#but just owning the book would have been really cool
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gilverrwrites · 2 days ago
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for some reason, I've been thinking on the aftercare of some of the guys.
like with roman, I feel like aftercare fully depends on your relationship with him. a difference between a sugar baby and a partner, y'know?
but with dick—dick, in my opinion, KING of aftercare, you know he would treat you right. and bruce, bruce absolutely would.
it's where roy, jason, tim I'm a little stumped on. cause I feel like, I know they would be good with aftercare. I'm just trying to think of what they would do. thoughts?
I feel like w so many nsfw stuff, I was thinking about the potential fluff afterwards.
🩷
I rarely use this blog to educate unless asked (you’re always free to ask me anything), but I feel a need to remind people that aftercare, just like any other stage of sex, is something that is different for all couples. No two people are the same and you should be discussing with your partners what you want/need/expect to feel loved and cared for in the same way you would discuss kinks and what not.
Tim specifically is a talk it out kind of guy. Like, not before you started sleeping together, but in the aftermath of your first tryst he lay beside you, panting, enjoying the afterglow for a few minutes until he asks “What now?”
Without guidance he airs on caution. He’ll clean you up, offer to fetch you food and drink, you can use his shower, or borrow his clothes. He’ll want to check on any potential abrasions (biting, spanking etc), and instead of asking you if want to be held he’ll just sort of lounge beside you with his arms open, like an open invitation.
He's dutiful, so ultimately whatever you ask him for he will provide, and he's very open about telling you what he expects in return.
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Until you’ve talked about it, and I mean ‘you can trust me, I wont judge, I want you to be comfortable, you deserve to be looked after too’-talked, Jason is the one that needs to be nudged into aftercare. He doesn’t want to force anything on you, he doesn’t know how to talk about it anyway, and he really doesn’t want to seem needy by asking you to look after him. So, he just sort of lingers.
“You ok? Yeah? Good, good. Me? Yeah, I’m fine. No, I don’t need anything. Cool. Stay? No, yeah, I can stay if you want me too.”
He’ll let you cuddle up to him, he’ll watch your shows or read your book with you, but he’s like a deer, if you acknowledge him, he’ll run.
At least until he’s comfortable with you, until you've done the talking and have created a mutually trusting relationship. Until he’s in love with you. Then he’s got you and your aftercare needs committed to memory, move over Dick, there’s a new king in town.
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Roy's ideal aftercare is more quality time than anything. He likes to know that you want to be around him, that it’s not just sex, but his own mind wanders. Roy likes to be tucked up, cuddled in bed with you while you’re both doing your own thing, scrolling your phones, reading, gaming, whatever.
However, if you need something more attentive, if you need to talk, or be pampered etc he’ll make every effort to account for that, just be prepared to have to remind him every now and again. It’s not that he doesn’t want to, he's just easily distracted.
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slytherinsoso · 2 days ago
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picture you | f.w.
in which, you accidentally say fred’s name whilst kissing your boyfriend…
you had been dating your boyfriend for six months. he was a sweet and kind boy and boys like that were hard to find. at least that’s what you kept having to remind yourself.
to be honest, you only dated at him at first because your best friend, fred weasley, had gotten a girlfriend and neglected you. your boyfriend had always had a crush on you, so feeling somewhat lonely, you gave him a chance. fred and his girlfriend had only lasted a few months but even when he was finally single and available to spend more time with you again, you decided to show him exactly how it felt.
boys your age weren’t usually as respectful as your boyfriend was; it was something you’d admired at first. but as the months went by and he still hadn’t tried to make any advancements, you were growing extremely frustrated. sexually frustrated.
one night, after hours in the library, between studying you attempted to take matters into your own hands. you couldn’t focus at all on the book in front of you. there was only one thing on you mind. you gently placed your hand on his thigh. it was subtle, simply testing the waters.
he laughed nervously, asking “what are you doing?”
the rejection simmered through you. tears pricked your eyes yet you held them in, faking a smile so that he thought everything was fine. you knew in that moment that there really was no hope.
your boyfriend, clearly noticing a shift in your energy, cupped your face with his hands, planting a gentle kiss on your lips. but gentle wasn’t what you wanted.
after scanning the room to make sure no one had come in without you realising, you pulled him closer to you, giving him a kiss back. the kiss was not gentle like his, instead it was filled with desperation for more. your tongue slipped inside his mouth, instantly meeting his. the kiss started awkwardly, due to the contrast of your desire for a fast pace and his soft nature. although he was shocked, it didn’t take long for him to match your speed, the kiss becoming messy.
you had never kissed your boyfriend like that. and in your mind, you weren’t even kissing him like that now. in your mind, it was fred weasley who you were kissing.
you knew it was wrong. but that didn’t stop you.
it was always fred. whenever you were alone, doing things you’d never admit out loud, it was fred who was on your mind.
yes, he had only ever been your best friend but that was because you settled for that position since he never appeared to share the same feelings that you had for him. even though it frustrated you so intensely, your mind always seemed to betray you by making you unable to feel turned on by absolutely anyone except him.
so perhaps that was why you whispered fred’s name into your boyfriends ear when he slipped his hand up your thigh.
“what did you just say?” your boyfriend asked, confused.
“i just said yeah.”
“no, you didn’t.”
“well, what do you think i said?”
“you said fred. who’s fred?”
fuck.
you stood up, packing up your books into your bag, feeling your cheeks growing red.
“fred weasley?” he asked.
you shook your head and sped away, straight to the gryffindor common room. your boyfriend followed behind you, calling out your name. you couldn’t face him. nothing you could think of to say would make the situation any better.
back in the common room, the first person you noticed was fred. he was sat with some other gryffindor quidditch team members, all laughing at something he’d said. fred noticed you the moment you entered and flashed you a small smile. one you felt too guilty to return. you hastily passed him and all his friends, trying to maintain a cool and collected image of yourself though inside you felt as if you could cry. you felt fred’s eyes linger on you as you walked by.
“y/n!” your boyfriend called out across the whole common room.
you froze. all eyes in the room darted between you and him.
“oh, fred weasley, great, there you are!” your boyfriend exclaimed, upon realising he was there.
fred’s friends exchanged mischievous glances, clearly anticipating some trouble ahead.
fred raised an eyebrow, curiously. “you alright mate?”
“would you care to explain to me why my girlfriend just called me your name?”
you couldn’t believe what was happening.
the boys around fred all let out some laughs. fred, on the other hand, looked nothing less than dumbfounded. he glanced over to you, squinting a little as if trying to assess what was really going on here. he was trying to read on your face if it was really true.
“i didn’t!” you protested, “i told you, that’s not what I said.”
“i heard it as clear as day, so come on, let’s get to the bottom of this,” your boyfriend countered.
this was so out of character for him to be confrontational.
“so you’re saying she just randomly said my name, yeah?” fred asked.
“when i was kissing her.”
the boys around fred all let out an “ooo”, teasing fred. this only made your boyfriend even more furious.
beads of sweat were forming on your forehead. you didn’t even realise that you were running until you found yourself in the bathrooms, looking at your crimson cheeks and watery eyes in the mirror. still looking in the mirror, you clocked fred coming up behind you.
