#but in actuality it's extremely disappointing

[cassafrasscr]

I keep seeing people be like, "Ashton needs to stop acting like he's still a nobody with no power or agency. He's a level 15 Barbarian with a Titan shard and Luxon powers."

And like, yes. Ashton is EXTREMELY powerful. That's objectively true. And they're definitely not a nobody anymore either.

But here's the thing. Ashton’s spent their whole life until relatively recently with various boots on their neck. And the last time Ashton tried to step out of the role of a downtrodden gutter punk - to be a somebody, to be powerful, to be a hero - they got in way over their head. He fully bought into the same hubris that got his parents killed, literally blew himself up, and almost ruined all his friendships. Especially with abandonment being one of Ashton’s biggest issues, of course that would be a setback in his personal development.

Ashton leans so hard into being a nobody because it’s safer than being a somebody. If he’s not powerful or important, his mistakes won't have the same effect as they would otherwise. If you don't matter to anyone, you won’t be able to disappoint them.

Of course, that doesn't change the actual facts - Ashton IS powerful, and he matters a great deal, both to the Hells and to the fate of Exandria. I just think they're not in the right headspace or environment to really reckon with that in the way they need to. Especially since, for the most part, they never really asked for any of it. Ashton got their abilities (Titan and Luxon) because of circumstances outside of their control (his parents messing with powers they didn't understand, and Milo pouring a Potion of Possibility into his brain while he was injured and unconscious).

Plus, having power means having more of an ability to hurt people. We know from episode 40 that he worries about potentially turning on and attacking the Hells (or about one of the others turning, in which case he'd probably have to fight them to protect the rest of the group). They also worry about their body/powers being a ticking time bomb that could go off at any time. Not to mention, almost immediately having a panic attack upon finding out that they’re half Titan.

So, yeah. I'm not really surprised that Ashton would take one look at the idea that he's powerful and important and run the fuck away. Especially after all the fallout from Shardgate. Obviously, burying his head in the sand about it isn't going to help them learn to deal with it, and there are definite parallels with Ludinus in this. It's not a rational response to the situation, and the rest of Bell’s Hells are in a similar boat - especially since they've all spent most of the campaign feeling overwhelmed and utterly inadequate for the monumental task ahead of them.

Hopefully, they all survive this and can really start to unpack the nature of their relationship to power. Preferably with the Exandrian equivalent of a therapist, lol. 😅

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S3 Musings - Armand, Lestat, & Marius

I am SO glad Sam Reid properly contextualized Lesmand's mess, cuz folk keep ignoring the most crucial aspect of Armand's entire psycho-sexual obsession with Lestat: MARIUS.

Autumn Brown went and pulled out the same tired quote people always use from Blood Communion, Armand raving how Les is "it" for him, wigging TF out. But Sam shut that ish down immediately:

Cuz people constantly decontextualize the circumstances under which Armand even said that to Lestat in the first place:

I explained this all the way back when 2x3 aired and Armand gave that BS fanfic about Les "abandoning" him & Nicki & the coven--I knew Armand was lying, cuz that's NOT how Les leaving went down!

In the BC quote, Armand is saying that he loves & hates Lestat, cuz he's JEALOUS of Lestat. Armand was abandoned by Marius (I posted a whole tirade against Marius about this), and resented that Marius had forsaken his "beloved Amadeo" in his hour of need after being indoctrinated by the CoS; meanwhile Marius didn't know Lestat from a stranger in the effing street and still let the man live with him and told him all his deepest darkest secrets that he never told his own Blood Fledgling Spouse Child Amadeo. What makes Lestat so effing special, that Marius--who keeps EVERYONE at arms length--was suddenly welcoming this rando French blonde chaos demon with open arms; doing eff all to Les when he ran blabbing about TWMBK to the entire world?! Amadeo was the one Marius said he loved most, who he then kicked to the curb when Amadeo broke the rules/disappointed Marius, and never heard Boo! from him for the next 500 effing years! Why HIM and not ME, when you were MY everything?

Armand felt abandoned, and more than anything, he was TERRIFIED in BC, cuz just when Marimand were just starting to reconcile and get along again after a good 30+ years of tension post-reunion in QotD, Marius got kidnapped by the Big Bad Rhoshamandes, who'd already kidnapped the other people Lestat loved most: his son Viktor, his mom Gabrielle, & his Blood Spouse Louis. Armand was never kidnapped--Rhosh skipped right over him, and took Lestat's father-figure Marius. Armand was certain that if Lestat went after Rhosh he'd be killed, that he'd "vanish into the same darkness that has swallowed Louis and Marius." Armand panicked, cuz if Marius & Louis & Lestat were all dead, who would Armand have? What "imitation of purpose" would he have?

The Elders were actually SCARED for Armand in BC, afraid that he'd try to kill himself again (a la Memnoch).

Armand was speaking from a place of panic & pain, clinging to Lestat as his last life raft. Cuz Lestat always represented a type of hope & inspiration for Armand. All old AF vamps need someone who can help them "Make Contact With The Age" and learn about the modern world from--cuz vampires are mimics & hungry ghosts who parasitically feed off of others. (Louis is an extremely modern vampire, even in the books, who becomes the Contact for Lestat AND Armand.)

Armand DESPERATELY wanted Lestat to be his Contact, but Lestat ALWAYS rejected him, knowing Armand was just a bottomless pit that could never be fulfilled.

But Armand's a psychopath who loves the chase (a la Devil's Minion), so in a way, Lestat's rejections kept Armand pushing forward. Lestat wanted Armand to learn how to stand on his own 2 feet. Lestat loves Armand like a little brother, and cares about his well-being, and sees the potential in Armand because he IS a powerful coven master with nerves of steel--he has what it takes to lead, but he insists on following Lestat--the "Fool for God."

Amadeo ("Beloved of God") worshipped Marius; if Les had let him, Armand would've worshipped him, too. Cuz they're White Jesus.

