#but ya im gonna do it if it ends up ruining everything i can just quit like whatever

[zemnarihah]

ive obtained a guitar

[ben-pincus]

my love is a life taker (ben pincus x darius bowman)

(pre chaos theory season 1)

tags : ben in denial of being a boy kisser, nightmares, trauma from isla nublar, mention of being eaten alive by pteranodons, fluff, a pinch of angst??? maybe ?????, idk i love benrius sobs, theyre so cute

the time was 3:06AM. ben was awoken by his usual nightmares of pteranodons in a cold sweat, disorientated and convinced those winged creatures were coming for him. again.

his breaths were heavy, eyes wide as he sat upright in his bed, the college dorms quiet. he felt light, weak, like he was falling from the monorail again.

he clutched at his chest, willing himself to calm down. his dreams, or nightmares for a better word always end with him dying, either from hitting the ground too hard, or being painfully torn apart by the pteranodons, and the only thoughts going through his head then are;

i wont be able to see darius again.

he doesnt know why darius is the first person to come to mind when he thinks about dying. everytime he thinks about darius, he gets nervous, and giddy.

but hes not gay. or, at least he thinks so. hes been with girls before but.. darius is different. more special.

ben sighs, running his hands down his face as he inhales shakily. he picks up his phone, checking through his messages, unaware that darius was also doing the same.

darius, distracted from late night work from the dpw, texts ben,

"you up?"

bens heart almost explodes out of his chest. but there it is, that feeling again. like his heart is going to explode.

ben texts back in an instant, his fingers fumbling over the screen,

"yeah"

darius takes a minute to respond,

"nightmares again?"

ben mentally curses himself. the fact that darius knew how often his nightmares were made him feel embarrassed.

"yeah, and just thinking about stuff"

that stuff being you, ben thought. but what was he meant to say? hey! you're my best friend and i think im gay for you! hope this doesnt make things awkward!

of course its gonna make things awkward, he tells himself. hes cool with gay people, hell, he even helped yaz and sammy. but why is it so hard to accept that he might like guys too?

he almost forgets hes texting darius. almost.

"what stuff?"

darius responds. ben lowers his phone, resisting the urge to just smash it into pieces, but he also wants to tell darius whats going on.

so he lies.

"college :/"

he doesnt give a shit about college right now. hes been so preoccupied with trying to figure himself out.

he even went to sammy.

they met up for a 'coffee', but ben just wanted to get her advice.

"ben? what's eatin' ya? you're never this quiet.." sammy notices, her eyebrows furrow as she slightly leans over the small table.

ben sighs, running his hand through his hair, "i... its about darius." he says quietly.

"what? he not pickin' up again? because i swear to god i told him!-"

"no! no.. its.. god.." he groans, leaning back in the chair and covering his face with his hands.

"ben.." sammy drags out, wanting to know whats going on. ben suddenly leans forward, looking down at the coffee cup in his hands before looking up at sammy,

"how.. how did you know you were lesbian?" he whispers.

a flash of confusion appears on sammys face, before her eyes widen, the pieces fitting together.

"you.. like darius..?" she asks quietly, to which ben nods.

"i- i know you can like both guys and girls but i.. why cant i accept it as easily as you did?" he whispers, the frustration evident in his voice.

sammy puts her hand over bens,

"i didnt accept it right away." she admits quietly, "nearly no one does."

ben looks at her, his eyes slightly widened.

"you didnt?" he whispers, to which sammy shakes her head.

"it took a while.." she shrugs, "but.. y'know. i got there! and i got the best girlfriend in the world!" she smiles.

ben wants to smile, but he cant.

"sammy, i- i dont know if darius swings that way. what if i tell him and it ruins everything?" he whispers, all these thoughts swirling in his head.

"you wont know unless ya tell him." she says, squeezing bens hand reassuringly.

"how?" ben asks, his voice strained.

"just tell him." sammy nods, "you dont gotta know what ya are right away... jus' know what you're feelin'."

he doesnt know the amount of times hes typed out a paragraph to darius, and then deleted it out of fear of being shunned.

bens fingers hover over the call button. he doesnt wanna do it over text, its too.. sleazy..

bens finger accidentally presses the call button, and before he can cancel it, darius picks up.

"hey, ben. you okay? you dont usually call." darius' voice rings out from the phone.

"yeah- yeah, i'm uh, fine-" ben mentally slaps himself for sounding like he just ran a marathon and back.

"you dont sound it." darius hums.

"i gotta tell you something, d." the words slip out of bens mouth before he can even catch the letters from falling out.

theres a beat before darius responds,

"...what is it?" darius says quietly.

ben doesnt know how to respond, so he rambles. says whatever his heart is telling him.

"d. i love you. and not in like, a-a friend way. i wanna hold your hand, and kiss you, and be seen with you as your boyfriend. i wanna hold you and sleep next to you and take you out on dates and treat you how you deserve to be treated-" he stops himself with a shaky breath.

darius is quiet. too quiet.

fuck. ben thinks.

"really?" darius muses, ben cant read his tone.

"yeah.. really." ben swallows nervously.

ben really is hoping darius swings that way right now, to save him from the embarrassment.

"well.. uh.. yeah, yeah.. so do i." darius says quietly, tripping over his words. bens heart almost stops.

"what?" he asks.

darius laughs, "i feel the same, ben."

"well, uh.. thats um.. great." ben says, unsure on how to react now.

he can hear darius moving around,

"can i drop by tomorrow? figure things out between us?" darius asks.

bens voice catches in his throat, "yes-" he clears his throat,

"yeah. you can. you- you need directions?" ben asks.

"already know where you are. and uh... sammy told me already." darius chuckles,

"sam- oh my god.." bens face burns up, and he hears darius laughing again.

and by god, is it the most beautiful sound ben has ever heard.

[infoglitch]

(I bet y'all mfs don't remember when I created rouge for the rose reaper and dork knight series did ya? Well guess what-)

Dork Knights Rose Remorse!

I'll finish this angst war with a critical blow to you, @epic-arc this is and always will be the glitch cycle!

Jaune sat alone, his appearance much older as he appeared in his 60's as he sat in a chair on his cabins porch, looking at a field of Roses and sunflowers.

A young man walked up to him, his hair black, eyes azure blue, wearing a red t-shirt and black jacket as well as white jeans. He sat beside Jaune as the now old huntsmen smiled.

Rouge: the garden looks good.. I'm surprised you planted the roses so close.

Jaune: well.. your aunt and mother were always close..

Rouge: yeah.. how is Aunt Blake doing?

Jaune: we talked.. she's on the end of her rope.. I worry for her

Rouge: you worry for everyone old man.. so.. are we gonna talk about mom?

Jaune: Rouge.. I know it's been awhile-

Rouge: dad! It's been months.. you need someone to talk to. And I know you haven't talked to Aunt Blake or Mrs. Schnee.. you can't bottle up your grief!

Jaune: I'm not! I just.. your mother was.. she was my everything.. she made every day feel like I could live.. she inspired me after Beacons' fall.

Rouge: that doesn't mean just because she's gone you should shut everyone out.. when have you last talked to great uncle Qrow? When have you talked to Mr. Pine?!

Jaune:.. I don't want to discuss this anymore.

Rouge: she was your wife, but she was my mother.. I know how much it hurts.. or at least I can try! We both know mom would kick out asses for mopping!

Jaune: I said-

Rouge: how long until you realize you can't just shut people out dad?! How long until you realize you're shutting me out?!

The air went still as jaune sat there. He would look at his son as for a moment he could see both himself and his wife in his son's eyes.

Jaune:.. it just... It hurts.. it hurts because she doesn't get to be here, because she had to go on that mission, that one mission to destroy the relics! It.. it isn't fair, she was 55!

