#but mostly bc i always stress myself and i feel like i have to take care of them

[lalalenii]

.

[karliahs]

bnha fic recs!! gen with a hurt/comfort theme

i've read such good fics lately and you should too! these are all gen, mostly midoriya-centric with lots of aizawa, lots of hurt/comfort and quite a lot of shinsou also.

also i limited myself to reccing one fic per author bc otherwise this would be so unmanageably long. i recommend checking out all their other works too!!

hold onto nothing (hold onto me) by starburstsunshine

"Young kid, powerful Quirk he can't control, so they think it currently only works in extremes. So his Quirk makes someone feel the same as they had felt during their best memories. Or, rather, at their worst." That's funny, Izuku thinks. He doesn't feel anything at all. Izuku gets hit by a wayward Quirk during a rescue, and is left to deal with the repercussions.

goddddd this author's aizawa...it was so so hard to choose one fic to rec bc they have so much incredible stuff, but i really really like the dissociation depiction here!

like stained glass by SpiritusRex

“It hurts,” Izuku whispers to no one, voice thin and choked. Letting the words out makes it all feel real, and the tears he’d been holding back finally break the dam and roll down his cheeks. Wrapping his own arms around himself as he trembles in the storm of his despair is as close as he’ll be able to get to comfort right now. “It hurts, it hurts.” He doesn’t want to have to do this alone. He’s so tired of having to push through pain alone. It’s something he’s been doing all his life, but can’t he, just once, have someone to hold him up when he stumbles? Just once. That’s all he’s asking for.

i feel like this fic was designed in a lab to make me specifically go insane. such incredibly powerful hurt/comfort & exploration of how it feels to never let yourself have comfort

Jumping on Grenades by DemyxDancer

Shinsou once told Class 1-A that he didn't intend to make friends. He didn't realize that: 1. Midoriya took that as a personal challenge; 2. Midoriya always achieves his goals no matter what; 3. Becoming friends with Midoriya inevitably involves bonding over surviving villain attacks. The school gym is being attacked by a villain whose Quirk makes you hallucinate your worst fears, and it's somehow come down to Shinsou to save the day. Welcome to the Hero Course!

this author has so many incredible shindeku fics, platonic and romantic (this one in platonic). i adore their shinsou and this thoughtful exploration of his integration into 1-a and the world of real villain attacks

parallaxis by yamadadzawa

Even through the haze of panic, the feeling of glass in his lungs and throat as he struggled to breathe when he saw his name in 20th place at the end of the quirk test, Izuku still knew one thing with brutal clarity. It’s not possible that he was in last place. And if Aizawa-sensei was willing to tamper with his score on the quirk test, then he’s probably willing to do the same with Izuku’s grades. And if Aizawa-sensei is willing to do it, the other teachers at Yuuei probably are too. Hence his now established practice of checking his graded work against Iida’s.

i love this author's aizawa so so much and it was hard to choose one fic to rec, but i adore this creative manifestation of how izuku's history with schools/teachers could manifest

some bridges should be burnt by orkestrations

Sir Nighteye doesn't think Izuku has what it takes to be a hero. He especially doesn't think Izuku should have been chosen to wield One For All. That's okay! Really! It is! It's hardly the first time Izuku has had people trying to stop him. He'll be fine. He can handle this. Tsuyu and Ochako think differently. They watch his stress levels rise and his self-confidence fall, and they don't like what they're seeing. Perhaps, it's time for an intervention.

such good tsuyu & ochako & izuku friendship. tsuyu especially really shines here and i am always so here for dismantling izuku thinking he just has to take whatever bad thing is thrown at him

Voices by SquirrelWriter

Hitoshi has a thing about voices. Part of it's because of his Quirk, probably. He's always listening for that reply. It's the opening, the chink in a person's armor that lets his own voice slip in and hijack their brain. But part of it is that most people are wary around him, so when someone does talk, particularly to him, it stands out.

really thoughtful shinsou character study and exploration of him joining 1-A & making friends, plus some lovely emotional hurt/comfort at the end

Things that Haunt Our Hallways by ghostwriterofthemachine

“It was a kid,” Yagi gasped out. He had his hand balled up into a fist and the fist pressed to his lips, as if to remind himself that he could not start screaming. “Or. Young person, maybe 20. Homeless, I think. Activated their Quirk on reflex and then ran. The kids—” Here, he pressed his fist harder to his mouth, sucked in a wheezing breath, as if the air itself was pushing down something with physical weight. “The kids—” “Scattered immediately,” Aizawa finished for him, and Yagi managed a nod.   Yagi’s eyes were so dilated that the blue was almost invisible. He shook violently. He looked like a scarecrow in a windstorm.    Someone activated a Fear-Inducer Quirk so powerful that it reduced All Might to this— of course Aizawa’s class had bolted.  Or: A Fear Gas fic, BNHA style.

such a juicy excellent premise with really satisfying exection

The Fine Jar by BrightShadow

Aizawa has had it up to here with his class claiming to be fine when they're not. Desparate times call for desparate measures. Enter the Fine Jar.

this one is so cute and funny with such memorable lines, and then it dove deep into addressing some of my fave topics in a really satisfying way!

[solarwynd]

It’s so funny how now that we got Who being way more exposed to gp everyone is agreeing about how jimin has made a banger. LC had a similar reaction only it was mostly kpopers instead of gp but now is both sides. Last year one could’ve said that jk took that title bc his song were super exposed to a more global audience (we know why was that) but even with that being true, 7 was by no means a good song. It was really mediocre and didn't make a significant impact. Lyrically, it was just bad, even if he didn't write it. The song itself was so bad that someone with influence over his music should've rejected it. I’m sure that if any other kpop male artist had sung that song, every single army would have made fun of it and how ugly it was, but they obviously wouldn't do that to the lil' maknae. Anyway, my point is that Jimin has made it once again, and this time it's even bigger.

I mean JK is Mr. “I say thank you and take it” so he probably thought seven was a smash when he picked it. Just like he thought that repetitive “never let go” in NLG was gonna bang too. lmao. That’s the difference between him and Jimin.

It is interesting to me cause given the timeline, Jon Bellion worked on WHO before seven supposedly even came about so the plummet in quality is crazy. But gotta give that up for Jimin and his team for that. Even if they outsource to other producers/ writers they definitely keep them in check to their standards.

I had always thought to myself if Jimin ever did make a more commercially geared song what if it wasn’t as good as LC was. Of course not downright bad, but I didn’t want to feel that sense of sadness or lowkey bitterness that LC was clearly the better song, yet the newer track was the one to get all the perks LC should’ve gotten. But now I don’t even have to stress that cause I’m honestly enjoying WHO even more than I did LC and I’m ecstatic it’s getting all the praise it’s getting. I’ll always be happy that Jimin gets his wins from genuinely great music.

[jesuistrestriste]

hey sorry if this is tmi but i also have vaginismus and i found that out when i was about 15 with my first boyfriend and i can't use tampons and stuff. I'm 20 now and a virgin still and I've basically not touched someone since, and i basically just thought casually hooking up with someone was off the cards because of it. i think a lot of it is in my head I'm like.... no one i just meet on an app or in a club who doesn't know me is going to take the time to do what i need to mean i have a good time because of the vaginismus. I've basically just been telling myself that it will be okay because if i get in a relationship they'll care enough to help me work through it, or they'll like me enough that not having penetrative sex wont be a deal-breaker. I was just wondering if you had any advice about navigating hookups with vaginismus or anything because I'm not getting in a relationship anytime soon and i can't not be having sex any longer. I am in desperate need lol. thank u sm <33

hey lovie:) !

i totally get it; i was formally diagnosed by my obgyn when i was 19 but im pretty sure i had it since i was an early teen bc i was petrified of tampons and couldn’t get one in comfortably. i always experienced some sort of pain/discomfort when it came to penetration of any kind, sexual or not, so i knew something was up.

here’s kinda how i navigated that stuff once i decided that i wanted to be intimate with people:

if you don’t know the person incredibly well, ie you haven’t been friends or anything for a while, i think it’s really important to sus them out and make sure they’re someone you feel comfortable being open with— and make sure theyre someone that you feel would respect your boundaries in bed.

sex should be fun and enjoyable ! and sex doesn’t have to involve vaginal penetration ! when you’re with a partner for the first time and you two are getting ready to get down to it, you can just tell them straight-up that you don’t want to have ‘sex’. i know it can be kinda awkward to say this, but know that nothing is wrong with you and that it’s totally okay to state that boundary. in fact, it’s much better for overcoming vaginismus if you don’t force yourself into penetration — that’ll just reinforce the idea in your brain that penetration = pain/discomfort. better to experience pleasure down there and let your brain get used to that idea instead ! (i personally found that most people who i told were super chill and kind about it, or just didn’t rlly mind, so don’t stress yourself out too much over this).

if you’re into cis het men, i’ll be honest, there’s always a chance that they’re gonna be somewhat ‘pushy’ or ‘confused’ if you say that you don’t want to have penetrative sex. if you’re in this situation, you could explain to them that it hurts/is painful and wouldn’t be pleasurable. of course, you don’t owe him an explanation by any means— you’re 100% allowed to just not want to be penetrated, and anyone should accept that at face value— but educating someone never hurts. instead, you could list some other things that you’re open to and would be pleasurable for you; ie oral, kissing, touching, etc.

