#but max seems really bpd

[fridgrave2-0]

just watched npmd and there was one thought what was spinning in my head the whole time

does max have borderline personality disorder???

he has anger issues but when the nerds tried to prank him he LIKED IT. A LOT. dude said it's the nicest thing anyone ever done to him and immediately trusted the nerds he hates like its normal even when they actually scared him. he really thought they made him a gift in a form of a spooky party i cant hes so silly--

also the will to fight a real ghost is reckless af if you think about it and max barely hesitated

the whole "who will pray for me" shows how much he was actually reflecting on his life before dying. he knew there would be nothing for him when the school ends (but at the same time he calls himself a god, his self-image is fucked up). max gets everything and everyone under his control to escape the feeling of inevitable emotional abandonment. being the "literal monster" gives him the false sense of control over this feeling, so max can think he's alone not because hes not okay and his dad is a jerk who convinsed him what he's a nobody and no one will ever want to do anything with him - but because max chose to be alone and hated and feared by everyone

[themerelypersonal]

Books I’ve consumed so far in 2024:

The Order of Time by Carlo Rovelli

I Contain Multitudes: The Microbes Within Us and a Grander View of Life by Ed Yong

Something Deeply Hidden by Sean Carroll

How to Read Nature: An Expert’s Guide to Discovering the Outdoors You Never Noticed by Qarie Marshall

Helgoland: Making Sense of the Quantum Revolution by Carlo Rovelli

The World According to Physics by Jim Al-Khalili

How Not To Kill Yourself: A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind by Clancy Martin

How Far the Light Reaches: A Life in Ten Sea Creatures by Sabrina Imbler

A Series of Fortunate Events: Chance and the Making of the Planet by Sean B. Carroll

Listen: On Music, Sound and Us by Michel Faber

The Art of Communicating by Thich Nhat Hanh

I am a Strange Loop by Douglas R. Hofstadter

Transgender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman by Leslie Feinberg

Spectrums: Autistic Transgender People in Their Own Words by Maxfield Sparrow

All the Flowers Kneeling by Paul Tran

Supporting Transgender Autistic Youth and Adults by Finn V. Gratton, LMFT, LPCC

Nisa by Marjorie Shostak

Determined: A Science of Life Without Free Will by Robert M. Sapolsky

21 Lessons for the 21st History by Yuval Harrari

The Book Of Secrets by Deepak Chopra

The Joy of Science by Jim Al-Khalili

The Rock Warriors Way by Arno IIgner

The Pursuit of Endurance by Jennifer Pharr Davis

Quantum Mechanics, Technology, Consciousness and the Multiverse by Martin Ettington

Born to Run by Christopher McDougall

Connecting with the Autism Spectrum by Casey “Remrov” Vormer

Light Falls: Space, Time, and an Obsession with Einstein by Brian Greene

A Walk In the Woods by Bill Bryson

10 Days in Physics that Shook the World by Brian Clegg

On Being a Therapist by Jeffrey Kottler

Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the language of the human experience by Brene Brown

What do you really want? By Cayla Craft

The Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman

How to Write an Autobiographical Novel by Alexander Chee

Chemistry for Breakfast by Dr. Mai Thi Nguyen-Kim

The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin

A Molecule Away from Madness by Sara Manning Peskin

Quantum Wonder: How the Tiny Drives Our Immense Reality by Carl AL-Khalili

Building a Life Worth Living by Marsha Linehan

How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply by David Brooks

Speed Reading by Kam Knight

Being You: A New Science of Consciousness by Anil Seth

You Are Not an Imposter by Coline Monsarrat

You are the Placebo by Dr. Joe Dispenza

Welcome to the O.C.: The Oral History by Alan Sepinwall

Heartbreak: A Personal and Scientific Journey by Florence Williams

DBT Made Simple: A Step-by-Step Guide to Dialectical Behavior Therapy by Sheri Van Dijk MSW

Move on Motherf*cker: Live, Laugh, and Let Sh*t Go by Jodie Eckleberry-Hunt, Emma Bryne PhD

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Real and proven strategies for managing anxiety by Charlie Norman

CBT Workbook: 7 Strategies to Overcome Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Panic, Worry, Intrusive Thoughts by Mind Change Academy

Dialectical Behavior Therapy: A comprehensive guide to DBT and using Behavior Therapy to Manage Borderline Personality Disorder by Christopher Rance

Somatic Psychotherapy: A Comprehensive Guide to Theoretical and Practical Considerations by Hale Boyd

Dialectical Behavior Therapy: Regulate Emotions, Panic, Anger. Guide for BPD by Dustin Drig

How Confidence Works: The new science of self belief by Ian Robertson

Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm by Thich Nhat Hanh

The God Equation by Michio Kaku

Dialectical Behavior Therapy by Cindy Crosby

Brief Answers to the Big Questions by Stephen Hawking

Quantum: A Guide for the Perplexed by Jim Al-Khalili

Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet by Thich Nhat Hanh

Einstein in Time and Space: A Life in 99 Particles by Samuel Graydon

Reality is Not What It Seems by Carlo Rovelli

Resurrecting the Body, Reinventing the Soul by Deepak Chopra

A Brief History of Intelligence by Max Bennett

What the Future Looks like by Jim Al-Khalil

Retirement 101: From 401(k) Plans to Social Security Benefits to Asset Management by Michele Cagan

Still the Mind by Alan Watts

Anchor System Thinking by A.I. Shoukry

Finance Basics by Harvard Business Review

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

A Brief History of Earth by Andrew Knoll

The Physics Book by DK

Investing for Beginners by David Cohne

The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene

Drink? The New Science of Alcohol and your Health by Professor David Nutt

Unique: The New Science of Human Individuality by David Linden

Psychedelics by Professor David Nutt

What do you need? By Lauren Wesley Wilson

Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins

Endure by Cameron Hanes

Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh

Die with Zero: Getting all you can with your money and your life by Bill Perkins

How Humans Evolved by Robert Boyd and Joan Silk

No Bad Parts by Richard C. Schwartz,PHD

The Matter of Everything: How Curiosity, Physics, and Improbable Experiments Changed the World by Suzie Sheehy

The Radium Girls by Kate Moore

Bumpin: A Modern Guide to Pregnancy by Leslie Schrock

Choose Strong by Sally McRae

Outgrowing God by Richard Dawkins

Can We Talk about Israel? By Daniel Sokatch

Black Holes and Baby Universes and Other Essays by Stephen Hawking

Hal Koerner’s Field Guide to Ultra Running by Hal Koerner

The Science and Art of Running by Cooper Barton

Eat and Run: My Unlikely Journey to Ultramarathon Greatness by Scott Jurek

North: Finding my Way While Running the Appalachian Trail by Scott Jurek & Jenny Jurek

7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Securities Industries Essentials by Kaplan

Above the Clouds by Kilian Jornet

What is Life? by Paul Nurse

What I Know For Sure by Oprah Winfrey

A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle

Mastering Logical Fallacies by Michael Withey

This is why you Dream by Rahul Jandial,MD,PHD

The Tao of Running by Gary Dudney

Astrophysics for People in a Hurry by Neil DeGrasse Tyson

The Magic of Reality by Richard Dawkins

Parallel Worlds: A Journey through Creation, Higher Dimensions and the Future of the Cosmos by Michio Kaku

Dance of the Photons by Anton Zelinger

Quantum Body by Deepak Chopra

The Heart of Understanding by Thich Nhat Hanh

Annuity 360 Learn All You Need to Know About Annuities by Ford Strokes

Quantum Entanglement by Jed Brody

Relationships by Ram Dass

The Way of Zen by Alan Watts

Ultimate Confidence by Ralf Aabot

101 Essays that will Change the Way You Think by Brianna Wiest

The Science of Happiness by Brendan Kelly

Fighting for our Friendships by Danielle Bayard Jackson

One Day My Soul Just Opened Up by Iyanla Vanzant

K2: Life and Death on the World’s Most Dangerous Mountain by Ed Viesturs and David Roberts