Rouge: and I was 16 dad. 16. It wasn't fair I lost my mother and it wasn't fair you lost your wife.. but im not about to let her death ruin my family.. your 61 dad, she died 4 years ago... You need to move on.

Jaune:.. I miss her.. so much.

Rouge sighed as he placed a hand on his father's shoulder.

Rouge: i miss her too dad.. I miss her too.

[louisisalarrie]

Hey how are u? I really like your point of view so I want to ask you few things that my brain frequently think about.

I’m pretty sure that sooner or later bbg will be unmasked, so how they will handle this? They created Louis’ public image around this baby. They painted him like the perfect father who obv love a lot his child.

I think that the shitstorm where his fans will throw him in will be bigger than everything. You know what I mean his solo fans paint him like the most loyal person in the world who trust his fans a lot and would never betray them. So I’m quite sure that they will start to throw shit on him, plus they’re so obsessed over this poor baby and I see a lot of them saying that if louis is not the father they will leave him cause he is just a gross person who lies to fans.

So, how will they managed it without throw him into a very big shitstorm? Plus when it will happen definitely all will be connect to the Larry situation so: when they do it, will he do also a coming out?

I don’t see it happen without a coming out, because the speculation would be so much bigger than ever and everyone would start saying that Larries were right since the beginning and that he’s a horrible person using a child…

I don’t know I don’t see a easy happy ending :(

okie dokie anon, im gonna answer this in the best way I know how, and tag it a little differently to usual so everyone knows where to find my theories on how they’re gonna end bbg/what’s the best way to end it without ruining louis’ career. anon, welcome to the show sweetcheeks!

After the absolute shit show of a smear campaign that was pushed onto Louis in 2015, of clubbing and being a gross fuckboy taking a million girls home every night, they had to repair said image when they decided this kid was actually gonna be born (in my theory it was Belfast) because to continue on with fuckboy louis when he has a child on the way further down the pregnancy/child is born, it would’ve looked even more fucking worse for one d’s demographic and louis’ image would be irreparable. His image has always hung off family values and long term relationships too, so it’s not super crazy to think “oh, louis has had his fun and now it’s serious he’s gonna buckle down and be a great dad because of his upbringing/family values and he’s a wonderful guy” etc, ya know? Plus the vast majority of one d fans at the time were Larries, we saw through the bullshit and we saw this behaviour wasn’t louis. Mgmt were like “ok if we’re actually gonna see this through, if there’s actually gonna be a child in the picture, he’s gonna have to be a present and loving dad”. It just would’ve been too off brand for him to not be. Hell, the whole fuckboy Louis thing was off brand for him, but they started that, and then had to fucking fix it because an actual child was gonna be born into this mess.

Anyway so louis’ buzzing (looks like he’d rather set himself on fire) and we get heaps of baby content on Insta/from B and her clan etc to really bring it home that louis cares about this kid. This kid is his life and he will do everything he can to be there for it because he’s a good guy (which like… it this was real, they would’ve covered up this baby real quick and silenced the mother and that’s the biggest fucking fault they made in my opinion, shit makes no sense). So yeah, fake baby, happy dad, family values. Cool, alright let’s go.

You are very correct in saying they’ve made louis being a dad a major element in his image. He’s pretty private otherwise, but boy does he love this kid! Which if we base this on how it was meant to end in 2016 with a DNA test so he’d be out free, which didn’t happen for a few reasons, the kid is now older and a paternity test should’ve been taken far earlier and louis’ trying to figure out himself in a solo career and working hard on music and it’s all too much. Not to mention he signed his fucking rights away to SC and still had to deal with this all. But I digress. They didn’t end bbg then, and he didn’t want such a scandal to hinder the beginning of his career because that’s what he’d be known for when starting out as a solo artist. “Oh did you hear about that dude from one direction? His kid isn’t actually his! Holy shit!” would just be on repeat anywhere and everywhere and something like that doesn’t really die down that quick in the media. It just would’ve jumped him off the wrong way after dealing with the heartbreak of his mum passing etc., so things are a little chaotic for him to deal with that as well. (Then the bbg contract gets amended and SC gives him publicity with the X Factor etc, but I won’t get into the contracts side of it right now).

Cool cool cool. So. He’s gonna look like a shit dude for chucking this baby in the spotlight if he’s known for ages. Everyone’s gonna hate him for lying to them. He’s gonna lose his fans. He’s not gonna be able to promo himself for a while because he’ll be “devastated”. Now, let’s have a look at how this can end with fan and GP sympathy on his side, and how they can spin this in a good way.

Now, hear me out.

We’ve talked about a few ways, but the best way to dig him out of this shit show, is simply to go down the paternity route. It just is.

Situation 1: louis and b go to court over F. this works perfectly in his current no music or tour timeframe. It keeps him relevant in the papers while he’s off, and also gives him the excuse to grieve or whatever. This is 100% the best way to do it but it drags it out so long.

- Louis, who is now on break, wants to spend more time with his beloved son little lad, and wants to take him away from B for a while to live in the UK with him and his family for an extended holiday/spend some quality time. B is withholding his son from him and he isn’t allowed to be with him for extended periods of time because B doesn’t like his lifestyle (partying, smoking, etc.)

Or

- maybe B decides Louis’ doing really well in his career so she wants more child support money. He’s getting older, more expensive, and this was all louis’ doing. He took B home, he’s also a multi millionaire, he should be paying way more than what he is!

- maybe B gets married or a long term serious boyfriend and he wants to adopt F because louis’ lifestyle doesn’t allow him to be present as much as he wants to.

Or something else ridiculous that they go to court over. In this theory, they need to go to court 100%.

So, they’re in court over whatever, and B goes “hey well I was actually sleeping with someone else around that time too, I want a paternity test” (because she never pushed for one because she saw $$$) and louis takes one and BAM, he’s actually not F’s father. Holy shit.

So why did a multimillionaire famous boyband member in his early 20’s who was clearly loving partying not demand a paternity test early one? Well, he never bothered to ask because he trusted B. They’d actually been seeing each other for longer than initially thought (like some articles mentioned back in the day LOL) but didn’t want to introduce her to the public because he knows 1d fans would eat her alive and the whole Larry thing etc., so he trusts her. He’s also just a really good dude, sees the best in everyone, trusted her and copped it on the chin and said well yeah… im gonna help raise this dude because I’ve always wanted a son and I have big family values and I fucked up. I’m mature. I’m a good example of what women should look for in a man.

So then shit… the fans and GP find out and he cops the public sympathy and everyone feels sorry for him. This is heartbreaking, he loves that kid so much and now he’s found out he’s not really his dad. The fans are devastated, the GP goes “well it’s stupid he didn’t get one earlier on but this is still really awful for him, poor guy. He’s too nice for his own good, and he was just a kid. Maybe he didn’t think about it. He’s so brave to say this. Heart on his sleeve” etc etc like it’s really not hard to make the GP and fans feel bad for you, even tho some folks may think he was an idiot for not getting one earlier on (which like.. that’s how it was meant to end but it was extended), everyone who’s scrutinised bbg has thought the same at some point. So, anyway, you see what I mean here? This situation ends with him looking like just a silly loving trusting guy, with a big heart. Solos will eat that shit up. I promise you. Anyway, F fades into the background and we don’t see any more content of him. He just… disappears. No one’s gonna question that. F isn’t his son, and he wants to give the kid and B privacy now. A classic example of being a good guy.

So like, this situation also upholds the idea that he’s straight. He’s had sex with a woman, it’s just this kid isn’t his. Anyway, sorted, case closed and we alll eventually move on. It does drag it out but my god does it truly spin some sympathy for him. But if he wants it over and done with quick, this wouldn’t be the way.