**** Don’t ever, ever, ever feel pressured to have penetrative sex if you don’t want to. if someone doesn’t accept that, you should end the hookup right then and there. you owe it to yourself to protect your body and your mental health. if they get mad/upset/sad, that’s their issue. and dont let them guilt trip you ! ! ! ! i know it can be tough, esp if you’re someone who’s prone to people pleasing, but trust me when i tell you that if they don’t respect your boundaries they will NOT respect your body.

it’s definitely possible to have really enjoyable, intimate, and tender sex that doesn’t involve penetration ! i promise u. the outcome is mostly dependent on whomever you’re being physical with.

i know vaginismus can make you feel like you’re broken, or unsexy, or that you’ll never have ‘proper sex’; but you are NOT a lost cause and you are NOT broken in any way and it’s totally possible to gradually overcome it with some time and patience. plus, a lot more people have this than you’d think and they just don’t know it/don’t talk about it. but you’re not alone !

in terms of healing from vaginismus, here’s some things that helped:

- refraining from engaging in penetrative sex if i didn’t feel ready or comfortable enough to try (obviously)

- diaphragmatic breathing (breathing into your belly instead of your chest) when trying to insert anything— look this up ! it’s supposed to help stimulate a nerve in your body that assists in relieving anxiety/tension/stress

- using dilators (look these up too— they help to gradually get your body used to the sensation of penetration)

- ^^ using dilators when i was relaxed, and i’ll be so honest it really helps if you’re turned on loll. this will get your brain to associate arousal w penetration, and it might even start to feel good after the first couple times using them !

- listening to my body. this is so, so important. if you’re trying to put something inside of you, and it’s really burning/stinging/painful, you should stop. it seems like that would be obvious, but i think a lot of us w vaginismus feel the need to push through the pain in order to get results quicker, but it’ll just set you back. go slow, but be consistent with it — every week, or every day- that sort of thing. be gentle with yourself ! <3

i hope this helped anon !! sending much love to you, and if u wanna talk my messages are open :)

[hackedmotionsensors]

this is personal so please don't reblog this bc I think its weird when I say personal stuff and people reblog it I feel like i shouldn't have to turn that setting on?? Lol

but...both of my parents are seniors. And neither one of them are doing very well health wise. My mom has nerve issues with her hand, diabetes and bad blood pressure, and has had multiple heart attacks, My dad had a fall and never really recovered and had some weird medical problems that we thought were strokes but they never confirmed it. He also got covid at the hospital for those problems so THANKS arizona hospitals

Anyway I get all that. And I wish i could help or be around more. But unfortunately my job (unless we get some cool changes in the agreement) require me to live in LA. I also LIKE living in LA (surprisingly with how much I hate traffic LOL)

But I always get SO STRESSED OUT during the holidays bc I visit them and I need to cross reference with my brother (but again he might not even CARE or be aware that this is happening bc...he just...kinda doesn't care when it happens and I DO see it). I need to ask him or his wife if this happens when I'm NOT here because I have a feeling it gets WORSE when I visit.

But each time I visit my mom finds a way to be a complete and utter bitch at my dad. And my dad IS frustrating. I totally get it. He's always been really frustrating but now its like...frustrating bc he does things that could endanger himself or chooses ways to not make things easier for himself out of pride or just being a senior and not wanting to admit stuff? Idk. I know its a fairly common thing. He also got phone scammed a few months back out of 7k$ and we all were like WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. He doesn't even like paying for COFFEE or good food for himself but LIED TO THE BANK to take out the money when they were like "This sounds like a scam sir" .....SO I GET IT. TRUST ME I GET IT.

But Thanksgiving was mostly good! Last Christmas (lol) I was stressed myself bc I was out of a job for a whole year and had to prep for a con and my car was on its last legs and like I said I just...get stressed LOL Its why i always drive. If I need to bail I absolutely will. Our family has NEVER been good during holidays. Its a lot of abused and abusive people with varying levels of addictions or mental illnesses (is it ANXIETY acting up this year? Or adhd induced RAGE from being overwhelmed! Has someone had TOO MUCH WINE and decided instead of being silly that they want to FIGHT!??! WHO CAN SAY!?!? ITS ANYONE'S GUESS!!!)

And Mom was just RELENTLESS last year. ANYTHING my dad did was a problem. ANYTHING he did...EXISTING...in a place he wasn't supposed to was like...a huge slight against her and because I had the audacity to be like "Mom relax. He's not doing anything" it meant I wasn't on her side or was insulting her or SOMETHING. And it completely blew out between me and her to the point she called my sister crying to try and be like LYDIA'S BEING HORRIBLE AND HATES ME ND SHE CALLED ME A BITCH(which I didn't but i VERYYYY nearly did because she was being a bitch) and like ...my sister is YOUNGER THAN ME LMAO. So my sister texted me like "what happened??" and I told her and she was like...AH. Okay I get it. Because my mom USED to live with her too but she pitched a fit at her and decided to basically run away from living with my sister and move in with her cousin. Then she left there (which honestly seemed the most stable?) and moved in with her sister. And she hated that too.(Running theme in this family is that my aunt is an ACTUAL bitch and I've known that since she came into the bathroom one time when I was sitting on the toilet bc I ran past her on the way into the house bc i REALLY had to pee and she came INTO the bathroom to scream at me for being rude.......but anyway) And then she ended up moving back in with my dad (They aren't married its just...basically roommates LMAO)

She hated living with my brother. My mom is like me. She's basically like a beta fish. She'll just bite the shit out of anything in her tank. I used to live with her and hated it.

LOL OKAY ANYWAY LONG STORY BUT basically....it was a fairly good holiday this time in comparison. I also left after a single day lol Bc I hate thanksgiving to begin with. Not 100% related to my family. I just think the holiday is stupid and pre-gaming christmas and a huge waste of money for someone who travels bc I'm gonna see all these maniacs in three weeks anyway.

I also had a deadline so I had a really good excuse to dip. Thank god.

But bc my parents helped me last year a lot I was like Let me do something REALLY minimal and take y'all out to breakfast. And on the way there my mom is sitting in the back seat behind my dad. My dad uses a cane but she doesn't like sitting in the front anyway. But she was sitting behind him and suddenly 'THE CAR SMELLS'.

Me genuinely thinking something was wrong like maybe I left the travel jerky i bought to eat on the way open. Or maybe I randomly smelled. Its a new car but I'm so used to my old car than anything potentially a problem is a stressor. But no. It was a not subtle way of bitching about my dad. And I was like....okay whatever let it go. Dad didn't say anything so lets just ignore it. Its only another hour or so. And then we get to the restaurant we were going to. My dad and I both get eggs and I ask if she can pass the ketchup. She hands ME the ketchup no problem. Then my dad uses it and sets it on the table. Pretty normal.

This is a thing ~I~ like to do. I like to put the condiments back in the holder thingies. Its not a deal breaker but its like...just a thing. Why have another thing in the way when we can put the ketchup back. So I can't reach it so I'm like "Mom can you tuck this back into the thing" "No. I don't want germs".

I knew exactly what she was doing and was like "Just put it back. I like to put them back." "NO. Its dirty. People touch it"

By this point the vein in my forehead is already throbbing. I go FINE. ITS FINE. I know exactly who you mean. And honestly I'm sure my dad does too and is just.....getting through it. I KNOW she's trying to rile ME up. She picks like a little fly at my dad all the time and its not to get a rile out of him bc she knows he won't really do anything about it. Unless she's hoping he'll blow up eventually and die. IDK (It might not be that drastic BUT Y'NEVER KNOW!!!)

So I let it go. And then she does that thing that bullys or abusers or idk what to even call this but she's done it to me HER WHOLE LIFE. She starts trying to act cute. "Can I have a bite of your eggs Lilly <3"

me "No. I don't want germs"

And now mom is mad. Not a total blow out but I know she's pissed at that. And I don't want this to totally melt down so i offer her the eggs if she really wants but she's already in a snit. THANKFULLY!!!!!!!!!! it blows over. Probably due it it being a massive carb bomb after yesterday's carb bomb. So before we head out I'm like Can you put the ketchup back now? I wanna put the syrup back too. SHE HUFFS. GOES "FINE" and picks it up as if it was covered in dog shit by the tip of her fingers.

AND I AM SCREAMING IN MY HEAD

THAT THIS IS WORSE THAN CHILDREN. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW. And she goes back into 1) doing NOT SO SUBTLE jabs at my dad. Using old insults she's always used but not SAYING its because my dad touched it but that PEOPLE touched it. BITCH YOU TOUCHED IT FIRST AND THEN ATE YOUR FOOD. She only washed her hands before eating bc she went to the bathroom AND she never wears a mask. You give two fucks about germs.

And then she has the audacity to say to me "THATS WHAT WAITRESSES ARE FOR"

which is A HUGE FUCKING TRIGGER FOR ME BC I USED TO WORK IN SERVICE. AND SO DOES SHE. IT DOESN'T ~MATTER~ WHAT THEIR JOB DESCRIPTION IS. IT HURTS ~NO~ ~ONE~ to pick up after yourself A LITTLE. Its just putting the ketchup BACK in the FUCKING CONTAINER. ALSO. WE VISIBLY SAW HOW SWAMPED THEY WERE. Its Black Friday they were hauling ass that day and we didn't end up waiting SO long but it was definitely a wait bc of how busy it was. So you're gonna make this lady who was ONLY NICE TO US. Didn't charge me an extra coffee bc I'm a mad lass who had a latte and a black coffee lmao AND She was Latina. Was there not some....Latina togetherness!??! HELLO!??? Very Mexican't mom. (we're not Mexican lmao)

And then on the drive home god I don't even remember exactly what it was bc the blood was in my ears and I was just trying to get them home so i could leave. She said something else that was VERY POINTEDLY about my dad and called it "PEOPLE" again. Like he's not stupid cmon man.

