#but my understanding of it from aro sources is that while they are similar they are also different

[majorshatterandhare]

Here’s what I’m thinking.

Orpheus and Narcissus meet at work. They become good friends.

This leads to Eurydice and Echo meeting and becoming friends. And then they become very close.

Eurydice and Echo begin dating. Orpheus and Narcissus are like “uhh, okay, yeah that’s fine.”

It continues and eventually Narcissus and Orpheus realize they love each other too and want to date. Eurydice and Echo are obviously fully supportive; they had been expecting for a while by this point.

Then they all love each other and Narcissus and Eurydice, and Orpheus and Echo are able to get closer and their metamor relationships become alterous.

Side note: in the song Iphis, it seems to me, that the City is accepting of trans people but not gay people, and I think that’s weird and funny.

Eurydice/Orpheus/Narcissus/Echo polycule.

Orpheus dates Eurydice and Narcissus,

Narcissus dates Orpheus and Echo,

Echo dates Narcissus and Eurydice,

And Eurydice dates Echo and Orpheus.

It’s a square.

[rainbowsforbeginners]

Rainbow 101: 001

Today’s topic, as voted by you: What is LGBTQIA+?

Hello, class!

Welcome to Rainbow 101!

To start us off, today I’ll explain the acronym LGBTQIA+:

It stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer/Questioning, Intersex, and A-spec - And the little “plus” at the end stands for any other queer labels that don’t fit neatly into the main acronym!

You may also see it shortened to LGBTQ+, LGBT+, LGBT, as well as a few others - But, they all refer to the same community!

Now, as this is a beginner-friendly lecture, I’ll also give a brief explanation of the main “flagship” identities - Though I highly encourage you do your own research of any terms you find interesting, as I will likely not be able to cover all nuance here!

Also, if anyone has any comments, questions, corrections, or kudos, please put them in the ask box after class!

Alright, let’s get started:

Lesbian:

Someone who is a lesbian is a women who is attracted to other women - Non-binary people can also use this label if they wish! The term Lesbian is also related to the terms WLW and Sapphic - Though I recommend finding sources who are more well-versed in those labels to understand the nuances/differences!

Gay:

The “proper” definition of gay is similar to lesbian, being a man who is attracted to other men - And non-binary folk can use this one, too! - However, you will also find many people use “gay” as a broad blanket term similar to “queer,” so context is useful here! Gay is also sometimes called MLM (men-loving-men, not multi-level-marketing :) )

Bisexual/Biromantic:

Someone who is bisexual/biromantic is attracted to multiple genders - Commonly interpreted as simply “likes both men and women.” But, as with many of these labels, there can be nuance that is different for every person; Such as having attraction for multiple, but preferring one over another. You’ll often see Bisexual/Biromantic shortened to Bi!

Transgender:

Someone who is transgender doesn’t fully identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. For example, someone who was born as a girl named Jane and later transitions to a man named John. (Something to note here: While many transgender people do fully identify with the “opposite” gender, and undergo various visual/biological transformations (ha!), there are many who don’t do either! Some people only change their pronouns, and some may not change anything!) Non-binary people are also under this umbrella term - though not everyone identifies with the label! You’ll often see Transgender shortened to Trans!

Queer/Questioning:

From what I’ve seen, “Queer” is a pretty broad label, often used as a collective term for all LGBTQIA+ people - But, I’ve also seen some people use it as a catch-all personal miscellaneous label, when they don’t care to explain or define the details! “Questioning” is pretty simple - It just means the person is figuring out some aspect of their identity, but hasn’t quite gotten there yet!

Intersex:

This one I don’t know as much about as I could, but my understanding is that an intersex person falls between or outside of the biological sex binary - And it can be as drastically obvious as physical organ differences, or more often, as subtle as having unusual chromosomes!

A-spec:

A-spec, or the A-spectrum, is a wide category for those who experience little, no, and/or specifically-parametrized attraction! Aromantic (or Aro, little-to-no romantic attraction) and Asexual (or Ace, little-to-no sexual attraction) are the more popular, “flagship” labels, but the A spectrum also includes Aplatonic, Agender, Afamilial, Asensual, and probably a few others I don’t know of! To oversimplify for the sake of comedy, the A-spec is for those of us who look at everyone else and go, “No thanks!” with varying degrees of intensity.

Plus (+):

And the + is for everyone else who might not fit within the above!

…And there you have it - That was a lot, and I’m glad you stuck around to the end!

I want to note here that many of these labels have more sub-labels nested under them, and/or have more nuance than we covered today - So, if any of you have questions or clarifications, or have a correction to make, please feel free to drop a note in my ask box!

Also, any ideas for future topics to cover would be much appreciated!

Batteries and Bars,

Neon

[styrofauxm]

On aroace flags...

I want to be very clear, I am not criticizing anyone specific, but rather the current ways of combining the asexual and aromantic flags into a cohesive flag.

But I've had this floating around my head for a while, and I saw a post similar to it today, so I thought I'd throw in my two cents.

Cut because it got long.

In the ace flag, black means asexuality, gray means gray/demi sexual, white is for allosexual allies of asexual people, and purple means community. (I lost the link to the AVEN post, but someone dedicated can find it. Otherwise you can just look up the meanings on the internet to verify).

In the aro flag, the green and light green stripes are for the aromantic spectrum, white is for non-romantic attraction, and black and grey are for the sexuality spectrum. (Post by the creator saying this here: https://www.tumblr.com/cameronwhimsy/102698477928/whoops-yeah-i-just-realised-i-never-actually-made?source=share).

So black, grey, and white all mean different things for each flag, yet in most combination flags, they only appear once. Do they mean what they mean on the aromantic flag or what they mean on the asexual flag?

The light green and green don't have any arbitrary separations for people who do and don't feel romantic attraction, and the grey and black of the aro flag don't have that for sexual attraction either, while the asexual flag does. Cutting out one of the green stripes or moving the black and grey away from each other don't make sense in the context of the aromantic flag.

I've also seen some that add an extra purple stripe. It doesn't mean anything, it's just aesthetic.

Whether or not you like the sunset aroace flag, it is a good example to look at when trying to create a flag to represent aroace people. It keeps the association with asexuality and aromanticism, without using the original colors in ways that don't quite fit. (Color meaning breakdown by the creator here: https://aroaesflags.tumblr.com/post/181034758671/revised-aroace-flag-after-some-conversation-among).

The whole point of having pride flags is to have a meaningful symbol to represent our communities. For aroace people, mashing two together keeps the association with asexuality and aromanticism, but loses the deeper meaning behind each flag.

Honestly, as an aroace person, I think the only way to really design an aroace flag is to depart from the imagery of either flag. That ensures the meanings are solid, and it ensures no one in accidentally excluded (which is, to my understanding, why the sunset flag was created originally - to have a community symbol that included the whole community inherently). But I understand not everyone shares the sentiment.

So, from one aroace person to another, if you are going to design an aroace flag that's based on the ace and aro flags, please keep in mind what those colors mean in the context of each flag, and don't put them in just to have them. And be sure that your design properly includes everyone you are trying to represent.

[yardsards]

i would like to post a playlist on this fine aro awareness day

it was compiled from a mix of my own music and submissions from my friends and followers. the criteria to get on the playlist is:

-no mention of romance

-has lyrics (that are primarily in english)

-fandom-related songs are allowed but ONLY if they are fully understandable with no knowledge of the source material

-joke songs are *allowed* but kept to a bit of a minimum bc otherwise they'd both overtake the playlist

-^similar deal w multiple songs by the same artist

-"love songs" that are confirmed to actually be platonic/familial by the creator are allowed and encouraged

-songs about giving up on/denying romance will NOT be added because that counts as mentioning romance. UNLESS the artist themself is out as aro

song suggestions in the replies are encouraged BUT check the lyrics first bc a lot of people miss stuff and end up submitting songs w romantic verses. (also, submit individual songs, not artists). and if they fit the above criteria and i personally like them, i will add them (this may take a while if i get a ton of recs tho)

[gay-noodle-clan]

helloooo, so i saw that u have a BNHA dr and u said that u werent a student, and i got really interessed since its different from mostly bnha shifters, if ure comfortable with that. could u tell more about this dr?

Hey! I’d love to clarify; I’ll happily talk about any of my DR’s any time :D

So, to summarise: my two OCs for my BNHA DR are my children in this DR, and I am their silly medieval parent trying to understand why my son said he’s a femboy and why my other son said that he likes TokTik.

More under the cut, but please be warned, I kinda went off on a lore rant; I’m sorry!

So, in my BNHA DR, I have two OCs, Kolka and Aros (yes their names are silly; I have legitimate reasons though, I promise). I don’t have any art, but Kolka and Aros are twins, and are my definition of chimaeras, which are half Kienrif (my home-brew shapeshifters) and half human, traditionally, and tend to have “splotchy” colouring that isn’t found naturally. I haven’t decided who their dad is yet, but I’m their mom in this DR.

So, I’ve made a post about it before, but my DR self is a (formerly) 1500 year old elf, but in this DR, it isn’t a former thing. My DR self is the elven equivalent of 40 years old and a single parent to two rambunctious kittens. In all of my DRs where I’m this character, they essentially get isekai’d to where they end up in the DR from their original reality (it’s basically shifting for them but like,,, he’s grouchy).

However, in my BNHA DR, a cataclysmic event happens: there’s a mass murder of Kienrif, entering genocidal territories through feeding Rowan berries to as many wild animals as possible, destroying the Kienrif food source since anything to do with the rowan trees are extremely toxic to Kienrif (this is because the god that created them is allergic).

