#but idk...it's not smth i could do...so sad
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i dont rly go into the ptsd of characters bc i don't personally experience that kind of stuff so i worry about feeling like ... exploitative about it kinda...........the end
#help i thought i had more to say. i dont#i kind of do. idk#like someone in my notifs was like 'datz ptsd' And so real. like#not a chance in hell he doesnt have it. he literally does.#it's more likely he has it than he has adhd and i love projecting adhd onto him so NRKLNDKLFNG its only fair#but shrug ... i just dont want to write it myself ... its not for me its not my wheelhouse... shrug....#there was this one fic that rewrote soj a little bit#i dont remember which cases specifically but datz had a panic attack in it and imliek Sooo Trueeee bestie.#but idk...it's not smth i could do...so sad
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planet of love
#bsd#bungo stray dogs#akutagawa ryuunosuke#ryuunosuke akutagawa#shin soukoku#sskk#uhmm excuse the fact that the quality on the word fragments is a little bit shit if you look too close#i didn't wanna type it out so i just cropped the lines out of a pic of the poem but obviously that kind of zooming in#doesn't preserve a clean image. i think it looks mostly fine but it could be better#anyway. had a hashtag Thought. do you guys get me#smth smth how we only really see aku express the fact that he cares via being willing to die for people#however the very interesting contrast between “accepting he's going to die for REVENGE for his lost friends”#vs. you know. dying for atsushi to PROTECT him. no vengeance. atsushi is ALIVE and aku dies TO KEEP HIM ALIVE. idk#the difference between protection and vengeance but both times it's love expressed as the intention to die IDK IDK IDKKKKK#DO Y'ALL GET ME#oh btw poem used is planet of love by richard siken. i think we here all on the sad gays website know that already but just in case
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it's you!
#my art#resident evil#leon scott kennedy#i keep seeing pics of 2leon next to 4leon and it kills me .#his eyes being so dull in 4r in comparison to how they are in 2r....#hes so much more tired looking ....... ouh#i could genuinely write so much abt how his change in physical appearance hurts me . i think about it so much it hurts me#its just like..... if you start from 2r and then work your way up he just genuinely gets so much more tired looking .........#and while he hasnt ever been like BEEFY beefy seeing how lean he is in smth like vendetta is like. it just hurts idk#but then you get to around death island and he's very.. playfully silly. i dont know how to describe the difference between him being silly#in vendetta vs in di but like. hes just SILLY in di. do you understand what i mean ..#his eyes are brighter. he's put muscle back on. he's silly. he seems happier.#especially in comparison to vendetta.. vendetta leon is genuinely so sad to me if i think abt him for too long i start crying LMFAO#anyway i've written enough . i need to stop. thank you for looking at this and for potentially reading all of this
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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we're gonna deal psychic damage to kenix by making him have to look after the main trio but as kids
#they're all Troubling kids. yaku is drastically different too. the most quiet serious kid that has grown into a childish adult#smth smth age regression as a coping mechanism with being forced to mature far too early.#amor is just a mean stubborn kid but tbh i can't really say anything else he is a sweet boy. However#little fucker who hated his peers so much he learned to write and read to write in his dairy—#— just to hate on those kids. Apollo was the only exception that is His Best Friend of Ever#amor ignored the fact that his parents neglected him 90% of the time because they simply are never home and he had the butlers—#— look after him. Yes amor still doesn't recognize that his parents did not give him much attention as a kid#apollo is just. My poor boy. little guy who was forced into maturing for the sake of being allowed to survive#all of these kids have issues even then. and all have ties to kenix in the future. Now he has to Look after them#idk. Fun scenario. But also sad because that'd be like. The best he could offer them knowing that he can't be—#— a better familial figure in the future for them. smth smth we are still doing Angst ^_^#yomo ocs?!#kenix#yaku#amor#apollo
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i love the companions' little inn living spaces bc 1) they're kind of paired off into roommates and the pairs are so interesting?? and 2) even though there's not a lot of space, their personalities totally shine through 🥹
astarion vs gale:
astarion's space is covered in bloody rags, which ofc it is, but also it kind of shows that he's not as neat and put together as he may appear... but on the other hand, he doesn't really need to be neat about his bed -- he's an elf, so he's not even really sleeping there LOL might as well use it as a kitchen (see: the bloody goblet)
meanwhile gale's space is painstakingly pristine and littered with books and other nerd stuff, plus a finely embroidered pillow with a bowl -- maybe for tara?