Like just for NO REASON. NOTHING my dad did had anything to really set her off on this. She was just being MEAN to be MEAN. And she KNOWS i hate it.

When i grew up I was always a lot closer to my dad and I can empathize with that. But...idk man we just had more in common? Even if she wasn't working super hard to make ends meet and he was middle class like I GET IT.

But there's resentment and just being a fucking bitch for no reason.

And again this is not to say like Oh my dad the poor uwu old man always getting beat up wah wah wah. Bc again he does a LOT to frustrate me on like...a blood pressure exploding way. But for him its just like...why would you DO THAT. Like we were in the middle of a walk with the family (my brothers family and me and the parents) and he goes OH YEAH LYDIA I MEANT TO SAY....You owe me money for the phone. Which was so fucking embarassing like why would you SAY THAT!?!?! Like i was so frustrated and like ugh. LOL And a thing my mom gets at my dad about is she's like "I SEE SENIORS ALL THE TIME OLDER THAN YOUR DAD THAT RUN MARATHONS" or whatever nonsense. And I'm like mom YOU can't even run a marathon or do half the thing these people say but also SOME PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT!?!?!? My dad had a pretty bad fall a while back and never really recovered from it. So its really frustrating when he CARRIES AROUND HIS CANE or chooses to not bring it with him...and he just...doesn't use it. Like literally I was like Dad you have to USE your cane to stand up and walk not just carry it around like a purse. "Its a psychological thing more than anything" *cue me bursting all the blood vessels in my brain* and my mom being like SEE!? I have to deal with this ALL THE TIME. *shakes desk* BUT YOU MAKE THINGS WORSE BY BEING A BITCH AT THE SAME TIME AGHHHHHHH

I just....genuinely wish I had normal parents and a normal holiday get together instead of dreading the end of the year that its something I HAVE to do because I genuinely love these people but the drive back my chest hurt, my head hurt, my throat hurt from ranting in my car my JAW hurt from clenching it from stress.

Like at this rate I'm gonna die before they do holy shit. And I think also because they're seniors and in bad health that I worry about them at the same time because....its not fair to either of them that they had to end up moving in together (It ends I think in march thankfully) and because they're seniors that I know...well this could be the last holiday i spend with them. So I make the effort, risk the covid and just go visit them when i can. But holy fucking shit.

lmao my mom LITERALLY just called me now like MY GODDDDDD LMAO HOW DID SHE KNOWWWWWW

[potahun]

Furuya and Edges

i started typing this in the tags of a frkz post and then thought i might as well type it out.

we've all been in the camp of "ZTT is crap, it makes Furuya a boring gary stu yadda yadda" or "it softens him too much". I was in that camp as well on my first read, it poured a whole bucket of cold water on my toughly acquired appreciation of Furuya as a character. Absolutely loathed ZTT

And now I do want a ZTT 2. For furukaza reasons, yes, but also, I realise what I like about ZTT is that it does give Furuya edges which we are missing in the main manga. It does show us Furuya, as Furuya.

Furuya needs to be edgeless as Amuro. He needs to be friendly enough but also distant enough to be approachable to all, without anyone actually getting any intel on him that they can use. That's why all of his personality is smoothened out into something "universally" likeable or at least acceptable.

It's also why 97% of the times we see his personality surge out in the manga is regarding Akai, when the rage takes him - because he always disliked Akai, yes, but most importantly, bc Akai is too directly connected to Hiro and the wound of losing Hiro; Hiro, the heart of his heart: the one who guarded the most genuine parts of him, having seen him as a child. And what do we see in those moments when Furuya's edges emerge?

Impatience and rashness. (rushes into the Kudou's house without proof, is in too much hurry to get to results)

Temperament and emotion. (uses kisama on Akai, gets destabilised, goes up to a guy with no agenda other than to say he's dying to pull down their collar or that he hates someone enough to kill them)

This matches the traits we see in WPS and in the flashbacks of his childhood, where Furuya:

is hot-headed and temperamental (gets into physical fights based on feeling, is asked if he can get along with the person he fought with and snaps instantly with "are you joking?" (Hiro is the one who creates a window for him and Matsuda to talk again))

is reckless and intense (gets hurt on purpose to visit Elena)

is stubborn and opinionated, in that he actively tries to figure out what's wrong with Matsuda, but his views remain heavily and stubbornly biased despite learning more about him (his vision of the police as a good student vs Matsuda's personal grudge).

But WPS is in the past, and the manga only shows us Furuya when he "loses it" with Akai (+once, his pettiness with Kid). It is mostly "unhinged" moments when he loses to negative emotions. It counts! But it's incomplete. Your most stressed out side is not your only, real personality.

And so, I do like ZTT for filling the missing picture. In ZTT, we do see a lot of Furuya being Amuro, edgeless and a gary stu. But in details, we also see A LOT of furuya being furuya and having a personality with ugly edges.

An overwhelming majority of this happens when Kazami is there, because with Kazami he's always Furuya. It's not for nothing that Kazami struggles to call him anything but Furuya-san. It's reciprocal! Furuya is never Amuro with Kazami, not when they're alone. But he also does show his "edges" a few times with Camel and Azusa!

We see Furuya being impatient, and wanting things to be given to him straight / to have things be straight. (he's a "what is it? say it clearly!" guy and a "it's a hassle to give directions. i'll drive myself (hierarchy be damned)" guy and also a "let me explain to you why i'm single. see i absolutely cannot let you go away from here with misunderstandings" guy)

We see Furuya being opinionated and judgey (he gives the stink eye often, e.g. when Kazami spits out celery like Haro, he does it with Camel, with Azusa and her pumpkins and the velvet cake).

We see him be obsessively controlling (excel sheets for haro's diet, really?)

We see him be prickly ("you better not think that i'm the one getting vaccinated...")

are those good traits? no. what a terrible guy. but damn, we definitely are seeing those edges there. And they're in little things - not in the big losses of temper.

So I like ZTT for allowing me to say with sound basis that Furuya is actually a really "prickly, rash and opinionated guy at heart, and he might actually prefer things to be set straight as fast as possible in his own daily context, which is the opposite of his worksona". It does make him a more likeable blorbo and gives me so much more material to make fun of him.

It also fuels so much of my furukaza headcanons. But that is a story for another day.

PS: Incidentally, it's why "emotional" is not something I use often as a descriptive for Furuya's personality despite emotion being one of the edges we see most in the main manga, because, I think, he loses it with Akai as a result of his deepest wound and he's shit at processing the grief other than channelling it into anger. But I don't necessarily consider it a character trait. Ironically, I wonder whether, if he was an emotional person, he might actually be better at processing grief (or understanding Matsuda' off the bat's POV, for example). It's like the question of whether your trauma-induced PTSD is part of your personality? It's not the same thing, but I sometimes feel that his own losses of temper, as a placeholder for grief-processing, are actually a sign that he's under-developed in terms of emotional maturity, which, to me, suggests he favors rationality as his main tool, and therefore defaults to emotion only when the rest is lost. I think he's "temperamental" but not necessarily "emotional".

[redfountainpostin]

Fell in love with your blog, went on a rampage to a friend about Riven/Darcy, came up with ideas, bon appetit! (Is that meme giving away my age?)

Riven who had his head so played with that he straight up doesn't trust his senses, anything he sees could be one of Darcy's illusions, someone calls his name and he ignores it cause he's gotten used to Darcy's voice inside his head pushing him to do x or y

He'll ignore his body's signals, hunger? Thirst? Pain? He can't tell if it's him or Darcy's tricks, so he ignores it just to be sure (meanwhile our boy is severely dehydrated and has 20 broken bones), the squad will have to remind him to eat, or drink or get to the infirmary

Darcy implants fake memories in his head, after, he can't tell his real past from the fake memories

Did he always liked X or Y? Or did Darcy influence him?

He loses some of his memories, there are things that no matter how hard he tries he can't recall

Shitty long term memory! If he's actively thinking about it, he doesn't forget, if he gets distracted, boom! It's gone. Post its all over his room and the kitchenette "you're allergic to strawberries", cause if he stops thinking about it he forgets, eats it and could go into anaphylactic shock. "Helia's mom's name is X" (I stole this one straight from Manacled, I'm not apologising).

The boys include this sort of thing in their conversation Hella will be talking about his mom and goes "my mother, X"

It's a PTSD free for all

Sometimes he'll go through his day convinced that he's in an illusion, that nothing he does it's really happening, and it isn't until he (accidentally) hurts someone that he realises "oh shit, it's been real the whole time"

Someone has to get him a night light for kids, cause now he's kinda terrified of the dark, I feel like Darcy could have him in total darkness for a while, he can't tell where he is, what time it is, what's going on. It makes him extra paranoid.

She could take away all his senses at the same time. After, he's extra sensitive and hyperaware, and will alternate between "Sky is breathing too loud" and ignoring the literal Armageddon outside his window cause "it's just another illusion" or because he can't feel it happening, some of his senses will stop working randomly. (Hello S3 blind Aisha parallels!)

