#but im going to therapy more often | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

giritina · 7 months ago

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Is it a hot take to say hard line anti-psychiatry is definitely reactionary and anti-science and bad

#im tired of these people telling psychotic people they should go off antipsychotics and refusing to believe that the meds help us lol #like yes theres serious side effects to be considered but you are acting in bad faith if you believe wed be better off w out them l #and that wed be better off with out diagnosis or research of schizophrenia #tbh youre wrong if you believe anti anxiety and antidepressants dont work but at least youre maybe talking from experience #i do appreciate lots of antipsychiatry content if its nuanced but anyone who believes psychiatry should be discarded. wrong. bad idea sorry #and i KNOW with certain newly developed and niche therapies we can do well w out psychiatric meds but. theyre also new and niche. and #more often its that with therapy we can survive on lower doses

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chryblossomjjk · 10 months ago

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#first therapy session went well !#i didn't cry which is v surprising lol #maybe bc we didnt go too in depth about things but #therapist already picking up on things i didn't like #never really thought of myself as an anxious person #depression was more so what stuck out to me #but like therapist was like bestie... u sound more anxious than ur perceiving #like i put that i don't struggle with social anxiety bc generally in a group of people im pretty outgoing #but like my coping skills are isolation lol #and i often turn down invitations bc of my insecurities #and in general just hate being perceived despite wanting it #like i literally havent answered any asks on here in months bc #im afraid of what people think of me #and im scared of interaction #but im also dying for human connection lol :'))#i also avoid men completely bc trauma so yeah #and it all stems from a deep deep belief that i am not worthy of love n wOw im sad but like we can only go up from here right :'))#LMAO SORRY THAT THIS IS WHAT MY BLOG HAS BECOME BUT #idk this is my diary fr #anywho sorry for everything #will most likely delete all these rants bc its embarassing lol but #love you all #and im so sorry for not answering the asks #thank you for reading my fics #your comments mean sm to me truly #love you endlessly

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bunisher · 5 months ago

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never forgiving jason aaron for putting in punisher 2022 that frank hurt animals as a child….

#he would NEVER #the ‘classic future serial killer’ shit is so boring i hate it r u gonna tell me he wet the bed a lot too?#also the idea that he was even in therapy and it ‘failed’ and somehow he was born evil and his family dying was just an excuse #completely undermines the trauma of going to war and thinking it’s over and it’s safe now and then watching his whole family die #like im actually tired of people who write frank forgetting that for a lot of people war is traumatizing #and people react to it differently even if they don’t say it’s trauma so that complexity could be reflected in characters #it’s often easier for people to stay in what they know vs the uncomfortableness of healing #like JA could’ve made it interesting but instead he decided to put all these tired tropes about outdated ideas of sociopathy #into his writing to show the most extreme and overt form of fascism when the alt right pipeline is called that for a reason #showing a much more realistic approach of how dangerous trauma and the us vs them mentality is could have been really interesting! but no #no he was always like this and killed animals and was just a bad child for no reason #when most children who r like this in actuality have experienced some form of trauma #it’s just… it’s just bad writing idk #frank castle #the punisher #bun.txt

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house-in-the-backyard-trees · 1 year ago

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mental breakdown in the tags incoming scroll past for your own well being

#so like im just WORRIED #cause like what if ive fully just convinced myself i think he's attractive but I actually dont think he is and I'm just jerking him around #and actinf like i think hes cute cause hes the first guy im not even joking basically ever since the ripe old age of 9 except for cameron #idgaf about his privacy he can fuck off but anyway he is like the first guy other than tiny little awkward 9 year olds to show me any form #of attention. and what if im craving it so bad im just convincing myself that i like him? like am i doing that? cause never in my life have #i gotten like those fucking butterflies or whatever around guys cause ive never been around them much so ive always felt so awkward around #them and just ignored them. like i even have a hard time talking to my male coworkers and looking them in the eye. and i just make up these #scenarios where every single male coworker that ever showed me any form of attention is actually secretly going to fall in love with me and #its like FUCK is that just all I'm doing? pretending? on both ends? but then i have to tell myself that my anxiety is more often than not #full of shit. but like ive craved attention all my life and what if im juat latching on to the first guy that gives that to me? i don't #wanna be that asshole. im just scared. how does everyone just date people? i thought for a while i may be ace in some way #but im also just wondering if i repressed myself that fucking much from literally age 6 that it did that much damage to me? cause ive always #been weird about myself and my body and things like that and i vividly remember wearing a tank top at age 6 in school and being freaked out #the whole day that i would get dress coded. i need to unpack this in therapy hardcore. cause i was also sa-ed when i was younger but i can't #exactly remember how old i was.#but i just think ive always repressed myself and pushed all of that down to the point that i dont know what it feels like? cause i watch #movies and read books and listen to music qnd im like hmm thats never happened to me something must be Wrong With Me.#thanks for coming to my ted talk #im so fucking nauseous #is that butterflies lmao #🎸