karlach vs lae'zel:
karlach uses her bed as a clothes pile LOL <3 but she's also got a bunch of books! (disclosure: i don't know her lore as thoroughly but,, perhaps she's catching up on things she's missed while in avernus?)
lae'zel's bed is neat and organized, but also covered in war trophies LOL. and then there's that small blood-stained rag in the front 😳 very intimidating, just like her
shadowheart vs wyll:
shadowheart's space has her shar worship items and is very neat -- she also keeps house plants! interesting how she enjoys caring for things that grow in the light... + i just noticed she and karlach have matching potted bushes 🥹
wyll's space seems somewhat sparse, but that makes sense given his backstory (exiled noble turned on-the-road adventurer) -- and there's that interesting little tray on his bedside table...
#chelle.txt#bg3 spoilers#i do think it's kind of funny (and sad) that all of astarion's clothing say smth along the lines of#'this article of clothing is very fancy and fine but has been painstakingly repaired numerous times'#like ;________;#meanwhile he's just tossing blood rags on his bed lol#but ig that's personal vanity vs some random inn bed he doesn't care about so that tracks LOL#i also find it funny that astarion and gale got paired together rather than wyll and gale#i wonder if it's bc astarion can't drink gale's blood LOL#and it's just a psychological barrier for the rest of the gang LOL#(like he could just walk over and drink wyll's if he rllyyyyyyy wanted lmao)#oh im jk idk if the pairs were intentional -- seems like it might just be alphabetical order#or maybe it was intentional and the alphabetical order is coincidence :-)#tav: lottie
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when I was in high school there was a tendency whenever there was an attractive boy to simply fan over him. in a way that talked over everything he might say for himself and created a narrative that completely ignored, the fact in some cases, that he was really struggling—or if he was struggling, to pin all the blame on the girl he’s dating and completely ignore the thousands of other factors (no it can’t be mental illness or unaccommodated disability or systemic abuse or exploitation and if he is in an abusive relationship we won’t ever consider the factors that put him at risk for that)
and I’m not saying this fandom is like that. I get the need for privacy around some things and how in public conversations sometimes it’s a lot more respectful to stick to the positives (everyone who does that, I admire you) or even the struggles that are talked about publicly, show respect by not reading too far into them. there’s a time and place for that. but sometimes I feel like our only options are shitty and ableist gossip or totally ignoring the systemic and structural issues we know exist in something like the music industry until someone dies and then we’re looking for someone to blame. friends, there is a point where the respectful thing is to listen to what someone says and come together to make things better. and you can learn how to have that conversation respectfully. please do
#forever haunted by ‘I wasn’t always a cynic it’s just I’ve been bought and sold’#and actually this highlights my whole frustration with the conversation around mental health just about anywhere#like you tell people something sucks and they’re completely unwilling to even try to challenge the status quo in order to help#and idk. I tell myself they’re going to be fine. they’re so resilient. I’m doing all I can; I’m not on the ground there I’m at a distance#but at the same time is it not bittersweet sometimes to enjoy music born from trauma? to be at a live show knowing they shouldn’t be?#to me these stories have to be told for the reason that yes so people relate but also so we can do better for the next generation#anyway I’ve gotten deep into inxs lore lately and I can say. yes it is better for 5sos simply for the fact men can talk about emotions#but that didn’t come without a MASSIVE fight don’t you ever forget that. it’s gonna still carry shame. they’re choosing to fight that#but the sad songs we got as a result?? idk they’re the thing that turned me parasocial because there’s rarely absolutely nothing you can do#like if we’re ever gonna give them a gold star for talking about this stuff as early as sgfg til today we gotta ask ourselves to look at#larger systemic issues and stuff that we ARE a part of and while we can’t be there for them when they have a bad day. we can work on#anyway the high school example still haunts me. still drives some of what I do now. we were just kids. but most of us here aren’t anymore#and the newbrokenscene is grown up now and tbh the status quo should be TERRIFIED#so idk. at the very least sign the petition for liams law. advocate for better. address local issues of injustice and addiction etc#which in some ways I’m lucky that I get to do that in sydney so it feels connected but this is just as valuable anywhere#tbh the 2010s era of bubblegum pop and ignoring all our problems is over. you’re punk now. even katy released chained to the rhythm#thinking about the nfp I’m trying to start and how to start small. for disadvantaged kids maybe? intervening via urban design?