#but ive learned so much about myself

[wylansworkshop]

Realizing you have ocd is so wild bc like what?? I thought that was normal anxiety

[littlecutiexox]

I’m so happy with how much I’ve improved my relationship with food

[mestos]

discord was down so i was left alone with my brainrot

[rapidhighway]

venting like an idiot

the main reason i dont wanna go back to uni is that i feel like i've completely embarrassed myself last year. idk, i feel horrified at the thought of returning and looking these people in the eye. i didn't do anything, i was lazy and barely finished my projects and the only way to redeem myself somehow would be to come back with some new energy and work hard. i didn't even really get a job this summer because i really wanted to rest, cause i thought i would drop out. and i just feel worse, i feel even more tired

[spaghett-onaplate]

depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed

[kkoct-ik]

the lesser known did symptom of not knowing anything about your life because not only do you not remember anything (and the memories you Do have are heavily fragmented so you have no idea when they occured), but you also consistently destroy all traces of yourself during dissociative episodes. rip every diary ive tried to keep and almost every social media account. i will never know what i got up to or who i was during those years

i have a spreadsheet i use for documenting memories that turn up before i can forget them again. where i also do my best to estimate what year or season or month they came from. but its all just such a mess. even 2021 onwards which are supposed to be my therapy years are very very patchy. i wish i could just know my life

[perilegs]

i miss horses

[theygender]

This is your sign to get back into playing that video game that you love but put down a long time ago and never picked back up again for no discernable reason

[isa-ah]

sometimes growing out your hair IS the answer

[crispyjenkins]

i drive myself absolutely bananas, because the writing i'm most proud of? that i love even more than anything i've done for star wars (except maybe dha kar'ta) or any other fandom i've posted for in the decade and a half i've been writing? that i want to share more than anything? unfinished witcher fics. over 80,000 words spread over a few stories, not including the thousands of words of the quick notes/ideas i have for even more stories and i love them so much. but if i post them before they're finished i'm never gonna finish them, or at least that's what it feels like. i haven't worked on any of them in months, but have put dozens and dozens of hours into plotting and timeline-ing and researching. i want to share them and brag about them and collaborate on them, but also like. i'm definitely a star wars blogger. i follow like three witcher blogs and none of them are active anymore, and i don't particularly want to make a witcher blog. and the unfinished stories on my ao3 already give me so much anxiety

but it also just leaves me sittin here on my own vibrating out of my skin with no outlet

[mrtreesnek]

When people think about wasps, they tend to think violent and aggressive. That's not entirely their fault, the general media and their friend's accounts usually paint the same picture.

I've come to see them quite differently though.

Like with most insects, they're more scared of humans than we ever could be of them. Humans are such big creatures that could crush them and their hive in an instant. The worst a wasp could do to a human is sting them, or cause an allergic reaction if they're unlucky.

It's important to understand that the wasp is only defending, it can't understand the difference between getting close because of fascination, or because of hunger.

Wasps think differently than humans, they have a more prominent expression of fight or flight, life or death. Because they still have predators, they have to.

This is commonly misinterpreted. It's hard to not think of wasps as constantly hostile when across all planes of communication they're being demonized.

I believe a key to making sense of their actions is understanding their viewpoint.

In the wild, a solitary wasp sits on her carefully constructed nest. She doesn't understand why she's brightly colored, yellows allowing sharp contrast to black, she just knows it works.

The warning colors keep some predators away from her fragile hive where her young will soon grow.

When a perceived predator ignores the warning, when they get too close, she springs into action with her world renowned stinger. She can't afford to lose her hive. Of course she could always make a new one, but that would take precious time and resources, and her larvae need that time.

When she's successfully driven the attacker away, she returns to her hive. She has protected it.

She doesn't understand when the hive begins shaking, why it resents and shames her. They were trying to hurt the hive, why does it now defend their actions?

She won, why does it shake and sob?

Her hive expresses its sadness in how she defends, how it wishes they weren't alone anymore. How could she not have noticed? The defense of her hive was only hurting it more.

The isolation, she realized, forcing people away when they get too close; she was falsely identifying dangers.

Of course, she still needed help identifying who to attack and who not to, she learned to recognize threats from attempts at friendship..

As they focus less on defense, and more on the hives daily life, she realizes there's more than just life and death, predator and prey.

When she steps down and lets her hive express itself—himself—she learns more about him, about friendship and how proud she feels defending others from genuine threats. Together, they both grow and find happiness.

She understands how much easier it is for him to focus on his learning, how much he enjoys it now.

^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°

its too direct, and incorrect to say i am the wasp.

i am like her hive, the wasp is my subconscious,my illness ,my disorder, she wont be going away, so i have to work with her. She wont abandon her hive, but she can defend him properly.

^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°

I'm not diagnosed, and im not going to fight about having this disorder,

but I can say my favorite phrase. "If the coping mechanisms help, then it doesnt matter if you're diagnosed or not" i dont remember where it came from 😭.

^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°

i also have this metaphor i found from Nerium-Lemontree

the leashed dog, angry and misunderstanding.. i think they both make a lot of sense,

^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°

sharing my midnight chant about this too.

through stigmatism and shame, hardship and relapse, i will persevere

i will succeed.

through breakups and fading friends, splitting and coping,

ill be okay, because of my will to stay alive, my will to keep going, to spite everyone around me, because i love to explore, because i love to understand.

(thats why i love star trek so much)

i can walk away, i can hide, but i wont back down,

it is hard to remember when im in the depths of it. but things that stick in my mind i will always remember

things my best friend says to me,

"i do care about you, I don’t hate you, I like talking it out and being able to understand you”

^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

the amount of effort that goes into figuring out what to cook and eat every day is RIDICULOUS. i used to think people were so weird and boring for eating the same thing every single day but it truly does make life so much easier

[britneyshakespeare]

My toxic trait is that I like how my incomplete drawings look better than the finished things

[puppyeared]

adhd comix

[jils-things]

this feels too soon to say because its still not well over a month that i started uni but like...

im quite happy by how things are going now- it doesn't feel all too restrained unlike my past school years. and apart from that, i feel a lot more independent being able to travel miles away from my home which has been my biggest anxiety as i got older. just the fear of getting lost spooks me a whole lot! even if i'm travelling through a planned route, going all by myself is probably the bravest thing i did this year and i say this as an introvert who doesn't go out all too often

[jessiescock]

I can't rb these country quizzes anymore it's too embarrassing how bad i am like i won't deny that im no geography expert and all but it's like. Im so bad at listing stuff when prompted like that like for the first one with all the countries of the world i forgot that france existed.. been there a million times i have french relatives im fucking obsessed with so many french things and yet. I forgor