the-things-ive-seen

[the-things-ive-seen]

Overlord Anime

That crappy anime people love to talk about.

After watching season three of another hyped-up classic, I've drawn some conclusions from watching the series. I basically had to give the show another chance after watching it the first time, and now I've seen it twice with less enjoyment the first time around. Here are my feelings.

Overlord is a boring mess of wish-fulfillment and bad pacing, and I think it might be fun for people the first go-around, but it's completely draining for anyone over the age of 15.

I don't know where to start for a series that basically exists in a video game where the protagonist's avatar maxed out their stats. I guess I'll start by complimenting the world-building and characterization since it's actually some of the best stuff in the anime business. I almost feel like being a part of a world like this so I can get a chance to interact with it and some characters feel like they could be worth talking to. Almost everyone has an interesting history, design, and preference or purpose.

But I guess that lets me segue straight into the negatives, which need to be discussed rather soon in order to address my issues. First, the reason I'm not talking about the plot is because I'm struggling to call it a plot. It's more accurate to call it a series of side stories and filler pieces that, if glued together with duct tape and plot convenience, can look like a main storyline. Each side story involves a cavalcade of characters that the protagonist, Momonga (I'll be using Ains moving forward), directly interacts with for a brief while before they move on to their own issues and problems, which may also be caused by Ains. It's sort of like having multiple people serve as the vehicle for the story before Ains rudely barges, intimidates and yells about being the protagonist, then disappears multiple episodes to do paperwork and plot maniacal schemes.

Normally I wouldn't have a huge problem with this, but three seasons of this behavior tell me a different story. One of the main issues I have with the series is building suspense and tension. And boy, can it do that with intense action scenes. What it can't do is make me care after the third massacre hits and I'm watching some kids fight Ains in a deathmatch. I don't need another speech about why Ains respects honor and fair play; The man surrounds himself with deranged psychopaths. If Ains always wins by default, and his subjects win because they work for him, and his citizens and slaves win because they're associated with him, then I don't know what I expected every time a fight breaks out. Maybe I just expected better pacing, because every battle seems to last several minutes longer than it needs to. Maybe I'm supposed to be in awe that a gerbil with a tail can beat someone with child slave soldiers. I'm definitely in awe that someone wrote that down with a straight face.

I guess my other main complaint is story pacing. Remember when I said the series was individual stories slapped together into a season of content? Well, they didn't hesitate to draw every minute of those stories out for as long as they could. Not enough to offend, but just enough to fill an entire episode with just talking, another episode with dramatic reveals, I think one episode was an entire war being resolved in five minutes (5 minutes anime time, 20 minutes for me), and every few episodes a notable fight breaks out with those inevitable victors I mentioned earlier. It's an understatement to say you don't need to pay attention to know what's going on. The entire series moves slowly enough that even the most attention-deficit person can keep track of the plot.

Lastly, for writing at least, there's the plot, or at least the end goal. I believe every series should paint an overall goal that a character or a series of characters should work to achieve, no matter how ambiguous. At least in season one, Ains was working toward a goal; to become familiar around the world and protect his crypt and home. But later seasons basically expand that goal to taking over the world because... Demiurge jumps to conclusions from cognitive biases. The side stories helped paint newer simpler goals that could work with Ain's goal, but that advantage started to disappear because 'damn, humans suck and my friends insist upon that ideology' and more NPCs kicked the bucket before we could see them do anything interesting or fulfill something relevant. Chekov's gun must have wet gunpowder or something because I only see wasted potential. Oh well, there's always next season. I'll just keep waiting until then.

I'm harping on this because it all connects to each other. No real end goals mean no need for fast pacing. No fast pacing means no tension or suspense. No real end goals means no subversions means no suspense which means no need for pacing. You're beginning to see my perspective of the problem. This isn't a mistake here and there (we haven't even begun talking about the animation), this is an inherent problem with the writing style in Overlord, as well as whatever method they're using to adapt the manga. Or maybe the manga's to blame, but that's not my place. My point is this series is going nowhere for me. Ains can take over the world in a heartbeat but chooses not to because... then there wouldn't be an end goal to chase after. The series focuses on different people who the series emphasizes are weaker than the main cast and will basically die if they get too close to the main cast. And we'll never know why Ains is here or who those other player characters are because this is a wish-fulfillment anime and there can't actually be real threats, or problems, or issues that can't be fixed by waving a magic wand.

