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hobicomeholla29 · 4 years ago

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Cuff me if you can - Part 1 - KTH

Pairing: Dad! Street Racer! Taehyung x Judge! Reader

Genre: Fluff/ Slight angst/ Crack

Word Count:5k

Warnings: Mentions of domestic violence/ Cursing/ Mentions of bribing/ Probably incorrect use of legal terminology/ Incorrect legal procedure/ That’s all for this chapter. Oh! unedited!

Rating: PG13

A/N: Well hello again beautiful people! Thank you for taking the time to read this! This sieres are part of BTSghostie writer event for the month of september. Dynamite Dads!

Summary: Kim Taehyung and yourself, live your lives on the opposite side of each other. Yet that doesn’t mean that you can’t meet in the middle.

Masterlist

Getting out of your car, the cool morning breeze caressed what it could of your exposed skin. The walk from the parking lot to the courthouse wasn’t long, but the chills that ran through your body made it feel like it took a little over the usual 5 minutes.

The sun shined like every morning, yet today it felt different somehow.

Maybe it was wishful thinking, but it felt as if today would be the beginning of something new or different, and that was a lot to say for someone like you.

“Morning judge y/n!”

“Morning”

Your job placed you in a position where you were always in the eyes of criminals and felons that were either angry, moody, violent, sad or careless —and any other word you can come up with, when thinking about wrongdoers who are finally facing the law— forcing you to try seeking for positivity in other aspects of your life.

Since you were a child, you always had an itch that annoyed you every time you had to be in the presence of an unfair or unethical situation and couldn’t do anything about it.

It is positive to say that you got it from your mother's strong moral views on righteousness, honesty, and integrity.

And so a dream came up to you, a dream you had expressed to your parents at the tender age of 5 while watching cartoons one cold morning, your parents discussing the latest incident on that morning's newspaper on the other side of the room.

"I want to put all those kwiminals in jail"

There was something fulfilling about being able to help people get justice for the wrongs that were done to them, something about making the corrupt, nefarious, and unlawful pay. Your dream never wavered, the sole thought of what the future would hold made you buzz with excitement during your teenage years and still did now in your adulthood.

It was present during your entire life, you weren't afraid of speaking up when a witness was needed in an unfair situation in school, whether you were putting yourself in a position against a classmate or a teacher, all that mattered was that the problem was solved in a fair manner.

Yet, even though you kept steadfast loyalty towards your beliefs, it sometimes got you in trouble, as not everyone sees good in someone openly voicing their wrongdoings. Leading you to sometimes being labeled as a snitch —and no one wants to befriend a snitch—.

Nevertheless, you pushed through, finally meeting people that shared your views in college.

It was nice to be able to have a conversation with people with the same mentality and strong feelings towards justice as yourself —not saying that you didn't encounter people who were walking this path just for the money.

And finally, after graduating from law school with two of your closest friends by your side, you decided it had been way too long of a peaceful ride for the evildoers and it was time to get with it.

"Good morning Y/n!" A voice spoke loudly from behind you.

"Morning Guk! How was your weekend?" It was always nice to see Jungkook 1st thing in the morning. For some reason, his cute bunny teeth always gave you life.

Jungkook was one of your friends from college AKA best friend #1. He had the face of a baby with the wisdom of a 70-year-old man –who would have thought.

His words towards you were always of encouragement or offerings of helping you with anything you needed –just like in college.

He was methodical with his work, always studying his cases with a careful eye and with discipline. Some hated it, stating he took way too long to make final judgments, however, there wasn't a ruling that Jungkook had ever issued where the victim had been left to suffer the mischief without the guilty paying the price.

"Pretty calm actually, taking into consideration that I had the Kang case on Sunday" The younger of your friends exhaled "That man has got to get a grip on his life, this is his 3rd showing" He made a pause as if bringing up some memories from the case, however, he quickly returned to the present "How was yours?"

"It was quiet; abnormally so, thus my wild guess is that this week I'm going to be assigned as many cases as possible."

"I know that feeling. The impending doom crawling towards you in the shape of Jimin dropping them on your desk."

“Yep…” You sighed bracing yourself for the upcoming day.

Briefly talking about other uninteresting subjects and your mundane lives –like, when was Seokjin going to invite both of you out for lunch— you both eventually parted ways to your own chambers.

"Good morning Judge Y/n"

"Morning Jimin, you look refreshed!"

Jimin —your perky judicial secretary— was the earthly version of an angel mixed with a dutiful fairy, you sometimes wondered how he even managed to hold up that 1,000-watt smile all day while dealing with you.

You had been working together for 3 years now and every year they decided to rotate the secretaries, you prayed they wouldn't change him for someone else.

"I am! Thanks for the days off, they really helped!"

"Don't mention it bubs. What do you have for me today?" You asked as your heels clicked on the tile making your way behind your large rectangular Victorian style oak desk, Jimin quickly trailing behind you with a stack of folders in his arms.

"These four are for today and these four are for tomorrow" he said as he divided them into two groups in front of you. "I'll have the ones for Wednesday and Thursday ready by tomorrow" he concluded with a small nod and a smile of accomplishment on his plump lips.

"Thanks, Jimin. What would I do without you?" you smiled up at the younger man, who smiled wider and turned to leave to his own desk a couple of feet away from yours.

Finally, mentally prepared to start your day —after mindlessly scrolling through your phone for 20 minutes— you unlocked your computer and began reading through the files that Jimin had left on your desk labeled ‘Monday’.

"Another asshole, who thought he could get away with a hit and run..." you muttered to yourself, as you reviewed the first case.

The following trials were for a domestic violence case and 2 robberies.

After reviewing the files, you began transcribing some of the information on your computer, adding personal notes based on the evidence that had been collected for each case and saved it all for its intended use in the next 2 hours.

"Since no one likes a slacker, I might as well go through the ones for tomorrow as well."

As expected, there was another case of robbery, one for theft, a case for assault and last but not least a misdemeanor for street racing.

After an hour of transcribing that called for a well-deserved break, you stretched your arms above your head, sighing softly as the tension was released.

"Judge... would you like some tea? I'm on my way to the Cafe"

"Ugh Jimin, I love you, why are you so sweet, I'll come with." As you both picked up your belongings and were about to head out to the small cafe across the street, an unforeseen visitor arrived abruptly, startling both you and your secretary.

"Oh, so you're both slacking off now. I thought that was a Y/n thing?"

"I- No judge- we-" Poor Jimin couldn’t even complete a sentence, his mind still in a jumble as a result of the sudden barge into your chamber.

"Seokjin, shut up.” You cut your eyes at his comment. “We are going to the café. You either come with or move out of the way." You laughed a bit while pushing past your best friend #2, making your way out.

Oh, how lucky were you to be able to have them working near you.

Back from the cafe and ready to face all cases for the day, you walk to your chamber accompanied by Jimin who helped you wear your black robe, both quickly headed to the courtroom for your first trial right after.

Monday had gone by smoothly; all cases being addressed as they should and all sentences set in place.

Tuesday was a better day, the morning had been less chilly than the day prior and you could read a bit before your hearings of the day, since you had proactively reviewed the cases of today, yesterday.

After the third time hearing it today, a fourth was just unnecessary, however entering the courtroom for the fourth time on that day, you heard the bailiff announcing your arrival.

“All rise. This court is now in session.” Shuffling could be heard, a sign of everyone in the room getting on their feet. “Honorable judge Y/n L/n Presiding.”

You took your seat and announced to everyone that they could do so too. You took the files that the bailiff handed you and began reading the case.

“Good morning everyone. Today's hearing is for case 3476, the city vs Lee Simon, Kim Taehyung and Jean Reynolds” you announced.

“Lee Simon, Kim Taehyung and Jean Reynolds, all three of them, age 26, accused of trespassing private property, injury of a third party and driving over the speed limit, while being timed against each other. All of it initiating from 25th avenue to Map of the Soul street.” You concluded.

“How do you plead?”

“Innocent” “Guilty” “Innocent”

Internally, you wanted to laugh, but you knew your position required for you to remain serious and focused. It wasn’t the first time a group of friends split due to being involved in a situation they weren’t expected to be in, and it wouldn’t be the last.

“Seeing that you have different views, let us review the information presented.”

Videos and pictures from street cameras were shown, as well as footed from a dash camera in a hidden police vehicle.

“Evidence shown so far, seems to portray all three of you as guilty, and the witnesses are yet to come in, excluding the owner of the vehicle you crashed into while running against each other as well as the owner of the private property you drove through.”

You watched all three of them carefully as you gave them a run through of how this case was going on for them. Two off them looked indifferent, like someone who has done it before, did it this time and will probably do so again.

A chance was soon to be given to all three of them to express why they believed they were innocent, however another piece of evidence was brought in.

“According to this report sent in about your record, you are all repeat offenders, meaning that your options are limited; paying for the legal fees and community service, paying for the legal fees and 1 year jail time or paying for the legal fees, suspension of your driver’s license, a fee of $10,000 and a possibility of impoundment of the motor vehicle used in the crime.”

"I am going to admit I was there, but I did it for a specific reason, your honor."

"And what reason could that be?"

“Can I approach the bench?”

“Permission granted." The man in question slowly approached you, eyes never wavering from yours.

"I needed the money your honor. I have a daughter..."

"Says here, that you have been detained before and gave out the same reason, so why should we let you off easy Mr. Kim?"

“So… there is no way we aren’t paying the legal fees -I take it?” the one with the tiger-like eyes spoke up, a small smile playing on his lips as he did so.

“No” the frown on your face was so pronounced, that no area was left for more of his attempt to banter.

“Do I get the easier outcomes if I plead guilty.”

“That’s a possibility...” Now you know why he pleaded guilty. He’s not new to this.

“I have a daughter your honor… I can’t go to jail” He said before you were able to add to your previous sentence.

“That’s for me to decide, however, can’t she stay with a family member?”

“She only has me…” his eyes turned gloomy as he directed his gaze to the floor Infront of you. Should you even trust that action. It could be staged for all you know.

It annoyed you the way how the immediate mention of a child felt like a tool he was using to soften the blow of your possible verdict. However, it still got under your skin and you felt your hard-exterior crumble, allowing your feelings to take over and think about the poor child that would have to deal with an uncomfortable situation.

“How old is your daughter Mr. Kim?”

“four” His demeanor changed entirely the moment he found more time to speak about the hypothetical child he had.

“Who is she with at the moment?”

“A friend”

“Everyone back to their seats…”

You were so predictable. Jungkook would have never softened for something like that.

He would have given him 2 years in jail, taken his car, taken his driver’s license and custody of the child as well, for not being a suitable parent. But no, you had to be like Seokjin, soft hearted and taking people’s feelings into consideration. Bleh.

“Based on the evidence collected. I am ready to provide a verdict for this case. Lee Simon and Jean Reynolds you are sentenced to serve 6 months of county jail time, pay a fine of $5,000 plus all legal fees and your license will be suspended for 6 months. Kim Taehyung, you are sentenced to a fine of $3,000, suspension of your driver’s license for 6 months, paying the legal fees and community service for 6 months.” You stated re arranging the documentation on your desk and setting them aside.

“Please take them. Mr. Kim shall be escorted to the officer’s department in order to have his rules set in place.”

“Thank you.” A voice said to you right after. You didn’t have to turn to know it was Kim Taehyung, however you did so. He was flashing you a large square smile. It wasn't 1,000 watts like Jimin’s but it was still warm and different, even a bit playful if you looked at it for long.

“That daughter of yours better be real.” You muttered before collecting the final documentation and exiting the room.

But not before hearing.

“Didn’t know they had such pretty judges in here, I should get arrested more often.”

You should have put him in jail. Or maybe not.

It’s funny how you haven’t been able to get your mind to stop remembering his cheeky squared smile and that aura of a playful child in a large man. It's been 2 weeks now.

Yet you can’t forget him walking up into your courtroom with all that confidence, as if he owned the place.

“Ugh”

“Everything ok?”

You gasped loudly, not having heard Jimin enter the chamber as you mindlessly rolled your mouse around and thought about the man who you sentenced to community service a couple of weeks ago.

“You nearly killed me Jimin!” you voiced a little louder than you should have, the fright still showing in your tone.

“I'm sorry" poor kid, all he did was be nice all day.

“You're fine, I just didn’t hear you come in” you answered, returning to aimlessly move your mouse and stare at the open word document on your computer screen.

“Oh! I see. Well in your favor, I was trying to be quiet. Anyways, what are you doing here so early judge y/n?” leave it to Jimin to always worry about others.

“I thought I could… focus on something else by working a little, but the chambers triggered my distractions even more…” You tried internally to not bring it up, but you knew you had to tell someone about it.

About the fact that maybe you might have an itty-bitty tiny crush on a man you barely saw for a span of 40 minutes and convicted for a crime. You are so lame.

Jimin moved around his desk -you assumed- arranging all of his documents for the day and bring his computer to life.

“and what is it?” he asked you after a couple of minutes of comfortable silence.

“What is what?”

“The distraction that's caught your attention, what is it?” his eyes stared at you widely, they looked so earnest and kind. Just wanting to help you with whatever inconvenience you were having.

“Um… well… you’ll probably think it's dumb"

“I promise I won't” he answered so fast, it felt like he was expecting you to decline opening up to him.

“Well…. I… kinda-have-a-small-crush-on-a-man-I-barely-know-and-could-be-a-scofflaw.”

Your sentence had come out abruptly and in such a rapid fire, that you could see the cogs turning in Jimin’s head as he connected all the things you had said and laced them together.

“Did you just say scofflaw?”

“Is that all you caught from my sentence?” flabbergasted, that's what you were with his reaction.

“No, but… really? scofflaw? Not even judge Harry who's 78 uses that term anymore.”

“Not the point Jimin…" frustrated at the weird turn the conversation had taken, you pinched your nose bridge, trying to figure out the young man's train of thought .

“Ok, ok. But is it one of the guys from a couple of weeks ago. The street racer ones?”

“How do you-"

“Eva from the reception said that, Joyce from finance told her that, Hyerin from chamber 5, saw them being called in on their hearing day and that they were all —her words, not mine— as hot as a super-sized bag of flamin hot Cheetos.”

Now that’s stuck in your mind. Jimin was definitely not helping.

“Curse you, procrastination!”

Grocery shopping should have been done weeks ago. But you were tired, and sleepy and distracted and everything in between that could keep you from doing the boring task that buying your own food was.

Walking through the aisles in the grocery store, you could hear a little girl talking her —probably parent's— ear off.

Not paying too much attention to her, you were barely able to catch a couple of words here and there as you walked around picking up what you needed.

"Fishies would be a good pet because I can't hu't it if I hug it awound his house"

"Why can't I see my own eyes?"

"Can we get vanilla this time, stwabewies we'e yuck!"

"How do clouds float? Why don't they fall?"

"Look! Look! A toy!"

She sounded so excited and the little lisp with her R's was the cutest, you thought.

You were almost done with your list, only missing some meat or poultry and a pound of potatoes, —'cause you've been craving gratin potatoes for a while and you were done living a life without them.

Making your way to the missing items, you could once again hear a conversation going on between the little girl and the other person, but this time the adult with her spoke. It was a grave voice, very deep and somewhat familiar, yet not enough to put a face to it.

"You are not having a pet, until you understand the responsibilities that come with taking care of an animal" The voice answered the little girl sternly. You could imagine the man's face voided of any emotion and trying to maintain a serious visage. Probably trying to teach his daughter a lesson.

Again, the voice sounded familiar, giving you a tingling sensation in the back of your mind. However, in your distraction, the links that attempted to connect in your mind remained ignored.

You continued rolling your cart, hastily turning around each corner; ready to pick up what you were missing and bolt home to make the delicious meal you have been craving for.

However, you were suddenly stopped by another cart that crashed right into yours as they rushed towards you from around the corner.

"Oof, My bad" - "Oh no! I'm so sorry!"

You both said in unison.

“Oh...” Came the immediate reaction from both of you, as you noticed who the person you had bumped into was.

"So, the whole you having a daughter wasn’t a lie after all"

"You offend me your honor." Was his reply as he chuckled a bit to himself "But I guess I am not a good example of what a decent human or father should be like..."

"Oh Hush! We all make mistakes. Even some that land us in Jury or court" You giggled a little trying to soften whatever thought had him thinking he was the worst human ever to walk on this earth.

Of course, he had made a mistake —a couple of them at that— but it wasn’t murder, and he was attempting to make an income for his family.

"What's her name?" You asked him as you both watched her eyeing the fish tank you assumed she saw the fish at before.

"Yoonah. But she prefers to be called Nah-Nah" His voice mellowed. You looked at him with a smirk on your face, but all you got was the sight of a man watching his daughter with the fondest of gazes. So much love could be found in his eyes, he was proud and filled with warmth. The small smiled that decorated his features said it all.

“Is she your only daughter?”

Your question brought him back to the present.

“Oh, yeah – she is” Was his curt answer. The tone he used made you feel a bit guilty, as if you were way too into his business, so you decided to cut it short.

“Well it was nice meeting you outside of court Mr. Kim –and little miss Yoonah as well.” Were your final words as you waved your hand swiftly and left to finish your shopping, missing entirely the smile that graced his lips when he heard you address his little girl.

For some reason, you hoped to see them one more time before you left the store, just to make sure they were ok —even though there was nothing dangerous at a grocery store.

After so much fussing and so many tantrums, Kim Taehyung was finally tired out.

It could be seen from a mile away, just by watching his shoulders slightly slump and Yoonah grinning up at him with a content expression.

Naturally, the best view of your day was Kim Taehyung walking out of the grocery store with four bags on one shoulder and a small plastic bag in his right hand, filled with water and two gold fish swimming peacefully.

So much for the sterned voice he had back there.

You lingered a little more on your way to your own car, head turning slightly to your left, just to watch him interact with his daughter. You are sure you look like a creep, but it was so endearing, you couldn’t help yourself.

He kept her close by while he loaded the trunk with groceries and tickled her sides while placing her in her car seat. N sight of a father that didn’t care for his daughter or an irresponsible parent. Yeah, that was going to be your excuse for staring longer than needed.

Yet what was a little more time for you, was enough to give him a full view of you watching them both with something in your expression that he couldn’t read, but whatever it was, had his heart racing a little more than it should for somewhat of a stranger that could put him in jail.

You’re not sure if it’s one of those times where once you meet someone one time, you end up seeing them everywhere.

How is it possible that on a chill evening in the park, while you were enjoying a slow-paced stroll and a hot chocolate in your hands, you see him again. You are about to start thinking that maybe he is following you and in addition to committing his past crime, he is also a stalker.

But he couldn’t be. He’s not even looking at you. From your short distance from him, you can see his eyes trained on something else. A fond smile decorated his lips as if whatever held his attention was above everything in this world.

From this angle you could appreciate his profile. A very handsome man you should say.

His eyes slowly crinkle into smaller half-moons in favor of his now growing smile taking more space. His teeth now baring and the apple of his cheeks flexing.

Oh! what a sight.

What would it feel like to poke them? you thought to yourself.

Yet, your legs had other plans and were already in action. Your brain had already sent signals to your arms and fingers to poke all soft parts that it came into contact with.

You are a judge, for goodness’s sake, touching someone without their authorization is battery. What are you doing?

Yet right before you were able to do so you heard her.

“Daddy!” The soft giggles that followed filled the air that surrounded you. You turned your head to the direction of the sound and just in time you caught the sight of a little girl running from the playground into Taehyung’s arms.

Before you even turned to him, he was already catching her, squeezing her tightly in his embrace.

“Did you see that daddy? I did it!”

“Yes, you did princess! And you were amazing! Best cartwheel I have ever seen!”

The little girl giggled and squealed as Taehyung blew raspberries everywhere around her.

When she finally calmed down, her eyes met yours and her head tilted in questions.

“It’s the groceries lady daddy!”

Turning to look at who his daughter was pointing at, he met you, only 3 steps away from him.

“Jud- Judge Y/n?”

“Hi again Mr. Kim, seems like we keep bumping into each other.”

“So it seems.” Today his smile was a careless one or was it a content one. Either way they were still that remarkable boxy smile.

“Nice to see you again miss Nah-Nah.” You greeted the little girl that had noticed you first and a hearty giggle left her body in return.

“What brings you here?” Asked the man that you had somehow forgotten was by your side or maybe you were just trying to ignore the strong tiger eyes that bore into you by entertaining a conversation with his cute daughter.

“Daddy, can I go to the big slide?”

“Not, without supervision Nah-Nah.” He answered so seriously, it reminded you of the voice in the grocery store.

“But daddy, I am a big gu’l now”

“Nah-Nah…”

“Daddy…” he sighed so loudly; you couldn’t help but laugh at his odyssey.

It was Deja vu from the grocery store and fish all over again. All that big father talk for nothing. He was so whipped for his daughter.

“Ok, let’s make a deal…”

“Yes!”

“You can go to the big slide, but if you get an ‘owie’, I want you to get up and dust off just like big girls do. Ok?”

“Yes, daddy.”

“Ok, princess. Go on”

Not a second went by after his sentence and little Yoonah was already off to an adventure with the rest of the kids in the park.

“She is so precious”

“Thank you”

You both stayed in a comfortable silence, staring into the distance in the direction Yoonah had left of. However, that peace was cut by the man standing near you.

“So, are you following us now your honor?” That playful smirk of his was back, alerting you quickly that he was just attempting at a friendly banter with you.

“Hmm, maybe I am, but I’ll never let you know.” You said winking at him.

He laughed so loud at the action, that you could not hold back a laughter of your own.

“So you do have a sense of humor” He stated after calming down.

“I do, when I am outside of my line of work.”

“Understandable…”

Once again, a comfortable silence fell between you both as you watched his daughter running around filled with glee, playing with other children.

“So, who were the ugly judges you encountered before me?” Now it was your turn to start the conversation and again he laughed. Who would have thought you were this funny.

“So, you did hear that.”

You definitely did and deep within you hoped he meant it. Even though it wasn’t the time or place for his flirting.

“Maybe…”

“I meant it… just in case you were wondering.”

Yes, you were!!!

“Oh! I- umm… Thank you.” You could feel your face heating up, however you refused to end the eye contact you were keeping up since your conversation began.

“Anytime… Like honestly. Any. Time. And every time. I’ll repeat it every time I find it necessary.” He said his smile growing with each word that he sent your way. And you, well you weren’t one to back down on a flirting challenge.

“And how is that possible, if we don’t see each other all the time?” you asked, acting coyly.

“I might have a solution for that, your honor.” Welp. Now you got yourself into something.

Two weeks had gone by since that day.

Two weeks after Mr. Kim had asked for your number and invited you for ice cream with Yoonah, under the excuse of a thank you for not sending him to jail. Needless to say, you quickly corrected his statement to not have him think this was a favor you had done for him, but a decision you had made based on evidence and circumstances surrounding the case.

It had also been a week since Mr. Kim changed from that name to Taehyung.

The mocking that came with you saying his given name for the first time was endless.

“Awww, so no more Mr. Kim?”

“Shut it Taehyung!”

#btsghostie #bgwdynamitedads #bangtanscenery #thehouseofbangtan #btsnoonanet #bangtanhq #castlebangtan #bts taehyung #taehyung x reader #taehyung x poc #taehyung x woc #bts x reader #bts x poc #bts x woc #writing #fan fiction #fiction writing #bts fic #fan art

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letsperaltiago · 4 years ago

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one single thread of gold tied me to you

From the very first time Jake mentions her name, Karen sees a thread of gold tying him to Amy. In other words: a series of small moments in which Jake is talking to Karen about Amy.

Jake talking to Karen about Amy throughout their relationship

Read here or on AO3

The new girl

“Anything exciting happening at work?”

“Nah,” Jake halts, pausing to think between bites of the dinner Karen has prepared for the two of them. Because he’s the only child (and the fact that he’s a huge momma’s boy) he tries to stop by Karen’s once a week. Either for a quick chat and a coffee or longer. If the latter includes dinner, which it often does, then it’s always a huge plus. Tonight’s visit is one of the longer ones, much needed, and of course dinner is a must.

“Or,” he takes back his prior dismissal. “Like, this new girl joined the squad last week, so that’s… exciting, I guess?”

Karen’s head perks up letting her son know that she’s indeed listening.

“Well that’s always a good thing. What’s her name?”

By then Jake is already busy chewing on another bite of her mom’s baked potatoes - a personal favorite of his. Then again any food his mom makes is his favorite.

“Amy Santiago. She seems cool enough, I guess. Then again she just arrived so I guess I’ll have to see.”

Although the world, more specifically Jake, isn’t aware of it yet, the spinning of his and Amy’s golden thread commences its journey here. Karen smiles to herself as this, she realises, is the perfect opportunity for her to pick a bit on her son who’s never shy of teasing her. Lovingly, of course.

“Maybe she’s cool enough to date?”

The statement immediately interrupts his before eager chewing, a press on his entire body’s pause button, and earns Karen a deadpan expression as answer to her so-called proposition.

“Mom, please.”

There’s small smile on his face as he knows his mom is out to pester him. “Charles already went all Cupid on us when she arrived, so the last thing she needs is me hitting on her. Plus,” he’s back to being chewing on a mix of potatoes and meat, “I don’t even know her.”

“Well that’s just a matter of time, honey.”

Having nothing else to add he figures a shrug must be answer enough.

“Anyways,” he looks back up from his plate to his mother. “How’s Carla?”

Rivalling close friends

For her son’s birthday Karen has invited the squad over to her place for a celebratory dinner. At this point, since they’re good at dropping by if they’re ever in her neighbourhood or nearby for work, she’s familiar with most of the people Jake spends 95% of his time with - this with an exception of Amy and Holt.

They’re setting the table while Jake gives her one last quick rundown of the 99th precinct’s squad, so Karen is sure of who the different people are.

“… And Amy, besides Holt, is the last one to have joined the squad. She’s that super neat, kinda annoying one, I’ve told you about. You know, the one who tells me that I can’t eat in her car, and constantly corrects my grammar.”

“I thought you liked her?” He can’t see tell, since he’s busy setting the table, but Karen frowns finding it unlikely that her son suddenly has something against a colleague he most of the time spoke so highly of.

“I do, mom and that’s what’s so annoying. She’s the worst and best of all worlds...” He pauses in the middle of putting down a plate giving himself some time to turn over his thoughts. “… I mean, she probably is my best friend at this point, besides Charles, yanno? But please don’t tell him I said that. His little heart can’t take it.”

“Because of jealousy or because he’s dying to see you and Amy together?”

“Both,” Jake chuckles shaking his head in disbelief of the fact that he puts up with this situation daily.

Karen knows Jake’s “brother from another mother”, how the little man had introduced himself the first time she met him, very well and can’t hold back a chuckle at the very vivid mental picture of a both jealous but also over the moon Charles.

“Your secret is safe with me.”

It brings an even wider smile to his face upon seeing his mother pretending to lock her lips and throw away an invisible key. Okay, maybe his mom is his best friend, but Amy and Charles are a close second.

Sadly Amy has fallen sick and never makes it to the birthday dinner, but upon arrival Rosa hands him a pretty gift bag with a tiny card and impeccable handwriting that says: Happy birthday, Pineapples ;) Inside the bag he finds the limited edition Die Hard 2: Die Harder-poster that had smashed his heart to pieces when someone had outbidded him for it on eBay. Little had he known it was Amy, sitting just a few feet away by her desk opposite of him, who’d outdone his bid with a sly smirk on her face. A smile which she could hide behind the big computer screen.

The smile on his face is impossible to hide and he immediately sends her a text:

‘ur gift made me die hard!!! guess ur not so bad after all ;) all kidding aside thank u so much and get well soon <3’

Later that night after everyone has left, he’s helping his mom cleaning the kitchen. Suddenly she hands over a homemade doggy bag with leftovers from the dinner.

“Don’t you think sweet, sick Amy deserves this after the gift she gave you?”

Her smirk doesn’t go unnoticed.

