#but it was like the worst time ever and i wasnt even doing that bad overrall

[sheepispink]

A LIGHT THAT NEVER GOES OUT

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Masterlist AO3

pairings: Simon Ghost Riley/ Reader (platonic or romantic, up to you)

tags: probably loads of military inaccuracies, anxiety attacks (possibly?), heavy angst, angst and comfort, paranoia, bad mental health, cuddling and literal sleeping together (up to you romantic or platonic)

A/N: I’d appreciate if no one complained abt the accuract/realistic of the story (ofc if its the characterisation of ghost that’s perfectly ok!) i’m open for criticisation for how i write etc etc but this is a sensitive topic and.. based off personal experiences 😅😅 so it’s very realistic to me even if its not to you!

This technically takes place after this fic but it’s not a big deal in which the order you read it

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You’re an introvert, even if you do get excited really quickly, loud around people you’ve known for a while and love meeting new people. Yet still, you call yourself an introvert, even if that technically still makes you an extroverted introvert. You don't like the sound of an extrovert— someone who thrives off of others' attention and loves to be the center of it, who brightens their days with their friends and always wants to make plans with anyone and everyone. You like the attention sometimes; when Price mentions your name in a conversation, praising your skills, your heart thumps a little louder. Being at the limelight of the party isn't always the worst thing either, especially when everyone laughs at your jokes so hard they double over, grinning so wide you can't help it either. You love your friends, your teammates, even the random soldiers you’ve only exchanged small greetings with. The love for others is held tight in your heart’s vessels, bursting each and every time they make you smile or you just see their presence. You feel so warm and alive when you give them a grin in the mornings, even more so when they seek out your presence throughout the day.

Though, that only applies sometimes— never always.

A familiar soldier could ask you out to lunch and yet your chest begins to twist uncomfortably, like someone is wringing your intestines with their hands. Something screams at you when they say those words, like an invisible line had just been crossed that had been clear in everyone's heads. You had only ever spoken to those soldiers in the gym or around base, there was nowhere else even remotely personal you’d think to take them to. One on one conversations were not common either, since it wasnt that often. It’s not that you don't like them, it’s just.. not right. You’d shake your head apologetically as you force an excuse between your teeth. The regret you then express is a lie, along with the love you felt before— only reduced to a being who could never hold any of those things.

The truth is, you have a sick little parasite in you, it claws at that heart muscle, tearing away the flesh and devouring any love you feel for the people you care about and replacing it with an empty feeling which is always followed by an unreasonable hatred. Your mind grows dark, headaches permanent, as you live through the day as a skeleton of yourself— no longer able to hold any love within you as it slips past your bones in seconds. You don't like the boundaries you’ve mentally set for each person to be crossed, even if it’s a perfectly normal task. In fact, some may even say you’re scared of change. You don’t like to put a label on these things, hell you don't even like to think too hard on these things. It begins to make sense when you sit and reflect, piecing all the reasons for your behaviour together until you hit the final point. Soon you’re done, finally aware of the most significant reasoning behind your antics. The only issue is, being self aware doesn't mean you get any better; no matter how many nights you sit and stare at that mirror, nothing changes.

The only thing you gained was the ability to squash down the parasite from prying eyes. Excuses fall from your lips quickly, no matter how bad you feel when they give you that look of disappointment. It’s not your fault— you know you won't be able to handle an outing like that, you’d get too worked up. Why? You don't need to dwell on it, not right now. This continues for multiple people, multiple soldiers for two weeks, until you're ‘normal’ and you hang around others again. People begin to subconsciously catch on and so your little routine continues to carry on moving so well, staying right on track.

“Sarge? You aint comin’ to team night? Why?”

Ghost stands at the door of your quarters, dressed in his typical training attire whilst you’re sitting in something cozy, made for home wear. You have to fight the urge to cover yourself up. “Oh right.. i, uh..yknow, lot of paperwork to do. Thought i’d stay in.”

You say with a small smile, attempting to ease any concerns he had before but little did you know, he was already growing aware of your little issue, or at least the fact there was one within you. “Paperwork? On a Friday? You should be relaxin’.” You grit your teeth a little, the burning urge inside of your chest returning just like the sick pit in your stomach. It felt so awful fearing just a simple team night out, but it was just so late and you were so tired— you didnt have the energy to be rational the whole time, to think of your next move constantly.

“It’s not a big deal. I’ll come to the next one.” You shrug, turning back to your small desk as you pull another small stack of papers in front of you. His boots thump loudly against the floorboards, sounding like the heavy thump of your heart in your ears. It stops, suddenly, behind your back and your body stiffens as he leans down, looking at the paperwork you’re going through. It’s a lie— naturally, you finished it all. He doesn't even have to stare at you first nor visibly raise a brow; you’re already waiting for him to call out your bluff just as quickly.

“You can just say you want some time alone, yknow.” That catches you off guard, half expecting him to just tell you to stop whining and grab some drinks. His words were still difficult though, how could you easily just say that? Of course, the words itself aren't the hard part, nor speaking it—it’s the implications behind said words. An excuse means you have other things to occupy you, so no one dares to disturb you much after that, however explaining you want some alone time gives way to more questions. Specifically the first being: why? Then they begin to wonder if you’ve been doing okay recently or if you’re struggling with something. You dont like the idea of that at all— people thinking about you in that way. It feels weird, almost like it’s wrong. Sometimes you wished people would just not care, and leave you alone to wallow with yourself.

“Sarge?” You snap out of it, sheepishly scratching the back of your head as he still stands behind you and you turn in your chair, putting the best meek face you can on for the night. “What? No, that’s not why I declined. I’m not really feeling any alcohol today and a new episode of a series I previously binged on the weekend just came out. Sorry.. didn't want to make it seem i was ditching anyone for a show.” Perfect, an awkward grin had tied it all off into a well constructed excuse. Even if it was partially true and this really wasn't fake, it sure felt like everything you did was an act. After all, you really didn't want them to think you were ditching anyone, and you didn't feel like having any alcohol tonight. “A new series” He says gruffly, and you nod with a tight smile, teeth gritting so hard you’re sure they’ll break in a few seconds. “I’ll join you then.”

You blink once, twice, three times in pure utter confusion. Ghost—The Ghost, whose name is rumoured across the battlefield and known for never giving into idle small talk—wants to watch the series you lied about, with you.

You’ve never felt more guilty in your entire life, practically fumbling for a solution. You could just tell the truth, say no and admit you needed to be alone. But this is the first time he’s ever expressed wanting to hang around you, actually together and alone— and miss out on a team night?! He may just want an excuse out of it, but still, you can't just say no now. “Well yeah, i just..” You hate how there’s no easy way out of this in the slightest, torn between saving your own mental health or finally getting close to the teammate who you’ve been on eggshells around for nearly a year now. “My room’s not exactly clean--“

He cuts you off with a gruff, shake of his head, a scoff resounding in his next words, promptly embarrassing you too. “There ya go— knew you wanted to be alone.”

You fumble, not understanding how he managed to pry it out of you so fast, just a simple lie blowing your cover. “I said it wasn't like-“

“See you tomorrow.” He’s gone just as fast as he silenced you, heavy footsteps disappearing out of your door and down the corridors. What you couldn't wrap your head around is how fast he had figured it out and made you confess to your lies that fast— it was a real problem, something you couldn't just let slide. If he knew, did others too?

Unfortunately for you, the very much needed alone time didn’t help as well as it usually did considering this new information has threatened everything that made up the core of your very being—specifically everything keeping you glued together. You just couldn't sit there and possibly relax like you usually did when alone (more specifically think over everything you’ve done wrong until you quite literally fell asleep mid thought)— not when Ghost could clearly read everything you had ever thought about in your life.

That being said, you’ve been a nervous wreck all week, concentrating so hard on looking sane that you’ve barely paid a second of attention to things you should’ve listened to. It’s not like you slipped up regularly, but before that day you were already feeling pretty uneasy and now with still no relief and the added stress, you feel like you really might lose it any second now. Every time you see him, every word exchanged with your teammates—with another person—it eats at you, tugging further on the ropes you’re hanging onto. They’re already been pulled thin, especially since you’ve been put in charge of a group of rookies for the past few weeks now. Of course, you had pulled the short straw when assignments went round because not only did your group love to talk back, but they loved to test every limit by asking the most stupid of questions possible. It’s the second time now you’ve had to lecture one of the rookies about why you can’t just ‘throw a grenade at the enemies’. It’s only temporary, just basic training exercises and medical procedures they need to know until the Officer, who usually oversees them, returns from their sick leave.

