#but it is fun and sexy for time to be cyclical

[adriles]

my next major action in this war will be defeating a high profile honorable man on the field of battle after he murders my closest confidant. What in the shit?? again? Why is this happening again. Why must i be constantly tormented by grief. uhhh

[bekolxeram]

I was reading a lot of fics about Tommy discovering Buck's new found stress baking habit post reunion, then this cringy idea popped into my mind. Now you get to suffer with me.

NSFW-ish

Lukewarm water, 360 grams. Honey, 10 grams. Dry yeast, 7 grams. Mix. Flour, 5… wait, no, wrong flour. Where’s my god damn bread flour? When was the last time I made bread? Oh yes, last month, right before Tommy and I got back together, it should be around… Ah, there, found it! No...

No!

Don’t get sentimental now, there’s no place for melancholy tonight.

“Sexy thoughts. Sexy thoughts.” Buck mutters to himself, desperately trying to stop his wandering mind from ruining his mood.

Think of Tommy. Hot, sexy, pilot.

The cyclic looks so small in his big yet surgically precise hand. It almost seems like he’s telepathically flying the chopper with his mind, not with his strong, steady arm. His fingers are long enough to engulf the control stick completely and more, sometimes he has to twist his wrist around just to flick the top… uh… the button on top.

He can feel the fabric of his sweatpants straining against his hip. The tight cotton shirt he picked out especially for the night feels extra tight around his rapidly warming skin. Good, it seems like his tactic is working.

And his pecs… that time when he wore nothing but his flight suit, umm... They’re so fun to play with, squeeze them, bite them, lick them, sleep on them, make them bounce. I don’t need to “explore” to be sure how much I love them. It’s not even about gender, I know a good pair when I see one.

Stop. No. He’s apologized. I’ve apologized. We’re all good.

It feels like all we do these days is to apologize, then have make up sex. Not saying it’s not good sex, but I want that light, fun sex we used to have, before we…

Don’t, don’t go there.

Anyway, oh, his beautiful face. The one stubborn strand of hair on his forehead that always refuses to comply with any hair product. The constellation of freckles scattered across his perfectly shaped nose. The sensual curve of his lips. The creases around his eyes and his cheeks when his whole face is lit up by that classic scrunchy smile. I swear they look even more prominent now… Oh! How could I forget, that delicious cleft on his chin. If there’s one saving grace coming out of the breakup, it’s his decision to double, no, triple his effort at the gym. His facial features look that much more striking on his now leaner body. Who gets over a heartbreak by becoming a Greek statue anyway? Pick up baking like a normal person, please.

Wait, I’m thinking about the breakup, aren’t I? Don’t. Don’t! Ugh… too late.

Buck lightly bangs his head against the counter in frustration. Deciding to focus on the task at hand instead, he promptly weighs out his flour, sprinkles in a pinch of salt, then pours the bubbly yeast mixture into the dry ingredients.

Just as he’s about to put his hands to work, he’s interrupted by a familiar rhythm at the door. Quickly wiping his hands on his apron, then pushing the waistband of his pants down by half an inch for Tommy’s viewing pleasure, he goes on to greet the man he’s been waiting for.

“Sorry, I’m late,” Tommy apologizes as he’s entering the loft. “I believe the infamous LA traffic still hasn’t recovered from the emergency freeway landing last year.”

“No, no, it’s alright,” Buck shoots him a reassuring smile, clearly delighted by having his beloved in his space again. “Make yourself at home, I’ll be right with you. I need to finish this dough first.”

“But I thought you said you wanted to relax tonight? Aren’t we just gonna order takeout?” Tommy’s visibly confused by Buck’s ongoing culinary endeavor.

“Oh, this? This is not for tonight. It has to proof until at least tomorrow morning,” Buck replies absentmindedly, his hands continue kneading the dough without pause.

“You don’t have to, Evan. I’m okay with no breakfast at all,” Tommy walks around the kitchen counter to give the hardworking baker a kiss on the temple. “As long as I’m with you.”

“Um… no, I’m making these because my parents are coming to town.”

“Tomorrow morning?!”

“In a month. They’re coming to see Maddie in a month. I’m just stress baking because they…” Buck lets out a sarcastic laugh, “they stress me out.”

“Ahhh… is that so? Well, I’m happy to have learned this about you. I never knew you could bake.”

“I couldn’t. I picked it up recently, after you…” Those dreaded words have already slipped out of his mouth before Buck realizes. He’s been trying his damnedest to steer the night away from this particular direction, but as it turns out, he’s utterly powerless against the freight train of emotions he’s been keeping deep inside. He briefly considers changing the subject, but Tommy’s heard him already. He perks up his eyebrows, signaling Buck to finish his sentence.

It’s better to rip off the band aid now, than to let it snowball into something unstoppable.

“...after you dumped me,” Buck comes clean reluctantly.

Tommy drops his eyes and sighs in understanding, before gently wrapping his arms around Buck from behind. “I’m sorry, baby,” he presses his lips onto the golden curls in front of him.

“Chimney told me, you have a tendency to run away if you’re being pushed too hard. I should wait for you to reach out instead of… the other way around.” Buck keeps working on his dough, intentionally averting his gaze from the man behind him.

“Mmhmm.”

“It was… agonizing. I saw you everywhere. I saw you at home, I saw you at the fire house. I saw you at the coffee shop. I saw you when a helicopter passed by in the sky. You were like… a ghost, haunting me, every waking moment of my life. You know what? Not even just waking, you were haunting my dreams, too. The only thing that managed to stop me from texting you was baking. I had all the supplies at home because I was planning to surprise you with a cake for your birthday but…”

Tommy abruptly lets go and backs off. While Buck fully expects the night to be ruined after his long winded ramble, he mourns the sudden loss of contact nonetheless.

Still not looking up from the increasingly elastic mass on the counter, Buck continues, “I just have to knead it for… um… 5 more minutes, then I’m all yours. Let’s start over, yeah? I’m over it, I’m okay now. Let’s forget about it and just… chill. There’s this movie I…” He’s cut off by Tommy’s return, arms secured around his waist once again, chest pressed firmly against his back, the only difference being that Buck can feel Tommy’s body heat radiating this time.

“Ghost, you said?” Tommy whispers, lips barely grazing the hair standing on Buck’s nape.

“Yeah…” Buck shivers. He turns his head slightly to take a peek at the man behind him.

Yes, Tommy’s shirtless.

“Mmm, keep going,” Tommy demands, hands sliding under the hem of Buck’s shirt to roam around his midsection, lips softly connected to the side of his neck.

So Buck keeps going. Press. Rotate. Press. Rotate. Press. Rotate. Press. Rotate.

He feels two big hands caressing his shoulders, along his arms, then all the way down to his own busy hands.

“What are you making?”

“Ba — Bagels.”

“Umm… I love bagels,” Tommy lazily drags his mouth from Buck’s neck to his shoulder, leaving a trail of delicate kisses behind, “do you know how I like to take it?”

“How…?”

Tommy props his head back up, chin resting on the younger man’s shoulder. “Plain, with cream cheese,” he breathes straight into Buck’s ear. “So much cream cheese that it… oozes out everywhere. Leaking from the side, through the middle…” his tongue darts out to give that spot right underneath the earlobe an inquisitive lick. “I love it when it gets all over my face, painting my mouth white.”

Buck’s previously regular cadence starts faltering. He doesn’t know when to press or when to rotate the dough anymore.

“Hey, let me help you with that,” Tommy grabs a hand full of the dough, and squeezes, hard. Yet, the dough barely budges. “Oh, am I doing it wrong?”

Buck can’t help but giggle. “You have to knead with your palms, not your fingers. Here, let me show you,” he covers Tommy’s right hand with his own, and pushes the heel of his palm into Tommy’s wrist. “You want to fold the dough onto itself, then roll your palm out while pressing down. A bagel dough is supposed to be pretty stiff, so feel free to put your whole body weight into it.”

“Like this?” Tommy mimics exactly what Buck just showed him.

“I’ll give you an A,” Buck turns his head around, meeting Tommy’s gaze. Their faces are so close together, they can feel each other breathing. “You’re a fast learner.”

“I have the best teacher,” Tommy murmurs.

They naturally gravitate towards each other, like two stars on a collision course, until their lips clash together into a sloppy, filthy open-mouthed kiss.

Pulling back slightly to gasp for air, Buck’s pupils are completely blown out, leaving merely a thin icy ring around his dark pool of arousal. “You can use both hands if you want…”

“Let me try that,” Tommy surrounds Buck in his arms, pinning him against the kitchen surface. Then, he starts working on the dough, using his entire body, making sure to time every pressing motion with a thrust from the hip, rocking the younger man into the edge of the counter.

“Mmm — Ah…” the friction generated by Tommy’s movement alone is enough to make Buck moan. He never thought baking could be this erotic. “That — That works…”

He allows himself to enjoy Tommy’s sweet show of strength for a few moments before firmly gripping Tommy’s wrists, stilling him. “It’s — It’s done. Now we put it back into the mixing bowl,” he hastily drops the dough into the metal container, causing a loud thud, “and leave it in the fridge overnight.”

Tommy gives him one more kiss on the cheek, and a pat on his lower back, “go,” then steps aside.

Buck nearly trips over his own feet walking towards the fridge. He hears water running in the background, probably over Tommy’s talented hands. Wrapping up the stainless steel bowl with more than enough plastic wrap, then shoving the whole thing into an empty corner of his fridge, Buck is all too eager to return to Tommy’s touch.

Slamming the fridge door close, Buck whips his head around in a millisecond to catch an eye full of Tommy in his shirtless glory for the first time in the night. He’s drying his hands with a kitchen towel, finger by finger, his biceps flex every time he rubs a digit clean.

Buck walks straight up to the object of his desire, waiting no time to close their distance. Hooking an elbow around Tommy’s neck, he pulls him into a deep, urgent kiss, while his free hand travels down from Tommy’s clavicle towards his nipple.

“Wait,” Tommy stops the exploring hand on its track, “wash your hands first.”