“please, go away,” you pleaded.
he didn’t go anywhere, only moved closer to you.
you covered your face with your hands, but he took them in his and moved them down to your side. now he could look in your eyes.
“if it makes you feel any better,” he whispered, “i picture you, too.”
“what?”
“you know what i mean.”
he winked, cheekily, and you couldn’t help but let out a small smile because of it.
“you don’t have to lie,” you told him, turning away.
“why would i lie?”
“to make me feel less awkward? i don’t know.”
“if i just wanted to make you feel less awkward i’d probably have just pulled a little prank to lighten the mood a bit,” he confessed.
you knew it was true. that was fred all right.
“so what then?” you questioned.
“so you need to leave that pathetic boyfriend of yours.”
you gasped at the brutal honesty in his response.
“he’s clearly not giving you what you truly what if you have to keep thinking about me when he’s kissing you,” fred shrugged.
“that’s not just going to magically stop me thinking about kissing you.”
the words almost didn’t feel like yours. they were too bold for you. but they’d slipped straight out.
with no hesitation, fred grabbed your face in his big, warm hands, pulling it towards his own so that his lips could meet yours. your tongues instantly met, clashing against each other with speed. he slipped his hand around your waist, leaning you against the sink and pressing his body against you.
being so close to a boy like this was new to you, but because of all the times you’d experienced it in your head, with him, it felt so familiar.
“am i living up to the me that exists only in your imagination?” he whispered in your ear.
the whisper gave you goosebumps. you nodded, before quickly rejoining your lips with his.
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hollowed-theory-hall · 2 days ago
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I've been reading your posts for awhile now and I genuinely enjoy reading your takes especially with Harry's characterization. so I've been wondering what are your thoughts on the lupin family? especially with teddy? although I still kinda dislike his parents' relationship i still think he's an interesting character and i wished people talked about him more outside of shipping. What would his relationship with harry be growing up? Also Lyall's death was never really confirmed, only hope's was so do you think he and Andromeda raised teddy instead of harry? It still feels odd that remus chose a 17 year old to be his son's godfather surely there were other suitable candidates than a literal teenager.
Thank you so much 💕
So, this is like entirely in my headcanon space since I did not watch/read Cursed Child and I'm not planning to. I don't consider any of the post-book material canon at all except the Quidditch World Cup in 2014, which I accept since it's fun and doesn't go out of its way to ruin established characters. I enjoyed reading it more than the epilogue, so that's something.
That being said, I often prefer to ignore many aspects of the epilogue and the World Cup article when headcanoning post-books events. I also don't engage much with next-gen stuff since I'm more interested in Harry's generation, but I do have some thoughts about Teddy.
With all this out of the way, let's talk about the Lupins.
So, I like Remadora, I think they're alright for the little we see of them. Tonks just deserves so much better than Lupin in my mind. I mean, he wanted to leave her, after he got her pregnant, for his own sense of inadequacy, guilt, and allergy to taking responsibility. Harry was so justified in ripping Remus a new one.
Now, I mentioned here, how I think Remus didn't make Harry Teddy's godfather because he thought Harry was ready (though Harry is more mature and responsible at 17 than Remus is at 37, so...), but as a way to promise Harry that he isn't going to push him, or Tonks, or anyone who loves him away anymore. It was Remus trying to apologize in a weird way that didn't really land. Especially since he goes and dies right after. (can you tell Remus is my least favorite marauder?)
Now, I find it really hard to imagine Remus as a father for Teddy had he lived. Like, I can see Tonks being a cool mom and her and Teddy matching hair colors when walking together and messing with people (and I think she could become more responsible had she lived longer). Remus is a harder one for me to envision as a parent. I mean, I think he'd be relieved that Teddy wasn't born a werewolf, but whenever he'd look at Teddy and Nymphadora, I think Remus couldn't help but feel sorry for himself and like he doesn't deserve them. While making Harry Teddy's godfather was meant to be a sort of promise, I can't see Remus fixing his habits so quickly. I mean, he'd try. But I can also see him, trying to up and leave a few times only to be talked out of it by various characters.
I think his behavior is going to put a lot of stress on Tonks too. Like, While I think they do love each other, I don't know how well their relationship would work in the long run if Remus doesn't bother to work on himself and get his fucking act together.
But in the books they both died, so Teddy is spared the mess his parents' relationship likely would've been and is instead stuck with a different mess of being an orphan with a 17-year-old caretaker. (This kid cannot win. Maybe because both his parents were kinda irresponsible and didn't quite get a grasp on adulthood when he was born)
So, post-DH, Remus and Tonks are dead, Ted Tonks is dead and we are left with a grieving Andromeda who lost all her family (again), a grieving Harry who just keeps losing people, and a newly orphaned barely a-year-old Teddy Lupin.
I think Teddy is an interesting mirror to baby Harry and Neville in a way. His parents died/couldn't take care of him because of Voldemort/his followers and he was left with only a godfather/grandmother. Teddy got both and his godfather isn't in Azkaban, so he has it a little better.
I like to imagine Harry makes sure to be super involved with Teddy's childhood, but I can't imagine a 17-year-old (almost 18) Harry post-war and maybe going back to Hogwarts for 8th year (depends on headcanon) being in a state to take care of a baby full time. I like to think Andy helps out in that first year a lot. I think Andy needs someone, some family to get her through loss. And I think Harry could enjoy Andy's company too. I'm sure she has plenty of stories about a young Sirius, and maybe even a young James, and in my headcanon, Andy somewhat adopts Harry as an extra son too.
Which means she ends up seeing way more Weasleys than she ever expected to. I think the Weasleys, who just lost Fred would understand a lot. I mean, both Andy and Molly lost a child and other family. I want Andromeda be more involved with all of them post-canon. That's my wish.
So Harry is Teddy's official guardian, but he spends loads of time with his grandma and the Weasleys growing up probably. Like, I don't mind him and Victoire being together, though I wouldn't necessarily have been my preferred choice, but I don't really care. They're probably childhood besties because they grew up together.
As for Teddy's relationship with Harry, I think Harry would end up treating him more like a much younger brother than a son. I mean, when Teddy would be 10, Harry would just be 27. Don't get me wrong, Harry could, technically, be his dad, but I think their dynamic is going to be different than that of Harry with his own children. Just because of how young and traumatized Harry is when he gets Teddy.
So, I think their relationship would have its tense points, but they'd also love each other. Like, you know Harry would do his best. He'd be super protective over Teddy, Andy would be, too. Like, no one messes with this kid.
But I also kinda want Teddy making a: "you're not my dad" joke/comment when Harry tries to send him to his room or something and Harry doesn't know if he wants to laugh or cry the first time it happens. But I think it would become a recurring joke Harry laughs from.
I think the first years would be the roughest. Everyone's grieving and trying to settle back into a semblance of normal life. Harry never really had a "normal life" he's gonna have no idea what to do with himself and I think Teddy could be a purpose he dedicates himself to. I think these two and Andy could all help each other figure their lives out. But as Teddy grows older and things settle down, it becomes easier.