God Complex Lestat believed that all vamps are gods in & of themselves; who shouldn't feel the need to worship anyone, God or the Devil. They should all live like him, devil-may-care, middle finger & fist to the sky. He's always been a FIGHTER. And if there's one thing Lestat doesn't like in a companion, it's a simp effing doormat who never does anything to stimulate or excite him; who just lies on their back & takes anything & everything the world throws at them--no challenge or fight whatsoever. Armand never stood a chance; just like Sam said: "they're not really compatible in that way."

Louis had BITE to him--"there's the spark!" but ironically, Lestat's oppressive domineering behavior contributed to all the factors that chipped away at Louis' confidence, till he was literally broken in Ep5. Lou's 2x8 speech that he's ready to reclaim his agency & autonomy is a step in the right direction for Loustat as a couple, as they both learn to respect each other's individualism, without Les tryna force Lou to be the type of vampire HE thought was best; allowing Louis to (re)grow into his skin & not think it's a personal rejection of him if Lou decided to not follow Les's every effing word about vamps (which would become CRUCIAL in PLatRoA)--and Lou learning to not be so condescending & judgemental against Les's hedonistic impulses.

There is no way for Armand to ever ingratiate himself to Lestat, when he's ALWAYS looked to Lestat to tell him how to act & live & dress & behave. Lestat wants a partner/parent to love, NOT a child to raise. Louis was a fledgling whom Les barely even managed to teach how to be a vampire--but Louis never relied on Lestat to teach him how to be his own person. Louis was never looking for Lestat to be his effing father. But Armand's literally an orphan child who's been looking for a father-figure to teach him how to be a person, ever since he was kidnapped & sold into slavery as a human; and Marius left the kind of hole in Armand that no one ever filled--not Louis, not Daniel, not Benji or Sybelle. But Lestat looked into that hole, pointed & laughed, and said fill it yourself, or die.

So thank frikkin god Sam brought all this up: the dynamic b/t Lesmand isn't REALLY about Lestat at all. It's about how deeply Armand's been affected by Marius being GOD to him, and how Armand's suffered from abandonment issues & PTSD--that I'd argue are even WORSE than Lestat's.

[bachibae]

HATO - Yandere!Hiori Yo

A/N: hiori's kink being 'fractured' (mentally ill) girls will never stop surprising me

TW: on tags (to avoid spoilers for those who don't care about tws, feel free to check the tags if you feel like you need it) + author's first language not being english + no proofreading

HATO (鳩)

(noun)

/ha-toh/

A dove; a gentle symbol of peace, purity, and love. Often associated with quiet grace and soft affection, it carries the beauty of fleeting moments, the warmth of a homeward journey, and the promise of serenity.

₊˙♡﹗˚ ༘  A name whispered like a melody, tender as the brush of wings.

Hiori needs you.

And you need him too. That’s why he quietly observes your face contort in a mix of mock disapproval and amusement with slight disappointment. 

You chuckle between the sips of the strawberry yakult Hiori gave you. “Leaving? Pfft, sure. We can also rob a bank while we’re at it.. and y’know what? Hell, let’s also burn this stupid, dead town and hide in a mountain temple– Okay, dollface?”

You laughed, finding your ideas extremely hilarious, as if you didn't realize the seriousness with which he expressed his wishes. He tries to hide the way his cheeks slightly blush at your affective and teasing nickname, tilting his head in embarrassment. Oh, how not. You weren’t even aware. But it’s okay, you’re just too confused. Like a bird whose wings have been broken, you don’t know that you can fly. But it’s fine— everything is fine, he is here to fix you. No matter how broken, how unstable you are. 

The truth is, it's because he likes it that way. He doesn’t really want to heal you. He wants to take care of your broken wings, so he himself knows better than anyone how to break them even harder again, and once you’re in his hold, you can’t fly out– you can’t walk away. You can’t leave. 

“Wait… you’re joking right?”

No he’s not. His hands grab your wrists and pull you back to the comfortable bed you both were sitting at with ease–he’s tall, very tall, but maybe with too much ease.

“No. I’m serious, [name], we don’t need anyone else. We can be together forever, and be finally happy.” He smiles, his eyes glimmering in hope and his plushy lips curling upwards in a doll-like expression. “Isn’t that what you want, too?”

He looks at you with pleading eyes, but when your eyes widen in surprise, they quickly become impassive. Did he just confess to you? No, that wasn’t the question-was he actually serious?

“Huh?”

Well, it’s okay. He knew this wouldn’t be easy. 

That’s why he meddled a little bit with the drink. 

“...I—”

The intensity in his gaze doesn’t waver, and you try to meet his eyes, but your vision is starting to swim. You blinked again, but it didn't help. You feel your breath coming out in short bursts as though you’re struggling to catch it. Your mouth feels dry, like the words you try to form won’t come out right.

He watches you carefully, and when your eyes widen in shock, he knows. He knows that you’re starting to feel it too. The confusion turns to something else, something more dangerous.

“[name]?”

You swallow, your throat tight. “I—hhh... I don’t fffeel..right…” You try to speak, but the words are difficult to hold onto, slurred, slipping between your lips as if they weren’t yours to say.

He doesn’t reply, watching your face like a little kid watches his favourite cartoons when your shocked expression slowly morphs into a dazed one, blinking in dizziness. His soft lips part in half curiosity half… excitement? You’re not too sure of what’s happening– But you aren’t dumb, and the pieces soon fall into place. You quickly try to stand up, not even glancing at him before trying to get the hell out, but it’s just too much. You can’t even take two entire steps towards the door of his room before losing control and plummeting down to the floor with a harsh thud. 

His expression serene, he watched you struggle, almost tenderly, as though he were watching a child stumble while learning to walk. His doll-like smile doesn’t falter, not even as you gasp for breath, your limbs weak and trembling, your consciousness slipping away before you can slip away from his reach.