ANYWAYS. TANGENT. Kolka and Aros are brought to the world of BNHA through what’s called an auyura, or a fae’s gate, which is supposedly their parent’s (me) last act before dying with the rest of their people, in a desperate attempt to keep his precious babies alive.

So these dudes, they’re just,,, vibing. Little medieval kitties that look and act like people but would maul you if given the chance. Think like, Floyd and Jade Leech from Twisted Wonderland but somehow even more chaotic and silly.

Kolka is kinda dumb, and loves getting into mischief. Aros is equally mischievous, but he’s smarter, and tries to be responsible. They’re usually a tag team though. Kolka has black hair and darker skin but has vitiligo and random white splotches in his hair, as well as heterochromia, with his left eye being dark brown while the other is extremely pale blue. Aros is… somehow a ginger, with some matching white spots in his hair similar to his brother, and yellow-ish eyes. They’re both tiger shapeshifters, but are also visible chimaeras due to this unusual and unnatural colouring pattern they both share.

BUT ANYWAYS I’m not dead. Mostly because I’m ✨ s p e c i a l ✨ but I have a coyote demon named Aeldiet who is basically my absolute best buddy and is the greatest dude ever (technically also a Kienrif but generally sticks to a coyote form). But he essentially murders a fae just to take their magic and get us the heck out of the murder land.

So now I’m a silly old man who’s trying to figure out this whole “modern-day” thing but my kids seem to have adjusted and I am very lost and also—

I forgot to mention it but my DR self is completely blind. I’m aware that this is an odd choice, but originally my DR self was an OC for a book, and it feels wrong for me to change the character simply because it doesn’t match an aesthetic. It’s the same way I choose to still have my DR self be trans; even though I could script myself as cisgender, I want to stay true to the character that I want to be, and I know this is an odd, potentially controversial thing, but it’s how I am going to be doing this. And no, I won’t be having any “magic fixes” for being blind. That’s not something I’m comfortable with.

—

Anyways this has become absolutely not at all what you asked about, and I am very sorry for that.

[peachdoxie]

Okay look. This is a complex topic so bear with me before you get your pitchforks, but behavior ≠ orientation.

What this means is that engaging in a sexual behavior is not a 1:1 correlation with sexual orientation. Two men having sex does not mean either man is attracted to other men. The same goes for romantic behavior and romantic orientation, though romance is more complicated because a large part of it is a socially constructed performance.

The point is: behaviors do not have static meanings. Their meanings depend on the specific contexts in which they take place, including how the people involved – however broad "involved" is – interpret those behaviors. This should be fairly straightforward to comprehend with the example of a lesbian having sex with the man she married before she realized she wasn't attracted to men. If you can understand this context, then you can understand that the same applies to all people regardless of orientation.

Of course, the fact that behavior ≠ orientation does not exist in a neutral context, so there is a higher likelihood that sexual/romantic behavior is correlated with orientation, especially when the behavior is associated with a marginalized orientation like homosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality, etc, and their equivalent romantic orientations. In the United States, two men performing romance or engaging in sexual behaviors are far more likely to be mlm than not because of how sex between men is stigmatized. The same applies to other genders.

However, while I understand and accept that behavior is more often than not an indication of orientation, it is still very important to me as an acearo woman that the connection between behavior and orientation remains flexible and open to interpretation when it comes to media representation of relationships that are not made explicitly queer in the text itself. I also believe that this connection should be flexible when it comes to behaviors in person as well because of how it breaks down heteronormativity and amatonormativity, but since I have no right to declare someone's orientation based on their behavior, this discussion is only relevant to media representation for the time being.

As an acearo woman, the kind of relationship representation that matters most to me is one that is shown to be deeply emotional intimate to the point of near-exclusivity, like you might find in a sexual or romantic pairing, but one that is not sexual or romantic in nature. It is especially important to me when this kind of relationship is not superceded by a sexual or romantic relationship, which is extremely common in amatonormative media.

I explicitly focus here on relationships where the exact nature is never made canon and never explicitly shows sexual behavior or behavior strongly associated with romance, such as candlelit dinners or bouquets of roses, because of the fact that these relationships are open to interpretation by each individual audience member. This means that my interpretation of a relationship as non-sexual and non-romantic is equally as valid as an interpretation where it is sexual and/or romantic.

However, from my experience on Tumblr, relationships like the ones I'm describing are overwhelmingly seen as sexual and/or romantic. It is a source of deep frustration for me that a relationship I value for its potential as non-sexual and non-romantic is constantly shipped otherwise, leaving me feeling like the only person who values my interpretation. It is extremely lonely at times.

With that said, I rarely comment on this subject for all that I think about it because I understand that competing representation needs are an integral aspect of media consumption. While I find value in the non-sexual, non-romantic interpretation, other people find value in the sexual and/or romantic interpretation, and neither interpretation means the other is invalid or without importance. I understand this and accept this and mostly keep my mouth shut as the minority opinion, since nothing I say will magically bring more people valuing my interpretation into being.

What matters here, though, is the other reason why I rarely talk about this part of fandom, and that's that when I have, I have been called homophobic for claiming that a relationship other people read as sexual and/or romantic can also be read as non-sexual and non-romantic and that that interpretation is equally as valid.

I understand, of course, that many people are used to seeing erasure of (sexual/romantic) queer relationships coming from a place of bigotry, and so I try not to take it personally when people get mad at me. This brings me to the ultimate point of this post, and that is that criticisms of the preponderance of sexual and romantic interpretations – amatonormativity and its sexual counterpart – in fandom that come from ace/aro perspectives are not the same as criticisms coming from a place of bigotry. This does not preclude, of course, bigotry that comes from ace/aro people, but many ace/aro people are not coming from places of bigotry when I have seen similar posts.

Ultimately, I know that this post won't make a difference in the balance between non-sexual, non-romantic interpretations and sexual/romantic interpretations, since different kinds of representation matter to different people, and I am not about to ask people to change their representation needs to fit mine. But I do wish that people who read this post consider critiques from ace/aro people on the amatonormative and sexual-normative aspects of fandom as valid instead of immediately trying to shut us down for being homophobic.

[therealvinelle]

I agree that Aro definitely is not straight, but if he is gay and not bi, why window shop for a wife? If he wanted a partner for some reason, why not find a male one? It was a different era, yes, but are vampires really homophobic?

So, for this meta, we’ll have to get historical. Before we do, keep in mind that while I know Ancient Greece better than most, having studied it (introductory level classes only, mind), I don’t know it well enough to be any kind of authority on the matter. History, more than any other discipline I can think of, is not respected as an academic field, and people with poor to no understanding of historical hermeneutics will make very bold assumptions that they then have too poor understanding of history to realize are bullshit. This is a disclaimer because I don’t want to join in on the chorus of authoritative-sounding people on the internet with no verifiable credentials who spout things about history that are then taken to be gospel truth by readers because the author made it sound good.

More, I say this because your question is asking me to explain the morality and social norms surrounding a character from 14th century BC Greece. And this man would not, for the record have been Ancient Greek, he would have been Mycenaean Greek. Very quick history lesson: Mycenaean Greece was a flourishing society that suffered a downfall, Greek civilization fell into its very own dark ages, until around 800 BC when Greeks began forming what would become the Ancient Greece we know and love. This in turn means that I can’t very well read up on the marital and sexual norms of Ancient Greece when I’m researching for Aro, because he was five hundred years old already when Ancient Greece became a thing.

And your question concerns cultural history. And for that we’re going to have to look at how we know the things we know about history. How history is studied.

Historians have two kinds of sources: archeological findings and written records. (I’m aware that oral tradition, like the one carried by the Aborigine people, isn’t technically one of these, but to my understanding it’ll be treated to similar analysis as written records, which leaves us with the two types of sources standing strong.) These sources are analyzed, and we apply various theories and models onto them to make sense of the context they were written in. The more sources we have, the more we can refine or eliminate these theories or models.

More, history is an ever evolving field. There are movements and schools of thought that influence how history is written (marxism in history, that is, history as a class struggle, was heavy in the 60′s and I think until the 80′s), which means that how a certain culture will be perceived today is not the way it was perceived a few decades ago, nor will it be perceived the same way a few decades in the future.

You see why I am daunted by you asking me to give you an answer about sexual and marital norms for a guy who lived 3000 years ago, and I hope you’ll understand why I feel this word vomit is necessary.

Now, the danger with Mycenaean Greece is that it’s a society it’s easy to feel we know a lot about, because it was the precursor to Ancient Greece, and we know a lot about the latter. But, first of, the reason why we know as much as we do about the Ancient Greeks is the Romans. The Greeks wrote about their history, their philosophy, their government, and they wrote plays and told stories. However, that was two thousand years ago and their writings would have been lost to the sands of time if the Romans hadn’t idolized and sought to emulate their society. This meant preserving their written records. This tradition was carried on by the Christians, in part because Hellenistic philosophy was incorporated into Christian philosophy. We have neo-platonism to thank for Christian asceticism, the “mind over matter” cornerstone.

What I’m getting at with all of this is that we know the insane amount about Ancient Greece that we do because of some very unique circumstances, and so we can make very sophisticated theories about what the Hellenistic world was like. It’s still detective work, but not Pepe Silvia type of detective work. This is not the case for Mycenaean Greece. We know a comparative lot about Mycenaean Greece, considering how long ago it was, but there is very much we don’t know.

