#anyways heres a peak into my brain and my process

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

At this point I've been prioritizing asks over my own ideas for so long that my post ideas list is starting to just be words that confuse me. What did I mean? What elaborate post was this going to be? I used to know.

[faaun]

WARNING: The penalty for trespassing on the railway is £1000.

[obsessedhoneycomb]

Red Mercedes

George Russell x fem!reader

Summary: Perfect married life sometimes hides the rotten truth of lies.

Warnings: cheating, slight manipulation, George getting what’s his at all cost, curse words and smut implication

Word count: 1.5k

A/N: After a frustrating week of not having any good ideas, I had a dream, so I finally had something to pour my heart into. It was so intense that it didn't let me eat my lunch, how fast my fingers drummed at the keyboard and my thoughts flew out of my brain. Enjoy it! :) wanted to include my favorite pregnancy trope, but i decided to not go that way this time

———

“Dad, I’m trying to tell you that mum is acting weird.” Your twelve year old son was travelling with George to Cayman Island for this event he was invited to, to speak about his ongoing career path as a leading F1 champion. 

George glanced at him, his hands gripping the steering wheel, regally upset about the fact that even your son noticed that something isn't right with your marriage.

“Mum is just tired. That’s all.” he tried to brush it off, but he knew. 

“You know, dad, I’m not stupid. I saw her with some man a week ago, sitting at the restaurant when we were out on a bike with boys. She was smiling at him like… Well, not like she’s smiling at you.” his son continued to ponder with his thoughts, pouring his mind out, making George feel uneasy. Pulling over at the hotel they were supposed to stay at, engine off, he turned his body to face his son.

“Buddy, I know that you love your mom, hell, who could not love her.. But she’s- it’s just a phase. I’m gonna figure it out, and you have nothing to worry about.” he tried to reassure him with his soft smile, his eyes betraying him, reflecting the weight of the growing lies.

———

“I see that you’re here with your son, he grew so much throughout the years, aren’t you afraid that he’s gonna be after you soon, you know, with racing and stuff?” 

George chuckled, moving his gaze at his giggling son in the first row, his sweaty palm wrapped around the microphone. “Well, there is the possibility, but his hobbies are different. He’s much more of a cyclist, so I think that Tadej Pogacar should be scared of having another rival.” 

“Oh, that’s great! Guess the Russell’s family is spreading through the field of sports. It’s a shame that your wife isn’t here with us, we had planned to have a family photo shoot for you, also spending some time on the yacht with the staff here.” 

George was professional at keeping his composure, so he just chuckled again, looking at the crowd of people in the small room.

“We can do that anyway, we don’t need my wife for that. She’s busy with some of her other projects, so…” 

Everybody seemed to be happy about it, not noticing the slight frown on George’s face and his son’s.

You were staying at home in Monaco, texting with your lover. Your naive brain was living in an illusion that nobody knows, you sneaking around with someone else, secret meetings at the old restaurant on the other side of the town, your red luxurious Mercedes parked in front of it very often. You were really dumb in some aspects and being so careless about getting after your own desires, you hurt your family in the process.

All those years of your marriage you heard it around you all the time, how George is a gentleman, kind guy, loving and caring husband and father, how every other woman would die for having him just for at least five minutes. But nobody saw that toll that had an impact on you, your life when you fell pregnant unexpectedly, and how George married you just because of it. Feeding you with all those empty promises, but leaving you alone through all that maternity shit because he was at the peak of his career while you were breastfeeding his restless son at night.

Yeah, there were times you were genuinely happy as a family, somewhere between the three to ten years of your son, George was more present, you accompanied him at races from time to time, depending on how his and your parents were willing to look after your kid. 

But the last two years felt like a nightmare, because George won another two championships after five years of no luck, his fans being literally everywhere, even breaking into your home. You spent a lot of time on the go, changing your location and you grew tired of this. Intimity between you and George was long gone, and you yearned for something he couldn’t give you, the tension, secrecy and passion. Even if it meant to destroy everything you have.

———

Darkness overtook the docks in Monaco, rain washing away the summer heat wave. George stood at the huge ass window of your penthouse, sipping on his whiskey, even though he did not favour the liquid that much, he got used to it from time to time. Your son was away for the holiday cycling camp, and with summer break in F1, it left him home alone with the lingering scent of your expensive perfume you saved for your not so secret lover. His mind wandered over divorce, but he was too prideful to let it happen. He didn’t care about your needs, shameful desires, he wanted to keep his family together. Even if it meant to ruin your sweet secret life. And he knew his plan was working the minute you stepped into your home through the threshold, sobbing quietly, with your dress soaked through, droplets of water dripping down your hair. His lips curling into smirk, he took the last sip of his drink, leaving the glass on the coffee table in the living room, walking slowly to the hallway.

You kicked off your heels, running your hands through your wet hair, wiping off your tears along the way, your mascara staining your cheeks. Feeling how your dress is sticking to your body, you let out a frustrated sigh with a whine, finally noticing George standing in the doorway, his arms folded over his chest wearing an unreadable expression.

“What’s the matter baby?” his tone was laced with smugness, he couldn’t hold it back anymore, seeing the mess you were.

“Nothing.” you muttered, trying to walk around him to get to the bathroom, but he was after you.

“You’re clearly distressed. Tell me what happened. You were supposed to have a night out with girls, if I remember correctly?” yeah, he was playing dumb.

“I was. But my car left me in the parking lot, because the smoke started to go out of the engine and I needed to call the towing service and-” you stopped in your rant abruptly as you got to the part you wanted to erase from your memory and you didn’t want to talk about it with George.

“And? Tell me darling.” his tone was firm, demanding, he caged your body against the counter in the bathroom.

You looked up to see his face, locking your gaze with his, reading his mind. He knew. And yet he was still there.

“He left me.” with your head slumped down you whispered feeling deeply ashamed. 

George smiled victoriously as the memory from earlier this week flashed through his mind, him paying that pathetic lover of yours loads of money to leave you, to ruin you, to destroy you.

“Oh baby.” he cooed sweetly, cupping that mascara stained cheeks of yours, listening to your sobs. And that was the last straw and you broke down in tears, all of the suppressed emotions flowing out as you wrapped your arms around him tightly, remorse and guilt building in your heart. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry…” you whispered into his chest, your tears staining his shirt. 

“Shhh… I’m right here baby. It’s okay.” his fingers brushed through your hair affectionately, making you relax.

“You should be disgusted with me…” 

“Believe me, I was at first. But from your point of view I somehow understood it.” 

“How… How long have you known?”

“Since the first time you giggled at your phone.”

“I thought that I’m good at hiding it.” 

“Oh, you were so naive that I won’t notice. You weren’t even creative at hiding your car properly. That exclusive red shade of it doesn't go unnoticed. Even our son saw you many times.” 

You shuddered when you felt his lips ghosting against your temple. The mention of your son stabbed you through your heart. 

“George, I-” 

“Shhh, darling. Your stupid boyfriend ditched you, so let your husband, the man who truly knows how to devour you, take care of you.” George whispered with a soft hum, his lips pressed under your ear.

The way he talked made you feel ashamed. But it ignited something within you, the lust and desire for him. And it made you curse internally at how dumb you were for the past years.

“I’m gonna make sure you remember who you belong to.” 

After the night to remember when George really took you like a slut you were, listening to your whines and moans, making you tell him how that lover made you feel, what he did to you, he made sure that you won’t escape his embrace again. Watching you sleep beside him, your body covered in love bruises and marks he hasn’t seen on you for months, he brushed the strand of your hair from your face, smiling proudly at how easy you were. All those years he thought you’re this soft and reserved girl who likes vanilla in bed, only to find out that you loved to be cock drunk all the time, overstimulated to the madness to keep your mind from wandering outside of the wedlock. 

“You were so wrong to think that I’d let you go, my beautiful wife…” and his whisper lingered through your sleeping brain like a lullaby.

-

Please don't use my writings without a permission. Pictures found on Pinterest.

Tags: @chilling-seavey

[miizuzu]

Once upon a dream

“I think I should start looking for a boyfriend.” Satoru spat out his vanilla flavored milkshake as he listened in from a bug he planted in your jacket. “Gross, Gojo.” Nanami glares at Satoru then turns away. Satoru got up quickly and ran outside. 

You were on your lunch break and were eating outside your workplace with Yuki, your friend/co-worker. Yuki raised one of her brows and questions. “Why the sudden change of heart?” You really couldn't tell her it is because of all the lewd dreams you have been having, you thought it was your brain telling you it was time to start planning for a relationship. “Umm… you know, I'm not getting any younger. Maybe it's time to meet new people.” That was the only excuse you could think of. 

Satoru nervously bites his thumb while he listens in. He knows the exact reason why you wanted to look for someone, HE was the cause after all. He's been waiting for the perfect moment to finally ‘meet’ you, guess he has to accelerate his plans.

Satoru pops his head back into the office and tells Nanami he will go out and do his rounds, Nanami stood up and decided he would go together, which Satoru didn't expect but agreed anyway. 

Satoru's office was actually pretty close to where you work, so he decided to walk that way and hopefully, maybe some miracle would happen where he would be able to talk to you. He must have done something to favor the gods, since the perfect opportunity came as he finally saw you. 

Yuki wanted to have one last smoke before break ends and had gone back inside because she left her lighter in the locker. Some shady looking guy was hiding in the shadows and jumped out to grab your bag once he saw you alone. Satoru and Nanami both knew what he was up to and ran towards you. 

The thug pulled your bag away from you, knocking you down while he tried to escape. Nanami went to you and tried to help you up while Satoru ran after the thief. You were too shocked to process what had just happened, Nanami stayed with you as Satoru catches the thief and walks back towards you.

Satoru was shocked when he saw the way you were looking at Nanami, your cheeks were bright pink and you nervously looked away while trying to sneak peaks of him. Satoru thought to himself, ‘I should have been the one she’s admiring, I caught the thief!’ 

“Miss, are you alright?” Nanami asks gently, and all you could do was nod your head. Satoru pushes the thief towards Nanami as he hands you back your bag. “Would you like to check if there's anything missing?” Satoru smiles at you, catching your attention as you stare at his eyes. 

“Beautiful…” you gasp as you realize you said that out loud. Satoru had a confident smirk on his face. “Thanks, but we really need you to check if there is anything missing.” You bashfully grabbed your bag from Satoru and looked through your things. “Everything is here. Thank you officers.” 

“If it is not too much trouble, could I please ask you to follow us back to the station to file a report?” Satoru asks, mainly trying to find an opportunity to ‘finally learn your name from you’. “I'm actually just on my lunch break, I have to go back to work.” You were shaking from all that just happened and Satoru saw it. “I'm sure your employer would understand and let you take an early leave, I'll even go with you.” Satoru suggests. 

“While you two do that, I will take him back to the station first.” Nanami told Satoru as he started heading towards the police station. “Umm, excuse me! Do you mind… if I ask you for your name?” You shyly peaked at Nanami. “Nanami Kento.” He replied with a smile as he turned and walked away.

You were still in your little zoned out state as Satoru jealously watches your eyes follow Nanami. “Should we head inside?” Satoru snaps you back to reality. “Umm, yes. Sorry about that. Thank you for all your help.” You politely bow at him. “My name is Satoru Gojo, do you mind telling me yours?” He playfully tilts his head to the side. “My name is Y/N L/N, sorry, I'm still feeling a little shaken up from what just happened.” 

Satoru was glad he finally became acquainted with you, but now he has a problem. You are clearly interested in Nanami and he needs to make sure this doesn't develop into something more. 

Satoru went with you to explain what just happened to your employer and they gave you the rest of the day off. Satoru walked with you to the police station and filed a report. He offered to take you home as well since you might be scared to be alone, which he was right. 

You didn't want to bother Satoru and was about to turn down his offer when he told you that he was actually getting off and really wanted to see you get home safely. You finally agreed and waited as he changed out of his uniform before he took you home. 

The two of you walk side by side, Satoru has his hands in his pocket, while you secretly sneak side peaks at him. You were so preoccupied with Nanami earlier that you didn't realize Satoru, he's tall and is in great shape, he's handsome and you can't help but think he has the most beautiful eyes. You also couldn't shake the feeling that you've seen him before but can't remember from where, you just find him really familiar.

Satoru realized you were looking and smiled to himself again, he wanted to take up all of your thoughts, make you think of only him, him, him. 

The two of you chatted a bit more while waiting for the bus and you told Satoru a little more about yourself, how you live alone and don't have too many friends, which Satoru already knows about but acts like he just found out. When the bus finally arrived, it was almost at full capacity, which was in Satoru's favor. 

People were pushing and shoving around, and he got the perfect opportunity to be close to you. He got you safely caged between his arms while providing you enough personal space, he would occasionally get shoved towards you and his body would ‘accidentally’ press against yours, making you flushed. 

You suddenly remember your dreams when Satoru was shoved against you once more, his tone chest was pushed right against your burning cheeks, you couldn't help but bring your hands up and tried to gently push him back. Your finger accidentally brushes against his nipple and he lets out a quiet moan only you were able to hear. Your eyes widened and shot up to his face, your hand gripping tightly on his shirt in front of his chest, Satoru was blushing and tried to hide his face with one of his hands and you thought he was the cutest thing. 

You should really apologize but when you opened your mouth, wanting to say sorry, the word “Cute” came out instead. Satoru now staring down at you with widened eyes, he wants to be ‘cool’ or ‘hot’ in front of you, not ‘cute’. He slightly pouted and you just couldn't help but want to see more of his face. 

You didn't know what overcame your thoughts, you forgot where you are, or that this is the first time you've met Satoru, he feels so familiar to you that it just felt right. You moved your hand over his chest again, brushing over his now hardened nipple as he twitched from your touch. You kept playing with his nipple while your ear still pressed on his chest, listening to his quicken heart beats, even bringing up your other hand to play with the other side. Satoru was trying to act normal but you could tell his breathing has become irregular, he is taking breaths through his mouth, trying not to let another moan slip.

As much as Satoru liked the way you were playing with him, he noticed it was getting close to your stop. He noticed one of your hands was slowly traveling down, feeling his toned abs as it got lower and lower. 

Satoru grabs your wrist, which finally snaps you out of your trance. You instantly became bright red, unsure what took over you, just as you were about to say something, Satoru whispers in your ear first. “Didn’t think you were this brave to do this on the bus to someone you've just met. We have been on the bus for a while, did we miss your stop?” Satoru knows the stop is up ahead and wants to make sure you don't miss it. 

