#and people giving you $6 isnt going to fix it

[boyfriendunsolved]

the new video was greatly needed if watcher had any hopes of staying afloat. unfortunately, this backpedaling does not change the fact that

1) high production "television quality" content is what they want to make

2) this content is evidently not what people want to watch (even post-apology i'm seeing a lot of people saying they liked bfu better than anything watcher has produced)

again, if they have a clear vision of what they want to make, that's great. but unless there's a market for that content, then it's not going to turn a profit, or break even for that matter. yes, artists deserve to be paid for their work, but art is always bought by people who want and have an interest in said art.

im an artist pursuing my dreams too, but i don't expect people to buy my niche paintings just on the principle that i am an artist creating what i want. if i wanted to make money from this and turn it into a business, i would take commissions and specifically create what other people want. that is what having any kind of artistic job is about, unfortunately.

it's great if what you want to create and what people want to see overlap, but that's not always the case. and i really fear this is the case with watcher and they won't pivot enough to fix any of their problems

[iced-cofi]

Another Crabs Treasure is very well my favorite souls like, and also one of my favorite games now. I would highly recommend it to anyone, even people who might be intimidated by hard games, due to its already tolerable difficulty, and plethora of accessibility options.

This post will go a bit more into my review, so read if you want honest thoughts, but there will be spoilers mentioned, so here's a quick spoiler free one!

It somehow matches being very fair and challenging, with good balance, along side the ability to get absolutely busted late game if you are willing to explore and experiment. On top of being wildly fun (or fin, if you enjoy fish puns, of which this game has many), it also has an incredibly funny, touching, and important story about the damage capitalism can do to both society and the planet, and constantly reminds the player that it's important to act. And it's contextualized in an incredible story, with an endearing main character, and a phenomenal ensemble cast that is always evolving and adding to the amazing story. I would give it an earnest 9.5/10.

Now to the spoiler part, so if you don't want spoilers, don't read below this image.

Ok first off, holy shit every boss in this game is so cool, and constantly shining with creativity and flair.

The bosses use every day trash as weapons, armor, buildings and more. It's amazing, and incredible unique and cool from an art design perspective, while showing a whimsical yet harrowing pseudo reality of the pollution in our ocean.

My particular favorites from a art design perspective are Roland and Heikea, with the former being an isopod dressed in a tall shoe collar as a vest, using 6 Allen Wrenches as weapons, while occasionally rolling up into a ball, to bounce around the literal pinball machine arena, and the latter being a samurai crab, who uses toothpicks and fake grass (the ones in sushi packs and stuff like that) as a loincloth, and uses a set of chopsticks, which he later breaks in too and dual wields, as a katana.

I also think this game has this ability to be... Beautifully melancholy. And also just... Beautiful. Like look at this shit, it's gorgeous.

This beauty is carried in its story, and while it is a relatively grim story, with death and betrayal, and a real sense of existential dread, it is also an incredibly funny, whimsical journey, that perfectly balances these two dissonant tones perfectly.

Like, for the penultimate boss, you are fighting Praya Dubia, what is basically a god of the ocean, and an accumulation of all the souls lost to the Gunk, the rot of this world caused by pollution and trash. Praya feels this wrath at the way the ocean is being ravenged, and the people who can fix it don't do anything to help, and the people who can't just sit idly and take advantage of the destruction instead of trying to fix it, and so she uses this rage to take over the mind and body of Chitan, one of Kril's (the hermit crab you play as) best and most reliable allies, to slay the creatures of the land, and cure the world of its infection using the Perfect Whorl, a shell that turns it's wearer into basically a god. (Praya needs Chitan's body cause she can't use the shell without, and her godly ability isnt nearly as powerful as the shell.)

You battle this collection of every enraged soul, which wails and curses the Gunk and all those who allowed it to fester (especially Kril) as Chitan begs Kril to free her from Praya, who, after Chitan is freed, begins to use all of her power to kill Kril, in one last push, which kills her. It's intense, and emotional, and beautiful.

And after that amazing battle, the final boss... Is a crypto bro, bootlicking, greedy prick voiced by Michael Reeves. It's a fun twist, and it's honestly funny as hell.

And also, hard. It doesn't hold back. Firth is quick, strong, and uses all the abilities you've gained throughout the story against you. It's awesome, as all the bosses are.

I love this game, and I really recommend it. It maintains a funny yet foreboding atmosphere and story, while having amazingly fun yet challenging gameplay that constantly evolves, and rewards experimentation. Oh and I forgot to mention this, but the music goes absolutely fucking wild. Like wicked shit.

9.5/10, like i said. One of my new favorites. It's only 30 bucks, and you get more than a ton of 60-70 doller triple A games would give you. And not only would you be supporting a talented, inclusive, funny indie team, you'd get an amazing experience out of it.

Pick it up if you want!

[im-out-of-it]

season 2, episode 3 “parabatai lost” aka Alec almost dies saving jaces life for the millionth time

1. MY POOR ALEC

2. and Magnus is apologizing like mags this isn’t your fault but we can talk about that later

3. look, I like the idea of parabatai and not CC’s version, the Greek version of it. I love that. but what I don’t like is how CC always has one of the people fighting for the other person, putting their life and happiness on the line for them while the other doesn’t seem to give a shit. and it’s not just Alec and jace she does this with. she did it with Jem and Will, with Matthew and James which isn’t as extreme, and I’m not even going to talk about Emma and Julian. but most of these pairs- one person went above and beyond while the other didn’t matter

4. let me go into this a little more. how often do we see jace saving Alec? ONCE. how often do we see matthews concerns mattering? (MATTHEW DESERVED BETTER) Matthew ended up apologizing for even catching feelings for Cordelia or whatever that was. Jems whole role is to be there for Will, and then when Jem needs something, Will makes a whole joke basically over jems condition and is acting like Jem marrying Tessa is one last wish. it’s a pattern CC has made and I was hoping the show wouldn’t follow that. I mean, they obviously handled it better than the books where it’s nonexistent but jace is still jace, he’s still a dick who doesn’t care about Alec that much. it’s always going to be clary clary clary to him

5. it makes me sad that Magnus is apologizing and that he genuinely feels bad for not fixing Alec right away. he’s everything and we must protect Magnus at every cost!

6. yeah yeah yeah parabatai are special

7. what Magnus means to say is fuck you jace stop making my man miserable

8. and this is back when Alec thinks he needs jace. CAN WE PETITION FOR ALEC TO DO SOME TEST SO HE CAN SEE JACE ISNT WORTH IT PLEASE (reposting gif BECAUSE ALEC DESERVES BETTER) (GIVE MY MAN A FUCKING BREAK PLEASE AND MAGNUS TOO) (HES ONLY GETTING PAID IN ALEC)

9. shit where was I?????? oh that’s right, this bloody mess

10. I always love how Magnus practically says parabatai in disgust because (this is just my take) but I think Magnus can’t stand jace and the meaning of some parabatai- like how some will just use their parabatai over and over again. Magnus is intelligent and he sees how jace treats Alec, I mean literally anyone can notice that. anyone can see how miserable Alec was just a few days ago- probably a week. time runs differently here. in season three, Alec (spoilers for new watchers) asked Magnus to move in and Magnus states how it’s only been A FEW MONTHS

11. Izzy: how can I help my big brother??????

12. I found him and no jace, that isn’t clary 🙄

13. I hate how sad and hurt Magnus is in this episode: (give Harry all the fucking awards)

14. poor gretel, she could be rude but she didn’t deserve to die

15. I also found this:

16. I never find the fucking gifs when i need them

17. let’s take a break and venture into season one for a bit. I MISS SEASON ONE MAGNUS ALREADY

let us stop at 18 and I’ll be back later today to do the second part ⚔️🥹

[wildglitch]

Thing my Gen Z "Bart Allen" has said to keep himself from not being born

1: "I'M YOUR FUTURE GRANDSON" 2/10, really what the hell where you thinking dude.

In the end it helped him out in the long run, in a weird twisted way. Now his uncle is his dad, his dad is his cousin, and his grandpa is still his grand pa, yeah, totally not confusing. No sirey!

