#but im weak sometimes 😭
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I’ve been eating so “badly” lately bc of too good to go 😭 they always put so much white bread/baked goods in their bags
#mind you this isn’t me moralizing food#I just have pcos and insulin resistance and really shouldn’t be eating that kinda stuff#but im weak sometimes 😭
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part 3 to my modern AU 💞🍺 (part 1 / part 2)
#u just know seb ended up carrying her home in the end anyway BAHHA if u read my fic u already know im weak for bridal carries#fun fact the blurred party backgrounds i used are screenshots from diary of a wimpy kid rodrick rules. aka the pinnacle of cinema#and its only fitting since i base my modern seb very largely on rodrick bc I STILL HAVE A CRUSH ON RODRICK...rodrick heffley my beloved#yall also already know i love guard dog seb (especially combined with drunk clora BAHAH) so ofc i had to do the modern au ver#i just make clora the type of drunk i am... aka drunk after 2 and sometimes even 1 drink and then i get super affectionate with everyone#which would make seb seethe if it were clora BAHAHAH omg i love imagining his suffering😇😍😍#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x oc#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian x mc#clora clemons#also wahhh i can feel my HL brainrot fading a bit...🥲probs bc my fic is now complete... might make a post abt it soon#im not ready to let go😭😤#choccyart
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Me watching people pretend Wally west (and sometimes Roy)’s children don’t exist so that they can be Dick/Jason’s boyfriend
#in case you haven’t noticed I’ve been getting into Wally west recently#I’m so angered about this#the only Wally content I can find that is sometimes unrelated to dick is young justice#and he’s DEAD there 😭😭😭😭#the fact that there was a whole comic arc of Wally almost destroying the universe just for the chance that he would save his children#AND PEOPLE GO AHEAD AND PRETEND THEY DONT EXIST#im gonna lose it#and same with Roy#like why would he go and save Jason an be his personal therapist he has a child to take care of#I have a deep hatred for what jayroy did to Roy’s character#justice for Roy#and everyone always makes them seem weak or stupid to make dick and Jason look better#actually that goes for all friends of the batfamily#Roy’s smart and a good fighter#he’s been a hero longer then Jason#and Wally is ridiculously powerful and smart#I lowkey blame young justice and the outlaws for this#actually not lowkey#HIGHKEY#please send me some good comic Wally and Roy content#thank you for coming to my rant#dc comics#wally west#roy harper#dick grayson#jason todd
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He has NO reason to be looking this joyful here 😭
#like why is he joyful and whimsical#wipe that smile off your face and get back in your jail cell king! you’re locked up indefinitely!#bros acting like he’s seeing a long lost friend as if he’s not walking up to a teenager he tried to kill#his intro was so dramatic in p4au lmfaooo him striding down the corridor like heyyyy 😜😜#actually so funny#also omfg the way he brings up Dojima like every five seconds in his internal monologue 😭😭#like when I played the Adachi section of p4au I remember being like DAMN he talks about Dojima a lot#and him getting all annoyed when that one guy started shit talking him in the beginning#the Adachi section of p4au was made for the adajima truthers and I stand by that 🙏🙏#it’s been a while since I’ve played p4au so if any of this is completely wrong then my bad I probs made it up#LMFAOO#IM KIDDINGGGG#SOMETIMES MY MEMORY JUST GETS A LITTLE JUMBLED ALR ☺️☺️☺️ WE ALL HAVE OUR WEAKNESSES#tohru adachi#persona 4#p4#persona#p4au#persona 4 arena ultimax#persona 4 spoilers
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My back and neck hurt like HELL so you know what? New headcannon just dropped. Jeremy Heere has scoliosis. That's one of the reasons why he slouches. He's just like me, fr! 😍😍
#i've been cracking my neck over and over and over and over again#im losing it chat#i have mild scoliosis but my back muscles are really weak and my umotivated adhd-ass does not have the energy to do my PT exercises 😭😭#and i look insane cracking my neck over and over in public 😭#and sometimes I'll get caught in a loop of cracking it a bunch of times in a row and I only stop when people look at me all weird#icyhot save me#biofreeze save me#wth was this post about#oh yeah#be more chill musical#be more chill#bmc#jeremy heere#jeremy heere has scoliosis
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Fuck my stupid lonely gay life
