#tw: discussion of domestic violence

[spacemagicandlaserswords]

The Clone Wars 5.18 ‘The Jedi Who Knew Too Much' Reaction

I always like trying to spot which characters are in the background of big group scenes like this. So far I’ve spotted 3 admirals (Coburn, Yularen and Tarkin), assorted jedi, Master Sinube, Kit Fisto, Bail Organa and I think that’s Mon Mothma as well. 

Oh, hi again Barriss. Fancy seeing you here again! Funny that we keep meeting like this after so long.

I think that’s Ki-Adi-Mundi and Plo next to Barriss.

So, Barriss killed one of her childhood mentors? I’m probably going to collate my thoughts on Barriss at the end of this arc, rather than scattering them across various recaps. But so much of her characterisation here doesn’t make sense and doesn’t feel right, at all.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this in the recaps when Barriss first appeared, but why is she British?

There’s a shot of 6 beams of light going up from the floor so I’m presuming that means 6 Jedi died in the temple bombings, which seems like an awfully large amount. What were 6 Jedi doing in a hanger of the temple? 1 or 2, maybe 3 at a stretch, makes sense, but 6? I’m guessing this is a story telling decision to make it more impactful, rather than for any logical in-universe reason.

I really despise Tarkin.

Oh, so now the deaths of clones are convenient for you Tarkin. “Military matter” my arse.

Who are the military police? Is that not the Coruscant Guard? I know the general fandom take is that the Corries are saddled with having to do everything but is that the case in canon?

Ahsoka’s angry attitude is definitely going to come back and bite her in the arse later.

“Remember, revenge is not the Jedi way.” says the future DARTH VADER

“Nothing will ever change.” FORESHADOWING KLAXON

Ok, Tarkin is getting very close to being up there with Krell and Nolan. His fucking contemptuous finger waggle at Ahsoka. Ugh.

“I assure you that he [Palps] rarely does anything without a strategy.” Oh, if only you knew Tarkin. Or maybe he does? Hmmm.

Is Barriss a Jedi Knight here or is she still a Padawan? I haven’t seen Luminara anywhere so I’m guessing she’s a Knight by now.

Barriss seems a lot more conflicted and upset than I thought for someone that’s just bombed the Jedi temple and killed a childhood mentor who clearly meant a lot to her. Maybe she’s regretting what she’s done? Hmmm, not sure.

Saleucami! I hope Cut and Suu and the kids are doing ok.

Lmao that ominous brass section was not subtle. FOREBODING KLAXON

Why do they have the Venator shipping yards next to the prison?

That shot of the prison felt very Imperial Empire. All stark architecture, sharp shadows, black and white lighting, red flags and giant symbols everywhere. It’s interesting how Imperial iconography and visuals are starting to creep into Republic locations and situations. Something something visual metaphor about the end approaching.

Why is the memorial to the clones outside the prison? Or is this not the prison and is some other building? Is this the same clone memorial that Crosshair and Cody have their little chat in front of in The Bad Batch?

Corries! Wow, they do all match and have exactly the same armour paint. 

FOX!

That grumpy “Yes?” spoke volumes.

Fox, can you not cross your arms properly? What was that? I’m guessing it was more of a functional animation limitation than Fox not actually being unable to cross his arms. Insert your own fandom theories here about injuries that Palps inflicted on him while torturing him or similar that meant he can't cross his arms. Maybe he's got Force lightning burns across his back and it's painful and pulls when he moves too much.

The scan has Ahsoka standing there with her arms out but then the next shot of her is with her arms crossed? Continuity, hello?

At “Leave your comlink and lightsabers here.” Fox gestures down with his index and middle finger outstretched next to each other and oh boy did my mind go straight to the horny bin.

“Follow me.” Omg Fox did you have to say that in such a low, husky voice? That had a distinct feel of ‘Come with me if you want to live’ about it. If Fox basically whispered that to me it’d be “Sir, yes Sir, immediately Sir, however you want me Sir.”

The reference to the first 4 notes of the Imperial March theme there was pretty damn obvious. I remember reading a really interesting theory that Fox was a prototype for Vader and basically functioned as Palps’ attack dog before he turned Anakin to the Dark Side. I wish I could find it again because it was a fascinating read and might explain the presence of the Imperial March here. The music for the entire scene from when Ahsoka entered the prison was particularly foreboding, which makes sense seeing as it’s a prison. However, I’m not entirely sure who the theme is referencing because I don’t think it’s Ahsoka and Anakin isn’t here. Or perhaps it’s just adding to the general foreboding atmosphere. It’s entirely possible I’m reading too much into this.

Surely there are cameras and microphones recording this information that Letta is telling Ahsoka?

Is Barriss Force choking Letta from outside the prison? If so, then she’s fallen quite a long way to the Dark side because that seems like quite a powerful use of the Force.

That shot from the camera in the cell is definitely going to make it look like Ahsoka is the one choking Letta. And how convenient, the feed from that camera just cut out too.

Lmao Fox didn’t even hesitate. He was ready to fuck shit up. 

Oh hey, Fox also duel wields. 

Hmmm, I’m not sure how I feel about Fox immediately arresting Ahsoka. I think this is another example of the struggle I have with canon Fox vs fanon Fox. I’m going to have to collate my thoughts on that somewhere as well, probably after the chip conspiracy arc *sobs*. I think I’ve come to the realisation that I’m going to have to treat them as completely separate characters. I adore the version of Fox that the fandom has created. And every time I see the tiny bits of canon Fox that we get, it’s almost like a disappointment compared to the depth and layers of fanon Fox, to the point that canon Fox almost feels out of character. I know he doesn’t have any choice in the matter (none of the clones do) and I’m viewing this from an outside perspective looking in. I guess it’s more of an interesting conundrum to be aware of.

That shot of the prison felt even more evil Imperial Empire than the first one.

Great, fucking Tarkin again. Accompanied by hints of the Imperial March while marching down a stark corridor with harsh, ominous lighting. Definitely leaning on the Imperial Empire visuals this episode.

Called it. The footage from the cell is being used to frame Ahsoka as choking Letta. And the sound didn’t work either. How convenient.

Called it again. Tarkin using Ahsoka’s earlier attitude against her. Attitude doesn’t feel like the right word but it’s far too early in the morning and I can’t think of the right one.

Tarkin makes understandable points if this was some kind of detached, impersonal debate about an imaginary situation. But it’s not. He’s just being a deliberately abusive bastard. Definitely getting up there with Krell and Nolan.

Anakin being very Dark Side there when threatening Fox.

Who is helping Ahsoka escape? Is it Barriss? I don’t think it’s Anakin because he arrives after Ahsoka escapes. Plus clones were killed and injured and while we just saw Anakin threaten them and be all very Dark Side about it, I don’t think he’s fallen far enough to that level of Sithliness yet. 

Utterly unnecessary acrobatics but ok.

“If you see the target, shoot to kill.” Oh no, that is some painful foreshadowing right there.

Fucking yes, thank you Rex. Knew we could count on Rex to believe in Ahsoka. 

“Then who did?” Fox asking the question we’re all wondering.

Why is Anakin telling Rex to call security when Fox, the Commander of the Coruscant Guard, is right there? Surely he is the security?

How does Anakin telling Rex to tell security to search the entire base translate to an all-points bulletin on Ahsoka?

You can really tell from Rex’s voice how much this is affecting him. How he can’t believe that Ahsoka could do this. It was almost like he didn’t want to issue the order that he had to. I’m really glad that someone apart from Anakin believes Ahsoka, and that it’s Rex. Of course we could rely on our king. He can’t actually do anything to help her though. None of the clones can. They’re slaves. They have to follow orders. But at least we actually get to see that Rex doesn’t believe Ahsoka is capable of this and that he believes her, and believes in her. We’ve seen Rex’s belief and trust in Ahsoka crop up a few times now. The most obvious being his defence of her to Tarkin in the Citadel arc. 

Complete switch of tone but Rex, do you ever clean your armour? I know he’s busy fighting a war and all that but I’ve noticed his armour being especially dirty in a number of episodes now. It’s particularly noticeable on his bucket. That’s a lot of gunk and grime across the top of his visor.

Wtf is that giant vehicle and isn’t that just a little bit of overkill for trying to find one Jedi Padawan? I feel like there’s a point about excessive police violence in there somewhere.

So many of the shots of the prison feel very Imperial Empire. They’d barely have to change anything to make the switch from the Republic to the Empire. That’s probably the point too.

Grizzer!

Hound sounded distinctly Aussie there. More funkiness happening with the clones' accents.

Thunder and lightning? That is hilariously on the nose.

Clone troopers shooting like stormtroopers. Fanon Fox would not stand for this lack of accuracy from his Corries. He has standards and he expects them to be met.

Jhc they just used a canon to fire on a child. Fuck me that is far too excessive.

“Set weapons to stun.” The foreshadowing is causing me great, deep pain.

Ahsoka is deflecting stun bolts so I’m guessing the training that happens in episode 5 ‘Practice Makes Perfect’ of Tales of the Jedi has happened already? I wish I could find a resource of where all these episodes happen in the timeline and around which dates they happen as well.

We need to talk about the kama, because I am now utterly befuddled about which clones can get one. 

Hound has a kama, but he’s an ARF (Advanced Recon Force) Scout Trooper. 

The other ARF trooper in the Coruscant Guard also has a kama. 

Fox has a kama and he’s a clone commander and the Commander of the Coruscant Guard but he isn’t listed as having ARC training. 

I think I’ve seen other Corrie Guard commanders with kama’s as well. 

Rex, Fives and Echo (and eventually Jesse) all have kama's and they are ARCs. 

Cody is a clone commander and The Marshal Commander but he doesn’t have a kama and isn’t listed as having ARC training (I cannot believe that The Marshal Commander Cody doesn’t have ARC training but that’s another point for another time). 

Ponds had a kama and was a clone commander but isn’t listed as having ARC training. 

Bly is a Marshal Commander and has ARC training and has a kama. 

Wolffe is a clone commander and has a kama but isn’t listed as having ARC training (I also can’t believe that Wolffe doesn’t have ARC training either but that’s the same point as Cody so for another time). 

Keeli was a captain, not a commander, isn’t listed as having ARC training but did have a kama. 

So what decides whether a clone can have a kama or not? I thought it was an ARC thing but clearly not seeing as other clones that aren’t ARCs can have one.

They’re mobilising a giant rolling tank thing and gunships to hunt down a child? This is definitely beyond excessive. I know at this point Ahsoka is considered armed and dangerous but she’s also A Child. This just feels completely excessive and cruel. And not that far removed from the Empire, which, again, is probably the point.

And now it’s raining. Because of course it is.

“Do not shoot to kill.” I hate all of this foreshadowing. All of it.

What are these pipelines supposed to be for? I’m guessing not petrol seeing as nothing has exploded yet.

That is a lot of skill from Ahsoka to be able to deflect multiple repeated stun bolts while sprinting flat out.

Did you just really fire on a child with a fucking rocket launcher?!

Oddball, what are you doing? I know you’re just following orders but you don’t have to sound so gleeful about it. Also, why is his helmet yellow? Actually that kind of looks like 212th orange. I thought Oddball was in the 501st? A quick google says he’s in the 212th but none of the search results seem particularly definitive or legit. If he is part of the 212th, what is he doing on Coruscant? We saw Obi-Wan on a holocall at the start of the episode talking about going to the Anoat system so presumably the 212th is there, and not on Coruscant?

Is this the first time we see Ahsoka do the move of cutting a hole in the floor with her lightsaber?

Ah, so the pipes are for water. Or at least I think they are.

Anakin is looking particularly conflicted and upset throughout all of this.

TW: Discussion of abuse below. If you want to skip this, it's the section between the three dashes '---'

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That exchange at the end between Ahsoka and Anakin was very interesting. Anakin is making some fairly reasonable and understandable points, which is intriguing given he’s characterised as the opposite of that most of the time. It’s another insight into how complex of a character he is. I think TCW has done a very good job of showing not only the depth and complexity to Anakin’s character but also how much more there was to his fall to the Dark Side. He is undoubtedly aggressive, possessive, abusive, and dangerous. Yet he’s also being groomed by a monster in a position of power that no one even notices or realises before it’s all too late. He was also a slave and had an abusive and traumatic childhood and seems to falling into the pattern of how abusees can often turn into abusers.

Amongst all of this, you can also see how much he cares for those who mean a lot to him. He and Rex are the only ones that believe Ahsoka, but Anakin is the only one in any meaningful position of power with the ability to do something about it. It’s plainly obvious how much he cares for Ahsoka.

However, that care and belief still veers too far into aggression and possession and he continues to cross the line multiple times with unacceptable actions and behaviour. I wonder if he lets Ahsoka go at the end of the episode because he trusts her or because he doesn’t know what to do?

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Ahsoka was also making wholly valid and understandable points, which I think Anakin knew as well, even as he was trying to convince her to come back. Is this the first time we hear Ahsoka call Anakin by his first name? She usually calls him ‘Master’ or ‘Skyguy’ and her use of his first name here feels particularly personal and loaded with meaning. I’m glad Ahsoka knows that at least Anakin trusts and believes her, even when no one else does.

I wanted to include this gif because look at Rex looking like James Bond in the background being framed by the pipe.

Then this gif and the two above made me realise another thing about Anakin.

TW: Discussion of abuse and domestic violence below. If you want to skip this, it's the section between the three dashes '---'

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As much as Anakin cares about Ahsoka and is trying to help her, his possession and controlling is very evident here. The way he said "I would never let anyone hurt you Ahsoka" felt very much like something a domestic abuser would say after hurting their partner. Or what a possessive and controlling domestic abuser would say to their partner. There's a dangerous and desperate edge to it. You can also see Anakin doesn't agree with what Ahsoka is doing and is angry at her for not doing it his way. He thinks his way is the best way to try and fix this and of course he immediately gets pissed as soon as someone doesn't do what he says and follows what he thinks should be done. Anakin is refusing to let Ahsoka go, even while trying to help her. His possession and controlling is still here, even if it isn't as overt as when he's with Padmé.

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The voice acting throughout TCW has been pretty damn excellent and Ahsoka is no different. Ashley Eckstein did a fantastic job. But it felt like it stepped up another level, particularly in that exchange between Ahsoka and Anakin at the end. There was so much emotion and upset and betrayal in Ahsoka’s voice. 

There is the subtlest of hints of the Imperial March after Ahsoka jumps and we get a shot of Anakin, Rex and Fox at the mouth of the tunnel, followed by a shot of Ahsoka falling. It’s very subtle, probably the subtlest I’ve heard throughout the whole series but it’s definitely there. The intervals between the notes of the Imperial March are very distinct. Again, I’m not sure what it’s referencing or emphasising here. Probably Anakin seeing as he does turn into Darth Vader. But like the scene earlier where Ahsoka first enters the prison, it also feels slightly out of place. Usually when the Imperial March turns up, it’s fairly clear that it’s referring to Anakin, like when he killed Merrik in ‘Voyage of Temptation’. It could also be a misdirection to make Ahsoka appear to be falling to the Dark side. Though that doesn’t entirely make sense seeing as we know that she didn’t kill Letta and is being set up. Hmmm. 

I know it’s meant to be a big climactic ending to the episode but couldn’t Anakin just follow Ahsoka and jump down onto the ship that she’s standing on that’s floating down the giant tunnel? And couldn’t Fox just comm some Corries to follow the ship and meet it when it lands? He is the Commander of the Coruscant Guard after all.   

That episode was intense and A Lot. And there’s still 2 episodes of this arc to go. Oof.

[statementlou]

He cannot be the same man unfollowing mason greenwood and firing jordan green within days of the accusation coming out lol now that its liam he suddenly deems everything ok it seems

I'm sorry if you don't see a difference between how you treat a celebrity you don't know who repeatedly brutally raped and beat their partner while threatening their life, or an employee who serially engaged in predatory premeditated grooming and rape of multiple minors VS how you deal with a situation with a friend who, yes, committed emotional partner abuse, both by being clueless about the impact of their actions and by directly manipulating and pressuring their partner.

But I don't actually think the solution to a friend doing problematic things is necessarily to say "ah well, we had a nice run but you're dead to me now" rather than attempt to help them be better (which can in fact look like/ mean supporting them) although yes, I am aware that in that I differ from the bulk of people driving online discourse culture. We don't know for a fact that that's what Louis does! But we don't know it isn't either, and I personally do feel that there might be grounds for hope that the man who unfollowed Mason Greenwood and fired Jordan Green and tried again and again to singlehandedly put Anthony Russell in a better place, as well as various other people in his personal life struggling with addiction issues, including Liam himself for years now, might in fact care and have something to say to his friend about it all (over the last months and years one assumes, since unlike us he's had a front row seat to this whole situation all along). And yeah, about that... you do know that Louis has to have known about all this since long before yesterday right? And yet the suggestion seems to be that it becoming public knowledge should be the breaking point... like in the named situations above, them becoming public was relevant because he found out at the same time as us! If I believed Louis knew what JG was doing and that he only fired him because we found out I would NOT be here, yk? But no way is that the situation here, like hell I assume him and Liam were on the phone for hours at a time with Liam drunkenly freaking out like I can't raise a fucking kid! So I told her... blah blah blah... etc.