Man, when did all Isekai become the equivalent of re-reading Cinderella and self-inserting yourself in that world?

Anyway, I'll quickly go over the animation before concluding.

The animation... spikes and dips every season. In the first one, it was pretty cool. Stylish, completely 2d animated. A real low bar to clear by today's standards. Season two is fine. Some fight scenes are pale, and any scene with more than ten characters gets 3d animated. It's not... insufferable. Season three... awful. Watching Ains fight someone with a stick is one thing (a low-effort thing, I realize now), but watching a 3d army of identical models march across a field, multiple times in a row, for different scenarios in the same season. That was embarrassing; genuinely hard to look at, just tolerable if you actually appreciate 3d animates, but are aware of why it makes productions easier. The lowest point was definitely the... shadow goat giants. The 'dark young' as they called it. Just... creativity hitting rock bottom.

Oh sure, it looks kind of cool. As a 2d image. This CGI abomination walks around, stomping enemies, swiping at them with their tentacles one measly frame per tentacle. It must've killed thousands, off-screen anyway. They don't do anything else either. Just literally giant shadow monster goats.

I think it's clear I'm not the thirteen-year-old edge lord this show was made for. It had my attention when I was around that age before I noticed it was way too slow for a series where the main character can almost do anything and he's mostly just sitting on his ass while his friends and manipulated friends do most of the work for him. I kept waiting for the side stories to go somewhere, preferably so that we could move to someone genuinely more interesting and capable, but the Overlord relishes the fact that they can basically do nothing and that the bare minimum they can do is somehow a result of them being human and not something that could be meaningful to the plot rather than being crushed with brute force. The main cast is kind of interesting, but between not getting enough screen time and just being human-oriented psychopaths with little thoughtful empathy or reliability, I just hate them for being so one-note. Albedo literally works right beside Ains, almost all the time, and all I can say is that she's a crazy bitch (a crazy bitch he brainwashed into loving him, to add insult to injury).

I don't like Overlord because while on the surface it looks like things are progressing and getting crazy, in reality, everything's basically at a standstill. There's no consequence for failure, no danger or challenge, no emotional drama. I'm pretty sure he can still log out of the game, so it's not really like Ains needs to be here. I don't think it matters if he told his monster army the truth because he can brainwash them and they worship the ground he stands on. There is seriously, genuinely no point to any of this. It's a contrived, artificial fantasy, and the good world-building and characterization only emphasize that.

The world of Overlord is literally meant to only be enjoyed, and it feels weird that the main character is both doing that and somehow avoiding that, while the world contorts itself to revolve around him.

[the-things-ive-seen]

Yozakura-san Chi no Daisakusen/Mission: Yozakura Family

That weird Anime I didn't like.

I was actually planning to avoid making any reviews or commentary about animes or eastern media in general, since I would have to describe every decision that was over the top, unrealistic, cliche to the point of direct copying, racist, homophobic, pedophilic, too much fan-service, too much pedophilic fan-service, or just flat-out incest that a show has before describing the actual content of the show. Anime is a slippery slope of entertainment, heavily mingled with controversy in the name of cultural representation. That, and hentai is more popular with western fans, so talking about any series that isn't One Piece or Dragon Ball feels pointless.

But Mission: Yozakura Family stuck out to me, mainly because it looked like a series trying to compete for an afternoon Cable Channel Time Slot. It's a weird show that I enjoyed a little bit at first before it eventually wore down my patience. What little respect was drained away as more episodes came and went, with some of my own self-respect disappearing as well, since I started to feel like I was watching a little kids show instead of fun spy comedy.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Mission: Yozakura Family is about a guy who marries a teenage girl, (there's that common anime cliche I mentioned), and becomes a part of her legendary mercenary family, and as a consequence, a part of a larger world of assassins and spies. In order to protect his wife and find out the truth what happened to original family, the main character trains to be a bodyguard and helps out the Yozakuras in missions and security.