#AUGHH. AM I EVEN CAPABLE OF CONNECTING WITH OTHER HUMAN BEINGS#gun to my head. am i even a real person anymore#i dont even like talking to other people is the worst part#sometimes i wonder how my life would be if i hadnt developed insanely severe social anxiety in high school#never trust how you feel about your life after 8pm <- repeating this over and over#how do people even make online friends. like. i guess i would have to actually talk to people#but even then what if i say something wrong. what if i dont have anything to say. scary#i think a new hyperfixation would fix me (haha ) but i havent been able to enjoy anything on that level recently and its kind of#PISSING ME OFF but whatever. is this what neurotypical peoples lives are like. how do they do it#pacing in a circle zoloft takes 8 weeks to work zoloft takes 8 weeks#i guess i use this account as a vent mostly but thats because i have no where else to . LOL#whatever. another vent post for the ages. this ones not even coherent. im so good at talking about fucking nothing dude#vent#talking#i like going through my own vent posts and analyzing my character development like im from a story#hey past me i hate to zay it but stimulants did not fix your problems. in fact they sent you into a major dissociative episode#got put on ritalin now but i dont think its gonna help probably. but maybe thats because the last two adhd medications were so terrible#but i think my adhd too bad for weak stimulant and my anxiety too bad for strong stimulant . my mental illness cocktail untreatable#im so glad you cant see views on tumblr that shit made me so anxious on twitter i deleted an entire account lol#bro cant make friends and he cant maintain the friendships he has 😭 what a loser
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thinking of rereading the entirety of HoME again. for my health
#‘for my health’ says the woman who has been struggling so much she’s barely read a book in the last half year lmao#silmarillion#(eh close enough)#tolkien#personal#also because I got so viscerally appalled when someone the other day tried to claim that ‘the second age has a lot less written about it tha#n the first age’ like I beG YOUR PARDON LMAO WHOMST#clearly someone hasn’t read unfinished tales 🙂↔️ clearly someone hasn’t read the entirety of HoME 🙂↔️#and like obviously idc idc I’m not a completionist truther read as much or as little of a fandom as you want enjoy what you want etc.#but when I went ‘oh there’s actually a lot in unfinished tales and in the home! it’s rly fascinating and fun and some of my favorites have y#ou had a chance to check it out ever?’ this person rly had the audacity to say they’ve ’read some of the unfinished tales’ like hm. somethin#tells me I don’t believe you lmao#I have never once in my life heard someone call. unfinished tales. the book. titled unfinished tales. ‘the unfinished tales’ like lmao what#anyways. it’s okay to admit you haven’t read something babe I was actually gonna recommend a few parts of that book and HoME you might enjoy#but 💋 okay then 💋#also normally I’d give ppl the benefit of the doubt but this person is Like This TM a lot and always has to outdo others & im over it lmao#but also also anyways. I am not immune to the HoME rereleased editions with that gorgeous artwork they are calling me and I am weak to#resist their siren song 😭😂 they’re so beautiful but each set of like 3-4 books (some have 3 some have 4 and the last one also has an index)#are like. over $100 each lmao ripppp.#I do own a few of the HoME but I don’t own all of them and. aaaaaa I need a complete reread#13 yo me 🤝🏻 late 20s yo me : going ‘hmm life is crazy maybe I need to immerse myself in the obscurent most dense Tolkien lore I possibly can#and yknow what. we’re so right. we’re so right#the history of middle earth#unfinished tales#and that conversation. as weird and posturing as that person was being. did get me reminiscing about my HoME obsessed days and I was like aw#I should revisit that :)#sometime self care is rereading 12 volumes of obscure lore about a fictional world with no one to talk with it about#anyways home my beloved. unfinished tales my beloved. love those books#obviously OBVIOUSLY I love the silmarillion and LOTR and the hobbit and beren and luthien etc etc ad infinitum as well! ofc! I just. I love#all of them ♡ hehe ♡
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Passionate, homosexual love letter for you!
“Oh Max, thy strange swag has enchanted me. I dream of your amazing mouse facts, and yearn for the day that I might hear your wonderful jokes again.
Cursed be fate (uni) for keeping us apart (giving me work so I can’t write u so much).
In love (/p), a totally anonymous person.”