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mejomonster · 1 year ago

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I really do read like a horrific amount like u can't comprehend the amount of books on my phone alone I hope theoretically if I date anyone they like that and either enjoy partaking in a good novel or else do not mind gratuitous discussion on em

#rant #im not even describing tje amount of books i have which require more room ahahaha ;-; no no i swear i will read them all before i die #anyway i have like mm... 400? 800? books on my phone? idk a lot #i dont read often byt when i do read its like ah yes mejo whatd you do tjis week?#i read 2 quantum physics books an old chinese mythology book 20 chapters of guardian #2 chapters of tale of genji. maybe 6 hours worth of video game scripts in japanese #4 hours of the bad kids. a book on astral projection and another book on esp research and #and then 10 pages of an aura book and a 3 hour japanese grammar guide book and i read 1 chapter of #a therapy self help book u #but it required deep thinking so i read slow. also yes i read issac asimovs physics book beginning again #and yes i finished modu so thats like 200 pages #so ifk maybe i read 2000 pages in the last 2 weeks??#but then ill go 3 months unable to read more than 100 words every 20 minutes. ;-;

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miunala · 1 year ago

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2nd time now my dad bought up leaving my mom to me LMAO

told him my opinion didnt change. ill support him leaving her. all i ask is that he take me with him if he does 😎👉👉

#nala talks #if all it takes for him to open up like this is 1-on-1 rides together #then i we need to do this more often #hes so emotionally constipated he needs a space where he can talk about shit like this #i feel like therapy + my moms problems becoming more apparent as the years go by #is whats making me process this really well LMAO #bc if i was like 16 and he said this i wouldve FREAKED #as it is im like ‘lol thanks for the vulnerability’

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lith-myathar · 2 years ago

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#my brother often drives me insane but #when you start going to therapy and actually like #putting pieces together #things start to make more sense #like of course he's stuck. the only reason im not is someone gave me a realistic out #if he was a different kind of person he could but life with our family is a fucking glue trap and you can't see it from inside

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orcelito · 2 years ago

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of all things, seeing goro and sumi interact makes me wanna work on the next ladue chapter more than anything else the past like 2 weeks

Wild

#speculation nation #brain is just 'vashwood vashwood vashwood vashwood vashwood' etc etc etc #endless reading of trigun fanfic. no time for my own writing endeavors #but. im so close to finishing chapter 3 of ladue... so close... i just need to get back into it #... not rn tho. or the next few days probs. not a good time.#honestly tho it's making me remember how good writing is for my health overall #bc when i want to write i Have to take care of my health. get proper sleep & eat regularly & dont drink alcohol #bc i have to be in tip top condition to have writing brain. it keeps me in line.#the past week and a half has just been me Relentlessly pursuing my current hyperfixations #to the point of neglecting my health. case and point: me getting 3 hours of sleep for NO fucking reason (aside from trigun focus)#writing brain hasnt mattered so ive only been eating one or two meals a day. and ive been drinking a bit more often #though that also might be bc of my mental state 🤔 still no more than 2 drinks at a time #but ive gone from drinking Maybe once a month to like once a week. if not more often.#idk. it's meant as a relaxing kinda thing. god knows i need the stress relief. but it's still not great for me.#i still havent done my dishes and my fingernails r too long but i have no energy to trim them #aka. the experience of being actively in the throes of a hyperfixation is both Wonderful and terrible. my body is falling apart!#and this is with TWO!!!!! hyperfixations. trigun is definitely the more powerful but the fe:engage is there too #im. gonna go to bed early tonight. i have therapy in the morning :P #aka this is my 'i am alive' post but like only barely lmfao. ugh im so fucked with this lab.