Buck groans in frustration. He unties the knot in his back, takes off his apron, then swiftly treks towards the kitchen sink to prepare himself for the ensuing nighttime activities.

Tommy follows him, settling snugly behind Buck while he’s cleaning his hands. Tommy slowly dips his mischievous fingers into Buck’s waistband, pleasantly surprised to find bare skin underneath.

“Oh, no underwear? Someone’s eager tonight,” Tommy says in a seductive tone.

Roughly drying his hands on his own shirt, Buck spins around to face Tommy, “I’ve been waiting for you to notice…” Feeling Tommy’s fingers tapping the hem of his top, Buck peels it off right away, letting those enormous hands roam free across his body.

“Bed?” Tommy asks in between kisses.

“Couch.” Buck pants.

Just when Buck’s calculating in his head the logistics of moving to the couch without breaking contact with his man, Tommy withdraws his hand from Buck’s bare skin.

“Hold on tight,” Tommy suddenly grabs onto the back of Buck’s thighs and lifts him clear off the ground, carrying him towards the underside of the loft.

[meanbossart]

do you have any thoughts on cazador as a character? personally i really loved the parallels between him and astarion & the way that the master/spawn relationship is used as an allegory for cyclical abuse. the scene with cazador’s master’s skull where you find out that he was once victimized in the exact same way that he later victimized astarion was really a lightbulb moment for me re: what vampirism represents in this game.

BOY DO I, i don't think much of it hasn't already been said, though. He's a tragic character in his own right of course, not that that takes away from the awful man he is.

Me and my boyfriend make fun of him a lot, we call him "the best BG3 character" as a little inside joke between us and come up with ridiculous scenarios of things that might have occurred throughout those 200 miserable years the spawn had under his command lol. Maybe he had a month where he was really specific about the shoes everyone wore, maybe once every other decade he had a weird week where he tried to be "nice" only to become frustrated when his efforts weren't immediately met in kind by the rightfully-terrified spawn, maybe between all the torture and horrific-ness he just did some plain weird shit like making someone crouch by in his fainting couch and wait by open-handed for grapes that he dramatically chewed on and then spat right out since he can't actually eat them lmao

And that's hysterical but I think we also started doing that because when you meet Cazador, when you first hear his voice and see his demeanor in person your immediate reaction is probably somewhere along the lines of "THIS is the clown you were so scared of, Astarion?"

And the answer is, of course, yes. This embarrassing little man stuck in a cage of his making instills fear beyond comprehension in Astarion and all his siblings. This man who undoubtedly showed all these spawn, inadvertently, the strangest, most arguably "human" aspects of himself at some point or another during these two centuries they had together is also an absolute monster. And i really like that! I think its far more effective and fitting for his story than if he was, lets say, a Ketheric type.

(this got very long so, more under the cut)

Look at Ascended Astarion in the epilogue now, for example. Everyone agrees that he's an absolute fucking dork - and I think we all also agree that he will go on to destroy the lives of many people beyond repair, especially his own, until the day he is killed.

In the topic of vampirism as an allegory for abuse, I both agree and also don't, at least not exactly - i just think it's deeper than that. I've spoken about this in another post but i find it incredibly refreshing how, to me, it seems like Baldur's Gate 3 has no interest in painting vampirism as sexy or fun past a surface level. It's a curse that nobody asks for unless put in a situation where they feel as if they have no other way out, and it shapes and haunts you for the rest of your undead existence.

Even if you enjoy its benefits at first, that has a time limit. You will see your family and loved ones die, you will see culture evolve while you stay perpetually the same. You will experience so much hurt and pain because the only thing that makes life truly sweet is knowing that it is finite, and eventually it will wear down all of your humanity. And since you can't die unless you are scorched by the sun, staked, or dismembered, you must live with the knowledge that you will never have a peaceful death - and since you won't have a peaceful death, you better not die - and if you don't want to die, you better not be weak - and if you don't want to be weak, you must seek out power at all cost and slash things like love and friendship out of your life.

And what is funny, is that in his attempt to be more like a mortal - to eat, drink, walk the sun, such incredibly simple desires - Cazador (and Astarion, if he ascends) is accidentally only drawing further away from the person he supposedly once was, because that fear of weakness has already utterly corrupted his soul.

That's quite a grim way to look at it, of course. But I genuinely think that it is the natural conclusion of something like immortality.

That's why I quite like that, even after Astarion has found happiness, even after he finds his peace, he still doesn't exactly embrace being a vampire - because It's not something he should be expected to embrace. I think it's a very unique take on the trope.

I also want to leave here this message written by his character writer, which really got me thinking about him on a deeper level since i saw it months ago. It is specifically about the sexual aspect, but I think it branches beyond it too, when you think about it.

[rylandfalkov]

November DWC 2024 Day 1 - Sexy Cowritten with @dicenne

Ryland leaned against the doorway, watching as the other man woke up and wiped the sleep from his eyes. The glamours he placed had all disappeared at this point: No more short blond hair, the tattoos had returned, but the muscles were still all his. As sexy as spending the night with Captain Azeroth had been, Ryland always preferred Dicenne.

“Morning, Cap.”

Dicenne startled a bit and looked over, raising both brows, “You’re still here.” 

Ryland was almost never one to stick around the morning after, but he hadn’t seen his friend much lately thanks to both of them being away on mercenary business in Khaz Algar. “Figured we could get breakfast before I had to get back. My treat?”

The incredulous look was evident even in Dice’s profile. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Ryland might have been a mooch, but at least he was a very handsome mooch.

Dicenne looked back towards the empty bed, pulling back the rest of his covers and furrowing his brow, “Did–”

“Yeah, gone. Left early. Took a page out of my book.” Ryland flopped back onto the bed and rolled onto his back to look up at the ceiling. “Fun though, huh? Unexpected.”

Dice shook his head with a grin, “I’m not as young as I used to be. …But yes, fun indeed. It’s been a long few months, and being stuck underground for a lot of it was not as thrilling. Interesting places, interesting people, but I’ve missed the sun, and unexpected fun.”

Ryland watched him from the corner of his gaze, pursing his lips together briefly. “How are you? Are you okay? You’re always asking others, but does anyone ask *you* how you’re handling everything?”

Dice glanced over, quietly considering. “Not many. I’m…” He looked towards the window and furrowed his brows. His, and most everyone else’s go-to was to say ‘fine’ despite the circumstances. Ryland always knew when he was lying, and was anybody really fine right now anyways? “Tired. I feel like I’m doing well with the shop, and with the Tarts, and the mercenary crew, but it just feels all too…cyclical sometimes. Never enough times of peace before we just jump right back into it, it’s exhausting. Then with what happened to Dalaran, who is to say that won’t happen somewhere else? Maybe not the same..” He waves a hand, Ryland knew what he meant. “Already living through bad shit happening to your home more than once, then watching it happen to the homes of others, there’s just never a feeling of safety anymore, is there?”

“You’re right, there’s really not. With all that, it’s hard to even want to settle down, start a family…” Ryland gives his friend a soft smile, he knew him well enough at this point to see the signs.

Again, Dice smiled and shook his head. Not because Ryland was incorrect, but because he wasn’t the first one to call him out on that. “There’s never going to be a good time for that, is there? I guess that’s the thing, you just need to keep on living and moving forward in spite it all.”

“Wise words from a man that should take his own advice.” Ryland flashed one of those oh-so-charming smiles. The one you either want to kiss or to slap.

“Easier said than done.” Dice looked down, “What about you, are *you* okay? How are *you* handling everything?”

“Oh, I’m fine. Time for breakfast now?”

@daily-writing-challenge

[millenari]

To you, what’s the key belief or beliefs in cats? I just really like your takes

Hmmm, key belief(s) as in, the beliefs that are woven through the media itself and are communicated to the (human) audience, or key beliefs as in, the beliefs the characters themselves hold, like the Cat Religion(TM)?

in terms of the media: I have a lot of thoughts about Cats and how it dwells so much on the concept of cycles. The Jellicle Ball happens once a year, in a cycle. The cat chosen for the Choice is reborn into a new life, a new cycle. The main song, Memory, is about dwelling on the happiness you once had and using it to motivate you through current hard times, another cycle. There's a particular back-and-forth through the whole play of the old versus the young, not just for Griz and her memories, but also in the cast. Jenny's song -about how she's hardworking and motherly and worthy of respect- is followed by Tugger the rebel being Young Dumb and Sexy. Jerrie and Teazer's playful acrobatic song is followed by the respectful duet that honors Deuteronomy as the oldest cat in the tribe. Back and forth, another cycle. The cats who reach out to Griz out of compassion are all young, and the ones that pull them away are all old. Throughout the play there's this almost tension between the young and the old, and it ends with Memory, where a young cat (the youngest maybe) and an old cat come together to teach the whole tribe a lesson about compassion and forgiveness.

A lot of Cats fans don't like Moments of Happiness much, but it's one of my favorite Cats songs. The lyrics are kind of dense, and they're not taken from any of TSE's cutesy cat poems, they're from one of his more serious pieces, The Dry Salvages, which discusses the cyclic nature of humanity and life and death.

Where is there an end of it, the soundless wailing, The silent withering of autumn flowers Dropping their petals and remaining motionless; Where is there an end to the drifting wreckage, The prayer of the bone on the beach, the unprayable Prayer at the calamitous annunciation? There is no end, but addition

(He must've been fun at parties, but to be fair I think anyone who lived through world war I and II was probably also like this).

Deuteronomy's lyrics from the Dry Salvages are taken from the middle-ish, and that section has a lot to do with age and experience and how they change how a person looks at things.

It seems, as one becomes older, That the past has another pattern, and ceases to be a mere sequence— Or even development: the latter a partial fallacy Encouraged by superficial notions of evolution, Which becomes, in the popular mind, a means of disowning the past.