It's an interesting plot, some decent visuals, and the main character is also a teenager, so I can feel less gross about his wife being underage. If this were made by someone else, I can guarantee this would be about a generic 30-year old man banging his daughter wife while yelling about how he's the son of the greatest assassin that ever lived and he can feel that talent in his blood. Stuff like that turns people away from this type of TV, and makes casually reviewing anime borderline impossible, since here will always be that one scene from the show stuck in your head.

For me, that scene is Taiyou Asano trying to shoot someone for being gay, but that's just me.

Oddly enough, this isn't what pushed me away from the series, although it served a finishing blow to my patience.

I mentioned earlier that this series was a fun spy comedy. Well, it's certainly fun, but it lacks in the comedy department, leaning more heavily on straight-man comedy routines. I won't say it doesn't meet the average for comedy, in an anime at least. However, one of the downsides to having a straight-man character serve as the protagonist is that you get pretty tired of hearing their opinions after a while. You would think someone living in an unusual situation would try harder to brush off any strangeness they come across. And to his credit, Asano does grow and adjust to these problems, learning to tackle new situations he comes across. I suppose it's just hard to appreciate this growth with a character who was and is literally cardboard printout before and afterwards. No preferences, no interests, just an everyman who is willing (forced, really) into marrying the girl he likes and becoming her reluctant bodyguard. Well, as long he's blindly determined, he'll never lose audience appeal.

As for the plot, the main plot at least, the main villains of the series are... (you'd have never guessed), ...Eugenic supremacists!

I may have forgot to mention that this anime, or rather every single anime I've ever watched or briefly saw, are huge eugenics supporters, (at least in terms of fiction, I can presume). Basically, if someone ever disliked a character trait of your own, they'll probably say you were born with it or that people like themselves do not have those traits and are financially better off because of it. There are thousands of douchebags who will insist they are rich and famous because their family is of "good blood", and that's why you should sleep with them.

cough, cough, (generational incel), cough.

The Yozakura family is so good at mercenary stuff because of this "good blood" and the blue haired girl has the most "good blood" and will give birth to the best children. That's why the genetics supremacists need to fight with Yozakura's, and Asuna needs to save them, and rape-y implications and blah blah blah.

Look, my problem with the plot is that the more the mystery unravels, the less I want to see what the final bullet point in this list is. I haven't mentioned Mutsumi Yozakura much because originally, I was going to say this series treats her like a plot device mommy stage director (try dissecting how I reached that conclusion), but I realized that the reason why I have an issue with this series also ties to her too. The entire series literally revolves around her, but it's all too obvious how she has so little of anything to do or really can't help out when everyone's in a pinch, (unless there's a convenient button nearby). She can't fight, she can't spy, she can't make clever plans; all she does is micromanage. Oh, and cheerlead, as most anime wives do. She's so inconsequential that the bad guys only want her DNA, or her babies, whichever is considered fan-service. I genuinely believe Mutsumi is not the main character of the show, and she's not. Taiyou is, with his oh so interesting dead parents' backstory.

Finally, the main reason why this series gets on my nerves. To reiterate, I was fine with leaving this alone, but I just couldn't pinpoint why I had an issue with this show. the characters are a tad one note, but they're not robots. The plot makes Sailor Moon look like literature, but it's not abysmal or the focus half the time. The comedy missed an opportunity with better slapstick, but I did laugh sometimes. I just couldn't stand another minute of it though. And now I know why.

Flanderization.

Taiyou Asano, living with mercenaries and training to become a bodyguard for the birthing hips princess, uses a gun. This gun shoots special non-lethal bullets that electrocute people on contact, although sometimes multiple bullets are required. This is a special one-of-a-kind gun that can incapacitate anyone without- ...What do you mean by stun gun? No, it's not a taser, its a pistol that electrocutes people at short distances. Clearly, you know nothing about the spy world...