BDJSHSISJSOSHSK oh thank you anonymous person whos identity i yearn to unravel (charlie), i am platonically swooning at your words. Truly, how dare fate get in the way of our blossoming friendship 😔😔💞💞
#I HOPE THE UNI WORK IS EASY 💞💞💞#also GIGGLING thank you for this :D it made me smile#ALSO rodent fact:#did you know that rodents can declan ???#(which is when rodents who were previously in a group kick out one or more rodents from the group)#i was specifically researching gerbils so idk how generalisable this is to other rodents#BUUUTTT gerbils have hierarchys with 'alpha males/females' and subordinate gerbils#and sometimes the leader gerbil is challenged which leads to the challenger and the leader fighting#the loser is then kicked from the group#this can happen for several reasons#1. only the leader/alpha gerbil can mate with gerbils. which can make the other gerbils mad and want that for themselves#2. another gerbil wants to become the alpha gerbil. often this happens when the alpha is older or weak#3. if a newer or younger gerbil has joined the group. they may upset the established hierarchy. other gerbils may want to mate with it OR-#-the newer gerbil may want the leader position instead#(ive been calling the alpha gerbil the leader but idk if they actually lead anyone 😭😭 also im not sure if alpha females exist)#BUT YEAH it leads to fighting and the loser being kicked out#sometimes other gerbils will leave with the loser#HOWEVER in captivity when a gerbil is kicked out they cant actually leave the cage so its up to the owner to notice the signs of declanning#the signs are an increase in fights (when the loser doesnt leave cos it cant get out the cage.. the alpha takes their continued presence-#-as a threat to their authority leading to more fighting)#if not dealt with.. it often leads to the losers death :((#another sign is the loser not sleeping in the burrow with other gerbils and eating seperately#theyll also be really exited about leaving the cage and want to get out as quick as possible#if declanning happens ur supposed to remove the gerbil from the cage/tank/gerbilarium and give them a new home#then you gotta introduce them to new gerbils (gerbils get rlly sad if left on their own)#ANYWAY SORRU I WANTED TO RAMBLE ABOUT GERBILS COS I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS A THING UNTIL A WEEK AGO
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Omfg I never actually posted about this but just like 2 days ago I realized that no it is Not normal to experience lightheadedness near daily when I've gone just a little too long without eating
I looked it up and apparently lightheadedness/dizziness CAN be a part of fibromyalgia (which I think I have for a number of different reasons), so like. It all makes sense.
Fuckin fibromyalgia. It's the source of like 95% of my physical problems, I swear. Every Damn Thing can be traced back to it. What a pain.
#speculation nation#'what a pain' haha get it bc chronic pain#frankly speaking the chronic pain part of it isn't the Worst. it's only a few times a month that i get my arm and leg aches#(though sometimes ill have bouts that last longer. like in january i think when i had arm aches for over a Week)#then again my rib cartilage inflammation is a permanent thing. my ribs Always are fucked up.#and i dont know 100% that it's bc of fibro but this condition has been linked to fibro and it didnt go away with anti-inflammatories So#in the end the pain isnt my biggest concern for treating my fibro. aside from the frequent headaches. i Would like to counter those.#what i really need is help with my chronic fatigue and weakness spells#i hate how fragile i feel so much of the time. bc im NOT weak. for my size im actually surprisingly strong.#but im quick to tire and if i push myself too hard then im practically bedridden#i will literally get symptoms of sickness if im too fatigued. including nausea and coughing and headaches#all fixed after ive gotten some rest. so im not Actually sick.#im tired and fed up with how finicky my body is and how i have to eat on time always or i'll be threatened with passing out.#havent passed out Yet but ive had some times where i end up Having to sit bc i get tunnel vision and my scalp is prickling#and it feels like my brain is squeezing and i know i Have to sit down Right Now#idk. there are many things like this. and i am sooooo tired of it.#i want a fibro diagnosis so i can actually get some help for the things that make life so hard to live.#im not depressed im just chronically fatigued. and so very tired.#give me some Energizing Meds or smth. help me please 😭😭😭 i hate living like this 😭😭😭😭😭#i wanna be able to do things without being bedridden for the rest of the day 😭😭😭😭 please 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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🥺
i would in fact like to touch carpenter butch muscles. that would help me in this time of need .
#carpentry is one of those things i really really really wish i could do but im too ♿ (full body weak) to do it#i watch guys on youtube do little carpentry projects sometimes#oh to feel up a butch's arms up n down and admire how strong they are n all the tools they can use#i am a sucker for rough n strong butch hands too. and susceptible to butches showin off which fingers they use on girls. like its#such a simple gesture but it makes me blush#she speaks#anon#asks#in any case thank you for the ask 😭 sweet of you to do that for me#also i feel like i had a carpenter butch in my asks before at some point but i cant remember. it would be very cute if that was a. not just#a figment of my imagination & b. also you. dont gotta say either way though
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hello my dear friends! it’s been a minute
🎶gloooooorioussssss new whump posts coming in hot🎶
✨hurt✨comfort ✨found family✨