#(don’t you ever forget 5sos WERE disadvantaged kids not even 20 years ago. that shit sticks to you no matter how much you achieve)#albums and activism#anyway it fascinates me to see how differently people do this kind of thing to each band member. like the vibe is different but still track#for this whole phenomenon like whether they’re seen as pretty or strong or cute or smth else that becomes the main thing not their words#and I say that but tumblr is pretty good overall. I just wish sometimes we could have a more active conversation before any tragedy#so gosh I’m ranting so much but PLEASE talk about this with me. I notice far too much and I can’t say any of it publicly#so occasionally I come out with a rant like this
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ughhhhhh i really want to get a new piercing but i can't decide on what i wantttttt
#cant do any oral piercings rn (sad! theyre what i want the most) bc one day i may get braces or jaw surgery. if i ever get dental#insurance that will cover it that is...... but i rlly rlly want snakebites. but i should wait.#thinking i want smth ppl can see over my mask so no more nose piercings rn. maybe eyebrows? or like ears obviously but there's too#many for ears for me to decide what's best. maybe just a second lobe piercing? or a daith. idk ive just been thinking on it for a few#weeks and i kinda just want smth new#or maybe i should get a tattoo....... actually no i feel like i could not handle getting tattoos until i plan out every detail of#everything abt them. or maybe not. hmm idk i'd like for things to be cohesive bc i do have Plans that will probably never come to#fruition abt what i want tattoo-wise but maybe i should just say fuck it and get smth anyway#or maybe i should just paint my nails and see if the urge to get permanent changes goes away (i doubt it but who knows)
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12. An unpopular character you like? (and why more people should like them)
asdfghjk THANKS FOR THE ASK I'M GIVING YOU SO MUCH <33 RN
Ooh, hmm, this'll be fun. there are so many examples in pokeani and honestly some are a little eh, but then I remembered how almost every comment I see about 'worse' characters seem to include Max and I just don't get it?? How can anyone hate him??
(fun fact, when I was first watching him - in dub mind you - I also really didn't like him much. but I was coming off from the end of the OG, which was pretty sad considering who we lost, and tbh especially in 4kids early seasons dub EVERYONE was pretty unlikeable. I think I hated almost everyone back in the early gens at some point lol; I can be real vindicative but I think watching the whole thing taught me to take my time before judging stuff :v)
But yeah!! I really don't get the hate. Oh, so he said that Ash sucked for getting 8th place in the Silver Conference - can we all remember that a) legit kid and b) he's seeing this guy lose to an evolved starter from his own region of the SAME type as Ash's. It's like watching a Venasaur lose to Meganium if you're from Kanto; you'll be feeling pretty patriotic and stuff too ngl, especially if you don't have any battle experience yet.
But he acts so smart - Yes, and?? I don't see anyone talk about how Gary was coming up in the first season spouting random facts only to lose in the prelims and get a lower place than Ash. Again, I wish that people remember that Max is the kid of a Gym Leader, who reads and watches Leagues to make up for not being able to watc the Gym Battles taking place under the same roof, who dreams of becoming as strong if not stronger than his father. He's going to have high expectations. He's going to think that knowledge is everything. He's going to show off as much as he can, to make up for the fact that he's the only one in the group who isn't a Trainer. And I love how he learns that you have to actually interact with Pokemon to learn what it's all about, that you can't replace experience, that you can still experience things now even if you are too young to start. There isn't a limit to going out and interacting with the world. He doesn't have to wait. He's allowed to make mistakes and own up and not know stuff and grow, now and in the future. In a way, he's learning the same things as May, and I think that's wonderful.