You let out a long breath as you enter the small break room, also known as taskforce 141’s meeting room but they’ve let you lounge in here too many times to count. It’s quiet in here, Soap and Gaz both on missions and you assume Ghost must be too. It’s the first time you’ve been able to relax all week, knowing damn well Price is down in London with Gaz. Your shoulders sag, the miserable look returning to cover your features now that you don't need to pull that tight smile anymore. Your chest physically aches from how anxious you’ve been all day, the weight of the day’s mistakes and fears of the future swelling deep in your gut. You know it’s a Friday, know you should just take a long sleep but you can’t help but think about all you have to do for the days to follow. You’re busy the whole day tomorrow, a team outing you can’t deny no matter how much you really do not want to go. Just thinking of all the final work you’ll have to cram in on Sunday makes a splitting pain run along the bumps in your brain. Even your breaths begin to feel shorter, an uncomfortable feeling that you just still cant rid of no matter how long you take deep breaths. Your eyes are weighed down with exhaustion and yet your brain refuses to let you sleep yet. No, you cannot. If you sleep the night away then you’ll only have Sunday left for yourself, and that won't work out, will it?

You pick up the mug you had just stirred, hoping the drink would soothe at least something if not your dehydrated body. Taking a small sip, the hot liquid spills down your throat, leaving a warm feeling in your ribs. “Alone by choice or force?” A gruff voice rings out behind you, along with an arm reaching around to supposedly grab a teabag as well, is enough to make you flinch. Stumbling on your own feet, your mug jolts and the steaming water splashes against your shoulder. If you were worried about someone catching you so vulnerable before, you were certainly terrified now, especially since your skin was burning from a small startle.

“Fuck— sorry—“

Ghost’s gloved hand settle on one side of your waist while the other quickly takes the mug from your hands and places it upon the counter. You cant respond, barely processing the situation and everything just feels like too much and your skin feels so hot, you know he’s seeing you fall apart and still there’s nothing you can do—

Your thoughts snap to a blank when he presses the cold rag against your burning skin. Thankfully the layers of the training uniform stops any severe marks from forming. His other hand rubs your cheek, his mask so close it could brush your face, and you can actually see every speck of brown in his irises. You can't look at him for long though, moving your gaze away quickly, not when you know what you’ve done. For the past week or two you’ve hated him, painting the most horrible picture in your mind. It wasnt even on purpose, you’ve just started seeing everything wrong about him. He doesnt give the rookies much mercy, nor does he particularly entertain any of Soap’s antics even when the situation is pretty lax. He’s boring, he seems to care about nothing but himself somedays, he refuses to let you do something stupid and he never takes that damn mask off even when you’re all supposed to trust one another. You’ve lied to him, yes, forgetting about your hatred when he made you laugh with those gruff remarks. But he’s not the only one— no, you’ve began to hate everyone in this task force, picking at them and every little thing. It’s weird, you don't want to victimize yourself, because you know you’ve done just as much wrong too. But still, somedays you really can't look past the list of things you dislike about your own friends.

“Are you alright? I havent seen you all week.”

Of course he hasn't, you’ve been avoiding them all. It’s nearly impossible to think straight these days and you knew you wouldn’t be able to fake it so naturally, you just stayed away. The more you did it, the better it began to feel. Avoiding them was the solution— you were just the thorn in their side with your tricky mood swings and anxiety always painting them to be the villain. You couldnt just allow this to happen, to destroy them with your issues even if they had no idea about it.

But now, face to face with him, all you feel is unexplainable guilt for everything you’ve done to them— how could you even hate them for a second? His hand is still rubbing at your skin, nudging your face gently upwards just so you’d at least look at him for a second. “Really? The silent treatment now?.” He sighs and you hate yourself, how did you let this spiral to this point— to where he’s apologising to you and yet you wish you could just disappear. Isnt this what you wanted? For everyone to be kind to you? So why are you running— why do you refuse care?

Your lips press together as your teeth bite down on the soft flesh, torn from how much you’ve picked at the skin the whole week. It aches with anxiety, and your teeth hurt from how often you’ve clenched them so hard they scraped against eachother. The only thing you can do is stand there as Ghost fusses over you, trying to get you to move a damn muscle instead of falling apart silently like some kind of broken watch, unable to move forward or backwards. Just still.

“Sarge— snap out of it, look, I'm sorry. Okay?”

His hands are still on you, and you’ve begged for a day where someone would care this much about you and still, you step back, almost afraid. “I’m sorry, Ghost.” You croak out, your hands reaching up to your eyes as you wipe at your skin obsessively, trying to hide and stop anything from leaking. “Why’re you apologising?” He says gruffly, confused by all of this, this sudden onslaught of emotion.

He’s not stupid, he had a feeling you weren't quite yourself this week. Stupidly, he figured you’d just deal with it on your own. That's what everyone did, right? He knows he just takes a breather when he feels a little rough— even Price had his own battles. Comfort isn't a strong point for Ghost, not even when he was Simon Riley, never has and he never thinks it will be. He’s born and bred on violence and the coldness that comes after it, the lack of warmth even as hot blood trickles and emptiness consumes the space where his fellow soldiers should be. So watching you crumble right before him, apologising profusely while your body wracks with shaken breaths, makes something stop in him too. He doesn't know how he’ll do it, but he knows damn well no one fights alone anymore.

“Look at me.”

He says firmly, both his hands landing firmly on your shoulders, one hand even tempted to just force your chin up but you shake your head profusely. “Why not?” He stays patient for you, even if he knows he may have to force you soon— its the least he can do for you. “I cant look at you. Not after everything i did.” He pauses, hands now settling on your jaw in confusion, he knows this is moving towards an interrogation but he has to know. “What are you talking about?! What did you do?”

“I hated all of you! I avoided you all and destroyed our relationship, i fucked it all up.”

With that he cant stand to see this continue, a gloved hand firmly planted over your mouth as the other wraps around your back. He leads you to the couch even as you squirm, not caring in the slightest. He knows he has strength and not comfort, so he’ll use it to shut you up whilst the truth comforts you instead.

“Look at me.” He says sternly and you do, eyes snapping up with wide fear as you look at him. “That’s not true— okay? None of us consider our relationship with you ruined, not one of us has even mentioned you in a bad light at all.” He makes sure your whole body is pressed against the back of the couch, considering that you didnt particularly look as if you could hold yourself up right now.

“Soap has only talked to me about you once recently— he told me you helped him organize the training schedules for the rookies. Told me to thank you for it because he felt he did not express his gratitude enough. Do you understand now? No one’s mad at you– not one of us have even considered anything to have gone wrong.”

His hand grabs your own, settling it on the center of his chest so you can feel the pattern of his breathing, silently praying you’d try and match it. You can only blink at him though, slowly processing his words with each passing second until his hand leaves your mouth and your lips part, breath hitched before you swallow a sharp breath. “I’ve avoided all of you– i’ve been hating all of you.” You choke out, chest clenching with regret and the weight of unreasonable guilt and his other hand moves to hold your face again, his brown eyes piercing into yours with his silence.

“What is like to hate someone?”

“What?”?

“What is it like to hate someone?” He repeats, his thumb pressing gently into the curve of your cheek.

“I-...” You falter, thinking for a moment before your lips part again. “I dont like things that they do— the way they act and everything about them.”

“You’d avoid them too, right? Like that general you hated. Remember when he touched you and you pushed his hand away?

You nod along in agreement, breathing a bit slower to hopefully ease the pressure on your chest at the moment.

“Y-yeah.. i’d express my dislike clearly..”

“So why did you never push me away the past few weeks? You said you avoided us, but you would always speak to us if we needed to. You still helped Soap too.”

You pause, blinking at him in confusion now, you had convinced yourself that you hated them so why did you never.. actually express it?

“You’re also letting me touch you now and last week you didn't want to hang out with us, but you didnt want to hurt our feelings by saying that.”

You’re left silent, baffled and confused because in your head, you were being horrible to them, hating their guts like it was nothing.

“I think… whatever is going on in that head of yours.” He says slowly, tapping at your forehead gently as you look up at him with widened eyes. “You’ve held it in for too long. You’ve dwelled on those thoughts, so self aware of your own anxieties that you’ve distorted reality. You think you’ve done something bad, because you can't understand why you always feel so bad.” His voice is softer than usual, even if his words are still gruff and holds his thick Manchester accent.

Somehow that alone reminds you that Simon has never lied, not even once, to you. That stern voice of his is straightforward, doesnt mess around and forces his way through any problem. Just like he had just pushed himself to the root of your mind and destroyed your seeds of doubt.

“You’re allowed to talk to us you know. I have a funny feeling you’re scared o’ somethin’. Not sure what just yet.”

He doesnt force you to respond, just speaking his thoughts even if that’s what you usually do when you’re together. The couch creaks as he stand up, pulling you to get up aswell beside him. He places a hand on the crook of your back, gently encouraging you to begin walking towards the door. “Cmon, back to my room. Lets get you cleaned up properly.”