Situation 2: louis has known for a while, but him and B are really good friends so he’s helped raise F and helped with funds because the dad left and he wanted to be there for the kid. This brings out the lying factor though, but he truly does feel like a dad!!! He knows what it’s like to not have a father figure there, he wants to give the kid a good life, he’s taken on the role of his dad and he has the money to support B and F, so why wouldn’t he? You know, he has family values. So yeah, he wasn’t lying out of hate, and F knew all along he wasn’t his real dad either, but he gave this kid a great life. Anyway, B gets married or whatever, louis goes “im still gonna be there for F but I trust this guy and he loves F and my career is taking off even further and I can’t be there for him all the time and this guy really wants to be a dad, I’ll step back”. This also works well in terms of good guy louis, and he loves F so much. Public and fan sympathy, a little anger towards the lying but truly he’s just did what he could. He helped B out and now F has a strong and fantastic father figure in his life. Sorted, done. This can be done through an Insta live or a post of him and F explaining stuff, and F fades from the picture. Still upholds the sex with women, but he did get a paternity test ages ago, he’s just a good guy. Anyway, that also works.

You also have a spin on the above situation too though, to make it easier for a coming out. Louis and B never had sex. He’s just a long term good friend of hers and took on that role. He’s always been gay/he never fucked her. Having this onto it, really leaves it a bit more open ended. This is really the only kind of solution to say “hey I’ve been with Harry this whole time and bbg wasn’t a stunt” ya know? Still believable, a bit more murky, but if done well it ends it quicker than a court case. Still looks good for him. Plus, he can say how long he was with Harry and that they wanted to keep their relationship private because they were nervous to come out and yeah. Cool. That’s also done.

The fans might be angry about that one, but it still swings it well. I don’t think they’re gonna hate him. He might lose a few but… yeah. He’s always gonna when he comes out anyway. Yeah. The above is two birds one stone.

Situation 3: it was all a stunt. they just reveal absolutely everything. That’s it.

He’ll lose the most fans by doing this, but also… he’ll gain a lot of public sympathy. Whatever way they end bbg, he will be on the side of public and fan sympathy. He’s always gonna end up with some kind of hate when coming out, but so will Harry. It just… is what it is. Harry’s process has just been a lot smoother without a kid tied to him. But with the screaming of how shit the music industry is to artists, this will call a lot of attention to it all. Might actually make a change. But again, the hardest.

Now the thing with all of the above, right, no matter which way they take it, is that bisexuality exists. Also, sexuality can be fluid, so maybe he didnt figure out he was into dudes until later on in life and him and Harry reunited and it just kind of happened. He had to navigate queerness in a space of homophobia. He felt fucking lost as hell, and Harry helped him. Also public and fan sympathy, also works. Doesn’t put them from the beginning though, like situation 2 and 3 could, but yeah. The current conversation about queerness and how things can change is important and big right now. People would understand.

Both Harry and louis (more so louis) will and should expect fan and public hatred for lying and queerness. But it’s just something they’ll have to cop. They come out, go into hiding for a bit, and then put out a statement and they’re just gonna have to expect some hate. Hell, Harry already gets hate for queerbaiting. It just always will be affected.

To your last point, about using a kid, if they unravel everything then they’ll just shove that blame on SC etc, they had no choice! For the other situations, it may be a little scrutinised but yeah. He’s either silly and too trusting in situation 1, or does see F as his kid and is proud of him in situation 2. Those situations above are how I see a smoother end to bbg. They’re kind of the only way I see it ending. So, SC/marketing gods, if you’re watching, or if this is you, consider one of the above please and let’s end it fucking now.

So there you have it. These situations might seem stupid, but he comes out of it the most unscathed (except option 3 but again, sympathy from fans and public about being controlled like puppets). And I think in all those cases a coming out will happen shortly after, they kind of go hand in hand. But also they might let it die down for a while before announcing anything, but yeah. Speculation is gonna happen. They can’t escape everything.

Any questions or if anything doesn’t make sense because I haven’t had a coffee yet, let me knowwwwwww

Thanks for coming to the show!

[littledollll]

Digging your fics so much! Keep up the good work! xxx

Can I request a really smutty Larissa fic with sub Larissa and dom female reader (masculine) and Larissa and r are in a relationship and one day they’re out for a public event and Larissa really struggling because she needs reader to dominate her so much they end up in a public bathroom just getting absolutely heated with all the kinks (begging, dry humping, choking, overstimulation all the good stuff ya know ;)feel free to add more yourself) and right as Larissa is about to cum the second time, someone (you can decide who) walks in on them seeing absolutely everything leaving Larissa totally embarrassed and reader is just laughing and reassuring her it’s okay and sweet aftercare for our queen🥵 xx

Caught

Larissa Weems x reader

A/n: tryna catch up with requests rn help.

Warnings: begging, overstimulation, dry humping, choking?, humiliation kinda, strap on (L receiving)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Larissa was needy. Unbelievably so. She was usually so kept together but right now it was like she was a different person.

Okay, maybe letting her know you were packing wasn’t the best idea. Or the constant teasing. But it was sure as hell fun to have her squirming in her seat every time your hand shifted slightly higher on her thigh, how she leaned in whispering those precious fantasies of what she we wanted you to do to her, begging for you to touch her, telling you how much she needed you.

Now here you were, with Larissa sat on the bathroom counter, needy hips repeatedly bucking against the strap hidden under your suit pants. “Needy aren’t you? can’t even wait for me to fuck you properly. Get yourself off like this, I want to see how badly you really want me.”

Once Larissa caught on to the fact you weren’t going to be of any assistance, her hands wrapped around your waist holding you flush again her, allowing the perfect amount of time pressure against her aching clit.

She allowed pleasure to take over her body as she fell forward, forehead resting on your shoulder, “I need you sir, I need you to make me cum.” her airy, quiet voice and whines were enough to convince you.

Her breathing turned into panting and gasps when your hands smoothed up her thighs to her ass and you guided her hips against yours. “oh god- please sir.”

You giving her a squeeze and forcing her forward, her hips stuttered against you with whiny moans. “Are you gonna cum just from humping my strap? Go on then baby, don’t get shy on me now.”

Her thighs squeezed around you as she fell over the edge, holding you still against her while she rode out her high with a rather loud moan of your name. You brought a hand up to her lips which she immediately took into her mouth, tongue swirling around and between them.

“That’s it, my good girl. You have to be quiet okay? You don’t want to be caught do you?” A whimpered fell from her lips at the thought, making you chuckle and lean into her ear.

“Greedy thing. Was that not enough? Ruined my clothes too, how do you expect us to go back out there now, pretty?” You didn’t actually care, but seeing the blush spread across her face was definitely worth causing a scene for. “Please, sir.”

“I’m gonna fuck you nice and slow, and you’re going to sit here and take it. I don’t want to hear a sound or Im making you scream. And everyone will know, that the oh so professional and elegant principal Weems likes getting fucked like a slut in public.”

She nodded against you neck, frantic hands searching to undo your belt, pulling down your pants and underwear.

You didn’t say a word, allowing her to do all the work for you until you felt her shift closer to the edge of the bathroom counter.

She kept her mouth shut as you rubbed circles on her puffy clit with your strap, prepping it nice and wet before you pushed into her cunt, just an inch before pulling out, and repeating.

When Larissa had gotten use to your teasing, you plunge into her aching cunt. She moaned out, both of her hands gripping your bicep with enough force to bruise. You stayed nestled deep inside of her, long enough to get her whining and attempting to fuck herself on your strap.

“What did I tell you?” Snapping your hips against her she cried out, and you slapped your hand over her mouth. “Not a sound.”