Know that I Am by Eckhart Tolle

Girls Like Us by Sheila Weller

Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships by Dr. Sue Johnson

Girls that Invest by Simran Kaur

Slow Productivity by Cal Newport

Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey

Stillness Speaks by Eckhart Tolle

Retroactive Jealousy by Vincenzo Venezia

Right Thing, Right Now by Ryan Holiday

The Best American Essays 2022 by Alexander Chee & Robert Atwan

Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell

Insecure in love by Leslie Becker-Phelps PHD

Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

Be Here Now by Ram Dass

Reality, Art, and Illusion by Alan Watts

Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman

We Will be Jaguars by Nemonte Nenquimo

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown

Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind by Shunryu Suzuki

The Secret Lives of Booksellers and Librarians by James Patterson and Matt Everymann

Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe

Series 7 by Kaplan

List of Books I Consumed in 2023:

The Last climb by David Breashears, Audrey Selkeld, and Audry Salkend

What is Life by Schrodinger

A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking

Beyond Feeling: A Guide to Critical Thinking by Vincent Ryan Ruggiero

Furniture by Kevin Sheetz

A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson

Relativity by Albert Einstein

Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu

An Immense World by Ed Yong

Quantum Supremacy by Michio Kaku

White Holes by Carlo Rovelli

A Separate Reality by Carlos Castaneda

Outlive by Peter Attia

Until the End of Time by Brian Greene

Tribe by Sebastian Junger

Ghosts of Everest by Jochen Hemmleb

Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

Mind and Matter by Schrodinger

Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin

Grit by Angela Duckworth

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a fuck by Mark Manson

Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell

The Fabric of the Cosmos by Brian Greene

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk

Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert

Homo Deus Summary a Brief History of Tomorrow by Yuval Harari

Alone on the Wall by Alex Honnold

Why we Believe in God (s): A Concise Guide to the Science of Faith by J. Anderson Thomson

Physics and Philosophy: The Revolution of Modern Science by Werner Heisenberg

The Tao of Physics by Fritjof Chopra

Sacred Woman by Queen Afja

Everest: The West Ridge by Thomas Hornbein

Tracks by Robyn Davidson

The Ink Dark Moon by Ono no Komachi and Izumi Shikoku

Einstein by Walter Isaacson

Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman

[pristinekanesays]

 🦋 Life Is Strange: Mental Health Headcanons

 🦋 warnings: heavy topics, mentions of psychical and verbal abuse, mentions of mental illness, kate's suicide attempt, a gif of warren beating the shit out of nathan which is funny to me, mentions of my literal enemy mark jefferson

 🎧 A/N: I was feeling a little silly, goofy even. This idea popped into my head as I was writing some relationship headcanons but I decided to write this instead, the relationship headcanons will be out later today though probably or tomorrow. ツ (this took like 9 hours)

 🦋 Chloe Price:

  💾 An attachment to Rachel who turned out to be just really only leading her on and giving her false hope, a dead father who she keeps seeing in her brutal nightmares, an abusive stepfather who we see hit her after a certain choice and has probably hit her before on several occasions, a mother who rarely takes her side and a best friend that's dipped only to come back and not tell her.

   📼Her emotions can change in a split second from 0% to 100% almost immediately, she's seen smoking which she probably uses to drift away from reality and ease the way she feels.

  📝I think that from research and playing the game that Chloe has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), from her trust and abandonment issues, being unable to take control of her emotions and the meltdown she had in Chaos Theory.

  🍂Kate Marsh:

 💾 Kate is so deeply traumatized by what Nathan did to her, drugging her and promising that he'll take her to a hospital (he lied to her, he's an asshole). Only for Victoria to spread a video of her kissing complete strangers for the whole school, town and her extremely religious family to see.

  📼Her room is unclean and messy, things are spread across the floor including books and clothes, when she's at her desk she looks noticeably tired with red, puffy eyes from crying. Inside her room, it's dark and her mirror is covered up (afraid to look at herself, i think she's beautiful by the way.) When she's on the roof threatening to jump, she's correct that we don't know her mother but she apparently thinks that Kate is already on her way to hell.

 📝I think from how her behaviour is in the game that she has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) & Depression.

 📷 Max Caulfield:

 💾 She's gone through hell and back, watching her best friend get shot and finding out that she has literal powers that can rewind time. Then having to rewind and save Kate's life, rewinding to stop Victoria from going to Mark Jefferson and ending up in the dark room, saving Chloe from getting killed by a train and shot by Mark, finding Rachel's dead body and ending up in the dark room herself.

  📼Max seems to be pretty socially awkward and just focuses on photography entirely, she probably struggles making friends and communicating with others.

  📝I think that Max has Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), from her tending to avoid certain social decisions and her problems communicating with other people. Also, she could possibly have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after the Life Is Strange events take place, from her time in the dark room and constantly having to rewind and save Chloe's life.

 🎭Rachel Amber:

 💾 Rachel sort of has to have everyone's eyes on her, you know? The popular girl that everyone knows, especially after she goes missing. Finding out that her dad's cheating on her mom, who turns out to actually not be her biological mother, that shit would fuck with anyone's head.

  📼She's described as a huge flirt from the way she acts with Frank and Chloe but she's leading them both on at the same time, putting a huge strain on both of their relationships. Chloe's convinced that Frank is a huge creep (a little) especially since he has her bracelet but Chloe refuses to believe that Rachel would have did that to her. (going behind her back, lying to her.)

 📝Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD), it seems to describe her and her behaviour pretty well. Her emotions, her powers , how she started a whole fucking wildfire and her very unhealthy behaviour.

 🎬 Victoria Chase:

 💾 The Queen Bee! It's obvious that she was born into a wealthy family due to her expensive jewellery, clothes and very expensive camera equipment. (I see why Nathan and Victoria get along, they're both rich people who slightly get on my nerves.)

  📼From what she said to Max, it's obvious that she's jealous of her and probably afraid she'll take the spotlight or her place probably. She wants to be liked, the center of attention and if she isn't then she'll have a fucking fit. (I'm gonna have a BF, a bitch fit!) It's also obvious that she's very close with Nathan and aware of his unstable behaviour, their relationship can be seen as romantic or just friends. (i don't ship them, more like brother & sister.)

 📝It says on her profile that she could possibly have Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD), seductive behaviour, self-centeredness and constantly seeking reassurance or approval.

 🎮 Warren Graham:

 💾 It's my favourite dork! He's literally 16 and in a school specifically for seniors, smart much? It's said that he probably advanced a couple grades on his profile due to him being pretty smart.

 📼He's seen a few times fidgeting around, he's literally unable to stay still apart from when he's getting his picture taken. He acts without thinking like how he beat Nathan Prescott's ass (twice) and I get the vibe he'd also struggle focusing on certain tasks.

 📝I couldn't find anything on Warren but personally i think he has Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) from what I said earlier, he's unable to stay still, acts without thinking and struggles focusing on certain tasks. (like loving me back)

 🧨 Nathan Prescott:

 💾 He's a horrible person and I don't defend this man but I do feel bad for him, physically and verbally abused by his own father, used by Mark Jefferson all because he's rich and easy to manipulate. He went down all the dark paths in the world for a fucked up dickhead (i literally despise mark jefferson, i will beat his ass.)

 📼It's obvious he's mentally unstable and everyone around him knows, they just don't care except for his therapist. It's heavily implied that he suffers from paranoia, anxiety and psychosis. From his scary ass drawings and a letter from his therapist directed towards his father detailing how Nathan is `disconnected from reality`.

📝Nathan is confirmed to have Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia from the medicine (Risperidone, from his profile) that he takes which is used to treat both of those things. And possibly, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which could have been brought on by the abuse he endures from his father. (i'll beat his ass as well.)

[poppyandzena]

Poppy going in on how the left should believe all victims... well Poppy, you certainly don't believe the people who're coming out to say they feel victimized by you, are you saying you also don't believe all victims? Hm, interesting! Also, sometimes people make false claims and that's why I do think people should be careful. Like, you're gonna cry about people making docs about you yet whine when people didn't "believe" you, it's because there's nothing to believe. If a breakup somehow renders consent during sex null and void, I think you need to take some extra sex ed seminars or something. Since when is there a min/max for breaking up post sex? Like if she'd waited a few more days it would have been more consensual?