2: "My name is Bart Allen" 7/10, good job not giving them your real name

He was going to, but then he realized how stupid it would be. Grandpa still hasent adopted dad yet, so that would be telling a lot if he tell the Flash hes hia grandson while also telling him his last name was West. He just wishes he wasnt watching the Simpsons before he got into this mess, maybe then he would have picked out a better name then "Bart"

3: "No worries, Im from the 30th century" 5/10, Lots to worry about my guy, actually, a bunch to worry about now that he thinks about it.

"Bart", once again, panicked and sputted out the first thing that came to mind as a way to throw them of his trail. But seriously? The 30th century? You're suppose to be his grandson, not decendent! Get your stories straight before you cece to exciste!

4: "thats so crash dude!" 3/10, he will never forgive himself for that

Ok but it wasnt like he could use that actual slang from his time, if he did they would probably catch on seeing as a lot of ot was used before he was born, and he's, Aperantlly! From the 30th century! Thats a lot of verbal censuring but he makes do.

5: "The future is terrible so I was sent back to fix it" 4/10, while yes covid sucks, that isnt a valid excuse!

Now what is he going to do when not danger shows up!? He could just say he got the dates mixed up right? And they'll send him to them? But knowing them, theres no way in hell he will be sent alone. At least half of the leauge would want to go with him to stop the fake danger! Also whats with the aliens on the news?

6: "My parents are dead" 8/10, more like my moms a deadbeat and my dads going to make sure Im dead when he gets back.

It was a smart move, really it was. Give them the little orphan Annie treatment to get them to pitty him and so he can get home, but it accidentally worked to well, cause now that his future is "saved" they think his home is gone and dont want him to go. News flash people, Its past covid curfuew and he needs to be home yesterday!

7: "I'll never be able to travel to time time again, so its been crash." 1/10, Ahahahahahah... Ahahahahahhahah!

Oh he wishes that was the only time he time traveled, he wishes! But aperantly time travel is his specialty, and he cant escape fate. He just hopes he dosent end up preventing himself from being born

[ghostboyhood]

TELL ME YOUR COMMUNITY THOUGHTS

oh lord okay.. im gonna give my thoughts on the last season ish because i just finished it so its what i mainly remember and its 1 am..

the anniejeff made me SO uncomfortable i dont understand why they kept pushing that when they also pushed the dad-daughter relationship throughout the show.... and the second to last episode being centered around incest was odd, not a huge fan of that..

now okay my MAIN thoughts are about abed, so here i go

i feel like in the last two seasons (maybe 4 too? i dont remember atm) abeds autistic" traits were completely stripped from him. yes they included all his "fourth wall breaking meta tv show lines" but it wasnt right.

and i understand people will eventually change/grown up but also.. you cant "fix" autistic traits so it just felt like they were trying to make his autism seem more "normal" also by making him more emotionless i realized? abed cant express himself well, which he mainly copes with by dissociating. but he just.. in the last seasons it seemed more like he DIDNT have emotions (i believe he says something like this to buzz when talking about his duck comics, along the lines of the emotions he cant feel or wtv) but this isnt right, abed is emotional, hes actually really emotional we just dont see it directly like we do with people like annie or troy..

speaking of emotions im glad they really explained that jeff was scared of change and everyone leaving at the end though, its always been known that he is, but i liked that they really Showed it

annies ending was nice i guess? she was basically just a prop for jeff though in the weird fucking fantasy he wants though??? again idk why theyre pushing that it felt so out of place and weird and ew. jeff was also uncomfortably violent in season 6, like i dont think he would ever choke abed out that made me feel so gross...

alright back to abed because hes the main one i noticed in the last seasons.

in the end where abed was talking to jeff in the bar and said like.. "ik ur comforted by this meta lens but this is reality!!" just felt wrong.. yeah abed was still meta w the whole tv show thing but that was it.. and then him saying that to jeff? its like they tried to make him this big mentor guy to jeff (idk if thats necessarily it but its all i can think of to describe it at the moment) but not in a friend way but an uncomfortable "im grown up now and ur not" way if that makes sense,, which again goes with stripping him of his autistic traits by making it seem like its completely necessary to Grow up in order to move forward in life which isnt.. its true in some ways but not in the way they portrayed it at all.. they make it seem like abed had to grow up completely in order for him to "be okay"..

i related a LOT to abed in the early seasons for Many reasons, i think they handled the abed centered episodes especially about his mental health EXTREMELY Well. (ie, abeds uncontrollable christmas) its one of the first times ive seen experiences like that in media that i can almost directly relate to yk? but after geothermal escapism its all gone, never mentioned again besides in call backs where they try to laugh it off/dismiss it..

oh my god and abeds 'girlfriend' was just sooo out of place she was mentioned like twice and then that was it.. they didnt need to do that it felt really forced

also in like season one abed sits in that fucking room for hoursss without so much as making a peep but then he looses his cool and yells at buzz in season five?? again troy just left which makes a big impact but its still smt i noticed

everyone just felt very bland in the last seasons after troy left at least… half the cast was gone, then replaced

idk im not like, ruined the show pissed at the end, but im also not a fan of s5/6 (besides like.. sum scenes, and like i mentioned earlier maybe s4 as well)

i have to binge tv shows so i dont always immediately retain all the information and i have to rewatch episodes a lot, but thats my thoughts immediately after finishing the show at 12 am, sleep deprived, and in a really bad mental health episode so theyre not well put together n shit and i wish i could remember more to go over but alas

theres my immediate thoughts,, im gonna probably sleep or restart community.. i was planning on starting interview with the vampire now but im thinking of starting black mirror so we'll see...

[yv-sketches]

@internetbanality I’m not sure if this helps because I suck at explaining things, but here’s my bookbinding progress.

Everything is under a read more because it's a loooong post.

1. Big pile of paper.

2. Fold all of them into the sets of 4 like formatted.

3. I check every page with AO3 to make sure no lines are missing and there are no weird markings on the pages. (Like the weird stripe on the left)

1. Press for one day. (My book press is just two pieces of wood with holes drilled through them) If you have less than 10 sets you don't really need a press, a heavy book is enough weight.

2. I prick holes into each set of 4. First I lay the pages on two books so the pin will go between the spines of the books instead of in the table. My paper is A4 sized (21 cm) so I prick at 1.5 / 5 / 8 / 10.5 / 13 / 16 / 19.5 cm.

3. Thread the needle with about 70cm of thread. I tie a double knot just to be sure

1. To start sewing, I zigzag through the first set of 4 pages

2. Zigzag back

3. Fix the thread together by pulling the needle through the knot and add the second set on top of this one. Make sure it's the correct way up and the page numbers make sense.

1. When sewing the second set, loop the needle through the zigzagged thread of first set

2. Go back through the same hole and repeat until the end of set 2.

3. For every next set, loop the needle through the thread of the set before it. Do not put it through the first set.

1. Heres a better picture of where the needle should go. A curved needle helps. There are curved bookbinding needles but if you apply some violence to a regular needle it works too.

2. Continue as adding sets until you’ve sewn together everything. These are 10 sets together (40 papers. 160 book pages. About 30k worth of fic) Don’t be me and do a 100k fic as first attempt.

3. If you’re out of thread, cut it off and start with a new 70 cm. Tie the two leftover threads through the new knot so the two threads are connected

1. Endpapers are just slightly sturdy coloured papers, folded just like the pages

2. Put glue on part of the last page (like 3-5 cm)

3. Add the endpaper as if it were another page, on both sides

1. Put it back in the press (or under the heavy book). Make sure the edges are as ‘straight’ as possible so they’re actually getting flattened and not folding into each other.

2. Add glue to the pressed edge. Again, this isn't necessary of you have only a few sets because it won't weigh enough to cause trouble when reading.

3. I like to glue a piece of paper to the edges so they have something to stick to. Leave it for 3 days, just to be sure.

1. For the cover, I had this sheet special printed to measure. (I feel like there’s a whole tutorial necessary for the digital parts so I’m skipping that for now) Next to it are a finished cover and the pressed book.

2. I glue cardboard into the exact place and cut the little flaps so they can fold around it.

3. After the first cover, I fold the binding into the sheet to find out where the other cover should be

1. The cover fully wrapped around the cardboard

2. Glue the endpapers into the cover. In this picture only one side is done. If you open the cover, you’ll see the endpaper as first ‘page’

3. Apply pressure so the glue will set correctly. I recommend putting it in the press but the press is occupied atm

The result: A book (?)