[tendertenebrosity]

Had this idea last night and threw it together today. I did promise these guys some rest and recovery fluff, and this isn’t quite it but it also shows a bit of how I see their immediate future. Galen and Everet are my Dragon Age OCs, their masterpost is here.

I don’t think I have the energy to do taglists anymore, sorry, and I’m not sure half of you are even still here, so I hope the people who are here find it!

The farm Galen and Everet worked at as autumn ripened and slid gradually towards winter was a large affair. Big enough to hire a couple of dozen temporary workers to bring in the harvest; big enough to blend into the crowd, with second-hand inconspicuous clothing acquired for them both and Everet’s templar gear stashed out in the forest.

Today had been a long day, tiring and monotonous but not in an unpleasant way. The farmer’s daughters set up trestle tables in the barn and laid out food; plain fare, but good. There weren’t enough benches or chairs so people wandered around with food in hand a lot.

Everet tapped his fingers on the wood of a nearby bench, humming to himself to the whisper of lyrium that nobody else could hear. Galen had went out the other day and gotten Everet’s lyrium for the week, so the song was loud tonight. Somebody had had a fiddle out earlier for real music, but nobody had much energy for it tonight, so the barn had emptied rapidly once the food had been put away.

Unusually rapidly, to be perfectly honest.

Everet looked around, alerted by the sudden quiet. While he’d been wool-gathering, the barn had emptied strangely. The only people left in here were him and the foreman, and… two other men who positioned themselves to either side as he approached.

Lyrium surged under Everet’s skin, but he quieted it. He stood up, his heart starting to beat fast. Where was Galen?

“Long day, huh?” he said, keeping his tone casual. “I’d best be finding my bed.”

He went to brush past the three men towards the door, knowing that they’d stop him but needing to try.

One of the other men – the foreman’s son, maybe, taller than Everet - pushed him back with a palm on his chest. The second closed the door very firmly and came to stand nearby, arms crossed.

“Sit down, Everet,” the foreman said, heavily, coming up behind his son. A heavyset man in his fifties with a salt-and-pepper beard, he’d always seemed fair and even-handed to Everet. “We need to talk.”

Everet felt the lyrium rush again, singing in his ears and humming in his limbs. He could take these people, probably. Yeah, they were big, muscled from working the land year-round. But they didn’t have lyrium. And they didn’t have a decade of templar training, even if Everet had gotten a bit rusty lately. He pictured in his head what it would take to swing forward, grab that man’s wrist, break his arm, swing him around and into the other one -

But that would not help, and it wasn’t the most pressing problem.

“Where’s Galen?” he demanded, hearing the fear in his own voice. Galen didn’t normally slip away during the evenings. They’d engineered this, which meant somebody else had Galen somewhere. “If you’ve - ”

“Galen is out helping Sam and Callie with the equipment,” the foreman said. “He doesn’t know about this, and he’s not going to be back for a half hour or so. So you might as well sit down.”

Everet hissed a breath between his teeth, considering. Helping Sam and Callie. He eyed the short distance towards the door, discounted it. There might still be a way to get out of this without conflict; but not if Everet did something stupid. Best to see what this was about. Maybe Everet could throw them off the scent.

The town hadn’t seemed hostile. Not like that place they’d been to last month, with the ragged corpse in robes hung up by the road near the town sign. Or even like the place before that, with the man in the bar waving the templar pamphlets. None of the other men and women here had made any anti-mage comments while they worked. Everet had started to feel almost safe here; he knew Galen had too.

If they’ve hurt him they’ll pay, Everet thought. Empty threats to nobody.

He took a step back, and sank down to sit on the rough wooden bench, doing his best to look earnestly bewildered. “What’s going on?”

The foreman and his muscle didn’t sit; they just loomed.

The foreman sighed. “Everet... I didn’t ask you and Galen many questions when you showed up and took this job. Everybody needs to live, you’re good workers, whatever. But there’s some things we don’t tolerate here.”

“I’m… glad to hear it?” Everet said, his hands clamped onto his knees. He’s going to ask you if Galen is a mage, and you need to look convincing when you say no, the idea is ludicrous, why would you think that.

“When folks stripped off the other day for a swim after the morning shift,” the foreman said. “Several of the boys couldn’t help noticing that Galen has an awful lot of scars for a young man.”

Everet caught his breath, blindsided for a moment. That wasn’t what he’d expected to hear. Was this still…?

“Yeah, I guess,” he managed. “He doesn’t like to talk about them much.”

“We know,” the foreman’s son said, still looming beside his father. He eyed Everet with obvious dislike. “When I asked, he didn’t say anything much. But he did look over the stream at you.”

“What -”

The foreman held up a hand to stop both Everet and his son from talking. He looked grim. “Look, I’ll be blunt. Did you give him any of those scars? Or the bruises, the more recent ones?”

“I – no!” Everet protested. “No, why would I do that?”

“I don’t know either, but the fact remains some men do,” the foreman said. “Now, I don’t really care what else is up with you. If you are lovers you don’t seem to want anyone to know, which is fine. I don’t care.”

“We’re not - ”

“I don’t even really want to know if you’re rogue mages, or deserting from the army, or on the run from the law, or whatever.” The foreman gave a dismissive wave. “We’re a small community. Unless you want to go all the way into Shornvale, the law here consists of the mayor and the watchman and a couple of locals, including me. It’s not worth our time to chase up people who aren’t hurting anyone. So unless you steal from or hurt somebody else under our roof, the boss and I don’t care.”

Everet tried not to flinch at rogue mages. The two other workers didn’t seem to react to that statement either; they just stood there, one of them nodding in agreement.

The foreman met Everet’s eyes squarely. His voice was quiet and even. “But we look after our own. Some of those marks look like they come from a hot knife-blade, and they’re lined up all deliberate-like. And that, I care about.”

The deserted barn was silent for a moment. Everet’s mind felt like it was darting in all directions, the lyrium prickle under his skin insisting he get up and DO something. They didn’t think Galen was a mage. But if he was they wouldn’t care. But they thought Everet had hurt him?

“I didn’t know that,” Everet said, too loud into the silence. His stomach squirmed. “About – about the knife marks.” I never looked at the shape. You can tell that’s what they’re from? Why did I never think to look at that? How do you know what that looks like and I don’t?

The foreman was nodding thoughtfully. His eyes hadn’t left Everet. “Have you ever hurt Galen?”

“No! Maker, no!” Everet shook his head. Well, that was a lie, a voice whispered at the back of his mind. You would never hurt Galen any more. You’re different now. Tell them that and see what they think? He did his best to squash the voice. That wasn’t what they were asking about and he knew it. “Is that – that’s why you got Galen off somewhere by himself? So you could ask us both this?”

“Yeah, Callie was going to talk to him,” the foreman’s son said.“See if he says something different when you aren’t glued to his side.”

So Galen was fine. Galen was fine, had never been in danger, they’d come for Everet here because he was the one they were suspicious of. Everet felt tension leave his shoulders.

Which was probably premature. Everet was still confident he could take these men in a fight, but this was a problem that needed to be solved with words, and Everet wasn’t much good at that. And he didn’t want them to have to leave this job before they had to; they’d been counting on having it until winter came.

“Look, you, um, you’ve misunderstood,” Everet said, trying to smile ruefully. “We’re not… we’re travelling together as friends, that’s all.”

The foreman shrugged, unfazed. “All right. Question still stood.”

“Yeah, no, that’s… I understand,” Everet said. He shook his head. “I can see why you’d… worry.”

“So where did the scars come from, then?” the foreman’s son asked. He was still looking at Everet with undisguised suspicion.

Everet hesitated – which, yeah, possibly looked suspicious, but not much he could do about that. If these people are fine with mages, maybe it’d be OK if I told them the truth? Even just that it was templars, which wouldn’t necessarily mean Galen was a mage – Maker knew, the Order had started harassing enough ordinary folk.

But just because the foreman ‘didn’t care’, didn’t mean nobody here did. And that was something to clear with Galen first.

“If Galen wants you to know,” he said slowly. “I guess he’ll probably tell you himself when he feels like it.”

The younger man looked unsatisfied, but his father forestalled him with a hand again.

“I think that’s fair,” he said. He stepped back, gesturing for the other man to do the same with a jerk of his head. “We’ll see whether he wanted to talk to Callie about anything. If he wants to stay here without you, Everet, then I intend to let him. And if he wants to leave without you, we’ll make that work too.”

“And – if he wants us both want to stay?” Everet asked. He stood up, rubbed a hand over the back of his neck awkwardly. “Of course, you’ll ask him, but I think he’ll want that. We don’t want any trouble, and…”

The foreman nodded. “Of course, if nothing’s awry, you’ll both stay out the season,” he said. “Hopefully there’s no hard feelings. When you’ve been around as long as I have, you’ll realise that even normal-seeming people are capable of some pretty nasty things, so a community’s got to be vigilant.”

“Oh, yeah,” Everet agreed, unexpectedly fervent. “They are. You’re right. No problem.”

“All right. You’d better find your bed, then. Lot of work to do in the morning.”

Galen was later to bed than Everet. If they got beds where they were working, it was usually a communal arrangement, all the farmhands together in a couple of rooms. If it was possible, Galen always took the bed that let him have his back to the wall and Everet in between him and the rest of the room.

Which, now that Everet thought about it, possibly did look a bit… controlling, if you didn’t know it was Galen choosing their spots. It was relevant tonight because it meant Galen had to climb over the top of Everet to get to his straw pallet.

“Hey,” Everet mumbled, awoken from his doze.

“Hey,” Galen responded, barely louder than a breath. “Awake?”

“Eh, enough.” Everet rolled over to face Galen. The person on his other side was snoring gently, but Everet was used to that. His old bunk-mate during training had been worse.

“I’m guessing you had a very awkward conversation after dinner as well.”

“I wouldn’t call mine a conversation so much as a confrontation,” Everet murmured. “Hope yours wasn’t too bad.”

“No, everything’s fine.” Galen rustled as he settled into bed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “That’s my fault. I should… be more circumspect, maybe.”

“No, I don’t think so. The foreman’s… a decent man. Looking out for you. I think you’re pretty safe,” Everet said, conscious of the fact that the handful of people behind him were only probably asleep. He didn’t say the word mage. “We should… talk more in the morning,”

Galen yawned. “Sure thing. Night.”

[siobhanromee]

When you are trying to figure out characterization and then someone suggests an action your character would take.. and you have to go he would not fucking do that.

[therapythoughtstogether]

Life Update - Nothing much has changed

And looking forward to tomorrow's therapy (as much as dreading it).

TW brief mention of domestic violence and SA

I haven't been around much lately. I've had really big anxiety (to no one's surprise) and it's hard to function.

Another thing is that my glasses gave up on life (almost like me lol) . Because of some violent episodes, the frame was already crooked and now they just broke in the middle.

I have really poor vision...I had forgotten how poor it is until now. I have terrible migraines, my eyeballs hurt, I can't see well both from afar or closely. So it's also hard to type or read. The guy I'm staying with will take me to get them replaced today.

Talking about this guy...he has finally told me that he loves me, that I'm beautiful, "his sunshine" and doesn't want me to go. I feel weird about it, like I owe him. He's older and I see him more of like a father figure, because I have this weird thing of seeing a father in every man who gives me a drop of protection, especially if older than me, even if they hurt me in the process and there is sex (even unwanted sex) involved. I will discuss this with my therapist tomorrow. He was the one mentioning that I'm looking for a father figure (and he himself is one of the sort for me, you know, without the sex).

My job interviews have been dead ends so far, but I hope something will turn out soon. And as much as I start to feel some kind of empathy, weird attachment and feeling deeply in debt with him emotionally, I know I must go as soon as I have the chance.

Oh, and I still miss my cat to bits!!!

I hope you are all staying safe ❤️ and if you have pets, give them an extra snuggle for me..

[oceandolores]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫 | chapter 5

Dbf! Joel Miller x female reader

"𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥, 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺."

summary: the rhythm of your days blends with the vibrant backdrop of your church’s dance preparations. Beneath the soft glow of Houston’s city lights and the gentle hum of Joel's truck, your deepening bond with him unfolds amidst stolen moments and whispered confessions. As you navigate the delicate dance of your emerging feelings, Joel’s own transformation remains veiled from his family.

warnings: 18+ only, Minors DNI, AU, No outbreak. (TW) mentions of substance abuse/alcohol use disorder, adult content, religion abuse, violence, blood gore, mentions of death, sexual abuse, sexual content, domestic violences, ped0ph!l1a, cann1bal!sm, human traff1ck1ng, dad's best friend!Joel, HUGE age gap (i will not specify her exact age, but she's legal and Joel is 49), daddy issues, mentions of toxic family dynamic, Joel is widowed, Ellie is 16, angst, smut A LOT, forbidden relationship, soft and protective Joel, innocent and pure reader. your last name is Gibson. any other details will be explain throughout the story. inspired by the album Preacher's daughter by Ethel Cain and also mix with lana del rey vibes.

CHAPTER 5

masterlist of the series!

previous | chapter 4

next | chapter 6

The anticipation for the church dance troupe's performance was building. The whole town was buzzing with excitement as the event drew near, only two weeks away. The performance would be a grand spectacle attended by everyone in town, including all the elders, and it was scheduled for the same day your father was set to return.

The first week of preparation was filled with rigorous rehearsals. You and your friends gathered at the community fellowship building, a bustling hub of activity. Jemima, Pastor Ben's wife, along with a few other church members, coordinated the practices. The adults were always around, providing guidance and encouragement.

The church dance troupe was more than just an extracurricular activity; it was a lifeline, a vessel of hope and validation that you clung to. Each dance step, every twirl, and every leap was a silent plea for recognition, especially from your father. You had always loved dancing, finding solace in the rhythm and movement. It was the one place where you felt free, where the world and its heavy expectations seemed to melt away.

This performance was different. It was not just another event; it was a grand spectacle that could potentially alter the trajectory of your family's standing in the community. The mayor of the town would be there, along with other influential figures and elders. It was an opportunity for your family to be thrust into the spotlight, a chance to shine and, more importantly, a moment to make your father proud.

Your father, a man of stern demeanor and unyielding expectations, had always demanded excellence. He often showed you off, his actions speaking louder than his words. To him, you were a reflection of the family name, a testament to his own efforts and discipline. The thought of this performance being a success was not just about personal achievement for you; it was about carrying the weight of familial pride and expectation.

The rehearsals were intense, each session a blend of sweat, dedication, and the relentless pursuit of perfection. Jemima and the other coordinators pushed you and your friends hard, knowing the significance of the event. As you practiced, you imagined your father watching you, his eyes scrutinizing every move, his expression a mask of stern judgment.

During breaks, the atmosphere was filled with the usual activities of a church community—people chatting, sharing snacks, and discussing the upcoming performance. Pastor Ben often made an appearance, ostensibly to support the group's efforts, but you couldn't help but notice his lingering gaze on you. Jemima was always busy coordinating the rehearsals and offering guidance, leaving Ben with ample opportunity to keep an eye on the group.

You and Emma had both noticed Ben's attentiveness, though it was you who seemed to capture his interest the most. His questions and small talk were frequently directed at you, and his presence seemed more pronounced whenever you were around. Despite the attention, you tried to remain polite and composed, responding to his questions with the same courtesy you showed everyone else.

As the day's rehearsal came to an end, you bid farewell to your friends and began gathering your things. Just as you were about to leave, Pastor Ben approached you, his steps confident and his smile warm.

"Hey," he greeted you.

You looked up, slightly startled but quickly masking your surprise. "Oh, hey, Pastor Ben."

He chuckled softly. "Please, just call me Ben. Using 'Pastor' makes me feel old."

You smiled politely. "Alright, Ben."

"So, how did the rehearsal go today?" he asked, his tone casual but his eyes attentive.

"It went well, I think," you replied, then added with a light smile, "You were there, well, what do you think?"

Pastor Ben chuckled softly, leaning against the doorframe. "You’re right, I was there. And from what I saw, you all are doing a wonderful job. There’s a real sense of unity in the group, and that’s something special."

You nodded, feeling a mix of pride and a little awkwardness under his steady gaze. "Thanks. We’ve been working hard, trying to make it something memorable."

Ben’s eyes softened as he looked at you. "I can see that. And you, especially, seem to put your heart into it."

You felt your cheeks flush slightly, unsure how to respond to the compliment. "Well, I love dancing, so... it’s important to me. And I want to make my family proud, especially my dad."

Ben’s expression turned thoughtful, and he nodded. "That’s a good motivation. I’m sure your father will be proud of you when he sees what you’ve accomplished."

"I hope so," you said, the weight of your father’s expectations pressing on your shoulders. "It’s not always easy to meet his standards."