Jake of course agrees and later, on his way home, he drops it off at Amy’s place. It being late and not wanting to wake her up, he leaves it on her doorstep and sends her a text for her to see whenever she wakes up:

‘the bag on ur doorstep is not a bomb but a care package from mother peralta. hope ur feeling better but if u dont can i have your desk at work?’

A few days later Karen texts him a picture of a beautiful thank you card with the infamous, neatly Santiago style-written message thanking her for the thoughtful gesture. Jake smiles to himself and replies with a simple: ‘shes a good 1’

Unconsciously developing feelings

He never explicitly tells her. Still, Karen has her suspicions and they only grow every time her son mentions Amy’s name. Sooner rather than later it becomes very clear to her: her son would go to great lengths for his partner - even though he isn’t ready to acknowledge it yet.

“Mom, there’s no way I’m losing my car to her. I’m gonna take her on a date and she’s going to hate it and i’m going to love it- I mean… love her misery,” he corrects himself.

Karen is leaning against the doorframe to his still unaltered childhood bedroom, where Jake is currently rummaging through boxes containing a mix of childhood memories, dust and worthless nick-nack.

“You don’t happen to still have those old pictures of me and Jenny Gildenhorn, do you? I want to find an exact replica of Jenny’s hideous blue dress to torture Amy with.”

Knowing of Jake’s repressed, yet to be realised feelings, because a mother does know best, Karen rolls her eyes. He doesn’t notice. Probably because he has his head buried under his bed looking for more boxes and childhood treasures. Telling him to look for acknowledgement of his feelings for Amy while he’s down there is almost too tempting, but Karen manages to bite her lip. Hopefully he’ll see it himself one day… Or just keep talking the way he already does about her, even when complaining; it’s always with some kind of admiration. Karen sees the little twinkles in his eyes whenever the raven haired detective is brought up in a conversation.

To Amy’s sheer luck, Karen of course has loads of childhood pictures stored in a box in the garage and she gets to sit by knowingly as Jake searches multiple internet websites for the most horrible, blue, 80s dress possible. “Oh, mom… She’s going to hate this so much. Amazing.”

She doesn’t say anything but smiles knowingly as her son sits on her couch, laptop in his lap, a boyish smile telling her that he is up to no good as he plans the (best) worst date for his “just a good friend��.

Pining

Everything seems harder at the moment. At least harder than what he’d like, Jake thinks to himself as he lies in bed, feeling tipsy from the few beers he had a Shaw’s. He knows he should just sleep but for some reason he can’t. Instead he tortures himself by staring at the ceiling which is definitely spinning - just a tiny bit though, he tries to convince himself.

He’s just come back from being undercover, and although it was kind of fun and definitely exciting in more ways than one, deep down inside he can’t deny that a tiny part of him had hoped Amy by now would give them a chance. It’s not that he’d expected her to break up with Teddy for him - it was her life to control after all. Not his. Although there was no shame in dreaming; dreaming that she’d welcome him back to the 9-9 with a slow motion run and kiss that would blow them both away, telling him that Teddy and his pilsners were out of the picture and that they belonged together; all this time they’d been destined to belong to no one else but each other.

Alas this wasn’t the case and he returned from the mafia to a:

“I’m still with Teddy.”

The short sentence plays over and over in his head like a broken record he can’t turn off. The worst soundtrack of his life - without a doubt. Suddenly his phones rings, interrupting his spiralling thoughts.

“Hi, Mom,” he mumbles not hiding the fact that he’s exhausted, physically as well as mentally, and tipsy.

“Hi, honey. How did your first day back go?”

“It was... fine. Good to see everyone.”

Good to see Amy, Karen thinks before she does a double take when she picks up on her son’s voice clearly representing a moody side of him she, or anyone, rarely gets to see.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, it’s nothing, It’s-” he starts out not wanting to get into it, because feelings are messy and he always ends up being the hurt one anyways… But on the other hand, he thinks, his mom will figure out either way - if she hasn’t already. Perhaps his lack of soberness also takes part in his sudden honesty.

“Amy,” he sighs.

“Is everything all right with her?”

“Yeah, she’s fine. I just-” he pauses. “She’s with this guy and-”

“You wish she wasn’t?” Karen beats him to it and finishes the sentence for him.

“Yeah or- I don’t know. I want her to be happy but...” he sounds utterly defeated to a point that hints at teary, she can tell even though she can’t see him. In that moment Karen wants nothing more than hug her little boy. “I really like her, mom.”

His voice never breaks entirely but it’s a fine line he’s walking throughout the entire conversation. Everything pours out of him; he’s a book of sentimental secrets opening up about his Achilles’ heel for the first time and all his mother can do is listen as he describes his favorite parts of Amy (which is pretty much everything): everything from the way her dark ponytail swings back and forth with purpose when she walks to a crime scene to how, when they’re out drinking with the squad, she always get him a beer whenever she gets up to get herself one.

It’s almost as if the spinning of the golden thread, still unknown to the world, between him and Amy is slowly choking him.

“I want her to be happy, mom… I just-” he almost dozes off before finishing the sentence but fights through it and it’s all at once incredibly endearing and heartbreaking to Karen who’s still listening from her end of the line.

“... I just wish she would be happy with me instead.”

New couple

It’s truly unbelievable. Jake can’t believe he’s about call his mom to tell her: tell her that he’s with Amy now.

It’s been a month now; a month of him being with Amy and being so very happy he still can’t believe he’s been spending all this time not feeling like this. However, not wanting to rush things or put any pressure on either of them, simply enjoying being together, no one else but the squad knows about them.

Them. Him and Amy. A thing.

Just thinking about him and Amy that way, it almost makes him dizzy of pure disbelief. There had been so much buildup, such a long history of back and forth, bad timing, but all that aside now here they were. Amy Santiago was his girlfriend. Maybe that is the thought that causes his heart to take on a way too quick beating pattern and the hand holding his phone to become clammy. Now is the time though and he doesn’t hesitate to hit his mom’s contact. It rings. Jake can clearly hear his heart thump loudly against his ribcage. Should he be this nervous?

One time.

Two times.

Thre-

“Hi, honey,” his mom’s warm chipper voice interrupts the monotone ringing instantly making his lips spread into a small smile and heart take a break from the irrational thumping.

“Hey, mom,” he starts pacing around his apartment in attempt of diverting all the energy and emotions rushing through him, unconsciously bringing him everywhere from his bed to his kitchen.

“So it’s actually been a little while now… And I haven’t said anything since I didn’t want to rush anything but,” he cuts the sentence in two with a deep breath. “So, like… Amy and I are dating... together... her and I,” he starts rambling and wow he really should’ve written this down first. Karen doesn’t let it go on for too long though too excited to not say anything.

“Honey, I’m so so happy for you two! And it was about time that you finally told me!”

Jake’s pacing stops on the spot.

“What do you mean “finally”?”

“Oh, Jake... Sometimes I think you forget that mothers know everything. Plus you’re not very good at hiding… bruises,” she clears her throat, emphasizing what she’s really saying while imagining her son blush on his end of the line. “Also you’ve been visiting less and less, which means someone else has to take up your time.Someone who is even cooler than your very own mom, someone who makes you this gitty and nervous to talk about… It had to be her you were calling about.”

The smile in her voice is clear as day, but Jake is still baffled trying to come up with an explanation or the very least a decent answer. There is none, he quickly abandons the plan and instead lets out a happy huff.

“She’s really cool, mom. So cool. The last month has been like… the best. I don’t know how else to describe it. She’s the best.”

Compared to the defeated and heartbroken man she spoke to all those months ago, after his return from being undercover, this is a whole new version of her son that she’s longed to see. Karen can’t physically see him but can still clearly tell he’s flipped the page and is taking on a better chapter of his life.

Early relationship

It’s another night at his mom’s. Although the motivation behind the visit is a tiny bit different than usual this time. Sure, they’re gonna talk and have a nice dinner prepared by Karen as per usual, although tonight the mother has to nurse a whiny Jake who’s missing his dear but very out of town for the week-girlfriend. And the experience feels… mixed.

“Dinner is ready!”

No response.

She looks up from where she’s just carefully put down a sizzling pan to see her son back against the one arm of her armchair with his legs svung over the other. Physically he might be close but mentally he’s so far away, clearly more focused on whatever is going on on his phone’s screen.

“Jake,” she tries again but rather than giving his mother a reply Jake start typing as if nothing or noone was within miles of him. Karen can’t help but feel like she’s raising a teenager all over again, a teenager with the attention span of a goldfish, although this time her son is actually in his late 30s, lives by himself and has a girlfriend. So little yet so much has changed about him.

“Jacob,” she tries with her more more stern voice. She knows what he’s doing, texting Amy, and even though it’s cute he needs to snap out of it. At least for long enough to eat. He finally reacts and looks in her direction. Realization hits him which immediately prompts him to push himself out of the seat.

“If you stop eating you won’t even be alive to see her when she comes back.”

He deserves to be teased, he figures.

“I’m sorry. It was a text from Amy and I just wanted to reply right away. I just really miss her, I guess... and this is the closest we’ll get to talking today since she’s busy with her family, so...”

He leaves his phone behind on the coffee table, implicitly letting his mother know she’s got his (somewhat) full attention from now on.

“It’s so weird. We’ve only been together for like...” he counts in his head. “... 5 months now, but I already can’t stand being away from her for too long. Am I insane?” he drops down into his usual seat by the dinner table, almost in defeat but Karen is quick to rescue him in his moment of overdramatic despair.

“No you’re not, I assure you.”

Karen grabs his hand to stroke it comfortingly. She knows her son didn’t mean to be rude, didn’t mean to ignore her and she loves how much he’s opened up about his emotions since getting together with Amy.

“It’s a good sign that you care so much, but just remember that distance makes the heart grow fonder and it’ll feel even better when she comes back… and until then you can let your old mom entertain you.”

They share a chuckle because they both know what that means.

“Did you get ice cream?” he asks.

“Strawberry, chocolate chip and cookie dough… and to top it off: Die Hard is ready to play the second we’re done eating and doing the dishes.”

It’s a little tradition of theirs: their shared comfort snack plus movie-combo.

“You know me so well,” Jake smiles almost forgetting about missing Amy.

If not for the rest of the week then at least for a couple of hours.

Going steady

This week is a a lot different from the usual. While it’s not every single week they actually manage to see each other or even get the time to talk, Karen knows for sure that she won’t hear from her son for at least a couple of days. Jake is away on a cruise with Amy, and so besides the few pictures he’s texted her of them eating shrimp in bed (she wonders how he talked Amy into that) and a huge seagull stealing some of Amy’s fries, Karen doesn’t expect a whole lot of her son’s attention that week.

Which is why she is extremely surprised when her phone rings, her son’s picture and name displayed on her phone, in the middle of the night. Yes, the element of surprise is of course due to the fact that she knows he’s busy being away with Amy, but also much due the time at which he calls.

01:21

A mother’s undeniable fear and worry for her child never goes away, no matter how old said child is, and it now creeps in making her fear that the worst has happened. What could possibly lead him to call this late? She frantically grabs her phone from her night stand.

“Jake, it’s in the middle of the night. Is everything okay?” She doesn’t mean to come off as accusing but she’s definitely trying to get to the bottom of the mystery right away.

“I love her.”

It falls from his lips, very out of nowhere, and it’s hard to tell within what context it is to be interpreted. Interlacing with his voice is the sound of crashing waves and a strong breeze making Karen wonder where her son finds himself.

“Honey, what do you mean? Where are you?”

Maybe she should’ve understood right away, it was obvious, but not only was she sleeping just seconds ago but the background noise on his end of the line only makes the whole scene way more confusing than it already is.

He breathes, out of breath almost as if he’s been running. “I’m outside. On the deck. And I love her, mom.”

“The deck?”

“No,” he pauses catching his breath. “Amy. I told her… Or she told me first and then I told her back. Nothing has ever felt more right.”

That makes way more sense, Karen thinks although still quite unsure of exactly why he’s calling her. All that aside her heart is flooded with happiness, when she realises her son is not out of breath from running or crying, but rather all the emotions he must be feeling.

“Aw, Jake. I’m so happy for you. I know how much she means to you.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Yeah… You’ve changed so much throughout your relationship with Amy and it’s only for the better. You were already wonderful, you’re my son after all, but she brings out so much more good in you. This was only a matter of time. I think you’ve loved her for longer than you think.”

Another silence allows the crashing waves and whistling night wind to make an appearance. Following words almost fall off his lips in a tremble but Karen can tell it’s because he’s moved and is trying to collect himself, his emotions and thoughts. This is a big step for him - she knows.

“I have. And I don’t think I wanna stop again.”

Their talk lasts a few more minutes; just long enough for Jake to explain that he couldn’t sleep, too excited about the fact that he loved Amy Santiago and, even better, she loved him! Instead of staying in bed, restless and thus risking waking up Amy, he’d carefully disentangled himself from his girlfriend’s grip and decided to go for a night stroll. Next thing he knew he was calling his mom’s number.

“I should probably go, mom. I don’t want Amy to wake up alone.”

They say their goodbyes and when Karen finally gets to meet his daughter-in-law a few weeks later, at Jake’s chaotic birthday dinner, she is even more sure: their golden thread is so very strong.

Moving in together

The first time Karen visits Jake and Amy’s apartment (the words still make his stomach twist and turn with excitement every time he says it or even thinks it), Amy is out getting groceries for the dinner they’ll all be preparing together.

Jake proudly gives his mom a full apartment tour explaining where he’s added his Peralta-touch to the household while still praising his girlfriend’s taste in interior design. She has to laugh at the huge Die Hard poster discreetly hung on the inside of their closet door. Framed pictures of the couple together hung and standing around the apartment only makes Karen’s heart melt even more.

“How are you guys liking living together so far?”

They’re in the kitchen, Jake is preparing them both a cup of coffee.

“I mean, we already took constant turns crashing at the other’s place so it doesn’t feel that brand new, but still…” he pauses to smile and pours his mother a hot cup of freshly brewed coffee before continuing. “This is so much better. We share a home now. She is officially my home now, yanno?”

“I’m proud of you, Jakey,” Karen playfully ruffles her son’s curly hair, something she rarely gets to do but still immensely enjoys every time. It reminds her of when he was still a little kid and hits her with just how far he’s become. She’s not just proud: she’s so proud.

“Plus, now I get to annoy her 24/7, which is great,” he laughs and Karen playfully pinches his ear.

“Be nice to her, Jacob,” she’s chuckling too.

“I am! Our relationship is practically built on a foundation of pestering and messing with each other. Trust me; she loves it.”

Prison

“Amy… I miss her so much.”

As if the fact that her son has been wrongly accused and is facing 15 years in prison isn’t agonizing enough, Karen also has to suffer the pain it causes her to hear her son cry out to her over the very rare phone calls they get these days.

“When I say I’m afraid of never getting out of here-” he heaves between fallen, sobbed words; sobbed words which Karen knows he tries to subdue in order to not show the other inmates weakness. But it’s hard; impossible. “It’s mostly because I’m afraid of not seeing her again. Every time she visits-,” a sniffle “I’m always afraid that it’s the last time I see her. And all I wanna do is kiss her and hold her, but i just- I can’t. I miss her so so much, mom.”

Karen’s heart breaks alongside her son’s, even hours and miles between them, tears rolling down her red cheeks. She knows she has to be strong for him, and that it’s harder for him than for herself. Denying the ache and fear in every cell of her body is impossible though… But she has to keep her head up for him.

“It’ll be okay, honey,” Karen forces herself to stop crying when she speaks and will instead let the tears fall freely whenever he can’t hear it. “The squad is doing everything they can to get you out.”

“I know... “ he takes a deep breath and Karen can tell he’s trying to collect himself for good this time. “H-how is she?”

For a split second Karen considers lying, not telling him that she’s spent multiple nights consoling a crying Amy and even sleeping over at their place when the young woman was too tired to take care of herself. She considers telling him she’s fine, but she knows it’s pointless: Jake and Amy are two open books who tell each other everything. Just like Amy knows Jake has never been more afraid and seeks hope in every second he gets to be with or even just talk to her, Jake knows Amy is struggling though she’s a trooper and tries to fight through it as seamlessly as possible.

“I visited her on Wednesday and…” Karen bites her lip but eventually a sigh escapes her. “You know how she feels... It’s hard for both of you. But she’s strong, honey and she manages. And on the days where she can’t, I’m there with her. I promise.”

Silence.

He’s holding back tears again.

“I love you both, mom. So so much. You two are what is going to get me through this.”

“I love you too, Jacob.”

Their golden thread might be strained, but now is time for it to show its strength.

Engaged

He can’t put it into words, at least not properly, because how does one describe how it feels to be the happiest man alive? How does one describe such a wide, complex, incredible range of emotions? It’s impossible.

Instead he settles for a text.

It’s truly comical but also very much them: a picture of Amy in the evidence locker, still partially crying although of course also smiling as she shows off the shiny ring on her finger. It’s followed by the message:

‘MOM, I’M MARRYING HER!!!’

Later that night, tipsy after celebrating at Shaw’s, Jake and Amy facetime Karen. It’s safe to say that she gets a good laugh at 3-drink Amy showing off her new, favorite bling while Jake is all over her, placing small kisses to various parts of her face.

“Okay, you two... I’m going to hang up before this goes beyond a PG-rating. Once again congratulations. I love you both and can’t wait to see you soon.”

Married

Bomb threats, ruined cakes and a lost veil are just a few of the things that go horribly wrong on Jake and Amy’s wedding day.

Now, a few weeks later, all these tiny disasters seem to be long forgotten, almost as if they’d never happened.

“... But in the end we’re married and that’s all that matters,” Jake finishes telling his mother the tale of their chaotic but incredibly beautiful and unique wedding which was followed by a PG-rated version of their trip to Mexico.

The three of them are taking up the space of Karen’s living room as they chat and drink their usual coffee. Jake’s arm is slung around his new wife’s shoulders, fingers interlaced with a happiness and peace that warms the mother’s heart. Compared to the anxiety and sadness they all experienced during Jake’s time in Florida and then later on in prison, this moment in time is a major contrast. It’s a moment which Karen at times had feared she’d never be able to witness ever again. Yet here they were, the three of them together in the same room and Jake looked happier than ever. He was married to the love of his life, showing off a warm glow that he could thank both happiness and the Mexican sun for.

“I’m so happy for you two. It was always meant to be this way.”

Karen beams just as much as the married couple, feeding off the pure bliss they display in each other’s company. Amy perks up at the comment growing curious.

“Always?” she questions with a smile.

“The second he told me that the new girl was “pretty cool”, I knew something was meant to happen.”

Jake feels blood rushing to his cheeks even though said new girl is now his wife.

“Aw, babe,” Amy turns to him flashing a teasing grin. Every opportunity to tease must be put to good use. “I can’t believe you’ve been into me for so long. How embarrassing for you.”

“Hey!” He whines and it’s clear to see that he’s trying to fight the blush and embarrassment alas it’s already way too late. ”Be nice to your husband, Mrs. Peralta.”

“Not my fault that you’re so into me, Mr. Peralta.”

There’s a short pause in the conversation where Jake realises there’s no way out unless he uses her own teasing ways against her.

“I’m a lucky man… I guess,” he counters playfully and it earns him a just as playful slap to the shoulder.

“You guess?”

Amy is quick to pull away although doesn’t allow their fingers to untangle while she sends him a mock-pout.

“Be nice, Jake.”

Karen loves her son but will also, at any given time, take Amy’s side before his. Jake came to learn this the second he introduced the two women and they started gossiping about him. He would care to mind if it wasn’t for the fact that there was nothing better than his two favorite women getting along so well.

“I’m joking, babe,” he loses no time and before Amy can add anything he’s pulled her back into the nook of his arm, adding a kiss the top of her head - just for good measure (and because he’s crazy about her). “I’m the luckiest man alive.”

Their golden thread has tied an everlasting knot.

Trying

Jake and Amy trying for a baby had been such a joyous announcement, and Karen will never forget the proud look on her son’s face the day he told her. Although tonight, said proud and happy expression is long gone, forgotten and dissolved by the many months of planning, trying and holding on to their hope.

Jake is once again, as so many times before, on his mother’s sand-colored couch with warm coffee in hand but this time with a look of despair painted across his pale face. While she’s been getting cookies in the kitchen he’s fallen into deep thought and doesn’t say anything for a while. Even after she comes back and sits down across from him. The silence might be needed, Karen thinks and, of course, respects it. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t shake her to the core when the next thing he says seems to question every ounce of happiness he’s ever lived.

“What if all along I’ve been the wrong choice? A bad choice.”

His eyes doesn’t budge from the same spot, an old coffee stain on the couch, he’s been staring emptily at for the past minutes. Even as he speaks.

“What if she was supposed to be with someone else. Someone who can give her the family she wants… the family she deserves.”

It doesn’t even sound like a question at this point but rather a horrible fact he states in a moment of frustration and agony, and it ignites a fury within the mother because she knows it’s his anxiety and fear of abandonment speaking. She knows that their love is way bigger than that.

Things are far from easy right now. On the other hand Karen hasn’t witnessed them fight and overcome every obstacle imaginable, everything from a stupid mattress to being sent away to both Florida and prison, only to come to this. This isn’t the tip of the thread. A golden thread isn’t spun without reason. It’s spun for the fated.

“Has Amy ever made a bad choice?” she asks.

For the first time in a long time Jake actually looks at his mom. He pauses but she knows he doesn’t have to think. Karen knows that in his eyes Amy can do no wrong.

“No… I just-”

“Okay, so do you honestly think that her wanting and fighting for a baby with you is a bad choice? Even if it doesn’t come easy.”

There’s another silence, longer this time, which hopefully means that something resonates inside his head even though Karen knows it’s a dark and confusing place right now.

“No, I guess…”

“No, don’t say “you guess”. You know, Jake Peralta. You love Amy and she loves you. I know it seems like life keeps on throwing you curveballs and I wish it wasn’t so, but trust me when I say that it’s not because it’s a wrong or bad choice. You being with Amy is the best, most right doing I’ve ever witnessed, and I’m so proud of it. Stop doubting yourself. Your love is too good for that. You’re too good for that, honey.”

Her voice had started out a bit rough, just to make sure to get her point across, but by her the last sentence it has grown soft like butter and Jake can’t help but fall into his mother’s arms. He knows she’s right and it’s in moments like these that, moments where he wants to give up, he’s glad to have her to fight off his demons.

“I just want to give her everything she deserves, mom,” he mumbles into her shoulder, still holding on for dear life; so closely that Karen swears she can feel his heart breaking against her chest. “And I know I’ve been hesitant about it in the past, but now I just-”

Karen feels him let go of her and straighten his back. His eyes are shiny and there’s so much hope but also hurt in them.

“... I really want to be a dad. I really do. And then I wanna do it right.”

Karen knows what he’s hinting at and the sentiment is so valid even though she’s back together with Roger and their father-son relationship has grown stronger.

“You will be, honey. One way or another,” she whispers and reaches out to stroke his cheek. “And you will be the best. I promise you.”

Pregnant

Mother knows best, Jake can’t help but think on the magical evening Amy tells him the best thing he’s ever heard: she’s pregnant. The world seems to flourish around him like never before.

Of course the first person he wants to tell is his mom, but him and Amy quickly agree on keeping the amazing news to themselves, or at least until their baby has hit the safety that the 12-week mark comes along with.

Until then Jake and Amy plan on how to break the news to Karen (and Roger, of course) and Jake almost can’t believe it when the day finally arrives. Their 12-week check was just yesterday, and to everyone’s relief and joy their baby is growing as they should and thriving in their mother’s womb. They both shed a tear and ask for an extra set of ultrasound pictures to give to the future grandparents - both on his and Amy’s side.

During dinner with Karen and Roger the following day, Jake is on the verge of bursting, yelling out the news the very second his parents arrive. Although a humbling squeeze of the hand from his wife keeps him in check until dessert. Here the hand squeeze feels different and Jake knows now is the time.

“By the way,” Jake gets up and heads to the kitchen to get another tub of ice cream. “We have a little extra surprise for dessert…”

Roger and Karen frown in unison as both of them are yet to finish what’s already in their respective bowls. Jake ignores it and comes back with a tub of…

“Lime ice cream?” Roger asks, clearly confused by the very specific flavour.

“I didn’t even know that was a thing,” Karen chuckles, always being the one to lighten the mood.

“Well,” Jake smiles with content as he sits back down. “I promise you: you don’t wanna skip this part. It’s the best.”

And so of course Karen is quickly hands on, pulls off the lid and is ready to dig in with her spoon but halts the second she gets to take a good look at the bucket’s content: a small piece of paper. Neither her or Roger understand a thing, and being too preoccupied by their confusion they fail to notice the wide grins on the other couple’s faces.

Karen takes the leap and digs out the picture quickly noticing something scribbled onto it with neat handwriting - Amy’s, of course.

Hi, grandma and grandpa. I’m now 12 weeks old and the size of a lime! I can’t wait to meet you <3

Karen feels her heart skip a bit, maybe even stop entirely for multiple seconds and looks to Jake and Amy for some kind of approval or… she’s not even sure of what. All she’s sure of is that she’s on the brim of exploding. Her son nods biting down on his bottom lip in excitement, and when she flips the piece of paper she’s met by the most wonderful picture she’s ever seen: their future grandchild, tiny as can be, in black and white, and completely perfect.

Karen tears her eyes away from her grandchild to look at her son to be met by his almost trembling voice and shiny eyes.

“Good thing my mom was right when she told me that I would be a dad some day.”

Jake’s eyes are so sincere with tears threatening to spill as he holds his mother’s gaze talking directly to her, and it’s safe to say there’s waterfall’s worth of happy tears that evening.

Welcoming mac

The day Mac is born Jake feels as if his heart is suddenly beating and living outside of his chest in the shape of his son. There’s so much love even before their son officially arrives, but nothing can possibly top the feeling of holding him in his arms feeling the infant’s hand wraps around Jake’s thumb. Love is shooting through the roof and up to the moon. Never before has Jake felt so much love for someone’s he’s just met before and it’s scary in the best way.

He’s sitting in an armchair by Amy’s hospital bed, his wife fast asleep after the most exhausting hours of her life, when the door to their room pops open. He doesn’t even bother looking up at first as he’s too busy gazing lovingly at the bundle of love in his arms.

“Oh my goodness.”

Jake head perks up immediately recognizing the sound of his mother’s voice. By now she’s closing the door behind her, quietly.

“Hi, mom. Come say hi.”

Karen can hear his smittenness in his voice and sits down on a smaller chair next to him to better see her brand new grandson. It’s immediately clear as day that the newest Peralta is the perfect mix of both parents. Chubby cheeks, dark hair, full lips and a nose she’s gonna want to kiss over and over again.

“Meet McClane. Mac for short,” Jake informs her stroking his son’s chubby cheek.

“It’s perfect,” Karen clucks and follows suit stroking Mac’s other cheek. “He’s beautiful, honey. You must be so proud. I know I am.”

For various obvious reasons Jake has always struggled with acknowledging pride - even when he’s clearly felt it, he’s found it difficult to say it out loud or fully believe it. Today is different though and he wants to scream it from the rooftops: he’s so freaking proud of his beautiful baby son and his incredible wife.

He smiles fondly as he nods in agreement.

“I really am, mom. Proud of myself but especially of Amy. I’ll explain it further later but I Amy went into labor at the precinct, I was out helping with the blackout and almost missed the birth. I just barely got there before Mac was born and Amy managed everything like a pro. I can’t believe I’ve made a human with her. She’s the best… I’m so lucky.”

Jake looks at Karen sensing that she’s going to speak.

“I can’t imagine any other person for you than her, and together you’ve formed a beautiful little family, honey. One to be very proud of, so don’t forget to give in to that feeling, okay?”

Karen hand travels from sleeping Mac’s cheek to her son’s curly hair, on a mission to stroke it like she always would when he was a child and it prompts Jake to lean his head onto her shoulder. From his new vantage point he looks back at Mac, then Amy.

They’re his whole world, his two ends meeting and Karen can only sit by to admire the scene before her. Never has Karen felt more sure of the fact that there was always one single thread of gold tying Jake to Amy.

(And Mac).