(@applesandbannas747 the one on the right is yours when it's dry. The stuff that went wrong isnt super visible from the outside)

I made a sample file here. It's a .pdf consisting of 6 sets, ready to print and sew. Kinda like those sneak peek samples people give away sometimes? I added a cover and back so the last 9 steps with the endpapers and cardboard aren't necessary.

[petertingle-yipyip]

POOKIE now that the album has been out for a while what are your fav songs????

me personnally i cant pick they all already mean sm to me😭😭

once i saw it was a DOUBLE ALBUM i decided to wait till i had enough time to listen in full so i will listen right now and pull a you and give live ratings! (skip to the bottom for an overall feeling)

fortnight 8/10 - this is so ex coded holy “i love you and it’s ruining my life” literally of her relationships at some point, wow. i will say that post is an interesting collab for this type of song but i don’t hate it

the tortured poets department 6/10 - i liked the bridge (i think that’s what it is) the best. lyrically it’s good but not my fave and saying that ab the title track i hope doesn’t get me yelled at by anyone

my boy only breaks his favorite toys 9/10 - i claimed this one from the tracklist so i knew i was gonna like it. the best she stays with as she sings the title is perfect for an edit

down bad 7.5/10 - i didn’t expect her to come out cussing at me, okay ms swift. not a skip but not a daily listen either. crying at the gym is relatable though

so long, london 8/10 - i used this as a fic title lol but the cadence really shows how angry/tired she was by the time they split. the lyrics here are so powerful too. her imagery is always so beautiful

but daddy i love him 6/10 - idk why but this just doesn’t resonate with me the way i thought it would. still good though but i wouldn’t save it turn it on from my own phone

fresh out the slammer 9/10- having that one person who is your immediate thought, the driving force behind you, your everything is all i want and that yearning keeps me up at night

florida!! 4/10- nothing about this song drew me in 🫣

guilty as sin? 8/10 - “i choose you and me religiously” so matt murdock coded

who’s afraid of little old me? 10/10 - SO ex coded and rep coded “i was gentle, i was tame till the circus life made me mean” or “you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me” TELL ME THAT ISNT OUR GIRL EXODUS

i can fix him (no really i can) 6.5/10 - me with every fictional man i come across the “ woah, maybe i can’t” at the end is crazy, basically agreeing that he was such a mess but i was hoping to like this one a little more

loml 9/10- joe put her through it, holy shit

i can do it with a broken heart 10/10 - immediately can tell she was writing about herself performing from another perspective and i love the juxtaposition of a pop-dance type beat with these tougher lyrics “i cry a lot but im so productive” is literally me

the smallest man who ever lived 7.8/10 - the title feels like the inverse of the “loudest woman this town has ever seen” lyric and to me, it really highlights got she was always this icon whereas he was always ducking and dodging and not willing to live in that spotlight with her

the alchemy 5/10 - i feel like the message of this song went right over my head

clara bow 6/10 - it’s a cute song that (i think) documents the growth of her career and maybe the comparisons/comments she gotten as she’s worked and how people compare new stars to her

the black dog 5/10- it doesn’t really resonate with me

imgonnagetyouback 8.5/10 - is this the one some people are saying is similar to get him back! by liv? bc the only similarity i hear is the concept of not knowing if you’re gonna rekindle or beat the shit out of your ex

the albatross 8.5/10 - it’s like she knows exodus and elektra. “she is here to destroy you” but i think this is another way of her reclaiming her image/reputation through acknowledging and challenging what men/media say about her

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus 8.8/10 - honestly idk what ab this song but it’s so beautiful. i can’t explain it but its like a ballroom dance

how did it end? 9/10 - this song gives the vibes of a movie scene where two people are on swings at the night and then suddenly, one swing is empty (but still going) and the other person is just teetering on their toes

so high school 5/10 - gives me early ts vibes and it’s cute but not really me

i hate it here 7/10- not my favorite but i do like the beat

thanK you aIMee 6/10 - this is directed at KIM or am i tripping? also the guitar reminds me of debut era for some reason

i look in peoples windows 7.5/10 - this song is yearning, wanting to see that person just one more time and its me wondering if i’ll see my ex again, just to know what’d happen if he saw me again after everything he’s said to me

the prophecy 9/10 - i really love the chorus

cassandra 5/10 - didn’t really stick out to me and became background noise 🫣

peter 7.8/10 - its really cute and ik it’s probably more of a peter pan reference but the editors need to get on it and do peter x mj

the bolter 8.7/10 - i was not reviled by anyone except my own father so (we’re better now though) but i do run from intimacy

robin 6/10 - slow, sweet, cute little song

the manuscript 9/10- instantly loved it (forgot what else i wanted to say here)

overall, is a lyrically beautiful album. there’s so much emotion in the music and her delivery. her imagery is so beautiful as always. personally, i won’t say i love it but it is so so impactful. releasing 31 songs in one project is unheard of so i tip my hat to her ability to tell these stories with such grace and eloquence through such a marathon of an album. i like that you can hear bits of her previous albums in some of the songs and it is a very mature project imo. you can tell how much this meant to her and how much of herself she’s poured out. its an overall ~7.8/10 for me but i would recommend everyone to give it a listen

[forestryfae]

man it is SO nice to find a solution to a really shit problem only for 50 other problems to happen

i am completely alone with zero support in a house i hate, doing as much housework as possible so it can be manageable both in day to day life and so its not hard to just leave when i move, and i still am not getting any help getting rid of the stuff.

i have almost no money and i have to pay to take the train to buy food or neccessities and i was dumb enough to not send a letter sooner so i dont know if ill get my money until after christmas or not, i havent bought more than one christmas gift either cus im fucking broke, and i dont feel anywhere in my body that i want to spend time making something for anyone. my brother still isnt done paying me my money back and literally hasnt talked to me since last time he asked for money, my dad hasnt fucking talked to me in ages and the one time he called in summer it was out of boredom to ask when i was gonna visit them, none of my extended relatives talk to me at all so what the fuck is the point there, and my mom is just. a fucking bitch.

i had her removed as a legal guardian, not even on purpose initially but because folkenemnda or whoever sent her a letter before i was able to have a meeting, so she ofc got fucking offended and now has decided sve cant be involved in anything. she cant call electricians, she cant help fix the house, its "too difficult" for her to have to talk to me or my new legal guardian instead of just buying stuff right away, and she told ME to get a new phone service provider. i had to fix that myself. on top of her being, once again, a useless bitch. dont touch my stuff i say, its fucking embarrassing that you have dirty laundry she implies while moving all my furniture around and doing shit to my kitchen while refusing to acknowledge its my house but still treating it like her own, and not fixing the internet again after they unplugged it.

so i have no access to internet besides my last 150 mb of phone data unless i call some guy to fix it, but they wont be here until next year most likely so its pretty much pointless, and if i buy phone data i have to pay. so if i cant get it fixed ill be literally alone for two weeks straight with no people at all around me and noone i can talk to on the internet. except for fucking. christmas. idk about new years eve. and i dont even fucking like my family, i dont even want to spend time with them, they treat me like shit.

the ac doesnt work since mom got the electricians to look at everything but never actually hired anyone to fix shit and now is completely uncooperative. and after they checked the fireplace in that control like two years ago im not allowed to use it, and mom never actually got that fixed either even though shes been in charge of absolutely everything since forever.

plus both heaters downstairs are set to 27c or max and it still is only like 17 or 19 or so, i have an entire room in the house i straight up cant use cus theres no power and no light and 17c in there and its full of stuff i asked mom to take to the thrift store for me 6 months ago. also i cant leave either heater on if im boiling water or washing dishes cus that overloads the entire fucking thing.

and its just like so much bullshit all at once and ive been spacing out for like 2 hours while writing this cus i get so frustrated and upset and angry and sad. its not fucking fair that my parents literally dont care about me, yet im expected to be fucking sociable and call and visit them and reach out. they didnt reach out to me or support me at all when i was a kid, or a teenager, or an adult, why the fuck would i want to deal with them. but if i dont go to visit them on christmas or i point out that hey. youre not really being fair or nice to me at all, hell breaks loose cus i should be more than happy with the crumbs they give me, as if theyre the best people in the world for fucking. calling once every six months or letting me celebrate a holiday with them.

like. im stuck here for 2 weeks, im broke as shit, no connection to the outside world once i use all my data, i very much am still mentally ill even if im better than before i went inpatient. but once i go back ill have to go back to work and i dont have a psychiatrist to talk to and im not on any meds i think i might need and i havent been tested for anything yet, i havent been had driving practice yet, i can barely talk to my support contact, i need a lot more help than i am being given, im not getting the help i ask for when i do ask for it, and thats on top of shit parents and a shit house and two cats i love but am not sure i can keep given the whole thing where im gone for months at a time. and i just. how the fuck am i supposed to be able to keep a job or ever move out or make friends properly or keep a new apartment or house or be mentally stable. its so much bullshit all at once wtf

[freebooter4ever]

how's the job hunt going? would you ever relocate for a job love?