Ben tilted his head, studying you for a moment. "Parents can be tough sometimes, especially when they have high expectations. But you should be proud of yourself, too. It’s clear you’re giving it your all."

You smiled politely, feeling a bit more at ease. "Thank you, Ben."

There was a brief pause, and Ben seemed to hesitate before speaking again. "Well, are you gonna go home? Do you need a lift?" he asked, his voice casual but with an undertone that made you feel slightly uneasy.

You hesitated, glancing toward the parking lot. You were supposed to meet Joel, and he had made it clear he’d be waiting for you at the back of the school, out of sight from anyone who might be watching.

"Oh, thank you, Ben," you began, choosing your words carefully. "But I’m actually meeting someone. I’ve got a ride, so I’m all set."

Ben raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. "Someone from the dance group?"

You forced a smile, shaking your head. "No, just a friend. We’re heading out for a bit."

"Boyfriend?" Ben asked, his tone casual, but there was a hint of something more behind the question—curiosity, maybe even a touch of jealousy.

Your heart skipped a beat at the word. You weren’t sure how to answer, not wanting to give away too much. "No, just a friend," you repeated, trying to keep your tone light. "We’re just going to hang out for a while."

Ben nodded slowly, but you could tell he wasn’t entirely convinced. "Well, be careful, alright? It’s getting dark out there."

"Of course," you replied, maintaining your polite demeanor. "Thanks, Ben."

With that, you turned to walk away, your heart beating a little faster. As you made your way around the side of the building, your eyes darted around, searching for Joel’s truck. You spotted it parked in the shadows, just as he had said it would be.

Joel was leaning against the truck, arms crossed, waiting for you. The moment you saw him, a sense of relief washed over you, dispelling the lingering unease from your conversation with Ben.

"Hey, doll," Joel greeted you as you approached. He pushed off from the truck and opened the passenger door for you. "Ready to go?"

You nodded, climbing into the truck. "Yeah, let’s get out of here."

Joel shut the door behind you, then walked around to the driver’s side and got in. As he started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot, you couldn’t help but glance in the side mirror, half-expecting to see Ben watching from a distance. But the street was empty, and soon the school was behind you as you and Joel headed out of town.

"Everything okay?" Joel asked, noticing your pensive expression as he drove.

"Yeah," you replied, trying to shake off the lingering thoughts. "Just... Ben offered me a ride, and it felt a little weird."

Joel frowned slightly, glancing over at you. "Weird how?"

You shrugged, trying to put your feelings into words. "I don’t know. He just seemed...just forget about it," you said, hoping to brush it off, but Joel wasn’t letting it go that easily.

"Wait, what do you mean?" he asked, his tone more insistent.

You hesitated, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. "It’s nothing important."

Joel’s gaze remained fixed on you, his concern evident. "Doll... is he making you uncomfortable?"

You bit your lip, feeling a bit foolish for even bringing it up. "No, it’s just... he’s more interested in me than he should be. Like, he was paying a lot of attention during rehearsals and then offering me a ride. I don’t know, maybe I’m just overthinking it. Maybe he was just being nice and polite."

Joel’s frown deepened, his protective instinct kicking in. "If he’s making you feel uneasy, you need to tell me. Okay?"

You nodded, appreciating his concern. "Okay, I will."

There was a moment of silence, the tension from the conversation lingering in the air. You glanced out the window, watching as the town faded into the distance. The trip to Houston would take a while, and you wanted to shift the mood to something lighter.

"Joel," you asked, turning back to him, "can we listen to some music?"

A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Sure, darling." He reached over to the radio and tuned in to a familiar station. As he did, the opening chords of "Harvest Moon" by Neil Young began to play, filling the truck with its soothing melody.

You couldn’t help but smile. "I love this song."

"Me too," Joel replied, his voice softening as the music enveloped the both of you.

As the song played, you let yourself get lost in the moment. The gentle strumming of the guitar and Neil Young’s tender voice seemed to wrap around you like a warm blanket, easing the tension that had settled in your chest. There was something timeless about the song, something that made you feel safe and understood, like everything was exactly as it should be, at least for now.

The lyrics spoke of love, of dancing together under the light of a harvest moon, and you found yourself wishing for that kind of simplicity in your own life. Being with Joel felt like that sometimes—like you were both in a world of your own, where the complications of your life couldn’t touch you. It was just the two of you, killing time on the road, the open highway stretching out before you like a promise of something more.

You look at Joel as he drives, your eyes tracing the lines of his face in the soft glow of the dashboard lights. The music played quietly in the background, creating a serene atmosphere that made this moment feel almost dreamlike. You couldn't help but admire him—how he looked so effortlessly handsome, even in the simplest moments.

Joel had a rugged and weathered appearance that only added to his appeal. His strong, muscular build was a testament to years of hard work, and the deep-set wrinkles around his eyes and mouth told stories of a life lived through hardship and survival. His dark hair, graying at the temples, and the scruffy beard he often wore gave him a rugged charm that was impossible to ignore.

His eyes, though—a striking, soulful brown—were what truly captivated you. There was a depth to them, a mix of sadness and wariness that hinted at the burdens he carried. But in this moment, as he drove with a steady hand, those eyes held a quiet intensity, softened by the comfort of being in your company.

Joel wasn't like the boys you knew from school or the men you saw in town. There was something about him, something that made your heart skip a beat whenever you were near him. Maybe it was the way he seemed so strong yet so gentle, or how he always knew just what to say to make you feel safe. Maybe it was the way he looked at you, not as a child or a preacher's daughter, but as someone who mattered, someone worth protecting.

His flannel shirt and worn jeans might have been simple, but on him, they looked perfect. The sturdy jacket he wore only added to his rugged appeal, making him look like the kind of man who could take on anything the world threw at him and come out on top. But more than his physical appearance, it was the way he carried himself—the quiet confidence, the steady calm—that drew you in.

As you watched him, you realized that Joel was the first man you'd ever looked at this way. He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t demanding or harsh. He was just... Joel. And for the first time since you were a child, you could see a man who wasn’t angry.

Joel was everything you hadn’t known you were looking for—strong, protective, kind. And as you sat there, in the passenger seat of his truck, you couldn’t help but feel that whatever this was between the two of you, it was something worth holding onto.

The miles continued to slip away as you let yourself get lost in the rhythm of the road, the steady hum of the engine, and the quiet comfort of Joel's presence. For the first time in a long time, everything felt right.

As you approached Houston, the city lights shimmered in the distance, a glittering array of orange and white against the dark canvas of the night sky. The sight of the city, so vibrant and alive, filled you with a sense of excitement. It was a stark contrast to the quiet, small-town life you were used to, and the thought of exploring something new with Joel by your side made your heart skip a beat.

Joel navigated the truck through the streets, eventually pulling up to a house on the outskirts of the city. It was still a work in progress, but even in its unfinished state, you could tell it was going to be beautiful. The structure was modest yet elegant, with clean lines and a minimalist design that felt both modern and warm.

As you stepped out of the truck, Joel gestured towards the house. "What do you think?" he asked, his voice tinged with a hint of pride.

You took a moment to take it all in, the smell of fresh wood and the faint scent of sawdust lingering in the air. "It's beautiful, Joel. Minimalist, not too big, not too small. It feels... cozy."

Joel nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. "I wanted to keep it simple, but still make it something special."

You turned to him, curiosity getting the better of you. "So, who’s this house for? A client, or...?"

Joel shrugged, his expression thoughtful. "Not sure yet. The land was sold cheap by someone I know—he was in a tight spot and needed the money. I felt bad for him, so I bought it. Figured I’d put a house on it instead of letting the land just sit there. It's only about halfway done, still a lot left to finish."

He paused, glancing around the space as if seeing it for the first time through your eyes. "Maybe for Ellie one day. Or... maybe for you if you ever decide you want to leave that small town of ours."

His words left you momentarily speechless, a warm flutter spreading in your chest. You tried to play it off with a lighthearted joke. "Houston’s still too close to our town, Joel. If I ever leave, I might need to go much farther."

Joel chuckled softly, the sound deep and comforting. "Fair enough."

He led you through the house, showing you the different rooms, each space still in varying stages of completion. It was clear he had put a lot of thought into the design, making sure every detail was just right. Finally, he stopped in front of a set of glass doors. "The balcony’s almost done. Want to see it?"

You nodded eagerly, following him out onto the balcony. It was a stunning space, with a transparent roof that let you see the sky above while keeping you sheltered from the elements. The city lights flickered in the distance, but here, under the open sky, it felt like a world of its own.

"It’s taken almost a year to get it to this point," Joel admitted, his voice soft. "Sometimes I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep going or just leave it as it was."

As you stepped further out, you noticed a couch on the balcony, neatly set up with blankets and pillows. It looked well-used, like someone had spent a lot of time there. You glanced at Joel, raising an eyebrow. "You come here often?"

Joel smiled, a bit sheepishly. "Yeah, when I need to clear my head. It’s quiet up here. Helps me think."

Before you could respond, Joel started straightening out the blankets on the couch, making it more comfortable. He then lay down, looking up at the sky. He patted the space beside him, inviting you to join him. "C'mere"

You smile and then lying down next to him. The couch was surprisingly comfortable, and as you settled in, you felt a wave of calm wash over you. The sky above was a blanket of stars, each one twinkling like a tiny beacon of light in the darkness.

Lying there beside Joel, you felt a sense of peace you hadn’t felt in a long time. The worries and expectations that weighed so heavily on you seemed to fade away, replaced by the simple joy of being in this moment with him. It was just the two of you, under the stars, sharing a quiet connection that didn’t need words.

After a while, Joel broke the comfortable silence. “So, you really want to get out of town after you graduate, huh?” His voice was low, almost contemplative.

You nodded, your gaze still fixed on the stars. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. I just… I don’t know exactly where yet. Maybe the East Coast or the West Coast. But I’ve always wanted to visit the West. Maybe California, Los Angeles… It’s just something about it, you know? All those Hollywood movies make it feel like a dream.”

Joel listened quietly, nodding as you spoke. You could feel his eyes on you, his presence a comforting weight beside you. After a moment, you turned the question back to him. “What about you, Joel? If you could go anywhere, where would you go? What would you do?”

Joel took a deep breath, as if considering the possibilities. “I’d like to live a simple life. An old farmhouse, some land, maybe a ranch,” he said thoughtfully. “I’d raise sheep. They’re quiet and do what they’re told.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the thought. “Farmlife sounds very nice, Joel. Peaceful.”

He chuckled softly, a sound that warmed your heart. “Yeah, I think it would be. But for now, construction pays the bills.”

You turned slightly to look at him, curiosity piqued. “But why construction? I mean, you’ve got a lot of money. You could leave town and move to the countryside if you wanted to.”

Joel sighed, his expression turning more serious. “Maybe. But it’s not just about the money, y’know? Construction... it gives me something to do, keeps my hands busy. After everything that happened, I needed something solid, something that made sense. Building things, working with my hands... it keeps me grounded.”

You could hear the weight of his words, the unspoken memories that lingered just beneath the surface. “And besides,” he continued, “leaving town isn’t as easy as it sounds. There’s a lot tied up in this place, a lot of memories, good and bad.”

You nodded, understanding more than you could ever say. “I guess I can relate to that.”

Joel turned his head slightly, his eyes meeting yours in the dim light. “You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, doll. You don’t have to make any decisions right now. Take your time, figure out what you really want.”

You smiled softly, feeling a deep sense of gratitude for him, for how he made you feel understood and safe.

Without overthinking it, you leaned in closer, your gaze briefly locking with his before you tilted your head up to kiss him. The kiss was soft, sweet, and gentle, an extension of the warmth that had been building between you two for weeks. Joel responded in kind, his arms tightening around you as if he didn’t want to let go.

But as the kiss deepened, a thought crept into your mind—Emma's words from the other morning, about how you could show love to someone you really liked or loved. The idea lingered, urging you to be bolder, to express just how much you cared about Joel in a more intimate way.

You hesitated for only a second before kissing him again, this time with more passion. Joel seemed surprised but played along, his lips meeting yours in a way that made your heart race. You let your hands explore, moving over his broad chest, feeling the solid muscle beneath the fabric of his shirt. You were nervous, but the thought of showing him how much you cared kept pushing you forward.

Your kisses trailed down from his lips to his jaw, then lower to his neck, your hands beginning to wander further down his body. As you continued, you could feel Joel stiffen slightly beneath you, and just as your kisses were about to travel even lower, he suddenly pulled back, his voice firm but gentle.

“Whoa, darlin’,” he murmured, his hands coming up to hold you still. “What are you doing?”

You blinked up at him, confusion written all over your face. “I just... I want to show that I care about you and want to thank you,” you said softly, your voice tinged with uncertainty.

Joel’s brow furrowed slightly. “What do you mean?”

You bit your lip, trying to find the right words. “Emma told me that... that when you really like someone, you can show them by, you know, doing things like this. I just wanted to... please you, I guess.”

For a moment, Joel just looked at you, his expression a mix of surprise and something else you couldn’t quite place. Then he sighed, his hands gently cupping your face, lifting your gaze to meet his.

“Listen to me, sweetheart,” he began, his voice low and earnest. “I appreciate that you care about me, more than you know. But this? This isn’t how you show that. You don’t need to do anything like this to prove how you feel, okay? Not to me, not to anyone.”

You felt a wave of embarrassment wash over you, realizing that maybe you’d misunderstood what Emma had meant. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, feeling a little foolish.

Joel shook his head, brushing a thumb across your cheek. “You don’t have to be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. But I want you to understand something: love, real love, isn’t about doing things to keep someone around or to make them happy. It’s about respect, trust, and caring for each other, no matter what. And I care about you, doll, more than you know. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

You nodded slowly, taking in his words. There was something comforting in knowing that Joel wasn’t expecting anything from you, that he cared for you just as you were.

Joel pulled you back into his arms, holding you close as if to reassure you. “Just being here with you, that’s more than enough for me,” he murmured, his lips pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

You snuggled into his embrace, feeling a deep sense of relief and gratitude. In that moment, you realized that what you had with Joel was special—something that didn’t need to be rushed or defined by anyone else’s expectations. It was enough just to be with him, to share these quiet, intimate moments under the stars.

And for now, that was all you needed.

The morning sun filtered gently through the transparent roof of the balcony, casting a soft glow over you and Joel as you lay curled together under the thick blanket. The cool air of the dawn was a stark contrast to the warmth shared between you two. You felt the steady rise and fall of Joel’s breathing behind you, a comforting rhythm that made you feel secure.

You had called your mother last night, fabricating a story about staying over at Emma's place to work on a group project. Your mother, trusting as ever, had accepted your explanation without question. As you lay there, the peaceful silence of the morning was occasionally interrupted by the faint chirping of birds and the distant hum of the city waking up.

In your spooning position, you were nestled snugly against Joel, feeling his strong arms wrapped around you. The sensation was soothing, but as you relaxed, you became aware of something pressing against you—something firm and unmistakably intimate. You realized it was Joel’s growing arousal, a testament to his restraint and the powerful emotions he was holding back.

Joel had been incredibly patient with you, giving you the space to understand your feelings and the nature of your relationship. He had made it clear that he didn’t want to push you into anything you weren’t ready for, especially after the recent emotional turbulence with Jamie. Yet here he was, still responding to your closeness despite his efforts to respect your boundaries.

You could sense the internal struggle Joel was facing. His body betrayed a desire he had been meticulously controlling, striving to honor your readiness rather than his own needs. It was a poignant reminder of his deep care and the complex layers of your relationship.

You gently shifted in his embrace, turning slightly so you could look up at Joel. His features were softened in sleep, and he looked almost serene. There was an undeniable tenderness in the way he rested, the soft lines of his face illuminated by the early morning light. His rugged charm was softened in this moment, and you couldn’t help but admire how peaceful and handsome he looked.

“Honey,” you called softly, nudging him gently.

Joel stirred slowly, his eyes fluttering open. He looked at you, a bit disoriented at first. “Hmm?”

As he fully awakened, he immediately noticed the situation. A flush of realization crossed his face, and he muttered, “Fuck, I didn’t mean for this—”

You cut him off before he could finish. “Joel, I can fix it,” you said firmly, your voice steady.

Joel's eyes widened with a mix of panic and confusion. “No, no, wait. What are you doing?”

“I can fix it,” you repeated, your tone insistent yet gentle.

Joel’s expression shifted to concern. “It’s okay, but you don’t have to do this. I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for.”

You shook your head, trying to reassure him. “It’s okay. I want to.”

Joel’s face softened, and he shook his head slowly. “No, you’re not ready yet, sweetheart.”

“But,” you continued, your voice carrying a hint of determination, “you’re a man, and you’re going to need—right? Don’t you sometimes feel...horny? How do you handle that?”

Joel’s eyes widened at your directness, a faint smile tugging at his lips despite his attempt to remain serious. He looked both surprised and touched by your concern and curiosity. “Well, doll, it’s not always easy, but you learn to manage it. You focus on other things, or you just...take care of yourself.”