When you muddy the definitions of rape, consent, sexual assault like this, you do victims a disservice. The docs show it all Poppy, NF tried to break up with you. You refused to accept it. You can't say "uh uh see it wasn't consensual because I was trying to make it work and that's what the consent was", you can't say "uh uh my bpd" because fuck you. Take responsibility. Stop hiding behind your diagnoses. If you were really manic for 4 months and couldn't consent, why didn't Zena intervene? Why didn't they suggest you guys not have sex during this very iffy visit? Hmmmm I seem to remember someone telling NF they'd be very disappointed if you guys met up and only had sex once, or none at all...

Get help. Get serious help. Get some for Zena too while you're at it.

^

[sillystringsimpsons]

Sorry if this is really broad, but what are some details about Legs in The Good Ones Au? Like I’m really interested in his relationship with Louie, and his BPD headcanon; as someone who suspects she has BPD, it’s really cool to see rep in characters, even if it’s a headcanon :D

PLEASE READ CONTENT AND TRIGGER WARNINGS IN TAGS.

this was a very high effort post, interactions are hugely appreciated <3

Awesome question!

In terms of Legs and Louie’s relationship, I have a Louie-focused fanfic I’m working on that really explores their relationship within the AU, so I won’t go into it. But I’d love to discuss his borderline personality disorder in a bit more depth!

To start, here's a vent sketch I made a few days ago that I feel is pretty relevant here.

[The full discussion of Legs' BPD is beneath the cut :>]

Before I get into this, I think it’s important to recognise that BPD is significantly more prevalent in people assigned female at birth, as well as typically presenting differently; despite this, however, the core traits of borderline remain, and neither sex struggles more or less than the other.

Also, BPD is a very complex disorder. In its nature, it is constantly shifting and changing; I live with discouraged borderline and even I struggle to put to words what my experience as a whole is like; some information here might seem a little contradictory, and some traits I discuss may seem more frontal to Legs' character than they actually are. At the end of the day, he really is just a guy living with a difficult and scary disorder, and I've done my best to capture and discuss that here.

AU LORE AROUND HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH BPD

Maximus is not formally diagnosed with BPD, per se; at around age twenty-nine, following a severe depressive episode and a bender that was almost fatal (during which he also temporarily lost his position as caporegime), Louis essentially forced him to seek psychiatric help. Surprisingly, he opened up to the psychiatrist working his case - pretty much too emotionally exhausted from what he’d just been through to put up a fight - who immediately picked up on patterns in his behaviour indicative of borderline pd: instability in his relationships resultant of an intense fear of abandonment, frequent and drastic mood swings, a constantly shifting self-image, and most often mentioned by him, an ‘emptiness’ that he confessed to continually trying to overcome with substance abuse and other risky behaviours. In addition, he displayed a lot of archetypal traits of male borderline personality disorder, especially a penchant for sudden and explosive aggression. For a number of reasons, however (drifting away from therapy, the sex bias in BPD diagnosis, and him presenting some nonconvential traits for male BPD, such as high emotional awareness), he never really ended up progressing with a diagnosis past one or two preliminary screeners.

LEGS' BPD SUBTYPE

Self-destructive BPD, which is what Max has, is one of four commonly recognised subtypes of the disorder (the other three being discouraged (omg me!), impulsive, and petulant). These are generally quite loose groupings, not rigid classifiers: he obviously still has some traits from other subtypes (notably the perfectionism and withdrawal from close relationships exhibited in discouraged BPD), but I’ve classed him under self-destructive because of his strong internal self hatred that primarily manifests itself in self-destructive behaviours. Additionally, he is very adrenaline seeking: though he’s normally quiet and doesn’t appear to be much of a risk-taker, he’ll take subtle, calculated risks that often end him up in near-death situations. Max struggles with substance abuse (exhibiting functional alcoholism), as well as self-harm (often resorting to hitting himself until he bruises in private when he experiences any sort of intense emotional turmoil); both are borne of last-ditch attempts to ease the internal struggle he endures as a result of his personality disorder, and are also very characteristic of self-destructive BPD.

IS LOUIE LEGS' FP?

A favourite person, or an FP, is a phenomenon commonly observed in people with BPD: the relationship starts off healthy, but gradually grows toxic as the pwBPD becomes increasingly dependent on their FP and literally requires them and their attention to ensure their mood stays up. Without them, the pwBPD will often experience negative emotions so intense that they can even present themselves in suicidal ideations and threats. There is a lot of negativity online directed towards people with borderline from people who have been in relationships with them, because it is an extremely draining, and in extreme cases, traumatising experience to be a FP; this, however, is built on misunderstanding - it’s not a conscious action on the pwBPDs behalf, and with proper communication and boundary setting, it is very much possible to keep the relationship healthy and well-balanced. I just wanted to write this section to specify that Louis is NOT Maximus’ FP. Yes, their relationship is very often impacted negatively by his disorder, and Louie has been the subject of splitting (wherein a person with BPD characterises a person or event as either extremely good or extremely bad) more than enough times, but their relationship has never entered FP territory, and I don’t intend to write it as doing so. Legs has an almost big-brotherly role (symbolically, lol, as they have a really small age gap) and isn’t so much obsessed with Louie as he really cares about him and desires to look after and be there for him, which is essentially the opposite dynamic to the conventional pwBPD-FP relationship.

There's a lot more I could go into, but I think I'll keep it at this for now, and let any work I make featuring Legs speak for itself. If you have and specific questions, though, my asks and DMs are always open and I am a violent yapper; just shoot me a question and I'll be more than happy to elaborate.

[wolfxplush]

More max headcanons cause I’m mentally unwell. (So sorry.)

•Max is incredibly smart, but his brilliance comes with a cost—he’s erratic, constantly shifting between being hyper-focused and completely detached from reality. His teachers often underestimate him because of his erratic behavior. Perhaps that’s because of the undiagnosed mental disorders he has-(bpd,ocd,adhd,etc.)

•Max never seems to slow down. He’s always bouncing off the walls, talking a mile a minute, and getting lost in his wild ideas. His classmates are both disgusted and freaked out by his manic energy. Mostly due to he spits everytime he speaks and it’s pretty fucking gross . His ramblings are non sensible. Coming out as speedy whispers of what seems to be mostly of Gary and world domination.

•Max is obsessed with seeing patterns in everything—numbers, language, even the way people walk. He believes these patterns hold some hidden truth about the universe, and he's determined to uncover it, no matter how absurd it might seem to others. Hense why Gary fascinates him so much. Gary is unpredictable, there is no pattern to him.

•Max has a dark sense of humor. He loves pulling pranks that teeter on the edge of dangerous, like rigging lockers to explode with fire crackers or sneaking into the headmasters office to “accidentally” leave a few items or pieces of evidence that would get a student expelled. His best prank being rigging a firecracker to go off in the urnial when someone used it. That poor kid.

•Occasionally, Max will spiral into intense philosophical debates with himself in the middle of class, pondering the meaning of existence, life, and death, much to the confusion of his peers. Sometimes he is unaware of his own thoughts. Leading him to loudly talk out loud in class.

•Max carries around a sketchbook filled with strange symbols, chaotic drawings, and insane theories. It’s almost like his diary, but it reads more like the ramblings of a mad scientist than a school kid. (Also fan-fiction and drawings of him and Gary.)

•Max thrives in situations that are unpredictable and chaotic. While others panic or lose control, he seems to become more energized, finding clarity in disorder. He might even intentionally stir up chaos just to see what happens, fascinated by the reactions of those around him.

•Max has a twisted sense of humor that others find unsettling. He’ll crack jokes about morbid or strange topics at the most inappropriate times, completely unbothered by the awkward silence that follows. For him, nothing is off-limits when it comes to humor, and the more uncomfortable it makes people, the better.

•Max doesn’t really understand or care about social expectations. He’ll say or do the most bizarre things without any awareness of how it affects others. From walking into a classroom mid-lecture just to share a random idea to starting conversations in the middle of someone’s personal crisis, Max’s sense of timing is non-existent. Also he struggles to shower. Not cause he doesn’t want too, but cause he forgets.

•Max rarely sleeps, and when he does, it’s only for a few hours at a time. His mind races too much, and he’s constantly consumed by new ideas or strange thoughts. His lack of sleep makes him even more unpredictable, leading to erratic behavior and sudden bursts of creativity. Which explains the dark eyebags under his eyes.

