tie him up, chop him into little pieces, and flush them down the toilet,”
Oh, so now they’re actually planning Dazai’s murder in front of him, that’s nice. Sigma glanced at the bandaged man in terror only to find him absolutely delighted with the situation. They didn’t know what else they expected out of him, honestly.
“Now, that’s an interesting way to go!” he chirped, “Though the chopping bit sounds rather unpleasant,”
“You’re getting murdered, it’s not supposed to be pleasant!” Kunikida snarled.
“I was just saying…”
“Sounds like an awful lot of blood,” Ranpo mused, interrupting, “What would you do about a mess that size?”
Then the little farm boy, Kenji, chimed in cheerily.
“Just kill him at a meat factory! No one would suspect random blood puddles at a meat factory!”
Consequently, Jun'ichirō, the illusion ability user, piped up as well.
“I feel like that would open up more problems than solutions though…” he said sheepishly, “Like, how would you even get into the meat factory?”
 “Are there any meat factories in Yokohama?” the doctor asked.
Dazai sighed, spinning in his chair.
“Not anywhere nearby, I reckon. You’d have to get me there first, and trust me, kidnapping is as much a hassle for you as it is for me.”
Kunikida spoke, thinking out loud more than anything.
“So dismemberment is too complicated, and blunt damage is too elaborate..” 
He suddenly perked up, in what Sigma could guess was…excitement.
“What about a staged suicide?”
Murmurs of agreement spread throughout the office.
“That’s more believable,” Ranpo said, nodding approvingly.
“Not just that, but you’d barely leave a trace,” Dr. Yosano added, “Just spike his drink and you’re done!”
But Dazai hummed once more, pondering over the idea in dissatisfaction.
“You’d need an ungodly amount of poison though…” he grumbled, deeply troubled, “I’m terribly resistant, you know? What could kill and elephant could give me a mild tummy ache,”
“Oh my god, never say tummy,” the doctor cringed. 
“My tummy wummy~”
The room was, again, filled with noise, only this time it was that of collective groans of disgust and Dazai’s vile cackling.
“See?! This is why people want you dead, Dazai!” she cried, “God!”
“Wait, okay, wait,” Jun'ichirō intervened once everyone had calmed down, turning his chair to face the man, “You’re not affected by any type of poison? Like, not even the strongest created or something?”
“Nope! I’ve tried it all before and-”
“WHAT?!”
Kunikida shot up from his seat and slammed his hands on Dazai’s desk- the latter looked up at him like a dog who'd been wrongly accused of something.
“What do you mean ‘what’? This is useful information!”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘WHAT DO I MEAN’?! I-! WHY-!”
In his absolute red-faced bewilderment, the poet fumbled over his words way longer than any regular person should. Dazai didn’t seem to mind as he patiently awaited his partner’s response. 
“D-! DON’T DRINK POISON!” he finally sputtered.
“I wasn’t going to,”
“YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!”
And with that, the poet brought his iron fist down on the man’s head, and the impact seemed to shake the room. Dazai sprung to life.
“OW, WHAT THE HELL?!” he cried, comically gripping his head in terror, “KUNIKIDA, DO YOU WANT ME DEAD OR NOT?!”
Sigma honestly wondered the same thing. 
“YES. NO?! IT’S COMPLICATED, OKAY?!”
Kunikida grabbed his partner by the collar and began to shake him around forcefully, bringing Hell down as he continued to yell and as the other resumed his complaining. What is happening? Sigma involuntarily grinned in grim confusion.
“Is this…normal?” they wondered out loud.
“Pretty much,”
Sigma yelped, their soul nearly leaving their body in surprise. 
“How long have you two been standing there?!” they cried.
The realization that Atsushi (Dazai’s mentee) and Kyōka (Atsushi’s mentee) had been standing behind them (possibly through the whole ordeal) struck them uncomfortably hard.
“Tummy wummy,” the two chorused in response.
It seemed no one’s ears were spared from Dazai’s horrible words. 
Sigma made a face, feeling generally disoriented, and Atsushi chuckled nervously as he waved his hands around in an attempt to comfort them.
“H-Hey, don’t worry, you’ll get used to it!”
“You’ll have to if you want to leave work psychologically unscathed every day,” the girl then deadpanned.
“Kyōka..”
How comforting. 
‘You’ll get used to it’, huh? The tiger boy didn’t look exactly convinced of that either as he stared at his arguing seniors with a tired look of amused disappointment. Sigma soon realized that the same look was plastered on all of the Agency members’ faces. What a bizarre thing this was- the weird dynamics of these peculiar people. What was even more bizarre was the look of genuine fondness in everyone’s gaze. Did they hate each other? Did they care about each other? Is it just both? Did this feeling of endearment and annoyance apply to everyone beyond just these two idiots? Sigma sighed as they felt themselves relax, just a little bit. How truly, truly bizarre…they’d get used to it.
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musings-of-miss-j · 26 days ago
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my favourite ‘so strong they fuck up the plot if given enough screen time’ character is back
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