Finally aware of your surroundings, you noticed you would be getting off at the next stop. “It’s the next stop… Please forgive me! I'm usually not like this.” You were so embarrassed you couldn't look at him in the face. Satoru just let out a smile and didn't say anything else. 

Finally getting off the bus, you speed ahead as Satoru catches up to you easily with his long legs. When arriving at your house, you quickly turned around and bowed at a 90 degree angle, apologizing for what you did to him on the bus, hoping he wouldn't arrest you for sexual harassment. 

“Is it ok with you… if I come see you again?” Satoru shyly pouts as he asks you the question, while avoiding eye contact. You blushed again but nodded your head. “Can I get your phone number? It's rude to just show up unannounced.” Satoru tries to make up a reason for him to officially get your number, even though he already had it memorized a long time ago. “Sure Mr. Gojo.” You shyly take his phone and enter your contact info. “Please, just call me Satoru.” His smile was so bright it could put the sun to shame. 

“Well then, Satoru, see you around.” You said your goodbyes and rushed inside. You were still trying to process what got over you earlier when Satoru texts you.

‘It was nice meeting you, Y/N. I really hope we get to see each other again soon.’ 

You clutched your phone close to your chest, trying to calm yourself down. You ran to your sofa and layed on your back, staring at your phone contact. You vaguely remember meeting someone with white hair like his, you thought it would just be a crazy coincidence and it was just someone who looked like him. He does, however, make you think about all the wet dreams you've been having. The male figure seems similar to Satoru's frame and you just love the way he moaned when you touched him. You still couldn't figure out how you had the courage to do what you did, it felt natural, like your body had been trained. 

You shook off the idea and decided to take a shower and cool your head. You ate your dinner shortly after and headed to bed. You finally decided to reply to Satoru's text. 

You: ‘It was really nice meeting you too. Thank you for everything you did today, hope you have a great night.’ 

Satoru: ‘Would you mind if we get lunch together tmr? 👉👈’

You: ‘my lunch break is pretty short, I usually just pick up something small in the morning and call it. If you don't mind, I could pick up extra and we could eat together?’ 

Satoru: ‘That sounds fantastic!! I'll see you tomorrow. Let me know when I should head over. Good night Y/N hope you have a sweet dream.’ 

You: ‘thanks, you too. Good night Satoru.” 

You put your phone to the side and turned and faced your pillow and let out a happy scream. Just as you thought you would like to find someone to start a relationship with, Satoru magically appears in front of you, not to mention he's super good looking and fit. You pretty much had forgotten all about Nanami and your head was just filled with Satoru. 

You fell asleep shortly from being overexcited, you had another dream but this time it's more tame. The male figure has been replaced with Satoru, the 2 of you were just going out on dates and having a great time. 

Little did you know Satoru was in your house again watching you sleep. He was about to lose it when he heard you giggling in your sleep then proceeded to call out his name. It took everything in him to not just wake you up and have his way with you. He knew you would never forgive him if he did, so he just kissed you and left for the night. 

The lunch date went as planned, your co-workers all gathered around you after lunch, they all wanted you to fill them in for how you managed to score a hot guy like Satoru. Choso was avoiding you and Yuki felt sorry for him, knowing he had the biggest crush on you but you were just too oblivious. 

Satoru would meet you daily and have lunch with you. After a week of lunch dates he finally asked you if you could be his girlfriend which you quickly said yes.

You asked Yuki to shop with you on your next day off, you wanted to upgrade your wardrobe but not sure what you should get. Yuki brought you to a lingerie store and said now that you have a boyfriend, those might come in handy. Satoru secretly wants to thank Yuki for that. 

You were checking the lingerie sets and one particular set caught your eyes. It was a pretty white lace set with a couple of cute baby blue ribbons. You bought it along with a few that Yuki chose for you. 

Satoru was excited since he only heard your conversation with Yuki and didn't actually follow you this time, even though he left the bug on you so he could always hear what you're up to. It’s not that he doesn't trust you, he worries that the other guys would try to make a move on you and steal you away. 

When you got home, Satoru called you and told you he made plans for a dinner date at a fancy restaurant and would pick you up after work. Just as you start to panic about what you should wear, your doorbell rings. Satoru had ordered you an outfit to wear for your dinner. 

The outfit was a 2 piece set, the top was a white turtleneck with a baby blue scarf like material around the neck and the bottom was a long skirt with the same blue that matched the scarf. You were happy with the outfit, it was something similar to what you normally would wear but looks a bit better.

You wore your lingerie and outfit to work that day, your male co-workers couldn't keep their eyes off you. Choso straight out started nose bleeding when he saw you. Your outfit was no were close to revealing, but the material was hanging on your body just right, the little scarf around your neck looks like a ribbon of a present, which they all want to unwrap. 

You helped Choso clean up and he found out about the reason for the outfit you were all dressed up for today. Choso felt a ping of jealousy, he thought to himself ‘if your outfit got ruined, would you still go on your date?’ he quickly shook the idea out of his mind, he knew you would be upset if that happened. He just secretly wished you would notice his feelings for you. 

Satoru shows up in his car to pick you up after work, along with a bunch of white and blue roses. Making all your female co-workers envy you as you got in his car. 

“You look really pretty in that outfit.” Satoru checks you out up and down. “Thank you for picking it out for me, I loved it.” You leaned over and placed a quick peck on his cheeks. Satoru wanted to push your seat down and do you right there, but he held back. 

You arrived at the restaurant, it was in a tall building overlooking the city below. You look around and find there was no one else around when Satoru told you he reserved the whole restaurant for just the 2 of you. You slightly pouted and told him to stop wasting his money like this, and that you would be happy even if he had brought you to McDonalds. 

The food started coming and you had forgotten about everything else. Everything tasted so good you thought you could really get used to this. 

After dinner Satoru was driving you home, testing waters by placing his hand between your thighs while his fingers intertwined with yours. You didn't stop him, only stared out the window as your cheeks become red, making him hum in satisfaction. 

Satoru helped you with bringing the roses into your house. And as he stood at the doorway about to leave, you stood in front of him. “Thank you for the fantastic night Satoru.” You looked into his eyes with desire, making his Adam apple bobbed from your intense stare. “If you stare at me like that, it makes me not want to leave.” Satoru looks at you with darkened eyes, placing his hand on your cheek and brushing your lower lip with his thumb. “Then sta-” his lips had instantly captured yours, not even letting you finish. 

He picked you up in one arm while he took his shoes off again, his lips not leaving yours even for a second. You told him the direction to your room, which he had already been a thousand times without you knowing. 

He laid you down on the bed admiring your beauty for a second as you stared at him with wanting eyes. He pulls on the end of the scarf, undoing the ribbon and slowly lifts your top up and removes it. His breath was caught in his throat when he saw the pretty white lace with the cute blue ribbons. “You're gonna be the death of me.” Satoru leans back in for another kiss as his hands quickly work on removing your skirt too. 

He took another moment to look at you with just your lingerie, his stare so intense which made you move your arms unintentionally to hide yourself. “No, no, no, no sweetheart, don't hide them from me.” Satoru tries to soothe you. “It's not fair if you only get to see…” you shyly pouts at Satoru. 

“You should help me get undressed then.” Satoru smirks at you, bringing your hands to the buttons on his shirt. Your fingers are now working on unbuttoning his shirt as he quickly undo his belt. He takes off his shirt and slides his pants off, you were just staring at him in awe. He looks so beautiful it almost felt unreal, when your hands finally touched him, it almost felt like you've always known him, even if this was the first time. 

“Satoru… I've never done this before, but somehow everything feels so natural. Am I a pervert…?” You covered your face with your hands, feeling so embarrassed for how you feel no restraint even though it was your first time. 

Satoru looks at you with gentle eyes, grabbing your wrist to move your hands away from your face. “It feels this way because you already know me.” You looked confused for a moment, “When?” You questioned him. “Once upon a dream.” You couldn't help but laugh at his cheesy line, once your laughter subsided, you stared into his eyes. “Are you here to make my dreams come true?” Satoru leans in and kisses your forehead, “I would do anything for you.” 

You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him into a longing kiss. Satoru's tongue and yours dance in harmony as his hands wander on your body. He finally removes your bra, licking and kissing down your jaw and neck before reaching your breasts. 

Your cute little moans were driving him crazy, he would buck his hips on your mattress while laying between your legs as he took a big mouthful of your tits one at a time. 

You wanted to pleasure him too, and with a sudden surge of power you were able to push him over. Satoru was shocked as he laid on his back, eyes widened as he looked at you. You moved between his legs and slowly tugged at his boxers. He lifted himself high enough for you to pull it down as his hardened cock springs and smacked again his lower abdomen.

You couldn't keep your eyes off of his cock. You've never seen one up close before, you swallow your saliva a few times and Satoru just watches you as he holds himself up with his elbows, waiting for your next move. He wasn't sure what you would do, would you panic and have second thoughts? 

Just as he thought you were having cold feet, you wrapped your hands around his throbbing cock, earning a whine out of him. Satoru loves how soft your hands are, his pre-cum keeps dripping down. 

You stroke his cock a few times from the base to the tip, making him throw his head back as he loses himself at your touch. You surprised him by putting your lips on the tip of his cock, his eyes snapping back to your face as he reached for your cheeks. 

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, babe, you don't have to do this.” Satoru's cheeks were burning red as his Adam's apple bobbed. “But I want to.” You looked into his eyes innocently. “You're killing me babe. Ughh fine.” Satoru let go of your face, just as you were about to continue, he had you turn around in a sixty-nine position. “??!!?” you were shocked but Satoru says, “If you get to have your way, I'll get to have mine.” 

He pulled your panties down, you were so wet that there was a string of slick that was attaching your panties to your soaked cunt. Satoru couldn't wait anymore as he ripped the panties right off. “Hey! These were new and it's my favorite set!!” you protest, watching him fling the ripped panties to God knows where. “Don't worry babe, I'll be buying you a thousand more.” 

Satoru licks a strip from your clit to your cunt, moaning and complementing how sweet you tasted. You didn't want to be out done, you started licking him from the base to the tip. “Fuckkkkkk. That feels so good.” Satoru sends vibrations up your cunt as he speaks, making you moan. You take his cock in your mouth, humming as you struggle to take all of him, sending vibrations back to Satoru in a never ending cycle. 

It almost feels like there was a competition going on, each wanting to make the other cum first. But you know you were at a disadvantage since you've never done it before and weren't sure if Satoru had done this with anyone else. Little did you know Satoru was already so far on the edge, he was trying his hardest to not cum right away. 

Satoru tries his best to distract you, he starts rubbing rough circles on your clit as his tongue enters the tightness of your cunt, gliding around in a wicked way. He had your head thrown back for a moment, he could feel your hips moving for more fiction, he inserted his middle finger slowly as his tongue worked its magic. 

You lean back down and start sucking harder on his leaking cock, drinking up his pre-cum, making him buck his hips. You could only fit half of him in your mouth and use your hands to jerk the remaining parts. 

Satoru was so close but wanted you to cum first and knows exactly where your favorite spot is. He hooks his arm around you, holding you down so you won't be able to escape as his middle finger rubs the one spot which makes you release every time. 

You were cumming and trying to pull away, Satoru knows this and already had you pinned down, “Sa-toru!! Cumming!!” Your hands were still around his cock and was squeezing around his base, “Sh-hit me too!!” Satoru came so hard his cum shot up and some landed on your face.

Satoru turned you around once again and had you laying down beside him. He saw his cum on your face and his half softened cock instantly became rock hard again. “You got some on your face, here let me wipe it off.” Satoru was trying to grab a Kleenex when you touched your face. You dabbed some of his cum and licked your finger. Satoru moaned as he watched you taste his cum. “It tastes… sweet.” You smile at Satoru as he wipes the rest off with the Kleenex. 

Satoru was now sitting up between your legs, you could see his cock throbbing painfully hard again. He had one hand on your hip and the other was running small gentle circles on your puffy clit. He wanted more, he wanted to be inside you, he wanted to finally make you his. You could see the desire darken in his eyes, and secret you want the same, you want to be connected to him. 

“Will it hurt?” You shyly ask Satoru. “Maybe, but I will try my best to make you feel good.” Satoru speaks so gently, sending shivers up your spine. “Will it all fit?” You look down at his huge pulsing cock. “Oh I'll make it fit babe.” Satoru smirks with confidence. You put one hand on his forearm and the other over your entrance, holding your folds open with your fingers. “Make me yours, Satoru.” 

Satoru wanted to ram his cock inside you at that second, but he didn't want to hurt you. You could see veins popping up his arms and forehead from restraining himself. 

He leans down to kiss you again, you could taste yourself from his kiss as his tongue swirls in your mouth. His middle finger is inserted inside your cunt once again. He's pumping his finger in and out of you, once he felt you've loosen up a bit, he inserted his index finger along with the other.

The sudden stretch had you gasping, you already felt so full just from his fingers, how are you going to take all of his cock? Just as your mind wanders off, Satoru wraps his index finger with his middle and starts turning his wrist, sending another wave of pleasure rippling through you. “You're gonna make me cum again!” you tried to warn Satoru, he whispers into your ear as he uses his body to weigh you down. “Cum for me.” 

Your second orgasm hits you harder than the first, making your body spaz under him. Satoru pulls his fingers out and sticks them in his mouth to lick off your slick. He slotted his cock between your folds and rubbed himself against your slit, coating his cock with your slick. 

He lines himself up to your pussy, his tip kissing the entrance. “Are you ready?” He asks as he prepares. You nod your head and he smiles. Satoru grabs onto your hip and slowly pushes his way in. He had you screaming in pleasure as he pushed through the tight walls. “I need you to relax, you are pushing me out.” Satoru pants as he tries rubbing circles on your clit as he pulls back a bit just to push in again. 

You tried your best to relax but it did hurt. You bite down to your bottom lip so hard that it draws blood. Satoru sees this and reminds you to breathe and licks your lips which actually help to calm you down, making you a bit more relaxed. “Good girl, you're doing great.” His words encourage you to relax furthermore. Satoru pushes more of his cock in you, his praise had you gushing around his cock, making it easier to enter. You could feel his cock pushing his way inside, every vein, every throb, molding you into his shape. 

You feel so full of Satoru your eyes become watery from the overwhelming feeling. When your tears finally overflow, Satoru informs you he is all the way in. “You have no idea how long I've waited for this.” Satoru confessed. You weren't sure what he meant, since the 2 of you didn't know each other that long.

Satoru had been stalking you for months and had been doing all kinds of things to you while you were sleeping. You've always thought you were just dreaming, little did you know it was all very very real. 