Then, he smiled again. Looks like the wingless bird finally has found her new cage. 

He approaches slowly, crouching beside you with an air of calmness that contrasts with the frenetic chaos of your mind. His slender fingers brush a strand of hair from your face, tucking it neatly behind your ear.

“I promise you, hato, this is for the best,” he murmured, his voice low and soothing, like a lullaby meant to coax you into submission. As if you even had an option. “Are you scared? I know you think you need to leave, but you don’t. I’ll take care of you.”

Your lips part, words slurred and incoherent, but he hushed you softly, pressing a finger to your lips. “Shh, it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. I understand you better than anyone else ever could.”

He lifts you effortlessly, cradling you in his arms like you’re something fragile—something precious. His steps are measured as he carries you back to the bed, laying you down as though placing a delicate porcelain doll on display.

“You’ve been through so much, haven’t you? No one sees how much you’re hurting, how tired you are of pretending everything’s fine.” 

He sits down, knees on the floor, his fingers brushing over your cheek in a touch that’s far too intimate for the circumstances. “But it’s okay now. You don’t have to pretend anymore. Not with me. I’ll make sure no one ever hurts you again. I will never leave you.”

A pause, his hand stilling against your skin. Your cheeks are round, they look like soft mochis. He tries hard to not give in to his urges and pinch them. However, he can't help but to let his lips softly curl upwards at the sight of a tear falling from your eye, and he softly pecks the spongy tissue of the wet trail in your eye. He’s a sadist, after all. And you, his little caged bird.

“And you’ll never leave me.”

[ilikekidsshows]

did you see the spoilers for ml season 6 where there’s a new girl with a prosthetic leg and that leg ends up broken and marinette’s involved somehow? honestly i’m gonna give marinette the benefit of the doubt for now and just assume this is either a huge misunderstanding/accident or extremely misleading spoiler just because this is a serious thing, like I was super disappointed with how her character’s written in season 4 and 5 but I just don’t want to believe the writers would come up with something like this when this would easily be one of the worst things she’s ever done (if she’s actually responsible). I saw the spoiler on TikTok and there’s several explanations I’ve seen in the comments:

the new girl (idr her name) is lila/cerise in disguise and she wants to ruin marinette’s reputation (iirc the writers said she’s nice and not a villain but maybe they just don’t want to spoil the plot for obvious reasons)

marinette didn’t have bad intentions/it was an accident/misunderstanding/spoilers are too misleading/not enough information yet

and my least favorite explanation…the new girl was trying to get with adrien (some fans are saying this to say this is all part of her scheme to get adrien to break up with marinette and date her instead but some are saying this to justify marinette if she was actually at fault for this)

I think my main concern is how the writers are going to address this. What if they try to justify it if marinette really was at fault? Or what if it’s all a misunderstanding but then they put the new girl to the side to focus on how sad this is for marinette? Are they going to be able to address this in a way that doesn’t come across as ableist while also not making their protagonist look like a bad person? What do you think?

---

I just saw the leak, but at first I couldn't find it, so I’d already written a response before that, so here's me describing the possible nightmare scenarios before the writers proved me right about their priorities:

Like, hot take, but it doesn’t matter what the new girl is doing, messing with her mobility aid would still be absolutely unforgivable. Even if it’s Lila in disguise, Marinette has already exhibited so much ableism in trying to prove her disabilities aren’t real that I would just say that the writers shouldn’t be allowed to as much as mention any disability ever again. “A person claiming they’re disabled could be lying to get special considerations, so make sure to check any claims of disability, no matter how awful you come across for doing it,” is not a lesson that has any place in a children’s cartoon, even accidentally. And that’s exactly what any scenario with a girl faking a disability / using their disability to get closer to Adrien would entail as well, the idea that we should be suspicious of disabled people trying to “cheat” their way to things that “belong” to us.

But, like, even if it actually is going to be aiming to be an actual lesson in disabilities where it’s all a misunderstanding/mistake, the thing is that, lately, I’ve been looking back at the “lessons” in this show, even in the earlier seasons, and I just don’t have faith in these writers’ ability to deliver any kind of moral to kids in a consistent way, unless they’re going to have a character directly talk to the screen to explain what the moral is.

Let’s use ‘The Mime’ as an example. The scenario in this episode is that Marinette, through her clumsiness, deletes the most important video Alya had filmed so far, and then spends the rest of the episode trying to recreate the video in order to cover up for her mistake. In the end, it turns out there was no problem because Alya had already saved a copy of the video because she expected something like Marinette deleting it to happen, so she was never even mad or disappointed, but Marinette still sets up Alya to get a one-on-one interview with Ladybug. What did Marinette learn in this episode exactly?

The most good faith interpretation of the episode is that the point is that you own up and make up for your mistakes, hence Marinette setting Alya up to get an interview with Ladybug. But this message is muddled up by the fact that, even before the retool, the writers didn’t want Marinette suffering any real consequences for messing up, or to show her messing up in a way that couldn’t be “fixed”, so the video was actually safe and no irreparable damage was done. Alya had foreseen that Marinette would mess up and planned accordingly. This takes the wind out of the sails of the lesson because of course Marinette would do something nice for Alya, who’s such a considerate friend who never gets mad at her and plans around Marinette’s flaws. It’s a pretty different thing to go out of your way to apologise or make things up to someone who is actually mad at you for a good reason, and it requires a lot more courage. The situation in ‘The Mime’ is the easiest version of this situation imaginable for Marinette, but completely unrealistic for anyone facing this kind of situation in real life.

