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8/18

Giddy at the trailhead

Climbing shoes and my zen book

in my running pack

Climbing an old tree

I heard the creaks of branches

Bending beneath me

in forests of green

the hummingbird’s bright blue wing

Flaps pink like granite

what you focus on,

thoughts contain consequences

is what you become

you can count on me

which means I’ve done work to know

myself

Greta van fleet plays

While I run up this sandy trail

the sun chases me

more ladle than spoon

I watch mouthfuls of black tea

fall into the mug

you’re my medicine

Photons penetrate this page

of my science book

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The same house in different years. Scanned from the book Tableaux d'Arabie by Thierry Mauger. More on my frescoes tag.

Frescoes are repainted over time, often erasing earlier layers, reflecting creativity and renewal rather than fixed rules.

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8/15

indoor climbing pales

to being out in nature

The mountains call me

running proposals

making trades, calling clients

late mornings and tea

Do plants drink la croix?

offered to the Boston Fern

carbonated sip

43rd attempt

on the bright 13-

half way, pads half gone

AYSO called

looks like I’m coaching soccer

boys, were gonna run

8/16

a sailor moon night

a tree is covered in stars

a magical run

I had a speech planned

the universe intervened

no words were uttered

I saw a taxi

relic of another time

am I the relic?

smell like animal crackers

Series 66

In disbelief, I read “pass”

now time for physics

Story: No more work tests. After a year of

Studying almost everyday, I am free! Passed all three and now I can enroll in school for astrophysics. I’m thinking math- maybe algebra and statistics. I don’t need to take them but I have to remind myself, it’s okay to go to college with the intent of not getting a degree. I mean, the goal eventually is to get a degree- just to confirm I’m on a right path and have more Confidence in my wacky science ideas but it’s certainly not the why nor am I hurrying to get it.. just sorta seems like bowing to

The story a little too much. Classes on biology, neuroanatomy, psychology, dance something, algebra, calculus, art history, geometry… my mouth waters.

I lay in this bed, next to a very cute sleeping baby donned in stripes, while listening to folk music, and thinking about the color purple. I’ve read that 250k snails are required to make an ounce of purple dye. Purple also has the strongest electromagnetic wavelength close to that of gamma rays and x rays.

During the test, I got nervous/ my heart pounded so hard it tickled my belly button. I reminded myself this is just a silly little story I’m buying into. This helped relieve some of my nerves. So I’ll leave back to my silly little story…

8/17

Note: John Frederick Danielle “Physics”

Atomic weight proved to be an element’s most enduring feature.”

“When Mendeleev arrayed the known elements in order of ascending atomic weight, he was stunned to see certain chemical properties repeat at regular intervals. This periodic repetition of similarities convinced him he had perceived a law of nature. Mendeleev published his periodic table in 1869…”

- The Elements of Marie Curie by Dava Sobel

beginning of a letter to a new friend I’m corresponding with:I have survived and passed the test. I worried if I stared at the word “pass” on the screen too long that the letters would twist into something else. I have spent almost 1-2 hours everyday for the last year studying for various exams at work and now I’m officially done. My first thought when I saw that I passed was “now I can study physics” and smiled. I get my life back! I started two new books today to celebrate  “4% Universe” by Richard Panek and the Elements of Murie Curie by Dava Sobel-  I’m also dabbling in The Lighthouse by Virginia Wolf. Virginia fascinates me and her writing is otherworldly. It’s almost as if she had lived every moment the second time and had a knack for observation that few writers, I feel, have. So, I’ve spent almost all morning just reading and painting blue spots on my wall ( I live in a VERY colorful home). 

Here’s  a screenshot of a quote from the book I loved ( the… in the beginning was the word one)& here are a couple of haikus I’ve written today. 

