#but ive gained muscle
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I’m so happy with how much I’ve improved my relationship with food
#ive loved and learned so many new recipes lately#been trying out different things every week#trying to find healthy alternatives#but also allowing myself to have treats and snacks when i crave them#ive not been labelling food as avoid anymore#i enjoy it when i want it#just make sure everything in moderation#my protein oat cheesecake is by far mh favourite recipe iv learned honestly the best breakfast#but considering my issue with binge eating or not eating enough am really happy im finding a balance lately#its been nice to eat and enjoy food#i know with me gaining 16kg in the last year i was really freaked about food#but ive gained muscle#good weight#i am healthy#just because the number went up#it doesnt mean its a bad thing#but yeah ive been doing so good with it and having so much veg protein and loving the carbs#im so glad food isnt scary anymore 🥰
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tw disordered eating (not in explicit detail)
Whenever i write Yusuke and his relationship w the thieves, i try to emphasize that Yusuke was in a really really Really bad space not only mentally (like the others) but physically; hes bone-stick thin and you can feel his ribs jutting out if you go for a hug. Hes a bit gaunt in the face and hes got next to no muscle mass. He tires easily and hes kind of a shit fighter bc of it. The metaverse fills in the gaps a little bit, but his body is still very frail and unprepared to transition to an active lifestyle after years of surviving off of such a bare bones calorie diet. For my Akira, it is the driving force behind wanting to takedown Madarame; hes a sucker for a pretty face but hes also unable to look away from someone actively wasting away because of the actions of their guardian.
If any of them try to mention Yusukes physical state or diet, he often deflects, angrily, reminding them that he is abnormally tall, and that that obviously contributes to his thin (frail) stature. Its very hard to get him to eat while theyre in saferooms, and he often lags behind while exploring the museum. He cant stay in combat for too long, and at some point, Akira debates if he should even allow Yusuke to stay on the team; if he passed out or Worse under Akiras watch, hed never forgive himself.
BUT. As the thieves gain his trust, Yusukes a bit more willing to indulge them. He learns quickly that they arent pitying him like he initially assumed (he is far too aware of how much he feels like hes neglected his own body; and how others can easily see that neglect). They routinely eat and hang together bc thats just how they bond, and theyre just trying to invite him into their circle properly. Akira has zero experience w this kind of thing, but Ryuji and Ann are athletes and models respectively; theyre both in fields that encourage that kind of self destructive behavior, and they have some kind of insight into how to avoid falling for those same traps, and helping people who Do end up in those scenarios.
(Anns parents, despite their absence, do their best to prepare her for how cutthroat the modeling world is; to keep her from developing the kind of habits and mindsets that let young men and women destroy themselves. ESPECIALLY bc my Ann is a plus sized model. And Ryuji, as a promising track star, would know how bad it can get for professional athletes, the lengths at which theyd go to maintain their positions and ability to compete. Hes a gym rat who loves food and nutrition and knows what he needs to keep himself fit, and thats all he really needs)
They cant feed Yusuke the way they WANT to bc hes already so thin, so they just let him take from their plates to sample things and let him feel included. He starts taking up Ryujis offers to go get meals together, even is Ryuji ends up taking almost an entire extra serving home as takeout. He lets Ann drag him away to the crepe shop and her other little snack havens, even if he only leaves w a small chocolate of sorts to take home. He lets Akira make coffee and curry for them to split when he comes to Leblanc. And maybe he lets Sojiro cook a full plate for him to take back home to eat at his leisure and away from prying eyes. Yusuke goes from bitter to extraordinarily fond rather quick, and he finds himself angry that this is yet another thing Madarame has stolen from him.
By Futabas palace, hes filled out enough that Akira doesnt immediately panic when Yusuke gets tossed onto the floor by some brute of a shadow, worried that hed shattered every goddamn bone in his body on impact. He doesnt have any real muscle by any means but his face has the faintest bit of cheek fat that Ann is able to pinch w her evil little hands, and when he looks in the mirror, the ribs peek out but they dont jut out. His breathing is better, his skin is just Pale and not Ghostly white, hes got a healthy flush when he laughs at Akiras stupid puns, and he finds himself allocating a bit more of his budget towards stocking his fridge. Sometimes, Akira can even convince him to people-watch out in the sun instead of in the subway tunnels.
