#but im at a point in my life where I dont care anymore | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

faaun · 6 months ago

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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao

#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her #and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that #bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control #AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern #which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have #become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and #then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see #the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then #immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now #hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him #she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women #bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely #fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are #capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the #like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond #or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to #feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe #months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time #its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like #there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she #wouldnt show up and ive been right each time #like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at #them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all #anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it #and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy #and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way #its just AUSHD AUGH #anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore

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semiotomatics · 2 months ago

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lol. i think ive reached my limit.

#i just cannot take this torture anymore #ive been at the mercy of this horrible disease for over half my life now #imagine living knowing that roughly every 3.5 weeks youre going to experience the most excruciating pain of your life #along with crushing. usually suicidal depression. and such extreme fatigue and exhaustion that you easily sleep for 14+ hours a DAY #AND ITS ALL FOR FUCKING *NOTHING*#there is literally ZERO benefit or reason for me to be experiencing this #it is 100% extraneous #and even if you go to a dr and try to get treatment their only recommendation is 1) pain killers and/or 2) birth control #which both come with their own fucking share of unpleasant side effects #not to mention theyre not even 100% effective at stopping the problem in the first FUCKING place #and imagine even tho you have this DEBILITATING DISORDER society at large has decided it straight up DOESNT EXIST #to the point where REAL ACTUAL MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS will dismiss your symptoms #not to mention people in your life who dont understand or just straight up dont believe your disorder is real #good luck keeping a job or any other major commitments #considering you'll either be out of commission for like. 1 out of ever 4 weeks #or youll have to work/whatever WHILE experiencing said excruciating pain/crushing depression/debilitating exhaustion #not to mention the GI issues and the migraines and the brain fog and the fucking. full body aches #wanna go to a concert? or plan a vacation? or just. fucking. RELAX? you better hope its not during Hell Week or youre outta luck #and youve got roughly 30-40 YEARS of this to look forward to #maybe less IF YOURE LUCKY #im fucking over it #i cant take it anymore #im making an appt to see a dr and i WILL NOT LEAVE THEIR OFFICE until they have referred me to whoever i have to talk to to make this stop #my fucking fury at having to live like this has officially outweighed my fear of invasive procedures/recovery time/side effects #let along the torture that is navigating the medical care system as an AFAB #i just. i cant do this anymore.#i want to fucking LIVE #fuck

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scalpelsister · 7 months ago

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what if i lost the will to live like. as a joke. what then.

#i am fine ftr im just. exhausted haha #NOT to overshare about my personal life too much but my dog is dying. my horse is being given back to his og owner this summer / fall.#my dads kicking me out in two years (in favor of his girlfriend and her kids bc he would rather live w them!!!)#his alcoholism is driving me crazy bc hes treating me like absolute shit and berating me constantly #and stealing from me 🙃#ive lost my healthcare benefits + now have to either raw dog therapy out of pocket or loose my therapist #a therapist that took me a year of being on a waiting list to get in w btw #and idk i just genuinely feel like a loser rn like. im a 23 year old unemployed fat virgin who plays video games all day like. 🧍#where is this going for me. what is the point of it all. in two years im going to be fucking homeless on top of all that #unless some miracle happens bc as is i am too disabled to work.#im just reaching a point where i deeply dont care anymore. whatever happens happens im done fighting it #and ik its the abandonment issues talking here but knowing my dad is planning on abandoning me. 👍#thats two for two on parents leaving me. my entire family has at this point so like truly i cant trust any relationship #like if my PARENTS find me that unbearable. and my best friend who knew me my entire life thought so. then truly every relationship #i ever have is on a fucking timer like. idk if any besties r reading this im sorry i promise this is in no way a dig at yall #bc you guys do really make me feel loved and secure in a way no one else has but. id be lying if i said i wasnt still scared #anyways enough oversharing #i really am fine and safe rn btw like. at minimum u guys r stuck w me until arc*ne season 2 comes out 😂#my post

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nightmare8-420 · 2 months ago

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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.

#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family #(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything #like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but #even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore #oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck #UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough #but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while #maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from #whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions #i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep #which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues #i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not #getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.