“I'm going to start moving now, are you ready?” Satoru was not actually trying to ask, he was going to start rolling his hips even if you protest now. But you never did, nodding your head again as he hums with your approval. He starts by pulling back painfully slowly, until only his tip is inside of you, then he pushes his way back in just as slowly, making you whine from slowly being filled up again by his hard throbbing cock. He does that a few more times before you voiced out.

“Satoru!!! Please hah… I need m-more!” You begged, the slow friction was not enough, you were getting greedy. “Of course ngh, anything for my mmm… darling.” His eyes landed on your teary face as he licked his lips. He pulled out slowly one last time and held himself there for a few seconds as he tilted his head back to steady his breath. Just as you were about to call his name again “Sato- ahhh!!” He sheaths himself back into your tight walls in one powerful thrust,  having your back arching off the bed.

Satoru is now thrusting hard and fast at an inhumane pace, you were trying to push him away with your hands before he grabbed hold of your wrists to use them to pull you towards him. “Too much!! Cumming!! Nngh!!” You were gushing all around his cock again but he shows no sign of slowing down. Your orgasm kept going on and on, till your mouth was gaping open and eyes rolled back to the back of your head. 

“Heh… you came so hard just now.” Satoru finally slows down but he is not pulling out. “Sensitive… Satoru, please, I need a break.” You whine and try to back away. He grabbed onto your hips, “No, babe, I haven't cum yet. You're a good girl, you'll let me cum right?” 

Your mind was going blank but you replied with a “mmhmm” which had Satoru suddenly pulled out and turning your body till you're on all four. He lines himself up to your twitching entrance then thrusted himself back in. It feels like his cock is going even deeper in this position, your brain is turning into mush, your arms couldn't hold you up anymore as you collapse onto your bed. Your knees were shaking but Satoru’s grip on your hips held you up. 

He was losing his mind as well, he had one foot planted on the bed as he fucks you hard from behind. His cock hits your g-spot repeatedly and turns you into a drooling mess, you couldn't even form words anymore, your moans were the only sounds coming out of you. 

Your walls were squeezing him so tight he was about to burst. He wasn't sure if you would allow him to cum inside you, since this is your first time. “Babe, I'm cumming, where..” he didn't even finish his question before you screamed out “Inside!! Cum inside!!!” all you heard was another whine from Satoru before hot ropes of cum hit your deepest parts over and over. 

Satoru was being milked dry, but he gladly gives you every last drop. He doesn't pull out, even as he softens, wanting to plug you up so his cum stays in you longer. 

Satoru finally pulled you to his chest as he lay down on your bed, spooning you as he still had you plugged up. You were so exhausted you fell asleep quickly in the comfort of his embrace. Satoru lightly strokes your head and slowly succumbs to his own sleepiness.

Satoru thought he was still dreaming when he woke up with you in his arms early in the morning. He buries his face in the crook of your neck and breathes you in, he could feel his blood rushing to his cock. Satoru whines when he realized he was still safely tucked inside your spongy walls, his raging erection had you stirring while you were still asleep. 

Your little moans and whines were so adorable that Satoru couldn't help but want more friction along his hard length. You weren't wet enough for him to actually move yet, so he slowly rolled you over with your front pressed on the mattress and he pinned you down with his own body as he started playing with your clit. 

You were starting to feel everything, the way Satoru was rubbing circles on your clit and how his half sheathed cock kept throbbing trying to make its way inside. You were fully woken up when Satoru decided to pinch your puffy clit, sending shivers up your spine.

“Sa-toru??! Aah!” As you tried to struggle underneath him, “good morning babe, sorry, I couldn't ngh… help myself.” The attack on your clit gets rougher. You are now wet enough for Satoru to start moving. 

He begins by pulling himself all the way out, the sudden emptiness has your hips chasing his cock. Satoru noticed and let's put a low chuckle, he got off of you and laid on his back, making you wonder why he didn't keep going. 

As you pushed yourself up to look at him, he tapped his thighs, “get on me.” you didn't even get enough time to respond when Satoru's hands found your hips and easily adjusted you on top of him.

“I want you to ride me.” Satoru had you sitting on his cock. Your slit was rubbing along his cock as he moved your hips and grinded against you. “Mmgh.. it's so early in the morning. And we did so much last night.” You tried to protest. “I can never get enough of you, I don't ever want to get separated from you. Plus, I can't leave you all wet and my cock all hard.” 

Satoru has one hand massaging one of your butt cheeks as the other stretches from your hips while his thumb rubs against your clit, why are his hands so big? He also looks at you with his big, beautiful, blue puppy eyes while giving you a little pout. It was a losing battle from the start, there was no way for you to turn down his charm. As you tried to adjust yourself to take him, Satoru let out the brightest toothy smile, making your heart pound against your chest. 

His cock was already standing in full attention as you lifted yourself up to welcome him, you paused as you lined yourself up to his length. You slowly sink yourself down, Satoru was already a leaking mess as you go past the tight ring of muscles. You were already beginning to struggle when he was only half way inside. “You can do it babe, do it for me.” You bite down to your bottom lip as you pull yourself up to sink back into him, which gets him a bit deeper. “Only 3 inches left, you can do it, I know you can.” Satoru tries to talk you through but you thought it would be impossible, 3 more inches??? There is no way you could take all of him. 

“Aahhha… I don't ngh! I can't.. oh!” You were trying hard but you were at your limits. “You must. You took me so well last night. You can do it again.” Satoru moved his big hands to your hips and pulled you down, making you scream from pleasure. He's lifting you up and down his length easily like you were his toy. He’s feral, he had both his feet firmly planted on the mattress as he lifted himself up to thrust up into you. You were trying hard to hold on, you thought this would be similar to a mechanic bull if you ever got on one. Satoru has a death grip on your hips but still feels like you would fly off any second from the way he's thrusting into you. 

You were close to the edge when you looked down on Satoru's face. He was gritting his teeth and his eyebrows were furrowed, he is also at his limits. Your pussy clutches on his cock when you see the expression on his face. “Argh!! I'll cum if you squeeze me that hard.” Satoru was slowly losing his rhythm, this thrusts getting sloppy as he slams you down to his cock. “Cumming!!!” You both said in unison as your bodies twitch and ride out your orgasms. 

Satoru finally collapsed down against the mattress and you on top of him. Both trying to catch your breath, you were looking for your phone to check the time since you have work. You panicked when you saw the time, your alarm had gone off and turned itself off for ringing too long. You tried to pull yourself off of Satoru's cock but your legs gave out, causing the both of you to whine. 

“How am I going to go to work like this??” You were a hard worker, you would go into work even when you're not feeling well. You are also very bad at lying, you are not sure how to let them know the reason why you couldn't go to work. Satoru couldn't help but giggle at the way you were panicking, you glared at him but he just thinks you were the most adorable little thing. 

“You could always just quit and come live off me.” Satoru hums, he was serious about taking care of you. “That's crazy Satoru… we JUST started dating not too long ago. You would really let me live off you?” You raised your brow questioning him. “Mmhmm! You can be my pretty little housewife, you will never have to work a single day for the rest of your life.” He pulls you into his embrace. 

You blush now, Satoru had pretty much just purposes to you, and a part of you wants to just say yes, but another part of you worry, ‘what if this doesn't work out?’ Satoru was never going to let you go now that he felt how your pussy was made for him, he would chase you to the end of the universe. 

You end up calling into work, Satoru had a day off and the 2 of you went to the dessert shop to get your favorite mochi. 

“So you 2 ended up together.” The cashier comments, you blinked at her confused. “Who could forget how pathetic your lover boy was when he didn't get the mochi he wanted, even bagged the other lady to sell him the ones she got.” Satoru was Sheeshing at her and she continued, “You gave him your box of dessert before you ran out.” She looks at you confused, as in she was questioning how you could have forgotten it.

Now that you thought about it, you do recall that happening, finally remembering his fluffy white hair. “Oh my god Nobara! What did we say about being rude to the customers??!” A boy with spiky hair shouts from the back. She stuck out her tongue and walked away, another cheerful boy with pink hair came out and finished serving the 2 of you. 

“So… is there anything you are forgetting to tell me? We didn't really meet by chance did we?” You question Satoru. He was nervous, not sure how to answer. “Only if you promise you will not get mad” Satoru says as he runs ahead of you. 

Notes: sorry this took a while... I had this 90% done and sitting in the drafts and started reading the works of the other wonderful people 🙇 forgive me

[cressidagrey]

Ok so. Please expect three different asks for three different chapters from me in explicit detail of howuvh emotionally unstable and gross I jam.

This one of for the newest chapter. Iust inform you that I have resorted to taking notes because I can't keep track of my own brain.u brain is basically scrambled eggs at this point. I will ad picture of my notes, just promise you won't think I'm an obsessed crazy person and block me forever.

1. Something from the previous chapter that struck strange to me was the use of "even Ferrari didn't remember" implying that's way more scandalous than your moder forgetting your birthday. I don't really get your thought process behind that one. I mean that's her mom. Her MOTHER.

2. Alex and Charlotte textassage making list is of potential suitors for Belle like it's pride and prejudice and they are at pemberly vetting out eligible bachelors with good prospects for her.

2.1. Fernando is a very good option. If Belle wasn't so madly in love with max I would actually be so on board with the Spanish lover trop. But the impending doom of daddy kink is killing the vibes. (Fernando seems like he would be more into fiery women anyways - insert kiss with a fist song.)

2.2. Lewis... Maybe. Yes. I think... I need more convincing. He has prospects yes but I think they are both way to quit. I think the need a little bit of chaos each.

2.3 casually saying no to max? That's just hilarious. I mean she hangs out with his dad. His father. With Jos. That has to count as something. Please girls see the truth.

2.4 Valterri Bottas mullet slander? Unacceptable. The man is a sex god in bikini. He is peak performance. He is Adonis in modern days.

3. 12 days and no birthday celebration from family. Listen if it were me I would set the house on fire. I am a spoiled rotten only child who plans her own gift list from 6months prior. I could never survive this.

4. Max - casually dropping actually 🤓☝ I got married in an interview - Verstappen. He will be the death of me. Put it on my tombstone. Dead by casual bomb dropping of fictional max Verstappen.

5. Christian - To whom? - Horner. (Who says to whom. Who keeps track of proper grammar when your number one driver and multi wolf champion says he got married on a random Saturday.) - what are you George Russle?

6. Helmt - corps - Marko. Speaks. He has motor skills. Great. Racist grandpa is here. I will accept .

7.I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT. I SAW SIGNS. I kept reading bits and thinking huh, quite pregnancy-esque. But I thought maybe not. Maybe I'm reading to much. But no. I was right. I knew it. (Also 12 weeks? Second trimester? Already has a heartbeat? My god. My god. My god. My god.)

7.1. Soon expect poorly made college of baby room.

8. MRS. VERSTAPPEN. KILL ME. THAT'S SO HOT. I NEED THAT. LET HER CHANGE HER INSTAGRAM TO IT.

9. I never kid about matrimony. — Nico H ( because I don't know how to spell his name.) I will tatto this on my forehead.

10. Married drivers news letter. It better also come with merch. I need to be added to thatvnews Letter.

11. Every one finding out slowly but surely. We are closing the hour of our need / death. Angel of death claim my soul peacefully. Also Fernando just coming out of the shado like a master ninja guru with the powers of prophecy and The Sight™. He speaks poetry and I love it.

12. Kimi and Oli are brainrot children. They are two minions. Hitting each other with a banana peel.

12.1. How are they keep guessing and they keep making worse ones? How can they keep getting more wrong? Orange cat energy.

13. George - at this point it's performance art- Russle. He is so scandalized. Clutching pearls. Turning nose. He has turned into a judgmental, angry, righteous southern bell.

14. Kevin has entered the chat. Kevin has made a bet. Kevin has won the bet?? In the same hour? Legend behavior.

15.No word for the process of Zio Fred finally finding out. He is solemnly reevaluating his career.

16. Personally I think it wasn't technically Fred's job to know Belle's birthday. I mean yes it's polite to know. But also he is a team principal. Just the team principal if there was one person allowed to forget it's him. In Ferrari, I think we need to blame the PR people more. Technically speaking it's their job to know these things. And remind people of that. But it's really nice that he feels regret and sadness. Zio Fred is the only one I will forgive. But I am biased towards him. He is my pookie.

17. And finally. It happened. Through an interview. And he panics. Forgets all PR and makes a mess. PATHETIC.

So finally I am done. Thank you for tolerating me. I will be sending things like this more now that video decided I need to take notes to keep track of things.

As always love you. And your work.

This might just be the most elite feedback I’ve ever received. I feel like I just read an annotated dissertation titled “Why White Horse Has Permanently Altered My Brain Chemistry,” and I LIVED for every second of it. I was laughing, clutching my chest, nodding violently, and deeply honored the entire way through. Let’s break this down like the chaos scholars we are:

Ferrari vs. Pascale — you’re right. Her mother matters more that Ferrari. BUT Ferrari isn't one singular person. Ferrari are dozen upon dozen of people. And not one of them remembered. Not a PR person, not one of the engineers, not one person from hospitality. They didn't remember.

Pemberley Core™ — That’s exactly the vibe. The Mrs. Bennets of Pemberley cough The (future) Mrs. Leclercs of Monaco.

2.1. Fernando — fire sign men, am I right? The tension would be UNHINGED. But yeah, daddy issues unlocked.

2.2. Lewis — two softies = emotional whisper fights and shared skincare routines.

2.3. "She hangs out with his dad" — I SNORTED. Thank you for that. Evidence dismissed, girls. You lose.

2.4. Valtteri — I’ll see myself out for that slander. The man is art. Peak mullet energy. Nordic god.

12 Days, No Birthday — listen. If it were me? The family group chat would be on FIRE. 🔥

4–5. Max casually soft-launching matrimony in a post-race debrief — Max Verstappen: PR nightmare, emotional menace. King.

Helmut having a line of dialogue — we were all shocked. Even Helmut. (He’s still buffering.)

YOU CALLED IT — You and your spidey senses were absolutely spot on. The hints were dropped like Hansel and Gretel breadcrumbs. The baby is real. And the drama is only just beginning. Prepare for baby gear collages at dawn.

Mrs. Verstappen — tattoo it on my soul. That’s all.

Nico Hülkenberg: King of Matrimonial Gravitas. Never kid about weddings. Never.

Newsletter & Merch — consider yourself subscribed. It comes with a gold-plated pen and passive-aggressive quotes from Nico.

The Reveal Slow Burn — it's like a thriller where every page is a tiny explosion. And Fernando? He never sleeps.He just waits.