...Is a statement that would've worked before Fast and Furious Ten was released in theaters. At this point, we've all seen enough spy crap to call BS on someone faking their way through a pitch meeting. It's not a huge issue that the Yozakura Family are a group of cartoon spies living in a looney tunes mercenary world straight out of a third graders imagination. It's not supposed to be an issue, at least. I think, at some point, the need to have cool-looking and/or quirky characters over having interesting international spy techniques and methods crossed a line where fun became lazy and comedic became insulting.

For example, the white Loli character is super strong, with the strength lift serval boulders and large furniture. This is hand waved as a martial art she practices. She's also the oldest one in the family and over 18 because I'm starting to think I hate anime. Next, is the hacker, who can turn her entire hacking progress into a video game and if she wins the game then she'll be inside the mainframe. I think not too many developers like this series. Then there's Mutsumi's brother, Kyoichiro, who doesn't seem to any real ability other than 'uses wires' and teleporting. He's also a complete psycho that everyone puts up with because "they may be trying to kill you, but you need to respect them because their family." He's the one who kickstarts the plot, by the way, due to his possessiveness of Mutsumi. Gotta mark that Sis-con checkbox.

I think the final straw for me was in episode 9 when I had to watch the triplets use magic attacks to fight the samurai spy, and the guy "cut through it" to beat them. I'm dead serious. The cartoon spy crap I can put up with, but there's supposed to be a limit for a reason. If I'm watching dipshits throw elemental weapons without rhyme or reason, AFTER a guy carrying a Katana slices through four floors of concrete beneath him, beneath him for fucks sake, then I'm not even watching a Spy anime.

I think the point of all this is that the anime is trying to embrace that silly world of spies and ninja's we once saw when we were kids and depict it brilliantly with its shonen budget animation. In my opinion, it embraced it a little too much and now I'm struggling to watch series that is too childish to have anything to do with the rugged, dark world of spies and assassins, but is somehow way to graphic and bloody to be for a younger demographic. This is definitely 10+ in Japan, 13+ in America.

God, anime is weird. Well, there's a 50-50 chance this is propaganda, so let that be the takeaway from this.

[the-things-ive-seen]

Batman: Ninja

Disappointment in America, famous in Japan

As someone who started reading the Batman series a few years ago, with detective comics added to that reading schedule, it probably comes as no surprise that I entered the film with big expectations. Even if the movie turned out kind of mid, it would be a slam-dunk animated action film that would make me love Batman anywhere, at any time. I was certain that it couldn't disappoint.

I was disappointed.

For context, fanservice, according to Wikipedia, is material in a work of fiction or in a fictional series that is intentionally added to please the audience, often sexual in nature, such as nudity. I suppose that might explain why my screen was coated in DC vomit with Feudal Japanese aesthetic paper stickers blocking my view of any logic or reason. Like most fanservice, I'm not supposed to actually understand it, I'm supposed to laugh and masturbate with my friends as they point at Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn, saying they recognize them from a doushinji. I'm not saying I didn't do that, I'm saying that if I had known the movie would be all over the place, I would've just watched Gotham by Gaslight to save time and hand cramps.

Batman Ninja is about Batman fighting a Gorilla, then the Joker. That's the TL;DR version since most Batman movies end up that way. It's actually about Batman being sent back in time so he can be told over and over again that he's completely useless without money and fancy machines, but he can change that by being a magical ninja. That's the second TL;DR, in case you think Batman sucks and isn't as cool as Superman. It's also about every character from the Batman universe showing and wearing time-appropriate clothes and using feudal Japan weapons, but only before the giant robots show up. That's the last TL;DR, because you either get the gist or you think the movie sounds much cooler than it is, in which case I welcome to watch it before coming back. You'll have two scenes worth talking about with your friends and nothing else good to say about it.

I wish I could say it was one of those movies that's taking a tour of Batman's cast and rogues gallery, but that describes Batman vs TMNT. This is more like one of those movies where a random guy with no familiarity with the series is put in charge, assigns characters in simple roles based on quick summary readings, and then yells at the 3d animation department that they aren't getting paid overtime. A 12-year-old could make this movie, but I'm pretty sure most twelve-year-olds know Batman was already a ninja, if a guy dressed in black sneaking up on people didn't make that incredibly obvious.