At some point, Yusuke becomes very vocal about things he wants, but importantly, about Food he wants. He will eagerly allow his friends to treat him if they ask, and he picks whatever sounds nice to his ears or whatever Ann and Ryuji recommend him. Part of it is due to him feeling safe enough to ask for such things; the thieves kinda laugh about his eccentricity and forwardness, but Akira, Ann and Ryuji know how different and comfortable this Yusuke is compared to the one they met. Its silly but its good; he gets to act like this bc the thieves let him be forward- they let him voice his wants and needs without a fight.
By post game, hes got the barest hint of a tummy pouch, and Ann will attack it relentless with a firm poke whenever hes foolish enough to stretch and lift his shirt to expose it. She thinks its cute 😭 Shes really happy to see it, bc she thinks of Yusuke all skin and bones and angry and scared like a feral dog barking mad, lashing out at any help they offered and working himself sick (figuratively and literally) trying to help make things right. It makes her so sad recalling it, so she likes to remind herself that hes okay now, even if hes a little embarrassed by it. She knows Akira and Ryuji do the same, inviting Yusuke to hang and just see him w their Own eyes that hes better, and that they did the right thing by insisting he join their little ragtag group.
#persona 5#yusuke#long post#i loooooove him#inspired by vines post about characters gaining weight as they get older#its not EXACTLY the same but it reminded me that ive wanted to make a post about this for ages#yusuke and his frail lil hollow bird bones….#for perspective; i hc him as 6’4 to 6’6 (cant settle on one quite yet#or 193 to 198cm (assuming i converted it right)#so hes Very tall and extremely skinny. like Akira is 6’0 and even hes like bbygirl u are going to fly away in the wind#i think Yusuke will always be a little thin; as he gets older; his metabolism works as intended#but it just burns everything lighting fast.#the tummy pudge stays forever tho; fat does not stick anywhere else on his body but that little pudge and hes indifferent about it#no one can tell anyway since he wears these long and loose dress shirts#and he doesnt work out at ALL unlike the rest of the thieves (sans futaba)#so hell never really get any kind of muscle definition or even get closed to being toned#but thats better for him; he has better things to do than fret over his appearance#he has ART to make and friends to dine with
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what they don't tell you about going from no exercise to regular exercise is The Hunger
#every night no matter what i eat or when#i am STARVING trying to get to sleep and it keeps me awake#dammit DDR stop being so good for me#do you know how annoying and hard it is to increase my caloric intake enough to satisfy my stomach now#ive already gotten some great advice about this but ohhh my god.#i want to gain weight and muscle! i do!!! eating is great but it's so annoying sometimes!!!#now that my darling and i live together we're even cooking full meals with lots of protein#pretty regularly! WHY AM I STILL HUNGRYYYY 😭😭😭😭
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that one post is literally right. half of passing is eating
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since i started talking about calisthenics and the kind of exercise i do as a spoonie with a lot of chronic pain and bone/joint problems ive gotten a couple questions so i thought it might be helpful to make a post kind of outlining some basics that really helped me get started but that i think often get really overlooked when ppl first start thinking of "working out" and the preconceived notions of what abled society tells us that looks like
so for me its all about engaging ur muscles. this is huge because a lot of us, myself included, arent actually very used to actively engaging our muscles during rest. and what i mean by engaging is literally just having the muscle be active without being clenched up. the more u use a muscle, the more active it learns to be, even when sitting, lying down, or resting. it learns to stay engaged and stay doing its job which is holding ur bones together and ur body in the correct position. but if u arent engaging ur muscles consistently, they get used to being overly relaxed and lose strength and form and then struggle when u want to go and use them. this is often combined with poor posture and a huge problem for those of us whose bones and joints dont like to stay where they are and need extra support, as overly relaxed muscles have a more difficult time maintaining proper form and shape. this also makes everything from traditional exercise to just moving around doing daily tasks much more difficult and dangerous, as its way easier for bad form and posture to cause us injury or pain