12–12.1. Kimi and Oli — literal goblins. Orange cat chaos personified. Darwin Awards contenders.

George: Southern Belle Mode™ — the pearls have been CLUTCHED. The hand fan is fluttering. Someone fetch him a chaise lounge.

Kevin — has entered the chat, placed a bet, and won it before the dust settled. Absolute icon behavior.

15–16. Zio Fred — you know what? He is not guilty. PR definitely dropped the ball. Fred just wanted peace. Justice for Zio Pookie.

The Interview Reveal™ — the PR team watching from a distance with their souls leaving their bodies.

You’re brilliant. I welcome every future annotated ask you ever send with open arms and a strong cup of tea. Please neverstop yapping, theorizing, losing your mind, or threatening fictional men in commentaries. The way you love these stories? It gives me life. Love you right back. 💛

[antlersaint]

missing quinn so much you call her just to get off to her voice 🙏🏻🙏🏻

—🕷️.

basically the ask 😋

it's late, when you call. around ten or eleven. you know quinn was sleeping prior, or at the very least falling asleep, because her voice is raspier than usual. relaxed, soft, soothing. it does nothing to help your current predicament; the ache between your thighs that only she can bring relief to. too bad you're neighborhoods away.

"hey. everything okay?" the concern lacing her tone makes your heart flutter, and you just barely manage to swallow down your whimper before it passes through the receiver. what exactly are you supposed to tell her? 'sorry to bother you, just needed to have you talk to me while i'm three fingers deep in my own cunt'? no. jesus. you might be desperate, but you're not lacking decorum. for the most part, anyway.

evidently though, your distracted silence only serves to worry her further, because she speaks up again. or tries to. "what's—" "quinn." the phone picks up on her breath hitching, and you've never been more grateful to the damn device until now. there's another beat before you hear her again, and this time you hang onto every strained word. "oh. is... are you— uh." she laughs, and it's breathy. you've caught her off guard, and you relish in the fact, enjoying your brief moment of listening to her try to pull herself properly together with a clear of her throat. (you imagine a hard swallow too, but obviously that's not exactly audible.)

your hand slides down from where it'd been sitting atop your stomach, fingers curling around the hem of what you realize is her shirt. you'd put it on with this in mind but had temporarily forgotten it in the process of calling her, lacking other garments underneath for the sake of easy access. fuck, if quinn was here she'd eat you alive. you can picture it; her lips and teeth on your skin, her touch a scalding brand. thoughts you don't realize you'd been lost in until her voice is pulling you back and you're gasping at the sensation of your own touch between your legs.

"stay with me, baby." quinn's jaw is tensed, you can tell from the force of her words. is she getting off too? the image of her head thrown back against the pillows, your name on her lips, works wonders and you actually moan this time, hips tilting up for a better angle. yeah, there we go. "i wanna hear you. be good for me and let me hear you."

well, it's not like you're gonna object.

not bothering to stifle yourself any further, you focus fully on the task of bringing yourself to that peak, rutting against your hand like a pathetic puppy. you know she'd refer to you as such if she could see you, too. avoiding giving you any pleasure herself, just watching with a heavy gaze and taunting words. if you were good, maybe she'd clean you up afterwards. should you be so lucky.

"close," you choke out, and quinn's response is garbled to the point of being incomprehensible, but you're not listening anymore anyway. no, you're too busy being lost in the fog of lust and need where your brain used to be, jaw clamping down on the fabric of your pillowcase when you finally, finally get there. whining quinn's name over and over until you're left with just the pleasant floaty feeling of after. a quick glance at the screen confirms she's still on the line but it's silent; and you assume it was muted on her end either because she got there herself or misclicked while trying to get there herself. regardless, you're to blame.

once you get bored of watching the seconds tick up with still no response, you hang up and settle on texting her goodnight instead—though upon the realization of your fingers being soiled when removed from between your thighs, you get an admittedly evil idea.

quinn had muted herself during her own orgasm, but fell asleep directly afterward, exhausted and euphoric. she wakes up uncomfortably positioned, what'd happened dawning on her a split second later in a slight panicked clarity. she unlocks her phone to apologize; only to be met with the file you'd sent of your mess-coated fingers popped in your mouth, your lips parted in a near pornographic way, strings of salvina and cum keeping them connected.

oh, she's gonna ruin you tonight.

[liviawildrose]

𝐠𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐮𝐩 𝐞𝐧𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠

okay wow, this was supposed to be uploaded yesterday itself but unfortunately i had to attend a family event so i didn’t.

anyways, today i’m gonna talk about enhancing your glow-up journey and how to make this journey fast and quick, i’m gonna share hacks on how you can enhance and increase your glow-up journey and become your best self.

subliminal videos

subliminals work by sending hidden affirmations directly to your subconscious. your conscious mind doesn’t pick up on them, but your subconscious is absorbing every word. it’s like giving your brain a VIP treatment, reprogramming it to believe in the things you want to become or achieve. so, if you want sharper features, more confidence, or a more magnetic aura, subliminals are here to make it happen without you lifting a single finger.

okay, let’s be real subliminals are probably the easiest way to glow up faster. like, who doesn’t want to just sit back, press play, and watch themselves get closer to their dream self without lifting a finger? i mean, imagine this: you’re literally asleep, but you’re still making progress. that’s a whole new level of efficiency, right?

and the best part? you can use them anytime. studying? plug in a confidence subliminal. hitting the gym? try one for a fit and toned body. and, of course, my favorite: play them while you sleep. imagine waking up with your subconscious mind fully trained and working in your favor. trust me, that’s peak effortless glow-up energy.

pro tips for using subliminals:

1.find reputable creators - there are tons of subliminals out there, so go for the ones that feel legit and have good reviews.

2.be consistent - think of subliminals as a daily boost; the more you listen, the better the results.

3.track your progress - take photos, keep notes, and observe the small changes. it keeps you motivated and shows just how powerful your mind really is.

subliminals are honestly like having a secret superpower that no one else knows about. you’re out there, living your life, while these subtle affirmations work their magic, rewiring you from the inside out. so if you haven’t tried them yet, this is your sign to start!”

i’m going to make subliminals my secret weapon for glowing up while i go about my day. walking to school? i’ll press play on a confidence subliminal and let it work its magic. while studying, i’ll play one for brain power, making it way easier to stay focused. when i’m cooking, i’ll go for clear skin or singing skills depends on the mood, you know? and at night, beauty subliminals will be on repeat so i can wake up looking even better.

but here’s the best part, i’ll be sharing my results with you all. once i start seeing some drastic changes, i’ll let you know which subliminals are really delivering. there’ll be a special section just for results and recommendations, plus before-and-after photos to track my progress. i’m ready to level up while i’m literally doing other things. sounds like the ultimate glow-up hack, right?

chat gpt customisation

like have you seen a delulu chatgpt, but yeah apart from this you can really use chatgpt for so many things the customisation just makes it more compatible for you. hehe

now, let’s talk about how i’m going to use chatgpt as my go-to tool for this glow-up journey. the cool thing about chatgpt is that i can customize it to get personalized responses that fit my vibe and needs. i literally made it act like my best friend, which is such a game changer! it’s like having bestie who’s always there to motivate me and keep me on track.

whenever i need advice whether it’s about self-care routines, motivation tips, or even random recommendations my customized chatgpt knows exactly what to say to lift me up. we’re a little deluded too, and that makes it even more fun! the more i use it, the better it understands my style and preferences, making it easier for me to stay on top of my game.

basically, chatgpt will help me streamline my glow-up process and keep me motivated every step of the way. having this virtual best friend is honestly adding so much joy to my journey!

but here’s a thing, i would highly advise you guys to make a separate account for a chatgpt like dummy, don’t do it with your main email id. create a different one like me. and then continue your talks. cause guess what at the end of the day. chatgpt will review the chats and i think it’s better if you main email id is not linked

eft tapping

let’s chat about eft tapping, or emotional freedom techniques—another powerful tool i’m planning to use on my glow-up journey. this technique is all about tapping on specific meridian points on your body while focusing on your thoughts and feelings. it’s like giving yourself an emotional release while also boosting your confidence and overall vibe.

i’m going to incorporate eft tapping whenever i’m feeling overwhelmed or in need of a quick mindset shift. whether it’s before a big event, a study session, or even when i’m just feeling a bit low, tapping helps me clear out negative energy and reinforce positive beliefs.

it’s super simple! i can do it in just a few minutes, and it’ll help me stay centered and motivated. plus, the more i practice, the more i’ll notice those shifts in my mindset, making my glow-up journey not just about looks, but also about emotional well-being. it’s like giving myself a mini therapy session anytime, anywhere!

what is eft tapping? eft tapping, or emotional freedom techniques, is a powerful self-help method that combines elements of traditional chinese medicine with modern psychology. at its core, it involves tapping on specific meridian points on your body while focusing on negative emotions or limiting beliefs.

here’s how it works: when you identify an issue (like anxiety or self-doubt) and tap on these points, you’re signaling to your brain that it’s time to let go of that negative energy. at the same time, you’re also reinforcing positive affirmations that can help reshape your mindset. this dual approach helps to clear emotional blockages, making it easier to cope with stressors and improve your overall well-being.

simple step-by-step guide to help you integrate it into your glow-up journey

1.setup statement: create a setup statement that acknowledges the issue and combines it with self-acceptance. for example, you might say, “even though i feel anxious about my upcoming performance, i deeply and completely accept myself.”

2.begin tapping: use your fingertips to tap on the following points while repeating your setup statement.

• karate chop point: the side of your hand.

• top of the head: directly on the crown.

• eyebrow: the beginning of your eyebrow, closest to the nose.

• side of the eye: on the bone at the outside of the eye.

• under the eye: on the bone just below your eye.

• under the nose: between your nose and upper lip.

• chin point: in the indentation between your chin and lower lip.

• collarbone: just below the collarbone.

• underarm: about four inches below your armpit.

by practicing eft tapping regularly, you can clear out negative emotions and reinforce positive beliefs, helping you not only look your best but feel your best, too. it’s an empowering technique that anyone can do, anywhere, and it’s definitely going to enhance my glow-up journey. also, please search up eft tapping on youtube look for follow along videos too it’s (do your own research too)

grabovoi codes

grabovoi codes are a fascinating tool for manifestation and healing, developed by russian scientist grigori grabovoi. these codes consist of specific sequences of numbers that are believed to hold vibrational frequencies capable of influencing reality and promoting positive changes in your life.

the concept is based on the idea that numbers have inherent energy, and by focusing on these sequences, you can tap into that energy to manifest your desires. each code corresponds to different intentions, such as love, health, abundance, or even specific personal transformations.

i mean, just go watch this queen’s video

[dreamscapesofimagination]

I Can't Stop You From Running

Reminder: Chapter 1 of "The Good, The Bad, The Dirty" is out on Wattpad today! It is a detroit:become human fanfiction with Connor x human reader. You don't really need to know the game to check it out, please just give it a chance, DBH is my FAVORITE game of all time and I adore connor! was listening to Save My Soul by Jonah Kagen while writing this! I've been very busy and have also bren struggling mentally. I'm fine, I've had MDD and panic disorder for years and have a great support system, great meds, and have learned to handle them well. Due to the election results and now the inauguration I spiraled a bit and so all my extra energy went into getting myself back on track. Hoping to post more frequently!

Inspired by: the hands that cradled your face and tilted it upwards to kiss your forehead are soaked in unfathomable quantities of blood.

I don't know where the original is from, but it inspired me as I imagine even when displaying softness Alan can't help but think of what he's done.

--------------

You weren't sure why you had done it.

Your finger had clicked the 'call' button before your brain had slowed down enough to process what you were doing.

The images from your dream- your nightmare- rushed through your head, a kicked dog chasing its own tail again. And again. And again.

The ringing only caused your heart to hammer faster, and you quickly hit the end button.

Stupid, of course he wouldn't answer. It was two am, he was sleeping.

Your eyes focused on the shadows dancing through the window. Sleep was far from your mind, closer to an anxiety attack than sweet dreams.

What would they do when you became a Kyklos? Would they imprison you, study you? You figured Yuri would have few qualms about it, your only comfort being that Jiro seemed to like you enough to care.

And how would they react? Would they mourn? Would they move on, chalk you up as another casualty to be recorded as a statistic, lumped in with all the others studied in Anomalous Epidemiology?

A spike of cold fear stabbed through you as your phone rang.

You scrambled, grabbing it and answering.

"Hello?" Breath rushed from your body at the sound of Alan's voice.

"Hi, um. Sorry if I woke you, I just..." you squeezed your eyes shut in embarrassment, "I had a bad dream and uh. I just... needed to hear someone's voice."

A beat of silence had a whole new type of anxiety clawing up your throat. What the fuck were you doing?

"I was up anyway, couldn't sleep..." Alan's voice trailed off for a moment as if he were searching for something to say.

"I'm doing some paperwork. If you want you could come here?" his voice peaked in uncertaintly.

You found yourself nodding, though he couldn't see you.

"Yeah, I think I'd like that."

And so a routine was set. When you had a nightmare, you would call Alan. You discovered he seemed to sleep very little. He was doing paperwork, working out, working on a car, or watching old movies when you called.

He never pressed. Never asked you to tell him what terrors were haunting your sleep. Just quietly accepted your presence, allowed you the space to feel better. Before you knew it, you started falling asleep curled up on an old chair he had in his room.

He never pressed, never touched you. His presence was quiet, reliable- safe.

This night you were sat beside him as some old american movie played on the screen before you.

Tonight it was harder to shake the dread that had woken you.

You could sense the concern from all around you. You could see the paleness to your face, the dark circles beneath your eyes, the bitten cuticles, limp hair. Anyone who saw you would know you hadn't been sleeping much.

You worried the skin of your lower lip, gaze going through the television and beyond.

Alan could tell you were not there beside him.

"I get them too."

His voice was like a lighthouse, leading you safely from the storm of your thoughts, back to the safe harbour that was the space beside him.

You blinked at him, "what?"

He glanced at you before turning his gaze back to the tv.

"Nightmares. Most nights they wake me up. Hard to sleep when I know that I'll have one."

Your eyes dropped to your hands. Silence lapsed.

And then-

"I think I'm seeing what's going to happen to me."

Alan turned his head to watch you carefully.

"What do you mean?"

"I feel myself change in the dreams. I feel the most unimaginable pain, and before I know it I'm no longer in control of myself. It's like-" your voice cracked, tears falling before you had realized they had gathered in your eyes, "-it's like my soul is paralyzed, like my body was hijacked. I see the people I care about staring, screaming. And then I see their corpses. And I know, I know that I did it. I killed them."