Riven is not really a favourite, but his relationship with Darcy has so much potential! Feel free to use this or discard them all 🩷

Oh my god thank you so much for sending this, I love ALL OF THIS (also, I think Manacled is showing your age more than Bon Appetit, but potato potato XD, god bless us) I've been playing around with Riven having memory issues myself!!! I actually hc he already has those issues from his childhood, there was no head injury that caused it, it was just that he went through something so traumatic his brain just locked down an entire year of memories. Like, from age 10 to 11, it's blank, nada, empty, prazno, kaput. So when Darcy fucks with his head, it makes it even worse!!! What if he gets a (bad) habit of carrying a recorder in his pocket at all times?? In the evening he listens through it on sped up version to make sure everything was real. When someone finds out they're furious and he has to stop, bc it IS violating towards others, but it causes him so much stress. I also actually HCed him to feel much SAFER in the dark, because growing up, dark meant a lot more places to hide; Darcy taking that away from him, basically ruining a safe space, especially if he is a night owl, is just *chef's kiss*. And yea, my boy doesn't eat properly!! He will either forget, or refuse, or have a very specific think he'll eat and nothing else. I actually hc him to not eat bread, mostly bc I don't eat bread, so he bastardizes all sandwiches and just eats the filling and none of the bread, leaving his squadmates mildly disturbed XD Helia's mom definitely had to introduce himself like 3 times before he actually remembered her, but she doesn't hold it against him (I hc that Helia has really nice parents and bc I hc that Saladin got him into RF, and Saladin is Helia's fam, the whole fam kinda wants the best for him, except for Helia when he reaches for a sandwich in the fridge only to bite in and see that someone took out all the fillings) Also, to quote Harley Quinn: everyone else can see this trippy magic stuff yea? He literally has to ask at the end of each season during the obligatory final battle lololololol I really like the idea of the guy just being perma damaged and that's how it is and he has to live with it and his friends will be there for him AND HE HAS TO SEE THE PERSON WHO DID THAT TO HIM EVERY YEARS BC TRIX REFUSE TO FUCK OFF-

[inchidentally]

replying to asks abt the Drama today so pls skip if you're fully over that salfgjlagf (and bl 'tricky asks' to not see me respond to stuff like this - but I always put under a cut as well!)

oh my god this is a whole epic jfc and I'm p sure I repeat myself a lot I'm sorry <3

and for anyone who sees the walls of text below and is like pls tl;dr it for me bitch: today is one of multiple examples proving that Lando and Oscar are exceptionally able to maintain perspective and genuine consideration of each other given their situations and their ages. and that while they, like all teammates, will have ups and downs that they are FAR from the kinds of teammates to ever let the bad times linger or fester. I'm not going to be participating in flipping out or overreacting to it when it does inevitably happen but that it hasn’t even happened today! so I just don’t see a point in projecting the rare examples of melodramatic teammates onto Lando and Oscar as teammates. esp today when they both could quite easily have sniped at each other a bit even indirectly and yet they didn't! Lando at the team? absolutely! but like for anyone feeling sad or upset in terms of the landoscar of it all, I'm genuinely baffled ?? bc I'm personally out here impressed yet again at how well they've handled this ?? so yea <3

just to say, if you're someone who truly loves the Epic Highs and Lows of Formula One then good on you and continue having fun! some people live for The Drama and obv I'm not addressing or criticizing that at all!

but since I'm out here being regularly openly insane about landoscar and I've gotten these asks and seen people feeling upset, I def feel like it’s fair that I bring reality and reason into my posts as well being stupid akfgsalfg

so I've grown up with F1 passively in the background of my life (as in on the main TV in my house) and I'm still mostly a fake, but I've picked up some things over the years and one of them is that the average set of teammates aren't the melodrama ones. most teammates who enjoy genuine competitive closeness on the track just tick each other off sometimes but mostly like each other and hang out a bit - overall the average dynamic ranges from mildly indifferent to good buddies. 

(brocedes and sebmark are outliers for a reason. and they did NOT just turn bad overnight. that toxic soup was brewing from the very start. but more about that later in this gigantic ass essay)

so once I realized last season that Lando and Oscar genuinely like each other and weren't gonna pop off over everything, my assumption has always been that they would have their tiffs and snipe to the press or avoid each other for periods but then get over it and go back to liking each other again - rinse and repeat! from a driver’s pov it's way more enjoyable and preferable to NOT be fighting w the guy you spend so much time and share a car with.

but !! that didn't happen and hasn't happened! with Lando and Oscar it very quickly went beyond just passively okay w each other - they've made active choices to show respect and fairness and consideration that for me has truly been exceptional.

and while I'm insane about them for narratives and rpf, the not insane part is how these two fit together so beautifully? like, Lando knows and says how his feelings and his brain can just take over sometimes and he struggles - that includes his feelings of anger and resentment. Oscar's primary trait is being calm and being able to be circumspect even under stress. Lando's actually said that he's learned from Oscar remaining calm. then you've got Oscar's 'hearteyes' and genuine admiration of Lando that shows up not in loud PR ways* but in quiet respect and standing back for Lando to shine and giving Lando his full dues. over time, Lando's come to 'hearteyes' right back bc of the respect and ngl genuine affection he feels for Oscar's fairness and respectfulness and his persistence in showing up and being happy for Lando no matter what. like, none of that requires embellishment and it's said by pretty much everyone including each other!

so to me, that means that when they do inevitably have 'moments' at the front of the pack together in future they'll ofc be grumpy w each other or resentful but it'll all be okay once they've cooled off. 

but !! that was not today !! my entire day of reblogging is just a nonstop bam bam bam of them looking out for each other in the face of this drama and taking care to not feed the media who have been dying for them to hate each other since day one. Oscar apologizing and if anything being less celebratory today than he was in Monaco for his second place. keeping the post race short and simple** and not going over the top celebrating after the team photo. Lando repeating in his post races that Oscar deserved the win and that he didn't want the issues with team orders to overshadow that and literally reaching out to Oscar to say 'we're okay' right out of the car <3

so yea in the years they are teammates they will definitely have their off days and probably that'll happen at certain points this season - but genuinely ! it should not be taken for granted how mature and considerate and kind they've remained w each other since basically Austria last year ! that counts for a hell of a lot in terms of not assuming they're "over" every time team strategy screws one or both of them, or that they will become different people and suddenly cultivate melodrama.

and sure, anything can happen etc etc but I don’t see a point in just aimlessly waiting for the absolute worst to happen unless you actively want them to hate each other which seems like a huge waste of time but to each their own ldgfjlagfljsfg

guys… things like "why didn't he spray Oscar with champagne first" and "they had a moment where they weren't smiling" or "the cool down room was awkward" "Oscar didn't thank Lando like Lando did in Miami" “Oscar hasn’t liked such and such on instagram” is not only pointless self-torturing it's also all pretty easy to debunk by someone like me who follows a lot of teams and drivers and sees a ton of different sides to these things every weekend:

- as for the comment likes, Oscar hasn't liked everyone's comments that he should have - I did a quick pass and the standouts are he still hasn’t liked the comment from opeightyone (his own brand company!), still hadn't liked the Australian GP comment last time I checked, or Kym Ilman, literally a fellow Aussie who he talks to at every single race and who left a heartfelt comment. we need to give this poor guy a break and not ignore how much he was laughing and smiling with Lando just bc he’s struggling with the alerts on his phone !! (and as always, we have absolutely no way of knowing anymore when we can say how much the driver is doing vs what their sm team is doing. I saw in a story the other day that Lily had stopped doing her usual emoji replies to his posts for a while (she started up again after quali this weekend) and clearly there's been no issues between them so it's safe to say Oscar's sm officially isn't the true measure of his current relationships!)

- Lando and Oscar were already joking and smiling together before the champagne! so why would Lando then get mad and show it by not spraying him first? (EDIT: as an anon pointed out, when Lando runs over to the McLaren team member Oscar is laughing and follows him! so the plan was to drown the poor guy all along lol.) Lando and Lewis have a special bond from long before Oscar and Lewis and McLaren have had a bond even longer. if I hadn't seen ppl be upset about this I wouldn't have thought twice about Lando running to Lewis after having spend the first half the podium chatting to Oscar!

and just a quick side note, Lando had NO problem showing how mad he was before Oscar came into the cool down room when he threw down that hat and got huffy with Lewis when all Lewis did was say how fast the McLaren is! but every time Lando interacted with Oscar, he made sure to keep it together and be happy for him bc as he strenuously made clear in his interviews, his upset was at the team's directions but he didn't want it overshadowing Oscar's well-earned win. so if anything, view Lando rushing over to Lewis as an apology for somewhat biting his head off over a compliment lfgjflgsalf

- the drivers are exhausted and their default mode after a race is to be not smiling, like not even Lando smiled the entire time following his win. add to today that Lando hasn't been happy with second place for a long time and Oscar isn't an effusive guy and it's weird to think they'd be laughing and smiling nonstop.