Which is obviously super relevant to Deuteronomy, Resident Old As Shit Man™. I could go on about this poem & MoH for forever (But I Wont), but I think it has a lot to do with these themes in Cats of aging and dying and living again, and passing on your experiences to the younger people along the way. tldr:

‌

No wait actually I have more to say about Cats and The Dry Salvages. The whole poem is basically TSE going on and on about how life is cyclic and there's no real forward progress and humanity is fighting a losing war against nature and ourselves, and death is inevitable, etc etc. But it actually ends on a positive note

[For most of us] Who are only undefeated Because we have gone on trying; We, content at the last If our temporal reversion nourish (Not too far from the yew-tree) The life of significant soil.

Essentially this last bit is kind of saying 'the only reason humanity hasn't been 'defeated' by now is because we keep trying and living despite all the cyclic hardship and inevitability we face'. And the only way we can truly content ourselves is by 'nourishing' 'the life of significant soil'.

Of course there's interpretation there but that last bit makes me think of children. Maybe our lives don't mean anything and maybe humanity is caught in a cycle of violence and death but even with how temporary our lives truly are, we can still tend to something that'll outlast us, we can still tend to our communities and our children.

And that really ties into Cats and how Cats doesn't even really have much of a plot- because the plot isn't the point. The point, any dedicated Cats fan will tell you, is watching the silly little cat people interact and live with each other. The point is the relationships between these characters and how they're acted out on the stage/screen. There's no single overarching metaphor at hand here, or some 1:1 message that everything you see in Cats is working towards. It's just a bunch of characters living their lives, on an important holiday for them.

It's kind of the same thing for humanity in general. What is the point of life? Most of us are just... people. We have no grand purpose or Destiny™ we're working towards, we're just going to live our lives, unremarkable and mundane. But that doesn't mean that our lives have no point. Because, even if we haven't really consciously thought about it before, most of us do know deep down that the goal/purpose of our lives is to tend to and contribute to the communities we live in. It's what humans (and cats) do.

& idk I feel like that's really beautiful and meaningful for Cats in its own way? Sometimes all life has gotta be is sucking and fucking and taking care of each other along the way. Sometimes all life has to be is having a good time with those you love. Sometimes all life has to be is sitting down to watch a silly cat musical with catchy songs and fun dances.

And given that Cats made billions of dollars and broke all sorts of records, I feel like that's an idea that resonated with a lot of people, at least on some level.

‌

And now all of that said. Look at this. Look at fucking this. 'Munkustraps snickerdoodles'. Why do I always find the weirdest shit when searching for Cats images on google.

[reispinkoveralls]

Hey there! I just found The Shepherd and the Moon on Ao3, I was wondering if you had any updates coming? It’s freaking amazing.

*hides head in unfinished shame*

I’m so glad you love SatM! That story really is my love child and I was having so much fun writing it. 

Then in April 2022 life whacked me over the head with a steel chair and I’m still concussed. 

During that time I slowly fell out of the Sailor Moon fandom. Just one of those things that naturally happens. I found other hyperfixations and started a business working on my own original projects.

But the beautiful thing about fandoms is that they’re always there for you when you come back. It’s a cyclical process, and I have no doubt I’ll be back in full force one day. 

I had so many massive plans for SatM and they were epic and sexy and heart wrenching. They still are, that google doc still exists, laying in blissful hibernation until the day I return to it like the ADHD monster I am. 

[greenmagic-oilspill]

Spoiler-Free FFXVI review

Going to keep it under a Read More because it’s pretty long...

FFXVI is a really ambitious game, and from beginning to end I was invested in the plot and characters -- but it's missing just a couple of things that would really make it great. It’s a beautiful game, no doubt about it, with an amazing score and environments, rich lore and deep worldbuilding, fun gameplay, and some really compelling characters. When it excels, it really excels. But where it falters, I really felt it. I’ve got some recency bias here, working for and against the game (since I only beat it yesterday), so I’m not really sure how my thoughts will change over time. I’ve definitely changed my opinions of many FF games after revisiting them a second time, so this one could benefit from the same.

I’m going to start with the characters and plot, because those are the most important parts of a FF game to me, but I’ll also delve into the worldbuilding, gameplay, and music of the game.

Characters

With as many cutscenes as this game has, the characters really find their time to shine. It’s primarily Clive’s story, and over the course of the game we really see him change. His development is a bit cyclical in some ways, but there are definitely events that shape him and who he becomes over the story, and he really feels different from every other FF protagonist. I like him well enough – I think he’s among some of the better FF protagonists for sure. Clive shows such a wide range of emotions and his VA did a stellar job of capturing them.

My favorite character in this game is a spoiler, so I’m not going to go into that in this review.

One character I really wanted to like more was Jill. She’s got all the makings of a compelling character and a compelling story, but a lot of the time it just felt like she was there. The other day @faerantstory and I were discussing how they’d heard that every female character in this story fell under the umbrella of “Pure,” “Sexy,” or “Evil,” and at the time, I had just finished a sequence of the story where Jill most certainly veered away from “Pure,” but after that she fell right back into it. And then she was just an ever-present support to Clive who did little else. I liked the part of the story that focused on her a lot, but it felt so brief and they could have done a LOT more with her past that they didn’t do – she just felt so underutilized. To be honest, she feels a lot like Tifa 2.0, for better or for worse.

Benedikta and Hugo were both extremely disappointing. I expected more from them. Without going into spoilers that is all I am going to say. Barnabas too, to a lesser extent – they went in a direction with him that I didn’t really expect and I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. Dion, however, was pretty great, and Joshua’s story at the beginning of the game made for a really compelling start. Continuing with the umbrellas that female characters fall under, Benedikta fell under both “Evil” and “Sexy” and not much else.

The villains in general (including the main villain) didn’t really do it for me. The main villain didn’t really do anything new that past FF villains had already done before, and better. Their motivations were interesting and followed the overall theme of the story, and there were some twists, but as a character they kind of fell flat. One of the other villains even felt cartoonishly evil.

Honestly, where this game REALLY shines with its characters is primarily in the supporting cast. This genuinely might be one of my favorite parts of the game. You meet a TON of characters over the course of this game (some might even say too many) and I found some of them more compelling than the characters who got more screentime. The world feels so alive with all of their stories, many of which play out over both the main scenario and also through side quests. Many of these characters live in the Hideaway, the main hub of the game, but just as many appear in the various towns and settlements you visit. They all felt like they had a purpose, and many of them had a surprising amount of depth. I definitely encourage doing all of the side quests and taking the time to talk to them after many of the story beats. Also, none of these really fall under a bland Pure, Evil, Sexy umbrella! That was great! But maybe that’s why they’re side characters. :/

The Plot

It’s hard to really go into it without spoilers, but overall I really liked the plot itself and the structure of it really worked to help tell the story they needed to tell. They had clearly defined goals and the characters never felt like they were simply reacting to everything happening around them. I’ve seen some criticism for the “MMO style storytelling” this game has, and that makes sense coming from the team who made XIV, but if you like the story progression in XIV I feel pretty confident in saying you’d like it in XVI. It feels really similar and follows the same pattern of go to new area -> help people with their problems -> gain the trust of the populace. It worked for me. At times there are parts that may feel like “filler” (I’ve always hated this term because people tend to use it wrong), but all of it helps further the characters or worldbuilding. My biggest problem with it is that at times it felt predictable.

At times things felt really bleak, but it never got too bleak for me, and overall the story has a hopeful message so that really helped.

Worldbuilding

Stellar. The Active Time Lore system is a huge help to understanding and conveying the lore and politics of this game – I can’t stress enough how much I loved that system and the dedicated characters in the Hideaway who discuss these things and tell you more about them. The lore in this world is rich and it feels so alive, as I mentioned earlier with the side characters, who are perhaps the primary reason for it. Everything and everywhere really has such a great atmosphere. The marketing stressed that things would change a lot over the game’s time skips, but I didn’t really feel it to be honest – things changed more after big plot events regardless of how much time passed.

Three of the six nations of this story felt extremely underutilized, though, which was a huge shame. Two of those in particular were being really built up but due to story events nothing really happened.

I don’t know how to describe this criticism, and this is more personal preference than anything, but XVI didn’t really feel like it offered anything “new” or original to the overall series to make it feel like it has its own identity distinct from the others. Every FF game offers some new summon that doesn’t appear in other games, maybe a new marketable/cute/iconic monster, a unique airship or something, a unique race, etc. I don’t know if that makes sense, but every concept introduced in XVI felt like a reference to a previous game in the series (even, to some extent, the main villain, whose very name is a name used before). Because of that it almost feels like it doesn’t stand on its own, in a way.

Gameplay

Battles were a ton of fun once I got the hang of it. Loved how smooth it felt, loved the gameplay changes for certain boss battles. I played with one of the accessories to help with evasion – with it, at times the game felt a little too easy, but that’s not a criticism from me. I like easy. I knew if I took it off I’d have died a lot more often. The battle system itself was the best part of the gameplay.

Customization could have been better – sometimes I felt like I had a lot of options for different Eikon abilities to equip and not a lot of space to equip them, leaving some abilities completely unused despite how I wanted to equip them. Weapons and armor were pretty much always straight upgrades that increased your stats and did nothing else. Accessories had the potential to switch things up a bit and offer some variety, but with only three accessory slots you couldn’t really do much (especially if you have one of the accessibility options equipped, like I did). Character progression was mostly achieved through story events, because leveling up is just a straight stat increase, which I can understand is very boring for some people.

I loved that this game was not open world, and instead used four separate and very large maps. Of those four, one felt considerably smaller than the others though. Open world games tend to be really overwhelming for me, and too easy to get lost, so I typically don’t care for the exploration aspect of a lot of those games. But with these four separate areas, I did actually want to explore them – the problem is, aside from finding beautiful vistas or the locations of certain hunt marks, there was not a whole lot to do. Any treasures to find were mostly just filled with useless crafting materials or gil. Not the highest priority for me, but I can see why people would count the exploration against this game. Speaking of gil, once I got past the early game I almost never had to spend any, so it just kept building up and felt pointless.