Mendeleev’s boxes

the un-cuttable atom 

organized by weight 

from 8 to 16

Oxygen’s atomic weight 

grew from two atoms 

I feel unburdened since taking my test. I had decided exactly how I wanted to live before I returned to work with Renee- and let me tell you, she was not part of the plan haha but has been the loveliest addition!! Despite finance NOT being my passion ( can I underline that and highlight it), what I do know is that I wanted to work with someone I had fun with, who motivated me, and made me better and that was Renee. Renee and I have tried to return to each for the last seven years ( I used to work with her) and only last year did the stars align, thankfully, . However, the stipulation was to get my license which meant, right after I had formalized my specific vision for my life for physics and art- I was immediately Thrown into the warm dark womb of finance. It was good for me though. Time showed me that my original plan is still exactly what I want and that I can study and still be mom, wife, and do all my hobbies and work. So, I’m chomping at the bit to start and have thrown myself into every hobby I can get  my filthy hands on today. You know, I haven’t painted the walls of my home in years. Today, I wanted to paint and I couldn’t help but wonder if painting is a signal to me that I am living aligned and with freedom. 

What’s your favorite poem? Mine is having a coke with you by Frank O Hara. If you care to send me any poetry you’ve written I’d be most curious to read it.

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Be Here Now by Ram Dass

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A forever favorite

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8/14

I will shine this week

my fortune cookie told me

then it must be so

“Twin telepathy”

“Did Pompeii have survivors?”

the headlines draw me

I just bowed to her

Not thinking, out of respect

gassho for good friends

“Sunday kind of love”

Etta James, did you get it?

last past Saturday?

I write this haiku

to calm myself down- driving

losing my vision

World spins madly on

I learn this time and again

makes life so special

29 percent

of the haikus I create

are not written down

I know you are mad

but my love is the real thing

It will all work out

I pray to my god

Please let me get there safely

my back is pinching

for food or for art?

my stomach growls and scratches

I sip Diet Coke

“this is Sabrina”

today I had to shake hands

a face to a name

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Shoji Takeuchi - Sound of Water, 2022 - Oil on canvas

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Dearest Creature,

13 August, 1929 The Letters of Vita Sackville-West to Virginia Woolf (1924-1941)

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8/13

“Keep yourself alive”

Queen plays while I meditate

on the climbing mat

my guilty pleasure,

reading the missed connections

she turned left from 4th

she fed him inside

a grimy photo booth

starved in Farmington

Walmart strawberries

“Verify the car color,

so I know it’s you”

African Dwarf Frogs

my curiosity piqued

he still has questions

she had lovely feet

he saw her at Silva Lanes

carrying bowling shoes

Fine I admit it!

I embellished the last one

she was just barefoot

Neapolitan dream

pink and brown porta potties

what shit ice cream cones

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8/12

The full moon looks down

As I look up, our gaze meets

Through the milky clouds

The Little Dipper

Emptied into the night sky

a glass of spilled milk

( written at a stop light)

I see the same truck

the license plate so faded

tumbleweed resource

Notes: I see the same brown and been tumbleweed resources truck everywhere. So much so, I’ve started taking photos of when I see it around town for the last couple of months. I’ve decided, the next time I see the truck, I will follow it to wherever it goes and ask the driver and passenger what they think the meaning of life is. I’ll make it into an art project. Now my drives are more exciting.

8/12

did you ever think

You would fall in love with me?

painted navy blue

looked middle school age

arms crossed in front of their chests

embarrassed to be

the air is sweaty

tippy toes it’s so steep

challenges are fun

they just had rock sex

one million years ago

rocks are still tired

my mind is stronger

I can run up anything

Just kidding, got you

“a Mountain in cloud”

“Dedication of a bird on eggs”

The I Ching

on my hands and knees

Sandia’s steepest trail

smiling in pleasure

Coordinates: 35.12707° N, 106.46665° W

down the steep trail

I ski down with running shoes

the sand breaks beneath

pools of sweat gather

Inside my belly button

on this sunny run

I don’t hear my voice

I read so many books that

All I hear are authors

this pesky habit

instinctively, I recite

your name like a prayer

I’m the in between

culture-less and without home

reading vagabond

I write down half poems

between red lights and green lights

in the driver’s seat

“It wouldn’t collapse?”