Since the story is already a wash, and the Joker is only added in to give both the movie and marketing some teeth, maybe the action is worth the watch? And it is. The choreography, the music, the animation; it feels like watching a masterpiece in kickass drama. I was so hyped when during the beginning watching Batman fight the Joker with the tricked-out Batmobile... and then losing somehow. And then being told over and over again that technology is bad, and that tradition is good, and that technology is bad, and that tradition is-

Later, the Joker, the gorilla, and the other DC villains ride in on giant mecha robots to fight each other over feudal Japan territory. Don't ask how they made those robots, or how the language barrier is gone, or worse, how they built giant robots while dealing with a language barrier. Just know that everyone of the villain characters not only did it, but all the machines actually fit together and can controlled with a wooden chessboard.

Yes. Seriously.

How does Batman fight them? Without any tech, it'll be a huge, perhaps cinematic, challenge to even- oh right! The monkeys can just work together to make a huge monkey man. Then the bats will help for some reason and make a gigantic Batman that is immune to fire. And that will be how they beat the Chessboard Mecha.

YES. SERIOUSLY.

here's a picture.

Now, there are two things I should go over before I put a lid on this ridiculous sham of a film.

One, Batman: Ninja was made for Japan with the specific purpose of introducing Eastern media to the sheer awesomeness of DC comics and the illustrious Batman who is notably tied to it. A lot of the scenes are meant to represent certain historical points in Fedual Japan, like the DC villains fighting for territory, or Joker taking over the Mecha (and the plot), not to mention the Monkeys and bats being summoned by nature gods. It was all meant to serve as subtext for Japan's history. Even the Mecha's are meant to represent Japan's weirdly advanced mechanical puppets from the 1600s. Was it worth it? Hell no. I'm not going to explain how 'story integration' because I shouldn't have to. If there is literally no connection between every historical nudge in the film and the plot of the movie, then you didn't write a Batman movie, you made an incomprehensible documentary and layered comic book shenanigans over it.

Which leads to my next point, my second thing. Why should I care? A man in a bat suit fighting a mind-control expert genius Gorilla, without guns for personal reasons, is insanely stupid in itself. Why can't I just enjoy the film as it is? My response to that is... I tried. The reason I'm even mad is that I tried. Even with the crap plot, it's hard not to see something like this as... enjoyable fluff, but in reality, is indigestible slop. There are too many what-if moments that go unanswered and far too many WTF moments that go unanswered. It just goes beyond being tolerable or acceptable; it can't be fixed with one moment of Batman turning into a semi-literal Batman. I'm still pissed off by that, by the way. All that build up and we don't see how they changed, what their time did to them, what the point of all the modern world bashing was supposed to be. All it says is that ninjas are cool... if you don't know what a ninja is.

Batman: Ninja is a disappointment. Not too much of a disappointment to stop them from making a sequel, but a disappointment all the same. Seeing it makes me cringe and reminds me why I began to lose interest in Batman movies. People see themselves in the Batman characters too much, characters who are supposed to define instability and impatience with the current world. So instead of stories about how their inherent character fails them and others, we get stories about how some characters weren't that bad, or how they have something in common with historical figures, or how they weren't that great in the first place but if they'll get better if they become a magical ninja. It's bullcrap that a film with this good animation and budget is somehow still a trashy, surface-level toy sales pitch.

I hear the Batman Ninja Manga is good though.

[the-things-ive-seen]

My Theory: Why the Bible is against gay people.

The Bible has quite a few lines dictating the "abomination" that comes from gay sex. And far be it from me to claim that random cherry-picked quotes in the Bible are not inerrant or whatever.