While I think Harry and Teddy would end up really close, it's not going to be exactly the same relationship Harry and Sirius had. Teddy is going to have a happy childhood, Harry and Andy wouldn't let it be any other way, so he won't have the same grief and trauma Harry did as a child. Like, their dynamic would be less desperate, I think. Like, Harry wouldn't need to stay in a cave and eat rats for Teddy, their situation would be way chiller. Like, I think Harry would be constantly confused about how Teddy ended up being such a cool kid/teen because he doesn't think he could've raised him like that and he would joke about it with Teddy who'd be all sarcastic like: "Obviously, I raised myself here,"
Like, I imagine Teddy with his mother's punk fashion sense and goofiness (the goofiness I believe was 100% shared by Ted Tonks), Remus' voice and constant self-doubt, Andromeda's posture (he sits with his back perfectly straight, okay, Andy didn't let him slouch by the table), and Harry's sarcasm. He's like this mix of them and still his own person.
I think Teddy is likely to go through quite a lot of personal phases to try and figure out his own identity and how he portrays himself. Becouse everyone treats him as the godson of the famed boy who lived, but his dead parents were the last Metamorphmagus and a Werewolf. And he is very close to his grandma, who is a disowned daughter of House Black. Like, this is a kid rip for angst about who he is and who people see him as and him being a Metamorphmagus really leans into it.
Like, a young Teddy making sure to look like Harry in public because he's proud of the connection. Or Teddy mimicking Remus or Tonks' appearance from photos when he thinks about them and misses them or wants to remind strangers who his parents actually are becouse they seem to forget. Like, that could be super fun.
I think Harry's kids would really like Teddy. He's like a cool older cousin/brother who lives with them. Like, I can see them really looking up to him and Teddy would complain to Harry about being followed around by a 3-year-old that won't leave him alone and Harry would just find the whole thing amusing.
(I can also see a post-war Andromeda getting back in touch with Narcissa, so you could involve the Malfoys too if you felt like it. Though I feel like Teddy would just, not like Lucius much)
(Also also, I think Lyall is dead. I feel like if he was alive we would know, yk?)
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ladyloveandjustice · 3 days ago
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My Favorite Books I Read in 2024
I read a ton of good novels last year- 32 in all (and uh, 82 manga/graphic novels, but we’ll examine that in another post). Here’s a link to my Goodreads year in books (the manga is at the beginning, the novels start with Red, White & Royal Blue) and my storygraph wrap up.  
I got to have fun reading some classics like The Odyssey and The Wizard of Oz, but I also read a lot of notable newer books! Let's take a look!
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The Spirit Bares Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph White
The story follows Silas, a trans guy in an alternate 1883 where violet-eyed people have the power to talk to spirits. If someone is perceived as a man by society, this power is treated as useful. But for anyone society perceives as a woman, it's a different story. There's this idea that the power to speak to the dead causes women to "go mad". Silas is diagnosed with this "sickness" and gets thrown in a horrible sanatorium that forces patients to become obedient wives. But this school has some dark things going on under the surface, and Silas might not even make it out of this alive...
This is a horror that keeps you on the edge of your seat the whole way though. The setting is vivid and creative, the characters who suffer under the weight of oppression are varied and complex, and the protagonist is easy to root for. It's very spooky, pretty relentless, pretty gory and pretty twisty. It's very hard to figure out who you can actually trust! It's also a fascinating exploration of transphobia and misogyny. It obviously draws on real things women and trans people struggled with in the 1800s (accusations of having "hysteria" and other "illnesses" just for existing) but also talks about ableism too, as the main character is autistic. It really makes you consider how terrifying and isolating it would be to live in a time with so few resources and such limited knowledge, but of course, this still persists in a lot of places today.
 It's not all horror though, there is some catharsis and nice moments of Silas finding solace and support in other trans people and it leads to some really touching scenes and relationships. There's also satisfaction in seeing marginalized people banding together and doing all they can to fight back.
Emily Wilde’s Encyclopedia of Faeries and Emily Wilde’s Map of the Otherlands by Heather Fawcett
This fantasy series follows Emily, a professor and dedicated researcher of the mysterious and often dangerous fae. Emily is out to make an encyclopedia of fae lore, and she has no interest in socializing with others when there's faeries to find. Unfortunately for her, her scholarly rival, Wendell, show up and decides to be all insufferably social and charming and interested in her. He might secretly be a faerie though, and Emily is interested in that, so, ugh, maybe she has to put up with him.
 These books are a ton of fun. It's a cozy adventure the creatively draws on some cool fae lore. It's biggest charm is our protagonist, who is wonderfully grumpy and stubborn and clever and only wants to bury herself in researching this thing she likes She's the kind of person who puts footnotes in their own journal, and it's delightful.
Even when she starts catching feelings for Wendell, her research is always her number one priority. And Wendell, who is very obviously smitten with her the second he appears, is okay with that! In fact, her stubbornness and fearless, unshakeable commitment to her research is pretty much exactly why Wendell is so down bad for her, which makes him a really relatable love interest. He's obnoxious in a genuinely charming way and the teasing banter between Wendell and Emily is very entertaining.
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Lonely Castle in the Mirror by Mizuki Tsujimura
Kokoro has been unable to go outside her house ever since she dropped out of school due to horrible bullying. One day, her mirror glows, and she enters it to find herself in a castle with six other students. A little girl in a wolf mask tells all of them that there's a room in the castle that can grant one single wish, but only for one person, so whoever finds the room first gets the wish. They'll have an opportunity to hang out in the castle every day until the deadline, after which the castle will disappear. But as the kids get to know each other, things get more complicated.
This is such a lovely, healing story I'm glad I finally got around to reading it. While the story goes into the causes behind the epidemic of hikikomori and futoku in Japanese students, it's also a universally relatable story about the ways bullying, grief and trauma can affect a child and lead to severe anxiety. Kokoro's slow journey of recovery is touching and feels realistic, despite the fantastical elements. The book shows how brave and hard it is to take these small steps, and how Kokoro struggles to even talk about what happened. The focus of the book is the connections the kids make with each other. It explores the secrets they carry, how they accidentally hurt each other, but also how they ultimately are able to empathize with and support each other. Each character is interesting and achingly human in their own right. The whimsical fairy tale elements of the story complement the themes well, and the book delivers some really solid plot twists that serve to make its themes stronger too.
One thing to warn for is we learn that a fourteen year old girl has entered a relationship with a man in his 20s. This isn't shown to be healthy or good for her though, and the reason she does this is heartbreaking. There's also some (non graphic) attempted SA. With that in mind, this is just a really cool tale, and I full recommend it!
First Light by Liz Kerin
This is the second part of a duology that began with Night’s Edge, which I recommended last year, and honestly, this book is even better than the first one, which was already pretty great. The book continues to use vampirism to explore the cycle of abuse effectively. This time, Mia is seeking vengeance on her mother's abusive ex-boyfriend, who was responsible for turning her Mom into a vampire. But when she finds the ex-boyfriend and infiltrates his little cult (with her kinda-girlfriend, who actually genuinely wants to join), she gets manipulated by him the way her mother did, her trauma and past making it easy to fall into a cycle that's familiar. She starts to understand her mother, and vampires in general, more than she ever thought she would. It's just a really interesting take on vampires, and this one actually addressed some of the thing I thought were a little iffy in the first book. It's dark, but there's also a lot of catharsis.
I think these books are easily among the top of my list of favorite vampire media. Content warning for abuse, and the vampire bites having a hint of a metaphor for sexual violence like they often do.
