#but it seems a lot more like they really just straight up despise each other

[magicdefendorwolf]

Its the little things

Description:things they do that just melt your heart

Characters:Kafka,Blade,Jing Yuan,Yanqing,Gepard,Serval,Stelle

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Kafka

Despite being a busy woman with lots of things on her mind and shoulders she never seems to forget a single detail about you

She knows you like the back of her hand,she knows when you're stressed,happy,hungry,bored,everything really

And despite coming home tired after a long day she immediately notices your mood,if you're sad or stressed she wastes not time pulling you into her arms to talk about it,no matter how tired she is she will listen to you

Its like she has the perfect memory,she remembers every single detail about you,whether its physical,emotional or in your behaviour

When she sees you're nervous and fidgeting with something she calmly takes your hands into hers,kisses the inside of your palm before saying

"Sweetheart,maybe you should stop letting your body do all the talking and tell me what's wrong will you?"

She would tell you with a warm smile,a genuine one

If you're not ready to talk about it she'll take your mind off of it

And if you wanna talk about it she'll listen no matter what

And nothing will ever stop her from making you her number one priority

And you may not notice that straight away,but with time that becomes crystal clear

Jing Yuan

This dozing general,suddenly becomes the most focused man in the world once you start talking

He may doze off during oficial meetings but when you're talking its a completly different story

It doesnt even matter what you're talking about,you could be talking about the dumbest thing in the world for all he cares,after all its you that's talking,who else could be more important to him?

He also has a way of always making you feel special and deserving of everything

He for one,treats you like a princess no matter what,even if he teases you often he always means it in a lighthearted way

Another thing that simply melts your heart is how he always seems to plan dates with you that he always puts a lot of effort into because he wants you to feel special on your weekly date night,lets not talk about anniversaries,birthdays,and whatnot

The way he is so sweet with the birds and animals surrounding him always seems to have a way to make you internally awe

When he's outside a bird will perch on his shoulder and he'll just pet it so softly,its like all of these birds already know him because the same ones seems to be coming and going

Blade

Now listen to me,this guy has a barely existent romantic side,but

Inbetween all of his teasing that makes you want to smack that annoyingly handsome face of his,between all of those times he looks so cold and uncaring,almost as if he doesnt enjoy your company,each and every single time you think he simply despises you he suddenly does something that shows you he still loves you just as much

He may not be the perfect lover or partner but he tries

When you wake up without him by your side you wake up to breakfast already made and a little note saying "Dont forget to eat"

When you go to bed at night and he thinks you're asleep you never miss that small 'i love you' tha the couldnt bring himself to say in other conditions

When talking with Kafka privately she cant help but point out how whipped blade seems for you,and all you can respond with is pure shock

As she lists down things you would have never noticed if she handnt pointed out or explained to you

His protectiveness over you,you're his treasure,and he is your protector after all,he cant let you get even a slight scratch

How each and every single time he tries to verbalize his feelings for you he just cant put it into words,so he uses other ways

He often brings back gifts for you from wherever he's went,and whenever he's around he never leaves your side,wanting to savour your presence just a little longer

You're in the bathroom? Fine,he'll wait by the door. You're eating? Great he'll nethier eat with you or sit next to you. You have nothing to do? Even better come do something with him

Gepard

Gepard is a busy man,being the head of the silvermane guards and all,but that doesnt mean you're not one of his top priorities

Even if he is on duty or not he is always available for you,just dont try to take him away from his patrol,otherwise you're free to rant to him,talk to him,even if he'd prefer for you to go back to safety

Once he's finally off duty you and his sister are at the top of his list of people to find

After he passed by his sister's workshop he goes straight to your home like a child that is about to do their favourite activity

And even if while he is on duty he only has a short break,if its long enough he's coming to check in on you and his sister

To everyone else he is the head of the silvermane guards,a strong and unvwavering man,but to you,he's a puppy that never wants to leave your side

When he finally has the free time he's a lost puppy just following wherever you go and enjoying your presence

His sister loves teasing him about how lovestruck he is for you,but he cant deny a single thing because its all true,all he can do is shake his head at her antics and blush

Gepard also tries his best to make the most of every single moment he has with you

And he treasures everything he recieves from you,whether it be memories or physical things,whatever you gift him is sacred to him

Serval

The way Serval searches for you in the crowd during her performances and the moment she spots you her face lits up and its like she gained a new boost of energy

Or the way she wraps her arms around you lovingly and nuzzles closer to you during the mornings mumbling a sleepy 'good morning sunshine'

To her,your opinion is one of the most important things,and it simply melts you away to see the way she takes your opinion into consideration and is always so considerate of you

She may not look like the kind to be a doting mother to other people but to you,she is always like a mother nagging at you for going out into Belobog's icy wheather without proper layers of clothing like she doesnt walk around with a cropt top and without a sleeve+a skirt

Being caring and attentive is something she obtained from being Gepard's older sister

And while she thought that her habit of being protective ended once Gepard became a silvermane guard oh boy was she wrong,the moment you entered the picture she was back to her doting and and protective self,she thinks you dont like it but truly,it warms you up more than any coat could knowing this

During late nights in the workshop where you are simply falling asleep while forcing yourself to remain awake,for the sake of waiting for her to come to bed with you,she lightly scolds you about not sleeping not like she doesnt stay up until unholy hours tinkering with different things

But she'll still softly turn around to you,take you into her arms,speaking in such a soft and loving voice about how you should go to sleep

She truly knows how to turn into a puddle

Stelle

You are her charger,when she comes back onto the express,tired and drained of energy she takes your hand and rags you to your room so she can lay in your arms for as long as she needs,you're a person that will never drain her energy or make her tired,you're her safe space,and she is yours aswell

She never fails to turn you into a puddle with some of her pick up lines,some are super corny,but on the rare occasion she makes the sweetest pick up lines that turn you into a blushing mess

She never stops trying to fluster you with her pickup lines no matter how far into the relationship you are or how corny they are

She'll also randomly fall asleep on you,whether she falls asleep on your shoulder,lap,or on top of you while cuddling its a sign of how much she trusts you,its a sign that she feels safe falling asleep in your presence because she knows you will take care of her while she sleeps,or sleep together with her

She also cant help the lovesick grin that forms on her face whenever you are ranting to her about something

She'll be leaning into the palm of her head,her head slightly tilted to the side as she listens to you rant with the most inlove expression you could have ever seen on her face

Also dont try to stop her from carrying everything,and i mean it,if you go out shopping she is your personal bag carrier,if you have to move something heavier in the express she is going to move it for you,no questions asked,she just wants to help you and make sure you dont over carry

She also adores when you dress in matching outfits,or if you ever let her do your hair,the expression of pure joy she has on her face is enough to melt your heart no matter how much ice or cold there may be in it

She just loves your presence and doing things for you

Yanqing

You can never miss the way his eye light up even at the mere mention of your name

When you walk into a room searching for Yanqing and he spots you his previously uncaring and bored eyes suddenly light up with happiness as a small smile makes its way onto his face when he sees you running up to you to give you a big bear hug

Or the way he'll always take the time to explain things to you no matter how many times he's already explained it or how easy the topic is,if you ask him something,even if he'll be giving you the same answer for 100th time he's still going to answer with the same patience and smile

Or how he lets you win during board games,or any game really just to see your happy face when you win for the god knows which time in that row,and yet he can never get upset about losing when he sees you cheering about your win

Or how he so tenderly helps you brush your hair,or do your hair care routine,how he so gently brushes through it careful as to not pull on your hair

And he's always gentle with you,not just when brushing your hair,that gentleness just makes your heart flutter

And the way he's always willing to adapt to you

If you have less energy and prefer to sleep more he'll plan activities that favour your low energy

If you are more energised that great,he has someone who can keep up with him

He'll love you nethier way really

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

In Defense of Shinji/Rei

Out of all the pairings in the Evangelion fandom, Shinji/Rei is one of the most controversial and least popular, especially here on tumblr. It did have some popularity at one point but that has died down in favor of Kawoshin and Asurei. It’s a ship that I, and many others, feel is often mischaracterized and dismissed due to its more controversial elements but one that is honestly very emotional and deserves less hate in my opinion, as do it’s shippers who people also have a misguided view of. Fandom in general has become more moralistic and puritanical in recent years. It’s like no one learned a thing from the SU fandom discourse where people were bullied or called homophobic for liking a certain pairing over the other.

Argument 1: she’s his mother/sister

The most common criticism of the pairing is that it’s incest and that their relationship is that of a brother-sister or mother-son. First, Rei’s whole arc in the show is that she’s not just a clone or copy of Yui or Lilith. She’s her own person with her own desires which is why her loyalty to Gendo wanes as she becomes more of an individual. Her DNA also isn’t that similar to Shinji and only a small amount of Yui’s was used. The rest was affected by Lilith hence the differences in their appearance. So there is a little bit of blood relation but it’s not on the same level of say Bwen or Pinecest. Incest is terrible because it’s a betrayal of family trust and abuse but Shinji and Rei met as teens and were not raised as siblings, nor did he know of her origin until Ritsuko explained it.

I’ve also seen the argument that their bond is sibling-like or Shinji views her as a Madonna/mother figure. Anno has stated that he intended there to be a “love triangle” with the pilot trio and show’s proposal described Rei as having “learned about feelings when she fell in love”. While that info comes from Reddit and may not be reliable, it does challenge the idea that there was no intention for their dynamic to be romantic.

Next, antis really take that elevator scene out of context where Shinji was complimenting her on being like a mom while ignoring him telling her she’d make a good housewife. The rebuilds and manga make their connection more blatant but it was always there. Misato, Toji and Kensuke all tease Shinji about his crush and the two act as friends after warming up despite their icy first interactions. There may be some maternal aspects to it but it’s rather simplistic to dumb their bond down to a family connection. It seems antis argue that they’re siblings because the romantic implications are uncomfortable and antis don’t want to admit that they do have feelings for each other.

Argument 2: it’s misogynistic and queer erasure

Okay, this is a less common argument against it but one I’ve seen from popular Eva analysis writers that view Kawoshin as the only valid pairing for Shinji. I’ve seen it used against Asushin and Marishin too. This goes hand and hand with the idea that Shinji views Rei as a Madonna and is misogynistic. I have a lot of thoughts about the “Shinji is an incel misogynist and Asuka did nothing wrong” discourse but that’s for another day. He’s not a perfect uwu soft boy but fans seem to base his entire characterization off the hospital scene in rather single issue Eva analyses that cherry-pick certain scenes or dialogue.

The argument that it’s queer erasure is one I’m starting to despise. Yes, there are homophobic dudebro fans who hate Kawoshin but not everyone who prefers a “straight” pairing is anti gay. Shinji could still be bisexual and be in a m/f relationship. I’ve also seen some ship him in a polycule with Rei and Kaworu. Plus, not everyone has to interpret the show or character the same way. The writers made it so people can view Kawoshin as romantic and Shinji as queer, but never demanded that be the only possible interpretation.

This kind reminds me of something I’ve occasionally seen in the Ben 10 fandom too. A few fans, not all of them, treating the wholesome gay ship as the only good pairing because of the problematic elements in the m/f ships or because they view the male protagonist as a misogynist. The “male character is sexist or a bad boyfriend so let’s make him gay” is also a fandom trope that kind of irritates me. Not every ship has be gay or a girlboss romance either.

Argument 3: they’re kids and you can’t ship them

This is one of the least common criticisms but one that I’ve occasionally encountered. First, they’re 14 which is around the time a lot of teens start dating. Second, romance =/= sex and child/teen characters can have romantic feelings for each other. Yes, ship wars over fictional kids can escalate but there’s nothing wrong with just liking a pairing. This post about Chihiro and Haku’s bond from Spirited Away kind of applies here too.

My thoughts: why do I love this pairing?

I first fell in love with this ship because I watched the rebuilds first on Amazon Prime and didn’t know the series was on Netflix because my account, embarrassingly, still has parental controls on it. I know they’re not everyone’s cup of tea but I liked them. Shinji was a character I really connected to and so was Rei. Their relationship got me a bit emotional and the scene where Shinji attempts to save her had me on the edge of my seat, while the scene where Shinji accepts Rei Q got a tear out of me as did the apology scene in 3.0+1.0.

If I had to compare them to any other pairing, which I’ve done before, it would be Hodaka/Hina from Weathering with You which also is a bit divisive and a bit of a tearjerker. Ironically, EoE is one of Makoto Shinkai’s favorites and he considers Anno an inspiration. Everything from their bond to Hodaka’s character and Hina’s arc of a blue haired girl, blackish-blue in Hina’s case, that’s lived a difficult life and who’s only purpose is to be a sacrificial lamb, learning to pray for herself is a lot like Shinji/Rei, down the ending of WWY being a lot like that of 2.22. The scene where Hodaka gives Hina a promise ring is also a little like the “smile” moment from Episode 6/1.11.

Conclusion

In short, Shinji/Rei isn’t a bad pairing and is overhated and misrepresented by many in the fandom. It’s fine to dislike it or prefer another ship but one can do so without chomping at the bit to paint its shippers as homophobes, misogynists or people with incest fetishes or Oedipal complexes. Many of us like it because it’s one of the least toxic relationships in the series and is honestly a very powerful story. Are there some questionable elements in it? Sure, but you can like a ship even if it’s not up to golden moral standards and expecting every pairing to be unproblematic is ridiculous. Real life is much more grey than what moralistic fans claim.

[cotl-flower-crown]

My experience with Fang

My story in all of this is not that important, it's mostly just a petty drama between me and Fang. Please aim your support towards @catatombi and others mentioned in the original doc in their post: https://www.tumblr.com/catatombi/756286505510666240?source=share

I suppose since I'm somewhat involved in this and the other side seems to misinterpret my issue with fang, I feel compelled to explain myself. It might be a bit jumbled up, because I'm writing this in the middle of the night and I'm a bit sleepy.

cw: mentions of self harm and suicide

So me and Fanged met in a discord server that we were both in for a while. We and a few other wonderful individuals were hanging out, loving each other's art, talking and other stuff. We weren't exactly close, but we enjoyed each other's company.

One day I decided to share a story I wrote for my beloved Red District au (aka Gang au) which included an abuse scene between Grinder and Lambert. I have represented the two before as them having at least a sexual relationship (to be honest I do not remember if I ever depicted them as specifically romantic, I may have, but I cannot tell) and at the time I was toying with the idea of dipping into the dark side of the pairing. I was not trying to make it look like it was an romantic act (which that's what romanticizing means by the way), it was a scene straight up from a thriller. I left appropriate content warnings above the story. Fang saw them and read the story knowing that it would make him upset, he told us as much (sadly I do not have the screenshot to prove it, I don't know if that server still exists tbh). I felt really bad for him afterwards and it made me question myself. He later on appeared in my pms and from my perspective insinuated that I romanticize abuse, which I do not believe I did. The pms in question: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1zYN84ZT1xIAsxrQ8WvdwSlwUviT7InoB I admit it's not the best look to draw nsfw art of an abusive couple, though I would like to make it clear, the dive into the dark side begun after I was already made those drawings, I did not made them with the potential abuse in mind. With the story, I was just experimenting with how realistic can this relationship become. The au had barely any debt at the time and I wanted to make something deep. I was never really given an opportunity to elaborate on that. At the moment of the pms, I was scared for Fang, because he reacted very strongly to that story and I was worried for him and ended up backing out completely from the direction I wanted to take. Him telling me that he had 4 panic attacks over my story didn't help in the slightest. It just made me want to agree with him more, so he would feel more comfortable. I don't want to hang this over his head, because in the end it was my decision to change things in my au to fit his preferences. It could be a lot darker than what I have now, but what I have now is also good, you know. However, I'm not sure how else to describe it, but I wish I was told at the moment "hey, it's ok, you don't have to feel compelled to change YOUR story to fit MY preferences, because it's not my story, it's yours and if I'm not comfortable with this, then I shouldn't get involved". But he didn't, instead he encouraged me to keep it "clean", because he thinks that Grinder is hot and therefore he can't be an abuser apparently (sarcasm). So... whoops. It's not something that breaks a friendship tbh. I just want to let everyone know that I wasn't romanticizing abuse, because Fang's friend in their responce insinuate that I do. I don't. It was Fang who implied it. I don't romanticize abuse, I don't condone it, I despise it. But at the same time I'm not gonna say that abuse doesn't have the highs that make the victim stay by his abuser. It can be about money, it can be about security, it can be about sex and romance too. Back then for Lambert it was for all of those reasons. It was because when there were no bad days, there were the good days, great days even. Days that would make him question his own sanity, make him think that "this isn't so bad" before reality hit him in the face with a crash. Sometimes I wish I could tell that story instead of the misunderstood cat boy and a wolf in sheep's clothing. The thing is that I wasn't doing anything wrong and Fang made me think I did. I guess it happens sometimes and I don't really hate him for it, tho I wish he didn't pm me that night. I hope he gets help he desperately needs and avoids the spaces that make him uncomfortable if he can.