But I did give a little bit of thought as to why the bible even mentions this, aside from the quotes that are from people making assumptions about what might happen if you... "pursue unnatural desire." (man, that's 100% dated for everyone now)

So far the closest I could make heads or tales of was the lines from Leviticus and Romans. ...You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. and ...And the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. Most of the other "evidence against homosexuality" felt more like opinions or wishful assumptions. For example; The sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine, or this one from Corinthians; Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. Definitely wishful thinking, if you know anything about politics.

Anyway, my theory was that it wasn't really safe for people to "practice" Gay sex back then. Not (just) because of persecution, but as a result of a lack of medicine and treatment. Two poorly washed buttholes could do a lot of damage to a budding community in the middle east, especially from two strangers from different regions meeting up with one another. I believe this also applies to women, although I get the feeling I won't find much evidence of homosexual women written in ancient history.

This "penalty" that I believe the bible is referring to, didn't apply to everyone. See, while some people couldn't be gay and free, wealthy people could be all those things and more. Not just from washing themselves properly, but from having attractive appearances, wealth, some real privacy, and a small amount of extra knowledge that comes from leaving the town you grew up in.

I suppose this is all a bit of a reach, but I'll finish with my supporting evidence. See, the bible very specifically refers to gay sex when discussing homosexuality; it does not mention the comingling of partners or even marriage. It also doesn't specify what the abomination is, only that it is an abomination and it is considered perverted... or perhaps, it was simply considered immoral? The same way a person with HIV seduces people and infects them after a one-night stand.

I don't know. I might be overthinking it.

I've definitely seen people attack one another over the idea that they might be doing something unnatural, and sex that doesn't make babies could easily be seen as perverted. Worst case scenario, the Bible might also imply that women shouldn't have anal sex with anybody because "it is an abomination"

Shoot, I think I thought up this theory in high school. Anyway, thank you for reading. I do theories sometimes, mostly to show off what pops into my head on a daily basis.

[the-things-ive-seen]

CWs Titans - DC

I'm not going to talk about Titans.

Of all the TV shows I might possibly crap on while typing posts on the internet, Titans is, hands down, irrefutably the worst TV show I've ever seen. Well, it's the worst live-action TV show, accounting for budget constraints and the year it was made. Velma is still the actual worst, and probably will be for a long time.

I wish I had something good to say that would at least contrast the bad. The show had funny moments? The story had an interesting concept despite execution? The Doom Patrol cameo episode still holds up from Season 1? Nope. It's all bad, it's all draining, and it's a nightmare to actually watch. Again, not as much as Velma, but comparing which TV show is less traumatic doesn't build sympathy.

But as cathartic as it is to rail on this series again, I need to stop. I can't convince people to stop watching something because I think the show is bad and they think the actors in the show are hot. And I'm not the first person to throw shade at Titans or CW content in general. I'm not even as good as HiTop Films, a YouTuber who off-handedly found themselves going over both Season 1 and Season 2. They found even more flaws with the show than I did, and I was just upset that they were wasting villains to save time for drama.

The reason I'm even going over now is the same reason to I started the blog. I need to get this sh!t off my chest; I'll yell till my voice reaches the highest heavens, just so everyone can hear me. I will proudly say that CW Titans is objectively terrible and I watched, I suffered, enough.

For anyone needing a quick reason why though, It's just teen drama.

Like, the CW is extremely infamous for grabbing IPs people are familiar with, hiring ten adults to act like sitcom teenagers, with mood and angst dialed up to eleven, and then recycling a script or two. They also have some dogsh!t directors, so don't be surprised if every side plot, plot twist, ex machina, plot-device, character revival, and sequel bait teaser goes completely unanswered.

I mean, see it from their perspective. You're already here, watching because your favorite characters might appear in it. They did their job, and it was quick and easy; cheap too. It's not like these people are here to entertain you.

[the-things-ive-seen]

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013)

Percy Jackson: Sinking the Franchise

When I watched the movie for the first Percy Jackson movie, I thought it was good, a nice adventure film at the time. I was in first grade then, but by second grade the book for Percy Jackson and the Olympians was required reading. This was when I realized that the book was ten times better than the movie. (Even now, I'd say the book has a leg up on the TV show!) More importantly, I realized that book adaptation movies could completely rewrite a story with their own half-baked ideas in a desperate attempt to save time and appeal to audiences. Hence the second failure in the franchise.