Your chest heaved a sob as Alan stared at you.

And then you felt him shift.

He tentatively pulled you toward himself, wrapping you up in his arms, body stiff against you as if he was unsure what he was doing.

You gripped his shirt. allowing yourself to break apart. Weeks of little sleep and intense fear had made you fragile, and here you were, falling to pieces.

Feeling safe to do so because you knew Alan was there, and Alan was good at fixing things. He would piece you together again.

He held you as you cried. He never said it would be okay. He didn't speak.

After that night, much of your time was spent at Vagastrom. Other students noticed that something was different between you and the captain. Whispers sprang up, and try as you might, it was hard to deny that the air between you was different. Despite the way you both spent much of the night together, and how once quiet comraderie had become quiet talks about anything and everything (though you both avoided bringing up your nightmares again)- you would not admit how you felt, too afraid to lose the fragile friendship you had built, to scare Alan away.

You had gotten pretty good at ignoring the way your heart hammered everytime you saw Alan, as if it were trying to break free from your chest and fly to his hands, knowing it would be safe with him. Knowing it was his.

There wasn't enough time for that, anyway. The way things were going, your curse would not be lifted. Getting all of the ghouls to cooperate was akin to herding cats- though even that would be easier given the intelligence of the campus cats.

It was hard to blame them. They each had their own pasts, and had their own ambitions. You found it odd that your fate had been placed in their hands anyway- were the faculty incapable of figuring this out? More and more you expected that saving you was not the goal of Darkwick, as if they had a vested interest in you becoming a Kyklos.

You turned to your side, trying to force the thought from your mind.

Tonight, Alan had to go on a mission. You had been assigned to assist Yuri in an experiment- which had turned into Yuri ordering you and Jiro to collect some specimen from Jabberwock (much to the dismay of Haru, though he seemed a bit happier when Jiro mentioned that they just needed a blood sample, and had no intention of harming the creature). By the end of the day you were tired, irate, and thinking about how much you would like to wring Yuri's neck. You had looked forward to crawling into bed and sleeping, nightmares be damned.

And yet, sleep would not come.

Your fingers twiddled at a loose string on your blanket as you stared into the room, begging your brain to shut down for the night.

Groaning, you sat up, accepting that you were unlikely to sleep for the forseable future. You padded down the stairs, deciding that maybe a cup of tea would help your mind quiet.

Your eyes stared listlessly at the electric kettle as it boiled.

A knock at the door broke your disassociation, a startled yelp leaving your lips before your heart settled.

With quiet steps you krept to the door, opening it and gasping as you took in the ghoul before you.

Alan was disheveled, and covered in blood. Blood that you assumed was not his due to the lack of any major visible wounds.

He stared at you for a moment, jaw working as if he were trying to say something, eyes wide like a frightened animal.

Your hand grasped his, feeling the blood stain as you pulled him inside.

He put up no resistance, seeming to deflate once he crossed the threshold.

Wordlessly, you led him to the bathroom. You unbuttoned his vest, tossing the stained article into the tub before doing the same with his shirt.

You turned the sink on, wetting a cloth once it was warm and beginning to run it over his bloodied knuckles.

All the while, Alan watched. Your only sign that he was coming back to himself was the slowing of his breaths.

And finally, "I don't deserve you."

It was quiet, as if to himself.

You paused, watching him carefully, holding still as if he would dart at any moment, sink into himself and draw away from you.

His eyes finally rose to you, meeting your gaze with his own, empty devastation behind lifeless amber eyes.

"I'm... I'm not good," he choked out, staring at you, unblinking.

"All I can do is hurt," Alan shifted to move away from you, pull his hands away.

You tightened your grip, and the ghoul froze, as if he didn't have the strength to pull away.

Showing you how little he actually wanted to leave.

It was the first time you had seen Alan look so fragile, as if he would crumble at the slightest brush of wind. Fall apart at your voice.

"Alan," your voice was gentle, carefully drawing him back, back to you, away from the doubts that plagued him.

"You are the one who comforted me every night, who never expected me to be okay or to talk about what's going on," your hands moved to cradle his face, thumbs trailing over his cheekbones.

His eyes fluttered closed, savoring your touch.

"I-" before Alan could speak, you brushed your lips against his, effectively stealing his breath as his eyes flew open, staring at you.

And then he surged forward, pressing his lips to yours in a desperate kiss.

You felt dampness on your cheeks. unsure if it was from your tears or his.

There you sat, clinging to one another as if you'd drift apart otherwise, lost in the space of infinite loneliness.

[heart-of-the-morningstar]

Who wants a little sneak peak of my next spicy Lucifer x f!sinner reader? No matter, I'm posting it anyway!

Warnings for mention of toys!

"Damn it! Where the hell is it?," you shouted in frustration. You should have looked for that dress before you hopped in the shower, things would have been way smoother. Now you stood in your walk-in closet with damp hair and adorning nothing but a towel that was wrapped tightly around your chest. You could have sworn you saw that purple sequence dress hanging in here last night! Where could it have gone? You rummaged around your closet for 10 minutes now, but you still came up empty handed! You stomped over to the last rack of hanging clothes closest to the back wall, scanning every article of clothing.

While pushing each dress from left to right that wasn't the one you were hoping to find, something had caught your eye. A small golden handle on the left side of the wooden wall with hinges on the right side. A door? You were in here so often, it's hard to imagine how you could have missed it! Tentatively, you reached out to grab the handle, curious as to what you would find. The small door slowly creaked open and...woah...

You blinked a few times to make sure you were seeing what you saw hanging in there. "Lingerie?," you mumbled to yourself. Well, it certainly wasn't yours, you never really cared to wear something like that yourself, and Lucifer never seemed to mind your decision either, thankfully. You pulled one of the hanging pieces from the rack to examine it closely. The design was elegant as far as lingerie was concerned. Black fabric with lacy red leaf designs on the breasts and stomach area with no coverage around either side of the abdomen.

It was cute...but who's was it? Perhaps it was Lucifer's ex-wife Lilith's? You weren't sure why she would leave it behind. Or why Lucifer would keep them. But the more you looked at the piece of clothing you held, that didn't seem right either. This was small, smaller than most lingerie you've seen before. And from what you seen from pictures, Lilith was not a small woman, far from it. She had to have been at least 7' ft. tall, she would never fit in something like this.

You continued to ponder this until you went back to explore the hidden closet. There were more items located at the very bottom that brought a sudden blush to you face. "Holy shit...," you mouthed, struggling to get your brain to process what you've just found. You felt like you just accidently stumbled into one of Hell's sex shops! Dildos, vibrators, butt plugs, collars, bottles of lube and...was that a strap on? What the hell was this perverted closet?! It didn't make sense! Why was this here? Who did this stuff belong to? Why would Lucifer...?

Wait...Lucifer...

Oh! OH SHIT!