So, with this kind of previous showing back when I still had faith in this show, how would I expect them to deal with Marinette accidentally messing with someone’s mobility aid post-retool? I’d expect a lot of focus on how upsette Marinette is, because that’s the show’s number one priority outside of the love quest, with the show going out of it’s way to make it very clear that Marinette didn’t mean to, she feels really bad about it and she’s scared of how the new girl will react. At the end of the episode she would gather her courage and face the music, and it turns out the new girl was actually getting a new mobility aid that very same day and she wouldn’t have needed the old one any longer anyway. And then Marinette will maybe make some gesture of friendship that the new girl gladly accepts, no hard feelings. Any normal person would still be pissed about their expensive mobility aid being messed with, but the writers of this show never have characters react normally when the normal thing to do is not instantly forgive Marinette. So this scenario would be making things easy for Marinette, but completely unrealistic for the viewing audience.

Simply put, I really, really really hope the sneak preview is purposefully misleading, as they tend to be, and the crew doesn’t try to tackle the topic of physical disabilities with their tendency to favor the perspective of their coddled, able-bodied protagonist.

—

After seeing the leak:

So, like, fucking hell, way to further sully the idea that Marinette ever took her job as Ladybug seriously. Just to make herself look like the victim when she’s caught stalking someone (something she insisted last season she’d stopped doing), she goes so far as faking being Akumatized, transforming into Ladybug and jumping right in the middle of the field, of this girl's path, to scream about an Akuma attack. Like, the reveal that Sublime knew there was actually no Akuma and that Tomoe apparently made the leg less sturdy on purpose doesn’t make it better when Marinette got Sublime slippery and then startled her enough to make her slip. People break perfectly fine legs from slipping, it's why anti-skid devices sell so well in winter. All of this being an accident doesn’t make it okay, and Marinette sure as hell didn’t have anything close to those “good intentions” her stans love to attribute to her.

But, of course, her victim is going to be a perfect flawless angel who wasn't even upset about the stalking, instead defending Marinette to Ladybug, just in case saying: “this girl I know pretended to be Akumatized because she was caught stalking me” might make Marinette look bad to the audience. She also instantly reassures Ladybug, the one who actually caused her to slip, who hasn't done anything more than stare at her slack-jawed, because god forbid anyone ever say anything about Marinette that isn't validation or praise while she's too busy freaking out about herself.

Like, Marinette causes Sublime to break her leg, and we instantly see the victim in this situation go: “I’m okay, I’m not hurt”, while Marinette just stands there having her personal little panic attack. Like, a girl lost her leg, and the writers still try to sell Marinette as the injured party by having the victim insist she's okay while Marinette is having another one of her manipulative, please-feel-sorry-for-me-audience emotional breakdowns. The writers seriously made Marinette’s victim prioritize reassuring her over anything else.

I knew the writers were going to have Marinette be instantly forgiven, but I wasn’t expecting it to be so instant that she didn’t even get to finish processing her fuck-up. Or to go so out of their way to make Marinette seem less at fault because, like, Tomoe messing with the leg on purpose isn't a villain scheme, it was just to make Marinette look better in comparison.

The writers have this ability where, when I write down what I think would be a very likely way for one of their stories to go very badly, they do just that while still managing to make it worse.

[scorchedthesnake]

All There Is.

On March 7, 2011, I arrived fairly reluctantly to a dilapidated block of 27th Street and queued up for some show my friend John O’Malley was working on. All I knew was that I was going to “chase sexy dancers around a warehouse” or something like that, and it all sounded ridiculous. I couldn’t have known then that my life was about to be changed: that I was going to find the synthesis of many of my niche intellectual interests; that I’d fall in love and have my heart broken, repeatedly; that I’d gain an appreciation for an entire new wing of the arts; that I’d make friends who would reshape my heart and my life; that I’d launch into a social media venture that would secure me a major career change. What if I had known any of this would happen?

It’s incredible to me that nearly fourteen years have passed since that day. Fourteen years is longer than any romantic relationship I’ve had, longer than any job, longer than any program in a university. Longer than my time in a cult. Other than swimming, which I’ve done for 35 years, it’s the longest commitment I’ve ever had to enthusiasm for anything. And it strikes me as especially incredible because at the outset, it was likely to be a very, very temporary thing. A six-week limited engagement, to test the waters and hopefully succeed enough to fill out the first lease, so there were long-term ambitions, but by no means was radical success guaranteed. But as the Boston run had prefigured, the show indeed hit at just the right time, and just the right place, and became electric. 

Why It Worked

As we come to the end, I want to think for a bit about precisely why that happened. Over the past year, there’s been some space to debate the reasons for Sleep No More’s success versus the alleged failures, or at least disappointments, of The Burnt City; and what this might mean for the possibility of Life and Trust repeating the achievements of its predecessor. The opening of Life and Trust has also opened some debate over which entities can most appropriately lay claim to the credit: the creative partner, Punchdrunk, or the producing partner, Emursive. It’s clear that you don’t get a nearly 14 year smash hit without an extremely productive relationship, even if it is, and always has been, replete with tension and conflicts. That creative tension is probably one of the very ingredients of success, as the artistic vision must be brought into balance with a sustainably profitable operating plan.  

But to think that elements like “great choreography” or “murky narrative” or “efficient management” are really behind what made Sleep No More a phenomenon is to both drastically miss the point and bark up the wrong trees. The conditions for Sleep No More’s success, in my view, are the combination of two main elements: first, the concept of the intellectual property itself; and second, the timing of the show’s opening into a specific cultural and media environment.

When The Burnt City opened, early audiences felt like something was missing. In my review I wrote that

“desire is not a currency here. At SNM and TDM, there is a sultry suggestiveness amongst the characters and between them and the audience. At The Burnt City, everyone is too busy being dead, being robots, being dead robots or sacrificing their children to uncaring gods to have much space for suggestive glances and come-hither looks.”

It remains clear as day that the allure of Sleep No More, and its lasting value as entertainment, stems from, frankly, its sexiness. The show was unrepentantly horny from minute one – and, it has to be said: not because of its nudity. The nudity, in fact, is found in some of the least erotic sequences in the show. The atmosphere, however, is sexually charged and ready to pop: that it never really does, that the “orgy” is more violent than sexual, that the sex is mostly suggested, or suspected, is the actual magic here. 