Before you know it, you’re sitting against the headboard of his bed, something you had only felt months ago when you first came here, scared and confused over a stupid hornet. You trusted him to help you then, but you dont understand why you suddenly felt that fear again. Meanwhile, your shirt is half off, Ghost sat on the bed beside you as he inspects the burns on your chest from the tea. It’s harsh, the skin reddened but not enough to be something serious thankfully. He presses a cool towel against it, soothing the stinging skin but he knows it’ll fade out soon enough. You’re wearing his old shirt, and he gave you some comfortable sweatpants too for good measure. You just watch all his moves so quietly, feeling like a ghost yourself in this moment from how detached you are. It’s weird, feeling so much yet nothing at the same time.

“Nothing too bad, should be alright by the morning.” He hums, lifting the fresh mug of tea he brewed for you and brings it to your lips for you to sip before he steals some for himself. “Is your chest still tight?” You blink, not expecting him to ask that of all things because you hadnt exactly mentioned that part and yes, it was. “How did you know..?” Your hand reaches out, silently asking for more of the tea he graciously lets you sip, unable to fathom how he brews it so perfectly each time. “You were clutching at your chest before and your breaths are a little shorter than they should be.” He’s seen straight through you again so you slump your shoulders and just nod quietly. “Yeah, it’s really tight. It’s always like this and i dont know how to make it stop.”

His gloved hand reaches out, gently rubbing at your chest thus making you sink a little back into the pillows. Before he can respond, you speak up with a quiet confession. “That day, when you came ‘round, I was upset. You said you wanted to watch the series with me and I felt so bad. I didn't want to give up my only chance of spending time with you, but I knew my head couldn't take it.”

He nods along quietly, letting you reveal it all to him. “T-then you figured me all out and i got scared— i didnt want someone to know everything about me because i didnt want to be a problem. I want someone to listen but i dont want to be seen as something different. I just.. i dont know how to handle all of this. I dont feel like the person i am when i look in the mirror.”

The strangest thing of all is that it didnt actually take you long to figure it out. You knew all along, of course, but when you’re fighting against yourself, you’re supporting both sides and so a part of you decided not to dwell on a certain bit of information too much. The reason for that to be pushed aside is no part of you wanted to face it.

Your heart always secretly wished someone would find out— that someone would push past the walls you’ve banged so hard against even if they were crafted by the webs of your brain. You prayed and prayed that they’d read through it all, express their concern and one day, one day you’d be saved from this hellish feeling. It was a common daydream for you and yet you were terrified of it. If someone knew, there was no guarantee they’d follow the fantasy. They could ridicule you, or they couldnt be able to comfort you at all, maybe they’d try and it wouldnt even do anything or maybe, just maybe— they wouldnt give a damn about it. What happened then? If that daydream was real, and that was the final outcome, there was no turning back in time. It seemed like only one person would ever figure you out, after all, no one had up until this point.

But then Simon became aware, and you got terrified. You hid away because you were too scared to know his reaction to your problems, even more so his reaction to you. You wanted someone to help, you really did, and yet your brain feared to know the uncertain future of it.

His ungloved hands card through your hair, the callouses gentle against your scalp as he slowly scratches at it. “You need to speak with us, and the others. Your feelings are real— hell, we all have our doubts. I used to feel it before every mission. Soap began to tell me his, then Gaz joined too. Price always looks for a way to solve it, and i give my two pence when i feel i want to. Just cause you feel different, doesnt mean you are. Plenty o’ people felt the same way you did before.”

“Really..? I’m not like.. crazy?”

“No, never. Even if you do some stupid shit sometimes.”

That makes you finally crack a real smile, even if its small and you’re unable to stifle the small chuckle that bubbles in your throat and although he’s the epitome of stoicism, he smiles beneath the mask. “Everyone’s out on a mission, ya can't leave me alone tonight. C’mere.”

You settle yourself in the crook of arm as he lays back against the bed with you, propping up his laptop on his lap as he searches for a good movie.

“You better report back to me everyday this week, alright? I want you here at nine pm sharp, dressed in your pajamas. That’s an order.”

Thinking over all your previous daydreams of how this would eventually go, this was far from how you expected it to be. Firstly, you never expected Ghost, nor it to happen in the military at all. Perhaps you thought maybe later in life it’d occur or maybe Soap or Price would figure it out. Either way, you arent actually upset over it. No one would be your fairy tale saviour in life, coming forward to fight the demons that plagued your head all the time. Even so, the way Ghost had shut you up and calmed you down makes you think he’s pretty damn close to being one, even if knights usually dont scoff at their princess.

He doesnt even look like he’d be willing to give a little kid a hug, but still, you couldnt be happier with how this turned out in the end. Compared to fairytale princes and men in the movies, you knew Ghost and you knew he was serious— so if he wanted to help you, he would. And no, he wouldnt ridicule you throughout the process, nor ever feel like you’ve been misheard. You know that if you spoke to Ghost, he’d listen earnesty and never forget, carrying that around with him even if those anxieties eventually died out.

You knew he’d always linger around, never forgetting you or leaving you behind. Just like a Ghost.

“Okay, i promise i will.”

You say softly, pressing your cheek against the curve of his chest, the faint thump of his heartbeat drowning out any lost thoughts. He was your support, and no matter how bad it got for you, no matter how many times you get overwhelmed and lash out, not even when you avoid everyone— he’d never break away. No, he would always be beside you.

[ableedingpromise]

God I'm so fucking annoyed how come she gets to treat me however she likes and then gets to say she didn't mean it?????

[perenlop]

in general i think im really tired of kirby antagonists that are like “ohhhh this is the main antagonist- actually they’re just being possessed and they’re not actually responsible for their actions at all”

[thelaughingmerman]

The ONLY good math teacher I've had in school I didn't meet until college. This man stressed me out at first because his tests were like five questions long so I saw that and immediately panicked. I miss one question that's it. I fail. I'm bad at math.

And I did fail that first test. Tragically bad.

But we learned when this man said he was more into the process he meant it egitimately. Math teachers always said they want you to show your work because they want to make sure you know how to do it. But it never helped. This was the only teacher I had who legitimately gave us credit when we were doing something right showing our work. A question would be worth like 14 points but a wrong answer wasn't immediately 14 points off. Maybe just four. You were doing it right initially, and now he knows where we veered off course. And for the first time I had a teacher who applied that next class. It wasn't come see me after or during office hours, we spent an entire period going between to figure out where we went wrong (not feasible in larger schools for sure, I maybe had 30 people in the math class, if that).

The second test he passed back, but held onto mine and told me to stay after. I spent the class anxious because I thought he was going to tell me I failed again and if I continued this way I'd never pass the class. College Algebra, just College Algebra. I'm bad at math.

The end of class comes and he hands me that paper and it's leaps and bounds and miles better than the last test. And he tells me it's great improvement. And tells me the opposite of my fears, that if I continued this way I'd have no trouble passing his class. Me. The kid who's bad at math.

I think about him a lot. I don't remember his name. It hasn't been that long but my mental state since college has been so bad there's a lot I don't remember. But I remember what he did for me. The only teacher in all those years who let me remember I don't hate math.

[inmirova]

"it's easier to leave an abusive situation than it is to stop an abuser" :^( but it's not easy :^(

[alexandrium]

how does morphine work bc when they gave it to me at the hospital I fucking hated it. Like it didn't do anything but make me nauseous. I stopped pressing the button for it and it made me feel so much better. Like the pain was being managed fine by the ibu/tyl they were giving me. I just wanted off of the magnesium, morphine, anything IV related just bc I wanted to see my baby. And they weren't letting me. I wonder if part of it is just how bad I wanted to see him in the NICU. I didn't see him until he was like 2/3 days old.

and then they prescribed me codeine to take home with me and I've been scared to take it like what??? the most I've needed is the 600mg ibu they gave me.

[mx-paint]

.