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Bright Young Women by Jessica Knoll
 Bright Young Women follows a young woman in the aftermath of a serial killer breaking into her sorority and killing several of her friends. The media and police are all too willing to question her testimony and distort the details to fit their narrative. Another woman suspects her girlfriend was murdered by the same killer, and they team up to find the truth.
Bright Young Women is a page-turner, and I honestly didn't realize it was so heavily based on the Ted Bundy murders until I read the reviews, because I didn't know much about him (or most real life serial killers, a fact which I am very okay with). But the book is here to dunk on Ted Bundy and the ways his "intelligence and charisma" were greatly exaggerated by the media and even the judge at his actual trial, rage about the ways the victims stories are erased in favor of the killers who are glamorized and fawned over, point out the ways the police constantly fail victims, and to set the record straight to those who idolize serial killers.
The story centers the survivors and victims, talking about their lives and triumphs and the goals they were working toward and what could have been. It's depressing, but it also shines the light on the bravery of the women whose testimonies got the killer convicted even when the rest of the world was dismissive of them.
This book is a really tough read, and obviously there's a huge content warning for sexual violence, the graphic aftermath of horrific deaths...the method of one rape and murder actually really disturbed me (mentioned in the aftermath, the book never shows the actual acts), it was so gross and horrible (and unfortunately, happened in real life). Read with caution. But it's a book that will definitely stick with me for a while.
The Rise of Kyoshi and the Shadow of Kyoshi by F.C. Yee
I never got around to the Kyoshi novels because there's been a lot of mediocre Avatar the Last Airbender spin-off media...but I should not have hesitated, because these were actually really good. They follow the life of Kyoshi, the famously badass Earth Kingdom Avatar, and shows how she became how she is.
Yee does a great job capturing the world of Avatar, while also expanding on it in interesting ways. I really liked a lot of the little details that deepened the world--for instance, it's mentioned that Firebenders shave their heads when they lose an Agni Kai because of the disgrace, which gives context to Zuko's initial hairstyle and actually makes the fact he actively kept his hair from growing back for three years extremely sad, since it implies he thought he would only be worthy of that once his father approved of him again. It was something I think Yee definitely came up with himself, but it made a lot of sense with the show in a way that felt natural.
The novels were definitely darker than the show, but not in a Netflix Avatar let's-watch-a-bunch-of-people-we-don't-care-about-burn-to-death way, but in a way that felt natural to Kyoshi's circumstances. I found I usually did care a lot when a character died because they were often likeable. I found the death of one character in particular near the end of book one genuinely heartbreaking.
The books did a good job explaining why Kyoshi became more severe later on, and in how she wrestles with how far she can go with her role as the Avatar, what justice is, and whether killing people solves anything. The second book was not quite as good as the first, with its decision to switch out the cast of the characters for entirely new people and just being more meandering in general, but it was still a good read. I definitely rec if you're an Avatar fan, odds are you'll really enjoy them!
Voyage of the Damned by Frances White
In the country of Concordia, each province has one heir who has a "Blessing"--basically a unique magic power. Ganymedes (a.k.a Dee)'s dad cheated on his wife a bunch, and one of the children from those affairs must have inherited the Blessing rather than Dee. To keep this a secret, Dee's dad makes him pretend to have a Blessing. Now Dee has to go on a voyage with the other Blessed and, sick of the charade, he's decided he's going to make them all hate him so he gets kicked out of the group. But that plan is extremely interrupted when his shipmates start getting murdered one by one.
Voyage of Damned is just a really good time. A queer murder mystery romp with a ton of suspicious and varied characters vying for power, a fun lead with a distinctive voice, tragic romance, cute friendships, and even some touching exploration of prejudice, suicidal ideation and self loathing. It was just extremely readable and I was entertained the whole way though, but it also made me feel things sometimes. It also delivered a ton of solid plot twists, including a big and satisfying one that made me want to go back and read through a bunch of scenes knowing the truth (and I did).
Dee and his distinctive glib narration probably won't be for everyone but I liked him and vibed with him. He goes through a lot, including finding out his boyfriend he'd been separated from for five years is now engaged to a girl and acting super cold to him. The tension between Dee and Ravi and how it affects all his relationships is a real emotional hook, and his banter and dynamics with the people he likes (or even some people he doesn't) are generally fun to read. If all I've said sounds cool to you, give it a try, you might like it!
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Bonus Rec: Someone You Can Build a Nest In by John Wiswell
Shesheshen is a blob monster who dines on the humans (mostly those who try to kill her). She can look human with some effort, and go into town to feed sometimes. But the she falls in love with a kind woman named Homily. This clearly means she needs to do the proper romantic thing and lay some eggs in Homily so their little monster kids can be born by devouring Homily for the inside out. Wait, humans aren't into that? That's awkward. And despite her biological impulse she doesn't really want Homily to die? Even more awkward. Oh, and Homily's family are monster hunters and it turns out that was Homily's brother Shesheshen ate a while back? Super mega awkward. What's a monster to do...
 I'm a lover of actually monstrous monster women, so I was hyped for this one, especially with the great cover by @jmfenner91! While it disappointed me in some areas, it was still fun and heartwarming enough I'd recommend it.
Our monster lady is a great character, and her unique point of view where she's nonchalant, cynical and often hilariously baffled by humans is a joy to read. Her personality, her super gross biology, and how she sees the world...she's so charming and her romance with Homily is very cute. I also really like that the book focused on healing from abuse and finding a way to move forward with each other's support. I also liked the romantic climax, and the discussion of finding kissing weird, because that made me feel seen.
There were quite a few things that kept it from being a five star review in my heart though--Sheshesen is completely disconnected from people, has just spent her life alone in her cave, but she knows what an abuser is and exactly how abusive people operate in a weirdly modern way. Abusers are also only portrayed one way: openly cruel and evil with zero sympathetic qualities to every single person they interact with. There is no cycle of abuse with these people, they never act nice to to draw their victims back in, we don't see more subtle, manipulative emotional abuse, almost no claims of caring about people. Obviously cartoonishly abusive rich people exist in real life, and I don't necessarily need abusers to be humanized. Still...it just felt like the nuance of most real life abuse was being ignored. And because these people were so one dimensional, it was pretty tedious to spend SO much time with them.
Still, the book was very monstrously sweet, and it was overall a good read. I wish it could have been a little more, but what we got was pretty nice.
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gravedwe11er · 1 day ago
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Echoes through the cosmos
My friend @cosmique-oddity had a brilliant idea about mecha AU Coswave and I had to write my own take on it. Make sure to check out his wondeful writing/art for this concept too! We're posting our works in tandem, so by the time you see this, it should be on his blog.
Aaanyway, this was supposed to be a short one-shot. It is not. Part two and three will be coming soon. As always, based on the Mecha AU by @keferon.
When he was a kid, the first book he’d ever gotten was a children’s space encyclopedia.
Secrets of the cosmos, it was titled, and he’d fallen in love with it at first glance. It talked about planets and stars and the possibilities of alien life, and he’d carried it around everywhere for years, so much so that it earned him the nickname Cosmos from his peers. It might have been a little mocking at the time, but he’d refused to take it as an insult - quite the opposite, really, and eventually, it stuck.
