#aside from some specific things and everything i had an issue with i could fix with meds

[alexandrium]

how does morphine work bc when they gave it to me at the hospital I fucking hated it. Like it didn't do anything but make me nauseous. I stopped pressing the button for it and it made me feel so much better. Like the pain was being managed fine by the ibu/tyl they were giving me. I just wanted off of the magnesium, morphine, anything IV related just bc I wanted to see my baby. And they weren't letting me. I wonder if part of it is just how bad I wanted to see him in the NICU. I didn't see him until he was like 2/3 days old.

and then they prescribed me codeine to take home with me and I've been scared to take it like what??? the most I've needed is the 600mg ibu they gave me.

[horizon-verizon]

I mean... Of course, Cersei hates Robert, he routinely rapes and beat her. It wouldn’t be a problem if Robert was only a cheater, he’s a wife-beater and rapist.

*EDITED POST* (3/3/24)

I assume that you are talking about this recent REBLOG I just put up about Rhaegar, Elia, Lyanna, and Tywin.

The entire point(s) of that post was to:

point out how Rhaegar's cheating was not the cause of Elia and their kids' death.

argue against the idea he was entirely or mostly responsible and also want to say that the entire dynasty's collapse was only caused by his infidelity. That such a thing could be caused by such.

argue some people have conflated Victorian (a hyperbole) family values of fidelity or their own personal past with a bigger, interconnected political condition that was a maelstrom in Rhaegar's case. While ignoring his concerted attempts to even get rid of his own father before.

argue that some people think that somehow, just staying with Elia would have prevented her death, or that it was easy to ascertain that Aerys and Tywin and everyone else would act as they did if we were him -> as I already listed in that post.

And this is what I said about Cersei:

The text never once explains or indicates how Elia herself feels about Rhaegar or Lyanna, but we have people claiming that she was emotionally wracked by this? Maybe upset for her reputation or shocked, but we still don't know who this woman was by personality, this all the guesswork based on her heritage, her health and the arrangedness of the marriage itself. One also cannot claim that she was something like Cersei was/would be, feeling totally humiliated, jilted of a perfect and glorious life, hating Rhaegar, etc. Nothing in the text gives strong evidence of that.

She is not only hateful towards Robert because he beats and rapes her (completely justified); she hates him for treating her as second place to someone she sees as inferior to herself and someone who "stole" Rhaegar from her. BUT she is hateful toward Robert & compares him to Rhaegar specifically bc for years she has wondered what life would have been like for her if she married Rhaegar instead of this man who she thought would at least appreciate her for the qualities she's told to have/be the best for a woman...but instead gets an abusive, self-deluded man who lusts for a girl who never even liked him AND was not the idea of a "perfect" woman to Cersei, but is still her competition for male favor (a woman's political key to access to power).

(*I must bring a more nuanced point about this, though and note that aside from Robert whispering some other girl's name on their wedding night, Cersei also has had an issue with not "measuring" up to the masculinized standards of competent personhood, so Robert's revealing that he wants and continues to want Lyanna over her pokes at Cersei's deepest insecurity.

GameofThronesHistorian on TikTok notes how Cersei expected to marry Rhaegar after Tywin dumbly got her hopes up and she spent a lot of her time fantasizing about being with him and being Queen but he marries Elia, Aerys basically insults the entire house along with Tywin, and her hopes are dashed along with a bit of her pride ostensibly (nobles get a lot of their pride from their house identity). She finally gets to be Queen (the position dangled in front of her like a prize since childhood, snatched away, and now she "has" it back), but she discovers that the queenship doesn't make up for Robert's clear preference for the same girl "her" Rhaegar got himself supposedly killed for.

When Cersei married Robert she expected to finally overcome the haunting legacy both girls left behind her own insecurities & ruined hopes. When she actually gets to be Queen, she discovers that this thing she thought would "fix" everything, assure her longlasting dignity and power. and that was been long promised to her cannot make up for the slight Robert gives her and thus traps her in a marriage that quickly becomes abusive.

For someone like Cersei, who grew up hearing that she is the most beautiful person around while having almost nothing for herself other than that and later being queen as Tywin always promised to her name [bc her patriarchal society affords way less in terms of prestige, value, and recognized respect to women as it does men & boys AND makes physical features comparatively final measure of worth for girls and women], it's not that hard to see that Cersei's feelings are not baseless or totally irrational. Her already existing insecurities mushroomed into a plague that also sharpened her need to be "perfect" and counteract the feeling of never measuring up. Therefore, her classist-generated need to self-empower evolves into her stomping on others to get power and the self-satisfaction always distant from her.*)

Neither her feelings nor Catelyn's for Robert/Ned cheating on them are things one could automatically guess are the exact same as Elia's toward Rhaegar being with Lyanna. Even without the beating/raping, because they are unlikely to be similar women w/exactly the same experiences.

I say this to point out that Cersei, while definitely being a victim of domestic abuse, still has a specific personality, history before him, and expectations of herself from her class position and gender. From those expectations, an idea--and the need to constantly reaffirm that idea bc of how little room it leaves one for developing a constant sense of self apart from it--of her exceptionality. Cersei is a NLOG and very much by a social-inspired inner compulsion.

What we know about Elia apart from her having kids and being married to Rhaegar comes from Oberyn and her Martell family members. And we get barely much from there (compared to other characters) aside from how she had had her own mind (her voicing her desire against a potential match by his farting). We have her in her early/mid-teens at the Lannisters wanting to see baby Tyrion and thinking/acting like she thinks him cute and witnessing child Cersei pinch baby Tyrion's penis (which already shows us a deep resentment against male privilege at such a young age and how it turned to who her father blamed for the absence of her mother). We don't have a PoV from Oberyn, so we get a few sentences of his feelings towards her in dialogue and dialogue is not as rich as the direct inner thoughts of characters. He does not have a reflective view of who Elia was as much as current/adult Ned Stark for Lyanna (who had PoVs) because he's focused on revenge. Even Ned could have thought more about other things that showcased Lyanna's personality independent of her engagement to Robert, but Oberyn seemed much more aware of who Elia was than Ned with Lyanna.

We don't know who adult Elia really is like we do Cersei, just her position, she was sick most of the time, and that she was Dornish. We do not get her life with Rhaegar, we do not get details nor suggestions in-text of her dynamic with Rhaegar as much as we get with him & Lyanna.

In a Con, GRRM has reportedly gone on to state that Elia and Rhaegar's relationship was "complex". Does this mean that there was affection but a mutual understanding that there was no deeper romance? Does this mean that if Elia were healthier, she would want to develop one with him? Either way, would she want it to be monogamous or not? Again, she's from Dorne, she's more likely to be more okay with it being an "open" marriage AND it being known Rhaegar has a side lover as she has enjoyed more body autonomy and a stronger sense of her own political autonomy from childhood.

But while she is Dornish, after she married Rhaegar she had to live in a nonDornish court in a nonDornish region while raising children, knowing that a man versus a woman having extramarital lovers are treated very differently. [a fuller explanation by dwellordream HERE]. For her own image and social standing, would she want him to be discrete even more than if they were just minor nobles? Or is she secure in the knowledge that her kids will always inherit before any of Lyanna's bastards (would she be, how likely is this) and de-prioritize how bad Rhaegar's cheating makes her look for her own safety (she nearly died the last time she gave birth)? We simply don't know for sure, even though I believe that Elia knew about Rhaegar and Lyanna bastard and wasn't against it.

this is essentially just a reception, so you could scroll past if you need. I basically free-write these things.

The answers to all these questions for Cersei are too obvious. We have Cersei's PoVs and her interactions with multiple people with both PoVs and with none--either dead or still alive by the last published book. And we get her own PoVs to draw her motivations and psychological processes and make better, credible conclusions.

Cersei's Lannister self-defensive-exceptionalist mindset feeds into her believing herself to be the paragon of any living woman, especially paramours, and mistresses. That PLUS her own need to have something close to or the same authority and power a man could have in her world, which she buys through sex, giving up some of her agency during some sexual encounters, and making herself NLOG to (mistakenly) gain men's loyalty or at least obedience to her commands. All of which is always in flux and depends on the person. To repeat myself, she very much cares about and is emotionally dependent on her nobility, her titles, her rank, her Lannister name, etc to accrue power for herself to her own detriment and to the abuse of others, which worsens or gains justification under Robert's abuse.

On the other hand, Cersei, her whole life, has been externally defined through a sexual lens. Yes, even in childhood. Sex and reproduction. She isn't a "whore" or a "slut" for then using what people used to objectify her into a weapon or device for her own intentions when she has learned that that is a direct way of accruing others' interest in her own and her kids' advancement. Cersei, while loyal & protective to her children, also--from her own experiences with powerlessnes from her gendered value in her family and society--tends to be less patient with them and be less able to address their emotional distresses. She seems abusive towards at least Tommen. And yes, in a feudal world, one can gain much political power & resources through their kids' claims and/or positions of power -> Tommen or Joffrey were kings and she could be Queen Dowager/Mother, the highest female rank a noblewoman could have...at least how GRRM wrote Westerosi society.

This is the crux of her motives: she learned that power-as-masculine AND power = male sexual dominance. Unlike the Tyrells, who have a better grasp of using both actual soft power and hard power (mostly yhr first) to maintain social dominance, Tywin is more the silent, golden rock that intimidates you into following him. Power, she learned from her father, is less diplomatic and more forceful and fear-inspired, violent, physical, and from Robert, sexual. All traditional qualified as masculine and assigned to men, who are given the privilege to hold/lead armies and wield weapons in battles:

In medieval times a woman could not bear arms; therefore a woman could not take on a role which, even symbolically, required her to carry arms. In medieval times a woman who took on an overt military role was an aberration. Lyon, A. (2006). "The place of women in European royal succession in the middle ages."

From childhood, she absorbed this ideology and "decided" to essentially prove she was "not like the other girls." And the loss of her mother to childbirth, how her father never truly coped, would have had her rush to gain his love, and when that didn't work, to gain his respect. But she is female, so Tywin never will. She learned that being anything "feminine" is inherently "weak", and so she tried her entire life to differentiate herself from the "weak" women around her. Cersei is the ultimate NLOGs.

She gave up her sexual agency for her children (yes, the same ones who she abused at one point) to shore up defenses for their/her own position and safety, as she wouldn't in a hundred years have sex with some people willingly if it did not come with the expectation of their support, resources, etc. Class/masculinity-perceived-through-hypersexuality is to her, strength even as it puts her at a disadvantage as a woman, as she's that much more open to scandal if the odds go out of her favor and the Lannisters lose much of their power and the others' fear of them.

She imagines herself as Robert/in the male/"dominant" position (she herself imagines that position as male, the place of power she internalized as prime her whole life) when she's sexually rubbing and fingering Taena of Myr. She continues to finger her painfully despite Taena protesting in pain, thus herself becoming a sexual abuser so she can feel the power and defy Robert/men. Power that she learns directly resides in using sexual ties or performing sexual abuses. Taena also, as Cersei's "spy" on Margarey, and as one far beneath her rank, is also a person who acts as socially lower than Cersei herself, which feeds into Cersei's ego. So Cersei banks much of herself and self-worth on her class to a dangerous fault.

She has basically felt compelled to buy into that exceptionalism at full speed to compensate for her lack of power and feelings of inferiority from that lack. Cersei is rather a pretty complicated woman, while also being very simple. Her class position as aristocratic and Queen Dowager/Mother and her desire for power in the aristocratic space are directly related and inspired by her long sexual objectification. This is where gender and class intersect. Her hatred of Robert is obviously justified and comes from her long struggle to gain and keep autonomous power from men; that doesn't mean that she also doesn't eventually use her class and internalize female inferiority as her final crutch.

Cersei's personality and her abuse from others and against others are two related and unique things informing each other from her young childhood, especially evidenced by her thoughts and actions of her youth before she married Robert, how her father & those others around her treated her, and her observations of the events before Robert rebelled concerning women's abilities. Elia is, by contrast, a silent victim so it's easier to project a lot onto her the way it isn't for Cersei. Or Catelyn.

Even with the societal setup of misogyny put up against her since birth and her trying to collect power for herself, the consequences of how she does it, the carelessness of it, and the losing control of her impulses are going to be reasons for her downfall anyway.

[filmfactors]

why did u dislike stand by me? other than the art style

While you said aside from art style, I'll say it's worse than I thought it'd be. I hate when the characters open their terrible no tooth mouths, they do it so much it's hard to ignore and it's awful to look at. Aside from the uncanny factor though, the backgrounds and scenery look nice.

As for the movie itself, I feel like it just highlights everything I don't really like about the Doraemon series? From the Nobita and Shizuka """romance""", to the weird perverted jokes at Shizuka's expense. I'm also in general not a fan of the 'Doraemon leaves/April Fools' story they used at the end, so I wasn't happy to see it again and in a movie I could care less about.

It doesn't feel like anything changes or progresses, it doesn't make me believe Nobita ever grows to be his own person that can take care of himself, that they don't set anything up for any of the payoff it gives...

They throw in some dialogue about Nobita being depressed, they use sad lighting, and they use tears but they never are actually saying anything meaningful. It just feels like tools to cheat you into feeling sad but it really had the opposite effect on me, I just felt annoyed because the emotional moments do not feel earned.

When Nobita drinks the juice that makes people hate him and Shizuka fights against it to comfort him, that should be a moment that moves you... a triumph and instead I just sit there and don't feel very moved because it didn't feel like there was any progression in their relationship to earn this? Like the idea I like, it's sweet inherently but it doesn't play out in a way that makes me engaged in the story.

Everyone takes a backseat for Nobita's obsession with Shizuka which I think, is the worst thing you could make the focus. I know it's an important part of the plot but I've never liked it, I've already discussed how Shizuka doesn't feel like her own person but just a prize to be won by Nobita in the end... when movies, episodes, etc focus on it so much- it makes me believe in their relationship less and less.

I'm sorry but putting her in a weird outfit for your benefit, trying to force her to fall in love with you via imprinting, up-skirting her in public.... it doesn't make me root for him. Those things in the series have done the opposite of make me root for them, especially contrasted with how Dekisugi treats her. It makes me wonder why on earth she'd pick Nobita in any universe, but specifically this one?

Also something, something... how marrying Jaiko was not the issue and Nobita's misery is his own fault, but yeah sure let's focus on what wife this ten year old gets in the future.

It's especially horrible hearing her say, during the blizzard in the cave, "You need someone to take care of you." As a reason to marry Nobita, as a reason to say yes to the proposal... SHE'S TOO GOOD FOR HIM IN THIS MOVIE! Sorry to say. That is not a wife, that's a mother- it's not love it just feels like pity.

Nobita needs to learn some actual self love and not betting all his happiness on a marriage years from now. Putting all his points into one person for some distant goal is a bad idea, what about the now? What about building bonds with his friends, his family? What about fixing himself as he is now.

I get the point is that somehow earning Shizuka's love will help him, make him a better person, but it doesn't feel like it. It also just feels.... not good. I would talk about the reliance on gadgets instead of self help in any way, but that's always been a thing.

Anyhow, it's a movie that exists for people who are already a fan of the franchise to trick you into thinking it's emotional because your knowledge and feel for the characters already give you depth for them. It feels like it's trying to get cheap and easy tears out of you and I don't really care for that.

It's also a whirlwind of stories I already know, done a bit worse for some in a bad art style. It was doomed to be a movie I don't like. I just can't think of anything positive I felt from it that I couldn't get better in any other Doraemon movie, chapter or even episode.

[shinysamurott9]

2024 Games: Mega Man X6 Tweaks

After playing X5’s improvement project, I felt it was only fair that I give X6's a go as well. X6 Tweaks is a sort of like a custom tweaks patcher allowing you to alter several elements of the game to your liking, including how the characters play, certain specific elements of level design, elements of the game’s presentation and a lot of stuff being tracked under the hood.

Before going into that though I feel I should talk about my opinion on base X6.

I hate it.

I really do not like base X6. I have played a majority of the side scrolling Megaman games, not all of them but most of what could be considered main series games and I genuinely feel X6 is the worst Megaman game, of the one's I've played at least, I've heard many bad things about BN4. But with X6 itself I feel like there were a lot of good ideas and some genuinely fun things to mess around with, but between the massively inconsistent difficulty, poor executions of it's ideas like the Nightmare Effects, bad design decisions with things like the secret boss areas and all armour pieces being required to use an armour again and of course it's infamously bad level design. Any good or sensible idea X6 had, is ultimately either undermined, falls over itself or is lamented for being stuck in this game.

So what exactly does Tweaks do to fix these issues?

In short, quite a lot while also adding a number of miscellaneous additions for fun and QoL, but at the same time, not doing much to fix arguably X6's biggest issue.