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apathyfairy · 4 months ago

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me at 13: by the time im 30 i will probably be married and maybe have a kid but for sure i will be living in my dream city and have my dream job. and also a lot of money

me at almost 30: i think i will treat myself to a corn dog this weekend

#i want a corn dog so bad rn #ngl u guys im actually really struggling with turning 30 at the end of the year lmao #not lmao bc it really is bothering me which is so stupid i know I Know #but. and i know we're All struggling with this. but it's like god i have done nothing with my life #like fr. everyone says that but i literally have done nothing. ive never had a real 9-5 ive been freelancing since college #and tbh i guess that's not a bad thing? but self worth wise i feel like a complete loser.#but ive just made one mistake after another and i know that's what your 20s are for and u know what this is my tags and im not going #to keep contradicting myself i feel like shit bc i feel like shit and ive wasted my whole life thats that #i just feel like such a sham like i cant believe this is what 30 is like i on god feel like im still a teenager #not in a carefree kind of way OBVIOUSLY. which i never was anyway. but i just ?? feel like that #scary fucking episode of rugrats where tommy and chuckie become their dads and they go to work and theyre so fucked up bc #well theyre babies and they dont know anything. and even the fact that i just referenced rugrats to explain how i feel lmaooooo #relationship wise well u guys know how that is. and i truly couldnt care less about what people think about me not being in a relationship #ever and tbqh i dont give a fuck anymore either like. and here i go bringing this up again. but after my ex im like ok life truly is so #short fr i dont even care like anyway. anyway. the point is there is just no reality whatsoever where i pictured my life where i am now #once again living with the abusive relative i moved across the ocean to get away from.#no love life to speak of. fr dont care but god wouldnt it be nice to be loved fr.....#no career. living in a state i hate with all my heart. barely surviving money wise. which is everyone rn but #if i had known 10 years ago this would be my life i would have honestly killed myself.#like if i knew it would all turn out like this i wouldnt have moved i wouldve just fr killed myself and i wish i did lol #to be fair. i didnt see myself living past 18 but like. i just thought something would have saved me by now

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milfygerard · 5 months ago

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Travis has a male "best, best friend" named Ross that's lived with him since he broke up with his ex-gf Kayla a couple years ago and who still currently lives with him to this very day and goes everywhere with him, including to every single one of Taylor's concert that he's went to, and there's pictures of them holding hands with each other as they leave the stadium together after Taylor's concert in Sydney was over combined with Ross posting a meme to his Instagram when Travis took him to that Sydney concert about a yellow M&M and a blue M&M being a gay couple when he had worn a yellow t-shirt to Taylor's concert and Travis had worn a blue t-shirt.

Jeeze, leave the damn man be, when the break-up article that Taylor had Tree write for this silly "Traylor" PR fodder after she sent her Dad and lawyers on several documented trip to meet up with a bunch of KC Chiefs executives all the way back betwen January and March 2023 drops in the next couple of days, let the man go be a homoerotic dude-bro who kisses his male bestie that's lives with him for years on the mouth goodnight instead of trying to insist that his and Taylor's relationship was ever more than a simple, impersonal mutually beneficial business relationship that Travis used to score points with his gay-themed friendship braclet making Swiftie boyfriend Ross by getting him into a bunch of Taylor's concerts for free lmao

I so so brought this upon myself

#ask #anonymous #taylor swift #sorry anon no offense but despite my comment this is absolutely not my corner of the fandom anymore #nothing on earth could effect me less than travis kelce being bisexual i truly dont care #and i am far past the point in my life where im using tshirt colors and the associated insta post as any sort of proof or evidence #i simply cannot do it. i do hope this is fun for you though and not like stressful or miserable which corners like this can get #remember these are simply famous people we do not know and once the speculating stuff becomes stressful #or starts overtaking parts of ur life its always okay to step away #i really do just find the article interesting whether shes actually dating kelce or not doesnt really matter to me in the least #though i do find him an annoying presence in the fandom he seems fine and i just dont care #thats all. have fun though!

