#to keep it all to myself
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i drive myself absolutely bananas, because the writing i'm most proud of? that i love even more than anything i've done for star wars (except maybe dha kar'ta) or any other fandom i've posted for in the decade and a half i've been writing? that i want to share more than anything? unfinished witcher fics. over 80,000 words spread over a few stories, not including the thousands of words of the quick notes/ideas i have for even more stories and i love them so much. but if i post them before they're finished i'm never gonna finish them, or at least that's what it feels like. i haven't worked on any of them in months, but have put dozens and dozens of hours into plotting and timeline-ing and researching. i want to share them and brag about them and collaborate on them, but also like. i'm definitely a star wars blogger. i follow like three witcher blogs and none of them are active anymore, and i don't particularly want to make a witcher blog. and the unfinished stories on my ao3 already give me so much anxiety
but it also just leaves me sittin here on my own vibrating out of my skin with no outlet
#delete later#cj rambles#i dunno y'all just#mutuals and long time followers know how much i love obi wan kenobi#now imagine i loved jaskier indescribably MORE than that#and i've made so many revisions of the beginnings n such when i've added or changed the lore or learned new things#so like ive also really fallen in love with making a work complete before posting so i don't have to retcon or just settle for old ideas#does that make sense?#but fuck i love these works of mine so much and sharing has been an intrinsic part of my writing and storytelling for so long that it's har#to keep it all to myself#but i have no fandom friends#blehh just really feelings the like toddler-level overhwelm of emotions about how much i love what i do and how i do it#but also hating how i do it
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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THAT'S A LOTTA DAMAGE (emotional damage that is)
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
#undertale#deltarune#undertale fanart#deltarune fanart#comic#crossover#utdr#crossover comic#twin runes#twin runes comic#twin runes au#art#my art#susie deltarune#chara#you thought we were done with the trauma?#I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED#i had this idea of mind-reading parasites that take the form of the traditional comedy masks for a while now#originally they were more sack shaped#they were based on the bags of dirt in asgore's store#mainly because I wanted to call em “sad sacks”#but then I questioned myself why they should be here of all places#I then turned them into the kinda clamps that keep glass displays together and stable#because that is what the labyrinth is#it's the glass display in asgore's shop
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -
I am fine with "the audience" -
downloading my fics
printing my fics
copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics
sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3
making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss
doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc
I am not fine with "the audience"
doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity
feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever
Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.
Enjoy the fandom things.
#fanfic#ao3#archive of our own#fandom things#tumblr things#i may have said this at some point#i'm sure i have#but whatever - just in case#i don't say this with the presumption that i'm so amazing and people are clamoring to save my fics#but just if anyone is so inclined that's all#ftr i don't intend on ever removing my fics from ao3 or deleting fandom things from this blog#i've always shared my fandom things with the intent of keeping them shared bc that's the whole point of posting#but the fandom atmosphere and ao3 constantly being under attack who knows what can happen#not that this applies to anyone but should all else fail you can also reach out to me and i will personally give you a copy#at least of fics bc i save everything#not so much the tumblr things but this is a good reminder to myself that i should do that for the things i care about#that i've made or done and only posted here#anyway sorry i have now used up my quota of the putting words into sentences doing for today#i have plans to stare into the void now
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It's still surprising to see people say that when they see the upcoming strike post I made that this is the first time they're hearing about it, especially because I've seen several posts now talking about the same strike.
That being said: regardless of what kind of blog you are, please spread the news about the genocide, the strikes, boycotts, etc.
Even if you are a small blog, spreading word allows for more people to know what's going on and also do their part in protests and strikes, and maybe even the right people will be able to do more than what you're able to do.
And reminder: there is an upcoming strike on February 18th-25th. Prepare accordingly, protest, boycott, call your reps, and spread the word so more people are aware.