- cool down rooms are literally always awkward ?? the drivers hate that there are cameras and conversation is always stilted. it’s where they go to … y'know, cool down, not get hyped lol

- Lando thanked Oscar in Miami bc Oscar showed what the car could do w his overtakes, guys. it was VERY sweet but it wasn't like 'thank you for my life Oscar' or even 'thank you for my win'. but even apart from that, Lando has fully taken on the rightful 'I'm the more established F1 star and the face of McLaren and it's my job to let the new guy know when he's done well' even back before he and Oscar had much of a relationship. but… and I’m about to spin off on this topic now… Lando does very well with this sometimes yes, but remember that the majority of his own feeds are also solely focused on himself like Oscar's and like most driver's are! and that he and Oscar both forget to like McLaren's content most of the time!

but also like……….

please let us please remember Oscar has the same rights to putting himself first as every other driver !! he may be remarkably mature and respectful to Lando and McLaren and exceptionally able to get over being set aside or even screwed over, but he's not a worm!

as far as questioning if him not 'thanking' Lando somehow negates his literally non-stop hearteyes-so-blatant-that-casuals-comment-on-it that he has for Lando every single week... guys.. Lily. like I'm positive he'll make a special post or story with her soon but he only said a quick "hi" to Lily after Ted brought her up and then did a generic thank you to everyone LIKE ?? the guy isn't even effusive about his beloved long time gf !! his love language is not in words* !!

but I also feel the need to bring smth up here bc there is a definite lean happening in some quarters of fandom into fully expecting and taking for granted Oscar's patience and maturity and ability to be happy for Lando no matter how much he's hurting or upset for himself. and I've got to raise everyone who says that the fact that Oscar is allowed to be like every other driver including Lando! he is allowed to feel frustrated or not be a perfect saint! in the earlier part of last year, Lando openly said he was uncomfortable being 'the older guy' and he frequently left Oscar in the lurch not knowing where to go or ignored Oscar to talk to or about his previous teammates. when Oscar hadn't been told the correct time for that major meeting shown in DTS, Lando was not hiding feeling fairly smug after Oscar said "is Lando already here?" and in Australia this year, Lando fully forgot to have anything to do with Oscar in what was literally Oscar’s home town and home country race to the point ! that in the podium drivers conference when a reporter brought up if Oscar was bummed about missing out on a podium, Lando stiffly said that he guessed anyone would want a podium on their home race - but he was far from sympathetic!

now before anyone thinks this is me having a go at Lando, I am not. I'm literally reminding the people who are reading too much into Oscar not saying thank you specifically to Lando in what was a much shorter and less exuberant overall race win celebration and post race video than Lando’s win was: it is not a big deal !! it is not some huge thing that Lando would even notice and that Lando has frequently chosen to not include or show gratitude to Oscar at times when we expected him to and !! it's fine because it really is fine !! 

but when Oscar is seen to not cover every single base of gratitude and inclusion for Lando, for some fans it's A Problem or A Worry. and for some people, a broader thank you to the team and not specifically to Lando** is reason why Lando should despise Oscar forever and even consider leaving McLaren like the comments sections are insaaaane bro

these are two Normal Guys who are each living their Own Careers and while it's wonderful to enjoy the things that bond them and are special about them, they are still going to be Normal! and they will not view these tiny insignificant moments where they didn’t fully acknowledge the other with any magnitude at all! they are not expecting a level of devotion to each other that certain fans are! Oscar didn’t notice or care that Lando didn’t make anything special out of his home race and their pre-race fan stage was funny and sweet! Lando didn’t notice or even assume that Oscar should thank him specifically for team orders when Lando himself didn’t thank Oscar for team orders!

like I just cannot emphasize enough the importance of separating fun rpf narratives from reality. Lando tried to mess up Carlos’ parking job before the race as a joke to get back at him over the sign the day before - and then Carlos very firmly said that Lando absolutely should have given Oscar his place back and he even commented on one of Oscar’s posts despite not following him. this does not mean Carlos and Lando are beefing or that Carlos is being mean by going out of his way for Oscar! will I run with that single comment for carcar fodder absolutely - but that is fiction! nobody's mad at anybody!

and then there's the things that don't exist in Formula 1: "Oscar shouldn't have accepted the orders" "McLaren are out to get Lando" "Lando already gets too much hate"

- Oscar apologized for his pace and complications and he gave a very subdued little speech over the radio which was very big of him (and very wrong of McLaren to put him in that position) but if someone thinks any driver including Lando would even slightly imply "nah give the win to my teammate not me" then they’re categorically living on another plane of stan-ism that I can't comprehend. Lando literally said multiple times after this race how he has been the one to benefit from strategy working in his favor - both by McLaren and other teams. he's many many times made a cheeky face or made a joke when he's gotten away with something that fans of a rival driver or team were rightfully furious about. and if a person thinks it was mean when some ppl criticized the role that serendipity played in Miami then maybe that same person shouldn't start biting chunks out of Oscar about the same thing idk !!

Lando repeatedly said how much Oscar has done for him and if his Oscar-hating stans choose to think he's wrong or lying then idk !! he's being mature and fair so like, live n learn from your idol !

and can I just echo everyone saying 'please stop comparing this to brocedes or sebmark' or honestly even charlos? I'm doing bullet lists apparently so I'll do another one lafgljsafgsa

- brocedes is entirely due to their complicated and abnormally intimate lifelong history together leading up to F1. they were already Not Normal Friends and that made for the tinderbox that was their F1 careers together. literally they were destined to have to rupture that level of intimacy if they weren't going to just like get married to each other. they always needed to turn that relationship into something milder and less intense and it would always have exploded no matter what adult lives they had. F1 just made the explosion more violent and public. there’s truly no comparing them with anyone else.

- Oscar bears no resemblance to Mark and Lando bears no resemblance to Seb. Seb as he was in his heyday was... not shy or bashful about being a madman. sebmark never once looked like landoscar and it wasn't this huge revelation that that relationship would end up where it did !!

- Charles and Carlos have a negligible career/experience gap compared to Lando and Oscar and their temperaments are as much primed for friction as Lando and Oscar's are complimentary to each other. not to like 'they're so continental!' charlos but like, their already passionate natures got thrown into a rolling boil of Italian heritage racing and it's why the whole love/hate being sides of the same coin thing always happens with them. their families are even houses alike in dignity etc etc. it's Pure Drama and Intensity and always has been, both good and bad. they’re as terrible at using PR to smooth things over as landoscar are at not even bothering with PR. when Charles and Carlos are good together they’re passionately all over each other and when they’re mad at each other it’s messy and all over the press like a warring celebrity couple. Lando and Oscar are still delicately pawing at their relationship to know what it is and they still shyly touch as if seeking permission. Lando and Oscar are so not PR friendly that even Netflix gave up on them as a narrative entirely. Charles and Carlos are Shakespeare. Lando and Oscar are Jane Austen. Ferrari is the Capulet/Montague pride before the fall. McLaren is Mrs. Bennett trying to social climb using her daughters as bait.

as someone who follows blogs for multiple diff teams and drivers, trust me I see a lot of "my opinion of him is gone forever after this!!!" about something their own fave driver did even just a few races ago and absolutely will do again. same with "the team is destroying him and favoring his teammate!" like I straight up will see that said by each teammate's fanbase of the same team about the same race. this happens at different times throughout the season in every single team I follow - it even happened w Williams of all teams (tho so far that's just the once).

I'm a fake so obv I'm not going to weigh in myself but my cousins and their friends who watch F1 on the app at my house - and who aren't represented ethnically by any driver or team so they don't have bias - always have a much more calm and nuanced take. they assume every driver is out for themselves and by that very fact alone, teams have to take sides when the gap closes. and !! that millionaires doing an elite sport aren't experiencing mental distress over this sport the way common people experience distress over real life !! they go and bury their "woes" in extravagant luxury and an entire army of hugely biased family, supporters and fanbases all of whom think said driver deserves everything.

and that it takes truly heinous betrayal or outright evil to make these guys hate each other with any serious level of depth bc they all know they're The Selfish Asshole just as easily as the other guy. 

so I personally trust their takes on things and it's probably why I've always assumed Lando and Oscar would be Normal and have their little tiffs like everyone else does. bc it's rule one of making it to this level of the sport that you have to think selfishly. straight up I'm astounded at how quickly they've both been able to shake that 'visors down' mentality that Andrea referenced in the post race video and see the bigger picture and not be The Asshole to each other. 

and overall I don’t mind my dash being a warzone of wild accusations immediately after a race bc everyone usually calms down.

but there are certain things I just do not want on my dash and it's actually not related to what driver a person hates or not....

because while it's silly to see any of these privileged little princes as A Victim and Would Never Do That To Their Teammate (which would honestly get you laughed at by said driver) it's pretty common biased fan behavior. even tho Lando literally kept reminding people that Oscar's swallowed his own pride over things for Lando's benefit many times and that he (Lando) has been on the receiving end of podiums that came from strategies working in his favor (McLaren’s and that of other teams).

and like the idea that Oscar is now some heinous human being bc he's behaving like every other driver including Lando by Lando's own admission is hysterical. the idea that F1 teams are ever in any way benevolent kindly forces or that F1 drivers have anything akin to 'selflessness' over race wins is hysterical.

but where I draw a line is stanning for men in this sport so hard to the point of insane amounts of agonized doomposting and biased venomous rage. sorry but most of us don't want our precious time wasted agonizing over which self-confessed selfish millionaire in a sport founded on and maintained by pure elitism is feeling So Bad and So Sad! that he runs off to be comforted by a beautiful woman/women and adoring family and coddling hangers-on and legions of worshiping, wholly biased fans and millions of dollars on gigantic yachts because the absurdly unnecessary sport he gets to do isn't "looking after him well enough" or "prioritizing his happiness" !!!!?????? 

like fuck I'm a callous bitch ig but I'm not feeling an ounce of genuine upset whenever one of these men experiences a level of "my sport makes me sad". "oh but it's all they've known !! it's all relative !! money and privilege don’t equal happiness and privileged men suffer too !!" oh stfu no it doesn't and no they're not like stockholm syndrom victims and if they're so unhappy then they can put on their big boy boots and take their money and go fucking do something else holy SHITTTTT 

am I not here for allowing any portion of my human empathy to go to a fuuucCKING F1 driver jeeeeeeesusss. all of these men fully have the potential to get metoo’d or exposed about smth bc they're all capable of doing awful things by the time they're in F2 -male pro athletes are NOT objectively safe spaces to hang human morality or to assign automatic grace and good intent - let alone bleed pain or feel sadness for their race results or issues with their teams.