With Mycenaean Greece, we are dealing with a lot more uncertainty. We haven’t deciphered one of their two writing styles, and a lot of the text we do have is very fragmentary. Coming up with detailed societal models for Mycenaean Greece, and for the 14th century BC specifically, is... well I don’t know enough about what this society left behind to know what historians have to work with, but I imagine they have their work cut out.

More, I haven’t studied this at all, which means that any attempt on my end to research this would be stumbling around in the dark.

One example: the Illiad and the Odyssey, while composed around the 8th century BC, were set in the early 12th century BC, which is nearly Aro’s time period. The Illiad depicts a homoerotic relationship between Patroclus and Achilles, and both works depict a lot of matrimonies, so I wish I could use it as a source. However, not only would this time gap alone make these sources questionable, but there’s also the matter of the Illiad and the Odyssey being transmitted orally, from bard to bard. Changes were made over the years. For example, the technology described in the Illiad is from several eras, as the warriors will be using bronze weaponry in one book and then switch to iron in the next. This game of telephone is what happens when a story is transmitted orally from person to person. So, while it’s tempting to use these works as a sort of reference point, the possibility, likelihood even, that the bards made adjustments to keep the old story entertaining for their contemporary audience is strong.

For this reason, I can’t give you any kind of historically correct analysis on what the marital or sexual mores would have been like in Aro’s time. Even if the knowledge is out there, I don’t have it.

But I can say this, spouses have for the longest time been partners. Men and women got married, even in the gay, gay, Ancient Greece, not just to have children but because they complemented each other, they were partners. Men needs wives, and women needs husbands. And a partner was canonically exactly what Aro was looking for, feelings had nothing to do with it:

After Caius and Marcus had found their romantic attachments, Aro decided to find his own, although rather than finding his other half in another vampire Aro decided to create his own instead. Aro had a certain type of woman in mind and he found what he was looking for in Sulpicia. He successfully courted her and she came to fall in love with him.

As for vampires being homophobic, I think that is for another post about what culture they bring with them into their new life. But to be brief I’ll say that while the individual vampire can be homophobic, there can be no homophobia at an institutional level because vampires have no institutions. And it’s the institutional homophobia that gets ya. It’s what the whole fight for gay rights has been about: secure legislation against discrimination and that protects gay people. (The right to marry and protection from employees firing LGBT employees comes to mind as examples of this.)

So, no one could force Aro to marry a woman. 

And I’d go into a rant here about how the prospect of gay marriage, of even identifying as homosexual (the labels homosexual, bisexual, and heterosexual are very new and, to my recollection, were born off of the Western psychiatric discipline as men who slept with other men were diagnosed with homosexuality. I imagine a man from the Antiquity would be confused at the notion that just because he likes to sleep with dudes he shouldn’t get married to a woman), was unthinkable up until very recently, but I just made this obscenely long rant about how I can’t really make these kinds of guesses, so I’m not gonna.

I think being married to a woman and then banging hot dudes who came along suited Aro just fine.

Also, I can’t believe I’m doing this, but - I’m going to encourage history asks. Because this fandom has a bit of a history problem, as a lot of the characters are from different time periods and many feel unsatisfied with the way Meyer handled that. I am by no means a historian, but I know several of the historical periods the characters of Twilight are from well enough to make educated guesses.

So, hit me with your worst.

[aropodcasting]

The Fabled A-spec Post I Keep Saying I’ll Make

Since I’m p aro on sideblog + community terms are unknown to people outside the community (as well as those inside the community due to the wipeout exclusionism on the website circa 2016-onward) so I figured I’d make a quick post to let people know abt some of the things I’ll be referring to!

Terms

Allo: someone who is not a-spec; used in front of -romantic or -sexual (ex. alloromantic) or used as a descriptor (ex. I cannot believe everyone else here is allo)

A-spec / Aro-spec / Ace-spec: abbreviation for the spectrum; A-spec as an abbreviation for the entire spectrum, aro-spec as an abbreviation for the aro spectrum, and ace-spec as an abbreviation for the ace spectrum

-> a note: can be written as a-spec or aspec, but due to screen readers/ what I’ve seen dyslexic a-spec people discuss, I use a-spec. I am not dyslexic nor use a screen reader, so I cannot comment on this, and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong

Qpr/ qpp: queerplatonic relationship/ quasiplatonic relatonship; queerplatonic partner/ quasiplatonic partner. Qprs do not have a strict set of rules, and as such are hard to describe. They are not romantic nor sexual inherently, though one could be. A qpr can be committed, married, and non-romantic/ non-sexual; they can look like a romantic relationship; they can include sex and sexual elements; they can appear casual; they can be monogamous or polyamorous; they can occur at the same time as a romantic relationship. They’re very moldable. They are a relationship that, as it comes from the aro community, is not inherently romantic, but goes above and beyond traditional societal norms for friendship (though, friends can do everything a qpr does and not be in a relationship labeled as other than friends). To get a better understanding of qprs, I’d suggest looking into community resources and finding other posts a-spec blogs have made about them. AUREA, or aromantism.org, defines them as “A committed non-romantic relationship that goes beyond what is the subjective cultural norm for a friendship. Levels of intimacy and/or behaviors between the partners involved often don’t fit the conventional standards set by society. Some QPRs can include sex and elements that are generally considered romantic. In practice every queerplatonic relationship is different. Abbreviated to QPR, and queerplatonic (quasiplatonic) partner to QPP.”

Squish: a catch-all term for non-romantic and non-sexual attraction; commonly mistaken for a crush

-> a note: there are many other words for different types of attraction (plush for queerplatonic attraction, swish for aesthetic attraction, etc) but squish is a catch-all and used most often

Peach Fuzz: a qpr that pretends to be romantic/ dating for any reason

Zucchini: an old term that became uncommon after exclusionism became widespread; another way to refer to your partner in a QPR (ex. This is my zucchini!)

Amatonormitivity: The assumption that everyone is looking for a long-term romantic relationship; the assumption that romance, marriage, ‘partnering off’, etc, is the only path someone would want to follow in their life

Queerplatonic / quasiplatonic: an attraction that is ‘non traditional’ and not romantic or sexual. A hard to define attraction that is different than platonic attraction but not romantic or sexual

Aplatonic: Someone who does not experience platonic attraction; also a spectrum called the aplspectrum; can be used as an identifier (ex. demiplatonic, greyplatonic, etc)

SAM: the split attraction model, which serves to split types of attraction (ex. aroromantic and bisexual as two different terms used at the same time)

Non-SAM aro, ace, etc: commonly used as Non-SAM aro. People who don’t use the split attraction model (ex. only identifying as aro/ terms related to aro and not ace/ allosexual)

Oriented aroace: a term for people who are aroace who experience another type of attraction larger enough to label it (ex. Lesbian aroace, pan aroace, etc)

Angled aroace: a term for people who are on the a-spectrum (grey, demi, akoi, etc) and who experience a type of attraction that is not romantic or sexual, and feels significant enough for them to label it (ex. see above, angled omni aroace, angled gay aroace, etc)

Relationship anarchy: the belief that no relationship is better than another; instead of a pyramid of relationships, they’re all equal. Not specific to the community, but often discussed

Romance/ sex repulsed/ averse: someone who does not want romance/ sexual relationships/ actions taken towards them. This can go from feeling uncomfortable to getting triggered by these actions. One can be romance repulsed and not sex repulsed, or sex repulsed and not romance repulsed, or both

R/s indifferent: someone who does not care one way or the other about romance and/or sexual actions taken towards them. One might be unwilling to do romantic/sexual actions because they don’t care, or, on the other end of the spectrum, might do them anyway even though they do not feel any real want to. On a spectrum and can apply in any combination, like r/s repulsed.

R/s favorable: someone who likes romantic/ sexual actions and wants to do them. Again, on a spectrum, and in any combination, like the two above. They might seek out romantic/ sexual interactions, enjoy them, and want a romantic/ sexual relationship, despite not feeling romantic/ sexual attraction

-> a note: be careful! Sex negative and sex positive are used to refer to whether you support those who are sexual or not (ie. sex workers, those who are in sexual relationships, etc) instead of whether you specifically feel repulsed/ favorable. Don’t mix the terms up, as they mean two different things

Voidpunk: a section of punk morals/ aesthetic not unique to the aro community but coined in it. The practice of rejecting ones humanity and reclaiming their inhumanity, specifically only to be used by groups that people use inhuman against; a way to cope with dehumanization from oppressors. Not specific to the aro community (also used by poc, neurodivergent people, etc, and the intersection of multiple identities that are called ‘inhuman’) but popular inside it

Soft Romo: a term used for anyone but most often on the aro-spectrum; for people who like to perform stereotypical ‘romantic’ gestures such as dating, etc. without wanting the high-energy kissing, holding hands, etc. A ‘low-level romantic relationship’, where performing high-level romance is not preferred or just not possible due to different aspects.

-> let me know if there’s anything you would like me to add/ explain!

Symbols

[ID: an image of two hands, palm up. The right hand is on the left, and the left hand is on the right. They are resting on a dark grey blanket, and there is a light blue rug behind them. On the middle finger of the right hand there is a black ring. On the middle finger of the left hand there is a white, almost transparent, ring. End ID]

Black ring: a symbol of the ace-spec community. Worn on the right hand, middle finger. A way of identification/ pride in public w/o displaying flags

White ring: a symbol of the aro-spec community. Worn on the left hand, middle finger. A way of identification/ pride in public w/o displaying flags

Cake: a symbol commonly used in the ace community, either as a joke (ex. This cake is better than sex!/ Cake will always be better than sex) or as a symbol

Arrow: a symbol commonly used in the aro community, drawing on the way the words ‘arrow’ and ‘aro’ sound the same. Similar themes (archers, bow and arrow, etc) can also be used

Ace card symbol: the ace of a card deck, commonly used as a symbol in the ace community. While the card usage isn’t often discussed, I’ve found sources discussing each meaning; Ace of hearts-> alloace; Ace of spades-> aroace; Ace of diamonds-> the ace spectrum Ace of clubs-> questioning. Draws on ‘ace’ and ‘ace’ word play; also used in jokes (ex. I have an ace up my sleeve/ Aced it!)