but engaging ur muscles is actually a very easy and simple thing, it requires no equipment or special moves and can be done sitting, lying down, or standing up. u can do ur whole body all at once or break it up into different parts throughout the day. there's also variations to make it easier in places as u progress
easiest first step i found to get urself used to this is something called progressive muscle relaxation. which is literally just starting at the top of ur body and tensing and then relaxing each muscle group for a few seconds as u work ur way down. it's usually paired with meditation but u dont have to. i usually do it to music cause i find guided meditations boring. a lot of people like to do it either in the morning or right before bed, as it can often help relieve tension and stress and make it easier to fall asleep. there are basic guides like this one
when ur first starting if u want a little extra help identifying what and where ur muscles are so u know ur tensing the right ones in the right ways. once uve done those enough that things are easy, u can break it down even further and isolate more specific muscles and add those in as well. charts like these
where u look up specific muscle groups (in thise case shoulder/upper body muscle groups) can help u visualize exactly where ur muscles are, what directions they go in and what they're connected to, which can help u in understanding how to move and control them
understanding the muscles in ur body and having good control over each area can help so much more than u think when it comes to everyday things. slow, deliberate movement is really the key to that and once u get used to each muscle group and have identified which ones u want to work on, u can isolate those groups and start doing basic calisthenics.
a great resource for that is a channel like hybrid calisthenics which i really like for learning new exercises with lots of options for variations and low impact. his exercises almost always require no equipment, very little impact, and focus on control and stability which are much more beneficial and friendly for spoonies, chronically ill, and disabled people
but even if u dont want to or cant progress farther, simply engaging those muscles for a few minutes a days every day on its own will still help a lot and can make a big difference for some people
#jack.speaks#calisthenics#progressive muscle relaxation#pmr#hope that was helpful and if u have any other questions or want specific exercises i do and stuff let me know and i can post those too#also obligatory acknowledgement that this is obviously not going to work for everyone and not everyone can do these things#but it helped me a lot and ive gained a much larger range of motion and am in much less daily pain because of it
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so fucking upset. i looked up what's considered concerning weight loss and got a statistic. i looked up the same question but specified teens and i got a bunch of articles about how to lose weight. what the fuck
#tw weight loss#? idk if that tags necessary but better safe than sorry#past this point there is discussion of ARFID and stuff#LMFAO also ive had a medium to mild case of ARFID my entire life and no one noticed past concern for my pickiness#i say medium to mild because ive gotten better recently#i even ate half a bowl of the noodles i dont like the other day. AND they had been touched by shrimp & cabbage juice & soft peanuts#i mean i did drown them in soy sauce first and got nauseous thinking about it the rest of the day. but progress#i mean. im the type of person to skip a meal or barely eat because i dont like the food available or its too loud where i am#my adhd impacts it too like sometimes ill forget to eat or wont be able to make anything that day#but like goddamn. a growing child should be gaining weight. 'we should keep an eye on that' every single time and then no action#you know maybe thats part of why my body hurts sometimes and feels weird and shaky other times#its hard to tell based on how bony i am or whatever because i also naturally am a string bean and im not. like. starving myself#i get the same comments about how i should eat more and how im so skinny when im healthy and when im not#or i used to. people are generally less intrusive now that im older#gosh i need to flex my metaphorical brain muscles more i put way too much thought into the wording of this
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Not even on testosterone yet but somehow my boyfriend being on testosterone and socially transitioning more than ever has made me have the weirdest growing boy desires
#I ate a 10 oz steak in 10 minutes a few weeks ago and couldve gone for round 2 and ive never done this before😭#i also ate a whole salmon and have been gaining more muscle so much easier?? Its weird#Ive also been getting like insane hot flashes#Maybe this is all placebo but ive literally never felt like this before
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found out i weigh a LOT more than i thought i did. i know im losing weight but just knowing that im so fucking heavy makes me want to die.