And while I wish that he could've gotten a Pokemon while on the journey (one that he could keep à la XY with Bonnie), I'm fine with what he had in Advanced. He got to see Gym Battles. He got to travel two (2) regions. He got to see different aspects of being a Trainer, as a Coordinator and as a Breeder/Doctor. He got the recognition of his father in the end and was able to get into the Gym business. He got to play and learn with so many Pokemon and just act his age for once, instead of having to grow up to make up the percieved difference (wrongly percieved, might I add). Dang it, he brefriended two Mythical Pokemon (Jirachi and that other Deoxys). I dunno, he's doing pretty well for himself. Sure he's snappish and remarks on a bunch of stuff, but AG is full of that (ugh Ash was on another level, especially in Hoenn) (we don't talk about flat Brock) and S1 Kanto was way worse.
Anyways everyone go out and appreciate this goober. He did not bond with this Ralts for nothing and I swear I did not cry in this ep just for everyone to hate him. His character growth was awesome and if we ever get a Chronicles 2.0 I need to see his journey (the kids that go with Ash legit get such powerful Pokemon I fear for the competition lol).
#seriously tysm!! you have freed me from sadness the stomach ache and boredom fr!!!#yeah i never got the max hate. like what did he actually do to anyone??#he wasn't harsh to pokemon like paul. he only got ash in like that first ep they meet and then he's cool with him#in fact he REALLY looks up to ash. so much. big bro energy fr even if he thinks that ash could do better lol#he's a little tsundere ngl. he loves his family and friends but he can't let them know#otherwise they'll treat him lesser or smth. or won't take him seriously#aka he's trying to beat the little kid allegations. which is why he bonds so well with misty when they meet#he WANTS to be the cool one. the better one. the one everyone looks up to#but he learns that it's a heavy role. he sees it when may sacrifices that ride to the last contest (i think??) in that donphan island ep#to make sure that he's okay#he sees it when he had to take ralts when everyone else was busy and the stress got to him#idk i actually never thought this hard about him before but i know deep down that he's so much more than what others give credit for#once more so many thanks!! i'm really fired up now heh#pkmn#deep stuff#silv.ex#ps he also acts smart bc he's taking over the gym business that may was never interested in#so of course he's going to correct her every chance he gets. he doesn't understand different perspectives back then#he didn't know that there were other paths and different learning styles and all that#smth smth meeting birch and his play-based research finding tracey and his watcher/artist background etc etc#yeah he got no pokemon but he got a ton of experience fr
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being the only fan of something is so great because i am the sole ruler of this kingdom. no one is around to tell me my headcanons suck or that all the characters are ooc
however it also sucks because i am the only fan. no one is around to support my headcanons or tell me they love my portrayal of the characters
#in a way i'm really glad there's no celceta fans. i don't think i could take meeting another person who knows the game#building your house out of donuts and all that#same with zestiria i'm very glad there's no one around to tell me how ooc sorey is in my mind palace or any of that#but god it would be nice to have a friend to bounce ideas off of once in a while. get some positive reinforcement in this echo chamber#of mine#altho the thing is i don't really have these kinds of elaborate aus and stories and headcanons for stuff with an actual fandom.#i love psychonauts with all my heart but the simple fact that there are other people who enjoy it just makes me feel shyer or smth#like i know that these people have played the games a million times more than i have and are a million times more obsessed with the charact#characters than i am so why should i bother developing my own headcanons abt these characters when there are people out there who do it muc#much better than i ever could. so why bother at all you know#that's why i tend to be a passive enjoyer of most things i care about on here#i'm not out here giving complex and unique takes on psychonauts or mario plots or characters#i'm just gonna enjoy what's presented to me by people who are cooler than me#and when i do have original thoughts it's only gonna be about stuff nobody else gives a flying fuck about. like tales or ys or tok#which is kind of sad! i'm not gonna lie!#but i guess i do this to myself huh. if i managed to find an ys fan they'd probably scare me out of my own theories#idk man. theres not really a solution is there#wyvern rambles
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mmmm what if hydra tahiti’d the maximoffs what if that’s why they’re so Like That