My biggest gameplay criticism is the enemy variety. All of the enemies in all of the maps were the same, just in different colors. Every map had crabs, or scorpions, or antelopes, or bandits, or chocobos, or goblins, or spiders, or plant monsters, or a couple different species of dragon, maybe an adamantoise or coeurl. Again, there was nothing new – no fantastical creature that the FF series never introduced before, and many of the series staples (like tonberries and cactuars) were missing altogether. It got particularly egregious when they went as far as to double up on some bosses.

Music

Fantastic, as expected of Soken. Not much to say there. I like his work better overall in XIV, but that’s unfair with the sheer amount of songs XIV has. He was allowed to experiment a bit more in XIV, but in XVI he took some opportunities to use different genres here and there.

Overall - 7/10

I can honestly say I really liked it overall – it’s a beautiful game with really rich characters and lore, and where it excels it really excels. I’m not a big fan of the way it ended but I think that is mostly due to personal preference. There were several unanswered questions and I don’t know if they have plans to go into DLC or even a sequel, and I don’t think there’s enough for that anyway – it ended pretty neatly. I will let this game sit with me and I’ll read up on some discussions from other people to see if my thoughts will change, but I don’t know if I’ll end up liking it more or less.

Thanks for reading this really long review!! I will write up a more spoilery one in a couple of days.

[the5thhuman]

The Cyclic Mirror: Twin Prime and Polignac’s Conjecture Proof

Physics of Mathematics: Part 2/3 (previously The Primes Decoded):

The Cyclic Mirror provides a simple proof of the twin prime conjecture, pairs of cousin primes, sexy primes — all the way to infinite pairs of primes with a difference of every even number. With a nonlinear perspective on the nature numbers and mathematics, a new method of proof is devised, which allows many of the questions regarding the prime and composite numbers to be answered.

Note: Although this proof is extremely simple, it was unbelievably difficult, almost impossible. It was a fun choice, however. With this proof anyone in the world can easily understand it in minutes. It doesn’t matter how it is described or explained: using numbers, words, geometry, mathematical notation, philosophical/logical statements, nonhuman language, or whatever��the fundamental logic, understanding, and new mathematics, which was discovered/created, is the same. There is no doubt that this method can be used to prove other things as well.

Read a descriptive version showing how it is no different and is as clear and simple as Euclid’s Proof of Infinitely Many Primes: https://the5thhuman.wordpress.com/201...

Find out more at: The5thhuman.gumroad.com

Part 1: The Big Picture - provides a new look at the overall nature of primes and composites where I convert the multiplication plane to addition. It shows why the primes and composites, including all their factors, are the way they are.

Part 2: The Cyclic Mirror - understanding the pattern was used to prove twin prime and Polignac’s conjecture.

Part 3: Defining Infinities - shows how either mathematics itself warps space time, that there are infinite bubble universes, or shows proof that space is an infinite loop. It also shows that infinite distances away, there’s mathematics/universe where 2 isn’t the only even prime value and 1 isn’t the only value with 1 factor.

Music: Sorisara by Marcus Wilson/The 5th Human

[imtryingmybeskar]

Creator Spotlight Tag! You've been tagged by a fellow creator to share three of your own creations that you want to throw the spotlight on. They can be new works, old works, finished or in progress, popular pieces or ones that flew under the radar, the ones you're most proud of or the ones that you had the most fun writing, it doesn't matter! The idea is to celebrate yourself and the things that you create, because no one but YOU could have created them!! Pass it along to three other creators to spread the self celebration! :)

Thank you so much for tagging me my love! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get to this. I'm all over the place right now!

The things I want to highlight are as follows:

The Epilogue of In Time. I loved In Time as a whole and I am a total simp for circular and cyclical stories. I loved writing the epilogue in particular because I felt it was so important to show a healed and healthy Pero and to link back to what had gone before in the physical layout of the world.

Chapter Nine of Fugitive. Another thing I love to write is the same scenario from multiple viewpoints. This chapter is the story thus far entirely from Din's point of view instead of Reader's. I had a blast writing it.

And finally I'm going to put Worship here. It's a Francisco Morales one shot based on a gorgeous ask I received. I struggle with making my writing sexy and I feel like I hit a sweet spot with this particular piece and I'm proud of how far I've come with that particular aspect.

I'm currently writing more sexy stuff. I can't possibly imagine what for *coughStarmancough* 😘

[saedii-gilwraeth-simp]

Another World - TDC Holidays - Day 20

and we’re back to the wlw

DAY 20

AU: BALLERINA

POV: KATHARINE/BREE

The dancers on the stage were cold and focussed as Arsinoe ran them through the warmup. Katharine sat in the audience, observed them with a focus bordering on crazed and listened as Mirabella posited her thoughts on how she should cast. In her head, she already had a cast in her mind, but she would still listen to her sister.

Her eyes caught on the dancer Arsinoe was helping adjust and she smiled when the woman met her eyes. The dancer smiled back before refocussing on fixing her posture.

~

“Babe, you home?” Kat asks as she enters the apartment and throws her keys in the bowl. Bree yells back an affirmative and Kat moves down the hall and into the living room. Her long legs are stretched into a middle split and her chin is cupped in her hands as she watches a video on the TV. Kat watches for second over the back of the couch for moment and then nods with a smile when she recognises what’s on the screen. “Swan Lake huh? What made you watch that one in particular?” Bree turns her head with a smile.

“Oh, only the fact my wife cast me as Odile for a reason that I can only reduce down to the fact she’s a heathen. Alas, I love her,” Kat giggled and crouched in front of Bree, bringing their lips together. Bree sighed happily into the kiss and Kat ran a hand through her wife’s hair as she pulled away.

“The actual answer is you look sexy in black doing fouetté turns. But, yes, I am also a heathen, my love,” she smiles.

“Ah, I knew it,” Bree says and pulls Kat back to her. “Your dinner’s in the microwave by the way.” Kat smiles and stands, letting her wife continue watching Marianela Nuñez turn.

~

Bree was pretty sure her sister-in-law was trying to kill her and that feeling was only confirmed when Arsinoe clapped her hands and stood with an air of near frustration.

“That was fine, but richie riches don’t pay to see ‘fine’ and I sure as hell am not willing to accept ‘fine’ either. Bree, Pietyr, do the coda again. The rest of you can go home and come back tomorrow when you’re going to be better than fine, yes?” There are some murmured yes’ and then everyone but Bree, Pietyr and Arsinoe are left in the room.

“I like your sister better, you know that right?” Bree says to her as Pietyr sets up to start his turns. Arsinoe smirks.

“I should hope so considering you married her and not me. And unlike you, my partner isn’t waiting for me at home so I have all the time in the world for you to get these turns right, Westwood,” she says nonchalantly and Bree groans and walks away.

~

“Your sister’s the devil,” Bree calls into the apartment when she arrives, long after the sun had gone down.

“I thought you got along with my sister,” Kat yelled back. Bree padded into the kitchen and threw herself down onto one of the chairs at the island bench.

“Kitty, she made me spin until I got dizzy. I’ve never gotten dizzy turning!” She laid her head in the bench and groaned. Kat reached over and ran her fingers over the crown of Bree’s head in a cyclical movement. “Billy just needs to get home and be the excellent boyfriend we all know he is and all of us dancers are off the hook from your sister and her evil choreographer hands.”

“Bold of you to assume that my sister won’t be just as obnoxious, only with more energy, when she goes back to being dicked down on the reg,” Kat points out and Bree snorts.

“Yeah, but at least she’ll be peppy about it,” Bree notes before lifting her head off the countertop. “What are you cooking?”

~

“Alright people, final rehearsal today. Impress me, would you?” Arsinoe calls with a clap from where her, Kat and Mira sit in the audience seats. Bree can see from the stage that Kat is holding herself back from reprimanding Arsinoe for having her feet up on the seat back in front of her. Bree smiles at it before the music starts and she focusses on performing her role and doing so beautifully.

~

Opening night goes off without a hitch and the ballerina’s are backstage wiping makeup and peeling pointe shoes off and eating whatever carbohydrated snacks they have in their bags. Bree is near the back of the dressing room, her view of the door blocked by her mirror, so she doesn’t see who enters that makes the dancers cheer., When she hears the congratulations, she smiles, right before her wife comes and stands beside her mirror.

“Hi, Kitty. How’d I do?” Bree asks, with a smile because she knows she did excellently. Kat smiles back and pulls her into a kiss.

“You were perfection, Bree Westwood, as usual. Perfection. I have to go talk to some really fun rich people about the performance and try to make it sound like I’m not in love with you, so you  can take your time changing, but after that, I’m taking you home,” she says before leaning in and kissing Bree’s cheek.  “Love you,” Bree returns the sentiment in turn and then Kat is gone with another cheek kiss.

“Damn, Westwood, get it,” Emilia said from her place on the floor behind Bree, where she was untying her laces.

“Shut up Vatros,” the brunette laughed before shouldering her bag and leaving the dressing room. Bree chuckled and went back to wiping away her makeup.

TAG LIST: @poisonerrose​, @alwaysbored005​, @nataliaarronn​

[corvidkittytransboy]

terato meme: 💀👻😈-x

💀 - Who was the first monster you ever fell for?

it took me a bit to think of this one (i didnt have and still basically dont have any celebrity crushes cause im like, actually a complicated type of grey-asexual while being a complicated mostly mlm bi? Basically I dont get attracted to individuals. Theres a meme thats the no give only throw dog but instead its “want sex” “with who” “no who only sex” and thats the mood basically. Though its more of an anyone than a no one thing. ANYWAY THIS ISNT WHAT YOU ASKED ME ABOUT) Upon thinking about it, I think it was probably Wulf from Danny Phantom cause werewolves sexy 

👻 - What’s your ideal monster lover like?

I’m not too picky, I’m a fan of a LOT of different kinds of monsters from like, inhuman tentacle beings with eyes and mouths in all the wrong places all the way down to normal-ass vampires which dont really count as monsters but whatever. I want something with big wings to shield me, and big claws for ripping right through clothes, sharp teeth for leaving marks so everyone knows whoever, or whatever, is fucking me isn’t human. Definitely a fantastical cock, certainly with a knot, maybe prehensile or barbed or some other kind of fun texture (ribbed? Big ridges? I’m not picky) Maybe fluffy? I’m thinking maybe a mothman type of thing here, big fluffy strong cryptid who can take me flying and pin me to a wall and be super rough with an inhumanly sized and shaped cock.