Naturally, this has led to some real difficulties over the long run. On the one hand, audiences, well removed from just immersive enthusiasts and Shakespeare nerds, took heed of the motto “fortune favors the bold” and did some reprehensible things; management was slow to support and better protect performers from the worst of these offenses. Further, the culture of sexual expression in 2011, libertine and aggressive coming out of the preceding recession, gave way, in concert with generational change, to newer, more conservative attitudes. At launch, Sleep No More was a millennial playpen; it now lives in a Gen Z world, alongside films devoid of sex, opposition to sexual content as some sort of impediment to plot, and the anodyne world of the reiterative superhero industrial complex. 

But sexual suggestiveness is what made the whole place sizzle, whether we like to confess that or not. Sure, the worldbuilding is engrossing, the dancing frenetic, the soundscape exquisite – but this whole time, people have been going for vibes. And the vibes, especially in those crazy first few years, were laced with the possibility that sexual adventure could be right around the corner – even when, the whole time, it really wasn’t. As a byproduct of the tension between the art and the entertainment of it, it’s extremely flattering for us as fans to act like we are unmoved by our erotic imaginaries and only compelled by our allegedly higher aesthetic and critical impulses. The broad success of the show – its ability to cater to people other than us nerds – and the party culture that has accompanied it, show this to be an error. 

It’s why The Burnt City just wouldn’t last – a beautiful and meaningful show for sure, but not very fun. Not sexy. Life and Trust suffers from this a bit less, but has another problem that Sleep No More never had to contend with: it’s not cool. And this is the thing that really made it possible for Sleep No More to run and run and run: it was, and is, extremely cool.

How SNM got to be cool is the big question – it was certainly by design, but relied massively on timing, luck, and the right media mix in the launch period. First, it had novelty on its side. Very few people had ever seen anything like this (sorry Boston, you’re not people! But at least in this case, for once, you were definitely tastemakers). Second, the show relied at launch on word-of-mouth and celebrity interest, using principles that we now understand as influencer marketing. Remember, at the time: Instagram was only a few months old and not yet ubiquitous. The show cultivated a reputation as dark, sexy and mysterious, and the mask meant the famous could go along for the ride. In those early days I remember: Leonardo DiCaprio, Orlando Bloom, Paris Hilton, Matt Damon (standing in line like a normie), Elijah Wood. Lauren Ambrose walking up and inquiring about entry. It was only a matter of time until there was critical mass of celebrity exposures for it to hit headlines, and sure enough: Neil Patrick Harris’ long excited rant on Regis and Kelly marked the show’s true arrival. Smartly, there weren’t even ads. There was barely a presence on the major social media platform of the time (Facebook). This wasn’t a show for plain people, it was a show for people in the know about what was cool and unique in New York – and that mythology of scarcity and exclusivity worked wonders.

By comparison, on the day ticket sales launched for Life and Trust, there were a couple hundred immersive theater geeks lined up at Conwell Coffee House to buy them. That’s not a fault of that show – the media environment is completely different now; the Coffee House was smartly pre-launched and pitched to influencers to build interest and intrigue, but: without the novelty factor, this has all had a dull impact. Is it cool to anyone to know what “another mask show from the producers of Sleep No More” is, in the year 2025? Hardly. Whereas SNM had its wheels greased, Life and Trust has an uphill battle for cultural relevance and mindshare. At least The Burnt City had a long-cultivated community of Punchdrunk die hards in place for it, and as the creative side, a certain amount of house loyalty that Emursive now has to earn on their own.

This Fandom

The relationship of Sleep No More to its fan community, is, obviously, a topic I care a great deal about. I have never been part of a fandom before. I did not intend to create a fan community of any kind when I launched this blog, and fortunately we had other early Tumblrs that took on that role. The great beauty of the early years on Tumblr was that the platform allowed each enthusiast to create whatever kind of appreciation worked best for them. In my case, the joy in that came from curation and collection. Others showcased beautiful fan art, others wrote vivid recaps, others answered questions and cultivated community. And, importantly, Tumblr allowed everyone to do so at whatever periodicity worked best for them.

I can’t take credit for the idea of being a Sleep No More fan on Tumblr. That is owed to whoever it was that created fuckyeahsleepnomore (remember when the archetypical Tumblr was named in that format, fuckyeahwhatever? Fuckyeahpaulzivkovich, fuckyeahwillseefried, fuckyeahnatecartershair, we could have driven it into the dirt if we wanted). Some of the things I did on this blog became paradigmatic conventions of being a fan on Tumblr: pick a name with some textual significance to the show; write some stuff; repost from the tags and try to find other enthusiasts. I think the other thing that happened, significantly for the emergence of our fandom, was that my proximity to the show strengthened the notion that being an online friend to the show could gain you access to the people involved.

I came into my close relationship with the production through a mixture of early arrival, connections, a certain amount of goodwill from the blog, and, it has to be said, some gay men’s privilege. Jenny Weinbloom spotted me early as a frequent visitor. John O’Malley facilitated some introductions. My pre-Scorched essay “A Sword Between Banquo and Me” made the rounds over email. After my fourth show, I became really comfortable talking to performers, particularly after the Saturday late show when everyone gathered in Manderley until 4am. When the first round of new cast arrived, it included two people I had previous connections with: I had met William Popp at a swim practice, and my best friend had worked with Tony Bordonaro on a soap opera. We were all young gay New Yorkers and our lives already intersected substantially. So it didn’t seem so weird that we were at parties together outside of the show, occasionally hanging out, and having very casual, friendly relations.