#peraltiago #baby peraltiago #mac #fanfic #fanfiction #perlatiago fanfic #oneshot #pining #fluff #angst #happy ending #jake and amy #peralta #santiago #brooklyn nine nine #b99 #brooklyn nine-nine #taylor swift #kinda hahha

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oceteva · 6 years ago

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Caught In The Middle | Mayans MC ~ Sons & Paintings

A bright smile immediately lifted onto the Miller woman's pink lips when she swiftly turned her head to the right at the familiar voice and saw the resident Scottish biker and the president of the Sons Of Anarchy Motorcycle Club. Victoria shook her head with a soft chuckle as she walked up to the older man before she told Chibs, "of course not." The brunette nurse playfully rolled her hazel eyes before she uttered as she knew the Scot knows every little thing that happens in Charming, "but I'm pretty sure you already knew I was coming."

The Telford biker, however, didn't say anything right away. Instead, the president of SAMCRO pulled the short brunette woman, who he has seen as his niece ever since she started coming around when she was a young teenager, into a tight hug. Chibs breathed in Victoria's familiar scent for a moment while he ignored the presence of the tense and unknown man leaning against the black car, who was watching them with a protective gaze.

Finally, after a few minutes of hugging his unofficial niece, the Telford biker slowly pulled away before he told the Miller woman how he knew that she was here in Charming, "Daytona mentioned that he called you this morning about his tattoo." The president of SAMCRO then shot Victoria a smirk before he exclaimed, "speaking of tattoos, you better get your arse over to the clubhouse and go see Happy before you leave town again." Chibs rolled his eyes as he commented, "you know how he'll get if he knows you were here without stopping by and I sure as hell ain't dealin' with a moody Happy today."

The Miller woman couldn't help but roll her hazel eyes like the older man had done as she knew exactly what Chibs meant about how Happy can get when she doesn't visit him. She made that mistake only once and the time she did, the Lowman biker stayed at her house for a solid week and bothered her nonstop. The brunette nurse then suddenly remembered what Daytona had told her, so she looked up at the president of SAMCRO with her brows furrowed before she voiced her confusion, "Tona told me Hap was up in Tacoma for the week."

The Telford biker shook his head and muttered, "nae," as he denied what his newly patched member thought since Daytona hadn't been at the clubhouse in the last three hours. "Happy just got in about an hour ago from a job up North," the president of the Sons explained to the brunette woman that he saw as his unofficial niece.

"I'll head over there now then," the Miller woman told the older man with a nod of her head now that she knew her tattooed friend is back in California instead of still being in Washington state. Victoria then gave Chibs another bright and happy smile as she was glad that Chibs found her before she had the chance to leave Charming. "It was real good to see you again, Chibby," the brunette woman expressed as she pulled the older man into a tight hug before she mumbled, "it's been too long."

Victoria used to spend a lot of her time in Charming when she was in high school. It wasn't as much as she would have wanted at a young age since her father never let her leave most of the time unless Nathan would sneak her out for days on end. Victoria would always catch a beat down from her father when she would get back, though, but it was always worth it to spend time with Opie and Jax along with getting spoiled by Chibs and Tig. Charming had always been like a vacation home for Victoria since home life was hell as a child and the Sons always made her feel welcomed - even Clay had a small soft spot for her.

Chibs gave the short woman a small and aged smile once they pulled away from their tight embrace before the Telford biker placed a loving kiss onto Victoria's forehead like a caring father would. "You better not be a stranger next time," the president of the Sons scolded as he pointed at the brunette woman with a teasing smile before he stated, "you know you're always welcomed in Charming." Chibs then shot a quick glance over to the unknown and tense man before he continued to speak to his unofficial niece, "it doesn't always have to be a business trip or with your Reyes boy. You know you're family, Lassie."

A soft smile immediately pulled onto the Miller woman's face as the Scot biker reminded her that she is family. It's always nice to hear in Victoria's opinion since she didn't exactly have a real and happy family with loving and normal parents. However, she did have components of a real family with Nathan, the Sons, the Mayans, and the Reyes men. Victoria may get put into dangerous situations with both of the motorcycle clubs but the brunette nurse wouldn't have it any other way.

"I'll try to come back soon to see the family," Victoria promised to the Scot biker as she would love to see the whole club of Sons and spend a few days here in Charming. She usually only came with Angel, unless Happy picks her, or when she designing a tattoo, so the Miller woman would love to just hang out and relax with the men and women that she saw as members of her family. However, sadly, it's always hard for Victoria to get away from Santo Padre since she's always working all the time but the brunette nurse made a mental note to talk to her boss about taking a few days off in the near future.

"I love ye and give me a call when ye get home, Lassie," the president of the Sons ordered before he pulled the brunette woman into another tight hug as he wasn't sure how long it would be until Victoria would be back again. Chibs then placed another kiss onto Victoria's forehead as he rubbed the crown of her head before he reluctantly pulled away and released his unofficial niece.

"I will," Victoria promised with a playful eye roll as no matter how old she gets, she always has to give Chibs a call after a trip to Charming. However, the Miller woman understood why, though, since the Nordics kidnapped and roughed her up when she was leaving town a couple years back. Victoria then gave her unofficial uncle one last smile and uttered, "love you too, Chibby," before she gave the biker a small wave and turned around to head back to the Oceteva man, who was leaning against his black Escalade with his serious, cartel face on show.

The Oceteva man immediately relaxed his body from its tense and straightened position when the brunette woman began to walk towards him before Nestor placed his hand onto the middle part of her exposed back and directed Victoria towards the passenger side of the black Escalade. Nestor then opened the door with his unoccupied hand and let Victoria enter the car before the Oceteva man leaned down with his hand on top of the car and inquired with a raised eyebrow about the biker that was currently watching them like a hawk, "another friend of yours?"

Victoria glanced through the front windshield of the black Escalade, where she instantly spotted Chibs keeping an eye on them as he slowly moved to the door of the tattoo shop. The Miller woman shook her head with a chuckle at the protective biker before she looked up at Nestor and stated, "he's more like my uncle." A soft smile lifted onto Victoria's lips as she explained her relationship to Oceteva man, "I've known Chibs since I was thirteen and he's just always taken care of me whenever I would come to Charming with my brother."

Nestor silently nodded his head in understanding before he closed Victoria's door and slid into the drivers seat as he absorbed all this new information about the Miller woman that he would have never guessed would be true. The Oceteva man always thought ever since he met Victoria that the Mayans were the first and only motorcycle club that she was involved with. So it was definitely a surprise to Nestor that the Miller woman had been around motorcycle clubs since she was a teenager.

"Alright," the Miller woman huffed out as she turned her body to the side so she was facing the Oceteva man once Nestor started up the SUV before Victoria stated with an apologetic smile, "I know I said this would be the only thing that I need to do in Charming but I just need to say hi real quick to a friend then we go anywhere you want."

The Oceteva man shot the brunette nurse a small smile as he briefly tapped on her exposed knee with his index and middle finger before he assured Victoria, "It's cool. I don't mind." Nestor honestly didn't mind driving around or just sitting quietly while the Miller woman interacted with the local bikers as Nestor just liked seeing Victoria smile while in her element and absorbing the calmness that seems to surround her. "So, where do you need me to take you?" The Oceteva man inquired after he exited out of the parking lot of the tattoo shop before he came to a short stop as he didn't know where the bikers's clubhouse is located.

"Oh!" The Miller woman yelped as she realized that Nestor was basically lost and wasn't familiar with Charming like she is before the brunette nurse swiftly glanced around them to see where they were. Victoria then silently nodded her head to herself before she directed the Oceteva man to the Sons Of Anarchy clubhouse, "it's just off Main street, so you need to keep driving straight then take a sharp left. It's a place called Scoops and Sweets."

Nestor took a quick glance over at the brunette woman with a raised eyebrow while he continued to drive straight down the long road as soon as he heard the name of the establishment come out of Victoria's mouth. "Their clubhouse is an ice cream place?" The Oceteva man wondered with amusement throughout his voice.

Victoria lightly lifted her left shoulder in a shrugging motion with a chuckle as she knew she would get that reaction before the brunette nurse explained, "it's just a front like how the Mayans have the scrapyard. The clubhouse for the Sons is right above the ice cream store." The Miller woman then glanced out of the window as she looked at the familiar stores while she explained why the bikers were located at a business like that, "the original one was blown up about six or seven years ago and they decided to just keep it at this location instead of rebuilding the old one."

A shiver instantly ran down the Miller woman's spine as she recalled that one memory. Victoria had been in Charming and at the old clubhouse when the IRA blew it up. It was just one of the many dangerous situations that she had been in while being involved with the Sons. It wasn't the first one either but it was still scary for Victoria since she almost didn't get out in time. Thankfully, Juice had pulled her out of the clubhouse just seconds before it blew up.

The Oceteva man silently nodded his head as he could obviously understand why they wouldn't be at the same location anymore. "So, do they actually sell ice cream?" Nestor wondered after a moment of silence with the same amusement in his voice as the cartel assassin found it humorous that a dangerous motorcycle club was located in such a family-friendly place.

"Oh, yeah," the Miller woman answered with a chuckle before she stated with a smirk playing on her pink lips, "you should see the prospects." Victoria remembered the first that that she had walked into Scoops and Sweets after the club was officially moved in and she just couldn't stop laughing when she had seen the annoyed prospects. "They take care of the shop when the Sons don't need them," Victoria explained to Nestor about what the prospects do, "they sell all types of goodies - ice cream, candy, cookies, milkshakes." The brunette woman playfully rolled her hazel eyes as she commented, "it was a joke at first, but they couldn't just use the shop or the community would get suspicious so they run the parlor during the day time and the club's bar after five."

Nestor only got the chance to mumble out an amused, "interesting," at the clubhouse for Charming's local bikers as he pulled in front of the busy ice cream shop before he parked right underneath the bright green and yellow sign that read; Scoops & Sweets. The Oceteva man and the Miller woman then silently exited out of the black Escalade before Victoria lead them through the front door of the family-friendly establishment.

Victoria gave two small brunette children, who were running across the shop with a bag of candy, a polite smile before she looked towards the windowed counter of ice cream flavors and toppings, where she recognized a familiar face. "Hey, JJ," the Miller woman greeted the Sons prospect with a wave of her hand as she and Nestor walked in his direction.

The blonde and blue eyed prospect gave the brunette woman a small smile when he instantly recognized her calm figure. "Hey, Tiger," JJ greeted the nurse back before he nodded his head to the left towards the back of the ice cream shop. "He's up in the bar," the Sons prospect told Victoria as he knew who the brunette woman was looking for since Chibs mentioned that Victoria would be stopping by before he had left the clubhouse.

"Thank you, JJ," the Miller woman praised the prospect with a nod of her head before she told Nestor as she lead him to the back of the ice cream shop while she maneuvered around all of the smiling customers, "it's through here." Victoria walked over to a lone wooden door in the right corner of the busy establishment and opened the secret entrance that led them to the outside of Scoops and Sweets before she lead them up a set of steel stairs. The brunette nurse then opened the door that was on the second story of the old building before she entered the Sons clubhouse with Nestor silently following behind.

Victoria took a glance around the bar area of the clubhouse once she heard the door close behind them, where she noticed a couple of familiar faces drinking beer but they weren't who she was looking for at the moment. However, before the Miller woman could find her tattooed covered friend, a loud and deep voice called from the corner of the clubhouse that was behind her. "Well, look who finally decided to come home," the Lowman biker exclaimed with a wide smirk playing across his lips.

The Miller woman couldn't help but roll her hazel eyes in amusement while she was still facing the bar at the voice of her friend before Victoria turned around and walked passed Nestor until she was in front of the now standing Sons member. "Oh, shut up, Hap. You ain't any better, either, when you just got here," Victoria exclaimed with her own smirk and a small chuckle before she was suddenly pulled into a tight hug.

The Lowman biker and the Miller nurse hugged for a calm minute or two before they pulled away from each other and the Sergeant At Arms finally noticed the unfamiliar man that didn't belong in the clubhouse. Happy shot the man a heavy glare as he didn't know who he was and why he was with his close friend. The Lowman biker then completely ignored the man's presence as he turned back to Victoria before he curiously wondered, "so, what are you doin back in town?"

Victoria couldn't help but take a quick glance back at the Oceteva man with a small and assuring smile as she knew Happy would be the most difficult to be around since he was like Angel with his protectiveness over her. The Miller nurse was pleasantly surprised that the Son didn't immediately pull out a gun, though, so Victoria took that to mean Happy is, thankfully, in a good mood. Victoria, however, decided against jokingly commenting on the brash biker's rudeness like she usually would to keep him in line. Instead, the Miller woman explained why she was in Charming, "oh, I was drawing up Tona's reaper down at the shop."

The Lowman biker nodded his head before he instantly took notice of the large and familiar sketchbook in the brunette woman's arms. Happy then shot Victoria a wide grin before he asked, "you ready for another tattoo lesson?" It was a common occurrence whenever the Miller woman would come back to Charming, that Happy would help her hone her tattooing craft. It was something that they had been doing about two years after Happy had officially joined SAMCRO.

Victoria bit down on her bottom lip as she really did want to stay but she knew that she couldn't this time, so Victoria shook her head. "I can't," the brunette woman mumbled as she knew that she made a promise to Nestor to finally do something fun and normal before she told the Sons biker, "we really should be going." Victoria shot her close friend a small smile before she explained why she had showed up at the clubhouse, "I was just on my way out when Chibs told me you were back from Tacoma, so I just came to say hi before heading back to S'Padre."

"Oh, come on, Tiger," the Lowman biker moaned out before he tossed his arm over Victoria's shoulder and dragged her past the unknown and unimportant man and towards the bar that was occupied with Quinn, Ratboy, and a prospect. The Sergeant At Arms nodded his head at the prospect and held out two fingers before he tried to convince Victoria to stay, "one beer and a tattoo." Happy shot the brunette woman a pointed look as he uttered, "I know damn well your ass ain't busy today or you wouldn't have came out here, so come on and help your good pal out."

Victoria immediately rolled her hazel eyes at Happy's way of trying to convince her to stay before she gave the prospect that she didn't know a small nod when he handed her a bottle of Corona. The Miller woman took a large gulp while she tried to decide if she should go or not before Victoria faced the Lowman biker with a heavy sigh and muttered as she really did want to stay a little bit longer in Charming, "alright, fine."

The Miller woman pointed her finger at the Lowman biker as she squinted her hazel eyes before she commanded, "but only one beer and the tattoo." Victoria then slid her sketchbook across the wooden bar when Happy nodded his head in agreement before the Miller woman told the Sons biker, "pick which one you want me to do."

The Lowman biker shot his close friend a wink when he knew that he had convinced the Miller woman to stay like he usually does before he opened up the large sketchbook and flipped to the back that was reserved for his tattoo designs that Victoria had drawn for this very reason - to practice her craft. Happy then looked at each page for about five minutes until he found the one that he wanted to add to his collection of tattoos. "We're doin the lion," the Sons member told the brunette woman at he tapped his finger against the design before he swiftly stood up and headed to the back of the clubhouse to get his tattoo kit.

Victoria flipped the sketchbook towards her and looked at the page that Happy had stopped on before she noticed the design that the Sons biker had mentioned. The Miller woman took out the image from the sketchbook and put it to the side as she waited for her close friend to get back with the kit. However, while Victoria was waiting on Happy, the Miller woman walked behind the bar and gave Nestor, who was just standing to the side, a small nod to come closer.

"Hey, boys," the brunette nurse greeted the two fully patched members and the prospect of the Sons before she bent down and grabbed another Corona along with two shot glasses. Victoria then poured tequila into the shot glasses and pushed one over to Nestor, who was now standing on the other side of the bar in front of her, along with his beer and a small smile. The Miller woman felt bad that they were staying longer than she had said, so she at least wanted the Oceteva man to be comfortable with alcohol around the bikers while she was tattooing.

Nestor shook his head with an amused grin playing on his lips at the polite hostess inside the brunette woman before he bumped his shot glass against Victoria's and they muttered, "cheers," before they both downed the shot of tequila. The Miller woman then took the shot glasses and dumped them under the bar before she turned her attention back onto the Oceteva man as she apologized, "I'm sorry about Happy. He's not exactly a friendly guy."

Victoria felt a little bad and awkward that everyone they have meant in Charming has basically ignored Nestor's presence - well, except for Daytona, who had briefly talked with the Oceteva man. However, the Miller woman knew it was just because they were all protective of her. Victoria had grown up and around all the Sons, so she understood why they were very standoff-ish with the cartel assassin. She just wished that they were at least little friendly as she didn't want Nestor to think that she was ignoring him or didn't want him around. Victoria just hoped that Nestor didn't find it offensive or get angry.

A heavy laughter broke out from a few feet away from Victoria and Nestor which caused the Miller woman to jump out of her thoughts and caused the Oceteva man to pause before he could jokingly assure Victoria that he could handle a few bikers since he deals with rude people on a daily basis. "He just doesn't like guys around his girl," the man that had laughed, who happened to be Rane Quinn, told the man with the braids as a large smirk lifted onto his lips.

The Miller woman playfully rolled her hazel eyes at the Sons biker while she took a gulp of her Corona as she glanced at the long haired man. Victoria turned her attention back onto Nestor as she reached across the bar and unconsciously touched the top of Nestor's hand before she told him, "he's joking." The brunette nurse then paused for a moment as she glanced towards the ceiling as she thought about Happy and his personality before she quickly added in a mumble, "sort of."

Nestor let out his first sound since they had entered the clubhouse as he deeply chuckled before he rotated his wrist, that was still being lightly touched by the Miller woman, and held her hand as he gave it a slight squeeze. "I'm starting to see why he'd be protective over you," the Oceteva man whispered as he leaned over the bar and stared right into Victoria's hazel eyes.

The Miller woman felt like she was frozen in her spot and everything around them just disappeared after Nestor's simple but meaningful statement. Victoria didn't know why, but she was starting to always feel this way when Nestor would say or do a certain thing that would awaken something inside of her. The brunette nurse knew it probably wasn't good that she got these feelings with the cartel assassin, but Victoria loved and enjoyed it so much as it made her feel so alive.

"Alright, let's get this shit rollin," the loud and deep voice of Happy Lowman exclaimed as he interrupted the Miller woman's thoughts about the cartel assassin in front of her - which instantly caused Victoria to pull her hand out of Nestor's grasp when the Sons biker came back into the bar with his large black bag that held his tattoo kit.

Victoria awkwardly cleared her throat when she realized that she was in some sort of trance before she shot Nestor a small smile and a glare towards the three laughing bikers, who had been silently watching, on the other end of the bar. The Miller woman grabbed her sketch of the lion tattoo and followed after Happy as he walked towards the seating area that he originally had been in when she had arrived. The brunette nurse then grabbed the stencil from Happy's kit and his pen while the Lowman biker began to set up the tattooing station before she began to draw the lion design onto the thin paper.

The bar of the Sons Of Anarchy clubhouse was silent for about fifteen minutes, except for the small murmurs of Quinn and Ratboy talking to each other and the Lowman biker connecting the tattoo gun to the foot pedal, while Victoria concentrated on drawing the lion design for her tattooed friend. However, the silence was soon interrupted when the Oceteva man walked up to Victoria and lightly placed his hand onto her shoulder. Nestor shook his vibrating cell phone in his hand once Victoria looked back at him before he told the brunette woman, "I gotta take this call real quick. I'll be right back."

Victoria nodded her head in understanding as she figured it was Miguel before the brunette nurse pointed her finger towards the front door of the clubhouse. "You can take it outside if you need some privacy," the Miller woman told the Oceteva man before she silently watched as Nestor gave her a small smile as he brought his black touch phone up to his ear. Victoria then waited until Nestor exited out of the clubhouse before she turned her attention back onto her design to add the last few details.

The Lowman biker and the Miller woman ended up finishing at the same time after about ten more minutes of silence as Happy had put the tattoo station altogether just as Victoria placed the drawing pen down onto the table. Happy then began to shed out of his kutte and his grey reaper shirt while Victoria was putting her hair into a low ponytail before the Lowman biker took a seat onto the leather couch. The Sergeant At Arms watched the brunette woman for a moment before he curiously wondered with a raised eyebrow, "so, what happened with Reyes?"

Victoria immediately rolled her hazel eyes at her close friend while she tightened her ponytail by pulling at her brunette hair at the end of the black hair tie. "I'm still involved with Angel," the Miller woman told the Son once she was sure her hair would stay in place before she nodded her head towards the front door and explained her relationship with the man that had just left that way, "Nestor and I are just friends." The brunette nurse then gave Happy a pointed but playful look as she ordered, "so, please be nice."

A deep chuckle rippled throughout the Sergeant At Arms's body before he mumbled with a smirk while he stared across at the brunette woman, who thought he could be nice to some random guy that was hanging around his close friend, "mmhm, sure, little girl." The Lowman biker then silently grabbed one of the cleaning cloths from his tattoo kit and cleaned off the top of his hand, where he wanted his new tattoo, before he placed his palm down onto the stool between him and Victoria.

The Miller woman only shook her head at her close friend with amusement in her hazel irises as she knew Happy was going to continue to be an ass to the Oceteva man. It's just what the Lowman biker always does to someone that's not involved with the club and something that she was used to, so Victoria only let out a quiet sigh before she focused on perfecting her craft as she carefully placed the lion stencil onto Happy's hand. The brunette nurse then slipped on a pair of blue rubber gloves and began to prepare the black ink and the tattoo gun.

However, while the Miller woman was busy with getting ready for their tattoo session, the Lowman biker told the brunette woman as he continued with their previous conversation, "well, whenever you finally get tired of Reyes, make sure you come see me." Happy then waited until Victoria was looking at him before the Sergeant At Arms rubbed the middle of his jean-clad crotch and muttered with a smirk, "I have a spot just for you."

Victoria rolled her hazel eyes, once again, with a small chuckle as she was used to this side of Happy. It was just about every single time that they were together that the Sons biker would tell her this. Angel didn't even get jealous anymore since they were just playing around - well, for the most part. "Oh, shut up, Hap," the Miller woman told her friend as she placed her foot down onto the pedal, which started up the tattoo gun, before she joked, "I don't want your STD ass anywhere near me."

The Lowman biker loudly scoffed throughout the silent bar in the SAMCRO clubhouse before he looked down at the brunette woman and commanded with his thick and rough voice, "keep up the lies, little girl." A wide smirk then pulled onto the Sons biker's lips before he teased, "you know you'll come crawling to me one of these days."

"Only in your dreams, Hap," the Miller woman joked back before she and Happy exchanged a quick laugh at the calmness and relaxing feeling that they always felt around each other because of their close and long friendship. Victoria then took a deep breath once the bar grew silent as she knew that she needed to focus all her attention on the task at hand, so Victoria took a deep breath before she moved her chair closer towards Happy and the stool that the biker's hand was lying on. The tattoo artist in training then began to trace the outline of the lion tattoo with the black ink from the gun as carefully as she could.

"You're doing good," Happy complimented the nervous nurse as he watched how she was working the tattoo gun and how much pressure that she was putting on his skin while she kept her foot down on the pedal. "Now, when you get to the edges, make sure you relax your hand around the tattoo gun and curve your wrist," the Lowman biker instructed when Victoria began to trace the hair of the lion that reached the top part of his knuckles.

The Miller woman silently nodded her head as she took in the advice from the Sons member that happens to be a professional tattoo artist and her close friend while she adjusted her grip on the tattoo gun. Victoria traced the outline of the whole tattoo on Happy's hand for about fifteen minutes before she lifted the needle and dabbed it into the little pod of black ink. The brunette nurse then wiped the extra ink with the napkin that was on her lap before she started back up as she worked on the bottom lip of the wide opened mouth of the lion.

"Now, to shade in the mouth, you're going to have to press down a little harder and swipe the needle like you would when painting with a brush in small and easy strokes," the Lowman biker directed the brunette woman as he didn't want to spook Victoria once he knew that she was finished with the outline of his lion tattoo.

Victoria immediately did exactly like the Lowman biker told her to do as she had done black shading work a few times on Happy's body like the cross on his back along with Angel's Mayans tattoo. The Miller woman then continued the small strokes like she was taught before she would wipe the extra ink off with the folded napkin after she would get more ink for about another fifteen minutes as she shaded in the hair close to Happy's fingers, the lion's forehead, nose, and around his eyes.

The Miller woman pulled the tattoo gun away from the biker's skin and stared down at her art work to make sure that she had the shading down like she had in her drawing from the sketchbook. Victoria then looked up at Happy once she realized that she got all of the right spots down with the black ink before she quizzically inquired, "do you want me to highlight between the shading?"

Happy nodded his head with a small but proud grin and exclaimed, "exactly," as he had been waiting for the Miller woman to realize the next step. "You'll need to highlight the teeth, whiskers, nose, around the eyes, and between the hair," the Lowman biker instructed before he pointed towards the packaged needle on the table and told Victoria, "now, you need to switch needles, so you can use the white ink."

Victoria instantly began to nervously bite down on her bottom lip as the Lowman biker never needed her to change out the needles before since they usually just stick to plain black tattoos or Happy would change the needles for her along with the fact that Happy's gun is different than the one that she has. The Miller woman then glanced down at the tattoo gun as she tried to remember the steps before she looked up at the amused Happy once she realized that she had no idea what she was doing and mumbled, "how exactly do I do that?"

The Lowman biker let out a small chuckle as he knew that he would get that reaction from the brunette woman before he moved his thighs around the stool so he could be closer to the tattoo gun. Happy then pointed to the tiny screw on the back of the needle before he instructed, "you need to unscrew this, the grommet, then you can easily slide the needle out."

The Miller woman nodded her head in understanding as she realized that it wasn't as complicated as she was making it out to be. Victoria held the tattoo gun with her left gloved hand now that she knew how to exchange the needle before she began to unscrew the grommet at the end of the tattoo gun. The brunette nurse then soon realized that the grommet was connected to a bar, so she rotated it to the side before she slowly pulled out the black inked needle.

"Perfect," the rough voice of the Sons biker complimented as he watched the slow actions of the brunette woman replacing the needle for the first time. "Alright, now all you gotta do is take the RS needle out of the package and place it into the same spot before putting the grommet back into place and tighten the screw as tight as it will go," Happy instructed once Victoria placed the used needle onto the table.

The Miller woman momentarily placed the tattoo gun down on her thighs and turned her attention onto the small table beside them before she glanced at the multiple packages of needles. Victoria studied each one for a minute or two before she spotted the package with the letters; 'RS.' The brunette nurse then opened up the package and placed the needle back into the gun before she followed Happy's instructions and tightened the grommet back behind the needle.

"Alright, good," the Sons biker muttered as he could tell the needle was in the right place before he told the tattoo artist in training, "the highlighting is just like shading. You just need to go in slow and easy strokes." Happy then used his free hand and pointed towards the eyes of the lion as he instructed, "let's start here. You'll go around the eyes with the white ink along with the lashes to make them stand out."

Victoria silently nodded her head and muttered, "got it." The Miller woman then dipped the fresh needle into the small pod of white ink before she stepped her foot back onto the pedal and began to work on the bottom part of the dark eyes of the lion. Victoria went even more slowly and carefully as she highlighted the tattoo as she wanted it to be perfect before she moved onto the other eye.

However, just as Victoria was placing the white covered needle onto the right eye of the lion, was the time that the Oceteva man finally walked back through the front door of the clubhouse. The Miller woman paused at the sound of someone entering the bar before she looked up at Nestor with a small smile and wondered as she didn't want to hold Nestor up if Miguel needed him back in Santo Padre, "everything all good?"

The Oceteva man nodded his head and simply uttered, "false alarm," as he didn't trust any of the bikers around him to say anything about Miguel or the cartel. Nestor then took a seat at a table that was a couple of feet away from the tattooing station while he silently watched as Victoria gave him another one of her dazzling smiles that Nestor could look at all day before the brunette woman focused back onto her task.