#not the. not the death part just the brain machine false memories part#don’t even have to change that much. all the trauma and the situation could still be real as hell#one little tiny change to put stark on the missile#i think it would be Neat#like of course if hydra had that tech they would use it#they have BETTER than that tech they have the mind stone#how do you turn some mostly normal kids protesting the violence in their country#commiting some mostly small and entirely understandable acts of violence against the system into international terrorists?#little bit of mental rejiggering goes a long way#didnt they even have smth like that in wv#where the bomb or smth abt it was false and not a real memory#idk i don’t care#GOD it would’ve been so good to like. actually use hydra’s layers or coercion and manipulation with the maximoffs#like. Any part of it#they barely hint at it i want More#aos goes hard on the mind control and the rest of the mcu doesn’t fucking do anything with it#except with bucky#and i’m sad about it come on please use what you set up
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ive obtained a guitar
#my mom had one that she said i could take. and for the longest time i was like no i should wait until ive been doing bass longer before#adding smth else. but then i was like. right now im rlly enjoying doing music and i have the time and the desire to do it. so like.#it seems silly to not. so i have it im gonna try and learn over the summer and see if i can keep up with both. and then when school starts#again if it comes down to splitting time between them ill have a few months in each of them almost like 7 on bass. and they're similar#enough to eachother that i think a lot of stuff will probably cross over right? idk i was looking into it and it seems like a lot of more#experienced players will play at least a little bit on the other as well. and i also saw an article that said learning the other will help#improve more on the first one as well#i mean the thing is. it is just for fun. but also i think it would be so cool if i could get to the point where i can make my own songs jus#to post on here or smth. i think that would be rlly fun but like if i never do. i still just like it and its fun so its fine if i suck#but ya im gonna do it if it ends up ruining everything i can just quit like whatever#the sad thing though is. its an acoustic waahhhh#if i keep going obviously i eventually am gonna get an electric bc i was trying to think of songs i could learn on acoustic and i literally#could not think of a single one i like. LMAO my parents had a copy of sheet music for stairway to heaven (i think my sister must've tried t#learn it at some point?) so i took that too. bc it was literally the only one they had besides a big book of mormon ones lol. so im gonna b#that guy that only plays stairway to heaven lolllllll
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drawing something for a mutual and she will never see it bc I’m scared to show it to her but now I just feel like crying bcos I know she doesn’t mean to forget but at the end of the day people just forget me much easier than they do others and I tried pushing that feeling down for as long as I can remember but now it’s like I’m crumbling down under the imminent weight of that idea.
#she doesn’t mean it and she’s quite busy but#it’s easy for her to remember others#or like#reach out to them first#I grew up and continue to grow up denying everyone’s attention and insisting I loathe attention and stuff#and even denying any attention and getting uncomfortable when people give it to me#but I just want *her* attention#just one person#I’m so confused . .#𓏲 𝐍 ܀ᬊ#let’s distract myself by continuing to draw it for her#even tho I’m gonna delete my blog soon so now we would have zero contact#I don’t ask for socials first bcos it feels like I’m begging them for it and then we won’t even talk#I don’t know why ppl ask for others’ socials if they don’t end up interacting anyways#but I don’t want to ask her bc I don’t want her to think I’m annoying#in truth I don’t think she likes me much#but that is okay I suppose#it’s no one’s fault but mine because all I do on there is stupidly be sad how can anyone even find anything worth liking if all I am is just#sad all the time on there#what is worth missing of a miserable person#honestly this is for the best for everyone#even tho the reason I was sad is bc I felt left out and other life problems . .#@bunveh was the cutest ever blog name but I ruined it bc of my stupid mental illnesses and my foolish brain and this stupid anxiety that#leaves me paralysed#I’m so tired bro I just wanted her to like me#and maybe be closer friends or something I don’t know . .#I just thought maybe it’ll be kinda cool to have an online presence where people could talk and maybe someone could like me or smth and then#we can be friends or wtv and be like besties idk but I was a fool that will never be my reality my mum was right who could ever want to be m#my friend . . how could one willingly want to be my friend out of their own free will this is stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid
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I need to keep playing ruina but I am now faced with the opposite problem of before where now I have too many nuggets and cannot fit them all. I'm for sure going to have to kill off some of them or at least write them out of lor and I don't wannaaaaaa
#rat rambles#oc posting#I of course could just like. cheat. but also either way I really Should commit to fully killing of at least a few of them#as in the 10 I will probably be mandated to kill 😔#cause like this is after shit goes down and the dust has settled I rly should explode a few of them#I know knox is super dead but I havent chosen anyone else out yet#theres a decent amount Ive already put into ruina so theyre also softly off the table#but the real question for me is if I try killing from a narrative perspective or from a random chance perspective#cause I already have ruina stuff with my nuggets as quite the mixed bag in terms of narrative satisfaction#many of the worst people in the facility did survive and most of them havent been bettered by any of this#like juliet and loki are getting the space to recover from their losses when so many others they hurt and don't regret hurting wont#theyre just sad that lob corp fell#so like Im fine killing characters that could have interesting arcs in ruina#but at the same time I dont want Everyone to just be the shitty assholes because thats also boring so full random could bite me in the ass#but I also dont wanna chose because I dont wanna let myself kill off the least favorite children and move on thats the cowards move#I wanna force myself to think abt the guys I dont give a shit abt#do yeah idk Ill figure smth out
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#like ill be honest idk how much of it is all in my head but like#like my relationship w xyz person feels so strained rn but like#my head has convinced itself that she only wants to be with and next to her and its SO weird idk how to interact#cuz like idt its entirely false like#but unsure if she was always like this???#were they always like this and it never caused any insecurity for me??#but bro it genuinely feels like smths changed xyz person feels like she has a crush and i just feel so awkward w them sometimes#and idt im the only one who senses it cuz like#even as a joke like 'oh no wonder xyz person isnt here bc SHE isnt either'#so as a result i feel like idk how to interact with her anymore cuz idk#i dont feel like competing with xyz for her attention like go take her u can have her i dont want her#but slightly sad that it feels like im being forgotten in the process :(( idk#LIKE IDK IF ITS JUST ALL IN MY HEAD AND IM THE ONE WHOS DOING THIS#which it very well could be#jealousy is the worst monster i swear#rambles#dl
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I love angst I love making characters suffer thru the Horrors™️ but I gotta admit I've become a huge sucker for wholesome moments like I use to casually enjoy them like whatever I could wave them off but now I'm almost gettin teary-eyed over the things
#idk getting in touch with my emotions is weird XP#I think I've always been a bit emotionally stunted ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but now I have the proper communication skills to like#understand and talk about things and like process a lot of my emotions#and thus new emotions come up that I never really had before which is weird lmao#also I do kinda miss my random bursts of happiness but I know those were probably not exactly normal lmao#my happiness is a lot more managable now and I don't feel like my chest is going to burst and that I need to bounce off the walls#also it doesn't almost hurt to be happy bcuz I was like overflowing with emotion that I just could not handle lmao#things and stuff and things#now I'm having to deal with getting my sad emotions bad again ig lmao cuz I been having random bursts of feeling like crying#and it's over like heartwarming things or like kinda sad but like happy things I'm too lazy to look up the word BUT LIKE#I never use to like get emotional about those things so likeee unlocking new emotions era or smth#we'll see how it goes it's a process but I'm just gonna go along with it and see how it goes#just an fyi I haven't been like properly sad and crying abt stuff for like maybe 6 years? so I don't think this is a bad thing#I just need to get use to it is all going all numb and stuff really just takes everything outta ya the good and the bad#leaves ya with a big ol nothin numbness#glad to be getting emotions bad tho 👍 even if it is weird at first sometimes ya gotta be sad and cry abt stuff tho :P#I mistyped back as bad twice LMAO listen I have been awake for 18 hours I have been tired for like 3 hours now#I had to wake up my sibling for school so I had to stay awake even tho I wanted to sleep 😭😭😭
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