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saisons-en-enfer · 6 months ago

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Always an ephemeral presence, only noticed when I'm there

and even when I'm there, I'm really not

#the latter half of my 20's where i left canada and was recovering from a near daily desire to end my life for 6 years #i started to come out of my shell #the more i did the more deeply attached i got to people #and so many people just left without a word and left me devastated #its torture to care deeply and feel deeply #it feels like someone i cared about died #how is it any different #i cant even talk or see them or hang out with them #just live out the rest of my existence in their absence #its easy to say 'who cares'#J won't even talk to me anymore and the first 3 years we met we hung out every night because we understood each other so well #she told me every little thing about her life that she wouldn't tell any one else #now she won't even talk to me or return my calls or texts #i dont know man #how can anyone view this as anything else other than the pseudo death of someone you love and that love will never fade #because maybe they never wronged me and we just naturally drifted #and what's the point of resentment i cant change anything other than myself #so im always left wondering what i could've done differently #but that's just being forever stuck in grief

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yelloworangesoda · 10 months ago

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gotta get off the internet and only interact irl with people who were 30 before they got their shit together i cant keep doing it like this

#like this being. feeling like i have no future and nobody likes me #‘youre only 19’ only goes so far when i dont know any other fail 19 year olds #im not gonna be a damn dentist for sure but like. and ive said this a thousand times. what am i gonna do. i cant live a worthless nothing #life where i work a shitty job i hate. i have to like something #i hate my art. i hate my lack of creativity. my art is so bland i just dont think its in me anymore #i finished. and i hate it #i have other hobbies. i like to cross stitch. i like to sew. i like to paint. i like to make dolls. do you see the common theme here #i have a few more than that i technically could do but i cant create anymore and it kills me. i want to. i constantly want to but i cant #it doesnt help that even if i havw ideas i dont even want to do them #i was gonna draw some characters from a game i played when i was little but i just #didnt want to. at no point did it not feel like a chore #ill try to go to new mediums! its fun to mess around and then itll feel boring again and going back doesnt feel any better #idk. googling it is useless. ive tried all the things. for years. ive been TRYING to draw consistently and like. doodles are fine theyre fu #but theyre not what i want to do i want to make something im proud of. i drew almost every single day for like 2 years #and its not burnout bc its been like. 2 more years! and ive barely wanted to at all!!!#i want to be creative and i also want people to recognize it. different complaint but it sucks so bad #i feel like nobody likes me. still. nobody cares about what i do. nobody would care if i stopped #like except me but i can only support myself so far!!!! im so tired of it!!!! someone PLEASE be here for me and just say ‘hey i love this #drawing :)’ like you have no idea what that would do for me #not always. but yknow especially if its been a while. if you like it. if you dont like it :( idk. you should tell me that too i guess #yknow so i can have some confirmation so i dont feel like im crazy. idk. dont actually id never go online again. i would probably. well.#i dont like to say the words #simons spouting #vent :(

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siinlight · 1 year ago

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I'm so tired of my job I wish I could kill myself in front of everyone and come back... I just want them to know how close to the end of my fucking rope I am I hate it there so much.

#i cant do a single thing right #i do what im told i do my fucking job yet i miss ONE thing and its the end of the world and im the mkst useless member of the management te #team im so upset all the time and never wantt to be there literally like 2 weeks ago i was fine and happy with my job but now im suddenly #not doing enough and my gm is pissed all the time #i literally cant do it anymore i need to look for aomewhere else but no where is going to have the pay im getting currently and ill #most likely hate my life more #i dont. dream of work i want to fucking work 2 days and be off the rest #i shouldnt die if i dont have a job i should lose myself and tbings around me its unfair that the world isnt built for people like me #i hate it all im constaly battling shit that doesnt make sense to me like whats the fucking point of sending this email that NO ONE CARES AB #ABOUT. and?????? whats the fucking point of it all stupid pleasantries and kindness gets you nowhere and life just fucking sucks #ugh

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itsalwaysdark · 17 days ago

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having a midlife crisis atm i think i might start reading [redacted] this is rly scary for me keep me in your thoughts