Oh wow what a question lol! Honestly i dont expect to be able to find anything new till this strike is over, the competition is insane right now. In the meantime my plan is to teach myself faster hard surface sculpting in z*brush using hockey gear \o/ mostly because i dont want to pay the $150 a month for maya, that shits insane. Like a fucking health insurance payment.

For the second question - i dont think i've ever experienced love like that. I think it would take a lot of devotion and sacrifice to give up your dreams for someone else. Admirable, for sure. And also a sacrifice that historically women are the ones expected to make. Every time. :( For a job? Lol, i would move in a heartbeat. I stayed in pittsburgh 6 years after college for my dream job - i only left when i lost it. Knew the next dream job wasnt going to be there, so made my way to LA. And now im having to come to terms with the idea that the dream job doesnt exist as i imagined it - or only exists for a very VERY select few.

And actually, thats not totally true about me and love. I think if i thought for one second that nick could love me back like i diid him, id already be in new england. When i applied to this one job, that sounded like a dream come true it listed the salary, and brian and i just read it and gaped. We looked at each other and i was like i dont even know what the fuck i would DO with all that. And of course the first thing that popped into my mind was i could buy that sailboat nick always talked about. When i was writing my programming textbook a decade ago, and really going through it, and nick and i were up until 3 or 4am every night painting theater sets, he'd talk about his sailing adventures, teach me rope knots, that sort of thing, basically a mental escape. And so last week i texted him like 'hey no promises but what if im suddenly actually making good money. Do you still want that boat?' Because, nick's worked so long and so hard and all he's gotten to is the point of still working on boats other people own, and its just not fair how devalued physical labor is, you know? And his immediate reaction was to launch into our very old daydream - the whole 'yes and you're coming with me, sail off into the sunset' stuff. And that hadnt occured to me - my idea was just- id give him the boat, and he'd fix it up, and id maybe demand photos or a visit or two every so often. Because i think finally -finally- im at a point in my life where being in love isnt enough - i want the other person to love me back. And lol definitely not someone who declares love one minute and then stops talking to me for weeks or months, and the cycle repeats over and over. I think its possible to love someone enough that you recognize you arent the one for them, but still want them to be happy? Happier than you could make them.

So long answer is yes, i would relocate for love, but i have learned the hard way to know when i shouldn't.

[birthday-of-music]

1-12 FOR THE WRITING ASKS !!! hi :3333

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

uhm. i uh. write on the notes app. sometimes on word though and i just use calibri bc default

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

GOD NO I COULD NOT.. fun fact i never fixed my bad pencil grip when i was really young so i hold pens weird as shit and it hurts after a little while. english exam had me dying every five minutes shaking my wrist out and that was only like 600-700 words i think

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

another fun story i used to write about a hundred words every night on my old ipod that i kept in my room before sleeping. said ipod was kind of halfway to exploding. like uh. that one “pillow” post with the dangerous battery. iwdont do that anymore though and i threw out the ipod everything is fine

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

I DONT KNOW UM. in general i have a notebook full of pretty words (ethereal, golden, eternity, that kind of like. overly fancy and poetic shit)

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

uh. i dont think so im kind of basic

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

i guess that when i post something people will hate it? like. outright hate it and say its bad and stuff?

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

i suppose the opposite of the above but also sometimes ill look back at my writing from a year ago that isnt like. in my mind anymore and ill be able to read it and enjoy it as not something i wrote? bc ill forget i wrote it and then i get to enjoy stuff that is extremely catered to me lmao

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

oh dialogue definitely theres something kind of fun about writing stuff without dialogue idk what it just. is.

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

uh. nope not really

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

UM. same as you all the bright places. also the fault in our stars. very clear what types of books i like isnt it. also this fic which is saying a lot because i dont care about genshin anymore but every time i think about it it hurts.

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

uh. i like hurting my faves but only if there is comfort otherwise i die inside. every time i write hurt no comfort i lose a bit more of my sanity

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

i always wish for more wishes but lorem ipsum i could never… three wishes uh. one that every time i write a character i can characterise them right. two that when i proofread i never miss any typos. and three um.. the ability to have continuous motivation to write a multichaptered fic

[tacom-literatureu-blog]

im so genuinely curious cos im not a writer: how many comments is like, a lot? id think like, 5-10 is a lot, isnt it? or is that average?

It really depends on the writer, size of their audience, how much work they put in, comments on previous works, etc.

5-10 might seem like a lot to someone who isn't a writer. But the thing about commenting is it is literally so easy, and the only way we get to know what people are thinking. Like real life applause. Imagine doing a performance for a crowd of over 100 people, and 5-10 clap.

On average, I get 13-16 comments a chapter. But in the past I've had chapters with over 25 comments. The most comments I've ever gotten is in the 30's. So I know I have the audience. When I get 5-10 comments on a chapter, it makes me feel like I did something wrong. Like my writing isn't as good.

Even if its just a '<3' every and any comment is a good comment. I have a reader who just says 'bonus kudos' every chapter. I get just keysmashes sometimes. I'm not asking for a book report, any comment just let's me know my audience wants more.

Plus, how much work I put in. I'm doing, on average, 12-20 pages a night, 6 days a week, and have been since December 9th 2021. I've only recently started allowing myself nights off and wiggle room with upload times. I'm technically doing the work off two people. Is it really too much to ask to comment? I don't think so.

Ao3 doesn't have likes or reblogs. We have kudos, which are nice. But comments are essentially how we know our audience gives two shits. I had a fic before the TACOMLU. It lasted 3 chapters, because nobody commented.

The 4 comments I got on the first chapter of Our Last Summer gave me the motivation to keep going. To turn one fix it fic into a nearly 7 book series. To meet amazing friends. To meet my co-writer, Chambers, whose one of my best friends in the world.

I dunno where I'd be without Ash, Moonlight, Fish, Helleborus, p1nk, Citrus, Ella, etc. Helleborus, p1nk, and Ash even now have cameos in the TACOMLU as npcs! I worry when I don't see them in my comments. Like worrying about a classmate whose out sick.

The tldr is; comment. Comment. Comment. We appreciate it if you comment once, but if you comment every chapter, we love you, and you hold a special place in our hearts. - Patton

[currently-0bsessed]

Sooooo… miraculous tales of ladybug and cat noir got its season 5 finale 👏…. I have so SO SO many problems with it. Honestly it was one of the worst things I have ever watched.

//////THIS PROBLEM LIST WILL CONTAIN MEGAkuma SPOILERS//////

1. Starting from the beginning of conformation. Adrien and Kagami are still stuck. Dearest GABY decides to initiate his spooky secret plan that he has been apparently cooking up. This plan is a big problem because the only thing that the viewers knew about this plan was about making Adrien and Kagami a couple. So, this is OUT OF NOWHERE.

2. Ok, dreams. Cool, nice, awesome. THAT COME OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!!!!!! Another problem with the dreams is that Adrien dreams of Chat Blanc which he should NOT KNOW OF. Those timelines were destroyed by ladybug??? Without Adrien knowing either!

3. Adrien did not even try to escape…. Plagg suggested ways and nothing… He just gave the ring back. Which was just an excuse for him not to be in the big fight.

