#but my hand hurts the most
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#I’m so fucking clumsy#to be fair my left ankle is super weak#fun fact I sprained/twisted it like 4 years in a row#(around the same time in the year too it was weird)#but yeahhhh#I was visiting a friend and their apartment is under construction#so you can’t use the front door#so you have to take this back path and it’s super uneven and rocky#but we were leaving#and I don’t even know what happened#guessing I just stepped down on my foot the wrong way??#but I took a step off of the steps and down I went#and I went HARD#I was sobbing dude#holy shit it was awful#thankfully my friend was with me so they helped me up and we went to the store to get band aids and shut#*shit#my leg is completely bashed up#but my hand hurts the most#I’m guessing I hit that first#and now I have this like huge idk cut#but super deep#it was AWFUL cleaning it at the grocery store#and also super mad I wasted all my money buying fucking band aids and hydrogen peroxide and all that bullshit#ughhhhhhhh#so unneeded#you guys should send me hugs and kisses pls#and if anyone wants to send a lil tip so I could buy food I would love you forever and ever#I got some big ouchies :(#shut up rosie
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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” Am I not right to weep? O my children, cursed children of a hateful mother - ”
#medea#my art#cw blood#cw mild nudity#euripides medea#greek tragedy#greek theatre#this play is Female Rage by excellence#hmm yes the blood of her sons on her face hands breasts and belly the parts of her body that her children knew the most yes indeed#im really proud of this#:)#lots of symbolism here#the red shawl is her hate while the black one is a mourning blanket#it's dwarfed by her heartbreak which enveloped her whole and bears no blood bc it's already red#her eyes are golden like Circe's who's her kinswoman#the handle of the dagger is Jason who isn't explicitly wounded by her but drove her hand (the blame of the murders actually befalling him)#<that's why it's not bloodied unlike the blade which was used to hurt#her tear washed down the blood on her cheek representing her being absorbed of her crime by both the gods and her grief#on the mural behind her is Medea enchanting the dragon while Jason steals the Golden Fleece#and above (right) is Hera and Iris and (left) Helios in his chariot#with female chorus masks lamenting Medea's crime like the chorus in the play#the pose and expression are inspired by the poster for Médée by Mucha for the Théâtre de la Renaissance starring Sarah Bernhardt#overall proud of this#i think women deserve to go a little mad and violent when they're angry. as a treat#anyway thanks Euripides for the 500bc feminism
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pick your battles
#my art#my stuff#art#comic#original art#pride 2024#pride month#trans allegory..... or not even allegory. just trans .... ^_^#i technically cannot come out yet but i don't think the people who i need to not see this stalk my tumblr#i know they stalk everything else like my twitter and my instagram but this might be safe#so fuck it we yap. this is a comic about picking your battles#this is a comic about how for almost a year now everyone at home in singapore has been crying about my sore throat#my terrible fucked up voice. my you know. etc#i came out as not cis and using they/them pronouns in 2015 when i was 14#but no one ever used my pronouns. none of my classmates or friends even up until i left for college in 2020#from 2020 onwards every year i wrote an angry vulnreable essay about how much it hurts that they dont remember#and people would dm me apologizing on their hands and knees and commending my bravery#and then forget about it all over again. id ont mean 'they misgender me and then catch it and apologize and correct themselves'#i mean they dont even get that far#and so you might ask yourself: why have you kept them around all this time?#and i would have to explain that by pure bad luck i grew up in the most conservative close minded community#that all of my ex classmates that stayed in singapore are cishet and upper middle class and chinese singaporean#that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else#so this is a comic about how there is dignity and grace in staying in the closet sometimes#about how not everyone deserves to see you at your happiest. about how some people can go fuck themselves#you know your truth and THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! YEAH!!! i love you
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NPMD LIB AU
after a month of drawing and trying to balance this project with my finals and my internship, im finally done with the base designs and the monochrome posters
base designs and other commentary below
Base designs:
The bad thing about drawing them so far apart from each other is that my rendering style slowly shifts and it became inconsistent
if you question me why i spent so much time on these or why i made them monochrome, trust me, i have no idea either but THESE ARE MY CHILDREN NOW!!!
Feel free to use these as lock screens, wallpapers, profile pictures, idk, as long as you ask me, i'll let you use these bad boys
#why is max most black in the color palette even though he's the vessel for the queen of white?....honestly i didnt know either-#jeebus crisostomo my hands hurt from rendering#and i think my brain is deado from actually doing this for longer than a week#at least its finally out of my system and in the world#my art#npmd#nerdy prudes must die#starkid#starkid npmd#npmd fanart#hatchetfield#starkid fanart#team starkid#hatchetverse#the lords in black#lords in black#lib#grace chasity#ruth fleming#max jagerman#richie lipschitz#peter spankoffski#stephanie lauter#npmd au#wiggog y'wrath#pokotho#bliklotep#tnoy karaxis#nibblenephim#webby hatchetfield
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Character intro:
Sally
Here's what the text says if its unreadable:
"In no less than a day... as if scorched by the sun, the prospherous City of Ambrol was burnt til ashes became air."
