#but my brain hates me sigh
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me if uhhhh me if you uh if you reblog my art and give me love and attention
#hi welcome to chilis#Im like drunk-tired or something#im feckin exhausted m8#i need to slep#but my brain hates me sigh#(me who desperately wants to do something creative but doesn’t have the time or energy)#anyway uhhhhh points tho my art tag ->#complaintsconcepts#might delete later because i am a sad little creature who just really likes when people like my things#i wish i made better art that people would think is cool like all these cool amazing artists that can actually draw good things#(says the guy with the lowest self confidence on the planet)#anyway I’m drawing an updated persona because i finally figured out what I want the design to be#yes it is the halloween clown version of my slimesona#because i love it#(unfortunately what colours to use— i do not know)
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HYUNJIN | ONE KID’S ROOM EP. 07
#hyunjin#skz#stray kids#bystay#staydaily#skzco#a hot new bombshell enters the villa and this is his introduction video.#gifs#after making this compilation. i concluded that i hate making subtitles. i aged like 80 years while typing these down.#anyway…. i love u hyunebun so much i would go through the trouble again sigh#he has so many thoughts in his mind i feel like he’s forming them in behalf of me too since i have no space in my brain for#anything else than thinking about him#if your brain gets heavy i can borrow it for a moment.
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Just had a thought, it's completely half-baked: So, um, NoME I think, said that there totally could be hröar without any fëar running around, right? Translating: there could be moving bodies with no souls/occupants left.
Zombies. Middle Earth has zombies.
And when would be a better time for zombies to roam around than after Nirnaeth Arnoediad? Even more after Second and Third Kinslaying. You know who would have a perfect opportunity to fight zombies to the point of habit? Fëanorians.
So I imagined the situation where Maedhros and Maglor fight some zombies, successfully turning them into parts (I mean, duh). Then Maedhros says something self-hating like "Surely there's more good to them than was left of us(me) as it hunts and hurts without consent, intent nor will, unlike us(me)."
And Maglor looks at him, then at the zombie's head he holds. He reaps the skull open (with his hands, yes), takes zombies' brain out, and throws it at Maedhros with "We also have an evidence he had a brain, unlike some brother of mine."
Cue Medhros releasing the MOST Older Brother Sigh.
#silmarillion#silm#maedhros#maglor#zombies!#maglor later writing in his diary: “Dear Diary today Meadhros told me I'm dramatic I am NOT DRAMATIC I was illustrating a VALID point”#anyway Maedhros sighed at his antics#Maglor - 1 Meadhros' Severe Depression and Self-Hate - 0#bonus scene:#'way into Fourth Age in Valinor with everyone returned/reborn'#Mae: Hey remember how you threw zombie brain at me#Mags: which time#Mae: when you said there's visual evidence for it's existence unlike with our brains#Mags: YOUR brain. And you know. There's still no evidence#Mae: You will not open my freshly remade skull to check for brain you moron#Mags: You ate my dessert i left for later BITCH I MIGHT#cue Elrond's sighing#Maglor still claims he's Not Dramatic
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them being wet here as if they were RAINED ON.
#im#i would say something about this but#my brain isnt working i hate alien stage#the way i was so happy for a second too#i was like omg! ivan alive!#sigh if only#anyways noticing this makes me want to analyze more but i dont think its good for my brain#alien stage#alien stage round 7
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“I had all and then most of you
Some and now none of you.
Take me back to the night we met.”
— The Night We Met by Lord Huron
cw implied death, angst, OWWW OWWWIE OWWW
The day starts as usual.
The sun rises, birds chirping as you push open the balcony door to let the morning air in. Joseph steps out, a cigarette already between his fingers. You join him, two mugs of coffee in your hands. He takes one from you with a grateful smile, you both settle into the routine.
The day is beautiful. The suns warm embrace on your skin makes you want to linger there forever, soaking in her rays.
“What d’ya want for breakfast?” he asks, smoke curling lazily from his lips.
You ponder for a moment, imagining the taste of different dishes. “How about…pancakes?” you suggest, feeling your mouth water at the thought.