Yellow roses: a symbol commonly used in the aro community. Symbolizes friendship, using the symbolism in the yellow rose

Purple/ Green: the colors in the ace / aro flags, respectively

Yellow: the ‘color of friendship’. Commonly connected to yellow roses.

-> a note: there are many more symbols in each community; space ace, frogs for aros, griffins, dragons, etc. I’d suggest looking up symbols and finding some more yourself! These are just some common ones I have seen frequently

That’s all I can think of right now, but if anyone would like me to add on things / explain more my ask box is always open and I am always willing to edit. People in the a-spec community, please feel free to comment/ correct things/ add on things you feel like I’ve missed! While I did not do a list of identities, I did not want to leave out identities that are lesser known/ made fun of. Again, my ask box is open. I linked AUREA (linked to the FAQ) above earlier (linked to the home page), which is a great site for the aro community if anyone would like to know more.

[aro-culture-is]

1)I'm aro & even tho I came to know about that term just recently I've alys had the 'aro' personality & those who know me knows it. I'm 23 & never been in a relation. I'm also introvert so I don't really have close friends & i don't desire other's company whether romantic or not. When I was 14 I had this guy frn & I guess we were pretty close. I stopped talking to him over some argument about he wanting me to be his gf. I wasn't planning on not speaking with him forever but he died a week later

2)So since I'm in 20s and suddenly everythings about finding the missing piece crap I always get pressured into seeking it. I tell my mom time and again that it's not for me but she keeps pointing out that I'm shy introvert and I don't know what I'm missing and the story of that guy. I honestly don't have much memory of him now but she tells me that I was devastated and she was worried sick for me cause she thought he was my bf. So now I'm confused and try to look at myself w/o those things

3) but I can't. I don't know if I need therapy and this aromantic is sth in me that can be fixed. I don't mean to degrade the word. And I don't know if I want it fixed even if it's fixable. I don't know how to answer to my mom bringing up possible trauma that may be possible for me being aro. There has to be other people with similar situation. What is on the other side?

4) sorry this this getting too long but I want to add about how he died to get a gist of how fucked up it was. I used to help him with studies and we often had extra classes where I used to go with him insisting that he go since he had difficulty getting decent grades. That day I didn't call him as I said I wasn't talking with him. He had gone for swimming when we had class. He drowned in a river nearby. It was never known if it was accidental or not.

--

TWs: trauma, implied suicide (as a possibility), internalized arophobia

okay... so, i’m going to preface this with the fact that regardless of the aromantic side of things, the language that you used throughout this would make me inclined to suggest therapy regardless. i’m not a professional, i’m just a 20yo who’s seen a lot of the growth of the aro community on tumblr over the last 7 years.

the reason i’m saying this is specifically that you mention “i guess we were pretty close”, “don’t have much memory of him now”, etc., especially paralleled with how you keep mentioning that you’re getting info about this from your mother. again, i’m not a professional, but that speaks to me of a traumatic situation (aka: something that you were not emotionally capable of processing when it happened) in which you either didn’t form memories well (a stress response, but this seems unusually severe in my limited understanding) or possibly have repressed it to some degree. both are totally normal responses, but nonetheless it might help to speak to a qualified professional about your experience with this if it’s distressing you enough to ask me, a random internet blog, about it in this detail.

additionally, in all honesty, i’m concerned that your only source of info seems to be your mother. while i’ll say in full disclosure that my view is impacted by my own (shitty) relationship with my mother, many parents want their children to lead what they picture to be a perfect life, to the point of causing damage in their attempts to mold their children into those lives. if this specifically is only being brought up when you talk about being aro / in conjunction with conversations about dating, that would lead me to suspect this is the case.

with regards to the aromantic side of this ask:

1) being aromantic is first and foremost about attraction. if you don’t think you’ve ever, or rarely, felt romantic attraction? you’re aro. you don’t have to claim the label if you don’t want to, but I think in your case it sounds like you do want to.

2) with ppl assuming that you were dating someone especially when you were 14, i’d disregard anything they say. at least in USA culture, mothers especially are poor judges of who is and is not dating in my experience, and typically assume any friends who happen to be a guy and a girl must actually be dating. literally it’s so rare for parents, especially mothers in this culture not to assume that that i actually cannot think of a person who i know who didn’t have their parents make that assumption at least once when it wasn’t true.

3) the relationship between aromanticism and trauma is often personal. ppl who have experienced trauma that they believe caused them to be aro are still aromantic if they chose to label themselves such, and it is directly unhealthy to take that control away from a trauma victim. while again, i am not a professional, i was given basic training about how best to support a victim of trauma, and the number one thing is that you must give them the reigns. they ultimately must have power over what happens to them. empowerment is extremely important.

that said: studies do find that the average alloromantic person experiences their first crushes around the age of 10. if you personally don’t recall having had any crushes before this experience, I wouldn’t be quick to describe your aromanticism as stemming from trauma. if you did have crushes, but you recall picking a person to have a crush on, that’s not what an alloromantic person calls a crush, that’s what an aromantic person who is trying to fit in calls a crush. so. there’s that to think about.

4) from the last point: “curing” aromanticism. if and only if your lack of attraction stems from trauma do i believe there is a chance that therapy could help to unlock any form of attraction you used to have. in all honesty, though, I would strongly advise that if you do believe this is the correct course of action for you, you cannot go into this with a therapist who isn’t respectful of queer identities. you cannot go into this with the expectation that everything will “return to normal”. trauma is complex. therapists with no knowledge of aromanticism could easily do harm simply because they aren’t familiar with the fact that people who don’t experience romantic attraction can live fulfilling lives.

--

this ask is complex. i’m really hoping i’ve answered it the best i can, but ultimately, all i can do is say this:

i’m sorry that you experienced this. what happened was not your fault, and you deserve to be able to move forwards with your life regardless and feel content with your life.

for as long as you want it, the label aromantic is yours to claim. no one can take that from you. sometimes, well-meaning people may try, because they don’t know better than to assume it is harming you. that does not mean that they know you better than you know yourself.

trauma is complicated, and healing from it can feel daunting. however, therapy can help you process what happened then, what is happening now, and come to a conclusion about how best to move forwards. it sounds to me like you harbor a feeling of guilt about a situation that, no matter what, was not your fault. accident or not, anyone who tries to imply that it was your fault is wrong. i know that my words as a stranger might not carry much weight, but if nothing else I want you to know that you are allowed to stop carrying this weight.

this ask is complex because in all honesty? i don’t think is about aromanticism. as someone who is currently in therapy, and who regularly discusses my own trauma with my therapist, i’m reading a lot of the same types of feeling i’m currently confronting in your ask.

best wishes

[the-creeping-shadow]

7 9 19 26 51 for the fanfiction meme? :°

Yay! Here we go! :D

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in. For this one I will just use those fandoms where I have been in actively over a prolonged time.

Elfen Lied: Lucy/Kouta - at some point at the very beginning of my fandom presence at the tender age of 13/14 I might have not minded it, but then I figured that the murderer of one’s family and a major trauma source is not a good romance partner for anyone. The Manga makes it very clear too. Not too fond of Kouta/Yuka either because they are cousins, and that’s a nope for me, even if it’s the canon one.

Higurashi no naku koro ni: Any ship involving an underage character with an adult and incest by default. The most popular ships during my fandom stay were Rena/Keiichi and Mion/Keiichi though, both of which I’m okay with.

Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines: None I can think of. While a lot of ships seem kinda nonsensical to me, from a sheer canon perspective, there are none I truly dislike. Overall, neutral X)

Outlast: Waylon/Eddie (also known as weddie), Trager/Jeremy, and Jeremy/Waylon. Again, most ships seem nonsensical to me, but these three make me feel downright uncomfortable. Val/Blake is also a no-no for me, for a similar reason weddie is.

9. What are the best things about your current fandom? Both, the VtMB and the Outlast fandom, are relatively small fandoms atm, which means there is less drama and fandom wars happening. They feel “homey” as a result, and I have met awesome people online thanks to them as a result :3 Also, the multitude of different headcanons.

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them? All of them. I honestly can’t get behind shipping as a whole, as a concept. I get where people come from and the motivation, but I just don’t FEEL it. Camerashipping maybe? I mean I understand the idea behind it, and, unlike most other ships in Outlast, this is one of the few that don’t feel toxic to me per se. However, I am very much of the view “don’t fix what’s not broken” - and Waylon is in a happy relationship with Lisa, with whom he has two kids too, and uses her as his main motivation to pull through at Mt. Massive. Unless there is some healthy, consensual polyamory involved, it gives the ship a sour taste to me personally. There is more I could say on this, but I digress. XP

26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles? Usually the title comes to me after I develop the concept for the story, original and fanfic. It’s often a mix of something related to the overall plot and something fancy to spice it up a little and make it attention-grabbing. Or so I hope. No clear thought process behind it aside from “it should sound interesting” XD

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go! One thing that just keeps bothering me personally is this fixation on shipping and a lot of fanfics - especially on Ao3 - being all centered around ships, often a particular popular ship. Which also tends to be the focus of a lot of unnecessary fandom drama too. Everyone can explore and write what they are interested in of course, not claiming this to be anything else but my own pet peeve, but as a fic reader I feel incredibly limited in the fandom “offer”. It can be cured by writing your own stuff, but reading and writing are still two separate activities for me - and I’d love to see other people’s input on something in particular. A lot of fandom-related discussions and blog posts and what not will also make mention of ships a lot, which for me as an aro not interested in shipping feels a bit... alienating to be honest.

