#but im paying a lot of money for it so im not just going to skip it

[p5-apotelesma]

and ANOTHER THING. sojiro says hes 'already been paid for it' in regards to taking ren in. but then later. when ren answers a quiz show question. the answer is 'probation officers arent paid' and morgana comments on how 'the chief is doing all this for free.'

BUT sojiro isnt really ren's probation officer, though, i think? hes. more like a probationary guardian? since im pretty sure he says he has to report to the actual probation officer twice a month?? but the localization has weird line choices and shit all over the place so without looking into the original japanese im. not 100% on the technicalities of that

BUT REGARDLESS. sojiro straight up just lied to ren at the start when ren asked why sojiro agreed to take him in (likely part of his tough act he has around ren for a while) so sojiro is doing this as a civil duty and isnt being paid, as a gesture of good faith to both parties and to aid rens rehabilitation. so ren doesnt end up with someone whos just in it for the money and could. have bad intentions

but it also means that sojiro. could have expected rens parents to send him to tokyo with some money. yanno. like... a fucking food budget

for the first month or so. ren was honest to god like. afraid to take anything from the kitchen in the cafe when he was hungry because sojiro told him if anything went missing that ren would be in trouble. and also rens own dysfunctional eating habits and assumptions from his HOME LIFE. CARRIED OVER. so of course as soon as sojiro told ren that if anything went missing that he would throw ren out or call the cops, ren assumed sojiro was someone who would lock the fridge or the cabinets and generally be very controlling over what ren took to feed himself.

ren also wasnt sure if sojiro would let him get a job because for the first few weeks sojiro wouldnt let him leave the cafe at night. but he also wasnt letting them make money working at the cafe for him. where he would be supervised. so he just. didnt know what to do. or how he was supposed to eat

he often squirrels food away like an animal cause he doesnt know when hell be able to eat again and also he often eats too fast and gives himself tummy aches. these are. actual habits he formed in childhood and not the result of Accidental Child Neglect on sojiros part. (of course sojiro feels mortified when he realizes whats been going on)

ren had food in his luggage. the whole top layer of that carboard box was stuff from the pantry at home that hed previously bought for himself. so for a while he had snacks and cup noodles. but that was it, minus the times sojiro would make him curry in the mornings.

and honestly, if rens parents DID send him to tokyo with a food budget, i would honestly go off of the money bonus you get if you got the dlc. which is 100,000 yen. which in..... april of 2016 would only be like.... just under 900 usd. for the whole year. and at the start ren would try and save most of their money for phantom thievery.

so a lot of the time ren ONLY ATE WHEN HE WAS OUT WITH ANN OR RYUJI. THEY WOULD TAKE HIM OUT TO EAT... HE APPRECIATES RYUJI AND ANN SO SO SO MUCH…. they feed himb

LITERALLY ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS RYUJI DID FOR REN WAS TAKE HIM OUT TO EAT AND PAY FOR EVERYTHING…. also ann took ren out shopping, since he came to tokyo with the barest of necessities. ren was only able to take a few things of sentimental importance with him

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[kroovv]

Looking forward to your vn! I won't be supporting you through Dorian due to their very dodgy practices but will def keep an eye out if you find an alternative in future!

Sorry to hear that, hopefully i will have somewhere you'd be happier playing it in the future.

Thought it may take time, i understand not wanting to support Dorian but I am an individual creator and this is very much a passion project, with Horizon Walkers, Commissions and now this I am very busy and don't have a lot of time to learn programs from scratch. It could possibly take years before I am able to do that. So please if folk do want to support me please either just read Gravehearts on Dorian OR support me on Patreon or Ko-Fi. To even make that remotly possible.

[unnonexistence]

pacific rim did not have to go so hard with the aesthetic but it did. future tech but everything's scuffed and scratched up from constant use. hologram projectors with big clunky buttons and data storage disks that go ka-chunk. standard-issue PPDC everything. big wobbly hazmat suits. analogue nuclear-powered mechs. bioluminescence. monster goop everywhere. cities rebuilt around kaiju bones.

[pilonciillo]

lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety

[boyfriendunsolved]

the new video was greatly needed if watcher had any hopes of staying afloat. unfortunately, this backpedaling does not change the fact that

1) high production "television quality" content is what they want to make

2) this content is evidently not what people want to watch (even post-apology i'm seeing a lot of people saying they liked bfu better than anything watcher has produced)

again, if they have a clear vision of what they want to make, that's great. but unless there's a market for that content, then it's not going to turn a profit, or break even for that matter. yes, artists deserve to be paid for their work, but art is always bought by people who want and have an interest in said art.

im an artist pursuing my dreams too, but i don't expect people to buy my niche paintings just on the principle that i am an artist creating what i want. if i wanted to make money from this and turn it into a business, i would take commissions and specifically create what other people want. that is what having any kind of artistic job is about, unfortunately.

it's great if what you want to create and what people want to see overlap, but that's not always the case. and i really fear this is the case with watcher and they won't pivot enough to fix any of their problems

[hakusins]

(vent in the tags) me thinking i've finally escaped financial problems: :DDDDD

life:

[em-b-sides]

I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually

[specters]

customers are so wild because they'll grumble about the (optional) digital tip option on the card readers and straight up go "this is silly, there's no reason to tip you people" like 1) there is a "no tip" button right there and 2) some things you can just keep to yourself

[red-dyed-sarumane]

i need people to start paying me for every time they tell me "oh but ur arts so good ur wasting ur talent u need to do it professionally" wrong i need to do art to draw beautiful characters that not a single other person cares about while feeding every ounce of love i have into my work or to convey thoughts & feelings beyond words and to even think of doing otherwise is to deny my own nature "oh but u can do what u want and then sell it" why is everything about money to you why cant u just enjoy things at what point in ur life did u forget how to have fun

[koko2unite]

so many expenses this month and most of it isnt even for me :(

[britneyshakespeare]

you know someday i'm gonna feel so good when i have my student loans paid off

that ain't gonna be soon, trust me, but i think about it

[spaghett-onaplate]

it's literally not a good idea in any way shape or form but I want to get a second job in fast food

[fabdante]

genuinely i would kill to be a line artist yall have no idea

[caffeinatedopossum]

I always feel bad for being even a little dissatisfied with my circumstances and then I remember that most of the people around me (both irl and online) would probably go absolutely bonkers in my circumstances

[calkale]

i know its so stupid but i need to complain again