She looked ethereal once you started pounding into her. A light cover of sweat on her forehead, chest heaving, eyes unfocused. Moaning when your hand trailed down to her neck and you tightened your grip just right. Her thighs trembled as you fucked her with abandon.

“Sir-“ just as she was about to speak the door cracked open, it wasn’t wide so whoever opened was clearly aware of what was going on, and then a familiar voice, one of your friends.

They could barely talk through their laugh. “Absolutely hate to walk in on this but you’re not being very discreet and somebody’s looking for Larissa so you might wanna wrap this up.”

You snapped your hips, making Larissa stifle a moan and tighten her grip on you. “Somebody needs to learn how to keep quiet, you know. We’ll be out in a second keep them distracted for me, will you? Oh and lock the door.”

Thankfully you had saved Larissa the shame of being completely seen since your body was covering hers. You talked in a calm manner, like you weren’t just caught fucking in the bathroom during a work event, Larissa wished the ground would open and swallow her whole.

Your friend huffed out a laugh and gave you a nod. “Right, don’t have too much fun, it’s been like an hour, your lady here is needed outside.” After that they locked and closed the door.

Larissa only whimpered, arms wrapping around you as she hid into your neck. “It’s okay beautiful, you know they won’t say anything. Let’s get you presentable so we can leave as soon as possible, how about that?”

Larissa whined and you kissed her cheek as you pulled out and adjusted the strap, getting yourself re-dressed much to Larissa’s dismay, she was glad to see that your clothes were indeed not ruined though. “I don’t want to go back out there.”

You chuckled, cleaning up her lipstick and fixing her dress, “I know, but there’s only one way out of here and it’s through that door and to the crowd. You can be a good girl for me just until we can leave right? I’ll reward you once we’re home for being so good.”

She gave you a nod, blush creeping up on her when you hugged her from behind, pushing yourself against her. “Come on then, principal Weems, they request your presence.”

Larissa rolled her eyes, pushing past you and out the door, carrying herself with her usual power and assertiveness. God you can’t wait to break her again later tonight.

[2knightt]

Ok ok I got an idea for smth🙈 so basically like y/n is sodapop’s twin sister and we have a thing for dally but we gotta keep it a secret obviously 🤭 but dally also has a thing for us so like we’ll sneak around and stuff and go secret dates😍😍 BUT GUESS WHAT DARRY, SODAPOP AND PONYBOY FIND OUT😱 I’ve had this stuck in my head all day

Btw I love your work so much🙏❤️

↳hey lolita, hey!₊˚✧

➬ dallas winston x curtis!reader

a/n;THANK U SO MUCH ANON OMFG🤍 also, im inlove with this idea.i went overboard..again.

you’ve had a crush on dallas winston for god knows how long.

well—that’s what the gang thought.

in reality, you were just nervous to be around your boyfriend when your relationship can spill at any moment around the gang.

two months you’ve been sneaking out behind your brothers backs to go see dallas.

two whole months of this secret, you’ve basically become a natural at this!

one night, dallas told you to meet him at this cute little bar, the two of you always go there.

nobody would think thee curtis sister would be anywhere near a bar, so, you thought you’d be totally safe!

darry, soda, and ponyboy were fast asleep by 10PM.

so you left at 11, just to make sure!

you left through your window, making sure to leave it open—just a little bit, though. you still had to get home!

when you got out, you ran to the bar to go meet up with dallas.

when you got there he was outside, leaning against the wall, smoking.

you walked up to him and greeted him with a smile,

“hey dal! i’m sorry if you were waitin’ long..”

“it’s fine, doll. come n’ have fun with me, huh? everything’s on me.”

you tilted your head and smiled at the last sentence.

nothing’s ever on dallas, that just means the two of you are gonna have to run when you’re done with whatever you’re gonna do in the bar.

the two of you spent all night, laughing, fake arguing, and kissing. like how normal couples do!

“dallas! do you think other people can’t hear you?”

“when the bar’s this loud, i don’t think people can hear their own thought, y/n!”

by 3AM, you were freaking out.

you never stay out this late, you’re normally home by 1, but never 3AM!

you tugged at dallas’s jacket whilst he spoke to the bar tender, probably trying to get another free drink.

“huh? what’s wrong, y/n?”

“it’s 3AM.”

“…so?”

he asked, his eyes squinting as if he was confused on what you meant.

“are you forgetting who my older brother is?! if he finds out i snuck out, i’ll never be able to leave the house again! let alone sneaking out to see you, dal!”

shit, you’re right.

darry can get quite scary, not even dallas wants to face him when he’s angry.

darry’s big, tuff, and smart.

he ain’t stupid, he could hear you coming in at 3AM.

“shoot…you want me to walk you home? it’s dangerous for a pretty girl like you to go walkin’ home by herself.”

you smiled at the compliment and nodded your head. maybe dallas coming for a walk to your house could calm you down.

well—that’s what you thought. until you notice, three houses before your own, you saw the porch light was on.

you stopped walking and the smile you previously had on your face faded as you let go of dallas’s hand.

“what’s wrong, doll? what happene—oh fuck.”

“you see that?! we ain’t never gonna hear the end of it!”

“you mean YOU ain’t gonna hear the end of it.”

“no i mean we. if i go down, so are you.”

dallas sighed at your stubbornness, he knew once you set your mind on something, you ain’t never changing your mind.

but that’s what he liked about you, so he couldn’t do anything but continue walking you to your house.

he tried to lift the mood with jokes, but you immediately shut them down.

“so, how long you think you’re gonna get grounded for?”

“how long do you think darry’s gonna kick the tar outta ya?”

“jeez okay, just ruin the mood.”

your heart started to beat faster as you took a step towards the stairs.

each step you got closer to the door, the heavier your foot steps felt.

dallas had walked ahead of you to peek inside of the window, and sure enough, two out of your three brothers were sitting there.

sodapop and darry were sitting down, soda on the couch and darry in his recliner.

dallas turned to look at you with a scared face.

even he didn’t want to get a lecture from either one of ‘em, let alone a possible beating.

“what do we do??”

“why are you asking me like i’ve done this before, y/n?”

“because you’re fucking dallas winston! i wouldn’t be surprised if you killed someone!”

the two of you whisper yelled while crouching down, trying to avoid being seen.

dallas shook his head while you started to bite your nails.

“should i just walk in?”

“maybe they already know, doll. they just think you have a crush on me…it ain’t that bad!”

“when they thought i had a crush on you, i got a 30 minute lecture by darry on why i shouldn’t date you.”

“oh. maybe you should’ve listened.”

he joked, shining his famous smile in your direction.

you giggled, elbowing his side as if you were warning him to not joke around like that.

“should we just go in?”

“yeah, we really can’t avoid this.”

“yea… hold my hand, dal. too scary to do it alone.”

dallas’s eyes softened at your request. you showing your vulnerability always made him smile, made him feel tuff, and trustworthy.

like he wasn’t just a hood, that he can be more than that.

he grabbed your hand as the both of you stood up.

you took a deep breath in and opened the door.

darry was the first one to react, he stood up and immediately darted his eyes to you and dallas’s hands being intertwined.

“what the hell do you think you’re doing? you come in here at 3AM, holding dallas’s hand like you’re a couple!”

“holy shit, y/n and dallas are dating?!”

darry turned his head to face sodapop and that immediately shut him up.

“seriously, do you think i’m stupid?”

“c’mon darry…”

“no no, don’t ‘come on, darry,’ me, y/n. what were you and dallas doing?! are you two actually a thing?! what’s with the hand holding?!”

“and if we were..?”

you said, making an awkward face.

darry’s face flashed with anger, but then he took a deep breath in, and out.