#tw ana bløg#tw ed sheeran#tw ed but not sheeran#@na vent#anabllog#i know it's a mixture of fat and muscle#bc looking at me you would NOT think i weigh almost 400 fucking pounds#it's always been really easy for me to gain muscle#ive been noticing small things to indicate weight loss#but when i saw the scale at my appointment i completely broke down and started sobbing#i know muscle is heavier than fat#i know the number on the scale doesnt matter nearly as much as my physical looks#and i know my chubby stomach has been shrinking#but it all still makes me want to just end it all
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Working out has had such drastic effects on my mental health it’s crazy. Like not only do i not spiral anymore, even when my mood is neutral i still just feel happier. Having more confidence in myself has made the relationships I have with other ppl feel healthier
#and not much has even changed physically#if anything ive gained weight lol my pants feel tighter#but thats muscle baby 😈#im not rlly keeping track of my weight bc losing wasnt a goal and i think it’s unhealthy to focus on numbers
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I need to do edits again sometime soon or i might explode
#⚙️🥩.txt#still partially in the process of moving. im exhausted lol but i want to use what little energy i have#for myself more than anything i need that sweet hit of aggressive gender affirmation to get me thruuuu#but like. i feel creatively empty and drained lately. i feel drained in general. kind of just want to sleep for a month straight#hey on the plus i think moving has physically been enough of a toll i might be gaining muscle#and the amnt ive been eating to deal w the toll has made me gain weight so thats bonuses
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ill be skinny. it will happen. ive been trying for so long now. once it was just trying to eat less and be smaller but not much real focus on my physical appearance. now its all about that. 11 years of my ed and 7 years of wanting what i want now. i dont live with my parents anymore. i have more control. i will achieve it.
there was a time where id eat 300-700 consistently. ill get that back. i will.
#most of the years ive had an ed i had no access to a scale so it was very jard to track progress#maybe i did lie my ass off and fool ppl around me into thinking its actually healthier for me to have a scale bc ill restrict worse without#one which is half true. not that kts anyones right to make that choice at this point. at least not in 2 months when im 18 its not#part of the problem im having is i wanna be small but i have so little muscle that ill have to be very dangerously underweight to look even#close to how i want. many peoples ugws are under that line. mine was once. before i learned that its genuinely very very dangerous#and a lot of the people who look the way i wanna look are only just below that line which is where id like to be#they look that way bc they have more muscle. most ppl cant maintain a bmi of 14 or less for that long. eventually your body freaks out#ppl use instances like eugenia coonie as proof that you can actually do it but like. most peoples bodies wont hold out that long#and many of the ppl in thinspo pics eother only maintained it for a short bit before gaining or getting really sick or they weighed more#and had more muscle. and like. my goal isnt to be all bone. i dont wanna push it that far. bony people arent physically nice to hold anyway#i just wanna be light enough that somwone cpuld carry me and people might view me in a certain way#i wanna be seen as cute and fragile and shy and like. young and sweet. ots hard to explain exactly what i want peopel see see me like but i#want when people look at pictures or videos of me for them to think i look sweet and wanna be gantle and nice to me#and when i walk around places instead of seeing an awkward weirdo they see a timid cute girl whos really tiny and pretty#i know ill never be that but. maybe if i lose enough weight and dont have much acne and leave my hair down then maybe i can come close
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"You look like you lost weight! You look great!"