You nodded, absorbing his words. “So, it’s like...not something you can just ignore?”

Joel chuckled softly, his voice rough with sleep. “No, it’s part of being human. We all have needs and desires, but it’s about finding a balance, respecting each other’s boundaries.”

You looked thoughtful, your eyes meeting his with a mixture of understanding and curiosity. “So, there’s a time for everything?”

“Exactly,” Joel said, his voice softening. “It’s about finding the right time and the right moment. And right now, it’s important that we both understand and respect where we are.”

You smiled at him, feeling a sense of clarity and comfort in his words. “Thank you for being honest with me, Joel.”

He gave you a gentle smile, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “Anytime, doll. We’ll figure this out together. No rush.”

You settled back into his embrace, feeling a profound sense of connection and trust. The conversation had brought a new level of intimacy and understanding between you two, reinforcing the bond you shared.

***

As Joel drove you back, he navigated the familiar streets with a thoughtful expression. The quiet between you was comfortable, punctuated only by the soft hum of the truck. When he finally stopped a few blocks away from your home, he turned to you, his eyes reflecting a mix of warmth and something more profound.

"See you later, doll," he said, his voice gentle. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. It was a tender gesture, full of unspoken promises and affection. You smiled at him, feeling a sense of contentment that you hadn't experienced in a long time.

"See you later, Joel" you replied, your voice soft but filled with emotion.

As Joel’s truck rounded the corner and vanished from view, you felt a mixture of elation and contentment. The previous night had been a rare and comforting escape from the pressures of daily life. The softness of Joel’s embrace and the quiet intimacy of the starlit balcony had left you feeling more at ease than you had in months.

You took a deep breath, savoring the lingering warmth from the night before, and headed inside to prepare for the day. A quick shower was in order to shake off the remnants of sleep and to ready yourself for the dance rehearsal later at the church. The routine of getting ready felt almost meditative, a gentle counterpoint to the excitement and nervousness building inside you.

As Joel pulled up to his house, he felt a rare surge of happiness. The morning sun cast a warm glow on everything, and he couldn’t help but smile at the thought of how things had been lately. He parked the truck and headed inside, the familiar sound of the front door creaking open greeted him with a sense of belonging.

He dropped his keys in the bowl by the door and called out, “Ellie, I’m home!”

From the kitchen, Ellie looked up with a raised eyebrow. “Where the hell have you been?"

Joel’s eyes widened when he saw Tommy sitting at the breakfast table with Ellie. “Oh, Tommy, I didn’t see you there. What are you doing here?”

Tommy glanced up from his plate. “I’m here to pick you up. We have a meeting with clients about a big project. Remember?”

Joel’s heart sank. “Oh shit, I forgot. I’ll be ready in a minute. Just need to change clothes.”

Ellie watched Joel, noting his unusually bright demeanor. “Joel, you okay?”

Joel grabbed a pancake off the plate and took a bite, standing by the counter. “Yeah, I’m good. Why?”

Ellie gave a puzzled look, then shrugged. “Nothing. Just seemed like you’re in a good mood.”

Joel, humming softly to himself, replied, “Just give me ten minutes, okay? I’ll be right out.”

He headed to his room, still humming the tune of “Harvest Moon,” the song that had been playing during his time with you. His steps were lighter, his mood buoyant.

As Joel disappeared into his room, Ellie and Tommy exchanged glances, both intrigued by Joel’s recent behavior.

“Did you see that?” Ellie asked, her tone a mix of disbelief and amusement.

“Yeah,” Tommy said with a chuckle. “He’s definitely different lately. Happier, more upbeat. It’s like he’s come out of a shell.”

Ellie nodded, leaning back in her chair. “I’ve noticed it too. He’s been going to church more, cracking jokes, and just generally being...more alive.”

Tommy took another sip of his coffee, a thoughtful look crossing his face. “Well, good for him. Finally, thank God.”

Ellie leaned forward, her curiosity evident. “Did he tell you anything? Like, did he open up about something that’s made him happier lately, or maybe someone?”

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Ellie leaned in, “Did he ever, you know, confide in you about something? Like what’s made him so... different lately?”

Tommy scratched his chin, thinking back. “Hmm, now that you mention it, I do remember one time he showed up late to work. He had this... I don’t know, a woman’s perfume on him. I teased him about it, you know? I said something like, ‘Hey, look at you, smelling all fancy. Got a date or something?’”

Ellie’s eyes widened. “And? What did he say?”

Tommy chuckled. “He just brushed it off. Said I was imagining things. Tried to act all nonchalant, like it was nothing. But it was pretty clear he’d been somewhere—or with someone.”

Ellie’s curiosity was clearly piqued. “So, he really didn’t say anything more? No hints or anything?”

Tommy sipped his coffee and shook his head. “Nope, not a peep. He’s pretty tight-lipped about his personal life.”

Ellie looked thoughtful for a moment, then her face brightened with a mischievous grin. “I need to know if Joel’s finally dating someone or going out with someone. Because, hell, whoever she is, I don’t want an evil stepmother!”

Tommy chuckled, shaking his head. “Give your old man a break, Ellie. He’s not exactly the type to jump into things without thinking them through.”

Ellie’s expression turned serious. “I’m serious, Tommy! I don’t want a stepmother coming in too quickly. I’m really happy with how things are now—with Joel, you, Maria, and little Luke. It’s been nice.”

Tommy’s smile softened. “I get it. It’s a big change, and no one wants to feel like they’re being rushed into something. But Joel’s been through a lot. If he’s found something that makes him happy, we should be supportive, right?”

Ellie nodded earnestly. “I know. I just want to make sure that whatever happens, it’s for the right reasons. I don’t want anyone coming in and disrupting what we’ve got here.”

Tommy placed a reassuring hand on Ellie’s shoulder. “Well, as long as we’re all here for each other, I think we’ll be okay."

[redfoxwritesstuff]

Posting schedule: Friday Misdemeanor, and Wednesdays for one the occasional one shot. Tag lists are always open. 

Join us in the VoxTek Discord server for a Vox themed Hazbin place to hang and get teasers for upcoming chapters! 

my AO3 and Kofi

A Misdemeanor Of The Heart 

Banner Alastors done by @blobin456drawz, Banner done by @redvexillum

Human Alastor x married reader Rated Adult for adult themes,triggering content and sexual content. Potentially DD:DNE, mind the warnings Series Trigger Warnings: Adultery, stalking, Sexual assault, Rape, smut, Domestic Violence, Time period accurate views on women and domestic violence and skin color, murder

Summary: Fading away in an abusive marriage, each day passes just the same as the last. Painful monotony eats at you until a pair of warm brown eyes sparks the idea that you could have something more. When a business deal between men sparks a torrid affair, how long can you keep things going before the fire either leaves you a burnt out shell or burns up everything around you?

And what becomes of the radio host who thought he was above the fickle fires of the heart when the match he strikes burns his hand instead? Can he possess what rightfully belongs to another man without leaving everything he has fought for in ashes?

Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50

MisD Sidepieces: One shots or fics that take place in a MisD AU or are MisD canon but written by another.

Inappropriate Demeanor by @nyx-umbrakinesis (Canon placement, end of chapter 22)

Audio Chapters by Nyx Productions: Chapter 1: part 1 part 2, Chapter 2:  Part 1, part 2, part 3, chapter 3, Part 1, part 2, part 3, Chapter 4: Part 1, Part 2,  Chapter 5: Part 1, Part 2, Chapter 6: Part 1, Part 2

For Eternity (Completed)

Banner by @redvexillum

Alastor x Angel!Wife Oc (Isabel) Rated: Adult Warnings: This fic contains sexual content, explorations of consent within Angel Dust's contract in relation to sex work, Sexual assault, Possessive and obsessive behaviors, Power dynamics, Adam being an ass, kidnapping, Vox is in hell for a reason, Val is in hell for a reason, Vox has a weird thing for Alastor, Angel Dust is sweet as pie, murder, revenge, implied sexual assault and harassment, miscarriage and death.

Summary: Isabel died young, leaving behind her husband to pick up the pieces. Finding herself in Heaven, she waits for her husband to join her. And waits. And waits. Years and decades pass as she faces the realization that Alastor may not be joining her in Heaven, leaving her largely alone in a realm of double standards and fake smiles.

She must decide if she is going to move on from her marriage or do whatever it takes to reunite with her husband. Would he even still want her? Would she survive the dangers to find him? Would the cost be worth what could be gained?

Is Heaven really Heaven if the one you love isn't there with you?

Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

Another day in Paradise (On hiatus)

Pairing: Eventually Alastor x OFC, later- light Alastor x ofc x Lucifer Rated: Adult for eventual smut Content warnings: It's Hazbin Hotel- this feels redundant. Sex, eventual smut, referenced implied suicide to be discussed in more detail later, drugs, drinking, poor coping, toxic behavior, controlling behavior, cannibalism, idk, it's fucking Hazbin Hotel, if it's worth a content warning it's probably going to come up at some point? Religious trauma. reader has a name/is a oc.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4

A Taste of Sugar

Alastor x reader Rated: Adult for smut TW: blood kink, bondage, reader with trauma from food insecurity Summary: As you work through the trauma of your life and starving to death, you dismantle your stash of snacks for what you hope will be the final time. Snack cakes, cookies and crackers are given to everyone around you, except one resident in the hotel whom you knew wouldn't enjoy or consume the treats. Then, as the flow of treats tricked to a stop, stash dismantled, small brown boxes containing treats began to appear at your door. Simple, delicious and seemingly homemade treats without so much as a note.

He watched and he waited, each week for your offer. Each week, no offer came and again he left his gift at your door. Why would you not think of him? Why would you not see him? What did he have to do for you to consider him?

Chapters: 1,  2 

Wild Flowers (One shot)

Alastor x readerRated: Adult, 18+ Content warnings: Sex pollen trope and related questionable consent due to intoxication, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasms, knotting, praise, dancing that shouldn't be that sexy, biting, a touch of blood drinking, female masterbation, some possessiveness, Alastor being a bit of an ass

Summary: You had always loved flowers, so when you found a patch of pretty purple wildflowers growing in the small forest behind the hotel, you didn't think twice about picking a small handful to bring back to your room. While they smelled lovely, you were wholly unprepared for the side effects of exposure or the repercussions of offering the terrifyingly handsome Radio Demon a smell on your way to your room.

With your body burning from the inside out with an overwhelming need and a displeased Radio Demon pushing his way into your room, you have no idea what you're in for.

All you wanted was to pick some flowers but you got so much more.

Audio version brought to you by @nyx-umbrakinesis,  Pt1, Pt2, Pt3, Pt4, Pt5, Pt6.

Steamy Situations 18+  (One shot)

Alastor x readerRated: Adults only Warnings: Smut. It's shower smut. Female bodied reader. Careful with your shower sex.

Summary: You're hot and bored and your husband is busy working. If only there was a way you could distract him, get some of his attention and cool off. Audio Fic credits: Read by the lovely @nyx-umbrakinesis (Audio fic part 1, part 2)

Read me to sleep? (One shot)

Alastor x readerRating: G Summary: After a long, shitty day out and about you drag yourself home to the hotel to seek shelter and comfort in the one place you knew you could find it.

Home is where the heart is (One shot fluff) 

Vox x Reader Rated: General Warnings: I accidently spilled a little angst on the fluff serving. Sorry?

Summary: You're cooking dinner when your secret boyfriend comes home. Caught up in the moment, confessions are made and hearts are put on the line.

A Bed of Electric FLowers (One Shot)

Header done in part by the wonderful, amazing, fantastical @redvexillum

Vox x ReaderRated: Adult CW: Sex pollen trope, sex toy use, female masterbation, Vox's glowstick dick, way too many tv details, Male receiving oral,

Summary: A unexpected floral arrangement is delivered to your door as you're trying to ignore the lingering absence of your flat faced boyfriend. When Vox returns home and finds you in a compromising position, he's eager to assist even without a clue as to what has you so worked up.

Sister Dearest (One shot)

Requested: Vox x Alastor’s!Sister!Reader rated: Adult

Summary: Sneaking out of the protection of the protection of your brother's district was dangerous. Not only did you risk Alastor's wrath, you risked catching the eye of some unsavory characters. While you could meet many friends upon the streets of the forbidden tech district, you find Vox and his alluring promises of a good time.He knew of your brother and seemed to hold no animosity, surely he was a friend to the Radio Demon, right? Surely you could trust his company, right?Right?

Power (One Shot)

Vox x Reader Rating: Explicit 18+ Warnings: Porn without plot, Power dynamics, Secretary reader, Choking on dick, Office blowjob. 

Summary: Vox is wound tight after his on air showdown with the newly returned Alastor. The show must go on though and you have just what he needs to get into the right headspace to move forward. 

(None, for now)

(None, for now)

[ladyodium]

I Could Not Prevent It

S2x7

TW: I am going to be discussing some very heavy topics. I will ask that yall respect these topics. I will be going into Domestic Violence, Lynching, Racism, R/pe, and Gore. (SPOILERS IF YOU CONTINUE TO READ!)

So, as a Black Woman this was a hard watch. From the beginning of the lynching Louis, Claudia and Madeline were bagged and dragged off into an unknown place. Louis was being beaten on the floor while Claudia was thrown in the rat box and had people on top of it so she wouldn’t get out.

I want y’all to notice how only Madeleine is not harmed, Santiago is messing with her mind, but Claudia and Louis are being physical harmed. They all had their achilles tendons cut to the bone to prevent them from walking, they weren’t allowed to speak and if they did the coven vampires would punish them. Claudia and Louis lose their names, they are now “The accused”, Madeleine is the only one whose name is said.

The bagging, dragging, the torture, the beatings, and the mock trial all hit a little too close to home. You have two Black people and a Jewish person on stage and I can’t help but think how traumatizing this must be for Madeline. Who was dragged from her shop by an angry mob, forced on her knees and had her head shaved. Then she continued to have constant harassment on her shop and person, let’s not forget she was almost graped, and no one was going to save her. 

The film that shows in the back ground as Lestat is telling his “story” is such an important detail. “A white man who just came to New Orleans and is being Hunted by a Black male.” We the viewers know that this isn’t true. Lestat pursued Louis, Lestat wanted Louis, Lestat was obsessed with Louis. But Louis can’t convey that, he’s not allowed to speak, to defend himself. Claudia, Louis and Madeline have to sit and watch a Butch of white people laugh and mock them. They have to sit and suffer for something that was really their last option. 

Diction is very important. When Santiago is questioning Lestat he uses words like “you were forced to…you were manipulated….you were sad, and lonely….you had no choice.”

Lestat is the victim in this lynching, he was the one who was hurt, not Louis, not Claudia. He was a victim of love and passion! Of loneliness! Louis was the one who pursued him, manipulated him, made him lonely.

“I..,a vampire, was being hunted…”

“Louis was saying “come to me”…

“Speaking your own unspeakable desires…in hopes that I would come to you”

“Louis was deceptively agile with words”

“He abandoned me in our town house”

Lestat is not the victim in his relationship with Louis. Is Lestat a victim and an abuser? Yes, these two things can be true at the same time, but he was not the victim for what he did to Louis.

Claudia and Louis are described to be these two black vampires who killed their loving Maker (master). The flashback to the fight that happened really messed with me, so I’m just gonna believe that Louis, Lestat and Claudia’s versions of the fights some of them were true. The portrayal of trying to make Louis this monster who rejected Lestat and was an animal himself because he consumed animal blood is telling.

Often Black people are seen as monsters, they are the aggressors even when we are victims. I want people to understand how Louis and Claudia being Black played into their vampirism. They are immortal creatures of the night, but they are still BLACK. New Orleans was notorious for its lynching and Louis was not safe from that, no Black person was. People will say Louis was a pimp and he’s manipulating Armand and Lestat, but I feel like yall fail to understand that Louis didn’t have options. A black man in 1960 New Orleans didn’t have the options to become anything greater than what white people allowed him to be. We see that when he plays the poker game, when he helps Anderson and gets called a Nigger, and when the race riots happen and they burned down his business. 

“She called me an angel…..they burned her building because of me….”

(Context: Claudia thought Louis was God’s angel coming to save her and Louis feels guilty because she was going to die just because Louis was a black man dominating the market. )

Santiago has humiliated Claudia by making her this minstrel act. To have her sing, dance, and parade around like a fool in front of a white audience. He hates that Louis doesn’t want to join them, and that Louis is fine by himself. Louis grimacing as he watches Claudia was my face throughout that episode. He then displays her private diaries to an audience, he tells them to pass it around! Mocks her accent, makes fun at her pain and sorrows. I’m pretty sure he read what happened to her with that vampire who graped her.

She’s not a victim anymore but a prop they can laugh at and mock for their own amusement. She was right when she said “this isn’t a trial, it’s a stoning.” It’s a lynching happening in real time. Notice how Madeleine is the only one allowed the option of redemption, she’s allowed to choose her fate. She chooses death with her companion, and she had my heart for that. She really was a ride or die.