#i dont know yet. i might not #its been tempting me lately ............ which is weird bc ive never much been interested in the genre like at all its just been sticking i #my head like fungus lately. We will see i suppose #im blaming like 8 of my oomfies for this #rly not that big a deal if i do ig its not like a bad thing im just confused as to why ive recently become interested in it. it was like i #saw one post and its not like the first post ive even seen abt it i see them always but i saw one and then i went in the tags for ages and #i just have been thinking abt it non-stop....#i havent like spoiled myself for anything idt ive been like passively spoiled for years bc its hard to avoid. i cant elaborate anymore.....#IDK im just confused bc like i said ive never much cared for [genre] aside from like ... [well known example of movie in genre]...... and i #have like known abt it my whole life obviously im just very confused. this post isnt vague enough its probably quite obvious #yep thats right im reading. um. fahrenheit 451. joke #that was assigned reading once i think its the first assigned reading ever where i didnt read it but that was bc it was like. it was so #weird how that teacher did the assignments bc they didnt Hand out the books they just like . expected ppl to read them on their free time ?#like none of us received the books sometimes on google classrooms theyd post A chapter of the graphic novel version #and the assignments were all rly unclear and like. Idk maybe i was stupid but i remember talking abt it with my friends back then and nobod #knew what was going on At all #and it wasnt like. they didnt post every chapter on google classroom itd be like. an excerpt from chapter 13 and then chapter 5 and then on #page from 24 and then wed go in and the questions were abt chapter 8 like. it was rly confusing #all those chapters or we r made up idr. ots all quite fuzzy #but yeah. so despite being assigned it kn class and i think passing i genuinely know absolutely nothing abt f451 aside from i used to get i #mixed up w 1984 alllll the time and i still do a bit. but 1984 is the one with bigbrother and f451 is um. bookburning ... i assume #sry i sound rly stupid . im not trying to diminish them or anything i just dk #also when i say midlife crisis yes i know typically 19 is not considered the middle of your life and it prolly isnt for me lol. but im #saying midlife 1 as a joke 2 it could be like Amid life which could be like any point during my life it could be if i turned 70 and had a #crisis itd still be mid life #and rly if you consider it as like. life is everything between birth and death then its all in the middle of tour life bc the middle is jus #thing in between those 2 things ok #sry ive always found it mildly annoying and also quarter life crisis sounds stupid and my ass is not living to #76 are you kiddingggg. 50s at the latest most likely #<- not planning anything or like not wanting to grow old i just have exclusive info others dont have (cant talk abt it LOL) abt that stuff

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clearallcathy · 25 days ago

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anyway im having fun with colors now that ive sworn off the Nefarious Orange Undertones. i always hated anything that i can see orange in tbh But i have not grown up on not only pretentious storytelling but also 2000s school moviesand i have chronic outdated person syndrome so i am not immune to propaganda. for clothes

#i feel like i should write something about this topic because sure im vain but its not just about vanity after a certain point #im vain when im doing cocomelon shit with eyeliner but im not vain when i try to look like my skin is clearer than it actually is #or when i try to unfrizz my hair because i idgaf about either of those things in a vacuum #when we had lockdown and nobody perceived me oh brother #i damaged my hair on Purpose cause i thoufht it looked fun and whimsical #but when im out and about more its not fun anymore cause i get like. people working in stores following me around if i look too messy LMFAO #but if i do certain things its completely different.#it kind of messes with my head idk if my interest in the topic is all that healthy but like #its kind of really interesting. the way small details make people see you in a completely different way #ive had people both ask what subject i teach in my uni/if im married and say i was familiar and ask like where my parents are #or Really hesitate to serve me alcohol #and dont even get me started on gender business i could write essays on it #presenting feminine is a scary high stakes gamble #though iit remains true that people often think im a lot older than i am which im kinda obsessed with #hope i never ruined any chatty uber guys marriages by giving them relationship advice despite never being married.#ive told ppl my mom is my work bestie and they believed me .#Like ok caring about looks is annoying but girl it goes beyond customizing the avatar you can customize your life #and i sure do enjoy my office lady persona i should start trying to emphasize my fine lines i wanna see what wpuld happen #.txt

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apocalypse-bones · 7 months ago

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Feel like a fucking zoo animal