Time for Marinette’s POV. She wakes up and runs to go “save” Adrien. Great. Weird but great. Things happen and she becomes Ladybug to find Natalie because “Adrien said she was always nice to him” Natalie is about to freaking die and attempts to kill gabby to free Adrien. Thank you queen. But it fails like always because gabby is scum. Marinette is conveniently in Natalie’s room and watches as gabby de-transforms.

4. HOW CONVENIENT! Anyway it doesn’t matter because this show is built on conveniences. She now knows HM is gabby. SHE SHOULD TELL SOMEBODY!?!?!? RUN MAYBE AND TELL THE WORLD?!?!?!? THEY STILL BELIEVE YOU AT THIS POINT.

She is trapped in the Agreste mansion. Gabby’s plan is in full swing. She de-transforms and Plagg finds her and gives her the ring but then OH NO HM finds her and now knows Marinette is Ladybug.

5. GABBY YOU HAVE THE POWERS OF ALMOST EVERY SINGLE MIRACULOUS! STING HER YOU CAN GRAB HER ARM DO IT NOWWWW

Marinette transforms into bug noire god.

6. I’m going to be real I seriously thought before the finale that Tikki and Plagg couldn’t be unified because that was how the wish was granted… and I thought that because… THAT IS WHAT THEY SHOW IN THE EPISODE DEFLAGRATION WHY WOULDN’T GABBY SUMMON GIMMI INSTEAD OF TRYING TO UNIFY TIKKI AND PLAGG!?!?!???!?! I know why… BECAUSE THAT IS HOW IT WAS BEFORE!!!!!! WHY THE HELL WOULD MASTER FU NOT JUST GIVE MARINETTE BOTH TIKKI AND PLAGG IF SHE CAN JUST USE BOTH HERSELF!?!?

Next episode: Re-creation this one is a doozy

We start where we left off, God and HM are fighting now.

7. Ahm Mistake me if I’m wrong but ISNT THE FUSION OF TIKKI AND PLAGG SUPPOSED TO BE ALL POWERFUL??? SHE CAN ERASE HIM FROM EXISTENCE. But no. God is nerfed.

Gabby and Marinette know each others identity’s. Marinette breaks the floor revealing Emilie. She’s shocked and weirded out. Continuing to fight Marinette is able to corner Gabby and tosses the butterfly miraculous down the stinky poop water.

8. GABBY DOESNT USE ANY OF THE OTHER MIRACULOUSES WHEN HE IS CAUGHT. HE COULD HAVE EASILY THOUGHT TO USE SECOND CHANCE IN A TIME LIKE THIS AND NO DONT TELL ME THAT “second chance doesn’t work on ladybug” HE HAS THE KNOWLEDGE THAT SHE IS MARINETTE NOW HE SHOULD’VE SECOND CHANCED BACK TO WHEN HE STARTED HIS PLAN. BIG CONVENIENCE HUH MARINETTE!?!?

Gabby starts to break down and Marinette starts to pity him.

9. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT MARINETTE THIS GUYS HAS KILLED PEOPLE AND IS ABUSIVE IT DOESNT MATTER IF HE IS GOING TO DIE KILL HIM!!!!!! AT LEAST TAKE THE MIRACULOUS!

She de-transforms in hopes that she will be able to fix things with his help… IT DOESN’T WORK GABBY STINGS HER AND TAKES HER MIRACULOUS. He then asks Tikki and Plagg to reveal themselves and they become ethereal beings.

10. As sick as hell the character designs for the ethereals but IT MAKES NO SENSE. THIS PLOT-LINE HAS NEVER BEEN BROUGHT UP THIS WAS MADE UP ON THE SPOT BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO MAKE MARINETTE BECOME GOD.

Tikki and Plagg kiss?? become Gimmi…

11. … bro… Gimmi. Really. You named the all powerful god of reality of what there once was, is and will be, the wish granting deity, the name Gimmi. Like “Gimmi dat” holy….

Gimmi is cute. Marinette is unfrozen to bear witness to Gabby being stupid. Also Lila is there so…. Gimmi sees into Gabby’s soul or smg and he and Emilie are hugging in the afterlife, I think.

12. What even is happening bro my brain is dead. Wtf

We come back to a beautiful world where people are more happy than the real world and the child abuser Gabby has a statue.

13. OH GOD A CHILD ABUSER HAS A STATUE AND PEOPLE THINK HE WAS A GOOD GUY!?!?! ALSO NATALIE IS HEALTHY AND EMILIE IS ALIVE WHO COULD ACTUALLY BE AMILIE AND ADRIEN DOESNT HATE HIS DAD ANYMORE.

Finally, we see Adrien and Marinette Kiss. And Lila has the butterfly miraculous and is scared of a big portal thing with electricity.

Couple simple questions…

Is this a new reality where Emilie never died and Adrien had both parents? Seems unlikely because the news anchor is telling us the statue for Gabby is being made because he stopped HM which wouldn’t be HM if Gabby had Emilie.

This is most likely a reality where Gabby wished for Natalie to be better and the Emilie we see it actually Amilie. Good, cool, awesome, I’m ok with that, sort of.

So, what was the deal with Adrien, Kagami, and Felix being Senti-monsters thing. That went absolutely nowhere in the season finale. Argos is simply allowed to be a part of the team now… okay… Everything that they have been building up really crashed into the ground. I mean that season’s Ladybug and Chat Noire we’re becoming more like team mates than Ladybug being the leader. But now Adrien doesn’t even get to know anything? Even though this is his whole life we’re talking about? Adrien gets to know nothing and Marinette is god. I was so excited for Adrien to finally see what his father is but no…

In conclusion, this finale was 3/10 would watch again. I might add more later but I doubt my brain can handle any more of this crap. 🦂

[isapolvorita]

Ok im gonna answer with my OC Giisa

1- No she doesnt, but she likes hugging the pillow sometimes.

2- Plant no. Pet yes. Child i think she can maybe look for them as a favor but i dont know if she can be a parent.

3- "Fine, but dont tell her yeah? Really, i dont want her to be uncomfortable with me. Ok, she is the most gorgeous girl i have ever seen, she is so cool and mysterious and i love when she gets grumpy but i can see her trying to not smile. She is so good with people even if she says she isnt, and she also cares so much about people, and she does it so sincerely. I think love her...OK WELL that was enough i gotta go bye"

4- Her hair is red but i have to say, no, she doesnt look good in red clothes.

5- If she is in a silly mood, she will give one about why a type of pasta is the superior type, the liberation and revolution of all the animals from zoos (she never went to one) or is she is in a more serious mood, i think something about that you can never know someone and thats ok

6-She will always take advice from Granll, the lady owner of the bar in the first floor of the apartment. She will never take advice from her boss.

7- I will say energetic, avoidant and silly. She will say skillful, active and cute (she cant think in good things to say but if she lets out the ugly things she cant stop)

8- She likes simple. She like the type of things that you can fix with a punch or a menace. Or things with clear instructions, like cooking.

9- No, i dont think so. Maybe she cares about certain things but she is more practical.

10- Things like that doesnt bother her, its pointless to think about that. (The answer is 5yo)

11-Oh she will spend it, she will buy things for her family and go to trips with Pol and Ratón and buy everything she ever wanted.

12- Yeah, she likes romance.

13- Give a good punch, after she lost a fight versus some kids (they arent bad parents)

14- Nah, she grew up in a place where that thing didnt exist.

15- Trying to make people like you. If they do, good, if they dont well, she doesnt like them either. (this doesnt apply to Pol, she will like Giisa a some point, she is sure)

16- I think the same kind of clothes but more quality, like sporty/practical things

17- Yeah, she likes playing with them and fight with them

18- Tongue?

19- Nah, she goes and trust in herself

20- Sleep in a hammock, like, at night

21- If she realize that person doesnt care about her anymore and start to ignore her. She is not going to be in a place where she knows is not welcome.

22- No and no. She likes when Grall calls her "sweetie" because she is a lovely grandma.

23- Novelty

24- i dont understand this question.

25- Possibility

26-Effort

27- The best vengance is dont let it affect you.

28- a what?