😭 I just put a tighter shirt on dawg
#WHY DO PEOPLE FEEL THE NEED TO ALWAYS COMMENT ON MY WEIGHT#OR APPEARANCE IN GENERAL#like shut up idc#oMg KeEp DoInG wHaT uR dOiNg To LoSe WeIgHt#i forgot to eat all day bro#i have unhealthy coping mechanisms bro#LIKE U DONT KNOW IF THE WEIGHT IM AT IS GOOD FOR ME ALL ANYONE WANTS ME TO DO IS LOSE WEIGHT#BITCH I LIKE MY BODY MOST DAYS#YES I PLAN ON LOSING WEIGHT BUT YOU MAKE IT SOUND BAD THAT I HAVE MEAT ON MY BONES#IVE SEEN THE WAY YOU EAT AND ITS WORSE THAN ME#BLAH BLAH BLAH I LOVE ME SOME CHUB#iDC IF U THINK ID BE PRETTIER WITH LESS WEIGHT#ILL STAY BIG CUZ I WANT TO BE#IM HEALTHY IM THRIVING UR JUST ADDING TO PEOPLE NEGATIVE SELFIMAGE#LETS TALK ABT HOW U EAT ONE DAINTY MEAL AND A FRUIT SLICE#like...dont comment on other ppls body UNLESS YOU KNOW THEYRE OK WITH IT#like my sister and i if we r actively tryna lose some weight or gain muscle we will comment on it#like oh have u been working out? or omg did you lose weight?#bc ik shes ok with us talking abt it that way and vice versa
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,
#body talk#tw tmi#complaining (tm)#im on lithium but also on two meds w appetite suppressants and my bmi is dipping fast as fuck#i can't eat when im anxious anymore lol#im not like..... dangerously thin i think? like i've always had a small frame so i don't look emaciated#and ik bmi isn't an accurate measure of health. but mine is 16.3 and dropping. which is a little worrisome#i haven't been doing much so im really shaky and i get tired super easy now and im not sure if that's bc of the weight or not#im the thinnest ive been since my mom started really trying to get me to gain in elementary school#and im afraid that bc of ballet i attach more importance to it than it deserves........#hopefully i can build some muscle once i get back on campus and start walking everywhere#anyways
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if one more person calls me a twink i will literally shit on your feet
this guy right here? he does NOT want to be a twink he wants big beefy muscles and hes trying to get that so everyone SHUT THE FUCK UPP
#╰➝ felix's yap session ☆#gay#gay thoughts#transmaculine#transmasc#trans#gender dysphoria#transgender#this applies to everyone but ESPECIALLY ppl ive met recently#like its actually very dysphoric to be called a twink gang i fucking hate it#im literally gonna go insane like im working out im eating more im tryna gain weight n muscle but my bodys not rlly built for that
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As an afab nonbinary butch who's trying to gain muscle without losing weight the sexism in the exercise industry makes me fucking see red. Just found an exercise program that boasts being entirely based in science and has the sources to prove it with well-controlled, recent, and relevant clinical studies backing up all of their stuff and as someone who's pretty well-versed in scientific research and fed up with fad-based pseudoscientific bullshit in the health industry I was fucking ecstatic. They had a little quiz you could take to find out which program would suit your needs the best so I filled it out and when it asked me about my goals I selected "I have a low amount of body fat and want to build more muscle" and it took me to a program called Strong. Great! ...Except as I read into it I kept finding references to "burning stubborn fat" and other similar shit. Scrolled down to the FAQ and found a question where it explained that this program was different from their Build program bc Build is "better suited for those who are skinny and at a relatively low body fat" ...even though that's exactly the option I selected in the quiz. Turns out they have three options for males: one for people who want to lose weight without focusing too much on muscle mass, one for people who want to become leaner by focusing on both weight loss and muscle mass, and one for people who want to gain muscle mass without losing weight (Build). But for females, they've only got two options, and neither one of them are designed to help you gain muscle mass without losing weight. I would ask why tf it's ALWAYS assumed that women have to want to lose weight but I know it's fucking sexism
#is the diet industry REALLY so pervasive that companies are deciding to just lose out on money#by not making products for people with weight goals they dont think women should have??#they literally made a program for men who want to gain muscle mass without losing weight#and then just decided that would be the ONLY one they wouldnt adapt to fit women as well#my guy ive struggled with being chronically underweight my entire life and i only JUST managed to reach a healthy weight at the age of 25#i only just got to where i dont pass out from standing up or getting too hot or doing light exercise anymore#i am NOT trying to become underweight again#why is it so fucking unfathomable that a woman might not want to lose weight#rambling#considering trying the mens program but my only concern is that ill likely have different nutrition requirements and etc#being a non-hrt afab person#i emailed their support to ask about it. guess ill see if theyre able to give any sort of satisfactory response#to which one would work for a 'female' who doesnt want to lose weight or 'improve my curves'
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had a migraine and still went up 5 pounds on my deadlift
#the gain train has no brakes#ive cut them#transgender#dizzy sighting#im gonna be a muscle dyke even if it kills me
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