What really broke off out friendship was the situation on Itaku. I was following him there because I thought of him as a friend and he makes lovely artwork. I knew that he made gore artwort, but I don't hate gore, so the fact that he was drawing it in general wasn't an issue. One day I scroll through the feed and BOOM, a graphic piece "assaults" my eyes. Made me squirm a little. Very well made artwork, but fuck, I sure wish I could consent to that view. There was very clearly no content warning, because if there was, I would be allowed to make a choice on whether or not I want to see gore. So I leave him a friendly comment, something like "Nice artwork, wish there was a content warning tho" and I thought that would be it. But instead it turned into a debate that ended with him blocking me on Itaku. The debate in question can be read here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1z0rC4gxUOzfI_qUu9BRcThOufc_uF9np I was confused and angry when I learned about it, because I ended the discussion with "agreeing to disagree" and yet he still blocked me. And admittedly in the petty glory I decided to block him back on all my social medias. I wanted to unblock him the next day, once my emotions cool down, and propose a compromise. Anyway, I log on to see that Fang left me a message in the one place I forgot to block him at that left a poor taste in my mouth and made me think "this man is full of shit and I don't want to deal with him". He tried to love-bomb me at first, specifically mentions that he wants to be unblocked on my nsfw account, doesn't really mention the other places, really showing where his priorities lay. Then he tries to excuse himself, saying that the PSA he made wasn't about me, but it appeared directly after our debate, how am I supposed to not take that as vague posting? So that was the first lie. He then mentions my art again, saying that he's gonna miss it, not me, a friend, tho I guess, I feel very valued by that, thanks (sarcasm). He makes excuses again, he "warns" me that there are a lot of medias does the same thing he does, including cotl itself, which isn't true, because most do actually have content warnings these days, including cotl. Besides, semi-realistic gore and cartoony gore don't exactly hit the same way. So that's another attempt to deflect. He then talks about how he doesn't know what he did wrong, which I straight up just don't believe him. I didn't know about the vents yet, but most of the conclusions could be deduced from the discussion itself.

Refearing to the vent posts now (they're in the link above) I never told him to censor his art. Itaku has an option to put a content warning, which basically covers up the piece with "warning" written on top and the reasons that the author can add manually. Clearly the tags are not enough, so why not use that? The only reason why Fang wouldn't want to use that tool that he was given, is that it would most likely lower his views. The line "I'm not going to de-boost my content" confirms it. I did not want to block the whole gore tag because I don't hate gore, it doesn't give me PTSD or anything, and it can be cool and beautiful when done right. Gore tag includes a lot of variety and blocking it ALL would feel like a waste. But also if your art makes me - someone who can take the blood and guts pretty well - imagine some random person, who cannot take the gore and has no idea about blocking the tags, stumbling onto your art and being met with an image of a bloody spinal cord. If there is a tool that allows you to warn your viewers that "hey, this one is a bit graphic", if I click on it anyway, that's on me. It's my choice to view it and I can't blame Fang for it. Fang, by refusing to put up a content warning, strips me and other viewers of that choice. A tag is not gonna fix it. I'm sure that those who wanted to follow Fanged for his other artwort, would appreciate the content warning as well. I said as much in the comments. Looking at it from the other side, remember that story I wrote about earlier? What if I decided not to put up content warnings? Bet Fang wouldn't be very happy about it either. So it's fine for ME to get disturbed without my consent, but when it's Fang that sees something graphic by his own volition, then he's allowed to be upset and come to me with a critique? But when I do it, then I get hit with a block? Very classy. The killjoy thing is so stupid, self-depricating humor is a thing and I was aware that my comment might be taken as less than fun, so I was trying to make a joke about it, to break the tension. It wasn't supposed to be hostile in any way. He complains that I don't appreciate him bringing his panic attacks into the discussion which are not related to the topic. If that's not guilt-tripping then what is it? Also the tweet does confirm that he blocked me because he got mad about it. So yeah, sure, PSA not being about me, my ass.

What I took from all this is that Fang wants everyone to respect his boundaries, but he's not gonna respect boundaries of others for his own gains and he will try to deflect blame, because he can't handle criticism. I don't need that toxicity in my life, so I just kept him blocked. One would assume that's what he would want as well, since he blocked me first. The nerve taken to try and wiggle his way into my graces for my nsfw doodles baffles me. I didn't hate him though, not being able to take criticism is not really an evil quality. But I tried to get through to him in the most polite way I could manage and he didn't take it. If that's too much then I can't do better unless I say "You're right and I'm wrong". If I can't express my true thoughts without him taking it as a threat to his safe space, then I'm not going to sacrifice mine for him.

And that was it for me for a while. I wasn't going to talk about this situation at all, unless asked, and people did ask. Because guess what, Fang can say all he wants about how his vent account is private, but that's bullshit. If people can see it, then it's not REALLY private. If you want to have a private space to vent, get yourself a diary. The internet is not a private space, no matter how private you try to make it. But yeah, I learned that Fang was talking shit about me, which was funny at first, until a few months later I learned from Cata about what he did to them and the others. I learned that I was one of the people he cut himself for. He cut himself. Because of this. I can be snarky and passive aggressive all around through this post, but I cannot laugh this off. This is not healthy. This isn't something to laugh about or ignore. It's not about me, it's about what Cata and the others had to go through. Learning about the self harming thing didn't feel good at all and I can only imagine how they felt through out his abuse.

Even now I don't want to hate him. That's not to say that I don't think he's not dangerous. If you've read Catatombi's call out, you know about the suicide pacts, pushing boundaries and just hurting people around him in general. He's definitelly a danger to himself as well as the people he surrounds himself with. But even then, I can get mad and sad about it, but I can't really hate him. This callout is not to hate on him, but warn others against his destructive behavior. In the end what he really needs is to get off the internet, get proffessional help and touch grass. I'm not sure whether or not Fang is actually taking steps to take care of his issues, I really do hope that he does and I cheer him on for it, even if we can't be friends anymore.

And for those who ended up being his victims, even if it wasn't intentional, I hope they can find their peace as well. That is all I really want in the end.

Now excuse me, it's almost 5 am and I need sleep. Goodnight.

[scoobydoodean]

Not asking you to speculate, but it seems to be REALLY funny to me that Wincesties try to insist that Sam is "gay" and Dean is "straight." It's about cutting off connections. Canon-Sam has no major male love interests, so there are no "male rivals" to entertain. Gay Sam feels safe. And since Canon-Dean has quite a few male love interests, some of them long-running, they need there to NOT be any "male rivals." A straight Dean is a safe Dean for them, too.

I think this is very true for some of them. In my experience, a good 90% of wincest shippers are samgirls. Some of them care about Dean a lot, but many of them do not actually care about Dean at all except as a brainless robot whose only function should be to shower Sam with praise and love and treat Sam as the center of his universe. Within this framework, they see any connection Dean might have to another person (another man or not) besides Sam as a threat to Sam's throne. Like straight up a bronly crawled into my notifs once on a simple post about Dean and Cas's care for one another because the idea of Dean and Cas caring about each other made them feel threatened, and the proceeded to to try and tell me Dean didn't care about Cas and that Dean is just "the little black dress" of the SPN fandom who Sam gets to wear in the end. I.e., Dean is nothing more than an accessory to many samgirls of the bronly persuasion—a status symbol.

On the other hand, there are other samgirls who openly despise Dean and have an interest in claiming that Sam is queer and Dean is the straightest straight to ever straight because they equate queerness with being special—and even in some strange way—being the most moral. They see it as a status symbol. This is also why they're obsessed with the idea of woman-coded Sam. They see simply being a woman as inherently more morally righteous. This is also why they engage in voter fraud. Cheating to win a poll means you actually won nothing, but there is still value in cheating to win for some Sam fans because they care so deeply about appearances. Queer Sam is not an actual passion for them it's just set dressing, but that set dressing matters to them desperately.

NOTE: I think there's room to complain here that many destiel shippers perceive Sam as super straight and Dean as queer, and to also apply underlying jealousy to that, but in the end, I just think the text lends itself to queer Dean better than it does queer Sam and that's just the damn truth. A lot of this is for pretty simple reasons, like the fact that Dean forms close bonds with other men in the canon of the show (Cas, Benny, Crowley, etc) whereas Sam tends to hold back on forming close relationships with anyone outside of Dean (until Eileen and Rowena) as a defense mechanism. This creates less opportunity for fans to explore Sam's connections with other men and become invested in those relationships. Another factor is (in the eyes of most fans) Jared's lack of romantic chemistry with other men. None of that means we can't construct compelling queer Sam readings, but I think it says something that the most obvious and compelling queer Sam reading I can think of is one Samgirls overwhelmingly reject—I think—because it codes his entire family as queer instead of just him, meaning he doesn't get to be the only one who's "special".

[evansbuck-ley]

yk what i have been thinking about? the bucktommy beginning was sm about tommy teaching and showing buck new things. and it felt so romantic and hot. but now 8x06 has recontexualized everything in a bad way. 😩

it seems like they never had any casual talks about buck's newly discovered queerness. just, yk, hey, how are you feeling two months into this relationship? do you still have moments where you worry what others might think? buck put a rainbow emoji in his public instagram account during pride, has queer friends, and... he apparently did nothing with his personal queer revelations?

they apparently also never talked about exes and what they did in their lives before meeting and how they want their lives to look like in their future and their personal boundaries and and and... like, you ask those big questions (family plans, financial situation, hobbies, job situation, etc.) in the dating phase, which is before you actually commit to a person in an exclusive monogamous way! why invest in a relationship when you don't even ask if the other is looking for something long-term lol?

the fact that 8x06 also confirmed that they spend a lot of time together just makes things worse because 1.) what the fuck have you been doing all this time then, both individually and together, and 2.) then it makes even less sense for buck to ask tommy to move in or for tommy to break up immediately or for both wanting to reach out because how did they even reach the 6 month mark without talking? without learning anything of importance about each other and themselves?

it makes canon bucktommy look like every other shallow short-term fling that buck had so far. could have simply been fuck buddies and they would have had the same level of knowledge about each other after 6 months. just hate how this one episode retrospectively fucked over canon bucktommy in so many different ways ☹️

8x06 is straight up trash. fact.

if they had always planned for them to break up they could have done it SO much better and not leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth. And you are right, contextually it makes the whole six months they were together seem so…meh.

and as much as people joke about buck speed running his bisexual awakening, since the first initial story line, has anyone really acknowledged it? are you telling me that hen has not even spoken to buck about what this all means to him? wdym known research freak evan buckley didn’t spent all night after tommy kissed him deep diving into this whole new side to him. they simply said “look he is bi and now has a boyfriend” and moved on. they don’t even SAY the word bisexual in the show. which is just fucking insane to me. they just skate around it in such a horrendous way.

and don’t even get me started on the Abby side of things because I absolutely DESPISE it. it’s such lazy writing.

but on the flip side, contextually 8x06 gave us so much good. buck was ready for something more with tommy, he was ready to live together and grow old together. he was ready for tommy to be just last. same for tommy, he wanted all that with buck. buck was also tommy’s last and they had so much opportunity to really dig into his character, to explore why he was scared to go there with buck. but again, they just wrote it off.

we also have previous episodes that actively show that this isn’t just a fling, especially for tommy. he showed up to the cafe simply because buck asked. he came to the hospital after fighting a fire because he made a promise and buck got a lil pouty about it. he showed up for buck again and again in 8x05 because he clearly cared.

for me personally, 8x06 doesn’t make their whole relationship seem like a fling. for me, it shows that these two characters care about each other so much, but clearly lack some communication of how they feel and where they both are, in the context of their relationship and in the context of their own personal journey’s.

[decentishoutsidersthoughts]

hi!! do you have any favorite hcs for each of the gang members?

I have a few headcannons! If anyone wants to hear more about these I’d love to elaborate!

TW for child abuse in Steve and Johnny’s parts, and thoughts of suicide in Johnny’s first headcannon

ℙ𝕠𝕟𝕪𝕓𝕠𝕪 ℂ𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕚𝕤

My guy is honestly lacking in friends at school. Most of the gang either dropped out a long time ago or are in a completely different grade. He gets along with people on the track team and stuff but most of them kinda just see him as ‘cool enough’ and not really a friend

One time one of the guys from the team held a party and nobody told him about it. When he found out he tried to act like it didn’t matter to him but it still stung. He didn’t even want to go, it was just the idea that nobody bothered to invite him

He’d be that one kid in college that didn’t have a lot of freedom during high school and just goes absolutely crazy. It takes him a semester to learn how to use his free will responsibly. I actually have a lot of Ponyboy college headcanons if anyone would be interested in those.

When he learns to drive he’s actually a pretty good driver, and people trust him to take them places. The only problem is that he seems to be a magnet for terrible drivers. Like he gets on the road and suddenly nobody around him remembers wtf a turn signal is.

He definitely curses out people when he’s driving. Darry has straight up given up on trying to correct his language behind the wheel

𝕊𝕠𝕕𝕒𝕡𝕠𝕡 ℂ𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕚𝕤

I’ve mentioned this one before, but he cannot STAND people being angry with him. Like he will just agree with whatever the gang asks to keep peace. It’s a lot of the reason why he hates being pulled into arguments, because he can’t avoid upsetting someone.

Sometimes when Darry and Ponyboy are going at it he’ll just straight up leave without being noticed. He honestly started pushing how much he could get away with it until he eventually did get caught after he was still gone at 4am. Darry felt too guilty to even be able to lecture him.

Because of his aversion to conflict him and Darry hardly ever argue, but when they do it’s UGLY. It’s like a whole world war breaking out in the living room. It’ll almost always end with Soda sobbing and Darry usually just has to like, leave for a while. One time they didn’t talk for three days. People don’t even try to get between them because it always makes things worse. In the end they always manage to talk it out though, sometimes it just takes a while.

Less angsty one, Soda makes people go on walks with him in the middle of the night. Usually it’s Steve, but he’ll take Ponyboy if there’s no school the next day. One time he even made Dally come with him by threatening to go by himself if he didn’t come lol. As much as everyone complains about it, they never tell him no.

In school he had detention like every single day. All his teachers absolutely despised him and he would’ve had to redo his junior year if he hadn’t dropped out.

𝔻𝕒𝕣𝕣𝕪 ℂ𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕚𝕤

During high school he’d get really pissed when his Soc friends beat up Greasers. He actually got a couple of them to stop completely, but others just learned to do it without getting caught. They all knew better than to mess with the gang, though,

Speaking of high school, he just straight up wasn’t welcome into most of his friend’s homes. Only Paul’s parents actually liked him, and only like two other people’s parents even pretended to like him.

Darry waited until after his parents funeral to cry so that his brother wouldn’t see him. The priest came and sat with him for a little bit while he just sobbed hysterically.

Sometimes he sits by their graves and asks for advice. He doesn’t get any, obviously, but he always leaves with his mind a little more clear than it was before.