“and if you were, i’d kick the tar out of dallas.”

“darry, don’t say that! dallas and y/n are cute!! i’m glad our little girl is growing up!”

you scrunched your face at sodapop, and darry did the same.

you heard dallas chuckle to himself when sodapop said that, too.

“soda, so god help me.”

“yea—i’ll shut up.”

darry took a step closer to you, looking scarily calm.

“answer my question, y/n. what were the two of you doing?”

you looked at dallas and he shrugged back.

he didn’t wanna get in the middle of this, and neither did you.

goddamnit.

“we were hanging out…can i not hang out with dally?”

“no, you can. just, not holding hands that’s for sure.”

he answered, crossing his arms.

you turned to face dallas once again and asked,

“should we just tell ‘em?”

dallas thought for a moment and nodded.

he leaned in and whispered in your ear, if you’d like him to tell them himself.

“well, darry, im uh— i’m datin’ your sister.”

“what.”

“yeah…”

darry’s eyebrows were raised as he slowly turned to look at dallas.

“how long?”

“twoo—ish months?”

“TWO MONTHS, OF SNEAKING AROUND? Y/N CURTIS.”

“darry! i knew you’d react like this, c’mon. just hear me out. i ain’t a child no more! i can take care of myself, plus dal hasn’t done nothin’ to hurt me, ever!”

you shouted, pleading with darry to hear you out, just this once.

you squeezed dallas’s hand tighter for comfort, and he returned it back. he held your hand harder, like he was trying to let you know he was still there.

“please dare, i really like him. just give him a chance, please. that’s all i’m asking.”

you begged your older brother.

darry sighed and looked at dallas,

“if she comes home crying, i’ll kill you. now get to bed, y/n. it’s 3AM.”

he said, waving you off to your room.

sodapop jumped off the couch wirh excitement and rushed to dallas.

that exciting aura faded quickly as he put a hand on dallas’s shoulder.

“if she tells me ANYTHING bad about you, i’ll make sure you can’t eat any solid foods for a month, dal.”

dallas’s eyes widened before laughing.

“yeah right, soda.”

“AYE, I CAN BE INTIMIDATING TOO!”

“can you?”

you laughed to yourself as you entered your room.

you were about to close your eyes when you heard your door open.

you looked up and saw ponyboy with his face scrunched up.

“dallas? seriously? you couldn’t pick anyone else, y/n?”

you smiled at your younger brothers frustration.

“cherry valance, really?”

“HEY THAT’S DIFFERENT!!”

“no it ain’t!”

may 28th, 2023. 9:20PM

[beeshoesometimesdraws]

YOU 🫵 please tell me like anything and everything about your wolfwalkers au.

also for no reason in particular do you have a colored ver/ref of any of the characters. or just, like, their colors in general?? for no reason other than curiosity. of course :3c

Hehehehe >:D

(I have a finished ref of the BM twins and that’s it rn, I’ll put em in at the end for ya)

Now onto the word vomit :

Timeline-wise, the wolfwalkers au takes place in more recent times, at least up to the point of the latest episode of mgafs because those events are not canon to this au (im kinda cherry-picking what I want to be canon here or not as i go along, some things may change tho)

That being said lots of things stay the same but there are also lots of things that go differently both in past and present

The twins have already been separated for a long time and are still reluctant guards for FC, them being wolfwalkers making them all the better for the task; they were given radio collars by Monty to keep track of them even when they’re in wolf form

As for Ruin and Solar and all that happened there…Solar still dies in this au because of Ruin’s plans though there are some key differences, and let’s just say that more than Solar’s energy residue stayed behind :) (*cough*if you ever watched wolfwalkers you might know what I’m getting at*cough*)

The origins of the celestial fam being wolfwalkers is kinda the same as with how things work in the Death’s Keepers au w/ the reapers: it all started with KC and the “killcode” being the code that the creator basically implanted magic into and thus the fam have these abilities due to the creator embedding it in all their codes (even Earth)

This code and them being wolfwalkers also affects their animatronic appearances and behavior (claws, sharp canine-like teeth, prey drive—some having it stronger than others, enhanced sense of smell, wolf hierarchy and pack behavior—and no not a/b/o stuff, I mean like accurate wolf hierarchy and pack behavior, which if y’all don’t know what I mean by that I will gladly rant about it if asked)

They shift using magic and their magic is strongest at night, though they can shift whenever they want to

It’s weird to a lot of them shifting from something that is mostly mechanical to being wholly organic though most of them have gotten used to it by now (a lot of the other animatronics think it’s weird but also kinda cool, Monty makes a lot of furry jokes and Moon hates it lol)

They all had to learn at one point or another that yes, you are no longer fully a machine and can be hurt or even killed as easily as any other person or animal (*cough* Eclipse learned this the hard way *COUGH*)

Going back to them more accurately representing wolf behaviors and such, I’m a nerd for anything to do with wolves and wolf genetics are one of the things I love the most (as many probably already know from my rants-)

That being said, all of them when in wolf form have their own things assigned to them, like how a few posts ago I talked about how Eclipse has the KK gene (basically black coat gene but the rare one because wolves with this gene rarely survive to adulthood for reasons that to my understanding are still mostly unknown—this is because the wolf I made based off him in WQ had it and I liked the idea of it)

Lots of the stuff that happened earlier in the tsams canon timeline happen in the timeline of the au, like Eclipse being created from Moon and Sun separating and then creating the twins and Lunar, the October takeover, etc etc

I’ve drawn them—BM twins, Lunar, Eclipse—as puppies before and mentioned Eclipse being a sickly pup due to his genes at some point and that still holds true though I’ve made alterations to my og plan for the story

Originally things were gonna diverge heavily from canon in the timeline and take more inspo from the Death’s Keepers au though wasn’t really vibing with it so I scrapped that idea

Instead things will still go relatively the same as in canon, as I stated before, and while yes Eclipse and Lunar and the BM twins were all technically “pups” at one point, it was when they were in the mindscape and they grow fast being magical and mechanical beings (so their aging is like wolves in that sense; only taking two years or so to fully mature into adults)

The others were all puppies at some point too (Sun, Moon, Earth, etc) but like I said they mature and grow fast in both wolf and mechanical form since I’m basing their aging off a wolf’s

As for Eclipse being a sickly pup, not only his genes in wolf form but his coding plays a role in that, being buggy and unstable for the first year of his life due to being a new ai created from a jumble of somebody else’s discarded code

Despite them not being around as long as some of the others, the BM twins (nicknamed Hunter and Bam in this au) are the most experienced and skilled in their wolf forms, especially when it comes to hunting

This need to hunt and prey drive while in wolf form has given the others more of an open eye to the twins’s pov and how their minds work, which has helped them in the long run as Foxy and others have more sympathy and understanding of their situation (Foxy may not be a wolfwalker like the celestial fam tho he’s been told of it by Monty and seen firsthand the others as wolves and how they behave/work)

Injuries gained in wolf form can be easily healed if done properly as their magic aids in the healing process and their injuries usually do not carry over to their mechanical form though that’s not always the case (it really depends on the injury and the severity of it)

For example, Eclipse later in the timeline has a permanent limp from an injury not healing correctly both in wolf and mechanical form due to the time when he fucked around and found out the hard way :)

That’s all I have to share rn, thanks for giving me an excuse to rant about this au :D

(They don’t have their radio collars here cuz I forgor)

[ilovechubbieguys]

Chapter 3🍓

-lmk if you guys have any criticism i love criticism as long as its respectful!! Enjoy! Chapter 2 here!

-------------------------🍓-----------------------

"Blake?.."

He turned around with a sour look on his face. I mean god he looked so diffrent i had no clue it was him.