Claudia’s last act is to perform her song to the masses one more time because that’s what she was, entertainment. The way Santiago picks up her yellow dress as some kind of token really made me think of how millions of white people would have picnics and bring their children to watch the burning, lynching of black people and then they would take tokens of the kill.

To conclude, this was a hard episode and Lestat was pissing me off. Also, ARMAND IN HIS LITTLE ASS PLAYPEN?! BFFR! Shout out to the actors! They really made this episode.

[havin-fun-imagining-twd]

Shame on a plate

Happy St. Patrick's Day, slowpokes!

When -- several minutes after Stuck in a damn bed. , after Shane blew up, and you found out that not only Dale, but Maggie saw, too.

What -- Sophia's still missing, Daryl and Carl have one more day in the house on bed rest, and you're dealing with the aftermath of your big brother Shane's actions in the previous chapter and the fact that others saw. The biggest thing you feel is shame.

Relationships -- Found family you and the gang! Lol, always a slow burn Daryl x Reader, there's also some platonic Glenn, brotherly Rick, and Maggie gets protective her new friend (you), and Papa Dale is there

Perspective -- 2nd You, 3rd Daryl

Pronouns -- none

TWs -- other than the hideous screenshot above, there's some language and discussion of abusive patterns and behaviors

How long is it? -- around 4,000 words

Masterlist -- Official one here and Chronological one here

In this chapter, Reader is struggling with shame, guilt and confusion over how Shane treated them at the end of the previous chapter.

Remember, being hurt by a loved one is not okay. If they are hurting you, they are doing something bad to you. Abuse is not earned or deserved. You are worthy of being safe and unhurt.

For help getting safe, you can call the Domestic Violence Hotline (USA) at 800-799-7233, chat online, or text START to 88788.

-------------------------

“No, nothin’ like it before, ever.”

Her fingers tap tap tapped against the book in her hands. “I don’t like it. Daddy’s been uncomfortable around him, then I see this happen.”

You twisted your mouth. “It was an argument between siblings.”

“If it was an argument, then why didn’t I see you arguin’ back?”

Stupid, stupid idiot. It kept playing in your head, that refrain. It had a different spin than it did at first. See, at first, your brain repeated it because you’d given yourself fault for what happened, how Shane just…you don’t know what happened. But he behaved very badly.

But then, the refrain kept repeating over and over because you didn’t walk away or fight back when Shane started hurti acting like he did.

You did nothing.

It was the one thing you were not supposed to do. The thing Shane and your Mama always warned you never to do when things got scary. The thing Shane had literally just gotten done practicing with you so that you’d know even more than you already know about how and when to fight back.

All that effort and still, you froze.

Stupid, stupid idiot. You stupid, stupid idiot.

You had to clear your throat. “Beth didn’t see, too, right? Just you?” you hushed. The girl was already timid and uneasy about your group, If she saw what happened, it was the nail in the coffin if you couldn’t fix this.

“No, I was the only one by the window.”

“So he wasn’t too loud, then.” Which meant only Margaret and Dale knew. Your shoulders felt lighter.

“Y/N,” Maggie said to you. “You seem more concerned with others not seein’ what went on.”

“Well, yeah, I’m worried they’d overreact.”

She tilted her chin up and placed her hands on her hips. “Oh, is that what I’m doing? Was my comin’ to check on you an overreaction?”

“No, no, not at all!” you quickly apologized. “Not at all! I’m, I’m happy you care enough.”

“You’re a good person and you’re my friend, which is why I don’t want to tiptoe around this. What your brother just did was bad. You know that was abusive, right?”

Maybe scoffing at her heartfelt, caring statement wasn’t your best idea, but 'abusive' was such a strong word…right? “He’s my brother, and it was a one-off, I done told you.”

“I’m not sure I believe it when you say that,” she next had the audacity to claim. “You haven’t even been makin’ eye contact with me.”

Oh, you want eye contact? I’ll give you eye contact, bitch.

Your inner tea kettle was shrieking to be taken off the burner, and you could not have cared less. “You callin’ me a liar? Calling my brother an abuser? Rich words from someone I’ve barely known two weeks!”

Before any more was said, Dale inserted himself into the conversation, the thing he said he wouldn’t do. “If you want to keep your conversation private, I suggest not raising your voices.”

Maggie’s arms were crossed. She stared hard at you, but spoke calmly. “Sometimes when things are unhealthy, those looking in from the outside can see it better. And I know what I saw.”

“A sibling fight,” you whispered as gently as you could, feeling so heated. “You, you, y-you saw a sibling fight, those can get nasty.” She’s wrong, she’s wrong, she’s not, she’s not.

“You know what? I don’t have time for your pushback if you don’t have time to consider what somebody who’s concerned about you says, Y/N.”

More shame was added to your plate.

Her leaving shouldn’t have felt so awful, but it did. You covered your eyes and exhaled, as if that would help get rid of the worst of it. You then told God how much you hated this, immediately followed by the opposite, as you cursed yourself a little more, why not? You stupid, stupid idiot.

Not only did you disappoint (and insult) your new friend, but you worried it was another strike against your group. Lori and Carl need this place, it’s safe, it’s good, it’s — you stupid, stupid idiot!

But just like that, Maggie then called your name again as Dale was stepping toward you. You turned to see her facing you once more, no longer walking away.

“If this was a dating situation, what would you think about how he behaved, what he did?” she challenged.

As unfair as you thought the comparison was, the answer hit you in the face. Pun not intended, shit, um… at any rate, having Dale close by helped to ease you into the checkmate that Margaret just finished you with.

You hated your answer.

Because if you saw Shane behaving toward a romantic partner the same way he just behaved with you, you know exactly what you’d think and how you’d react. It wouldn’t be a gray situation, it would be black and white.

More shame for the plate. More guilt. More unease, more dread.

Eyes to the grass, you swallowed your pride. “I’d see it the way you see it.”

Maggie shifted her weight from the right to left, then back again, uncertain. “Will you tell Rick?”

You hesitated, too. After all, you’re an adult. You could be married with children at your age, you couldn’t just—“Tattle that Shane…got huffy, lost his cool?”

“Don’t oversimplify, kiddo, you’re smarter than that,” Dale muttered. He and Shane don’t get on (zero idea why, since Dale and you get on so well!) so this is just more bad press against your brother and more shame for your plate.

“But it’s, it’s not that dramatic, none of this has to be dramatic,” you insisted.

Dale answered again. “Then talking to Rick about it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Rick’s family,” Maggie agreed. “So, he’s seems like the best person to help.”

A child in a grown-up’s body is what you felt like. Helpless, naïve, clueless. You stupid, stupid idiot.

They were right, though, Rick could fix this, he could talk to Shane, figure out what that was. And even better — agreeing with Maggie and Dale would get them off your back! For real, what were they doing, an intervention? Because Shaney poked you a little, gave you a little push?

The words felt sinful, but you said them anyway.“I-I’ll, um, I’ll talk to him. I’ll talk to Rick.” And, of course, you were then obligated because you despise dishonesty.

Maggie nodded, then put her thumbs in her pockets. Dale nodded and looked at the two of you, then all around. It was very uncomfortable.

It would be nice if instead of real life, this was a TV show or book, you remember thinking. The audience isn’t usually shown the awkward parts in TV or books, would be a waste of time.

“Y/N,” Maggie spoke, breaking the silence. “We have a raspberry thicket by the south-facing property line.” She pointed in the direction. “Completely overgrown. I’m gonna go back in, finish what I was doin’, but let’s go pick some together later, okay? I’ll come find you in a little while?” She smiled hopefully at you, with some pity thrown in.

Returning the smile, you hoped it made you look put-together and self-aware and confident instead of the shameful, idiotic mess you felt like. “That sounds delicious.”

The moment ended, and she went back toward the house. You heard the door open and clack shut again. A desk onto which you could slam you head would be nice, you remembered thinking.

Instead of a desk, though, Dale put a gentle hand on your shoulder.

He sighed. “Alright, troublemaker. Walk with me? We don’t have to talk, let’s enjoy the sunset awhile.”

Not two steps later, and he apologized for his timing in using the nickname that one month ago he’d christened you with. “And Y/N? What Shane did isn’t your fault.”

-------------------------

Him

-------------------------

Today marks one week of being stuck in this bed. Day 7.

He’d failed, that’s it. A weak-ass pussy dipshit who’d failed, and was still stuck in a damned bed after a full week.

Tomorrow, Patricia said he’d be cleared to move out. Not that it mattered much, he still couldn’t do enough to be useful. Not that he wouldn’t; he couldn’t. He’d still be on bed rest.

But hey, at least he’d be able to walk to the woods to find a place to squat and shit by himself now, right? Not even too sarcastic, it would be a step up from feeling like a total invalid.

Carol and Lori were doing a special dinner and cleaning up for the family here to try and thank them for everything. Daryl would just…lay in his bed, he figured. Except, all three of those clucking hens that he wished would stop preening him, Patricia, Carol, and Y/N, kept offering to help him eat with everyone else like they was all some big, happy, family.

This time, it wasn’t that he couldn’t; he wouldn’t. He didn’t want to face them all, not yet, it was too much. He could only take a certain level of shame, and his plate was already full.

The saving grace this past week that stopped him from drowning in his shame was his not seeing the whole kit and kaboodle of them in one sitting. Rick had told him a little over a week ago how it was no problem if Daryl left. Just Daryl, he’s pretty sure nobody else got that little talk.

He’d chosen to stay because of Sophia and Y/N. Sophia needed finding. Still does.

-------------------------

You

-------------------------

Carl is the kind of kid who’s double-digits, yet understands when his mother needs her baby again. Lori had snuggled with him on the bed, and both were sound asleep. Not even you knocking on the door or the door being opened/shut woke them.

Which must be why last night, Rick took the opportunity to bring up what Shane did, right there in the room.

It was a blessing that you didn’t end up having to do the hardest part, bringing it up, you suppose. Shane himself had done it for you. All you had to do was fill in the blanks.

“Said he lost control, acted a certain way,” Rick murmured. “What’d that look like?”

You didn’t want to describe it, it’d sound bad… “Shane didn’t say?”

“I’m interested in what you say.”

“Ah, you want to maintain ‘eyewitness sequeskra — eesh, that’s hard to pronounce. Se-quest-ra-tion?”

Rick did that raised brow squint thing he makes when he’s teasing, as if maybe he was about to call you ‘weirdo.’ But then, his expression faded back to serious and he spoke your name. “We both know he hasn’t been himself. What did that look like today?”

Casually, you told him about the way Shane had gotten intimidating. “You know how he’d talk when he needed to do ‘bad cop,’ it was, it was kinda like that.”

“Anything physical?”

Casually, you mentioned the jabs. “He was pokin’, like, with his pointer finger — and he’s strong, so.”

“Right there?” Rick asked, pointing to his sternum in mimic of how you’d gestured.

“Yeah.”

“Do you have a bruise?”

Your neck tightened.

Maggie had spotted it when you were berry picking. One had fallen down your shirt, so you’d pulled the fabric forward and down to retrieve it, and she (and you) saw the bruise forming. You stupid, stupid idiot.

It was fine, it wasn’t a big deal. Bruises happen.

Casually, you joked to Rick, “I get bruises from random shit all the time.”

He didn’t smile.

It actually lessened the shame, rather than adding more. You were grateful.

Continuing, he questioned, “He told me about that collarbone grab, and how he went like this?” And when he motioned with his hand, slowly pretending to clap it against the side of your head, you felt your cheeks heat.

“Once.” The insult he’d smacked you with at the same time hurt more, to be honest. Which…made it all click that what Shane did wasn’t as small a deal as you’d been thinking. Mouth shut, you licked your teeth and stared into space. “Did it to himself first, way more than once.”

Rick watched his wife and son sleeping on the bed and asked nothing more for a few minutes.

You picked at the string that stuck out of your arm wrap, feeling stupid, stupid, stupid, shameful, stupid. Per usual, then you missed your mom—and out of nowhere got swept by that flash flood of resentment toward Rick again.

Shane and you had left your mother alone to scope out the latest at the hospital, to figure out how to get Rick safely out without him decompensating. While you two were gone, what happened happened. Sometimes, you assign blame to Rick for it, as if comatose Rick was the reason your ma got killed. Sometimes, you assign her dying to Shane’s change in character, as if that made it better, gave it an excuse.

Grief gets sticky like that.

“Is that all, or is there any more?”

“He went like this,” you mumbled, and grabbed the neck of your shirt like Shane had. “That’s it, all the dirt. Happy?”

“Y/N.”

“…Sorry.”

“I know this wasn’t easy. Thank you,” he told you, putting his arm on your shoulder. You didn’t want it there, so you moved away. Rick was patient, not reacting a bit.

That was last night. This morning felt pretty normal when you woke up. Carol had shared your tent again. Shane was off in his, so you didn’t see him.

Coffee in hand, you were in in the middle of coaxing one of the pullets to waddle toward you by holding out dandelion leaves when Glenn came to see you. You’d figured he wanted to feed the baby chickens, too, or, even better, that there was good news about Maggie. (She likes him!, she told you herself the other day. She just isn’t telling, you know, Glenn himself just yet.)

“Y/N? How are you?”

“I’m warmed up good with my coffee, how about you? Sleep well?” You kept your smile in when you asked, “Talk to Maggie today?”

“Yeah, yeah, I slept fine, yeah, but, um—you’re like, okay, though?”

A flutter of dread. “Glenn, what’s up?”

“What did Shane do to you yesterday? I heard him—”

“—What did you hear, and from whom?” reverberated from the back of your throat as if it were a growl.

“Dude, chill. I’m trying to see if you’re okay.”

The way you tried to keep your voice calm ended up sounding snotty and insincere. Most likely because you were feeling very insincere. How many people saw or heard about what happened? Naked, you felt so naked and exposed! “Where. Did. You. Hear about it?”

“I heard your brother talking to Rick.”

The twist in your gut eased. “Okay, um, um — what did he, w-what, um, what did he, what did he say?” And how did you hear, do they know you heard?”

“I had the headphones in, but the battery died on your mp3 while I was going to the bathroom—”

“—Daryl has the mp3,” you thought aloud.

“He let T-Dog borrow it, who let me borrow it. I-I ate something that didn’t agree with me, so…”

Oh my ffing — “Did you sanitize it when you were done?”

“Dabbed it with hand sanitizer, yeah. Oh, also, Shane asked me to ask you if he could borrow it once it was charged again.” Glenn scratched his neck. “I told him it was on really low battery.”

You swallowed.“So he did see you?”

“He and Rick saw me with the earbuds on and I acted surprised to see them.Shane asked if he could borrow it, I told him it needed to be charged, um, hey, I can see it in your face that you’re worried, please don’t be! Shane believed me,” he assured you. “Trust me, he doesn’t know I heard him. I don’t lie, Y/N, you know that.”

“I do,” you admitted, nodding.

“Anyway, I was walking back from the woods and heard Shane and Rick talking. I figured it was about Sophia, but when I overheard something Shane said, I stopped and listened.” Glenn bent his head down and shuffled his feet. “He said that he messed up, like, snapped. Told Rick that he needed to talk to you and be on your side with whatever you told him. Y/N, he said that he,” your friend lowered to a whisper, “hurt you? Like literally ‘hurt’ you, like, did he hit you?”

You smiled to put him at ease, holding up your hands. “He poked me a little and clapped an ear, weren’t hardly no thing.” Y/N, you stupid, stupid, idiot.

It was probably good that he looked so disappointed and cautious, even if it didn’t feel good to see it in his eyes at the time. “Y/N, don’t…joke about this stuff,” he began. “Why would Shane would have gone to Rick in private if it wasn’t serious?”

“’Cause he’s a drama-king.” You made it sound almost like you were patronizing Glenn, the way you said it.

“No. No, this isn’t ‘no thing,’ you literally just confessed he did hit you — does Rick know about that, too? Shane mentioned something about a collarbone, grabbing your shirt, and shoving you, which is also not ‘no thing.’”

As he was speaking, you’d felt more and more defensive and naked and ashamed. You even had to beat down the urge you had to grab his shirt and shove him back, and prove it wasn’t a big deal!

Then, you considered how he’d take it. The look on his face, at a friend doing that to him. How you’d feel about yourself if you did that. How you’d feel if you saw somebody else do that to him or somebody else. A whole lot of rapid thoughts in the several moments where you figured out a way to respond.

The explanation you made was something you’d tried on everyone so far. “We’re siblings. Stuff like that is normal — did you never see your sisters go at it?”

“No, it’s not! And if it is, it shouldn’t be! Dude, if you saw me,” he countered, speaking louder than you’d heard him make since he cried that the bodies of those at the quarry camp weren’t going to be burned with the walkers. “Doing whatever Shane did with you to one of my younger sisters, what would you think of me? How would you react?”

Glenn’s strong emotional response wasn’t expected, so you stood there, dumb. And you knew exactly how you’d react if you saw him doing to his sisters what Shane did.