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skrunksthatwunk · 2 years ago

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haruka should be allowed to be mad at kiryu tbh

#not just in y6 but like all the time #dont get me wrong i LOVE them and i love them being sweet and happy and i love kiryu being a good dad ok #but kiryu is uh. not always the best. in ways that i think she should be upset about #and i think the canon narrative doesnt rlly wanna address that bc kiryu is trying so hard and that effort must be forgiven #and for a happy ending to occur the family must be reunited #and i get that but like. haruka's side of the story is often ignored completely #or else boils down to unconditional daughter love in ways that are supposed to be admirable #and again. i love these two dearly. i love them very very much. but i think that tension should be explored #their relationship would be Very Complex and i think it would be Messy tbh. not like screaming fighting per se but i think haruka should be #allowed some moments of Uncle Kaz Im Sick Of Your Shit type stuff #im not even sure why i feel this way specifically bc i know i used to have reasons for it but like. yeah #even if you dont think haruka's justified or that she's missing some details/perspective or whatever i think she should be hurt and upset #about some of The Bullshit. baby girl needs therapy she needs some support and sometimes kiryu just. idk.#anyway go listen to welly boots by the amazing devil. thats basically my thesis statement #look maybe I'm just projecting my own daddy issues or whatever idk. maybe more people should do that with them like. shit #I'll do it someday I'll make that content i swear #sorry thinkjng about the unconditional daughter love again. she's kind of an ideal. she's a fantasy sometimes of a daughter figure who will #always understand how hard you're trying and be cute and love you no matter what. does that make sense??? and it's like. like i almost feel #bad for knocking that bc i get parents are under a lot of stress but i think she should have that power and that agency to be upset with #him. idk if im making sense. she's reduced to the Ideal Daughter and i want her to be loving and kind but with some moments of bitterness

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binders-and-beanies · 2 years ago

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People make cutesy blanket statements about “fun mental health tip just gaslight yourself into feeling ok” but then when mental health professionals study for years to learn which techniques work for what issues and populations it’s suddenly “omg therapists try to gaslight you into feeling ok :/“

#im doing my research proposal on cbt to learn more abt when it does and doesn’t work #and it’s making me think abt how some people swear by it and some ppl are fucked up by it and none of them are wrong #bc there’s never a one size fits all answer! that’s why we go to school for 6 years minimum so we know what is appropriate for what #and ofc a lot of therapists are bad at their job #if they’re randomly applying a type of therapy that they personally like or arguing with u about ur life they’re a bad therapist #that doesn’t mean therapy is bad! it’s not for everyone but it saves lives and we work hard to make sure we’re helping n not harming u #i and many of my friends are alive and doing better than we used to be bc we’re in therapy #and more often than not when ppl go into this career field it’s bc we care and not bc we’re on a power trip or whatever u read on tumblr #mine #txt

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mgsdelta · 3 months ago

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being poor is literally so miserable

#i hate this so much i hope one day there is enough money for me to actually do something go somewhere buy something i want #and my bday is coming up and i have literally $0. i wish there was anything beyond just enough to pay rent (barely) and eat (sometimes)#idk im just bitching i guess but like holy fuck im so stressed 100% if the time and just wish i had room for a tiny bit of retail therapy #things should turn around soon i hope but then again it seems like money just evaporates no matter how much math i do #idk im just a leech anyways so i have no claim to any of it #and obviously when people are in the same situation as me their first thought isnt to give it away as a gift to someone else its to get #somerhing for themselves like i am saying i want to do. obviously. i would be in the same boat #but holy fuck i dont get graphic design commissions anymore because logos dont get changed very often so my only repeat customer hasnt come #back for more any time recently #and no one buys any of the products i make #and i dont have supplies to make anything new #and so i just wont have money.#god being poor fucking sucks so badly it sucks so fucking badly #i should be grateful i have a roof over my head but like holy fuck i wish i could relax let alone buy something for myself WITHOUT THE #PRESSURE OF FEELING LIKE IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING I CAN MAKE MY MONEY BACK FROM. i have a bad habit of thinking anything i do for myself that #doesnt somehow streamline a chore or produce soemthing i can sell or serve some purpose to other people aside from myself i shouldnt get it #even if i really want it #so i have a wishlist of like 1500 items ill probably never buy despite me still wanting them after years #i just look at them and imagine what itd be like to have them lmfao is that pathetic?#fellas is it pathetic to have desires #idk ive been stuck in this same exact spot for years and thats just how it goes #idk when the last time was that i actually bought something i just Wanted tbh. its all been needs or something rhat in my mind if i could #force myself to keep at it and really Create something that i could Sell it and get money out of it because thats all i fucking get a #chance to think about is money #another pathetic birthday for another dismal fucking year #^ peak pessimism #слова-паразиты