#watch the freak have a mental breakdown! what fun. anyway-#like i just writhe and suffer and have nowhere to put all this anguish and the people in my life r just like damn. that's crazy. anyway #and it's not like anyone owes me their care or compassion and i know other people got their own shit going on #but its hard not to be resentful when you are your own comfort always #i get people dont got energy all the time especially when dealing with their own shit but i feel like there isn't a point in time where i #would ignore my friends in distress. i always reach out. even just to say i love them. even just to say im here if they need an ear.#nobody does that for me #am i toxic? do i complain too much? am i selfish?#i feel selfish.#i feel enormous guilt just for wanting someone to reach out or say something kind.#i feel nauseous that i want and need someone to say something and show they care.#i try not to pester. i demand nothing. you can not speak to me for months and I'll just wait for your return #I'll post on tumblr or instagram and write in my journal because i have no one and nothing and im sure that does get old #but i have NO ONE???#friends ive had for years and none of them reach out or say anything. none of them have the energy to even have a conversation #and i get it like your friends arent your therapist and you beed to speak to someone m #i HAD a counsellor and shes not here anymore. im on a waitlist. i occasionally do drop ins. i got nothing else #i feel fucking crazy because im convinced I'm a toxic sack of shit for all this but i also feel you should be able to talk to your friends #n e ways #delete later probably

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thezodiacco · 8 months ago

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#so ive never really done a vent post like this on here (or anywhere for that matter)#so idrk how this is gonna go but ig im gonna try it anyway cause idrk what else to do at this point lmao #look. listen. i know. i know *logically* that if i did die or disappear or whatever i know people would miss me #i know people would be sad and heartbroken and i know people care about me listen. i *know*#but i just. i cant help but think that everything would be better if i just. wasnt here #like. i just feel like such a burden to everyone around me. like i feel like i make everyones life actively worse #especially my dad #god he deserves so much better than me #i treat him so fucking badly like. all he asks of me is to keep my spaces clean and i just fucking. dont #i let the shit and the garbage pile up until hes overwhelmed cause i cant fucking bring myself to do simple fucking human tasks #cause of my fucking adhd or whatever #even though thats just an excuse #i should be able to do these things! i should be able to function like a normal human being!#i should be able to keep up with my hygiene and my chores and my school and work responsibilities!#but i cant! i fucking cant!#god im so fucking tired im fighting. im so tired of trying over and over and over again all for it to not fucking matter in the end #cause im right back where i fucking started #god all of this is just a shitty excuse to continue being a shit fucking human being #i dont even feel human anymore lol i feel *less* than human #god i wish i was less than human. i wish i was a fucking dog or something #that way i wouldnt have to worry about this bullshit world #that says a lot about me huh #im gonna end it there #ignore this pls #vent #tw vent

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fortunately-bi · 8 months ago

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...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈

#i just spent like an hour writing and rewriting a post trying to explain myself amd its just so hard to put into words #im bored here but not in a ew not enough content for the dopamine hit shit #in like a every time i scroll through I dont smile I dont see anything that makes me happy at all i dont get a laugh or anything #its just mindless brain rotting scrolling nothing wasting my time hoping maybe ill see a new artist to follow or something #and every time its nothing #so much nothing taking up so much of my time and space in my life and i already dont have a lot of time to begin with #ive made some awesome friends here ive had lovers from here ive had people who are no longer on this earth from here who ill never forget #i dont think ive really enjoyed anything on here in 7 years #ive left before for a really long time i think like a year or more or something #and i wont be totally unreachable of people message me ill respond but im so sick of this stupid app taking up my life #and all i ever get out of it is getting mad or getting depressed over shit that really is t worth my mental state over #all i ever feel on here is that the world fuckin sucks and theres not even anything here to make hanging around worth it #im not new to this site making me suicidal for an abundance of reasons and im luckily in a spot where i wont actually hurt myself #its just ideation and intrusive thoughts but its a pattern i cant keep ignoring #also im old tumblr im old tumblr and i think i will always be old tumblr im just not catching on to new shit anymore #the fact im even saying anything about a hiatus should show how pld tumblr i am no one does this anymore lol #i just don't want to be here anymore i dont really want to be anywhere online anymore tbh #its always something and i cant mentally keep up with it anymore i have too much going on in my life #my wife is having cancer removed on Tuesday im a lead teacher who has to take care of i think 8 babies now #i have problems i have actual problems that need me and need me to be as there as i can be #i cant be spiraling over stuff online on top of real world problems im in no position to do anything about on top of personal life problems #that are drastically affecting my life at home and hurting my family and loved ones #i have a mass in my thyroid which is so big i choke to the point i stop breathing if I dont have my meds i throw up all day #i have to see a neurologist because at best i have a pinched nerve at worst im having seizures and i might have to move states again #i dont have it in me to come on here and see stuff that makes me upset for the chance i might see something i like #and i can unfollow people and whatever but I dont have the energy or time to sift through people i follow on here #if you want to talk in dms or asks or you want to send me posts pls by all means continue to do so thats fine #but i think i need to take the app out of my line of sight again for a bit and just be in the moment again same with twitter #anyways i love yall i promise i am safe and not in harms way im just stressed af and i have got to start cutting things out that #arent doing anything other then making me miserable