there is no acceptable moral relativity for me and these men and this sport are only of interest to me as a hyperfixation that gives me enjoyment in the form of narratives and a very specific, surface degree of enjoyment.

it’s fine if Lando or Oscar feel their feelings of frustration or anger etc but no way in hell am I going to feel remotely sad for them ??? they’re fine ?? there are genuinely sad things in my life and in the world and millionaires wanting trophies and points isn’t among them !! I’m not entwining my day-to-day happiness in any way with what they get up to and I’ll take what I can enjoy from them and ignore everything else.

and to wrap up this epic which I’m only indulging in bc I do feel like my blog sometimes seems like I’m pushing my own silly narratives on others and genuinely I’m not intending to - most of the reason I actually got drawn to landoscar and wanted to engage in fandom about them is precisely because their real life non-rpf dynamic is so unusually mature and considerate and not toxic or like, at all even overtly masculine. yea I originally got drawn into f1blr for the usual bromance rpf types like carland0 and dand0 etc but I didn’t rly care enough to engage in any way. 

but I think this is why I know that the ppl wanting Lando and Oscar to become this insane toxic mess are going to keep raging with disappointment - kind of like how I knew Lando and Max would be perfect again after just a few days while so many ppl hoped it was the start of some battle royale to last years that would end their close friendship. and why I knew Logan and Alex would end up with a genuine, heartfelt friendship when so many ppl assumed Alex would see Logan as one foot out the door and just wait to bond with a more worthy teammate. now we’ve got Alex saying how he and Lily casually talk about Logan for no reason at all and their friendship surviving Alex being given Logan’s car <3

I genuinely don’t bullshit myself into enjoying dynamics unless they feel real - so whatever friction I ever sense between Lando and Oscar as a result of them pushing each other to be the best they can be and helping to bring McLaren from the back of the field to WCC contender, isn’t at odds with them being gentle and unusually private and earnestly aware of each other. bromances were always Lando’s PR insurance with his other two teammates - a nice bandaid to cover moments where cracks showed or Lando didn’t hide his emotions enough. it’s something a lot of teammates use for the same purpose. but Lando and Oscar deciding to forgo that and have their little privacy door to shut out everyone else but each other from their drivers rooms, and how they will be doing interviews and then get distracted talking to each other over things that only interest them, and traveling and hanging out together without giving McLaren PR any material to use… like that’s a lovely, tender little unpretentious narrative to enjoy. watching them tiptoe so cautiously around an almighty cockup on McLaren’s pitwall side and Lando trying to pull himself up out of murky defeat for Oscar and Oscar deciding to celebrate so modestly because what a mess that ending was for them both. 

like I just don’t see a need for trying to invent ways to be unhappy or miserable or fabricate a doomed anything when they’re both still so sweet <3 <3 (and honestly it’s the same old tune of McLaren’s strategy needing a swift smack around the head)

tysm babe and I hope this one helped as well <3<3

[spliceyblues]

Hi!

I love your art so much!!!! I can’t describe it very well (I think I may have some sort of weird Synesthesia or something I stg because my ways of describing art are always SO WEIRD) but it just… it makes me think of slow wiggles and waves and also gives me the vibes of like… a sleazy bar from the era of mobsters that’s playing jazz but in a really good way????

I stg that’s a good thing I promise I love your art I told you I’m bad at describing how I feel about art. 😭

Anyway idk if you’re taking requests but if you’re open to it I’d love to see Leona in your style! I was going through all your twst art and I don’t think I saw him!

I think he’d do well with your slinky, smirk art and I SWEAR THESE ARE COMPLIMENTS I JUST CAN’T THINK OF ANYWAY ELSE TO DESCRIBE IT IT’S SO GOOD THOUGH I LOVE IT

KACNKSSKSJSKSOJWNDC THANK YOU SM I LOVE WHEN PPL DESCRIBE ART IN SUCH UNIQUE WAYS BC YALL ARE SO CREATIVE WITH COMPLIMENTS INJUST AAHHHHH TY SM 😭😭🤧🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💖💖💖💖💘💘💘💘💘💘 and yes ur right I haven’t drawn Leona and mostly bc I stress myself out in trying to draw such a beautiful man like him that my perfectionism kicks in and unmotivates me to draw and I have this habit of not drawing certain characters only bc I can’t draw the simplest of things bc I think about how they look too much for example when I draw Trey or Lilia, I always get stuck on their hair and they take me a while for me to get satisfied with but yeah it’s time I finally drew this lion man, I really do appreciate you looking thru the content it makes me happy knowing y’all love my artwork 🥹🥹🥹💕💕💕cannot thank you all enough

Here’s a colored doodle of Leona

[knifegrrrllll]

so i feel like how aspec sexuality connecting to abandonment trauma and personality disorders is not talked ab enough, well it is by ppl with personality disorders but i wanna talk ab it basically w my experience w bpd and being aro/ace spectrum

and i know fellow bpd havers know the feeling of being unlovable very well. For me i'm demiromantic and it would take literal years for me to actually develop a genuine romantic attraction to someone, and if when i do, that person would straight up become my fp and it would be torture pain and suffering (for me mostly)

Like romantic feelings for me is nothing fun, because its linked to my mental issues inherently i feel. And i still want a romantic relationship one day but that feeling of being unlovable and like, i'm just not suited for it (in the sense that i couldnt handle it i feel) is like,, i will just not try there is no point. I will suffer for another person always wondering do they hate me will they leave me, ofc they will there's not much i can offer even. I will end up hating the person i love and then go back to loving them and then hating them etc etc.. Not to mention amanormativity (idkkk if thats how u spell it or if thats the right term) but basically i assume people want something from me that i simply cannot give. I will never be able to have sex with someone, i will never want to, I actually just wouldn't put myself thru that for someone else and because i feel like thats all anyone would actually want from me i will just probably never want to be in a relationship. Like for me personally i'm supperrr asexual like u have no idea i've known i was ace since i was literally 10 yrs old and nothing has changed i will always be like this, and i dont mind doing *some* suggestive sexual stuff if its fun and chill but the second a line gets crossed i just want no part in it and i refuse to put myself thru that.

And i'm also very fine w being single like i only ever feel like i want a gf once in awhile but i feel completely whole just by myself and my life is objectively easier and more relaxing without romance. For me i don't think i'll actually be ready for a genuine romantic relationship until i feel like i am and that will be hopefully when i'm older lol

Idk i feel like because of the stigma against aro/ace ppl and also the experience of bpd, it enhances the feeling of being unlovable. But I want to make it clear to ppl reading this post that i'm aware that i actually am lovable, this is just a feeling. And i didn't write this to complain, and if you have the same experience as me or a similar one, that doesn't mean there is no hope for you or for me. The world is so much bigger than how my brain perceives everything. Like i do want to stress that these feelings are mostly a symptom of my mental illness lol and if you have bpd or a pd it doesn't make you unlovable, bc everyone is lovable by default yknow.

Even people who's hearts are a mouthful, like mine. And even if ur reading this and you don't have the experience of having a pd but you still have feelings of being unlovable or like, there is no hope for you in romance because you are arospec or acespec or both like me, well there is hope for everyone because the world is so much bigger than societies stigma and people are as diverse as the stars.. But lmk if you have a similar experience anywayz ppl <3

[cyclogenesis]

life update, got something COMPLETELY insane today!!!

it's a job lol. i got a fucking job. part-time but i'll be working one day a week at a vintage shop in atwater village. it's like a collective thing and all the members are supposed to work one day a week but my friend sarah has a rack there and is in new york a lot of time so i'm taking over her shift. every monday 12-6, i think it'll be fairly low-stress bc it's not super highly trafficked.

and like damn i know with jobs it's all about networking and who you know and whatever but the process here was literally sarah texting to ask me if i'd want to work there and i was like sure and then she put me in touch with the owner and then i went over there today (20min drive! not bad) and the owner showed me the ropes and then just gave me the keys. no resume, wasn't even an interview. i just suddenly worked there bc sarah vouched for me.

i think it'll be good! i've been kind of staring down the rest of my life knowing that i won't be able to be doing barely-to-middlingly adequate with my vintage shop and supplementing with my savings for too crazy much longer without having to get probably another full-time job eventually, a thought which makes me want to die, but not as much as having another full-time job will make me start making active plans about how to die.

so any way i can continue to stave off that dark inevitability is great. it will also be nice to get me out of the house bc boy can i get into a habit of not leaving the house, which is fine but it is a little unnerving when i get in the car and i'm like when was the last time i drove anywhere. am i driving right. does it always feel like this, etc. and it'll be nice to get a little social interaction, i haven't done retail in like...ten years since i had the worst boss ever at a beverly hills boutique but i did like it as much as i can like any job, which is to say that i'd rather be doing anything else, but while i'm there i'm going to try to enjoy myself. AND i get to play my own music, so vintage vixens get ready to hear whateverrrrr i wanttttt all day long, baby. mostly ethel cain deep cuts, let's be so honest.

also since working in-store one day a week is a part of having a rack there the vendors don't get paid for that day, which means my friend i'm covering for will just venmo me off the books. this is great because i love crime. and if it goes well i told the owner that i can be a pretty dependable go-to for covering people's shifts when i'm around.

