#but it sometimes feels like it's treated solely as a choice you have to continually make when... i guess i've slotted somewhat neatly...

[shalom-iamcominghome]

I think now, my opinion about "jews by choice choose judaism!" has changed; not because I don't choose judaism fully, I choose it every day, but as time goes on, it doesn't feel as much of a choice. It feels like a choice in the same way that needing to breathe, to eat, to sleep feels like a choice. To me, judaism is as important a function of my day as my mortal, bodily functions, and I never chose to do them. It happened to me, it continually happens to me

I definitely started my journey needing to consciously choose judaism, but as time goes on and it enriches my life more, is it as much of a choice, or is it just... what happened?

I guess it might be apt to say my conversion is like eating: I have to do it. In that way, it isn't a choice, I have no choice in my need for it. However, I can choose what I eat, when I eat, and how often I eat (to an extent). In the same way, I have made choices about my observance, about the way I think about g-d, and how much I participate in my (offline) community. But I don't think I have chosen my desire to be a jew, just like you don't really choose to fall in love.

[sanakiras]

LIAR, LIAR! [TEASER]

PAIRING — kim mingyu x reader

WORD COUNT — 1.4k (full fic will be 20k+)

RELEASE DATE — TBA, will probably take a while!

SYNOPSIS — in a dramatic turn of events, a rich businessman is found dead in his lavish estate, and the authorities believe it was no accident. as the detectives dig deeper, they ultimately end up with two key suspects: you, the businessman’s very own daughter, and your sworn enemy, kim mingyu. as the time progresses, tensions rise and secrets spill — and the truth has the power to either bring you closer together or tear you apart.

TAGS — murder mystery, rich rivals to partners in crime to lovers, whole lotta plot, dark comedy if u ask me, explicit sexual content, somewhat graphic depictions of death, everyone and everything is dysfunctional™, mentions of suicide, moral compass is nowhere to be found, angst

♪ aquartos - crystal city,, verydeadly - wolves (kanye west cover),, blue foundation - eyes on fire (4 ave version),, low - dancing and blood,, vessel - red sex

NOTE — one of my favorite episodes of going seventeen remains bad clue 2020, i loved mingyu’s role in it and i could totally see him portraying darker/morally grey characters and rock tf out of it so. i wrote this solely based on that idea. enjoy :D

i. TWO WEEKS SINCE THE MURDER

the interrogation room is unnecessarily bright, the noise of the water dispenser in the corner and the flickering led light above you running through your ears. the chair you’re seated on is uncomfortable, though it’s nothing compared to the tension you feel as the man in front of you treats you like you’re guilty of something.

“on september 2nd, sometime around six o’clock, your father reportedly got unwell, so he left his office early, choosing to do the rest of his paperwork at home. according to the information we got from the gps tracker in his car, he went straight home, took no detours. he arrived at your family estate thirty minutes later. then at eight o’clock, the police received a call from you, saying your father’s hung himself.”

you stare at the the inspector whose name you did not bother remembering before waving with your hand. “i’m aware. i’ve heard the recap of events many times at this point. this isn’t the first time i’m being interrogated, surprisingly enough.”

with a puzzled look, he raises his brow at you. “you don’t think you should be a suspect?”

“no, i don’t.”

“at the time of the incident, you were home, as well as two members of the staff. since the staff were on their dinner break and you were apparently in your room, it’s hard to say what happened, since there were no witnesses.”

“do you mind me asking why you think it’s murder and not just a suicide?”

he’s intrigued by the way you discuss the topic so casually. “your father was an important man. wouldn’t you want to know who killed him if that is the case?”

“sure. i’d thank them.” you smile at him, the hatred for your father shining through. “believe me, inspector — my father was a miserable man who surrounded himself with other miserable people. i wasn’t there by choice.”

“did he treat you badly, then?” he continues, trying to pry any information out of you.

you can only sigh. “i was his daughter by blood only. that’s all.”

with your demeanor softening into something sadder, the inspector’s tone changes into something different. “aside from you, and the staff, of course, we do have another suspect who we think could have something to do with your father’s death.”

that sparks your interest. “who?”

the inspector grabs his small pile of documents to pull a printed photo out of it, putting it before you. you visibly frown, because the person on the photo is someone you’re unfortunately awfully familiar with.

“kim mingyu is a suspect? seriously?” you ask, completely in shock. ironically, he’s the last person you’d suspect in a scenario like the one you currently find yourself in.

“what can you tell me about him?”

“he’s a year younger than me. we went to the same high school, same university, have some of the same friends. though all of that is relatively common in our social circle.”

“anything else?”

keeping the insults to yourself for now, you press your lips together. “our parents are good friends. well, were, now that my father’s gone. mingyu and i hate eachother to the bone, though.”

“any particular reason why?”

“i’m not sure where it started… there’s just something off about him. it’s always been there. he’s—beyond arrogant. always showing off his looks, his wealth, his charm, his intelligence. everything. he insults me, i insult him. we simply don’t get along, never have. nothing you haven’t seen before, i’m sure.”

the inspector raises his brow. “i think you may have left something out.”

“such as?”

his hand moves into the blue folder sitting on the table, taking another photo out of it, holding it up before you. “your father was often spotted with him. at events, business meetings — you name it. matter of fact, your father seemed to be accompanied by kim mingyu more than anyone else. which is interesting, considering you are his only child.”

your gaze turns sour, voice softer yet more hateful than before. “don’t tell me this is the reason i’m a suspect.”

“let’s just say it doesn’t make you look good.”

“you really believe i murdered my own father in cold blood because he cared more about kim mingyu than he ever did about me? that’s pathetic and ridiculous.”

“you wouldn’t be the first. it’s a plausible story.”

scoffing at the accusation, you shake your head. “we’re done here. the moment you have an actual lead, i’ll talk, but not like this. i’m still here grieving and you’re accusing me of being the culprit.” you get up in anger, taking your bag with you before slamming the door shut, not bothering to listen to what the man is trying to tell you to make you stay.

this whole shit-train started two weeks ago. your father was found dead in your childhood home, hung by a rope around his neck. instead of calling it a death by suicide, the police apparently have enough reason to suspect it was a homicide.

you’ve been questioned several times in the past few weeks, but there’s been a gradual shift in the behavior of the inspector and his handimen — they’re treating you like a suspect now.

which you are, for whatever reason. they have yet to come up with any actual evidence.

your contact in the police force mentioned to you that you’re not just any suspect — you’re one of the two main suspects.

and that is unsettling, especially when you discovered who else is.

as you go down the hall, you suddenly lock eyes with kim mingyu himself, who’s leaning against the wall with his hands in the pockets of his trousers. a few strands of hair hover by his cheeks, framing his strong features.

“what the fuck are you doing here?” you ask in a rather hostile manner, the scowl on your face deepening.

his lips part before he starts explaining. “they wanted to talk to me. again.”

“haven’t you heard the rumors, gyu?” you mockingly use the nickname, taking a step closer to him, “they’re saying there’s a possibility you killed him.”

your arch-nemesis looks back at you with a furrowed brow. “that’s ridiculous.”

“is it? you were always with him… it’s perhaps the only thing that makes sense in all of this.”

he seems offended you’d even insinuate something like that. “it’s really the other way around, though. you’re the one who hated him. i had nothing against the man.”

it’s true that you and your father didn’t exactly get along, especially the past few years, to put it lightly. you always considered him to be greedy, cold and unforgiving, and you certainly didn’t cry the moment they told you he had passed away.

“no, we all know how much you liked him,” you hardly make an effort to hide your disdain, “but they must not believe that, considering you’re just as much of a suspect as i am.”

he clenches his jaw. “i’m not guilty.”

“neither am i.”

it’s quiet for a moment as you’re both unsure of what to say next, a rarity between you.

a few years ago, your father mentioned you and mingyu could make a good pair. you proceeded to laugh in his face.

mingyu is a constant reminder of what you could be, and that’s the last thing you need in your life.

“if i find out you’re somehow involved in this—”

instead of immediately refuting the statement, he narrows his eyes at you. “then what?”

you realize you need to be careful with your words here — you can’t throw around threats to kill people as the top suspect in a murder investigation. “i’ll make sure you pay for it. they might buy your little golden-boy act, but i sure as shit don’t. i never have.”

a smirk subtly tugs at his lips as he leans more down, eyes flicking lower before they meet yours again. “i’d be careful with my words if i were you,” he firmly tells you, his lashes fluttering, “there’s always someone watching.”

only now do you take notice of how close you’re standing to him, and you look behind you, seeing the inspector that just interrogated you observing you and mingyu from a distance.

so you push yourself away from him, giving him a last glare before walking away.

mingyu’s eyes remain on you until you move past the corner. he only moves from his spot once you’re gone from his field of view, greeting the inspector with a kind smile.

if you’d like to be tagged in this once it’s released, leave a comment! <3

® SANAKIRAS — do not repost, remake or copy my work in any way whatsoever. translations are not allowed.

[azurlily]

Hi idk how full your inbox is but I’d like to ask for Makima with a  Chihuahua like reader (short and agressive and bratty basically) could it also be nsfw also thank you

Woooo! I've been thinking about this one for a bit. Makima is just like the perfect person for a brat, you cannot tell me otherwise. I made this sort of toxic because I honestly believe that any relationship with cannon Makima is gonna be fucked up in some way. If yall want non-toxic just say that in the request.

Makima x Bratty!Reader NSFW

"Do you enjoy you life, little red? Do you enjoy the things I buy you and the way I treat you?"

Makima enjoyed asking rhetorical questions a lot, especially when she was mad. That usually means you had to make her mad first, and despite her calm demeanor: it's fairly easy to anger her. A few snide comments here, a few too rough arm pulls there, maybe you decided to play around with Power or Denji.

In the end, you fucked up in some way, you fucked up so badly that she's completely lost it. Although...you enjoy that dont you? You enjoy when Makima has to grab you by the neck and practically hurl you into another room. You love when her hands find their way up your skirt; it's a warning, it always is.

Makima is by no means a kind woman. In fact she's the complete opposite of kind, she's mean, harsh, rough, and fucking cruel. Makima us a naturally sadistic person -not with everyone, you just fucked up somehow and she knew you were the one.

Now that you think about one of the subtlety not so kind things shes done is give you a nickname. "Little red". To her it's a way of making fun of you. You're easy o annoy(not that she isn't either because of you) and you face gets red when you're mad. The "little" part is solely because of your height, she enjoys reminding you every so often.

"If I pull out the gag will you respond the right way?"

You were essentially being told to watch your fucking mouth, or else. And you, ever the fucking idiot: didn't think twice when the ball gag was taken out.

"I thought you'd be angrier, I guess you really have gone soft, Miss Control Devil."

Oh, now you remember how you got here: you continued to run your mouth after she gave you two strikes.

The first strike was because when Denji told you that Power let him grope her. You very loudly said, "Wow I wonder if she'll let me do it too?!"

Of course you wouldn't, you're not Denji, you value your and Powers too. That was all it took though, you knew Makima was watching, she was always watch you. And when you were called up to her office and told to sit in a corner, and help her do paperwork for an hour you wonder if you made the right choice.

The second strike was not long after, you decided you were thirsty and begged Makima to let you grab a drink from.the vending machine downstairs. After you were pleading for ten minutes: she relented.

You practically ran downstairs, but once you were down there you realised you were alone. You remembered that there was a nice coffee shop not too far from here, she wouldn't mind if you got her something right? You went straight to the coffe shop, you knew by now there was something watch you. Not that it mattered!

"Maki! I got you a drink-please don't be mad!"

Were the first words that left your mouth once you walked in, and as you set the drink down you felt a small warmth in your stomach. That look, she's mad, not pissed but you're sure as hell in trouble...maybe. And of course that look turns you on, she looks so fucking hot when shes mad. When she looks like she wants to eat you alive.

If there was one thing in the relationship between you two that you hated it was your beight difference. Makima isn't all that tall, and yet you're right at chest level. Sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's fun. Other times you remember just how fucking intimidating she can be.

"Hey...so y'know I never noticed how tall-"

"Strike two. Give me the drink and get back to the paperwork."

You put the drinks down and feel a hand on your arm, Makima gently pulls you closer. Until you're in her lap and your head is pressed ever so gently to her neck. You smile when you feel her kiss your neck, at the end of the day you matter most.

"Do you enjoy patronizing me? Or are you mad because of the. . .Denji thing?"

That's what you labeled it, and you refused to refer to what she's doing as anything else.

"Oh no, I mean give him all the attention you want. I was talking to Quanxi though-"

That did it, you were flipped over and slammed into the part of the desks without the drinks on it. You could feel the murderous intent coming off of her.

"Really? Her. Is she the hill you wish the be killed on, little red? I can assure you it will happen if you keep this up."

You tried and failed to turn your head, instead just giggle like a little girl.

"Oooh, is she a threat to you or something? I mean she and her girls are hot but-"

Makima flips you over so you're facing her, if looks could kill you'd be dead thrice over. You smile, this- this is what you needed for days. And finally she's giving it, finally.

You open your eyes, coming back to here and now.

Yeah that got you dragged onto her desk. You feel a hand wrap around her neck roughly; she's doing this to test you limits. Makima presses her body against yours, she looks at you for a few moments. Finally taking time to admire her handiwork, you look so fucking beautiful.