Joseph chuckles, stubbing out his cigarette and taking a final gulp of his coffee. “Pancakes it is then.”
You eat breakfast together at the table. Joseph flips through his script between bites, humming under his breath and glancing at the clock occasionally. A quiet sigh escapes him as he polishes off his plate.
He rises, placing his dirtied plate on the sink, setting his empty mug on top. He walks over to you, gently pushing your hair back and kissing your forehead.
“I gotta go. I’ll see you later, okay?”
You hum, cheeks warming from the kiss. “I’ll pick up stuff to make your favorite for dinner tonight. I know we haven’t had it in a while.”
His eyes light up, “Sounds like a plan.”
He heads towards the entryway, grabbing his jacket. He looks back at you, a smile still lingering on his lips.
“Don’t worry, filming shouldn’t take long today. I’ll be home before you know it.”
The butterflies in your stomach flutter with his words.
“Okay, I’ll see you later,” you reply, eyes droopy with morning grogginess and love.
The door clicks shut behind him, you watch a moment longer. Your eyes trace over the knob, down the mysterious crack in the wood, and watch his shadowy steps fade away. A sudden uneasiness creeps in, filling your gut with a syrupy ache. The butterflies no longer flutter, their wings cut, leaving you with a heavy feeling in their place.
You try to shake it off, but the feeling lingers, the knot in your stomach tightening with each tick of the clock. Hour after hour, minute after minute, you try to distract yourself with meaningless chores. You go grab things for dinner, the hustle and bustle of the store creating a dull hum over the pit in your stomach. A weak balm that doesn’t last the second you step through the apartment door again.
Night falls, groceries left forgotten on the counter. Seconds tick by painfully slow, each one a reminder of his absence. You can’t shake the feeling that something is terribly wrong.
Joseph doesn’t return that night, or any night after that.
#omg who would write such a angsty story? its so sad#i say while looking in the mirror#yesterday was a fun happy day so of course my brain was like#okay now angst.. GO!#Joseph... my sweet pookie bear#i can't wait to find out more about his death#specifically how and why he died#its confirmed that its a premeditated homicide#so the person planned this murder..#it feels so full of hate and revenge to me#so my bets are all on someone from his past coming back for revenge..#i also like that idea because joseph always seems to be running..#running away from his past and his old self..#it would be so ANGSTY if his past is what kills him#in a metaphorical sense#sigh..#also the song 'the night we met' with forever remind me of joseph#specifically the lyrics i listed above#it perfectly encapsulates how quickly someone can enter and leave your life#OMG AND the lyric 'i dont know what im supposed to do HAUNTED BY THE GHOST OF YOU'#THIS SHIT JUST WRITES ITSELF#DUDEEEE#I DONT EVEN NEED TO SAY MORE#sunny day jack#sunny day jack x reader#somethings wrong with sunny day jack#swwsdj#joseph haberdae#jacktor#joseph haberdae x reader
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the webcam that a follower ordered for me to replace whatever the fuck happened with my old one came in and I can stream me fucking around in WoW battlegrounds again 😌😌😌
but I don’t know if that’ll be tonight or not. I’m kinda in a funk at the moment and I’m honestly just going to fuck myself senseless and smoke myself into a better mood or at least until I’m numb and don’t feel shit anymore LMAO because 💀
#sigh#I might go lay out in traffic if I don’t do those things (it’s a minor inconvenience I just want to die over it bc my brain hates me !!!!)#so unless someone convinces me to stream I’m just gonna. idk.