And yet, you’re still unsure if everyone else is overreacting because it sounded bad or because it actually was.

Either way, Glenn’s question raised your white flag for you. You surrendered, bowing you head in shame and covering your face with your free hand.

“Glenn, there are three other people who know. Four, if you count Shane.” With your injured arm still secured by the upper arm to your torso, you pointed at him. “Dale, Maggie, and Rick know. Which means already there are three others who know. Now, Glenn, don’t go spreadin’ this business any further, hear?”

You didn’t sound half as intimidating as the words may look, mostly you sounded defeated. Ashamed. “Talk to any one of them, talk to me, but do not breathe a word to, to anybody else or around anybody else.”

This is the part where you started to get a little weepy. “And Lori, she don’t need to know about this right now, she don’t need the stress, and not a word around my Carl, oh my gosh, not him.” This is the part where you got a little beg-gy. “Please. It, it ain’t a bad secret because those that need to know, know. Okay?”

The gavel was brought down when he said, “The way you’re scared of the others finding out makes it seem like a bad one.” He was right. Is right.

He then clasped his hands together. “Listen: I wasn’t about to tell anyone else, since Rick knows. Shane told him himself, dude, and I trust Rick. But, if it was a different case,” he went on, and shook his head as if he was telling you that all bets would be off. “Y/N, remember when Ed was around? How that felt? Dude, you literally threw yourself on him when you saw him hurt Carol.”

The comparison of your brother to Ed Peletier stung and wasn’t fair. And did Glenn forget what Shane did to Ed, to? “Glenn, that ain’t equivalent by any stretch.”

“Maybe not,” he accepted. “But just because it could be worse doesn’t make it not bad. Stuff like this starts small.”

“I know,” you whispered.

You raised the white flag higher, half with the plea that this would be over faster if you did. Lord above, you felt so small, stupid, and defenseless. “You’re right,” you ceded, your gaze reaching no higher than Glenn’s belly. “You’re right. And like you said, it’s, it’s b-bein’ handled, Rick’s got it.” Ugh, stress stutter. “And Shane did a much better job than me when he saw what Ed did, don’t leave out that part.”

“He did. That almost worries me more. Just — if anything like this happens again, or if it starts to feel the same, like — ” He raised his hands. “You’re my best friend. That means I’m on your team. Okay? Even if you end up hating me for it.” He then started to leave, give you some space. “We’re on the same search team today, too. Meet by the mailbox by 9:00, it’s in like 40 minutes.”

“Hey, wait,” you called, not wanting to look him in the eye yet but doing it anyway. And you forced the words out because they were true. “Th-thank you.”

He breathed out heavily and made an awkward (but real) smile.“I love you, dude.”

“I love you, too, man. You’re my best friend.”

The uncomfortable, clumsy encounter with Glenn left you feeling more ashamed than you already were. With Daryl, that day where you’d felt as if your very soul had been stripped bare, the vulnerability hadn’t felt shameful afterward. What you’d felt was so close, unbearably close, it was strange.

But yesterday evening and this morning, the vulnerability sucked, dude. And you’d been stuck in a cycle of shame, anger, and feeling stupid, but without those feelings going away once the truth let out.

The good thing was, the target of your anger began to change during the conversation with Glenn. You weren’t thinking stupid, stupid idiot about yourself anymore, no, it became directed at Shane. The one whose blowing up made this mess. Your view of the mess also became clearer. What happened wasn’t just one sibling bullying a little on the other and it getting out-of-hand it was…it wasn’t something to brush aside, you’ll say that. And you’re scared, you’ll say that, too.

But what you were supposed to do with all of it, that still wasn’t clear.

Still isn’t. Because sooner than later, Shane will know about the baby. Sooner rather than later, the situation with Sophia will end. Sooner rather than later, that little power struggle you’re seeing between him and Rick will come to a head.

Nope. You have no idea what to do and all you feel is shame about it.

Speaking of, Daryl’s been feeling ashamed, too, it’s kinda obvious when you look and talk to the guy. He thinks that because he’s bedbound, he’s useless. Might as well pop in before you go on the search this morning, you’ve got like 15 minutes until then.

-------------------------

Him

-------------------------

“Last day in this fine establishment, enjoy it while you can,” Y/N joked.

Yeah, so, he wasn’t in a joking mood and didn’t get why Y/N would be, either. An entire week in this ‘establishment’ was damned shameful. All because he stole (worse, Y/N had told him more than once not to do it) borrowed a horse that got spooked. A dumbass slip and fall. Twice.

If Sophia wasn’t found, it was on his hands.

“Did Carol convince you to come to dinner, yet? Or are you still feelin’ too poorly?”

“Just stop.” He wanted to be left alone, was that so fucking complicated?

And he wanted out of this fucking bed, out of this room, out of this house, off this shit farm, and away from this whole gaggle of dumb fucks.

He wanted Merle back. He wanted Uncle Jesse back.

…He just wanted Sophia back. He'd even prayed about it.

“Sorry, little man, not now. Yeah, nah, he needs some privacy and quiet,” Daryl then heard from out in the hallway.

The door was already closed. He didn’t even hear it shut.

“No, his head is still okay, Carl, his cognition is prolly better than the two of us put together. The man’s healin’ well, thanks be to God,” Y/N cheerfully chirped like a songbird. "Wanna visit the baby chicks again?"

More shame slithered on over, hissing at him for how he’d been a dick to Y/N, of all people.

Daryl tried to rub his chest to get rid of the tugging feeling in Y/N’s direction while trying to shut up the voice in his head that was screaming for a goddamn cigarette so he could smoke and dig the lit end into his skin.

-------------------------

You

-------------------------

So, that was a bust. Daryl kinda snapped at you. It sucked. Felt really awful, not gonna lie. First your brother, now the mangy hick.

Come to think of it, it's actually more on brand for Daryl to have done that, given you literally just referred to him as ‘mangy hick.’

Ugh, you wanna cry again. You wanna run back to Dale the way a little kid runs to their dad. Maybe this time you'd also run into a desk to slam your head against on the way?

Later would have to suffice for finding that desk, however, because now, there’s work to do.

“Aight, let’s roll. We’re headin’ south, looking around a small neighborhood. Tomorrow, Shane and Andrea will be hitting what we don’t cover,” T-Dog announces. “Ready to head out, y’all?”

“Head on back to your ma, okay?” you tell Carl, pecking a kiss on his head and patting your finger along the chick he's still carrying. Carl had walked you to the mailbox, it's his third and probably last ‘big trip’ of the day. He’s wearing Shane’s police baseball hat. “See you later, punk, I love you."

“Yeah, man, all set. Bye, Carl.” Glenn stands up from his crouched position by the mailbox where he was waiting.

You adjust the first aid kit in your backpack, then ease it on and snap the chest clip in place. “Ready, Teddy.”

T-Dog rubs his hands together. “Then let’s roll. See if we can’t bring Sophia back for this big dinner her mama’s got planned tonight.”

------------------------------------------

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[zith-ipeth]

An Introduction

Hello critters

My name is Zith, at the time of writing I'm a freshman in college. I’m transfem (she/her), I have ADHD, PTSD, and anxiety. I am an abolitionist, a leftist and a therian (cladeo/suntherian domesticated canid, but i usually just say therian). I began understanding my animality in March of 2024, and looked at it first through a feminist, queer, and leftist lens. I examined and understood my doghood as gender for a long time, but I now understand that it is distinct from that, that it is species, and that I am a therian. (I still get gender envy from maned wolves but i mean, LOOK AT THEM, cunty fucking canidae)

I noticed that therians too rarely talk about politics, too rarely talk about the future, and far too rarely get to live out our lives true to what we are. Because of this I decided to be out as a therian at college, day one. I want to show you all the ups and downs of living that life, and also just keeping it light and silly along the way.

Come along with me and lets try to fight for a future, one where we only change for ourselves, and one where we can change the world.

Run fast, bite hard, bark loud

Peace, love, and gratitude

-Zith Ipeth

//TW’s for my blog//

I use some slurs sometimes (only the ones I’m allowed to ofc, I’m big on reclaiming stuff). I curse, and also I will talk about bodies and love, although not in an explicitly sexual way. Also I will discuss violence and things, so if any of that makes your brain feel nasty, idk don’t stick around too long

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

~*~

1. Tw noncon Can someone write a fic of wen Ning getting gangraped by Jin disciples in front of wen qing as revenge for what the other wens did?

~*~

2. Can you recommend any fics with Wen Ning as a POV character?

In My Defence, I Have None (For Never Leaving Well Enough Alone) by SemiLocalCryptid (T, 73k, wangxian, Time Travel Fix-It, Established Relationship, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, POV NHS, but only for the first chapter, POV Alternating, between Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi for the rest, WWX may have no sense of self preservation but he does have a husband, No one touches LWJ's husband, NHS has no more fucks to give and will save his brother just watch him, WN is very confused about needing to breathe again, but is ultimately happy about it, BAMF WN, WN needs a hug, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, WQ is a queen and everyone should fear her, Fluff, Inventor WWX, Gratuitous amounts of Wangxian fluff, WIP) wen ning is a pov character here

The Moon Reflected Upon Two Springs by Rubberduckieassassin (M, 2k, Post-Canon, Fierce Corpse wn, WN-centric, Farmer WN, WN Needs a Hug, Gūsū Lán Juniors Dynamics, Good Kid LSZ, Good Kid LJY, Wen Remnants Mentioned, Burial Mounds Settlement Days Mentioned, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Five Stages of Grief, Melancholy, Building A Home, Family Feels, W>N is learning how to 'live' again)

waiting (when the colors come) by frostferox (G, 2k, WN/WWX/LWJ, Modern, realizing polyam might be an option, Domesticity, Friendship)

Granny Knows Best by The_Snarkivist (T, 5k, OYZZ/WN, JL/LSZ, Getting Together, Fluff, Accidental Elderly Acquisition, WN Centric, Let Wen Ning Be Happy Agenda, Happy Ending, fast burn, Granny does know best, POV WN, Post-Canon)

Fierce Friends by TumblingTroublesomeTumbleweeds (G, 32k, NMJ & WN; SL & WN, NMJ & SL & WN, NMJ/LXC, SL/XXC, JC/WN, Friendship, Give Wēn Níng Friends, Cinnamon Roll WN, Rabbits, NMJ’s body does NOT cooperate, WN Centric, Everyone loves WN, Dysfunctional Family, Found Family, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Graphic Depictions of Pining, heart eyes motherfucker, WIP) it switches though

This Time With Confidence. by INSPIRETOWRITE (T, 129k, LWJ/WWX/WN, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Angst, Time Travel Fix-It, Action/Adventure, Polyamory, Developing Relationship, LWJ has feelings, Cute, Blood and Gore, Cultivation Sect Politics, Demonic Cultivation, Pining, WN-centric, Rabbits, POV Multiple, Action, War, Battle, Eventual Happy Ending, Developing Friendships, WN is a cinnamon roll, Bad-ass WN, WWX has feelings, They don't know they have the same feeling until later, Cultivation Discussion Conferences, POV WN, Slow Burn, WIP)

~*~

3. Hello! Could I ask, for the next ITMF for fics where wwx experiences qi deviation of some kind? Thank you very much!

Twelve Moons and a Fortnight by stiltonbasket (M, 290k, WangXian, Humor, Slow Burn, Post-Canon Fix-It, Long-Distance Relationship, Epistolary, Love Letters, Family Feels, a-qing lives, teenage romance, Adoption, Romantic Comedy, Happy Ending, Weddings, Case Fic, Parenthood, Politics)

Confrontation by LtLJ (G, 21k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, discussion of a canon suicide attempt, breaks from canon during the timeskip, BAMF WWX, BAMF Everybody, Canon-Typical Violence, JC &WWX Reconciliation, BAMF NHS, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, YLLZ WWX, Complicated Relationships, canon-typical curses, Canon-Typical Behavior) It is part 4 of a series so it makes more sense to start with the first one which is Brotherhood

~*~

4. CW: Trauma

Good day! I saw "Life as a house" by Terri Botta from the previous ITMF. I gave it a shot and read it, it is well written and I enjoyed the process of how they recover from their trauma, the reconciliation, and everything. For the next ITMF, do you guys know any fic that is close to this fic? Similar in terms of their journey to heal from their past/trauma, from seeing psychiatrist, discussing mental health, or about therapy. @httpskaixx

总有一天; a place to hide (can’t find one near) by yiqie (E, 76k, WangXian, Modern AU, Pianist, Getting Together, Mental Health Issues, Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Thoughts, Depression, Hospitals, Overdosing, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Additional Warnings In Author's Note)

Many happy returns. by orange_crushed (E, 25k, WangXian, Modern AU, Mistaken Identity, Misunderstandings, Grief/Mourning, Loss of Parent(s), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Past Suicide of a Parent, References to Depression, Anxiety, Therapy, References to Anti-Depressant Medications, Escort Service, Loneliness, Everybody’s Abandonment Issues, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Moving In Together, Oral Sex, Penetrative Sex, Hopeful Ending, Recovery, References to Escorting/Sex Work but No Actual Escorting/Sex Work)

~*~

5. Want recommendations for slow burn angsty stories of wangxian

Concord by Deastar (T, 41k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, Depression, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)

~*~

6. Hi! ITMF wangxian cuddle porn or just lwj being so comforting for wwx and vice versa. It would be amazing if that was incorporated in longer fics though anything would be welcomed. Something for reference is “A Cyborg's Three Laws” by FairyGardenCorgis and “try a little tenderness” by ilip13. Thank you so much!

Just Ask Me To Stay by mrcformoso (M, 20k, WangXian, Modern AU, Former JZ/WWX, Minor NieLan, Minor XuanLi, No Powers, Dancer WWX, Musician LWJ, Roommates, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Break Up, Post-Break Up, Recovery, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, Fluff, Light Angst, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Oral Sex, Domestic Fluff, LWJ Has a Big Dick, WWX Has a Breeding Kink, Size Queen WWX, Belly Bulge, Porn With Plot, WWX Has Friends, LWJ Has Friends, Hurt/Comfort, A lot of comfort, Romantic Comedy, Cuter story than the summary makes it out to be, Feel-good) modern!AU cuddly lwx cheering post-breakup wwx

The Art of Communication by mrcformoso (G, 4k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Meet-Cute, Engineering Student WWX, Music Student LWJ, Swimmer WWX, Martial Artist LWJ, POV Outsider, POV WWX, POV LWJ, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Communication Issues, But Wanxian Makes it Work, LWJ has limited words, WWX has too many words, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Love Languages, Requited Love) ModernAU! Soft Wangxian where they make their communication issues work

~*~

7. Hello again! I want to ask for a itmf about powerhouse wwx, inspired from this post

More detailed: The Scene with the water ghouls, wwx proposes to jump in the water (bc hes just that strong) in combination with lwjs thoughts and competency kink? Please? I hope that was understandable, English isn‘t my first language, sorry. @desperation-is-my-middle-name

Truth Will Out (when caught on video) - End_OTW_Racism! by KizuKatana (E, 108k, wangxian, WN & WWX & WQ, graphic depictions of violence, modern cultivation, canon divergence, YZY abuses WWX , caught on camera, partial core removal, WWX kicked out of Jiang sect, livestreamer WWX, meet ugly, dual cultivation, smut, no war, WIP)

My chain hits my chest/When I’m bangin’ on the radio by x_los (T, 2k, wangxian, modern w/ magic, case fic, competence kink, YLLZ WWX)

Howling by MimiSpearmint (E, 40k, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, Modern with Magic, Mortal Instruments Fusion, Horror, Eldritch, Domestic Fluff, Single Parent WWX, Witchcraft, Northern Ireland, fluffy but I cannot emphasise how much horror there will be, Celtic Mythology & Folklore, Case Fic, Getting Together, shifter lwj, yllz wwx, Intercrural Sex, Hand Jobs, Angst with a Happy Ending, playing fast and loose with canon, off-screen beloved character death, Switch wangxian, a bit of a degradation kink, anti-STI sex talismans, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Cameos by various characters)

hills and rivers by LtLJ (T, 56k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, Family Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, the family that hunts demons together stays together, and doesn’t murder each other, Case Fic, BAMF WWX, Mojo’s post)

~*~

8. itmf some good ol' damsel in distress lwj @jawla-mukhi

silk threads and precious metal by Sevidri (M, 4k, WangXian, Canon-Typical Violence, Sunshot Campaign, Whump, Blood and Injury, WWX' Canonical Vengeful Streak, LWJ Makes A Beautiful Damsel in Distress, Non-Consensual Ribbon Touching, Protective wwx, Hurt LWJ)

Vagabond by xantissa (E, 65k, wangxian, Slow Burn, Mystery, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Frottage, Case Fic, murders, Supernatural, Angst, Fluff, those two are so in love it hurts, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, badass LXC, Canon-Typical Violence, topLWJ, Bottom LWJ)

~*~

9. Itmf time travel fics where Wei Wuxian is caught in a time loop reliving the Sunshot Campaign and ensuing Burial Mounds years over and over until he can save everyone? Thank you!