Perhaps it wouldn’t all be a big thing for me though if my favourite characters were more popular too. They are never the main stars of the fandoms I’m in. C’mon, where are the (writing) Trager fans at?! D:

Thank you so much for the ask! ^^

[firecoloredwater]

Ace representation gives me weird feelings.

This was originally posted on pillowfort, and is being reposted here for the September 2019 Carnival of Aces.

To be 100% clear: I AM ACE.  (And aro, and the concept of gender gives me approximately the same feelings as the concept of being covered in live spiders, which I will grudgingly/squeamishly refer to as being agender or nonbinary when a label is required.)  Relevantly: ace.*

I began to identify as ace when I first heard the word, and had an "oh" moment.  (Or rather, multiple simultaneous "oh" moments.  "Oh that's a thing" and "oh maybe my classmates aren't all just faking relationships to mimic TV" are the two I remember most clearly.)  It was July, and at the time I was fifteen; I'm currently 28, so that's a bit over 13 years.  I'll skip the full journey, but the point is, this is an identity that I've had for a while and am comfortable with.

Despite that, ace characters in fiction give me weird feelings.  I mostly end up metaphorically staring at fiction which I know contains ace characters, going "hrmmmm I can't parse exactly what feeling I'm having, but I'm not enjoying it," to the point where I sometimes end up avoiding them entirely.  I doubt I'll be able to analyze all of why, but I'd like to at least try to start.

I'm also not referring to bad representation, or even to representation that focuses heavily on angst/suffering/prejudice.  Several years ago I read a large chunk of Shades of A (which, for anyone unfamiliar and about to click that link, includes a lot of kink and general adult themes; since it's been years I can't recall exactly what's in it) which was, from what I recall, very well done, and then I hit a point where I just... couldn't make myself keep going.  More recently I've heard several times about Every Heart a Doorway and thought 'that appeals to literally everything I want in fiction that I can think of' and then... not read it.

On the other hand, if a character is called asexual or characterized in a way that I can easily interpret as their being asexual, but it's not a major focus of the story or descriptions/advertisements/reviews thereof, I don't have the same reaction.  So for the rest of this post I'm just going to be discussing the former category (fiction with asexual representation that does give me weird feelings), and not addressing works that have an asexual or easily-read-as-asexual characters without giving me the weird feelings about it.  (The only real explanation I have for why a work falls in one category or another is the 'is it a major focus' question, so I don't think I can get anything useful out comparing them.)

Some of this, I'm sure, is that I'm just generally low on energy; I'm not reading much of anything that isn't fanfic right now.  But I tend to avoid fanfic tagged or described as having an asexual character too, so it's not just that.

The most obvious source is just that ace characters are unfamiliar.  There are a handful around now, even in mainstream media, but that wasn't true until I was in my 20s.  (Unless, of course, you counted the monsters/aliens/serial killers, and even then it was only the monsters/aliens/serial killers that the creator wanted to emphasize were really, really inhuman, even more than your typical monster/alien/serial killer.  And I was never fond of horror anyway.)  So ace characters stand out to me in a way that straight characters (and gay or lesbian ones, thanks largely to the Valdemar series) don't.  That extra attention-catching element can in itself make the representation feel weird and off on a level that's often subconscious and therefore difficult to dissect.  Again, though, while I think this is likely to be an element, I don't think it's the only reason.

I think some of it is the expectation—mine, but absorbed from a more general one—that if an asexual character is present, that should be the character that I most strongly (or even exclusively) identify with and connect to.  But that's often difficult: Anwar from Shades of A, for example, I have prettymuch nothing in common with except for being ace, our general age range, and maaaybe some of the social awkwardness and tendency toward geekiness that 98.5% of characters on the internet have.  I spent a lot of the time I was trying to read the comic being frustrated at every significant decision Anwar made because, while I probably would not have made better decisions, I certainly would have made different ones, and couldn't bring myself to empathize with his reasoning or priorities in any but one minor aspect.

And again, it's not that he's a bad character, it's just that he and I have nothing in common.  But I felt like I ought to empathize with him—I'm pretty sure he was the first ace character I ever encountered, so obviously I should empathize with him strongly and immediately and easily, right?  Not even "I should be able to," just I should, like saying the sun should rise in the morning, it's expected to just happen.  And because of that I couldn't pick another character to identify with (JD is nonbinary!  Chris and I have the same hair color! From what I remember they both have a more similar personality to me than Anwar does!) and I also couldn't just let myself gradually develop an understanding of Anwar's thought processes and start empathizing with him over time, because I was supposed to identify with him yesterday.  (Or rather, at least five years ago.)

(To be clear: none of this is something I was thinking consciously at the time, I was just frustrated with Anwar's decisions and didn't really analyze it further until like, two hours ago.  But from my current perspective, I think this is what was going on.)

Since I haven't actually read Every Heart a Doorway I of course can't be sure the same thing would happen, but I think I've avoided it because I expect it to.  From the summary it sounds like the main character is maybe fifteen or so, and the majority if not all major characters are mid-to-late teens?  So I'd be reading the book more as an observer than projecting myself among them, which is fine and often a thing I enjoy in fiction (because I'm way too empathetic and that distance helps tone down my distress at every little thing ever). But with an asexual main character... well, I wouldn't quite feel guilty about not identifying with her, but I'd be conscious of it the entire time I was reading in a way that would be distracting, and wouldn't be enjoyable.

Another possible element is that I tend to avoid fiction (and fanfic) in which a romantic relationship is the primary plot.  Since the majority of all fiction is romance, logically the majority of fiction with ace characters will be as well, and 'has an ace character' isn't enough to make me interested.  I think there's also a chance that romance fiction is in fact more likely to have an ace character, and/or to be labeled as having one (particularly in the case of fandom/fanfic/original work in fandom-derived areas).  A creator whose primary story focus is the characters' romantic and sexual relationships is more likely to consider the characters' romantic and sexual orientations, and therefore more likely to explicitly call a character asexual (whether in the story itself, a summary/description, or tags). Trying to read a story with an asexual character but being bored because it's a romance gives me about the same not-quite-guilty-but-not-comfortable feeling as being unable to identify with an asexual character does.

When I was in college I explained Asexuality 101 to various people or groups of people at various times, and one of the things I found myself explaining a lot is that "asexual" is actually just as much an umbrella term as "queer" or "trans" is.  Even without including demisexuality and the gray-a spectrum in the term (which at the time as far as I knew, at least, the most common approach was to just say "asexuality and gray-asexuality" if you wanted to discuss both) "asexual" includes asexuals of every romantic orientation and aroaces and people who prefer not to use the construct of romantic orientation, asexuals who are repulsed and who enjoy sex and who don't care too much either way, asexuals who lack attraction or libido or both or who experience both but are asexual anyway, because humans are complicated and sexuality is complicated and human sexuality is, therefore, utterly bizarre, and it would be weirder if asexuality (or any sexuality) were easy to define.**

And I think that's a factor too; there are asexual people whose experience of What It's Like To Be Asexual will have not one single thing in common with my experience of being asexual, and so a character that perfectly represents them will just leave me confused.  Which gets back to the thing about asexuality not really being sufficient for me to identify with a character, and the way that that fact runs into my expectation that it should be sufficient.  Like walking down a sidewalk, pausing to do something, then looking up and discovering a wall half an inch from my nose.  It's not painful, but it's jarring and annoying and I kind of want to look around and check if anyone saw that, because if so I'll be embarrassed about it.

(And I expect that most likely there are other factors, but I'm not coming up with them right now and this is long enough already, so I'll wind down here.)

I don't think this is a problem, or something that needs to be fixed; if "I'm not consuming the fiction that I would have expected myself to consume" is a problem at all, it's definitely the most minor one I've ever experienced.  If it does need to be fixed (or prevented), I think that "have more ace representation so it's not a Rare New Extraordinary Thing all the time" is probably the solution, and I'm pretty sure that aces are already in favor of more well done ace representation in fiction.

But it's still an experience, and it's been gnawing at my brain for months, so I'm posting this and... well, we'll see if and what use people make of it.  Has anyone else had the same or a similar experience?  Any thoughts on other factors which I didn't think of?  Some other related thing I missed?

*I'm not discussing aromantic or agender or nonbinary representation/my reactions to it because 1: asexuality is by far my "primary" identity (in the sense that it's significant to how I define and think of myself, while being aromantic and agender are just sort of... facts that forms sometimes request; probably largely because I settled on both those identities much later), and 2: frankly I haven't encountered aromantic or agender representation enough or in the right ways to experience this dynamic with them.  Or any dynamic, really.

**If you want to argue with me about the definition of What Is Really Truly Actually Asexual and how something I included Doesn't Count, please make a separate post and like, send me a link or something if you really want my opinion specifically.  My opinion is pretty firm but I'm willing to discuss it in good faith, but it's not the point of this post and I'd rather not go off on that tangent here.  Same if you want to argue that gray-asexuality ought to by default be included with the term 'asexual;' I don't honestly care either way on that one, I'm just describing the vocabulary I was familiar with at the time.