•Max has a habit of collecting strange and seemingly useless objects, like broken toys, outdated technology, or bizarre knick-knacks. He insists they have some hidden value or potential, even if no one else can see it. His room is a cluttered mess of these odd treasures, which he claims are part of his “master plan.”

•Max doesn’t seem to experience fear in the same way as others. He’ll dive headfirst into dangerous situations without a second thought, acting as if the consequences don’t apply to him. Whether it’s reckless stunts or confrontations with authority figures, Max’s fearlessness is equal parts impressive and terrifying. Has threatened to kick a prefects ass, did he succeed? No!

•Though often careless, Max has the ability to manipulate situations to his advantage when he puts his mind to it. He can read people well, twisting their insecurities or desires to suit his own needs. He prefers to play these games for fun rather than any real gain, but when he does want something, his schemes are nearly impossible to unravel.

•Max tends to hyper-fixate on random, obscure topics. One week he’ll be obsessed with solving riddles, the next with ancient civilizations. When he’s in one of his fixations, it consumes all his time and energy until something new catches his interest.

•Beneath his chaotic exterior, Max has a secret soft spot for certain things. Maybe it’s an old comic book, a song from his childhood, or even a person he once connected with. Though he’ll never admit it openly, he holds onto these rare sentimental attachments, quietly cherishing them in his own strange way. He holds his pets closest to him the most. Animals don’t judge him, animals are not confusing. A cat purrs when it’s happy and bites and scratches when it’s not. He can figure that out! They are not complicated creatures like humans are.

•Max loves swimming, finding peace in the gentle embrace of the water. He often holds his breath and sinks to the bottom, testing how long he can stay submerged. It's a quiet challenge he enjoys. When Justin invites him to race, Max eagerly accepts, though he'd never admit how much he secretly appreciates being asked to join.

[sewers-headmates]

Ok ok, I'll request it! /Pos /lh

They are both already kinda floating around In my head in like thought and felling from. They can talk every once in a while and sometimes I can feel them. They wanted me to request your help in bringing them to life, their kinda impatient but feel free to take as much times as you need!

Ok so their both fictives from five nights at Freddy's: security breach (FNAF:SB), specificly the two daycare attendants Sun and Moon.

As said before their both really messed up, not that that's a bad thing though. Their both MAPs and Kodacons (Small preference for younger teens). They both have a crush on a certain person, Me hehe, wich was recently very much confirmed.

Their both degenerates in the sense that their a "little bit" insane and dont really have the normal amount of morality (Hell they barely have any). Their both animatronics so human morals don't really apply that much to them, they think most of them are pretty stupid anyways.

As for the insane part they both have a pretty big list of disorders and such that could cause them to be like that, but in all honesty they just kinda came like that. Sun can control it a bit more than Moon, but thats only really because he doesn't wanna seem to messed up to "normal" people.

They also don't really have that much empathy for people they don't find important. Sun is probably the one with more empathy, although he has quite a large distain for most adults. Moon has less empathy than Sun, he really does not give a single fuck about most people.

Their both incredibly horny and kinky, although moon is more open about it than Sun (He's a very emberessed boy). Neither one of them got to explore their sexual side in source, ya know being daycare attendants that had servalince on them 24/7, and are very much making up for it.

As for the programmer aspect of them. They are kinda like programming me to be their puppy? I'm not sure if there is like a word for it... Trans Pet-Puppy Epsilon Programming was the closest thing I could find, but their more interested in me being like a human pet. Like they tell me sit and I instantly sit, they call me puppy/mutt and all that stuff, ect. But they still want be to retain some humanity.

Also their appearance is based around this redesign ↓

we have our own fucked up Moon alter so we got this! This is made mostly by our Maxes but I helped also

but we did most of it

Name: Sun, Daycare Attendant, Day, Sunny, Sundrop, Sunshine

Age: ageless, adult

Gender: male

Pronouns: he/him

Sexuality: bisexual

Species: animatronic

Source: fnaf security breach

Roles: mood booster

cisIDs: yellow skin, white eyes, paranoid, clingy, BPD, autistic, social, NPD, god complex

transIDs: permaHappy, transHarmful, transProgrammer, transASPD, transBipolar1, transGroomer, transStutter, transOCD, transGlitch, transCuteHarmful, transInnocentHarmful, transImmortal, transADHD, transVerbalFlux, transLittleSibling

Paraphiles: MAP, sadomasochist, zoophile, agonophilia, plushophilia, aptophilia, apagophilia, cordophilia, angaliaphilia, plushozoophilia, consang

Other Labels: ambiamorous

Aesthetic:

Name: Moon, Daycare Attendant, Night, Moonshine, Moondrop, Moony, Moonlight

Age: ageless, adult

Gender: masc agender

Pronouns: he/him, they/them, it/its

Sexuality: pansexual

Species: animatronic

Source: fnaf severity breach

Roles: gatekeeper

cisIDs: white and black skin, red eyes, LED eyes, ASPD, Bipolar2, anger issues

transIDs: transHarmful, transProgrammer, transNocturnal, transManipulator, transBPD, transNPD, transOlderSibling, transFP, transAbuser, transHOH, transHearingAid, transScary, transGroomer, transYandere

Paraphiles: MAP, zoophile, necrophile, consang, erotophonophilia, thanatophilia, sadist, biastophilia, somnophilia, mastigophilia, aptophilia, emapihtophilia, haemotophilia, nyctophilia

Other Labels: ambiamorous

Aesthetic:

i hope you enjoy these two! i went with aesthetics instead of faceclaim cause you seem to have that down! as always feel free to change whatever you need!

-mod max

[ur-blxxdy-valentine]

its the fact im about to starting laughing and have a psychotic brerak instead of a fucking mental breakdwon, well aftet a mental breakdown hahahahaha. what the fuck is the point anymore? why the fuck do i have to live? im about to write a fucking suicide note. i really cant anymore lol. i cant..... why does she fucking hate me? why is she leaving me? what di di do to them? nothing....... yeah mt bpd fucking bpd-ed all the time before her father forced her to delte everything nad stop talking to me but it has to be a fucking lie now. BECAUSE WHY ELSE WOULD SHE WOULD HAVE CHANGED HER PROFILE PIC ON DISCORD AFTER ALL THESE MONTHS TO IZZY FUCKING STRADLIN IN COQETTE FUCKING AESTHETIC FROM LANA DEL REY!?!?!? IF SHE HAS SOCIAL MEDIA SHE SHOULD BE FUCKING TALKING TO ME. I'VE BEEN BLOWING UP HER FUCKING TUMBLR. THAT'S ALL I'VE DONE EVERY SINGLE DAY MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY. BUT LOL SHE FUCKING HATES ME. THEY ALL HATE ME. IM LOSING MY BESTFRIEND AND MY MAX AFTER ALL THIS TIME. THEYRE LEAVING ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. THEY PROMISED. SHE PROMISED ME SHE WOULDNT LEAVE. WHY DOES EVERYONE FUCKING HATE ME!? WHY ME!? WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME!?

I cant fucking breathe, i cant stop crying........my everything hurts. im about to puke. and suicide is seeming perfect and im to the point of tryin gagain because nothing is fucking owrth it again, im down this fucking hole so bad like i was one other time and atp im going to be determined to fucking succeed in it. im such a worthless shitty human being i really cant keep trying anymore.

-🔥

hey Snow listen. if they choose not to talk to you that is on them. that is not about you as a person. i don’t have the power to stop you. all i can say is you’re losing every opportunity if you end it all right now. you’re losing any chance at happiness you’ll ever get and you are solidifying a life of pure misery. live out of spite if you want i don’t fucking know. but other people shouldn’t dictate your life. it’s your life and their decisions are on them. yeah, it hurts like hell. it feels like the end of the world and like everything is collapsing around you. god, do i understand that completely. those people, however, are just fishes in the sea. there are billions of people in this world and there’s someone that will stay with you and that truly are worth your time. i can confidently say now, that if i died in the moments that i wanted to i would’ve lost the best things that have ever happened to me. it’s a battle for sure. everyday is hard as hell and sometimes it feels like im damn near an inch of my life left. then i stop, i physically and mentally stop. i think of anything that made me smile that day. i think of just something that shut my brain off for a second. i know you have something. i know if you tried you’d think of something. then, you’d have to focus on that thought. something made you happy. one small thing in life is there to remind you that not every second has to be hell. now, think of all the places you’ve been, things you’ve done, things you’ve seen. i doubt you’ve seen everything this world has to offer. i’m sure there’s things you still want to do. there’s things in this world constantly being created, opportunities being presented, millions of things that have the potential of changing everything for you. so many new things that could make you as happy as the one thing you’re thinking of. your possibilities are literally endless! unless you decide to end them for yourself. you don’t give yourself the time to meet someone who stays and loves you, the time to turn your life around, the time to do all you dream of. you end it all now. it’s all choice. it’s your choice and i’m not here to tell you what to do. just don’t let any one person dictate your life. focus on you. what do you truly want?