On clear nights, he’d sometimes sneak out of his house after bedtime, lie down on the grass and just look at the sky. He’d watch the stars flicker, thinking of distant planets filled with cool alien people. Imagined himself meeting them one day, leaving Earth behind for greater adventures and new friends, and whenever he saw a shooting star, only one wish ever came to mind – “I want to meet an alien someday!”
In retrospect, perhaps he should have wished for something else. Chocolate cake for breakfast, maybe.
Because the aliens came. And unlike in the movies, they came with little fanfare; no dramatic declarations of war, no menacing signals sent over the airwaves or bright lights in the sky. They just dropped down from atmo and started ripping humanity to pieces.
Cosmos, who at that point had been in his last year of college and working an internship at decently large observatory, got pretty much front row seats to the first planetfall. The quintessons hadn’t bothered to hide. Hadn’t needed to, really – they’d had too much of an upper hand to worry much about human defense forces.
Life after that was a bit of a blur. The shatterdomes sprung up in a matter of months, humanity started fighting back and actually winning sometimes. Cosmos graduated and got hired immediately as one of the many, many people monitoring satellite data, watching for any incoming quint dropships.
And while yes, even a few minutes of warning ahead of an incoming enemy drop could save thousands of lives, it was never quite enough. New mecha were being made constantly, but such things take time, and the losses kept mounting. Clearly, something else needed to be done.
Which is how Cosmos finds himself here, orbiting some twenty thousand kilometers away from Earth in a haphazard little shoebox of an observation station, all alone in the void between worlds.
Well, to be fair, the actual scientific equipment of the station is top of the line. It’s just the everything else that his bosses on Earth skimped out on. The interior is cramped, dull and grey, with only the bare necessities needed for his long-term functioning as a glorified space cameraman. His days are fairly monotone too – exercise routines to keep up his muscle and bone density twice a day, interspersed with long hours of going over telescope footage, checking for enemy signals and keeping an eye out for any potential anomalies.
Now, despite his occasional grumblings about the quality of life here, he’s not really bothered by most of it. Besides, he gets it – there’s only so many resources the world can spare. He’s fulfilling his dream and helping save lives in the process, so he can put up with a little discomfort. It’s still better than his old college dorm, that’s for sure.
He is in space. Actually in space. That little detail sort of makes up for a majority of the gripes he has about the station.
All except one.
When he signed up for this mission, he knew he’d be alone up here. He just didn’t know how much it would ache.
For the record, it’s not like he’s completely cut off from others- that’d be a one-way ticket to madness, and even the most heartless of higher-ups know it. They’d given him a fast internet connection and permission to make as many video calls as he needs, as long as it doesn’t affect his work. He has his parents back on Earth, and his fellow watchmen are usually up for a quick chat, but- It’s not the same. It’s not nearly enough.
Nothing can replace seeing another living being with his own eyes, a casual pat on the shoulder or just the simple warmth of a person existing in your general vicinity. The longer he stays here, the more chill seeps into his bones, into his very soul.
Soma days, it’s as if there’s a layer of frost underneath his skin, and he’s not sure how long he can take it before he shatters.
Cosmos is sipping on his breakfast coffee when the main console pings, the custom alert he’s set for this specific anomaly making him scramble for the railings immediately. Floating over, he goes to check the data, and- yeah, there it is again.
These signals have been a mystery for the past month now. As of yet, the only thing anyone knows about them is that they’re not from the quintessons and are seemingly completely random. Mission control stopped caring about them once they figured out they’re not of enemy origin, but he and a few of his fellow watchmen have been trying their best to learn more. Command hasn’t told them to quit it yet, so Cosmos assumes they don’t mind, at least.
Not that they’ve really gotten anywhere. A few times a day, the signal will originate from seemingly nowhere, just barely strong enough to be noted, bounce around a few satellites and disappear. No pattern that they can see, no changes in strength or even any indication as to its purpose. It’s just- there.
So far, it looks like he’s not figuring it out today either. Still, he logs the data into his personal file and straps himself into his chair; might as well get to work, since he’s already here.
The quintesson warships have their drop off point on the edge of the asteroid belt, about halfway between Jupiter and Mars. Same place every time. Scientists down on Earth have been throwing around theories as to why, talking about wormholes, string theory and weak spots in the time-space continuum, but it’s more speculation than anything for the most part. Faster than light travel was supposed to be the stuff of fiction after all, but here they are. One moment there’s empty space, and next there is a warship. Really exciting stuff, really! It would just be a lot better if it wasn’t being used to ruin his home.
The quints’ sub light engines reach some impressive speeds as well, but they’re still slow enough to give the people on Earth half a day’s notice before they make planetfall, provided they’re informed the moment the ships appear. Which is why Cosmos is here, watching both the space around both the planet itself and the drop-off zone, warning of incoming attacks. Or, well, to be more precise- he’s mostly watching over the equipment doing all those things, and making sure it keeps doing them no matter what. The human failsafe, so to speak.
It's a bit of a hurry up and wait sort of job. The few days after a drop, it’s constant reports and data being sent back and forth, trying to decipher enemy comms and a simmering worry in his gut as he hopes the pilots down there manage to fend off the quints without heavy casualties. Then, it’s back to long silences and practically twiddling his thumbs, waiting for the chaos to erupt once again.
Which brings him back to the signals. They’re something to break up the monotony, something to occupy his thought on the days when the systems have nothing else to report, like today. Or the past two weeks.
That is why, when a small group of quints suddenly peels off from behind Earth’s mass, heading full speed in his general direction, Cosmos nearly suffers a heart attack. The station’s sensors scream at him, and he may or may not begin panicking a little. He’s a sitting duck here- the station has no defensive capabilities, and no shuttle could get to him fast enough. That is, if they even bothered to try in the first place.
But- as he’s trying and failing to open a last call to his family with shaking fingers, he notices the quintessons slowing down to a stop, still nowhere near his position. Instead, they seem to be targeting - he types a few commands into the sensory array with clammy hands - a communications satellite? It looks like any of the thousands of others like it, ESA make, if he had to guess, so why-
And then the satellite- moves. Parts of it shift around each other, forming what looks like limbs and a head, and- no, okay, what?
The satellite, which is now very much not a satellite anymore, opens fire at the quints. Cosmos watches the scene through several sets of digital eyes, mind reeling as the small enemy platoon is- well, torn to shreds, to put it mildly. Whatever this mech is, it’s incredibly efficient, dodging between enemy strikes and dealing devastating blows of its own. His own? Is there a pilot in there? He doesn’t think so; if such technology was in use, he’d have known about it.
Then again, it could be a prototype of some sort. A secret project, maybe? That sounds slightly more plausible, but still- look, Cosmos is no mecha engineer, but even he can recognize something for being wildly out of human technological scope when he sees it. Which leaves only one remaining option, really.
Whatever this is, it’s not from Earth.
And yeah, alright, shit. That’s- well, it’s probably not a bad thing? Seeing as it just sliced through a bunch of quints like a knife through butter, it’s safe to assume it’s not aligned with them. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, right? God, Cosmos certainly hopes so, at least.
As the last of the quintessons die, their bodies floating off into the distance, the station’s alarms turn off one by one. All except his custom one, that is. The cheery little chime keeps on ringing, one screen off to the side showing the same odd signal he’s been tracking for weeks now, only stronger. Much, much stronger. Having started the moment the satellite changed shape, the signal keeps going, now recognizable as a multi-layered frequency and coming directly from the alien mech itself.