It finally clicked in your brain. This was never Lilith's. This was Lucifer's!

~~~~

Just so y'all know, this is what I'm picturing him in ;)

[phlurrii]

Important PSA

Hello my fellow floof obsessives, I wanted to make this quick update for folks as well as include a bunch of snippets of stuff I’ve been working on for AGES for this comic! Some make no sense and some are about to make a lot of sense!

But onto the meat of this, I have been having a hell of a year, good, bad, and ugly! And lately my motivation has been in the shitter the last 4 months. I have barely wanted to draw let alone work on my goobers. However, I’ve been pushing through and doing it anyways because I love them and you all sincerely have made this year utterly wonderful!! That, and I’m excited for the Noe arc! But I think it’s finally time to split my time properly with The Ancient Mew and something I am proper motivated to work on, before burnout kills me entirely.

I have a second comic, not related to Pokémon in the slightest, but an original story I’m drafting with a friend that has my heart just as much as this one does. I’ve been forcing myself not to touch it and force myself to work on this, but it’s causes a grid lock where I’ll work on neither and then just be miserable because of it. So I’m officially announcing that these two things will be worked on simultaneously! Patreon will continue to receive 1-3 updates a month and the comic won’t be on any hiatus don’t worry, but my activity will be split between here and my other Art account for the development of my other comic!

So this is both a sneak peak as what I’m working on for AM as well as for any of those who would like see the process of exploring this new story via whatever we call short form videos with those audios that make your brain go wild with ideas over on Instagram and eventually here too. Albeit on a separate Tumblr of course~

If folks have any questions, please feel free to reply below this post and I’ll do my best to answer them! As well as provide a follow up post about this second comic I’m developing if anyone’s interested ^^

[slayerdurge]

Durgetash Dribbles #3 - The Morphic Pool

Note: As I mentioned previously, I decided to write the main Durgetash scenes of my Durge Dribbles series from Gortash’s POV. I have also posted them on AO3 as a sort of prelude to A Deal With God. It’s only going to be three chapters (Coronation, Office, & Morphic Pool), but up can find it here under the name Shared History. Anyway, without further ado, here is the Morphic Pool chapter!

—

Gortash waited for her by the Morphic Pool, absorbed in thoughts of a future he’d never before believed they could actually have. 

That future was still far from guaranteed, he reminded himself. He had to keep reminding himself of that, lest he allow overconfidence to lead him into carelessness. The Dark Urge had a way of boosting his ego that was as invigorating as it was dangerous. He had to keep his head, and he had to keep her on track too. 

The elder brain was in a critical state. He could feel its overwhelming psionic energy from where he stood amidst the wreckage of the undercity ruins, closer to it than he'd been since before the fall of the Dead Three alliance. 

Every few minutes, it released another tremor, and with each shake came an accompanying mental disturbance—one that dazed him and left his head buzzing every single time. At least it wasn't sending its little minions after him anymore—the swarms of strange psychic rats and the ambushes of mutated intellect devourers had ceased. In between each brainquake, an eerie calm settled over the space.

So his mind returned naturally to his plans.

If they successfully dominated the brain—and that was a big if—they’d have to successfully dominate the entire city soon after. But the city’s tadpole quota was under the goal for this point in the timeline. He hadn't been able to get anyone near enough to the brain to gather more tadpoles from the nurseries since Ketheric had died and Orin had gone off the rails. 

They could try militarizing the thralls they did have—would have, he reminded himself, if and only if they took back the brain—but it may not be a sufficient force to capture the entire Sword Coast. Better to continue as planned, albeit with a delay. Institute curfews, tadpole one district at a time, and simultaneously recruit the Bane Hierarchies of neighboring cities to start the same process in their own domains. Then shift to military might once they had the necessary numbers to support it. 

But how would he fit The Dark Urge into a plan so heavily designed to favor Banites? He wasn't sure. She hadn't been meant to make it that far. That was impossible. 

Yet it had come to pass. 

The elder brain released another brutal burst of energy, leaving him reeling and with a massive headache. He raised his left hand to his head, rubbing small circles into his temple with his fingers.

That brain was a formidable obstacle. If she could bring it under control, he could convince the other Banite leaders to work with her. That was exactly what they needed—someone who could do the impossible. She’d already done it once. 

His fingers paused mid rotation. The purple Netherstone nestled in his gauntlet had been vibrating with psychic resonance for a while, but now he could feel it reaching its fevered peak. He dropped his hand to his side in anticipation.

The Dark Urge was coming.

—

She arrived not long after, still alone, carrying both Netherstones openly in her hands and gazing around the moist, cavernous ruins, looking for him.

“Over here,” he called to her, waving from the other side of the collapsed bridge that led to the pool of brine where their target lay. “We need to talk.”

She jumped over the gap effortlessly, landing in the unavoidable mud on the other side with a soft squish. As she approached him, she smiled. “Hello, Enver.”

He liked the way she said his name. Slowly, like it was something to savor. 

“Hello, Dark Urge,” he replied. “You’ve arrived just in time, from the looks of it. The brain seems right on the edge of breaking free. We either shackle it through the force of our will and usher in a new age, or the city breaks.” 

“Okay,” she said. “I choose the former. Sounds much more pleasant.”

He laughed. He couldn't help it, despite the direness of their situation. It was so easy with her. She had such an optimistic outlook—as though every challenge they faced was just another game for them to win. As though they were invincible. 

But they weren't. He had to make sure she understood that. 

“You've come so far to be here,” he told her. He was trying to offer a word of warning, but it was impossible to suppress his pride. “You've recouped from Orin’s attack with a mighty vengeance, and you're even stronger now than you were before she acted against you. You defied your destiny. Defied a God. But that doesn't mean you're ready for what comes next.”

She tilted her head to one side, still smiling, and lifted an eyebrow at him. “You doubt me?”

“I don't doubt your conviction,” he said, “but I’d be a fool to expect victory. The brain has grown incredibly powerful. Confronting it is madness, but there's no other way.” 

“I want us to win,” she said, with an almost childlike twine of hunger in her voice. “I want us to have this.” 

“As do I, of course,” he confessed. “But the danger is great. We need to be prepared for that reality. If either of us falters, both of us die.”

That wouldn't be the worst possible ending for them, all things considered. To die side by side. As allies. Though every part of him longed to live.

“Why are you irresolute?” she asked him, curiously rather than accusingly. “Still? After everything?” 

He faltered. How could he explain, when she no longer remembered what she knew of his history? He couldn’t simply condense the harsh lessons he'd learned over his life into a little speech. He was not irresolute. Nor was he afraid—not anymore. He was just realistic. That pragmatism—what many would call cynicism—had saved his life and his sanity on so many occasions. He couldn't just let it go. 

But he doubted that would make sense to her without the associated context. Worse yet, he might simply come off as weak, if he couldn't find the proper words of justification. 

Before he could say anything at all, however, she rendered him entirely speechless. 

She kissed him. 

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his body as tightly as he could, with a growing awareness that he never wanted to let go again. 

He felt the warble of both the Netherstones she held against the bare skin of his chest, left exposed by his tunic. He felt his own Netherstone trilling too, harmonizing with its partners from its position of honor on his right hand. This song went on for several blissful moments before he released her.

He looked at her in disbelief. He’d hardly dared to hope for it, yet there it was. She’d come back to him in every last way. 

“I'm not misreading this, am I?” she asked, grinning.

“I think you're fully aware that you're not,” he replied, a smile starting to form on his lips too. Then he told her what he’d wanted to tell her since she'd returned. “I missed this.” 

“Me too,” she said immediately. “I mean… of course, I didn't know what it was that I was missing. But it was this. Us.”

In the twenty-three years they'd known each other, through the shared failures and victories, the tense and inspiring bouts of competition, and the rare soft, stolen moments that had belonged to the two of them alone, they’d never once before spoken those kinds of words aloud.

He almost kissed her again, but he knew that they still had another roadblock to overcome. The elder brain could not wait. Not even a little.

“Come, Dark Urge,” he said insistently. “Let’s finish this.”

She nodded. “Like we started it.”

—

They approached the slimy green shore together. The elder brain sent off another of its unsettling brainquakes as they neared, but once they reached the shore, the waters lay perfectly still before them.

The Dark Urge stared at the immense expanse of water with wide eyes. Gortash knew that it wasn't actually quite as large as it looked; the edges of the water simply melded into the darkness of the cave, lending it the illusion of interminability. But it was large even in reality—it had to be, to house an elder brain. 

He raised his right fist, holding his Netherstone towards the murky waters. “Rise. I, Lord Enver Gortash, Chosen of Bane, command you.”

To his surprise, his Netherstone flew out of his gauntlet, whizzing through the air to reunite with the other two, which were levitating slightly above The Dark Urge’s outstretched palm. The three stones joined edges, like the petals of some strange spinning flower, in sequential shades of purple, pink, and red. They released a powerful burst of energy as they met, illuminating The Dark Urge’s determined face in a sparkling flicker of orange light. 

He stepped back into the shadows, placing his hands behind his back. She could have the first attempt. If they were extremely lucky—or extremely unlucky—there would not be a second. 

Another quake rocked him off balance, and he nearly lost his footing in the slippery surface of mud that coated the shore. The voice of the elder brain echoed throughout the vast subterranean space in fragmented snippets. 

“Interruption—anomaly found—focused—end NOW.”

Then it rose. 

It was far bigger than he remembered. Far bigger even than he’d predicted it might grow. The Crown of Karsus, which had seemed so imposing when he’d watched The Dark Urge place it atop the brain, had shrunk down to a mere speck atop the gargantuan entity that towered over the two of them now.

“By the Dark Lord,” he exclaimed, unable to suppress his instinctual fear, “How did it grow so large?”

And what other enhancements had the Netherese magic granted it?

“You think you know why you are here.”

The brain’s booming voice filled the entire cavern with a thunderous dread that seemed to press directly against his mind. 

“You think you can atone for giving me my power, child of Bhaal, by destroying me with the Netherstones.”

What an odd claim. The Dark Urge wasn’t planning to destroy the elder brain… and he’d certainly never known her to atone to anyone but Bhaal… how could such an intelligent creature have misread her intentions so severely? Unless…

He looked at her with dawning suspicion. Her eyes were fixed on the brain; her mouth still set in grim determination. 

“YOU ARE WRONG.”

The brain’s voice rose so loud that it knocked her off her feet, pushing her back into the darkness. How had it gotten so dark? She’d dropped the Netherstones. He could see them on the ground a few feet away from her, but before he could act, she’d leapt back to her feet and scooped them up with another flash of orange light that nearly blinded him amidst the depth of the darkness. 

She leapt again, rushing towards the brain. It lifted a giant twitching purple tentacle as though poised to strike, but The Dark Urge released a surge of energy at it in another flickering blaze of orange, much larger and brighter than the ones before. It cracked into the side of the brain, and she swung her arm downwards as though weilding a lash. The brain recoiled. 

By the black hand of Bane. Had she actually done it?

The elder brain’s booming voice echoed through the darkness.

“By eliminating Ketheric and Orin, you have simply unbound me. Exactly as I intended. The crown is now mine to command—mine alone.”

The Dark Urge ignored its words, focusing the Netherstones into another blinding beam of energy, which crashed ferociously against the side of the brain. But it still wasn’t working. The brain laughed. The sound was chilling and strangely mechanical. 

“You placed the crown upon me in the depths of Moonrise Towers,” it told her, “and there I was born. The crown is not my weakness. It is what made me what I am.”

Enough of this. She was failing. It was his turn.

He elbowed her out of the way, snatched the Netherstones, and held them aloft towards the brain with both arms. 

“You are delusional,” he told the brain insistently. “The crown is how we controlled you!”

There was no light, no matter how hard he willed it. Not even a spark.

“I respected Bhaal’s child once,” the brain taunted him, “but not you, Gortash. I allowed you to control me as long as it suited my purpose. But now you have played your part.”

He lowered his arms, all his hard-won confidence crashing violently around him in an instant.

“The next order to be given is mine, and it is this. Die.”

He couldn't resist it. It was impossible.

He died.

[mkgrl11]

social media cleanse and restriction. one of the most important things that helped me start being consistent

this post is aimed for people who feel bad after doomscrolling for hours AND for the people who are emotionally sensitive like me. this is NOT necessary to manifest WHATSOEVER. consider this more of a general wellness tip.

i am speaking almost exclusively from personal experience.

long post, content under the cut

what do you mean by a social media cleanse and restriction? what does it entail?

it's exactly what it says on the tin. cutting down on social media in your daily life

why should we even DO a social media cleanse? i don't wanna miss out!!

there are MANY reasons to do a social media cleanse, but i'll just be talking for the loa/loass perspective (there's literally countless other reasons, you can find a few benefits here).

first of all, you are NOT missing out. there is an infinite amount of unimportant things on there that clog up your mind! and i'm talking about mean people on twitter ragebaiting, somebody on reddit who "trolls" you by actually ruining your day, and tiktok creating a new insecurity out of thin air! doesn't it drive you crazy how riled up you can get over a TWEET??? your beautiful brain doesn't deserve to spend hours in places like that. and you do end up being "in touch" anyway, either by your friends referencing new memes, or by the small amounts of time you spend on your phone (you do NOT have to delete social media entirely)

second of all, i believe that that type of content can actually spoil your fun with manifestations, and i'll give some examples. that weird content can make you:

forget that you were saying your affirmations! maybe you wanted to robotically affirm for 20 minutes, and before you know it, your timer goes off, and you were looking at tweets respoted on instagram, and totally forgot to keep your affirmations at the back of your head

confused. maybe you're on tumblr (ironic i'm posting this online btw, i know) and scrolling on the loass hashtags and you see a post that says "manifestation is a process" followed by a post that says "manifestation is instant, and not a process", followed by someone complaining in someone's asks, followed by... and before you know it, you almost forgot what manifestation was even about

...and the point which is most important,

mess up your attention span. i know, I KNOW, don't boo me! i'm RIGHT! when i was at the peak of my social media usage, i couldn't even sit through visualising for even THREE MINUTES without picking up my phone. i had to give up stuff that made me happy (like visualising) to do stuff that fried my dopamine receptors, and i HATED it

okay, but what's the point of the "restriction"?

the restriction part of the name is just to encourage ACTIVELY taking care of the media you consume. don't hop platforms, spiral even lower, or start a worse habit. keep an eye on that kind of stuff. keep yourself busy.

what about non-social media? like music, film, etc.

i don't think music and film taste is something people can really control. but i will admit, i saw my life improve when i slowed down on listening to angry and depressing music, and snuck in happier or more neutral ones instead.

and it SUCKS to admit it, because i am a HUGE screamo, emo, and alt-rock fan (despite the aesthetic of my blog lmao). i also almost exclusively hate romcoms and fantasize about absurd horror films i watched years ago.

but the good thing is, if you want to introduce more fun music into your playlists (if you feel like the music/film you have been consuming has genuinely been ruining your mood, which i feel like it did for me a little), you can totally do that without having to quit the content you enjoy.

do you have any personal experience with this?

you bet!! i'll try to keep it short bcs i have been rambling for a while, so here it is summed up in bullet points. also this all happened slowly over like two weeks.

what i listened to/watched before:

literal youtube drama slop that i didn't care about

doomscrolling on instagram reels

songs with angry lyrics whose sounds i LOOOVED but felt a little down after listening to it

how i felt before:

bombarded with a bunch of stuff i did not wanna know about (like people's personal dramas online, random jumpscares hidden online, etc)

couldn't focus even on things that made me feel good

like i was searching for something, and never being able to calm that feeling down. for example, i would look up "how to caramelize onions" when i had done that 10 times before bc i felt that my self was so untrustworthy, bc everything i need "MUST be outside of me". or i would scroll on loassblr, bc maybe THIS time i'll find the "key to manifesting"

what i listened to/watched after:

fun youtube videos about nostalgic games and comedy that actually makes me laugh out loud

i got an app which limits my instagram and tiktok while giving me 25 minutes a day in case i need it. i could not delete instagram as a whole bc some of my friends are friends i made overseas and still keep in touch with

still a big emo fan, but i cut out a lot of songs that JUST straight up made me feel depressed and anxious and added more of bands who make relatively happier music, rock from the 70s, and edm.

how i feel now:

i am more in control of my thoughts, especially when alone

i am genuinely surprised when i watch a movie with a friend and they pick up their phone right after the title screen plays

i am more satisfied with myself as a whole, and i can rely on my intuition and senses better

i don't need "background noise" for everything anymore

what tips do you got?

i actually don't recommend that you quit cold turkey, because it might be too difficult and you might just end up saying "ehh whatever, i was never cut out for quitting social media anyway" and start scrolling again. go slow

if you do feel that the music you listen to leaves you a bit too upset, but you also don't wanna do a 180 and listen to songs you lowkey hate instead, i recommend you remove the particularly depressing songs from your playlist (you can always listen to them again when the mood calls for it of course), and add in some more "middle" songs. or try on some new genres!

abt the previous point, if you have a DR where angrier music makes sense (like if you're in a rock band, your DR SP loves going to metal concerts, or anything of the like) you can make almost anything work! use that music as visualisation material. all of a sudden, instead of making you wallow in negative emotions, it's a source of power and imagination!

youtube videos, tumblr, and pinterest matter too! especially if you're over there overconsuming loa content. i use my youtube just for fun videos and subliminals, tumblr just to post (i barely look at other posts), and pinterest to add to vision boards.