With my playthroughs, for the overall important changes, I opted to disable the Nightmare Blindness, leaving the other nightmare effects on. Aside from that, I activated incomplete armours, made it so the Exit Stage button was always available, unlocked aerial moves like double jumps and dash, fixed the translation, added the custom mugshot graphics, and tweaked the damage tables to make a few things more tolerable, like the donuts.

These changes did do a lot to make X6 more tolerable which did allow it's better qualities to shine through. The game is a lot more open with your routing, probably at least in part because every stage needs to be revisited anyway. The armours are fantastic, I'd argue they're some of the best armours X ever got and with the updated script, I can at least appreciate what the story was attempting. The script does even have some stuff that is genuinely interesting or funny.

Nightmare Zero actually has lines that read like he is Wily, I genuinely did not know that til now.

MF actually pulled the "I got better" card,cannot believe this.

Zero canonically hates puzzle games lol

They even added unique dialogue for Zero in the intro stage and against Nightmare Zero should you use the cheat to unlock him from the start which is a fantastic touch.

Some other fun additions include letting you change the Ultimate Armour’s palette to any of the three from the PS1 Trilogy as well as a fixed version of the X6 colours to match the portrait and a colour palette for the Legacy Collection Ultimate Armour which I think was updated to make it look better.

Unfortunately, at it's core the game us still X6 and it's main issue, the level design is still very much a problem. Scaravich is still a random layout , leaving the armour, boss portal and heart tank up to RNG. Mijinion still has his really annoying secret area, and his main area still throws literally everything at you, and of course, Heatnix is still just donuts. Would you believe me if I said someone actually told me they thought this was not only fun, but better than an actual level? Course the Gate stages are still just as bad too, but hey you can actually beat them without parts now. Bringing Shadow Armour to Gate is actually a reasonable idea now, as one of the few changes the hack does make to level design is adding a platform to the infamous jump. An air dash for No Armour and Shadow Armour is also available.

Sadly, like X5 Improvement, the hack ultimately does very little to fix the overall level design and the more problematic sections. But to be clear, I can't really blame the hack creators for that as the only real solution would be to just completely scrap the existing levels and completely redesign them from scratch, something well beyond the scope of a rom patch. So overall while it is an improvement over X6, I'd really only recommend it to someone who's familiar with X6, the bullshit it throws at you and the ways you can cheese it.

I'd say it helps the stromg qualities of X6 stand out enough to get B tier, but a pretty low B if I'm honest

[purrincess-chat]

Prev anon. I've been hearing too much salt on how s5 has completely ruined the show and how the characters are just stagnant and never developing. Do you have an analysis of that? Thanks.

I mean, I think it's safe to say that if people are saying that about s5, they're not watching the show. This season has had the most rapid and obvious development for characters, the issue is that some people just don't like it.

"I don't like it, therefore it's bad."

They shut down the logic part of their brain because they're upset and refuse to hear any reason. But this season has given us so much if people are willing to set aside their bitching and moaning for a minute. I'm going to be discussing out of order episodes from later in the season (but no leaks) during this, so if anyone hasn't watched Protection, Emotion, Pretension, or Revelation, keep on scrolling.

So truthfully, a lot of this development started in s4. Season 4 planted the seeds, and now season 5 is reaping the harvest. Marinette's insecurity around being in love/a relationship while being Ladybug started in s4. Chat Noir falling out of love with Ladybug started in s4 (yes, it did if you look). Adrien was slowly falling for Marinette all throughout season 4. The signs were all there, so what's happening in s5 isn't really that surprising in retrospect. I've talked about it all before, but let's look more into how things have developed specifically in s5.

This season had several things it needed to work on with them: The LadyNoir partnership, Marinette's fear of love, and Adrien's home situation. Let's talk about each one.

The LadyNoir partnership

Let's get this one out of the way because it's what people are most salty about, and I think it's the one that resolves the quickest. How their development was "ruined" and how being just friends is a "detriment" to their dynamic. A major conflict from s4 was her not relying on Chat Noir and trying to do everything herself. We the audience know that played a huge part in why things ended up the way they did in Strike Back. In Ephemeral, we learn that she could have solved the akuma way faster if she just had Chat Noir around, but Chat Noir wasn't around because of their on-going conflict. He felt like she didn't need him because she was pulling away as a result of her new guardian responsibility, and the more he pulled away, the more she had to pull in other heroes to help. It wasn't really intentional on her part because she was dealing with a lot, and that's something Chat Noir came to understand throughout the season. Strike Back when she shows up at his house and completely breaks, he sees firsthand how stressed she is, so he reaches out to begin the healing process for both of them. She even points out that she pushed him away, but he helps her focus on fixing everything rather than being upset at her. That opens the door for them to heal in season 5.

In Evolution, she trusts Chat Noir with the rabbit Miraculous and steps back to follow his lead. She's done that several times this season as a means of fixing their partnership. Chat lifts her up when she has doubts. He's been helping her move past her mistake and focused on helping her fix it. Last season was rough for both of them, but Adrien had a lot of forward momentum coming out of that season that he is using in s5 to help Ladybug find her footing now that she had the rug ripped out from underneath her. They said it in Deflagration that their duo is the only one that works. They've learned to rely on each other again. And ya know what? It works. By Perfection they're back in sync and perfectly at ease with each other. Their partnership is strong again after s4 put them through the ringer. They're pushing the boundaries of their identities by gushing about their real life bf/gf, something Ladybug would have shutdown before. Their partnership is healing, and they're focusing on getting the Miraculous back.

S4 was hard for a lot of people to watch because they were fighting all the time. This season, they've worked to fix that and worked through their issues, which included Chat's persistent attempts to romance her. That was a source of conflict since s1, people just ignored it because they know she's actually in love with his civilian side, but Ladybug has gotten onto him several times over the course of the show about it. She made her stance clear that she wasn't in love with him, and he needed to respect that. Glaciator 2 really hammered that point home for him, and that coupled with everything else from s4 is why we have the Adrien we do in s5. He's more patient with Marinette, he's not pushy, he tries really hard to make sure she's comfortable, he listens to her.

And before anyone says any type of shit about how Adrinette "stole" LadyNoir's development, I will remind you they're the same fucking people and shut up. The sides aren't separate. They're all working together toward achieving a common goal: a healthy, post-reveal relationship. All sides have to get development for that to happen, and the development of one side is going to impact another one because they're the same people. It wouldn't make sense for Chat Noir to learn to respect Ladybug's boundaries, then turn around and push past Marinette's. The fact that he did learn to respect boundaries and is demonstrating that he learned that is, say it with me now, c h a r a c t e r d e v e l o p m e n t.

I'm not sure where people are getting off saying they're not developing or that their characters are "ruined" because that is just not what's happening on screen at all. The other sides aren't "dead" and Adrinette didn't "win" the love square. Treating the sides as separate entities in competition with one another rather than 4 parts of a whole working toward harmony is reductive and demonstrates a lack of understanding of the characters. The LadyNoir development this season was a long time coming since their conflict started in s4, and I can guarantee you it's going to be for the benefit of the ship overall in the long run. We can't see what the writers have planned for future seasons, so we don't know what points are crucial for them to get to this season. Not liking something isn't the same as something being objectively bad. Platonic LadyNoir isn't bad, nor is prereveal canon Adrinette. They are both serving a purpose, which brings us to our next topic.

Marinette's fear of love

Let's move onto Marinette and her specific issues and how she's overcome them this season. People have claimed her being afraid to love Adrien this season doesn't make sense when episodes like Chat Blanc exist where she immediately started dating him with no problems, but in true salter fashion, they're ignoring a lot of context and shit that happened after that episode. We had a whole season and a half after Chat Blanc before Adrinette started dating in s5, so I think it's safe to say they're in a much different place now than they were then. Ephemeral was a halfway point between Chat Blanc and s5 of sorts because in Ephemeral, she didn't immediately fall for Chat Noir when she learned he was Adrien, she was conflicted because we already had plot in motion for her being conflicted about being in love while being a superhero. (plus there was also the ongoing LadyNoir conflict in s4)

Now in s5, we have her post-Strike Back where she made a crucial error that cost her and everyone tremendously because she was blinded by love (in her eyes, we know there were several other factors at play). Those types of events tend to affect people. That in and of itself is development. Development isn't always linear or forward progressing. Sometimes characters regress and fall in pitfalls and mess up. It's ultimately what does propel them forward. That's what happened to Marinette at the beginning of the season. She made a huge mistake and was clearly grappling with that. This season for her is about coming to terms with her mistakes and healing from that while she works to fix everything. It's about learning to forgive herself and calm down about love. The mistake set in motion all of the strides she's made since.

Let's take a look at the second half of the season as we have it (I know we are still missing a lot of episodes, but the later episodes we do have are very telling). Take Perfection, Marinette is still more or less the Marinette we know when it comes to Adrien. She's flustered, she comes up with crazy schemes to confess her feelings, she panics, she runs away, she worries over messing everything up again. A few episodes later in Protection, we see her finally starting to calm down because Adrien is finally starting to help her. And, no, I'm not saying it was ever his responsibility before to help her because he literally didn't know about her feelings. We are missing some context between Perfection and Protection, but we know something happens and Adrien finds out that Marinette has been panicking around him this whole time. He admits to Kagami that he never realized before that she was so uncomfortable around him, and now he wants to help her overcome that. So, he puts in the effort to recognize when she's flustered or acting crazy and do things to help her calm down. Like when he changes into his pajamas because she's in her pajamas. He probably just figured she freaked out when he texted her to come over and didn't want her to feel embarrassed (which is ridiculously sweet).

Marinette's trauma surrounded love, particularly her love for Adrien. I know a lot of people salted on Alya in Elation when she was questioning Marinette's newfound feelings for Chat Noir, but honestly, she was kind of right. I'm not saying Marinette's feelings for Chat Noir weren't genuine, but it was incredibly obvious this entire season that she was still in love with Adrien and instead of facing her mistakes and issues, she was running away from them. It's not about how she felt about Chat Noir. She was traumatized, and instead of working through that trauma, she was avoiding it. Elation and the Kwamis Choice episodes taught her that she shouldn't run from her problems because it only makes things worse.

Transmission/Deflagration were important key steps for Marinette related to that trauma. In the beginning of Transmission, she's feeling hopeless and heartbroken. The weight of the world is crushing her, and she feels like she can't escape it. She still thinks she can't be in love and be Ladybug at the same time. It's not about her feelings for either Chat Noir or Adrien anymore. She genuinely thinks that she will only ever make mistakes if she loves someone, anyone, and that's something she needed to heal from. Their relationship has been an uphill battle this whole time. Even after he confesses his feelings, and she more or less confesses hers, she still can't bring herself to say it out loud or even hold his hand at lunch. Her trauma is a huge hurdle she's working on this season, and I think the class actually makes things worse for her. They do genuinely want her to be happy, but no one (save Alya) knows why she's hesitant. To them, she's just being crazy old Marinette.

That's why I think Adrien's reaction to her this season is extremely important. Everyone else is being pushy and insisting they need to kiss and confess their love and have big grand amazing romantic moments, but Adrien learned in s4 that those types of things aren't necessary and can even be bad. And that is ultimately what Marinette needs. Ladybug (aka Marinette) told Chat Noir that's what she needed in s4, and Adrien listened and is now applying it to Marinette. And it's working. Marinette and Adrien make strides in Protection (episode 16) and by Emotion (episode 18) they're sitting on a beach together sharing ice cream and nearly kissing. No panic, no overthinking. Marinette doesn't jump to wild conclusions or blame him when he doesn't tell her about the Diamonds Dance. She doesn't sneak into the party just to see him or be with him like she did in the past. She goes to tell him that it's okay, she gets it, and she still loves him. That is HUGE development considering 7 episodes ago she was crying in her bed about how she can't be in love and confessing her love to a picture of a cow.

Then there's Pretension where she tries to plead their case to Gabriel. She's confident, she stands her ground, she doesn't let Gabriel tell her how to feel or let him manipulate her into caving the way he does to other people even though she's terrified. She makes sure Adrien knows that she still stands by him and won't let Gabriel come between them, which brings us to our last point.

Adrien's home life

Aka the center of the entire plot of the show up to this point. It's no secret that this season is wrapping up the Agreste plotline that we've been following since s1. I believe the creator has said it, and Gabriel getting cataclysmed in the arm is just a huge sign that this season is going to be final for him one way or another. Either he wins and makes his wish, or he dies.

A hugely important thing for the progression of their plot and for the love square was bringing Marinette closer to the action. They've been saying it since s3 that Marinette is the knight that needs to rescue Adrien from his evil father. It's a reverse fairytale of sorts where the girl is the one fighting to save the prince. Adrinette is accomplishing a two-fold mission in that regard. Adrien is helping Marinette heal her trauma surrounding love (particularly loving him), and Marinette is helping to free him from his shackles (his father). She tries to do it as herself by pleading with Gabriel to just let them be together and be happy, but we all know Gabriel is a snake bitch that's gonna need to have that lesson beaten into him. I presume, (this is Cat's speculation, not necessarily leaks) that will only be accomplished after Gabriel is defeated by Ladybug. Dating Adrien is just helping her to see past the perfect image Gabriel is fooling the rest of the world with. It's setting her right where she needs to be for the final conflict.

This season is showing that the love square is all connected. It's reminding us that they're the same two people. They're partners, they're friends, they're soulmates. Development on one side directly impacts another side. They're learning to lean on each other, to love each other in a way that works for both of them. They're fighting for each other. Marinette starts the season out really down on herself and afraid to love, and at the most recent episode we have aired, we have her being confident in their relationship, in her feelings. She and Adrien comfort each other and are openly affectionate to each other. Literally how is that not development? How are the characters remaining stagnant? This is the most they've grown this whole show, and they are thriving. By Revelation, they've healed their partnership and Marinette's love trauma. All that's standing in their way now is Gabriel and his penchant for cosplaying as an ugly purple man with a God complex. And personally, I can't wait to see them beat that bitch into submission.

TL;DR: The show isn't ruined. Some people just never understood what it was about.

[less-than-three-3]

you NEED to play jedi survivor (if it gets patched) (please respawn)

I finished jedi survivor and my eyes are bleeding please help

oh those are tears

Performance issues aside, I really liked the game, it was a great evolution on Fallen Order while kind of taking a new direction design-wise. It’s very “traditional 3d zelda” in many ways, much more than it is metroidvania like Fallen Order was, and I think it works wonders. Combat and movement get built upon for sure, there’s a specific upgrade I love (and wish got more), but it’s much less the focus. Story and characters I felt developed fairly slowly, or at least it felt aimless for a while, but everything very quickly crashes together and really clicks. I don’t know if I agree with the pacing, but damn it still hit hard. 

If you liked Fallen Order, I’d highly recommend getting this game (maybe after it’s confirmed to be patched if you want it to actually play at 60 fps). Performance issues are prevalent, but if you’re fine with sub-60 fps gaming, then consider it. Full thoughts below, with massive spoilers towards the end so don’t click if you haven’t finished it!!

I just wanna get this out of the way first because I don’t have any way to smoothly include it in the rest of the discussion - yes, the music is still as good as it is in Fallen Order. There are a couple key moments that draw from Those Star Wars Songs for very important reasons, and those bang, but even the original tracks keep that core feel so well. If there’s one thing that I think anyone who plays these games should agree on, it’s that the presentation is very star wars.

Speaking of the presentation, I really think there’s no way to not discuss the biggest issue the game currently (as of a week after launch) has - performance. For me, personally, on a mid-range PC build, I was kinda struggling to get 40-50 fps in the bigger areas, though I definitely maintained 60 in smaller/more isolated areas. And honestly, for me, it wasn’t a huge deal, I don’t really feel that it negatively impacted my experience because I just kinda got used to it. But I think it’s very understandable that some people do hate that, especially if you expect your beefy rig or console to handle these things. If that’s your reason for avoiding the game until it’s fixed (or forever, I guess), then I totally think that’s fair. But I didn’t mind it much, honestly. Outside of that I didn’t really encounter many actual bugs, it really is just primarily optimization.

It’s just a really big shame that it’s getting a bad reputation because the gameplay is just so damn good. Well, it’s in a lot of ways just more Fallen Order, but that’s something I was chomping at the bit for as soon as I had finished the first game. He doesn’t lose any of his powers, which I really love to see, and just builds more or less on what he had by the end of FO (plus dual blade stance, one of my go-to stances). And this feeds into why I felt this game was much more 3d zelda than it was metroidvania, because you aren’t really becoming a super powerful jedi from scratch like in FO, but rather you are a knight who travels through dungeons, occasionally getting a new traversal tool that lets you better navigate the dungeon ahead of you instead of backtracking to things you saw earlier. I mean hell, he pretty much gets hookshot and bomb flowers. 