😈 - Share a monster related fantasy~

hmmm, I already talked about the cyclical breeding thing, where something very inhuman impregnates me with something that the moment its out leaves behind another one to grow inside me, leaving me constantly either bred by it or about to be. 

Sooooo lets talk about good old werewolf fantasies. I LOVE the idea of heat and monsters going into rut and needing to breed and also I had this idea that ive probably seen somewhere before but still i love it, the kind of werewolf where you lose control when you transform, but instead of bloodlust being the driving force for everything, it’s just normal lust. You’re a werewolf but every time you change you change into a needy slut in heat. 

Anyway that hasn’t happened YET in this fantasy, but it will in time. First though the first werewolf has to find me in the woods while he’s in rut. He can smell the fact that I have a fertile cunt between my legs even though to all outward appearances I’m just a pretty short guy. The nose doesn’t lie though, and he can tell I can satisfy his needs for the coming rut (which could last a day or a week or a month or more, a couple days to a week sounds about right though) there’s absolutely nothing I could have possibly done to stop the werewolf from taking me once he’s decided I’ll make a good mate, but I still try to run, absolutely terrified that this huge beast might want to eat me, but when he easily overtakes me and I’m trapped beneath his weight, he keeps from scratching me too bad and just rips my clothes off instead. I see his cock slip out and point right at me and I realize what he wants with me.

I try to beg him to get off, cause he’s massive and there’s no WAY that’s going to fit inside me, especially not if as I suspect, he’s got a knot. Unfortunately he’s not taking no for an answer, and he’s strong enough to MAKE it fit, so he does. It’s once I’m knotted and my womb is so full of cum it’s starting to stretch my belly a little that he finally bites me, marking me as his mate and forcing me to transform into the perfect mate for him, the outward changes of this kind of transformation a lot less useful in terms of power and a lot more internal as my womb becomes ready to bear werewolf pups for him and the hormones of heat start to take over my mind. I get taken back to his den and used like that for a week, dropping in and out of that haze of lust, sometimes coming back to myself enough to scream and struggle, but often staying docile and moaning beneath my huge werewolf lover. 

[yallseen]

Y’all Seen Shock Treatment?

‘Shock Treatment’ is a sequel to ‘The Rocky Horror Picture Show’. Kind of. Maybe. A little. Brad and Janet are there, but they don't look or act like Brad and Janet. This time around, they’ve gotten married but are getting close to splitting up. In a last-ditch attempt to save their relationship, they go to a reality show/psychiatric facility. A demented doctor and nurses give him the ‘ol shock treatment while Janet falls into her own as a reality TV star. 

Now I know that’s a lot, but stick with me.

What the story is really about is the dangers of commercialism taken to an extreme. The town of Denton has been overrun by a fast-food conglomerate and its streets are now the sets for TV programs. Specifically, reality TV. Keep in mind that this movie was made in 1980 - 12 years before the first major reality show ‘The Real World’. 

This film was able to predict the rise of reality stars with startling accuracy. With the advent of YouTube and Instagram stars, ‘Shock Treatment’ still feels fresh as ever.

Janet is a character of self-discovery. In ‘Rocky Horror’, she found herself emancipated by sexuality. In ‘Shock Treatment’, she finds her true calling as a superstar. In both cases, she feels unsatisfied by the life she was born into and becomes actualized by exposure to ‘the other’. 

In both cases, she eventually leaves her newly-discovered self in favor of human Wonderbread: Brad Majors. This shift in her life will become a blip. A fun anecdote to share at brunch. it serves the story’s theme of cyclical commercialism to a T. In the end, Brad and Janet drive away singing about how they’re “gonna do it anyhow”. How despite the trauma and change they have experienced, its ultimately more comforting to go back to the way things always were.

Now to address the elephant in the room: How does it hold up to ‘Rocky Horror’?

Upon its release, it was planned for ‘Shock Treatment’ to have its own midnight release community in the same vein as its predecessor. This didn’t pan out. Right now, if you live in or near a major city, you can almost definitely find a midnight screening of ‘Rocky’ nearby this month. ‘Shock Treatment’ had some at first when it was new and exciting, but people eventually dropped in favor of its forebear. Why? 

It wasn’t sexy enough.

That’s my theory. I wasn’t alive in 1981. I can’t say for sure. What I do know is what I’ve seen from my experiences at midnight ‘Rocky Horror’ showings. Many times, half the audience will dress in only their underwear (if that) and everyone yells horny jokes at the screen. That’s fun. ‘Shock Treatment’ doesn’t have much opportunity for that. It’s just a fun musical with fascinating social commentary.

Richard O’Brien can write a catchy song; that’s for sure. Most songs on the soundtrack have a 50′s vibe that wouldn’t feel out of place playing at Arnold’s Drive-In. There are some absolute earworms, too. After listening to ‘Bitchin’ in the Kitchen’ you may it difficult to look at a blender without bursting into song.

Track highlights:

‘Breaking Out’ - This was originally written for Rocky to sing in the first musical but ended up getting cut. It was somehow too gay for ‘Rocky Horror’.

‘Bitchin’ in the Kitchen’ - Does exactly what a song should do for a musical: sets up the themes of the story and character motivations in a short catchy tune.

‘Little Black Dress’ - Another one you’ll be humming for days.

‘Shock Treatment’ - The title track. This has the best production of all the songs, and O’brien’s voice shines.

‘Duel Duet’ - Cliff De Young does a great job doing a duet with himself. 

I first watched ‘Shock Treatment’ after going to a midnight showing of ‘Rocky Horror’ when I was a teenager. At the end, Janet, Brad, Frankfurter, and Columbia all jump into a pool. As they ran towards it, somebody in the audience yelled, “Last one in has to be in the sequel!” This ends up being Columbia, the only of those cast members to return for the sequel. 

This was the first I had heard of a sequel and I needed to see it. I was deep into my love for the original and needed more. At first viewing, I felt disappointed. It wasn’t Rocky. It wasn’t until watching it again a few months later that I started to see it as a smart and entirely separate entity. Eventually, the soundtrack turned into my go-to study music in College. Just upbeat enough to stop me from passing out in my anatomy books.

‘Shock Treatment’ (1981) is available for streaming as well as DVD/BluRay

Trailer

[thesinglesjukebox]

CARLY RAE JEPSEN - WANT YOU IN MY ROOM

[7.80]

Give a [10]! or a [4]! We don't care! Anymore! (actually we clearly do care)

Josh Winters: The sound of the heart set aflame. [10]

Tobi Tella: Oh my god. The synths, the sultriness, that goddamn HOOK. Dedicated had a lot of great and fun, pop music, but this comes out of left field in the best possible way. It's one of the most direct and sexy things, she'd ever done. Is this what gay heaven feels like? [10]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Big "looks-up-grinning-like-the-devil" energy: when CRJ sings, "I wanna do bad things to you," the mischief is both inexplicably sweet and dirty. [8]

Michael Hong: "Want You In My Room" might be Carly Rae Jepsen at her horniest, but it's also Jack Antonoff at his least restrained, together making something that's thrillingly giddy. Carly Rae Jepsen drops some of those thinly disguised hints for more straight-forward temptations, coming across as intense where Dedicated erred more towards tepid. There's still room for coyness, with the distorted "want you in my room" bashfully buried in the mix and the way Jepsen's voice brazenly glides across the instrumental on the line "slide on through my window." But most importantly, "Want You In My Room" feels completely uninhibited and absolutely freeing as Carly Rae Jepsen delivers any line with as much of a wink as she desires. [9]

Kayla Beardslee: Pure joy. [9]

Edward Okulicz: Every song that goes by, I find myself enraged by how average I find the average Carly Rae Jepsen to be, and I'm not entirely sure that I'm not jealous of the euphoria she inspires in others. But honestly, she's no Vengaboys, let alone a Paul Lekakis; I believe Jepsen, but I don't buy her abandon. [4]

Alfred Soto: With Dedicated proving an ephemeral listen, "Want You in My Room" does a professional job as any discrete track at isolating her strengths: finding a hook for any title and singing as if any doggerel were Heidegger. The outro sax wipes the smear of the redundant vocoder, suggesting other paths that the arrangement avoids. [4]

Kylo Nocom: Given the runtime and production choices, one would think somebody had went out and decided to parody the style of Emotion with its Wikipedia article and five hours to complete the task. "Want You in My Room" slightly lacks sophistication in both songwriting and in aesthetic: it feels like half of the song is missing by the time the track decides to fade out, and the wonky percussion/clean guitars/fucking SAX are rather ungraceful signifiers of '80s kitschiness, as if hints were taken from Carly's turn with the Fuller House theme song. These tiny grievances immediately disappear once those robot-voices and shouts burst out, an exercise between restraint and shamelessness that's completely undeniable. I didn't register that the vocoded voices were actually saying anything the first few times I heard this, let alone the title, but it's quite sly how that turned out: the most explicit demand of the hook is obscured, leaving "I wanna do bad things to you!" which beats around the bush a tiny bit (thankfully, less embarrassingly than Camila) and additionally gleeful cheers before that lovely inquiry of "baby, don't you want me too?". I'm still frustrated this ends so quickly, but even this doesn't matter when it's the Carly song I've been using to soundtrack the crush-anxiety interludes of my life. Really, this could cut off after the first chorus and still be more exciting than nearly every other song on Dedicated. [8]