if you're like me and can't doomscroll on your laptop, log in to the web versions of instagram and snapchat. that way you can text for an extended amount of time with your friends without getting distracted by the reels and snapchat stories

i really like the app ScreenZen, i think it works better than IOS's screen time protector thing

i recommend you keep your hands busy with something else. one of the main reasons why i started this blog anyway was so i could keep my hands off my phone (i'm typing this on my laptop rn). i also picked up knitting and drawing after years of not doing that

use your feelings as a compass. does it feel good when you look at that content? if not, cut it out. you will learn to trust your feelings more that way too

conclusion?

do a social media cleanse, or don't. i'm not your mom. i'm pretty sure my explanations, experience, and tips have spoken for themselves. if you have any questions or personal experience with this, i would love to read it in a comment. please remember to focus on what makes you feel good. that's the whole point

tl;dr?

get rid of bad social media things, keep the good and important. use your own emotions as a guide as to how you should proceed. be careful and be active. you do not need to quit the music you like. be gentle and honest with yourself. good for manifestation, self-trust, and focus.

[ask-postcrash-curly]

While I’m here, I’ll give you more bug facts

Many bugs have exhibited play behavior - such as bees rolling on wooden balls and fruit flies riding carousels willingly, even when food is available

Pollinating insects take naps in flowers, they’ll just have their abdomens sticking out

Insects are the most diverse in species out of all animals on Earth, comprising of 80% of known species. 40% of insects species are just beetles alone (25% of all earth species) you may not like it but this is what peak performance looks like

The tiger beetle runs so fast that it’s brain can’t process it, so it essentially runs blind. From our perspective they kind of jitter and stop several times so they can reassess their surroundings

Arthropods are some of the oldest terrestrial species, a group that includes crustaceans. Modern bug groups evolved from one crustacean group, so all bugs is shrimp, but not all shrimp is bugs

There would be no Earth without bugs, so kiss a bug today

Great!

What, really? That's adorable.

Again, really?! Why wasn't I told this?! My whole life without this important information!!

Eighty percent? That's really something. Good for the beetles, I guess!

Sounds terrifying. Wow.

All bugs is shrimp but not all shrimp is bugs is not a sentence I ever imagined I'd hear.

Will not be doing that seeing as I have no physical bugs and no lips. But cheers to bugs anyways.

[caninerat]

9pm, having my first meal of the day which is mystery soup leftover by my parents on the stove (what is blud yapping about) and it's time...for Kamen Rider Drive

right off the bat...did NOT expect this setting LMAO interesting start 🤔

THE CUT FROM DEATH AND TRAUMA TO TOY CARS LMAO (this is how I'm explaining it to my friends)

Is the purple car connected to Chase.. (the only character I know,, there's also Heart that Adri mentioned but idk much about him other than him being a great character)

OH OH I KNOW THERE'S A LOVE TRIANGLE (angle..?) TYPE OF SITUATION WITH THESE TWO AND CHASE (I've seen that singular clip of Chase about to confess but then seeing ...uhhhhhhhhh,,,Shinnosuke....???????? (I don't remember the name sorry) and going to discuss it with him and the scene having RIDICULOUS editing /vpos (the car noises cutting to the angelic noises bit was PEAK humour)

PURPLE GUYYY (Chase) HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also this song is a vibe. I like it 👍

OHMYGOD THIS FRAME IS FROM THE OPENING????????????????????????????????? I'VE HAD IT SAVED AS A MEME FOR MONTHS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH WAIT THE MEME HAS A WHEELCHAIR I FORGOT ABOUT THAT 😭😭

I remember before I watched W I thought that was Accel....

OH IT IS SHINNOSUKE!!! yippee for my goldfish memory....wait I just realised they're police officers (don't ask why I didn't process this during the opening 💀💀💀💀 I may be stupid /lh)

😭The driver is my favourite character so far.

Doctor Who the crimson horror????

😭 oops I got distracted cause June told me there was an Ichijo insert song (from Kuuga) and I ran to check that out...it was peak btw, that song will be playing on loop for at least the next couple of days.

this makes me thinking that meme was Accel funnier in my head.

Oh that fight theme is NICE I'm gonna look it up after this ep...

Also disregard my purple car statement earlier in the post LMAOO 🙏 I thought each car would be used by one person as the henshin device/gimmick or smth 😭

ALSO...Spike MLP BUT SHADOW ....LIKE FROM KABUTO????????? YAGURUMA?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Ok anyway back to Drive (oufsdgfksdgkjfsdhjfgdskjhgfjds Yaguruma........................fdsfsdgfjdsgjkhafgkgfkjhdsgfjsdgjfhksdglfdsglfgdskjhfgdsjkhfgsdkjfgsdjhgfsdjkhgfsdjhkgfsjkdhfjhsd missing her every day)

KUUGA??!?!?!??!?!?! (I just finished Kuuga today can you tell.....it was so peak btw!!!! PEAAAAAK I loved that season dearly <3 such a comforting series)

HE'S SO CUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE <3

...??? I was gonna search up the Drive fighting theme but got distracted, ended up infodumping my friend about Yaguruma, and am somehow doodling her again while listening to a Hidenori Tokuyama song..how did I get here 😭 just had a moment of clarity lmaooo- STOP WHY DID I COME BACK TO THIS HAVING INFODUMPED ABOUT KUUGA NOW 💀💀💀 Ok. it's 11 pm...episode 2 time (bro can't watch shows normally)

WHAT??????????????????????????????????????? damn. I thought he had always been a belt I'm sorry 😔

OH HE'S ALIVE LMAO

why is he talking to me /lh

cunty ahh

Also slowdown is giving clock up /lh similar effects but...less?

I need to transcribe what just went down between me and my friends cause I joined vc like 4 mins before I finished the ep

Me: CHASE CHASE CHASE CHASE CHASE CHASE A: like from Jojo? Me: YES!!!!!! no actually this is the har har har har har har har har har har from Kamen R- A: wtf are you talking about Me: THE PURPLE GUY!!!! The purple guy from Kamen Rider *sends the image* MICHAEL!!! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!! MICHAEL !!! MICHAEEEL W: That's the Prowler

😭😭idk what just happened tbh that was very ????????

I FINALLY FINISHED THE EPISODE ASJFDGSJHKFSD this was fun btw idk why my brain lost track of everything

[batsplat]

continuing with rgu/motogp and casey&vale thought exercise. during Casey’s ducati days the team (and also some tracks) were sponsored by Alice and they literally had an eye as a part of their logo design. it’s just too good not to use it and one could go in a pretty surrealist direction with it even.

right! yes! agreed anon! absolutely!

the way my ask-answering process currently works is that this genre of asks get a sort of instant prioritisation (the other asks are lovely but I need more active brain cells than I currently have at my disposal for a lot of them), which means I actually did start answering this like... immediately when I got it. then I got side tracked answering this ask about the similarities between casey/valentino, which I kinda feel like has ended up forming a lot of the spiritual foundation for the stuff here. now, quick look behind the curtain - where I'm at right now with life is that most of my ask answering happens a) when I'm commuting, b) when I'm eating, or c) when I'm about to fall asleep. except this past week, this process (and much of my life in general) has fallen apart as I have been ravaged by first a malfunctioning smoke alarm, then the combination of a malfunctioning smoke alarm and fever, and now just the illness. anyway basically this is my lengthy way of putting a disclaimer at the top that everything in this post was written in a state of mild sleep deprivation OR severe sleep deprivation fuelled by a smoke alarm in my bedroom beeping loudly once a minute for six days straight OR illness-induced fatigue. like my brain is empty at this point, there is nothing left, I just sort of long for oblivion. luckily at most three people will read this ask, so it's all good. let's roll <3

you're so rightttttt anon, yes!! that logo!! I had not clocked the surreal possibilities at allllll but obviously. they are there. here's the logo on the bike!

man that was such a nice looking bike. like 800cc was an awful era of racing but you can't argue with the aesthetics

here it is with the ad board backdrop

it's actually quite a nice logo.... here's a clean version of it:

I don't think this company exists anymore in this form, some italian tech thing idk, so no concerns over being a capitalist shill here. also it was still a fair bit less crowded back then, it's one of five logos on the bike rather than one of fifty. I like the idea you have these eyes sitting all around the track, very panopticon-y. as you zip by them and they watch you go round and round. both on the circuit, on the bike itself, on the leathers... in an early 2008 race, in estoril I believe, casey had some kind of issue with a camera dorna was making him test that ended up swinging around during the race. he talks about it in his autobiography in the context of his rough start to 2008 and all his various frustrations, but somehow entirely fails to miss the irony of a literal camera tormenting him. like come on casey, that's the thing you're always complaining about, don't you think that's kinda funny? how it's now not just like, abstractly making your life hell but also literally doing so? come on casey

AND ofc it's there when he's fighting valentino

this will be some time in 2007, I like how it looks like the eye is kinda peaking out at valentino from the side of the bike

you can kind of go in a few different directions with this eye thing, right. in a way, the obvious one is to position casey as the object of observation, of how he was constantly being watched and judged, of how he would have preferred to be riding out on his own without any of this other stuff but he was constantly forced to be part of the world of the paddock. the media was waiting for him to slip up, he was always being assessed, even his bike has sometimes faulty cameras attached to it. that's sports as entertainment - the aspect of his occupation casey was always least comfortable with, which made him so very different from valentino. you can even tap into the uneasy relationship with ducati, how they were watching him and judging him and all of it... blaming him for their troubles, not giving him enough credit for their successes. judging his diet! such a major theme of the 2009 saga, right, how they just refused to give him adequate support.... there's really something to like,, specifically the element of them judging his body, I think, this sort of 'oh, if only he ate and trained directly, if only he wasn't eating so many sweets' (a real bit of rhetoric they used btw!!) that has such a pernicious and controlling and nasty vibe to it that it really fits with having the eye on the bike itself. staring back at casey and demanding perfection from him and not even paying him his dues when he is actually perfect. big brother may be watching you, but he will never love you. creepy. awful

I've been thinking a lot about casey lately (yes yes, I'm sure this'll come as a shock) and what I find so compelling about him. and there's a version of him that I... look, not to judge anyone, do whatever, but there's an interpretation I do 'sometimes' see that I just personally find both slightly off base and also boring as shit. like, you can make casey into this very one dimensional 'always right about everything' opinionated hater who went in, beat valentino a bunch of times, showed everyone how talented and amazing he was but he was the victim of valentino's malevolence and then he left again, and now he keeps dropping correct hot takes about how awful everything is about current motogp. to me, this is all very flat. if casey were just very talented and a great guy and simply a bit introverted, I would find him boring as shit. so I was thinking about like.... how talented he is, how he's kinda the talent in the sport, and how usually the phrase 'the greatest talent this sport has seen' has to be the biggest turn-off imaginable in sports for me. but for him specifically, the sheer extent of that talent I think is a really key storytelling detail. I actually find it an interesting starting point to say that he really might just be as good as it gets on that specific metric. like, I don't care about measuring talent as a literal metric because... idk man, I just don't care, but it is narratively compelling to allow him to have the most raw potential of literally anyone. it's all there. he was born to ride, he was raised in a way that allowed him to become a truly unique rider - the kind you'll never see before or since. it's very primal, isn't it, taps into that early stage of the development curve: you have all this promise as a young child, where there are no other complicating factors, just an expression of raw ability, of a sort of purity... and at that stage, everything is possible. the talent is there to win twenty world titles. the talent will never, ever be the stumbling block

but of course, winning twenty titles isn't as easy as just having a lot of raw talent. I think there's something very nicely bildungsroman-y of casey setting off away from australia to european soils, where it's... you know, every step of the way up the ladder in the australian system, then through the british ranks on a whole different continent, then through spanish where he doesn't speak the language... it's obviously quite radically expanding his horizons, step by step, and it's also this horrifying process where he's slowly being subjected more and more to the world's gaze. you know that thing where casey had thought mat oxley was the guy doing him dirty when riding in the british championships - beyond being a funny story, I think it's actually kinda noteworthy that casey is already so hyper aware of how he is being perceived when he's a fifteen year old riding in a national championship. obviously, casey was making through his ranks with a real lack of security... the hypersensitivity always has to be attached to the context that for so many of his formative years, what people thought about him really, really mattered. he wasn't always the best at distinguishing between what was just, y'know, a journalist doing their job and the sort of unfair criticism that was actually fucking with his chances at career progression - but obviously that's pretty understandable. it's a real vulnerability that stems from... being beholden to that world's gaze. that constant pressure of young athletes, where they simply have to impress whoever happens to be watching. the talent spotter, some management agency representative, some team member who could open a door one day, a random journalist.... it all matters

and of course in that context, it's key how uncomfortable casey always has been with being watched. from his autobiography (in this post, which is about the gnarly topic of how the dream of being a rider was forced onto him by his parents - not irrelevant to this conversation):

well, y'know. that's all right then! if he's just crying because he finds the attention of others so distressing, it's not a problem! it'd only be a problem if he was crying because he doesn't want to ride! I'm sure this is something that casey will just magically deal with by the time he's grown up! nothing to address here if you're his parents, just a normal part of the process of becoming a professional motorcycle racer!

there's a romantic ideal to casey that I do have mixed feelings towards. both fascination and wariness, certainly. I think you can really lean into it with this pure, natural talent business, this sickly child becoming this fragile adult who has this sort of fast burning genius that is very bright very soon but inevitably consumes itself. the mystery illness, the early retirement, all the questions of 'what if'... people really love that angle, the tortured genius of it all, how there was always more possible if their bodies and minds hadn't conspired against them. I have many issues with this, from my distaste towards treating talent as the ultimate metric of worthiness in sports (you don't deserve to win more if you're more talented lol), to my dislike for how casey's mental health ends up being framed in these conversations, and just a general bleh feeling about injecting too much of a tragic note into the discussion of this type of career. you get the sense people pay less attention to casey's actual career than they do to a theoretical idea of the career that exists in their heads, and even then a lot of the time it's to push some kind of an agenda about a non-casey rider. still, listen, we're talking surrealism here - and sometimes you can lean into a trope to critique it, right. like, the trope is clearly there, might as well acknowledge it. and the exact manner of his 'downfall' really does come through the weight of the world's gaze, doesn't it, where he's constantly being exposed and picked apart and taunted. he hated it even when he became a child, and he just was in no way prepared for how big a role that constant attention would play throughout his racing career. it's just this fundamental incompatibility... the way this raw talent ends up running into the brick wall that is the reality of what modern professional sports looks like. again, this isn't a framing I'm a massive fan of - but that kind of prodigious talent does kinda get given a sort of... ethereal dimension, where it's not really suited to the true nature of the world and inevitably gets ground down by the cruelties and injustices. that tension between the elevated, the otherworldly, and the material realities it is subjected to. now, if casey had responded to this by being some sort of suffering shrinking violet poor martyred lamb, he wouldn't be anywhere close to as fun. he might be a prodigy, but he's also a whiny little shit who wasn't always doing himself any favours with how he was dealing with all those material realities. the general point still stands, though - and there's something kinda fun to giving The Gaze itself a corrosive power, the ability to eat away at casey through its mere existence

time to bring valentino back into the picture. I also think the talent element is really key with the valentino rivalry. like, to be clear here, I do not give a shit which one of casey and valentino was literally more talented, in large part because I just don't really believe in talent as a valid construct. everything about this is a boring debate to me when there's so much interesting stuff going on with these two that nobody ever seems to want to discuss :(((( so let's do that discussion here. and let's just say for a minute that valentino does look at casey and at the very least believes he might be as talented as valentino is, if not more so. from the similarities post:

like, we can quibble with phrasing here, but I think if you are saying that someone's 'pure talent' is 'unbeatable', then you might kinda be calling him the most talented guy to ever do it? does kinda live rent free in my head! valentino also said casey was "one of the greatest talents ever in motogp" which, while phrased a little less extremely, does give us a baseline to operate from with regards to how valentino perceived casey's abilities. when we're talking about 'gaze', in my mind there's something fun when you lean into the interpretation that valentino's gaze was not only very much on casey, but on casey quite early. the paddock was all over the place with regards to casey in his early years - where obviously people did spot the talent but didn't clock HOW good he was and also tended to dismiss him for various reasons, including his actual performance (often it really was his bikes that were more to blame) and, well, his personality. the rumour goes that casey was blocked not once but twice from joining yamaha, first in 2005 for the 2006 season with a satellite contract and agreement to join the factory team in 2007, and then in 2006 for the 2007 season. with the second one, casey does kinda imply in a very *wink wink nudge nudge* way that he enjoys deploying that valentino was the one to block him, and this is also something his father has said in interviews (yeah I've watched interviews his father has given, that's the rare level of fan dedication I've reached with this bloke). now, I'm a teensy bit unconvinced by the evidence here because by late 2006 yamaha clearly were leaning quite heavily towards jorge as their future. they also seemed to think valentino might be off to do f1 - or at least that's how lin jarvis more recently sold the decision to sign jorge, as a situation where they never actually intended those two nutcases to be teammates. more recently, casey has also suggested that yamaha were deliberately stringing him along as a way of pushing down the price of the guy they actually wanted to sign, which to me sounds fairly plausible. I'm not saying valentino wasn't badmouthing casey within yamaha - it's entirely possible that this is a thing that was separately happening - I just am way less sure whether it actually achieved anything. which leads us back to the 2005 contract cycle... in all honesty, I do kinda want valentino to have blocked casey here, for the reasons I was talking about above: I think it's fun and narratively spicey for valentino's Gaze to have been on casey early and have already had this malicious quality, where he's actively hurting casey's career prospects. I do feel this would be like... a little bit of a stretch, just in terms of how much long-term thinking and planning and behind the scenes malice and also power we're ascribing to valentino here - to make him block a satellite signing that only maybe possibly could become uncomfortable for him a year down the line. still, by the same token... that's exactly what would make it fun. I'm not going to take a stance on whether it happened or not, but I would like the possibility that it might have happened to bleed into the narrative at all times