A red-ish orange rope was wrapped beautifully around your skin, the rope held your hands and arms back as well as wrapped around your tits. You weren't naked, but seeing as you were in a nice set of lingerie Makima buys for these occasions, you aren't exactly dresses either.

Within it all you were originally wearing a red ball gag that was now covered in spit. And the best part? A small, ruby red plug was set inside your ass. And of course a small bullet vibrator that Makima had set to one, although now she's regretting not just leaving it on five and walking out.

"Every. Single. Fucking. Time. I think were making progress, and then you go a do this. At this point I feel inclined to ask: do you enjoy being punished?"

You knew the answer just as much as she does: fuck yes. Makima wants to hear it, she wants the words to leave your tear stained face. C'mon say it for her, wont you?

As you begin to answer, Makima turn the vibrator up to three. Oh, she wants you fucked.

"Y-yes!"

Makima looks down with a smile, she's enjoying this past sexual gratification. She enjoys seeing you so dependent on her, so needy. And despite how much you act out: you'll be in her bed each nice. So it doesn't matter anyways.

"Yes what, little red? I need specifics."

Oh this bitch.

"F-fuck you, you can't make me say shit!"

That did it for her. Makima backs away slowly, her hands going to her temples. She looks back and you and then the clock in the room, she has a meeting and an hour. That's plenty of time to handle this. But before that-

"What's your color?"

"Green."

One word, yet it completely determines how this hour will go.

"Good girl, good girl. If only you could respond this swiftly all the time."

Makima takes a few things from her desk: a bigger vibrator, a blindfold, and a strap-on.

"Remember, what happens next is your fault, little red."

I'm sorry it's not great, I just wanted to finish this as soon as possible!

[nights-at-crystarium]

on authenticity

My mood in the recent months keeps going from bad to worse. Today I randomly fell into the rabbit hole of checking out other patreon artists, which always grounds me in reality and cheers me up, perhaps in a weird way. Essay incoming \o/

Authenticity is a blob of a word that sounds almost pretentious nowadays. It gets sneered at. You either sell your soul, or you don't earn with your art.

What's authentic, being true to yourself, will vary from person to person. It's like a sliding scale of suffering that you will tolerate in exchange for a coin, while convincing yourself that you have fun.

The harsh truth of modern world is that if your art pays for your living, you've already reached success, no matter how you may feel about the type of content you actually make for that money. Insert the meme furry nsfw art here. Or not furry. Or even sfw, but comms, lots of comms every month. Or merch. Anything that sells. Products first, art second.

Marrying passion and profession is virtually impossible, yet I'm doing it, only thanks to your support. I'm acutely aware that, even as I choose to be "real" and talk about an artist's money-making in a raw way, it's still patreon talk, and yes, I'll plug the link as well, so technically this entire post is an ad *fingerguns*

I just feel so privileged being able to create whatever the fuck I want, literally, I take no comms/requests/guidance on what and how should I draw/write, I post experimental, sometimes provocative stuff, and still make enough to survive. This sole fact should get me through the day, whatever other struggles I may be facing currently (I am. I don't wanna talk about it rn, instead I distract myself with this text), I should always remember the unique place in life I managed to carve for myself.

There are madmen (gender-neutral) who toss $10-20 at me every month. The majority "only" pledges $1, the notorious tier that gets treated as a tip jar with no rewards by many other creators. All of my rewards are the same at $1 and $20 (save for the one-time digital artbook download at $10, just to be perfectly clear), it's a conscious choice and a risk I continue taking because it's how I am. I used to split rewards between tiers in the past, before xiv, and it was a lot of busy work while it made me treat my art less as art and more as product. This pic goes into the cheap box, this pic goes into the expensive box. Every month. It's. Definitely not for every artist.

Logistic hell of splitting and delivering rewards, different posts with less comments per post, also my discord roles/channels would have to be split, nowadays it's just patron, whether you give me $1 or $20, there's no visual disparity, you're hanging out in the same cool kids' club, and collectively making happy noises on Fragments Fridays.

Could I be making more money if I got rid of the $1 tier? Yeah. But, mercifully, after 2 years I don't need to. I legit make enough currently, my only worry is to keep what I have. Patrons don't stay forever, 2-5 people would leave every month, about the same number would join (hence my patreon ads, I need to keep people reminded of it, even if it makes me feel guilty every damn time). I did Research (tm) in the past to find out that my "bleeding" numbers are below average, i.e. it's good, people generally tend to stick around.

I put a lot of emphasis on the $1 because I'm kinda proud of what I managed to accomplish while staying self-detrimentally humble. Literally doing an impossible thing in a world that keeps burning down. So yeah if you've been feeling bad for only giving me $1, what matters is that there's enough $1s to make a difference. Together you're creating a phenomenon, and you should be proud.

There are many stupid little principles, hills that I'll die on, that make up my authenticity. I chose to speak of it here and now in order to sorta sell myself, so it feels hypocritical x'D But if I don't shine a spotlight on this, who will. I'm old and jaded and increasingly terrified of how insincere the internet's becoming. Everything's fake, sugarcoated, polished for sale. My art's always been a scream of defiance against all that, now that I'm more or less established, I wanna scream louder. Thanks for hearing my screams. You can scream with me too if you want.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Walking on Sunshine 2

Sister series to Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows

Warnings: non/dubcon, antisocial behaviour, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: God The Bounty Hunter x reader

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

You stopped eating in the lunchroom after your second week with the company. That’s a few years back now but you don’t miss it. You never liked searching for a place to sit or being lonely in a room full of people. Instead, you leave the office and go for a walk, opting to sneak it nibbles at your desk after.

That day is just the same. You’re happy to see the rain has cleared up and so you won’t have to just stand and watch the downpour from under an awning. You grab your jacket, a brown wool with roses sewn into the lapels, and your wallet in case you get a temptation near the cafe.

You take the stairs. Not only is your little strolls meditative, it’s exercise. Sitting all day in your squeaky chair doesn’t do much for your cramped muscles. It’s a small thing but you enjoy it.

Your footsteps echo around you as you fumble for your earbuds. Sometimes it sounds like you’re not alone in the staircase as your soles scuff and reverberate in the empty space. You get to the bottom, catching your breath as you shove the wireless buds in your ears.

Despite using the time to detach and refocus, your choice in content is less than relaxing. The true crime podcast begins with its usual warning and sets your pace as you come out the front doors of the building. 

You head down along your usual path; just down towards the next corporate tower, through the path, and around the park. On the other side of the green, there’s a street full of businesses, including a cafe that sells jelly-filled muffins. You lose track of the narrative of a cheating husband and vengeful wife as you contemplate a sweet treat.

You get to the other side of the park and continue down the street. You pass the vintage stop you’d been in a total of one time and swiftly evacuated upon seeing a price tag. You carry on and stop in front of the cafe… it’s only Tuesday, you should wait until Friday.

You give a bittersweet smile and cross the street, turning back in the direction you came as you round out your usual cycle. As you get to the pavement, you hear the cafe door but the dark figure disappears inside as you glance back. You shrug and keep your pace, just to the other end, back across, and through the park, this time along the small bridge that arcs over the trickling river. 

There’s always hot chocolate at the office. That’s good bait to keep your feet moving.

🌞

Around two, you start to feel the day sitting on your eyelids. You yawn and sit back in your chair, the loud creak drawing the mutter of your seat neighbour. You apologise and steady the chair, bracing the arms as you stand. Your calves are all knotted up.

You shuffle away from your desk and go into the break room. You peek around, your earlier run-in still looming in your mind. You go through the usual routine; rinse your mug, turn on the kettle, and wait. As the water boils, you catch yourself checking over your shoulder. Still alone.

You stir in the powder and toss the stir stick. You turn and nearly cry out at the next surprise. No, it’s not that man, it’s the girl in her bright sweater. She skips through the door as you dribble hot chocolate down your fingers, switching hands to shake off the scalding droplets.

“Oh, hello!” She trills brightly, “mmm, hot chocolate?”

You nod and smile. You try to at least. You want so much to say something to her. To do more than stare back dumbly. Like that man.

“Um,” you chew your lip, “I like your sweater.”

“Huh?” She looks down and tugs at the bottom of the pink pullover, “oh, thanks! I sewed on the hearts myself.”

“That’s so cute,” you squeeze the mug handle.

“I like your blouse! Is it thrift?”

“Hmm?” You scrunch your brow, “oh, uh, yeah, totally vintage.”

“That’s awesome! I love thrifting. I found an old rotary phone the other day, I put it with my squishmallows.”

“Squishmall-ows,” you enunciate curiously, “cool.”

“Oh, let me show you,” she pulls out her phone. Her eagerness, her absolute carelessness, both surprises and calms you. She’s not that intimidating. She shows you a picture of very happy looking stuffed toys.

“Cute,” you remark.

“Right? Oh, I’m Lollipop, I just started in finance.”

You swallow and muster your name and title. Nothing fun, mostly policy reviews.

“I love that name. Well, I’m sorry, I don’t wanna keep you from working… I keep getting in the way.”

“Uh, yeah, they do make you feel like that around here,” you grumble.

She grins, “oh, so I’m not the only one.”

You chuckle and she continues on to the coffee machine. You leave, feeling accomplished. You don’t expect to be good friends but it’ll be nice to have someone to say hello to.

As you get to your desk, you set down your mug and sit, careful not to squeak the chair. You stop short as you reach for your mouse. What’s this? A small brown paper with the marquee of the cafe stamped on it. How…

You lean forward to unfold the top, glancing inside at the crumbly top of the muffin. The smell of apple and cinnamon has your stomach growling. You’re pretty sure your neighbour can hear as they sigh again.

It smells so delicious but where did it come from?

[cacoetheswriting]

Hello! I hope all is well. I had a fluffy request if that’s ok? Eddie x fem!reader where reader is an art nerd that likes to draw for their campaigns. One day, they’re hanging out preparing for the campaign and maybe Eddie had a run in with Jason earlier and was feeling a little down that day so then reader just starts aggressivley complimenting him out if nowhere. I really love your work! ❤️

thank youuu for this request & for your sweet words, makes my heart happy that you like my little fics ❤️ hope i did your vision justice!

-

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader word count: 2.6k content warnings: adult language, use of pet names, a little mutual pining, insecurities / self-doubt, mentions of bullying, mainly just fluff - very much unedited - pls let me know if i missed anything!

Your friendship with Eddie was an odd one — if you could even call it that. More colleagues than friends, to be honest. Or better yet, acquaintances by association.

Freaks. Geeks. Social outcasts.

There was however, one big difference.

Your status at Hawkins High was by design. A strategic decision you put into play long before you even stepped through the building doors. Growing up in a busy house with a younger brother too loud for his own good, solitude was your best friend. Art was your escape. Often you only found time for both at school. So no, you didn’t wanna socialise or try out for the cheerleading team. You were quite content being left alone.

Being neighbours with Nancy Wheeler, and your younger brothers being practically attached at the hip, helped with staying invisible ‘cause who’s gonna bully the girl that sometimes hung out with Nancy and King Steve.

Eddie unfortunately was not as lucky. His label wasn’t his choice — not at first anyway. It followed him through the years from an age arguably too young. No kid deserved to be treated the way he was simply ‘cause of how/where he was brought up. The curly-haired boy couldn’t escape the names, the teasing, the dirty looks. He couldn’t change his fate. So eventually he stopped trying. The Freak.

And perhaps that’s why he’s never fully warmed up to you. You were a fraud, not actually understanding what it’s like to be an outcast.

But it’s not like you cared what Eddie Munson thought of you or if the metalhead liked you in any way. Hanging around him was simply a means to an end. He needed someone to immortalise his D&D campaigns and you needed continuous inspiration as well as material for your portfolio.

Most of your meet-ups were surrounded by quiet.

Thinking back, that was the first mistake since it was in that congenial silence, you noticed how he sucked his lip between his teeth whenever he was deep in thought, and how he’d scrunch his brows together if what he came up with didn’t quite make sense. He was undoubtedly pretty. The faded freckles on his face are reminiscent of a million stars. The dips in his cheeks, appearing whenever he smiled, comparable to picturesque valleys. Those big brown of his eyes were like chocolate buttons and the more time you spent together, the more you thought you caught him glancing in your direction with that cocoa gaze, but that would be insane. Right?

It was also in those moments, as you drew the monsters he described in grave detail, you got to see the Eddie he so desperately tried to hide away from the rest of the world. The real Eddie. He was ridiculously smart. Not many people in Hawkins, if any at all aside from your silly little brother with his band of friends, could come up with such intricate ideas. Funny too, making you snort a laugh one too many times with practically zero effort. And he was kind. Asking you how your day was, seeming genuinely interested in your answer.

The small talk was kept to a minimum in the hours you two spent working on the campaigns, but whenever you did have a short conversation, Eddie always made sure his attention was focused solely on you. The second mistake was letting him, because being his priority, if only in the moment, made your stomach flutter.

But today Eddie hasn't uttered a single word aside from a measly hello when you opened your front door earlier that afternoon to let him in.