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I know it's not great but HEAR ME OUT this song has been living in my BRAIN in regards to them I HAD TO MAKE SMTH WITH IT
#will graham#nbc hannibal#hannibal nbc#hannibal lecter#hannigram#murder husbands#will graham edit#hannibal lecter edit#nbc hannibal edit#hannibal is litr a mitski girl....#I KNOW ITS MID OKAY OKAY YES BUT I HAD TO#My brain held me at gunpoint actually...#I kind of hate it but I needed to see their faces with the song before I die#I'm overthinking this maybe it's actually a banger#hannibal#hannibal and will#capcut messing up my epic timing as always sigh
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I took my sweet time playing through @diasporatheblog these past few months and finally brought myself to finish it yesterday (so sad it's over sobs)
#diaspora game#diaspora#cog#if#interactive fiction#sangarinus#sangarinus nabor#tintabrancaart#tintabrancaocs#tintabrancaocfalgaraile#if you saw me post this twice u didnt. tumblr loves to hate me sigh sigh#anyway !!#this game waow#ancient rome is a huge fixation for me so castulia was a treat to explore and visualise#esp bc the game doesnt take place in the capital (rather in a port city which. yesssss)#okok so my fool falgaraile (falga to their friends).. they/it legend#they're a bit more on the serious side wrt personality#partly bc of the stress of their responsibilities but also bc they're fairly straightforward in their manner#it's exhausted by the wars and conflicts around clan maghnus which def contribute to the stress#refreshed and looking forward to the possibility of peace. looks at balthasar#falga's eye got eviscerated in a raid when it was a teenager so now they have a prettified prosthetic in its place#some scars on their legs too but yea#it turns out you cant big brain your way out of every fight !! and it learned the hard way lmao#but yeye gosh i used a mixture of diaspora's worldbuilding and celtiberian material culture as refs for their design#because that is where my heart lies :'D#oh and sang !! i didnt go too hard on his design because it's a little more set in stone already#i love him he's such a lil (big) guy.. my buddy my pal. mwah#i have a very strong mental image of his face so i had to give it a few tries to really nail down#im glad w how it came out !!#ahh okok i need to rest but yes i love diaspora i love the setting and characters :'D i will be replaying it while i still can
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I need to sleep for 70 hours and then maybe I'll feel not evil again
#Robin processes emotions on main#mghmfph#THE BRAIN GUCK#holy spirit fix me. holy spirit. holy spirit save me#the stupid brain guck man..... I need to move out I need to sleep more I need to. need to be braver#I need to write this new story idea I need to. bury myself in zombie au#my brain's coming up with new ocs and even as I'm doing it I'm going wow these are the ocs of a stressed-out teenager#I'm not a teenager but living with my parents again is making me feel like one I NEED TO MOVE OUT#ANYWAY#everything will be fine I'm just venting#I'm just particularly frustrated with myself today and talking myself through it. I hate feeling selfish. ugh.#I wish I had money for therapy :[#I want to do therapy again. but it's just me my comfort media and the holy spirit against the world right now#also in addition to feeling selfish I'm feeling super isolated#I HAVE NO COMMUNITY no irl community anyway#and living with my parents... makes it. genuinely super hard to try to make community. ugh. again: wish I could move out and get therapy#figure out what I'm DOING figure out people to do it WITH#yeuch that was a lot of gross emotions and thoughts sorry#love you. have a glass of water or something. that's what I'm going to do now#oh also I'm stressed out Today bc parents are having friends over and I don't feel up to it. but I like them. but I just want to sleep#SIGH#okay I'm done for real now
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chucks this dottore x y/n art like a smoke grenade and runs in the opposite direction like the cop in cloudy with a chance of meatballs
#i want towrite so bad but i dont Want to Write#i binged a dotto fic on ao3 yesterday n went to bed at 4#i need more godammit but i cant bring myself to continue My fic#my brain is. poopoo#sighs loudly I Need Him#i was motivated to write for like a second#but then as soon as that motivation came it Left Me#dottore x y/n#il dottore x y/n#dottore x you#il dottore x you#the more i look at this the more i hate it#drags hands down face#might delete this later lol im self conscious#i look at my inbox and i feel myself deflate im sorry gang#im perfectly able to talk to myself and figure out the lore#of my dottore fic on ao3#but as soon as i sit at my desk its Le Fucking Néant in my head bro#aaarghghghghgjhghnggnngggnnnnn#maybe if he manhandled me like this all my problems would be solved#୧ ‧���˚cat isn't writing!