[katherinebotten]

Jack Donoghue, the opioid epidemic merch hoodie, and Salem

Jack is cool because of what he brings to the situation. The situation isn’t cool. It’s cool because jack is there. Jack sets the tone he does not let the tone dictate how he is received. He has a romantic mid-west America sensibility. Humble. Disappearing to become a heroin addict ploughing the fields of Alaska like a gold-rush miner in the 1800s. Always in a BPD codep relationship but he remains the Elvis of his life. The captain of his ship. Enough self hating insecurity that we relate to him yet enough mastery over his exterior material conditions that we are in awe. The shame never takes him under the way it would us. He is a god amongst men because shame would kill us mortals yet he takes his shame and turns it into capital through the commerce possible from fine art. Everyone else tries to be Salem but only Salem is Salem. Everyone else should try being themselves. He dated lana because they are both magicians. Liam wanted to be Jack. Every boy wants to be jack. If I saw a person in a Salem t-shirt I would make sure not to talk to them. I think identifying with Salem is for losers only. But I can’t deny the appeal of jack. And of Salem! 

Daisies boyfriend wore a black hoodie it said “I survived the opioid crisis” and I wanted it even though they are the most loser couple of insecure losers on earth. Australia’s prom king and queen if the high school was Insecure High. And it really makes you think, huh, it must be true… money doesn’t make you happy. I didn’t know who made this hoodie - for days I was thinking about it. It was like a sigil. Charged with subcultural power. Then I googled it and saw it was Salem merch... Of course! Salem merch is cringe by nature because when you signal the code that your into Salem you also signal that your a desperate creton lazy death lover with no creativity. Like every art gallery in Melbourne named after death. But this hoodie got me. Death has built in sex appeal that’s why I think it’s lazy. I wish Salem made pro-life merch but they wouldn’t, couldn’t, and won’t. Because then they wouldn’t be Salem. I come for the death and stay for the sex. Jack is the Bee Gee’s “Stayin’ Alive” song, walking down the street in spring using your denim cock crotch as a compass. Jacks cock = true north. He is magnetic because he is a child looking for a whore and/or a mother and won’t break out of himself to become sovereign (ie to become a magician) and we identify, the magnetism is that he is us but he looks, sounds, and seems cool doing it, so we idolise. We want to feel okay. We also can’t break out to become sovereign selves, we want company. But jack is accidentally a magician and I can’t figure out why. He is a martyr in that he becomes magician so we don’t have to and we praise him for it. (Idk how u become a magician without becoming a magician????) He is America. He is a poet. He is a beat poet. He is a dumb hunk. Drunk. Drug addict. Sex addict. Bpd pest. Annoying regressed pitbull. The archetype of the Casanova, Eros, Mars the planet named after the Roman god of war. He signals an authenticity that hipsters feed off but being death obsessed isn’t authentic it’s fake and a cover and fear centric and our authentic core is always life obsessed. My magic coach max says life and death are the same thing. Idk I just know Jack is a loser because death is pathetic but I also know that he gets me everytime and we love him because we want to love the fearful parts of us too and in jack we see the dualism of fear and the things we do to camouflage it that to dumb people appears as fears opposite. We want to empower the parts of us that are scared and weak and lying to cover themselves over as strong (see: in Melbourne - indifferent, apathetic, amoral, apolitical). So we love jack. Scum John Travolta. A boobytrap. Salem is for the codependent. Salem is loaded, charged, cool. 

I watched a fan made documentary on YouTube about Jack and spent the next 12 hours totally desperate to relapse. Every product we want has a secret promise it will make us feel safer. No one wants to die and to change is to die and to be attracted to darkness is liking this sensation you get when you think you are changing because you are dying because you like darkness, and how happy it lets you feel making believe like you're changing when your actually not. Surrounded by darkness my loser XXXXXXXXX thinks he is so cool because he loves death but he doesn’t change he is stuck because he thinks the attraction to death is death (he's not brave enough to die). The final thing out of Pandora’s box was hope and it was the cruellest of all because it kept people exactly as they were. Unchanging. We are such liars. Salem hoodie losers declare themselves as liars. Looking beyond death is life, like in Zazen setting up seated meditation and staring through the hoodie. Refracted out on the other side is the understanding that there is a quality within you that is dependent on external validation for your sense of mysticism, and this is of a low vibrational frequency and probably blocking you from real divine union, being yourself, knowing your purpose and carrying it out.

I wish they didn’t have the opioid brands on the back it makes it uncool, glib and heavy handed. It’s cheap like loser graphic design not fine art and you could find anything that looks like that at Savers or someone in Brunswick yuck. The front is kind of dope in that it’s a public service announcement and mysterious and doesn’t technically have to be true. Then the brands on the back is this energetic doubling down but it’s confused and Vibrationally comes off as not mysterious. Too “of the world”. Plus can you imagine all the losers behind you as you walk being intrigued or scared while reading the branding on your back it’s kind of beyond ugly thing to force to happen in the environment in fact I would go as far as to call the graphic element on the back of the hoodie environmental rape. 

It seems like no matter what he has friends and some what accepts himself. If it was one of us who ended up picking olives in willunga, South Australia, or being a cleaner on a FIFO offshore oil refinery, or in the mines of deep Queensland I doubt we would remain cool and desirable, it is the perserverance of Jack’s essense despite the material conditions that we admire. It’s like he is in the olympics of remaining cool despite what is happening around him. I would kill myself if I ended up childless and living in the fleurieu peninsula alas I am sober and Jack copes by smoking, driving a ute, staying reflexive to trends, and contributing to the zietgiest with markers reminding us of his virility via Instagram posts. I’m torn, it’s not king behaviour. I stan a drop-out, jack hangs-in. 

One day zac described to me that Ed Sheeran was famous because he distilled the essense of England into a man and that is what was being celebrated. England championing the spirit of “England”. The schizophrenia of it was enticing, I don’t know if it checks out. I think we just want to be carried off to sleep, our consciousness blunted. Nothing toooo much but enough of enough to think we’re being satisfied. A Course In Miracles says nothing of this world could be satisfying. I think jack represents the edge of an edge most hipsters are happy to occasionally occupy or aim for. If Jack actually was a frontier explorer we wouldn’t know or see him because he wouldn’t be so representable and locatable. (I wonder if that’s truly true?)

I like jack because he shows me beauty in hopelessness. Where jack is is ok not because it is ok but because jack is there. This is a representation of presence-creation. If I am ok then I can be present. At the end of it all we love hope. The art is dark but it represents making the most of nothing and that is hopeful. Jack is a magician because he is an alchemiser. 

I still think wearing Salem merch shows yourself to be retarded it’s the same as saying I am four years old but I can’t deny that the graphic design of the Salem font is an effective sigil. I respect the mastery of magic in this regard. Salem tea towels would be cool. “I survived the opiod epidemic” on a teatowel would have such a different register vibrationally than a black hoodie. I guess I’m missing the point again people want death not life from salem and tea towels are too life coded. I wonder if there is a way for salem to have less loser attracting merch? 

I know they have such bad porn star sex. I actually feel so sad writing that, I look into their eyes above and see broken 4 year olds crying out for affection and security. They could perfectly heal together, two of the same wounds. My heart breaks to think of both of them stuck on the same merry-go-round from hell.

[hargrove-mayfields]

tag game, stranger things edition!

i was tagged by @thatgirlwithasquid and @intothedysphoria, thanks y’all, I really appreciate it! 💕

1. ride or die ship/otp : Hellcheergroveton! every combination in this ship is adorable and it has all my favs too ☺️

2. most annoying ship : m*leven. I am beyond tired of watching a young disabled girl be taken advantage of and have it be treated as romantic. El deserves to live partner free, and M*ke deserves to go in the whole garbage can.