Normally the silence doesn’t bother you. If anything, you welcome it as it helps you concentrate on the details of any piece you’re currently working on. There was just something about the way Eddie was sitting that made you feel uneasy. He didn’t seem present. Leaning against your dresser, legs sprawled out in front of him, gaze focused on something out the window as he fidgeted with the pencil in his hand.

At first you thought maybe he was planning the next move in his new campaign and just needed a minute, but then fifteen minutes passed and the metalhead still hadn’t moved. If you didn’t know any better, you’d doubt he was even breathing. As still as a rock.

A sudden wave of concern rushes through you and without taking a second to consider what you were doing, you grab one of the pillows from your bed and throw it in his direction.

“Shit, what the—”

“Are you okay?”

Eddie’s not sure how to answer that question, especially when he looks at you. Eyes wider than normal, accompanied by delicate worry lines that he's never really been on the receiving end of — aside from Wayne's constant frown. Eddie first thinks you're clearly faking the concern 'cause why would you actually care? But the longer his gaze remains connected with yours, the more he wants to believe your sincerity is genuine. And that's fucking scary.

“Yeah,” he says eventually. “Just a lot on my mind. Nothin' you need to worry about.”

But you don't give up as easily as he hoped you would.

“Wanna talk about it?”

His lips twitch though he never actually smiles and you are certain then something definitely happened because it's as if he really wants to offer you a glimpse of happiness, but his body is refusing.

Dropping his gaze to the pencil in his hands, Eddie sighs. “You don't have to do that.”

“Do what?” You ask, stringing your brows together.

“Pretend like you actually give a shit,” he replies with a little more disdain than intended while once again catching your eyes with his own.

You don't mean to scoff, but you do. “Look, Eddie, I know we're not like best of friends or anything,”  you begin, hopping off the bed with an elegant bounce. “But considering lately I spend more time with you than Nancy or Steve, I feel like we can at least talk about shit, no? Like when something is bothering us, we can talk about that.”

He's slightly surprised at your words. The admission that you hang out with him more than your actual friends didn't seem right to him. In his mind, you and Wheeler are inseparable. He sees you two together all the time, sharing a ride to school, having lunch at the same table. And in the evenings or at the weekends, you're always around Harrington and that other girl, Buckley. Not like Eddie seeks you wherever he goes... He's just... observant.

“Come on, sweetheart.” Eddie rolls his eyes, tone full of disbelief. “You don't gotta lie to make me feel better.”

“I'm not,” you defend and sit cross-legged at his feet, knees brushing against the soles of his dirty Converse in the process. You know you don't owe him an explanation or reasoning, but it seems Eddie won't let up about what's on his mind without one. 

“Nancy and I have drifted apart since I kinda took Steve's side in their breakup. Sure we carpool and sit at the same table in the cafeteria, and our idiotic brothers are good friends, but that's pretty much it.”

Eddie starts to feel like a jerk for assuming shit when he clearly had no clue, but you don't give him a chance to interject. 

“And yeah, I see Steve often, but it's not like we're all buddy-buddy. He likes it when I stop by the video store to literally sit on the counter and draw his stupid head of hair just so he can make other girls jealous.”

“Jesus, that's shitty.”

You shrug, a small smile circling your lips. “I don't mind. Free film rental and peaceful sketching time.”

The lighthearted tone of your voice makes the corners of Eddie's mouth curl upwards, matching the expression currently present on your face. There's a semi-second of quiet. He's no longer feeling bad 'cause you've taken those worries away with one simple look. And when you knock your knee against his shoe again, Eddie's completely relaxed.

Lost in the way the sun reflects in your eyes, the metalhead doesn't really think when he asks, “So how come you've never invited me over for movie night, huh?”

You smirk. “Horrors aren't really my thing. I actually like to enjoy what I'm watching,” you tease, “Even if the shit is free. Don't wanna see any decapitations, thank you very much.”

Eddie huffs a laugh. He pulls his legs up before sliding along the carpeted floor of your bedroom until he's about a reach away from you. Closer than he's ever been. His arms make way around his legs, ring-clad fingers hanging low, poking at your calf.

Surprisingly, you don't flinch at Eddie's sudden proximity or the delicate touch.

“Quite presumptuous of you, sweetheart.” He affirms, gaze focused on where his skin brushes against the denim of your jeans.

“So you don't only watch gruesome things?” You challenge, your own fingers hesitantly reaching towards him, stopping before you can actually graze him in any way.

Eddie's smirking. “Not the point.”

“Sounds like I'm right,” you muse, your smile growing wider. “But I'll make you a deal.”

He looks up to meet your eyes then, hiking a brow. “Oh, yeah?”

You nod. “If you tell me what you were thinking about earlier, I'll let you pick a movie we can watch together. Even something horrific.”

This was uncharted territory — (and also your third mistake). The two of you have never hung out outside of working on D&D campaigns, but since Eddie asked a mere minute ago, even if he was just teasing, you figured why the fuck not. What's the worst that could happen? Plus this seemed the only way to get him to open up.

Eddie tugs his bottom lip between his teeth as he mewls over your proposal. On the one hand, talking about feelings or problems isn't something he's necessarily into. And when it comes to spending time with you, part of the allure is congenial silence, unless he's the one fishing for information. On the other hand, his heart rate has increased tenfold at the thought of you hiding in his embrace during a particularly gross scene or before any jump scare.

In the end, the physical urge to be close to you, an unmistakable desire he's been experiencing for far longer than Eddie would care to admit out loud, wins.

“Carver just got in my head.”

The instant frown on your face, and how your fingers are suddenly reaching for his, looping together, make Eddie want to elaborate.

“Called me talentless. Usually the shit that douche and his gang of imbeciles spewer doesn't bother me 'cause I've been called many things throughout my life and whatever they come up with is more idiotic than hurtful, but I dunno, that comment just rubbed me the wrong way.”

He drops his gaze, focusing instead on your hands now perfectly intertwined. He began to rub gentle circles into your soft flesh and although this was completely odd behaviour for the two of you, it felt more than right.

“Because it's not true, Eddie.”

The metalhead's heart flips at your words and the encouraging tone behind them. Although he didn’t let it show, focusing instead on the dips between your knuckles and every single crease in your skin as he squeezed your hand just a little tighter.

“You're not talentless,” you affirm, dipping your head lower in hopes of catching his brown eyes. “If anything, you're one of the most talented people I've ever met.”

“Bullshit,” he mutters, still refusing to look up.

“Eddie, you can't let those idiots make you feel worthless. You've got more talent in your left pinky than Carver and his band of bullies have put together.” You declare, rather passionately at that. “These campaigns you come up with, do you know the imagination that takes? I-I also know you play the guitar a-and sing too. Plus those extra curricular activities of yours require a mathematical brain. That's already also more talent than I have.”

He glances up at you then. “Shut up. As if you actually think I'm more talented than you?” he disputes and jerks his head towards some of the drawings covering the walls. “No one I know could do that and I know I never told you, but my campaigns would be nothin' without your art, sweetheart.”

Although heat rushes to your face at the unexpected compliment, you don't let Eddie's kind words steer you off course. This wasn't about what he thought of you, this was about what you thought of him and, as it turns out, how badly you wanted him to know.

“My stupid brother won't shut up about how fucking cool you are,” you reveal, chewing briefly on the inside of your cheek. “He's never said anything remotely as nice about me.”

Eddie lets out an airy chuckle. He drops his hold on you, but he doesn't give you a moment to even register how you instantly miss his touch, how your hands are burning with invisible imprints of where his skin brushed yours. No, because he's pushing your legs apart with little to no effort and sliding in-between them.

“Well, I happen to think you're cooler than me.”

It's your turn to laugh while again choosing not to comment on his closeness and ignoring how it made you feel. Ignoring how your stomach fluttered as he pressed his legs to your sides, hands hovering near your face as if he debated whether he was crossing some sort of line.

“Right. Don't fuck with me, Munson.”

“Cross my heart,” the metalhead promises. “Why do you think I asked you to help me out in the first place? Why do you think I willingly spend most of my afternoons with you? Like, there's no need for us to do this together. I can come up with the campaigns on my own then share the concepts so you can draw them out.”

You swallow 'cause the thought has never crossed your mind.

Before Eddie approached you with the offer, your knowledge of Dungeons and Dragons was definitely limited, only privy to whatever your brother and his friends shared. When Eddie asked you to draw something that very first time, and every time after that, you didn't stop and think if it was really necessary for you two to sit together for hours on end, crafting and creating on opposite ends of the room. Now that he's mentioned it, you really didn't need to.

“I-I don't—”

“There's no cooler chick than you, sweetheart.” Eddie interrupts, hands now cupping your face, no longer hesitant, and you're left wondering when the topic shifted from a conversation about his talents to whatever this was shaping up to be.

“Eddie...”

“How Harrington can use you to make other girls jealous instead of realising he should just ask you out, I-I don't understand.” The sentence fades with each word until his voice is a low muffle and you're not entirely sure you heard him correctly.

But every fibre of your being is screaming, so you know he definitely said it. And the way his doe-eyes are glimmering, your own reflection prominent in the pretty brown, only cinches that feeling.

Your final mistake is not asking then and there what Eddie meant.

He stands shortly after and extends a hand to also help you up.

“Speaking of, is the King of Hawkins working right now?” Eddie asks and when you nod slowly, still recovering from the small bomb he's after dropping, he claps his hands together. “Let's go then. I'm thinking we can start with My Bloody Valentine and because you're providing the entertainment, I'll get us some snacks.”

thank you for reading!

eddie munson masterlist | main masterlist

[marshmellowtea]

anyway i keep complaining about the killing eve inspired who's lila au living in my head rent free so i might as well. fuckin. make a post about it lmao

putting this under a cut because holy fuck this got long (and this isn't even everything, if you can fucking believe it) (also warning for some mentions of ableism, if there's anything else i need to warn for lmk)

honestly i never watched all of killing eve nor do i really remember most of the plot so i'm calling it "inspired by" rather than a fusion au or something because it's just become more and more its own thing. really this whole thing kicked off because my brain went "hrhrhghg. lila (and will by extension) wearing pretty outfits and killing people while tanya tries to figure out who the fuck she is. mommy issues. sapphic girls. send tweet" and that's the basis this thing was founded on lol. (i was correct for this btw, in case you were wondering /lh)

will and lila do share a body in this au but i'm kinda flip flopping between whether or not they're a system or if i wanna take this further away from the source material and add supernatural elements to this where lila is a tulpa/spirit/whatever tf she is that latched onto will like in their original canon. i'm kinda leaning toward the latter because i don't want this to fall into stereotypes about people with DID being scary or evil (like. lila isn't evil in this au but she does enjoy killing people which can frankly pose a Problem even if i do try to be delicate/more nuanced about it) but i feel like stereotypes can happen either way so i'm. trying to figure out what to do here ahgkldjglk. this is another reason this au was originally going to stay solely in my head but honestly i developed too much to keep it bottled up so HGDKSJFKL

either way they share a body but lila does all of the killing because will is squeamish and frankly far too sweet to be a murderer lmao. they have a way better relationship here than the one they have in canon, they're more like friends or siblings and lila goes out of her way to protect will......even if she can be a bit careless with their body sometimes. when she does get injured on assignments though she tends to get him a treat (things like clothes, food, stuffed animals, toys, books, games, etc agere stuff too because that slipped in here OOPS) to try and make up for it, though honestly, sometimes she gets him things just because. their apartment is littered with things lila bought (or stole....) for him at this point cuz it's the way she shows her love for him basically. what else is she gonna do, express it verbally? fuck that lmao

i was kinda agonizing about this choice but yu is their handler/the one who gives them their missions, and also their surrogate father figure because of course he is lmao. i was kinda worrying about this being ooc for him but then i realized like....he was part of the group that killed the rest of the lawrence fraternity, which regardless of intention is still murder ahglkdjsf. i feel like a lot of people gloss over how morally dubious that was, even if it was almost definitely his best option given the circumstances, so i'm just taking that same logic and bringing it here--lila was trained to kill by and for the lawrence fraternity in this au, and once they're gone (either by dying, arrest, or something else, maybe she just runs from them idk that could be interesting) she just continues killing because it's all she knows. since she refuses proper rehabilitation, yu here is like "look, if you want to kill, we can find some people we need you to kill as a last resort, and we'll even pay you well for it. please stop killing random people you choose to pick fights with" ahdlkjlkJFD. also, having her technically employed by him helps keep her and will close so that he can make sure they're safe because he worries about these orphaned teenagers okay :'))

tanya's role here is kinda nebulous here, originally she was going to be an agent tracking lila down like eve was but i didn't wanna bother messing with these character's ages (i ALREADY have an au where they're aged up to their mid twenties for the sake of plot so give me a break lmao) so now she's more like.....technically a witness who decides to get invested in the case despite being like 17/18 and having no expertise lmao. like in the og killing eve i was thinking maybe she meets lila in the bathroom before she kills someone and thus becomes obsessed with her when she realizes she's probably the killer? i have to work on her more idk i just want these two to be weirdly obsessed with each other and for tanya to frantically hunt her down with her limited resources before they eventually meet and KISS about it

tbh as an additional motive for tanya i have been toying with the idea of martha being the one lila kills since that's her friend and it would fit with that one who's lila scene BUT two problems: 1) i would have to come up with a reason for lila to have to kill martha and i can't. really think of a good one especially if yu is the one giving her orders, and 2) i would just feel really bad about doing that to her. hgdalksjflksadf. she might be spared solely on my guilt alone honestly, we'll see what happens.

anyway that's the basics of the au i just wanted to get this fucking word vomit out there. i may or may not post more about this later (or, god forbid, i might write an actual fic, could you fucking imagine lmao) but yeah. if you read all of this bless your soul i love you

[baku-bowl]

broke 1,000 followers (the fuck? I don't even make content people), so decided to write up a list of some (but not all, I'll make other lists later) of my favorite Bakugou-centric fic recs. my tastes run towards hurt/comfort, as you'll probably figure from the list. if there are some Baku-centric fics that you've enjoyed that aren't on here, please add them - this is definitely not a complete list of the ones I've read and love, but I'm always up for some recs. <3

fair warning, most of these are wips.