𝕁𝕠𝕙𝕟𝕟𝕪 ℂ𝕒𝕕𝕖

When the Socs jumped him, he honestly thought he was going to die. That scared him, but that scared him even more was the fact that he wasn’t that upset about it. It wasn’t until the gang showed up that he realized how much he really didn’t want to die now, but in the moment it almost felt like a nice release.

For a couple weeks after the Curtis parents died, he’d come over every day and just do chores and cook. He didn’t feel like it was a lot, but to Darry who had to do a million things at once while barely being able to get out of bed it meant so much.

Sometimes he’ll sit by the train tracks, and whenever a train rolls by he’ll think about jumping on it and just running away from everything. But he can’t stand the idea of leaving Ponyboy and Dally, so he doesn’t.

Him and Steve don’t talk much, but they have the common ground of coming from shitty home lives. Sometimes they’ll just come to eachother to get an injury taken care of or just to breathe for a minute, and then they’ll just never mention it again.

𝔻𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕒𝕤 𝕎𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕟

Tulsa was supposed to just be a temporary stop for him until he met Johnny. Then he decided staying a few weeks wouldn’t hurt. Sometimes he still tells himself he’ll leave eventually, but he knows that’ll never happen.

Before the Curtis parents died part of him looked up to Darry and the way he took care of the gang. That went away after the Curtis parents died and everything started falling apart, but for a while he saw Darry as what he used to want to be.

Him and Tim Shepard have an unspoken agreement that one can piss the other off when they want a fight. At this point it’s basically a challenge to see who can make the other angrier. Dallas won when sold Angela drugs for a party.

Two-Bit, Steve, and Soda will constantly be dragging him to incredibly sketchy parties. They claim it’s for protection but really they just wanna hang out and they know he can’t say no if he’s worried about them getting murdered in a back alley.

𝕋𝕨𝕠-𝔹𝕚𝕥 𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕨𝕤

He met Darry when they were in elementary school, and they’re best friends. He’s also been a designated babysitter for as long as he could remember. Him and Darry don’t hang out a ton anymore, but they’re still the first person eachother go to when they need help.

Idk if yall have seen that video where they’re making a drink without knowing what everyone else put into it, and everyone is putting in mixers cause they don’t trust Ali. And then at the end Ali shows up and pours in like half a bottle of ever clear. Ali is Two-Bit.

Him and his sister are insanely close. They’re constantly having tea parties and gossip sessions. He made Soda teach him how to do hair just so that he could do hers.

𝕊𝕥𝕖𝕧𝕖 ℝ𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕝𝕖

One of the most loyal motherfuckers you’ll ever meet. He doesn’t actually like a lot of people, but he will literally kill for the people he does.

Evie isn’t allowed in the Curtis house anymore, not because they don’t like her, but everyone just got sick of watching Steve and her make out. She’s unofficially banned from the DX for the same reason. (Something Steve found very unfair because Soda and Sandy were just as bad the second Darry was gone)

His dad used to be really violent when he was younger, but as he got older he also got stronger and his dad got weaker. Things aren’t bad anymore because his dad knows that if Steve gets scared enough then he WILL kill him.

Absolutely loves speeding down the road in the middle of the night. He’ll drag Soda and Evie on VERY illegal joy rides. Tbh even when he’s not breaking road laws for fun he still drives like an absolute maniac. 

[polyklok]

Nathan Explosion full Alphabets

Pickles

Skwisgaar

Toki

Murderface

If you’re unaware, I did an headcanon request thing using these two alphabets

It got a bit more popular than I expected and my askbox got flooded. I loved doing it! But I ended up cramming a lot in a short amount of time, so I’m just gonna finish off the alphabets for every Dethklok member. It might take awhile. If you’re getting impatient waiting to see what I said about your favorite boy, you can look up the tag “Polyklok is real” to find all my posts including the previous headcanon requests.

Anywho-

Fluff

A for Affection-

Slightly more affectionate than you’d expect! Nathan isn’t one to show a lot of emotions or vulnerability at first. There's a good chance that you're just a fun piece of eye candy to him. He might have an arm around you when in public, but things like cuddling are reserved for after sex and after sex only.

As he starts to open up, he becomes more and more addicted to your soft touches and gentle holds. He leans into you whenever you are vaguely close to him, nuzzling his face into your neck and letting his hands settle on your hips or waist. Soon, it becomes mandatory for him to be attached to you whenever you're in the same room. Especially whilst cuddling, he is not letting go. Will carry you to the bathroom if needed, just to continue feeling your warmth.

B for Best friend-

It’s sort of stressful. Not because of Nathan specifically, but because it’s fucking Dethklok. You’re going to need to live a very private life when you’re associated with them, unless you want to be stalked and harassed daily by overly-obsessive fans. And that’s if you can even get any of them to engage with you in the first place, which is a task within itself.

IF you somehow manage to pull off the impossible, Nathan is a pretty silly dude. If he already likes you, it’s fairly easy to make him relax and laugh with you. Most of the time, the two of you will be drinking and making fun of dumb stuff until early in the morning. But he’s never gonna really open up to you. If you try to get into his personal life or mental health, he’s just gonna straight up cut you off permanently. You’re luckily you weren’t killed by Klokateers.

C for Cuddles-

Once he's settled into the relationship and comes to terms about his more unbrutal feelings for you, he quickly becomes comfortable with regular, sappy couples things like cuddling. Very comfortable.

You know those dogs who are big but think they are small? He's kinda like that. If you're lucky, he'll scoop you up first and hold you against him. If you're unlucky, he's too tired to think of such a gesture and will straight up collapse on you. While 'Death by Nathan Explosion' may seem good in theory, the truth is that you have to stick around for him, which means you can't come to peace with suffocating in his phat tits. I'm sorry. If he does lay on top of you, it's gonna have to be across your legs while you scratch his scalp; his favorite way to cuddle BTW.

D for Domestic-

Nathan is a little complicated.

On one hand, he grew up among perfect domesticity. A nice, middle-class suburban neighborhood with a hardworking Dad and a stay-at-home Mom who loved each other and him very much. He often helped his Mom with chores around the house, went fishing and hunting with his Dad, even spent time on the farm with his grandpa. Everyone was happy and life was simple. Even today, when Nathan pictures the 'perfect lifestyle', he imagines a friendly community and being a part of a couple as loving as his parents are.

But then again, he wasn't ‘happy’. He despised the white-picket fences, and gossipy neighbors, and (gag) public school. He spent his early life trying to get as far away from that as possible. He lives to buy stupidly expensive shit, destroy it in the most violent way possible, fill his nights with drugs and booze, tour around the world singing about death and destruction, be worshipped by hundreds of hot girls only to watch their faces fall as he returns to you, and then have you screaming in his bed before the sun rises. Nathan wants chaos.

Eventually, you'll find balance. He realizes he create his own version of the American dream, with you by his side as his perfect partner, his equal. He'll still be apart of Dethklok, still live in Mordhaus, still write the most disgustingly graphic songs you can think of. But he now lives day-to-day craving his morning kiss, setting aside time to have a lunch date with you, sharing a few beers rather than getting shitfaced. Nathan learns to settle down in a way that makes both sides of him happy.

E for Ending-

Aw man :/

If it’s early in the relationship, he just straight up ghosts you. He feels bad for doing it but he’s too much of a coward to do anything else. It’s probably because he realized he didn’t like you that much, you couldn’t keep up with his lifestyle, or he was simply being a horny bastard and pining after others. I love him, but he’s still a rich, sheltered douchebag.

If it’s later on…he has a really hard time coming to terms. It’s gonna have to be a mutual decision, otherwise your both gonna be stuck in a miserable relationship. Maybe he realizes that his lifestyle is unfit for long term relationships, maybe you realize that you don’t suit him as well as you used to. He’s gonna make his explanation, hear out yours, hug you goodbye, and even provide some money to help you get by. But he’s not gonna talk to you again. His heart is too tender for that.

Potentially, if you really did mean a lot to him and changed him in ways he’s now grateful for, he’ll write a brutal song for you with secretly sappy and thankful lyrics. Then you get the satisfaction of knowing that you left on the best possible terms.

F for Fiancé-

For a long time, Nathan didn’t think he ever wanted to get married. It’s just didn’t fit his image. The idea of Nathan Explosion ever being a part of a celebration for holy matrimony? No way.

But when you started to sneak your way into his heart, marriage suddenly seemed like a wonderful possibility rather than a stupid consequence of the world. He tried to fight against it, which only made the urge worse. A pair of sparkling rings, wedding bells, flowers, you in absolutely beautiful outfit- all kept haunting his mind until it felt like he was going mad. He seriously considered dropping to one knee every time you smiled or laughed.

One day, you’re randomly swooped off to Georgia, on the ranch which is parents moved after Florida went to shit due to his political pursuit (we don’t talk about that). It’s the first time you formally meet them both but they’re already so glad to meet you; Nathan has said a lot over the phone and they know you make him happy. One night, during the visit, Nathan goes outside with his father, just the two of them. He asks his Dad when he knew he wanted to marry his Mom. They have a long talk about commitment, patience, love and life. That’s when he makes up his mind.

He proposes a week later and only cries a little when you say yes.

G for Gentle-

Nathan is huge. I don’t care how tall or wide you are, he’s bigger. And as much as he loves the size difference, his brain doesn’t really register that fact fully. He’ll squeeze with realizing he’s crushing you, wrap himself around you until you overheat, and occasionally fully consume you in his cuddles, as I’ve said before. It’s rare that he actually hurts you, it’s more annoying than anything. Just mention it and he’ll let up immediately with a small “Sorry.”

It’s similar in the emotional department. He's very blunt and, while he means well, it can cause some hiccups in your communication. He's never malicious but he often forgets to filter himself or add cushioning to his words, which might caused some hurt feelings. If it's a heated moment, he'll straight up walk away to give himself some time to breathe, think, reevaluate, and then go apologize to you so a solution can be figured out.

H for Hugs-

For a while, you thought Nathan hated hugs. And he sort of did. He never initiated them. He saw a full-body, front-facing hug as a way to greet his parents and...not much else. He also thought having to ask for a hug was embarrassing. Early on, if he's feeling touchy, he'll settle for groping at or leaning into you.

But he came around very quickly as soon as you fully embraced him. Just 30 seconds of your arms completely wrapped around him has him addicted and now he initiates them whenever you have a few passing minutes of free time. Still doesn’t like asking for them, though, he just does it and it’ll sometimes scares you.

I for I Love You-

If you say it to him, he’ll do the whole “I mrgghmrhyou too” thing. It’s gonna be a while until he completes the sentence, he’s stubborn. He’s knows he loves you and he knows that you know that he loves you but the words just seem so big, too big for him to say out loud.

But they’re not too big for Drunk Nathan! You’re helping him into bed after he’s had a long night filled with booze, swatting away his wandering hands from your body. You tug away his boots and jeans so he’s not too uncomfortable while he sleeps. “Thanks babe,” He mutters, head buried in a pillow, “I love you. So fucking much.” You pause, surprised grin spreading across your face as he promptly rolls over and falls asleep.

With time, the words will come out more and more clearly until he’s giving the casual “Love you.” Every morning and night, not even thinking much of it. But you’ll always remember the first time he said it to you, even if he doesn’t.

J for Jealousy-

He thinks jealousy is such an ugly look. He’s had girlfriends like that, obsessed with him and surveilling every single thing he does. It was awful. And he doesn’t want to be like that, especially not to you! So he tries; he really tries to be cool and levelheaded and to trust you completely. And he does trust you!

But he does not trust a room full of douchebags who think it’s alright to try and talk up his S/O! His chest burns with anger every time a creep stares you down or blatantly flirts. In public, he’ll stand right behind you and watch the entire room over your shoulder with the deadliest glare on his face. He totally fails at trying to be subtle about it. He can’t stand the thought that other people are having the same thoughts that he does about you. If you call him out on his jealousy, he’ll grumble and look away with an embarrassed blush.

Once you get home from some sort of social event, one where too many eyes happened to be staring at your body, he attached to you. He’s groping at and leaning into you, trying to consume you in his touch just to remind you that you’re his.

K for Kisses-

His kissing? Pretty good. He’s a bit rough, but he’s definitely not a bad kisser, especially if you’re into getting rough. He likes to keep his hands busy on your body when he kisses you and he groans against your lips if you ever start to mess with his hair. Very good experience.

He can make you go dizzy with a deep kiss or leave you quivering from a make out session without even blinking. What drives him crazy are soft, quick, passing kisses that you plant on him. A peck on his lips, face, or anywhere else will leave him blushing like a madman. He has no idea how something so simple makes him so flustered but he enjoys the feeling of butterflies in his stomach, wants you to do it more and more! He never gets sick of your small kisses.

L for Little Ones-

In the small community in Florida he grew up in, everyone knew everyone, which meant that all his stuck-up, judgmental neighbors knew how weird he was. Even though his parents were always supportive of him, that didn't stop fucking Cathy from down the street riding his ass at every block party. To avoid all the stupid questions and potentially beating up old people, he settled to hang out with all the kids during social gatherings. They were fascinated by his huge figure, alternative style, and gravely voice. He'd often find himself wrestling off tons of giggling toddlers, all with a huge smile on his face from the playfulness. This was a long way to say he's great with kids.

Kid's bring out Nathan's silly side. He's willing to drop his ego and act a little dumb just to make sure they have a good time; He'll roughhouse or play pretend or take a conversation about fictional dinosaur characters very seriously. It's honestly so adorable to see. As for having children? The thought scares him, he could name millions of protentional disasters just from the concept. But, if it's a serious want of yours, he'll consider it.

M for Morning-

Nathan thrives off of routine. He wakes up around noon and will not start his day off until he gets a morning kiss from you. He will sit in bed and pout until you finally peck his lips with a “Good Morning”.

After that, it’s pretty simple. At some in the relationship, the two of you have grown accustomed to each other’s procedures and habits, so you do practically everything in-sync. Most of the time, while getting ready, there’s a pleasant conversation that Nathan has grown to look forward to. Sometimes it discussing the day’s plans, sometimes it’s swapping the dreams had last night, or sometimes it’s just you reprimanding him for leaving such obvious bruises on your neck. No matter what, he’s happy he gets at least some time with you in his very busy schedule.

Despite what you might think, Nathan prefers to snack over the day than to have a large breakfast/lunch. Whether you follow suit or not, there will be some point where the two of you part ways so get can get work done, usually a meeting or early band practice. But before you go off to do your own thing, he always takes a moment to look into you eyes and share a small “Love You.”

N for Night-

Nathan stays up late. He’s a total night owl, always has been. In some cases, he’ll be partying and drinking his weight in booze. But most nights, he just wants to get work done, usually writing lyrics. Either way, he insists you go to bed before him and he’ll join you later. If he has been partying extra hard, it’s up to you that he actually makes it to bed. That’s if he goes to bed at all; he definitely pulls a few all-nighters every now and then.

At around 12-3 AM, you’ll wake up to the bed shifting and groaning under his weight. He’s stripped down to his boxers, he smells of either beer or chips, and he’s shushing you to stay asleep. He doesn’t mean to wake you up almost every night, but it’s sort of inevitable. Either way, he’ll kiss your forehead and gladly accept it when you eventually come crawling into his side.

O for Open-

At the beginning, it is absolutely minimal. It’s almost sad how little he’s willing to open up to you. Anytime the two of you talk, his answers are gonna be almost complete one-worded. Every date you go on a date, it’s exclusively for press and/or so he can get his dick wet afterwards. He truly believes that you’re only interested in him for his fame. He’s not mad about it, but he’s accepted it as the truth, so he doesn’t bother putting in any effort to actually engage with you.

But, over time, his heart will soften up and he realizes that-holy shit-he actually likes you and wants to be genuine with you. It starts out slow, like actually telling you about his day rather than just saying “Fine” or asking you questions about the side of your life that doesn’t revolve around him. He grows into admitting he cares about you or letting you in on band-business that’s supposed to be private. You can tell he fully trusts you when he’s willing to break down, let you comfort him while he cries, confess his weaknesses and allow you hear them because he knows that you won’t leave him for them. Then, and only then, does he realize how much he values you.