[aroworlds]

First off, I loved your ask post about erasure, Scrooge, and representation. Anon, if you’re reading this, you’re a legend. Second, I haven’t read A Christmas Carol in a while, and I was curious how Scrooge is coded. In what ways do you see him as aro-ace? Thanks bunches!

First, I’m going to @ mention @thatmrgold, because I think they’re also a fan of Scrooge, additional to the original asking anon (or at least I’ve seen a reblog on one of my posts that suggests this–many apologies if I’m mistaken). I have read A Christmas Carol several times, but it’s many years ago now–my most recent engagement with the story is The Muppet Christmas Carol adaptation, seen last year! For this reason, I encourage anyone more familiar with the source material to expand upon my answer. I don’t have the detailed familiarity with the canon to answer save in broader strokes.

The main points where I think thatEbenezer Scrooge can be coded or seen as coded involve a previous failed romance (it’s depicted that he comes to love money more than hisfiancée, for which she leaves him), his long-running single-man-in-the-world status (he lives on his own, no partner, which is meant to indicate his hatefulness) and his isolation/disconnection from the world around him (demonstrated in a lack of compassion for his tenants, a refusal to allow his workers their Christmas, etc).

I’m going to explain why these points are effective coding, because written in a paragraph like that, they don’t seem like much. Thing is, they don’t have to be!

I’ll stress that much of this ties into long-running antagonistic aro-ace (and often autistic*) coding shared with other characters. A lot of a-spec coding is less about certain qualities suggesting a character’s being a-spec and more about those qualities being part of a broader literary canon of similarly-viewed characters. In other words, characters where people read those qualities together as having associations with a-spec identities, not because those character qualities are always inherently associated with being aro-ace or a-spec. In this sense, Scrooge is a-spec coded because Sherlock Holmes is a-spec coded and Clariel is specifically aro-ace and early The Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon Cooper is aro-ace coded, and all these characters have commonalities in how they see the world, how they connect to the world and, most particularly, how the rest of the world views them. Viewed in isolation, Scrooge isn’t necessarily aro-ace-coded. Viewed in a social and historical context of other characters interpreted as aro-ace, on the other hand, he is.

I’m going to use The Big Bang Theory to explain my point, because I think Sheldon Cooper is the most recognizable character, and despite not liking the source material, I’m quite familiar with it. The Big Bang Theory doesn’t properly describe early-seasons Sheldon as aro-ace; it compares him to aliens, to plants and the scientific understanding of asexual reproduction. I think it does once or twice use “asexual” but it’s never in the current understanding of “lacking sexual attraction” and more like “a being without sex”. He’s constantly dehumanised for the aro-ace qualities the show won’t name. He talks, though, in ways that clearly demonstrate a lack of sexual and romantic attraction, and because of amatonormativity, they later give him a slow-growing romantic relationship as part of character “progression”. (Which is handled so disrespectfully and antagonistically, but that’s another post.) When people first hear the words aro-ace, they’ll commonly think of early-seasons Sheldon, because that’s the undercurrent of his character compared to characters like Scrooge or Sherlock. Even people who’ve never heard words like asexual or aromantic have an idea of what they think it is on first listen, because they’ve been exposed to so much unlabelled coding: in a world lacking intentional and meaningful representation to properly educate audiences on lived experiences, coding instead forms the basis of understanding.

(And it’s unexplored amatonormativity and aro/ace antagonism, of course, for why negative character traits are so often a-spec coding.)

This is why we end up with a character being aro-ace coded for things like not having a relationship and not connecting with people. These things do not inherently mean anything about the aro-ace experience, but they’re part of a social context where qualities indicate identities. Only the people who have a true need to understand–either as allies working with us or because they’re a-spec–go to a-spec communities to learn the diversity of experiences associated with our words, to look beyond the clumsy outline of coding.

(In fact, they have no concept of coding as distinct from representation.)

Additionally, especially because we a-specs are raised in a world where we are not seen or understood, we ourselves often come to relate to those qualities, however negative the coding and context, too. Not having a relationship says nothing about one’s lack of attraction, but many a-specs struggle to have a successful relationship, are pressured into ones we don’t want or are non-amorous. In a world where so few characters are depicted as long-term single in late adulthood, we’ll take that character for our own. Not connecting with society–well, I suspect the majority of aro-specs respect the need for Christians to celebrate their cultural and religious holidays, but when being a-spec is always a wall between us and the rest of the world, we feel and relate to that distance, that disconnect. When Christmas means people pestering us about our relationship status or lack of attraction, don’t we feel a bit like saying “Bah, humbug”? A romance failed by not loving someone else enough–not loving enough has been or will be levelled at many aro-specs, and I know that I’ve felt that because of my lack of romantic attraction, I must have loved something else over the “proper��� romantic love for another person. It fits close enough to the amatonormativity we experience.

(There’s a reason why LGBTQIA+ and queer people so commonly relate to antagonistic characters, as their experiences of disconnection and alienation are as close as many of us get to our lived experiences. Only recently has there been, for some identities, anything close to representation, including representation that positively explores our alienation, enough that we might first see ourselves in anything other than antagonist characters.)

Lack of mainstream/broadly recognised representation, too, drives us to forge more intense connections with flimsier points of similarity than would be reasonable for a white, abled heterosexual cis woman connecting with white, abled, female cishet characters. She can be choosy about personality and character type in the characters she deems to be like her; we have the unconscious-but-constant knowledge that there’s few others like us and connect, in relief, just to have someone vaguely like us in the story, even if they’re clearly an antagonist.

On their own, these things are flimsy pieces of connection, but in a social context of coding and lack of representation, they become so much larger.

Does this make sense? A lot of what I see as aro-ace in Scrooge is less about descriptions of lack of attraction as it is broader brush-stroke images that correspond to lived experience or negative coding. Folks more familiar with the source material may be able to offer you more detailed examples, but for me it’s about the type of character Scrooge is in the social context of similar characters seen a particular way by a-specs and allosexual-and-alloromantic folks alike.

* Explanation of why I mention autistic coding under the cut for those who’d rather ignore the tangential murmuring:

A lot of aro-ace coding is also autistic coding because allo allistic writers cannot conceive of autistics being anything but aro-ace and aro-aces being anything but autistic. Both identities are seen as lacking empathy and connection to others, and both are subject to the dehumanising assumptions behind this kind of antagonistic coding, where aro-ace coding is used to show an autistic character as inhuman and autism coding is used to show an aro-ace character as inhuman.

Please note that the tendency for combining the coding does not mean that autistic aro-aces have full representation, as I see too many people argue: most of these characters are antagonists who don’t offer full, celebratory, supportive, intentional and beneficial depictions of aro-ace and autistic experiences. Aro-ace autistics are not positively depicted in the broader literary canon; surface aspects of their experiences are used to tell the audience a character is antagonistic. Given that I’m starting to see a few romance novels with autistic characters, by autistics and allistics alike, the idea that autistic aro-aces (and I don’t know of any autistic allo-aro character outside my own work!) are somehow more represented in fiction is raging amatonormativity. Again, coding is not representation and it’s disingenuous to conflate them.

[thebigpapilio]

Use and Abuse of Powers: My “Hero/Villain” Prompt!

"The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.'' 

-Anonymous

Hawkmoth was Gabriel. Hawkmoth was Gabriel. Dear deities, this complicated everything.

On one hand, he should find at least Ladybug and lead them to the magical terrorist, but he knew it would break Chat’s heart. On the other hand, Gabriel was not only fitting of the previous description, but he was callous, frosty and ironically emotionless for someone who used others’ as little more than tools and nothing more (not to mention he wanted to end the battle, especially with the war that plagued his home universe). The poor boy’s mother must have been an angel for her sweetheart genes to overpower his a$$hole genes. He could always see how it was likely she left, but as for what actually happened to the woman, he had never known.

Papilio was aro ace, yes, (in this universe only he and Oroono knew, and while he was not really in the closet, per se, he’d never been asked either), but this didn’t make him incapable of love; in fact, he cared for Adrien like a son. Heavens knew somebody had to, and whoever it was clearly did not have the last name of Agreste.

“Nevertheless,” Oroono whispered to him as they watched Robostus attempt to squish Ladybug and Chat Noir in horror, “We are in the midst of an akuma attack. It’s best that we transform and find a champion.”

Recollecting themselves, both hero and kwami made sure he was far away from them (but still close enough to get there quickly if something happened), and then sent out a comes to begin his work. It eventually came across Kagami, taking a breather from a training session in the school’s gym. Embedding itself in her ring, Papilio prepared himself for what might be a tough sales pitch.

“Mademoiselle Kagami,” Papilio began, “it is a pleasure to meet you.”

Without looking around, Kagami coolly responded “We’ve met before, Hawkmoth, but this time the answer is no.”

The Butterfly wielder just laughed. “Please, Kagami; we may have the same powers, but I’m not that far down the rabbit hole!”

Taking a breath to collect himself, he continued to elucidate, “My name is Papilio, and I seek help fighting against that pitiful pig who passes as a purple powerhouse, actually. You are one of the strongest and most agile youths I know, not to mention clever. I think you would make an amazing comes.”

“Please, I don’t have time; I know you can search through my memories, so you know Mother would beat me again if I am late to my next task.”

The fact that Papilio was uncomfortably reminded of a few people he once knew was horrifying enough, so naturally he decided that he would take a stand to stop child abuse in Paris. It would ever happen again on his watch - not if he could help it.

“I hate to inform you now, Kagami, but while Hawkmoth can read memories, but he’s not supposed to be able to do all that; heck, I can’t do that myself. Still, if your mother is beating you - which, if I recall, is a criminal act - then I should help you get away. Would you be okay with that?”