------------------------------------------------

Social Media 101 by WindsChild8178

Part 1: Survival Guide to Fucking Up

[Solely Bakugou’s point of view]

Katsuki Bakugou doesn’t have a gentle bone in his body. He’s aggressive in everything he does and does everything with 100% of his heart in it. After the Sport’s Festival, Katsuki starts to get harassed by strangers for his unheroic demeanor. It starts with letters but it doesn’t end there. The moment Katsuki realizes the harassment has entered dangerous territory and he needs to tell someone, it’s already too late.

Part 2: Post Traumatic Life Disorder

[Point of View opens up to Bakugou, teachers and classmates]

When the Dorms are finally built, everyone is settling in well, but things become tense as people begin to realize something isn’t right with the recently rescued Bakugou.

[Cannon compliant right up to after the License Exam]

hands down my favorite fic in the fandom right now. it’s the one that converted me into a Bakugou lover. if you have any fondness for Bakugou as a character then it’s likely you’ve read this one already, but if not, I can’t recommend it enough. incredibly depressing, but with the hope that comfort is coming soon in the next few chapters.

The Kids Will Be Alright, Eventually by NotWithThatAttitude

Bakugou is spiraling in the aftermath of Kamino and his friends are starting to notice. He's stubborn, aggressively independent, and less than willing to dig into his past, but after a breakdown that ends with a painful secret revealed, he starts to get help.

Whether he likes it or not.

Meanwhile, a new kind of villain threatens an uneasy peace following the loss of Allmight. Whispers build as a new narrative slowly takes shape:

Hero society needs to change.

Feat. Therapy, Dadzawa, best boy Kirishima, dysfunctional families, healing, growing up, and the mortifying ordeal of being known

guys.. the medical accuracy of this fic is just... *chef’s kiss*

I rarely see mental health genuinely handled well in fics, but this one goes above and beyond. kudos to the author for doing such excellent research into psychology, and making the application of it in here not-boring. also, while this one does have abusive!Mitsuki, it’s done in a way that feels realistic, and how I usually will see it occur in real life, rather than just for the hurt/comfort feels.

fair warning, the fic can be incredibly triggering (themes of severe depression, PTSD, panic attacks, rape survival, abuse survival, suicidal ideation/attempted suicide, among other things), so be safe and heed the tw’s if you decide to read. legitimately one of my Top Favorite fics in this fandom.

Lock and Key by autochorystalize

Bakugou made a choked, gravelly noise before croaking out a low, “You can’t be serious.” His fingers ached to blow up everything in the room.

“I’m sorry, young man, but you can’t change reality! This sometimes happens.” Recovery Girl clicked through his file, adding a new symbol in a previously empty slot.

- - -

A pair of eyes discreetly locked on to an explosive blond plowing his way forward, parting people in his path. He recognized the kid, of course. Anyone in the underbelly of society would recognize him, after the publicity of both UA’s Sports Festival and the events leading up to All Might’s fall. The uniform he was wearing cast away any doubts about the young man’s identity.

It was a bit of a surprise that the little firecracker presented as an omega.

- - - - - - - - -

Or: there are certain types of evil that seemed too distant, archaic violations and perversions that would never actually threaten bright-eyed heroes-in-training in the clean, modern world...but sometimes those evils aren't as distant as one might think.

remember when I said that I love a/b/o fics that are full of plot and world-building and gender-induced tension? that’s this one. the OC’s are fabulous and you love to hate ‘em. also, it’s the fic that made me fall head-over-heels for the TodoBaku dynamic, so it’s got a special place in my cold, dead heart. 

be warned, there are rather explicit non-con scenes between an adult (OC) and a minor (Bakugou) in this one, but the author warns for them in advance, and you could likely skip those parts without missing too much if you need to.

Never and Always, Eventually by Wawa_Boonliang

"Katsuki can remember the exact moment that he and Deku…that he and Midoriya Izuku became friends. He can also remember the moment he and Izuku became fierce rivals, a time when they were almost enemies.

However, what he remembers most clearly about their relationship is the moment that they moved passed rivals and became something more close than mere friends. Something more like brotherhood, something forged in fire and secured in the middle of a battlefield or in the midst of natural disaster where the number of the dead was climbing ever higher. And then it was torn from him."

Katsuki is given a second chance. A chance to save everyone. A chance to change everything.

But should he?

y’all. I’m a slutty, slutty whore for time travel fics. a time travel fic with autistic!coded Bakugou? it was love at first read.

Lessons Learned by Sif (Rosae)

Rather than the police station, Katsuki's friends bring him to a hospital after rescuing him from the villains. His wounds were minor, but it didn't make having them treated any less important. As it would so happen, Best Jeanist was also brought to this hospital after the attack.

Sometimes, small choices have a big impact on how a story plays out.

classic Bakugou hurt/comfort. this fic opened me up to the potential that could be a genuinely good Best Jeanist & Katsuki mentor-mentee relationship, and I kind of dig it and search ravenously for it in other fics now. I’m also a huge fan of the behind-the-scences Pro Hero Chat group.

Slope by sunfleurmoon

“I’m not a hero. Or a good person,” Katsuki says, giving Aizawa a pointed look, “So leave me alone. I don’t care about the League or UA, or you—” The two years he’s been away have been fine, more than fine, fucking fantastic actually if you ignore the bi-monthly near-death experiences. He doesn’t need this place. He doesn’t miss this place.

And yet, longing, a childish desire to tear up, or maybe blow something to bits, they all twist in his chest like a band of traitors regardless. “—I just want to go home.”

Or: the one where Katsuki and Izuku fail the first term exam, Aizawa discovers their pasts, and Katsuki is booted from UA. Featuring questionable descriptions of villain organizations, a slightly illegal moving shop, and your favorite emotionally constipated badass in distress with a newly discovered penchant for collecting strays.

paaaaaaiiiiiiiin. the hurt is ALIVE in this one. lots of tortured, angsty exploding child goodness. the OC’s are excellently crafted, and the Bakugou & Eri relationship? beautiful. definitely deserves a read.

Ground Zero by WindsChild8178

In the wake of Kamino, Katsuki is tested more than anyone could imagine. Bound by a villain’s quirk to keep his silence or die, he lives each day knowing it might very well be his last. He continues to work towards becoming a hero, keeping his secret from his classmates and teachers, focusing on making it through each day and trying not to allow the panic or depression to get the best of him. When the villain finally corners him with demands in exchange for his life, there is really only one answer Katsuki Bakugou can give.

honestly don't know which I want updated more - social media 101 or ground zero. this author's fics are amazing, and I really wasn't expecting the twist in this one. can't wait for windschild to come back to this fic some day.

The Defect by LadyGreenFrisbee

"Why do you want to win the Sports Festival so badly?" 

Because I want to see if the defect could usurp the masterpiece.

(In which Endeavor holds a terrible secret and Bakugo has to suffer since childhood for it.)

a great concept, and I adore the shouto and Katsuki sibling interaction here. hoping the author will come back to this one some day.

A Name That You'll Remember by Heronfem

Kirishima Eijirou is a Hero. Bakugou Katsuki... is not. Trapped in his toxic workplace and increasingly desperate to get out, Red Riot's days are only brightened by a new villain known as Caution, who's not exactly villainous and keeps accidentally doing good deeds. But when a real villain appears, a threat from the past that demands that Red Riot make the ultimate sacrifice to keep the public safe, Bakugou is forced into saving the day... and eventually, Red Riot himself.

sob story good guy villains are my weakness, this fic is a gem, and I'd kill for the sequel.

Our Hero by AnonymousTwit

He felt everything jerk to the side and throw his balance off before he saw anything, dust clouding his vision and irritating his lungs as the earth itself opened up to swallow them whole. For a single moment, in a millisecond's time, his wild eyes locked with Raccoon Eyes', hers alight with fear and adrenaline-fueled desperation. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that it was the first time she'd looked at him with something other than long-deserved hatred in days.

And then he was free falling.

Or

After a particularly nasty encounter between childhood friends, the class learns about Bakugou and Midoriya's dark history and practically ostracizes Bakugou while trying to defend Midoriya. An earthquake during an outing has all sides regretting their decisions.

just fucking tear apart my self-sacrificing faves in every way imaginable while their loved ones watch on in terror. 💖🥰💖 this one is heavy on the Bakusquad and Class-1A feels, and VERY heavy on the Mina & Bakugou relationship (platonic).

Running back the tape, watching it replay by Faralyne

For someone ripped from their time, ripped from the few but strong relationships built by time and personal development, by self-reflection and swallowed pride, ripped from the one thing that made him feel worthwhile and needed and put-together, and forced to forge everything over again—Katsuki thinks he is handling it pretty fucking well.

Or

A villain’s quirk sends a 29-year-old Bakugou back in time to his middle school days.

am I a sucker for time travel? yes. am I a sucker for vigilante!bakugou? also yes. am I a sucker for this fic? literally refreshing the page in wait for an update as we speak.

Liability by sandelf

After All-Might dies rescuing Bakugou from the League, Bakugou is determined to prove it wasn't for nothing.

But the world is against him, his grief is overwhelming, and his stability is splitting at the edges.

very self-indulgent bakugou angst. tw for harassment, severe depression, and suicidality.

Special Mentions:

How To Win The Sport Festival: A Step By Step Guide by mhwright

Short re-imagining of the Sports Festival Arc if Shinso had planned a little better and worked a little harder to win the Sports Festival and if the match-ups had been slightly different. Self-indulgent fic of watching him succeed.

this is completely Shinsou-centric, not Bakugou-centric, but I love and adore it and am dying for a sequel. Shinsou is Best Boy here and you'll be rooting for him the whole time.

[anarchy2021]

PSA Day! (Rp etiquette)

{ID: A person standing next to a flipchart. They're thin, and have medium-length brown hair, pale skin, and dark brown ears. The ears are angled horizontally. They're wearing thin-rimmed glasses, and their expression reads as confident. Their hair is partially tied up in a bun. They also have a long tail the same brown as their ears, with brown fur the same color as their hair on the end. They're wearing black trousers, a black waistcoat with a white shirt underneath. Additionally, a black overcoat with gold edges is draped over their shoulders. The inner lining of the overcoat is red, and partially visible behind the person. They have their right hand on their hip, and with their left hand, they're holding a stick up to the flipchart, which reads "RP 101 :)". The 101 is underlined. END ID.}

Greetings! You may not recognize me (unless you were watching the debate perhaps, then, sup) as I admit I’ve been a bit…. Behind the scenes as it were (as secretary of VOID there is a lot of looking at the void, usual routine for me mhm mhm). Regardless, I’m Days (or Nights, either or) and for today’s PSA I’m here (along with some words from our recently freed from totally-not-prison president, Graphite, at a later date) to talk to you about roleplay! More specifically, rp etiquette and terms and how that relates to the DSMP and how it should be talked about. 

Now now, you might be wondering “oh but what is your experience?” Glad you asked! I’m a long term text rper with over 5 years of experience- and my main avenues of rp are rps similar in structure to that of the DSMP- long term improv driven sandboxes that also have important events planned ahead of time in some regard but are often player driven most of the time. Now, let’s get into it!

Head writers/admins

Let’s start off with a pretty hot topic regarding the server, which is the existence of a ‘head writer’ (usually in reference to Mr. Soot). Now, mainy take this as meaning quite literally a writer- like in a show, but, with what information we have I think it’s safe to say he’s not really that and more along the lines of an rp admin/head. The admin’s main purpose is to keep things structured and organized, as well as putting together the events they’re in charge of. This is pretty much how everyone treats the man anyways, BUT, while an admin is in charge of a lot they do NOT have the final say over everything, particularly in regards to the characters and their players. 

Players in an rp for the most part have full control over their characters (within reason and the confines of the rp setting) and an admin enforcing their will onto a character (such as enforcing certain backstory choices that don’t seem particularly wanted. For example, the fridge with c!Phil) is often frowned upon unless there is a good reason for it and discussed with the rper. 

It is also notable that just because there is an admin, that doesn’t mean they’re the sole writer/organizer/etc. It is not at all uncommon for specific subplots and or other important events to be headed by players involved in it in this type of rp. This can be seen in practice with how the Eggpire plotline was headed by BBH and the prison plotline was mainly written by Dream and Tommy. 