P for Patience-

It’s no secret that Nathan is a bit of a brat, or at the very least, a diva. It’s nowhere to the extent of his other bandmates (cough cough Skwisgaar) but he can certainly be picky or, yes, impatient at times. When it comes to small, inconvenient things, his anger is quick to spark up. It’s more so frustration than anything else, but he is still very clearly pissed off when something isn’t going how he wanted it to.

With you? He tries so hard to be levelheaded and cool. He’s willing to talk about it and work out solutions. But he has a tendency to just simmer in his own exasperation, especially when it’s something that has to just be dealt with rather than solved. A lot of the time, if he finds himself growing with anger, he will straight up walk away. It may seem disrespectful to you, but he’s just trying to keep himself from yelling or saying something stupid. He cannot lose you to an argument like that. Once he’s cooled down, he’ll return, apologize, and reaffirms that you’re okay with whatever is going on. Nathan really does want what’s best for you, no matter how angry he’s feeling in the moment.

Q for Quizzes-

Nathan wants to remember everything! He tries so hard to keep track of every little thing you say or do just because you’re so precious to him! But, more often than not, his brain will betray him and he’ll draw a blank when trying to decipher things about you. It’s not just you, he doesn’t have the most reliable memory in general. But he feels like such a bad boyfriend for not knowing things that should be obvious, like your birthday or favorite food.

At some point, he starts writing things down in his notebook. The very same notebook that holds reminders, inspiration, and lyrics for Dethklok songs. Every time you make a small comment that might be useful to him later, he quickly jots it down. It’s a little funny, right next to song titles like “Burn The Earth” and “Guts Punch Balls Throw-Up” he has little notes like “Favorite Flavor is strawberry :)”

BTW, you’re never allowed to see the notebook because you might also see notes such as “Looked super pretty this Sunday, made me happy” and how embarrassing would that be?

R for Remember-

It was such a quiet day. Nothing particularly exciting was happening, nothing particularly awful, either. He had spent hours sorting through paperwork, his brain still hurting with legal terms and signatures. Now, it was late afternoon, and the two of you were spending time on the couch.

By “spending time”, I mean he was writing lyrics, you were reading a book, and a large plate of French fries sat in the middle. Everything was so still. Occasionally you’d flip the page and grab a fry or he’d grumble and scribble something down. But besides that, perfect tranquility.

Until you decided you needed a drink. You left the room for a second, only a second, to grab a water or soda or beer. You just…got up and left. Like a normal person. But immediately, as soon as you were out of his presence, Nathan felt unnerved. The entire balance of the room shifted without you on a couch cushion beside him. He stared, dumbfounded, at the doorway as though you had abandoned him. He just missed you so much.

Less than three minutes later, you were back, with a drink in either hand. You place one by him, kissed his cheek in a way that made his heart flutter, and returned to your spot as though nothing had happened. Technically, nothing had happened, but those less-than-three-minutes had struck Nathan as so wrong, that when you returned, he was so, so internally grateful to have you there with him.

It was in that moment that Nathan realized how much he loved you, how important you were to him, how he couldn’t stand to be without you for a second. Even if the evening continued without him saying a word.

S for Security-

Yes, very much so.

Nathan fully believes that you’re “brutal as hell” and fully capable with handling whatever life throws at you. It’s one of the reasons he loves you! But he still acts so protective of you, he thinks that’s how a ‘good boyfriend’ should act (raised on traditional values and all). It’s adorable, how he insists on being your guard dog in public or carrying stuff you could’ve gotten yourself. It’s his own form of chivalry.

However, in a situation where your life is genuinely at stake, he freaks the fuck out. Adrenalin kicks in, he hyper-focuses on getting you out of there, even over his own safety. Remember when he saved Toki whilst Mordhaus was burning down? He’s not even blinking until he knows your secure, preferably in his arms. Afterwards, he’s pressed into you, rocking back and forth, sobbing that he could’ve lost you. He never wants to feel that way again.

If you were to protect him, potentially from rapid fans, he…Well, Nathan finds it hot. I’ll get more info this later, but Nathan thinks aggression is a very good look on you. He obviously wants to keep you out of harm’s way, but he might just let you yell for a little bit just to enjoy the image.

T for Try-

Early in the relationship, he goes all-out with expensive gifts, extravagant dates, and big gestures. Unfortunately, it’s not necessarily because he’s trying super hard, but he thinks it’s what will keep you happy. Again, in his mind, you’re only dating Nathan Explosion for the clout and/or money, so he’s gonna give it to you.

Eventually, he learns to be more personal with you. At that point, he tries so damn hard, not at making his romantic pursuits as bold, but more so at making them perfect for you. All your dates are planned so that you have the best time you could possibly have. The gifts become symbolic and personalized in a way only the two of you understand. His gestures become slightly more private, pleasing you rather than impressing those around you. He’s slightly embarrassed at his own sappiness but seeing the glow in your eyes is so worth it.

Day to day is about the same. Nathan has put in a lot of effort making sure that the two of you have a shared schedule that works and he’s super proud of it, having the comfort of you every single day.

U for Ugly-

As I said earlier, the first ‘phase’ of your relationship with Nathan is going to be difficult. He doesn’t trust you, he’s completely unwilling to share any details he deems “personal” which is most of them, and he really only dates you to say he’s dating someone and to show you off to the paparazzi. It’s…pretty pathetic. You’re gonna need to be tough in order to fight your way through to Nathan’s heart.

Even then, he has a streak of untrustworthiness. Not necessarily from you, but his jealously and clinginess can be a bit overwhelming sometimes. Not as bad as some other members though…

He’s incredibly stubborn. We’ve seen how picky he is with Dethklok’s music and that bleeds into other aspects of his life. He doesn’t enjoy sudden changes to his routine or unexpected events. He tries to be open-minded, but arguments might spark up if he’s feeling particularly hard-headed that day. Although, you are the only person he truly trusts an opinion from.

V for Vanity-

Most of the time, Nathan doesn’t really care. He likes to keep his appearance at least a bit brutal at all times, for sake of his image. His clothing is never too expensive or of high-quality. If he finds something that he likes, he buys multiples of it so he can wear it again. I’m also convinced that he dyes his hair because there’s no way it’s that black (look at his parents!). Outside of that, he’s not too concerned with how he looks.

Until he is. Every now and then, Nathan will get depressive mood for a bit and really start hating in his own appearance. He’s not in his peak physical form anymore; he’s fat and aging in a way that’s not super graceful. Online criticism of his every feature doesn’t help either. Which is why he really appreciates it when you start to love up on him, kissing random places and telling him how much you adore his body. He’ll mumble and look away and try to push you off a little bit, but his cheeks are heating up and his brain is tingling with all sorts of good feelings. Nathan loves being doted on.

W for Whole-

Like I said, Nathan likes routine. When you’re suddenly pulled out of the equation, his whole day is set off and he gets all moody until you come back. He doesn’t need to constantly be with you but he once he’s assimilated to your presence, he doesn’t ever want you to leave. At some point, deep in the relationship, you become an aspect of life to Nathan and he can’t even imagine trying to live without you.

So yes, in a sense, he’d be incomplete without you.

X for Xtra-

Even when he realizes that his relationship with you means much more than he originally realized, he still loves showing you off to cameras or at parties. With his arm around you, both wearing gorgeous outfits, he loves to show the entire world just how beautiful his S/O is and wants the world all to sob about it!

Before, pictures with his girlfriends used to be stiff and awkward. He just stood there, holding her hand maybe, whilst she posed for the camera. Now, he’s completely different. He’s wrapped around you, nuzzling into you, even smiling! The media goes crazy when he first does this with you; this is a side of him never shown to the public. It’s passionate, it’s tender, it’s so off-brand for Nathan Explosion! But he doesn’t care. He seriously gets off on the fact that you’re the only one that can make him feel this way and the only one he’ll act this way for.

Y for Yuck-

Lying. Nathan is already so guarded, so knowing that you are lying-for whatever reason- to him just cuts so deep and forgiving you will be a piece of work, if he decides to at all. Even if it’s something unpleasant, he just wishes you would talk to him and the two of you could work it out together.

After the whole “Rebecca’ incident, he can’t stand an S/O that’s too pushy or controlling of him. Who would’ve guessed, manipulating and bullying someone you’re supposed to be in a relationship with is not okay?! If you start off like this, he’s backing out immediately and probably calling you a bitch in the process. If you become worse over the course of the relationship, he might already be too far in love to realize how awful you’re being, so it’s usually his band members who are going to be calling you out on your bullshit. And there’s only a 50% chance you make it out of that alive soooooooooo….

Z for Zzz-

Nathan becomes a fucking wall when he sleeps. He’s on his back, he’s perfectly still, he’s gently snoring, and nuclear bomb couldn’t wake him up; you couldn’t even push him over you you tried. He likes to have you tucked under his arm when he gets into bed, but after he’s asleep, you could sleep directly on top of him for all he cares, he still won’t wake up. Probably would be super easy to suffocate.

Every now and then, you’ll wake up to him yelling his lungs out. Nathan is regularly frequented by prophecies nightmares and his reaction to them is not to thrash around or scream, but to just do the loudest, longest metal-growl you’ve ever heard. It’s terrifying to wake up to. Over time you’ll get used to it and begin to comfort him, usually by petting his hair and shushing him. He’s still half-asleep, so it’s not long before his eyes flutter shut once again. It becomes routine at one point.

Alright! And that’s fluff. Below there will be SMUT, including references to kink and BDSM. If you’re are sensitive to things that don’t qualify under “vanilla” sex, then this not for you babe.

A for Aftercare-

You are going to need it, babe. Nathan is prone to absolutely destroying you in the bedroom. Afterwards, though, he’s quite sweet (even if he won’t admit it). He likes to cuddle, soothing your aches and pains, kissing and fondling you gently. He’s vulnerable in this moments, exhausted from plowing you and soaking in his sentimental feelings for you. He keeps speaking to a minimum, sorry if you are into pillow talk. But he much rather care for you with actions rather than words.

If he’s feeling particularly romantic, he’ll get some Klokateers to start up a bath, completed with bubbles and scented oils. He knows it’s cheesy, but he really does have a soft spot for things like that, plus he gets an excuse to hold your naked body even longer.

B for Body Part-

He’s obsessed with you chest, no matter your gender or size. Groping with his large hands, running his fingers over your nipples to watch them perk up, leaving hickies all over. If you have boobs (or just large pecs) he loves watching them bounce while you fuck, his eyes are glued. If not, he still toys with your nipples, grinning as you whimper from the sensation. Nathan just loves your chest.

On himself; he has some lingering body issues, so he really doesn’t think to much about what he’s got going on during sex. That being said…he’s pretty proud of his dick. I’ll talk about it more during letter X but, oh lord, his cock is impressive. Nathan got some blessed genes in that department.

C for Cum-

Nathan comes in long, thick streams. He makes these beautiful grunting noises, hips thrusting forward and fists clenching onto whatever they can grab like your throat. He might just mutter some words about how filthy you are or how you drive him absolutely crazy as his cock twitches out his orgasm. As you might’ve guess, his favorite place to cum is on your chest, with you looking up at him like the god he is. Bonus points if you lick it up, he’ll get hard all over again.

D for Dirty Secret-

Obviously, like any good boyfriend, Nathan doesn’t like seeing you upset! He wants you to be happy, he wants life to be easy and good! But, whether directed at him or someone else, Nathan can’t help getting way too fucking horny when he sees you seething with anger!

When you’re voice starts getting a bit louder than necessary, you roll your eyes and furrow your brows, you throw your hands around with frustration…he is struggling to hide his boner. Something about it just makes you seem powerful and sexy to him and he feels so bad for not taking you seriously in the moment but he’s already flooded with dirty thoughts.

He would probably rather die than admit this to you, but there’s a good chance you figure it out on your own terms. If so, he will be very on board when you act just a little mean in the bedroom; pulling his hair and bossing him around, maybe even scolding him for being so turned on by your anger. Despite your love for each other, you can least pretend to be having awesome hate sex.

E for Experience-

It’s nothing to sneeze at. I imagine Nathan lost his virginity at some point in high school before he dropped out and it only went up from there. I mean…he’s a massive celebrity. He pretty much has access to all the sex he could ever want. The tricky part is catering to your needs. Before, Nathan was a bit of a selfish lover. Not awful but not super mindful about what the groupies he was banging were into. Once he’s dedicated himself to you, he realizes that really good sex requires communication. With some time and a few slightly awkward conversations, he’ll have mastered everything you could ever desire from him and it is worth it for the both of you. Nathan Explosion can fuck.

F for Favorite Position-

Including visuals from google

“Pirate’s Bounty”

I’ll start by saying that Nathan isn’t super picky. He’s obviously not very flexible, so anything that requires some impressive stretches from him is off the table. Outside of that, he’s game. You could be face down, on top, spread out, etc. He’s happy as long as his dick is buried in you, honestly.

That being said, this is a comfortable favorite he often resorts to. It lets him see all his favorite parts of you, grab and grope whatever his hands can reach, and look you in the eyes while he degrades the hell out of you. Nathan plows away, groaning about what a slut you are as one hand holds your leg against his torso and the other squeezes your throat. There’s also a good chance you’ll have your hands tied up to the headboard while he goes at it…Ugh I’m a simp

G for Goofy-

Absolutely not.

When he’s in the zone, Nathan pretty much loses all of his humor. Sex is very serious to him, in the same way alcohol is I think, “It’s sacred.” And once he’s with you, there’s an added layer of intimacy. So, no, Nathan isn’t really going to be cracking any jokes or even acknowledging the funny circumstances that inevitably happen. He’s too caught up in, well, destroying you.

If you happen to make a joke… yikes. He is very unimpressed. He’ll probably just ignore it. If you persist, Nathan will either make you cum so hard you forget your name, let alone a joke to make. Or, he’s gonna torture the fuck out of you until your apologize and beg for his mercy. It’s a good time either way. But don’t do it again, he really will get annoyed with you.

H for Hair-

He has a deep, deep secret that he has been carrying with him ever since he started getting an allowance as a kid. He has gone through ridiculous measures to ensure that this is not exposed to the public. Nathan Explosion…Dyes his hair. Oh, the horror! Seriously though, he has routinely dyed his roots black twice and month since he was, like, 10. Naturally, mousy brown color, similar to his Mom’s.

And as soon as he started actively messing around, Nathan even dyed his pubes as well. He doesn’t shave himself completely bare, usually just trims it down to stay out of the way. I’ve heard that balls can be difficult to shave and he doesn’t strike me as the type of guy to bother. And, yes, dyed it the same black as his hair, just so groupies wouldn’t go and spread the word. Eventually, with you, he stops caring so much about downstairs and lets it grow into its natural color. It’s honestly sort of cute and he gets a bit flustered when you point it out.

I for Intimacy-

Nathan really thought that romantic, passionate sex was only for basic dildo jack-offs and that he would never, ever be so vulnerable with someone. Nathan was an idiot. Once you are in the picture, he suddenly craves to fuck you in a way that is so beautiful and emotional. He wants more than just brutality and he’s not really sure how to handle it in a way that won’t make him seem too soft (he is so, so soft for you).

After some internet research and building up his courage, Nathan takes you out on a date. And it’s perfect. Dinner and a walk and stargazing, just the two of you. Part of him feels stupid, silly for indulging in something so cliche. But that part dies completely when he sees how enchanted you are by his efforts. Its a milestone in your relationship, because the whole night is filled with him getting sentimental with you, completely focused on the time you’re spending together. He’s overwhelmed with all the love he feels for you and, for maybe the first time in his relationships, he’s completely sure that you feel the same for him. It’s a wonderful realization.

When you finally get home, you’re met with rose petals and candles and music. Nathan is slow, squeezing your body like he’ll never let go, drinking in your image and your touch, telling you how perfect you are the entire time. It’s even better when you reciprocate it all back, caught up in each other, tangled within all sorts of amazing sensations. He even starts getting teary-eyed when he finally fills you up. He loves you so much.