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snow-and-saltea · 5 months ago

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it is a bit scary but ive been in the limbo between not allowing myself to do anything until i get my shit together for too long, which means i havent been "indulging" in anything i really like but only things i've cycled through routine to the point of tastelessness. i am somehow so adamantly resistant against escapism through hobbies or from making myself feel better but also very cowardly in the sense that i'm too afraid of looking at my problems in the eye because my bad mental health bars me from being honest and hopeful (to inspire myself to fix it) to myself because every time i try, i can only hear the "brutal" part of the "brutally honest", and i don't even know if i'm being honest because it's as though i go into this dialogue against myself with an intent to kick myself down. which, i do understand why it happens, but i currently have no energy to "fight" back against it so i just go "yeah. you're right. i AM trash and worthless. i already know this, can we stop bringing this up please?" perhaps from an outsider pov or through a friend's pov i am seen differently, but imagining myself being seen in a positive manner somehow feels delusional because i "know" i'm not being very umm. valuable. i guess skhdjshfjdjf there's definitely stuff going on there

#yuu rambles #therapy stuff #i do notice a running thread of “value” in my head; mostly informed by my mother's words and perspective #of course i have my own values; but in times like these i inadvertently “revert” back to her values of how to judge myself because i'm so #used to trying to appeal to authority figures so i can cope w abuse a little better. but uhhh. it kinda takes a toll i cant lie #shoutout to my dad for telling me i dont bring him any value that was a very cool thing to do. definitely didnt suck or anything #motherfucker was like: one day i HOPE you guys go through what i go through when you have kids and they act like leeches like you guys were #and THEN you'll finally understand. why im so pissed off #i already understand why you're pissed off now but i have no desire to act on it like you did....?#something something a man who has nothing but money feels bankrupt when he has to use it bc nothing else gives him security or love #sorry for the rambling. this has been stewing in my brain for the past 2 weeks but i haven't verbalized it #feels a little good to do so. im crying a bit too but it feels more relieving than anything terrible. i dont feel any strong thoughts #just my sadness passing through my body and me trying to put it to paper to understand myself better #this has been a cry for help but also a literal cry !!! thank you for reading even if you dont say anything #im often too afraid to tell these things to friends because i dont want to be too much too quickly and id feel bad if they felt bad for me #so writing things out like this as if im talking to myself helps a lot. i think

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sunsetsover · 6 months ago

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imagine my face last night when i (extensive history of suicidal ideation) (has chronically felt lonely and unloved for my whole life) (daughter of an alcoholic) (biggest fear for most of my life was ending up an alcoholic) (has actually witnessed someone drink themselves to death) (also actively drunk at the time) sat down to watch episode four of only friends only for the episode to open with ray trying to kill himself because he felt so unloved and lonely and was petrified of ending up like his mum, who later in the episode was revealed to have drunk herself to death. just imagine my face.

#touched a wound in me that does not often get touched. i hated it more than words can actually say. i may have cried.#how are you gonna go from boston bouncing on top's dick in the back of his car to that. like how are you actually gonna do that to me.#the bpd thing was supposed to be a JOKE but bitch we are not LAUGHING anymore #girl also fuck mew's stupid ass too i like him as a character him and sand r like the only normal ones so far #but to be the one to find him and see what a state he was in and know what he was going thru ESP knowing his mum's history?#and do NOTHING abt the current state he's in?#talking abt some 'i'm here for u <3' in the flashback when we've already seen how he treats n talks to him in the first 3 eps #like ofc he can't be responsible for him n ray definitely has Problems and isn't the greatest friend either #but calling him a drunkard n letting him drive drunk isn't exactly helpful ! nor is it being there for someone !#sands known him for five minutes and already told him multiple times he needs therapy #like joking or not he at least seems to have some kind of awareness that hm the way he's behaving is not normal maybe he needs some help #girl fuck only friends this show should be called shitty friends. they all deserve better friends. like all of them.#believe it or not im enjoying this show a lot but every time i see ray i feel like someone is taking out my heart w an ice cream scoop #hes just tragic like hes a mess but he's TRAGIC bc hes confused and lonely and a mess but you can tell he's not a bad person #like you can tell he's kind and he's TRYING to be a good friend he's TRYING not to hurt sand he just doesn't know HOW #and thats what makes it worse like he very clearly doesnt WANT to be the way he is but no one is HELPING him and i wanna KMS abt it

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timeisacephalopod · 10 months ago

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Ended up calling CAS (Canadian CPS Americans) and I did not expect to have complicated feelings on such a thing because it's not as if the call wasn't needed years ago if I'm honest, but I typically do not like involving myself in such things especially when so many people make frivolous calls to cops and agencies like this. Seriously, child abuse is the crime that receives the most false accusations and of course I'm not talking out my ass, but I also don't want to disrupt a bunch of kids lives over their mothers bullshit.