Summary:

- head writer/admins do not and should not control everything

- organise and structure events

- players might admin their own smaller plots within a rp

Narrative consequences

Now, another hot topic- especially in regards to character discourse (my abhorred personally). Narrative consequences. These are generally referred to when someone thinks a character is not getting the consequences for their actions in the story that they should, or (more rarely in my experience) when they feel a character is being punished too hard for their actions. While this is an understandable feeling to have, at the end of the day narrative consequences just aren’t much of a thing in roleplay, at least not to the same extent as a book or tv show. 

This is for one simple reason, consequences rely on the character’s actions and how they respond to others around them, if a character does not feel like it’s fit to react or if it angers their character- it is 100% within their right to respond accordingly. 

However, there is also an argument that can be made if a character responds to something in a way that doesn’t align with a character’s usual actions. For a personal example, one time in a rp I was playing a character who was intervening when another character was being hurt, however, my character was met with scorn from being somewhat aggressive regarding it- I felt that this was unfair as none of these character showed the same scrutiny to characters who did worse things, and none of these characters had been established as hypocrites. 

This grudge lasted the entire rp until my character died. This is a point where believing that the consequences to a character are unjust is more or less fair, but, a character simply not getting immediately smited or a character getting scorn is not automatically a point against the character, especially since an rper cannot reasonably make their fellow rpers react a certain way.  

Summary:

- narrative consequences are not the same in RP as in other mediums

- can't force characters to react, or force players to react in a way they don't feel is fit

- but can critique RP if things feel unfairly ooc/inconsistent

Retcons

Next up, retcons. What is a retcon? It’s short for retroactive continuity, in essence it’s when in a piece of media something is changed retroactively- such as a character’s personality, how an event occurred, etc. for an outsider audience perspective retcons are often looked upon unfavorably, as it’s changing something already established which can cause friction among those attached to certain ideas, but in reality retcons are both a neutral concept and fairly normal to occur in rps. 

Rps are (generally) not professional writing, they’re things made up on the fly with perhaps a base to work off of (and depending on the rp, not even that. However in the rps I’ve done we generally had character sheets and the like for backstories and all) and thus sometimes mistakes happen. One of the main causes for minor retcons is when details are confused or left out that would have realistically affected the situation or how characters would have responded to it, unless in severe cases these usually happen on the spot and don’t cause much of a fuss. 

Major retcons often fall along the lines of players and how they choose to present their character. This is especially common when a player is using a character for the first time or even if they’re just new to an rp in general, sometimes as we rp we simply decide to take things in a new direction and sometimes that direction may cause things already established to be retconned, even if not outright stated. 

A good example of this is the enderwalk with c!Ranboo, the enderwalk as it was first introduced is very different than it is portrayed now, likely as a result of Ranboo taking a new direction with his character since then. More widespread retcons may happen if people are unhappy with a certain plot thread, in this case an example would be the canon status of SBI, Wilbur used to push it but Techno (and later Phil) didn’t want it to be canon, so anything about it previously said has been soundly retconned. 

In my own case character retcons very often happen to me when I first use an oc, as the character takes a different shape than what I put on the paper in practice, even sometimes within the same rp (one of my first ocs was practically unrecognizable as the same character in the beginning of an rp as compared to even just a few weeks later).

So, retcons are fine and normal to occur, but, like I said- they’re neutral. A retcon can very well be done poorly and cause problems. This is mainly in issue with retcons made that affect highly established and built upon aspects without discussion with all those who’d be effected, this can cause confusion, plot holes and cause characters to be in a weird limbo if they don’t know how to have their character act without whatever was retconned. Major retcons need to be discussed in order to prevent these problems, and in some cases should be avoided entirely- instead it being better to work for a compromise and rework events rather than removing them. 

Summary:

- retcons are normal and neutral

- small retcons happened frequently in RP to help keep things going in an improv heavy medium. Usually unnoticeable

- large retcons tend to have with new players, or if the story is taking a new direction.

- large retcons require a lot of communication, and sometimes whould be avoided, instead working to compromise and rework the direction of the RP

Metagaming and godmodding

Metagaming and godmodding are two very important terms to know for rp etiquette and if you’ve done any rping you’ve probably seen these words thrown around in rules lists and such already. These are both ultimately negative things that should be avoided at all costs. What are they? Metagaming is when you use information that you know OOC and use it IC even though your character should not have that information. Godmodding is when a character is taken over by another person for one reason or another against the player’s will- such as having a character react to something without letting the actual rper do it. 

The former is a big issue when it comes to discussion of the DSMP and how people interact with it, mainly in the chat and donos. When you are trying to get a character to react to information that they shouldn’t have you are trying to get them to metagame, which is heavily frowned upon in an RP. This is also important to note in discussion, a character not responding to certain important events is not a mark against them if the character has no way of even knowing what was going on, or would not reasonably respond to it with the information they have. 

Summary:

- both frowned upon

- god modding is taking over someone elses character

- metagaming is using out of character information to do in character acting

- Meta gaming is relevant to DSMP particular in how it relates to donos and chats. Don't encourage meta-gaming

All of these factors are important to consider when discussing the DSMP and it’s narrative, it’s not going to function the same as other forms of media nor should it- as once you go in that direction you’re competing with the big boys over at tv and at that point things would fall apart. Improv and it’s unique variables is what makes the DSMP, and anything else like it, special and interesting to follow!

[sofreddie]

Friday Feature: October 1, 2021

Welcome to the Friday Feature, where every Friday I feature a different Fanfic Writer’s blog. This week’s Feature Blog is:

Link to Masterlist

About the Author:

I have been writing short stories and poems since I was a teenager; I even managed to win a couple of awards in high school. I didn’t start writing fanfic until very recently, however. I posted my first fic two and a half years ago. I joined tumblr with the intent of simply reading fanfic and maybe connecting with a few people over our love for Dean and Supernatural. Yet, here I am a little over three years later, with a new creative obsession, and a horde of new friends because of writing.

Other info and plugs:

I genuinely enjoy beta/alpha reading fics and helping others with their stories. So much so that I am currently in the process of starting my own proofreading business. It’s still in the very early stages, but I hope to have a site up and running by Spring 2022.

Author’s Fave Personal Fics:

*My favorites continually change over time-these are the current ones.

Trust You With My Heart

Summary: She trusts him with her life, but can she trust him with her heart?

Why the author likes this fic:

It’s my first foray into writing about cardiophilia, other than a small drabble. It was initially meant to be a one-shot for a challenge, it grew into so much more, and I have had so much fun writing this series. I was stunned by the enthusiastic and, dare I say, heartwarming response that the series received. I love the relationship between Dean and the Reader and have a lot more planned for them.

Sacrifice

Summary: sac’ri·​fice’ v. 1 to give up something that is valuable to you in order to help another person 2 to give up something for something else considered more important (Cambridge Dictionary, 2020)

Why the author likes this fic:

Those that follow my weekly fic recs know that angst is a staple in the list of fics I choose to read. Most of the stories I have written generally contain angst in them as well. Although, they usually have a happy ending. Sacrifice was the first fic I wrote that focused solely on pain and heartbreak.

Together We Are the Storm

Summary: Angry with the way the brothers have been treating her, the Reader decides to take matters into her own hands and fight through the storm that is Dean Winchester.

Why the author likes this fic:

I feel like I stepped up my writing with this story and finally managed to jump a hurdle I was struggling with. I love the fire in this reader and had a blast writing the entire story. I was a lot more confident in my voice and writing style with this fic, and I am delighted with the response it has received so far.

Author’s Fic Recommendations:

*Heads up, as I mentioned before, I love angst and the recs below are all filled with emotion and heartbreak. There are so many more that I absolutely adore, which is why I have my weekly fic recs, but these have bored their way deep into my soul.

Now and Then {Ongoing Series} - by @thinkinghardhardlythinking

Summary: Y/N and Dean met a few years ago, both lost in the uncertainty of their lives which were so far from what they had hoped for them to be, but love affairs end, some with heartbreak. Y/N moves on but when her new life sends her crashing back into Dean’s orbit, she wonders if, for her, it will ever truly be over.

Why the author likes this fic:

It is a stunningly beautiful tale of longing and love, of trying to find one’s place in the world, and realizing that it’s okay to put your own feelings and desires first sometimes. The Reader is strong and outspoken, which is a trait I always love to read. I relate so much to Dean in this fic, in that I currently find myself in a life I am not happy with due to the ill-fated choices I made in the past that were dictated by others and what was expected of me. Saira’s stories are always so nuanced and filled with emotion. The sophistication in @thinkinghardhardlythinking’s writing is just stunning!

Lie To Me / Additional Chapters - by @angelkurenai

Summary: Imagine Dean and Sam getting transported to the French Mistake universe. Only for Dean to realize he is married to you, his best friend, love of his life and… Sam’s girlfriend.

Why the author likes this fic:

One of the first fanfics I ever read, and I still go back to read it every few months. It is a very unique take on the French Mistake episode concept and is so beautifully crafted by @angelkurenai. It makes me cry, my heart race and lets me lose myself in a stunning tale of heartbreak, longing, and so much love.

Ephemeral - by @atwistoffate

Summary: All she wants is to live. All he wants is to save her. This is the story of their last road trip together.

Why the author likes this fic:

Another early read that has stuck with me and has been read many, many times. Have tissues handy when you read this one by @atwistoffate. Although it’s an AU, the story is about the sacrifices that Dean is willing to make for the one he loves.

Broken Series - by @atwistoffate

Summary: The man you love is about to marry someone else. This is how the worst day of your life begins.

Why the author likes this fic:

Another tearjerker by @atwistoffate; I sobbed for days over this story. My eyes are welling even as I type this rec. Joy and pain fill this rollercoaster love story of a life that Dean deserved.

Hold Her Tight - by @waywardbaby

Summary: A story of a deep need to feel someone close to you

Why the author likes this fic:

There are only two lines of dialogue in this fic-the same three words. However, Zee, @waywardbaby, managed to convey so much emotion in this beautifully written story. The need, adoration, and softness that she channeled through the words reach in and grip my heart tight every time I think about it.

Thank you for checking out this week’s Friday Feature. Be sure to check out their blog, follow, send asks, go crazy! Check out all the fics linked and be sure to REBLOG and COMMENT!

Authors love to know what you think about their work - not just praise, but constructive criticism as well.

Constructive criticism is a helpful way of giving feedback that provides specific, actionable suggestions. Rather than providing general advice, constructive criticism gives specific recommendations on how to make positive improvements. Constructive criticism is clear, to the point and easy to put into action.

Shout out to @talesmaniac89 for the beautiful dividers she created and offered up for us for free! Check out her other resources here.

Would you like your blog to be showcased in a Feature Friday?

Maybe you have a fic you’ve written that you’d like to be included in the weekly Fic Recommendations?

Something you’ve read and loved?

Tag me! Send an ask! Drop a DM!

And as always, Happy Fanfic-ing!

Want even MORE? Check out the Friday Feature Masterlist!

Forevers:

@sis-tafics

@lyarr24

@calaofnoldor

@hobby27

@spnbaby-67

@fangirlxwritesx67

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@donnaintx

@wonder-cole

@waynes-multiverse

FRIDAY FEATURE:

@deanwanddamons

@itmighthavebeenintentional

@there-must-be-a-lock

[delicioussshame]

I blame people expressing interest in this series. You know who you are.

For those who are not those people, have this SY’s pov that’s a direct sequel to this, which is itself a sequel to this. There’s also this one. It’s Shencest.

“Why didn’t you let me die?” Wouldn’t that have been better for them both? Shen Yuan would certainly have preferred that to being forcefully outed as the kind of pervert who, upon meeting his doppelganger, decides to fuck them.

Kill is obviously the superior option.

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t twitch. “It wasn’t an option. Liu Qingge would have done it, and I refuse to let him touch my body.”

Shen Yuan flushes at the idea. Liu Qingge? Shen Qingqiu must have misunderstood. Liu Qingge seems like the type that would wait to get married before having sex.

He might have done it to save Shen Yuan’s life though. He’s the sacrificing type.

Oh well, better to have shamed himself than having forced unwanted sex on Liu Qingge, probably.

Time to disappear and never come back.

Or he would if that was an option. First, he’s not well enough to do it. He’d fall off of his sword. Second, that would leave Shen Qingqiu the sole peak lord of Qing Jing Peak, and Shen Yuan isn’t ready to let that happen. He doesn’t think he could live with himself if he let Ming Fan return to the mean little bootlicker he was in the book, or if Shen Qingqiu’s continued existence gave birth to a second Luo Binghe, mistreated and underestimated.

He never thought his choice to remain would go down well, but he never, not even once, expected it would result in him and Proud Immortal Demon Way’s main nemesis doing… the things they are doing. How could he have expected it? He still doesn’t understand why he lets it happen. It’s just… Every time someone calls him Shizun, that wasn’t really him they were calling. Every time someone treats him with respect, it’s respect for the body he’s living in and the skills its previous owner had honed, nothing Shen Yuan himself had done. He’s used Shen Qingqiu’s standing for all it was worth without a second thought for the one who had earned said standing. Could he really tell Shen Qingqiu, the real Shen Qingqiu, that he couldn’t do whatever he wished with his own body, the body Shen Yuan stole from him? Even if he didn’t choose to do it, Shen Yuan’s arrival in this world still had killed Shen Qingqiu early. From a much less painful death, certainly, but still early, early enough that he wasn’t guilty yet of his worst transgressions.