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mental illness is crazy bc what do you mean i feel like im not good enough simply bc my rp partner ships multiple ships instead of just shipping the one ship i ship and what do you mean i feel enraged everytime i see other ships mentioned
#sorry for the vent but like#man rsd is crazy#tho tbh it might also be bpd?? idfk i just know it makes me feel insane and toxic whenever it flares up and i hate it#like why am i feeling personally offended abt this shit??#why does my brain instantly default to oh so im not good enough for you like calm down??#no one is saying that???#why are we feeling so threatened over smth so stupid????#i just. hate it and don't want to end up being a dick bc it makes me so angry for no reason#sigh#vent#personal#jump speaks#ignore me#i am just frustrated smh
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its 2 am rn and im thinking about that time a teacher referred to my transmasc friend as 'she' and my dumbass said 'SHE goes by he/him pronouns' and i wanted to kms
#trans ally#lgbtq#wtf is wrong with me#i hate my brain#how did i make this mistake#i was legit correcting someone else#on the same exact thing#sighs#transmasc
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At this point I've been prioritizing asks over my own ideas for so long that my post ideas list is starting to just be words that confuse me. What did I mean? What elaborate post was this going to be? I used to know.
#the spider sully reader story one had been confusing me for weeks now#because i hate reader storys#and then i realized it msutve jsut been a snarky post about me hating reader stories#anyways heres a peak into my brain and my process#right under this screenshot are notes for chapters of stories I have to finish because dear god#that last one though is from two days ago cause i was reading top gun fic again and thinking about the bar scene#god i love a found family top gun fic i could devour them 24/7 all the damn day#there is a military base near my house and it never usually affects life much because it's for research mainly but on my plane back#this week the whole of the us military got on the bus from the airport with me#and one of them had a cowboy hat strapped to his army bag and he told the bus driver they were here from texas and i sIGHED#pulled out my laptop and typed jake hangman seresin into a03#miles spider socorro#spider socorro#kiri sully#neteyam sully#nocorro#jake sully#tommy sully#miles quaritch#neytiri sully#tuktirey sully#norm spellman#tsu’tey#tsu'tey x norm#trudy chacon#melissa og#melissa on avatar (cameron)#melissa bullshit
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There's pretty much only two things I never tell my dad about: the fact that I have 13,000+ posts here, and the fact that I'm aegosexual. I tell him pretty much everything else. I'm super dependent for him, since he's like my only friend in real life. I need him to help me run my baths, cook, make my bed, etc. He's also the only one who tolerates my violent anger issues and meltdowns. He's my best friend and closest confidant, and I can't imagine life without him. That being said, I still can't manage to work up the nerve to tell him about all of my posts on here. Or about my sexuality.
The sexuality one makes sense, to me. I just feel embarrassed even thinking about stuff like that. So although I'm aegosexual, I don't really want to have to tell anyone in person. And I don't tell him about my posts here for stupid reasons! I just feel like admitting to having 13,000+ posts on here is tantamount to admitting I lied to him for two to three years! Is that really true? Probably not. But my brain guilts me, and makes me keep my mouth shut whenever I even think about telling him. I sometimes want to tell him, but my nerves won't let me do it. I hate my brain for causing things like this.
#i hate how my brain!makes me feel#trying to convince me that i've lied to my dad#i hate it#sigh...#tumblr#tumblr problems#tumblr issues#vent#dependent#dependence#dependency#autism#asd#neurodivergent#autistic#adhd#actually autistic#audhd#my thoughts#venting#vent post#aegosexual#aegosexuality#asexual#asexuality#vents#sigh#stressed#stress#stressing
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adhd comix
#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired#like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability#and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors#i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working#isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol#if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you#need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid#im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher#to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll#go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms#AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis#theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were#comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run#and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make#a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need#to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh#yapping#vent
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Innocent until proven guilty
#this is about my brain trying desperately hard to tell me that my pals#secretly hate me because of rsd n stuff#its just been hitting real hard right now#possibly due to loneliness#i just wish my triggers werent watching pals hang out w/o me#seeing other people have fun in general#also trying to tell my brain that people telling me they like what i make but never engaging with it is not proof for guilty#sigh#who wants to pickle my brain
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