I mean can you blame me! Its been 5 years since high school. Im shocked he recognized me to fast.

Theres no way hes still mad?! He knows i had nothing to do with any of that. Right? I mean ya i was there but iiii didnt do anything. That was all jenny and her boyfriend. I was simply a bystander. Kinda.. not really.

I do feel bad now that i think about it... he didnt deserve that. No one does. God i was such a little bitch in highschool

------------epic flash back memory------------

Jenny: heyy blake

Blake: oh uh hey jenny

Jenny: i wanted to ask you something

Blake: uh ya sure whats up

Jenny: did you have a date to prom yet?

Blake: no, no i dont why

Jenny: oh ok great! You know my friend y/n?

Blake: ya ive seen her around

Jenny: well she was wondering if youd go with her!

Blake: wait really?

Jenny: ya here ill put her number in your phone!

Blake: ok sounds good

--------end of epic flashback memory---------

Long story short it was all a joke. I stood him up at prom just for the fun of it...

I know im an asshole but i couldnt say no to jenny shed ruin me! She was the most powerful girl at school

And ive changed! I could never do somthing lile that to someone now.. i just hope i can make him see that

I walked back to the living room and saw issac was back but blake had left. I dont blame him between his getting yelled at by tanner and being faced with his highschool bully i wouldnt be shocked if he didnt come out till i left.

After a while of talking me and tanner ended up in his room taking turns taking hits from a cart tanner swore was his.

We where talking about everything and everything, you know high thoughts. Suddenly the door bust open "TANNER DO YOU HAVE MY NEW C-" it was blake

He stopped dead in his tracks staring at me, cart in hand mid hit. I froze up not knowing what to do. Was i smoking his cart right now...

I swear im gonna kill tanner.

"Tanner. Is that my cart shes hitting right now."

"Maybe..."

"OMG IM SO SORRY TANNER SAID IT WAS HIS"

"Just keep it i dont want it now that its been anywhere near you"

What. Did he just call me dirty..😧 i looked over at tanner "im gonna kill you."

Some time goes by and i decide i should go apologize to blake and not just for the cart. Tanner told me which room was his and i knock on his door.

*knock knock*

"Blake? Its y/n"

I dont hear a responce so i go in. Hes sitting at his desk playing seige. I take a look around his room. Rugs on the wall? Thats an interesting choice but i liked it.

I asume he didnt hear me so i walk up to his chair and tap his shoulder lightly trying to not scare him.

"Blake?"

He pulls the left side of his headphones off his ear but doesnt turn to you, to focused on the current match hes in.

"Hey blake i just wanted to say im sorry... and not just for the cart. Which i will replace.."

He doesnt say anything but you hear him sigh "ya like id believe that." Fair point

"Im serious blake i dont know why i was such a bitch in highschool you didnt deserve that..." i tried to sound as genuine as possible

"Well you where a bitch and thats that. Now get out"

Oh my god. He is impossible and ya sure im a better person but im still not gonna put up with disrespect "listen blake im trying here ok which is alot better then nothing at all" you say matter of a factly. I notice he had died in his game as his screen lit up red

He stood up from his chair and turned to me "ya hallelujah your a saint, a changed person thats great bye" he got pretty damn close to me for hating me and all

Ill admit him being this close to me made me relize he really was cute... maybe if he didnt hatw my guts hes a nice guy who knows..

But i sure as hell am not giving up this easily.

---------------------------------------------------

GUYS ILL ADMIT THIS CHAPTER WAS NOT THE BEST IM SORRY 😭😭I GOTTA BUILD CONTEXT.

[emmkitt]

me:im never gonna post ever agajn… also me:erm hi guys

OK SO!! as a thank you to you all for being aweoske silly goobers/pos i made some freebie object designs just for yall!!! be sure to read the rest of the post so u know all the rules n stuff

including a cut so hopefully the text doesnt take up ur entire screen HHDHD, rules and info are below the cut so hit read more if ur interested in entering!!

SO, im gonna be raffling thes guys off! sorry theres a bit of reading, but dont worry!! you gots plenty of time to read it all :3!!

rules::

-you MUST have a Toyhouse account! this is how i keep track of designs, and by keeping the character on toyhouse i’ll be able to make sure the design isnt stolen. That being said, if you dont currently have a toyhouse account you can still enter!! if you win, i’ll give you a code so you can make an account! (it takes like 2 seconds its ez peasy i promise lmao). I have plenty of codes so don’t feel like you cant participate if you dont have an account hdhd

-PLEASE only enter using one account. I know tumblr is funky and you can like make a morbillion different sideblogs, im relying on the honor system here… I don’t wanna make a rule like ‘if your oldest post isnt older than a week, you cannot enter’ cause i know sometimes people just. dont post. lmao. and that wouldnt be fair to them. I want everyone to have an equal chance, don’t ruin it for everyone else by entering multiple times……please… i beg of thee…

-I don’t really have a strict design ownership terms of service. basically just dont use my designs to spread hate that’s all i ask. idc if you resell or trade or change up the design or whatever just. just dont be a jerk about it. (also spare my poor fragile heart and dont just enter to win the design and resell it…. i want these to hopefully go to people who actually plan to use the design. I understand sometimes you just cant get attached and that’s fine, but if your sole intention is to resell….. yer gonna make poor lil ol me cry…)

-You’ll automatically be entered for each design, however you will only be able to win a maximum of one. If there’s any in the group that you for sure think you will not want/use, just let me know in your reblog! I wont be upset about that!

-Since there’s only four, I won’t be able to give everyone who enters a design :[, if you think you’ll get upset if you don’t win please don’t enter.

-if you have any questions at all just leave a comment and i’ll try to get back to you asap :]!

to enter::

all ya gotta do is reblog! maybe include a random fun fact, or your favorite object show character, or a recommendation for a movie to watch, or literally ANYTHING, entertain me with your rambles!!!! (not required though of course) (also you will totally not bribe me with floory rambles/fun facts I WILL NOT GIVE IN!!!!/silly)

Please please be sure to only reblog once! It’ll make it easier for me to sort through everything!!

no other requirements! u dont gotta like this or comment or be following me just reblogging is all ya gotta do!!

The raffle ends and i will choose winners on March 2nd at 4:00 CST (my timezone yay!!) (it may end a bit later if i end up forgetting … hopefully i wont)

if you will need a toyhouse code if you win you can include that in your reblog just so I’m aware ahead of time!! it will not impact your chances to win… im literally drowning in codes.. take them.. plea…s

I THINK THATS IT??? sorry its a long post but if yall can make it through 40,000 words of gay fanfic you can make it through my 200 word ramble/SILLY

[toxic-ship-tournament]

ROUND 1 / SIDE B / POLL 2

Esmeralda Poofenplotz x Alice Luoja ( @cantdanceflynn ) vs Pash x Illoma ( @floralprintshirts )

lyrics by The Amazing Devil (Battle Cries)

who makes up your ship?:

Esmeralda Poofenplotz(Canon Phineas and Ferb character(although I draw her differently from canon)) and Alice Luoja(Background character turned Phineas and Ferb oc)