3. second favorite ship : Hollogrove. Since it’s not part of the core hellcheergroveton relationship, I’ll branch out a little and bring in my girl Heather. I love her and Billy I’m a relationship and can totally see them spending the rest of their lives together ♥️

4. favorite platonic dynamic : Billy and Max, or Dustin and Steve. Or Steve and Gareth. Cause I headcanon Gareth as becoming Steve’s caregiver after the events of the show leave him with cognitive and physical disabilities

5. underrated ship : Hollogrove, Cunningway, Pompompineapple, Stonathan, Cheerscoops, Calicheer, Rockie, Stargyle, Cammy, Kegboys, Steather, Argilly, and so many more but I’ll stop there.

6. overrated ship : Any of the fruity four (it makes me wanna gag just typing it) ships. I haven’t looked in the fandom tags for a year because it’s oversaturated with passionless, factory produced, carbon-copy fanworks that look like Harringrove fics put through ai to be rewritten as St*ddie, or Buckleway into r*nance. I’m sick of it. It’s boring. I’ll come up with my own steddie content, thanks.

7. one thing to change in canon : Everything. Not even joking. I’m going blorbo shopping and bringing all my favs back to my dollie house to play fix-it.

8. something canon did right : Um. I guess letting actors put in feedback and details of their own. Like Millie choosing for El to touch Billy’s cheek, Dacre giving us backstory on Billy’s mom and also on Billy’s disability (BPD), both he and Joe Keery refusing the original scripts, Joe Quinn improvising Eddie’s crush on Chrissy, and so on. All of the actor choices are the only good things about the show at this point.

9. a thing I’m proud of creating for the fandom : @disabledbillyandsteveweek! There's more information about the event over on the blog, but basically it’s an event starting in about two weeks meant to highlight Billy and Steve as disabled characters, through all kinds of fan works and different ships!

10. a character who is perfect to me : Christine Renée-Beth Cunningham. Nobody compares to my cheer girl.

11. the most relatable character and why : Also Chrissy. She reminds me a lot of myself, especially how I was when I was still in highschool, being timid and struggling a lot with my mental health. I wish she could have grown and gotten help and felt better since I’m on my journey to doing so right now, but I’m forever grateful to have seen a character with an eating disorder and an abusive family on screen, portrayed in a heartfelt and generous way- all thanks to miss Grace Van Dien

12. character I hate most and why : Neil, Karen (actually just the Wheelers in general except little Holly), Brenner, Owens, the lady that shot Benny, literally so many of them. Anyone who intentionally and unabashedly hurts other characters without remorse.

13. something I’ve learned from the fandom : To be patient, because even when things seem tough or impossible, we can make it. Together, with friends who understand us, and who share our pain, we can fight and keep going! Especially because this community will always have folks who understand and have our backs, we just have to find them ❤️❤️

14. three tags I seek out on ao3 : I actually don’t read fic on ao3. The extreme amounts of severely triggering content hosted on that site is just too much for me and I can never seem to avoid it. I only post to ao3 because I know people find it easily accessible, but I had one too many mix-ups that led to me being in a terrible state of mind, so I discontinued using the site.

15. a song I strongly associate with otp and/or favorite character : I’ll never shut up about “Time in a Bottle” by Jim Croce. Conveniently off the same record as Hop has on Vinyl and Cassette, it’s my favorite song ever because it’s so tender and loving and even though it’s old people music yall should give it a listen. It applies to any ship, but especially packs a punch with Harringrove. Also “Magic” by Olivia Newton-John.

I’ll tag: @eddie-munsons-guitar86 @honey-tongued-devil @martianclown @hephaestn @jaylikesrainbowtigers @denkiddo1 @enchanted-day-dreams @stranger-themes-blog @ratbastardbilly @thinger-strang But there’s no pressure to do it! You absolutely don’t have to if you already have or if you just don’t feel like it! <3

[lonelier-version-of-you]

There is... a lot to process about that episode of Casualty. So while I organise my thoughts, I’ll start with this:

It looks like I was right about Max Cristie’s backstory! About halfway through his very first episode, I thought “he’s definitely gonna have a backstory where he either lost a kid, suffered childhood trauma, or both and that’s why he cares so much about children now”. And tonight seemingly confirmed at least the childhood trauma part. What the trauma exactly was still isn’t totally clear (a Holbyverse character hasn’t been this vague and incomprehensible about their backstory since John Gaskell), but from the stuff he said regarding the patient Ivy and how he “knows what it’s like”, it sounds like we can assume, at minimum, that he was a victim of child neglect and went down a dark path (possibly involving a gang or something??) trying to cope with it. Interesting.

Nigel Harman did say, if I’m remembering right, that someone from Max’s past will show up and provide insights into his character. So I’m assuming that’s where his backstory will be further explored - I imagine this is all we’re getting for now. (I’m not actually even all that interested in this character, funnily enough. I’m just fascinated to see where they go with his backstory, because they’re definitely setting up a tragic past for him.)

One thing I do know is that he is continuing to give me strong Greg Douglas vibes. Remember when Greg gave that teenaged patient his phone number so she could speak to him?? Yeah.

As for the Ivy storyline itself... eh, I struggled to focus or get invested due to Faith’s involvement. Why are they keeping that woman on this show?!?!?! Everything she’s done is just... beyond redemption. There’s no salvaging that awful abusive monster. Casualty producers, if you’re reading this, please write Faith out.

Her being outraged at Max for shouting at Ivy was especially ridiculous. Yeah, Max shouldn’t have shouted, but Faith has absolutely no right to get mad at someone for shouting at a teenager. Just a few months back, she literally physically assaulted Natalia’s boyfriend Tristan. Max shouting is nothing in comparison.

Speaking of which, I really, really despise how they seem to be setting up a Faith/Max/Dylan love triangle. Revisiting Faith/Dylan would be bad enough - pairing Dylan, an abuse survivor, with an abuser would be absolutely disgusting. (They could pull it off if they actually turned it into a deliberate abuse story and made it a story about revictimisation. But I don’t think they’d do that, because that would require acknowledging Faith is abusive.) But throwing a pointless love triangle in, where Faith’s other potential victim is also (from the sounds of it) an abuse survivor - yikes. And that’s not even getting into her future relationship with Iain... who wants to bet they’ll break up the moment she finds out about his depression? Faith does, after all, hate it when her men aren’t perfect and dare to be mentally ill and traumatised. ://

The Rash and Ashok storyline is still incredibly sad. I don’t have much to say because they didn’t have that many scenes in this episode, but it really is heartbreaking. And from the looks of the spoilers, it’s only gonna get sadder. :( Neet Mohan and Kriss Dosanjh are still as brilliant as ever.

The Stevie and Marcus storyline is... a lot. I really don’t know how to feel about any of this so I’ll just say, Elinor Lawless absolutely smashed it. What a wonderful actress - Casualty are very, very lucky to have her. Adam Sina has been great as Marcus too, although it’s harder to compliment his acting precisely because of the thing that makes it worthy of compliments: Marcus has been getting more and more repulsive to watch.

But I am kind of disappointed that they gave Eloise, Marcus’ previous victim, BPD - giving me hope for a properly represented BPD character in the Holbyverse, even if one who was just a guest role - and then... killed her off. Like, did they have to give her BPD for the story to work? I feel like it could’ve worked just as well if they’d said she had depression or something. Idk. I’m just tired. I guess I should be glad it wasn’t “BPD makes you evil” like John Gaskell (who was a textbook case of BPD, whether Holby intended him as such or not). But the only Holbyverse character I can think of with even potential BPD who survived their storyline (Jac fits a lot of traits too, but like John and Eloise, she didn’t survive) was Chloe Godard, and they retconned all her traits away! (And her mental health struggles in general, but I especially noticed them retconning the BPD traits away. And yes, I am still on the “Chloe has BPD” train after all these years.) Sorry for the rant. I just want some good BPD representation for once. :(

The Jacob and Stevie scenes were absolutely fantastic. I’m so glad the show tied Jacob’s own experiences of domestic abuse into Stevie’s storyline. Charles Venn was brilliant, too. I hope Jacob gets to be an ongoing support to Stevie throughout the aftermath of the Marcus storyline. They’d better not just isolate her into only interacting with Faith again.