After that night, the two of you still have sex that is rough and/or casual fairly often. But he always makes sure to set aside time every now and then to truly make love to you. When he chooses to be, Nathan can be extremely intimate and romantic with you.

J for Jack Off-

Nathan masturbates fairly often, even when you’re available for sex. Not that he’s not interested in you, he’s just rubbing one out so he can pursue more important things at the moment and blow off some steam, thought he won’t reject a blowjob.

Most likely he’ll be stumped with a particular song or going through some writer’s block same lmao. He’s frustrated, wracking his brain for rhymes that just don’t seem to exist, let alone fit the song he’s writing. He can’t tell if he can’t focus because he’s hard or hard because he can’t focus. Either way, his pants are straining and it’s getting difficult to ignore. A while ago, he might’ve pulled up some porn or even one of his old magazines, but he’s now think of you as he undoes his belt.

How gorgeous you looked for him a few nights ago, tears falling down your cheeks and legs shivering as he ruthlessly fucked you into, abusing your body in the most pleasurable way possible. He groans, tugging at his cock, eyes closed and wishing you were there with him now. Nothing made him cum harder that your touch.

When he’s finished, he makes a quick job of cleaning up and pulls back into his pants like nothing happened, feeling a new sense of lightness on his shoulders. Until he makes the unfortunate realization that he has to go back to working.

K for Kink-

Nathan is very, very kinky. He’s a huge fan of all things BDSM and Dom/Sub dynamics.

Knife and blood play, bondage, wax play, hair pulling, gagging, choking, edging, overstimulation, impact play, degradation, and even consensual non-con (which delves into roleplay as well).

He doesn’t even mind to be on the receiving end either, although he’s much more used to being in control. Hope you’re ready for that.

L for Location-

His bedroom. Yeah, he’s boring. Not even necessarily on the bed, but Nathan enjoys a secluded space for the two of you. If it’s at a point where you haven’t moved in, then your bedroom also works I guess.

But that’s lame so, scenario #2-

Nathan would love to fuck you as close to the ocean as possible. On the beach, on a boat, I would say a submarine but those are kinda controversial rn. He feels a deep connection to the ocean, although he can’t fully understand why. So having you there feels far more vulnerable to him than it should and he likes the intensity of it, even if you can’t feel it.

M for Motivation-

As I said earlier, seeing you get mad really does it for him. That’s what gets him the most riled up, even if he’s a tad ashamed of it.

He also loves massages. Nathan is a big dude who is constantly head banging and doesn’t have the best posture. He fucking melts when you rub his neck and shoulders and gets really excited to pay you back with some slow, hard fucking. The relief of you easing out his muscles just has him addicted.

Any revealing clothes, but particularly a low-cut shirt, especially if you happen to bend over and give him the perfect view; Nathan is drooling.

N for NO-

This goes with his ‘honesty’ thing, but Nathan hates when you fake it. He can tell instantly when you’re moans are being exaggerated, when you’re not really into something he’s doing, or if you try to fake an orgasm and it pisses him off. In your early relationship, he might begrudgingly ignore it just to get it over with. But later on, he finds it inexcusable and practically begs you to just tell him when you don’t like something. He’s a quick learner too, he’ll improve his technique and have you screaming in no time!

O for Oral-

Going DownKlok changed the history of everything forever in time.

For a while, there were very few things in this world that Nathan loved more than a blowjob from you. If you offered to suck him off, Nathan’s pants were already to his knees. No matter when or where, he’d find a way to get head. This led to a lot of risky bathroom escapes and leaving parties early. Nathan just loves a good ol’ blowey; petting your hair, looking down at you with a gaze full of lust, grumbling in pleasure as you choke.

However…I think we’re all aware of Nathan’s infamous refusal to use his own mouth on you. He somehow made himself think that doing so made him weak or submissive, probably something he heard in high school that stuck. He’ll straight up say, “Nope” when you ask and refuse to elaborate.

That is until one night, he’s stripping you’re clothing off and laying you down on his bed, giving you feverish and sloppy kisses. Your legs are wrapped around him, your face is red, and something about how gorgeous you look under him just makes him go, ‘Fuck it.’ and he dives in. Minimal thoughts, pure desperation.

And Nathan fucking loves it. He loves gripping your thighs and teasing you with his tongue and groaning against you whenever you moan his name. He’s a master at it too, knows all the perfect moves. It became a regular occurrence very quickly. Whenever you go down on him, he reciprocates. Or will just get on his knees for you at random moments purely because he loves to. Nathan’s new favorite thing is to give oral.

P for Pace-

It really depends on his mood. He can be both rough and romantic, often both at the same time. Sometimes he’ll be pounding so hard into you that your vision goes blurry; other times he will gently caress your body as he eases in and out. There’s really no definitive pace he goes for, though he is on the aggressive side more often than not in the bedroom. If he’s going to fast (or slow) for you, Nathan has no problem adjusting accordingly.

Q for Quickie-

He’s actually not a huge fan of them. He likes the concept of them, quickly and discreetly fucking each other, putting off other things just for sex. But in practice, not so much.

Rather than just enjoying it, Nathan will get stressed about his time management or wonder if something is going wrong without him there. He thrives on routine and prefers to take his time with you, so quickies just throw off his whole vibe. If anything, he’ll give you some oral and be on his way, saving the real thing for later. Even better, he’ll talk you up, telling you all the things he’s gonna do before leaving you to crave him.

R for Risk-

Nathan is very open to experimentation and is willing to try anything at least once. If he doesn’t like it, though, he’ll shut it down pretty quickly. But you don’t ever have to worry about sex being too vanilla or boring for you, Nathan is quite the adventurous type in the bedroom.

If he’s caught doing something freaky in a semi-public area with you, like a rented-out movie theatre or random bedroom during a party, he fucking dares it to be released to the press. Charles will do everything in his power to keep that from happening, for image’s sake, but Nathan is the biggest rockstar in the world. As I said earlier, he likes to show you off, and this is an extension of that. Now everyone knows how hard he fucks the gorgeous person he constantly has under his arm, what’s so embarrassing about that?

The potential risk for a pregnancy is…well, very touchy. You’d have to have a long conversation beforehand. If you don’t take precautionary measures, he will.

S for Stamina-

Nathan is a pretty big dude, and as strong as he is, not in the best physical health I must say. He has no issue getting it up again a couple more times, but with how hard he often goes, Nathan needs to take some good, long breathers. If you do plan on going at it for a while, these breaks will be full of gentle touches and praise for how well you’re doing, before he goes right back into you calling you a slut for wanting his cock so much. Ugh. If the two of you are careful, he can actually last a very long time, but there are a few certain little things you do that drive him crazy and will speed up his orgasm.

T for Toy-

A reasonable amount. Bondage equipment, whips and paddles, a few ornate knives to cause just the right amount of damage. Probably a vibrator that he tortures you with (male or female cmon now). He’s into kinky shit and kinky shit requires materials a lot of the time. I could also imagine him being really into that sex-furniture stuff, just to make things more convenient. If you ever have something you wanna try out, just ask and he’ll get it in a heartbeat. The only thing I can see him being adverse to is a dildo; you have his dick, why would you need another? Until you explain all the extra fun that can be had with it, then Nathan is on board.

U for Unfair-

Obviously with his dynamics and kinks, teasing goes along with that. He never edges you for too long, just long enough to make your eyes water and have you begging him for a desperate release. Really though, he doesn’t have nearly enough patience to edge you for hours, or hell, days but Nathan likes having a sense of control, so he still holds back when he’s feeling particularly malicious. He’ll tease you just long enough to get you to beg and then give in to you with overstimulation that’s almost worse than the teasing.

In public, he might give you some subtle pinches and gripes, hovering around you when he’s feeling frisky, but it’s nothing too blatant. If he’s desperate enough, he’ll drag you off to a slightly more private area.

V for Volume-

Nathan has a deep, gravely, sexy voice. It’d be a crime if he was silent during sex. Luckily, you get plenty of delicious growls, grunts, and groans from him. The pure bass of his voice shakes your entire skeleton when he’s real close to your ear. He does a whole lot of dirty talking too, using that same voice, degrading you to all hell while your mind in a blur of pleasure and pain. If he happens to be on the receiving end, you might be able to elicit some breathy, whimpery swears from him. While he’s not super loud volume-wise, all his noises are fucking perfect.

W for Wild Card-

My name ain’t Polyklok for no reason ffs

Pickles was totally the one to introduce him to the world of kink. He always knew he was a bit rougher than most and had some freaky fantasies, but when he and Pickles frequently messed around in the early days of Dethklok, he learned just how deep his desire for pain went.

Pickles had him tied up, hit, cut, and edged for what felt like forever. It was torture and yet Nathan always craved more of it. He felt so exposed and so safe at the same time. His exposure to BDSM was with him on the receiving end and it was perfect for him to discover just how wonderful that connection through pain was, especially with someone he trusted like Pickles.

He always has it in the back of his mind whenever he’s going at it with you, making sure that you’re feeling all the same wonderful things he felt and assuring that you are just as safe as he was. Tormenting your body is really a love language to him.

X for XRay-

Oh sweet baby satan

Nathan is hung. 8.5 Inches when fully erect and hella girthy, a slightly narrow head for your sake. The thing still somehow manages to bend upwards when he’s hard, by some miracle. He’s circumcised (look at his parents I mean-) and considerably veiny. Could’ve honestly been a porn star if the whole death metal thing didn’t work out.

Y for Yearning-

His sex drive his very high early in the relationship and eases into something more manageable within a few months. But overall, yeah, he’s quite set and you’ll certainly never feel neglected.

Depending on the damage; he might accidentally leave you untouchable for half a month due to the pure soreness. And he’ll be very apologetic. But usually, assuming injuries are kept under a certain threshold, he’ll go at it 2-4 times a week.

But his yearning can also build up. If you don’t happen to join him in travels for touring season, you’re gonna get it when he finally gets back. Both of you are gonna be completely unavailable for a few days minimum.

Z for Zzz-

Not too soon. This was pretty much all elaborated on in ‘A’, but he still cleans up and cuddles and gives you plenty of good aftercare. Once that’s all done and he’s confirmed that you feel taken care of…Nathan will sleep. If it happens to be way late at night/early in the morning, he might tough it out just to get his day started, but he’s gonna start feeling like crap by noon and probably pass out soon after that. Man needs his sleep.

…

I need my sleep. Dude, this took almost two months and many all-nighters. And I have so many requests…I love writing and I love the silly metal boys but…boy howdy. Thanks for reading, gorgeous.

[weirdthinkingdragon]

Welcome To The Family (9/???)

Warnings: unwanted touch, unwanted cuddling, minimal clothing?(not of reader), slight swearing

I’m so freaking conflicted whether or not to leave canon MHA. Found out things that make Mic no longer a comfort character for me, and just losing interest altogether of MHA. I should also mention if it isn’t clear: erasermic sees you romantic, other 2 platonic. You’re also mid 20s.

It was like a stalemate. Time is frozen still. He also glares for a second at Tadao, whom looks like he’s about to pass out where he stands. 

Shouta snaps out of it first, grabs his capture weapon, eyes turn red, and hair waves upward. That must be with his quirk. 

I just realized I don’t think I’ve ever seen his quirk. It’s so rare that maybe I forgot. Or is it the headache not letting- now’s not the point! 

He goes to grab her, but she manages to dodge him and his weapon. 

A shiver yet again wracks through my body. “Ugh.”  

Shouta stops in his tracks and locks eyes with me. He easily dodges a hit Aiya tries to get on him. Is she really so far out of her mind to try attacking a pro hero???

Like a dance off, every time he tosses his scarf, she dodges. Every swing of fist, foot, or even body, she dodges as well. It’s like she knows his attack patterns down to a T. She tries to hit one back, and he manages to dodge as well. 

I’d almost jokingly call it a tango in a way. But with a lot more violence. And that they seem to despise each other’s existences. 

Tadao comes back in front of me and kneels, grabbing the cuffs between my hands. “H- here- uh, try to pull them apart while I do the same. Us pulling together should-” 

He tenses severely as something comes behind him. Make that someone, who is Shouta. 

His glare is murderous. I have to make sure he doesn’t kill Tadao. “Stop!” He’s helping!” 

Shouta’s eyes narrow for a moment before he pulls out a knife. Tadao freezes fully and lets out the most girlish shriek I’ve ever heard from a man as the blade swipes down onto the center of my cuffs between his hands. The blade missing his hands by mere millimeters and breaking the chain before continuing fighting Aiya. 

Tadao scrambles to stand back up. He stands up with his back so tense he could be even more straight than a needle. 

A strange, yet familiar faint smell hits my nose. Did he just?...

His face is extremely red, even in the dim lighting. His hands cover his face. “Not a word… ever, please.” 

“Can you focus on my tied up feet instead, then?” I may as well not tease him, especially because of the situation right now. 

Shouta manages to finally crack a hit onto Aiya’s face. It makes her more angry. 

Tadao at the same time reaches down and tries to mold the ropes. It’s slowly taking over, but not nearly fast enough.  

“How the hell did you even find us!?” She dodges another swing he tries to make. He almost seems more intent on trying to seriously harm her more than capture her. “We covered all our tracks! Sure, we could have been farther from your house, but still! It hasn’t even been an hour!” 

Shouta remains silent, and stays silent through every insult she throws at him. Even the ones including how he stole Hizashi. 

She lets loose another punch, this time Shouta catching her hand. 

He quickly wraps her wrist much more tightly and excessively than needed, then pulls her to him. He swings his leg to be behind hers, and makes her legs buckle by hitting the back of her knees. She loses balance and falls to her knees. He doesn’t wait a second to wrap her up with more of his scarf so tightly to the point it almost seems like she can’t breathe. He then pulls out a phone and calls someone on a phone I didn’t realize he had until now. 

“The suspected abandoned wearhouse. Ex-hero assistant BodyFrost,” his smirk widens as he yanks the binds to tighten it more before releasing it back to the way it was. 

“I’m… going to go. He looks like he’s going to kill me still.” Tadao whispers to me, booking it up the stairs and out the door. 

Shouta thankfully doesn’t go after him. He does however walk over to the- why the necklace? 

He picks it up and walks back over to me. He pulls out the blade again and easily cuts the half-molded ropes binding my ankles. 

He stays still for a second, staring into my eyes, then hugs me bone-crushingly tight. The warmth seeping through his outfit is extremely hard to resist not trying to give into. He stills, seeming to notice my abnormally cold body. He pulls away just enough to lock eyes with me. His face so grossly close I could feel his still rather even breath. His eyes narrow. “Did she use her quirk on you!?”

I slightly nod as a shiver wracks my body again.

“FUCK,” he whips his head towards her and glares at her. She glares back. 

He takes a breath in and sighs. He passes me the necklace, making me so utterly confused. It really shouldn’t be this important. He reaches for me and picks me up effortlessly into a princess carry. 

“She’s lucky I can’t kill her.” He says so quietly that almost not even I could hear him say it.

… What??? 

He ignores my expression. He goes up the stairs with me and gives her another glare before we left as the sound of other people arrived. 

I fiddle with the necklace, trying to forget his body against mine. Being so pressed up I can feel the curve and bulge of each muscle- stop mind!!!

My hand felt a fairly sharp edge sticking out. 

I turn it to the side. There was a fairly large crack. I look closer and something that doesn’t seem to be part of the jewel sticking out. I manage to grab it and pull it out, realizing what it was immediately. Ice cold fear floods through my body to the point I’m pretty sure it’s not just the quirk making me shiver. “You… You put a tracker in the necklace!?”

Shouta grunts in confirmation, moving to a sprint and easily keeping the pace. He looks down at me and then glances at the chip that is now in my hand, then back forward. The lights on the streets showing up temporarily as we pass them. “It’s a good fucking thing we did! You have ANY idea what could have happened if we didn’t!? 

I’ve never heard him so angry and it terrifies- yet it also greatly pisses me off. They could have at least told me! I would have willingly then if it was such a concern! Or maybe something simpler so it wouldn’t be such a blaring red flag to wear! No wonder they’ve been freaking out so badly over a fucking necklace! 