she was also cool with me not being in town for the month of may, which is good because i'm going to europe for my goddamned birthday and a much needed vacation after the worst four months of my entire liiiiiiiiiiiiife! which i haven't started really planning yet. i got my cut of the insurance money which was drastically less than expected because grammy straight up lied to my face about how many beneficiaries there would be and also lied about having prepaid burial costs. really nice move there. great note to go out on. thanks for that.

however they're finally getting her house up for sale, which i should get one-third of (it's a manufactured home in fresno. we will not be swimming in the proceeds like scrooge mcduck in his vault of gold coins over here, but still), so i'm hoping that will happen in a timely fashion. if it doesn't it'll be fine, i travel cheap as hell and am not balling out at the ritz over here. although, you know, if i have the house money by then maybe i'll ball out a little. a little! have a ritz cracker, maybe.

here is my ridiculous tentative itinerary so far which i have to cut down drastically bc like, be serious: Paris (I can't go to Europe without visiting Paris! legally!!!), visit my friend in her village near Lyon, hit the South again (Aix-en-Provence, Grasse, Saint-Tropez?), Cannes, Corsica (I don't know! it looks cool!), on to Italy - Amalfi Coast (Positano!!), maybe Capri?, we've all been circumnavigating shores so from there I really want to go to Monemvasia on southern coast of Greece which will probably be a pain in the ass to get to but I wanna goooooo, Crete from there, Santorini again please god, I have to go to the sacred island of Delos which probably means getting a place on Mykonos which is famously overtouristed but you can't STAY on Delos because it's SACRED and Artemis will hunt you down and fucking kill you (?), from there I can go to SYROS!!! yay, god I would love to do Chios too. Then fly back to Athens and spend a little time there.

we will see how all that goes. i probably should just focus on greece. but fraaaaaance. and i didn't make it to the amalfi coast before and i always wanted to see it and i'm still half-assedly learning italian! andiamo, c'è un fantasma qui!! the goal also is to spend time in the mornings/evenings/on ferries taking another fucking shot at writing a novel everrr because i just have to keep trying guys. sooner or later i'll land on one that i think is worth sticking with. i am objectively a pretty decent writer and there's no reason i shouldn't be able to pry 70,000 words out of my brain and put them into a sellable shape. like, come on. what am i doing over here.

open to travel destination opinions if you have them. i would like to be ankle-deep in a series of seas before the summer really sets in. do YOU live in europe? can i come visit you? do YOU live in los angeles? will you come say hi to me while i'm working at the vintage shop?

anyway, i love getting money and then trading it for meaningful life experiences. i'm feeling good, baby, i'm feeling real good.

[suntoru]

hello!

I'm super stressed atm, have an exam on Tuesday, and I need a bit of motivation because I really doubt myself sometimes although I'm trying very hard 😭😭

do you think you could write a short piece about one of the genshin boys (heizou, tighnari, cyno, scara, childe or one of your choice instead) comforting a reader in the same situation? if not then I totally understand (couldn't find whether or not your requests are closed so I hope I'm not bothering you) thank you so much <3

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ heizou + childe w/ stressed out reader!!

summary: reader is stressed out bc of exams!! what do the boys do to help?

a/n: hi luv!! basically my requests are actually closed but i decided to make an exception just this once <3 u got this, dw too much!! i hope i was able to bring u some comfort

wc: 655 words

warnings: burnt out reader, overworking, mostly comfort n fluff, maybe a bit of swearing?

─ ✰ HEIZOU

mr. smartass here does not get the definition of stressing over work istg he’s too intelligent for his own good

at first, he supports you a lot, he encourages you to do better too. he likes that you’re working hard to reach your goals <3

he does his own work beside you, so you can study together!

type to help you and tests you on the questions

however, after a couple days, he starts to notice you’re not doing so well. you’ve got bags under your eyes from skipping out on sleep to study, you’re more grumpy than normal, and you just look stressed.

that’s when he makes the connection that a), you’re overworking yourself, and b), you’re stressed about this.

to be honest, i don’t think he’s the type to directly confront you about this unless it becomes too much, he’s more of the subtle type.

he’d definitely ask if you’re okay in a lighthearted manner, but you can tell he’s serious. welp now he’s monitoring you on a daily basis

“y/n, do you wanna take a break and go get some food?” “you’re gonna do so well, don’t worry.”

but if you choose to talk to him about your worries, he’ll listen silently, only nodding his head to show he’s paying attention. he’ll wait till you’re finished until he speaks.

he pulls you into a tight hug, cradling the back of your head as he comforts you. his voice is laced with confidence and you can tell he means what he says.

“babe… i know you can do this. there’s no one i believe in more than you. you’ve worked really hard for this, and that’s all i need to know. and even if you don’t meet your expectations, i’ll still be proud. i’m here for you if you need anything, anything at all.”

makes sure you’re getting enough rest, you’re eating enough and taking breaks.

when the day of your test comes, he gives you a confident smile, and a kiss on the cheek as he winks.

“i’d say good luck, but i know you’ve left nothing up to chance.”

whatever the outcome is, he takes you on a date after <3

overall 7/10

─ ✰ CHILDE

…run.

bro does not understand the term ‘busy’. he thinks your attention should always be on him.

worst study buddy 😭 type to end up distracting you instead of actually helping

ANYWAYS.

one of the first people to speak up about this, solely because you aren’t spending a lot of time with him anymore.

not slick with it either, just full on blunt.

this dramatic ahh collapses in your lap on the brink of tears, shiny puppy dog eyes staring straight into your soul.

“do you still love me anymore?”

explain to him that things exist other than him

please do tell him that you’re just worried and stressed though.

if you end up crying, his personality does a full 180. you’re now situated on his lap, his fingers brushing away any tears.

he feels guilty he didn’t notice sooner, he cups your face gently.

“hey, hey… i’m sorry. i didn’t realize this was so important to you… i’ll help you study, okay? for real this time.”

to the best of his ability, he helps explain concepts and showers you with praise if you answer correctly.

makes you flash cards with cute doodles (mostly him)

on the day of your exam, he picks you up and twirls you around.

peppers kisses all over your face.

“my scrunkly baby, you’re gonna do so well!! my smart precious clever genius… i might not be there with you, but take my luck!! well, not like you need it <3”

whispers in your ear before you go:

“…and don’t forget… a mark on a piece of paper doesn’t define you.”

takes you shopping and buys you whatever you want after, super clingy for the next couple of days

4/10 but he’s trying

©kaeffeinee 2023. do not copy, repost, or translate any of my works on any platform.

[force0fchaos]

Last yap session of the day but while I’m at it, i wanna share my kanade headcanons!!

Unrelated opinions paragraph here, scroll to the red title to get to the actual hc’s

Headcanons are a tough thing for me in the pjsk fandom because sometimes I see people get a little lost in the sauce and use ‘hc’ when what they really mean is ‘au’ or ‘thing I want to happen/wish happened.’ In addition, many hcs I’ve seen tend towards being reductive in my opinion, or not necessarily accurate to the way I see the character. This is fine with me! I love fandom discourse (as long as everyone stays respectful). Everything is a matter of opinion, and as someone who prefers to stay near the canon-accurate side of things (unless I am making an au, see: evil nightcord) not everything will be for me. All that is to say, these takes might not be super daring. I’ve thought a lot before coming to my own conclusions about my favorite characters, and feel a strong need to sufficiently explain and support my takes with evidence and elaboration. But I do hope they’re fun to read nonetheless, and I’d love to hear other people’s opinions as well as their own hcs in the reblogs, contradictory or otherwise!

KANADE HEADCANONS (in order from least to most elaboration)

1) kanade has albinism :D she inherited it from her mom, and it’s (part of) why the sun is especially rough on her

2) kanade is terrible at stem, especially math. She seriously struggles doing operations in her head, she has good spacial awareness but can’t grasp conceptual stuff. When she was younger her parents considered getting her a tutor, but since she’s going into music anyway she just took the bare minimum math classes and moved on

3) (this is a little contrary to canon but) kanade DOES have some semblance of a hair routine (bc how else is it not all matted by now). When she was younger, her mom liked to dress her up and would braid her hair before bed, so kanade always brushes and braids her hair whenever she goes to sleep properly instead of passing out. She will neglect her own needs for the purposes of composing, but her hair feels more like her mom’s than hers, so she makes sure to take good care of it.

4) kanade is the rectangle body type. I only feel the need to say this myself because pjsk has such little variation between their character models, and you really have to look hard to discern their features from one another, but I do think it’s fairly obvious for kanade in particular. Part of it is her lack of healthy eating habits, but I always picture Kanade to be relatively flat with a boxy torso and a round face

5) kanade is demiromantic & ace! (This one is just for me) but I like to imagine her wondering at some point why she doesn’t have crushes on anyone while in junior high school, but all of those thoughts get pushed aside and mostly forgotten after her dad collapsed because ‘I don’t have time for that, I need to make music.’ In terms of other orientation, I imagine kanade to be pan as I don’t think she would have much of a preference as long as she knows the person well. And I can’t honestly picture her going out of her way to use pronouns other than ‘she/her,’ at least in the context of canon.