[weirdmageddon]

i love these tags this person is so right

actually, can you imagine if dave was raised by B1 roxy?

i wanna get into this actually

(ok i had to spend a few hours rewriting this because IT DIDNT FUCKING SAVE AFTER FIVE HOURS OF WRITING WHEN MY COMPUTER UPDATED WHILE I WAS AFK so it would mean a lot to show this post some appreciation. i LOVEEE hearing what other people have to say)

even though these things mom does are presented in an extravagant, kitsch, jokey way, her intentions always came from a place of sincerity. she is simply Funnie

but rose reads too far into it and assumes things that aren't there, that her mother is passive-aggressively feigning interest in rose's interests simply because the things she does are so extra. "why do all of this if not to mock me"

im telling you right now if dave lived in this household he wouldn't assume antagonism, he'd go,

don’t forget who LITERALLY patented tangible jpeg artifacts as their post-scratch adult self and scattered shitty scummed up statue of liberties all over the planet. theres no way some of that overboard artful shit wasnt post-ironic / circling back around to genuine funny sincerity

dave's natural state is funny sincerity like roxy. he's had the natural capacity for this type of humor from the start and this is the direction he goes towards when he grows out of his brother's shadow by the end of the comic. dave and roxy share an earnest “so bad its good” type of humor

(lots more under the cut; the length of this meta analysis just got unwieldly with all the pictures and whatnot)

despite the alcoholism, roxy is a supportive mother. she's not the ideal guardian but hells of a lot more supportive of her kid than bro is. if she knew dave's interests she would totally indulge in them with some over the top silly goofy haha shit as a genuine gesture simply because she loves him

rose isn't too keen on it though. but she is more similar to dirk in her natural state of thinking of overthinking shit and assuming the worst, like the tags said

and yes dave got the sweet cuddly yet sometimes backhanded ouppy gene from roxy, probably even moreso lol

roxy's even said rose "sounds like girl dirk"

side tangent here, but this is something i wanna talk about.

i dont think bro should ever be in custody of children ever but if theres anyone who would be up to the task it's rose probably. i know she'd be able to keep up with him. not only does she have a defined personality (dave is more malleable and absorbs his environment like a sponge), if anyone can pick apart B1 dirk's batshit brain and probably be right on the money it's her. lil cal has been pumping patriarchal nonsense into bro's head and rose would be able to bring the fucking facts to the table without losing her own and being a living example of a badass little girl. i also don't think bro would try to force masculine roles onto rose like he did with dave, seeing as she is a girl, so she would actually have more of a leg up and get some passes that dave was never afforded. and rose wouldn't stand idly and accept any bullshit; she is no doormat. and i think this would earn bro's respect

but anyway, from this, couldn't we conclude roxy "sounds like girl dave"?

yeah okay. we havent even gotten into their penchant for funny typos or misspeaks, deliberate or otherwise

so, dave's environment

the sentiment "god you hope you can be as good as your bro at this some day" might have been genuine at the time when he idolized bro but of course he's not able to express that in any sort of sincere fashion because he's in dirk's fucking household. and this level 10 irony shit isnt doing dave any favors

his role models were the Internet and a vague idea of what Bro was like. So he built up his facade based on irony–not the literary definition of irony, as Rose might be quick to point out, but a popular concept of irony based on the idea that things that didn’t make sense actually made sense in some roundabout way. As a master of irony, Dave probably reasoned, he could see in a way other people couldn’t why a world that was scary and didn’t make sense really did make sense, and could therefore convince those people that he was superior to them. And he would wield his knowledge to maintain the appearance of superiority by calling everything ironic and pretending he didn’t care about things that didn’t make sense, and he would use walls of vaguely rhyming words to keep everyone at arm’s length so they wouldn’t discover his insecurities (source)

roxy's style is the embodiment of post-irony. being raised by mom lalonde would be like being raised by joel vinesauce ok

what can i say ….. (getting meta about this actually, hussie got these jpeg wizard wallpapers from a spyware website. link takes some time to load because internet archive)

rose is quick to read post-irony as actually being a joke/insincere, which in bro's case would be true. but i believe dave's natural instinct, outside of the influence of bro, is to read post-irony as genuine, which is exactly how mom serves it. we see this as early as act 3 from him; he understands her motives better than rose does herself:

and in act 6 intermission 2 i think it's pretty clear

but the thing is, it's always genuine from her. dave wouldn't have to second guess it because he's not one to naturally second guess someone's sincerity; that was learned due to his bro being virtually unassailable

there two types of ironies at play here:

seems like a joke, is actually genuine (roxy)

doesnt seem like a joke, is actually a joke (dirk)

you can make the argument that the second is is more psychologically destructive because it makes you question the reality of what is genuine sentiment and what isn't. dave never knew what was genuine and what was irony so he just sort of existed in this sincerity-ironic limbo and always did the opposite of what he genuinely felt on principle even if it always did originate from a genuine place.

"it just a joke bro i was just being ironic i dont actually x" is so much more trust-breaking and psychologically damaging than "wait are you being serious" / "i am being so fucking fr rn davy gravy" / "ok thats actually pretty fucking awesome. giant ass wizard statue" / "RIGHT"

how much about dave would change do you think? his character arc would be completely different for one thing, i think he'd have it good aside from mom's alcohol issues. he'd be left with the sweet and funny parts of him that we see at the end of the comic. the fake coolguy stuff is out, but this remains. this is dave in his element and we see it as early as act 1

he'd probably have no shades growing up in the lalonde residence* either cause those were given to him by bro straight out of the crater as an extension of his own cool image. and john gave dave ben stiller’s aviators for his 13th birthday to replace them so he could “spread his wings”

dave said he was wearing them for the ironies but i kind of doubt it. maybe post-irony but there was some reacharound to it being genuine because dave never put those pointy anime shades on his face again.

*though... it’s kind of hard to imagine him without his shades at all? B2 dave still got stiller’s shades from stiller himself so maybe getting them is a universal constant. i can imagine mom getting him them as a birthday gift cause shes pretty wealthy and probably could buy it out in an auction. but also itd be cool if john still gave him it as a gift

dave is actually a lot more genuine and easy to read than he lets on even when grappling with his upbringing with B1 dirk (again, see this post). this can be seen all throughout he comic but a good example is the evolution of thoughts about his interest in the preserved dead things in his room:

if B1 roxy was dave's guardian he probably WOULD have pursued paleontology because she wouldve indulged him in it and probably find it cool and worthwhile to pursue, instead of allowing dave to flounder under ironic detachment, being poisoned by irony to the point of gaslighting himself into believing he doesnt actually believe he thinks this shit is cool. even if it was indulged in this such a way; a superficially kitsch and ironic appearing presentation, it comes from a genuine place and inspires genuine interest. just read the comments.

basically, i think if B1 roxy raised dave, their relationship would have a surface level appearance of being bizarre or over-the-top but they’d have an unsaid mutual understanding that it’s completely in earnest and just build on each other's funny and absurd gestures of affection. rather than seeing it as one-upping each other, it'd more like collaboration of some silly bullshit that you take a step back and look at full and just say, "fucking incredible"

speaking of paleontology, mom had the proto-ectobiology lab. maybe they'd be able to use the equipment to appearify paradox ghost imprints of the dead shit to create paradox clones of things from the cambrian era??? sounds like a fun mother son bonding activity. and theyd actually put the sciencey shit in the household to use

oh god i know exactly the kinds of music shed listen too also growing up as a teen in the 80s. she on that (post)-punk/art rock/new wave/new romantic mtv stuff. XTC shit fr. this is a B-52S HOUSEHOLD. maybe the associates for the campy melodramatic flair. so he gets to keep the record on his shirt cause he is an enjoyer of the shit in her vinyl collection. dave would still gravitate towards musical expression and music itself but of more variety outside of just rap, with an 80s-90s, even 70s flavor due to mom’s influence. see this for perhaps a glimpse. ​she probably visited new york city a lot for business trips and because the music scene was cool as hell around that time, imports came straight from jfk airport, she probably got in on that a bit and have remnants in the form of vinyls and cassettes. in this way she could be distributing void to dave (influencing him with forgotten / presently irrelevant music). now he can REALLY rave about bands none of his friends have heard of. “hey davy grvay watcha listenin to” (he holds up vinyl cover) “omg snakefinger”

btw dave lalonde would look like this to me

[jamesbukkakebarnes]

.

[omgwhatchloe]

things i think would make modern au van der linde members cry!!

SEAN

- genuinely algebra i can see him sobbing and going "i cant do it while angrily scribbling his work out

- the thought of his da being bullied at work (his da would never get bullied at work, his da probably is the bully.)

- arthur, lenny and dutch genuinely being mean to him

- when no one did ANYTHING for his birthday and he realised he wasnt having a surprise party either (this is completely because he had never mentioned when his birthday was before and no one could've known)

JOHN

- if jack ever drew a picture of him at kindergarten or whatever when asked to draw his hero or someone he loves

- if he got promised fast food then the person who promised it came back without fast food

- thoughts about funerals

- when abigail brings up what he used to say about her just to get a laugh from bill freaking williamson + how he treated jack when he was younger

LENNY

- getting up for work at 5am after falling asleep at 2am

- if he was hungry all day and the first meal he ate tasted like shit

- his birthdays he hates getting older

- when sean said he was moving back to ireland and he only realised hours later he was joking

- when the boys made a mess out of his room when they all got drunk and left it for him to clean

HOSEA

- videos about children suffering like any kind of suffering because he has such a soft spot for them

- thoughts of john and arthur being isolated/bullied

- when he thinks about his illness

- bessie.