One such upgrade is airdash and can I just say I love that so many games are incorporating airdashes? They’re so fun to use, and with the electron wall resets felt super satisfying, especially in that one escape sequence. You know the one. My only complaint is that there could have been so much more airdash reset platforming, celeste-style. But oh well.

The world design is the second biggest part of this change in direction, because, outside Koboh (the big giant hub planet that also shreds your frames), and even within the branches of Koboh, the places Cal explores are pretty much straightforward dungeons as opposed to the “labyrinths” from FO. Whether or not that’s a plus, minus, or a side-grade are up to you ultimately, but I think it’s a nice change of pace, and I’m wondering if they’ll keep it up for the last game in the trilogy.

Combat is phenomenal as it was in FO. It’s no Sekiro for sure, but comparing it to the pinnacle of swordfighting gameplay it’s always gonna come out on the bottom. But the new stances are all very interesting and cool, plus there are meaningful upgrades to your original 2 stances too, that there’s a good amount of gameplay expression built on top of the already great combat freedom that the force powers gives you. Perks also encourage “builds”, with massive air quotes around that. I personally ran with the dual blades and lightsaber throw perk, which kinda shredded even the double oggdo fight.

Oh yeah, the bosses in this game are kinda killer. I think it’s definitely something that will turn some people off, but I thought that their turning up the difficulty in optional fights was pretty nice, though I wish more of them could be more than just like, 2 big guys that put you into a checkmate situation sometimes. Otherwise the enemies and bosses were great, especially the 2 main antagonists. I’ll talk about them later though.

If there’s one gameplay element that I was kind of iffy on, it was the whole tavern-hub-recruitment shtick. I think it’s just not a thing for me, and I’m happy for those who enjoy this aspect of the game, but I felt that it sorta bogged things down for me. It made the early game feel pretty slow, on top of the whole “having to rediscover your crew slowly”, it just felt like not too much was really happening.

(MAIN SPOILERS START HERE)

Yeah, the pacing. I don’t really know if this is an actual issue or just my perceived issue but I really didn’t feel too compelled by what I figured was being presented to be early on, up until pretty much getting to the shattered moon. I think in Fallen Order, they also planted seeds fairly early on that really grew later, but in that game we were meeting everyone for the first time and the stakes felt so much higher. For the first half of this game, and really honestly the entire actual plot except for one very key sequence near the end, the stakes just kinda felt mostly inconsequential. Ok yeah we have to find Tanalorr. Cal struggles to find his own meaning, but I don’t think Tanalorr is helping that? It’s a place he can run away to, “if it exists,” and it’s not until he reconnects with Cere that he has an actually compelling reason to find Tanalorr. Just an aside, but it’s odd how unceremoniously Cordova was presented to us in that moment.

I think part of the reason it felt that way is that the characters we’ve gotten to know from the first game, who have all had fairly compelling character arcs of their own, play more of a static role, and none of the new characters really develop either, leaving pretty much the only character developments to just Cal. And that’s a little lame, but I think understandable given they’ve been away for so long and have done their own soul searching. But part of the amazing part of FO’s character writing is that Cere is a “master” but very much struggling with her own demons, Merrin has to quell the darkness caused by the massacre of pretty much her entire race, and Greez is... in a lot of debt. They guide each other, but no one is really complete, everyone is learning alongside each other. Very much the same strength God of War 2018′s writing had. This isn’t really the case in Survivor, and it’s a shame to see that.

Moment to moment, though, the action was definitely there and the main thing keeping me really involved in the early part of the story. Even though I was still unconvinced, the escape on Jedha is easily one of the top 3 moments in the entire franchise. The other 2? Well... (SPOILERS, AGAIN)

Dagan Gara, the Old Republic dude, singlehandedly carried the entire first portion of the game. He’s such a cool and hot character, from his very introduction. His essentially immediate transformation into a Sith was raw as hell, and all of his fights are awesome. His and Rayvis’ motivations are unclear but quickly become very clear, one driven essentially by obsession with a sanctuary and one driven by oath, and their plights are what Cal could easily fall to as well. Any time he was on screen was a time I was pulled back in.

But he’s not the big bad. You recover the compass from him, but you get betrayed by Bode, a secret Jedi who’s become obsessed with protection of his family. You get a whole speeder chase sequence that’s neat, but then you fight him and BD isn’t there so you can’t possibly compete and you die. Respawn?

You respawn. As Cere, holding off the Imperial forces. What an incredible moment. They’ve come for the archives, and even worse?

Darth Vader’s back. Ok, like I said in my Fallen Order post, the outcome of this moment was a little foreshadowed by the fact that, yknow, Darth Vader stays alive so he can be in the main trilogy. But this boss fight was incredible, and the climax is an absolute gutwrencher.

The ending is super reminiscent of the conclusion of God of War 2018. I don’t think it hits quite as high of a note as that game, but it hits hard nonetheless. I had heard murmurs of people not really liking the ending, and I really disagree. I think, for what it is, this ending represents an incredible culmination of Cal’s internal struggles throughout the game. I think their issues probably lie somewhere in the realm of my issues explained above, where it just doesn’t feel right because Bode doesn’t really ever grow, he remains so overly devoted which leads to his ultimate downfall. No one really grows, except Cal. It definitely feels a bit weak compared to the conclusion of the first game, but their aim was likely for this game to purely focus on directing Cal’s path forward into the last game of the trilogy.

And that path will have a lot of Merrin, evidently? I think this part kind of bothers me in part because it feels like an odd development after Battle Scars, the book between the two games (which might be debatably canon, I guess?), but also in part because where is this going to go? Surely they can’t be together. There’s an entire prequel trilogy about what could happen if they do, and even Cal’s encounters with the dark side in this game seem to be fueled by his love for his crew, but that shouldn’t be encouraged, right? The conclusion kind of leaves that hanging, I assume it’ll come to a head in the 3rd game, but it feels like he “uses the dark side of the force for good” and “that’s good”? That’s surely not what they’re going for right?

Jedi Survivor has built on and continued a saga that, despite some criticisms, I thoroughly enjoyed and recommend. And with the note the game ends on, I’m curious as to where this saga is going to end. He isn’t going to defeat the Empire or anything remotely close. I assume he’s going to meet some demise, or maybe go into permanent hiding Kiryu-style. I can only hope that it at least runs well. 

[katyspersonal]

Hey guys

I just... idk, I want to thank everyone who leaves me very nice comments - direct or ones in reblog tags - but I also feel kinda sorry for not being responsive enough.

I have - always have had - incredible trust issues, that only kept growing with years, and with more negative experience. :s It is not that I am taking all this encouragement and positivity for granted, I cherish every single good vibe shown my way, trust me I do. But, it is even deeper than simple shyness, what makes me unable to react ‘enough’.

I kinda just... got used to the internet as this space where people take “friendships” for granted and are being parasocial. Where they can be worried sick for you when you merely feel sad, where they wish you good morning and good night every time, where they send you memes catering to your specific tastes and tell you how much they value you and how much they are excited to see you grow and thrive - only to one day throw you away like the trash that you are, in one instant, for the reason they never even communicated.

It never had to take a deep emotional drama. I’ve had a few big ones, I know it. You know it. But more often than not it had to be some dumb shit I never could have predicted. Them having been uncomfortable with me all along and never telling me to fix my habits until the boiling point made them just block without a word. Them having a bad word about me from years ago and not wanting a “trouble”. Them fandom shifting, ffs. I mean... fair, I guess? “This is just the internet, connections here are not real :/”, I guess. I just struggle with this stuff. Because of how my brain works and how I see communication that truly matters, for me internet friendships and irl ones are blurred very much. So it hurts, a lot. It hurts to feel so “loved” only to be tossed aside as if I’ve never been there, and realise that people can throw very warm and significant words around.

To add to it, every time I decide to open up, every time I decide that this time things will be different - things go WRONG. Either I ruin everything, or another person happens to stab me in the back. And now I feel as though I’ve gone past the point of no return. That now, no amount of warmth and love and support can convince me of genuine sympathy. It still feels like just a prank that is going on for too long - despite the crisis some of you stuck with me through (if you know then you know).

I just... sometimes I wonder, how much more time should pass, before ‘better safe than sorry’ becomes ‘I am sorry I have been too safe’. It just hurts me if things feel very one-sided with me. Because I just know even if it is too late for me, there are genuine and good people around me, and I value you guys. I mean- Remember I also made a post like, ‘send me art requests’? I still only finished one of those - because I am SOOOOO used to only getting one or maybe two, but I got so many that I just... I still can’t believe it was real :s It is not that I am lazy or not thankful, I just... I am not used to it.

But I still read what you leave in the tags or sometimes comments, and it still feels very nice. Thank you. I just wish it was a better life period.

[iturbide]

like tbh the biggest thing I want to see with edelgard? is her learning to trust people and being forced to build a foundation of openness and the ability to Ask For Help when she needs it. and re: the agarthans issue, she definitely needs it.

like especially too if there was ever the chance for her to speak with the other lords, I'd love to see a process around edelgard having to adjust and challenge herself and maybe even freak out a bit because she has to take these chances. I want to see byleth, whom shes probably attached to because theyre so.. neutral, outside of what shes been dealing with, be more forecful with facilitating her reaching out. I want to see dimitri taking a chance to talk to her, I want to see her be able to hesitantly discuss different aspects of her experiences with both him and claude but maybe find out some specifically with claude because he would understand them better and to see them connect over it. I want to see hubert, too, eventually have to come around and I want to see conflict because of that. hell, I feel like hubert having to reckon with edelgard's new course of action and all of those risks could be good grounds for like, having dedue pull him aside for A Talk because MAN do I think those two would actually have a lot to talk about.

this isn't even getting into the eventuality of ferdinand involving himself and by extension causing problems because he's direct and insensitive at times and he'll also have to learn a lesson from that, but anyway

sorry bout all these even more words here but i've been having some thoughts today

Please don't apologize for these words these are excellent words and I am very happy to have them in my inbox (and now on my blog) thank you for sharing these Thoughts I delight in and appreciate the

and also have we talked about the Pre-Timeskip Fix-It? Because Pre-Timeskip has A Lot of this (and some of it is actually written already in draft)

Like Byleth being forceful in facilitating Edelgard's early meetings with other Lords

Also Edelgard opening up a little to Claude and him going full conspiracy theorist and sharing with her

Or how about Edelgard actually apologizing to Byleth and Dimitri

in fact, since it looks like this hasn't gotten posted yet -- how about the lead-up to that apology?

“You still haven’t apologized?”

She did not flinch.  But she did let her gaze wander over his shoulder to a passing student, which might have been equally telling, judging from the way Claude groaned as he threw himself back in his chair.  “Edelgard!”

“What?” 

“Don’t you feel even the tiniest bit guilty about saying that?”

“Why should I?” she asked.  “I only tried to motivate them.”

“How was that supposed to motivate them?”

“It spurs me to think--”

“Princess, you’ve gotta stop putting other people in your shoes and try to put yourself in theirs.”

“...I don’t understand.” 

He sighed, vigorously mussing his own hair.  “Alright.  Okay, fine, let’s try a thought experiment.  Imagine for a minute that you’re an only child--”

“I’m not, I ha--”

“Imagine, I said.”

She huffed, crossing her arms and sitting back even as he leaned forward again.  “You’re an only child,” he continued, “and your mother died before you had a chance to know her.  For as long as you can remember, it’s just been you and your dad.”

That, at least, she could understand.  Her father had long been her inspiration, supporting her grand ambitions and motivating her to continue forward.  She had dreamt, sometimes, of a different life, a better life, where she might live peacefully with him…

“Growing up, you’re kind of isolated.  Your dad does a lot of work as a fighter for hire, and eventually you get pulled into it with him, but he handles all the business.  You don’t interact much with people besides him and maybe some of your fellow mercenaries, but you don’t mind.  Your dad takes care of you, and makes sure you have everything you need, and you don’t feel like you’re missing out on anything.”

She made a thoughtful sound, taking a sip of tea.  Claude seemed rather wistful, but she made no comment, simply listening to the words and trying to keep focus on the dream of herself and her father leading a happy life together, growing up under his kindness and care...

“Then, out of the blue, you get thrown into something you’re totally unequipped to deal with.  You’re expected to lead, when you’ve never been a leader, and expected to teach when you’ve only ever been the one learning.  Your dad is still there, though, and he helps how he can, but...you start to realize that he’s been keeping secrets -- and not just about himself.  You’d never even thought about it before, but you’re seeing a whole world you never knew existed, one that he lived in longer than you’ve been alive, that he could have talked about but never did.  And you don’t know why.”

She frowned, setting her cup back in its saucer.  Would her father keep such secrets from her?  Had he kept such secrets from her?  She’d been spirited away to Faerghus so quickly when the Insurrection occurred...and it had been by her uncle’s hand.  Had it been on her father’s orders…?

“You want answers -- of course you do, who wouldn’t, right? -- and he promises to tell you when there’s time for you both.  But then, when he gets back, just when it looks like things will become clearer, and you’ll be able to understand him better than you ever had before...he dies.  It’s not the end of a long battle with disease or injury.  It comes out of nowhere.  And suddenly the person you’ve had there your whole life, the person you depended on as a child, the person who took care of you then and who’s always been there for you until now, who helped ground and tether you even when things were at their worst...is gone.”

...she had long been preparing for her father’s death.  Though he was not truly old, she had watched him waste away in the years since the Insurrection ended, until he looked far older than his years.  He would not live much longer, and that fact pushed her even now to wrap up her preparations and set her plans in motion...but what if he had died before?  At the hands of the nobles that stole his authority, or as a result of the horrors they inflicted upon him and his family?  She would have continued on…

...but her heart stumbled at the thought of such a loss, borne on top of the torments she and her siblings suffered. 

“So tell me,” Claude said, breaking her out of her thoughts, “how would you handle it?”

She steeled herself, squaring her shoulders and lifting her head.  “I would hunt down the culprit and see them punished for what they did.”

“Right away?  When you’ve got nobody to turn to because there’s this gaping void in your life where they’d been?”

Edelgard had no answer to that. 

“Look.  I don’t doubt that when Teach gets back on their feet, Monica -- or whoever she really is -- is gonna pay.  But you can’t force them up when they’ve got no ground to stand on anymore.”

[send-noodles-not-nudes]

Fibromyalgia Facts With Tomiti:

There’s been a lot of fibro stuff circulating lately about how covid “gives you” fibro as a side effect, and I would just like to put them to rest.

That’s not how it works.

Fibro is very much something you’re born with. They’re working on hunting down specific genes and all that, but most people who know anything about fibro can guess that it runs in the family. Similar to autism. Both of which I have, as do MANY of my family members.

You live with fibro for your whole life, including when you don’t see it (before you’re symptomatic and it’s been “activated” or had its onset). It’s always there. Lurking. A beast in the shadows.

Until the onset. Then it’s just a bitch t posing in front of your face.

Anyways, fibro tends to be onset after the body (including the brain) experiences some level of trauma. This could be in the form of a mental break, an assault, an accident, or any number of a billion different things. It can also be in the form of a virus.

Viruses have a history of causing fibro onset, and once you’re symptomatic, they also cause fibro flares. Viruses and fibro are friends. You are their enemy. Basically, it goes something like this:

Virus: Hey, I’m new around here; do you think you can help me find the “cause pain” button?

Fibro: Man, I am SO glad you asked. I’ve been staring at it, wanting to push it, but I couldn’t muster up the courage to do it on my own.

Virus: What if we 👉👈👉👈 pushed the button together?

Fibro: That is the single most romantic thing I have ever heard in my life, marry me and we’ll push the button forever.

And then you end up in chronic pain and fatigue for the rest of your life. (Or flaring, if you already had your onset.)

But it’s still a better love story than Twilight.

Anyways, I got covid and it caused a flare and it sucks. I’m also just pissed about all the medical shite coming out about how “fibro is a SIDE EFFECT of covid!?!?!??!??” like NO. YOU ALREADY HAD IT. COVID JUST WOKE IT UP. It feels very “vaccines cause autism” to me and I don’t need ANOTHER conspiracy theory for people to use to sound like they understand my issues.