Also lore dump below:
So Sally is like an alien in a literal sense, she is a star afterall so she is beyond the sky amd such. She landed on earth when she was young, like think very small and harmless, and was found by some people. Immediately gets taken into Ambrol city and revered as a god. As Sal grew older, her flames grew as well and at some point she could not control it so she accidentally burned her hometown down to the ground. Bummer.
#i changed her design the most honestly#wanted to make sure both her hands amd feet were covered#so like she dpesnt accidentally hurt people when she touches them cuz shes a being made of fire#painful fire#welcome home#welcome home au#welcome home hvh au#hunter vs hunted au#welcome home sally#sally starlight#digital art#my art#nomi arts#sorry this one I had to rush like the text for cuz there really isnt much know about what race she is
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Ultratober days 4-7: most epic battle + favorite otp
#I'VE CAUGHT UP GRINS BIG#idk how long that'll last because hand hurts uhnmm 😭#ANYWAYYY I FEAR I ATE WITH THIS ONE SERVED EVEN#sorry for not rendering the gabv1 most of my time was used up for the other piece </3#u guys still get to see them cute tho so i hope that's enough GSJHEJDS#uno's art#ultrakill#ultratober#ultratober 2024#ultratober24#eyestrain#<- maybeee?#gabv1el
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This is what I look like waiting for Tylenol to kick on FYI
#funny to me#my body hurts#i havent even clocked in yet haaa#its gonna be a long day#its mostly my hands too which sucks cause most of my work is using my hands#ahahaaaa#not a vent#mostly#its supposed to be funny
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megu
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#megumi#fanart#jjk fanart#MEGU HOURS#ws itching to paint my boy all day#took the liberty of fixing his shoes. arch support for u my darling boy mwah#my favourite thing recently is painting with pens does it hurt my hand yes but ooooo th texture is Worth it#most of this ws done with an ink calligraphy pen that i strain my palm applying so much pressure for#scratchy scratchy blotchy lines go brrrrr#also !!!!!! hina dont use red challenge PASS lets go#i have now proven 2 myself that i do not Need to use red therefore from now on it is a choice and not a crutch#will be returning 2 form shortly#but for now i sleep !!! 1am zzzzzzzzz
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Ok consider:
A new hero emerges and the Justice League watches him for a while who make sure he’s not a threat. They see this giant clumsy man who moves like he’s not used to his body, smiles goofily every time he saves someone, and is clearly inexperienced with his powers and they’re all just like. Ah. This is a child.
Except they don’t think he’s a ten year old or however old Billy is at the time, no no. Clearly this hero came into existence shortly before his first appearance, just a few months ago. They don’t know how or why but It’s not the weirdest thing they’ve seen so it’s pretty easy to believe.
But they can’t just leave this toddler with the powers of a god to stumble around and potentially hurt someone by accident, nor go down the wrong path and become a villain. So of course they decide to ‘subtly’ guide him without alerting him to the fact they’re onto him.
They introduce themselves but instead of inviting him to the league they pop by every once in a while to ‘subtly’ teach him about responsibility and power, but also about love and humanity. They try to teach him to enjoy life and that he doesn’t have to act like an adult around them, instead encouraging him to enjoy his childhood even if it’s not an ordinary one.
(Too bad the Justice League suck at subtlety.)
Billy is certain they somehow found out he’s a kid before they even met him, probably because of Batman’s freaky know-it-all powers, but he isn’t very worried as they seem nice and don’t treat him like he’s dumb or fragile. They respect him as a hero despite his age so he lets himself act like a kid around them after a while.
When he gets comfortable enough to detransform Billy thinks that’s his identity reveal. The league thinks that he magicked himself a body that’s more of a representation of his true self and fits his developmental age better, possibly as a way to blend in with humans and experience what it’s like to be a normal child. Good for him!