- seeing john make slideshows/videos about how much he loves him and dutch thinking they wont see it (tears of joy)

DUTCH

- also thoughts about john and arthur being isolated/bullied

- hosea’s illness

- when hosea wanted to plan his funeral

- arthur repeatedly declining his calls

- john saying he wants to die as a joke

BILL

- if he ever bought fast food and dropped it and didnt have enough money to buy anymore

- sad dog videos and gets even sadder when he cant

- adopt them all

- if dutch ever expressed disappointment towards him

- the boys going out without him

JAVIER

- his family he left behind

- seeing his wanted poster, not because he’s wanted but because they made him ugly and plastered it everywhere

- getting drunk then losing the boys in the club

- finding a bug in his room because he’s going to feel super uncomfortable trying to sleep in there for the whole night

MARY-BETH

- a cat being mean to her

- miss grimshaw yelling at her (she’s sensitive)

- scary climate change videos

- when karen went missing for three days and everyones theories on where she was got too upsetting

CHARLES

- first time he saw arthur cough up blood

- his fake scenarios to sad music that would never in a million years happen

- when he sees kids being picked on

- losing his airpods at 3am and having to try to sleep to the sounds of sean and lenny playing roblox through the wall

KIERAN

- being constantly left out

- the boys talking bad about him thinking he wont know

- horse girl videos where the horses are being mistreated

- being given gifts just because someone saw it and thought of him

MOLLY

- hearing the girls talk badly about her

- also being left out

- seeing happy relationship videos

- dutch refusing to hold her when they slept

- When one of the few presents she got for her birthday was a $2.99 necklace from dutch she saw on sale at Walmart a day before

ABIGAIL

- if jack ever got upset about how john acts towards him

- hosea's illness

- the girls all going out for a girls night but she cant because of jack

- when john called her ugly and other names behind her back because he wanted to fit in

- when she was on her period, had the worst day at work ever and john walked into the room with a buzz cut

[strawberryicedcookies]

HOW I MANIFESTED MY SP 🧘🏿‍♀️🎀.

soo i started my manifestation journey back in 2019, but it was only until 2022 that i REALLY started to understand it. that whole year i basically just worked on my mental health and self concept and i felt pretty complete and comfortable, even if i was single. Fast forward to august of 2023, the school year had just began and i wasnt really looking for anyone until i met this boyyy he was so cute guys. he matched my energy and i grew a small small crush on himm 😭😭. i started working super hard on my self concept, i took care of myself, i made sure that I KNEW that i did not need him to make me happy. every night i would listen to a subliminal and do SATS as i fell asleep THATS ALL! I did not obsess over him because quite frankly, i knew my worth. i did not focus on the 3-d (because i didnt care) i knew he was mine, i enjoyed my time with him and all the moments we shared. (i was so delusional i just pretended we were dating and i was satisfied). We kept talking and my self concept just got better and better. I listened to a few subliminals and i did SATS, thats literally ALL I DID. Literally a month or two later he asked me out and we started dating.

unfortunately we are no longer together because my self concept got so bad because after i got with him i stopped working in myself like completely. i guess i became to much and he left me (umm fuck it we ball i guess) i didnt even bother trying to manifest him back bro that shit was so fucking crazyy 😭😭. worst moment of all 2023. GUYS WHILE UR DATING YOUR SP WORK ON YOURSELFFF.

SO A LIL RECAP!!

- SELF CONCEPT IS THE STAR OF THE SHOW!! if you feel like you need him, hate yourself, feel empty, or dont know your worth, baby your just not ready for this and you need to take a step back and work on your mental health. It is not just important for manifesting, your mindset is LITERALLY your whole life dude. Work on your self baby, nobody else is going to do it for you, unfortunately not even your sp.

- SUBLIMINALSS!! bro i started manifesting because of them, i love subs so much they help me manifest and help me stay awake while i do SATS, they are so so helpful i 100% recommend. (my favorite sub maker had to be ‘i want it, i got it’ her subs are GOLD.)

-SATS (State Akin To Sleep) bro sats changed my flipping life dude. Ive never manifested so many things in such a short amount of time until i started using SATS. Please watch youtube manifestation coaches explain SATS because theres no way i can fit it into this post. Thats a post for laterr.

-Consistency/ Ignoring the 3-D. I stayed consistent in dont think there was a night where i forgot to manifest bro, i was in a constant state of manifestation. when i tell you I WAS LIVING IN THE WISH FULL FILLED i literally wass!! I did not give one flying shit about what the 3-D showed me, he was my boyfriend n thats solved 🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️.

ANYWAYS GUYS THATS ITTT I WISH YOU GUYS THE MOST JUICY SUCCESS STORIES EVER 😋🎀. Dont make the same mistake i did and keep working on your self concept babes!!

I love you guys! Stay safe and stay soft 💟.

[samfucker]

guess.

if u guessed EVEN MORE OF MY DARLIN OC HEADCANNONS UR CORRECT. sum nsfw

sorry to all. im obsessed w him.

he loves zombie movies. and zombie games. call of duty zombies with his brothers used to be his shit. he was also very competitive. like, before he even hits the floor in the game he's yelling at his brothers to revive him. (im projecting :P)

after being with the pack for a few months, julius was convinced he'd never be a part of the pack like the rest of the teens were. they all already formed their bonds, found themselves in groups; they were a family. julius was just... there. even when asher would force julius to hang out with them, julius would feel so out of place and would just sit quietly

this feeling only grew stronger as he grew older and STILL didn't have any close bonds within the pack. he was fully convinced asher was trying to include him out of pity and it pissed him off. he HATES being pitied

he ALMOST got a tattoo for quinn cus he was young and fully conviced he and quinn were forever

now he has a tattoo of sams name

he also copies sams accent. and milos. and porters. not to be mean, but cus they like the way they talk! they did it with quinn too and he didnt take it well

he punched another pack member for making fun of him once. lol

HUGE RESTING BITCH FACE.

again, guyliner. one of the pack adults (i cant decide which) and julius x that one scene from the dairy of a wimpy kid movie

"are you wearing eyeliner??"

julius also had a crush on rodrick heffley. he wanted him AND wanted to be him.

"IM SORRY WOMEN :/"

he orders food then overthinks the interaction. "wow... i stuttered while asking for cheese on my sandwich... this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me."

not julius, but sam uses emojis properly. especially the sad ones. julius thinks its so cute.

also sam dad bod and chst hair and

me^

as mentioned in past post, he was sent to an empowered tti. he DID escape, but he didnt get to finish highschool cus of it. he makes fun of himself for being a dropout even tho it wasnt even his choice.

again, projecting, but he has an issue with telling others to kts or threatening to khs.

when he was a kid and he found out ur teeth dont fall out til youre like seven he cried cus he wanted money

this is alrdy agreed upon by the fandom but hes a WHORE. and HOT.

hes taller than sam... IM BOUTA BUST

one time when sam went in for a kiss julius turned his head away and went SWERVEDDD and sams face was pure shock and betrayal

he rubs his cheek against sams

bright eyes and sam that one meme

"why does julius call u babygirl?"

"how bout we stop talking for a little while."

baggy jeans.... compression shirt... or.... tight tanktop.... *busts*

slurty waist....... msucles....

neck tattoo........................ and others cus he TATTED

he wears rings too and he has a necklace he like NEVER takes off.

i alrdy said this too but im saying it again he has heterochromia (my twin) hes so sexy im gonna kiss my own oc

BJ KING!!

he bites. in a freaky way and in an intimate way

like he loves sam sm he js needs to bite his bicep or titty pec

he used to smoke. like A LOT

early sam and masc darlin was a homoerotic friendship. i know that sexual tension was crazy.

garfield lover. youll never like garfield like HE likes garf.

HE SUCKS AT GEOGRAPHY SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the end (for now)... do yall have hcs for my oc cus ill eat them up and send u a million dollars. but also just gimme darlin hcs

AGAIN IM SORRY IM SORRY IF UR SICK OF ME LMFAOO

[sanjisboyfie]

one piece smau: dating nami edition

ー modern au!!, male reader <3

ー slightest nsfw mentioning??? only if u squint tho m

ー matching usernames hit once again 😋🫶🏼

liked by namis.bf, robinkills, and 11k others

ihaveabf: if ur bf isnt doing it like mine, i got news for u - GET UP AND FIND SOMEONE TO TREAT U BETTER

tagged: namisbf

namis.bf: anything for u my love <3

-> ihaveabf: hurry up n come home the kids miss you ‼️‼️

princesanji: nami my queen u can do better than him (me)

-> uso_pp: HOMEWRECKKKERRRRRR

[liked by ihaveabf, namis.bf, and 20 others]

vivi: seriously where did u find him?

-> ihaveabf: no idea but im so lucky

robinkills: i love u two

[liked by ihaveabf, namis.bf, and 30 others]

liked my ihaveabf, freeluffy, and 7k others

namis.bf: i love love love love my wifey shes so beautiful

tagged: ihaveabf

ihaveabf: pls dont tag me in these photos i literally have a boyfriend ??? what is ur issue

-> namis.bf: can he fight??