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snekdood · 1 year ago

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the only way i could be anonymous online at this point is if i deleted everything and stopped caring about my comic and gave up and stopped trying, and while that is tempting sometimes, im honestly just too dedicated to my characters and honestly myself and defending myself and my own dignity to do that.

#bitch im a big ol rock i aint goin nowhere lmao #i used to do that sometimes when i wanted a breather but theres no real point in doing that now #bc if i post my characters anywhere no doubt it'll somehow trail back to my abuser or their flying monkeys #and it'll all just come back to the same old bullshit of ppl stalking me and being really fuckin weird to me and pretending to be my friend #etc etc etc #like i understand at this point that they just kinda think they're this vigilantee justice warrior leading an army against a Great Evil #and im kinda over it all like its just really dumb and boring and they're so full of themselves for it and on their high horse about it all #and its why i suspect sometimes theres rwingers in their audience bc if i can provide all that evidence of them doing weird n fucked up #shit and im still ignored then that to me just tells me. they dont care. like they dont care if their fave acts hashtag problematic bc #they're weirdly loyal to them but then get all up in arms whenever i do anything even extremely mildly conceived as bad #its not about you guys actually being concerned about stopping someone bad. stop pretending. lmao. it never was #you wanna see what you can do with your collective power. you wanna see if its possible to drive me off the internet. like thats it #you dont care about the truth or any bloodshed or anything thats whatever to you as long as you can *feel* like you're doing something #well bitch get over it bc i already know thats what you're trying to do and its just gonna make me glue myself here #i repeat: im not stuck here with you. you're all stuck here with me.#either actually engage with my side of shit and try to understand me and where im coming from or fuck off w your b/w thinking asses.#bc ive been doing nothing but trying to be nuanced over here while yall keep trying to find ways to see me as satanhitler #but i understand that when yall dont have a scapegoat bad guy you get to rely on as a punching bag for your shitty life-#that you can pretend you're punching up when more than anything you're punching sideways or down-#then you dont get to feel like the Good Guy Hero like in All Your Favorite Shows Anymore #bc those shows dont deal w nuance do they? they find an enemy and get rid of him and thats it.#so why should you right? surely reality is like a cartoon. right?#and that maybe you're actually BEING the bad guy by punching down at a trans guy who lives in poverty #and let me guess... my abusers defending the rape of israelis rn too arent they? and yall wont think about that huh #just. any bad behavior they do goes over your heads. you'll defend anything they do to the end #but if i even make the slightest mistake its over.#i kinda think yall are just like... kiwifarm types? like thats what you remind me of....#i just dont believe you have any real convictions or moral framework. i kinna think you just like blood and i mean. given your fandom....#not very hard to feel that way.

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tkbrokkoli · 1 year ago

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a family member: *lecturing me abt how i should live my life*

me, almost 30:

[Begin ID: A gif of Root from Person of Interest. She is turning around in a swivel chair to wink at the camera, all while swinging one leg over the other and taking a sip from a her iced coffee. Her attitude is flirty and cheeky. End ID]

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