Basically Billy gets a bunch of super powered parents and the Justice League get a newborn man that they think they’re raising from scratch lol
#billy batson#shazam#dc#dc captain marvel#justice league#fanfiction#fanfic#dcu#Diana’s idea of subtly teaching responsibility is to attack him before ever introducing herself#Billy’s happily helping a cat out of a tree then sees a sword rapidly approaching his face held by a terrifying woman#it ends with them both getting ice cream and discussing his tactics#Clark was one of the very few reasonable ones and just gave advice#hes not very subtle though#I mean have you seen him? he’s the most recognizable figure on earth#he’s often spotted on rooftops sharing homemade sandwhiches with Marvel as a way to encourage him to take breaks and be social#Surprisingly the most famous group of people in America who do flips in colourful spandex all day aren’t exactly masters of subtlety#Bruce tried to do an irl trolley problem to see how he would handle it#it was rigged so no one would get hurt and all the victims were well paid actors of course#but Billy didn’t know that#he stopped the trolley with his bare hands#he didn’t even consider any other option#he did not go to school so he's never heard of the problem and didn't even realize there WAS another option#Bruce nodded approvingly but was honsetly kind of disappointed#he wanted to know how a toddler with above average morals would solve it the intended way#maybe he’ll try it on Jon next#My writing
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someone needs to put me in a bubble before i accidentally kill myself
#am beyond beat the fuck up#i can barely use my right hand and I know im not gonna be able to walk tomorrow#im hoping tomorrow my hand will be at least useable#it’s my knuckles and tip that hurts the most#especially my tip#the entire kitchen just smelled like burning skin#im an idiot#kiki
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anyone wanna be boy bestfriends in a scary research facility and get increasingly concerned for eachothers well-being?
#omg nobody look hes boobs.#kind of. close enough. this is probably the most you'll get from me in that department i get scared#ANYWAYYY. lalalalalalala#blargh that 3rd ones older but it looked funny w only 2 imgs#id in alt text#gordon freeman#barney calhoun#my art#half life#freehoun#waves my hands around#Alternatively titled gord asks barney 2 come down 2 the labs and help him out after HEV training. And they're gay about it 🙄#the. umm uhh. taking some job bcos they’re the only place thatll hire you after dropping outta college and with nowhere else togo#and then you meet some guy and it rules and then hes in way too deep for being 27#and then youre worried & your heart hurts more for someone else than you thought it could#and u know u gotta keep an eye on him cos nobody else is. or something ?#<- copy pasted from discord but my point still stands
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they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?
they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.
you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.
you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.
mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.
you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.
#writeblr#warm up#to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace#but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X'#and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!''#babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3#mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES#and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for#than have 1 kid NOT get help#but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here#bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness''#it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!''#& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness#but use it to defend THEIR actions#like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell?#you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse?#but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck?#your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross?#HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like#all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like.#anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol
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Princess and Knight tododeku has been in my head for days! So here's some sketches from this AU 😂
°°°
Do not edit or repost my art.
#midoriya izuku#tododeku#todomido#todoroki shoto#bnha#female todoroki#female midoriya#female tddk#it was just a random thought and idk it spiralled lol#theyre badass gfs#izumi will throw hands at anyone who tries to hurt the princess#shouko very much loves feral izumi#and still thinks shes the most adorable person in the world#does anyone wanna know anything abt this au?#the notes will probs just rot in my wips lol
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quick traditional piece for fun ^^
#I dont work traditionally very often because it hurts my hands quite a bit#if it's something that only takes me an hour or so then I can do it#but if we're getting into 2-3+ hour territory...#can't do it :(#theoretically I could pause and come back but when you're mixing colors and stuff that ends up being pretty dang rough#buuuut I'm trying to do more non-computer stuff lately...#so I'll probably do some little things here or there#been sooo tired lately lol sorry#I've been working and dont have much to share unfortunately!#I cant really share MOST of the panels I've been doing#the nature of what I'm writing like... 90% of what I'm drawing right now is legitimately spoilers...#so I can't even share wips!!!#I do have something I'm hoping to get posted soon but I've gotta wait on some other people for it...#anyways#we were legion#zagan#traditional art#art#my art#my ocs#demon#underwater#man why do I tag that other stuff I doubt anyone is going to my blog an searching that
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cursed to be perpetually aware of
"transmisogyny targets trans women -> it also hurts trans men -> anti trans panic also hurts cis women"
"the US and Israel are commiting genocide in Gaza -> the genocide is also hurting Palestinian Christians and white tourists -> this war money could be better spent domestically"
"anti homeless architecture makes it illegal to live without a house -> it also hurts disabled people -> ableist structures also hurt abled people"
it's weird because with some of these there are genuine points to be made and it's worth discussing the full consequences of things but I can't help but be aware of the human-value-hierarchy implicit in these statements and how attention is always brought away from those who suffer most from their own oppression. it's not really surprising and it's 100% the system working as intended but you really start to see it everywhere once you look
#some of these are obviously less valid than others#the white tourist thing is much more absurd than pointing out anyi homeless architecture qlso hurts disabled people#especially sinxe q lot of homeless are disabled#but the point is they lie on a spectrum of increasingly drawing attention away from those most marginalized#intersectionality#transmisogyny#Marxism#ableism#anti homeless architecture#also im notably lacking in experience with racism (as i am white) so my representation of that specific distortion is necessarily going to#be lacking in as nuqnced an understanding as someone with first-hand experience would have#its far too important to lrave out entirely though#feel free to add more detailed experiences#goes for any one of these examples really
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