In those early days, there were basically no boundaries, and the kind of access early fans had to the show and the performers would really stun fans who’ve come in since, say, 2016 or so. It was magical, and problematic. No one really knew how to navigate being at the epicenter of a cultural phenomenon, and the early fans were along for the ride. As dancers, the cast weren’t particularly attuned (and neither was I) to the vicissitudes of Broadway stagedoor fan culture, and to the extent that crept in slowly, began to make plain how unsustainable that chummy closeness was; more recently, conventions of East Asian fan behaviors, gifting in particular, has also come over. All of this feels alien to me, but I think the lesson there is that 2011-2013 was just an extremely abnormal time, a kind of whiplash from the sudden fame of the show (which did not, directly and personally, extend to its cast, whom the show kept extremely shrouded).

Sleep No More learned how to program for loyalty very, very late in the game. The Salons, which I’ve been to, and the roundtables, which I have not, have been really wonderful gestures toward community engagement that would have been unthinkable in the early years, and Ilana Gilovich deserves tremendous credit for championing and moderating these events. In my own personal case, I’ve had small but meaningful gestures over the years: the invitation to the MIT Media Lab experiment, some helpful assistance from the Box Office (though not here at the end!); a warm welcome back at the end of my long unemployment. But the chief benefit of being a fanboy was never anything that came from the production, it was that I made friends of performers and staff, and that gave me a currency in the early and middle years that I greatly enjoyed. It’s almost fully spent now.

Tumblr’s deletion of pornography largely killed the platform, and the latter generation of Tumblr fans gradually moved into the Second Age of their fandom like I had when this blog first concluded in 2014. Over the past year of repeated extensions, permit issues, and complicated preemptive mourning, I’ve dipped my toe into the new homestead of Sleep No More fandom, which is now on Discord. Whereas Tumblr was petty and cruel, the Discord tends to be prudish and overprotective; but these differences are generational as opposed to platform-oriented, and are the product of a fandom reacting to a different kind of relationship with the admired object than what we had in the early years. The Discord is also deliberately and explicitly communitarian, which is something else extremely alien to me, and very much the opposite of the egotism of the Tumblr era, but has been a great comfort for its participants through a year of confusion and uncertainty. For my part, I have found peace and joy in seeing the fandom grow well beyond me and develop mores that I just don’t understand. That means progress has come along.

My chief regret over all the years is the tendency of fans to be excessively deferential to the show. Far too eager to not offend, far too unwilling to criticize. It’s okay to say something isn’t good, or that you don’t like a performance. It may shock people to know this, but in my one conversation with Maxine Doyle, she herself commented that the show had not been good that night. It happens, and it’s useless to shine the apple of pretending otherwise. Nor do we get points for white-knighting for Emursive’s miserable management, or trying to rationalize terrible creative decisions like axing all the Manderley characters. Our fondness for something is well-reflected in our ability to articulate flaws, errors and poor choices, and I wish we had all been better about this all along. 

What it all meant for me

The Discord’s moderation has suggested that it will be deleted some time after the show closes; and so Tumblr’s longevity in the post-porn era is truly its most astonishing feature. This means that, barring another upheaval or change of ownership, this blog will endure on the internet as a relic of what Sleep No More was. If you go back to the beginning and read it forward, you will get the fragmentary tale of one very naive, overenthusiastic ex-academic moving to New York City and living out his own little Bildungsroman inside an immersive theater production. I am really pleased that so many of you came along for the ride, and that these confessions of my younger self – embarrassing as they often now are when I look back at them – can do a good job of telling someone why Sleep No More meant so much to so many people.

Over the past year, I’ve tried to add more detail to my personal experience of the show, and be a little more upfront about what was going on than I could be at the time. For as much as I wish I could claim to be an extremely intellectually even observer of the show and the culture around it, I feel it’s more fair to reveal that in fact, the main driver behind much of my love for this show was that I met a boy, he broke my heart, and I stuck around to let it really scorch me. None of this diminishes what the show meant; is it not the very essence of the show itself? “And then one day, he went away. And I thought I’d die. But I didn’t. And when I didn’t, I said to myself, is that all there is to love?”

Somewhere, back in the day, in an interview I know I listened to but could not possibly source, Felix Barrett said something along the lines of: every visitor to the show should fall in love at least once while inside. And I think he’s absolutely right, and I think every single fan of the show, in their heart, has done so. Hopefully not with the contours of my own experience exactly, but it’s the essence of it. I know I am compelled by powerful scoring, dramatic lighting, dynamic movement, and intelligent intertextuality. But I fall in love with a kind and gentle heart, and a generous spirit that is on a journey and eager to share it. And I encountered quite a few of these over our many years together in the hotel.

I’m also acutely aware that this blog itself played a major role in giving me the life I have today. The job I landed in 2014 was a corporate social media role – one that I landed in part by talking about the work I had done on this blog. I also talked in the interviews about my enthusiasm for the show, and how it had given me a sense of meaning, belonging, and purpose to my intellection. I talked about the struggle my year of unemployment had been with unvarnished honesty, and my manager later told me that was what had clinched it. I learned the kind of storytelling I did in that search here, on Tumblr, talking about this show.

For nearly fourteen years, thinking and writing about this show, and this mode of performance, has been the most satisfying intellectual enterprise I have ever engaged in – far better than all that grad school. I could not have known at the outset that this is where all my critical faculties would be fully engaged, or that several of my obscure interests, my fondness for Arthur Schnitzler or for Thomas Mann, would be extremely relevant. Now, as we begin to look forward, I know that this activity does not end here with the closing of the show. I hope to continue, both in remembrance of what we all experienced, and in anticipation of successor productions in this format, to think and write about this kind of immersive theater. The difference will be that the mask will be off, and I will be writing as Evan, not as Scorched the Snake. 

Saying goodbye to fourteen years of Sleep No More means saying goodbye to several full chapters of my life, and to all of my life in New York City thus far. It is saying goodbye to earlier versions of myself, to someone who was afraid to have to push his way through a crowd, afraid to talk to strangers in bars, afraid to gaze deeply into someone’s eyes, afraid to express desire. To someone not yet open to all the range of creativity that this show and its people have introduced me to. To someone who did not yet know all the brilliant and loving souls who made it all possible. But I am happy to say goodbye to those versions of me; the one I am now is so much richer, so much wiser, so much more connected to a beautiful world than I had ever been before. 