He's not sure if it’s the adrenaline, his innate curiosity or just plain madness, but Cosmos does something very, very stupid. With still shaking fingers, he tunes into the frequency, puts his headset on, and calls out.
“Unknown craft, this is Cosmos of the Hermes-9, please-“ his voice hitches. Swallowing tightly, he continues, “please identify yourself. I repeat, this is Cosmos of the Hermes-9, unknows craft, please identify yourself. Over.”
For a few moments, the silence is deafening as Cosmos waits for an answer, fear and anticipation mixing in his gut. Then, the mech turns around. Two glowing red optics look straight at him, as if bypassing the hull of his station and piercing through his very soul. His screens black out one by one in rapid succession, words draping themselves across the darkened expanse like stars against the endless void of the universe.
[Designation: Soundwave.]
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sgt-bluesummers · 2 days ago
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CoD:MW 141 headcannons bc I'm insane !!!!!
(This will be for og bc I haven't played the remakes yet (I kind of want to just for gaz and ghoap tbh bc I love how gaz fans write him..))
💀Ghost:
Obviously very untrusting of ppl due to *gestures at all of him* but for the few ppl he does trust and is close with he is absoloutly clingy. You will barely ever find him and roach apart unless one is off on a mission without the other
Trans. You can decide which way but Ghost is trans you cannot change my mind
ALOT of internalised homophobia thanks to his father. The moment he realises he might be crushing on roach he starts to pull away, trying to avoid the other man completely to maybe get his feelings to stop but it obviously doesn't work
He doesn't own much (low-key scared to have much out of fear that they could be broken/taken) but the things he does own he treasures. Despite popular opinion, he only has one mask and the moment it gets dirty (blood, dirt, even rain) he scrubs it clean by hand the moment he's on base (he doesn't trust to put it in the wash, and bc of its material it would shrink in the wash anyway (trust me as a guy who wears gloves everywhere))
Doesn't even like going anywhere near his home city, not just for the memories but also bc of the 'Riley family murders' (which he got framed for) since he doesnt wanna get recognised and arrested bc for that time since his face was all over the local paper for a good while
He trusts Soap and if he ever needs to cool off from something upsetting him or whatver on base and roach isn't around, he goes right to his captain's office and just zones out in there till his head clears, Soap just leaves him to it
Will MELT at the slightest bit of affection after hes calmed down from the original fear of it turning to pain. The first time Roach scratches at his hair whilst they're both exhausted from a long mission he goes entirely limp
He was so so so untrusting of Price when he met the man for the first time after saving him from the gulag, felt really auspicious and protective of the way Soap immediately stepped down from captain for Price and of the way Soap seemed more... subdued. (Obviously learned to trsut Price but it took a while)
Autistic and almost always masking
When he isn't, he likes to play with knives (he collects them)
🪳Roach:
He's not entirely mute but he doesn't talk much either. He really only talks if he absoloutly has to, like communicating something important over comms on missions, otherwise he uses sign language.
When he does talk his voice is really rough and it hurts to talk for long
He WILL speak up though on base if he ever hears anyone talking shit about Ghost (like calling Ghost weird, or creepy, or anything else along those lines. Bc like. That's his guy >:( )
Low-key just as clingy as Ghost it's just less noticable when he does it since alot of ppl don't notice him anyway (he is short and quiet)
Autistic as well (and trans :3)
Plays rock paper scissors with himself as a stim
Always 'forgets' to bring a lighter when he goes to join Ghost for a smoke so they have to put the tips together and he gets to stare into Ghost's eyes whilst Ghost avoids eye contact
Follows Soap around like a lost puppy when Ghost isn't on base and is generally really trusting of the captain especially since Soap took him under his wing
Got his name from surviving missions no matter how many times he almost dies (cliff hanger, that one mission where he has to run through a town entirely unarmed in a short time, actually literally any mission he goes on)
🧼Soap aka 📕Mactavish
Always carrying his journal everywhere no matter what. Come hell or high water he has that book on him
As mentioned in said book, ever since price supposedly died he's been smoking the same exact brand of cigar price used to, even if its a slightly more expensive brand he sees it as worth it
He also always carries Price's old pistol on him, just in case he ever sees the man in question again and can finally give it back.. (expects that the place he'll give it back in will be hell)
The day the little rookie known as roach got onto his base he immediately saw himself in the young man and immediately took roach under his wing
He's just a little bit protective of his team.. he's lost so many ppl in his life and he's unwilling to lose more
Absoloutly devastated when he finds out Ghost and roach died, he just doesn't fully let it hit him until he finally gets to sit down in a safe house without bleeding out. He's inconsolable for hours
He had a lil bit of a crush on Price throughout mw1 ever since the first mission.. just a bit of puppy love until the final mission where they both almost die and it grows into something a bit more real... he even almost confesses before Price gets taken. After Price comes back, on that first night, he lays it all out. Doesn't wanna lose his chance again.
Every night after he finds himself not cold and alone in bed anymore crying out for his captain in his sleep, but instead held by the only man he allows to protect him rather than he being the one to do the protecting
He let's all his exhaustion built up from months take over the second he hands back the title of captain to Price, passes out and sleeps the best he ever had that night
He's trans too, btw, may as well be called t4t rather than 141
I don't have much for price rn sorry about that... just know that he's just as dependant on Soap as Soap is for him and he's also trans bc I said so... and bc I like projecting :3
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derschwabe08 · 1 day ago
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Emi's Equivalent Exchange gift for @justablah56
Thank you to @emis-equivalent-exchange for organizing this very cool Secret Santa gift exchange!
This is a modern au fic in which Dani and VR-LA are out shopping for a Christmas gift for the kids of Finbar and Elyse (I went with twins because I couldn't decide on a gender). It probably isn't the best fic ever but I hope you enjoy it anyway :]
 “What about this?” VR-LA asked, holding up a set of cookware for children to play with and looking over at Dani. “I am pretty sure the twins will have at least a dozen of those anyway from other family members and besides-” 
A mischievous grin spread across her face “I have the perfect idea already!” Dani was holding up a box that showed a couple children playing various instruments including a drum set and a guitar with a big label saying “Baby’s first Rock Band.”. 
 “Finbar would murder us…” VR-LA said, though he couldn’t help but to smile a little as well. “And don’t you think the twins are a bit young for that? They’re only one year old!” 
“Ahhhh don’t worry about it! But if you’re soooooo sure that this is a bad idea, fine let’s keep looking-” Dani groaned half seriously, still smirking widely as the two of them continued onwards through the store. Christmas music was blasting from the speakers and every aisle was packed with people trying to find a last minute gift for their loved ones. Much like Dani and VR-LA, who were still looking for the perfect gift to give to Tamara and Carly, Finbar’s and Elyse’s little twins. 
“Now this would be a great gift!” VR-LA said holding up a little model of the solar system for kids that also functioned as a nightlight with an integrated music box “Educational, calming and age appropriate.”
“Oh my god, you are such a nerd…” Dani rolled her eyes teasingly. “Why don’t you just give them one of your text books even? It’s a Christmas gift - it’s supposed to be fun it doesn’t need to be educational!” 