He hopes Liu Qingge won’t ask for explanations when he visits tomorrow. He could never explain this to a man like him.

“Mu Qingfang said you needed to rest.  Go to bed.”

Yeah, no. As much as it hurts him to recall the fog of lust and pain that had overwhelmed him, he can’t deny he’s still wearing its remnants on his skin. He feels gross. “I’m taking a bath first.”

“I’m coming with you.”

It’s not a request. Very few things Shen Qingqiu say are.

Anyway, Shen Yuan is too tired to argue with him. If Shen Qingqiu wants to follow him into the bath, Shen Yuan won’t say a word, especially if he takes care of preparing it, or, more likely, gets Ming Fan to do it for him.

_________

The hands travelling on his skin, identical to his in every way, aren’t mean. They tend to linger where they left marks, but they don’t press on them the way they sometimes do, to make sure the marks remain as long as possible.

Maybe it’s to differentiate them.

Maybe it’s to make it clear whose body this is.

Today, they only wash him; without excessive tenderness, but without the expected anger.

Shen Yuan wonders what Shen Qingqiu is thinking. If he was right, he should have let Liu Qingge take care of him instead of unveiling their sordid affair. How will he deal with it?

Then again, Shen Yuan suspects Mu Qingfang and Yue Qingyuan will understand how delicate the situation is, and thus will take that secret to the grave. As for Liu Qingge, he’s not the type to gossip. If Shen Yuan asks him to keep silent, he will. He’s a man of his word.

They must be repulsed. Who would sleep with one’s double? Who could be so vain? Nothing good can come out of this.

Shen Yuan feels his eyes close as the warm water lulls him to sleep. The day has been demanding. He is deeply, profoundly tired.

His arm is being grabbed. A second later, he’s being forcefully pulled out of the water. “Don’t sleep here.”

Shen Yuan nods, trying to stay awake long enough for the towel to do its job.

He half-consciously goes for what used to be Binghe’s room. Most of the time, he isn’t willing to fight Shen Qingqiu for the main bedchamber. This is certainly one of those times.

Again, Shen Qingqiu refuses to let him go, instead dragging him into his, their, bedroom.

Shen Yuan ends up staring at the ceiling, as far from Shen Qingqiu as he can be without falling off the bed.

“You could have killed me.”

Shen Yuan understand that what Shen Qingqiu means is you could have killed my body. “We can die every day.” He was out with Liu Qingge. Death is always a possibility. A very distant one, because he doesn’t think Liu Qingge would let anything happen to him, but his presence is usually accompanied with that of deadly beasts, so.

“You’re not allowed to die away from me.”

Not from my hand, maybe? Not where Shen Qingqiu could not repossess the body he was born with?

If Shen Yuan were to die, he would want Shen Qingqiu to take the body back. It is his, after all. “I won’t.”

“You’d better, or you will regret it.”

How could I? I’d be dead.

Then again, if anyone knows how not final death can be, it’s Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan doesn’t answer, preferring to let sleep steal him away from Shen Qingqiu’s strange insistence and his stranger, unblinking stare.

[utilitycaster]

Thats interesting to read. Idk to me Vax is always a big sulking asshole and i really didnt like how he treated Vex and Keyleth sometimes and kind is definitely not a word id use for him. I admit that Liam's play style isnt really my thing and im not a fan of either of his pcs and maybe my annoyance at the fans of both Vax and Caleb makes me judge them more harshly than others. But the next time i rewatch i'll look for what you're saying. I still dont think i would describe him as kind though.

Yeah...I've talked about this before and I'm not maintagging this because I'm happy to field good-faith questions but I'm not interested in hardcore discourse but while I do think Liam has this weird polarized following that is unhinged on both ends, and while I also think it's totally valid to have negative feelings about something because the fans are very annoying, one still must actually look at canon and be like "okay I don't like this but is it true".

There are definitely choices made by Vax I don't love, but I really can't think of a time when he treated Vex or Keyleth unkindly. The harshest moment I can think of with Vex is him telling her he doesn't feel comfortable talking about Keyleth with her, and she was being pretty aggressive to start with. For that matter, even when I haven't liked Liam's acting or playstyle choices I've generally found him to be a pretty strong advocate for the women of the cast; one thing that always stands out to me is Liam and Sam telling anyone who was attempting to interrupt the cupcake scene that there was literally no reason to do so and to let Laura continue finishing out what she was trying to do, or Liam using Lieve'tel to explicitly state in-game that Vex and Keyleth would live full lives without Vax there, or making a concerted effort to have scenes with Ashley to get her back into the swing of things and incorporate Yasha into the group.

I mean I think I've been particularly vocal about how badly the fandom treated Jester w/r/t Caleb, and I feel the same thing happened with Vex and Keyleth w/r/t Vax, but I think I've also been equally vocal that it was purely within the fandom and never in canon (and, indeed comes from the same exact place of letting love of a character lead them away from the literal events).

Basically I find myself in an awkward middle regarding something that as said is really polarized, where I'm like "people who loudly proclaim how they are sobbing each time Vax's name is mentioned and argue that the Mighty Nein should have abandoned all their individual goals and desires to focus solely on Caleb can fuck off, but also people who ignore the entirety of canon because they've decided to direct their bile towards just some guy from New Jersey instead of at a Republican politician or something can fuck off". And in the end, it's two loud tiny minorities and a lot of people who I suspect feel roughly as I do but the internet does not reward boring measured opinions and also a lot of people understandably do not have my personality trait of "well someone's gotta hit the wasp's nest with a bat."

tl;dr it's totally cool if an actor's style does not work for you and to be irritated at segments of the fandom to the point that it shifts your opinions on characters/ships/whatever, but I do feel it's absolutely crucial to step back and look at what actually happened on the show, otherwise one runs the risk of becoming only against things rather than enjoying one's self.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi. I hope you had/are having a great summer break. I (INTP) am hoping for some perspective about an issue. Recently, my mother, whom I hadn’t seen in a while, became incredibly frustrated that I corrected her with an alleged “I know everything” attitude.

It’s an issue of concern because she revealed that I always do this. I guess this was the straw that broke it, especially given that what we were discussing was very trivial. (Maybe the frivolousness of the subject is precisely what made my correction seem more pedantic, unnecessary, arrogant.) She says that my attitude disregards her long life experience, and that if she were a stranger, she would think of me as a “snot-nosed brat who knows nothing about life” instead of as a “wise young person”, which is the viable alternative. She said that I am closed-minded and that I shoot everything down. (The problem of small-mindedness is what you addressed the only other time I wrote to you.)

I don’t know why I come off as arrogant. I’m sure that I’m not. I asked my mother what it was that made her think that, which she thought was a silly question because what she sensed was a general demeanor rather than specific behaviors. In the end we were only able to establish that my lack of eye contact was one of those factors. I can work on that, but surely that’s not determinant. What makes people think of others as arrogant? Should I stop correcting people? I don’t correct others in order to feel superior to them. I do it because I like to debate, in order to keep my thinking sharp, and because there is something painful about friends/family having false notions. I think it’s fair to say that my intention isn’t rooted in arrogant soils.

Granted, my suggestion of stopping correcting people is black-and-white, given that there is the grey option of changing the *way* I correct people. I’m just wondering if it’s an unhealthy habit in the first place. But given how prevalent a thought process it is (i.e. questioning people’s statements and finding faults), the process of getting rid of it may be akin to self-directed psychological violence. I mean, this is the same mode of being that makes me good at what I’m good at. (There’s also the option of keeping the thought process, but not correcting people aloud, but I don’t know what else there is to talk about other than analyzing ideas and their faults. Maybe I should analyze ideas for their strengths too, and express that side more than the faults.)

So anyway, let’s go with grey: So far I’ve tried thinking of an arrogant person that I know in order to understand my behavior, but I can’t think of anyone. Also, no matter how hard I try to put myself in someone else’s shoes in order to simulate an interaction with myself, it doesn’t really work, and I can’t see the arrogance, except if I were to just tell someone “that’s wrong” without any explanation. (I wonder if that’s what went wrong in the conversation with my mother.) Either way, this whole issue boils down to the fact that I’m not arrogant by any reasonable criteria that I found online, but that I come off as such. This was longer than intended. Thanks for your kindness and help.

-----------------------

Here are some questions for you to reflect on. They are meant to increase awareness of your underlying assumptions, beliefs, and values. Answer honestly:

Do you care about your mom? Do you care about how she's faring, what she's experiencing, what she's thinking or feeling, what she needs and desires, what she hopes for or aspires to, etc?

If you care, how do you SHOW your care to her?

If you don't care, how does that affect your behavior toward her?

Do you believe that the mother-child relationship only goes one-way? (Is it the mom's job to do for you but you owe her nothing?)

You say you like to debate to sharpen your mind. Innocent enough. I like to roller skate to keep myself physically fit. In an ideal world, I would never take my skates off. Does my enthusiasm for roller skating mean that I slap my skates on anywhere, any time? No. Surely it is inappropriate to skate around a hospital or the supermarket. Not only could I seriously harm myself, I would also be exhibiting flagrant disregard for the safety and well-being of others.

What you like to do for yourself sometimes comes into conflict with other people. If you care about people and hope to have healthy and happy relationships with them, you have to take their needs and wants into consideration in every interaction. You have to abide by ethical rules and principles that allow your needs to be met without neglecting the needs of others or interfering with their ability to get their needs met. Without ethics, society wouldn't be able to function, because it would just be a free-for-all.

You mention small-mindedness. It is quite small-minded to walk around the world only thinking about what you need/want. In the best case scenario, you are completely oblivious to others, and they will perceive you as clueless or self-absorbed. In the worst case scenario, you only interact with people for your own personal gain, and that would make you an exploitative or even abusive person. Is that the kind of person you want to be?

Do you basically treat people as though their sole purpose on earth is to debate you and help you sharpen your mind - to serve you? Do you launch into debates with people without asking for consent or checking to see if they want to be corrected? If you do, they will call you arrogant, not because you've put yourself on a pedestal and call yourself superior like an evil cartoon character, but because you are communicating to them that your needs/wants are most important AND you don't give a damn about theirs.

Webster's definition of arrogance: "an insulting way of thinking or behaving that comes from believing that you are better, smarter, or more important than other people". You believe that you know better, otherwise, you wouldn't grant yourself the social authority to intrude on people's boundaries, invalidate their experience, and correct them uninvited. You believe that you are smarter, otherwise, you wouldn't automatically assume the dominant social role of corrector. You behave as though you are the more important member of the relationship because your main priority is YOUR need to feel better (about your skills or about what others believe) while overlooking the other person's needs. Seems like you fit the definition quite well.

Despite that, I wouldn't call you arrogant because I understand that small-mindedness is a difficult problem to overcome. I see the effort that you're putting in to understand it. I'm charitable because I'm not the one who was hurt by your behavior. When people feel hurt, they often have difficulty expressing it. Maybe it comes out clumsily or they aren't able to explain their hurt without hurting you in return. Expressing one's true feelings is to make oneself vulnerable. If someone doesn't trust you to understand and validate their feelings or, worse, they believe that you will attack them for their feelings, they will not be completely honest with you. Your mom is trying her best to give you the benefit of the doubt by saying "if you were a stranger...", but she doesn't feel comfortable enough with you to express her hurt fully and explicitly as it happens. Why? Because the very reason she is hurt in the first place is that you have shown very little regard for her feelings. Following from the previous post of yours, the root of the problem is that you have such a poor understanding of feelings to begin with that you view them as inconsequential in yourself and others (very immature Fe).

I believe you have no ill-intent. I have said before that the typical Ti dom never sets out to hurt people on purpose. Rather, they hurt people unintentionally because their perspective is too small: 1) they don't grasp that other people's needs may be very different from their own and thereby fail to consider them, 2) they don't know how to empathize with different perspectives and validate them, and/or 3) they don't understand that SHOWING love and care is necessary for people to justify continued investment in the relationship.

In other words, Ti doms tend to hurt people out of negligence or acts of omission. Some of them get frustrated at not being able to solve their relationship problems. They might try to convince themselves that doing nothing means that no harm can be done, so they adopt a passive stance in the relationship and perhaps even train themselves to keep their mouth shut (self-violence). They fail to understand that there's more than one way to cause hurt. Instead of learning better relationship skills, they check out mentally and emotionally. Being checked out only makes it worse because you hurt yourself and you keep hurting others by being even less attentive to their needs.

The foundation of meaningful relationships is showing care. In a healthy relationship, people trust you to care for their emotional needs and not violate their personal boundaries. If you only attend to your own needs/wants in social interaction, you are signalling that you don't really care about the other person. This problem with your mom shows that you give little to no consideration for emotional needs and personal boundaries. If you don't want friends, it's entirely your choice to be alone for the rest of your life, pretending that you never leave any footprints behind you. If you want friends, you'll have to put out more effort to be a better friend, by paying more attention to the consequences of your behavior.