Karma by English is my death (Lena013) (T, 2k, JGY/XY/WWX, wangxian, LXC/JGY, XY/XXC, Time Loop, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Misfortune Fellows, JGY & WWX Friendship, JGY & XY Friendship, WWX & XY Friendship, (but they all hate each other), White-Haired WWX, But temporarily, XY is a Brat, XY Is A Little Shit, POV JGY, YLLZ WWX, Drama, Drabble, Humor, Immortal WWX, Immortal XY, Immortal JGY, These are cut pieces from their eternity together, By this point they had become insane)

~*~

10. Hi! I was hoping you could help me bc I was on Twitter & saw someone else mention that they wanted to read it but I was hoping that you had any fics where YLLZ!WWX time travels to the future? (Possibly ends up shtupping himself along the way.) I can’t remember if there are any besides ‘a tide between two seas’ but I know that’s more multi-verse travel! @arisuamichan

不忘 | Don’t Forget by dragongirlG (E, 50k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Reincarnation, Fix-It of Sorts, Identity Porn, Social Media, Devotion, Reunions, Feelings, Family, Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Bondage, Names, References to Canon, Modern Era, Artist WWX, Sexual Content, Pining, POV Multiple, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note)

忘不了你的爱 (can’t forget your love) by PorcupineGirl (G, 25k, WangXian, Time Travel, Modern with Magic, Modern Cultivators AU, Canon Divergence, Time Traveler WWX, discussion of canonical character deaths, a whole lot of handwaving, conveniently localized fires, Discussion of Canonical Suicide Attempt, mostly happy but slightly bittersweet ending) first fic in a series

so when you go wherever it is you will go, take the moon with you by comforting_monachopsis (T, 115k, WWX & WWX, WWX & WN, WWX & WQ, wangxian, JYL & WWX & JC, past WWX/SS, past WWX/XY, Thirteen Years of WWX's Death, Canon Divergence, Literary References & Allusions, Time Travel, Dimension Travel, Private Investigators, Private Investigator WWX, Professor LWJ, Trauma, Serial Killers, Strangers to Lovers, BAMF WWX, Hurt WWX, WWX Needs Therapy, Modern Era, WIP)

atlas in his sleepin’ by anatheme (E, 48k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Reincarnation, Family Reunions, Dimension Travel, temporary transmigration, Transmigrator!LWJ, Angst with a happy ending)

drop me down to the dream below by AroPeterWam (E, 44k, wangxian, WWX & XY, Time Travel, Comfort/Angst, basically there is reincarnation and because of that WWX lives in both timelines, changes had to be made to fit this story, JC comes to terms with his emotions, Angst with a Happy Ending, Reincarnation, POV Alternating, ooc because different lives, fluff, Canon Divergence, Memory Related, explicit for like that one scene, Adopted WWX, sick WWX, Dimension Travel, Noncultivator WWX, JC & WWX Reconciliation, XY Deserves Better, time swap, WIP)

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades by Phantomhill (T, WWX & Juniors, JL/LJY, OYZZ/A-QIng, wangxian, College/University AU, Modern, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Minor Original Character(s), Background Relationships, Murder, Canon-Typical Violence, Minor Character Death, the juniors are doing their best, NHS has plans, not a reincarnation fic, JYL lives, JZX lives, WIP)

worm moon by serein (E, 103k, JC/WWX/LWJ, Post-Canon, Mystery, Angst, Humor, Grief/Mourning, PTSD, Identity Issues, Demonic Cultivation, eventual polyamory, Cults, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied past cannibalism, Switching, Canon-Typical Violence, Doppelganger, POV Alternating, Character Study, Explicit Sexual Content, Reverse Golden Core Reveal, mild horror elements)

So Call Me a Pessimist, but I Don’t Believe in It by Anonymous (Not Rated, 127k, WIP, WangXian, Food Issues, Family Feels, WWX is a music teacher, WN and WWX are Best Friends from the future, They use memes to talk covertly, Transmigrator WWX, transmigration au, Slow Burn) This is the opposite but I think OP will LOVE it

refrain; a musical phrase repeating in a song or instrumental piece Series by Cerusee, Mikkeneko (T/G, 51k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Sort Of, Memory Loss, Canon-typical dismemberment, Post-Series, but also mid-series ya feel, Changing Tenses, Protective LWJ, Everybody Lives, Confused WWX, Crack Treated Seriously) This is… also the opposite? Sorta? In which everyone from the future gets pulled back except for him

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11. itmf hostage!LWJ, with WWX going berserk, kinda

silk threads and precious metal by Sevidri (M, 4k, WangXian, Canon-Typical Violence, Sunshot Campaign, Whump, Blood and Injury, WWX' Canonical Vengeful Streak, LWJ Makes A Beautiful Damsel in Distress, Non-Consensual Ribbon Touching, Protective wwx, Hurt LWJ) (link in #8)

the field meets the wood by astronicht (T, 7k, WangXian, BAMF WWX, slight whump, Ritualistic Self Harm, Canon Era, Tang Dynasty style, Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, salt economics, Post-Canon, [Podfic] the field meets the wood by semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona), [podfic] the field meets the wood by jellyfishfire)

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12. I'm holding out serious hope for some pride and prejudice au wangxian. I don't care about setting or time period, I just want that delicious Lizzy/Darcy dynamic with LWJ being a classist dick to WWX and instead of just trying harder and harder WWX's like fuck that asshole and then then oh no, LWJ falls in love and WWX wants none of it. (I mean, I'd love a subplot where LWJ tries to talk JZX out of marrying JYL, too, but not strictly necessary). Any pics out there remotely like this? @moku-youbi

In Wanting by thaliagrayce (T, 39k, wangxian, Enemies to Lovers, Inspired by Pride and Prejudice, Miscommunication, No Sunshot Campaign, we are ignoring all of the canon political drama to substitute our own, non-graphic depictions of torture, cw: offscreen XY)

Clans and Cultivation by ChalionKat (G, 81k, WIP, WangXian, XuanLi, ChengQing, SongXiao, Regency, Pride and Prejudice Fusion)

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13. Hi! 🤗 It's me, again. 😅

For the next ITMF, lately I'm looking for fics where WWX gets pregnant of LWJ. I'd prefer not abo fics, but if there is some good, it's ok too. I love Canon Divergence fics, Cloud Recesses arc, only the bad people dies and happy endings.

Thank you so much! ❤️😊 @wangxiansgirl

Unexpected Lullaby by SilverStark (T, 30k, WangXian, Minor Original Character(s), Unplanned Pregnancy, Post-Canon, Mpreg, Non-ABO, Fluff, Established Relationship, Reconciliation, Family, Dual Cultivation Baby)

🧡 Many Lan babies Series by LuckyMoonly (Varied, 396k, WIP, WangXian, Story collection, Mpreg, Pregnant WWX only, Family Fluff, Found Family, Kid fics)

Impermanence, Transience, Permanence by Best Bepsy (BepsyGray) (E, 39k, wangxian, canon divergence, unplanned pregnancy, mpreg, gore, sunshot campaign, assumed miscarriage, medical procedures, childbirth, golden core reveal)

Until The End by abCEE (M, 365k, wangxian, canon divergence, communication, established relationship, sunshot campaign, mpreg, canon typical violence, WWX has new golden core, canonical character death, happy ending, fix-it of sorts)

🧡 Like Rabbits by Setari (T, 41k, WangXian, Kid fic, Canon rewrite, Mpreg, Miscarriage scare, Crack treated seriously, Hopeful ending)

And they can always check the pregnancy comps! A/B/O is always tagged, so it can be avoided!

🧡 Accidents Will Happen by vesna (mrsronweasley) (E, 45k WangXian, Post Canon, Mpreg, Fluff, Light angst) I'm absolutely obsessed with

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14. Hello! 👋 I just find this blog and I saw that we can ask fics. This is for In the mood for.

My favorites fics are the ones where Wwx comes back in time and fix everything, get together with Lwj soon and saves everyone. I love longer fics. Thanks ☺️

~*~

15. For itmf I was wondering if anyone had some recs for ChengXian mpreg with WWX as the carrier. @dragonfairies

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16. Hello! For my ITMF I'm looking for a fic where wwx flinches/gets scared from the Zidian (either held my jc or yzy) and people find out about his ptsd with the whip? Just want some justice and comfort for our bb boi @mrcformoso

🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 686k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement) So none that I can think of exactly, but this one has some tasty, tasty justice

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17. Hey, Im looking to read a fic or 2 where WWX wasnt in control of himself during his “k ll everyone faze” after the Wens are k lled and/or when his eyes turn red. So I guess like a burial mounds possession type deal? And if WWX is like seeing it all from inside, watching as all this tragedy unfolds at what he interprets as his own hand, for spice. May I have a fic rec or as many as you can find, please? @0call-me-rin0

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[eri-pl]

How are orcs made?

(...also, a bit about Maeglin) Elaborate HC, long post.

TW: discusses breeding of orcs (no descriptive language etc, but implied sexual violence. Also, mentions / implications of torture, child abuse, and domestic violence. Probably something I forgot... generally: it's about orcs. Canon-Typical Level Of Disturbing

I was watching more lectures about Tolkien's later writings, and another discussion of orcs got me thinking: what if it's not one answer, but many? This would solve some problems, paradoxically.

So, I propose

1st gen orcs are indeed corrupted elves (or also men, both can work). The physical corruption (including the hroa being not fit for the fea, which in mundane terms, includes many neurological imbalances leading to mental issues) is partially hereditary.

It is there but it weakened with each generation.

They do have souls, of course, and their kids (orc+orc kids, orc+ elf kids, orc+human kids) have souls, because that's how having kids works. Souls aren't initially corrupted, because Melkor can't make it so, but the physical problems + traumatic upbringing (violence both from family and by a Dark Lord) make it hard for those souls to be good.

This makes them insubordinate and rebelious, but smart. (here we can have rebellious orcs)

However, if such kids are not "worked on" (ie additionally corrupted in the same way as orc-making process, they just need less amount of it), with a few generations they revert basically to Elves, physically and behaviorally. I'm sure it had happened many times in history, whenever the forces of evil lost control over some area and orc tribes were left unsupervised.

However, working on may be (and likely was) imposed on their culture, so that even without external supervision they would keep orkish for more generations than they would without it. Unless something disrupts the mechanism.

What life spans do they have? OK, that's a hard question. I would say that there is a threshold of corruption, and more corrupted elf-orcs have long but finite lives

What's with their souls? Mandos, some are locked indefinitely due to Namo not being able to fix them, as per Tolkien's notes. Some get better.

Also, as with normal elves, any human ancestry => the base type is human.

Maeglin (and also Eol). We know Eol was Thingol's family. I propose: one of his parents was someone close to Thingol, the other was a descentent of orcs, but at this point elvish enough for them to legit fall in love (yes, let's make it not-that-traumatic). still, there was probably violence in the family, and Eol had some genetic traits that made it harder for him to make good life choices. (Also, generational trauma of hiding from being recaptured => his isolationist tendencies)

But why do I focus on Maeglin?

Maeglin gets captured. He isn't tortured. He is simply informed what he is. What his ancestors were. What he can again become.

He is given a choice: share the location of Gondolin willingly, and get some instruction on how to better side and soothen your physiological issues, then go home. Or not share it and become as your ancestors were. And then you will share it anyway.

Still I don't consider him a good guy but in this scenario he's less guilty of all his BS (and so is Eol) and the location-of-Gondolin business is outright understandable (lack of estel, sure, but who doesn't lack it? even the Valar have issues here.). Also, after the betrayal he had a lot of time and he could and should at least run away from the city leaving a letter about what he did. They would evacuate.

Anyway back to orcs.

Another type of further-generation orcs: the soulless. I'm not sure whether some kind of magical cloning, or something more nasty, but the result is beast-like orcs. No soul, no free will. Stupid. Ape-like but there are some fixes to this:

Necromancy. When you have a functional, but soulless body, some unhoused spirits may want to make a deal with you. They work for you, they get to experience having a body again.

And some spirits are to weak to protest.

Still may be rebelious, but smart and probably more powerful. Possibly cannot reproduce?

Magic AI So when Tolkien wrote the Silm, an idea of "automaton" was something primitive and not talking, so he at times had a problem with "orcs are constructs but can talk". But. Today we know how much talking can be done without a soul.

So basically, there's a magic AI imbed in each orc, probably all from one template (or a couple templates), because dark lords aren't very creative.

Still not very smart orcs, also probably need more power expenditure to create than other types. May breed among themselves (and with souled creatures) resulting in more of them, but each young still needs the AI put in. Maybe the AI-inserting process can be automated with an artifact (loaded with an amount of power to last for some time) and the orcs may be taught to deal with their newborns themselves.

To sum up: This HC allows us to have all of

orcs have free will and can rebel

some orcs don't

being an orc is hereditary (mostly) and even without a Dark Lord, orkish tribes would remain active (for some time, but we can make it enough time for the plot to work, probably, it takes generations especially if they are taught to deal with their newborns to maintain their orkishness)

We keep to the idea that Melkor cannot make anyone hereditarily evil (Tolkien thought it important)

angsty part-orc Maeglin

evil, scary ghosts of FA elves put in orc bodies (not everyone would gogently into Mandos) (Maedhros. I mean mostly Maedhros) (but also Eol would be so ironic)

some orcs are more powerful than they look and are scary

enough of orcs seem mindless so that the good guys may (tragically) assume that they all are and are free to kill. (I need a fic in which they learn)

it is natural that after Sauron's defeat orcs would disappear, but slowly, not in one generation

It doesn't allow us to make the "killing orcs for sport" non-evil, but it allows us to make it a "they didn't know and had reasons to assume" kind of evil, ie doesn't make the protagonists of LotR evil. (just tragic but I can live with it)

[dorianbrightmusic]

Some Kitakami Sibling Headcanons

These are things I wanna expand on more in fanfic (some of these ideas are gonna get thrown into Festival for False Heroes eventually), but wanted to post in the meantime. TW for discussion of domestic violence/child neglect and abuse.

He and Carmine were born in Mitsralton City, two and a half years apart from each other, and lived there till Carmine was 7 and Kieran almost 5. 

Their parents didn’t exactly have the most stable marriage to begin with. They were both very good trainers, and had a chemistry built on that, but also tended to fight, sometimes violently. They weren’t bad people, but they brought out the worst in each other, and disagreed over how to raise the children, both of whom had substantial issues:

Baby Carmine had a temper, and learned to get attention from watching her parents fight. She broke plenty of porcelain plates even in infancy, and the property damage only got worse from there, as she physically couldn’t control herself when she was distressed. 

Baby Kieran was withdrawn, worryingly so, and didn’t speak or respond to his name. For a few months, the family thought he was deaf – then he heard his first thunderstorm, and the cacophony made him cry. 

The siblings’ mother, Michie, was determined that both kids needed some kind of intervention. Their father, who later became notorious under the pseudonym Colress, was certain that they would be fine in their own time, without external help. Michie won enough that both kids got an autism diagnosis and recommendations for behavioural therapy. Colress won enough that neither kid got to attend said behavioural therapy before he left.

As the kids got older, Carmine got rowdier, and Kieran stayed quiet. Colress knew his son could read and understand language, and parented him by giving him books and encyclopaedias to read that were well beyond any small child’s reading level. Colress liked Kieran, but never had the gumption to really be a father to him. Michie tried to calm Carmine down, but to no avail. She loved her daughter, but didn’t know how to deal with her, so, horribly, forced her to ride out her increasingly frequent meltdowns on her own. Both Carmine and Kieran were much worse off for the way their parents utterly failed to connect with them, and in different ways, they’ve both become terrified of being left alone for it. But Kieran learned to cope by withdrawing into fantasy and mythology, as Colress taught him to, while Carmine learned to drive others away before they could abandon her. They grew equally good at isolating themselves, in different ways, for fear of being isolated.

Michie would often call her parents to express her frustration. When Yukito and Hideko caught wind of the fact she and Colress had been fighting physically as well as verbally over this, and realised how horrendously the kids were being treated, they were furious. They were mortified that their grandchildren would be growing up somewhere so precipitously lonely. A year later, when Colress walked out on the family, Hideko and Yukito flew to Unova to collect the kids, wanting to give them a better home life than Michie, in her stranded and desperate state, could provide. 

Kieran was extremely late to talk – he said his first words maybe a week before Colress walked out. While he understood Galarian, he didn’t get much opportunity to practise speaking it before he and Carmine moved to Kitakami. As such, he, unlike Carmine, had to effectively relearn his mother tongue for his first semester at Blueberry, and it’s left him with a light accent, which he later worked to rid himself of during his breakdown. He never quite managed to eradicate it, and it frustrates him to be proficient, rather than fluent, in his mother tongue.

Carmine and Kieran did tend to fight physically when they were younger – they learned to do so by copying their parents. Yukito and Hideko eventually managed to teach them not to, but while the siblings love each other, by god, their fights are acrimonious. Carmine and Kieran haven’t hit each other in at least 3 years, but that’s barely a starting point.