(Now for the more major/stretching canon hcs)

6) kanade has a chronic illness, which is a major cause of her general fatigue. Yes I know it’s canonically because she doesn’t eat enough or go outside but I think that’s part of why she doesn’t know about it: she rarely engages in physical activity, so she chalks up fatigue to lack of practice, not realizing her fatigue is abnormal. I also think it makes sense for her because her parents both have histories of underlying conditions. Not that pjsk gives us anything to work with, but we know her mom passed away of an illness, and her dad suffered a stroke due to stress; one so major that it could only have been caused by an underlying condition. Running on the assumption that she would have inherited her condition from her mother, I’m sure this would be a subject that would, at least, be on Kanade’s mind. I can’t imagine when she was younger that she would be able to understand her mother’s condition in its entirety. But I can easily imagine as Kanade grows older and puts herself out there more, her having to confront that she may be sick. She would admit her concerns to her grandmother once she realizes she can’t deny it anymore, and her grandmother would confess that she had feared this all along; that it was the same condition her mother suffered from. It’s a compelling concept to me, and one I definitely want to fanfic in the future…

Last but not least, the one you’ve been waiting for:

7) kanade has autism. This one is also tough because project sekai gives us nothing but my CANON evidence is: she eats the same thing every day (not just out of convenience because she also orders noodles when she goes out to eat), wears the same thing every day (verified in a 1koma that she has several of the same outfit, and possibly pointing to sensory issues), focuses on composing for such long stretches that she forgets to eat and take care of herself, and ofc, special interest. I also like to think that kanade is hyper-empathetic, doing things in her childhood like: “I have to spend the same amount of time with all my stuffed animals so none of them feel left out”. Not having the words (much less the diagnosis) to explain some of her behaviors, when she goes nonverbal with niigo she will use the chat function and say something like ‘my voice hurts,’ or more often skip out on the call saying she needs to focus for a while (because when she’s stressed enough to be nonverbal, she’s also going to fall back into the mindset of needing to work herself to death composing). She stimmed a lot when she was younger but (as many do) learned to mask it as she got older. It still manifests in her drumming her fingers on her desk, bouncing her knees, etc. when working at home, and a lot of the time vocally in the form of singing. Her house has always been musical, so this was never a problem. But whenever honami hears her doing this (as it’s often without her realizing it) she gets very embarrassed, so honami pretends not to hear it so that Kanade will do it more.

[necrotic-nephilim]

i love your fics and the ideas you describe for the ask games. i'm especially fond of your takes on the rarer pairings and i always smile when i see your posts in the ship tags <3

and don't stress too much about not posting anything, real life is important and participating in fandom should be fun, not something you have to force yourself to do. god knows fandom burnout is real, especially if you feel like people are expecting something from you. just keep doing what makes you happy :)

ghgfhgjhkjhjhg this was so sweet, thank you so much! i *love* talking about rarer rarepairs, especially if it gets other people to ship them too. the popular ships are fun and all, but i truly love spreading rarepair propaganda.

that's very reassuring, thank you <3 i've loved everything i posted here so far and have not felt pushed to post anything i haven't enjoyed, but sometimes i forget i can like. use this blog for whatever i want and not *just* headcanons/fics/mets/etc lol. and i also forget i don't have to rush myself. it's annoying to want to write and either not have time or not have the words work. i used to run a fandom blog in my teens that got very large and felt like a chore and i was so stressed about the need to perform and the numbers and all of that. like if a fic didn't do well i saw it as a personal failing and forced myself to write popular headcanons just for the numbers game. was not fun or sustainable in the long run and i think it contributed to me no longer having any taste for the ship i primarily wrote for. so for too long i treated existing in fandom like a job lol. i've mostly gotten it through to myself that this is a space for me, but i occasionally forget when i'm so caught up in all the things i want to get to for this blog. my to-write list is a mile long and i need to be bonked with a paper towel roll, i think. so it's very kind of you to say this bc the reminder is nice <3

[quillkiller]

whats ur opinion on jegulus?

for me i dont really fw it. I think it’s mostly bc i don’t like james that much and putting him w/ regulus i feel kinda takes away from both their characters. For reg I feel like the ship kinda softens his character and takes away his agency. ‘he was just a wittle baby whos mummy an daddy forced him to join a hate group 🥺’ which is very far off from how I view him. It gives james a savior sort of role. And that’s not to say i haven’t read some good jegulus fics and enjoyed them I think they jsut need to be modern day bc the whole ‘james saves regulus from the horrible fate of the desth eaters that his parents forced him into!’ Annoys me.

(ps im sorry if you really like jegulus i promise this wasn’t meant to be hate or anything)

agree with all this!!!!! 🤍

i don’t really like jegulus all that much and i have been known to mention it once or twice here on quillkiller dot tumblr dot com. honestly, for me, it’s probably just that im too much of a sirius guy and and i think both sirius and regulus deserve better than to have james juggle between both of them. james and sirius are too important to me and i dont like what happens in their dynamic if reg was added into it. in my world james is always and forever going to choose sirius if it ever came down to that and regulus deserves better !! + and ive talked a lot about this before too, im not a fan of regulus becoming part of the marauders friend group!! i think he’s a way more interesting character to delve into when he has his own life outside of sirius and his own friend group (the skittles <- which i also dont like interacting too much with the marauders). in addition to the james and sirius friendship being important to me, so is regulus and sirius’ relationship, and i don’t like what happens to their dynamic either if reg is paired with james. the whole thing just stresses me out and i can almost never enjoy it. ’best friends brother’ trope is weird and strange to me, probably because im an oldest sister myself, and i don’t see the appeal which is why i have a running theory that people who like that trope are younger siblings themselves or like….. only children ….

anyway, i don’t hate jegulus!! i just think they’re the least interesting james and regulus pairing !! i follow some jegulus blogs that have captivated me body and soul. they’re just not interesting enougj to me to like. explore further myself. i dont go looking for fics about them + i have the jegulus tag blocked and only unblock/click to see the post when its my favorite jeggy mutuals/blogs ive followed specifically because i like their jegulus… so like, im not necessarily immune to jegulus but it also takes a lot to get me interested ! ive read a few jegulus fics and ive fallen in love with some of them and there’s one (1) that i would put in my top 10 favorite fics i think !

however!! my favorite jegulus is unrequited jegulus where regulus us in love with james. to me, their dynamic is the most compelling to me in a canon compliant setting !! ive read a bunch of modern aus too that ive enjoyed, but i like the angst of jegulus the most.. the angst and unrequited vibe of it all is so hot and sexy to me.. like the jealousy and resentment regulus feels for james because he took sirius in and becomes his new and better brother. and that resentment mixed together with confused desire during your puberty years when everything is angsty and confusing and you’re heartbroken and grieving ? you’re the absolute polar opposite to your brothers favorite person and you’re supposed to hate him but his smile looks like summer and his mere presence is always suffocatingly warm and you get it. you’re not surprised your brother chose him over you and you think that if james potter cornered you somewhere and kissed you and said ’sirius doesnt have to know’ you think you would probably let him because who wouldnt. james can have whatever he wants, he proved that by taking sirius (like that IS a big deal. sirius was heir to the noble house of black !!!!!!!) and what else is there to do but grieve your brother and hate wank over his best friend, who only knows you exist because you’re sirius’ brother, he chose over you

[sanderssidesthehouse]

Casual observer of your gradual slip into obsession with Anxceit so I'm wondering if we could get your shipinions? (For the ask meme.)

I would love to give my shipinions!

I actually wasn't that into them until I started making those playlists (master post, anxceit link), but now I can't stop myself. There's just so much, so many possibilities, and no answers to be had (yet).

They are currently exes to me. It could be healthy, it could be toxic, it could be left in the past. Something I've said before that I think it sums it up well: "Maybe it's about what was. Maybe it's about what could have been. Maybe it's about what is. Maybe it's about what could never be."

All I know is that it's devastating and tragic but also has the potential to be the most beautiful love story you've ever seen. And if not, I'm a fan of toxic yaoi, too. I literally can't lose.

Another quote from me: "I absolutely need to know what Virgil’s deal with Janus is and if it’s anything like my theories bc there are so many ways that could go, all of which being angsty and fun. Like did Virgil assume something and spiral? Could Janus not manage to tell the truth when it was important? Was it a single incident or many? I am unwell about them."

I think it would be amazingly angsty if after all this time they still knew each other best. Like maybe they don't know each others current favorite foods or movies, but they know each others deepest fears and how to calm each other down and what each others most formative moments were. I like the idea of them having deeply entrenched history.

They are prime for 'bad thing happens and suddenly you're the person I turn to and it's different now but I never stopped loving you and we'll have to work through that all later, but for now please just hold me' or 'we still have a lot to unpack but I trust you with this thing that is important to me bc I know you can and will do it'.

Them both having protecting roles is very interesting and it would make so much sense if that's why they had a falling out in the first place. I explored one possibility of what that would look like in Why Do I, excerpt here: "The thing about Deceit- Janus- Self Preservation, whatever you wanted to call him, was that he had one singular agenda: Make sure Thomas gets what he needs and then what he wants, regardless of who he has to cut through to do it. And so, once upon a time, Virgil ended up with a knife in his back."

A second excerpt: "And whenever something happening to Thomas would make Virgil freak out, Janus would have Thomas lie it away." I wrote while thinking about how lying can affect anxiety and Anxiety. When you lie, there's always the chance of getting caught, which can potentially be more stressful than the thing you lied about, and if you get caught too many times, it's the boy who cried wolf which would also be a very anxiety inducing situation bc what if you really need someone to believe you?

There's also the fact that this would increase avoidant behavior. Janus CANNOT defer to Virgil if he wants to keep c!Thomas safe bc long term that would be disastrous to his health. Sometimes things that are good for you are scary. But this in particular is related mostly to their jobs so they shouldn't be taking it personally, especially since 'dark' sides know better than anyone that they can't help what their jobs are, they just have to do them.

I feel like I'm just going to end up talking a really long time only to end up no where, so I'll end this here, but absolutely ask me specific questions if you want to know what I think bc I have so many thoughts.