Kagami smiled, but it was a small and pained one Papilio understood all too well. He knew she had accepted his offer.

“...You still up for a battle? I can find a diff-”

“If you can protect me there and afterwards, then yes.”

“Io! Let’s do it!”

The white/purple light engulfed her, and after giving the new comes the instructions of her powers, she was on her way. Right now, Papilio was only worried about Kagami, not to mention the fact she could end up doing worse than Gladius.

If Max made for a strong akuma, Chat Noir begrudgingly admitted to himself, then of course his little buddy is gonna be just as powerful.

“SURRENDER YOUR MIRACULI,” Robostus growled (there was no better way to describe their tone), “AND MAYBE I WON’T TURN YOU TO SCRAP METAL!”

“What do you think the answer is? Do you expect us to surrender so easily?” Chat returned, easily dodging another set of police cars.

Before Robostus could continue, their mech’s legs were sliced off by something – no, someone. As the akuma crumpled to the ground, the only sound that befell the streets of Paris were the sounds of the crash as Ladybug & Chat Noir gawked at the new arrival. Even Max’s corrupted creation paused for quite some time due to the surprise.

What appeared to be a young woman about the two heroes’ age was there, covered in shiny steel armor from head to toe, with even her face seemingly masked by it. One of her hands had been transformed into a long, cone-esque lance, and the other hand had something similar to tiger claws on each finger (neko-te, they were supposedly called).

Angered, Robustus screamed, “WHO ARE YOU?” to this newcomer.

A calm yet clever smirk appeared on her face, and Chat almost instantly knew it was a comitized Kagami. Robustus was in trouble.

Kagami cried, “I am Matara, the greatest blade-wielder in Paris. Yield your source of power, or suffer the consequences of my sword!”

Robustus was clearly at least a little intimidated by the comes (whether the mechanical monster would have cared to admit it or not), but he still managed to challengingly beckon the three.

The comes just nodded, and assumed a stance unbefitting of Kagami, but perfectly suited for Matara.

“Anata ga shuchō sureba…”

If Robustus could sweat, he would have drowned the stadium and everyone in it with his fear.

From there, it was not long before the corrupted Markov was defeated and returned to his normal self. Once everything was golden and Max had left with his personally programmed pal, a great light enveloped Matara; when it faded away, Kagami was left behind. Before Ladybug and Chat Noir could take off, a shadowy figure landed on the ground near them. Walking over, the two heroes and Kagami got a better look at the stranger.

It seemed at first that Hawkmoth had finally shown his ugly mug, as this figure was a swarm of purplish-white butterflies forming a single humanoid form (albeit with wings). However, when the three noted that this figure had not made any motion to attack them, it was clear that Papilio had made another rare public appearance.

However, the winged Miraculous wielder ignored his more consistent allies, going over to check on Kagami. She was actually fine, feeling better now than when she’d went in, but of course that wasn’t what Papilio was worried about. When the two heroes confronted him about being brushed off, he just showed them a bruise left on her by the fencer’s mom; immediately, they were much more understanding, and plans were immediately made to get the police’s help.

It would be a long, painful battle to get Kagami to be okay, but it would be a completed job. Papilio would ensure it, or so help him…

[dinglerofl]

Very much just a crack theory but this kinda makes sense to me. (please point it out if it doesn't)

Homophobia possibly actually stemmed from a mix of marriage and religion (at least in the Western world)? Let me explain.

It is very well known that in Greco-Roman times :

1) casual bisexuality was the social default

2) marriage was between a man and a woman for reasons that I will explain below

3) people did not really care about the whole extra marital relationships thing

It was not cheating so much as kinda just what everyone did. Marriage was a *socio-political* entity. It was *business* where marrying rich would elevate the status of your family and part of the, if not the entire point was to make babies to continue your bloodline or whatever. Love was never part of the equation. When people looked for love, they would just go for it, marriage was not relevant. (similar arguments could be made for ace and/or aro people)

This likely then changed when people started marrying for love. With the notion of marrying the person you loved also came the notion of not betraying the person you love, hence the delevopment of a social stigma against extra marital relations.

However at the same time, marriage forgot to shake off the business aspect of it. The importance of social status and baby making was still there, and since marriage was legally and functionally a strictly heterosexual thing, only straight relationships could really marry for love.

This is probably how we got confounding entities like marriages in Victorian England where people claimed to marry for love while their entire extended family flagrantly manipulated the situation so they would marry well.

Following this development, gay relationships, which were not recognised on the same level marriage, became shunned, as they could really only exist outside of marriage.

In parallel development, marriage also became an increasingly religious entity. As Europe was Christianised and more and more people converted, the religious beliefs in accordance with the bible became prominent. Socially, this led to the Christian religion playing an increasingly large part in matrimony because humans are kinda just weird like that.

While (to my knowledge) homophobia is never actually explictly stated or implied in the bible, humans have a penchant for twisting words for personal gain, as well as an annoying tendency to *listen* to said twisted words. Condemnation of extra marital relationships became even more legitimised when the argument was placed on religious grounds.

As extra marital relationships fell out of acceptance and marriage became an increasingly religious entity, gay relationships (which could only be extra marital) became more and more unacceptable.

However, through centuries of cultural telephone, this context was lost, most likely due to people just accepting social values with no regard for where they came from or if they made any sense, eventually resulting in what we now recognise as homophobia.

Note: Straight extra marital relationships (while still very much looked down upon) likely never garnered as much hate as gay relationships as they *theoretically* could have been married. As marriage was for love, *possible* marriage likely became a moral rationalisation that blocked some of the hate.

While this theory does not explain homophobia in regions where Christianity was not *that* far reaching or popular, western imperialisation largely made sure most of the world was sibject to their views.

This is by no means rigorously researched, nor is it sourced in any way whatsoever, but based on my understanding of society this is my theory. Again please point out any inaccuracies or mistakes.

TL;DR : humans are dicks, who knew

P.S. : this is literally the first thing ive ever put on tumblr, im not a bot i swear, also sorry for the long ass read

i'm genuinely curious to find out the reason(s) behind homophobia. i'll be really grateful if you can help me with this. send me the names of or links to books, documentaries, quotes, interviews, articles, or whatever source you have that talks about this.

[lilyjoycemfa]

Transferring a Swallowed stone. Context, logistics, theory

The heart of the collaboration

When I first broached this idea with Dani I hoped it would be a chance not only to make a work that was new, exciting and pushed us as artists, but to make a connection with Dani and provide a safe space for us to learn and grow.

There are many ways in which this work pulls us away from our comfort zone.

 On a philosophical level, Dani and I share similar feelings between us, about trying to actively decolonise as Pākehā, without taking up space that rightfully isn’t ours to fill. On another note, we recognise there is strength in asking for help, giving and sharing our inner lives- something which is already recognised in te ao Maori; there is strength in one another. 

We would like to bring light to this, but are not sure if this is our story to tell. Te ao Maori acknowledges a non-linear past, present and future. 

In our collaborative work, we turn to past memories that are hard to swallow alone, and revitalise them through story telling. A small offering to the world, as we both hold the belief that in order to heal, to be the best we can be for the world, we first must step backwards and acknowledge our own trauma which may effect the way we see the world now. 

Ka mua, ka muri - walking backwards into the future.

Context

Dani and I, collaborating. Two stories, intertwined. Sitting back to back. Transferring the swallowed stone between each other. The most exciting and most collaborative work I’ve worked on thus far.

Dani and I got coffee together sometime in the summer holidays to talk about writing. We decided to keep up with a regular writing practice by sending emails back and forth of our writing. The idea was romantic, like a pen pal. We didn’t see each other much at this time so most of our conversations were by email in the form of these letters.

The letters started off safe, but gradually we delved deeper. Eventually I sent Dani a piece of writing I’d been toying with for a while. Duo Deaths was a product of a dream, where one morning I woke up in the early hours and wrote it all down, while recording adjacent memories from my childhood that weaved through the dreams storyline. Dani enjoyed this piece a lot, and shared a piece with me that she’d written a year earlier. Clearing had similar themes. The two of us wrote about family, memory and the pain of loving a sister more than anyone else in the world, among other things.

We began sending these drafts back and forward to each other, until we felt they were ready to share.

Before our emails had even started, I had broached an idea to Dani.

Live storytelling, back to back. One picks up where the other leaves off. Memory takes over. With my performance art background I felt this idea had potential, but it scared me a lot. In a good way. In a growth sort of way. Dani wasn’t so sure but we began with the emails as a starting point.

From here it grew.

On a technical note, this is the most technology advanced work either of us have done before. With the inclusion of sound, loop pedals, live story telling, projection and other props, it’s proving hard to organise and eventually pull off. A lot of our time spent so far has been planning logistics and often talking rather than doing. It’s hard to not forget the reason we want to make this work. I’m sure though, that there will be a full circle moment. It’s been challenging sourcing and learning how to use the gear and it’s been slower than a pace the we’re used to. 

Below are the elements of the work described in detail:

Story telling

Through the ongoing drafts Dani and I are writing, the idea is we want to begin turn the spoken word toward something more poetic and abstract rather than  prose. We want it to elicit a feeling rather than a total understanding of storyline.

Loop pedals 

We liked the idea of using loop pedals for this reason. Looking at Hanne Lippard and her spoken word, we were inspired by the sounds she made through spoken word, and how the sounds can be used to amplify a feeling rather than explicitly spelling out what you’re trying to say through just reading the writing. One of the pieces of feedback from Shannon was - you have two voices. Use that to your advantage. You can do so much more than just talking. 