#ceasefire now#free palestine#palestine#it still stuns me because i can count maybe 3 different posts myself included that has all the information about the strikes#and just this morning someone rb mine saying this is the first time theyre hearing of it#do you see why its important to keep talking?#i'm not going to apologize for suddenly posting this midway through clearing my likes. it's important#free gaza#gaza#congo#free congo
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I really feel tremendous grief for friendships that kind of petered away in the face of life's currents. There are people with whom I formed deep, unique, vibrant, life-changing connections, and then we had to go our separate ways and it was too hard to maintain long-distance. There wasn't a fight, it just sort of faded. And I feel like I have more friendships like this than friendships that have endured, so maybe I just have to get used to it. But if grief is all the love we have left over - well, I never did get to finish loving them. I love them, and I miss them, and I probably always will.
#this is a lot#but i just keep finding myself deeply grieving so many past friendships#that are maybe beyond rekindling#but that were so deeply special and important to me at the time#damn#i just hope they're all well and i wish we could hang out
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Animation based on this gorgeous animatic that I kept rewatching for 2 months (and finally gave up) made by @wolfythewitch
#animation tag#I had no idea about the epic story#I did know plenty about it only because of the animatic artists and some others#But I dearly love the music itself creators behind it and all fan content that goes beyond imagination#epic the musical#I couldn't calm down before finish it and even then forgot to add some “shiny” on gold parts but bahhh#my hand is already burning too hard from this week#I keep rewatching some epic animatics like crazy#I keep rewatching a lot of animatics like crazy actually#I wish I had 10 clones of myself to animate them all
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sry i have chronic only draws megumi disorder the doctor said it's terminal :/
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#fanart#jjk fanart#megumi#me: 'i like yuuji and megumi Equally :)' also me:#i cant help it hes so fun to draW hes so easy to draw i love you i love you i love youuuuuu#also this is kiiind of me making good on that poll i did forever ago saying id draw catboys . so as promised here is A Catboy :3#hes sooooo meowmeow hes so gd CUTE god i love . fushiguro mEGUMI#to b fair i Do like yuuji and megu equally ffgsdjfdjh#sometimes u just gotta spend the whole entire day fully rendering what was supposed to be a megu sketch sheet#but now it is . just a char sheet by talos this cant keep happening#this all started bc i still want to practice/tweak the way i draw faces but it would appear i cannot control myself#also been loving drawing the cat megumi plush gddff fushiguro mewgumi is my favourite animal crossing villager#anyway so much for working on speed this was a fun 10 hours#its ok . i do it fr him <3 geto voice i dont mind being killed by you
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i’m mad this is my most liked post right now so look at my cat instead lol
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edit (10/23/2024) now that the poll is over: Original version, with 10 questions, from April 2023 here
And, given that the original is from April 2023, that means I can very easily say:
No, this was not an ISAT reference!
Just because I use parentheses and 2nd person pov and love the same concepts of what a time loop can do to a person doesn't mean it's ISAT
(Yes, I like ISAT, the original poll is why I was recommended the game! But if you look at the original, you can see all the origins of the options to choose from, including what spurred me on with the moss option from the replies)
If I were going to make something for ISAT, I would never be so vague, you can simply look at my ao3 for proof of that
#egg speaks#writing#polls#my writing#egg writes#my polls#poetry#time loops#listen I want to run this again#time loop poll#<- check that tag on my blog for the original 10 option version lmao#unreality#you know I didn't think I'd get fed up with people making isat jokes about this#I thought it'd be like oh hey neat same hat#we both like the same game#but people keep going “oh this is JUST an ISAT reference”#as if it's not a genuine work of creativity I did myself. it feels a bit devaluing#“op you played isat” yes but that came after the original!!!!!#I KNOW it's not meant like that but I want people to engage in my work as its own thing. you can make jokes about similar media!!!#but this is it's own thing!!!!#I want people to like it for what it is. I want people to enjoy it outside of other media. I want it to stand on its own#I'm flattered someone said it was good enough that they think it could be narration from the game and read just as well!!!!#but like. idk. all the other medias popping up (pmmm. orv. higurashi. etc) aren't people calling it a /reference/#if I wanted it to be an ISAT reference I would have tagged it originally. I would have targeted it toward ISAT fans more intentionally.#I love fanworks but this was an ode to time loops alone. I wanted people to think. to have to CHOOSE. I wanted PARTICIPATION#time loops as a narrative and as horror and as a group activity via polls on tumblr. also s/o to the person who said 40 hr work week so tru