“Excuse you, this is very fun!” VR-LA said, playfully stuck his tongue out at Dani. “I am definitely bringing this, but we can keep looking for something else as well. Noooooooo, we are not getting them electric motorcycles!” he added as he saw Dani turning towards the section with the kiddy vehicles with a wide grin on her face.
 “God, you really are no fun are you?” Dani laughed. “How else will they learn to be just as cool as their aunt Dani?” 
 “You say that as if it would be a good thing…” VR-LA teased, shrugging. “I guess I should be happy you didn’t suggest a real motorcycle.”
 “Oooooo, you’re right that would be even better!” The grin on Dani’s face got even wider as she playfully punched his shoulder and continued walking towards the plushie section. VR-LA simply sighed and shook his head with a grin of his own as he followed her. 
“NOW THIS - is a proper gift!” If Dani’s boots hadn’t been peeking out between the legs of the massive teddy bear VR-LA would have walked right past and searched for where Dani was hiding. She pushed aside the head of the giant plushie and grinned at her best friend like it was already Christmas and she was the one opening gifts. “And it even comes with different bows so we can get one for each of them!” 
 “Yeah you are right, that is a great gift! Even if they can use them as beds. ” VR-LA laughed heartily as he picked up the second bear and disappeared behind it. 
 They lugged both of the bears to the check out, drawing a couple weird glances without noticing them. “Any idea how to wrap these?“ VR-LA asked once they had somehow stuffed the two giant bears into the backseat of his car.
“Lots and lots of wrapping paper, a metric ton of tape and of course a nice sprinkle of mad genius by me!” Dani said with a wide grin.
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become-a-robot · 2 months ago
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Oh my god this proposal for a tmbg songbook from a 2006 email that was ultimately abandoned. I would have KILLED for that thing!!!!!
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marlynnofmany · 5 months ago
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Me: *tells a roomful of people about my adventures in marketing my books, which includes an enthusiastic description of my time on Tumblr*
Me: *wonders an hour later what I've reblogged recently, in case they look me up*
My Tumblr: "All good, boss. Aliens, words, fae bargains and humans being weird about food."
Me: "Oh good."
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kyouka-supremacy · 1 month ago
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(╥﹏╥)
#We've had our yearly secret santa gifts exchange at my dorm and I've been gifted the first volume of Beast 😭😭😭😭😭#I'm crying forever. This december marks three years since I've watched the first b/sd episode#and yet this is the first time I actually own a b/sd manga volume. Like I own it and I can read it whenever I want!!! How cool is that!!!!!#Like there's so many Akutagawa images in it!!!! It's insane!!!!!!!! AND IT'S BEAST AT THAT#I'm deeply moved because I never spoke about it to virtually anyone here (at my dorm)?#Like I suppose a bunch of people vaguely know I like anime but only a couple of close friends know I like. Like-like reading manga lol.#And the person who gifted it DEFINITELY didn't know I like anime in general much less b/sd specifically much less Beast in particular!!!!!#I'm 100% sure (they just arrived this year and we hadn't even had that much occasions to talk to each other).#Which means they went through the trouble of gathering intel from my close friends about what I like and actually follow through‚#seek for the specific manga in a comic store etc... It's such a nice gesture I'm so heartwarmed.#And of course I'm glad for every gift I've received in the last years (genuinely)‚ but the fact that this was the most *specific* to what–#I like. It makes it so special! They were so kind.#There must be one (1) person in this whole 60 people dorm who knows I like Beast–#(that would be the girl who introduced b/sd to me in the first place) and the fact that they asked them for it...#I feel both very grateful and lucky lol#When I unwrapped it!!! Like I thought it was just a random book which would have been nice but like!!!!!#When I actually saw through the thin paper the cover!!!! The scream I screamed in my head#Anyways!!!! I own a b/sd manga now!!!!! I've only got time to go through the first chapter so far but it's suchhhh an experience.#It's like reading it for the first time again 😭😭😭 Half because the translation is so much different than the English one lol.#And I basically know the English version by heart. Half because I never saw this kind of high quality!!!!! It's!!!!! Insane!!!!! Like!!!!!!#I'm crying 😭😭😭 The drawings are so sharp and crisp (in the good way). The lines are so clean there's no disturbance at all#I literally never saw anything so good in my life I'm crying a little. I'm so so glad they blessed me with Beast specifically#The takebon edition is pretty cheap (it's just planet manga so there's no color illustrations or dust cover or anything unfortunatelly.#But to make up for it the volumes are significantly cheaper then let's say J-Pop)#There's also some unique typesetting choices? The text from the book-like boxes is in lowercase which is interesting!#Initially I thought I wouldn't have liked the translation (opening it randomly there was Akutagawa saying “crepa!” (“die!”) to Dazai in ch1#Which was kinda jarring since it's very low register and everyone knows Akutagawa has very complex speech patterns.)#But actually reading it I'm really enjoying the translation so far!!!!#There's so many choices that made me grasp details I actually missed all the times I've read the English translation.#That is to say! Very excited to read it!!!! Will probably make a review / translation commentary if I can find the time!!!!!
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al-luviec · 3 months ago
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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iwoulddieforienzo · 1 year ago
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Something that makes reading TOA so devastating is how fucking much Apollo feels about Everything. There’s so MUCH. Like I don’t even know how to describe it to you if you haven’t read the books yourself. He has so many complicated thoughts and emotions about just about everything and he cares about everything so much and there is just SO MUCH going on in his head. And yet none of it ever reaches his mouth!!
He almost never says what he’s feeling. What little comes out of his mouth about his thoughts barely even scratches the surface of what he actually means. Like he’ll be having a long ass monologue about how incredible someone is, showing a deep understanding of them as a person and empathizing with them so hard you’d almost think it’s projection but it’s not he’s legitimately just mind melding with this random person he met like a week ago and he’s thinking the softest, kindest thoughts about them like he knows they’re fucking incredible - and what comes out of his mouth is just like, “you’re a wonderful friend :)” AND ITS LIKE. THERES SO MUCH MORE UNDER THE SURFACE. the sheer admiration and adoration he has for everyone around him……… UGHHH!!! But he never VOICES ANY OF IT!!!!!! He never tells anyone about what Zeus did to him……. He never tells anyone except the reader about his realization that Zeus is abusive…. He never even tells commodus about how much he adored him, not then and not now… he refuses to tell anyone when he’s in pain or tries to justify the things he does when he actually had Decent Reasons for why he did something… I’m. I’M. AUGH. AHHHHH
HE DOESN’T EVEN TELL US ALL OF HIS THOUGHTS IS THE THING. THERES EVEN MORE THAT HE IS NOT TELLING US!!!!! THE FUCKING OCEAN OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS HE HAS ABOUT EVERYTHING IS THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION. I AM IN DISTRESS.