Fibro is genetic. It’s lifelong. If you have it, you’ve had it since you were a baby. It’s also not a neurological issue like so many doctors and medicines claim; it’s very complicated (you can read “What Your Doctor May NOT Tell You About Fibromyalgia” by Dr St Amand and Claudia, both of whom HAVE FIBRO and specialize in treating and researching fibro.) but the long and short of it is basically that people with fibro don’t get rid of their phosphate in their bodies, so it builds up in little deposits all over. They are big enough that you can feel them; that’s how St Amand diagnoses people because they’re found in specific places along the body and they’re present even when you’re not symptomatic because the phosphate has been building up there for your ENTIRE LIFE. But aside from that, the deposits get inflamed, which then presses on nerves, which is what causes symptoms. So TeChNiCaLLy, it’s a neurological issue, but it can’t be fixed through neurological means because the cause isn’t neurological. More than that, the phosphate in your body is what’s used to make the chemical that literally gives you energy (it’s called adenosine triPHOSPHATE, or ATP for short), and since your phosphate is shit when you have fibro, your ATP is shit, so your energy is shit.

Everything is shit. Fibro sucks. I just wish more people, ESPECIALLY doctors, understood it.

Like, the material is all out there. It’s completely accessible to a doctor. They just have to do some Google. Look around.

Yet, it always ends up being me who has to educate my doctors on my illnesses and it’s very annoying. I am so fucking tired of having to explain my illness. You’re a doctor. Read a book. Stop jumping to conclusions when it’s clear you have no idea what you’re writing about.

It just bothers me a lot because I KNOW whoever’s putting out those articles or journals clearly isn’t familiar with fibromyalgia. And if you’re not familiar with fibro, you shouldn’t be writing medical journals about it. Plain and simple.

Idk doctors and fibro just make me mad bc when it comes to the chronic illness community, with extremely few exceptions, it is (again, with few exceptions) ALWAYS the person with the illness who knows more. I just wish the doctors would listen. Or even just read a book. It’s not that hard.

Also I’m not usually this aggressive about fibro, this rage is 100000% only directed toward people who wrote those articles, so if you ever want to know more about fibro or the treatment I take for it, feel free to ask!! I love talking about it, especially since I’m familiar with the science behind it and why it works. I will not get mad at you for being curious, and I welcome your curiosity (as long as you’re respectful).

[imunbreakabledude]

I probably am being too hard on 2007scape in all honesty but besides what you've said about it, which I agree with pretty heavily btw, the main thing that gets me is the relentless shitting on rs3. I'm not saying rs3 doesnt have its issues, it certainly does, but a lot of it completely ignores a lot of the legitimately good parts of rs3. Which like why would any of them know about it they don't play rs3. Like I get that shitting on rs3 is a pretty sacred pastime for both sets of rs players but the joke is so played out on the osrs side at least. It just seems there's this vitriolic hatred for a combat update that happened well over a decade ago for a game none of them play anymore. And I understand that I shouldn't care what randoms on the internet say, especially randoms on reddit, but whenever I see it my first reaction is just 'really this again?' And there's the entire thing of people shutting down discussions about rebalancing xp rates or whatever else to not be the worst thing ever with 'if you want ezscape go play rs3 shitter'. I understand i'm complaining really hard about something that is pretty inconsequential but i dunno, despite rs3s numerous flaws there is still such love for it in my heart and it sucks to see it get shit on by people who don't even care about it. I dunno, enough of me whining though. The multi-million dollar company doesnt need me defending it

But on the point of eoc i think the original story is that the CEO and investors at the time forced eoc because they thought runescape needed to copy other mmos at the time. It truly was a shit show on release, and I actually remember being one of the few f2p beta testers at the time, but it's certainly shaped up with time and updates and last time I played it I actually liked it. I'd be interested to see what the osrs team would do with a complete combat expansion but I dont think it would ever happen, it'd completely change the core of osrs and wouldn't keep that vibe really. Plus it would never get past polling. But what they've been doing lately is pretty interesting, I like perilous moons and I feel like they still have some ideas left in the bank. They could look into things aside from bosses too, maybe world events could make a come back. The Bandos and Armadyl/Battle for Lumbridge one was a lot of fun in rs3, I remember the Tuska one being sick as all hell as well. But that sort of has it's own issues in being temporary content that osrs doesnt do outside of like holiday events and hot fixes plus possible lore complications. Maybe a proper big multi skill skilling boss more complex than Tempoross or Zalcano? Those god aligned prayers that were talked about a while ago really interest me. But I think eventually something will have to give, although I might be pretty biased as a previous rs3 player. Combat achievements are an amazing addition though I really like that update

I don't know if im apart of the group of players that wants more and more varied updates but I do feel like I certainly lean that direction. I'll admit though that I should not get my way, it'd certainly strip away the special identity of osrs and I could just get that from restarting rs3 again. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is still more osrs could take from rs3 while still keeping that identity osrs has and I trust the current dev team to do that and with polling to help keep it in line

Also funny thing happened while typing this response my laptop completely bricked for no reason so I had to retype it all on my phone. So please excuse the shit response, I'm not really holding up my half of the conversation but if I didnt respond to something i just didnt have anything interesting to add and just generally agreed. Unfortunately I am just generally a boring person. Hope everything is well with you though

Yeah, I agree that "rs3" is used as kind of a boogeyman word in that community. Which on one hand, makes sense - this version was brought in specifically to NOT be rs3, and "rs3" broadly represents all the "bad changes" that made individual players stop playing that game. but I do think it's a bit much sometimes, even as someone who hasn't played rs3 since... maybe a couple brief attempts in ~2012 before OSRS released. but it's also funny how "EoC" is used derisively as the thing that "ruined" runescape, when it really wasn't just that, it was a lot of updates that were controversial to different people for different reasons. Removal of free trade/wildy, obviously; summoning and dungeoneering were both kinda polarizing; EoC, yes; but also the increased emphasis on MTX over the years. I remember when squeal of fortune was first added... yeah. But anyway, even if there are valid criticisms to be made and valid reasons for people to not want OSRS to go in any direction like that, people can be mean-spirited about it - i've heard mostly good things about rs3 from people who play it, recently, and tbh I think 2007scape has gotten nicer about it as a whole due to more players who play both (rs3 players picking up osrs, mostly)... and maybe also due to this community feeling less "threatened" now that it's clear OSRS is successful and here to stay (vs earlier days when there was an underlying fear jagex head honchos could pull the plug any moment). but I'm sure it is very annoying as someone who actively plays rs3 to see all that, I get that. It's a different game now. Different doesn't have to mean "worse".

the sentiment towards rs3, or i suppose "pre-eoc era" RS2 has definitely warmed up over the years in the 07scape community though. as evidenced by new skill polling passing... and as evidenced by the number of osrs updates that are basically things that existed in RS2/RS3 but are just reskinned... Some people are aware of that, some are not, but it's happening nonetheless. and I don't think that's a bad thing. as long as there's still polling and lots of community feedback, I don't think changes should be off the table just because "that was in rs3"... also because what feels "old school" or not is soooooo subjective so like. voting on it. voting is good.

also I am so sorry for your laptop what a tragedy! and no need to apologize, it's not a "shit response", agreeing is always welcome with me lol and just general chatting about osrs here is fun, don't really have many people to talk to about it tbh which is why i just end up typing my thoughts on here assuming no one is reading a lot of the time. but cheers, fun to have a convo about it :)

[sobsq]

The Story of Enba & Nobo

Side Notes: 1. I am not a writer whatsoever 2. I did not create their physical designs or give them names until AFTER I wrote all this so the "First Voidian" is Enba & the "Second Voidian" is Nobo 3. Everything is subject to change since I tend to rewrite things fairly often as I see fit. Although I try not to.

A long time ago, there were two Voidians. One was gifted with the power to summon "Curses" that could eat away & weaken the Spirits from the inside. The second Voidian was gifted the power to undo"Curses". The first Voidian became an excellent addition to the spirit hunters since their power could weaken the and make it easier to send away the targets. This caused the first Voidian to gain popularity & praise from the other members of the tribe. The second Voidian found no such luck as there was no use at all for having the power to undo curses when it came to hunting the Mutant spirits. Out of shame, the second Voidian left home to find a purpose for themselves. Back then it was extremely looked down upon to leave the Tribe outside of business purposes, but the Voidian had already accepted that they may never be allowed to return home. Luckily for the second Voidian, they were able to make a new life for themself out in the world of Lunaria. While wandering around, they were able to discover that they could also fix other kinds of curses that plagued all kinds of Lunarians. After their long & continuous world wide journey the Voidian finally settled down after falling in love. The two began a family together, though the Vodian still accepted cursed patients to be healed. Things were alright for some time until one day when a specific Lunarian had been brought to the 2nd Voidian to recieve treatment. Apparently it was a nasty curse that was eating away at their very life & had travelled very far just so that the Voidian could help them. This was not much of an issue for the Voidian to take care of, though unfortunately for the Voidian they had recognized this curse to be one that could only be placed by another Voidian. At that time there was only one Voidian who could have been responsible- the first Voidian. It was hard to believe at first since the Voidians were prohibited from using their magic against anything other than mutated spirits. This was one of the laws enacted by the Coronians right after the creation of the very first Voidians. Though over time more and more patients were coming to the 2nd Voidian to be cured of this specific curse. Some Lunarians would not even survive the travel. And so the 2nd Voidian decided they would need to get to the bottom of things so that maybe they could prevent anyone else from being cursed in the same way. The 2nd Voidian had tried to return to the Void tribe where the 1st Voidian was supposedly still living. Even after explaining the situation, they were still not allowed re entry. Although dismayed at first, they were sure the 1st Voidian was still taking trips outside the Tribe to hunt for more Mutants. The search began once again, and more & more clues were being found to explain what was going on. It seemed like while the 1st was out on hunting trips they were taking on additional requests from different Lunarians for a price.

The new information made things even more confusing since the Voidians have very use or even a need for any currencies aside from what little outside trading they do. They had also heard about some of the 1st ones clients complaining about failures complete the jobs. This would have to refer to the 2nd one saving the lives of the victims. This was enough to seek out the 1st one directly to try and confront them about their actions. The two had finally reunited once again after many ages. Though the 1st didn't seem to be with any other tribe members at the time. The first seemed pleased to have been met with the second once again, & as much as the 2nd would have liked their meeting to be just the two of them catching up on each others lives, there was a more important topic at state. The 2nd asked the 1st about the curses. At first the 1st one denied any of it being tied to them at all, but once it was obvious that the 2nd one knew way too much, the first begged that the 2nd did not tell anyone else of their special requests. Instead of reporting the 1st Voidian, the 2nd had made the 1st promise to not use their powers on the Lunarians again. From there the two went their separate ways once again.

The 2nd one had finally returned back home and shared the news with the others. There was a bit of concern, but the 2nd assured that the 1st would keep their promise. It wasn't until word got around that there was a mysterious illness that was causing almost instant deaths after only showing very little symptoms for a short period of time. There was only one newly cursed Lunarian who could make it to the 2nd one's home before dying. But even they had died too before they could recieve treatment. From the dying body emerged the 1st one to reveal they had been using the Lunarian to find the exact location of the 2nd Voidian. This was because the 1st had realized how much of a threat having someone who could undo their work was to their business. Upon their arrival they had discovered that the 2nd had a family as well, which meant there was a possibility that even more now had the ability to reverse curses.

The 1st had attempted to first kill the 2nd's family, but they were stopped by the 2nd. The two clashed at one another for some time. The 1st could not effectively use their magic since the 2nd's magic could counter it. It was a stalemate, with neither Voidian willing to lose. Things only changed after the 2nd recieved help from their lover that ultimately led to the both of them being sacrifriced just to seal away the 1st Voidian. The rest of the 2nd's family survived and now had object that carried sealed away Voidian. It had to remain a secret since it could cause trouble between them and the Void Tribe. The Void Tribe had no ideas as to what happened to the 1st one since they had mysteriously vanished.

here is the first concept scribble of them.....

[timbrrwolfe]

I guess I could talk a little about what I've been up to in the years since I was last on this site.

I started therapy. Then stopped therapy after like a year and a half because it seemed like we weren't making a ton of progress with therapy alone (I have plans to do the whole testing for adhd and autism so we can figure out what's in my neurodivergent soup aside from the anxiety, but there was apparently a waitlist for the few people in my area who do that kind of testing). And, to clarify, the thing we weren't making much progress with was a specific goal of therapy that seems held back by adhd/autism/anxiety that will either require more specific resources to work through than the therapy. The therapy itself was actually pretty good for what it was. Though because of how I ended up at the practice I did (i.e. my mom got me in with someone who worked in the same building as she does) it ended up being a Christianity-based therapy. As a Christian, I didn't exactly mind this. But as a Christian who's been, uh...less than active, we'll say, and has had my issues with the current state of Christianity in America, it was not without its flaws. But I can talk more about that in a different post.

I got a little more serious about wanting to be a writer and make money off of that. And then proceeded to completely fall flat on my face when it came to actually doing the writing. I still have a million ideas rattling around in my head but I've not gotten much better at actually sitting down to do it (one of the things I was trying to sort out with therapy but might require like adhd meds or something). But man once I get that sorted out and start actually writing it's over for y'all. (No I don't know who y'all refers to there).

Reading has actually been down for me lately, but I've been watching more movies and playing more games, which has been nice. Still awful at sitting down to watch shows, and my backlog in everything is ever-growing. Still gotta figure out a balance there. Right now I'm reading through Dune after watching the movie and BOY the book is slower. I think I'm right around where the movie ended, so about halfway through the book, so we'll see if it picks up now that it's newer info. On the topic of games I ended up playing board games online with a few people more now, which has mostly been games that were new to me, which has been fun. I will forever be meaning to set up game nights with friends and never actually doing it (one of these days, surely). On the video games side of things I found out my library actually has switch games available so I've started renting those (they are, unsurprisingly, a hot commodity, and the selection is admittedly limited, but it's still a good way to play games I might not have earlier). So far I've only rented New Pokemon Snap, which I didn't finish in like a month because choice fatigue from choosing which pictures to save burned me out a bit (as well as it being pretty repetitive with the area leveling system requiring multiple replays of the same area with little variation) but I got pretty close still. And I requested Super Mario Odyssey which is probably a longer game but also a more concrete game, goals-wise, so hopefully I'll be able to burn through that pretty quickly. Also my current focus in terms of ongoing games has been Pokemon Unite (which I am, I think, pretty good in and the game is decently fun but boy does it have some stuff to fix before I can call the game as a whole good) and Fall Guys. Though I realized recently that a lot of my motivation for playing those games is tied to being able to customize characters. Which like. Not that surprising in hindsight, but it still caught me off guard to notice.

Still unemployed (see aforementioned stuff about therapy), so that keeps piling on. Still single. And...probably not ready to mingle? I dunno, my lack of drive in finding a partner is mostly related to that ongoing unemployment because I don't want to be that much of a burden on a partner. But I guess if someone I was interested in and felt would be a good match asked, knowing my situation, I'd be willing to give it a shot.