Ugh, I seriously should have known with their obsession over the damn thing. Should I drop it?

You know what? I’m going to drop it. Fuck both parties for lying. Fuck being kidnapped. Fuck getting a stupid quirk used on me. Man, I’m so exhausted from all this. 

I open my hands and just let them fall onto my stomach, then falling to the ground from Shouta’s running. “Oops.” I say “genuinely”. Though not feeling remorseful even the slightest bit. 

He looks down to give me a slight glare, but looks back up again after a second. “It was already damaged anyways. That’s how we knew even faster than we would have. It was set off while I was already in this direction to start my parole for the night. It’s already been over half an hour since you left.”  

Sure hasn’t felt that long. Then again maybe the head pain is a part of it.

It doesn’t take too long for us to get back to their house, though I desperately wish he’d just drop me off at my house. I know that’s out of the question however from how tightly he’s holding me. 

Shouta somehow manages to open the door without even placing me down. Hitoshi is sitting in the living room and stares at us when we get into the house. Most of the lights are off except for the T.V. 

Hitoshi stands up and takes a step closer. “You managed to get them?” He asks in a rather hushed tone. Eri must be sleeping already. 

“A certain nuisance is the one who kidnapped them. Her quirk was lightly used, so Hizashi and I are going to keep a very close eye on them.” 

Hitoshi’s face morphs into one with more concern than he tries to let on. “Will she try to come back?” 

Shouta shakes his head. “Fortunately, she was caught.” He didn’t say anything, yet they kept staring at each other as if having a whole conversation without words again. I seriously question how they’re able to do that. 

“Just don’t stay up too late again.”  

“I’m not making any promises.” 

Shouta narrows his eyes. “I will not have you sleeping in class again. We have those medications for you for a reason to help with your insomnia.” 

Hitoshi quirks a brow. “You’re really going to talk about sleeping in class?”

Shouta just turns and starts heading towards- wait, his and Hizashi’s room!? I start to squirm, making him tighten his grip. “You’re not getting out of this. Like I was telling Hitoshi, we need to keep an eye on you to make sure you don’t get worse. We have a couch in there if anything like this were to happen.” 

Liar. I know I would have remembered seeing a couch in your guys’ room at some point. 

He opens their bedroom door, and closes it with his foot. The light is still on in the room, and it doesn’t take long for Hizashi to notice. Worry laces his face upon locking onto my body. 

I refuse to meet eyes with him and look around the room.

Oh. There really is a couch in here. Huh, wonder when that was added. 

“What happened to our sweet Lovesong? Are they injured? Nothing’s broken right? Should I get the med kit!?” He’s rather frantic, but is noticeably trying hard not to be too loud. Did they really put Eri to bed already? 

Shouta shakes his head. “No. Like I just told Hitoshi, Aiya got a hold of them. 

His silence with nothing but a glare is honestly terrifying on a whole different level. “What?” 

His quiet is so much worse than his loud. Like the silence before the storm. Except it feels like the storm skips right over you and destroys everything of your neighbor. 

“She has used her quirk on them, so we need to keep a very close eye to make sure it doesn’t get worse.”

Hizashi goes into his thoughts, and I don’t like the mischievous glint that appears in his eyes. 

“I have the best idea! You could share the bed with us! That way we can keep you warmer too!” 

I internally recoil at the thought of that. Sleeping with a married couple? Specifically even a hero couple? Fuck. No. That’s just awkward and incredibly weird! Why would they even recommend that!? He must not be thinking! I look up at Shouta, who is still carrying me. My face is pleading him to get some sense into Hizashi, but he stayed surprisingly quiet about it, as if actually pondering the idea.

“It could be the best idea in your state. Until the quirk wears off and your body can generate heat normally again.”

… Am I hearing Shouta right? He’s… AGREEING to this!? 

I get placed onto the bed in front of Hizashi, and he doesn’t waste even a second before yanking me back to be pressed up on- oh my god he’s shirtless and I’m pretty sure he isn’t wearing pants. I feel the heat of his legs touch mine. He wraps his arms around me as well. Gross, gross, gross, stop touching! Let me go! 

I start trying to squirm, but Hizashi is surprisingly strong, preventing me from moving much. 

His warmth is making it really hard to want to get away. Even more than with Shouta earlier. 

Shouta takes off everything but his boxers and gets into the bed as well. My face feels like it’s on fire. He quickly shuffles to be on top of me and puts a hand on my mouth before I could scream at them to let me go. 

“Shhh, you don’t want to wake Eri now, right?” 

Hizashi nuzzles his head into my neck. His small facial hair slightly tickling, 

A strong part of me says it doesn’t matter. That she wouldn’t do anything. Another part of me hopes if I did yell, she’d see and be upset by them or even me ruining their parent’s time together. With the hand covering my mouth though, it’s impossible. 

Tired… their warmth makes me so tired. My body too quickly stops struggling. It gives Shouta the time to also have an arm wrap around my body. The other staying close to my mouth to make sure I don’t wake Eri though.

“That’s it, dear Lovesong. We won’t let you get taken again. See your lovely face in the morning.”

This makes me decide I’m going to resign. I’m done. 

[etirabys]

The first episode of The Americans is one of the most perfect episodes of TV I've ever watched from a my-kinks perspective. CW: rape, and brief sexual harassment of a minor.

Non spoilery burbling followed by spoilery burbling (again, just for the first episode, which is 40m long)

NON SPOILERY

The main characters are a married couple of KGB spies who have been in deep cover as normal Americans for almost two decades. They have two preteen kids who have no idea.

They are both phenomenally competent – a lot of my pleasure lies in just watching them work.

He's acclimated to his life and feels the pull of the life he's playacting – he's a goofball dad, more naturally affectionate with his kids, more drawn to American prosperity. A new mall opens up and he mentions to his wife, on the way there with his kids, that it has "fountains and skylights". I love that line – so unimportant, but she'd never say it.

She's the fanatic. She idealizes the Soviet way and despises Americans for their weakness in comparison, but it's also been decades since she was in the country. It seems that, even before she left, she was so immersed in her harsh training program during her formative years that she lost touch with what normal Soviets were like.

He's in love with her but not so much the other way around, and watching him try to love her is like watching someone trying to grab a knife by the sharp end.

They can only be mostly open with each other. A cult of two. And even then – because they were told not to share their pre-spy lives with each other, to make it easier to keep their cover stories straight – they don't even know each other's birth names until the end of episode 1.

SPOILERY

Oh my gosh. So. I'm really into how he's in love with her and how emotionally unsafe she is to love because of who she is.

He listens to a tape of her seducing a CIA guy and the unhappy microexpressions rippling on his face as he listens to it – amazing! You just know she's never been expressive with him during sex, because it wasn't necessary for the job.

At another point he comes home and starts kissing the back of her neck in the kitchen, and her expression tightens as he ignores her stop words, and she whirls on him with a knife. He says, "You're my wife." She replies, "Is that right," and her eyes say: that means nothing to me.

And of course –

The guy they're keeping in their trunk, a Soviet defector they kidnapped, is a colonel who raped her in her cadet days. She's cracking under her desire for revenge, arguing for killing him immediately (rather than waiting out the American scrutiny on every train station / port, and shipping him back to the motherland), and not saying a word about her personal reasons. When it comes out – because the colonel, tired and expressionless, apologizes after she beats the shit out of him – her husband veers on a dime from planning to return the colonel to American hands and defecting himself, to choking the colonel to death in the garage.

They dispose of the corpse together and fuck in the car. I find this unbearably romantic. Especially because... (1) the intimacy is genuine, her loyalties really do shift closer to him (she lies to her superior about his loyalty for the first time), but (2) sleeping with him at this junction is also the strategically optimal for her to be doing to manage him. She cares about him, unlike the other men she manages with sex, but he is in fact in that category for her.

There's no way he doesn't know that, but he loves her anyway, and maybe even admires her for it. He's so fucked.

[explaininghellaverse]

Starting this off talking about Stella and a little bit of Stolas where needed since they are linked characters story wise!

First and foremost it’s ok to like villain characters without trying to make them innocent. No one in this shows is innocent and that’s a big point of it. I say this because I see a lot of people that like Stella genuinely trying to make her seem like she’s Stolas victim and- no. Please do not put aside that Stella canonically hits and beats up Stolas. Stolas is a victim of abuse and trying to make him seem like the one in the wrong is soooo distasteful.

You do not block someone like this unless you are so used to them hitting you that you know it’s inevitable.

Stella and Stolas are both victims of their own hierarchy forced to marry someone they don’t love. Forced to have a child with someone they don’t love. They where betrothed at a young age and possible married at young age too if look at irl royals in the past indicates anything.

It’s fair to assume that this effected them both heavily in how they interacted with each other. They never wanted each other and began to despise each other probably from the very start.

So yes in that way Stella is a victim and we may in the future learn more about her that gives her more depth, but honestly as currently stands I like the reason she gives for what she does to Stolas “I like tormenting you!”

Some people call it lazy writing, but it’s not there are really people like this. Hell I’ve interacted with people like this.

We can also see from this photo that’s she’s had a violent streak for a long time. One that from the look of her as an adult was never taught out of her. She’s a violent person, she likes causing things pain. Her pets here and later on Stolas we even see her throwing around and man handling one of their imp servants.

This poor little guy just wants his paycheck not to be thrown by demon royalty.

We also know very early on that she likely never cared about Stolas one way or the other. She throws a party about how they aren’t divorced yet and invites him last minute, in his own house. Then during the party she’s mocking him loudly the entire time. Knowing at least in her mind that he won’t leave.

But- an old friend comes back and sparks life back into Stolas. In a pretty embarrassing way for Stella especially with her friends right there, especially after that party. She’s embarrassed, and that leads to her anger reaching a peek enough to higher an assassin. Because she’s angry and thinks Stolas dying would look better for her image.

All in all she’s not a good person.

I see a lot of people being like “they wrote her this way to baby Stolas” and no I don’t think that’s true at all, him cheating is just straight up not as bad as some people like to make it seem. They were never in love, this was a transactional exchange chosen by their parents. Stolas even says himself “I would be sorry if I hurt you, but we both know that didn’t happen” (which is shortly before she goes to hit him)

The only reason she cares at all is because of the status it gives her.

If the roles were reversed. If Stella had cheated to get out of a bad relationship with Stolas, ask yourself would you call it bad writing? Or are you just uncomfortable that he’s the victim and she’s the perpetrator? Stella isn’t badly written in fact she’s written the same as so many other royals bullying their betrothed spouse the only difference is that she’s a woman.

All I can say is let women be villains and that I find it ironic that the same people that say Stolas is being babyied often try and baby and victimize Stella. Try and deny her actions for as horrible as they truly are. She’s got a temper, she hits, she cares not for those under her, she only cares for her title and she enjoys hurting those under her.

I do hope we see more from her in trial episode.

I also wanted to note that I am pretty passionate about this topic in particular. I grew up in a similar situation as Octavia. Just take away the royal titles, so yeah the I enjoy hurting you as a reason rings very true from my experience.

My dad was not a good person, and he’d hurt her constantly. She escaped from that situation through the love of friend she started dating that gave her enough bravery and support to leave.

This victim blaming bullshit of trying to treat Stella as a good person because Stolas cheated is very black and white thinking that does not hold up. Not at all.

[coldslaws-gear-station]

YOU GET MEEEEE

Honestly the moment UDU Alder finds out that NHP Alder fucked up so bad he lost his son he'd be FUMING

Let's get something straight, UDU Alder is still a massive cunt. You don't just get humbled once and all of a sudden you're super nice and shit, UDU Alder has anger issues and is horrifically bitter. He's just specially nice and soft to UDU Ghetsis and the children for obvious reasons, he's getting better, he just has to learn to be nice to everyone. NHP Alder and UDU Alder would not like each other

While NHP Alder stepped down and away from his battling streak in power after that caused his own Volcarona to perish, UDU kept going. Nothing was going to stop him from from reaching the top, who cares if a few things are dying? I love forcing parallels onto N and Alder, both desire something from the world that lies opposite from them, as the one they see in the mirror is happy and has everything they could ever dream of; it's not fair

Luckily UDU Alder does eventually shimmer down and mellows out by the time BW2 rolls around. Probably because both him and UDU Ghetsis have a heart to heart and he realises "Oh shit, the feelings that I was convinced would never be reciprocated and would only hurt me in the end are actually mutual? Well shit man." Though I think that'd fuck up NHP Alder more, cuz this version of him has this hard dog crush on the man he fucking despises and they seem happy together, wild ass shit

Honestly I have a lot of thoughts on UDU Ghetsis and Alder's dynamic and how well they bounce off each other and compliment one another that'd probably be a fucking long ass ask

- 💌

hehe<3 yea. idk why but i love the concept of au versions of characters hating other aus of themselves, it's really funny and has a lot of angst potential depending on the angle you approach with. same way bn and nat hate each other, or the way rh ghetsis probably hates the vast majority of other ghetsiss. these alders prolly can't stand each other but they have differing reasons for it

how ba a a ad can i be...im just doing what comes naturally.. how ba a a ad can i be.. im just following my destiny

GHETSIS KISSER REAL 🫵 honestly. good for them. also hey alder if you get with peepaw over here you get a bonus 6 kids so the whole family thing isn't a totally lost concept. even if theyre not blood related it's still a win. and Yeah it would make nhp alder uncomfortably at best 💀 especially when he himself was entangled with his ghetsis at one point. it's so hard for him to conceptualize a good ghetsis, even if he knows the multiverse is totally limitless- part of him is gonna think that deep down udu ghetsis is up to something no matter what, and it makes him a bit sad, because he ESPECIALLY should know that everyone has the potential to be good. but for ghetsis specifically, it's just hard to realize

they work so well i love them UGH

[spacemagicandlaserswords]

The Clone Wars 5.18 ‘The Jedi Who Knew Too Much' Reaction

I always like trying to spot which characters are in the background of big group scenes like this. So far I’ve spotted 3 admirals (Coburn, Yularen and Tarkin), assorted jedi, Master Sinube, Kit Fisto, Bail Organa and I think that’s Mon Mothma as well. 

Oh, hi again Barriss. Fancy seeing you here again! Funny that we keep meeting like this after so long.

I think that’s Ki-Adi-Mundi and Plo next to Barriss.

So, Barriss killed one of her childhood mentors? I’m probably going to collate my thoughts on Barriss at the end of this arc, rather than scattering them across various recaps. But so much of her characterisation here doesn’t make sense and doesn’t feel right, at all.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this in the recaps when Barriss first appeared, but why is she British?

There’s a shot of 6 beams of light going up from the floor so I’m presuming that means 6 Jedi died in the temple bombings, which seems like an awfully large amount. What were 6 Jedi doing in a hanger of the temple? 1 or 2, maybe 3 at a stretch, makes sense, but 6? I’m guessing this is a story telling decision to make it more impactful, rather than for any logical in-universe reason.

I really despise Tarkin.

Oh, so now the deaths of clones are convenient for you Tarkin. “Military matter” my arse.

Who are the military police? Is that not the Coruscant Guard? I know the general fandom take is that the Corries are saddled with having to do everything but is that the case in canon?

Ahsoka’s angry attitude is definitely going to come back and bite her in the arse later.

“Remember, revenge is not the Jedi way.” says the future DARTH VADER

“Nothing will ever change.” FORESHADOWING KLAXON

Ok, Tarkin is getting very close to being up there with Krell and Nolan. His fucking contemptuous finger waggle at Ahsoka. Ugh.

“I assure you that he [Palps] rarely does anything without a strategy.” Oh, if only you knew Tarkin. Or maybe he does? Hmmm.

Is Barriss a Jedi Knight here or is she still a Padawan? I haven’t seen Luminara anywhere so I’m guessing she’s a Knight by now.

Barriss seems a lot more conflicted and upset than I thought for someone that’s just bombed the Jedi temple and killed a childhood mentor who clearly meant a lot to her. Maybe she’s regretting what she’s done? Hmmm, not sure.