And YET…. Even what slips out of his mouth is so fucking devastating it is SO devastating. He’s so fucking kind and gentle with Harley and Meg and and other younger Demis and his kids… he’ll act like an obstinate idiot and then turn around say something that drags the core of the person he’s talking to into the light like nail on the fucking HEAD like he reached into their soul and gave them the words to express something that they were struggling to say aloud or that they didn’t even realize about themself. Around the 2nd book he starts putting voice to some of his feelings and thoughts about others and even that tiny fucking sliver is overwhelming to the people he’s talking to bc he’s SO. AUGHHHH
#this is why ‘reading the TOA books’ fics fucking slap btw. because as embarrassing as his thoughts can be#so many of them are just incoherent screaming about how he loves everyone around him. devastating#like imagine helping out ur loser deadbeat dad who you don’t really know much about bc he’s flighty and hard to read#and finding out ‘wow he cares about us a lot more than I thought’#bc he literally almost dies to save you/your siblings and keeps following you all around everywhere#but he’s still like. your weirdo absentee dad. u don’t know hardly anything new about him other than an apparent suicidal streak#and then u find out that the whole time he was whining about chicken nuggets or whatever he was internally sobbing abt how much he loves u#and every time u were nearby he was going ‘MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY… JUST AS INCREDIBLE AS THEIR MORTAL PARENT!!!! BEAUTIFUL LIKE THE SUN!#HOW DID I EVEN MAKE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY. UNREAL. THEY CANT BE MINE!? BUT THEY ARE!!! LOOK AT THEMMM!!?!!! IM SO PROUD……#my beautiful perfect angels… all of their parents best traits and none of our worst…. I am Barely restraining myself from sobbing#i would give u the WORLD if my father wouldn’t kill me for it :(‘#and it’s like. wow. okay dad. um. would have been nice to know that when we were all dying in The War#Please Hug Me Though.#imagine being a Random Ass Demigod who didn’t go on a big special quest or something like you are literally just Some Guy#and finding out that this weirdo loser god u gave a sandwhich to or something thinks you are so fucking cool#your own parent doesn’t know ur name but Apollo knows u on sight and read ur soul within the 2 seconds yall talked and he thinks you rock#how are you supposed to respond to that.#snack time#toa#longpost
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mcalhenwrites · 5 months ago
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I'm not going to pretend it doesn't make me angry that I spend months and years trying to peddle my work to make ends meet, that I spend so much time mentioning my books and comms and everything, and people ignore that consisently... But the moment I finally break under the hopelessness - when it's obvious that it's fucking futile, that almost no one deems my work good enough to share with anyone else - suddenly they're concerned and scolding me. I'm working several jobs, bathing, generally keeping things clean, and I do this with several health problems including chronic pain. I found out that one of my cysts is growing and I may need to have it surgically removed. Which means potentially missing work to recover. Which means more money I lose. I spend so much time crawling out of the hole and it goes ignored, but the moment I just give up bc I don't have any strength left, suddenly that's my fault and I'm mentally sick. And that kind of makes me wish my entire situation upon people, and when they whine that it's hard, well fuck you, you thought I could ace it so surely you can, babe! I hate being angry about this, but it's just so exhausting to tell people who accuse me of not trying that I HAVE I HAVE SO FUCKING HARD AND YOU DID NOT PAY ATTENTION THEN Or you know you're attempting to gaslight me by claiming I didn't try despite that I obviously have worked my ass off trying, and that's so much fucking worse
#mcalhen personal#and I'm not saying I'm not mentally ill but ffs stop using it as a weapon to discredit people when they have the solutions right there#feels like people hate my writing and me and that's why I didn't go “I got the job” bc friends who never support me would be like#“I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU CONGRATS” cool I'm not I spend an entire day usually recovering from very calm shifts at a job I like#but the moment I publish a book it's not congrats it's I don't know this guy I don't know Cal and I'm gonna pretend I never saw anything#I don't even hate my goddamn job even tho it can be stressful but it's the easiest thing for mostly just 2 days a week#but it is not sustainable and I cannot survive on this and disability would be invasive as hell and y'all don't know shit about how they#treat disabled people in this country but goddamn I have watched that shit unfold with my autistic brother who can't work#and I can never help him at this rate#bc I can't help myself#I can't help anyone#and saying that is a big fucking issue with people who think if they say 'it gets better keep going' I'll magically unfuck my life#as if I haven't spent the entirety of my life trying to unfuck things#as if I didn't give myself an education in spite of my family#y'all never been threatened with physical violence bc you weren't supposed to ask for school supplies and it fucking SHOWS#I have learned so many things on my own time out of sheer desire to better myself and my situation#but at a point where nothing works out and each day is just filled with more bad news#at what point am I actually allowed to give up?#or am I supposed to just keep this up until I die with 40 more years of collected bullshit pain#bc if you want me to live like this for 40 years then... you never cared at all#and what's so stupid is that I really want to earn my living by doing the work#I work on my art and writing but let's just admit that it's pathetic already#no mental health services or pills will erase that I'm a pathetic garbage can of uselessness#also I realize no one owes me anything like boosting my work or w/e#but also don't ask me to turn rotten ingredients into a feast and say I'm not trying when I can't fucking do it
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chiropteracupola · 1 year ago
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interesting how the internet archive has the eagle of the ninth as a tv series from the seventies and as a radio program from 2010 and as the full text of the book in FRENCH... but not the original book :(
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clownsnake · 8 months ago
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I don’t think hyeonseong needed to remember dokja’s order to think about him if something goes wrong. I think he’s just always thinking abt dokja
and I love him for that
#Loyal puppy man#going post#Orv#‘Hey can you hit me again? and do it really hard’ kinky#‘no wait. just kill me right now’ UM. I RESCIND THAT LAST STATEMENT.#I don’t remember what his new attribute is how is dokja gonna cheat death this time#HYEONSEONG CHARACTER PROGRESSION FUCKING FINALLY#I’ve missed him…. deprogram your military propaganda boy itll be good for you#‘There is no third option this time’ ok my first instinct was to take him at face value but dokja is always planning and scheming so#maybe he’s just saying that so hyeonseong will make his own third option out of determination.#to teach him to like… not rely on dokja so much#maybe not the best phrasing but I think u get my point#next episode and I’m immediately confirmed right. AWESOME but also#Would have been nice to have delayed that gratification for a bit#let me step into a side character’s pov for a moment instead of having dokja tell me everything#‘I thought you considered me the standard you should strive for. If so then do as I say!’ ‘That’s not the kind of book I want to go by!’#YEAHHHHH HYEONSEONG!!!! MAKE YOUR OWN BOOK! GET THAT CHARACTER GROWTH#‘I see. Well done.’ Dokja you want to be a constellation so bad#It’s already been confirmed tht that’s his goal but it’s been so obvious for a while#Like he keeps putting himself in mentor roles all the time. n constellations aren’t necessarily as close mentors as dokja has been#But they’re still essentially That#WAH HIS HANDS?? HUH???#yeah yeah uh huh I was right dokja was helping hyeonseong learn his lesson on his own also HIS HANDS?????#*HIS ARMS???* GUYS.#‘until the scenario reaches an apocalypse’ bestie ur already in an apocalypse#Ofmy god he has to melt and then cool down a thousand times? what the hell#HUIWON CHARACTER PROGRESSION TOO?? YIPPEE!!!!!#aww a hug……. Even though he must be fucking scorching hot…. How sweet ^_^#and hyeonseong was so polite too he’s such a sweetie#oh I was confused for a second but he literally snuffed the flame! smart
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bending-sickle · 10 months ago
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if i had a printer i would be unstoppable
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