-> ihaveabf: most definitely

freeluffy: WHEN DID U GUYS GET MARRIED :000 WHY WASNT I INVITED

-> namis.bf: we didnt get married luffy, its just a figure of speech 🫶🏼

-> freeluffy: OHHH ... SO WHEN R U GONNA GET MARRIED ????!??!?

[liked by ihaveabf]

uso_pp: i hate having my two best friends date each other cuz then i get constantly reminded - i cant have peace no more

[liked by roro.zoro, princesanji, and 10 others]

liked by namis.bf, princesanji, and 14k others

ihaveabf: targetted at the men in my dms....can u not read my username tf

tagged: namis.bf

random-man: i can treat u better bby

-> namis.bf: i have ur location pulled up on my laptop, gerald. donnttt tesstt me

[liked by ihaveabf, dr.law, robinkills and 400 others]

namis.bf: im literally on my way right now please

namis.bf: SHES SO FINE GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD

namis.bf: can i pleasepleaspelease take u to meet myparents they need to meet their daughter in law

-> SUPERCOLA: man calm down i dont think she goin anywhere

-> namis.bf: i cant help the love i have for her u dont hnderstand

random.man2: im a better man than he is i can promise u that

-> ihaveabf: i highly doubt this

-> uso_pp: plsss try him rn i havent seen a fight in so long!!!!

[liked my namis.bf, robinkills, and 37 others]

liked by uso_pp, boahancock, and 10k others

namis.bf: alexa play all mine by brent faiyaz 🍊

tagged: ihaveabf

ihaveabf: my hubby is so hot

-> namis.gf: credits to my girlfriend

[liked by ihaveabf and 500 others]

roro.zoro: can u guys jus hurry up we r waiting for u to start the movie

-> namis.bf: alr mr grumpy pants we r ltr five mins away

-> uso_pp: we've been waiting for an hour and youve said u were five mins away for the past 30 minutes.

-> ihaveabf: my baddddd

-> uso_pp: WHAT DO U MEAN BY THIS?????

liked by ihaveabf, namis.bf, and 10k others

princesanji: beautiful nami looking as gorgeous as ever 😍😍😍 and then her stinky ass bf looking like a slob.

uso_pp: this is so fucking funny bc why is he dressed like that 😭😭😭

[liked by robinkills, vivi, and 40 others]

namis.bf: THE ONE TIME IM LACKING OFC THIS BOZO GETS A PHOTO 🙄

-> ihaveabf: its okay bby ... even if this is super embarassing for u i still love u

-> namis.bf: I DO NOT THINK THIS IS HELPING ME RN

-> SUPERCOLA: LMFOAOA

freeluffy: wow!!! [name] is dressed rlly bad!!!

-> namis.bf: LUFFY STOP

-> roro.zoro: yk its bad when this idiot says summ

[liked by uso_pp and 70 others]

namis.bf: hold up, namis hair is black here which means this photo is old as fuck .... HOW LONG WERE U WAITING TO POST THIS JUS TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD SANJI!?!!

-> princesanji: im always waiting to make u look bad. this isnt even the worst.

-> namis.bf: ????????

-> uso_pp: bros mysterious

ihaveabf's story

even if he doesnt always showout hes still the most handsome man in the world

namis.bf replied: ur fuckin w me 😭😭 ily2 ig

[hobisstar]

still with you |yandere!jjk x reader

Summary: things are not the same… they met. Now yn fears her life around him. He acts as though nothing happened. To him shes still the love of his life.

Warnings: jungkook makes yn seem delusional, cursing, mentions of smut, kidnap, harm to others, Someone is definitely being threatby jungkook, for sure.

Something was telling yn that maybe everything that happened to between her and jungkook was just all a dream. Tom, doesnt recall Jungkook acting weird or strange. Everything just seemed off. Weird.

The song was done but the damage was still there.

Whats even worst is they have to do a duet live tonight.

This will be the first time she has seen him since their encounter in her house.

“Hey! jungkook is live” Tom said showing yn his phone. Jesus even his name made her uncomfortable.

“Oh my collab? Yes, we get to see eachother later. Army, are you attending?” Jungkook smiled and chuckled with all the fans in the comments saying yes, of course, you two are my favorite, y/nnie 8th member. Things like that.

That would’ve made you happy but it just didn’t make things better. Was he pretending that he what happened just didn’t happen?

“I hope you all will enjoy it just as much as i will”

Scared shitless was definitely what you could describe yn at the moment she didnt know how to react to seeing him.

Its been a month since then and the man she has been avoiding is going to be in the same dressing room. This definitely wasnt set up.

While getting her hair done, she got notice that Jungkook wanted a practice.

Of course he does, he needs all the reasons to see her.

Honestly, its been killing Jungkook that he didn’t take her away for himself that night. The only thing is that as two public figures, that would only spark controversy. Where did the queen of youtube and indie music go? Disappearing after a hit collab would only make her look money hunger and Jungkook could never let his wife have such bad things said about her. Ever.

The way Jungkook feels should be written in the world record for the most delusional lover.

A lot has happened in a month for him. He definitely didnt get like 4 small hidden tattoos in his sleeve. It was 8. 8 tattoos of small things that represent yn. He got the words ‘love, mine, yours, hurt, intimacy, weakened, tenderness and attached.’ He loves her. Shes his. He is hers. Hurting that he cant see her. The intimacy he feels for her can never be weakened. Jungkooks tenderness is attached to her love.

It may not make sense but I promise you, its feels like a message to him. Those are the words she makes him feel.

And if he doesnt get to show her those things any time soon, he might actually snap.

While practicing on the stage, his heart was racing. He couldnt wait to see her walk on stage so heavenly. Just then there she was. In just some tights and a baggy shirt. Hair pinned up but man even in comfort she was beautiful.

Jungkook looked like he saw the love of his life. If only yn didnt look like she feared for hers. Yn was scared to even be scared. To even show how scared she was.

“ keep it calm, yn… you got this…” she whispered to herself. “ its only one performance. After that you are good. Just avoid him for now.”

As if that would go past Him. “ Ynnie~” he sang and smiled brightly waving at her from the stage. Yn waved back while standing next to tom below the stage.

God, Jungkook hated tom. As if you didnt know that already.

he felt as though he was in the way more and more each time. Why are they so close? What cause hes her manager? So? They dont have to be close because of that.

I know what you all have been waiting on. What happened that night? Well Jungkook knew that she wouldnt just allow him to go with her or anything like that.

the way they reacted to meeting each other you would think they never seen each other. But thats not half the truth.

Jungkook, as a huge fan, of course hes been to her concerts when he was younger. Front row. Maybe this is what started this weird obsession with her?

He doesn’t remember when it started but hes glad it did. Every weverse live he does, yn’s music or simply a youtube video is playing in the background. It’s become so normal that even the army are used to it. They support it but they dont know how deep this goes.

“ tom needs to be dead…” jungkook thought to himself while he watched them.

“He will die…”

It was time for the performance and Jungkook was ready. But once again, he saw Tom standing next to stage talking to yn.

Without thinking he walked up behind him and from where Tom was standing it was a area for sound and devices and stage material was at. Falling from there would cause serious injury…

5 month injury… maybe death.

Jungkook smirked and instantly pushed Tom watching him fall into the pit. Quickly he acted as though he just got there and he called someone for help.

I saw everything..

“Im so sorry this happened to you Tom…” yn stated sitting in the chair next to the hospital bed.

“ Im fine, ynnie. Its just a few ribs and a leg. Doc said ill be good in a few weeks. How was the performance?”

Tom was such a sweet guy. No matter how much he got hurt he still didnt care about himself. Yn hates it but loves it.

“Are you kidding me? I was worried the entire time. I wanted to go with you on that ambulance- “ right when yn was about to speak about the accident more, in walks what seems to be a sad Jungkook.

Yn couldn’t believe her eyes. He has the audacity to show his face in this room, when HE is the reason Tom is hurt? Oh she was so piss she felt the steam coming out of her ears.

“Kook! Just in time! I called you so you could take her home? I would’ve done it but… physical cant.” Tom stated smiling lightly.

Whipping her head to Tom then to Jungkook.

If only he knew… he is the reason for all of this mess.

“Oh no i can call my friend to come get me-“

“No need. Im already here and its not a hassle. I dont mind taking you… home.” Looking back at Jungkook she saw him smiling.

Maybe because finally they can be alone together.