Victoria finished the last detail of the lion's eyes once she knew that Nestor didn't need to leave as she would have just gotten a ride from Happy instead of getting the Oceteva man in trouble with Miguel. The brunette woman then moved her attention onto the nose of the lion and began to highlight around the black shaded nose for a few minutes so it would stand out against the dark ink before Victoria moved onto the sharp teeth of the fierce animal.

The Miller woman worked on the mouth of the lion for about ten minutes or so before she paused as she could feel this tense awkwardness in the clubhouse. Victoria didn't like it, so she glanced over at Happy, who had his death stare in the direction behind her, while Nestor had his eyes on her and the tattoo that she was doing.

The brunette nurse let out a heavy sigh as she knew that she needed to settle this or she wouldn't be able to concentrate, so Victoria loudly cleared her throat before she pointed at the Sons biker in front of her. "Happy," the Miller woman stated before she pointed her finger towards the man behind her and stated, "Nestor." She shot Happy a slightly glare before she exclaimed, "there, now you know each other so stop with the macho act."

The Lowman biker raised his free hand in the air with a wide smirk on his face before he told the obviously annoyed brunette woman to annoy her even more like he always does, "I'm not causing any problems. I would never do that."

Victoria rolled her hazel eyes as she knew that Happy was just trying to get on her nerves like he does every time they are together before she exclaimed, "like hell you wouldn't." The Miller woman soon realized that she wasn't going to be able to get the Sons biker out of his childish games, so Victoria glanced over her shoulder towards Nestor and told him so he could at least be comfortable until she was finished, "you can go around the bar if you need another beer."

The Oceteva man silently nodded his head before he quietly got up from his seat at the small table and headed towards the bar. Nestor gave the three bikers a small greeting with a nod before he grabbed three beers instead of just one as he decided to make peace for Victoria since she was obviously bothered by the fact that her friend was being an asshole. The Oceteva man then headed back to the tattooing station once he had the caps off of the Corona bottles before he held out a beer towards the tattooed biker as a peace offering.

The Sergeant At Arms glanced between the focused Victoria, the beer, and the man that his close friend was hanging around with a dead stare in his brown irises. Happy then huffed out a silent sigh after a minute or so as he decided to be at least a tiny bit nice for Victoria's sake before he gave Nestor a small nod and quietly muttered his appreciation as he grabbed the beer bottle, "thanks."

Victoria glanced up from the lion tattoo when she heard the surprising words fall out of her close friend's mouth. "Now was that so hard?" The Miller woman tauntingly wondered as she raised her eyebrow at the Sons biker after he finally acted nice towards the Oceteva man.

"Very," the Sergeant At Arms sarcastically muttered to the brunette woman as he held the edge of his Corona against his opened lips before he took a large gulp.

The Miller woman rolled her hazel eyes at the Lowman biker before she suddenly shivered when she felt a cold touch on her bare shoulder. Victoria lightly placed the tattoo gun on her thigh before she glanced behind her, where she noticed Nestor holding up a fresh Corona beer bottle for her. The brunette nurse gave the Oceteva man a small smile before she grabbed the bottle from his hand and murmured, "thank you, Nestor."

The Oceteva man silently nodded his head before he softly murmured, "no problem." Nestor then peaked over Victoria's shoulder and curiously looked down at her work that looked quite amazing in his opinion. "So, how many tattoos have you done?" The Oceteva man curiously wondered as he could tell this was definitely not Victoria's first one.

The brunette nurse bit down on her bottom lip as she thought for a moment of how many tattoos she had done while she highlighted the tongue of the lion. "I've been doing tattoos for Happy for about seven years," Victoria began as she recalled all the times that she has had a tattoo gun in her hand, "and I've done one or two for Angel along with a couple for some of the other Sons and Mayans, so quite a lot."

"You've done them for that long and you still don't think you're any good?" Nestor questioned in disbelief. The Oceteva man had thought that Victoria had only been doing actual tattoos for a couple of months by how shy and nervous she had been while they had talked about her tattooing career last night outside of the hospital.

"You're still on that bullshit, little girl?" The Lowman biker interrogated before the Miller woman even had the chance to answer the Oceteva man's question. Happy rolled his brown eyes at Victoria before he glanced over at the man with the braids and exclaimed, "she does this every damn time." The Sergeant At Arms then looked back over at Victoria, who was looking annoyed, before he told her like he always does, "if I thought you were shit then I wouldn't have spent years helping you nor would I let you tat me all up."

Victoria huffed out a sigh as she knew that Happy was right but she definitely wasn't about to tell him that or she would never hear the end of it. Instead, the Miller woman shot her close friend a glare and told him, "oh, stop ganging up on me before I 'accidentally' stab you." Victoria had just always thoughts her tattoos weren't that good but every time that she did one and someone would compliment her, it just made the brunette nurse that more determined to get better and better.

The biker and the assassin both laughed in Victoria's expense - which caused the Miller woman to immediately roll her hazel eyes. At least there isn't anymore tension, Victoria thought to herself before she focused back onto the lion tattoo and finished the last bit of the white highlighting around the lion's fur. The tattoo artist in training then worked on the rest of the tattoo for about fifteen more minutes with the sound of beer bottles being lifted to lips and the two men chatting together before Victoria let out a tired sigh and exclaimed, "there. It's all finished."

Happy flexed out his hand that had been in one position for a while before he brought his new tattoo towards his face so he could study it more closely. "Looks good, little girl," the Sons biker complimented with a nod of his head after a minute or two of looking at the lion. Happy then glanced up towards the nervous looking Victoria with a small chuckle before he stood up from his seat and slung his arm over the Miller woman's shoulder. "You did good, little girl," the biker promised and placed a quick kiss onto Victoria's temple before he headed over to the bar for a shot of tequila.

"You know, he's not wrong," the Oceteva man told the Miller woman as he stood up from his seat at the small table and stood closely beside the brunette woman, who was taking apart the tattoo gun and placing the supplies back into the black bag as she packed everything away now that she was finished.

Victoria shot the Oceteva man a small but grateful smile as she liked getting compliments on her tattooing work since it builds up her confidence to continue on with the hobby. "Thanks," the Miller woman quietly murmured before a large smirk lifted onto her lips and she pointed at Nestor as she exclaimed when she remembered their conversation from last night, "but I'm still not going to tattoo you."

The Oceteva man took a step closer to the brunette nurse until their was only inches between them before he whispered with a small smirk playing across his lips, "I'll get you there." Nestor still, in fact, wanted Victoria to give him a tattoo like had asked for yesterday - especially now after seeing her drawing and tattooing skills first hand.

The Miller woman let out a chuckle as she pushed her hand against Nestor's hard chest and muttered, "oh, shut up." Victoria then headed back to the bar, where she saw Happy pouring five shots of tequila. The brunette nurse rested herself against the wood of the bar once she reached the three bikers before she told Happy with a sigh, "I think I'm going to have to get going, Hap." Victoria always hated leaving Charming - especially since it has been months since she had seen any of her Charming family. She always felt like she was leaving apart of her life behind when she would leave and Victoria always hated that feeling.

The Lowman biker pouted towards his close friend but he understood that Victoria couldn't stay since it was starting to get late and he didn't want her on the road too late, so Happy nodded his head before he pushed two shot glasses towards her and the man beside her while he kept his and pushed the other two towards Quinn and Ratboy. The Sergeant At Arms then lifted up his shot glass and toasted, "to Tiger finally coming home."

The three bikers, the nurse, and the cartel assassin all downed their shot of tequila before Victoria shot her close friend a small smile at the toast that he did for her. The Miller woman then walked around the bar and pulled Happy into a tight hug before she whispered, "thank you." This was another reason why Victoria always hated leaving Charming. The Sons always made her feel like she belonged here and it has always meant everything to Victoria since they have protected and cared for her like a family should.

The Miller woman and the Lowman biker stayed in that position for a few minutes as they embraced each other before Victoria slowly pulled away and promised the Sergeant At Arms, "I'll try to come back as soon as I can." Victoria did always try to come back to Charming as much as she could but it was hard when she was always working so when she has a day off, the Miller woman always tries to come visit if she doesn't have any plans with Angel.

"You better," the rough voice of the Lowman biker exclaimed as he squinted his brown irises at the brunette woman. Happy then shot Victoria a small smirk before he exclaimed, "or I'mma show up in Santo Padre and drag your ass back home."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you, Hap," the Miller woman chuckled as she shook her head at her tattooed friend with a wide and happy grin shining across her face. Happy had actually done that a few times when she didn't come to Charming for a few months, so the brunette woman knew he wasn't lying. Victoria then tore her eyes from Happy or she wouldn't leave before she waved her hand towards the other bikers. "It was good to see you guys again," the brunette woman told Quinn and Ratboy before she gave Nestor a nod and headed towards the front door of the clubhouse to leave.

However, before the Oceteva man and the Miller woman could leave and head back to Santo Padre, the loud voice of Quinn shouted as he jogged towards them, "hey, wait up!" The long haired man walked through the door with Victoria and Nestor before he told the brunette woman, "Nate gave me something to give to you." Quinn then dug through his kutte before he pulled out a small envelope and handed it over to Victoria.

The Miller woman furrowed her brows as she slowly grabbed ahold of the envelope and noticed her brother's scratchy handwriting that he has had since they were kids. "W-What's this?" Victoria wondered in a soft whisper as she glanced up at the tall man. The brunette nurse was honestly surprised to have something sent to her by Nathan since he tries to not do anything like this as he doesn't want her to be in danger.

"Nate gave me this letter before I was released from Stockton," Quinn told the brunette woman before he explained why he was the one giving it to her instead of receiving it in the mail, "he didn't want to send it to you encase someone realized your connection to the club or if daddy dearest was keeping tabs on you guys, so I told him I'd get it to you whenever you came through."

"Oh," Victoria mumbled out in shock as she stared down at the envelope in her slightly shaky hands. The Miller woman felt like it was a miracle whenever she would hear anything from her brother since it's been over seven years since she had actually talked to him. She hated that Nathan was so worried about her but she understood since they had no idea where their father is after the day that sent Nathan to prison along with the fact that someone could come after her if they knew her connection to SAMCRO. Victoria then quickly glanced back up at the tall biker once she realized that she was lost in her thoughts before she praised him, "thanks, Quinn. I appreciate this so much."

Quinn shrugged his large shoulders to show that he didn't mind doing that for the Miller siblings before he waved his hand and told the brunette woman, "it's nothing. You know you and your brother are family."

Victoria nodded her head before she swiftly wrapped her arms around the surprised Sons biker's waist. "Thank you for this," the Miller woman praised once more before she whispered, "thank you for keeping Nate safe and I appreciate this so much since I rarely get to talk to my brother." Victoria couldn't even remember the last time that she and Nathan had actually shared words with each other so the brunette woman was eternally grateful for Quinn right now.

The tall and tattooed biker silently nodded his head before he stated as he knew the history of the Miller siblings, "I know how it is, Tiger." Quinn then pulled away from the brunette woman's embrace after a moment and gave Victoria a small grin before the Sons biker told the Miller woman, "give me a call if you need to get a letter back to Nate and I'll make it happen."

The Miller woman gave the Sons biker a small smile as she was very thankful that she would have the opportunity to give her brother a letter back as Victoria knew Quinn nor any of the other SAMCRO members would put her into danger by doing this for her. It meant the world to Victoria, too, as it has been years since she and Nathan have had a back and forth conversation because usually it would be Nathan having the Sons tell her something without having the chance to tell her brother anything back.

The brunette nurse gave the Sons biker one last smile when he headed back towards the SAMCRO clubhouse before she waited until Quinn had closed the door behind him. Victoria then glanced down at the envelope between her hands and bit down on her bottom lip while she thought of all the possibilities of what her brother had to say to her.

However, before Victoria's running thoughts could go wild about what would be in the letter, the surprisingly gentle voice of the Oceteva man called out after a few minutes of them standing by the stairs of the clubhouse and Scoops and Sweets in silence, "hey." Nestor raised one of his thick eyebrows at Victoria once she glanced up at him before Nestor wondered, "you ready to go?"

Victoria gave the Oceteva man a quick smile and murmured, "yeah, sure." The Miller woman tightened her hand around her brother's letter that was resting on her sketchbook before she walked passed the waiting Nestor and headed down the steel stairs. Victoria then walked back through the door of Scoops and Sweets once Nestor opened it for her before they silently walked through the busy establishment.

The Miller woman gave the blonde prospect, JJ, behind the counter a small smile and a quick wave as she silently said goodbye while he was busy scooping out strawberry ice cream for a local teenager before Victoria exited out the front door of Scoops and Sweets with Nestor following closely behind. The nurse and the assassin then headed to the black Escalade, where Nestor opened the door for Victoria and allowed her to enter the car before he also joined her.

The black Escalade was silent for a few minutes as the Oceteva man drove away from Scoops and Sweets and headed down Main street while Victoria watched all of the familiar places past them by before the Miller woman turned her attention over to Nestor and curiously wondered, "do you know your way out of here?"

"I think so," Nestor mumbled as he glanced around the road while he tried to remember the way that they had came from. "I just gotta take a left then head down Interstate 405, right?" The Oceteva man inquired before he took a quick glance over at the Miller woman as he wanted to make sure that he was going the right way.

Victoria nodded her head as she shot the Oceteva man a small smile and uttered, "correct." The black Escalade then grew silent once more as Nestor drove away from the small town of Charming. However, the Miller woman couldn't help but continue to look down at the letter in her lap instead of paying attention to the road. Victoria was going to wait until she was alone to read her brother's letter in private but she knew that would be over an hour and she didn't want to wait any longer, so Victoria took a quick glance over to Nestor to see he wasn't paying attention to her before she quickly opened up the pale envelope.

The Miller woman took a deep breath and closed her hazel eyes as she tried to prepare herself for what she would read when she slowly opened up the folded paper. Victoria gave herself a moment before the brunette woman looked down at her brother's horrible writing skills and began to read the first words of Nathan Miller for the first time in over a year in a half ~

Dear Tori-bug,

How you doing, baby sister? I know it's been awhile since we've had the chance to talk but I just didn't want to take the chance. I didn't want to put you in danger, but Quinn finally convinced me that no one would find out about this. I know you're probably still pissed at me for basically shutting you out since I've been in here but it's for the best, Victoria, and you know that. You've been involved with the club since we were kids and I know the guys will keep you safe but it's hard to protect you when you're still living at home.

Speaking of home, that is another reason why I don't want you to come up here to Stockton. Hank is still out there and we don't know if he'll ever come back for you. You know dad has "business partners" all around the state, so there could be a possibility that he's keeping tabs on me and I don't want him to find you again. I know it's been years since anyone has seen Hank, but we can't take any chances or I will kill that son of a bitch if he does ever come back to Santo Padre like I should have done back then. I just want you to stay safe, Victoria, so I hope you aren't still pissed at me after you read this and understand that I just want what is best for my baby sister.

Alright, now that that's out of the way, let's get to what you have probably been waiting for since Quinn handed this to you; I'm okay, Tori-bug. I've been staying out of trouble this year and keeping my head down. The Sons's connections are keeping me safe from all of the gangs in here, so you stop worrying, alright? Now, I do have some good news for you. I spoke to my lawyer a few weeks ago and he thinks the court might be looking into my case again. I don't want you to get your hopes up but I think we'll be getting some good news in a couple of months. I'll give the guys a call whenever I get an update to tell you.

I have so many things I wish I could finally say to you, Tori-bug, but I just can't seem to put them into words. The one thing that I know I need to say, though, is how sorry I am. I know this is long overdue, but it's time I apologize to you about a lot of things, Victoria. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you through these last twelve years and all the things I've missed in your life since you were sixteen. It kills me to know that I couldn't watch you grow into the strong woman you are now. But most importantly, I'm sorry I never realized what was happening when we were kids and for what dad was doing to you.

I still feel absolutely horrible that I didn't even know Hank and his friends were doing that to you since you were thirteen. I should have known, though. I was supposed to be protecting you and I failed to see what was happening right under my nose. It will be my biggest regret in life that I didn't realize you were in pain for those three long years. If I would have known, I would have taken you to Charming with me a long time ago.

I know we never got the chance to talk about what happened before I got locked up, so I have no idea what you had to go through, Tori-bug, and I know it's twelve years too late but I hope and pray that you had someone there for you and talked to someone about those three years. I can't even imagine the pain you had to go through to survive the abuse and move forward with your life (for that I am so sorry for not being able to protect you better), but you wanna know what?

I am so proud of you, Tori-bug. I know I never got the chance to tell you that but you went through hell and came out stronger. You are an absolute warrior. I never did say that enough when we were kids but I really am proud of you and I always have been. Hell, you survived all that abuse for three years and you are now a successful pediatric nurse like you always wanted (Happy told me). I'm not even surprised, Tori-bug, since you've always been this brave, strong, and determined girl.

You've made me a proud brother but I just wish I could have cheered you on by your side through all these milestones. Nonetheless, I am extremely happy of the woman that you have grown to be - despite the fact that I couldn't protect you or save you from all of these hardships that you had to face nor could I be there to support you through all the good things.

You deserve all the happiness in the world, Victoria, and I hope that you are in fact happy. You deserve the sun and the moon, baby sister. I just want you to know that it makes me feel so overjoyed of who you are today. I've missed so much in your life and I can never apologize enough for missing those twelve years but it was all worth it in the end. You became this smart and strong woman, even after all the shit Hank put you through, and that is all I have ever wanted for you. Your happiness is so worth my freedom, Tori-bug, so don't go blaming yourself. It was my duty as your brother to protect you, even though I wished I could have done it sooner, and I don't regret a second of it.

I miss you so damn much, Tori-bug, but this is where this letter ends. I wish I could see your beautiful face and hear your lovable voice but we both know that is not possible right now. I just hope you are happy and staying safe. I love you, baby sister, and remember - you're my strong warrior girl and I am so proud of you.

Love, Nate

Victoria's hazel eyes immediately teared up as she stared at the last word from her brother. Well, actually, they had been watering since the first sentence but warm tears were now slowly and silently streaming down her face. The brunette nurse honestly didn't think Nathan's words were going to affect her so much but they did. It was just all these memories and emotions from their childhood that caused her emotional state.

Victoria really tried to push the event that caused her brother's imprisonment to the very back of her mind but after Nathan mentioning it multiple times, it caused all those horrible memories to come back. The brunette woman didn't blame her brother, though, since he only knew the truth for about thirty minutes until the police showed up, so she knew Nathan was still trying to absorb all the abuse that she went through. It was just hard for Victoria to think about since the only other person that knew the truth about it is Ezekiel.

Victoria honestly didn't even want to tell her best friend when it happened but the whole ordeal was all over the news when it happened twelve years ago, so she couldn't exactly hide it. Santo Padre wasn't known for their secrets, so Nathan's trial was all over the local news shows and radio stations - which was the reason why she had told Ezekiel. However, the case, thankfully, only focused on the murder of their father's friend instead of the sexual assault since Nathan walked in before it happened. The judge didn't add in the abuse into Nathan's case since the police said that there was no proof of their father's friend actually touching her. Victoria only ended up telling Ezekiel about it because of the rumors of the abuse around town. However, no one, except for Nathan, knew that it didn't only happen one time but over a three year period - and even then, Nathan didn't know all what their father made her do. It was just something that Victoria has always kept hidden away.

"Hey," the soft voice of the Oceteva man whispered as he lightly placed his hand onto the Miller woman's bare knee when he noticed that she was shaking like a leaf. "Are you okay?" Nestor questioned with his brows deeply furrowed while he stared over at Victoria when they came to a stop from the traffic as he could feel the sadness and despair rolling off of the brunette nurse.

The Miller woman flinched at the touch as she was basically reliving all the trauma over again before she quickly wiped the tears from her hazel eyes and gave Nestor a small smile. Victoria let out a humorless chuckle and mumbled, "I'm fine," before she carefully folded up the letter and placed it into her leather purse. The brunette nurse then folded her arms over her chest to offer herself some type of comfort before she murmured, "it's just been a long time since I've heard from my brother and it was the first time he actually mentioned what caused him to go to prison from what our father did."

The Oceteva man stared deeply into Victoria's hazel eyes while he waited for the traffic to clear up as he tried to figure the brunette woman out. Nestor knew that her brother was in prison for killing someone and that she isn't close to her parents but he just didn't know how the two were connected. The brown eyed man knew he could cause Victoria to close up on him, but he was too curious to stop, so Nestor gently inquired as he hoped he didn't spook the brunette woman, "what did happen back then? What did your father do to cause your brother to go away for murder?"

Victoria immediately began to bite down on her bottom lip at the question as she hated talking or even thinking about the answer. However, it was already on her mind and Nestor has only been nice and she felt like she could trust him, so Victoria released a small sigh before she clued the cartel assassin about her childhood, "I know I mentioned that my father was a drug dealer around town but he also was involved in some other illegal things." The Miller woman watched as Nestor nodded his head as he remembered what she was talking about before Victoria continued with bitterness in her voice, "let's just say... Hank, my father's, other business was selling his daughter to his buddies."

Nestor clinched his fingers tightly around the leather steering wheel of his black Escalade without even realizing it as a familiar anger instantly began to fill his veins. The Oceteva man honestly didn't know what he had been expecting to what Victoria was going to tell him, but it definitely hadn't been this. Nestor wasn't even sure what it all entailed by Victoria's father 'selling' her. He didn't know if it was a sexual, physical abuse, or something completely different since the brunette nurse didn't give him much information. The one thing the cartel assassin knew at the moment, though, is that he had a strong emotion of finding Victoria's father and torturing him until his death.

Nestor was beginning to care a lot about Victoria from the short time that he has gotten to know her, so he hated even thinking or hearing a tiny bit of what happened to the brunette nurse during her childhood - despite all of the torture and horrible things that he has done himself. The Oceteva man, however, knew the next thing that would come out of his mouth could possibly cause Victoria to close him out or cause him to want to murder her father even more, but Nestor knew that he needed to know everything so the Oceteva man tried to unclench his jaw as best as he could before he gently asked the brunette nurse, "what did they do to you, Victoria?"

The emotional Miller woman stared directly into the Oceteva man's brown eyes for a moment with her brows deeply furrowed as she didn't get why Nestor was getting so invested into her horrible past before she quickly waved her hand. "It's not important anymore," Victoria mumbled, "I shouldn't have said anything. It's all in the past, anyway." The brunette nurse then quickly began to look around the road as she tried to find a way to change the conversation away from her childhood. Thankfully, Victoria spotted a familiar restaurant after a minute or two, so the Miller woman pointed towards the old place and exclaimed, "oh! I love -"

However, before Victoria could finish her sentence about the small and familiar place, the Oceteva man quickly interrupted the rambling woman as he gently placed his large and warm hand back onto the brunette nurse's exposed knee and softly murmured to grab Victoria's attention, "hey."

The Oceteva man waited until Victoria's hazel eyes were locked with his brown ones before he continued in his surprisingly kind and gentle voice as he assured the brunette woman, "I'm not going to pressure you to tell me anything, you know that, right?" Nestor then gave Victoria a tiny smile before he stated, "I won't judge you because of the things that your father made you do." The Oceteva man quietly shook his head before he expressed truthfully, "I know I don't have the whole story or know anything about what you had to go through, but you don't have to be frightened or afraid to talk about it with me." Nestor squeezed the Miller woman's knee for one final time with a small smile as he softly told the brunette nurse, "I'll be here for you, Victoria."

The pediatric nurse felt like she was frozen in her spot after Nestor's kind words while she stared into his now soft, instead of his usual hard, brown eyes. Victoria honestly hadn't been expecting the compassionate words from the cartel assassin - someone who she had met only a week ago. However, it meant the world to the Miller woman since Nestor is the first person since Ezekiel that she had told about her childhood- despite the fact that she didn't really actually tell Nestor what exactly happened. It was still a huge step for Victoria since she has always kept that part of her life in a locked box for the past twelve years.

"Thank you," the brunette nurse softly uttered once she finally got over her shock of the kindness that she was being shown by a very dangerous man. "I appreciate it," Victoria murmured as she placed her hand over Nestor's that was her knee and gave it a slight squeeze to show her gratitude for the fact that she could trust him with her past and the fact that he wasn't pushing her to talk about the trauma that has haunted her dreams for years.

Victoria honestly didn't know if she would ever be ready to talk about what her father made her do with his friends and the physical abuse that she took from both of her parents. She had kept it hidden for so long that Victoria felt like it would ruin everything that she built to have a happy life away from that part of her. Victoria didn't even go to the house that had caused all of those horrible memories. It was just a place that she had boarded up when her father skipped town and her mother was put in jail, so no one could experience what she had to go through for those three long years. Victoria honestly didn't see any reason to open up that old wound, anyway. She is a grown woman now and she knows how to protect herself and isn't afraid of her parents anymore. Victoria just prayed that someone didn't try to open it up anymore than it already is or there would be a floodgate of nightmares that Victoria wanted to keep away for the rest of her life.

The Miller woman took a deep breath as she closed her hazel eyes while she pushed all those memories away and put that wall back up in her mind when she felt tears wanting to leak out. Victoria then glanced over the road when she felt normal again now that she pushed her childhood away before the brunette nurse's brows instantly furrowed. "You know you're heading towards Los Angeles, right?" Victoria inquired after she realized that they were going the complete opposite direction of her hometown.

Nestor let out a quiet chuckle with an amused smile playing on his lips while he drove down the highway before Nestor took a quick glance over to the puzzled woman. "Actually, we're headed towards San Diego," the Oceteva man corrected Victoria as if that would help her understand what was going on any better.

Victoria rose one of her eyebrows at the Oceteva man before she curiously wondered as she decided to humor the cartel assassin for a moment, "and why are we going to San Diego instead of Santo Padre?" The Miller woman honestly thought they were heading back home so she was actually surprised and a little nervous at the fact that wasn't Nestor's plan.

The Oceteva man gave the Miller woman a small and quick smile before he focused back onto the busy highway. Nestor waited until he hit another red light before he turned his attention back onto the puzzled nurse and reminded Victoria what he said earlier today with a lightness in his usual hard voice, "I promised you a fun and normal day." The cartel assassin then shot Victoria a teasing smirk and exclaimed, "and I always stick to my promises."

The black Escalade was silent for a few minutes once the Miller woman and the Oceteva man shared a small smile with each other before they continued to travel down the road in a calm and relaxed silence. However, though, once they merged onto Interstate 405 South and merged onto California-73 South towards San Diego, Nestor decided to finally explain to Victoria about where he was taking her as he secretly uttered, "I found this place a couple of years ago and I've came here ever since."

Victoria turned her body to the side, so she was staring at the side of the Oceteva man's face before she lifted an amused eyebrow at how secretive Nestor was being. "I'm guessing you aren't going to tell me where we're going?" The Miller woman inquired in a form of a question - even though she felt like she already knew the answer.

Nestor let out a deep chuckle at the impatient woman before he took a glance over at Victoria with a playfulness in his brown eyes that the cartel assassin hadn't felt in years. "You would be correct," the Oceteva man uttered as he affirmed what the brunette nurse thought.

The Miller woman couldn't help but roll her hazel eyes as she wasn't the best with surprises. Victoria always hated surprises since she was little and she would try to guess her birthday presents from Nathan. The brunette nurse figured it wouldn't hurt to try to guess like she did as a child, so Victoria twisted her body even further until her back was against the window of the SUV before she began to guess where they were going, "aaaare... we going to a skating rink?"

The Oceteva man shook his head in amusement as he knew Victoria was trying to spoil the surprise. "Nope," Nestor told the extremely curious nurse before he quickly turned his brown irises over to Victoria when he pulled to a stop at an intersection. "Now stop trying to guess," Nestor told the Miller woman as he shot her a playful scolding look. "Just enjoy the view and relax," the Oceteva man instructed as he rolled down the windows when he noticed that they were getting closer.

"I'm not a fan of surprises," Victoria mumbled stubbornly with her bottom lip pouted out before she decided to listen to the Oceteva man as she looked out of the window. The Miller woman figured since Nestor wasn't going to tell her, that she would just figure it out herself by looking at their surroundings. However, Victoria couldn't help, even though she was a little bothered by not knowing where they were going, but to be amazed by the coast of San Diego. The seaside of the city was quite gorgeous. Victoria usually stayed towards the smaller parts of San Diego when she would come for a tattoo consult, so it was definitely a new experience for the Miller woman.