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

THEY BASICALLY STARTED OUT AS TWO DUMBASS TOXIC AF TEENAGERS GOING TO EVIL SCIENCE HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER AND BEING THE TERRORS OF THE SCHOOL(POOFENPLOTZ BC SHES BIG ON BEAUTY AND WOULD BASICALLY DESTROY EVERYONE'S SELF ESTEEM AND ALICE BC. SHES WILLING TO KILL ANYONE WHO RLY FUCKS W HER), AND WHILE THEY ORIGINALLY HAD A RIVALRY IT GOT A LIL TOO HOMOEROTIC VERY QUICKLY AND THEY DON'T RLY KNOW HOW BUT THEY ENDED UP DATING. THEY ENDED UP, SURPRISE SURPRISE, RUINING EACH OTHER EVEN FURTHER THEN THE TWO OF THEM WERE ALREADY TRAUMATIZED!!!! A TYPICAL INTERACTION BETWEEN EM PRETTY MUCH WENT ALONG THE LINES OF POOFENPLOTZ POKING FUN AT SOMETHING ABOUT ALICES BODY OR PERSONALITY SHE KNEW WOULD TICK ALICE OFF("YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SAYING YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, BUT THROWING UP YOUR LUNCH LATER COULDN'T HURT"), ALICE GETTING PISSED OFF AND PULLING A KNIFE ON HER("YOU KNOW, MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL CHOP OFF YOUR TONGUE, STOP THAT HORRIBLE NOISE YOU CALL A VOICE"), AND THEN SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN OR ONE OF THEM WOULD FUMBLE OR FLIRT AND THEY'D JUST GO BACK TO NORMAL BANTER AND TERRORIZING PEOPLE. THEY DID CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER, AND WHATEVER THEY WERE EXPERIENCING CERTAINLY FIT SOMEWHERE WITHIN THE STRANGE AND NEBULOUS RANGE OF ROMANTIC LOVE, LIKE THEY DEFINITELY LIKED EACH OTHER, THEY WERE JUST TOXIC AS SHIT AND HAVING THEIR BEHAVIORS EXPANDED UPON OR REINFORCED BY THEIR ENVIRONMENT. EVENTUALLY ALICES OBSESSION W GODHOOD AND HER IDEA OF PERFECTION (ONE THAT HAD ALWAYS BEEN THERE, EVEN IF POOFENPLOTZ MADE IT MORE PHYSICAL) ENDED UP DRIVING THE TWO APART, WITH HOW HORRIBLE ALICES DECLINE WAS, AND POOFENPLOTZ ENDED UP BASICALLY LEAVING AND IGNORING HER AS A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SNAP HER OUT OF HER DECLINE BUT ONLY PULLED HER FURTHER IN. AS IT STANDS NOW IN THE PRESENT, THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS A COMPLICATED SPIRAL OF "POOFENPLOTZ ACTUALLY HEALED AND REALIZED HOW AWFUL SHE WAS BEING AND WHILE SHE STILL HAD A DEGREE IN EVIL SCIENCE SHE HAD TO USE SO SHE MIGHT AS WELL GET A JOB DOING THAT, SHES ALSO RLY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT EVERYTHING W THE CAST AND HELP THEM, ESPECIALLY MILLIE AND PINKY, WHILE ALSO DEALING W " WHOOPS YOUR EX IS BACK IN TOWN AND SHES NOW BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR MORE DEATHS THEN MOST FULL ON TERRORISM COMBINED, BUT SHE IS ALSO STILL KINDA HOT SO *NONCOMMITTAL HAND GESTURE*, YA KNOW?", MEANWHILE ALICE IS "OH RIGHT. SHE QUALIFIES FOR LOVEMUFFIN TOO. IM ALLOWED TO DENY ON HER ON TERMS OF HER BEING MY EX, RIGHT? BUT ALSO IM STILL GONNA INVITE HER TO OUR MEETINGS AND ALSO OFFER TO LET HER " LEAD" THE CULT IVE MADE THAT CONSISTS BASICALLY JUST OF MY VERY ABUSED OWN SON AND A VERY ABUSED TEENAGER WITH ME BC IF I CAN CHANGE HER MIND I CAN CHANGE ANYONES!"

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?:

Esmeralice, https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLnP0Xop8gS5VdFNCP4Uetvq2pM5A9NZTe <- BAD PLAYLIST BY MY STANDARDS OF USUALLY A HUNDRED SONGS AT LEAST BUT ITLL DO FOR NOW

****

who makes up your ship?:

My ocs Pash and Illoma!!

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

OKAY SO theyre blorbos from a book a plan to write and basically the premise is that the main character, Illoma, is tasked with assassinating Pash. Theyre both from different families that have control over dragons and are both dragon riders in their own right. Illoma is from the 2nd most powerful house right after the royal family, which Pash is a part of. Their empire is ruled by an immortal god-king who has had many children over the course of his long life. Pash is one of his many descendants, but highest in the line of succession after her father (which is meaningless since the king is immortal). Basically, Illoma's mother believes that Pash's parents are going to try to find a way to kill their emperor and put her on the throne. This would be a terrible outcome for everyone because Pash is a hedonistic party girl who seems to have no regard for her own life or the lives of other people. She shows up to important meetings drunk/high, has a reputation for sleeping around with women, and is overall just an undisciplined mess. Illoma is a dutiful daughter who follows the rules of society, so when her mother tells her that she needs to kill Pash for the good of the empire, Illoma does what she says. It’s easy to emotionally disconnect herself from the action at first because Illoma doesn’t know Pash at all and doesn’t particularly like her. So she tries to poison Pash. When it fails the first time, she tries again, and again, and again. None of the poisons she’s been given are working. So Illoma is left with no choice but to get closer to Pash so she can try to kill her more effectively. The twist ends up being that Pash is basically a hommuculus created for the sole purpose of dying in some blood ritual that will kill the immortal god-king. She has a year left before this happens, but until then, he body has the regenerative properties of Wolverine. So with what little time she has left, she’s decided to keep herself entertained by fucking with Illoma. At one point, she makes a toast in Illoma’s honor to praise her tenacity and drinks the goblet Illoma poisoned while making direct eye contact with her. It only gets worse from there. As they grow closer, Illoma finds that she has more and more trouble keeping her gay thoughts in check. She is a super repressed lesbian and Pash is a very much not repressed lesbian. Illoma resents Pash quite a bit for being able to break all the rules without any consequences but genuinely has fun when they go out on excursions together. Lots of projection on Illoma’s part and gaslighting on Pash’s (“haha what do you mean you stabbed me last night, Im sitting right here at breakfast!”) Halfway through the story they start boning. Illoma is still actively trying to figure out a way to kill Pash and Pash is both aware of this and aroused by some of her more intimate attempts. They have an actual connection and like each other as people, but they have opposing goals and lots of underlying animosity to work out. In the meantime, they’ll be making out about it.

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?:

I use the tag "dragon horse girl story" on my sideblog to vaguepost about them!! :D

[allylikethecat]

hellooooo ally!! i have officially read it’s christmas (so this is gonna be a nightmare) twice lucky me!!! what a treat!!! i have so many thoughts and feelings about the fic you don’t understand how much i love the trope/concept of fic!matty not being liked or accepted by people outside the band because of his “quirks” (serious and personal mental health/ addiction issues) because it’s just so unfair. perfect angst and also very realistic???? being written off as Bad News because he experiences hardships that are more scary and extreme than most people?? so wonderfully devastating and very real.

you aren’t allowed to apologise for the fic not being finished. you’ve done it to every other ask but i’m putting my foot down. no apology please!!! releasing it in parts just builds suspense anyways i love it.

now for the clumsy partner prompts!!! thankyou sooooo much for reblogging the list i feel very blessed. i’d like to request gatty 15, 16, 17 and 18 (they are all pretty similar so you could maybe combine some in one blurb? but obviously im not telling you how to write do whatever calls to you i just feel bad for requesting so many at once😅)

as always have a lovely rest of your day and i’m really looking forward to whatever you post next!!! love ya😇🩷

Hello! Thank you so, so, so much for reading the first bit of the Christmas fic not only once but TWICE! I hope it's lived up to the hype even if it's not finished yet. Poor Fictional!Matty just wants his future in laws to like him, because he's not the same person he was when he was in his early twenties, he's worked on himself and deserves to be given a chance! Also I will not apologize for the fic not being finished by Christmas as requested even though I am sorry that I didn't finish it - it will hopefully be finished by the end of January at the latest!