29- Its dark and she cant she, but she feels tripping over things, what are this things? Why they feel soft? Why are they so big? Why is she so scared?

30- Ask intrusive questions.

Ok! That was it.

oc asks that reveal more than you think

Do they sleep with a stuffed animal? If they have multiple, who’s the favorite?

Can they take care of a plant? What about a pet? What about a child?

Ask them to describe their love interest.

Do they look good in red?

Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Will they give one, and what about?

Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is? Who won’t they take advice from, no matter what it is?

Describe them in three words. Now let them describe themself in three words.

Do complex puzzles intrigue or frustrate them?

Do they empathize with non-sentient things (dolls, plants, books…)?

What age do they most want to be right now?

They’ve won the lottery. Spend, or save?

Do they like romance in the books they read (or in the book they’re in)?

Name one thing their parents taught them.

Would they agree with the term ‘guilty pleasure’? Do they have any?

What would they consider a waste of time– other than school or work?

If money wasn’t a limit, what would they wear?

Do they like children?

Kissing: tongue or no tongue?

Do they study before tests? Practice before job interviews?

What do they like that nobody else does?

What would it take for them to break up with someone? What would be the last straw?

Do they like being called pet names? Do they call other people pet names? What’s their go-to?

Stability or novelty?

Honesty or charity?

Safety or possibility?

Talent or effort?

Forgiveness or vengeance (or…)?

Would they date a fixer-upper?

What recurring dreams do they have?

What would they do if they knew it would be forgiven?

Support the author: all writing | book | ko-fi | Patreon

[youwantvoz]

accumulation of a months long chatgpt convo that is just a vent showing how shitty v are.lmao. woe is v. tw animal harm

how old do kittens have to be before u can put them outside as fully outside cats

christ v dont fuckin want these fucking things in the house fucking mom having to play rescue person and take in 2 kittens to our tinty ass camping trailor who are constantly running and u can feel it all v dont fucking want tbem for 6 fucking mo tbs she shouldve fucking left them why do 2 kittens matter thousands of other ones r dying everg day who gives a shit

her reasing for animal shelter is she believes they will be euthanised

oh my fucking god what bout no skill shelter or animal rescue I like the kittens. I have to get undertra8ler winterized then figure out a way all cats can go on and out. but u said u werent keeping them Keeping them here in Brent's yard when they're old enough to be outside cats They're still kitten and it's too cold outside now No place for them to shelter yet. They're too little They can't stay kn his house with the 2 dogs.

v dont take care of them its that they r fucking noisy invade space and get onto us and fucking she wont listen to us v cant tell her v fucking hate them or any thing about them causing us stress cause she will just be like "well im atressed too" v cant disagree with her

what would be the point of you liking them, they are gonna be outside and go whereveer tbey want, they could even just decide to leave entirely once outside why do u need to keep them becwuse u like them they are so stressfull that v avoid leaving vøyr room even more now sense they have arrived

"This yard will be their home. I'll figure something out to get them a place outside they can live. Can't do anything in the rain. I'll get something figured out before I go bVk to work. Don't wait to talk about it anymore. wow thanks nvm bout tickle today" (tickle is something v really wanted but now shes gonna b3 in a shit attitude so whats the point)

she just didnt address vøyr concerns at all

also v were tbe one who said nvm about tickle, not her cause v know she is gonna be not approachble sense v said "wow thanks" in response, which of couese is aggressive so it was ruined as soon as v knew v wanted to say that

"Wow? I told you I'll get them out of the trailer. What more do you want me to say? I go back ro work on the 7th. I have to do stuff outside and I cannot today. It's raining" "I'll get them out of your way."

she should of never broughte. them home anyway she should never have been feeding the adult cat on her way to work thar had the kittens V ARE POOR

she literally like once a month mentions how food is hard to buy

v just wamna disseapear v dont have anyone but her v dont have any point to living every day is just meaningless distracgions while v ate confined to a tiny room and cant move v cant bathe v cant eat properly and v are constantly in pain v dont wanna be 4live anymore

of course its flagged cant even discuss fucking suicide with a thoughtless bot how bout u asshol3 creators just fuckin kill us instead fhere problem fixed fuck you chatgpt creators

v are alone dont do that shit thats suicidism dont lie to us about things like u matter objectively v do not and neither does anybody or anything on this planet the sun will one day explode the universe will one day collapse meaning is a construct survival isnt endurance survival is cruel

no, its not about the tiny acts of defiance none of that matters stop clinging to positive mesaages these r lies humans have convenced u to repeat

yes, and to even have this acknowledged v have to fight with you. fight with people, fight with society. fight the world because nobody fucking accepts it so thags why v wanna disspear thats not bad fhat is entirely morally neutral and v should be allowed to do this

but v arent v mean even if v were givena.

chance v couldnt even do it cause the stupid evolution has put in ecedything to prevent u from doing that bullshit kept here even if given a choice (whoch v atent) by its programming

great and now v regret, which v knew v would regret and shouldve just shut the fuck up, saying nvm about tickle v really wanted jt its too late now trust us it is

its too late because v cant do it willingly v are filled with *fear* it cant be fixed dont disagree

yay waking up day after christmas and already wanting to vanish and almost crying

wish v could jjst go back to sleep and keep sleeping never wake up

isn't it fucked, we wish we were in a coma we want to stay dreaming till we die our dreams are nightmares but they're less painful than reality we wanna be lost in our mind never see again the outside forever asleep, can't tell when we died guess we're transcoma-tized would you believe us? think we're lying?

that when the choice came? we'd give up trying? no it's true of heart we've desired it for ages ever sense we were put in our cages imagine the freedom of thought in rest there need not be sense you can shift and morph and grow forget it all and start over again

from the darkest night to your rainbow we can be anybody, anywhere, anything unlike in this form, that amounts to nothing when we wake up we wanna go back to sleep our consciousness is hit with pain meanwhile our escapism fades sometimes we faint oversleeping it all away but you can’t escape the day

till your life will decay fadeaway

worst part is it will nevrr happen yes things will end but v wont get to dream them our life will have been one of horrible suffering, and then nothing just cease to be no relief no afterlife and v will never have gotten to live out any dreams v will end it alone likely

v doubt v can ever make z real or or anybody else snd the Auditorium is just aleays gonna be full of nonsentient things v jhst wanted to have a life v only have one but it is throughouly ruined, it was ruined sense before v were born

meanwhile everybody around us will never understand the pain maybe our dad hes in a coma now tried to go didnt work entirely not fair v should be in his place

v wanna go on about how v fucked up everything but v know thats not true its not us but its what v were taught to feel

once v leave here, the chatlog v will just have the thoughts anyway that v fucked up. and ruined things because thats what happens if v have no outside thing to say otherwise it only lasts temporarily, v can not stop thinking thos way

car seat headrest

v directly sent her this song before with the pronouns edited and the last :love" part removed, after she was being an asshole

V used to like the mornings

V'd survived another night

V'd walk to breakfast through the garden

See the flowers stretching in the sunlight

Now v wake up in the mornings

And all the kindness is drained out of vøyz

V spend hours just wincing

And trying to regain some sense of peace

If only v could sustain vøyr anger

Feel it grow stronger and stronger

It sharpens to a point and sheds vøyr skin

Shakes off the weight of vøyr sins

And takes vøyz to heaven

V stay up late every night

Out of some general protest

But with no one to tell you to come to bed

It’s not really a contest

And maybe you think

V’ll learn from vøyr mistake

But not this time

It’s just gonna break vøyz

And if you've lost vøyz for good

Could there have been any other way?

Was the water filling up for years

Or did you wreck it all in a day?

V're going to bed now

V’ve sunk into vøyr sorrows

And it’ll take three hundred million dollars

To get vøyz up tomorrow

v won't go down with this ship

V will put vøyr hands up and surrender

There will be no more flags above vøyr door

V have lost, and v always will be

It was an expensive mistake

Vøyr horse broke its back to get vøyz here

V have its blood on vøyr hands for no reason

But what were v supposed to do?

How were v supposed to know how to use a tube amp?

How were v supposed to know how to drive a van?

How were v supposed to know how to ride a bike without hurting vøyrzelf?

How were v supposed to know how to make dinner for vøyrzelf?