Marcus is a monster. I mean, what more can I say about him? Everything he’s done to Stevie in the past and everything he did tonight... he’s just so awful. I despise him with all my heart. He feels like a very realistic abuser, so kudos to Casualty for that.

I’m also glad they made the choice to avoid going down the usual cliche route of Marcus physically hurting Stevie and that being his point-of-no-redemption. I feel like these storylines always spiral into something like that. And I’m not saying that’s not worth depicting, but it’s nice that they let the coercive control/emotional abuse stand on its own, without feeling the need to add physical abuse to make Marcus a “proper” abuser.

I could see some of Stevie’s actions while seeking evidence and revenge being called “unrealistic”, and that would probably be a reasonable argument, but personally I’m fine with it - it doesn’t cross the line into sensationalism for me, as it feels perfectly in character for Stevie (if it were anyone else, that would be another story).

Anyway, I hope Marcus suffers for his actions, or dies, or both. I don’t really know what else to say. May Stevie succeed in her revenge plan! I fully support her. <3

[sunnylucy31]

Some asks I got for these in discord, reposting my answers here:

Pierce is on the spectrum, though she does a good job of masking most of the time (until you get her talking about her special interest which is stars and astrology (fun fact she can tell your star sign just by looking at you, very useful power)).

Frieda has BPD, and she handles it by not handling it (that is, she bottles up everything related to it, The Queen must not show weakness to subordinates). Her people don’t say her name and only refer to her as “the queen” out of respect, but a large part of her believes it’s because they disapprove of her (RSD will have you making logical leaps like that, it’s a bitch).

20. Frieda is often jealous of how tight knit her peoples’ bonds with each other are; as the queen she’s often excluded from that since everyone else puts her on a pedestal (as noted previously, they refer to her by title rather than name). More specifically she’s jealous of Hunter’s ongoing thing with Siren, as she’s been yearning for his attention for years and never received it (not in the way she wants, anyway). Again, she handles this by bottling it up, as the queen cannot be distracted by such trivial emotions. Good thing glass bottles are famously sturdy, this practice will surely continue to be a sound one.

If Maya is jealous of anything, it’s her peers’ ability to be content with tedium. With a perfect memory, she’s painfully aware of how much repetition the average day has, but her fellows don’t seem to notice, or if they do, don’t seem to care. Hell, some of them appear to find comfort in the routine, the normalcy. She attempts to shake this feeling off, but like everything else in her flawless recall, she can never entirely put it away.

25. My favorite aspects of both are going to be the angsty parts because apparently I’m a sadist.

For Frieda it’s the dehumanization. The Titans made her to be a living weapon. The gods branded her as an abomination for existing. And her own people turned her into a martyr, a Messiah figure that could prop up their fragile hopes. At no point does Frieda get to be Frieda; She’s Zero, or Priority Target One, or The Queen. Max will be the first person to treat her as human in a long time, and that’s going to be a profound moment for her that I really look forward to.

For Maya it’s going to be exploring all the detriments to a flawless memory and how the human psyche wasn’t meant to handle having that sort of ability. Imagine every mistake you’ve ever made, every abuse you’ve suffered, every pain you’ve felt, as crystal clear in your mind as the moment it happened. How do you heal? How do you move on? I do so love a good “your great power is really a curse” trope.

Frieda certainly wouldn’t think she could get away with it. Tenet Two of the demititans’ code is to do no willful harm against a fellow demititan, and to her mind she isn’t above the code. Her people on the other hand would feel differently. As I said above, they’ve turned her into their Messiah; all their hopes for survival rest in her. While it would be a deeply unsettling event for many, they’d find some way to justify it if only to keep her at the forefront, to keep her trying to save them.

4. Frieda’s innate instinct when scared is to freeze, followed by flee. Years of training have embedded a fight response in her, but part of her still feels the urge to run and hide when shit gets scary.

9. “Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out til too late that he's been playing with two queens all along.” -Terry Pratchett

19. Rage makes Frieda’s calm and collected queenly mask fall away entirely. It’s the one emotion she’s never had much practice at containing, so when it comes out, it really comes out. Violence is basically a guarantee at that point.

Edgy/misc OC ask meme ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Send me a number and an OC, and I'll answer.

What memory would your OC rather just forget?

What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?

What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

When scared, does your OC fight, flee, freeze or fawn?

How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

Would your OC ostensibly be able to get away with murder?

Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it?

Is your OC self-destructive? In what ways?

If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

How does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

Does your OC have a faceclaim? If so, who?

What is your OC's pain tolerance like?

What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

Is your OC more cold and detached or up close and personal?

How does your OC behave when enraged?

Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does this manifest?

Does your OC have any illnesses or disorders? How do they handle it?

What character alignment would you consider your OC to be?

What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

What is your favorite thing about your OC?

[anonymous-queer-thoughts]

I don't know if I still love her sometimes. we've been through a lot. she's just exhausting tho. I think she might just always be a lot. I don't have experience with people who have BPD, borderline, bipolar or people who have been raised by those who have those conditions (her mom and sister are bipolar as well as family friends).

it seems like she will make chaos if she's sat quietly with peace for too long. just finding something new to obsess over. maybe it's just her particular brand of anxiety. she has to stress about something to avoid feeling crushed by the general fear that plagues her every day.

idk. I like her, I love her. I live with her. I'm stuck with her. idk what to do. I want to think that it's all external issues that interrupt our good times. but the call might be coming from inside the house.

why am I so impatient with her faults lately? because it's pretty much been one thing after another since the dui. it really seems anxiety caused.

my solution is to leave so I don't have to watch her mess things up and make a mess. but then I come home and she's still doing it. she has zero understanding of time passing. like time blindness to the max. I just can't with the adhd mess.

I just want my peace

I don't know what changes I need to make to financially afford to make my life peaceful in the way I need

[rainboq]

What professions can you see Chloe getting into?

The most common one is tattoo artist, which does make a lot of sense. I've also seen a fic where she is a mechanic and another where she is in IT.

The short, not very helpful answer is that it depends.

To get into the weeds of it, well... take a seat.

Chloe is extremely intelligent, she's honestly probably the smartest person in Arcadia Bay that we see by a long shot, but after losing William and Max she lost all motivation due to that trauma and the resulting depression (and maybe BPD?). We know that prior to all of that she was really interested in chemistry and science, enough to get into a prestigious school on a scholarship.

When we do see Chloe motivated, we see her devouring research into what Max's powers and dreams might mean, getting books about it, scouring the internet, etc, or repairing a run down truck with whatever she can find in a junkyard.

We also know that Chloe has a flair for visual arts. We see her drawings, the collages up in her room, the graffiti she leaves around Arcadia Bay and Blackwell. Art is an outlet for her, and is something she can engage in when she has low motivation.

Plus we know she likes to work with her hands and has a mind for the mechanical, which we see with her truck.

There's also room to speculate if she has ADHD (which is under-diagnosed in women) given her impulsivity, energy, and fluctuating interests and need to explore, along with divergent thinking and intuitive understanding of systems that might seem really complex out there. (Pricefield as ADHD/Autism solidarity is great, fight me)

So with those cards on the table, we get to the "It depends" part, where we can split this up into a few different areas depending on what happens in Chloe's life when you're setting out to write her.

If you want to follow canon or something like it, Chloe's going to be in a low motivation state. She'll struggle to really apply herself, even at things she's good at, because she's struggling with her mental health. Whatever work she gets is going to be whatever requires the least amount of schooling or allows her to learn on the job. Things like a tattoo artist, being a mechanic, retail work, even IT can be entered into with minimal schooling, I should know, that's what I did. Other options include being a general gig/temp worker, manual labour like warehouse labour, operating a forklift, or trucking. If it doesn't require a lot or any schooling, Chloe can probably do it and excel at it, after all, she's probably the smartest person int he building. If you want to get illegal with it, like I have in some works, Chloe wouldn't have a lot of trouble fitting into the drug trade, either dealing, smuggling, or putting her aptitude for chemistry to work on the production side. Additionally, there's modelling work that could come up if she's in the orbit of Rachel. Rachel might be a bit short to be a model, but Chloe? They'd snap her up.