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#keep hearing all this new shit spotify is adding and it makes me wanna start killing#personal#spotify#edit: @ people asking about videos#at least on mobile itll play the music videos to popular songs and is also rolling out video podcasts#havent looked at them myself but got damm there are ads for it
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summore misc NU doodles
#nicktoons unite#danny phantom#jimmy neutron#spongebob squarepants#the fairly oddparents#dewdles#i didnt forget to post on tumblr this time i just..... procrastinated#i keep reminding myself all the time but id always be like 'ill do it tomorrow' *does not do it tomorrow*
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i miss them......please come back........please come home :((
#this one goes out to the ten knkdz stans left on bsd tumblr wya#ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE IVE DRAWN THEM I MISS THEM SO BAD :(((#please......i dont knkw how much longer i can take this.......please come home to me......#i'm literally experiencing withdrawal symptoms they've been apart for like SEVEN years#ALSO I KEEP FORGETTING KUNIS GLASSES IM FUCKING KILLING MYSELF ISTG IT DOESNT REGISTER IN MY BRAIN FSR😭😭😭😭😭😭#also one thing i noticed while coloring this is how nicely their outfits compliment each other. husbands fr <3#sry if the art style is different in every drawing i drew these all weeks apart💀#kunikida doppo#doppo kunikida#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#lotus draws
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a redraw of the first drawing i posted here to celebrate the fact that ive been in tumblr for more than a whole year posting my shit and havent deleted my blog in panic yippee \:D/ (mushy rant in tags)
#i realised too late that it has been more than a fuking year (august 9)#and for context: ive had 3 different intagram art accounts and i deleted all 3 of them a few months before creating them. anxiety amiright#here it has been so different bc people are so nice??? it has been a pretty plesant experience here w all of u really#im so glad to have found myself in such a wonderful part of the fandom and amazing mutuals that i never talk to bc im shit w texting#the atention has been overwhelming ngl. i have over 2000 followers which. holy fuck???#it doesnt feel like a real number and for my own sake im nnot gonna treat it as one#like i apreciate the support and ppl liking what i do but im not here to make number go big yk? im here to connect w other humans#and yall have been amazing humans ^^ thank u for all the wonderful tags and comments and the support overall#it has been so cool sharing my art and finding other artist whom i respect oh so very much. some of them even follow me back wtf#i hope to continue being here for as long as i can and keep growing as an artist and sharing that process with other without fear#also my amy redesign actually goes so hard idk why i forgot about it nxnfbcncb#sth#sonic fanart#sonic#amy rose#nov.aart#nov.junk
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looking for someone on Tatooine
#commander cody#coday#cody day 2224#codywan#tatooine husbands#looking for obi-wan obviously DUH#ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR CODAY????#I've overdone myself and drawn THREE pieces for today like what????#I did not think I'd get them all done but somehow I did#I'll post them all during this day with little gaps in between#cody my beloved#I gotta say#I've never drawn as good looking rocks as I did here#the ones Cody's sitting on like#THEY AREN'T EVEN THAT GOOD but I suck at any type of background shit so I'm so happy they look decent hahaha#I also live for scavenger/ rebel/ hobo -outfit Cody#and also that he still keeps some parts of his armor#just to be able to kick ppl and droids if the need arises ofc#I love Cody so much I'm so ready for today#star wars#my arts
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Current WIP
#keep going back and forth on the injuries#kinda already feel like I’ve traumatized myself enough#kinda wanna completely cover jeans face in blood#all for the game#jean moreau#aftg#the sunshine court#the foxhole court#fanart#riko moriyama#tetsuji moriyama#the ravens#edgar allan ravens#the nest#my fanart
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