Before that, I should mention how I was a huge fan of the second book by Rick Riordan, Sea of Monsters. I loved reading it so much, that I got a physical copy and have read it back to back multiple times. I originally didn't understand why, it just felt good to read and it still makes me laugh. But I realize now that the Ocean Journey narratives are just really good when they're well done. The growth everyone goes through as they travel, the adventures happening both on and between islands, the legends and battles. It's an incredible test of creativity, one that succeeded.

...Then Sea of Monsters came out in theaters.

Apparently, the thing about taking a test of creativity, worldbuilding, and pacing, is that you can still fail that test. Quite horribly, it seems. Sea of Monsters was a gut punch for me, as well as for anyone who thought this series would be revived with even a small amount of credibility regained. 20th Century Fox found a way to kill an extremely popular IP, and it would only be revived later by Disney of all companies.

Okay Spoilers, but I need to get into it. Here's why Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters feels like I'm the one trapped in an ocean of mediocrity.

Let's start with the ending climax because the beginning sure as sh!t doesn't leave much to be desired. It also gives me an opportunity to explain why they chose... that as a finale. See, after the long journey of being chased by bad guys only to be caught by bad guys for no explainable reason, The bad guys get the thing, a MacGuffin if you will, and go through with their evil plan of reviving Tautarus. Percy's blade starts glowing for no reason and he stabs Tautarus, banning him forever. But he actually isn't banished forever because sequel- baiting.

It's sad that I actually managed to explain that as succinctly as possible, skipping over the bare minimum of detail, like Grover wearing a dress. If you read the books, or you can probably guess what's wrong here, Tautarus isn't actually supposed to revive in the story, nor is Percy's blade meant to be the random magical item that kills him. The prophecy mentioning any of this refers to a different book.

Why movie does it is because it's trying to pull a Percy Jackson. That's the official term for it. It pulls a Percy Jackson, using future book content to tease or even supplant plot points in an attempt to stir interest or raise stakes. You know you've hit a new low in reading comprehension when you grab the main bad guy for the end of a series and place him in the middle of your plot. Because it sounded like a good idea.

Speaking of plot, there are a few more details I skipped over when describing the plot of the movie. Percy lives in a magical campground for special children protected by a tree. That tree is dying, so they send this previously unmentioned character, Clarise, to find the golden MacGuffin that Grover found but can't deliver due to incompetency. Percy, jealous, decides to go on the life-threatening journey himself with his girlfriend. He gets captured by the main bad guy but escapes with cool plot devices given to him by a god; ex machines, I believe they're called. 2 minutes later, they catch up to Clarise who was a day ahead of them and has a submarine that was given to her by her Daddy (way too late to ask questions). After traveling through a monster's stomach, they reach Journey's End island, with the golden Macguffin, Grover, and another roadblock? After that pointless roadblock, all the villains teleport to the island to initiate the climax (I guess Luke can actually teleport though?). They fight, good guys win, and they go home and use the MacGuffin, which leads to a new character being unlocked. Some sequel-baiting before the movie unceremoniously ends.

Also, there's this Cyclops boy named Tyson. What a wacky character that guy is.

Yeah... I really hate this movie. It isn't fair to judge by what it does and doesn't have, but the movie lacks so much of... anything, that when you read the books it is genuinely insulting how much they could've squeezed in and ultimately didn't. Entire plot points skipped, characters that we never met, monsters that we're never fought; worst of all, a plot so simple I could've written the entire thing on the back of a napkin. Sea of Monsters decided an Ocean Journey was too much effort, but a one-note sea adventure fit perfectly in the budget. It hurts more when you're in a biased position, but I still at least like the first movie. It felt like an incomplete introduction to the Americanized Olympians, but it was a glimpse at what could've been. This movie is an open view of what wasn't and will never be. Percy Jackson by 20th Century will never be deep, adventurous, hilarious, or well-financed. It will always be shallow, simple to follow, barely chuckle-worthy, and one cut corner after another.