[zukuist]

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞

200 followers special

includes: multiple characters (would add more tags but.. i reached 30 ;;)

your name is shortened to y/n, they/them pronouns

notes: thank you for 200 followers! this isn’t really going to be that long, but im just doing the characters i really like so ;; ALSO I MIGHT’VE GOTTEN KIRI’S ENTRY A LITTLE WRONG so ugh sorry ;;

—

shouto todoroki

— THE OBSERVANT SIMP

from the start, he’s quite oblivious to certain things, (social ques, signs of romantic interest, etc.)

but when he’s observant with someone, then that totally means you’re special to him. does he realize how much he pays attention to you? hmm.. maybe?

he’s going to be the first one that notices you’re hungry, even if you don’t realize it yourself. he’s quick to grab a snack and break it open to you

same thing with being thirsty— if he notices that your water bottle is empty, he’ll quickly find the nearest vending machine and buy a bottle.

temperature is also no problem. he can immediately tell whenever someone’s cold; but he usually helps you first

too hot? he’s slowly putting down the room’s temperature

too cold? his left palm starts emitting some sort of heat in your direction, hoping it creates some sort of aid

if your shoelaces are undone, and/or he notices that there’s a button undone on your shirt— he’ll fix it for you

will ask to take your pictures on dates, and he’ll also help you pick out the best photo (not that any photo of you is short of any beauty)

in short— people will notice that he’s actually a big simp for you; because of how observant he is with you specifically.

katsuki bakugou

— THE TSUNDERE SIMP

just because he’s simping for you doesn’t mean he’ll treat you any differently. bakugou will be bakugou, and you eventually learn how to adapt to that.

but even so, his simp habits slip out sometimes.

when he’s cooking, he’ll accidentally make too much to eat, and he’ll coincidentally put the extras in another box and hand it to you

he’s a good student, even with studies. but would he say he’s a good teacher? hm. probably not

but if he notices you need help, he’ll sigh, feining annoyance as he decides to tutor y’all, because those ‘idiots’ are hopeless

rolls his eyes when he sees food on your cheek, but he’ll grab a tissue and wipe it off for you— claiming how you’re so messy.

he’ll act like he hates hearing your ‘annoying ass singing’ but he’ll lean against the doorway and listen to you rock out to whatever song you’re singing to.

denki will call him a simp for looking after you, and bakugou will just yell at him to “SHUT UP” >:T

he secretly likes taking care of you. his words aren’t the softest thing in the world, but his actions make up to it.

izuku midoriya

— THE DETAILED SIMP

as katsuki bakugou would call him; he is a nerd

he definitely meant that as an insult, but his input on detail makes it very useful in things like relationships

he remembers every detail of your quirk, your limits, potential secret moves.

it would’ve been stalker-ish, if it weren’t for the fact that deku does this out of admiration for his s/o

so if you so happen to collapse due to overusing your quirk— deku has a detailed plan on what to do. it’s almost scary.

he puts detail in a lot of things, anniversary gifts, birthday gifts, and so on.

deku’s also the type to plan things weeks before it actually happens. like.. planning out the perfect birthday gift

and with this, his memory is really good. so it’s very unlikely that he’ll just suddenly forget anniversaries and birthdays.

i hc deku as a bad cook, so he eats takeout food more than his homemade food

but he’s takes note of your allergies, your dislikes with food— and he finds himself mumbling small details to recall what you like

when you walk out in pretty/good outfits for dates

his face will break out into shades of red— suddenly rambling all the good details of your outfit, complimenting you while he’s at it

“y/n’s looks fantastic as always. i might die from their beauty”

if anyone calls him a simp, he’ll be really embarrassed about it. “me? a s-simp? is that a bad thing?”

just tell him it’s fine.

denki kaminari

— THE HYPEMAN SIMP

a big simp

like.. really big

he worships the ground you step on, and hypes up everything you do

y’all know when irene from red velvet literally breathed in north korea, and the crowd just

*claps*

yeah, that’s denki to you

it’s so blantly obvious that he’s simping over someone, and everyone’s just kinda used to it at this point

he’s just a big fanboy sometimes

whenever you’re sparring with someone, he’s always in the background like

“go s/o!!” 🤩

and he has tendencies to go a little easy on you like.. what’s he gonna do when you get electricuted??

but that doesn’t mean he’s never serious— nah.

there are times where he’s just a little bashful just being in your presence

sneaking glances your way, as he silently fanboys about you in general.

“s/o looks really good today. they always look good but !!”

when y’all weren’t together, the bakusquad was just tired of the constant romantic pining

it was really obvious that he was simping back then, and they’re not so sure as to how you didn’t say anything about it

mina always called him a simp

so yeah!! it was a big relief when you got together with him. he never makes you feel terrible, because he’s always your #1 hypeman.

eijirou kirishima

— THE HELPING SIMP (rip idk what to call this)

i didn’t really know what kinda name i went for this one but let me carry on

kiri upfront is very confident, and friendly. he never shows a mean side to anyone,

and there are rare cases of him being bashful

he’s kinda almost like a golden retriever? since he’s always nice and friendly to everyone

but then when you enter the room; he suddenly goes quiet, and he’s left alone with his rather loud thoughts about you

he didn’t really know how to properly approach you at first

but him being kiri, he’s still rather friendly to you (for now)

when he’s messing around, practically sharing one braincell with kami and sero

and then you suddenly walk in— he snaps out of his foolishness, and greet you with his very warm smile

“hey y/n!” he waves at you, and he hopes you don’t mention the teasing look on both kami and sero’s face

sometimes when he’s doing his close combat training, and he notices that he’s getting too close to you

he’ll be like “woah man, maybe we should move locations.” bc he doesn’t wanna hit you by accident ;;

kirishima prefers to not stand near you when his hair is all spiky. like he’s never conscious about it, until he’s around you

man poked sero with his hair before, and he doesn’t want to do that to you

kiri always looks at your hand, just to see if it’s occupied with something. his thoughts linger to what your hand might feel like

“their hand looks really.. soft. argh! i shouldn’t be thinking about these kind of things in public! im sorry y/n”

bakugou really only notices kirishima’s simping ways

bakugou always mentions the fact that kirishima goes really silent whenever you’re around—

and he’s secretly contemplating on having you around more so he can just shut up 。・°°・(＞_＜)・°°・。

moving aside all of that, kiri always carries your things.

you’ll beg him to give you at least one thing, and he’ll say no because it’s “not manly to let someone carry all of this.”

if you’re sad, he’s the first one to cheer you up— reassuring you that everything will be okay.

kiri’s just wants to be at your service at all times! it’s manly to help people, right?

hitoshi shinsou

— THE DISCREET SIMP

no one would be able to tell that he’s simping for someone

because unlike kaminari; he’s not like IM HITOSHI SHINSO AND IM ACTUALLY A SIMP

he’s a lot more discreet, and no one has really caught on, besides you and kaminari of course

he’s a lot less sarcastic with you, asking you about anything that’s happened instead of just being there

he prefers it to hear you talk. the way each word and syllable rolls off your tongue smoothly, and the way you use your hands to emphasize things

he’s amused.

oh and the way he looks at you? almost any normal person can sense the simp in him pop out (he’s so contained though)

he’s definitely the person that’ll get rid of any bug that’s terrifying you— even though he’d normally just leave it to them

he’ll do it, regardless if it’s the biggest fucking spider he’s ever seen, or the smallest spider

he’ll do it to make you feel safe.

he has these random spurs of compliments during the day

the source mainly comes from his staring habit

and they’re just so unexpected and out of the blue. hitoshi’s amused whenever he sees your reaction to his compliments

like.. you could be really frustrated about something, and he’ll just go “your eyes are pretty.” that’s his discreet method tO MAKE YOU TEMPORARILY DISTRACTED FROM THE ISSUE—

call him a simp, whatever. it’s true anyway so he doesn’t why should he be ashamed of it?

he’s discreet about it, since it’s your business and his business. but you can definitely feel his feelings loud and clear

neito monoma

— THE 180 SIMP

“i’m not a simp!”

[you enter the room]

*nervous laughter*

he had his last laugh, and he never thought he’d be this soft around someone.

especially if you’re from class 1-A like.. i became the thing i hated, ugh.

relentless teasing is amped but this is his way of making sure you remember him loud and clear

but he’ll never tease you in a condescending way— like how he torments the rest of class 1-A

that’s reserved for them 💅

always compliments you, that’s the first thing he does when he sees you—

and they’re never generic compliments either

“it’s nice to see you here, y/n! you make the world better day by day!”

“i’m still wondering what you’re doing in class 1-A, you’re much better than them!”

everyone secretly wonders how you got monoma to like you

monoma canonically likes pastels. spread the word

so sometimes, you’ll walk over to your desk— and you’ll just see this random pastel ornament sitting on your desk

you know who it’s from

whenever monoma starts becoming annoying, kendo will definitely use you as a weapon to make him shut up

he’ll be laughing at the expression on his face, thinking he’s absolutely winning at this

but the smile is wiped off his face when he hears “ok go on, i’ll tell y/n about your antics.”

“no, no! i’ll behave now, please don’t tell y/n.”

class 1-b literally use you as blackmail whenever monoma acts up, and it’s because of how different he is around you

like.. his personality takes a 180, (besides the obvious teasing) it’s alarming

—

©️zukuist 2021, bnha|mha belongs to horikoshi kohei. do not repost my work❕

[primofate]

Headcanon

Scenario: Levels of Intimacy

Characters: gn! reader x Diluc, Kaeya, Albedo, Childe, Zhongli, Xiao, Chongyun, Venti, Dainsleif

Masterlist

https://primofate.tumblr.com/post/653296890583154688/masterlist-for-mobile-version-main-links

Taglist (Want to be notified when something new comes out? Sign up!):

https://forms.gle/VZmJXQssHcv7YzQc6

If you’d like to be extra sweet and donate, here’s my kofi link: 

https://ko-fi.com/primofate

Diluc

When you first start dating, is a man of few words, but definitely shows that he cares. Is the type who sends you flowers but doesn't say anything about it.

Gradually warms up a bit more as time passes.

Is not a fan of public displays of affections but you'll notice that he'll touch you in subtle ways. Touching your lower back to steer you to the right path, touching your shoulder to get your attention, touching your arm when he just feels like it.

You'll catch him looking at you once in a while and when you ask what's wrong he shakes his head and will say something like, "Nothing, just got distracted,"

When you're alone, will lay his head on your lap for whatever reason. Will usually be reading a book and the next time you glance at him he would have fallen asleep, peaceful look on his face.

People will notice that his mood changes when you're around. He's a lot less on edge and will take a more relaxed stance.

People will also notice the gentle look on his face when he talks to you, compared to the stiff look he gives others.

Will give heaps of forehead kisses.

Kaeya

Has no problem showing affection right from the beginning.

Cheek kisser. Anywhere, anytime. Whenever he feels like it, for no reason at all.

When you're out in town, the type who will sneak up behind you, cover your eyes with his hands and ask, breath above a whisper and near your ear, "Guess who?" you know who it is every time.

If not that, then he'll just hug you from behind and "Caught you, you're coming with me," mischievous glint in his eyes.

People will notice how he can't seem to take his eyes off of you.

Is somehwhat flirtatious but always reminds you that you're number one. "I might look like I'm joking, but trust me, I'm serious about you,"

When you're alone, is the type who will take you in his arms, drop you in bed and just cuddle with you while playing with your hair.

Albedo

Doesn't say much when you first start dating. Actually you don't even know when exactly you guys started dating, you just had a hunch that it was happening because he starts to give you kisses on the top of your head whenever you would part ways with him.

When you ask about it, "Hm? Dating...? Yes, I suppose that's what you call it. I'd rather call it as an exclusive privilege to you,"

Asks for your company whenever he can. You don't do much, but just watch him work. He's happy with just being in the same room as you.

Will sometimes be conscious about the fact that you might be bored "Here, would you like to try?" is just an excuse for him to guide your hand on how to do specific alchemy experiments.

When he feels tired and burnt out will just appear next to you and hug you round the waist, rest his head on your shoulder and murmur "Just a small break,"

When you're out in town together and someone comments about it being rare to see Master Albedo accompanied by someone, he would reply back gesturing at you, "They are... My life partner. So, it's only natural you'd see us together."

Life partner=his word to indicate that you're dating

When you're alone, would ask you to fix his hair or tie his hair up cause "you're the only one who knows how to do it properly, aside from me,"

Childe

Absolutely cannot keep his hands to himself.

Always greets you with some form of hug, usually bear hugs or let me nuzzle into your neck hugs.

Would glue you to his hip if he could.

Visibly happy in public with you, dotes on you and asks you what you'd like to do today.

People can literally see hearts hovering around his head when you're around.

Hand holding a must.

Will not let you do any manual work or labor. Got something to carry? Will take it from you. Need to wash the dishes? Just use his vision. Having trouble with that jar? He might break it for causing you so much trouble.

When you're alone, will always be the big spoon and trail kisses on your neck.

Has a permanent smile plastered on his face when he sees you. "You're just too cute!"

Zhongli

This man is gentle and yet manages to be firm about what he wants, which is you, and no one else.

Does not show a wide range of emotions, he's either calm and collected or agitated and cautious, depending on situations that concern you.

Agitated and cautious because he feels like you're such a fragile thing.

Will enjoy watching your face light up at his suggestions and will get that soft hint of a smile on his face. "Strange, this effect you have on me. Quite an extraordinary thing, and that would be saying a lot considering I've been around for thousands of years,"

When he accompanies you out to town will walk a step behind you but regularly check on you by standing next to you, and reaching out to touch your shoulder that is further away from him. Thus you're momentarily in a semi-side hug. "Everything alright?"

When someone in public comments about you and him making a cute couple, he feels a sense of pride and confirms it. "It is as you say. I wonder from time to time how I've managed to have someone like them stay with me,"

When alone with you, is the type to pull you on their lap and keep you there for as long as he can while he works.

Xiao

Is totally a cold one even if you start dating. But it doesn't mean that he doesn't care, he just has his own way of showing it.

However the more you grow on him the more you find out that he gets flustered unusually easy.

When you suggest a date, for example, his face will get that subtle hint of red. "I-I don't have time for that,"

Sometimes he would say he wouldn't want to do something with you, but then when he finds out you went and did it by yourself he gets moody. "Huh? You already went to get ice-cream?!" will glare at nothing in particular until you say you can go with him next time. "Fine..."

Has periods of being worried that you're tired of him. You know when it happens because he gets quiet, and he will suddenly just grab your wrist, look at the ground, and mumble "... I know I'm not the best at showing and saying how I feel but..." you understand anyway, and are happy with just that.

Is actually extremely possessive. Usually will not hold your hand when walking around town but when a man somehow approaches you he's there in the next second and pulls you into a back hug while staring the guy down.

When you're alone, loves to have you lay your head on his lap and have quiet conversations with you.

Chongyun

is a shy boi and rather unsure of himself.

will gain confidence along the way.

“U-Uh, would you like to hold hands, maybe?” you tell him he doesn’t have to ask at all but he still asks the first few times anyway

Is very thoughtful about your schedule and workload, will constantly worry about you when you seem like you’re tired or overworked

When he knows you’re too tired he gets this sudden assertive side of him “That’s enough for today isn’t it?”

Will add a kiss to your temple, on the side of your forehead.

Sometimes will start to panic about something and turns to you for help. It’s actually something easy to solve so you help him and he would sigh and say “What would I do without you?” and leans in for a hug.

When you’re alone, has a surprisingly assertive side that pulls you in for a hug whenever he feels like it. Sometimes you’d fall together in bed and just cuddle while talking.

Venti

“A-ha! There you are!” will open his arms and wait for you to come to him. If you do, he does his trademark laugh and hug you tight. If you don’t, will stare at you with a questioning face but break into smile and say “Oh, too shy cause we’re out in public? Come on, it’s just a hug!” 

Has no issues telling everyone in town that you’re a couple. “Oh yea, have you met Y/N here? Cute right?...And all mine!” Cue the trademark laugh again.

loves to sit on the sofa, lean his back on the arm of it and have you in his arms just looking down at you do your own thing, mostly reading. If not, then just taking naps with you there.

When the two of you are alone, he sometimes gets this sad or thoughtful look on his face, which is super rare on his usually cheerful demeanor. You would ask what’s wrong and he would snap back to reality saying, “...I was just thinking about...how it would be without you,” jumps back quite quickly and grins, “but that’s not gunna happen, you’re stuck with me till the end!”

Out in public when someone comments you’re such a cute couple he would readily agree and give you a side hug, arms round your shoulder, cheek pressed up against yours. “We’re the cutest you’ll ever see!”

Dainsleif

the definition of protective is this man

is very subtle with his touches, affection and words, but despite that you can feel his unparalleled loyalty to you and is surprisingly gentle.

loves to greet you with a one handed hug and a kiss on the side of your lips.

Out in town, will start off just walking beside you but you wouldn’t even notice when he had slipped his hand in yours. His type of hold is the type of hold that makes you feel like he’s never letting go until you do.

While out adventuring with you, will have these moods where he’s just clingy. Will pull you by the wrist, trap you in between him and a tree and lean in for a kiss on the lips, gently.

Will pull back a moment later, cheeks flushed pink and apologize. “Sorry, I don’t know what’s gotten into me,” 

loves to have you lean on his shoulder when you rest, and will watch you doze off peacefully.

[silver-weasel]

Diving (Deku x Reader)

Pairing : Deku x fem!reader (aged-up characters)

Rating : E, 18+

Tags : smut • fem!reader (she/her) • best friends to lovers / childhood friends to lovers • quirkless AU • p*rn with feelings (like. a lot of them) • public sex (more or less) • switching • hair pulling? • pining • Deku being flustered and an absolute angel what’s new • Reader being a teasing brat • It’s all soft and fluffy, I’m as vanilla as you can get 🤷‍♀️ • Happy birthday to the bestest boyyy I love him so much it hurts

Word count : 10 600 (Holy sh—)

A/N : Thank you @hoe-doroki my beloved and savior for beta-ing <3

Written for @rat-zuki​’s collab in honor of our favorite birthday boy, The Deku Agenda Escapes no One. Thank you so much for letting me join! (go check out the other amazing writers and artists!)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

The ground grinds repeatedly under your hiking shoes, some pebbles being kicked forward on your way. You’re way too deep in the forest to hear any cars passing by and during the two hours you’ve been here you haven’t run into anyone. The place seems empty, the only souls breathing the forest’s thick air being you, Izuku and the birds chirping all around you.

The afternoon is coming to an end, the sun sinking down on its way to hide behind the mountains. The remains of its soft light are filtering through the dense leaves all around and above you. You’re surrounded by green, lush and immeasurable greenery, every plant merging into another.