#promised to myself i won’t start a show especially a netflix one that isn’t renewed or has at least 3 seasons… i failed big time#ahhh supernatural fantasy shows are my weakness and they always ALWAYS have great whump i love it#the chemistry between these characters and the amazing found family trope in these shows is just *chefs kiss* im obsessed#working on gifs… !!!!#bear with me it’s gonna take sometime to finish hehe#oh i’ve missed you all so much#damn i have been busy… have a little breather at the moment so gonna catch up on what i missed#tons to catch up on tons to reblog and tons of gifs to make lol#and im already tired hahaha#but super pumped#giffing some darkly lit scenes pray for my eyes everyone 😩#my posts#my rants#p/s i caught up with tlovm and ep 3 DESTROYED me 😭😭😭💔💔💔 s02 is sooooo good already ahhhh#tlou episode 3 WRECKED ME! give all the awards to the cast and writers like wtf 😭😭😭😭#pp/s i hear the new teen wolf movie is horrible lmao why… just why? they should’ve just let it be and not make a movie
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IM SO GOOFY OH NOOOO
I've been thinking all afternoon "damn i wonder how to describe these vax side effects, like this isnt quite a fever but ... it almost feels like the flu? that's so weird" HEY YA GOOFASS? thats because its a covid shot. and covid often feels like the flu. bro 😭😭😭
#i am sometimes not the quickest on the draw fjdksl#anyways i am experiencing aches and shakes dbfjdl absolutely miserable time#i tried to sit up at my desk to start some digital art and lasted like 10 mins before I had to call it quits dhdjdl#i can suffer thru a lot to work on art but. this is simply too much#I'll draw in bed instead fhfkdl but i was hoping to start on this one project today SIGH#i also just want to play pokemon but i told myself I'd do some art today so i have to do that fjdkdl#im so tired and weak though oughhh this sucks shit fjdkdl i hope I feel well enough to go to my old lady craft club tomorrow#i promised up and down I'd return the next week so i MUST go djdkdl#if i dont show up they'll think I've ditched them 😭#dandy.cmd
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my fucking hairdryer died omg 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
#i have thick hair wtf do i do now#im going to cry i was having a shit day literally the final straw 😭😭#it was dying but i thought it was ok 4 lonher#will cry#now ita just not doing anything and sometimes a weak attempy#smells burnt
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yap sesh in the tags ! <3 nothing new im just frustrated abt my disordered sleep schedule as always . woke up at 5 pm and i will probably be failing my All Dayer and going to sleep shortly At 8 am and then sleeping for 1 billion years
#text#it feels like shit all the time bc it affects Everything Else#i dont get to interact with Real People very much . i dont get any sunlight . i feel weak and sick and gross all the time#i often barely eat at all the whole time im awake bc i just dont get hungry#n i cant rlly get up during the night anyways cause i risk gettin in trouble or waking up the dogs n getting them all riled up#more often than not i will eat. just toast or cereal cause i miss dinner and then thats it all the time im awake#oh also i can barely keep track of time anymore ! i noticed this months ago but like#i only know sundays bc i hear my mom wake uo n get ready for church right before i usually go to sleep n thats abt it now lol#it doesnt rlly matter anyways i guess cause theres not Day theres just Time Im Awake For#sometimes very small . sometimes a lot longer than one day#a friend also pointed out that my suicidal thoughts seem to get worse whenever my sleep gets really bad (like once or twice a month lmao)#n those r probably related bc of everything else being worse as well#i feel like im just watching it all happen n i dont have much control over my own body or mind#i always wake up in pain or with a migraine n sometimes i have seizures in my sleep#i just spend 75% of my time lately sitting or laying down in bed doing nothing cause i cant sleep n it sucks#my mom thinks its funny how hyped i get whenever im allowed to Go Anywhere but like thats the only time im Awake For Real . alive 😭#not like we go anywhere fun but like .walmart idk. when i can go is able to pull me out of the wretched hell that is Sitting In Bed Forever#n its been like this for well over a year lol#i ride da walmart high for about 12 or so hours after n then it just goes right back to schmiserable schmiserable sitting in bed forever#my entire world has shrunk to sitting in bed forever#posting now heart emoji . hwello if anyone read this all
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being sober kinda blows when you have a rage and terror built into you
#it’s literally the second day 😭#i did not realize how much i was scheduling my day sround consumption#its crazy like im just supposed to go to bed??#but like i also want to fix my relationship w substances a bit so this is good even if it means i have to be a bit bored sometimes#but lowkey instead kf cold turkeying it like planned i might use up my keef tray bc the weathers nice and everythings beautiful#am i weak? yeah but this is what ms. jane was made for#mine
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SO REAL
i cannotttt with all the x reader in the cobra kai tags.... i don't want to imagine dating hawk or robby or miguel or demetri or tory or sam they are literally my children
#SO TRUE BESTIE#I FIND IT SO WEIRD BC THEYRE KIDS... ... LIKE#its weird bc im an adult now AND I SEE THEM AS MY CHILDREN. THEYRE SO AAWWW eventhough some of them are capable of beating me to death !!#LMFAO they probably could😭 im weak asf#i love thwt the show is abt teenagers bc i see my younger self in them SO MUCH and ouch IT HURTS SO MUCH SOMETIMES#especially at the start with the bullying ughhhffgf#my parents always said i should take karate lessons or self defense in general.. i never wanted to 😭NOW I WISH I DID LOOOL
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