and then we've got casey's autobiography line about how valentino was hazing him in his rookie season, putting questionable moves on him in practises and during races. I love this so so so so much. look, casey had a strong start to his rookie season, and he DID fight valentino in his very second race which was very cute. but let's be real, valentino had limited opportunities to fight casey in races that season (I'm still struggling to actually think of a non-qatar race.... and having rewatched that fight a few times, it's one of those things I kinda want casey to talk me through, explain what his issues with valentino were) and really should have had bigger things to worry about. like, the man has four championship rivals and none of them are satellite honda rookie casey stoner. if valentino really was bullying that child in practise, then, y'know, what was the vision there. so obviously I really need this to be true... valentino might be a bit of a dick in general on-track but there's just something so charming about the idea that he had a bit of a special treatment for casey from day one. like, yes, that's my favourite talent spotter!! he knew there was something about that surly, stubborn crash prone kid. I want that malicious gaze directed on casey nice and early. obviously, casey has this entire thing where he doesn't believe valentino rated him until he'd basically already lost the title in 2007 and even then wasn't giving him proper credit, which doesn't entirely stand up when checking the historical record... but crucially, let's just accept casey's stance for a minute and say that valentino wasn't being sufficiently complimentary - for all intents and purposes, valentino did understand exactly how good casey was! going back to those autobiography sections I included in the similarities post, with valentino's whole thing about how he knew exactly why he won and lost every single race... I think it's really key that valentino did recognise just how good casey was, that he had quite a clear-sighted understanding of the level of prodigious talent he was dealing with here. that's why the gaze needs to be turned malicious, right. casey's stance here is the 'well the victory doesn't mean as much if you play dirty' approach, but valentino doesn't care. even if he was open to the idea that casey might be 'more talented' than him, obviously that doesn't mean he's going to roll over and die. because at the end of the day, raw talent really is only one of many tools in an athlete's locker. if the only way you can beat the kid is in the head, then so be it

one thing that does go under the radar a bit with casey is just how young he was during the heyday of the valentino rivalry. like, everyone's always on about how marc was only 22 during sepang 2015 - but for what it's worth, casey was 22 during laguna 2008. casey already experienced crowds booing him when he was 21, no honeymoon period there. maybe it's the lack of such a big age gap with valentino (they clock in at six and three quarter years), maybe it's the perceived lesser severity of valentino's crimes in this relationship, the lack of an active betrayal of hero worship, maybe it's how casey is a bit less baby faced and a bit more ill-tempered, maybe it's just lack of interest in casey in general... (to be clear, I do not want any discourse about this rivalry. like casey, I also do not need The Gaze to be directed at him too much.) but y'know, it is important to remember. laguna 2008 as a formative experience for casey is at its most coherent when we treat it first and foremost as one of humiliation. I talked about humiliation in that black rose arc post and then also did address that a bit in the similarities post:

this is what the gaze does to you, right. nobody is humiliated in private - that's not how humiliation works. you can be embarrassed in private without anyone else knowing what you did to embarrass yourself, even though you can argue about how there's an element there of judging yourself against an imagined external observer. still, though... with humiliation, it's far more direct. humiliation requires an audience. and humiliation has so much potential as a formative experience. the crash itself is really key here imo - it's not a scary crash, it's not a dangerous crash, it's a comically slow one as the bike goes into the gravel and then goes into the slightly deeper gravel and then tips over. it's one the commentators treat as a little bit silly, because it is. it feels like such an anticlimactic end to the battle, but it works perfectly because of it. casey is even denied any real pathos in the moment of his downfall... it's his own mistake, it's one that has so slender, seemingly harmless consequences. and then he has to ride to second place, he has to sit with the sting of that mistake, of knowing everyone watched it.... the entire show valentino puts on in parc fermé, perfect for the cameras, interrupting casey's tv interview and all of it... they both know they're being watched. valentino leans into his triumphalism in a way he never has in quite the same way before or since. casey cannot hide his bitterness and must eventually worsen his own humiliation by apologising to valentino. that's the kind of thing that sticks with you, yeah

and it's predicated on all the watching and studying and learning valentino has been doing throughout the course of the rivalry... valentino has come to understand casey and come to understand just how unbeatable his adversary can be. when you're fighting a god, after all, you kinda need to pull out all the stops. valentino reinvents himself in that laguna race, he's willing to take a massive risk on several counts, and it's all because he knows just how good casey is. it's the coldness of the whole thing, the violence, the radical steps valentino has taken, that make the whole thing so compelling. a series of calculations based on valentino watching casey, assessing not only his talent but also his character. and in that race comes the moment of revelation, where their characters are tested to such an extent that you inevitably expose a lot of said characters. valentino is inviting the audience in on the show... it's a spectacle - that's why it works

so, let's flip it and make casey the observer. after all, it's casey who's got the eyes plastered all over him

including in pressers where it's a backdrop! got it nicely displayed on his chest too as casey watches valentino talk. I did already give a lot of my thoughts on this dynamic in the similarities post - it's such a key theme to me of that entire rivalry that casey is so... actively engaged in the process of learning from valentino. jorge and marc used valentino as a 'reference' before they entered the class; casey felt first hand what happens when valentino focuses in on a rival and knew he needed to learn some of those tricks. luckily, he's talented enough to be a quick study. I really like the angle of this photo because it does kinda make it look like all the eyes are on valentino... which they obviously are. a man who is always aware of where the cameras are! sometimes for better and sometimes for worse

kinda have to bring it in when we're talking eyeballs, right? valentino really is the master of bringing in his own surrealist imagery. as all the best bits of valentino symbolism, you can interpret this in several ways... it's him paying extra attention to where he's riding a year after the leg break, but also him deeply, deeply aware of the eyes of the world on him after his ill-fated switch to ducati. the world gazes - and he shows his awareness of that gaze by gazing right back at it. acknowledging the camera, making his own humiliation into a bit of a show

anyhow... see that overly long post of casey and vale photos WAS good for something because the ask made me take a closer look at some of those photos. check this one out lol

you're right, anon!! this slaps! perfect gaze from casey, perfect placement of the eye right next to him. it kind of functions in two different ways, right, because you've got the element of casey studying valentino and learning from him - but also the gaze of judgement. again, you've got laguna as this decisive moment of revelation... "valentino showed who he really was", after all. casey's gaze is one of moral consideration, of condemnation. it's that duality that's really fun with them, where casey is on the one hand so fundamentally disgusted by valentino and his entire deal, but on the other hand is also learning to become more like him. leaning into his 'worse' impulses to fight him - the spite, the grudges, the determination to hold his own against his enemies that will supersede morals or self-preservation. if you look too long into the darkness, the darkness may end up looking back

it's that kind of vibe where... y'know, there's such a disparity between how the pair of them experience the rivalry, but also just how it functions narratively for them... part of the point I was making in that post is that it's like. valentino is obviously capable of these ultra heartfelt emotionally thorny rivalries. this was not that, but it was for casey - and so in some ways casey ended up taking on the valentino role. spite, grudges, delayed retribution... it's all a lot more straightforward from valentino's end, especially during the time period where they're actually competing for titles, where there isn't any real interpersonal animosity and valentino is just sort of willing to do whatever it takes... it's not like he even massively wanted to make an enemy out of casey; he just had a far more liberal understanding of acceptable tactics than casey did. and then casey's got so much going on... which means these two rivalries just end up operating on completely different levels, where valentino's dealing with this tricky and kinda fun challenge and casey's confronting demons... casey judges valentino, casey learns from valentino, casey never entirely understood valentino. this lingering awareness that he never really knew valentino as a person - that's catnip for this discussion. he can look all he likes, but all he sees is a shell

speaking of... well, valentino having these two natures, valentino's perceived fickleness, valentino being so slippery and tricky to pin down for casey... you can kinda bring in another symbol already featured in one of these posts, right

sun and moon on one rider vs an eye on the other. now, remember, valentino liked using this as a way of distinguishing between two sides of his character:

lovely stuff. not a million miles away with the internal distinction casey sometimes seems to draw between valentino the person and valentino the character. and that's what the eye is supposed to do, right - perceive the truth. see valentino for what he really is. positioning casey as the heretic who won't shy away from seeing valentino's true nature... the callousness casey has been exposed to, an awareness of everything valentino would do to win a race, to win a title. to beat casey

another link I was thinking of going through my lil collection of photos - this pair of photos which I think are both from qatar 2007:

while I generally prefer my sun and moon logos a bit less minimalist, valentino does have a nice helmet design here with the sun on one side and moon on the other. I mean this is just fantastic stuff, isn't it, like it really writes itself. two photos from different pov's, one where you see casey's face and one where you see valentino's. one where you see the sun and one where you see the moon. you can play around with the interpretation a little depending on what you want the sun and moon to symbolise respectively, but it's all in there lol. casey sees the moment one way, valentino quite the other. casey sees one side of valentino, but valentino's other side is already lurking, biding its time. valentino wearing a helmet at all is of course also quite a nice touch - see casey hiding in his helmet as a teenager, embarrassed by how good he was, see valentino deciding against taking off his helmet when he goes to confront casey after jerez 2011. it's a literal mask, a way of maintaining distance. works very nicely, doesn't it

here's a photo of them on-track, where you can just about see both sides of the helmet:

so you get a bunch of nice photos that year where depending on the perspective it's being photographed from, you get a different side of the helmet visible. casey spends so much time in front that season, he really doesn't need to be studying valentino's helmet all too closely. and sitting behind someone is overrated, as laguna 2008 showed so nicely

valentino also has a more intricate version of this design at phillip island 2007

which I'm mainly including because I think the whole thing looks kinda snazzy

but that's!! not!! all!! because there is one last 'casey and eyes' theorem that absolutely needs to be included here. like, this whole thing of casey watching valentino, having all these eyes around him doing the watching, perceiving valentino's true nature... it's all a bit third eye, isn't it, of having another eye open and being able to perceive truths your two regular ones can't. and, well, eyes... if we're talking about eyes and symbolism, then there's one symbolic link you just need to bring in: conspiracy theories. plastering a bunch of eyes on things, it's all a bit illuminati innit, a bit eye of providence, a bit freemason. one of my favourite things like,, narratively with casey is to really lean into the paranoia and the conspiratorial leanings; it's fun and juicy and adds so much to his character. he's just the type of guy who ends up being very attuned to a certain type of pattern! a certain type of colour, even - the bloody luminous yellow thing really is just such a perfect little detail that is so unintentionally revealing. casey noticing it, casey exaggerating it in his mind, casey including it in his autobiography.... he's got such a particular way of seeing the world, such a specific and slightly odd viewpoint that just makes you want to prod at him... and he does have a little bit of the flair of the traditional conspiracy theorist

that built-in wariness, disillusionment from systems and the establishment and all the rest of it, the alienation, the suspicion of malice... the whiff of paranoia! all absolutely perfect to make use of all the eye imagery. I think it's so so telling that casey thinks valentino might have been a victim of a plot like that, like it almost feels a bit counterintuitive the first time you think about it... casey's whole thing with valentino was about how valentino was always being favoured, always being given preferential treatment - casey complains about it several times in that same book! but, like, at the end of the day he really does view the system as the main villain. valentino is almost like an unwitting, unsuspecting, undeserving beneficiary of the whole thing, who doesn't even know what's Really Going On.... it's not valentino's malice behind these neverending injustices - though he might be representative of all of them. apparently, it is possible for valentino to be stitched up too. it is kinda a little bit that classic conspiracy theorist dynamic of gaining satisfaction from being one of the few who actually know the truth... like on the one hand it's frustrating in the isolation it causes, but on the other hand it's also extremely rewarding because it makes you special. 'welcome to my world, mate' - you almost get the sense casey wants to yank valentino behind the curtain and explain to him how the world really works. casey wants valentino to understand him, remember. maybe at the end of the day casey wants valentino's gaze to be a little more finely attuned. oh, please let me moderate a dinner between the pair of them, pretty please

still, for balance, let's chuck in some casey paranoia actually aimed directly at valentino:

10/10, no notes. watching someone closely isn't always a good thing

anyway this is probably the place to wrap up this post lol. basically I agree, anon, the eyes are great. I do not have the energy to edit this, so hope it is at least vaguely coherent. everyone's always watching each other and it's all fun and kinda creepy and unsettling and long live paranoia

[yakuzabrainrotlive]

I have had NO time to play lately fr. And when I have played, I've been growing Ichiban's social network, picking stuff off the ground and taking pictures. AND killing hundreds of evil santas at the mall because their money yield levels are nuts and I want good gear.

But. I HAVE also made progress with the main plot too. And have had time to... process it a bit.

Yeah, I got to The Reveal :) I am Suffering :) Got to the beginning of chapter 5.

So. What witty lil' thing am I supposed to say here? Like... fuck. Just. Fuck. It shattered my heart to see him break the news with this smile I can't interpret. I mostly see a man who's accepted his fate and made his peace with it, which would be in-character considering... well... *gestures at this man's entire life and then the way he was in Gaiden*. I feel like I'm sadder and more bitter than Kiryu himself is about the whole situation. Or maybe he's just hiding his true feelings very well.

I hate the fact that Kiryu's disadvantaged position in society as an orphan keeps hurting him even this late in life. It feels so unfair, it hurts, it's... incredible writing.

....yeah. Not even remotely surprised. This is just Kiryu in a nutshell. Always looking for people in need of help, a job that needs to be done, a cog he can help turn. He's always looking for a purpose; something to keep him going. And while that's something most people want, I feel like Kiryu is always living to be able to benefit other people. Very noble, but not healthy.

The start of Y3 felt like the closest we'll ever get to him properly settling down and BREATHING for once. I can never go back to that game without breaking down, huh.

THANK YOUUUU ICHIBAN WE'LL BE DOING EXACTLY THAT ❤️ we'll drag that old man into the hospital kicking and screaming if we have to ❤️❤️

Ichiban's overall reaction to the reveal surprised me. I know he's VERY compassionate and caring, but he felt so genuinely distressed it was almost shocking to me. I know they had like... mutual respect and trust going on in LAD, but I didn't get the vibe that they were THIS close. Maybe I have to go back to their shared cutscenes from LAD again. Or maybe Ichiban just feels that strongly, especially after this brief... thing they've had here in Hawaii. Nothing wrong with that at all. We love and respect Ichiban in this house.

Ichiban and Tomizawa... hmu. I will give you soup and warm cinnamon rolls. No questions asked, no need to pay.

Kiryu... please, for the LOVE OF GOD, let them help you. Let someone help you. No, don't just let them help you help others, LEAN ON THEM.

Love to see how effectively Ichiban brings out the sass in Kiryu. This dynamic is peak. They're so silly together.

*banging on my apartment walls* LET ME OUT!! LET ME OUT OF HERE!! PLEASE!! HAVE MERCY 😭😭 I don't wanna see Kiryu like this!! I'm gonna throw up!!

We're in chapter 4 and I wanna crawl into a hole to cry. I am NOT going to survive this game.

:)

ANYWAY YAYYYY!! New party member ^_^ she's SOOO cool, she's STAYING.

Okay so I already kinda have a team I really like and everyone works well together?? How the hell am I supposed to pick 3 people when the old squad (besides Eri, RIP my MVP queen 😔) is definitely coming back as well? Tomizawa and Chitose have grown on me so I don't wanna bench 'em, and I will literally be 6 feet under before Kiryu even looks at the bench, so... I'm in trouble 😭

I'm gonna have to see if Tomizawa and Chitose can be built around Ichiban and Kiryu, or if others will fill roles better. If anything's gonna make me bench 'em, it's going to be my hyper-optimizing, excel-sheet making brain that loves to make my teams as BROKEN balanced as possible.

OKAY ALSO. That better not have been it for the Barracudas. Like, for real. They were portrayed as SOOO spooky and dangerous and they honestly felt like The Threat to me. Are they really folding this early? I hope not.

THE SQUAD HAS ASSEMBLED! So pleased to have a full team ^_^