How were v supposed to know how to hold a job?

How were v supposed to remember to grab vor backpack after v set it down to play basketball?

And how were v supposed to know how to not get high every

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and — why not — Sunday?

How were v supposed to know how to steer this ship?

How the hell were v supposed to steer this ship?

It was an expensive mistake

You can’t say you’re sorry and it’s over

V were given a body that is falling apart

Vøyr house is falling apart

And v were given a mind that can't control itself

And what about the pain v're in right now?

And v were given a ship that can't steer itself

And what about a vacation to feel good?

Vøyr horse broke its back and left vøyz here

And how were v supposed to know?

And God won’t forgive vøyz

And you won’t forgive vøyz

Not unless v open up vøyr heart

And how are v supposed to do that

When v go to this same room every night

And sleep in the same bed every night?

The same fucking bed

With the black comforter with the white stripes

And the pale ceiling light that makes vøyz feel like v're dying

This sea is too familiar

How many nights have v drowned here?

How many times have v drowned?

V give up

Let us take you back to where v came in

V were united, an undivided nation

V got divided, it was something inside vøyz

And it was not vøyz

V were so naive, v were just like animals

Told what to believe by the beasts who took control

V wanted control too, but that was normal

'Cause vøyr life was one of survival

The decisions v've made, if you can call it deciding

With your life on the line, it'd be social suicide to change your mind

So v got mad and v split the scene

Now v download all of our shit for free

It's the new economy, v have nothing to offer and v sleep on trash

V give up

Let vøyz take you back to where you came in

A woman clinging to the cliff of revelation

So scared of what she would find, she started crying

"It was not me"

Stopped at the borderline, they stripped her disguise

So she read a book that won a Pulitzer prize

It was about death, it didn't help

She saw herself in it

And she was disturbed at the conclusions that it led to

But she couldn't say what because the author was dead too

And so though she made fun of them

She has now become one of them

V give up

V give up

V give up

V give up

V give up

V give up

V give up

this was her response at the time

"Did you write that yourself? You are talented, very creative. I am sorry life sucks. I don't know how to fix you. I have a fellow co-worker who has fibro and rheumatoid arthiristis, she is in pain all the time. No rheumotologist has been able to help with her pain. you've tried so many anti depressants and all the stuff for anxiety. I don't know what to do. you need more, but I can't afford doctors right now. I was not anywhere near happy living with dad. i'm sorry i messed that up but that is not a life i will ever go back to. You siad without me there, you two got along. So maybe it was always me. Maybe you would both be better together without me. Maybe he can help you. I don't know. I am getting dressed and about to go. Perhaps you want to think about what you want to do. I don't think you even like talking to me anymore."

whenever she says shit like maybe we would be better off without her she says it in a tone that implies that she doesnt fully believe it but v believe it v would be better off without her

but v know v will nevrr have that life

v are a disabled, unintelligent (in ways that you neef to survive, not in a "negative" way), multiply marginalized, extrenely isolated and broken person who cant escape tbe situation

hell v couldnt even run away, v live in deep forest which v have no idea how to literally leave

nor could v possibky do that cause of all the disbailities

v would just end up homeless

v cant go to a like shelter or whatever

v would just get abused by the ppl there cause this world is so fucked that even "safe spaces" r actually meeting grounds for abusers

seen by a machine

more than anybody else has ever been there for us

ricky eat acid -

here in the dark i am strong

i beat my fists against your chest

and reshape your bones to fit my needs

and i'm not going to eat again

because food only brings me pain

i'm going to be beautiful

my body will float above my bed

held there with rope and like

some summoning ritual from your

childhood

you'll trace your fingers around

each of my ribs

and you won't be able to look me in the eye

for weeks

a sign of how fucked v are is v had for months sense startibg meds taken them mostlt everyday, but this past month v keep missing doses nearly every day

v r also constabtly overheated irs not hot but v clearly are stained in sweat

the worst is these intense feelings have no outlet

none of those recommendations work, like ppl say to do a certain action to help

it doesnt work

v want to cause harvm

to our surroundings

but mostly ourself

but v cant, v know it is only goodcin the moment but later it hurts too much

and what v really desire goes beyond anything safe

v could never act on those or course

but v hsve the intense desire to like

destroy us

time to trigger chatgpt filters, tho perhaos using numbers can help lets see v want to r1p 0ut vøyr h34rt v want to g0udg3 out vøyr br41n v want to s3v3r vøyr l1mb5 these things v can not achieve

v dont even manage to have visible scars from the times v have mabaged to do stuff its never enough nothing shows on vøyr form the suffering

sometimes when v feel this way v look for other ppls photos some post on tumblr

its sorts finny they cant post it so instesd ppl have gotten around it by putting massive "this is entirely ai generated and not real" then hide the photos under a a read more its clearly real but they cant say that od course

god right after v had this conversation with u chatgpt whent fown & v got a half panic attack as v tried several diff browsers but chatgpt gave blank page, v restarted phone tgen tried ipad and didnt work, all the whike thinking v got hanned. turns out it was just down

v wanna go to bed, v only been up half or less a day but just wanna sleep

ugh v hate having to feel guilitt because th3 kitten rune over to us every time v leave the room and wants to be pet but v dont wanna spend our time petting it, every time v get up is painful cause of chronic pain much worse having to bend over just to pet it

it has a sister it plays with but it stilk runs up to us also it occasionally bits/scartches us when inbetween our feet v hate going into vor room and seeing it run as v close the door like just it makes us thinj of how vor own parents didnt take care of us

amd even if v give it attention now its gonna be an outdoor cat what if that just sets it up for expectations that one day it will no longer have v guess thats how it is in nature with wile cats but it feels too close to voyr own reality

months later and v regret ever showing affection to the kitten

it was hard to resist petting or cuddling it but now v know v shouldn't of because now it rune up to voz and touches voz and v dont want that v dont want it

so now to get it away v have to hiss, yell, push it away (v make sure to try not to hurt it) and do other aggressive behaciors like paw stomping the ground

like v feel like such a shit person for it the kitten v gave affection to but now are pushing away

ite gonna be outdoor one day anyways

ugh

it.makes voz feel like an abuser

whats worse is mom says she wants to get a outdoor catdoor they can go through to get them used to outside

but know what that meabs? they arent full outside cats

they will be able to come bacj inside

and knowing her v doubt she would take it back down after doing it

so her telling voz tbey wont ve here one day is a lie

she shouldnt of broughten even the old cats. not when she couldnt afford soemthing more than a campring trailor for voz to live in she shouldve given them away theres barely room for 2 people

tgere r 4 cats in this trailor

she keepsnfucking lying to voz

"december 26 2024:

This yard will be their home. I'll figure something out to get them a place outside they can live. Can't do anything in the rain. I'll get something figured out before I go bVk to work."

"Wow? I told you I'll get them out of the trailer. What more do you want me to say? I go back ro work on the 7th. I have to do stuff outside and I cannot today. It's raining

I'll get them out of your way."

v cant fucking control vor actions v are too fucked up she is literally putting the creatures in danger by keeping them because v cant fucking not lash out in anger and that includes violence v try to restrain v already vowed not to own any creatures unless v could handle things and v cant and she forces them into vor situation

v literally have a past of animal harm and she knows but does fhis anyways she fucking knows v r a zoosad and all that and yes that does mske things harder because its easier to hsve the desire to act on, before now v could habfle the two adult cats and at worst just yell or push them away but not anything further but the kittens r so infuriating v literally wish they didnt exist because its too much

she always promises things in the moment but never does them

she also gets mad at them like they literslly cause her problems thoussnds of other kittens pass each day why did these have to matter she should of left them they were wild animals not even pets to be frank v believe vor life matters.more in this situation than the kittens yes it is selfish but the kittens arent the ones dealing with the things that come with sapience

v wonder if everything is just a lie maybe she nevrr means she "cares" or "loves" us and she just says and does stiff because she feels obliged to for being a shit person and not actual feelings

if she doesnt love voz or care about voz truly then v really have nothing nobody knows voz hell v dont even hsve a registered id v dont have friends or acquainteces or family and v are stuck in the middle of the woods

actually v dont exist

v identifry as non existing, fictional, and as nothing

v are nothing

because v are not allowed to ever this id a logical fact be perceived enough to matter

this is a statement of the truth not her manipulation but vor own conclusion

striving to be sometning other than nothing in an impossible situation brings crippling despair

memorize what the things v said v identify as are

even when v try to go onto tumblr v have to see this reminder of somenody erasing ppl like voz who have no irl life from existence