On the flip side me messing around with their lives at this point is probably the best option for them and that's not something I say lightly, I told the guy twice I was making that call with a heavy heart but what little I know is deeply disturbing to me. And specified that I believe my oldest niece is the primary victim in part because she's a vocal kid, good for her. But that's done, I can at least know I tried for those kids and did what I could to make myself sound credible and give what info I know even if I made it clear that I don't know probably anything really. But I'm tired of waiting for change from someone who isn't capable of it. Those kids need better, it's not like I didn't wait 13 years for her to do better by those kids. It's not like I said anything untrue to anyone involved either, so complicated feelings or not know I didn't just run around making nasty frivolous phone calls. I'm genuinely concerned my oldest niece will end up dead and that the only thing done about it on shitheads end will be protecting my nieces murderer and if I did nothing about that I'd never be able to live with it.

#winters ramblings #i feel bad for calling i DO even if as far as im concerned that piece of shit deserves to be vivisected for what shes done #its the KIDS i feel for. i just dont want their lives fucked up because of ME but like. their lives are fucked already #thats why i called like i said id call a month ago but decided that was too extreme and WAY too soon #but the way things are going im afraid shell speedrun her usual abusive relationships and my NIECE will get killed #maybe that scum fuck wont care if her kid isurdered since she doesmt care if that same kid is BEATEN #but ID sure shit care and i wouldnt be able toive with myself if something happened and i DIDNT SAY SHIT before it could be prevented #i simply could not do that to CHILDREN. the guy said they may call me back for more info and i was like yeah thats fine #anything i can do to help those kids which he seemed to appreciate. but really i sat around FAR too long #complicated feelings or not i didnt make that call to be frivolous OR as any kind of revenge for her bullshit #i did it because if shes willing to go THAT FAR with me over nothing im afraid she'll let that SCUM actually KILL my niece and do nothing #or WORSE out and out PROTECT him from any consequences for KILLING her. and god help me if that happened #and i did NOTHING id need therapy for the guilt i could NOT live with that. so i made a call i never wanted to make #beyond being pissed off in a moment but i sat on it for a couple days and when i woke up today #i knew what i had to do and whether i like it or not. i did NOT make that call lightly #the fact that i called anyone when i LOATHE phone calls is already a massive hurdle on my end jumped #but like really am i going to sit around wondering if my niece will be DEAD soon without trying to DO something?#no. i just couldnt live with that and if nothing happens well. i did what i could #whatever DOES happen i hope those kids are ok and i hope theyll either be close enough to visit #or that my mom would be nice enough to drive my ass to visit with them somewhat often since if they get placed in other homes #or just one other home then id like to at least try to provide some type of familial stability by maintaining contact #i know the kids use kids messenger too so if anything happens ill try to get that info so o can contact them #and they can reach out if they want to. especially my oldest niece im so worried for her that kid WILL press all the buttons she can #which is good for her on one hand but has me worried she'll get HURT on the other and i dont want THAT of course #regardless hopefully whatever might come of this those kids get the environment they deserve and thrive

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wurdulac · 1 year ago

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#i just feel like a failure. like all of the weak attempts at socialize failed.#never established any sorts of links. like go to groups/places and that's it.#more often i know of people than people #therapist always told me id be doing better in group therapy and shit but literally what is left after it all ends. lmao #im just... hurting and angry when i think abt stuff i tried.

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tobywushere · 1 year ago

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i miss my dad i want him instead

#i didnt want to move out before tonight #i never want that to happen ever again #it hurt me so bad #it made me feel so awful #and i know she wont apologize #she acted like it never happened five minutes after the fact #how is that supposed to make me feel #why doesnt she care #im not even allowed to feel bad shell just “oh so you want me to kill myself” about it #why doesnt she see how fucking damaging that is #especially when you say it to your fucking kids #so fucking often #but if i tell her to go to therapy shell “oh so you want me to kill myself” about it #what the fuck am i supposed to do #i was never meant to manage this #that shouldnt be my job #but it has to be because shes too fucking incapable #why cant she be more capable for me

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