Doing things that violate trust and boundaries, even if unintentional, causes hurt. When people feel hurt and don't feel safe to express the hurt, they are liable to say/do negative things. To have good emotional intelligence is to see past the surface of their negative words/behavior and grasp the underlying emotional needs that were unmet and/or the personal boundaries that were violated. Only then can you be a morally responsible member of a relationship, in terms of owning all the ways that you impact people, both positively and negatively.

Arrogant people don't care about the social impact they produce. As long as they get what they want and don't lose anything, the existence of others is of little importance to them. If your mom is important to you, then learn how to show it better by listening to her when she tells you about her needs/wants. You hyperfocus on the literal meaning of the word "arrogant" and whether it is true/false of you, as though proving it false means that there's nothing wrong. You need to listen to the people you have hurt, if you want to understand why your behavior is hurtful. Alternatively, you need to educate yourself about emotional needs, interpersonal boundaries, and what constitutes un/ethical behavior and why.

[guacameowle]

Jumin Han’s Bad End 2 DLC - Notes / Opinion

Y’all know me. I have to take notes for everything I play or read or watch. I can’t help it. Here we have Jumin Han’s Bad End 2 DLC. The infamous bad end. The red shoes bad end. The “kinky” bad end, to some. Not my favorite bad end, but a memorable one. With that said, let’s dive in! Spoilers ahead!

Episode 1

This DLC has multiple endings! Interesting. Depending on how I answer will determine which end I get. This has me thinking there may be a way to get Jumin back onto a healthier relationship track? I will eventually aim to achieve both endings, though.

Jumin’s hand is fucking HUGE. MASSIVE. WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING HIM? Please hold while I scream at Kristan (jalaqueeno) about this. Holy shit.

It’s been one month since Jumin went to work. One whole month! Mr. Jumin Workaholic Han hasn’t gone to work in ONE MONTH! This man has made it his sole mission to keep you locked up & stay with you. Dude, like… why are you so obsessed with me~?

MANSION? They’re not in the penthouse anymore? I mean… there are worse cages to be kept in.

I am absolutely playing the answers that subtly suggest I am not ok with this new forced live-in situation.

HE’S TRACKING HOW MANY STEPS I’VE TAKEN. Wait until this man finds out I hate walking the mile…

Jumin continues to call this a game. Says he has a therapist on standby. Does he know that HE can use the therapist? In fact, I highly recommend it.

He says you can leave at any time. Color me suspicious. I don’t believe him for one second. How far is this “game” going?

MY PRECIOUS BABY DARLING SWEETIE PIE TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD WHOLESOME BEAUTY PERFECT CUPCAKE ELIZABETH 3RD HAS ARRIVED!

According to Jaehee, MC has been with Jumin for two months now.

Interesting how Jaehee makes a point to mention the mansion being untouched as this is where Jumin keeps his childhood toys. He brought you where he keeps his toys. Does he really see all of this as a game & you’re a toy? Can he snap out of it if you call for the game to end, or will there be backlash?

Some of these answer choices feel tricky. I’m trying to gently weasel my way out of this “game” without hurting anyone.

“Don’t say that to my master.” Listen, Jumin is my favorite man in this game, but that answer option physically made me cringe. Me? Call a man master? I could never. Not me. Not this bitch.

Wow. Ok. All this stuff with Jumin’s mom is moving fast. I can already see if he actually does lose her, it may make him hold onto MC that much more/harder. Maybe. 

Woah woah woah. I know Jumin is acting a little suspicious & out of sorts, BUT AIN’T NO ONE MARRYING HIM EXCEPT ME. ALL RIGHT? I’ll fight. I know where to get a bomb…

Excuse me? A fitness trainer? Yeah........ about that. I’m going to have to leave. Sorry this situation didn’t work out between us Juju. Best of luck, though!

Episode 2

My room is kind of cute! Wait, why the fuck aren’t Jumin & I sharing a room? If I’m locked up & tracked, you better believe I’m sleeping next to that dick.

Send a message to space? The fuck?

Oh. Duh.

“I heard that obsession comes from anxiety.” DING DING DING DING.

Omg Seven. You can’t just ask me to open my box. I’m seeing another man...

LONG HAIRED JUMIN?????

Jumin really didn’t have one woman in his life who wasn’t cold or weird to him. I know we already knew from his route he had a difficult upbringing. But I hadn’t expected them to dive into that aspect for this DLC but I can see how there’s the connection.

I told him I wanted to be alone to see if he’d respect boundaries.

OH SHIT THAT CHAPTER ENDED SO QUICK. DID I FUCK UP?!

Episode 3

So are we meant to see this adult Jumin, playing this “game” with MC, as him regressing within himself & falling back to enjoying fantasy? Avoiding reality? Something he didn’t allow himself to do as an actual child? He didn’t understand why people indulge in magic, fantasy, make-believe as a kid. Now he’s vastly overshot the mark to the point that this fantasy life with MC has become his “reality.”

DO NOT GIVE THIS BABY BOY WINE, I SWEAR TO GOD.

Omg. Little Jumin is so cute. I will fight everyone to protect him.

This woman done fucked up. Look at this child, you’ve given him anxiety. He doesn’t know if you want him to be mechanical or a normal kid. Jesus. All this Work Work Work No Emotion Work Only No Feelings bullshit is her fault. Jumin’s only doing what he was taught. He was told this is all he’s good for, all he was meant for.

“I feel like I am a tool. Sometimes I want to be treated like a son.” STOP. IF THIS GAME MAKES ME CRY. I’M GONNA FIGHT SOMEONE.

IF Y’ALL DON’T GIVE THIS LITTLE BOY THE LOVE & AFFECTION & CARE HE DESERVES

Jumin is obsessed with grape juice. Grows up to be obsessed with wine. Y’all made him an alcoholic.

“I am not like her. I will not be cold. I will be warm to my family…” JUMIIIIIN. THIS LITTLE BOY IS TRYING SO HARD! IT IS POSSIBLE JUMIN! AIM FOR YOUR GOOD & NORMAL ENDINGS!

SLEEPY JUMIN HAN CG

OH FUCK

OH FUCK ME

OH HELLO HUSBAND GODDAMN YOU LOOKIN’ CUTE AS FUCK

LET ME HOLD YOU JUMIN. YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED & HELD & CARED FOR!

I think you have to choose the answers that gently pry you away from Jumin? He can’t force this relationship. It can’t be controlled by him. It isn’t a game. He needs to come to that realization, but he’s really not making that connection...

“I have never been involved in a deal outside a form of give-and-take.” Oh, that hurt. He doesn’t trust you to stay with him unless he can offer you something? His money/extravagance/keeping you in this “game” you started with him & him playing into it is what he has to do to keep you with him.

“Please show me that you love me. I want to know what love is.” Insert Explicit MC x Jumin Fanfic Here. I’ll show you, Jumin. I’ll show you all night long.

*Jumin snuggled closer* In my own personal canon, that means we FUCKED. SLOWLY. GENTLY. ROMANTICALLY.

Episode 4

The creepy lullaby music started up. Shit is about to go down.

Omg is this butler going to lock me in the basement?

Lmao did I fuck up with the “what’s a cage doing here?” reply? How was I supposed to know there wasn’t actually a cage there? No Jumin, I don’t want a cage. …. at least not for me, but we can discuss that later.

SHE WOULD LOCK HIM IN THE BASEMENT? That’s it. I’m fighting everyone. Stay behind me Jumin, I’ll protect you.

“Let me talk to her! I’d like a word with her!” LET ME AT HER, JUMIN. I HAVE SOME SHIT TO SAY. SHE’S DYING. I HAVE A SHORT WINDOW. LET ME AT HER.

Not little boy Jumin Shawshank Redemptioning his way out of the basement omggggg

JUMIN YOU WANNA FUCK? NOW? This man is sending me through whirlwind of emotions.

OH SHIT. I’m torn between the “whisper in his ear” option or the “let’s change our roles for just today” because as y’all may know, I enjoy being in charge.

Me: “Let’s change our roles…” Jumin: “Uhhh maybe we should leave.” Darling, you know you’re a submissive. It’s ok. No judgement.

FADE TO BLAAAAACK. THEY FUCKIN’.

I’M HOOTIN’ & HOLLERING. After the fade the black I said I would stay in my own clothes & Jumin says, “They’re dirtier than you would think.” DID THIS MAN JUST CUM EVERYWHERE? LMAAAOOOO

Happy End!

Ayyy we did it, lads! Unlocked the happy ending first. Even though we already gave Jumin a happy ending in that basement, you know what I’m sayin’~

LMFAOOOOO JUMIN STILL CAN’T DRIVE LMFAOOOO

Wait, turned our backs on everything? How the fuck is this the happy end? Happy for who? Jumin?

So… what the fuck was that?

The good ending just reenforces this “only us” narrative? The good ending is that this “game” Jumin & MC are playing doesn’t end? Nothing resolves. He doesn’t mend any relationships. There’s no healing or moving on. He exerts more of his control on MC & takes more drastic measures to ensure they’re together.

WAIT. DID WE JUST FUCKING ABANDON ELIZABETH 3RD TOO? ABSOLUTELY NOT. THIS ENDING SUCKS. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? FUCK THAT. PISS OFF, JUMIN HAN. I WON’T HAVE THAT BULLSHIT. YOU DID NOT JUST TURN INTO A PET ABANDONER RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING FACE. I HATE IT. NO. I’M OUT.

The CG was hot, though. Jumin in black on black on black? AND GLOVES?! Hell yeah. That’s a whole meal right there. Delicious. 

Episode 1 (Attempt 2)

Well, time to try to get the bad end (????) now I guess. Maybe the bad end is that this game of their’s actually does break. That’s what I’m hoping for at least.

Jumin already making jokes about switching roles. Jumin, my love. I am more than happy - extremely willing & eager actually - to be in charge here.

Pretending to want all of this ‘being a possession’ nonsense is making me uncomfyyyy.

Episode 2 (Attempt 2)

“Do something Jumin wouldn’t like” Lmaooo it calls Zen. HAHAHAHAHA

I think Zen’s voice acting is some of the most expressive, in this whole game.

Ah, so then I guess turning on the computer let’s you talk to Yoosung.

Not Jumin deliberately cutting my call. The audacity.

Jumin, possessiveness can sometimes be cute. But in this case, I’m not having it. Not interested.

All the toys in the world didn’t keep Jumin entertained. BUT THIS PUSSY DOES.

Episode 3 (Attempt 2)

Flew through that one just choosing the options I didn’t choose before. Didn’t seem to glean any new information except the fact that Jumin no longer has a desire to form a family, says it entirely depends on how badly MC wants a family. Continues that narrative of, if MC wants it, he will provide it... to keep her.

Episode 4 (Attempt 2)

So we’re just going to leave gold bars in that safe?

Happy End Again????

It says I got Happy End again, even though I chose entirely different answers & went along with being Jumin’s possession...

OH WAIT, IT IS DIFFERENT!

I can’t believe my first meeting with Jumin’s mother is after he rawed me in the basement & had me put on a fantasy fairy tale princess dress to make our escape. Omfg. Ma’am, your son’s cum is still dripping out of me, please give me a few minutes to freshen up first. Goddamn.

Jumin’s mom is named Carolyn!

I can’t believe I’m in the middle of a family argument while Jumin’s cum glues my thighs together.

She ain’t sick. She’s lying. I’m calling it.

“Simple - make him soft” Jumin: “Like mashed potato?” LIKE MASHED POTATO? FIRST OF ALL, JUMIN SAYING ‘MASHED POTATO’ IS SO FUCKING CUTE I WANNA SCREAM. Secondly I meant, make him soft as in help him let down some barriers & let people in.

“I heard sons are psychologically bound to be attracted to women reminiscent of their mothers.” Ok yes, that may be true but you don’t have to remind me. Bleh. Stop.

“If my consort is to leave me one day, I will be scarred for the rest of my life.” I am sad for him. So sad.

ONE BILLION, TO BREAK UP WITH JUMIN? WOMAN, YOU ARE SOMETHING ELSE.

The “mind if I touch it” option fucking sent me. I’m laughing so hard. It is 1am. I might wake up my neighbor! I chose the “…..” option though. I’m sticking with Jumin through this. Let’s see what happens.

… I’ll loop back & choose the money if I can though to see what chaos occurs.

“This is exactly what people mean when they say, ‘So not cool.’” JUMIN. NOW IS NOT THE TIME LMFAOOOO

Jumin went back to work. All right, that’s progress. He renovated the basement on a happier note. Ok ok, small progress. 

“Now I wish to paint this entire place with our love.” TIME TO CHRISTEN EVERY ROOM WITH SEEEEX

THAT CG!!!!! AAAHHHHHHH!!!! WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!!!!

Looping back to choose more options for this episode...

CALLED JUMIN’S MOM AN OLD HAG & JUMIN LIKED WHEN I DID THAT LMAOOOO. I would like to call her a lot of things.