Joshua Lu: It's tempting to draw connections between Emotion and everything Carly Rae Jepsen has done since Emotion -- thematically, her work hasn't evolved much since 2015, with her primary concern being PG-13 depictions of love and heartbreak. But Emotion's portrayal of affection was grandiose and imposing, fit for blasting out the windows of your car as you get lost in the streets of LA, while Dedicated's take feels distinctly slighter and more intimate. "Want You In My Room" takes more of its cues from Kiss, if anything -- even overlooking the disco tinges and how that was the first time she worked with Jack Antonoff, Kiss employed intimate lyricism that could verge at times on the diaristic, with songs like "Turn Me Up" and "Curiosity." The song's title, conveyed through Antonoff's phalanx of robots, renders that closeness literally, but that intimacy comes through metaphorically as well, especially with that quintessentially Carly-esque grotesque lyric of "press you to the pages of my heart" and that absolutely filthy request to "slide on through my window." I'll always prefer this mode of Carly, whose depictions of carnal affection feel more genuine and evocative when she's cooing them in your ear instead of bellowing them to the world. Even the outro works for me; the music video helps to explicate that her lover has finally made it to her room, and the bleating saxophone becomes an aural metaphor of whatever the two of them are doing, now that the song has accomplished its purpose. [10]

Will Adams: The discourse around Jack Antonoff and his status as the supposed ingenue behind female pop stars' critical reappraisal is exhausting, mostly because it ignores my biggest gripe with it: the production is bad. As we've seen before, his penchant for vocoders sinks the songs and, in this case, the entire chorus. The rest is his typical beige, vaguely '80s, vaguely '90s, vaguely everything feel, as if those "Dreams" guitars haven't been done better elsewhere. Carly's not off the hook either, with lyrics as empty as "press you to the pages of my heart." The sax riffing at the end would have been nice had it not resulted in a fade-out, which only serves to let you know that no one involved bothered to write a bridge. [4]

Joshua Copperman: That post-chorus is peak Carly - her songs are best when they're anxious but sensual, innocent but winking. But that's the problem with this song, content to be an E*MO*TION throwback when the best cuts on Dedicated ("I'll Be Your Girl," "Everything He Needs") push her sound forward in ways that still remain consistent with her past. Antonoff's on autopilot, lifting his own Tom Petty rip from "Don't Take The Money" for his usual mix of 80s and non-80s signifiers. Singles Jukebox editor and writer Katherine St. Asaph's issue with Dedicated was that Carly didn't play to her fanbase enough. This goes too much in the other direction giving the gays exactly what they want but nothing more. That doesn't mean it's bad, but it's too slight when Carly's beloved for her maximalism. [6]

Andy Hutchins: Fun, frivolous, brisk, and brief in the way so many great pop songs are, and a better spiritual successor to "Africa" in 2019 than Weezer actually covering it. But I will admit that listening to the potential [3] or [15] that would have been CRJ riffing on Rye Rye's spin on Vengaboys was deeply distracting. [7]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: "Want You In My Room" is the worst kind of song to write about: so self-evidently joyful and skilled in every aspect (those synths!! that sax solo!!) that it's hard to point at any one thing to analyze. Is it enough to just say that the song is the best execution of crush pop in the catalog of an artist who is the queen of crush pop? Is it enough to say that I listen to the song in the shower and my morning walk to class? Is it enough to say that this song (and really, the whole starting run of Dedicated) is an excellent soundtrack to a roadtrip with the one you love? I don't know, and I don't quite know how to express how good it is that Carly Rae Jepsen is around and making music like this, but I hope this helps. [10]

Jackie Powell: Carly Rae Jepsen knows her base just as well as she knows herself. All of the elements of "Want You in My Room" confirm that."...And I'll press you to the pages of my heart" in the pre-chorus proves how Jepsen simultaneously views love and her music. She loves fantasy and probably adores fanfiction (Does anyone have confirmation on this?) "I think I like when people look at music from a way that's this childlike magical thing that happens to us," she said at Electric Lady Studios recording her Spotify singles session. She has made it her brand for the nerds who love love--but struggle to capture it-- feel at home with the awkwardness and desire that they feel inside. Jack Antonoff knows how to extrapolate Jepsen's inner feelings and give them a sound; the track begins with three different percussive loops which symbolize the racing heartbeat of sexual and romantic excitement. The aforementioned Spotify session version of the cut further echoes the idea that this song is an orgy that would take place at a campfire for young adults. (I guess I just described Woodstock. Imagine Woodstock in 2019...oh wait.) She proves once again that both fantasy and desire are natural and shouldn't be a source of any shame. [8]

Vikram Joseph: There's probably not much that my 11-year-old self has in common with me right now. But I remember getting up an hour before school to listen to the radio, and the way that I would lose myself in pop music and it would carry me through the day, painting the cyclical banalities of breaktime and double chemistry in weird, vivid colours that I didn't fully understand back then. And it's not so different to the way that I respond to it now; the way that caffeine and Dedicated made my commute shimmer and glow on sticky mornings this summer. For me, "Want You In My Room" has been the album's febrile, halcyon peak from the start - a high-camp maximalist fantasia of love and lust, the rare ecstasy of uncomplicated desire played out in a technicolour dreamscape of synths, vocoders and sax solos. It took four months for it to acquire a music video, but there must have already been a million existing in our imaginations, us as the stars, cameras panning as we walk down streets as flamboyantly as our queer little hearts dare to. It's garish, sugary and barely sounds real, and that's fine - because great pop is escapist, always has been and always will be, and "Want You In My Room" makes me believe I can have it all (even if it's fake). [10]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[mooosicaldreamz]

like four days ago, someone asked me to talk more about the stn and myiy playlists and i finally finished the post about it. so here. be warned, it is long.

i will use this opportunity to talk about what lynne and i like to call the “OG” stn and myiy songs. these are songs that we feel are the VERY MOST stn or myiy, and together would make the short forms of the playlists. the distillations as it were of these playlists that best represent the fics.

WE BEGIN

stn:

waves - miguel and kacey musgraves. amazing, spectacular, all about the very sensual sex that they get up to - but also very intimate. u know, they have a connection that goes deeper than sex that i think is clear in how good their sex turns out to be.

unforgettable - french montana. has always been to me a kara in the club song like a little bit drunk flirting with some girl and then texting lena like a classic ‘u up.’ it’s another intimate, sexy song that i think is very them. i also love the line ‘i gotta give it to her like we in a marriage’

passionfruit - drake. another club, intimate, sexy song. stn to me is about kara and lena just constantly circling around each other over and over because u know. they’re soulmates. and this song has a very circular work to it that i think works really well for the mood of this fic. also ‘i think we should rule out commitment for now cuz we’re falling apart’

i feel it comin’ - jillian jacqueline. i mean, it’s about sex, but it’s about knowing someone, too - knowing when someone is about to come is like a really sensual thing i guess and its intimate and u know. u get the deal. its them. ‘we don’t have to rush when you’re alone with me’

stay the night - jukebox the ghost. the OG song named stn on the playlist, a very fun romp of a song. probably the other half of this fic to me - kara and lena also have a lot of fun and are very flirtatious. some other songs on the playlist like walk the moon are of this family too. i think its obvs how this song interacts with the fic

more than you know - axwell /\ ingrosso. is a kara song, has always been a kara song. was an original song on the warm up playlist but moved over to the stn main because i think its lyrical content bears out. ‘come a little closer let me taste your smile until the morning light’ honestly kills me!

i watched you slip - panama. was an og song on the playlist for the eventual breakup phase that we saw at the end of stn5. i also think it reflects to the deepening of their relationship and understanding of each other, kara talking about her family and lena also talking about her family.

one foot - walk the moon. i’ve actually really thought of this as a lucy and alex song and if lynne and i were ever to get their story out there, this song would probably give its title. but it has relevance for kara in particular too.

sign - vhs collection. another og breakup song, another really the hard work of being in love with someone. reminds me of when kara talks to lena about her parents and they just hug? honestly this makes me cry just to think about.

tropics - mantaraybryn. there’s a subset of songs on this playlist about being in california and making out. this is one of them. the sort of longing quality of this song also works very well for the fic. ‘you’re breaking a smile, and i’m changing the pace’

i fall apart - post malone. has always been a post breakup song as well. it was all here on the playlist ALL ALONG.

your song - rita ora. it’s a sweet love song. i don’t know. it makes me smile. ‘we were way up kissing in the back of the cab, and you said hey love, come back to my flat’

all the stars - kendrick lamar and sza. a mood song. no other way to describe it. some of these songs on the playlist are just songs i can close my eyes and imagine them driving around national city in the range rover with the windows down.

thief - ansel elgort. this is all because of the fan video with the same song.

love lies - khalid and normani. another post breakup song that has also been a dark club somewhat drunk song for me for a while.

carly rae jepsen - favourite colour. this song was given to the playlist by lynne herself and its a BANGER and REAL!!!!!

back to you - selena gomez. another song that i think is really about how cyclical and circular they run around and around each other. they’re soulmates. its chill but its fine.