On the way down to the car lot, it felt like deja vu. Again yn is in a car lot scared but this time its with jungkook because of jungkook.

yn was thinking smarter she needed for Tom to know who pushed him. Believe her or not. She feared this would be the last time she was gonna be seen by anyone.

ynnie: T, I hope this message gets to you as as possible. Im scared… im scared that this might be the last time im ever seen in public. And i want you to know if i go missing, Jungkook is the reason why. He has this obsession over me and i think he might kidnap me… He also the reason why you are in the hospital. Read this as soon as possible..my location is on…

Pressing send she put her phone away realizing they were infront of Jungkooks car.

Wow, looks just like hers…

With precaution, she took out her pepper spray and hid it behind her purse.

Only she could save herself now..

“Wanna put your address in-“

“ im sure you dont need it, as you followed me home a few months ago…” she stated staring him. She will not hide the hate she feels for him. Jungkook simply let out a chuckle.

“Right…” he started the car and off into the night they were.

The car ride was silent. Yn was looking at her phone waiting Toms reply since she saw that hes seen it.

PING PING

In a hurry she looked at her phone and she promises she might have thrown up from what she read… it couldn’t be.

T: im so sorry

T: he told me that if i didnt give you to him i would be dead and my family would too… im sorry ynnie… im so so sorry… hes your manager now…

As if on queue… Still with you started playing on the radio. But before that she caught what the host said before that… “Yes! You heard the big news! BTS’s very own Jungkook has signed a contract with the beautiful Yn! He is now her manager and they have more songs on the way! In celebration we will play the song that started it all… Still with you!”

Looking up in pure shock and fear what she had just heard…

“ what did you do..” she mumbled feeling tears run down her face. Jungkook smiled and let out a chuckle.

“ Im starting us over. Im finally getting to have you. We made history and im so glad it wasn’t hard persuading Tom to give you over to me… he practically begged for me to take you.” He looked out the window before turning.

Yn was so lost that she didn’t even realize until now this was definitely not the way to her house.

He wasnt taking her home.

In a panic yn tried to use the pepper spraybut Jungkook quickly said “ I wouldn’t do that if I were you. We could get into a crash, my love. I dont want my lover getting hurt.” He grabbed it from her and threw it in the backseat

“ you never planned to take me home did you?” She mumbled while shaking vigorously. He hummed and nodded, “ No, I finally have you alone…

And you think i was going to just send you off? Absolutely not. Now sit back and enjoy the scenery. Youll be looking at this road a lot more on our way home…” without skipping s beat he turned up the radio and drove a little faster.

And once again Still With You… haunting her ears and soul.

If only she saw the signs then

He wouldn’t be

Still with You.

OH GOSH! If im being honest i think this part 2 might suck lol. But its out there and there is no turning back! This took me 2 days to write and hopefully its okay with you guys. Hopefully you enjoy it!

Tagging Angels: @ctrlsht

[crimeronan]

honestly, i think steve must be Extremely High on the "trusted adults" list for luz and Especially hunter in this au. cuz like. sure he wont be the best help if the world goes to shit, hes not their best fighter but like..

steves power is that he has quiet literally no other motives here. like hes just On Their Side. objectively.

raine and darius and eber are on their side, but thats because their side is dismantling the empire. if it wasnt, their a proven threat.

eda is Also exactly like that, but Worse, cause they dont even know her and shes threatened murder 10 different times. also shes a fugitive.

liliths side is infact The Worst cause her side is essentially "major changes to the status quo fucking scare me.. but. this isnt all bad"

camila is a Whole Mess because, on a level, she is also objectively On Their Side, but she also has a basilisk daughter and no one here has a healthy understanding of family.

but steve? steves motivations boil down to "yeah i like basic workers rights. also you guys are kind of like baby siblings to me?" hes put himself at risk for them before for NO reason. ever since they were little kids. no one else has done that.

if raine or eda or lilith find out luz killed belos, like, tomorrow, there are ten million different damned and doomed posibilities. at least to the kids. but who is steve going to tell?? why would he??

WAH. yeah.... hunter has a list of "people you can be crazy in front of" that's incredibly short, and it's like.

eda (you already have)

camila (you already have)

steve (he'll be nice about it)

amity (what is she gonna do)

end of list.

love u steve.

[nekohime19]

AITA for refusing to forgive my cheating girlfriend when I kinda cheated myself?

(last pat tof this crazy adventure! Here we go guys!)

Again, thank you for all the insight, the situation is kinda messed up but you guys helped me take a step back.

Okay so I have one last update to this crazy love life of mine, but before that here are my answers to your comments :

TheWayoftheEnigmatic :

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Wukong is NTA

But man that whole situation is cursed! 😵

Still funny though.

OP response :

👀👀 Wukong??? Noo, that's TOTALLY not me. I'm, huh, another immortal monkey.

Followingthewater :

tie her up ig and let six out, she might attack you when she wakes so better to be prepared ig. If you can, try to calm the situation down as much as possible and try to communicate to her to avoid a fight. It's not fair she was clearly cheating on you and gets mad that you slept with her side piece, sounds hypocritical of her.

Besides that, if you're interest in six maybe later try to set up a time to talk again, try to find out what type of person he is before you start trying to date, y'know, to not date another 'bad guy'. Would suck if he was into any problems.

OP response :

Tying her up seem to be the best option yeah. Idk if I'll be able to calm her down but I'll try. 

I definitely need to hang out with Six after that. Jumping in another relationship isn't in my to do list but I do want to be friends with him. 

CommonRedditLurker :

Yikes OP this whole situation is kinda a mess. I'm sorry you got cheated on, but I don't think retaliatory cheating is the answer here. Really leaning toward a soft ESH, but that's just because I think you should've confronted and broken up with your partner before sleeping with someone else :/

CommonRedditLurker :

OP. . .what the fuck???? How did this somehow get even messier?

What an absolutely insane response to an already stressful situation! From shoving Six into a closet (there's a joke there), to PUNCHING and knocking out your partner. . .I don't even know where to start with this one. Honestly, OP you should post this in r/legaladvice, because sucker-punching your soon-to-be ex girlfriend is a quick way to get sued for battery :/

Also, this is definitely an ESH type of situation. Yikes just yikes

OP response :

I didn't really wanted to do retaliatory cheating, honestly things just… escalated.

I PANICKED!!! I mean, yeah, in hindsight it was the worst reaction ever but, well, it was punch or be punched.

Dragonfruit_Is_Real :

Should I just tie her up’ HELP THAT’S FUNNY AS SHIT WTF 😭 giggling

OP response :

Glad my crazy life is making you laugh 😭

LanZen :

Man this is a mess... Alright I would say yes tie her up, she already proved to not be wanting to listen if she ransaked your place so fast, instead of listening your side of the story, (the audacy of her to be pissed when she did it fist and maybe this wasnt the first time she cheated) also take anysharp objects she can cut the rope with from her, and then man up and talk the 3 of you and break up, no matter what she says don't take her back.

Such an asshole move to shove Six in the cabinet when both of you could use glamours by the way, but i can understand you panicked but don't do it again.

Also talk to bud, because you are a retired hero are you not? It can be asumed you wanted to have privacy, and well if he is telling everyone about you "partner" won't your enemies target him now? :/

And yes moraly and technically it wasn't a good move to punch her lights out but, she deserved it, for bud, yourself and six, even if it was reflex xD

OP response :

Yeah I don't think Venom would be willing to listen to us… Kinda feel icky to tie her up but at this point, I think I have to.

I really got to apologize to Six for pushing him like that, I just really panicked 😭😭.

I do have to talk about Bud… he has to know. It's gonna be an awkward talk.

Ranma1_half :

Not gonna lie I died of laughter at the last part. Ok here what you can do. First let's sixer out of the cupboard. Second tie her up and lastly confront her together. Wishing you luck and the gods have mercy on you.

OP response :

Oh yeah shit Six is still in the cabinet.

Sara :

I'm sorry but I burst out laughing at the end 😂 .... Tie her with a magic rope and tell her that she was the one who betrayed you from the beginning.

OP response :

Magic rope sounds kinda good. I have to search in my treasure trove if I have one.

Lagt :

.... WOW

I don't even know what to say to that-

For starters maybe let Six out????

And uuhhhh wait for her to regain conscience without tying her up?

Like uuhhhh

That was...

Yeah no that was not a smart move op

Also very ballsy of her to be pissed at you cheating on her without asking normally first-

OP response :

I do really need to let Six out 😭😭. Unfortunately, I do think the rope is necessary. She can be intense and I don't want to risk it. Maybe I should ask for Six input too?

Sakurabloom_26 :

Welp, the damage is already done.

I’d say tie her up and confront Venom along with Six and break things off (you already punched her and she knows about you sleeping with someone else, her finding out that it was with Six and that you already knew about her cheating when it happened isn’t gonna make things THAT much worse)

Be prepared for pleading and false apologies, followed by explosive anger, accusations, and threats of revenge.

Best of luck (sending hugs)

OP response :

You're right, I don't think the situation can become worse than it already is. At this point what do I have to lose?