Final thoughts:

Long story short (too late), this DLC reenforces that this is a Bad Ending path, in which you won’t find a fix for Jumin, won’t find a way to get him back on track to his true good end. And that’s ok! This is a bad end after all! Though both endings are listed as “good” or “happy” endings, they’re still set in this twisted relationship, this weak form of love, Jumin believes is real. He calls it a game, says a therapist is on standby, says MC can leave any time she wants, yet when she chooses options that distances herself, suggests Jumin pay more attention to something other than her, or shows she’d like more freedom, he immediately blocks that path in some way. Even when choosing all the options that don’t give in to the plaything/being controlled role, the conclusion is Jumin reenforcing his control harder - you both escape together to be alone, neglecting everyone & everything in your life, & Jumin insists all he has to do is take care of you in various ways - to give you everything - to keep you with him. Even following the confrontation with Jumin’s mother & turning down the option to leave Jumin for money, it shows how far Jumin will go to keep MC. He truly believes he has to provide everything (money, security, possessions, etc.) in exchange for her love, her company, her willingness to be with him. This man has slowly been broken over & over again over the course of his life & he’s finally given in to these poor teachings & selfish encouragements, & has convinced himself what he’s found is full love where he provides anything & everything to keep MC’s interest in him. A clear give & take relationship. A contract. A game. And he’s not about to let that go.

Personally, while this path isn’t my favorite for Jumin, I was still absolutely impressed with the two different ways they had this particular Bad End play out. An emotional read from start to finish & back again.

[fluffnstuffq]

We all know that the “kin for fun” trend is bad. 

Recently, however, the question of “why is it bad?” has risen in prominence, and thus I’d like to give my two cents on the matter. I initially wanted to give a rehash of the whole “this is a community which has been around for decades, please don’t appropriate its terms because you don’t know what you’re talking about” spiel.. though I know that’s been repeated endlessly to no avail. 

Dozens of times I’ve tried to explain that, though I’ve often been faced with the “words change” or “it’s just a game, it harms no one” argument.

So I’m taking a more personal approach.

I don’t know if my anecdotes will change anyone’s mind, but if anyone in the “kin for fun” community sees this and actually reads through it, I implore you to try to listen to genuine otherkin, do some research, and find other terms that better suit you.

Beware, long rambling anecdote under the cut.

It is hard to believe that, a mere 8 months ago, I was new to the otherkin community. 

I’d been reading about and researching otherkinity in depth for as long as a year prior, though it was as recently as May 2020 upon which I took my own first step into evaluating my own experiences, creating an otherkin oriented side blog, and formally taking the plunge into what I’d initially assumed, from fun “kin assign ask games” or “no doubles drama”, to be a trend.

While I quickly versed myself in the original, serious and introspective parts of the community, I had my fair share of run-ins with those of the “kinnie/kin for fun crowd”. One such experience, over the course of about two-three months, forever left an impression on the way I view the community (and the problems within it) as a whole.

Without naming names, some of the individuals we encountered turned out to be... the practical embodiment of some of the worst facets of this community.

They were the prime example of the misguided “kinnie” mindset. Dead-set on fitting under the ‘kin label, though unwilling to do any research on their own. Faking out of control, dramatic shifts to seem more “valid” to genuine otherkin (more on that later). Willing to go as far as picking traits from other people’s original characters to “customize” their “kinsonas” perfectly. 

However, aside from their merely misguided attempts to fit in (which could’ve been easily fixed if not for the stubborn kinnie mindset), the most scathing of their actions highlighted some major issues of the “kin for fun” side.

In just a few months, we had our identities stomped on and treated like nothing more than a game. 

You see, the “kinnie” mindset is not self contained. It is almost impossible to maintain this mindset and respect the involuntary, deeply personal nature of otherkin history, due both to widespread misinformation/trends, as well as the common plague of stubborn ignorance of definitions.

In most cases we’ve seen, once one steps fully into the mindset that their own kintypes are nothing more than a game or an act, they begin to at the very least subconsciously view others’ experiences the same way. 

This is obviously not the case for all those who take on alterhuman identities by choice (ex: copinglinking). However, in taking on the “kin for fun” label, one immediately disrespects the identities of others by appropriating and bending terms with a history to fit themself. 

And once one establishes that they lack care or concern for the already, dare I say, endangered terms once meant to foster a sense of community and understanding, of shared experiences... that person already predisposes themself to spiraling into greater disrespect and ignorance of the identities of others.

The individuals that we encountered, like many others of this mindset, used their so-called “kins” for the sole purpose of feeling validated, for looking “cool” and as leverage to get their way. Because it was nothing more than roleplay and a brief interest to them, they often treated others’ kintypes as something that could be similarly discarded/”turned off” or reset. As if others’ kintypes were nothing more than characters which didn’t deserve respect.

Exotrauma and otherwise painful memories, while stressful and sometimes nightmare inducing for us, were nothing more than fodder for outlandish “story ideas” and “angst” for them. 

In the cases of these individuals faking shifts, they often acted in ways threatening and even triggering to those around them; though because it was just a show for them, they failed time and time again to recognize the negative impact their violent “shifts” had on others. 

They had no restraint, for both their own actions and the fearful/concerned reactions of others were just harmless roleplay in their eyes. (I do feel like..  even roleplay should have boundaries if the events of a story upset the people participating, and the notion that anything goes, even at the expense of someone else’s comfort.. it just gives very uncomfortable “fiction does not affect reality” vibes. Though, that’s a story for another time).

As our experiences weren’t real to them and never had been, they often conflated us with the “canon characters”, like we and many others they interacted with were nothing more than toys to fixate on, change and push “headcanons” onto, and test the limits of.

And because they didn’t care to learn, because individuals such as these continued to remorselessly fall deeper into the rabbit hole of “I do whatever I want/I don’t care to learn otherwise”, the lack of consideration grew more severe.

Those who “kin for fun” may certainly be experiencing.. something, I will not discount that assertion. Whether copinglinking, a hearttype, or merely a fictionflicker/cameo shift. However, it’d be disingenuous to say that it is harmless for them to continue to warp and pick at terms that do not and will never fit them. For every joke, every dozens-long “coping-kinlist”, every admittance of “haha I was never a serious kin”, they all do the same in spreading misinformation. 

As I see more and more people self-identifying as “copinglink, but using the kin title because it sounds better”, even if calling oneself “a non-serious kinnie”, one wonders... why use those terms if you know they do not fit? Why encroach upon communities of bittersweet memories, of aching homesickness, of involuntary nonhumanity, only with the intention of putting on an act?

Why fight so hard, when directly told and shown how “kin for fun” actively tears apart the already dwindling otherkin community on this platform? Why cling so hard to words that are not yours, why force change upon the definitions of words meant to be a safe haven for those searching for understanding? Why paint “serious otherkin” as dangerous gatekeepers, sufferers of clinical lycanthropy, or those merely suffering from delusions/hallucinations?

Because of those who “kin for fun”, I was initially steered away from investigating my own identity; I’d only seen the jokes, the toxic “kin drama”, the cringe blogs and factkin and “kinning”. Because of “kin for fun”, it took me over a year to come to terms with my own alterhumanity, in all of its facets.

Because of “kinnies”, my fears are proven time and time again that I will come across someone who views my identity as roleplay at best and “childish, a phase, character theft” at worse. Because of “kinnies” and the mindset they’ve fostered, time and time again someone steals my memories, my experiences, my identity, justifying it as creating their own version, like an AU of an AU.

Because of “kinnies”, time and time again I’ve been told to “stop taking things so seriously, it’s just for fun” when complaining about my identity being minimized. I’ve been told that “kinnies”, despite appropriating an already existing community, are the “normal ones”, the “sane ones”, the “good ones” who don’t really believe in all that they boast. 

Some have even told me that it doesn’t matter at all, for all they can see is a trend with no real hold over their identity in the longrun. “It won’t matter in ten years”, they say. 

Perhaps not for them, long after their interest in the “trend” has faded. But for me and countless other genuine otherkin? In ten years I will still be Blixer from Just Shapes and Beats, I will still be an unnamed creature of woods and starlight and faded memories of golden lanterns, I will still be otherkin, and I will still carry the scars of my identity being torn to shreds and thrown into my face like dirt.

I cannot run from my kintypes and never could, even when I was afraid of them. “Kinnies”, in most cases, hardly believe my identity really exists.

What do they believe, then? What are they trying to achieve, scrubbing away the less “aesthetically pleasing”, fluffy bits of this community? What good does it do them to take meaningful, personal words to describe an identity that they can shed at the drop of a hat if it is “problematic” or boring at the end of the day?

One can smile and nod and say that, despite “kinning for fun”, they still respect otherkinity as a whole. And I say, in most cases, that reassurance is hollow. You have already stolen our words, you have already spread misinformation.

This has stumbled into rambling territory, so I leave a few questions, honest, genuine questions.

I ask those who “kin for fun”, what is the allure of words that you have stolen? What is the allure of having the blood of a shattered community on your hands?

As many others have said before, you may find a place in the greater alterhuman community. We have terms for you, as well as many other specific experiences.

Why fight so hard to steal our haven, to push us out of our own spaces, when your own words are waiting for you with open arms?

Words change, yes, but why fight so hard to change them at the expense of others?

[dreamylyfe-x]

the fandom always talks about how much Ian cares for Yev, and it's a very cute canon, but sometimes I feel like we forget that after season 6, Ian never got involved with him again 😭what do you think? obviously knowing he is not his responsibility, but I would like to know what do you think about their relationship after s6

Aw. Yeah. I think what happens with Ian and Yev is sad but so realistic. We don’t see that they have any relationship at all after 6x01 -- and I’d argue they don’t have one after 5x06. Not practically. I don’t think that means that Ian doesn’t love Yevgeny. But I do think he lets him go. And there are two reasons for that. 

The first: Svetlana. 

Svetlana, by definition, is a survivor. She’s out to take care of herself and her son and that’s it. And once Mickey’s in prison, Svetlana is the sole custodial parent and she is entirely responsible for Yev and has the final say on who is and isn’t in his life. And from that moment on, that means Ian’s access is going to be rooted in what works for Svetlana. 

When Ian moves in to the Milkovich house, after he’s recovered from his depressive episode, he must be a godsend to Svetlana. He is not only competent with the baby, he’s invested and he is the only person on earth who has any chance of helping Mickey foster a sincere relationship with the kid. I think Svet likes Ian well enough, but she doesn’t care about him as a person. She can’t afford to. Ian is a means to an end and ultimately she cares about the life she can make for her and Yev. 

What happens with Ian and Yev in 5x06 is terrifying. Understandably. But beyond that, it completely turns her life upside down, because the minute Mickey has to choose between Ian and Yev, he chooses Ian. And she loses both of their support, both financial and practical. 

Ian instantly goes from a saviour to an existential threat and Svetlana moves all the way on as soon as she can. After that, Ian serves one purpose and one purpose only: He can help her get Mickey to do things in prison that will bring in money to support the baby. But Ian very quickly starts to refuse to do that. And Svetlana has no further use for him. Yev is a baby and he’ll adjust, so Svetlana isn’t going to continue in this relationship with her husband’s unstable ex-boyfriend. After that, she’s done with him. 

The second: Ian. 

I truly do think that Ian loves Yev and that is no small part of why he lets Yev go. Because when the door on that relationship shuts, I don’t think Ian tries to push it open. 

Post 5x06 Ian talks about Yev a lot. Initially he just can’t accept that he put him in peril. In his version of events, he was taking care of the baby and every choice he made was reasonable. You can see his disquiet when he’s told facts that don’t match this narrative. And as he starts to accept those facts, he stops talking about the baby. Because he has to admit to himself that he could have really hurt Yev. And that has to scare him. What happened with Yev becomes part of the narrative he has in his head about his bipolar. It’s deeply connected to his feelings of shame and hopelessness in 5B and 6A. It has to be. 

I think he might have gotten past that if Mickey hadn’t gone to jail, though. Taking care of Yev is partly about Yev -- Ian likes babies -- but it’s also about Mickey. Ian recognizes and respects that it’s hard for Mickey to bond with Yev... So he does it for him. And he invests in Yev the same way he invests in Mickey. I think we see that in the deleted scene -- those two are deeply linked in his mind. Ian always treats Yev like he has nothing to do with how he came into the world -- but he also acknowledges it in how he takes the lead between him and Mickey. He gives Mickey space to come to Yev on his own terms. It’s one of the most clear acts of love I think we get from Ian during that period. Whatever else Ian is dealing with, he is going to love this baby and take care of this baby, because that is part of loving Mickey and taking care of him. 

Then Mickey is entirely removed from the situation. So Ian doesn’t have a reason to fight against the shame he feels, or work through any of that. He, in fact, has another reason not to. Yev is a glaring reminder of what Ian’s lost and I think all the feelings of having failed him and having done wrong -- whatever the reason -- coupled with the depression he’s experiencing in season six just overwhelms the situation. He’d have to fight for access he has no right to and he has no good argument in that fight. So Ian withdraws and Kev becomes the father figure in Yev’s life. 

I don’t think Ian has much choice when it comes to having a relationship with Yev after 5x06. But I also think he’s crushed under the weight of all that guilt. With no parental rights and not real trust in himself, I get why Ian doesn’t pursue an ongoing relationship. It’s sad, but it makes sense to me. And I think he continues to love Yev and to think about how this kid he sees around who doesn’t really know who he is anymore was almost raised as his son with Mickey. Which is horribly sad... but also pretty common. When adult relationships break up, a non-biological parental figure doesn’t usually get much opportunity to continue that relationship.

So yeah. That’s what I think about Yev and Ian. 😔