We have had such a wonderful time. The show’s closure is about to tear a giant hole in my life, my habits, and frankly, my personality. I cannot wait to figure out what I will do to fill that void, what insanely enriching and engrossing thing I will feel pulled to next. If there is one paramount lesson of this whole experience, it is that my enthusiasm for something will take me on great voyages when I trust it. We all now just have to trust it.

In just a few days, we will gather for three nights of celebration of this world we’ve made and shared together. In the early hours of Sunday, January 12, we will each exit the McKittrick Hotel for the last time, stepping out into the cold of night, but not into darkness. The streets of town, paved with stars, will glisten and glow before us as we walk away toward our next adventures, forever changed, and permanently enchanted by our friends, our loves and our losses.

“How strange it was, how sweet and strange, there was never a dream to compare.”

[ladyloveandjustice]

Fall 2024 Anime Overview: Acro Trip

Premise: Chizuko is a huge fan of her local  magical girl, Berry Blossom. The magical girl’s arch-nemesis is a villain named Chrome, but he’s…incredibly pathetic. He’s hardly a challenge for Berry Blossom, and Chizuko is disappointed because this means her hero doesn’t really get a chance to show her stuff. She has a lot of ideas on how Chrome could be a more effective villain, and he overhears her talking about some of them. Now he’s trying  to recruit her for his evil organization, saying that if she helps him, it will mean cooler fights for Berry Blossom that will make her rise in popularity. What’s a fangirl to do?

Acro Trip is a lot of fun, and I recommend it to any magical girl enjoyer. I also recommend it to anyone who loves pathetic failguys, because my man Chrome is the most hilariously pathetic of them all. You like bad boys? Well this man is literally bad at everything.

He’s incredibly endearing—his idea of  “evil” is flipping restaurant maps or littering, he trembles pitifully when a middle school girl hits him with an umbrella, he fucks up in every way possible. At the same time, he’s a sweetheart who clearly takes his responsibility to be a good “mentor” to Chizuko very seriously and cares about her a lot. The show loves him and so do I.

 But wait! Girl failures have their rep too!

Chizuko is incredibly relatable to all of us magical girl fangirls, and her matter-of-fact way of dealing with things bounces off Chrome's himbo antic well. She has her fair share of failgirl moments herself, usually caused by her…well, it definitely seems like it's her crush on Berry Blossom.

We’ve been there, girl. I do feel Chrome gets a little more of a spotlight than her, but we also get to see her actually develop, going from refusing to get involved with Chrome to embracing her power.

Meanwhile, one of my favorite running gags is Chizuko's sweet lil’ grandfather who just rolls with every weird thing that happens and is way too excited to engage in criminal activity.

Berry Blossom herself is actually almost as big a dummy as Chrome is, with her mascot being the one who has to keep her on task. The classic dynamic! I do wish there was more to her, but I’ll discuss that later.

I felt a little concerned when it was confirmed Berry Blossom was a teenager and that Chrome was…probably in his mid-to-late twenties, because in the first episode there was a part where Chizuko seemed to think he was in love with Berry Blossom, and he was also very clear he was a masochist who is, uh, blissful when he gets punched in the face by Berry. However, the show immediately drops this. The idea of Chrome being in love with Berry Blossom never comes up again, and in fact it’s made clear he isn’t, as he repeatedly is more focused on being a good surrogate big brother to his “apprentice” over her. The masochism is mostly dropped too. On the other hand, Berry Blossom does seem to be developing a crush on Chrome, which makes me wary, but thankfully it’s extremely one sided right now. He’s completely oblivious to this, clearly doesn’t think of her that way, and it’s built on her constantly misunderstanding him requesting gifts to cheer up Chizuko (like her autograph).

It's not exactly a perfect show though,. As fun as it is, not all the gags hit, some side characters kind of dull, and my enthusiasm waned a bit as the series went on. The animation is…pretty rough. This anime clearly did not have a lot of resources allocated to it.

There’s also a bit of missed potential. It takes Chizuko way too long to get in the action, Chrome’s backstory would probably be more effective if his “rival” was a little more complex and sympathetic, there’s an interesting part in the finale where Berry Blossom mentions she doesn’t really have interests or hobbies and her mascot gave her purpose and then that’s just…brushed aside. Like how is it she doesn’t have any interests? She lives alone too, is she like, depressed? It feels like a major thing for her to say, and something Chrome should acknowledge but it’s like. "Well fight for your fans! They love you”. Perhaps it gets addressed in the manga or an (unlikely) season 2, but it sort of felt like the show wasn’t putting any thought into this heavy, kind of sad character detail they introduced. Whenever the show attempts to give its characters some depth and pathos it always seems a little half hearted.

The finale also set up a really dramatic conflict where various truths come out, and then just. Undid it all immediately. One of my least favorite tropes. There was obviously more manga left, but it really felt like the season just came to a stop rather than ended in a satisfying way.

However, the show succeeds at it’s main purpose- it’s a cozy good time for those who enjoy goofy, incompetent villains and goofy, incompetent magical girls. It’s a very sweet, silly, and occasionally funny show. Don’t go into expecting anything deep, but you can certainly have fun with it.

I implore you to give it a shot, because it’s fantastic that the lazy dark and edgy Madoka ripoffs are finally dying off, and we’re getting more variety again. We’re finally getting magical girl shows with fun premises, ones that aren’t reboots or Precure! So if you care about the genre at all, it’s so important to support them!