Oh man, I'm not looking forward to her reaction and all this.

Thanks (Hugs received)

Married2thegrind :

NTA, Venom was trying to throw hands about the supposed 'cheating' despite her having done the same. I'd suggest putting her into a room without many objects, tying her up there than confronting her (if OP is really serious about her destroying HALF A CITY??) and going on fron there.

I also kinda want to see Six's reaction to all this, how he confronts her. The wrath of one(1) magic monkey is one thing, but the wrath of TWO?? Legendary.

Also, maybe talk to Bud about saying that kinda stuff in public, people don't need to know anout your personal life. (Also maybe take off the glamor during the official confrontation, for funsies)

OP response :

She did destroy half the city once, so tying her up might prevent… a dangerous situation. I really gotta let Six out of this cabinet.

I'm not really clear on what really happened with Bud and how Venom overheard everything. But I do need to have a serious talk with him about this type of stuff.

And you know what? I might take off the glamors, spitting her a bit.

Halfdeadhalfpaniced :

Make sure to use good demon binding rope. That hit was very justified but she won’t see it that way and you really need to tell her who you were cheating with and explain the whole situation. Make her know you know what she did and make your claim before she tries to take him back or turn this into some messed up Polly relationship. Have multiple backup plans just in case and try not to hurt or scare away your new partner.

OP response :

Oh right, I do need a solid rope or this is gonna be even more messy! I guess it's confrontation time.

I absolutely refuse to let this turn into a poly relationship, I have nothing against them but I'm not going back with someone who cheated on me. I think Six think the same.

So yeah, the situation was messed up and suffice to say I was PANICKING. I miiight not be the best guy to deal with complicated relationship stuff, as you all read.

Anyway, here is the last update :

AITA for refusing to forgive my cheating girlfriend when I kinda cheated myself?

After I punched Venom and she fell unconscious, I was really panicking. Like, shit, this felt like the beginning of a murder story. First thing I did was check if she wasn't dead. I knew I didn't punch her that hard buuut I do have a lot of strength and sometimes I forget how weak others can be (as an immortal it's easy to forget mortality is a thing). Luckily, as I thought, she was just uncousious.

So I'm relieved and then I hear Six ask what’s happening (he was still in the cabinet). So I'm like “Oh shit he's still in there” and I let him out. I apologize for pushing him like this but he brushes away the subject and instead looks at Venom, who is on the ground, passed out, with a bruise on her face. Noooot a good look for me.

He gives me a “WTF??” look and here is how our conversation went :

Six : “What did you do??”

Me : “I, huh, punched her?”

Six : “Is she alright?? We don't need to bury the body in the backyard do we??”

Me : “No, no, she's just passed out.”

Six : “Okay… But why did you punch her?”

Me : “She was ready to throw hands at me. What was I meant to do, not throw hands too?”

Six : “So you punched her?”

Me : “It was a punch or be punched situation and I panicked, okay!?”

Six : “seriously? What do we now?”

We argued a little bit and eventually I offered my solution : tie her up and then confront her. Six was reluctant, which I can understand, but when I told him how much Venom would be upset he changed his mind. Venom is an intense person, she already destroyed half the city out of pettiness, what would she do after all this? It was safer, for all of us, if she was tied up. So I went to my treasure trove and looked for a special rope.

I found one who might do the job. Honestly I didn't remember all the effects the rope had but it can't be that bad, right? In my defense, there are a lot of things in my treasure trove and after millennias it's hard to keep track of every artifact. By the way, Six called my treasure trove a “chaos hazard” which, rude, but I forgive him because he tripped on a vase and that was pretty funny.

So we tied up Venom and waited. But she didn't wake up even after thirty minutes. The thing was…Bud was supposed to come in the evening for a training session and I didn't want him to see this mess. So I tell that to Six and we try to wake her up.

Six was more gentle than me. He poked her a bit, shook her by the shoulder.

After an hour I decided to step up the “waking Venom” mission. I didn't have time for this mess. So I grabbed a bucket of water and I threw the water at her. It worked very well. She woke up drenched and angry. In hindsight, it might not be my best move (and kinda of a butthole move). It made her even more angry. But at this point I didn't have anything to lose. I did give her a towel but she threw it right back at me. Well, she tried but it's difficult throwing a towel while tied up.

So Venom started by screaming at us. Things about “How dare you punch me and tie me up!?”, all those things. I didn't interrupted her and apologized for the punching (and the water throwing😅) because, yeah, not my best moves. Then Venom notices Six and…. awkward silence.

It lasts a bit until Six decides to clear things up. He explains how me and him found out about her cheating and got drunk and… slept together. He said that he didn't have any intention to sleep with me but the alcohol and the bad mental headscape after finding out about her cheating made things escalate. I second that and I chime in to tell my own version. I admit I snooped on her phone and found out everything. Venom listens with a frown then she tells HER version.

She doesn't deny the cheating bc obviously at this point it's useless to deny it. But then she told us she felt neglected by me and I spend more time with Bud than her and I was prioritizing Bud training, and heroing, over our relationship.

It kinda made me feel guilty, and I wondered if I truly did that, but then Six stepped in and asked her “What about me? You got a good reason for leading me on like that?”. She repeated the same thing. That Six made her feel seen, and all that, and she needed to find comfort somewhere else.

Boy, Six looked really pissed off. He went on a tangent about how if she wasn't feeling good in her relationship with me she should have broken it off, that it was selfish of her to do that, and in the end it hurts all of us.

Venom retaliated by saying that everyone made mistakes and that even the both of us made one when we slept together. She said something like : “In the end everyone cheated, so we're equals and we can start again with a clean state.” She even proposed a threesome.

Honestly, that pissed me off.

Excuse me, lady, in what world is this okay?? I know I didn't handle this situation elegantly (tbh I barged in that like a bull in a chinaware shop) BUT there is no way we're going back to dating.

So I was feeling petty. I undid my glamor cause I knew it would piss her off seeing the love marks, and I stared right into her eyes, saying there is no way we're going back together.

Oh boy, she didn't take that well. Maybe I shouldn't have angered her? But, honestly, I wanted to. I know. I'm a petty monkey. What can I say? She really pissed me off with this and, anyway, angering her a tiny bit more isn't gonna make that much of a difference. Like, you wanna play the game with me? You gotta be ready to be beaten!

So this evolved into a screaming match. She accused me of being a hypocrite. How much it was unfair that I couldn't forgive her when I did the same thing and cheated on her with Six. That made me feel guilty, but I didn't back down. I was kinda glad for the rope cause I swear if she wasn't tied up she was gonna strangle me alive.

Six was the one to separate us. He shut me up with one look, the kinda look parents give their children when they're throwing a tantrum in public, and stopped Venom with a very cold line : “There is nothing to argue about. This is over.”

So Six untied Venom and teleported her away with shadows??? (I didn't know he could do that, for one moment my dense ass truly thought demons were taking her away or something 😭). Annd, like I expected, Venom left with threats of vengeance.

Things were a bit awkward after that. Both Six and I were emotionally tired. But I didn't want to just let him go and never see him again. He's a cool dude. Despite this mess, we really had a great time together. So I told him maybe we could hang out, as friends. And he agrees, but he does add that, for now, he doesn't want anything more than friendship. And I understand.

Boy, dating is tiring.

But I do cling on the “for now” and, who knows, maybe this will lead to dating?

Six left after that and Bud arrived later on in the evening. I decided it was better to explain everything that happened, especially since I didn't part on good terms with Venom. So I sat him down and told him everything.

I think Bud passed through every emotion possible, shock, confusion, disgust (for him dating a spider was a solid no), amusement annnd he burst out laughing when I told him I punched Venom in the face.

He told me it wasn't his intention to cause this mess, and he was just talking about his best friend, somehow the topic briefly went on his encounter with Six, and he didn't pay attention if anyone was listening. I told him to be more careful because I have a lot of enemies and I don't want to cause problems for Six.

All in all, things went… okay? I haven't heard of Venom since then, I'm sure she's plotting something, but Bud is aware of everything and I do think we can take whatever she plans for.

Six and I are still friends. I went on a tour with him recently to make him visit the city and my mountain. Things are mainly okay and now we're laughing about this crazy adventure.

Bud is also helping figure out a number of things. He told me taking tests on the internet is NOT the best way to figure out your sexuality. I wasn't aware of that. And I wasn't aware of all the possibilities and different types of sexuality too. So I'm also taking it slow, trying to figure things out.

Thank you guys for your support, I sent you a lot of monkey hugs.

Who knows maybe I'll turn back to this site again if another crazy thing happens in my life, I do tend to have a pretty intense life, guess that's the package that comes with being a LEGEND!

Monkey King out.

Wait, no, shit, ignore that last part I'm totally not the Monkey King.