MYIY

adore - amy shark. a killer lena song, connected totally to the scenes of them pretty early in college but specifically the party scene early on in the fic.

can you tell - ra ra riot. this song i actually gave to lynne when we first started flirting and it’s so a sweet lena song like, i’m kind of really into you. one of the key things about myiy to me is that they do meet when they’re really young and have to grow into an adult relationship (they’re still working on it). but they do still have a quality of like two people who met young and are just like that still sometimes. they’re sweet.

abc - alexander fairchild. one of my very favorite true love songs on the playlist.

first time - vance joy. a big fave of mine, reminds me so much of them just being together at college and like. riding bikes. i don’t know. it’s a pure ass sunny love song and i would die for them.

let’s get married - bleachers. one of my very favorite songs. when lynne told me why she wanted it on the playlist for the first time i laid down on our kitchen floor and cried.

she’s casual - the hunna. absolute killer of a myiy song. when we listen to myiy in the car lynne demands we listen in order and so i ask where she wants to start and she always says this song. it’s a great song for both of them, and i think it really shows some measure of the desperation they feel for each other, as it were.

scared - delta rae. this song KILLLLLLLLS me. it’s a song for both of them, and it’s just - really emotional. you can really feel the fear i guess, and it’s a great breakup song. the premise of myiy really relies on how much they were really wrapped into each other by the time they broke up and i think this song really shows how invested they are. “i’m sorry, i loved you, but even those words are getting see through” is an a+ lyric.

looking too closely - fink. made it onto this playlist because it was in a fanvid that made me cry. is a great like, sitting in the dark drinking wine song, LENA.

without you - oh wonder. this song was one of the very first songs on the playlist and is the emotional crux of their breakup portion on the playlist - all of the oh wonder songs are meant to be benchmarks for different parts of their love story. it was, i believe, the song lynne suggested to give the fic its title. i rejected it and she still complains about it. i wanted the title to come from “fountain of youth” which is like four songs down.

dearly departed - shakey graves. one of MY fave songs, a great thumper of a lena song. i think it really speaks to how lena just like. know she’s the one who fucked it all up. “you and i both know that the house is haunted, well, you and i both know that the ghost is me”

let’s be happy - fire chief charlie. this is a great sad circa like ch5-6 song - totally the sort of precipice of getting back together, wanting each other so bad and willing to let go of the past to move into the future. “and if i say hello again, let it be for the last time.”

tiger teeth - walk the moon. every fucking inch of this song is so myiy i nearly died when i heard it for the first time. it is TEXTBOOK. the slow beautiful beginning, the like hymnal quality of the music and synth. it’s all there. it’s perfection. truly. and it’s just so them - they just love each other SO. MUCH. “when you swallow someone whole, you are bound to choke / well i guess we could never be friends, i ate you up the day we first spoke” honestly. i die.

the last of the real ones - fall out boy. this song is right at the beginning of the full weight of the back half of the season, essentially, when the drama of the fic becomes more external than internal (aka will they get back together). this song is really for the both of them, but it’s a fun adventurey fight song that i love. i like the sense of grandeur it gives them.

sand and lead - neiked and brolin. this song is one of my favorite songs about kara. “i’ll take the wheel if you do the pedals” is one of my fave lines. it’s just about, to me, exhaustion and the toll of being a superhero and stuff and getting the chance to be with lena and how that helps kara.

the lightning strike (what if this storm ends) - snow patrol. there are a few songs on this playlist that i’ve loved for a long time and have been looking for an excuse to put on a playlist. myiy runs enough of an emotional gamut that i have p much free reign. this song is one of those songs - a totally epic, edge of the precipice song. it’s great for storming into battle, and probably some daxamite nonsense. who knows.

heroes - peter gabriel. another endgame drama song, totally amazing, made me cry the first time i heard it, yes i cry a lot if you’ve read this far. i heard it and immediately knew it was a myiy song, knew exactly what it was for.

may i have this dance - francis and the lights. this song makes me HAPPY. it’s so sweet, a nice sunshine after the rain type song to help close out the playlist into ultra life which is the IDEAL song to end on. it’s just about dancing and happiness. “let me stay and excite you / we are bound to inherit the sins of our parents” so on so forth. they fucking love each other.

[wildflower8281]

Books! How Reading Has Elevated My Mind & Heart Post-Convent

In the convent we were only provided with catholic books. There were libraries in every convent and we were reading all the time actually, but it was all catholic culture, doctrine, spirituality, thought. I have undoubtedly read the life of every single religious nun in church history. When I came home, it took me awhile to not feel scandalous reading other material or books. Even flipping through a regular magazine felt borderline sinful because of what I was exposing myself to - articles about sex, humans in underwear or bathing suites, products enhancing vanity, etc. As I state everywhere, the Program is real and it took me probably about a year before I ‘strayed’ into reading non-catholic books.

Eventually I headed over to the library, got myself a card and wandered through the great halls and explored. It was one of the most liberating moments post-convent, for me. To be able to freely wander these fantastic long rows of all the books I could ever want! It was an introvert and writer’s dream! Fictional stories about different places, books on nature, animals, travel, art! Books on psychology, the brain, nutrition, health! And of course, books on all the religions and spiritualities in the world. It was definitely a moment of mental liberation and thrill for me when I realized how much of the world had been kept from me and how much I was now totally free to explore! Yes, in religious life we were exposed to music, art, history, philosophy - it was actually a very rigorous academic formation - but it was all within the context of the church, it was all always catholic in some form or fashion.

Reading took me into the world at large and let my mind breathe outside of the church confines. I reveled in reading a book about the brain! I relaxed and enjoyed the comfort of a good fiction book on a snowy day. Reading definitely played a huge part in deprogramming my mind from not only all the convent culture, but the catholic programming as well. As someone who is naturally docile and a pleaser, I had accepted mostly everything without question (which is why I was fantastic as a religious superior by the way.) There were always a minority of sisters who were intellectually curious and rebellious, who would question the things or care enough to ask. I didn’t really. It was easier to just assent and move along. However, reading helped me not only open my mind, but begin to use it again, to learn the questions, to integrate new information regarding the church, the world, and myself. No wonder they don’t let religious read more non-catholic stuff - it creates free thinking humans!

Ok, so here is my list of some truly life-changing books, in my geek-opinion. I would recommend these books to any person, whether they were a nun in a past life or not, male or female or any gender identity honestly. I think they are good for the human spirit and mind to learn about, to traverse and integrate!

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho: This is an international forever best seller, life-changing type of book. It is published in 56 languages and has won the Guinness World Record as the most translated book by a living author. Need I say more? It is in essence a fable about a young man who traverses the desert and has different experiences, searching for his purpose. Underneath the story, the mythical characters, the magical desert landscapes are truths about life, love, and self that will resonate if you have a beating heart. There is really nothing more to say here.

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown: This amazing woman is generally more known for her Ted Talk and for her book, “Daring Greatly,” however for me, it was ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ that really spoke to many things I was struggling with on my road back into the world. She is famous for her TedTalk on Vulnerability, which probably every human should watch. She teaches on courage, authenticity and showing up as yourself, not faking for anyone. The things she speaks and writes have always resonated with me, because she speaks the language of being human. This book however is a short and sweet version of her overarching philosophy. It’s divided into bite size chapters, packed with real stories and good fodder for thinking, as well as practical ways to implement the practices into your life. Since a lot of convent programming focused on: self-denial, sin, staying busy, keep working, rules, control, falling in line - this book focuses on things like playfulness, creativity, letting go of what people think, self-compassion, heeding intuition, and rest! It’s kind of like an antidote to much of the rigorous mental & physical sides of religious life. For me personally, it kickstarted my curiosity regarding art and creativity specifically. It led me to try new things, to grab some art supplies and begin to just play. Finding art and play was a very deep part of my re-integration and self-confidence that is still with me today. In art and play, I learned to be fully myself without filters. Due to the happiness I found in art & being creative, it opened an entire universe of creativity, movement and freedom for me, mentally, spiritually and physically. Do yourself a favor and grab this short & sweet life manual!

Women’s Body, Women’s Wisdom by Dr. Christianne Northrup, MD: This is basically an anatomy textbook that is fascinating and is helpful if you have a body. True confession: I’m a total geek about the body and enjoy learning about how we work, so dipping into this book was fun for me, however -  if you have a body that you live and move and breathe in daily, I highly recommend getting to know how it works for you in exquisite detail at each moment! It’s a big book and that can be off-putting. I get it. The bible is also a big book, but how do you read it? You don’t read it in one sitting, nor do you read it from front to back. You pick it up and read wherever you are led. This is how I read books like Women’s Body, Women’s Wisdom. I read the contents, then skip to any chapter or parts that I’m curious about.

What does this book have to do with life post-convent?

Basic Health: Well, in religious life there was a lot of programming around ignoring the needs of the body, which leads to ignorance in general about how our bodies work and how to take care of them. Also, in religious life, we kind of eat whatever we are given or served. Learning about our bodies and nutrition empower us to choose how we want to nourish our bodies for maximum efficiency and replenishment. This helps us to feel amazing mentally and physically, aiding in our journeys onward. Eating crap and not taking care of our bodies will make the transition into the world - an already rocky one at best - that much more difficult, as our brains will be sluggish, anxious or depressed and our bodies will feel tired and weary. Knowing our bodies and caring for them is perhaps the single most important foundational piece to transitioning back to the world serenely.

Coming Home: Lastly, and personally most important for me was just reconnecting with my body, on the energetic and spiritual level. In the convent (and often in the church,) we live so much in our heads, such an academic and spiritual atmosphere. For a decade, I barely thought about the needs or feelings in my own body. It’s like the priests and nuns are a bunch of heads running here and there. The simple act of sitting and listening to my breathing, or just stopping to notice my heart beat were transformational moments for me. I felt like, ‘Wow, this living, breathing body has been here all along, working for me, taking care of me, doing what she needs to survive, assimilate foods, move for me. And I have utterly ignored every need and feeling from her.’ It was a coming home and a reconciliation for me.

This book will help any human understand their bodily systems much better. It is not heavily scientific, even though she is a renowned doctor. It’s written for the regular person, living a modern-day life. It connects the body with stress effects, the basics of nutrition and shows the energetic connection between the body, mind and illness. It is not new-agey or woo-woo. It’s grounded in legit science and medicine (I say this for the skeptics, because I do believe also in energetic medicines - my Mom is a massage therapist and Reiki practitioner!) It is approachable and easy to read. It’s more like a manual or reference book, but indeed should be read or at least present in any human household!

The Female Brain by Louanne Brizendine, MD: This is along similar lines to Women’s Body, Women’s Wisdom except that it is focused soley on the brain functions and hormones. This book blew up my mind space about my cycle, my hormones and explained so much about how being a menstruating woman feels. I formerly thought that all the hype around pms and cyclical hormones was just that - cultural hype, making fun and being dramatic. This MD explains, again using scientific research in an approachable manner, how exactly our brains work, how our cycles work and how they are connected with the waves of the three main hormones that pulse through us. It’s not a joke, it’s not a drama, it’s basic science and anatomy and how the female brain and reproductive system works. Every human should read it - if they are a menstruating person, or if they know one. Men need to read this book if they are dating women, married to women or are dad’s to women!