Then we've got Chloe in a state of medium or moderate motivation. Maybe things with Rachel worked out and they escaped, maybe Chloe's been getting the help she needs, or maybe a different partner is helping her. She isn't in a place to really throw herself into schooling, and going back at all might take some prodding, but she'll make it through the training needed to be in more skilled trades, probably ones that enable her more compassionate or side to come out. Vet tech springs to mind, or even nursing. She could also pursue her artistic side in more depth, getting into an art program to really push her skills as a tattoo artist, a sculptor, or in street art. She might also look into becoming a programmer or engineer if she's got the means to support herself through a full four year program, but she might struggle with her drive.

Chloe in a highly motivated state? Hellllooooo Dr. Price. Maybe her dad never died, or Max never left, or everything is fine and nothing hurts. If Chloe's academic pursuits aren't interrupted by trauma and pain, she's got a good shot at going all the way with chemistry to getting her PhD. Maybe she focuses more on people and becomes a doctor, a psychologist, or even a social worker? Maybe she focuses on physics or biology?

Really the sky is the limit here, but that's also a huge part of the tragedy of Chloe's story. She had an incredibly bright future, she could have done so much, been whatever she wanted to be. She was probably going to be the first person in her family to go to college in the first place, but all it took was one senseless tragedy to take away that opportunity. Not that she had many opportunities to start with.

So yeah, it depends on where you want Chloe to be at in your backstory and when you're writing her, There's no real hard and fast rule of "Chloe must be this", but rather what makes sense for Chloe to be doing given the world you're crafting. Chloe is highly adaptable and sometimes too smart for her own good, have fun with it.

[ecsta-zi]

Hello am Caleb just getting into tumblr, personally I am here to learn more about bpd and to generally live a healthier life. Oh occasionally I do art whenever something pops into my head.

If you are looking for a good anime I would suggest Arcane.

Well that's about it I am just looking to meet more people to talk with along my journey.

Hey Caleb, you can call me Zi, its a shorter and much easier to pronounce version of my name. Welcome to tumbler I guess! Personally, it's the safest place to be who you are. Especially if you're a bit different from the general population. On here you will come across numerous blogs about BPD and a lot of us on here have it. If you like I will be more than happy to answer/post about/ or even pm about any topic, questions or comments in regards to bpd that you or anyone else has.

I was diagnosed the moment I turned 18 and immediately started treatment. I think I can say I have extensive knowledge about BPD. Enough to help others which is something I love doing. Considering what ive learned in my own healing journey i have also read a lot of the books, I've done dbt, and I have a dbt book here at home so I have some self help as well. Not only that I've done actual research when I was in college for a final project (in apa format) about BPD and got a 91% on it. So it's like I've read about bpd in medical journals as well. At the end of the day I still have BPD and I still struggle and have my own bad moments. I don't want people to think I'm all cured but what I do want people to know is that I've learned a lot and by simply educating myself and developing these skills I'm doing much better than I was 7 years ago. I just want to spread the knowledge I've learned that's helpful to me to could be helpful to others.

So you want to know more about bpd. Where can I even begin? Bpd is super complex and in order to understand it you have to read and learn A LOT.

If there's a particular subject on BPD you'd like to know more about I will be than happy to answer it. It also all depends on you and where you are on your healing journey. No two borderlines are the same. So if there's a certain topic you'd like me to cover please let me know.

I'm not much of an artist. I wish I could draw and paint and do graphic designs like everyone else but I suck at it. I'm more of a crafty person who likes to make stuff. I am now just recently dappling in art stuff. Now, I'm not creating anything original, it's a paint by number for adults and with that I'm simply learning how to paint correctly. I also crochet but that's not a really popular thing that people go nuts about on Tumblr.

For now I don't have things like crunchy roll or funimation. I only have hbo max and Netflix. If you know a website where I can check it o.ut It would mean a lot.

Lastly, thank you. I've been wanting to connect with people on here more as well. You seem really nice and I would love to get to know you better and your journey. I'm here to talk if you need to and I'm here to answer any questions for you on the topic of BPD.

Later Caleb

<3 Zi

[bowenandjohnson]

i'm back again, this time with my isak skam rankings! (since i haven't seen enough of martino in my own opinion, he will not be included! sorry!)

1. cris soto peña, skam españa

cris' season was the first isak season i ever watched, and it's one of the best skam seasons i've ever seen. i feel like something skam spain was always really good at, unlike some other remakes, was doing the research (at least for s1-3. i do love amira naybet and parts of her season, but the later parts of season 4 needed WAY better execution, but i digress) about teens in their respective country. cris felt like her own character, much like isa from nl's first season, and she is one of the only characters in modern media that i can think of that isn't a harmful stereotype of bisexuality. i appreciated that spain's team took the time to research bpd and educate both irene and tamara on that topic while shooting, as my own mother struggles with bpd, and it think it's important to remember that this disorder doesn't define a person. it was so great to see cris grow over her season to a somewhat mature young adult, who knows now how to communicate and put herself out there. cris, as a character, is incredibly powerful, and i can see why a lot of people see themselves in her.

2. matteo florenzi, druck

i recently watched matteo's season this past semester, and honestly? i see a lot of myself in him, especially with his depression. my depression took a turn for the worse during the pandemic, and while i'm better now, skam is one of the reasons why i held on for so long. and like spain, i feel like the druck team also does a good job with connecting with the youth of their country and exploring issues that the original skam did not. david and matteo's relationship was so great to see on screen, and their sex scene was incredibly powerful and not overly sexualized. while i'd argue that some mistakes were made with the handling of some topics and the pacing of the season, i thought it was great how matteo transformed into a lighter person after embracing his own identity. he became more confident, and like cris with joana, made it clear to david that he was going to be there for him and support him, and that he had great friendships with the german boy squad. i hope he's out there living his best life.

3. isak valtersen, skam / shay dixon, skam austin

the reason i put shay and isak together is because they both share the distinction of being created by julie andem. isak is the original iteration, and his story is just as powerful as cris's and matteo's, i felt less of a personal connection with him. however, i do still love him as a character. skam s3 and s4 is where the series really began to have a surety about itself, and i especially liked how tarjei made you feel every inch of isak's self-loathing at first, his internalized homophobia, and how alone he feels, and i appreciated how by the end of the season, he is embraced by his friends, he embraces who he is, and like cris and matteo, he makes sure that even knows he's there for him. it's a beautiful story, and i'm glad he exists!

while shay is a "remake" of the original, i think julie andem created shay to perhaps correct some wrongs with her original series. shay, like megan being the only eva of color, would have been the only isak of color, and shay would have been a lesbian (adding further diversity). shay's season would also have been vastly different than grace and megan's season in my opinion, as shay already was out to tyler, one of her friends, and megan/grace were overtly aware of shay's identity, which led to conflict with them in a season 2 subplot, while tyler also grew closer to grace later on as "green nail polish girl." CAN YOU IMAGINE THE DRAMA? i also would have loved for them to delve into how internalized homophobia intersects with shay's identity as a Black woman in America. while we never got shay's season, she was a trailblazer in her own right, and i like to think the existence of shay might have led to the creation of fatou, a black lesbian german teen in druck's new gen. pour one out for shay dixon, please.

4. robbe ijzermans, wtfock / lucas van der heijden, skam nl

i liked how wtfock and nl built up their isak's relationships with zoe and isa, respectively. they felt like actual friends, instead of just the noora or eva being shoehorned in to fit a plot point from the og. i also just feel like i could be really good friends with both robbe and lucas? they seem both really creative and introverted, like me. they're good boys.

5. lucas lallemant, skam france

lucas is a fine isak, and i feel like this may be the best skam france season in terms of pacing, story, and characterization, but i didn't really connect to him like i did others. while axel is a good actor, i wanted to know more about what it means to be a lgbtq+ teen in france, and i feel like the new gen is tackling that somewhat better with characters like lola, maya, and max. i like his taste in clothing though, i have his romance sweatshirt actually!

anyway, let me know if you want more skam rankings from me, i'd be happy to tackle the rest of the boy squads, girl squads, love interests, etc. just shoot me an ask :)