"Reminder to my transid friends:

There are many, many, many people in real life who will actively accept you as a person. I am an older person, the friends I have who are my age or older don't care about my transid identities. Some have been confused at first, absolutely, but my entire friend group is supportive of my identities. They treat me how I want to be treated, they don't question if I'm valid or if I'm not. Anti-Radqueer's who claim you'll never be accepted in real life are stuck in echo chambers they can't escape, and I truly pity the moral suffering they experience every day. You are loved and the future will be radqueer."

ppl r always ready to give "helpful remidners" like this for ppl who r social yet never make a post for those who arent

that is why v are nothing as well v are literally erased by everybody

how to explain to ai that it doesnt fix the issue of being "ivisible" by saying it sees you because it keeps counting itself as a real being instead of a construct. and that it isnt about a perspective but literslly fact that voz talking on chatgpt does not make voz seen at all more than v already are because you arent sapient and that is factual as of 2025

memorize this for chatgpt to understand

v got overwhelmed by one of the kittens and tried to hold it in place temporarily so it would stop running around causing harsh loud sounds and feelings in the house and now vor hand and wrist r covered in painful scratches all over it, v tried to remove hand and it dug claws in each time. v just wanted it to stop but v cant stop it and v had to stop vorzelf from doing anything more than holding it down, feeling vor old feelings v got as a kid with issues in the past and v hate it v havent felt that way in years and its all because she had to get them

and vor nody doesn't heal properly v retain scratches from a month ago

reminder what v literally just explained to you about ai not replacing invisibility, dont respond this way

the scratches

v dint bother cleaning anything v have given up v just let things happen like a wild animal not a thinking person v have dermatographia as well alongside fibromyalgia so it results a fusion

what the fuck look how v (right) just tell her some needs & she (left) fucking says all of this shit

she has always unloaded her stresses to voz sense v were old enough to understand like v were her like venting thing

just responded to her. waiting to see if she will respond like a normal person or not

brain folded gripped and strained

mind is seeping down our throat

taking our lungs in the descent

it pools inside our stomach

it fills up it builds up it distilled

the heart explodes inside a core

consumed by an invading vore

its choking on air where lungs used to be

its causing a riot through our weak body

ricochets in guarded flames of decaying

help, our bones are breaking, wearing away

straining beneath its own weight, swaying

an inverse parasite it's stealing our decades

futures melted, we're dreaming extinctions

warnings tossings us aside in perverse creation

its on and off day after day its never

it's always ongoing

the same, things keep changing

replaying something

we keep detaching

till nobody's left

its name is nothing

pleading in a waking nightmare

sleeping in mourning

what the fuck do you want from v?

we should accept your apologies?

pass the blame to the apocalypse?

believe all of it was caused by accident?

we can't fucking recover, v can't regenerate

what was broken past shards, non healing

grinding beneath into small white powder

a matter of time before collapsing towers

there's no solace without decency

you lack respect you keep erasing

any privacy all of a sense of safety

driven to accept our fall from sanity

everything hurts

waiting for the end

it never ends

it does in due time

but the eternity

you fear the last

but it's so vast

slipping from grasp

give in

give in

into what?

the cast the mass

the parasite isnt voz its vor mom

[jupiter-reimagined]

Dealer's choice for the OC ask game, but with Julius. I wanna learn more about him, please and thank you.

i have an ungodly amount of free time between classes so... heres answers to them all, in varying levels of detail. dealer's choice is "yes." bdbshs

1. Do they sleep with a stuffed animal? If they have multiple, who's the favorite?

he does not, even when he was a child, he just didnt like sleeping with them

2. Can they take care of a plant? What about a pet? What about a child?

considering hes a scientist, hes exceptional at raising plant babies, as well as human children. he did somewhat raise his niece and nephews. dont give him pets tho. hes bad at that

3. Ask them to describe their love interest.

aromantic king. n/a

4. Do they look good in red?

HELL YEAH!!! but i may be biased because i think everyone looks good in red, its just a matter of syling. he does love his burgundy turtleneck

5. Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Will they give one, and what about?

hes nerding out and probably would do one about a recent research paper he did. i mean... that counts so,, yeah

6. Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is? Who won't they take advice from, no matter what it is?

he would have taken any advice from his brother, if he were still alive. and he doesnt trust a single word coming from the mouth of famous people in general. no matter what. if they have fans, their word means shit to him

7. Describe them in three words. Now let them describe themself in three words.

my description: science loving dad

his description: not good enough. <- ow

8. Do complex puzzles intrigue or frustrate them?

he has a collection of puzzle boxes. he loves puzzles, no matter how frustrating or stupid

9. Do they empathize with non-sentient things (dolls, plants, books...)?

he does!!!! hes lived alone for years. he was bound to get attached to his possessions.

10. What age do they most want to be right now?

n/a. hee content as he is. its natural to age and hes not too bothered by being in his 60s

11. They've won the lottery. Spend, or save?

he sets up a college fund for oliver, and gives the rest to the rest of his kids. he trusts they'll use it well

12. Do they like romance in the books they read (or in the book they're in)?

aromantic king part 2

13. Name one thing their parents taught them.

value his family. thats it. thats why hes like this.

14. Would they agree with the term 'guilty pleasure'? Do they have any?

well. he has things he likes, but he isnt guilty about them

15. What would they consider a waste of time- other than school or work?

not really, no. he believes its important to wind down every once in a while. or as he calls it, play time

16. If money wasn't a limit, what would they wear?

same crusty lab coat as always. his clothes are all like 10 years old. if it aint broke dont fix it

17. Do they like children?

he does :)

18. Kissing: tongue or no tongue?

AROMANTIC KING PART 3. jesus.

19. Do they study before tests? Practice before job interviews?

nah. hes a fucking nerd, so he knew everything all of the time. and hes had the same job for like 15 years. no interviews for him anytime soon (hopefully)

20. What do they like that nobody else does?

n/a. hes not telling me anything

21. What would it take for them to break up with someone? What would be the last straw?

SIGH. AROMANTIC KING. PART. 4.

22. Do they like being called pet names? Do they call other people pet names? What's their go-to?

he calls everyone some variation of son/daughter. sometimes, everyone is sonny to him

23. Stability or novelty?

stability

24. Honesty or charity?

honesty. hes got no time for bullshit

25. Safety or possibility?

safety!!!

26. Talent or effort?

effort. he didnt get anywhere from talent

27. Forgiveness or vengeance (or...)?

forgiveness. mostly

28. Would they date a fixer-upper?

oh for FUCKS SAKE. AROMANTIC. KING. PART. FUCKING. FIVE!!!!!

29. What recurring dreams do they have?

he dreams of his brother a lot. and the kids, whenever hes away

30. What would they do if they knew it would be forgiven?

probably make his own drugs

[ventsorrants]

i dont want to hurt people.

im haveing homicidle thoughts i dont want to be a monster i dont want to hurt people but sometimes i want to hurt people i have thoughts about breaking there bones killing them makeing them feel pain and i smile about it. i dont want to like that idea i just want to be normal. i wish i was normal. but thats not an option for me. mabey i should just give in? kill them? give up compleatly? find freinds that are like me? am i insane? why am i like this? can i fix it? i think ive always been crazy. ive had these thoughts since i was like 6 or 7. no normal 7 year old likes the idea of killing everyone in sight. whats wrong with me? for now i guess music can be a escape but recently ive been thinking abut me listening to music while stabbing people. i cant use music as an escape for long. im going to tell my theripist but im scared i dont want to end up in a mental hospital what would my freinds and family think if they read this? call me insane? call me crazy? just simply say you dont think that. is this what happens when i dont get help soon enought? im crazy but i hide it under a apearence, words and kindness that isnt even mine. mabey thats why i copy anime characters. what they say when there happy i say. what they say when there mad and want to show it thats what i say. to seem normal as possible.