"You will like this surprise," the Oceteva man told the brunette woman, who was memorized by all of the bright water that they were passing, with a small chuckle before he murmured with amusement in his voice, "trust me."

Victoria felt like she was sort of in a trance as they drove by all of the bright and clear blue water of the ocean. It was the first time that she was seeing something so beautiful, so the Miller woman could only tell Nestor in a mumble, "mhmm... We'll see," as she couldn't even be bothered by the fact that she didn't know where they were heading as she was just in love right now.

Nestor glanced over to the Miller woman, who basically had her head hanging out of the window like an excited golden retriever, before he murmured with a chuckle, "patience, mi reina." [my queen] It instantly pulled a smile onto the cartel assassin's lips as he felt proud to be able to cause Victoria to relax and enjoy herself instead of being surrounded by constantly protective and dangerous bikers.

The Miller woman moved her hazel eyes over to the Oceteva man when she heard him softly utter something in Spanish. Victoria wasn't familiar with the word from her lessons with Angel or Pop over the years, so the curious part of Victoria wanted to know what Nestor had said. "What does mi reina mean?" The brunette nurse wondered as she raised up an intrigued eyebrow at the cartel assassin.

Nestor felt his body freeze for half of a second before he quickly got control of himself once he realized what he had said. The Oceteva man mentally scolded himself for that small slip up. Nestor usually was in control of everything and was cautious of what he said but with Victoria, it made Nestor lose all that focus. You are trouble, mi reina, Nestor thought as he could feel that he was going to continue to lose himself around the brunette woman.

Thankfully, for the Oceteva man, he didn't have to explain to Victoria what he had accidentally murmured as he drove through the rough road on the beach and noticed that they were at the location. "Oh, look," Nestor swiftly exclaimed before the Miller woman could question him any further, "we're here."

Victoria couldn't help but furrow her brows as she stared over at Nestor. She didn't understand why he wasn't telling her what two words meant but the Miller woman decided to push that thought away since Nestor had pulled the car to a stop and jumped out of the vehicle. Victoria made a mental note to ask one of the Reyes men or Nestor at a later time before she placed her sketchbook on the dashboard and placed her hand into Nestor's when he opened the passenger door for her.

The Miller woman was in complete awe once she placed her sandals down onto the soft sand and looked around their surroundings. The clear water was even better close up instead of inside of the Escalade, in Victoria's opinion, as her hazel eyes ignored the house in front of her and roamed over the crashing waves with no thought of ever looking away. Victoria felt like she was in a dream or a trance. The ocean was just so calming and relaxing that it made every other thing in her life just wash away when the waves would crash against the sand before being sucked back into the ocean.

The Oceteva man watched the Miller woman for a couple of silent minutes with a small smile playing on his lips as he could tell the place was having a good effect on her before Nestor announced to the brunette nurse, "welcome to La Jolla Cove." Nestor lightly pulled onto Victoria's hand that was still linked with his as he walked her up the long ramp to the baby blue colored beach house. The Oceteva man led Victoria around the large porch until there was nothing blocking the ocean before he continued, "I found this place when I first arrived in California after my second tour in the Navy."

The sound of Nestor's voice finally caused the Miller woman to get out of her trance and to take her hazel eyes off of the water for the first time as she turned her body and stared up at the cartel assassin. "Do you visit here a lot?" Victoria curiously wondered as she grew interested of the place that the Oceteva man brought her to.

Nestor nodded his head a soft smile playing on his lips before he answered the Miller woman's question, "I spent so many years surrounded by water when I was serving in the Military so when I saw this place after I came back to the states, I just knew that I needed to come here. The Navy became my home, so this place always felt like a second home that I could come to when I needed to get away." The Oceteva man paused for a moment as he breathed in the smell of the ocean before he looked down at the short woman and muttered with a grin, "another thing that makes this place so great and perfect was the fact that this house was an art studio when I came."

The Miller woman's hazel eyes widened in surprise before she wondered, "woah, really?" Victoria found it shocking that the one place Nestor stopped at had his hobby located in the same place. It really is a perfect place, the brunette nurse thought as the Oceteva man had his love for water and an art studio for his painting.

Nestor let out a deep chuckle as he nodded his head and muttered, "yeah." The Oceteva man gazed back over to the ocean with another soft smile adoring his lips before he looked back down to Victoria as he stated, "the art studio was in business for over twenty years by the time I stopped here." Nestor then looked towards the large window of the art studio before he uttered with a small shrug, "I didn't know what to do with my life after my second tour with the Navy and I had all this money, so I just ended up buying the place."

Victoria swiftly stood up straight and placed herself in front of the Oceteva man as soon as she heard what came out of the cartel assassin's mouth before she gaped as she pointed back towards the blue colored building behind her, "wait, you own this?"

The Oceteva man couldn't help but let out another chuckle at the shocked brunette woman before he explained in a soft murmur, "yeah, like I said, I had all this money and I didn't have a home in California, so I figured it was a perfect start with the calm ocean in front of me and the opportunity to enjoy my hobby of painting without worrying about anything or anyone bothering me."

Victoria silently nodded her head as she slowly twirled her body around while she took in her surroundings from the calming sound of the clear waves continuously crashing together to the pink and orange tint of the sunset before the Miller woman finally glanced into the baby blue colored building that belongs to the cartel assassin. "It's beautiful," Victoria softly murmured as she could see herself getting lost in this place. The brunette nurse then turned her attention back onto the relaxed Nestor after she got out of her dream-like trance, once again, before she curiously wondered with a raised eyebrow, "so, why did you bring me here?"

Nestor lightly shrugged his shoulders before he crossed his arms over his dark button up shirt and leaned against the white painted railing of the porch. "Well, earlier you mentioned that you have never gotten the chance to see clear water in person," the Oceteva man began with a soft tint to his voice before he concluded, "so I thought this would be the perfect place for you to relax on your day off."

The Miller woman couldn't help the bright smile that immediately worked its way onto her pink painted lips as she felt her heart soar at the kind and selfless act from the dangerous man that works for the Galindo cartel. "Thank you, Nestor," the brunette nurse softly murmured as she had her hazel eyes connected with the man's equally kind brown ones.

Victoria knew that she shouldn't still be that surprised by the way the Oceteva man has been treating her but the Miller woman couldn't help but continue to be shocked by how kind and sweet Nestor, the man she should be afraid of, has treated her. It is just a different experience for Victoria since she always has this strong wall up when it comes to new men in her life, so it's such a breath of fresh air for the Miller woman to see the honesty and kindness from the stereotypical dangerous man.

The Oceteva man nodded his head once as he silently accepted the praise from the brunette nurse before he held out his hand. "Come," Nestor murmured before he told Victoria, "I wanna show you the place." The cartel assassin waited until Victoria slipped her warm fingers through his before Nestor headed around the porch with the Miller woman following closely beside him as he pulled her towards the side entrance of his art studio.

Nestor released the brunette nurse's hand once they reached the clear glass door before he grabbed the keys from his black slacks and unlocked the door. "Ladies first," the Oceteva man murmured as he pushed the door open and waited for Victoria to enter before he silently followed behind her.

Victoria's hazel eyes immediately was drawn towards the different canvases of bright colors hanging and lying all around the spacious area as soon as she had stepped foot onto the grey flooring of the art studio. "Wow," the Miller woman mumbled in astonishment as she slowly walked towards a gorgeous painting of a villa with a meadow filled with the most colorful array of flowers. "T-This is amazing," Victoria voiced her thoughts to the Oceteva man as she was in love with all the details.

Nestor slowly made his way up to the Miller woman with his black leather dress shoes clanking against the hard floors of the art studio until he was standing directly behind the brunette nurse. The Oceteva man lightly placed his large and rough hand onto Victoria's exposed hip as he glanced down at the canvas before he hummed as he recalled, "ah, that one was inspired by my stay off of the coast of Belize in Cayo Espanto."

Victoria twisted her body to the side so she was turned into Nestor's body before she curiously wondered, "you've been to this place and you painted this yourself?" The Miller woman was honestly impressed as she glanced between the Oceteva man and the beautiful painting. It looked like something you could only imagine in your dreams and Victoria was also surprised as she never put much thought in how good Nestor would be at his hobby.

Nestor nodded his head before he explained, "I painted this while I was in Belize after my third tour with the Navy and I've always kept it with me." The Oceteva man then took a step back from the Miller woman and slowly walked around the room before he continued to tell Victoria, "every painting you see in here are the ones I have done over my lifetime."

"You have some serious talent, Nestor," the Miller woman complimented breathlessly as she slowly strolled around the art studio and stared at each piece in awe like she was in a world famous museum as she admired all of the different styles and paintings of array of things like landscapes, buildings, and even people.

The Oceteva man silently watched the Miller woman look at his work with a small grin playing on his lips as Nestor felt a sense of pride of seeing how Victoria was reacting to his personal paintings. Nestor then shook his head after a moment when he realized he was staring too much before he cleared his throat and spoke for the first time in at least five minutes. "So, I know you draw," the cartel assassin commented as he had seen Victoria's artwork in the large sketchbook that she had been carrying today before Nestor curiously wondered, "but have you ever dabbled in painting?"

Victoria kept her hazel eyes locked on a gorgeous piece of Rio de Janeiro that captured her attention as she slowly shook her head to Nestor's question. "Oh, it's been years since I've last picked up a brush," the Miller woman stated with a hint of sadness in her voice before she explained, "I barely even have time when I'm not working at the hospital to draw up a couple of tattoos, so I never have those hours that I'd want to paint."

Nestor silently hummed to himself before he quietly walked to the corner of the room and grabbed a clean and thin paintbrush before he stood a few steps behind the Miller woman as he had an idea. "Well, how about now?" The Oceteva man inquired once he came to a stop and waited until Victoria faced him before he commented and wondered with a small shrug of his shoulders as he lifted the item in his hand into the air, "I don't mind driving back to Santo Padre later tonight, so if you are up for it, what about some painting?"

The Miller woman stared across at the Oceteva man for a silent moment while she bit down on her bottom lip as she really wanted nothing more to paint but she also didn't want to hold Nestor back if he needed to be in Santo Padre. "Are you sure?" Victoria cautiously inquired before she voiced her thoughts as she continued, "Miguel doesn't need you any time soon? I don't want to get you in trouble with the boss if you need to go back."

Nestor let out a deep chuckle at the worried brunette woman before he assured the pediatric nurse, "Miguel can handle things without me for one night." The Oceteva man then took a step closer towards Victoria with a small but playful smirk playing across his lips before he inquired once more, "so, are you in?"

Victoria couldn't help the bright grin that lifted onto her pink painted lips when she knew that they had nowhere to be right now before she swiftly grabbed the paintbrush from Nestor's hand. "Let's do this," the Miller woman exclaimed excitedly as she couldn't wait to be relaxed and engrossed in her own painting for the first time in years while also somehow getting covered in different colored paints like she used to when she was in college.

The Oceteva man gave the brunette woman a small smile as he could tell how excited she was before he murmured, "follow me." Nestor then silently lead Victoria over to a pair of easels by the large double panel window doors that faced the clear water of La Jolla Cove before he pulled out a rolling table and told Victoria, "I have any color imaginable in here." The cartel assassin glanced down at the grinning Miller woman before he told her with another small smile, "this is about taking a break from our real lives, so just relax and go crazy if you really need to."

The Miller woman let out an amused chuckle at the idea of her going crazy before she murmured out, "yes, sir." Victoria then shot Nestor a teasing smirk before she faced the large window doors and took her hair down from its messy do that she had quickly did at the SAMCRO clubhouse. The brunette nurse fixed her brunette hair into a tight bun so it wouldn't bother her while she was painting before she glanced at her reflection to make sure it was perfect.

Victoria headed left towards the rolling table once she was happy with her hair and glanced down at all of the array of colors. The Miller woman already knew what she wanted to paint ever since Nestor offered her the chance, so Victoria instantly sought out the purple paint along with the black and grey pods. The brunette nurse nodded her head to herself once she realized that she had everything that she would need before she turned around to begin to paint.

However, before Victoria could reach her blank canvas, she suddenly stopped when she saw something that had every single bit of her attention. The image of the Oceteva man hanging up his button up shirt along the wall and the sight of Nestor in a tight black tank top that showed off his tattooed covered body and his strong muscles made Victoria forget everything else as she bit down on her bottom lip and secretly enjoyed the show.

The Miller woman, however, though, wasn't as sneaky as she thought she was being since once Nestor hung up his dress shirt and turned around, the cartel assassin immediately noticed he had an audience. The Oceteva man watched Victoria for a few moments with a large smirk across his lips before he decided to tease her, "do you want me to stay like this so you can paint?"

Victoria's face instantly turned bright red with a burning blush once she realized that she didn't see Nestor staring at her which meant that she had been caught red handed. However, the Miller woman was never going to admit that, so she only rolled her hazel eyes and stubbornly mumbled under her breath, "I wasn't staring." Victoria then quickly turned around and headed over to her canvas when she heard Nestor chuckling loudly as she definitely didn't need anymore embarrassment right now.

Victoria, instead, focused on setting up her painting station as she placed the colors on a small table beside her and grabbed a glass of water along with a couple of different sized paintbrushes. The Miller woman was thankful when Nestor copied her and didn't comment on her staring, so Victoria slowly released the tension in her body before she did a quick sketch of a rose with a skull inside of it that she had been thinking about for the last few weeks.

The Miller woman corrected a couple of marks that she didn't like on her quick drawing before Victoria nodded her head in acceptance as she silently placed the pencil down onto the small table. Victoria then picked up a thin paintbrush and dipped it into the light grey pod before she slowly began to paint the outline of the first petal of the rose with her usual steady hand.

Victoria couldn't help the content but small smile that slowly rose onto her lips as she felt so relaxed now that she was finally painting again. The style of artistry was just so calming by the slow and smooth movements of the paintbrush against the canvas. The brunette nurse used to love painting while she was getting her nursing degree as it was a way for her to calm her nerves from worrying about her grades and taking care of the Reyes men, so Victoria was in heaven right now.

The calm and relaxed Miller woman continued to work on her painting as she moved onto the next layer of the rose's petals which consisted of outlining the petal with the light grey paint before coloring it in with the purple and adding some details with the black paint. It was a flowing process that Victoria had missed so much as it was like her heart was in sync with her actions.

However, though, just as Victoria was cleaning the paintbrush covered in purple into the small glass of water to work on the third petal, the Oceteva man decided to break the tranquility of silence as he glanced over to her canvas to see what she was working on. Nestor was impressed, even though he knew he would be, before he curiously wondered as he continued to work on his own piece of the sunset outside of the window doors, "how did you come up with that design so quickly or are you really a secret prodigy artist?"

Victoria let out a small chuckle as she shook her head in amusement before she mumbled as she felt that the thought was absolutely ridiculous, "I'm not some prodigy." The Miller woman then dipped her fresh paintbrush into the light grey ink before she explained how she came up with the idea, "it's a tattoo design that I've recently been trying to perfect these last couple of weeks."

Nestor silently nodded his head in understanding before he took another glance over to the Miller woman's canvas as he complimented, "it's really gorgeous." The Oceteva man then moved his brown eyes up to the relaxed figure of Victoria before he inquired with a small smirk playing on his lips as he knew the reaction he was going to get from his question, "speaking of tattoos, when are you going to take me on?"

The Miller woman immediately rolled her hazel eyes while she shook her head as she knew Nestor would bring this up again after the first two times that he had mentioned it. Victoria then took a glance over to the Oceteva man and shot him a smirk before she exclaimed with a small chuckle, "in your dreams, Nestor."

The Oceteva man let out a throaty groan before he exclaimed, "oh, come on." Nestor paused his painting as he brought his paintbrush from the canvas before he glanced over to Victoria and tried to persuade the brunette woman to give him a tattoo, "we both know how amazing you are. I saw it today and you have extreme talent when it comes to tattoos."

Victoria let out a chuckle at the begging but dangerous assassin for the Galindo cartel before she, once again, rolled her hazel eyes. "Stop kissing my ass," the Miller woman joked with amusement throughout her voice before Victoria stated as she carefully outlined the next rose petal, "it's not gonna happen."

Nestor turned his attention solely onto the Miller woman as he placed his orange colored paintbrush onto the border of the large easel before he crossed his arms over his black tank top and inquired with a hint of teasing and competitiveness in his voice as he continued to try to persuade Victoria, "what? Are you scared?"

The Miller woman furrowed her brows at the accusation before she hurriedly exclaimed, "no! Of course not!" Victoria was anything but scared with everything that she had gone through in her life, so the brunette nurse was definitely not going to let Nestor get away with calling her scared when that wasn't the case at all.

The Oceteva man let out a throaty chuckle before he commented, "I think you are." Nestor then left his position in front of his canvas and slowly but silently walked directly behind the focused Miller woman until he could feel the warmth of her body against his own. "I think you are scared to touch me," the cartel assassin whispered against the shell of Victoria's ear. Nestor decided to tease the brunette nurse as he just felt this sense of calmness when he was around her which made Nestor feel like he could be himself with her instead of the hard assassin that he was back in Santo Padre for the Galindo cartel.

Victoria immediately reacted to Nestor's body and his voice as a shiver ran down her spine when she felt his breath on her skin along with the warming blush that reached her cheeks. The Miller woman hated that her body was reacting this way but she definitely wasn't going to let the assassin know about what he is doing to her, so Victoria rolled her hazel eyes before she mumbled, "I'm not scared. I just don't tattoo a lot of people."

Victoria was honestly telling the truth. She didn't really tattoo that many people except for Happy and Angel along with a couple of other bikers from SAMCRO and the Mayans. Victoria only liked doing tattoos for people that she trusted with her life and Victoria felt like she wasn't that close to Nestor to be doing one of his tattoos right now.

"Mhmm," the Oceteva man mumbled against the back of the Miller woman's warm and exposed neck before he teased and taunted Victoria in a quiet but deep voice, "whatever you say, scaredy cat."

The Miller woman couldn't help the competitive part of her that usually only comes out around her family of bikers spark inside of her as she playfully rolled her hazel eyes and muttered, "I'm not scared, you ass." Victoria knew that Nestor was messing around with her, so the brunette nurse swiftly turned around and took a step into the assassin's personal space as she decided to get him back. "Trust me," the Miller woman whispered as she leaned as close as she could to Nestor without touching him before she continued, "if I wanted to touch you for that long then I would have already agreed."

The Oceteva man and the Miller woman stared directly into each other's eyes as soon as the last letter slipped out of Victoria's lips like they were stuck in a trance. There was this tense silence that followed along with only their breathing and the sound of the waves crashing behind them through the whole art studio. Finally, though, after about three minutes of staring at Nestor, the brunette nurse realized what was happening. Victoria didn't mean for this tension to be built as she just wanted to get back at the assassin.

The Miller woman knew the tension, well sexual tension, wasn't something that she needed with the member of the Galindo cartel because of her connection to the Mayans, so Victoria took a deep breath before she swiftly lifted up her purple covered paintbrush to Nestor's cheek to distract him from the obvious tension and swiped it across his skin with a smirk on her lips as she ignored the emotions between them. "Now, let me focus," Victoria exclaimed with a hint of playfulness in her voice once she noticed Nestor's shocked expression before she murmured, "I thought I was supposed to be relaxing."

The Oceteva man let out a throaty and deep chuckle at the brunette woman that he was so lost in before he uttered, "no, you're right." Nestor shot Victoria a small smirk as he added, "I'll convince you another day about my tattoo." The cartel assassin then squeezed the Miller nurse's exposed waist and rubbed his rough thumb along her skin before he finally released Victoria and made his way back to his painting of the sunset and the ocean from outside.

Victoria let out a loud chuckle and playfully rolled her hazel eyes when she realized that Nestor wasn't going to quit asking her about the tattoo anytime soon before she also turned around and focused back on her painting. The Miller woman couldn't help but find it amusing that Nestor was going to continue to bug her about it but it was also fun to have this back and forth with each other as it made Victoria feel normal away from her crazy life.

Victoria felt like around Nestor that all the things about their lives, motorcycle clubs and the cartel, just disappeared for a while and it was such a great feeling for the brunette nurse. She was used to worrying about the Mayans and Pop on a daily basis, so here right now with Nestor in San Diego was so relaxing for Victoria and she was savoring every second of it.

The Miller woman glanced over to the Oceteva man after a moment while she was dipping the paintbrush into the black ink to work on the skull now that the rose was finished and noticed that he had also glanced over to her. Victoria shot Nestor a small grin which caused the assassin to shot her one as well before she focused back onto her painting with happiness moving through her body. Victoria couldn't help the feeling of calmness that surrounded the art studio as she felt like her old self that didn't have the whole world resting on her shoulders. It was something that Victoria would have never guessed would happen around the dangerous assassin but the Miller woman definitely wasn't going to question it as Nestor made her feel relaxed and normal for once in her life.

#mine #mayans mc fanfic #mayans mc fanfiction #mayans fanfic #mayans fanfiction #nestor oceteva x oc #nestor oceteva fanfic #mayans mc #sons of anarchy #rane quinn #ratboy #happy lowman #chibs telford #soa chibs #nestor oceteva

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bakudekuficlibrary · 6 years ago

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BakuDeku: Villain Midoriya Izuku, excluding Rape/Non-Con & Underage Content Part I

Click here for Part II!

10 Series. 87 Works.

[Series] Villain!Deku AU by ichikonohakko ( M&E | 26,336+ | 14 Works | WIP )

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence: Part 9 + 10]

[Series] Villain Izuku Midoriya by GreyLiliy ( T&M | 184,055+ | 6 Works | WIP )

[Series] Suffocation by DeadDoveExtraordinaire, Raccoonheck ( G&M | 79,813+ | 5 Works | WIP )

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence: Part 1-3 + 5]

Lunchtime by ichikonohakko ( G | 3,102 | 1/1 )

Fucking Deku is sitting in Lunchrush Cafeteria like it was nobody’s business.

((The problem is that Katsuki found himself eating lunch with the vice-leader of League of Villains every fucking day and he motherfucking likes it))

Sleeping With Ghosts by lalazee ( M | 1,003 | 1/1 )

“I guess even heroes have to do their grocery shopping.” “Villains, too,” Katsuki said tightly. “Villains?” Deku blinked, gasping softly as he went to his tip toes and looked over the aisle divider. “Where? Shit, Kacchan, you’d better get on that!”

Written for KatsuDeku Week 2017, Day 2: Heroes/Villains.

Return the Favor by HummusKing ( T | 43,889 | 10/10 )

Instead of Katsuki Bakugou getting kidnapped, Izuku Midoriya risks his life and ends up being taken by the League of Villains. A rescue is ensured, but instead they come face to face with Deku next to All for One, calling him “Sensei”. They discover that Deku’s memories had been altered from the point when Bakugou tells him that if he wants a quirk, he can jump off the school roof and be reborn with one. He believes he did just that, and was reborn with a powerful quirk that rivals Bakugou.

He’d never admit it, but Bakugou had been saved by Deku in more ways than one, so now can he return the favor?

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

That Time Izuku Became a Villain by CaridwenAngetueur1 ( M | 2,819 | 1/1 )

That Time Izuku became a villain.

Series Part 4 of "That Time" series

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Major Character Death]

Bleeding Red Roses by Cerra101 ( E | 19,382+ | 14/? )

Midoriya Izuku might be a tad bit crazy for a certain blonde Omega.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

[Series] My Husband Is a Villain and That’s Okay by pt_tucker ( T | 3,408+ | 2 Works | WIP )

My Chosen One by Meekorin ( E | 55,992 | 18/18 )

After All Might’s retirement, Bakugou is moody than ever. Fearing for his dear life that the explosive teen might eat him up, Izuku tries to keep his distance. But as soon as everything seems to finally work out for them, things start to fall apart by a higher power.

[Prototype AU]

[Series] ...Who are you, really? (BNHA) by Sleepy_Princess_Jade, toxic_pineapple ( T&M | 59,353+ | 4 Works | WIP )

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

It’s a Long Road to Redemption, Kacchan by fanfictioniwrite ( M | 20,912+ | 6/? )

Deku followed Bakugou’s advice and took a swan dive off the roof. Five years later they meet again and Izuku has a peculiar quirk that happens to be the hero’s greatest weakness. (“How does it feel to be quirkless, Kacchan?” AU: Villain!Deku, Bakudeku).

Wearing Our Vintage Misery by PeridotWraith ( E | 1,643+ | 1/? )

Izuku fought of the urge to retch as the stench of smoke and—oh god—his own roasting flesh reached him and reached frantically toward the man.

“Help me!” He screamed, “Please!”

But Endeavor just stood there, watching him burn.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

Back to Reality by menengaur ( M | 46,975+ | 10/? )

Katsuki’s childhood friend disappeared when they were both seven. While everyone else gave hope, Katsuki made a promise to become the No.1 hero. If he couldn’t find Izuku, then he would at least destroy those who took him.

How will he react when Izuku returns with powers beyond what should be possible.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

Always you by KingHugin ( E | 96,612+ | 18/? )

Just another villain Deku AU no one asked for.

Katsuki had always been one of the best heroes of his time - or so he thought. That is until he runs into an old rival who he would rather kill then try to save, unfortunately it does not go the way Katsuki planned. Now trapped in enemy territory Katsuki must learn what it is to be a hero when all the odds are stacked against him.

Maybe he could even save someone along the way.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

Cuts Like a Knife by rainbowtourmaline ( T | 20,505+ | 10/? )

“Are you sure you’re not getting nostalgic for the good old days?” His mentor asked as Izuku turned back to look at Katsuki through his binoculars. “It’s never a good idea to dwell on the past my boy.”

“I’m not homesick.” Izuku said with bated breath, his knuckles turning white at how hard he was holding his binoculars. “Just hungry for vengeance and justice.” Or so Izuku believes at the time.

In a world where All Might didn’t say Izuku could become a hero, can Izuku be tempted back to the light side?

Light Through The Cracks by DeadDoveExtraordinaire, Raccoonheck ( M | 22,816 | 7/7 )

When Bakugou goes missing, Deku has to work with the heroes to get him back. Facing an uncertain future, the League of Villains, and the prospect of his mother finding out what he’s become, Deku is in a race against time to save Bakugou before his own mental health completely collapses.

Sequel to Bruises and Broken Glass

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

The Long Road Out Of The Dark by DeadDoveExtraordinaire, Raccoonheck ( M | 43,770 | 16/16 )

Deku finally gets the chance to live out his childhood dream of being a hero. At this point, he’d much rather be a villain.

Sequel to Bruises and Broken Glass and Light Through The Cracks

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

Call Me... Deku by AnimeFanGirl2223 ( E | 33,523+ | 13/? )

Midoriya had enough of being insulted, being told no, being called quirkless. It was too much and he decided on a much darker path. BakuDeku; Angst to the max.

A lone figure watched from a distance as Bakugo prostrated himself, hidden ominously behind the trunk of a large willow tree. He tilted his head to the side, finding the sight strange, but intriguing all the same. He knew the blonde would stay there for a while longer.

Katsuki always stayed until 8:56 every Friday night. It would seem odd to everyone else, but to those who knew what had happened, it made complete sense. Izuku Midoriya jumped off the roof of his middle school at 6:15 PM on a Friday and was pronounced dead at 8:56 just a week later, his broken body losing the battle against its injuries.

“Deku… the Master is wanting to speak with you.” A voice whispered.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

You shattered me, They saved me by ASLlover23 ( E | 8,748+ | 8/? )

Izuku Midoriya was a quirkless boy but he never let that get in the way of his dreams, even when Kacchan beat him and told him it was impossible to become a hero he never gave up. Until the day his hero, his idol All Might crushed him, he felt something in him break the day All Might told him he could never be a hero without a quirk. Good thing Tomura was there to help pick up the pieces, he’d make All Might regret the day he shattered the quirkless boy.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

brutality runs in our blood by 3rdgymbros ( T | 1,527 | 1/1 )

“New kids to babysit.” Izuku drawls out lazily, dropping a quick kiss onto Bakugou’s mouth. “Play nice with them, won’t you, Kacchan?”