This book also empowered me (I rarely use that word because it feels so overused these days, so know that the fact that I’m using it for these two books is noteworthy!) to know myself and my body even more. It helps explain why, as women, we sometimes feel fantastic, strong, outgoing and sexy while other weeks, we may simply want to cozy up in a blanket with a book for 3 days, and not talk to anyone. It helped me understand why sometimes I feel emotionally and mentally resilient, like I can take shit and move on with my day, whereas other days every small comment causes an emotional upset. Understanding my cyclic nature has helped me plan my social life, my errands, my work life, my exercise routines and greatly assisted in relationships. It has given me ownership over my body and being that I am no longer confused or embarrassed by, but rather proud of and make no excuses for. I always know where I am in my cycle and I don’t get freaked out if I am feeling a little low energy or gloomy some days. Additionally, when I am feeling the extra bounce of energy provided by my hormones on the rise, I take full advantage to make social plans, be adventurous and get things done!

Spiritually, I’ve been able to connect the cyclic nature of my body to the cyclic natures of creation and this most definitely has helped me to find peace in each season of a cycle. We cannot be going all the time, just like the flowers are not constantly blooming, and it’s not always Spring. There are seasons of hibernation and stillness, just as much as there are seasons of bursting forth and vibrancy. The ocean waves ebb and flow, the moon waxes and wanes. We go forth and retreat. I’ve written an entire blog on this you can find here (insert link.) Our society and culture, including the culture within the convent, is constantly pushing us to work, keep going, moving always forward (adelante) - however, if we take some wisdom from Nature, we will see that nothing in Nature is always pushing outward. Literally nothing. Things grow and bloom in seasons, in cycles of going forth and pulling inward. This is what our menstrual cycle reminds us to do. Our magic and power as women dwells within us and the only way to tap into that is to have time to go inward. This is why we bleed, why our hormones drop, why we yearn for solitude, quiet and stillness. It’s nature giving us the time we need, just like other living beings, to listen, nourish, incubate the light, love and creative works that we are called to bring forth into the world.

Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd: This provocative title drew me and I also love a good autobiographical account. This is the real story of Sue’s personal spiritual journey, her Story of a Soul, one that began in the christian church world and led her across the world in search of the divine. I was never one to buy into or pay much attention to the charged lingo like ‘patriarchy’ and ‘misogynistic’ things that people said about the church, but when this book found me, I had processed enough of my time in the convent, to read and be open minded about this woman’s journey and search for not only the divine, but truth in the church and rituals. It helped me see with a lot of clarity how things in the convent, especially how we revered the priest ad nauseum, how we served and drove them everywhere, how Mass and many rituals are focused on them - is perhaps a little skewed and off. And I am someone who still holds love for many a priest in my life. I think it’s ok to not be in agreement with the male power in the church, and at the same time truly enjoy the persons that are specific priests in our lives. The book is not all about this, but it was one of the first pieces of literature where - since I was drawn into her personal journey - I read about how patriarchy and men in power can affect one woman’s experience of the Divine and of Church. She takes a beautiful journey that is full of connections to her heart, body, the earth, rituals and a sincere seeking of the Divine.

A few others that come to mind, a short list:

Falling Upwards by Fr. Richard Rohr: This Franciscan priest elaborates on how the second act in someone’s life is often accompanied by great spiritual growth and what we sometimes label as failures or falls actually catapult us forward and upward in wisdom and light. What he connects here regarding veterans who return to civilian life was very helpful & affirming with how many of us feel returning to life in the world, after a unique and extreme situation. Great, helpful read!

The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron: If you experience sensory overwhelm, have introvert tendencies, don’t like loud places, people, violent movies, etc - this book is for you. It helped me feel normal and be more confident asking for what I need in life, relationships, work and saying no to what I do not enjoy. About 15-20% of humans are HSP, and of that number, 70% are introverts. There is a website dedicated to this book with a quiz you can take to see if you fall into this category.

Quiet by Susan Cain: For all my introverts, do yourself a favor! For all my extroverts, learn about your friends, family and lovers here! This book upped my confidence and self-awareness even more, enabling me to find strength and confidence in my innate, interior, introverted gifts.

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman: If you plan on loving humans, read this book or at least go to the website, take the quiz and know your own languages. Do you know how you recieve love? Are you a gift person, or acts of service? Do you love physical touch or would you rather have someone compliment you? Also - are you giving love to your loved ones in the language they speak? If you give compliments to someone who prefers acts of service, your compliments will mean nothing. Again, just great to know if you are human and plan on loving and being loved on any level.

Ok, that’s all for now. I could add dozens to this list! Happy Reading!

[bitchywitchy-baby]

Tarot notes

Major Arcana:

0-21

Start with suits

Then elemental 

Minor arcana

Court cards : thinking of someone 

Pair numbers usually more comfortable

Inpair 

Arena of suit: what type of things youre looking at

Numbers are symmetry in the suits

1 beginning of idea, passion, hope 

Not tangible

2 about union about 2 people or present or pass, unity, balance, decision, 2 things facing each other

3: usually transition 

4; require a shift, or an action, shift in perspective

5: without fail conflict, middle of the journey, all the excitement and inspiration has warn off, tension

6:  relief, not always peachy, got a break 

7:  sticky, can be seen in 2 ways: cautionary, hey if you go down this exact path where are you going

8: work, labour(not necessarily career), energy

9:  celebration / resolution / results, getting grades back for mid term, speaking clearly, big cards like not like missing bus

10:  conclusion, beginning of something new, element of caution, 

Court cards 

pages:  

Students, young impatient

Knights are the teenagers, action related

queens: mastery with a female energy, care nuturting clarify, harmony

kings: mastery with male energy : father figures, senior, non maternal feeling, guides, bosses, usually not love interests, 

In reference to thinking of someone  

wands: creative energy, ex: king of wands senior marketing executive, 

elementally: 

South: summer : wands: creativity, passion, inspiration , burn out, stress from external, conflict, temper clashing, lovers quarrels, hot sex, celebration, very active (as they get higher up there’s more movement in the cards< opposite for winter, = fire 

north: winter, hibernation, domestic domain, money shelter healthy body : suit: pentacles, cold, concise, calculating, methodical to survive winter, not screaming from the roof stops = earth  (earthly matters what matters to your physical well beings

Pentacles: winter / earth

Wands: summer 

Swords: spring : duality, possibility, intellect, choice, fog is lifting maybe 

Cups : fall : slowing down, gentle, nostalgic 

spring: east, air = suit is swords : intellect, self (brain, anxiety, depression, good ideas, choices, learning, training, the mental labour before you unleash in summer), first buds of stuff, major Grief in a non physical way ex: 9 of swords being kept up at night during their own thoughts swords = psychic state, physical state is winter 

fall: west, water, cups: emoti9on, intuition, healing often, cyclical, changing, shape shifting, harder to nail down like feelings are, love, connection, memory, sense of self 

More so energy than actual age

Earth infancy, old age

Spring: childhood

Wands: teens and 20s maybe 30s, career oriented

cups: adulthood

3 card spread to start

Major arcana:

Take them out of the deck 

Look into the images, 

We start with the fool: 0 

Looking for a job,  leap, trust and trying something new 

1: magician 

Little more prep than fool, infinity symbol, has each suit on the picture, has everything he needs, he knows he has to do the work  regardless that he  has the tools. 

2: high priestess: 

Witchy bitch, great learner, isn’t taught by someone, she is teaching herself, caught between light and the dark, always hard to read and its intentional, in between beginner and novice, fruitful, potential for abandonment, commitment might be there but not full engagement. Persimmons behind her, knwoledge is sexy, cat energy, curious, playful, selfish

3: empress: procreation in a broad sense, everything is possible, new choices, new habits, growth, earthly goddess, new energy, new paths 

, wonderous possibility

4: emperor: taking care of business, Aries, warrior, got through for fighting, time to grind, may or not step on peoples feet, wealth 

5: hirpphant: teacher, dogmatic for a reason, preachings come from a desire to know and help, powerful, not unforgiving, 

6: lovers:  complicated, might mean happy and good or could be temptation for infidelity (to your values stay true, relationship, job, moral code, temptation to hide what you want, tempting you away from your path, the lovers could be great if they could stop the external temptation

7: chariot: motion, feeling good but not sure where you will land, strong foundation, 

8: strength: making friends, or strength through kindness, hard things are best done with love, you will be your most powerful when you can take that strength with kindness, only this and magician have the infinity sign. 

9: hermit: unity, interiority, hard journey to find the light

10: wheel of fortune: if its bad its gonna change, if its good its gonna change, things are in balance, more you are at ease, less tightly you hold on, the best you will deal with the changes

11: justice; fairness, balance, honesty especially with yourself, reap what you sow, standing up for yourself (maybe walking away, setting boundaries, saying what’s on your mind)

12: hangman: stuck, transition, nothing he can do about it, dealing with it and not minding being stuck. What can you learn from the situation that you are in, it will end when it ends, youre not in control, similar to wheel of fortune

13: death: rebirth, big changer, often seen coming,  watery card, fluidity, 

14: temperance: middle path, being kind to yourself, patience but not being frozen, not rushing, 

15: devil : addiction, lust, gluttony, lust, obsession, 

16; tower: change you dont see coming,  intense,  could be internal or external 

17: star : wishes and dreams, pretty goal card, big goals and small goals to be in line with big goals

18: moon: something is hidden, things dont see the daylight, befriend your dark side, you’re a nice person but sometimes you get mad or you have flaws, fun nighttime connections, sexuality maybe give more sun to that, 

19: sun: super bright, if moon is freedom, sun = happy but confined, putting in a lot of work, hot and heavy and hard and paying off, not liberating but satisfying, not a peaceful card. 

20: judgement: leaving behind old habits old versions of ourselves, choosing to be called to something, 

21: end of the journey theoretically, all of the elements are represented, huge milestone, celebration, good omen in a future reading or optimism in a tool position reading

l.ots of water: fluidity, emotions, change, 

Fire: passion, creativity, possibly destruction, intense

Earth: ground, always present , buildings 

Air:  intellect, sky, lots of brain happening,