Kieran has a special interest in mythology generally, and knows every different variation on Kitakamian folklore possible. Moreover, he’s scarily aware of the complexities of broader Johtohnian legends, and can pull a twenty-minute infodump on Celebi out of thin air on cue. Asking him about anything relating to old Hisuian creation myths, or the Pearl and Diamond clans’ different deities, will produce a similar deluge of information. Even Unovan mythology fascinates him immensely, and he’s terrifyingly knowledgeable where Kyurem’s concerned. Ogerpon’s tale was always his favourite, though as it’s the one he’d escape into when he felt unseen. 

Part of why Amarys and Carmine get on is that Amarys, despite her need to economise time, is incredibly patient with Carmine. The result is that when Carmine had one of her sporadic meltdowns and lost control of her actions, when Amarys witnessed it, she didn’t question it or scold her, but took her somewhere quiet, and waited it out with her. Carmine feels incredibly grateful to Amarys for that, and as such, she doesn’t feel she needs to be defensive around her so much as she does around others. 

Carmine always has a huge supply of snacks hidden in her room, and she insists on sharing them with Amarys. She tried to share them with Kieran during his breakdown, but he refused to touch them, which was a sign of something being very, very wrong.

Carmine gets surprisingly homesick when she’s at Blueberry, and has been known to call her grandparents at 3am Unova time because she needs company, and doesn’t know where else to reach out. Occasionally, if she still feels awful, or if she feels she can’t call them for whatever reason, she’ll go to Amarys’ room and just sit with her, maybe making conversation, maybe just being there, proving she isn’t alone.

During his breakdown, Kieran tended to train in the Canyon Biome when he couldn’t sleep. Juliana once found him there at 1 in the morning, as she gets horrid insomnia, and tends to explore her surroundings so she can escape the dread of watching the ceiling. While Kieran ostensibly hated her at this point, as this was prior to the championship match, he reluctantly let her roll out a picnic table and make him a sandwich. He scarcely ate any of it, but he appreciated her company, not that he’d be caught dead admitting as much. (He insisted on cleaning up and walking her back to the dorms. Ostensibly, he still hated her, but…)

Carmine and Kieran use their grandfather’s surname in most things, but legally, their surname is Achroma. 

Their mother is still in their life here and there – she meets up with the two of them, and is proud of them both for making it this far, but Carmine remembers how poorly her mother understood her, and tends to get oddly quiet around her nowadays, hoping she’ll approve slightly more now. Kieran gets on horribly with his mother, in that she clearly neither likes him nor understands him, and he feels downright betrayed by her.

Their father is mostly absent, but has, on a couple of occasions, randomly sent books and gadgets to BB Academy, with these books and gadgets all dedicated To Carmine/Kieran – keep working hard!. He knows they’re enrolled there, which means he’s gone out of the way to find that out. The siblings know, vaguely, that he’s out there. Carmine is outwardly resentful of his absence, but secretly wishes she could meet him. Kieran’s bitter, but curious about his father.

Carmine got the mobile phone in the family in part because Kieran tends to hog the home desktop back in Mossui. As of second year, Kieran’s grandparents have yielded and given him a phone, too, so that if he starts to break down again (God forbid), they can contact him directly, instead of having to go through Carmine/the school. He does have an Instagram, and he refuses to accept Carmine’s follow request. 

When Kieran went back to Blueberry after his breakdown, he noticed that the notorious Colress of Team Plasma had a bit of an internet paper trail. Late at night, Kieran would follow this paper trail, working out over the course of weeks that Colress may well be one Mr. Achroma. This prompted mixed feelings, for while Kieran was terrified of his potential to go mad in the pursuit of power again, he couldn’t help but think that his dad, deadbeat and thrice-convicted criminal that he was, was at least a little bit cool.

On a forum where Colress was still periodically active, Kieran managed to reach out and politely ask about his research on strength. He did this half out of genuine curiosity about how to get better as a trainer, half as a way of screaming into the void – are you out there, Dad, and can you hear me?

Unbelievably, Colress responded. Since he’d been able to tell that the message was sent by a kid or teen, but a smart kid or teen who’d clearly actually read his work and gone to the trouble of finding him, he felt impressed enough not to be worried. (To be fair, Colress is incredibly laissez-faire about most things except his research.) As a result, they now correspond periodically. So far, Kieran’s let slip that he’s at Blueberry Academy, and that he’s a second-year, as well as mentioning once that he’s from Kitakami. He does not know whether Colress has connected the dots, but every day, he hopes he will, somehow, and that if/when he does, he’ll show that he still cares (if he ever did at all. And how Kieran hopes Colress did, indeed, care).

Carmine knows about this correspondence. She’s scolded Kieran for it, but she also insists on staying updated on what’s going on. 

Someday, Kieran wants to battle in the PWT. When he gets to that point, he’ll register himself as Kieran Colress, and won’t tell a soul (except Juliana or Amarys) why he’d dare draw his stage name from a notorious amoral scientist.

[insoukokuhell-434]

Chuuya Takes Care of Dazai Fics

Includes:

Emotional Hurt/Comfort (long term & immediate)

Physical Hurt/Comfort

The format I’m using is:

Title - writer (ao3 link) Fic length Time period (teen/mafia skk, 22! Skk, all ages) Additional tags (Tags in bold added by me for extra info) TW

Some fics have parts of the summary/ comments added for additional info

Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Long Term (multiple instances)

hey look, the sky's falling apart - saffroncassis    

24.8k TEEN SKK (16/17) AU - Canon Divergence Protective Nakahara Chuuya, Angst, Fluff, Humor, Developing Relationship Found Family (the Akutagawa siblings, Oda's kids, Kyouka, Oda, Ango) TW- Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse and discussions of both these, also cw food for the whole fic

Summary - "At age 16, Chuuya defects from the Port Mafia and drags his partner with him not so much kicking and screaming as silently begrudging, and the rest follow suit in time."

Mostly Chuuya helping Dazai, but Dazai supports him too <33

[Really realistic depiction of the relationship between a depressed person and their supportive partner!]

For the Record - zombiemarker

19.1k TEEN SKK  AU- Spies & Secret Agents + Physical Hurt/Comfort Nightmares, Childhood Trauma, they get all dressed up and go to a gala, Implied Sexual Content, Fluff & Angst, Literal sleeping together, Getting together, First kiss, Developing Relationship TW - Blood and Violence, Childhood Trauma

From tags: "Chuuya's a government experiment, Dazai's been with Mori for years, they've both got trauma now"

Mostly Chuuya helping Dazai, but Dazai supports him too <33

A mouth to empty into - series by osamuchuu

Not listing all 4 fics cause this post is already so long, but they’re all amazing pls go read them!

The series depicts depression + CSA trauma so well!

This is my favourite -

Love is not a victory march - osamuchuu

8.7k 22 SKK Soukoku taking care of each other, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mental Illness, Depression, Drug Addiction, Blood and Injury, Healing, Recovery, Soukoku Tenderness, Light Angst TW -  Dazai-Typical Suicide References and Attempts, Addiction, Drug Use

believe me darling, the stars were made for falling -communist_sasuke

14.6k ALL AGES Worried Chuuya, Love Confessions, Dazai is a Mess, Angst, Self-Harm , Fluff & Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon timeline, First Kiss, TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions , Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt

Trust Fall - insi 

3.5k ALL AGES (Dark Era, Post-Dark Era, 22 SKK) Emotional Constipation, Mental Health Issues, Dazai has issues TW - Implied/Referenced Suicide & Self-Harm, Suicidal ideation

From tags: Chuuya has met Dazai on the rooftop many times throughout knowing each other.

Immediate

Emotional H/C

Even the Darkness We're Watching Is So Beautiful - NastyaEx

4k 22 SKK (post-109) bsd 109, Fluff, Dazai Needs a Hug, Dazai is a Mess, exhausted dazai, dazai cries but only a little bit, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Soft skk, Dazai centered, yosano is a bit here and she's great

I'll Make A Home In Your Gut Because its Somewhere Warm to Sleep - arahabakii

8.9k 22 SKK Fluff, Angst, Mutual Pining, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Making Out, Getting Together, Domestic Fluff, Touch-Starved Dazai, Dazai needs a hug, Chuuya needs a hug TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide References

stay- neon_toad

4.6k 22 SKK (pm!skk flashbacks) Suffering Dazai, Dazai Needs a Hug , Dazai is Bad at Feelings, Oblivious Dazai Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hugs, birthday, Birthday Presents, soft skk TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide References

where are you? - doeinstinct

2.8k 22 SKK Depression, Disordered Eating, physical symptoms of depression, Mentions of past self harm, m because they shower together, canon adjacent, meal replacements, Love Confessions, They're In Love Your Honor

Run Away With Me - Anonymous

5.3k Dark Era Grief/Mourning, Dissociation, Suicidal Thoughts, Soft Soukoku, Dazai Needs a Hug , Dazai Has Feelings, Pining, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Chuuya Needs a Hug, Kissing, Dazai asks Chuuya to run away with him

stay the night - Shinkirou

3.6k 22 SKK Gen or Pre-Slash, Developing Relationship, Character Study, Sharing a Bed, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Dazai's depression

Physical Hurt/Comfort

Fool for loyalty, or some other word - osamuchuu

1.7k Dark Era Aftermath of Torture, Blood and Injury Light Angst, chuuya deals with so much tbh, what a champ, Fluff and Angst, Pre-Relationship, Established Relationship, chuuya being Dazai's nurse because he absolutely was Dazai's angry nurse

under wraps - Coffeebiscuits

5k Post-Dark era + Emotional hurt comfort Love confessions, deep talks, Light angst, Fluff and angst, kissing, crushes, sharing a bed, Suicide, Self-Harm, Tending to Wounds TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm 

From tags: “basically chuuya has to patch dazai upand they talk about some things they need to discuss”

Chuuya also gets some emotional comfort

EXHAUSTION

So if you go too far I'll be there - Kimisu

2.5k 22 SKK - Pre-Fyodor | Cannibalism Arc  No Plot/Plotless, Literal Sleeping Together, Some Fluff, Canon Timeline

From Summary: Based on a HC that Dazai spends days before every major arc planning and arranging the pieces in order for everything to 'work'. He also pushes his body limits a bit too far when doing that sometimes.

SICK FIC

Nothing More Important Than You - StormDew2

3k MAFIA SKK (15) Sickfic, Soft soukoku, Vulnerability

Please like/reblog if this helped u find a fic, I'd be delighted to know asjsj <3

“Dazai takes care of Chuuya” recs here

Fic rec masterlist here

[my-my-my]

I loved the question you got for Aizen and wanted to ask the same for Majima: Do you think Majima would be a toxic boyfriend? I honestly think he'd do some toxic, immature things unintentionally. What toxic things do you think he'd do or say to his partner?

Ohhh good question!! Honestly, yes I think Majima would be a toxic boyfriend, but definitely NOT for the same reasons as Aizen.

TW: discussion about violence, mention of domestic violence, abortion

Majima is someone who has been through so much. Joining the Yakuza at a young age, having his kyodai in prison for 25+ years, while he himself, experienced The Hole, being Shimano's bitch while acting as a Captain for the family, then getting his own family. Life was not kind to him, and he definitely tried to make the most of it as a yakuza member.

I definitely agree with you anon, he would do a lot of toxic/immature things unconsciously, but that's because - at least for Majima, it does come out of self-preservation. He lived in an environment where it truly was one-man for himself (in a way). He had to not only be unhinged to survive it, but also become ruthless to his own men in his family. It's quite lonely, you know? He has violent tendencies, has probably killed people in his work, slapped Mirei Park when she aborted his child, let alone dating her when she was 18 and he was in his late 20s!

Majima is also someone who thinks he is better off alone for the safety of the people he cares about. We see this in Yakuza 0, Kiwami 2, Yakuza 4 and 5: He left Sunshine without telling Yuki, Youda and the other hostess, did not say anything to Makoto after the events of Yakuza 0, is implied to not have looked or sought out Yasuko (even though he cared for her deeply like an older brother), completely cut off contact with Mirei after he hit her/the abortion, and faked his death for Saejima and Kiryu's safety.

While he does care for his men, Saejima, Kiryu, etc. through his actions you can see that he believes that they're better off without him. So I think if something were to happen to his partner because of their ties to him/association with the Yakuza, he would ghost them.

Also in the Kiwami 2 Majima Construction mini game, Majima admits that he thinks he looks old and would scare off potential dates. So he's also insecure about that - I think it would make him apprehensive to be with someone if he doesn't believe them when they find him handsome.

I think if he had a partner and he wanted them to be safe without him, he would cheat on them - giving them a reason to end the relationship with him. He doesn't seem like someone to communicate his feelings at all, if anything, avoids that if possible.

Similar to Aizen, he is lonely, but Majima resigned himself to this loneliness. He decided to stay in the Yakuza, and he knew what kind of pain and hardships would come along with that. In his own twisted logic, he thinks having a partner like him would be unfair to the other person - as they deserve someone much better than him.

While he can monetarily provide whatever material gift they want, maybe some physical connection too, I think Majima would be reluctant to connect to a partner emotionally - even if he wants too. His "mask" built during his time in the Yakuza has really skewed his view of himself.

We can see with how he is with Saejima and Kiryu that he cares deeply, that is emotionally sensitive and attuned, but Saejima and Kiryu know the Yakuza life and what that entails, so Majima's "mask" is off - whether a partner can experience that is another story and how much Majima would want this partner to know about the yakuza life.

Thank you for this ask! Sorry for the ramble haha. TL;DR: Majima and Aizen are both lonely men, but for completely different reasons! Majima wants what's best for his partner, and that can be in a world without him.

[pretty-weird-ideas]

Trauma Porn vs Representing Black Struggle in IWTV

TW: Domestic Violence (Focus) Rape (mentioned 1x)

Spoilers for the IWTV AMC Series

I think a lot of the distraught or incredibly positive reactions to Episode 5 of IWTV’s ending from black fans is because of the noticeable lack of genuine representation of black IPV let alone black queer people facing IPV at all. So not only was the scene without a trigger warning and absolutely out of nowhere (with of course the obvious foreshadowing and Lestat’s abusive behavior setting it up) but it was something that has barely been done for mainstream genre TV.

So as a black fan, seeing violence towards black people (trauma porn) is certainly not new to me... but seeing black queer people’s stories focus on IPV is something that I haven’t seen. It leaves me incredibly conflicted in ways that cannot be transcribed.

Genre TV, media in general, and even reality has an obsession with whitewashing (pun unintended) IPV towards black people unless it’s specifically meant to degrade us and utilize racist stereotypes. Rarely ever does IPV towards queer black people get spoken about in real life, let alone in fiction. So for a story to just be for real for a hot minute about that topic is both disturbing and jaw dropping.

I oscillate between “I can’t believe they would ever put this on TV” and “I’m so glad that they made this a plotline because nobody talks about this,”. IPV perpetrated by white people towards their black partners especially from a historical context is not talked about. And it certainly is not the focus of period pieces or literature as often as it should be.

This is even being taken away from us TODAY in history books; centuries of rape and domestic violence from the slave trade to Jim Crow is being censored RIGHT NOW. This is not isolated behavior.

And to see white IWTV fans sidestep this entirely back during the final stretch of season one to complain that having Lestat (who canonically abused Louis in other ways) assault Louis somehow ruined LESTAT’S character and THEIR SHIP. While completely sidestepping what themes they were intending and got across (you know like genuine media literacy) and the onscreen brutalization that happened without warning is disgusting.

Being able to cherry pick quotes and argue about whether or not slapping is “DV” is not only gross but it’s just not media literacy. That’s literacy... like good job bestie you can read! But it’s certainly doesn’t mean you have the range or comprehension to understand the intended themes of Episode 5 at all. And until white people begin to understand the nuances of being a black person being abused by a white person who holds power over you, it’s going to continue being out of reach.

It’s one thing to dislike it’s inclusion, because I also agree. But I’ve noticed that The Great Lestat Discourse TM has become the discussion rather than the perspective of how white supremacy aided in perpetuating domestic violence and the choice to show gory and unflinching physical abuse without a trigger warning.

White fans being disingenuous and asking Louis to fade into the background until Lestat (the white character) becomes the focus for TVL. While constantly mocking and ignoring the concept of IPV towards black people makes the point for me as to why this was an interesting and purposeful direction to head in. IPV is so ignored that when IWTV includes it, fans went out of their way to argue whether or not their favorite white boy would DARE TO DO THIS, and not why the writers did this and what they were attempting to say. IPV and queer victims of abuse are so ignored that after this happened people started making posts talking about APOLOGIZING TO A FICTIONAL LESTAT for writers “slandering” him! Discussions about abuse in interracial relationships during Jim Crow are so far ignored that people started to publicly doubt that actual domestic violence in interracial relationships existed at all! So badly that the writers had to come out and say that they wouldn’t make Louis “not the victim” when recontextualizing episode 5.