You’ve left the marked paths, now wandering deep in the richest, boundless part of a forest you both know like the back of your hand after roaming it all over innumerable times. All over, except for this part, in which you’re setting foot for the first time today. Your many previous hiking sessions were shortened by your questionable sense of organization, always arriving too late to explore further into the unknown.

Leaves brush against your knees with every single step you take as you follow Izuku on his heels. He’s moving at a steady pace, his hands holding tight the straps of his yellow backpack that he’s had for as long as you can remember. He’s always so organized, has everything you two could eventually need and generally never do. Two huge flasks of water, an entire meal he calls ‘little snacks’, with sandwiches, fruits, protein bars, even hard-boiled eggs. A first-aid kit with disinfectant, bandages, scissors and painkillers. Hell, you’re even wondering if he has any pads for you in there, in case of an unexpected period. You wouldn’t be surprised if he did.

You giggle lightly when you see him stumble for the sixth time since you got here; he can’t seem to keep his curious eyes from drifting up and around, looking in every direction, probably retaining every detail and logging it in some impressive mental database of his. And he’s commenting on every little thing he sees too; he makes you notice things you never would have if it weren’t for his candid interest in everything.

“Oh! Look at that bird!” he exclaims, pointing at a branch over your heads. “Do you see it, right there, with the red mark!”

You turn your gaze to where he’s pointing and see a little bird, very cute, but so tiny you’re wondering how one could spot it without specifically looking for it. That’s probably what you like most about Izuku: his attention to detail. That’s the thing—nothing is too small for him, everything is worthy of interest. His eyes always light up with such curiosity, this child-like wonder and it was always one of your favorite things to witness growing up.

When he came over to your house at age six, he was always running around with some bug on his forearm, calling your name, yelling, “Look at this!”

Most of the time, it was a snail or a ladybug, and that always managed to catch your interest. Sometimes, it was a spider or a beetle, and he had you screaming in horror more than once, running to your mother’s legs with weeping eyes. Those times, he always watched you go with wide, sad eyes and a wobbly lip, because, “I would never hurt her, Mom! I swear I didn’t want to scare her!”

“Oh, yeah, I see it! It’s so cute!”

And it is cute, the way his huge green eyes go even rounder in amazement. You treasure these hikes for providing occasions to witness this. But as much as you wish this moment could last forever, the sun is beginning to set, you probably shouldn’t go deeper in the forest at sundown.

“We should probably head back to the car, Izuku. It’s gonna be dark soon.”

“Come on, it’s still so light—there’s no rush!” His lips crook a bit into an impish smile. “Scared that a bear is coming to get you?”

“There aren’t any bears here—we’ve been coming for five years.”

“Because if it’s the bears you’re afraid of,” he begins, ignoring you on purpose, “you know I’ll protect you, right?” he says, sticking out his chest like he’s some superhero.

“Against a bear? Right.”

“You’re underestimating me? That’s just mean.”

You chuckle at his antics, shooting him a look of yours that says, ‘Come on, please?’.

His eyes soften a bit, but he’s used to that look; it’s been years since it worked on him as well as you’d like it to.

“We can just keep going this way, then we’ll make a loop and head back to the car directly! It’ll be even shorter this way.”

“Alright, let’s do that,” you agree, and the smile it elicits from him makes something tingle deep in your stomach.

You move forward again, sinking deeper within the forest. It’s becoming harder and harder to walk, brambly branches and huge leaves blocking your way more and more with every step.

You’re a bit ahead of him when you catch sight of a sparkle behind the bushes. Just a glimpse of light, but you’re positive you saw it. Is there water here? You never really looked at a map of the place before—you just always went wherever you felt like and used the same tracks on the way back. You hurry up a bit, curious eyes fixed on that glimmer of light.

Soon enough the dense greenery comes to an end, and you’re finally out of the bushes, finding your way into a little clearing. You’re standing, speechless, in front of a pond: it’s about forty feet wide, catching the last rays of sunshine in a dazzling reflection. The water is surrounded by gigantic trees big enough to be home to an entire niche of biodiversity, and a half-sandy, half-stony shore with reeds rising from the water on both sides.

It’s all calm and quiet and massive trees, branches pouring, cascading above still water. The air feels cool, filled with a pure smell of dew and spring even though it’s the end of a hot day of July.

Izuku is close behind you and lets out a very cute, “Whoa,” ditching his backpack on the ground next to you in the middle of the cove. The both of you just stand there for a moment in complete silence, aside from the birds chirping. Izuku breaks it first:

“How come we’ve never seen this before? This place is amazing.” He sounds distant as he speaks, soaking up his surroundings like he always does.

“I guess you never know everything about anything,” you say mindlessly, without detaching your gaze of the wonderful view ahead.

He’s standing close to you, very close. You’re only noticing now that you’re coming down from the high of your discovery. Your arms are brushing, you can feel his body heat from how close you two are. It wouldn’t be the first time; you’re no stranger to being physically close to Izuku. You’ve been playing together since you were able to put one foot in front of the other. And you wish you could say it feels any different right now, but that would be a lie. Being close to him always felt the same. Always felt like the only easy thing in your life. The only constant.

Yet it’s not enough. No matter how close, it’s never enough, it never was. You hate yourself for feeling that way; you’ve never been the greedy, unsatisfied type. You have everything with Izuku. Well, almost everything.

But right now this place—this very quiet, beautiful place with no one in sight is doing things to your fertile imagination. Despite the sun just beginning to set, the summer air still remains thick with heat. You find yourself staring in the abyss of that water, admiring the masterpiece of a reflection on the surface, a painting of leaves and clouds and blue sky. It calls you, sings an irresistible song of fresh water on sweaty skin and strong, freckled arms wrapped around you.

You don’t know if the slight, insignificant detail that you would have to undress in order to dive into that water—since you didn’t bring a swimsuit—is a better reason to do it or to refrain from doing so.

You’ve lost count of how many moments you’ve shared with him just like this one. So many chances for you to take. You never have.

Back to the original issue: can you see yourself walk out of that clearing the way you always do? Can you see yourself going home, adding this missed chance to your growing collection of lost memories, of hands within your reach that you chose not to take?

The answer pops in your mind, crystal clear for the first time since you met him.

You drop your bag on the ground, turning to Izuku with a delighted expression stretching your features. The look on your face reminds him of one he’d seen on you as a kid, bouncing on the balls of your feet in front of the ice cream truck. At this moment he just knows you’ve got some stupid shenanigan in mind, like you always do. Once again, he isn’t wrong.

“Wanna take a dip?” You’re squinting at him from his side, a mischievous smile lighting up your face.

“I-I didn’t bring a swimsuit,” he stutters.

It’s been a long time since he last stuttered in front of you. He got rid of it years ago, but it still resurfaces sometimes in front of intimidating strangers or in a socially uncomfortable situation. Never in front of you, though.

“Me neither,” you answer plainly with that same impish smile, and his eyes go round at your implications.

“Wait, you can’t be—Oh my God—”

His heart does a great flip in his chest when he catches you taking the hem of your shirt up over your head. In less than five seconds, you’ve got him scorching hot, feverish and suddenly he can’t tell right from left.

His reflex is to bury his face in his hands. He respects you too much to take a peek, but you’re making things very difficult for him. He can hear you move towards the water, can hear the thump of your forgotten shoes hitting the ground one after the other, can hear the soft pad of your naked feet on the rocks.

“For the love of God, please, put it back on…” 

“What? Look at this view, it would be a shame not to make the most of it!”

He’s not looking at the view right now, he can’t let himself. He knows very well he won’t be able to focus on the trees when you’re standing pretty much naked—although he’s not sure to what extent—in front of him. You could be entirely naked right now and he wouldn’t be able to tell, his burning face still hidden in his shaking hands. His voice comes out muffled when he stammers, “I-It’s starting to get late, we really should get back to the car…”

“What, you’re scared of the bears?”

He can’t see you, but he knows you’re sporting that smug grin of yours, the one he first saw when you showed him your impressive collection of Pokémon cards on your preschool’s playground. You’ll have to take a lingering silence for an answer.

“Izuku, come on. I don’t bite.”

He’s not entirely sure the sight of you won’t gnaw him to the bone, won’t melt his entire body down and leave him a hot mess. He won’t be a man anymore, just a walking flame fueled by the heavenly sight of you. No, he can’t let himself fall into that. Obviously you don’t know what you’re doing to him.

Nevertheless, you’re probably the most stubborn person he knows. And he’s friends with Katsuki Bakugou, for God’s sake. He won’t be able to get out of this as easily as he wants, especially as he hears the delicate noise of water splitting at your feet as you enter the little pond.

He slowly moves his hands off of his face. You must have your back turned to him, so maybe he can drift his eyes off somewhere—

You are in front of him, thigh deep in the water now. In nothing but your panties. Your white, flower-patterned lace panties that are doing a very bad job at covering your backside. He lets out a long, pained whine, standing in the middle of the little shore with his arms dangling down his sides, not sure what to do with them.

“Why didn’t you at least keep your bra on?” His voice comes out way more wobbly than he intended to.

You turn a little so you can look at him, and it takes every little bit of strength he’s got left to look you in the eye. But as you’re turning around, the smooth curve of your breast starts showing, and God, is that your nipple?

He wants a giant hole to swallow him right now. He wants some forest creature to come for him right this instant, anything to keep him away from you, keep him from doing things he might regret. To punish him for having such thoughts about you, because you trust him, you’re so oblivious, so innocent, and he’s so weak against this inner monster that’s eating him away.

With a little frown, you deliver the answer like it’s self-evident as you kneel into the water, the surface just above your chest:

“I didn’t want it to get wet.”

“But you’re okay with your panties getting wet?”

The realization of what he just said is slow but surely comes. And when it does, he wishes even harder to get erased from the surface of this planet he’s already lucky enough to share with you. There is a long silence, and all he can hear for a few seconds are the birds chirping and the violent pounding of his heart against his ribcage, straining to get out.

You turn back around to look at him, dumbstruck. 

“I’m more than okay with that—”

“Please forget I just said that,” he cuts you off. He’s not sure he can bear to hear more of this.

“I’m never forgetting you said that. It’s pure gold,” you scoff.

He can only answer with a drawn-out whine. He doesn’t have any choice in this, does he?

When you dive in the water, he takes both his shaking hands to the hem of his shirt and starts undressing.

What the fuck am I doing?

The water is so pure you can see underwater as clear as day: the few rocks at the bottom, the little silvery fish all around you, and the last rays of sunlight permeating through the calm surface above your head. The water feels a bit cold on your naked skin since the sunlight and summer heat must only hit the clearing at certain hours of the day. Still, the cold water isn’t enough to clear your foggy mind.

What was I thinking?

You’ve always been a bashful person, why is it changing all of a sudden? Maybe it’s the devastating effect Izuku has on you.

You try to calm down a bit, taking a deep breath. So, you’re pretty much naked in front of him. Well, it definitely wouldn’t be the first time, and it (probably) won’t be the last. Now you just have to go through with your stupid idea. It’s no big deal, it’s only Izuku. Only Izuku.

Only Izuku.

Fuck.

You finally surface, not only because you can’t hide underwater forever, but also because, surprisingly, you’re not a fish, you have to actually breathe.

You push your dripping hair to the back of your head, still careful to keep your breasts under the water. Izuku’s already in to his hips when you turn around to look at him, your vision still blurry from the water trickling all over your face. He’s merciless, standing like that, only the elastic of his boxers peeking out of the water. You’re a bit surprised by the plain, black color. You were expecting something along the lines of blue, yellow and red. Izuku is full of surprises.

But nevermind the color of his underwear—what you find just above is mesmerizing. Your indiscreet, incorrigible gaze can’t help following the thin trail of hair tracing up to his navel, then the stunning lines of his abs, partly hidden behind his freckled forearms shyly crossed over them. The freckles spread up his powerful arms, gently sunkissed, scattering all over his broad shoulders.

Is he actually hiding, though? Doesn’t he know he looks like he was carved by the gods themselves?

“Have you done this before?”

The sound of his voice startles you a bit. Ah, right. You were shamelessly staring. It takes you a couple of seconds to force your distracted mind back into focus. “Done what?”

“Skinny dipping?”

“No, it’s my first time. It looks like it’s yours too.” His big, bright eyes drift around like they don’t know where to look. It’s really cute.

“It is,” he admits, now kneeling into the water as well. “I would’ve thought you were used to this.” You arch a single eyebrow in an amused frown.

“What, do I look like I have a professional degree in skinny dipping?”

“No, it’s just…You look confident, it just seemed like it.”

Confident? You’re nowhere near confident—you’re terrified. You try to keep your cool, but it’s probably the first time you’re putting on an act in front of Izuku.

“Well, you’re not so bad at it yourself.” You don’t miss the little blush coating his cheeks at that. “Also, I’m not exactly naked.”

“You’re not exactly dressed either, that’s a...v-very small piece of clothing.” He’s blushing a bit harder, looking away.

“Oh, seems like you paid some attention to my piece of clothing then, good to know.”

Now he’s quite simply scarlet. A very cute, very hot, freckled tomato. He’s so easily flustered, it only makes you want to tease him some more.

“Were your legendary All Might boxers in the dirty hamper? That’s a shame. I’m a bit disappointed,” you say in a mockingly innocent voice.

He doesn’t retort, simply stands there on his knees, shooting you an unreadable look and a little pout. After a few seconds, you open your mouth to continue, only to be startled by a strong splash hitting you in the face.

When you snap out of your shock, hair and face dripping all over your shoulders, you look up at him with what must be the scariest look of betrayal. Or the most ridiculous, apparently, since he starts laughing, louder and louder, and can’t seem to stop.

“Oh, you’re pretty pleased with yourself right now, aren’t you?” You can’t help but chuckle while talking, his laugh is so contagious.

“I am, yeah!” he manages to articulate, only starting to calm down.

As the calm of the forest returns, you watch his eyes go back to their usual round shape bit by bit, his face relaxing again. His smile causes butterflies to fly up and around in a whirlwind deep into your belly. You chuckle a bit at the feeling, almost embarrassed by how he’s making you feel like you’re in some dumb, cliche rom-com movie. On the outside, you must look a bit like a maniac, but he’s a nice guy, so he simply asks, “What is it?”

And before you can overthink yourself out of it, you’re hurling yourself at him. He barely has the chance to stutter a weak, “Wait!” before you’re putting all your weight on him, sinking his head deep in the water. Izuku may well be a nice guy, but you know he isn’t going to let you get away with this, so you’re not surprised when you’re dragged underwater by your legs. He lets go immediately, a bit abruptly, even, like it burnt his hands to touch you.

You both emerge from the water soon, and it takes you a second to get rid of the water blurring your vision, but then it hits you. How tantalizingly close you are to each other now, your bodies an inch away from touching. You’re both on your knees, enveloped in the coolness of crystal clear water and the reflections of the canopy of leaves above your heads. A spark of electricity makes you freeze on the spot; you’re so close to him your breasts slightly brush against his chest.

After a little eternity, you find the courage to look up at his face. He looks mindblowing, really. Despite the two decades you spent together, you’re not sure you’ve ever seen the pure, astonishing details of his freckles from this close. You would remember it, you definitely would. It’s a spectacular view, one of those visual memories that comes back to hit you in flashes. His nose and cheekbones are covered in them, drawing a mesmerizing pattern, more complex than the Milky Way itself. They’re an uncrackable equation, like a weird quirk of nature that you’ll never understand but don’t question anyway. They spread a little more scattered, but still very present, up to his forehead and down to his delicate jaw.

And his eyes—you could just drown in them. There’s this bright, blinding light there that feels like laying in the grass and looking up at the sunlight coating the leaves of this tree, the one you grew up near and always played under.

You swear you didn’t move, neither did he, and still you manage to get even closer to him. Now it’s you against the inexorable attraction that pulls you towards him like a fierce magnet. And it’s a losing battle, you think, as you’re both entering each other’s personal space like you share just one.

There’s nothing friendly about the way he can’t look you in the eye, seemingly too obsessed with your lips. You drop your gaze to his and find them calling for you. It’s been so long, now the thought of kissing Izuku seems unfamiliar despite being ever-present in your imagination for so many years. Like repeating a word so much it ends up becoming a series of meaningless sounds to your confused mind.

He’s the one who finally closes the distance, his lips landing on yours so softly you can barely feel them. He doesn’t move, simply content with the contact. You’re both eight years old again for a minute. The kiss feels like the little peck a kid would finally give to his crush in the middle of their school’s playground before running away to his friends.