Game of Survival by odasaku (jemtessa) ( T | 11,160+ | 6/? )

“Today marks ten years since elementary school boy, Midoriya Izuku, disappeared.”

10 years ago Katsuki’s childhood friend Midoriya Izuku went missing after school one day, there has been no word on his friend since that day. Not until Katsuki and the rest of Class 1-A with the addition of Class 1-B go on a school trip for training camp in which the two of them are reunited…

the only problem Midoriya Izuku is a villain.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

Tied Up With Strings by Penkindisbestspecibus ( M | 19,330+ | 4/?)

The legend of the ‘Red String of Fate’ is such that lovers who are destined to be together are bound by a single red string, and this string will inexorably draw them closer together until they fall in love. A romantic, wishful sort of myth.

Bakugou Katsuki has no idea what it is that seems to bind him to Midoriya Izuku, but if he had to put a name on it, he’d probably call it the ‘Black String of Hate’.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

Marked as Claimed by Shadowolven ( E | 15,705+ | 4/? )

His pills weren’t working.

Shit. Fuck!

His pills weren’t working.

But the realization came far too late for Katsuki Bakugou.

[Series]Izuku, Don't listen to Deku by Sleepy_Princess_Jade ( Not Rated | 12,923+ | 1 Work | WIP )

no hell had ever burned so sweet by 3rdgymbros ( T | 1,913 | 1/1 )

“But Kacchan, saving people is what heroes do. And I’m not a hero. Neither are you. We abandoned that title a long time ago, remember?”

Criminal by Aniimone ( M | 22,139 | 20/20 )

Izuku gave up on becoming a hero in middle school. It was after his mom died from an expensive but curable disease that he came to the realization that those who are strong enough to play by the rules are the only ones who can. The rest have to break them just to survive, and quirkless Izuku definitely doesn’t fit into the first category.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

oh, the skies (tumbling from your eyes) by ideation ( E | 6,425 | 1/1 )

Everything is a whirl of sensation and conflicting emotions and words that make both no sense and too much all at once, but despite the overload there is one undeniable truth that sticks, that tastes like bile in the back of his throat and fills his lungs like water until he thinks he’ll never again know what it is to breathe, and it is this: Midoriya Izuku loves him, and this is the result.

[Series] You can turn back time but you can't forget the things you've lost along the way by Aniimone ( T | 26,343+ | 2 Works | WIP )

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Major Character Death]

The Past is Long Past Dead by Unoutan ( M | 5,736+ | 1/? )

Bakugou Katsuki hasn’t seen Midoriya Izuku since they were thirteen. Midoriya has been classified as missing ever since, All Might’s public admittance of failure before retiring his cloak to Togata Mirio. Thirteen years later, Pro-Hero Bakugou stumbles upon a familiar face in the Red Light District of Tokyo Nightlight during his patrols…

“D…Deku?”

“Eh? K-Kacch-” Slapping both hands over his mouth, Midoriya Izuku, with the same stupid wide green eyes looked at him.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

Walking the Line by StormyChaos, TheatricalPlacenta ( M | 24,024+ | 3/? )

Izuku had been changing, though as it would seem, Katsuki was the only one to notice. It might have had something to do with the fact Izuku never acted differently around anyone but Katsuki, but this year… their senior year, it only seemed to get worse.

Like every mask, when worn constantly, it begins to erode… worn and torn, cracking under the pressure…

Izuku never thought he’d slip, but there he was, his heart walking the fine line between justice and villainy, unsure of just who he was… or what he’d become.

No matter what, one thing was for sure; Katsuki burned deep inside his core.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

[Series] as we both come undone by Amber_Flicker ( T | 2,692+ | 2 Works | WIP )

Innocence ( E | 3,372+ | 5/? )

He won’t cry. If they saw his tears, they’d call him weak. He isn’t weak. Yet, the tears still fall. Just as he thought, everyone laughs harder. Everyone except Kacchan.

No matter how much he yells that he hates Deku, he doesn’t. He genuinely cares about him, and seeing Deku look like shit is bringing out some weird protective side in him.

[Series]The Wolf by BrightEyesEren for SlendShady(1-3), Star_Princess, FireFaithe(4) ( M&E | 16,549 | 4 Works | Completed )

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence] [Major Character Death]

On the Clock by battle_goats ( M | 1,068 | 1/1 )

His clothing was so nondescript, anyone who didn’t know better would assume the young man was a civilian. But no, he was a villain. Katsuki’s villain. The one he’d created, however unintentional. His Deku.

Breaking Things Into Pieces by MediaMaxine ( T | 2,622+ | 2/? )

As a child, Midoriya Izuku longed for a quirk. He wanted to be a hero. He wanted to save. He wanted to be like All Might.

As a child, Midoriya Izuku got a quirk. A quirk that should’ve helped him be a hero. To his classmates, it made him a villain. He just can’t seem to win with these people can he?

Society wants heroes. His peers see a villain. Kacchan sees Izuku.

Until he disappears that is.

(Formally named Rehabilitation)

Void of Pain by Running_wild829 ( T | 17,920+ | 8/? )

Kidnapped by his own villainous father at the young age of six, raised by villains since then and sent on countless missions filled with murder, Midoriya Izuku is anything but normal. He may be fifteen years old, and have a quirk, but that doesn't make him normal. He's been careful on all his jobs, except this one. When Shigaraki turns him loose to kill the infamous Hero Killer Stain, he gets sloppy and goes down at the hands of a couple of Yuuei kids. Dragged into the police station and waking up to a detective giving him a second chance was the last thing he thought would ever happen in his fucked-up life...

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

Heroes are Remembered but Legends Never Die by Star_Crossed_Aliens ( M | 6,653+ | 4/? )

Izuku wasn’t truly ready to hear the words he dreaded so much from the one person he admired the most.

“You can’t become a hero.”

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence] [Major Character Death]

Believe in Me by OwO_all_around ( M | 8,489+ | 8/? )

Because he had no quirk, no one believed in him.

They couldn’t believe in his abilities, his lovely mind, nor his potential.

Instead, they chose to ridicule him, pity him, bully him.

So when All for One tells him that he believed in him. He decided to follow him.

The world never believed he could make an impact before, and now they are all gonna regret that decision.

Especially Katsuki Bakugo.

Note: Midoriya is like evil Batman (Owlman?) in this story (no powers, just super evil and smart)

[Major Character Death]

Let me fix it by doki_for_you ( Not Rated | 2,172+ | 4/? )

“As the owner of those words, you’ll have to bear its weight, Bakugou Katsuki.”

On that day, Midoriya Izuku disappeared. And with his disappearance, Bakugou is forced to bear the weight of his words and actions. Overcome with guilt, he lives day-to-day looking for redemption.

But when Izuku returns as an empty, broken shell of a villain, can Bakugou finally make things right again?

Our Path Set On Stone by MaiaMizuhara ( T | 5,214 | 1/1 )

“What are you watching?”

The green haired boy just barely turned his head towards the direction of the voice, “They are talking about us, check it out.”

The headlines were “The Villain Duo ‘Deku and Ground Zero’ Make an Appearance Again!” The same video clip was being replayed through the whole program; both villains had their backs to the camera and were running away from a hero who was following them.

“Those pathetic asswipes will never get us,” Katsuki commented and smirked.

His partner grinned and turned around, walking away from the screen in the middle of the street.

Nobody notices as they disappear through the mass of oblivious people.

KatsuDeku week Day 2 - Heroes/Villains/Vigilantes

Series Part 2 of September KatsuDeku week 2017

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Major Character Death]

I'll Save You From Your Distorted Mind by Deku_Yasha ( M | 18,725+ | 7/? )

Izuku, kidnapped at age 6, experimented on and tortured to trigger a powerful Quirk. Hes been gone for 10 years, presumed dead after 3.

He shows up one night, confronting a dumbfounded Katsuki in a darkened alley. Katsuki, haunted by guilt and regret for not saving Izuku that day, steels himself to save Izuku from the League of Villains and his own distorted mind.

Izuku reveals he has big plans for Katsuki.

Shattered Minds and Lost Chances ( M | 3,070 | 1/1 )

He leaned close to Katsuki’s face, once again only inches away. This close, Katsuki could see the despair in Izuku’s crazed eyes. “Or maybe, I just don’t want you to live in a world where you can become this, like me.”

(Izuku Midoriya disappeared the day of the UA exam, and many months later, after being kidnapped by the Villains’ Alliance, Katsuki Bakugou figures out what happened.)

[Major Character Death]

Jet Black Ice by demonglass ( T | 2,706 | 1/1 )

Bakugou Katsuki doesn’t dwell on the past. On the things he’s done before. But when he comes face to face with someone so familiar, yet so unrecognizable, the decision to relive all their terrible history is out of his hands.

Series Part 1 of I Saw You In My Dream

Contradiction (Villain Deku) by Purplemerald ( M | 10,656 | 4/4 )

Midoriya Izuku wakes up smiling to see Shigaraki Tomura in his bed. He is a villain. A part of the League. But memories keeps hazing, his head aching and he sees blood in his hands for no reason.

He was always a villain, shut down by the very hero he admired. Right?

Why does he see himself in a UA uniform? Who are these people popping in his dreams? Why is Kacchan, his bully, smiling in his dreams and holding his hands?

"Izuku."

He is a villain. Right?

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Major Character Death]

The Caged Bird by Daiako (Achrya) ( E | 5,863 | 1/1 )

Some people are wound too tight to ever let go of control, even when it comes to their fantasies. Katsuki is one of those people. “I told you.” The demon purred. “I built this just for you. I’ve been watching you, learning everything about you, how your power works, your weaknesses, your strengths. How to keep you contained in there.” He twisted his wrist and a book appeared in his hand, palm sized and leather bound. The demon clutched it to to their chest, eyes starry. “How you sleep, what you like to eat, how to groom your wings and take care of you. I made sure I’d be able to keep you safe and happy, Kacchan.”

Kacchan. The named sparked something in his brain, stilled the hand he was about to thrust through the bars to grab the giggling demon asshole in favor of looking him over again, trying to find something he knew in that soft, shadowed face. “Do I know you?”

Series Part 7 of 14 Days of Lust

[Series] the rehabilitation of a dream by kewltie ( T | 5,562+ | 1 Work | WIP )

The best intentions by TsunaidaMay ( E | 24,037 | 17/17 )

It feels sooo good to be bad <3

Villain Deku AU.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

Super Freak by Dana91 ( E | 3,400+ | 1/3 )

That was only an undercover mission, simply as that. Nothing big - fuck he preferred to explode shit - nothing difficult.

At least, that's what Bakugo thought before meeting the Queen.

How to be a Hero by violet569 ( T | 7,114+ | 5/? )

Izuku Midoriya was not the person he wanted to be.

He wanted to be a hero.

A reality check from the person he looked up to most, his idol, his hero, told him that he never could be.

"Say," the figure standing before him started, his red eyes gleaming through the fingers of the detached hand on his face. "How would you like to join me in taking down the heroes, once and for all?”

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

[Series] BNHA villain au by BlackRabbit_13 ( T | 14,190+ | 2 Works | WIP [Part 1: Discontinued] )

Day 6: Rain/Stargazing - Dance With the Devil by a_genderfluid_otter ( G | 3,114 | 1/1 )

Midoriya Izuku vanished off of the face of the earth five years prior, but suddenly Katsuki is seeing ghosts in the most unlikely of places.

---

At a certain point, Katsuki couldn’t be hallucinating anymore, could he? It was more than just the snippets of dark green hair in a crowd, of fair skin, of catching his laughter in the air and it’d been that way for weeks now--Katsuki looked up to see green eyes beneath an otherwise plain black masquerade mask meeting his, lips splayed into a gentle, kind smile. To see it five years ago would have been ordinary--to see it now was the dead walking again.

Part 6 of KatsuDekuWeek 2017

Rabbits by thegreatmisfit ( T | 18,183+ | 11/? )

Izuku was the number one villian and Katsuki was the number one hero.

izuku's mom died and while Katsuki is apprehending the villian he was chasing

and now Izuku is taking revenge a liitle bit across the line and ended up killing all of his classmates

or is he?

an AU where katsuki's emotions are being torn apart and Izuku being a lunatic

(micromanaging this fic while college is killing me)

Remember Me? by HG_Wells ( T | 7,719+ | 2/? )

The day after enrolling at UA, Izuku Midoriya is kidnapped off the streets. He was brainwashed to think he has always been a villain and the ways of the villains are correct, especially about the unyielding hatred of All Might. But in the back of his mind only very faint echo's of the only name he's called, Deku, fill his head, along with the vision of ash blonde hair and deep red eyes.

Seiza by The_Queen_Of_Angst ( Not Rated | 18,979+ | 3/? )

Midoriya Izuku wants nothing more than to fade away into the dark abyss that is the universe. He wants nothing more than to feel his soul become one with the kaleidoscopic mauve, mulberry, and mangenta that peppers and swirls amongst the gleaming constellations above. When he finally snaps and takes matters into his own hands, his fate is saved (or perhaps soiled furthermore) by a peculiar sapphire-haired man.

Or, my take on the Villain!Deku AU

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Major Character Death]

#BakuDeku #KastuDeku #BNHA #bkdkfl masterlist #Masterlist #t:dubcon #t:sh #t:bullying #t:abuse #w:mcd #curator eve #long post #g:au #au:villain

186 notes · View notes

bluehero · 6 years ago

Text

The Sergeant’s Soulmate Chapter 2

Pairing: Bucky X Y/N

Warnings: Swearing... but really just tooth rotting fluff (I’ve always wanted to say that)

A/N: So this is really happening guys... God help us all.

Word Count: 2,368

Chapter 1

——————————————————————————————————

Her eyes fluttered open to the sun peeking through her blinds. One of the rays shone a line of light onto the floor illuminating Bucky’s lazily curled tie. She immediately felt the cold from the side of the bed the soldier had left, and her mind began to whir with insecurities. Did he think I was a drunk mess? He probably saw me in daylight and ran. How many women has he been with before? Before she could spiral any further, she hopped into the shower, threw on some clothes and heard a knock at the door. Shuri came bouncing in asking how she was liking her room as her eyes scanned around while placing 2 coffees on the ivory vanity. The tie. Shit. “Is that a tie?”. Damn it. Y/N realized she had to be at her lab for a meeting with her boss to plan her research project in 20 minutes, and in an effort to avoid the inevitable follow up question she grabbed the coffee and took a sip with eyes unable to meet Shuris’ own wide with amusement. “ Oh my god, was someone here last night?”. Y/N couldn’t help the blush spreading across her face remembering her uncharacteristically reckless behaviour. “Oh my god, how long has it been sin-“ Shuri began before being hit by a pillow thrown by a giggling Y/N. She avoided telling Shuri about Bucky in fear of what she would say and if she would disapprove. She knew that Shuri had been working with him and his mind - even asking Y/N for her professional opinion on psychological drugs once but never divulging too much out of respect and confidentiality. Before Shuri could get a name from Y/N they both had to get to work and promised to call each other when they could.

An entire week rolled by as she set up her lab and briefed her team on how they were to run their experiments while juggling all of her own. They all thought she was too young to be where she was and didn’t exactly hide those feelings but that only spurred her on to work harder and make those that cared for her, proud. But thoughts of her connection with Bucky kept swirling around her brain making it hard to concentrate. So most days, she worked late into the night trying to shift all her energy to focus on anything other than the visceral memories of that night like the way Bucky’s hands felt… the smooth and cool metal extinguishing the flames exuding from her body, contrasting with the soft and scorching skin of his human hand. From what she had read about Captain America’s best friend, she already felt like she had no place imposing on his life, not being able to fathom what it must have felt like to wake up in the future with anything and everything he once cared about left dead in the past. Then finding out you’d been a mindless assassin at Hydra’s mercy. It was just one night Y/N you idiot, he probably doesn’t even remember your name, get over it.

Every time his eyes would close as his head hit his pillow, he would see her smiling in the moonlight and the way her hair glittered in the low lighting of the hall while they danced. He thought he could get away with falling asleep with the images of her swirling around his brain. But they weren’t enough to overpower his own insecurities that would take over and scramble together nightmares of his past. So as soon as the dreams would turn to terror he’d be in the gym, going for a run in the darkness or counting stars by the lake near his hut despite often staying in the room given to him by the King at his headquarters – anything to push himself to a state of exhaustion that his body had no choice but to shut down. She’ll be gone in 2 weeks, she should forget me.

“Somethings up with you Buck” Steve muttered as he poured himself and Natasha coffee in the communal kitchen on the floor given to the Avengers by the King for their brief stay and their general business. “Tin mans always moody, Cap” Sam piped up from across the room with half a bagel in his mouth, Clint laughed as he stole the other half. “What’s her name?” Natasha purred with a raised eyebrow. “What makes you think it’s a girl Natasha?” Clint asked smiling, leaning back into the breakfast bar chair. “That’s his third coffee, black” she said as she sauntered around the table passing Bucky’s chair to reside by Steve. “Somebody’s giving him sleepless nights…”. “Anybody else got somethin’ to say?” Bucky grumbled, trying to hide that he felt slightly touched that the other avengers cared for him enough to probe into his growing personal life. He got up and left the room as Steve caught up with him out of earshot of the others. “I know the nightmares don’t go away Buck, but if there’s anything you wanna talk about…” Steve began in a quieter voice. “Its not- not that Steve” Bucky replied curtly. Realising his tone, Bucky softly comforted his friend that had concern etched across his face, “Don’t worry about me pal, I’ll be fine”. "Is it that scientist Buck?” Steve asked earnestly. Bucky rolled his eyes at his attempt to continue Natasha's line of questioning, "Stev-". "Is she kind?" Steve interjected. Bucky gave in, unable to lie to his best friend but also trying his hardest not to push him away anymore. “...Smart too” he said unable to stop his eyes from shining and half of his mouth curling upward into a bashful lopsided grin. “She can’t be that smart if she’s hanging around you.” He said pulling Bucky in for a hug. “She’s uh- she’s not really, I mean we uh-“ Bucky mumbled. “Have you seen her since the party?” Steve asked like they were kids again. Bucky let out a nervous laugh and replied “Uh, no but, well-” eyes looking anywhere other Steve. “So she doesn’t know how you feel huh?”. Bucky gave him the same look he did that night when Steve told him to talk to her. But his face was clouded with a slight fear now that something had been stirred up in his once frozen heart. I’m no good for her Steve, she’s kind, smart, funny and deserves safety... stability... She’s probably got men lining down the block for her. “She’s probably forgotten about me Steve it’s been a week- the sooner she does the better”. Bucky grumbled.

It was Friday. Y/N had broken a few conical flasks, dropped a bottle of dye, managed to corrupt her computers' files and had a nasty headache. Safe to say she wasn’t having the best day. Mentally, physically and emotionally she was exhausted after such an intense week and needed a break. Despite being intelligent and capable, she couldn't deny that she got overwhelmed quickly and it attacked her self esteem first, before burning through everything else. Whenever she felt it all pile up like that she only knew of one immediate relief -messaging Shuri. Normally separated by continents, Shuri was only a few floors up from Y/N's lab and she received the distress call, one text with one emoji. 😩. She sent Y/N a message back about not believing it had been an entire week since she’d arrived and had seen her last. She told Y/N to stop by her lab after work so they could get together, vent, gorge on ice cream and have a night of complete relaxation.

Finally leaving of her lab after being able to retrieve a few files, Y/N felt slightly better. But she still felt like putting on her headphones, blasting loud music and wallowing in that sad place she managed to crawl into now and again, while walking up to Shuri’s lab. So she turned up the volume and pressed play, forgetting she set her playlist on shuffle and had to suffer 5 agonizing seconds of My Funny Valentine before she could skip it and stop her senses from being yanked back to that night. But there she was, heart racing again and palms sweating, lost in thoughts of the way his shoulders protected her from the crowds of the party, and the way his hands would tighten around her waist, grounding her in the safety of his embrace. But these were short lived when she’d arrive at the bittersweet memory of her empty bed. The sound of Eminem filled her ears and turned her yearning into fake anger as she approached the lab. Feeling gangster, she opened the door slowly with her back with her eyes glued to the phone she was fiddling with, trying to close some apps. “Shuri lets fuck shit up-“ she said loudly over her music just before looking up and taking off her headphones.

Her body froze as her eyes landed on the tensed muscular arm taking up the image of Bucky’s side profile. Shit. He was laid back in a chair with Shuri just finished labelling a blood sample she’d taken when her pen ran out. “Y/N! Thank goodness you are here I may need your steady hands!” Shuri exclaimed trying not to burst out laughing at her friends words and obvious embarrassment. “Sergeant Barnes this is Y/N - one of the best scientists I know working on one of those fancy funded projects downstairs.” Shuri began shooting Y/N one of those teasing best friend smiles while Bucky couldn’t help his amused grin trying to bite back a laugh. “And Y/N this is Sergeant Barnes, The Winter Soldier himself, one of the avengers”. She gave him a red faced smile but before she could apologise for her outburst Shuri asked earnestly, “Y/N you think you could take a last blood sample from Barnes while I get another pen from the lab downstairs?”. Y/N couldn’t help but squeak out “Of course” as Shuri scurried out of the door after giving her a loving squeeze on the shoulder.

“I guess it was only a matter time before you got to my blood, doll” he said with a lopsided grin. “At least it’s been longer than a minute, Sergeant” she retorted unable to resist falling back into their natural rhythm as she washed her hands, gloved up and prepped the needle. Before he knew it, he was intoxicated by her perfume as she was by his side holding his elbow in place so lightly he could barely feel her fingertips. She raised the needle and when her eyes met his she let out a soft little “Hi”. She fell into his features and found her hand shaking a little. “You remembered all that huh” he muttered while watching her tired eyes try and concentrate. “S’hard to forget…” she whispered tiredly as she began to fiddle unnecessarily with the needle to hide her shaky hand. Believe me, I’ve tried. “You should try harder, doll” he said in spite of himself immediately realising she had taken it the wrong way when he saw her face fall slightly. “Y/N I didn’t me-“ he began, “It’s ok Bucky, I get it... things moved pretty quickly that night.” She muttered, trailing off at the end trying to brace herself for the rejection she convinced herself was inevitable. Please be gentle. “Doll I wish that night never ended” he whispered hesitantly unable to keep his head from suppressing his heart as it lurched at the thought of her feeling unwanted. “You- you... really, then wh- why did you leave?” She asked surprised not believing she had the courage to utter those words as her face filled with hope. “You uh, you wanted me to stay?” He asked hesitantly, while her hand slipped over his forearm ghosting her fingers down to wrap lightly around wrist. “That’s all I wanted” she whispered quietly as Bucky raised the hand she was still holding, to push a strand of hair from her face as he opened his palm slightly allowing her to rest her heavy head and letting her eyes half close in immediate comfort. “You look exhausted doll” Call me doll again. “I’m alright, just been working late and… well… trying to lead a bunch of people that don’t believe in me” she murmured leaning further into Bucky’s hand allowing her eyes to flutter shut not believing how easy it was to be honest with him. “Think you got the wrong avenger for that kinda advice” he drawled unable to stop himself from stroking her cheek with his thumb, feeling invincible after hearing he was wanted, by her. She let out a laugh at the thought of getting lessons in leadership from Captain America, “You got any advice for me, old man?” she teased as her eyes fluttered open slightly to see the playful glint in his uncharacteristically soft features. “Just, hold on to who you are, doll and never let’em see you fall” he muttered as his features darkened and jaw tensed, trying not to pull her into that dark part of his mind. She smiled at his unexpectedly profound words and unwrapped her fingers from his wrist to cover his hand still splayed across her cheek. “Thank you” she whispered heavy hearted, as her eyes beamed open. Shuri burst through the doors just as the pair dropped their hands. “So I had to fight your team just to borrow a pe-“ she began, “So much for your steady hands Y/N” she said laughing at the empty vial on the tray beside them. “Don’t worry it was just for backup anyway - I’ve think I’ve got enough, you ready to go?” she said grabbing her jacket. “Barnes I’ll see you Monday morning” she said pulling Y/N out of her daze by leading her towards the door. She gave him a mock salute before disappearing from the doorway that made Bucky flash a toothy grin not quite believing she was real. He rubbed the back of his neck and scuffed the toe of his boot on the edge of the chair unable to wipe the grin off his face. God help me.

#bucky x y/n #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes #james barnes fanfic #marvel fanfiction #avengers #avengers fanfiction #james buchanan barnes #james buchanan bucky barnes #chapter 2

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sanacaspercatvet · 5 years ago

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A Day in the Life of Vet Student

For pretty much my entire life, I have been what is commonly known is rural New Zealand as a “townie”. The last 3 years of my life however, my career as a vet student has flung me in the farthest corners of the peaceful New Zealand countryside.

The 26th of August, 2019. I am having my first day of a rural vet practice clinical placement.

I wake up sleepy and sad to be leaving my all too warm bed heated by an electrical bed warmer.

My feet hit the cold floor. It’s 6.34 am. The sun has risen but I can’t see her behind the storm clouds, so the light in the air is the harsh fluorescent moody kind of light which makes you want to snuggle back into bed and sleep some more (which is kind of a permanent mood for me anyway but I mean whatever).

I hate the beginnings of placements. A new place. New strangers I have to interact with. The beginning of a period of interrupted sleep patterns. Boxed food. I generally try to avoid packing myself food (only because I’m lazy), but if you don’t have food on placement, you’d rather as well be dead. The work really builds up an appetite. You will find yourself eating literally anything you can get your dirty poopy hands on.

I get in the car and start driving. It was supposed to be a 30 minute drive according to Google maps, but nothing could have prepared me for the roads I needed to traverse that morning. I shall attempt to describe the drive using just a series of multiple single words:

windy, death, narrow, death, inappropriate-speed-limits (yes I’m aware these aren’t single words), death, SUVS-with-impatient-drivers-sticking-to the-bum-of-my-car, death, rain, wind, RAIN, death, 25kph recommended hairpin bends, death, DEATH

I arrive bright and early, 10 minutes before I am supposed to be here, just so I time to give myself a pep talk in the car. “Okay, Sana, you can do this. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. You aren’t going to die. It’ll be fine. Just like your other placements. You’re okay. Breathe, breathe. Yes, like that. In… out….”

I walk into the clinic carrying my multiple pieces of paraphernalia and introduce myself at the reception. This is a huge clinic. Bigger than any of the others I’ve worked in so far.

They make me wait for a bit before taking me into the back room and introduce me to the vet I’ll be working with today. The center has about 5 large animal vets whom I will be working closely with over the next two weeks.

We start getting ready for the first call out of the day.

I’m wearing work pants, a long sleeve t-shirt under a polo t-shirt under a sweater, two pairs of socks (cute pink patterned ones under a proper pair of farmer work socks), and a pair of steel toed work boots. I am still really frikking cold. My toes and fingers are ice-blocks.

Before we go out, I don a pair of overalls, wet weather overalls, and a rain jacket. I put on a beanie I’m willing to ruin, and switch my boots for a pair of gumboots. As I said, it is really a terribly stormy cold cold cold day.

We get in the vet’s truck. It is really nothing less than a magical thing. It holds everything that they might need during a call out. Starting with the syringes, needles, and drugs, right down to a 6 foot metal calving jack which I will describe a little later.

The boot of the car generally has a fitted wooden trunk with draws filled with stuff. On top of this, there are tubs full of the most random things. If it’s a UTE (utility vehicle), the sides open up as well and hold more vet thingamajigs. The backseat has even more stuff! (surprise)

We get into the car and start driving.

Our first call out is a farmer who wants to do some spring bloods.