I think to myself sitting

on top of this bridge

“don’t make this stressful”

I talk to the FedEx truck

almost to the school

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Mt. Rainier National Park, USA by Emilie Hofferber

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8/10

Running is freedom

I put by hands by my side

stopped to write this

humming while I run

“In the year 35 35”

Zager & Evans

magical playground

sprinting down the forest trail

it’s not quite light yet

I smile knowing

this is just the beginning

of my running life

Oliver giggles

not even you, Wurlitzer,

can match his music

down the dark tunnel

the hum of traffic nearby

almost at loops end

a power station here?

in the middle of the woods?

the cicadas sigh

ave maria plays

while I stare at the rio

the mud is immense

everlasting pink

wilt will not touch its petals

still frame in real life

70s blanket

embroidered wildflowers

starchy yellow seams

he laughs in his sleep

wearing toy truck pajamas

tranquil as ever

orange furniture

bohemian rugs, prayer flags

a home of artists

Ian’s haiku:

I wish “I love you”

Were five syllables, not three

The perfect haiku

notes:

In meditation, you can watch thoughts emerge from emptiness and return back to that emptiness. This leads first to the realization that you are separate from those thoughts, which we normally identify with self.

David Hinton, I Ching: The Book of Change

The I Ching's hexagram 23, Po (Splitting Apart), line 4, includes a quote about "putting oneself in a sack": "A tied-up sack. No blame, no praise."

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( non haiku - a sloppy Joe poem about ground beef and no Joe’s)

what is a poem?

Is it taking unrelated things like ground beef and tree trim and trying to make sense of it?

is it madness? like ground beef madness before the ground beef was ground?

am I using “ground beef” too much?

I’m a vegetarian and I’m giving myself nausea.

with each passing word I have to tell myself to not erase the “ground beef”.

I’ve used it again!

So maybe that’s poetry. writing something in spite of yourself.

maybe it’s not and no one wants to read a poem with filthy unkept words like meat on the ground which conjures, for me, images of flies.

but shouldn’t we treat the house fly like we treat the bird?

birds get their painted wooden houses and marble bowls of water

flies get swatted and pinched faces

they get trash cans and leftovers

how telling it is how someone treats the house fly

does poetry have room for pests and stains?

Is it only poetry if it contains polished words like carousels, buttermilk , or jasmine?

why give a poem the remnants?

I could have eaten granola for breakfast

- wouldn’t that be a pretty thing to read about?

instead, I chose a hashbrown from McDonald’s.

maybe poems have no room for fast food either

Nor contradictions

poems, like women, have to be wrapped and blushed

plucked and trimmed

petite

Serious faced

Soured

we shop for poems like meat

Not really wanting to know where it came from, wallpapered over.

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8/5

Soften like butter

into joy, then knead the dough

until it’s all mixed

8/6

Auggie and Mia

I learned the name of the dog

that is black and shy

“An unnamed mountain”

He tells me of a long run

In the wilderness

the sun paints the trail

I am at peace with my life

I bow to the bees

“Shadow! Shadow , no!”

I hear a women yelling

“You’re fine I love dogs!”

on my period

I can feel the blood leave me

body’s water slide

8/7

But what I really meant was

a large red spider

climbs up the same rock I do

are you friend or foe?

I feel depression

knocking again but I think

don’t tell anyone

knowledge is power

I repeat like a mantra

erasing my fear

open mouthed I stared

the plant looked mechanical

strange reality

no fear of lions

I ran without abandon

no fear of death too

there are diseases

in bird feathers, I once heard

surely not this one

searching for answers

maybe it’s my period

or neuropeptides

8/8

“Nipple length,” I thought

That’s how long my hair is now

to think I was bald

took the Myers Briggs

It told me: I N F J

four little letters

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