Saleucami! I hope Cut and Suu and the kids are doing ok.

Lmao that ominous brass section was not subtle. FOREBODING KLAXON

Why do they have the Venator shipping yards next to the prison?

That shot of the prison felt very Imperial Empire. All stark architecture, sharp shadows, black and white lighting, red flags and giant symbols everywhere. It’s interesting how Imperial iconography and visuals are starting to creep into Republic locations and situations. Something something visual metaphor about the end approaching.

Why is the memorial to the clones outside the prison? Or is this not the prison and is some other building? Is this the same clone memorial that Crosshair and Cody have their little chat in front of in The Bad Batch?

Corries! Wow, they do all match and have exactly the same armour paint. 

FOX!

That grumpy “Yes?” spoke volumes.

Fox, can you not cross your arms properly? What was that? I’m guessing it was more of a functional animation limitation than Fox not actually being unable to cross his arms. Insert your own fandom theories here about injuries that Palps inflicted on him while torturing him or similar that meant he can't cross his arms. Maybe he's got Force lightning burns across his back and it's painful and pulls when he moves too much.

The scan has Ahsoka standing there with her arms out but then the next shot of her is with her arms crossed? Continuity, hello?

At “Leave your comlink and lightsabers here.” Fox gestures down with his index and middle finger outstretched next to each other and oh boy did my mind go straight to the horny bin.

“Follow me.” Omg Fox did you have to say that in such a low, husky voice? That had a distinct feel of ‘Come with me if you want to live’ about it. If Fox basically whispered that to me it’d be “Sir, yes Sir, immediately Sir, however you want me Sir.”

The reference to the first 4 notes of the Imperial March theme there was pretty damn obvious. I remember reading a really interesting theory that Fox was a prototype for Vader and basically functioned as Palps’ attack dog before he turned Anakin to the Dark Side. I wish I could find it again because it was a fascinating read and might explain the presence of the Imperial March here. The music for the entire scene from when Ahsoka entered the prison was particularly foreboding, which makes sense seeing as it’s a prison. However, I’m not entirely sure who the theme is referencing because I don’t think it’s Ahsoka and Anakin isn’t here. Or perhaps it’s just adding to the general foreboding atmosphere. It’s entirely possible I’m reading too much into this.

Surely there are cameras and microphones recording this information that Letta is telling Ahsoka?

Is Barriss Force choking Letta from outside the prison? If so, then she’s fallen quite a long way to the Dark side because that seems like quite a powerful use of the Force.

That shot from the camera in the cell is definitely going to make it look like Ahsoka is the one choking Letta. And how convenient, the feed from that camera just cut out too.

Lmao Fox didn’t even hesitate. He was ready to fuck shit up. 

Oh hey, Fox also duel wields. 

Hmmm, I’m not sure how I feel about Fox immediately arresting Ahsoka. I think this is another example of the struggle I have with canon Fox vs fanon Fox. I’m going to have to collate my thoughts on that somewhere as well, probably after the chip conspiracy arc *sobs*. I think I’ve come to the realisation that I’m going to have to treat them as completely separate characters. I adore the version of Fox that the fandom has created. And every time I see the tiny bits of canon Fox that we get, it’s almost like a disappointment compared to the depth and layers of fanon Fox, to the point that canon Fox almost feels out of character. I know he doesn’t have any choice in the matter (none of the clones do) and I’m viewing this from an outside perspective looking in. I guess it’s more of an interesting conundrum to be aware of.

That shot of the prison felt even more evil Imperial Empire than the first one.

Great, fucking Tarkin again. Accompanied by hints of the Imperial March while marching down a stark corridor with harsh, ominous lighting. Definitely leaning on the Imperial Empire visuals this episode.

Called it. The footage from the cell is being used to frame Ahsoka as choking Letta. And the sound didn’t work either. How convenient.

Called it again. Tarkin using Ahsoka’s earlier attitude against her. Attitude doesn’t feel like the right word but it’s far too early in the morning and I can’t think of the right one.

Tarkin makes understandable points if this was some kind of detached, impersonal debate about an imaginary situation. But it’s not. He’s just being a deliberately abusive bastard. Definitely getting up there with Krell and Nolan.

Anakin being very Dark Side there when threatening Fox.

Who is helping Ahsoka escape? Is it Barriss? I don’t think it’s Anakin because he arrives after Ahsoka escapes. Plus clones were killed and injured and while we just saw Anakin threaten them and be all very Dark Side about it, I don’t think he’s fallen far enough to that level of Sithliness yet. 

Utterly unnecessary acrobatics but ok.

“If you see the target, shoot to kill.” Oh no, that is some painful foreshadowing right there.

Fucking yes, thank you Rex. Knew we could count on Rex to believe in Ahsoka. 

“Then who did?” Fox asking the question we’re all wondering.

Why is Anakin telling Rex to call security when Fox, the Commander of the Coruscant Guard, is right there? Surely he is the security?

How does Anakin telling Rex to tell security to search the entire base translate to an all-points bulletin on Ahsoka?

You can really tell from Rex’s voice how much this is affecting him. How he can’t believe that Ahsoka could do this. It was almost like he didn’t want to issue the order that he had to. I’m really glad that someone apart from Anakin believes Ahsoka, and that it’s Rex. Of course we could rely on our king. He can’t actually do anything to help her though. None of the clones can. They’re slaves. They have to follow orders. But at least we actually get to see that Rex doesn’t believe Ahsoka is capable of this and that he believes her, and believes in her. We’ve seen Rex’s belief and trust in Ahsoka crop up a few times now. The most obvious being his defence of her to Tarkin in the Citadel arc. 

Complete switch of tone but Rex, do you ever clean your armour? I know he’s busy fighting a war and all that but I’ve noticed his armour being especially dirty in a number of episodes now. It’s particularly noticeable on his bucket. That’s a lot of gunk and grime across the top of his visor.

Wtf is that giant vehicle and isn’t that just a little bit of overkill for trying to find one Jedi Padawan? I feel like there’s a point about excessive police violence in there somewhere.

So many of the shots of the prison feel very Imperial Empire. They’d barely have to change anything to make the switch from the Republic to the Empire. That’s probably the point too.

Grizzer!

Hound sounded distinctly Aussie there. More funkiness happening with the clones' accents.

Thunder and lightning? That is hilariously on the nose.

Clone troopers shooting like stormtroopers. Fanon Fox would not stand for this lack of accuracy from his Corries. He has standards and he expects them to be met.

Jhc they just used a canon to fire on a child. Fuck me that is far too excessive.

“Set weapons to stun.” The foreshadowing is causing me great, deep pain.

Ahsoka is deflecting stun bolts so I’m guessing the training that happens in episode 5 ‘Practice Makes Perfect’ of Tales of the Jedi has happened already? I wish I could find a resource of where all these episodes happen in the timeline and around which dates they happen as well.

We need to talk about the kama, because I am now utterly befuddled about which clones can get one. 

Hound has a kama, but he’s an ARF (Advanced Recon Force) Scout Trooper. 

The other ARF trooper in the Coruscant Guard also has a kama. 

Fox has a kama and he’s a clone commander and the Commander of the Coruscant Guard but he isn’t listed as having ARC training. 

I think I’ve seen other Corrie Guard commanders with kama’s as well. 

Rex, Fives and Echo (and eventually Jesse) all have kama's and they are ARCs. 

Cody is a clone commander and The Marshal Commander but he doesn’t have a kama and isn’t listed as having ARC training (I cannot believe that The Marshal Commander Cody doesn’t have ARC training but that’s another point for another time). 

Ponds had a kama and was a clone commander but isn’t listed as having ARC training. 

Bly is a Marshal Commander and has ARC training and has a kama. 

Wolffe is a clone commander and has a kama but isn’t listed as having ARC training (I also can’t believe that Wolffe doesn’t have ARC training either but that’s the same point as Cody so for another time). 

Keeli was a captain, not a commander, isn’t listed as having ARC training but did have a kama. 

So what decides whether a clone can have a kama or not? I thought it was an ARC thing but clearly not seeing as other clones that aren’t ARCs can have one.

They’re mobilising a giant rolling tank thing and gunships to hunt down a child? This is definitely beyond excessive. I know at this point Ahsoka is considered armed and dangerous but she’s also A Child. This just feels completely excessive and cruel. And not that far removed from the Empire, which, again, is probably the point.

And now it’s raining. Because of course it is.

“Do not shoot to kill.” I hate all of this foreshadowing. All of it.

What are these pipelines supposed to be for? I’m guessing not petrol seeing as nothing has exploded yet.

That is a lot of skill from Ahsoka to be able to deflect multiple repeated stun bolts while sprinting flat out.

Did you just really fire on a child with a fucking rocket launcher?!

Oddball, what are you doing? I know you’re just following orders but you don’t have to sound so gleeful about it. Also, why is his helmet yellow? Actually that kind of looks like 212th orange. I thought Oddball was in the 501st? A quick google says he’s in the 212th but none of the search results seem particularly definitive or legit. If he is part of the 212th, what is he doing on Coruscant? We saw Obi-Wan on a holocall at the start of the episode talking about going to the Anoat system so presumably the 212th is there, and not on Coruscant?

Is this the first time we see Ahsoka do the move of cutting a hole in the floor with her lightsaber?

Ah, so the pipes are for water. Or at least I think they are.

Anakin is looking particularly conflicted and upset throughout all of this.

TW: Discussion of abuse below. If you want to skip this, it's the section between the three dashes '---'

---

That exchange at the end between Ahsoka and Anakin was very interesting. Anakin is making some fairly reasonable and understandable points, which is intriguing given he’s characterised as the opposite of that most of the time. It’s another insight into how complex of a character he is. I think TCW has done a very good job of showing not only the depth and complexity to Anakin’s character but also how much more there was to his fall to the Dark Side. He is undoubtedly aggressive, possessive, abusive, and dangerous. Yet he’s also being groomed by a monster in a position of power that no one even notices or realises before it’s all too late. He was also a slave and had an abusive and traumatic childhood and seems to falling into the pattern of how abusees can often turn into abusers.

Amongst all of this, you can also see how much he cares for those who mean a lot to him. He and Rex are the only ones that believe Ahsoka, but Anakin is the only one in any meaningful position of power with the ability to do something about it. It’s plainly obvious how much he cares for Ahsoka.

However, that care and belief still veers too far into aggression and possession and he continues to cross the line multiple times with unacceptable actions and behaviour. I wonder if he lets Ahsoka go at the end of the episode because he trusts her or because he doesn’t know what to do?

---

Ahsoka was also making wholly valid and understandable points, which I think Anakin knew as well, even as he was trying to convince her to come back. Is this the first time we hear Ahsoka call Anakin by his first name? She usually calls him ‘Master’ or ‘Skyguy’ and her use of his first name here feels particularly personal and loaded with meaning. I’m glad Ahsoka knows that at least Anakin trusts and believes her, even when no one else does.

I wanted to include this gif because look at Rex looking like James Bond in the background being framed by the pipe.

Then this gif and the two above made me realise another thing about Anakin.

TW: Discussion of abuse and domestic violence below. If you want to skip this, it's the section between the three dashes '---'

---

As much as Anakin cares about Ahsoka and is trying to help her, his possession and controlling is very evident here. The way he said "I would never let anyone hurt you Ahsoka" felt very much like something a domestic abuser would say after hurting their partner. Or what a possessive and controlling domestic abuser would say to their partner. There's a dangerous and desperate edge to it. You can also see Anakin doesn't agree with what Ahsoka is doing and is angry at her for not doing it his way. He thinks his way is the best way to try and fix this and of course he immediately gets pissed as soon as someone doesn't do what he says and follows what he thinks should be done. Anakin is refusing to let Ahsoka go, even while trying to help her. His possession and controlling is still here, even if it isn't as overt as when he's with Padmé.

---

The voice acting throughout TCW has been pretty damn excellent and Ahsoka is no different. Ashley Eckstein did a fantastic job. But it felt like it stepped up another level, particularly in that exchange between Ahsoka and Anakin at the end. There was so much emotion and upset and betrayal in Ahsoka’s voice. 

There is the subtlest of hints of the Imperial March after Ahsoka jumps and we get a shot of Anakin, Rex and Fox at the mouth of the tunnel, followed by a shot of Ahsoka falling. It’s very subtle, probably the subtlest I’ve heard throughout the whole series but it’s definitely there. The intervals between the notes of the Imperial March are very distinct. Again, I’m not sure what it’s referencing or emphasising here. Probably Anakin seeing as he does turn into Darth Vader. But like the scene earlier where Ahsoka first enters the prison, it also feels slightly out of place. Usually when the Imperial March turns up, it’s fairly clear that it’s referring to Anakin, like when he killed Merrik in ‘Voyage of Temptation’. It could also be a misdirection to make Ahsoka appear to be falling to the Dark side. Though that doesn’t entirely make sense seeing as we know that she didn’t kill Letta and is being set up. Hmmm. 

I know it’s meant to be a big climactic ending to the episode but couldn’t Anakin just follow Ahsoka and jump down onto the ship that she’s standing on that’s floating down the giant tunnel? And couldn’t Fox just comm some Corries to follow the ship and meet it when it lands? He is the Commander of the Coruscant Guard after all.   

That episode was intense and A Lot. And there’s still 2 episodes of this arc to go. Oof.

[blairhqs]

[cisfemale and she/her] Welcome to Aurora Bay, [BLAIR HARRIS]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [GRACE VAN PATTEN]. You must be the [TWENTY-THREE] year old [ATTENDANT AT PINBALL WIZARD ARCADE]. Word is you’re [CANDID] but can also be a bit [SELF-DESTRUCTIVE] and your favorite song is [ALL-AMERICAN BITCH BY OLIVIA RODRIGO]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [SEABROOK QUARTER]. // @aurorabayaesthetic

CHARACTER BASICS

NAME: blair sofia harris NICKNAME: blair AGE: twenty-three DATE OF BIRTH: may 26 ZODIAC SIGN: gemini GENDER & PRONOUNS: cisfemale, she/her ORIENTATION: bisexual STATUS: single HEIGHT: 5′8″ OCCUPATION: attendant at pinball wizard arcade NEIGHBORHOOD: seabrook quarter

QUICK FACTS

born and raised in aurora bay and lived a pretty comfortable life growing up since their father always provided for them while their mother took care of them.

in school, she never really excelled in academics and because of this, their dad always compared her to her high-achieving brothers. ger lack of study habits, coupled with a preference for extracurricular activities, set her apart as the family's outlier. however, her hardwork in volleyball was rewarded when she became the team captain during junior year. she also dabbled in the drama club, but more of the person behind the scenes rather than the one acting in it.

since she didn't really have much prospects for college, blair just ended up going to aurora bay college. however, she wasn't really sure what she wanted to take so she found herself drifting from one major to another. she was one of those kids who had no idea what they wanted to do with their life, unlike her brothers who seemed to have their life mapped out ahead of them. her older brother, rhett harris, was starting to make a name for himself and their band; blair was obviously their biggest fan and she attended almost all of their gigs. but tragedy struck just after his band was scouted for a tour and that was one of the things that turned her life around. it forced her to confront the unpredictable nature of life and inspired her to pursue her passion—film.

aurora bay's film school in their college wasn't exactly top-tier, but she didn't want to go far away from home especially when her brother was still recovering. nonetheless, she enjoyed this course much better than her previous ones. the course of her life was just beginning to get better when another unfortunate event struck them. their mother has fallen sick. considering that blair has always been a momma's girl, she was shattered by the news and started acting out more.

she's never been a straight-laced girl, but the news only made her more volatile and destructive. she always ends up putting a facade that she doesn't give a fuck about anything when in reality, she's just trying to numb all her feelings. also the type of girl who has no filter and says what she means without really thinking about what the other person might feel. she currently revels in chaos because her life is just a mess of chaos lately.

currently, she's on awol at school without her parents actually knowing about it. as far as they're concern, she's still diligently attending her classes and not spending her days working at the pinball wizard arcade.