(A little background on this: Spring is the season during which cows generally give birth over here. So the season is also called calving. After cows give birth, they get their calves taken off them and put into sheds on milk powder or milk from different cows so the mother can be put into a milking herd and her milk collected and sold. Generally, after calving, and after milk production starts, if the cow hasn’t eaten enough during her pregnancy, her body can go into a negative energy balance state, where she is producing more than her body has/can make. Her calcium and magnesium levels are the first to drop. If this happens, she can collapse. The farmers usually try to treat this themselves in the beginning by providing them with calcium/magnesium supplements with an energy formula. When this doesn’t work, they call out the vets.)

Spring bloods are done to check how the herd is doing nutritionally and whether they have any deficiencies. Usually, we take around 10 blood samples and it can serve as proxy for a herd of around 200-ish cows.

We get there and get everything else set up. The farmer has already taken out 10 cows for us and lined them up so we can get right to it.

It is my first time taking blood from a cow.

In our practical sessions during the last two semesters, we’ve drawn blood from sheep. Cows are a little different. From sheep, we usually take blood from the jugular vein under the neck. In cows, we take blood from the blood vessel under the tail.

When working with cows, it is really really easy to get covered in poop. If you aren’t in the industry, you’d be surprised. Farmed cows are just always pooping, especially when they are being handled. Their poop is also usually semi-liquid so when it falls on the concrete floor, it does a wonderful acrobatic job of splashing up and covering parts of your body you didn’t even know existed. I learnt my lesson early after spending my summer two years ago on a dairy farm. But that’s a story for a different time.

Because of this constant poop assault, you need to be covered well and also know which parts of your body to expose (your hands upto your elbows, cuz its easier washing poop off skin than it is washing it off sleeves).

How to draw blood from a cow: Ensure cow is properly positioned so the bum is facing you. Lift tail up and with your other hand, feel for a little divet on the bottom part of the tail close to the body. The divet will be shaped kind of like a ‘B’. Right in the center of the B, you will find the blood vessel. It’s a bit of a juggle knowing what to hold using what fingers. Because while holding the tail and feeling for the hard-to-locate-blood-vessel, you have to uncap your needle and pierce the skin; all while not poking yourself or dropping the vacutainer (which collects the blood due to a vacuum) in the 5 cm poopy slush on the floor.

My first cow, I had to pierce about 3 times to find the right spot. My second cow, I dropped stuff, didn’t find the blood vessel and once I found it, I lost it. So I didn’t get quite enough blood. My 3rd and 4th cows were fine.

Cows tails get quite wet and poopy so they’re difficult to hold. Also, while you’re drawing the blood, it IS totally possible for the cow to start pooping on you. It gets everywhere, the stuff. And it’s not like all of them stand still and don’t move.

SO, a more accurate picture is you standing close to the bum of a pooping cow trying to hold on the tail desperately while it’s wildly struggling and you can’t let go because the needle is stuck up the tail!

Lovely.

Our second call out was nothing short of shocking.

It was supposed to be just a retained placenta/foetal membranes. Sometimes after cows give birth, their placenta doesn’t detach and come out (as afterbirth) which is supposed to happen. So a vet goes over and has to remove it manually.

As a 3-year veterinary veteran, I thought I’d seen some things. Nothing could have prepared me for this.

We arrive at the farm and in an open hay shed at the front, the farmer’s wife is waiting for us. A little bit of a mental picture adjustment for the reader: In India, when we think farmer, kissan, we usually think of a tanned man in a lungi and a dirty shirt – shoeless. Well, that’s my mental picture anyway. This is how they have always been portrayed in movies and because I’ve never had anything to do with farming in India, this mental image just stuck with me//

In New Zealand, the term farmer means something else entirely. The word farmer is used to refer to a man who actually owns the farm, either a sheep, dairy cow, deer, goat, or pig farm. Sheep and dairy cow farms are the most common.

Farmers here have really surprisingly appropriate gear. Water proof trousers, good sturdy gumboots, either a waterproof overcoat or a woollen fleece pullover or jacket, topped off with a beanie (usually gotten free from Farmlands or any other giant farming stores. Each piece of gear costs on average 200$. So if you’re looking for an industry to invest in…

So the farmer’s wife is all decked up in expensive looking waterproof gear (yes it is still pouring and very very windy). She has her legs crossed, hands in her pockets; and is sitting really casually on a hay bale while her dogs run around her. The expression on her face is almost amused tinged with a 2% strain of boredom.

The cow we are supposed to calve is behind her. On the floor. She looks so done with everything, the cow I mean, not the wife.

We get out of the car and start collecting our gear.

We walk over, exchange pleasantries and start examining the cow. She has a slightly high rectal temperature and her breathing is laboured. She looks a little bloated.

The vet immediately dons a glove sleeve (A glove which goes up all the way to the shoulder) and sticks her hand up the cows vagina and gasps. “There’s a calf in there!”, she tells us.

Since we were called out for retained foetal membranes, we were assuming that the cow had already calved (given birth). Finding another calf in there is a little bit of a big deal because twins aren’t very common in the dairy industry.

“Why don’t you go ahead and have a feel”, she tells me.

I am all too exciting to be sticking my hand in there.

I put on a glove sleeve, making sure to stretch it at the top like one of my lecturers taught us.

Glove sleeves has an amazing remarkable capacity to roll down and bunch up at the elbow just when you’re getting really poopy which defeats the whole purpose of the thing.

Stretching it along the axis towards the top of it constricts the plastic a little so it holds the arm and has less of a chance of slipping down.

I put a little lube on my palm and stick my hand in.

The first sensation you feel when sticking your hand into a cow, whichever orifice it is, is warmth. A whole lot of warmth. This wasn’t my first time inside a cow. I’ll probably write about that another time.

So I stick my hand in and start advancing it further up the canal, and before long I can feel a small hoof. I push further until I feel the chin of the calf. Yup, she had a twin left inside.

The farmer’s wife tells us that she calved over a week ago, and so the vet explains that the calf inside her has probably died and already started rotting.

So now, we start to extract the smelly rotten calf.

We try getting the cow to stand. It’s hard enough trying to get a calf out of a standing cow, and near impossible to get one out of a recumbent cow.

The farmer brings a tractor and lifts up the bottom half of her body into standing position using a special holder that clasps onto the protruding hip girdles of the cow.

The vet pumps a few litres of lube into the cow using a special pump and then puts her hands in and tries pulling the calf out using the forelimbs. We pull for about 10 minutes before deciding that we need the calving jack. Oh yeah, time to bring out the big guns.

The calving jack is made of two metal pieces. The first piece is a 6 foot hollow tube thingy which isn’t actually round, it’s more cuboidal in cross section. The second piece is kind of like a holder ting that sits on the hip girdles of the cow.

You have to attach ropes onto the legs of the calf (while it’s inside, yes) and a rope onto the head. These ropes are attached to the handle of the calving jack and you basically jack it backwards. This motion makes it easier to pull the calf out. Physics, yay!

So we try that for about like half an hour and we only just about manage to get it out halfway. So the head is out now, and it’s pitifully hanging out the mom back side.

The cow’s vagina was doing a really terrible job of dilating: it wasn’t.

So we basically chop the calf in half using a hunting knife. Yep, that’s what we do. The calf was dead, please remember so you don’t get more freaked out than you already are at this point.

The next thing we are going to do is chop the rest of the calf into pieces while it’s inside the uterus and then remove each piece individually.

There’s a special apparatus that does this. Its basically a sharp wire that you need to get in and around a point where the body bends; we chose to get the wire between the legs.

Once the wire is around where it needs to be and both the ends are out, you need to insert them through two tubes and attach the ends to handles.

Making a sawing motion cuts whatever needs cutting inside.

So I hold the apparatus and the vet starts sawing. It takes us an hour until we make a cut through the flesh and bone.

She puts her hand in again and pulls out one leg, and then pulls out the other leg with a bit of difficulty because it’s still attached to the hip bones.

Every bit of that carcass smells exactly like what it is, a rotting mess. The teeth were falling out, the fur was coming off in tufts. It was exactly what you’d expect from a decomposing body.

So yeah, that was a tough calving.

But it doesn’t end there.

She puts her hand back inside to feel for any more debris that needs removing and she find instead a hole in the uterus!

I put my hand in and can feel the flaps of a really large hole through which I can also feel the stomach and the kidneys. Because of this hole, we are pretty sure that some of the infected rotting stuff has entered the usually sterile space of the abdomen. The cow is doomed.

After spending around 3 hours getting out the calf to save the mamas life, it was so sad to find that hole which had obviously been there a while. There was no possible way to treat that, and the cow was going to die a slow and painful death if we didn’t do anything.

So we spoke to the farmer and he said he would shoot it and that was that.

It was so heartbreaking.

We come back to the clinic really demotivated.

After lunch, I go out with another vet to treat a ‘down cow’. Cows go down due to the whole deficiency thing I already explained above.

It was s t i l l RAINING. It was still cold. It was still windy. And out we went.

I’ll keep this last call out short: the vet didn’t have a four wheel drive, the cow was in the middle of a field, we had to walk half a kilometre in the rain and kept coming back to the car because we forgot things, the wind was stinging our faces, the cow was shivering, we treated the cow, it wasn’t getting up, the rain got heavier, it got colder. Yeah so that was our last call out.

I got home at like maybe 5.30, showered and went to the library to study.

And that concludes a day in the life of a vet student.

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callumturncr · 6 years ago

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A Different Path [Sirius Black AU] - Part 4

Summary: Post-graduation AU in which the reader, Lily and The Marauders have just joined the Order of the Phoenix. As tensions are at its highest in the First Wizarding War, the reader, who likes Sirius Black more than she would like to admit, is framed for the murder of Marlene McKinnon.

Parts: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8

Author’s Note: Starting from next week, updates will be on Saturday/Sunday instead of Wednesday because my school starts Monday, sorry! I hope you guys enjoy this part. Please feel free to message me if you want to be added on the tag list!

Gif is not mine. Words: 1.5k

Almost three years had passed and Y/N still hadn’t gotten used to the blasting cold that surrounded Azkaban prison.

It was the bone chilling kind that made you numb with prolonged exposure and the striped prisoner uniforms did nothing to shield against it. The monotony of solitary confinement and the Dementors that lurked along the corridors weren’t much comfort either. This had inevitably taken its toll on Y/N, both mentally and physically but like with the cold, she could do nothing to make herself feel better. Any positive thought, no matter how tiny would surely be fed upon by the Dementors.

Her cell was small with a port-hole like window that sat high up one wall. Small, white markings stood out on the other one – little lines made with a shard of rock to count the days she’d spent as prisoner – facing the door. It swung open right as she thought of it and Y/N flinched, waiting for the cloaked figure to swoop inside. But it wasn’t a Dementor.

Alastor Moody stood at the doorway, but this recognition only dawned on Y/N after a good few minutes. His face was covered with numerous scars and a chunk of his nose was missing, but the most shocking was his fake eye that was currently swiveling around the length of the room. Spotting her huddled against a dark corner, he moved inside.

“Y/L/N.”

Not sure if she was dreaming or not, Y/N stared at him in awe. He walked a few steps forward to see her a bit more clearly before crouching.

“Still got your wits about you?”

Recovering from her shock, she merely nodded in reply. There were so many questions that she had for him but she didn’t ask any, not trusting her voice. Instead, she sat up straighter and hid her shaking hands.

“Dementors give you much trouble?”

It was very unlike Moody to make small talk but Y/N thought that he had probably never found himself in this situation before. She shrugged.

“Why have you come?” Her voice was ragged from disuse.

“Annual visit with the Ministry,” he answered. “Crouch thought it would be good to see what became of the convicted Death Eaters in here.” As soon as he’d said it, he cursed under his breath. He hadn’t meant to sound as if Y/N was included in that category but the insinuation stung all the same.

“Why have you come to see me?” Once, the mere thought of questioning Alastor Moody would’ve made Y/N shudder but the Dementors were so draining, that she found herself past caring if she offended him or not.

“Dumbledore told me to check this floor.” He offered no more explanation. The magical eye had stopped scanning the room and was now fixed on her, bright and unblinking.

“You’ve missed a fair amount,” Moody said after a while. She looked on curiously but had half a mind to stop him. As much as she wanted to hear about the world beyond the tiny one that had become hers, thinking about her friends was painful. “Evans and Potter are married now. Have a son. Made Black the Godfather, he was best man at their wedding too.”

Y/N’s breath caught in her throat. Despite her markings on the wall, the days spent in her cell had all blurred together at some point but now, she truly realized how long it had been. Lily and James had a son. Something faintly resembling a smile broke out on her face and she found herself once again speechless. Moody inclined his head and spoke softer.

“Black goes to visit your friend’s grave regularly. Took her loss quite hard. Didn’t show at meetings for some time.”

At the specific mention of Sirius, Y/N looked towards the floor. Sirius’ words to her that day had stung most of all. The look of hatred on his face haunted her when she was awake, when she was asleep, in her dreams. As did the moment of Marlene’s death – Y/N had relived that night more times than she could count, each time envisioning something different she could’ve done to prevent it. Shaking her head fiercely, she expelled the image of Marlene’s dead body from her mind.

She didn’t want to hear about Sirius either.

“Where did they bury her?”

“Godric’s Hollow. She’s with her family.”

Y/N cocked her head to the side in confusion, heart thudding in her chest.

“Voldemort went after the whole McKinnon family after Marlene. Wiped out all of them,” he was still speaking softly, like his words might shatter her if he said them too loudly. She bit her lip, roughly wiping at her eyes. An entire family gone just like that. While she’d been holed up in Azkaban, Voldemort had only grown stronger and stronger and the McKinnons had taken the brunt of his power.

“You asked why I’m here,” Moody continued. “The Potters are about to be next.”

Surely she’d heard him wrong.

“Wh– what?”

“There is a prophecy that a boy born at the end of July possesses the power to defeat the Dark Lord,” he stopped seeing the incredulous look on her face but continued on before she could stop him. “Lily gave birth at the end of July, last year.”

She stared at him, dumbstruck. “How can a child–”

“That’s not the point. Voldemort reportedly knows about this prophecy. This boy it referred to can either be Lily’s son or Alice Longbottom’s. You remember Alice?”

Y/N nodded. “She was an Auror. Her husband as well.”

“Professor Flitwick told Dumbledore that a Fidelius charm could be performed to keep James, Lily and the boy safe. Something about hiding them in a living soul. The person whose soul is chosen is referred to as the Secret Keeper.” Moody paused and let out a sigh before dealing the final blow.

“The Potters have chosen Peter Pettigrew to be that Secret Keeper.”

Y/N’s blood ran cold. His words made no sense at all.

“No,” she began, “Why him? Why not Sirius? James’ best friend is Sirius.”

“Actually, Black was the one who convinced them to choose Peter instead.”

The thought of Sirius secretly being Death Eater too played itself out in her head but she shook it away. Sirius would never, not in a million years, betray the Potters. Not James, who had given him a home and a family and his trust.

But hadn’t she thought the same about Peter once?

“Then why not Remus? Don’t tell me they’re still at odds.”

“They are not. Once Crouch sentenced you, Black believed he had it wrong from the beginning. Remus was not the spy to be wary of…” Moody trailed off. Y/N steeled her gaze.

“He thinks it was me all along,” she finished for him. Something bitter rose within her; it had taken her imprisonment for them to make up.

“He believes he and Lupin would be too predictable as choices for Secret Keeper. Voldemort would never think it would be Pettigrew,” Moody said grimly. “But Sirius doesn’t know what you know does he, Y/N?”

She gaped at him as her mind worked to decipher what he meant. At last, she understood why Moody was here.

He believed her. Believed that Peter had been the one to kill Marlene, the one betraying the Order’s secrets. Believed that given the chance, he would betray this secret too. Moody stood up as the realization crossed her face.

“Sirius will not change his mind. It’s Peter’s word against mine,” she couldn’t help the bitterness in her voice.

“Unfortunately that is true. So we show him.”

His wand was in his hand and he hobbled closer to her.

“He will not take your word for it either. Legilimency won’t work,” Y/N said.

“Right again. Legilimency will not convince anyone, which is why I need the exact memory,” Moody’s eye had spun again so he could watch the door in case anyone came in. His real eye was focused on her as she pieced it together.

Dumbledore told me to check this floor.

“The Pensieve,” she breathed. Y/N closed her eyes as he brought his wand to her temple. A thin wisp of silver floated out and directed by his wand, placed itself in a small vial. He made his way back just as several muffled voices rounded the corner, Dumbledore’s deep rumble among them. Opening the door, Moody spoke loudly as if he had only just come to her cell.

“The Ministry of Magic has agreed to your trial,” he began. Y/N blinked in surprise and his sheepish look told her that he’d nearly forgotten to say this. “You will stand before the Minister and the Wizengamot in two months and tell them exactly what happened that night.”

The voices were drawing nearer. Moody gave her one final nod and pocketed the vial, about to close the door when Y/N called out.

“What’s his name?” she asked. “Lily’s son?”

The door had almost shut but she heard his answer.

“Harry Potter.”

Tag List: @knowledgeisthebomb @siriusement @kendratheweird @emi-loser @i-think-i-am-adorable @avengersassemblee @movokepwc @blackloveangel13 @misunderstood-sinner @vvytran @all-throughthe-night @ashkuuuu @thepuffyeyedpuff @annino112

#sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius black imagines #sirius black x reader #sirius black au #sirius x reader #sirius x you #sirius black fanfiction #sirius black fanfictions #marauders era #marauders era imagine #marauders era imagines #harry potter #harry potter imagine #harry potter imagines #harry potter fanfiction #my writing

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l-ivingforstyles · 6 years ago

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"perfect" by Kaitlyn Fleming

TRIGGER WARNINg

In no shape, way or form am I trying to romanticise mental illness

Just a little something I wrote for my English assignment 2 years ago

Perfect- Kaitlyn Fleming

Red droplets fall from her wrist one by one, as clear heavy ones fall from her eyes. Mouth closed not daring to make a sound she’s used to it, this, the pain, the torture all of it. Don’t feel bad though she’s just a 15-year-old girl that has severe depression and a razor in her hand. Just a young naive girl that comes from a perfect family but isn’t perfect herself. She’s just a little girl who wants life to end.

Her name is Aaliyah Carter; better known as the youngest daughter out of the Carters, followed by her older sister Annalise. The Carter’s were known as the "perfect" family in their small town known as Summerville. Everyone knew everything about everyone no matter how slight the detail. Secrets are pretty much useless in the town, as people already knew them before you could figure them out yourself. But then again there was one secret that was yet unleashed to the town. That being Aaliyah’s unsettling depression and her beautiful paintings on her wrist, but of course, the only thing stopping Aaliyah’s own dark secret from escaping was her perfect family image. Better yet, her perfect parents. They thought if they pretended it didn’t exist it would just disappear. But obviously, they were wrong.

One day as she was drowning in her own tears, chin trembling furiously. Her mouth catching every tear leaving a salty taste in its place, body shaking violently Aaliyah’s mother opened her perfect pastel pink door, into her pastel pink room. A perfect pastel pink room that once had a perfect pearly white carpet. Now stained ruby red, as each drop seeps deeper into the wool. With Aaliyah’s perfect pastel pink curtains securely closed, blocking any sunlight from breaking it. And lastly, you guessed it her perfect pastel pink sheets scattered on her bed, not touched since the night before. Aaliyah hated pink. But she mostly hated the word perfect.

Aaliyah’s mother was definitely the perfect definition of perfect. Although she too had her many secrets, her ocean blue eyes kept them hidden leaving them dull and lifeless. Her face held beauty, wrinkles kept at bay. Hair curled to perfection, lying lazily on her shoulders. Smile fake and damaged but look so real, pale skin that only helped her eyes stand out even more. A Light blue restricting skirt that just stopped above the knees, accompanied by a nude color top finished with a light pink cardigan. But now entering her daughter's room. Her wrinkles were forming as stress took over them, eyes creased in anger with jaw clenched. Hands closed tightly on either side of her, and through gritted teeth, she spoke.

"That’s it, I’ve had enough of your pity party Aaliyah!” Aaliyah’s mother started, “I’m sick of you constantly trying to ruin the family’s name that we’ve worked so hard on. You're going to The Three Sisters. You're officially disowned you are no longer a Carter but most importantly you're no longer my daughter.” With watering eyes and a sigh, she turns on her creamed colored heels and leaves.

The sounds of her heels hitting against the wooden floors still echo in Aaliyah’s head 2 months later, casting her eyes away from the white wall in front of her, Aaliyah untangles herself out of the white sheets. With zombie-like actions, she gets out of the restricting white bed over to the white dressers holding more objects that are purely white. Scuffing her white converses through the never-ending hallways of The Three Sisters, Aaliyah quietly makes her way to the lunch room.

In the lunchroom she sits in her seat, Aaliyah may not be well known here due to her never trying to make friends or talk in general, but everyone knew that the single table and seat in the very back of the room is purely hers. Sitting by herself is nothing new as soon as she was put in this vacation away from home Aaliyah kept away from everyone. But one thing she didn’t stay away from was the never-ending voices in her head she gave into them. Once admitted here Aaliyah stopped talking altogether and let the voices control her, her theory is that if she just stays quiet maybe the voices would win and everything will end and it will go back to being perfect only if she would just shut up.

Aaliyah was getting fed up. She was over with the numerous fake smiles to all the passing patients. Also having to pretend to take meds after meds, when in fact she would just hide them under her tongue. Waiting until the nurse was out of the room, she would then spit them into the nearest trash can. 3 weeks, 3 weeks is all Aaliyah needed to decide this place, this asylum didn’t help you. In fact, rather this hell of a place helping you, it broke you further just reminding you how damaged you actually are to have to end up in this prison. Granted it was still way better than back home in Summerville, but with the constant white color scheme taking over her brain. Followed by the sickening, rotten sweet voices coming from nurses and therapists, she couldn’t help but question herself if she should just give up with this “I’m okay” act? Actually, try to get better. However, with the once vibrant red lines on her wrist now fading and itchy she thought against it.

It was in the middle of the semester in year 8. A bright sunny day, full of questions and hurt. Aaliyah was looking for her boyfriend (at the time) Daniel, she had just arrived at school with a surprise for him. She cooked homemade brownies for the first time just for him. Looking through the crowd of annoyed students, she tried spotting her boyfriend (of 8 months might she add) hazelnut hair amongst the moody teens. Looking at the clock that hung right above the entrance of the school, she knew that class was going to start in 5 minutes. Letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in, she was about to give up on looking for him, that was until she saw a glimpse of his hazelnut hair turn the corner.

"Daniel! Daniel!!” She screamed while running after him, hands waving hysterically in the air trying to catch his attention.

Soon he slowed his pace and stopped at the door of an empty classroom. Eyebrows knitted together, Aaliyah quickly hid behind a wall as she sees him looking around making sure no one was near. With that, he quickly but quietly opened the door and walked in making sure to shut the door just as quietly as he did opening it. More questions appear in Aaliyah's head as her boyfriend’s actions confused her more, giving the container full of brownies in her hand a slight glance she crept to the classroom door. What she saw next was something she swore she would never witness. Looking through the small square window that lived in the middle of the door, there Aaliyah saw her boyfriend, Daniel, an English teacher, Miss Kate making out on a teacher's desk. Her boyfriend's hands around Miss Kate’s small frame, as her hands roam Daniels freshly cut hazelnut hair. The sound of a container hitting the cold marble ground caught Aaliyah’s teary eyes. As she let one single tear escape she started to make her way out of the school leaving the blaring bell to follow behind her.

That night was the night she started to create her beautiful masterpiece. Her razor the paintbrush, her wrist the canvas. But that night was also the night she vowed to never love again.

With an exhausted sigh, she cast her eyes away from the healing scars looking at the clock, the nurse would be here in 3..2...1. The sounds of someone knocking on the door cause Aaliyah to get up from her bed and open the door.

“Hey hun it’s time for you to take you meds sweet pea” the nurse gave her a caring smile and two cups. One cup holding two single red and blue pills, and the other containing water.

The nurse then turns herself around closing the door as she leaves, leaving Aaliyah to decide what to do next. She decides to put the water on her bedside table as she pours the pills from the cup into her hand. Gazing at the pills she throws her head back as she pops both into her mouth, picking up the water from her bedside table she lets the cold liquid hit her mouth where she swallows both the water and pills.

One morning after Aaliyah’s meeting with one of her many therapists, she made a U-turn to the lunch room which was filled with more drama than just any standard cafeteria. While Aaliyah made her way to “her” seat she was lost in her own thoughts, you see Aaliyah didn’t really see the need for a therapist it’s not like she talks or anything it’s quite useless if you ask her, but hey anything to make her mother believes she is back on the road of being perfect. With these thoughts clouding Aaliyah’s mind she didn’t notice a young man sitting in her very seat. With a computer in front of him, he was too busy typing quite intensely to notice her standing a couple of meters away. Taking this to her advantage, she started to study him. He had wavy blonde hair that was covered by a grey beanie that sat well on his head, tan skin that looked soft as it did smooth, a pair of breathtaking emerald eyes with touches of blue and to top it all off an even more breathtaking smile that Aaliyah didn’t know she would soon grow to love. She shook her head taking her eyes of the unknown figure, with a sigh she slowly made her way to the table. Aaliyah couldn’t believe it he was even more gorgeous up close, but soon those thoughts were over as she reminded herself that she was here to become “perfect” again. Not fall in love with some damaged boy. Having a mini fight with herself, Aaliyah didn’t notice that his eyes that once was captivated by his computer was now fascinated by her.

"Hey can I help you?” he asked her but not before giving her one of those enchanted smiles of his.

In one swift movement, Aaliyah grabs her small notebook and pen from her left back pocket on her white high waisted jeans and quickly formed a response. Aaliyah then carelessly tore off the piece of paper and smacked it down on the table which left a soft but sharp thud.

“You’re in MY seat” he read out loud losing his smirk but soon returned when his greenish, blueish eyes looked back up to her. “Oh sorry beautiful I didn’t know this was YOUR seat,” he said but not without making sure he emphasizes the word “your”, “you see I’m new here, got here just today actually. The names Cole, Cole Miles” he gave her a subtle wink and a nod of the head.

With the pen still in Aaliyah’s hand, she wrote: “ Aaliyah, Aaliyah Carter” and this time she gently passed it to the boy she now knows as Cole. He gladly took it and his grin only grew wider once he read it.

“Aaliyah Carter aye? Makes sense a pretty name for a pretty girl” as Aaliyah felt her cheeks becoming a tad bit hotter as a blush crept up, he leaned back in her chair and lazily crossed his arms still having that annoying smug look on his face.

"Happy” by Pharrell Williams fulls the lunchroom, ironic right? A song filled about being ‘happy’ played at a mental asylum for kids who weren’t happy themselves, the song signals them that they all have to go back to their rooms, to either be seen by a therapist or take mountains of medicine that is apparently helping them. The sound of a laptop slamming shut brings Aaliyah’s attention back to Cole.

“Well Aaliyah we better get back to our rooms don’t ya think?” he asks while gathering his belongings. She nods her head. “Walk with me? Don’t wanna look more of a loner than I already am” he chuckles at himself. She felt the edge of her mouth start to lift into a lopsided kinda smile, something she rarely did do remind you. Aaliyah started walking to the exit with Cole trailing not far behind.

As they were walking down a hallway filled with cards, made by kids thanking the nurses and doctors for ‘fixing’ them. Decorated with glitter and pictures, Cole decided to the break the peaceful silence.

“So you don’t talk whatsoever?” he had this serious look on his face, any trace of a smirk or grin long gone. But to answer him Aaliyah grabbed her notebook and wrote.

“Well, yea I guess I use to talk but was before I came here I haven’t spoken since” while reading it he seemed as if he generally cared and not just asked to start a conversation or felt obliged to.

“oh it must be hard I know I wouldn’t be able to do it” he answered honestly looking straight ahead still with that serious look of his, she was already missing his annoying but cute smirk. He side glances at her and gives her a small smile, at least it was something. She gave him a soft smile in return.

Soon they reach Aaliyah’s room. ‘B23’ was written in bold black letters on the top of the white door with a gold handle. As she was about to turn and write to Cole that they have reached her room, she sees him unlocking the door next to her smiling.