Time seems to stop for God knows how long, and after what feels like no time and forever all at once, his lips move hesitantly against yours, bringing you back to reality. Right then, it all crashes on you like a tremendous wave. The distant echo of your mothers’ voices from the kitchen and the stupid cartoons they made you watch so they could talk for ten more minutes. The games alone together because no one wanted to play with you two weirdos. The piggyback rides, the dumb jokes, the video games (you always won). The neverending texting sessions at night because one of you couldn’t sleep. The fights that never lasted long enough to see the next sunrise because you both are way too weak for each other. All those stupid places that wouldn’t have looked half as breathtaking if it weren’t for him.

His lips are soft but roughly bitten. Hot and wet from the water and maybe from something else. He doesn’t taste like anything other than home, and that’s more than enough for you. His hands went up to cup your face at some point, but you’re too drowned in all the feelings coming up to the surface to pay attention to anything other than his soft mouth pressing on yours, more and more, opening up—

And it’s already over. You only notice that you’ve closed your eyes when you open them again when you don’t feel anything against your mouth other than the summer air. When your mind manages to regain any sense of function, the blurry focus of your gaze settles on his eyes. Wide open. Pupils eating up the dazzling viridian that puts the forest to shame. And a terrified expression in them.

He’s looking at you like he hurt you. His lips should still be on yours, kissing and sucking, not frozen like they are right now, obviously trying to express something painful as a few weak sounds pass their barrier before he finally manages to speak:

“Oh—Oh my God, I-I’m s—”

You don’t let him finish his stupid sentence. You don’t think twice before you take his face in your hands and lean in to kiss him again, with shameless intent this time. No more pretending—you’ve been waiting long enough for this and apparently, so has he.

It’s nothing gentle this time when your mouths crash against each other, teeth clashing and lips bruising under the weight of twenty years. You hold to his face like a lifeline, fingers sinking just a bit into his cheekbones, the tip of your nails getting caught in the knots of his dripping hair just above his ears. It’s messy, your noses rubbing before he angles his face better. One of his hands loops around your waist in a tight grip, forcing your chest to crush against his, the other burying in your hair at the base of your skull.

The feeling is electrifying, indescribable. It’s nothing like the pale, miserable depiction of your imagination. It’s discovering life in color when all you’ve always known was black and white.

The water is cool, but his body scorches against yours, burns your skin in the most exquisite way. The kiss is desperate on both parts, but neither of you is confident. His lips suck on yours with tentative motions, and you respond in kind the best you can. They are hungry, starving for flesh but don’t know how to hunt.

Your hands are gripping more and more of his hair, pulling harder, sending waves of heat all the way down his groin, and he’s not sure he can hide the bulge growing there for much longer.

He has to be sure, he has to be absolutely certain you want this as much as he does, because once he starts, he may not be able to stop. But you feel so good, all pressed against him. Your skin feels so soft under his hand at the small of your back he has to dig his nails in the skin of your waist so he doesn’t cross a line. But the curve just above your ass is begging for him to grip at the tender flesh and squeeze, fill his hands with it. He’s been dreaming about this for so long.

No, he can’t just hurl himself at you like a hunting wolf the first chance he gets—what kind of friend does that?

It takes him every bit of focus he has left to break the kiss, to part away from you. You have to discuss this, he can’t just throw away twenty years of friendship! Now you’re looking up at him with puppy eyes saying, ‘Why won’t you play with me?’ He breathes out a shaky sigh, and begins:

“Um, look. Believe me when I say I’ve wanted this for a very, very long time, and I love you so, so much. As a friend, I mean.” He sees you frown at this, catches a glint of something he doesn’t like in your eyes, then panics. “No, no, no, I mean, a-as a friend, but also more than that, o-obviously. But I don’t know what you want, you might be...d-disappointed, or...um—” His face starts heating up like it hasn’t in ages. He takes another breath, tries to clear up the muddled mess happening in his head. “Look, I just want the best for you, but you look...good, very good, and you’re making things very difficult for me, doing...this—”

“Izuku.” The deafening hubbub filling his mind falls suddenly silent, your voice a comforting, steady rock for him to cling to when his mind is storming out of control.

“Yeah?”

You get even closer to him, since he gradually set some distance while mumbling his anxious thoughts out again. You cup his face in your hands, a gentle, featherlight touch, and look up at him with determination in your eyes. You pull his head down a bit to settle on yours, your foreheads and noses connected, never breaking eye contact. Your lips graze over his, both your breaths mixing there, your voice a quiet whisper as you speak again. “Do you want me?”

Out of the jittery mess of his mind, the answer comes out like evidence, plain and simple: “Yes.”

“Then shut up and kiss me.”

You take action immediately, kissing him once again and this time he doesn’t hesitate to put his—still rather shaky—hands on you. The feeling of you is addicting, pushing his insecurities further in the back of his mind. He starts at your waist, running his thumbs there, feeling the goosebumps rising on your skin. They wander up your spine, counting every single bump of your bones, all the way to your nape. Then dragging them back down to settle on your hips, his fingers digging in the soft flesh. The little sigh you breathe on his lips causes an impressive amount of blood to run straight to his dick. 

Your mouth is distracting, dizzying, sucking on his bottom lip, nipping playfully. His tongue slides over your lips, then against your own when you open up immediately for him. You’re pressing against him even more, your breasts rubbing against his naked chest and he swears you’re going to be the death of him. You’re hanging from his shoulders by now, your arms circling his neck, still gripping a handful of green hair, pulling. You have to stop doing this—he might cum right away. He doesn’t say it aloud, only lets a moan escape him into your mouth.

He wanted this, wanted this for so long, and now that it’s real, it’s beyond everything he could have imagined. The heat of your skin, the weight on his shoulders as you cling to him, your breath in his mouth, your little sighs.

He’s only now noticing that his hands have gone to reach their destination with a mind of their own. They’re on your ass underwater, feeling the white, wet lace, the sole cloth on your entire body—that thing is just there to tempt him. He’s unsure if you like what he’s doing until you release a whimper, louder this time, enough to send a vibration against his mouth (and straight to his cock at the same time).

Suddenly, he wants to taste a lot more of you. You’re all open up to him for the first time—he has to. He trails a series of open-mouthed kisses from the corner of your mouth to your jaw, savoring every little sigh escaping your lips, then to your neck, dragging his tongue up the column of your throat.

The water is fresh all over you, and he doesn’t miss the shivers running up and down your skin at the contact of the twilight breeze. He needs to warm you up, needs to make you feel good, needs everything to be perfect for you. With his hands still on your ass, he trails lower down to your collarbone, allowing some occasional nips on the way that have you shaking. He freezes, looking up at you from there.

“Is this okay?”

The answer comes out breathy, a little desperate: “Yes, yes, please!” It sends a wave of heat all over him, the way you like what he’s doing to you, the way he’s making you feel good.

He’s not experienced or anything, only had a few hookups a couple of times, so he’s not very confident in his capacities, aside from running his hands all over you because that’s how his instincts are manifesting. You know him better than anyone—of course you would know how lost he could be in this kind of situation. But he also knows you’re not much more experienced than him, and that thought is comforting.

He’s experienced in one thing, though. He feels like the worst, filthiest person on the planet for this, but it’s astonishing the number of times he jerked off to the thought of what’s happening right now. How many times did he fuck his hand in the shower thinking about the water trickling down your skin, about licking it off your breasts all the way up to your neck.

So he does what he’s been dying to do for years. your breasts are just above the surface, so he sits on his heels and licks down your chest. When his tongue finally reaches your nipple, giving it a tentative lick, you let out a gasp, encouraging him to get bolder. And he does, closing his mouth on it like it’s the sweetest lollipop; it’s all cold and hard and raised from the water, but it warms up really quickly against the furnace of his mouth. His right hand leaves your ass to cup the neglected other, running his thumb against the bud, squeezing the flesh. That’s when you reach out to bury a hand in his hair, and pull again. God, you can pull on his hair all day and night like this; he’ll never get enough.

His left hand, still on your ass, rises up to the small of your back, feeling you arching more and more, pushing against his mouth. A harder nip has you gasping and he lets his hands run all over you, wandering without direction. It’s messy and urgent; he can’t help it—you feel so good, so soft under his hands. He’s like a kid getting to open his Christmas gifts in the morning after an endless, sleepless night waiting for Santa.

You trail your hand down his chest and his abdomen, a gentle reminder that the power he holds right now could slip through his fingers any moment. He’s willing to give it to you, especially since he doesn’t really know what to do next.

Like you just read his mind, you take his hands in yours, stopping their chaotic race. He’s feeling himself flush a bit—was he going too fast for you? Did he scare you? Or did he just let himself become overwhelmed by his feelings and it didn’t feel good for you? His eyes are looking down directly at your naked chest, he realizes he never took a proper look at them, too busy throwing himself to taste them. They look just as good as they taste, as beautiful as the rest of you.

Tentatively, he raises his eyes to find your reassuring gaze and fond smile. You lead his hands down slowly, setting them on your hips, over the criminal lace fabric preserving your modesty. Your foreheads connect again, but you never break eye contact. Lacing your fingers together, you guide his thumbs into the elastic on both sides, and now that he gets what you’re trying to do, his mind just stops.

Your voice is barely a whisper, a mesmerizing caress on his lips when you speak again. “I think I’ve waited long enough, Zuku.”

Your tone is fond, but you sound so desperate, it’s unbearably cute. His mind fogs up, the smoke of your words filling his skull and he wants to drive you as mad as you drive him. Sure, you’ve waited a lot, but so has he. He isn’t going to rush this, not if he has any say in it.

He slides your panties down your thighs underwater inch by inch. It’s even too slow for him; right now he just wants to rip the stupid piece of lace off of you and fuck you and him both stupid in the water, hard and fast. But even more than that, he wants to take his time with you, wants to take you apart piece by piece. And the testy whine it elicits from you makes it all so worth it.

You shift a bit so he can take your underwear completely off and, in a second, it lays abandoned on the sandy ground of the shore. Just knowing you’re now completely naked in front of him, it sends boiling desire flowing through every single vein in his body. He can’t see that part of you yet, the water darkening along with the sky clouding his view beneath the surface, but nightfall can’t do anything about Izuku’s wild imagination. He’s dizzy, feeling himself slowly falling into a half-conscious daze, but you anchor him right where you are, bringing him back to the reality of your arms hooked around his neck.

He rests his hands on your hips, dragging his fingertips down the soft flesh of them. The idea of touching you down there is making his head spin, he can’t wait any longer.

“Can I—”

“Yes, I want your fingers inside me,” you say before driving your lips back against his.

Without further ado, one of them goes straight to your core, making you jump a bit, breaking the kiss just for a second. He runs his index between your folds, feeling hot slick already coming out of you despite the fresh water around. His touch is light, slow, hesitant as it glides up and down, testing the waters. He’s getting a bit further, putting a bit more pressure with every stroke and earning a few pleased sighs from your heavenly mouth.

He expected a sudden reaction as soon as he found your clit, but that doesn’t mean he was prepared for the drawn-out moan coming out of your gorgeous lips, wet from his mouth and from your dip earlier. He wants to hear that again, every day for the rest of his life. He drags his thumb over it, again and again, slow at first, but then quicker and quicker, and your voice grows louder with every speed-up of his finger.

Your hands go frantic over him, running up his chest and down his abs in repeated motions that feel a lot like it’s lust driving your limbs much more than your mind. You stopped kissing him at some point, your mouth too busy expressing every ounce of pleasure you felt to focus on such basic motions. Your face is buried in his neck, your hot breath crushing against his skin.

He presses his index inside, but he’s so focused on what he’s doing, trying not to hurt you, that he doesn’t notice the shift of your own hand leaning down until he feels it cupping the painful bulge in his boxers. His eyes go wide with a gasp, and when he looks at you, you already have a playful, but intense, gaze piercing right through him.

“Did you think I was gonna let you play all on your own, Zuku?” Your fingers graze over the soaked fabric, down his entire length and to his balls, throwing gasoline on the fire that’s been consuming him for ages. “Don’t be selfish,” you whisper directly in his ear as your hands slip his underwear down his thighs.

As soon as the piece of cloth gets to join your forgotten panties on the shore, you wrap your pretty hand around him. And when you start stroking, his eyes roll so hard he swears he can see the inside of his skull. It feels better than he ever could have imagined; it’s blistering, astonishing. The only idea his brain can manage to work out right now is that he wants you to feel just as good.

He only notices now that his fingers stopped moving, and they go right back to a steady pace, but it’s a matter of seconds before he drives another finger into you. Soon, you’re both fucking the life out of each other with your hands. You’re sucking and nipping at his ear, and every single moan he draws out of you ends up turning against him, breaking into the defenses he built year after year by your side. He’s simply fucking into your hand now. He can’t help it, you feel so good. He doesn’t even want to think about what it’s going to feel like to fuck into your tight little cunt, he might cum hard just from the thought of it.

The spongy spot he finds inside you feels like he just struck gold. It’s glorious, the sounds you make right now, higher, louder. You’re tightening around his fingers, but it’s okay—you can crush them for all he cares. He wants you to moan higher for him, wants you to keep riding his fingers like your life depends on it.

“Izuku, ah—I’m close, I’m so close, please…”

“I got you, baby. I got you, shit—”

He quickens the pace again, feels like his fingers are gonna fall off his hand the moment he gets them out of you, but fuck, what his princess wants, his princess is gonna get. Your orgasms shatter the both of you to pieces, and in the bliss of his high, he can hear some birds flying away, scared by the harmonious, but probably very loud, song of your combined moans.

While his cum strikes out by ropes into the water, his clouded mind can only think about one thing.

He needs more of you.

You can barely stand on your knees, worn out from cumming the hardest you have in your entire life. You actually have to lean on Izuku so you don’t fall into the water head first like some boneless ragdoll. You just let your forehead rest on his shoulder and count the freckles there, splattered in a fascinating work of abstraction.

But apparently, he has other plans. You’re swiftly lifted up and out of the water, huge scarred hands firmly holding the back of your thighs that immediately come to circle his waist.

“Oh, nice. I don’t mind getting carried around like a baby. Where are we going?”

“Not far,” he says with a little grin, walking out of the water. “Do you think you’ll be able to walk?” His voice holds a sarcastic tone, one you’re not used to hearing out of Izuku’s angel mouth.

“I think I can manage, yeah.”

He drops you to stand on your legs, and immediately goes for his backpack. The sun has just set, its last rays of light filling the pink sky over your heads. You can still easily make out everything around you, and Izuku’s body is no exception.

You’re watching him with a raised eyebrow, letting your shameless gaze follow every curve you couldn’t see underwater. The day he started exercising in high school was the day you knew it was over for you. It was the day you couldn’t deny what you felt anymore, you couldn’t deny your best friend was everything you needed, and everything you wished for. The physical factor was only a—very pleasant— addition to the list of things that made you fall hard for Izuku Midoriya.

Your eyes linger over his impressive figure, staring at the dimples at the small of his back. You always knew they were here, but you never allowed yourself to look at them, to imagine how they would grow repeatedly hollow with every thrust of his hips into you.

He finally digs out what he was looking for: a plaid picnic blanket, because of course he would have one in there. He’s wearing a little victorious smile when he stands and turns around to spread it on a grassy spot that looks a lot more comfortable than the hard ground. He turns back to you but averts his gaze to the side, hardly looking directly at you for more than a second at a time. The heat of his gaze tracing your curves through quick glances pools deep in your core. 

“You know you can look, right?” You sure aren’t refraining from doing so after all.

His face reaches its usual redness—hasn’t he learned anything from making you cum like crazy with just his fingers? It’s cute nonetheless; Izuku will never change.

He doesn’t answer your rhetorical question, only gives you a shy command in that tentative, very cute voice of his.

“Could you lay down on this for me?”

You saw this coming, but still, you’re a bit surprised he’s asking you that out loud. You gladly oblige with your legs pressed together, slightly bent. It’s another golden opportunity to tease him a bit:. “This isn’t exactly the right use for this blanket. Aren’t we supposed to eat on this?”

He smiles at the ground while kneeling at your feet.

“Maybe that’s exactly what I’m planning to do.”

Your sly smile fades away. His tone is a contradictory mix of shyness and determination, so it’s a bit confusing but also unbearably hot—you swear an astounding wave of heat is crashing through your deepest parts, untouched, just from some words and a funny tone. You rub your thighs together before he grabs and parts them to slip himself between them.

He crawls over you and leans down to kiss you, a bit more confident than earlier. His hips are pressing between your legs, where you can feel his hardness best.

He’s rutting more and more against you as the kiss intensifies. You could think it’d be a lot less exciting now that you know he’s going to eat you out, there’d be no suspense. Wrong. The little shit apparently likes to tease you to death, because he left your lips to kiss your face, nip at your neck, suck at your ears. Dragging his devilish hands everywhere, pressing harder each time you get louder. An especially heavy whine makes him buck hard, his mouth back against yours.