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

friends/enemies/girl squad/childhood friends

a ride or die where they're probably just bad influences to each other or enables the other person's destructive behavior

ex-fling/hookups/one night stands/fwbs/enemies with benefits/tinder matches

someone she hates for no particular reason other than because they annoy the shit out of her or vice versa

neighbors/family friends/drinking buddies/party buddies

something based on lacy especially over this verse: and i despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you, yeah, i despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you.

pretty much open to anything tho so just hmu xx

[mossfeathers]

Thank you for answering and welcoming my questions! ^^ (I sorta tried to pre-organize my thoughts so I hope the formating of this isn't too strange, sorry if is.)

Your sirens are very neat, I think. :3 I enjoyed reading about them. I'll definitely be ready when more info on them sprouts up. 

And ooo yes sweethearts is a very cute duo name for them. I like that a lot. ^^

I haven't actually played Stardew but I did grow up playing games in the series that inspired it so I think I'm picturing the vibe right, I feel like it could be very Harvest Moon, HM: Animal Parade especially. (I liked fishing too ^^ tho idk if it was so much a skill as it was just something you can do for recipes and money and got better at w/ better fishing rods)

& the setup overall seems like fun. Love the complete oblivion to start.

And since you welcomed my questions last time and said you'd like to hear if I have any more, here's some more questions! 

Can we hear a bit more about the dynamics the characters will have with each other so far? It'd be fun to here about, if you want to share that of course. ^^

You mentioned before that Scar & B are brothers in this au and that it'd also be a whole other post. Is that anything you can share with us yet? Or is it future info, It's fine if it is.

Oh but otherwise can I ask how you decided on a lionfish for Scar?

Also, are the others(like Lizzie & them) around as less important townies and seafolk?

Thank you for your time and sharing your ideas!

HI ANON I FORGOT TO RESPOND TO THIS IM SO SORRY OMG Literally always makes my entire day and week and month and also year tbh when you send in an ask and I love you so much (/p)

I've never checked out Harvest Moon before, I'll be sure to try and find a letsplay or something like that. From what I looked up of it, it looks adorable and I can totally see how it inspired Stardew :)

I think Grian and Jimmy are closer to their livestream/non-traffic dynamics, the main difference just being Grian cares a little more for Jimmy outside of the life series (apart from limited life). Grian bullies Jimmy but would do anything for him, Jimmy despises Grian but would do the same. Plus they make each other 500 times sillier and goofier. They're just really close friends, likely either grew up together or met in their late teens and were roomies for a while. Classic bullying friendship. Grian's quick to blame Jimmy, but quicker to take the actual blame if need be. Jimmy's quick to get frustrated with Grian but they're usually fine by the end of the day.

Grian and Scar are close to third life, Grian being exasperated with his attempts to scam him and Scar just being a silly little menace. Oddly enough, I haven't thought of many specific interactions, but based on Grian and B's first in-universe interaction I'd imagine Grian just threatens Scar if he ever tries to use his voice on him and that stops Scar from using it real quick. Doesn't mean that he won't tease G a lot. They're best friends. I gotta catch that grian+scar disease so I can more thoroughly think about them, I can only make them besties and happy forever. That doesn't slide in this AU, unfortunately.

Grian and B are really interesting, actually. In their first interaction (at least I think), Grian makes a very close threat on B's life if he ever uses his voice. He's rather aggressive in this au, but this is only because of the fact that sirens don't have a super awesome reputation and also because, in the context, Jimmy is missing and Grian suspects it's to do with sirens. I think. But after that, they bond a lot over their dumbass siblings and just the fact they like each other so much. Grian's oddly fanboy-ish over B in a really silly way and B just thinks Grian is awesome.

BIGB AND JIMMY!!!!!!!!! They're so incredibly underrated. They are SO silly. They just click with one another. I'm going to try to incorporate their super long friendship by just making them hit it off straight away when they first meet (in the life series, especially, they just constantly bring up inside jokes from hanging out, especially irl. they're absolutely adorable. i'll be genuinely shocked if they don't team next life series). They really like each other, and one of the main things about their dynamic is that Jimmy just thinks B is plain cool, and B thinks Jimmy is absolutely the funniest man alive. Really liking how Jimmy, quite possibly the most clueless man alive, is besties with the sirens. Very fitting.

I can totally talk about Scar and B being siblings! One of the reasons I didn't answer this in your previous asks (sorry about that btw) was just I didn't really know how to word it? Again, this au is very self-indulgent and I just really like the Scar and Bigb dynamic, and also really like weird sibling dynamics where they don't quite like each other and probably wouldn't be besties if they were allowed to not grow up together. But they did. And they're besties. And don't quite like each other. Except it's even more weird than this because B doesn't quite like Scar but absolutely loves him but also would really rather prefer to never interact with him ever (one of my favorite clips of them is b hanging out in third life, hearing scar's voice in the distance, and instantly saying 'oh no oh no oh no i gotta get out of here'. then scar comes to swindle him. a very similar thing happened in last life but scar didnt even come to swindle him, he just showed up at the shadow tower after the fairy fort burned down and b just runs and hides behind a little stone box. bugs to me). And Scar loves B soooo much but even more than that he loves teasing him. 'Life series best friend' has been referenced every single life series. And most of those times has been during a moment B is not red and Scar is. Very untrustworthy man. But at the same time I just know in my heart of hearts that given the chance (forcing them on a team together) they would be SO dynamic and interesting with a more haphazard trust and confused devotion type thing going on. So yeah: Guys who would absolutely never talk to one another again in their life if not for the fact they're siblings, but since they are they absolutely love each other. Oddly, that's inspired by how my mom talks about her and my aunt (her sister), and kind of how I feel about my own sibling. I haven't really thought out parental/other family ties, and i'm leaning towards either just having siren culture be very independent from parents or just never explicitly addressing it, as I don't really think it's that important, even though B and Scar's childhood is (I do not know what the details of their childhood are yet. i am such a good storyteller. clearly.)

Being completely honest, I chose a lionfish because I think they're cool, I just kinda got Scar vibes from it, and I associate him with orange. As with all good decisions, it was completely random and I'm actually super happy with it! I guess it also plays into his dangerous side, with the toxic needles and all that. If you happen to have any ideas for what B's tail could be (doesn't need to be blue tbh i'm just trying to get an idea), I would LOVE to hear it!

As for side characters, I have a few townsfolk planned out and kind of forgot to think of more seafolk. I think Gem and Impulse run a bakery (impulse bakes, gem decorates), Martyn and Ren co-own a pub (look up the stardrop saloon from stardew valley, kinda looks like that but they have little shows and a stage and all sorts of little entertainment things in it), Pearl has something to do with spirits and the supernatural (I'm toying with the idea of having an arc where she gets possessed and there's a whole red pearl thing with an angry spirit), and a number of other hermits/lifers (?) are villagers. Since the town is built on fishing and farming due to how rural it is, that's a lot of their occupations. Still, very few choose to live on the beach, as we know. In terms of merfolk, I just know that Etho is a sea slug and Iskall is a manta ray. Sorting some people into 'categories', Scott, Skizz, and Cleo are merfolk (sirens or not, undecided) and Bdubs, Tango, Joel, and Lizzie are townsfolk. I kinda want to explore other "supernatural" creatures (hence Pearl's potential ghost arc), so I might make a few of the villagers some other creatures. That's all up to fate, though.

I hope you don't mind, but i'll be leaving your other ask in my inbox just so I can go back and look at it easily. Thank you so much for the kind words and interest in my silly little au! More questions and ideas are always welcome!!

[tvitr]

Here have some more Grusha hc

Because he's taken over my blog and my brain by this point.

So let's talk about how he gets on with his fellow gym colleagues eh?

Under the cut because I can't shut up apparently.

-As you've probably seen from some of my previous shitposts, he has a massive crush on Katy, though this is purely superficial and nothing more. Partly because she's happily married, and she neither wants to leave her husband for some pretty toyboy, and he doesn't exactly want to be a homewrecker either, but also because she's way too overbearingly mommy-like for his liking. Like she found out he gets a sore back every now and then because of his snowboarding escapades and basically treats him like he's made of glass. If she didn’t mean well, he probably would've told her to fuck off by now.

-As an Artazon native in my hc, he's always kinda known Brassius; first as "that weird guy who sleeps on a bench underneath the windmill and yells at people as they walk by", to "that guy who lives next door with another guy and dad says they're 'gay' (whatever that means)". So he's familiar with who Brassius is long before they're actually colleagues. In term of how they'd actually get along, I... honestly think they'd get along pretty well? Like Brassius is a bit weird and offbeat, but he's also the only other Paldea leader to have canonically gone through some kind of heavy trauma in the past, and (unlike Grusha) appears to be past it enough that he seems comfortable talking about it. Can you imagine them actually having a deep heart to heart about their feelings?? I'm gonna write it.

(No really I actually do have a fic WIP right now about Grusha spending a night with Brassius and Hassel and having a proper deep conversation about his fucked up emotions so see you when that thing spawns)

-At first, he wouldn't have pissed on Iono if she was on fire. She annoyed him big time. Her high energy is a lot for anyone to handle, but combined with her begging him for weeks after they became colleagues for an interview on her show about his accident (as though his accident were the only thing he was famous for), and he just straight up despised her for the longest time. They eventually do smooth things over, he still dislikes her to some extent and avoids her when possible, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was when they met.

-Kofu is Kofu. I don't have much hc about him and I don't think anyone else does :')

-He knows Larry from living in the same town as him, and he probably likes to hang around him at the Treasury most evenings (if Larry's still there after his evening workout, which he usually is). Not sure what they'd talk about but they definitely appreciate each other's company. Probably involves a lot of slandering their jobs and colleagues though. Geeta and Iono are their usual targets.

-Ryme he gets along with pretty well, even if they don't hang out that much. I love the idea that she's actually helped him get to hospital after one of his (many) crashes, like she's out walking her dogs on a hiking trail when he careens out of nowhere and into a tree or something. Bonus if they don't recognise each other at first. Also also I like to think she makes lunch for him occasionally and gets one of her Pokémon (usually DJ G. Rave) to drop it off at his gym. Needless to say, he likes her.

-Tulip, oh boy Tulip. I will confess and say I never intended on shipping them, but I was trawling AO3 for actually readable fic when I stumbled into one of him and Tulip and it was really great and I've read it like a hundred times and now my shipping criteria for Grusha is "unbelievably hot women with lots of money" which Tulip fits pretty well. BUT. I honestly see them being friends with benefits more than anything lol, Grusha really doesn't give off much shippable energy to me.

I need more time to smooth this one over lol

[casimania]

I have two version of Finas and Casimiro’s Sires but then their versions branch off again because I never settled on one thing.

Casimiro’s fucked in both. Either accidentally turned by a vampire on the run or feral and abandoned to fend for himself. Or batshit bastard who turned specific people and kept them under his thrall. Casimiro despised him and he still didn’t teach him anything, just mistreated him and the other fledglings (he had a lot. Normally vampires have a few and is seen as a big deal).

Both tie in with my different Casimiro’s backstories: either abandoned at birth, growing up among orphans only to be left to to fend off for himself pretty young. Cue being sired and left on his own again by the Sire who got murked after the fact (it would be hilarious if someone pointed out the similarities between Conrad and him).

Or middle child of a wealthy family born from a cheating escapade from his other which ended up with her lover running away with the news of a child, he was resented by both of his parents, home situation was a total nightmare and he took off on his own after something traumatic happened, only to have a nightmare Sire. Extremely, old, paranoid, territorial and unhinged, decided he was gonna make a coven of entirely vampires he turned himself but there didn’t seem to be any rhime or reason to who he chose. Like, Casimiro did nothing but give him hell but his Sire exploited their bond and kept him under his thumb. Was a mighty good enforcer tho cause he had so much pent up anger. Meeting Finas was his downfall because he was just passing by and Casimiro’s Sire decided he had some nefarious plan and wanted him obliterated. Finas wasn’t as old but definitely more stable and quick on his feet, and Casimiro had spent the last few decades training himself to defy his Sire’s compulsions in little ways which culminated in him being able to do straight up refuse him long enough he got distracted and Finas and him obliterated him.

Here Casimiro isn’t a fresh vampire, he’s just either almost as old or as old as Finas, he was just kept in the dark about most vampire things and Finas is slightly horrified, he has the nice Sire in this version. Like, Casimiro was able to straight up go against his Sire’s bond which is very hard to do but doesn’t know how to consistently turn into a bat or fly, which is like fledgling 101. Also I hc the bond is very strong at first and can be used to track each other down (not quite telepathy but you feel a pull and sort of feel pit each others moods) and the Sire can give their fledgling compulsions, it’s supposed to fade away with time and as the fledgling grows stronger but it can be kept strong by consuming one Sire’s blood. Some vampires do it as a sign of respect or trust, Finas and his Sire did it willingly (I’d go out on a limb and say they consumed each others blood, it’s not necessary for the Sire to do so but it’s an extra step to show mutual respect).

Finas got the better end of the stick once, where he was willingly turned into a vampire by someone who he considered a friend. Bleak Still better than Casimiro but not ideal where he’s unwillingly turned by who he saw as a friend.

First instance he live a bleak life in a bleak place as a serf and his turning was willing after some years of getting older while his Sire kept visiting him. Fear on of the Unkown held him back for a while but after years the sheer shittiness of his life won over. Their relationship varies between mentor/mentee and surrogate father/son. Is Sire died in a traumatic way protecting him and Finas never really got over the guilt.

Second version Finas is of a little higher social standing but not enough to experience any true agency in his life. Like still old as fuck but a freeman at the very least. OR I make him way younger, not horrific life that’s not at all what he’d want though and oppressive controlling father who puts enormous amount of responsibility on his shoulders to better their situation, also repressed homosexual this one specifically. Here he still looked up to his vampire friend and disliked his life but in a resigned way, like things are this way because they’re supposed to and there’s nothing I can do about it. For his Sire he was a bit of a pet project, like the moment he got to know Finas he was sure he was going to make a perfect vampire, he just needed some persuasion and they could go on their merry way.

He asked Finas once and he refused, citing not wanting to abandon his wife to fend off for herself or some sort of misplaced duty to his family name in case of a little higher up Finas, or just plain old religious fear, this Finas kinda wants to say yes but feels like he can’t or shouldn’t. Got asked a second time and he still refused albeit more weakly, third Sire time didn’t even ask he just forced it on Finas, straight up “I know you want this, it’s for your own good trust me *nom*” (he didn’t really see Finas as a full person until becoming a vampire, but he saw him as having the potential). Finas went down kicking, screaming and begging. He resented the whole situation because he could have agreed with time, maybe not on his Sire’s terms and time, but he could have at some point. About this his Sire had been right, he enjoyed his new life way better… not how he was introduced to it though, or how it ruined his perception of his friend.

They had a strict mentor/mentee deal after that because Finas felt pretty lost and clung to the part of him that felt grateful, like he was right in the end wasn’t he? He went off on his own at first but didn’t know up from down and his Sire tracked him down and offered his help again, Finas just got resigned to that too like everything else in his life. His human life was marked by a lack of agency in important parts of it and then the beginning of his vampire one was just another loss of agency. Just put more walls and got used to that too. It took Casimiro centuries later to shake some life back into him. Lost his marbles for the first time, talking about screaming crying and losing his humanity and cursing his Sire. He hadn’t done this since right after being turned. Casimiro found it entertaining, Finas less so.

My usual is older Finas and younger Cas but I also kinda vibe the idea of older Casimiro who pieces things together over the years because he had no guidance and doesn’t know the full extent of being a vampire, while Finas had been a vampire for way less but went through the whole crash course with his Sire before he died. Like Casimiro is baffled at something Finas does and Finas talks to him about it and says his Sire taught him that Casimiro’s like “Your what now?” and Finas is baffled cause Casimiro doesn’t know shit about being a vampire not even the basics yet he was thriving.

(also firstbump @trion-revolutionary for old ass serf Finas with a nice Sire and Casimiro being accidentally turned and left to fend for himself. A classic)