Sheet and shadow

In Duo Deaths , my original piece of writing that half sparked this ongoing collaboration, there is implied and explicit references and metaphors referencing beds, beds unmade, dreams and etc. 

I asked my grandma to send a sheet (as I know she has an extensive linen cupboard with sheets old and new, especially those of my childhood rooms when I would come and stay). 

Dani and I plan to hang the sheet as a barrier between us as the audience.Dani has made a previous video work ‘I See God Everyday’ which depicts light streaming into her soon-to-be old flat in Aro Valley, with subtle variations of bubbling light streaming onto white walls which will ignite our shadows agains the sheet. 

Dani’s original piece of writing Clearing also incorporates metaphors and references to streaming light.

Both of these themes are not explicitly our own within the performed work and serve to be ambiguous/ shared between us, which is the intention. 

Logistics

On a technical note, this is the most technology advanced work either of us have done - using loop pedals (which neither of us have used before). It’s been challenging obviously technically and also sourcing and learning how to use the gear and it’s been slower than a pace that we’re used to. With the inclusion of sound, projection and other props, it’s a lot to pull off. It also means the organisation is hard to balance the core of what we’re trying to do here. See above ^ 

Two seperate pieces of writing

Duo Deaths

Clearing

One merged piece of writing

Merging further  

cut/ mixed/ looped/ eliciting a feeling rather than a storyline

Poetic rather than a story, less linear.

-

Stage, playing make believe

Shadow

Referencial of older processes

[singwhenyoucantspeak]

So, I’m seeing a lot of ace discourse on my dash today, which is an odd coincidence since this is a topic i had a very long in depth conversation about yesterday with another friend. While I often reblog posts to signal boost information about asexuality and particular experiences of acephobia, I realized I have never really made a post or spoken up about it myself. With this in mind, I have decided to post a summation of the comments I made to my friend yesterday to let you all know what my thoughts are and why I personally believe we need to fight against the acephobia present in our community and support ace and aro people of all positions on the spectrum. That said, I don’t really feel like going through and editing everything I said yesterday, so I apologize if the following has tone issues or spelling errors etc, I’m just copying and pasting what I said in this conversation. I also want to note here that I myself am not on the ace/aro spectrum, I am lesbian/queer. The question posed to me was basically what is my stance on the discourse, and this is some of my response: 

I'm against gatekeeping. Ace people of all romantic orientations experience oppression from normative society. Inter LGBT+ community prejudice is strong between all sectors. Biphobobia, transphobia, and even lesbophobia are extremely prevalent as is sexism from gay men and yet we HAVE to work together as a community. Are some ace people who are heteroromantic homophobic? Probably but a lot of gay people also do homophobic shit and I've read enough and seen enough in the world to know ace people are oppressed by heteronormative society even if they are heteroromantic, and the same goes for aromantic people who might be heterosexual. But, tbh many many ace people are also aro and a lot of the non ace community wants to pretend like that's not a thing and that since they don't experience any same sex attraction they should get out of the community, which is stupid. There are also hetero trans people so using same sex attraction as the measuring point or definition for belonging in the queer/LGBT+ community doesn't work anyway. So yes it sucks when anyone the queer community does something prejudice or holds prejudice views and there are ace people who do, but they are still not privileged in society and to say they are is to ignore multitudes of proven life experience which is VERY dangerous for all kinds of reasons. 

And we as a community HAVE to form coalition regardless of what inter prejudice we have or else we CANNOT combat the current heteronormative hegemony. We have to respect each other and work together if we want to destroy the system that is oppressing all if us, even if sometimes it sucks. But tbh I've seen wayyyyyyy more shitty acephobic lesbians on here and actually not a single homophobic ace person so yeah that's just one instance of my personal experience but I think gatekeepers exaggerate the problem they bring up and need to look at their own selves and their own ability to listen to others with empathy. Because unfortunately we all rely on society learning to listen to us with empathy. Even with coalition there is not enough of us to change society without straight allies and how can we be so hypocritical as to expect religious heteros to put aside their beliefs and listen to us with empathy and change their views if we cannot do the same within our own community.

Also I think maybe it's important to note that my stance on this issue wasn't made based on Tumblr discourse alone. I actually came to this position while taking the queer theory course in my last year of undergrad and reading a bunch of scholarly work that also discussed this so I'm not just randomly jumping on whatever train my favorite blog is on... If that makes sense. I point that out not to be elitist about academia, but because I think that there is a common occurrence on Tumblr as well that people just pick up whatever stance on an issue that a blog they admire holds, I've in fact even found myself guilty of that, so with something this fraught with conflict I think it is important to self reflect and make sure that's not what I'm doing. 

I've also noticed a pattern in which many acephobes are also transphobes. And I think it comes from this paranoia of thinking that cis straight men are trying to infiltrate our community for some reason... Tbh I don't understand it. It's the idea that trans lesbians are really straight men in disguise and in a similar way ace people are really straights in disguise... It's so problematic and unnecessary.

I've reblogged quite a few pieces of writing on what oppression is like as an ace person if you're interested in reading some of that, I will include links to some resources at the bottom of this post. Because they do experiences a very different kind of marginalization than lesbians or gay men, so I think sometimes it's hard for monosexual L/G people to quite understand.

But I also want to make it clear that being ace is NOT an excuse for doing homophobic shit. So I'm definitely not advocating to not call out homophobia when you see it. Just that we should be addressing it on an individual bases in terms of individual actions, not advocating to exclude an entire group from our community out of fear that they might have prejudice.

i'm also just gonna add a couple things: there is definitely a difficulty in the fact that ace people and sexual queer people want and need very different things and that creates problems when trying to make a space that is safe and inclusive of both. Because queer people do not have the freedom to express their sexuality in heteronormative spaces so they rely on queer spaces to do that but sex repulsed aces can then find those sexualized spaces to be very hostile environments. The problem is that telling queer people not to express their sexuality in every queer space because it is hostile toward ace people IS homophobic. we need both kinds of queer spaces. Because queer people NEED a space to safely express themselves and their sexuality. But ace people and also younger queer people need the non sexualized safe spaces as well so we need BOTH. and people don't seem to be able to wrap their heads around the fact that it doesn't have to be either or. Ace people need to self police and know when they are going into a space that may not be comfortable for them, but at the same time queer people need to recognize the importance of having equal opportunities of safe spaces that are not hypersexualized. it's hard because there are so few opportunities for physicals spaces for us in GENERAL that it seems almost impossible to guarantee we are providing for the both, and the easy out is to just decide to exclude someone. but while that is an easy answer, it's not a good answer.

at the same time, again it gets very very complicated with relationships. some of the reports of acephobia on that lists I have linked I think need more detail because i do not believe a queer person who wants a sex life should be forced to be celibate because their partner comes out as ace. That is a case in which two people find out they want very different things, and while it sucks, a relationship is likely not going to work out. BUT, the way that that is handled is what makes the difference between it ending up as acephobic or not. and tbh I've been thinking a lot about this and I think part of the problem is that asexuality is so unkown. it really needs to be a conversation before the relationship gets too serious, but a lot of ace people do not know they are ace before they've ended up in a serious relationship. so the fact that ace people continue to get broken up with BECAUSE they are ace is a symptom of acephobia, not because their individual partners are necessarily acephobic, but because the system forced them both into that situation in the first place.

tbh I think the solution to is, is actually sex positivity, which needs to be understood as NOT the same thing as the forced/hyper heterosexuality that the media enforces now. I mean as in open conversation about sex and sexuality and sex education. I think part of the problem is that because the dominant christian culture is so weird about sex, there is a lot of argument toward ace people of "Oh you're not ace, you are just repressed and need to learn how to appreciate sex. sex is weird for everyone at first, but you get used to it and learn to love it, you just need to give it a chance." I think it'd be helpful to get rid of that weird ass christian repressive culture because then it is more clear that asexuality is a real thing and that a person's awkwardness toward sex due to a sexually repressive religious upbringing is in fact NOT the same experience as people who do not have sex drive and do not enjoy sex. because a sexually repressed person who feels that way due to christian upbringing can and will learn to become more comfortable with sex (I AM CASE IN POINT)  but an asexual person CANNOT and trying to force them to is very harmful/painful for them.

So yes, it's a shitfest of complicated issues, but that is just my take on it. also aphobia and biphobia sometimes go hand in hand due to this issue: https://singwhenyoucantspeak.tumblr.com/post/157331442151/straight-couples-shouldnt-be-at-pride so just another thing to think about. In the end, I’ve noticed that most gatekeeping heavily relies on heteronormativity which is like the exact thing we are trying to dismantle.

Links to resources: 

this one has a LOT of info, especially if you keep reading down to the bottom with the tons of links https://singwhenyoucantspeak.tumblr.com/post/163230928631/its-all-a-fucking-joke-right

i don't know a lot about the blog posting this but seems like a source of more info https://singwhenyoucantspeak.tumblr.com/post/127991052391/bhryn-asexualthings-asexuality-is-an

https://singwhenyoucantspeak.tumblr.com/post/103997214821/prettyarbitrary-oreides-pungeon-mistress

also this an example of why from the  standpoint of representation etc. ace people need our support https://singwhenyoucantspeak.tumblr.com/post/156705124231/how-is-riverdale-queerbating-and-ace-erasure 

There are probably more posts that I have reblogged with more or better info but this is what I could find since i never tagged any of it. Also, if any ace/aro people have input they want to add or want to discuss anything I said please feel free to sent me an ask, a private message, or just comment on this post.