“The more impatient you get, the slower it’s gonna be,” he murmurs against your lips, and starts to make his way down to where you want him, kissing every inch of you, clouding your mind with desire. It’s way too much and still not enough; it’s maddening. When he finally reaches down, you’re on the verge of a second orgasm like you hadn’t just come down a few minutes ago.

He’s holding your thighs apart in a firm grip. Just the touch of his fingers burns your skin deliciously, and the look he’s giving you from between your legs...his eyes are clouded, half-lidded, looking at the part of you he’s never gotten to see before. It feels like he’s been looking forever and just a second at the same time.

He finally dips into you, leaving butterfly kisses all over your inner thighs, punctuated by little nips, nuzzling the soft skin. He’s not looking you in the eye anymore, his gaze lingering all over your body—all over except for your face. You can make out a slight blush on his cheeks despite the dimness all around. You know him better than anyone, so you immediately recognize what’s going on in his mind just from the slightest hint in his eyes. He looks like he’s fighting a battle against himself, his shyness against his hunger. And you know who you’re both rooting for.

He finally gives in, and it takes your breath away. A single, slight lick on your clit and you’re gone. And the next ones, more and more intense, more and more hungry, push you further to tumble over your edge. He grunts into your heat, multiple times. Moans like he’s the one squirming under your mouth.

His hands hold a firm grip on your hips, squeezing the flesh and keeping you in place—he doesn’t even give you an inch to move. You can only take and take and take. But you still have the luxury of your free hands, and they rush to bury in the knots of his messy wet curls, your nails dragging, scratching his scalp.

His lips close on your clit and suck just a bit, and before you can refrain, you pull on his hair, hard. He gasps, and the moment you think you hurt him, he breathes his loudest moan, right into you. You’re filled with the vibrations—they spread all over your body, have you throwing your head back, trembling from head to toe.

The louder you are, the hungrier he gets, filling you with his insatiable tongue. You have to look at him right now. And you expected quite a show, but you certainly weren't prepared to see this—him rutting against the ground like an animal. You realize he’s getting off just from your taste, just from eating you out. His hips roll repeatedly, making you salivate just to the thought of those same hips bucking into yours, fucking you into oblivion. And the more he ruts, the louder he gets.

Now if he wants to moan, you’re going to give him a good reason to. 

You hint for him to face you with a light tug on his hair. As soon as he’s back up, he dives in to kiss you. You don’t let him. In a second he’s on his back with you seated on his hips.

“What did I say about letting you play on your own, hm?”

The ‘deer caught in headlights’ look is so cute on him. And the rest is a marvel to look at. You’re straddling him and he has no other choice than to let you devour him with your eyes—not that he couldn’t bounce you off of him with just a thrust of his hips, but he already would have if he wanted to. You let your gaze wander mindlessly over him—it’s surreal. There’s no way he’s actually under you, waiting for you to please him back with his mouth and jaw still shining with your juices. It has to be a dream—it’s always been after all.

You shift so you’re straddling his parted thighs. You can finally take a look at him. The whole thing, that is. His cock is resting against his lower stomach, hard and swollen and thick. It’s a pretty, bright pink, shining with pre-cum at the tip. Your mouth waters just at the sight of it.

He’s looking down at you, his face as flushed as his dick, that usual blush still exquisitely coating his freckles. You take him in your hand, dive in to give a lick to the tip and his head falls back down with a whimper. You let your tongue drag over the whole length on the underside, and your lips close around the tip in a wet smooch. His hips jerk up a bit, startling you.

You finally take him whole in your mouth, and you can feel his whole body tensing under you. You start bobbing up and down, going a bit further each time, earning a series of shameless moans because this boy is loud. You expected him to express himself during sex since he’s such a mumbler—and frankly, it was always one of your biggest fantasies, hearing him come undone because of you, lose any sense of shame and self-restriction when he’s such a anxious person otherwise.

But you could’ve thought about it every night and day and still never be ready for this. It’s sinful. His hand goes to grab your hair just like you did to him, and now you get why he liked it so much. The feel of his nails scratching your scalp is electrifying, soothing and destructive at the same time.

Your tongue hits a precise spot just under the tip and he jerks up again, nearly screams, “Fuck—yes, right there, please—d-do that again!”

And you do, you can only oblige—he asked so nicely. Your lips go up and down, over and over, your tongue grazing this spot with a bit more pressure every single time. You squint over him, and what you find there is a mess. Trying so hard not to buck into your mouth but failing miserably. Sounding like he’s at Heaven’s gate.

“Easy, Zuku. You’re gonna scare the birds away,” you chuckle against him, your lips brushing the tip, dripping with your saliva and pre-cum.

“Do I need to remind you…how loud you were for me earlier?” He’s looking back down at you as he speaks, a tremble in his voice telltale of his approaching climax. “You sounded...so good, baby, I swear...wanna hear you again, wanna make you scream, just for me, fuck—”

You can feel yourself soaking the blanket, can feel the slick trickle down your folds and stain the plaid cotton. Is he aware of what he’s doing? Or is he just saying whatever is going through his chaotic mind? In any case it has you starving. So you let go of his cock and, before he can protest, crawl back to his face and kiss him desperately. Tasting both of your fluids in a mindblowing mix.

You pull back just enough to be able to speak, because you need him to understand you loud and clear when you say:  “Please, Izuku, I need you inside me, I’ve waited so long. Please.”

“Okay, okay, fuck—” He cuts himself off, his eyes slightly drooping like a sad puppy. “I-I don’t have any condoms.”

“You mean you probably have pads in there for me but no condoms?” you say with your eyebrows raised, your mocking tone hinting at a teasing remark, far from criticism.

He frowns in confusion. “How do you know I have pads in there?”

“So the legend turns out to be true. After all these years—”

“Shut up, you’re impossible,” he chuckles heatlessly, resting his hands on your back.

“It’s okay. I’m on the pill,” you assure him with a soft tone.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m on the pill, yeah.”

He rolls his eyes, then clarifies, a hint of hesitation clear in his voice.

“No I mean...you’re sure you wanna do this?” He marks a brief pause, takes a short breath. “With me?”

You don’t even think before answering, it slips your mouth like it’s not even your own words: “I don’t want it with anyone else.”

There’s a silence.

“Fuck, that sounds cheesy,” you scoff, looking away.

“It does, but we’re both cheesy idiots, apparently.”

You look back at him. His smile is so fond, so loving; it melts your heart in the best way.

“I wanna be your cheesy idiot,” you say against his mouth, looking right into his eyes, willing to fall in them.

“You always have been,” he nearly whispers. It fills your stomach with familiar warmth, intense and overwhelming, comforting.

There’s a bittersweet taste in your mouth, one of regret and lost time and God, we’re idiots.

Now it’s about time you make up for it all.

You look down at him, rolling your hips against him, dripping all over his cock, coating him in your juices.

“I think I asked you something, didn’t I?”

A whimper escapes him at the feeling. His hips buck up slightly, hands gripping at your back. When you do it again, you don’t get the chance to see his reaction; you’re on your back again, him towering over you, his thigh between your legs.

He’s looking at you with something in his eyes you don’t recognize, but the tone he speaks with has your entire body quaking.

“And you’re gonna get it, sweetheart.”

He holds himself over his left forearm, his hand thumbing at your cheek while the other strokes the whole length of your thigh. Your noses are brushing, your breaths crashing together. Your hands hold tight to his nape, playing with the short hair mindlessly as you’re waiting to be filled, finally.

You feel the stretch instantly. You try to focus on those mesmerizing emerald gems he calls eyes. They look right through your soul, eating you up and you barely feel the pain. He’s taking it slow, inch by inch, giving you all the time you need, caressing your cheek with a tender stroke of his thumb.

“Relax for me, baby.”

Izuku’s voice is a soothing sound over the incessant chirping of the grasshoppers. It was always one of your favorite things to hear, its every tone another blessing to your ears. It’s loving when he asks if you’re okay, comforting when he whispers sweet nothings to you as you cry on his shoulder, heartening when he’s going on about anything he’s passionate about.

He’s kissing every part of skin he has access to, over your face, your jaw, your neck. You feel yourself relaxing around him, and roll your hips up to give him the hint.

When he starts moving it’s still slow and careful. He doesn’t break eye contact, so you can see his every reaction, and he can see all yours. His hand is still playing with your hair, even as his pace speeds up with every second. The weight of him over you feels amazing, it holds him close against you, countless parts of you both rubbing together: your chests, your stomachs, your thighs. He doesn’t even have a lot of space to move. But getting to touch and get touched by him like this, it's incredible. You always had him so close to you, always right there and still so out of reach.

You still need more; you’re insatiable. You need to see him come undone under you, because of you. You push him to roll on his back, and you end up straddling him, setting the pace yourself. You start bouncing up and down on his cock, taking balance on the hard planes of his abs. He immediately reaches up to grab your hips, guiding you along.

His face tenses up, frowning, his nose wrinkling, his lips parted just to let out a series of breathy sighs. He looks wrecked and dizzy and stunning. He’s keeping his eyes open, fixed up on you, specifically on your breasts, bouncing with your every motion. And you can feel his gaze on your skin just as much as you feel his hands gripping harder at the flesh below your hips.

“Eyes up here, Zuku,” you coo with two fingers pointed at your eyes.

He doesn’t answer, only sits up easily and wraps his arms around your waist.

“You look so amazing, you have no idea what you do to me,” he says with a trembling voice, filled with bliss.

Your heart misses a beat at his words, they fill you with warmth and comfort because he definitely doesn’t have any idea what he’s doing to you. He delves his face into your neck, kissing and nuzzling, his breath coming shorter and shorter, crashing against your skin and his hands running all over you. The sound of his hoarse voice resonates through the forest and through your soul, echoing an enchanting song.

With little effort, he puts you back under him so he can pound into you with full force, and your legs immediately come up to wrap around his waist, pulling him deeper. Your hands grab his hair, tugging to see if you get the same reaction as earlier, and it doesn’t miss: he lets out a groan right into your ear, speeding up his pace again.

The sky is dark now, and all you can hear are his moans and yours and the slap of your hips coming together repeatedly. Your head is thrown back when he grabs you by the hair, forcing you to turn your head and face him.

“Look at me. I wanna see you.”

“Izuku, I’m gonna—”

“I know, baby. Let go for me, come on.”

Just the feel of his hand trailing down your stomach awakens something in you, this familiar pressure growing tight in your belly. And when his fingers reach your clit, a couple of strokes are enough to have you screaming his name, tightening around him, and pulling him towards his climax with you. His thrusts come franticly as you milk him dry, clawing desperately at his back, panting in his mouth as he leaned down to kiss you through both your climaxes.

As soon as he comes down, he rolls over on his side, still laying close to you, an arm thrown over you. You both take a minute to catch your breaths and, weirdly enough, you don’t hear anything aside from your panting. You really must have scared the birds away. Izuku breaks the silence first.

“Do you wanna...sleep at my place?”

He’s looking over at you and, despite the sky getting dark, you can easily imagine the blush coating his cheeks right now, like he didn’t make you scream his name, drunk on his cock two minutes ago.

You can’t repress your fond smile at his proposition.

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

You take a minute to gather your clothes from all over the place and get dressed, then grab your bag to tug it over your shoulder.

“You got everything?”

Izuku is waiting for you just outside the trees. You take a quick look around, making sure you haven’t forgotten anything, and turn around without a second look at the place.

Because although it was your first time setting foot here, it definitely won’t be the last; you will come back here with Izuku every chance you get, making it your shared secret, your own little wonderland.

You gladly take the hand he’s offering, making him blush a little harder, and you head straight back into the forest together.

You walk side by side as a comfortable silence settles, only disturbed by the grasshoppers’ incessant, boisterous chirping. The sky is utterly dark now, you can make out a few stars shining above the dense trees. You walk at a steady pace, but Izuku is going a bit faster with every step. Soon enough, he’s walking a bit ahead of you, still holding your hand. Another golden occasion to tease his eagerness.

“Are we in a hurry, Zuku?”

In the dark of the night, you struggle to make out the look on his face as he turns around to look at you. A second later, he’s running, and with your hand firmly held in his, you can’t do much but try to follow along. You giggle as you run, and it quickly grows into a belly-deep laughter. He’s fast, doesn’t get tired, but you follow him anyway, probably as eager as he is. You have to zig-zag so you don’t run straight into the massive trees standing in your way.

You get to the car in no time, but you’re both out of breath when you finally get in your respective seats, ready to go home.

Izuku doesn’t even wait to catch his breath before he starts the car, the engine roaring loudly in the silence of the night, probably scaring the birds away for the upteenth time that night. You catch his happy grin in the headlights glow before he heads back into the road.

You have a feeling the night is not over; you’ve only got twenty years to make up for after all.

[the-awful-falafel]

Alright, watched the S5 finale.

I have... a lot of mixed feelings, specifically about how they handled the fallout of Rick and Morty’s relationship. I’ll just say it outright, Morty felt really OOC with his sudden exaggerated codependence for Rick. Like, look back at how little Morty seemed to care about Rick being sent to galactic prison in the season 2 finale, as well as all the times he has tried to be more independent from Rick, and now he’s full on crying and following Rick around like a lost puppy because Rick is leaving to spend time with some crows? I get that they sort of reconciled shortly before Rick left, but what the fuck?

Not helping matters was the fact Morty’s character development across the entire series pretty much amounted to nothing, and he practically regressed into a full-on reset, his residual confidence/competence aside. Like... just watch Morty in the Vat of Acid episode compared to S5E9 (hell, watch him in the Mr. Nimbus episode and Planetina episode this season) and tell me any of this feels consistent with where they seemed to be headed before. What makes it more offensive is that Morty did have some established codependence in his relationship with Rick, explaining why he kept going on adventures and sometimes enjoying Rick’s company, but it was never to this weird clingy extent, and it was previously justified by Morty being socially isolated and easily manipulated, meaning the codependence actually decreased the more confident Morty got. I found it quite funny they framed Nick (Morty’s “rebound”) as worse than Rick when Rick has done equally (if not worse) bad things to Morty in past episodes, and right after Morty learned to “cut [Nick] out of his life” he just ran on back to Rick with practically no self-awareness from the narrative. They even acknowledged Rick and Morty’s relationship as toxic but seemed to underplay / “both-sides” it into a lesson of trusting and respecting each other (ignoring that Morty is a child and Rick is an adult and that the relationship will always be inherently unequal, and the core dysfunction has never been about trust issues) plus they shrug at the idea of holding Rick accountable for like, any of his abuse of Morty? And instead used it to make us pity Rick because he’s the one who had an epiphany about how fucked it is (which he later kinda backtracked on as well so the writers could easily reunite them)?

As someone who was thoroughly enjoying Morty getting “cockier” and standing up to Rick, as well as him getting more unstable and independent from the abuse, I was expecting the culmination of this arc would be Morty snapping and ditching Rick for good as Rick is forced to realize what his actions have turned his grandson into, as well as having to actually humble himself and apologize directly for everything before Morty was even willing to consider forgiving him and letting him back into his life, but... nope. They inexplicably decided to make them equally codependent (when Rick was always the horrifyingly clingy one before), making it yet another “abused person fixes/forgives their abuser” narrative with the gross implication that Morty was outright bred for it so forgiveness was inevitable. It’s so "easy” in a way that leaves really disturbing implications about abusive relationships and it’s overall a massive letdown of this arc they were building up. I can’t even imagine them fixing this via character development in future episodes because they already had all the pieces lined up for Rick and Morty to have an epic fallout and they somehow fucked it up anyway. This just confirms to me that the writers are too scared of breaking the status quo when it comes to main character dynamics, so they would rather backpedal and romanticize a self-admitted toxic relationship founded on a 70-year-old man traumatizing and abusing his teenage grandson than, like, follow through with the character trajectories and consequences they themselves set up.

The only thing stopping this finale from being an outright dud to me is Evil Morty, Evil Morty, Evil Morty. Dear lord, his characterization, his speeches to our Rick and Morty, and his ultimate plan (which he accomplished and survived to escape into the multiverse afterward) were fucking amazing though and just reinforced everything involving him as my favorite arc in the series, so he singlehandedly kept the finale (or at least S5E10) as good overall for me. The only change is I wish our Morty had actually gone with him and it hadn’t been a lie because I loved their interactions this episode (and am still clinging to my BROTP), but oh well I can leave that to the fanfics lol

Overall, S5E9 was an unfortunate 4/10, maybe a 5/10 at best. S5E10 was a 10/10, rocks fall, Evil Morty wins, gg.