[foxstens]

not really enjoying blasphemous 2 atm

[vaguely-concerned]

having seen at least the rough outlines of all the romances now I have to say that I think emmrich's is probably objectively the best in terms of coherence and completeness of story arc (with the understanding that ultimately the 'best' romance is whichever one makes YOUR heart sing anyway so objectivity is a silly thing to claim that way, it just felt like it's the arc with the most well-paced focused content and the least dangling threads)... but lucanis' is my favourite haha. just. the whole kneeling before your beloved full of reverence but without any of the distance that usually implies??? his complete undramatic certainty and calm in every scene with rook after this, having spent the whole game caught between fear and longing???? mr. lives in a pantry but it says nothing about my psyche don't worry about it it's purely for tactical reasons that I keep myself contained in a small dark room not entirely unlike a cell, love among the parsnips -- finally coming to rook in their room and it's so comfortable and comforting???? after all the times rook supports and comforts him through the game he's finally able to return the same to them when they need it while being so calm and steady and it's so fucking sweet and feels so effortless and with no price attached?????? he basically assigns himself the role of your bodyguard and he WILL stab a god over it??????????????? the turn to protector (which was in his heart all along longing to get out and find a place) of it all????? he sounds like he's found himself unexpectedly stumbling into such a soul-lightening state of revelatory existential relief, full on 'you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves' mary oliver style, and he goes and he shares that with rook and protectively envelops them in it when they're hurting??????????????????????????? hello for the maker's sake hello can anyone hear me?????

[rubydubsnuby]

YOU VOTED AND WE LISTENED!!!!!

THIS CANNOT BE UNDONE

MR CHARLIE IS HERE TO STAAAYYYY 🤩🤩🤩

[i-really-like-phrogs]

Three days until Beetlejuice Beetlejuice… I’m nervous!!

[bogkeep]

for my fellow fans of longform video essays about media you may or may not be familiar with. i just watched laura crone's new video that's four and a half hours long and it's mostly about a book + tv series called the magicians, but ALSO the advertising/recommendation culture around books, and i really enjoyed it. i think i especially enjoyed it because i have been craving some Deep Thinks about like, what people criticize about booktok but without making it "it's uhhhh it's bad to only read bad books!" and i found this video both refreshing and insightful. i will give a CW for mentions of That One Wizard School Series, including in the title. just so you don't get jumpscared

[brainrotisseriechicken]

first time posting something that isnt scp related and its this fucking thing

yeah

[skunkes]

WAIT TALON LOSES HIS WRINKLAGE WHEB HES FED?

Yeas ^_^ talon was turned when he was like 29 but even then he had a youthful/baby face. His default form looks something like dis (im still figuring it out, i dont draw him Young often for character reasons)

he doesn't like that he never gets to age, mostly after experiencing abuse under the assumption that he was even younger than he looks, so he forgoes feeding (the vampiric fountain of youth) so he can look old all the time to feel safer, be taken seriously etc (dis is also why he always looks uncomfortable when i draw him Unwrinkled, he feels unguarded and exposed)

He could just shapeshift to look however he wants when he's fed but it means needing to feed more often, he likes his Aged appearance to feel "Natural" and also well. Punishing himself, because sometimes disordered eating and other behaviors that can and do stem from abuse are just like that

[twilight-zoned-out]

No space monster will ever be as liminally terrifying as Fourteen crabwalking in anger

[needsmoreknives]

Well damn that was actually a pretty satisfying clusterfuck, and it managed to more or less explain everyone's believed version of events while keeping them true to character. Of course Mae hates the jedi! From her point of view, they invaded, took Osha from her, killed her mum right in front of her, as a side effect also prevented her from getting help for the accidental fire, and to top it all off (from her pov) willfully let her fall to her death. Of course she thought the jedi brainwashed Osha for her to be ok around them but hate Mae - it pretty much makes sense with her version of events. But also, I kind of see why Sol acted like he did - he had understandable reasons to think the twins were being abused or worse, solid evidence they were created from a vergance, and finding the fortress locked, everyone armed, and Mother Aniseya turning into a shadow monster wouln't have helped any. His actions were impulsive as hell and influenced by prejudice, but also well intentioned and driven by compassion. And damn, no wonder every jedi involved feels guilty - they basically accidently set off a whole clusterfuck chain, then pinned it on the dead 8 year old. Classy.

[raifuujin]

It's been more than 20 years and for some reason I feel that Gosho hasn't given Kaiao any development, how can more than 20 years pass and Aoko dynamics, relationship and feelings remain the same? At this point I feel like Gosho is just going to make them date because "they already liked each other" they remain in the same status quo

Hey, if we go by DC romance progress, they've been going too fast. We've already had suspicion of identity chapters, and that didn't happen until more than 400 chapters in DC. /j

Since heists have taken over any character development recently, I don't even know if Kaito and Aoko will even get any romantic progress. Maybe the actual identity confrontation will happen down the line, since that's thief drama, but atm, it really wouldn't surprise me if they only ask each other on a real date at the very end of the manga.

Like. I'm sure Gosho would love to make MK a love drama as well, but he writes MK so rarely, and usually as hype for something Kid related in other media. So the MK stories tend to be heavy on drama that can only take place at Kid heists. (To the point that the new chapters just. Use Kid as the plot device to show off a new character. Even Hakuba's never gotten so much 'look at this character being a detective' treatment in MK.)

-sighs- I just feel bad for MK as a series at this point. I like the characters, I like the general story idea, but. It's been going down a very steep hill with Gosho wanting things exciting, but not wanting any real progress in. Anything. But unlike old MK, the new stories aren't even nice standalone setpieces of story, they're... mundane. They could be high stakes, if you purely look at the scenarios on paper, but. We all know nothing's gonna happen to Kid. Nothing even happens to him when the actual bad guys show up, much less one-time antagonists.

We need actual character focus and development, not heist drama. Badly. Not even romance, though that'd be a nice change. Just any character expansion of our limited cast of characters. Gosho wants big, all the time, meaningless big stuff, when small would be so nice.