"Hey neighbor can I borrow that notebook of yours for a second?” he requested, Aaliyah quirks one of her eyebrows and cautiously gave him her notebook. As soon as the pen hit the paper, his tongue poked out a little on the side. She didn’t think he noticed himself doing it, but Aaliyah found it quite adorable.

“Until next time neighbor” he gave her one of his many charming smiles and playful winks, he then opened his door and she was assuming he saw his therapist as he welcomed her.

"uh-ha, hey Susan” he then casually walked inside and closed his door. But before doing all of this, he gave Aaliyah back her pen and a small notebook. Eyes leaving the door she looks at the notepad in her hand.

"0412749923 ;)” she rolls her eyes as she lets out a small giggle, thinking her ears were deceiving her. Surely she didn’t just giggle, but the huge smile on her face showed her otherwise. With that Aaliyah open her white door into her even more white room, ready to take the countless number of pills.

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islandpcosjourney · 4 years ago

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Hindsight

29th December 2020

3 years ago, after a lovely family Christmas and a crazy few weeks beforehand redecorating the kitchen & dining room, I was enjoying some down-time. Facebook reminded me today that we were removing my fireplace in town – a big job involving big hammers and lots of sweat, on hubby’s part anyway ;) I had also just said goodbye to my Dad for the last time, although I didn’t know that. My final words to him were “Please go see a doctor” as we had noticed that he wasn’t himself while he was with us Christmas week. If I’d known in hindsight that I’d never see or speak to him again, I’d have never let him go. For the last 3 years I’ve punished myself for that. But in all honesty, I’m glad I didn’t know, despite the shock of his untimely passing, as I spent no time trying to cling onto something I wouldn’t have. He was just my Dad, it was just an ordinary Christmas, we were just hammering concrete out of a fireplace, as per usual and it was his time to go.

This year. The year of COVID. The year of cancellations. The year of worry. The year of unknowns. The year of excess screen time. The year of FOOD! This was the year of a fresh start. A chance to really sit down and think, quietly about anything and everything. In a year where our health has been debated so much in the press and in the community, I chose this year to sort it out, head on. Or rather, this was the year that my body chose, to WANT to sort itself out.

Many of you will have read before of the trials and tribulations that my PCOS gives me daily. It’s a vicious circle of physical and mental symptoms caused by external and internal factors. But before this year, although I’d done tons of research and I knew everything I could about my difficulties, I still couldn’t solve them. Something was always stopping me and that was indeed me.

We are what we eat. I truly believe this and always did but mentally I was always being drawn to the wrong foods. I still am, I am human after all but while most people had a kill switch to stop themselves from eating junk, my switch was broken, or so I thought. I understood the theory behind what foods would be good for me but putting it into practice is always the hard part and I’m sure many of you will have faced this before yourselves!

During lockdown, like many others, I was forced online to work. It wasn’t long after that I started noticing daily headaches, getting worse and worse. After a while, it was debilitating, and I was at the point (when in normal circumstances) where I’d have run to the GP for some stronger pills! But this wasn’t really an option this time and it forced me to think alternatively. I was convinced it was screen time to blame so I took a wee break and combined my teaching days/hours to make sure I had a long weekend away from the computer to recover each week. Around the same time, I was also experiencing buzzing in my ears – one Sunday thinking I was going insane hearing somebody strimming in their garden, when of course nobody would do that up here on a Sunday! Kevin definitely thought I’d gone mad and I was certainly believing I was! We figured out it was tinnitus or something similar and deduced I’d just have to ignore it, along-with my headaches. Fast forward to June when I finally decided to move a huge pile of recipe books from the landing upstairs. I can’t remember why they ended up there in the first place but rather than putting them back downstairs again, they’d just sat there in a tall pile for months. It was at this stage that I came across Jason Vale’s Turbo Charge Your Life in 14 Days book. A book I’d had at college and had used to lose weight before my degree’s final recital in 2009. I remembered losing 7lbs in 7 days. I sifted through all the pages and got swept back through memory lane and my tastebuds started to remember the taste of some of the juices. Mmmmmmmm yummy. Especially the Turbo charge smoothie – Pineapple, apple, lime, spinach, cucumber, celery & avocado. The ONLY form of avocado I would eat as I hated its taste but seemed to love its creaminess in a smoothie! Avocado being an essential fat that I KNEW I should be eating with my PCOS…… So, the next shopping trip I decided the buy the ingredients, dig out my juicer and before I knew it, while planning a week away to see my Mum & brother, I also planned a detox! AND it timed in perfectly with Jason’s BIG juice challenge between 6th – 12th July! Perfect, all meant to be.

So now, let’s cut a long story very short. I returned a week later totally rejuvenated, hadn’t eaten a single morsel of chewable food in 8 days and I’d lost 8lbs – here, something was working! I felt amazing, my headaches had gone, my skin was glowing, my teeth were whiter, I had tons of energy and I no longer had any ringing in my ears – all after just one week. Ok, so let’s continue! Nearly 6 months later incorporating juicing into my daily diet and I’m 30lbs down (It was at 33lbs, but Christmas was far too good hahahaha). I’ve set myself a target of 100lbs but the biggest reason for this dietary change is not to lose all the excess weight I’m carrying, although of course that will help, its to always put my health first and live the healthiest life I can. In a year where health has never been more important, I am finally on top of mine. I have finally found a way to control my symptoms and my cravings, naturally. I know it probably all sounds ridiculously obvious, but we are what we eat. My body was consuming junk therefore I was junk – I was overweight, chronically fatigued, had oily/acne skin, excess hair, moody, depressive, stressed, dull, no fun – the list is endless. I will now consume, in an average juicy week: 7 pineapples, 56 apples, 7 limes, 28 celery sticks, 28 asparagus spears, 7 courgettes, 2 bags of spinach, 1.5 bags of kale, 3.5 cucumbers, 3 broccoli stems, a few bananas, massive handfuls of mixed berries, beetroot, 7 pears, 7 avocados. Safe to say I am now bright, bubbly, happy, positive, glowing, full of energy, no back pain or headaches, smooth skin everywhere and best of all, I am reducing my PCOS symptoms massively. I’ve been at this weight before; I remember how I felt at this weight before. My weight has nothing to do with this feeling. The food I am eating is directly responsible. Finally, an answer to all my troubles. I know it sounds obvious but how many of us will turn to medications or look for other factors to blame for our chronic conditions? I did! As soon as I was diagnosed, I continuously went running back to the GP/consultant for more and more pills. One to sort that, one to sort this, another one to counteract the last one etc etc. I KNOW categorically that the medications were intoxicating me and that the fuel I put into my body causes the relevant energy output whether strong or weak. I know that if I wake up in the morning and feel tired, a juice will sort me out, not caffeine. I know that if I’m tired at night it is because of the incorrect fuel I’ve put into my body earlier that day, for whatever reason I decided to consume it. I am seeing a direct long-term result of it all too.

From previous blogs, you will know that I DID NOT have a menstrual cycle without medical intervention. As of Boxing Day this year, that is no longer true. It may have taken since July to regulate my hormones naturally, but it has worked. Obviously, time will tell if I’m going to restore any kind of regularity to it but in all honesty, that’s not a concern right now as I can’t remember having a regular cycle since I was a teenager, so we’re talking around 20 years of hormonal disruption to be reversed and Rome wasn’t built in a day! Interestingly the last “natural” cycle I had after stopping years of medication also appeared on Boxing Day, in 2016 ;) In August this year, I was convinced “mother nature” had come to visit but she only said a very brief hello in a socially distanced way for a day so this time with the COVID restrictions lifted a little she was able to come to stay with gifts of stomach cramps, carb cravings & headaches as a way of getting us reacquainted again. Needless to say, she was made very welcome and I’ve never been happier, especially by hugging a hot water bottle.

Not everything is quite sorted but as you can imagine, its well on track! I now choose my food wisely, looking for naturally wholesome options as is humanly possible and just being more conscious of what I am eating (of course I eat treats ocassionally but I’m doing it consciously). Would you put dirty fuel in a car? Of course not. Would you put dirty oil in during an oil change? Of course not. That’s what I believe medications do to chronic conditions – they throw dirty oil into an already dirty engine. Our cars need servicing each year where they get an oil change, where the filters are cleaned, where essential maintenance is done, so why don’t we do that when we’re chronically sick? Why do we turn to pills to sort a condition we’ve developed rather than look to what we’re fuelling our body with and give it a good clean out? Of course we need medicines for acute conditions but chronic ones can be reversed if we clean out the “filter” and do an “oil change”. I’ve seen tons of documentaries recently where I’ve learned of people curing their Asthma, Eczema, Psoriasis, Diabetes etc I’ve even seen a documentary where cancers have gone into remission for dozens of years through eating raw food alone. I know it’ll sound very “out there” for some people and it would’ve done for me too had I not gone looking for Functional Medicine (using food to heal) research after years of understanding the theory behind it but not finding the right way to put it into practice. But, never in my whole life and in spite of a worldwide Pandemic, have I felt more alive or healthier than I do right now. I may have turned the clock back 3 years on my weight but energy-wise I feel about 15 years younger which is far more important than any number on the bathroom scales.

In hindsight, do I wish that I’d reached these dietary conclusions earlier? Not at all. It wasn’t the right time. In hindsight, I can see that all of the information that I have been armed with over the years, are the tools that have set me up for the success I now have. Like a fine wine, I needed time to breathe, time to mature to become the best I can be. No point in opening it early, you’ll just be disappointed. A good teacher is somebody who’s struggled themselves and I’m a better, stronger person for having had my major struggles. There’s probably many still to come. Life is never boring!

Now that I’ve written this, I logged into Tumblr to copy this blog across and to see when I last posted and to my amazement it was Boxing day last year! I love coincidences of dates & Boxing Day seems to have cropped up a number of times. I said that my goal was to increase my energy levels as I really struggled this time last year. I had said regarding Christmas day:

“I want to be able to, one day, wake up early to make the breakfast, open stocking presents, get dressed inc. make up, cook a Christmas dinner, watch a bit of Christmas TV, play some board games, do the washing up and still feel like a proper woman – not some shadow of one who can only do one or two tasks a day.”

Well I did all those things! I’d totally forgotten that I’d even set that goal (for one day!) but I reached it a year later and more. I never thought I’d be sizes smaller than a previous year as my pattern has always been to be one size bigger each year ;) I recently ordered a few jumpers for the harsh winter, one a size 16-18 and one a size 14 for the future. Well, although a stretchy material, I’m in the size 14 jumper and had to send back the other as it just hung off me! Considering I was a size 20 last year, ballooned to a size 22 by the middle of the year and now I’m back to the size I was 3 years ago, I’m delighted. I also don’t get the violently ill episodes when I eat gluten/dairy now that I did before when I religiously followed a PCOS diet and ocassionally slipped up. I honestly think fruit & veg is healing my gut, my hormones, my skin, every organ in my body! There’s a lot to say for eating a plant-based diet, not only for my health but also the purse-strings but there’s also lots to say for eating balanced nutrition and listening to one’s body for what it really needs. My ears are wide open now.

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emmadutton1993 · 4 years ago

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How To Use Reiki Hand Positions

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Learn Reiki Surrey

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thekillingquill · 8 years ago

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At the Drive-In: Part 3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Pairing: Jughead x Reader Word Count: 3,158 Epilogue Word Count: 602 Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse, there are teenage hormones at work, it gets a little sad? But no really, hormones at work. Summary: Reader escapes her home at night and runs to the Twilight Drive-In where Jughead is her reluctant host. His little interloper is slowly burrowing her way into his heart. A/N: This is the third and final part. I’ve included the epilogue in this post. I didn’t proofread :)

EDIT: There’s a sequel--Dark Side Of Your Room

Jughead found himself looking for her at school but he didn’t know where she existed outside of their nights together at Pop’s and the Drive-In. It was abundantly clear that, other than her proclivity for B&E, Jughead didn’t know much about her. He tried finding her in the library, as she often would read at Pop’s, but came up empty. It was a longshot, but he even looked in the student lounge.

It occurred to him, around fourth period, that he didn’t even know if they shared the same classes. He didn’t know what electives she took or where her locker was located. If it wasn’t for her scent clinging desperately to his pillow and his sleep shirts, he’d think that he made her up in a moment of insanity.

Perhaps it was a blessing that she wasn’t there last night. The news had been handed down the telephone line until somehow Jeanette of all people was telling him: the city had sold the Twilight Drive-In and they would be out of a job by the end of the weekend.

His first thought had been the loss of his home. His second thought had been the loss of income. His third thought was of Y/N and their nights together. All in all, Jughead was drowning in a sea of loss with no lifeboat in sight.

Along with the loss of his home and the absence of Y/N, Jughead also had Archie and Betty to worry about and of course, the murder of Jason Blossom. It surprised him how much time he found to miss Y/N. When she didn’t show up again he spent the night staring at the ceiling, shivering. No matter how many layers he piled on, the bed still felt too cold.

He tried not to let it bother him when she didn’t show up on the second night. He focused on deciding the closing night film while trying to find ways to save the drive-in. All the distractions in the world couldn’t help the quiet ache of loneliness in his chest. He thought that he’d nixed this feeling over the summer when Archie disappeared on him and Betty was out of touch. Yet, here it was again, courtesy of Y/N.

He thought he might have caught a glimpse of her in the cafeteria, but had lost sight of her by the time he pushed through the throng of students. It wasn’t until the closing night screening of Rebel Without a Cause that he saw her again.

The man’s expression is partly cloudy as he finishes their transaction and pulls into the rapidly filling lot at the drive-in. Y/N almost doesn’t recognize the woman in her exuberantly giggly and moony-eyed state. For a moment, they appear to be like any other family unit attending the closing night of the iconic Twilight Drive-In: Mom and Dad reminiscing about their time as teens while their moody offspring listens with a strange fascination.

It is a side of her family that Y/N has never seen before. It is a strange juxtaposition to the hurricane of three days ago that left so much destruction along with physical and emotional pain. But that storm has passed and this night is calm. Looking at the man and the woman, Y/N predicts that there is a chance of showers later on in the evening.

This is the busiest Y/N has ever seen the drive-in. She cranes her neck around seeing students from Riverdale High and their parents, and over in the darkest part of the lot are the regulars. The man pulls into a spot and the woman leans into his shoulder with a shout of laughter. “Should we tell her, babe?” She asks, nuzzling her nose into the man’s neck. The man twists away with an unfamiliar laugh. “I’m gonna tell her. Baby, this is the exact spot at the drive-in where we made you!” The man catches Y/N’s eyes in the rearview mirror and the strange smile melts off of his face like snow on a hot day. He clears his throat and looks away from her. “You go on and meet your friends, kid.” Y/N doesn’t need to be told twice. The doors to the backseat have only opened from the outside for the last six years, so she crawls out of the open window with a practiced grace. She reaches through the window and grabs her messenger bag off of the floor and mutters a quick goodbye to her parents.

She puts her clenched fists in her jacket pockets, waking with her head down and hair shielding her face. She makes a beeline for the public washrooms at the concession and checks to make sure she was completely alone. She braced her hands on either side of the sink and mentally prepared herself for the night ahead.

Jeanette doesn’t even notice when Y/N leaves the bathroom and heads straight up the stairs. For a moment she just stands at the top of the stairs to watch Jughead as he works. His movements are so sure and precise, but there’s a yearning and melancholy air about him tonight.

It has only been three days, but seeing him knocks the breath out of her lungs. For the past three days she has been overwhelmed by the undiluted feeling of wanting. She wanted to see him, to talk to him, to rest her cheek against his shoulder blade and slip her hand beneath his shirt to feel the warmth of his skin. She wants him, Jughead Jones, but isn’t brave enough to say how she wants him. She just does, always.

Being trapped inside her room these last few days has left her feeling like she could crawl up the walls and claw her way out of her skin. The man thought that it would be a good idea for her to stay out of sight and it almost felt parental at times. He brought her small tokens that made her heart throb painfully in her chest: a box of old magazines for collages, a milkshake from Pop’s, and a box of the cookies she used to love as a child. While he was attentive and kind, all she really wanted was Jughead who could offer her nothing but the worn paperback book in his bag, a safe place to exist and good company.

He finally notices her and she watches as his face transitions through a myriad of emotion: relief, confusion and then he put up his guard, that facade he’s perfected of disdainful disinterest. “What are you doing here?” He asks accusingly. She looks down at the floor and clears her throat. “Believe it or not,” she says with forced levity, pushing her hair away from her face. “I came here with my parents. Yeah, apparently this is where they had their very first day and here’s a bonus too much information fact for you: this is also where I was conceived.”

She looks up to gauge his reaction and sees that his arms are crossed over his chest and jaw is clenched tightly in anger. And then he sees her eye for the first time and his jaw drops and arms fall to his side in shock. He takes two quick steps forward and lifts his hand to touch her face. She reacts automatically, catching his wrist in her hand and pausing its movements. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, stroking the soft skin over his pulse point. She gently guides his hand to her cheek and squeezes his wrist before releasing it.

He swallows hard and tilts her head so that he left eye is under the limited light of the projectionist’s booth. The dark shadow around her eye remains and he can no longer deny what he’s seeing: Y/N with a blackened eye.

“How did this happen?” He asks softly. She laughs softly and nuzzles her cheek into his hand.

“I didn’t check the weather report.” Jughead brings his other hand up to cup her face, searching her eyes for an answer that makes sense.

“I… I don’t know what that means.” He tells her desperately. His frown is prominent as he smooths her hair back “Did someone do this to you? Y/N did your dad hit you?”

She can’t help it. She laughs and brings her hands up to squeeze his wrists. “You know, women have the capacity for violence, too.” She tells him with a rueful smile. “I don’t want to talk about it, Jug. I just want to enjoy tonight, with you.”

She wraps her arms around his middle and presses her fingers to his shoulder blades and inhales his intoxicating smell. “I am so sorry about the drive-in, Jug.” He wraps his arms around her shoulders and presses his nose against her neck, sighing in relief. “What will you do?” “I’ll figure something out. But tonight the drive-in is still open, so I better get back to work.” Jughead gives her one last squeeze and goes back to preparing the film. Y/N lays on the bed and watches him. Occasionally he looks over at her and smiles. It’s a subconscious act on his part as he is still struggling with the reality that she has re-appeared in his life.

They sit side by side to watch the last movie play at the Twilight Drive-In with Jughead’s arm across her shoulders and her arms wrapped tightly around his waist. She rests her right cheek against his shoulder and breathes in his scent. Halfway through the movie her fingers slip up his shirt to stroke the warm, soft skin of his side. She waits to see what he will do: will he rebuff her? Will he hold her closer, kiss her, give in to the tension that has been building between them for weeks? After a moment of silence she feels his fingers slip under the collar of her shirt, tracing the line of her clavicle and rubbing circles under her bra strap. She presses her thighs together and groans happily into his neck. She feels his other hand cup her elbow and he brings her closer, pressing his lips to her hairline. For the rest of the movie Jughead slowly massages the skin available to him and she relaxes further and further into his body. He doesn’t even mind when she falls asleep with thirty minutes left in the movie.

He’s just happy to have her there with him.

She’s sitting on their bed (when did it become theirs and not his?) with her legs crossed when he comes back from shutting down the drive-in for the night. She’s picking at her thumb nail and smiling at him shyly. His mouth is dry with nerves.

He won’t deny that it felt good to feel her nails lightly scratching his side during the movie, or that he didn’t like the sounds she made when he dragged a finger along her collarbone. He is finally admitting it to himself: he likes her. “This place has always felt special to me, Jughead. But since I met you, it’s become almost like an oasis. I am going to treasure every memory I have of us here.” She gestures to the bed, inviting him closer. He walks towards her like he’s in a trance and when he sits down, she reaches for his hand and intertwines their fingers. “I’d really like if we could make more memories tonight.” He reaches up and brushes her hair away from her black eye and swallows thickly. He’s overcome by concern. Where will she go for sanctuary when things get bad at home? “We can still go to Pop’s.” He tells her. She smiles at him sadly and squeezes his hand and turns so she’s facing him with her legs still crossed. He mimics her position, stroking his thumb along her knuckles. “Pop’’s was never ours, Jughead. That place has always been for you, Betty and Archie. I’ve seen you guys there. That’s where you’re all meant to be.” “You’re talking like this is the last time we’re going to see each other.” Jughead struggles to get the words out, realizing that this could be the last time he sees her. He squeezes her hand and she squeezes his back.

“If we see each other,” she says slowly, “it will be different.” Jughead lets her words circle his mind, coming to the same conclusion each time. This would be their last night together. As much as he wants to hold tightly to what they have, this relationship might have run its course. He did have his friends and he couldn’t imagine a scenario where Y/N was with them at Pop’s. His friends and what he and Y/N have (had?) are so different and have always been so separate from one another. “I started thinking of people’s anger like storms. That’s what I meant earlier by not checking the weather report. I was distracted during dinner and the storm came in fast. I should have known better because she was drinking red wine. I tried to leave and she turned on me, backhanded me once on the right cheek and then missed my left and hit my eye. Dad actually threw her out. She only came back today.” Jughead remained silent as she spoke, listening intently to her candor and supporting her by continuously stroking the back of her hand with his thumb and placing his other hand on her knee and squeezing it gently. She laughs and brings their intertwined hands to her mouth, placing a shy kiss to his knuckles. “If it’s okay with you,” she whispers leaning closer to him. “I’d like to kiss you now.” “Yeah,” Jughead mumbles, entranced by her nearness. There’s the slightest hint of bubble gum on her breath. His hand slides up her knee to grip her thigh and he presses his mouth to hers gently, being careful of her injury. Their first kiss feels like that first breath of air when you’ve been under water. It excites and relaxes, it is war and peace, it is the beginning and the end.

She smiles into their kiss and squeezes his hand, bringing her other hand to the back of his neck and leaning further into him. She is completely under his spell. She will be cursed to love Jughead Jones the Third for the rest of her young life.

He breaks their kiss and buries his face in her neck, breathing in her scent. He presses a gentle kiss on the side of her neck and bites down softly on her shoulder. He releases her hand and pulls her onto his lap with a growl. She squeaks at the sudden movement and frames his face in both of her hands. They kiss again, a little harder this time and she relaxes her jaw enough to allow her tongue to trace his upper lip. Jughead groans and she licks into his mouth, pressing even closer to him.

Jughead shrugs off his jacket and pulls off his beanie, tossing them to the side and putting his hands on her ribs like an additional cage around her wild heart. She buries her hand in his hair, tugging on it gently as they kiss.

He pulls back and looks up at her with half lidded eyes. He reaches back and pulls his shirt over his head and she places her hand on his heated skin, directly over his racing heart. His hands claw desperately at her shirt as he falls back on the bed. She sits up, laughing at his dazed expression, and pulls her shirt over her head. She leans down and rests her elbows on either side of his head. “You okay there, Jug?” With each word she brushes her lips against his but never fully kisses him. “Yeah,” he breathes, nodding his head. “I’m good.” “Me too,” she whispers, pressing her mouth to his firmly. His palms slide up her back until he is pushing against her shoulder blades, pressing her closer so that they are skin on skin. He involuntarily jerks his hips upwards and is surprised and embarrassed by the low moan he releases that is lost in the sound of Y/N’s whimper. “Are you okay?” He asks, pushing her hair away from her face. “No no no no, that felt really good, Jug. I was just surprised is all.” She brushes the hair away from his face and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth and drags her mouth slowly to his neck, sucking lightly on the skin just beneath his ear. He lets out a soft moan and arches into her, and she pulls away from him with a strangled moan of her own. And then she reaches between them for his belt, hands brushing against the bulge in his jeans. Jughead gasps and grabs for her hand desperately, pulling it away from his belt. “I’m sorry,” she says immediately, rolling off of him and onto the mattress. “I’m so sorry, I should have asked first.” “I just… it’s okay… I just don’t want to do… that.” Jughead tries to explain through his panting.

“Okay. I’m really sorry, Jughead.” She reaches out, but isn’t sure whether he wants her to touch him right now. He grips her hand and laces their fingers together, letting it rest on his stomach. “It’s okay,” he says again and he’s not sure if he’s telling her that, or himself. He turns so that they are facing each other and she traces the curve of his jaw with her fingertips lightly, asking him in a whisper if it’s okay. He nods, leaning forward to kiss her chin and her cheek and then pushes himself up on one elbow so that he can kiss her forehead. She reciprocated by pressing a lingering kiss to each freckle.

They spend their last night together at the drive-in exchanging lazy kisses and sharing personal stories that would leave them feeling vulnerable and weak in the light of day. They touch each other gently, and make each other laugh (“I used to think that you were a blizzard: cold and dangerous. Now I know that you’re a summer rain: hot and electric. And getting me wet.”).

In the morning Jughead makes sure to kiss her on every square inch of the projectionist’s booth. It turns out she was right, after that night they didn’t meet up at Pop’s or say hi in the hallways. Jughead tried keeping tabs on her, seeking her out each day at school to look for any new bruises. But he got so busy with the Jason Blossom investigation, dealing with his broken family, and starting a new relationship with Betty that he didn’t even notice the day she disappeared.

But he would see her again.

Epilogue:

He hangs up the payphone, Betty’s voice trapped in his mind and turns to start his first day at Southside High when he sees her walking down the hall wearing a leather jacket two sizes too big. She’s walking with three other girls, and she looks happier than he’s ever seen her. She has laughter on her lips when she catches his eye.

Like metal to a magnet, he feels himself being pulled toward her. She says something to her friends and walks towards him as if in a trance. They meet in the middle and without warning she launches herself at him in a tight hug.

She smells different--like smoke, leather and honey.

“It’s so good to see you.” She tells him, burying her face in his neck and inhaling the familiar scent. He pulls back from her, his hands coming to cup her elbows gently. His eyes move rapidly over her face, memorizing the slight changes in her appearance. She’s wearing dark makeup, and her lips are quirked in the quiet smile she used to give him at the drive-in. There is an unbridled energy in her eyes that he’s never seen before.

“What are you doing here?” He asks her breathlessly. Her smile stays in place, but her eyes go sad.

“Not too long after the drive-in closed, there was a big storm brewing. It was the biggest storm to ever hit and someone called the police. When Sheriff Keller showed up he saw all of the destruction and I was put into foster care. My dad and I still see each other all the time, but I can’t be around my mom.”

“Did she hurt you?” Jughead asks her softly. His concern makes her eyes burn with emotion. She looks at the students in the hall and gestures for Jughead to lean down. She presses her cheek against his and whispers in his ear.

“She came at me with a knife. By the time Sheriff Keller showed up she had already cut me.” She pulls back from Jughead and shrugs her shoulder so that her leather jacket slips down her arm. There on her shoulder, pink and puckered, is a jagged scar about two inches in length. He reaches out and brushes his index finger over the raised skin.

“I’m so sorry,” he says. He’s not sure what the apology is: sorry for not being there, sorry I got caught up in my own shit and forgot about you, sorry this happened to you, sorry our safe haven got torn down?

“It’s okay. Things are better for me now.”

“Are you… are you happy?” Jughead asks. She beams at him, giving him another hug. He lets her sway them from side to side.

“I am, Jughead, I really am. I just wish you could be, too.” She pulls away and steps back from him, lest she be tempted to keep touching him. With a tilt of their head they begin to walk down the hall together. “So last I heard you were living with Archie Andrews. How’d you end up at Southside?”

“Things at Archie’s didn’t work out. I’m with a southside foster family now.” They reach the doors of the cafeteria and Y/N pauses and turns to him.

“I guess that means I’ll be seeing you around.” She starts walking backwards, keeping him in her sights for as long as possible.

“Yeah, I’ll see you.” He watches her walk away, not realizing that he is subconsciously looking for the Serpent patch until she turns around and he sees it clear as day: the two headed snake.

Tag list: @tasteofswallowedwords @forsythe-pendleton-jones-iv @jillisbetterthanyou @rainbows-and-glitter-bitch @murderyoursoul @ri-verdale

#Quill Writes #this was having some copy paste issues :(#jughead jones imagine #jughead jones x reader #Jughead imagine #riverdale imagine

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