I'm glad this will be the last time I talk about this film in any capacity. It's one legend that should stay forgotten.

[the-things-ive-seen]

The Swords of Ditto: Mormo's Curse

Play Again? Hell No.

Spoilers, obviously, but The Swords of Ditto is a video game series about you, the player, taking after your predecessor and wield the sword of Ditto, a sharp blade that levels up and unlocks dungeons protecting magical toy weapons. You must use this weapon to seal Mormo, a dark deity, and help Puku, a light deity, in order to protect the island of Ditto and save the world from Corruption! It's a fun series with light-hearted elements and incredible artwork, and I would recommend playing it right away!

...OR I would if I didn't become disillusioned with the series, finish it with intense, exasperated dissatisfaction, and then forgot about it for several years.

I'll admit, the game stuck with me. It's a beautiful game and the main game is as smooth and polished as the cover above. It plays well and you can end your first run-through somewhat satisfied and ready for more. Things quickly go to sh!t on the second run-through.

If you haven't guessed already, this game is a rogue-lite, which is a game where every time you lose, you keep some progress made with levels and fights, but you have to start the entire game map over. It also randomizes the map so it's a different playthrough each time. That's actually one of the game's mottos.

Each adventure becomes its own legend, both distinct from those that came before it and part of a heroic legacy that bind together. -Steam Page

"So the game looks good, plays good, and seems to have some lore. What's the problem? It's not like the game forces you to replay it just to finish it completely." Actually, hypothetical voice in my head, it does. A lot.

It takes 6 successful run-throughs, using the Icon item as a sacrifice, to finish the game. You have beat the exact same game six times. Trust me, that is exhausting, especially when you've already picked up all the lore notes and you've talked to every NPC that seems to be inexplicably immortal. I think this problem comes from the fact that normally in roguelikes, you unlock more areas, items, and enemies as you're forced to start over, Inscryption being a good example of this. Here, you play through the entire game, which is borderline identical to the first time around, and you stab, escort, and fetch quest your way all the way around to the same exact boss, with a slight modifier.

God, the modifiers. If this game didn't do its best to purge my memories, I'd be pulling my hair out. The Sentinel comes to mind first. An indestructible enemy that follows you around the map, following you in and out of dungeons, putting an emphasis on time and movement. Good mechanic. It would've been a cool idea if I didn't have a very clear memory of the entire game map, randomized or not. So it's just a distraction, not a threat. Worse, it's used three times during the completion run-through, so it wears out it's welcome almost immediately.

Okay, I'm starting to drag this out. Let's try to quickly summarize the plot. Spoilers again. Puku and Mormo are actually friends. They found a guy, the player/you, who can control fate. In a convoluted attempt to both contain and test the player, they created an elaborate illusion to see if the player was brave and true of heart. (yes, it was seriously all a dream) And if you read all 52 lore notes, you now have half of the true story, since Ditto isn't real and no there isn't an epilogue.

I don't imagine anyone was particularly impressed with this ending, but at least it can't get worse. No literally. It can't get worse. The game's over. No more lore, no extra secrets, no bonus dungeon. You got a new skin in case you want to play the entire game for the 17th time. It's done.

I know I'm being pretty hard on a game that, apparently, is the successor of an older, somewhat less successful version of this game. But I have to draw the line somewhere. This isn't Shovel Knight Dig, you can't lure people with a beautiful game, and then drag them through repetitive gameplay for hours on end. and if you are going to do that, then it better have a phenomenal ending, not a footnote about how you were kidnapped by two magic bugs because they think you're weird.

Seriously One Bit Beyond, I see you do good work, but I hope this isn't the last bit you worked on.

[the-things-ive-seen]

Reviews or venting?

Hello, everyone.

This will mostly cover several topics. TV shows, comics, videogames, anime, movies, recent political drama, and philosophy.

I mostly want to oust my opinion while make some funny jokes along the way. I don't want to offend anyone or target people.

Just trying to vent in a healthy way. If anything about this can be considered healthy.

Thank you for stopping by.