Also!! thank you so much for not only suggesting the clumsy partner prompts to me, but also sending in this prompt request! I wanted to challenge myself a little bit, so I actually (I think!) managed to weave all four of them into one fill! Let me know what you think! If this wasn't what you were looking for, let me know and I will rewrite them! (If anyone else wants to send in any prompts, the list can be found HERE)

Thank you so much for reading and sending in this ask and for always just being so lovely and wonderful and supportive! I'm so sorry that it's taken me a minute to get to some of your other prompt requests as well! I hope you enjoy this one though and I look forward to hearing your thoughts! Thank you again!!

❤️Ally

15. “I’m sorry I’m so much trouble, really.”

“Shhh, stop it. You're no trouble at all, zero.”

16. Their partner sometimes feeling that their clumsy tendencies ruin everything and them, actually finding it endearing. They are sure to let their partner know they love it.

17.  “Oh, I don’t want to mess it up.”

“You won’t mess it up, go on and give it a try.”

18. Makes it clear to their partner and anyone on the outside that just because they’re worried, doesn’t mean that their partner needs them or depends on them. It’s simply their partner allowing them to do the things that make them comfortable because they’re always worrying.

Matty knew he wasn’t the most coordinated person on the face of the Earth. He was always tripping over his feet, his head in the clouds as he bumped into things and other people, stumbling over curbs and spilling cups of coffee. George always had bandages in his backpack, and an extra Matty-sized shirt for when an inevitable incident occurred. His knees were permanently bruised and his palms forever scrapped. Despite George’s endless patience, and “I’ll kiss it betters” Matty wanted to die each time they were late for a meeting because Matty ate it in the parking lot. 

He had been horrible at sports as a child, his limbs never seeming to want to move the way he directed them, despite not being very large he felt like he had never properly grown into his body and developed the spacial awareness and grace that George seemed to carry. He had tried yoga but just grew frustrated at the disconnect he felt from his physical form and had quickly given up, citing some bullshit about not subscribing to George’s crunchy granola agenda. They both knew he was spouting nonsense. 

Thanks to Matty, they were going to be twenty minutes late to their first fully staged rehearsal for the new tour. Matty was so careful focusing on his footfalls, holding his Starbucks cup away from his body so it wouldn’t splash onto his white tee shirt. He wasn’t even wearing his airpods, he was making sure he was aware of his surroundings George until he tripped on a crack in the sidewalk. He managed to not only spill his coffee down his entire front, but bang his elbow on the cement so that it was now bleeding sluggishly. Matty sat on his ass in a puddle of coffee trying to comprehend what just happened while George looked on in mild horror.

“Are you alright?” George asked softly, voice thick with concern as he helped pull Matty to his feet, careful of his bleeding elbow, scarlet splatter bright against the white coffee stained fabric of his shirt. 

“I’m fine,” Matty said, his lower lip wobbling in frustration. He wanted to pull away from George’s grasp but wasn’t sure his shaking knees would support him on his own. His elbow stung and he wanted to cry in frustration. If he couldn’t walk down the street, how was he ever supposed to handle thirty nine North American tour dates? 

Today was supposed to be a good day, Matty thought hysterically, an important day, and as per usual not only were they late, it was his fault.

“Hey,” said George, tugging Matty into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “It’s okay, you’re okay. Let’s go get you patched up, I think I have an extra shirt in my bag.”

Because of course he had an extra shirt, because he knew that Matty couldn’t be expected to walk normally like an adult without spilling something. Matty should have woken up earlier and drank his coffee at home, sitting safely at the kitchen table. George led him through the doors of  the venue they were renting for rehearsal space, flashing their credentials to the security guard and following the signs in the hallway to lead him straight to the bathroom. 

“I’m sorry,” said Matty, his voice wet, fuck he really was about to start crying, as George helped him sit up on the lip of the sink so that he could clean his elbow with a damp brown paper towel. “I’m sorry I’m so much trouble, really.”

“Shhh, stop it.” said George, pulling away so that he could look Matty in the eyes. “You're no trouble at all, zero.” 

“But I’m always tripping over myself and ruining things,” Matty said with a sniffle. 

George threw the paper towel away and pulled a box of bandages and a small tube of antibiotic ointment out of his backpack. He dabbed the ointment gently against Matty’s scraped skin with a careful kindness that made Matty’s heart hurt. He didn’t deserve George. 

“It’s kind of cute,” George said quietly, after a moment, Matty swallowing a hiss of pain as the scrap stung. “Like obviously, I don’t like it when you get hurt, it makes me quite nervous actually, but you’re cute, like a baby deer discovering they have legs for the first time.” 

“A baby deer?” Matty asked, raising his eyebrow amongst the pain, his eyes still wet even as he tried to force a smile. 

“The cutest baby deer,” said George with a small grin, smoothing the bandage over Matty’s elbow before leaning down to press a kiss to the plaster. 

Matty just snorted in response, and hopped off the counter, pretending he didn’t notice the way George was hovering at his side, ready to reach out and grab him in case something went wrong. 

“Thanks,” he said, taking the offered black tee shirt from George and pulling off the now stained white one he was wearing. He pretended not to notice the way George was blatantly checking out his chest and stomach as if he didn’t see him naked on a daily basis. 

“It’s nice of you to join us,” said Ross smirking, “Even if you’re never beating the diva allegations, Healy.”  Matty sighed dramatically when they finally joined the group in front of the stage, his eyes going wide as he took in his vision come to life.

“I had a little mishap in the parking lot,” he admitted sheepishly, holding out his now bandaged elbow for Ross and Adam to see. 

“You’ve got to be more careful mate,” said Adam, ruffling Matty’s hair as they sat down on the sofa that had been brought into the space, and went over the stage show with Tobias. 

“I want to cut the song on the roof,” Matty said quietly after a moment, when the time came in the first run through for him to put on a harness and climb up onto the roof portion of their set. The music stopped as Matty chewed on his lower lip nervously. 

George blinked, that was a segment that Matty had been dead set on, and excited to perform, having chattered about the visual implications of doing so and how it furthered the story for weeks. 

“What?” George asked his expression of concern and confusion mirrored on Ross and Adam’s faces as well.

“Oh, I don’t want to mess it up.” Matty said softly with a shrug, “I’m so clumsy I’ll probably fall off the roof and traumatize our fan base or something.” 

“You won’t mess it up,” George assured him even if Ross and Adam looked skeptical.  “Go on and give it a try.”

Matty opened his mouth as if to argue but George just shook his head. “No, go on, try it out, there is a whole team of people that are going to make sure you’re okay, and you’ll have the harness so even if you do slip, you won’t fall far.” 

Matty swallowed hard but nodded, having needed the extra push from George, to disappear into the makeshift backstage. 

“You sure this is a good idea?” Ross asked quietly, stepping away from his microphone to make sure Matty didn’t hear him. “I was worried about it when he was all excited about it, but now if he’s even having second thoughts...” 

George shrugged, fiddling with one of the drum sticks. “I’m worried, obviously,” George said, “but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t support him, he wanted to do the song on the roof, so we should at least try the song on the roof, there are foot holes, and handles up there, plus he has a harness on to make sure even if he does fall he won’t fall far.” 

“You’re a better man than me,” said Adam, “I’d have Carly wrapped in bubble wrap if she was as accident prone as Matty.”

George shrugged, smiling when he looked up and saw Matty waving from the roof, before flashing a thumbs up. 

“We’re partners,” George reminded him, “and that means working together as a team.” 

[kachimera]

@saratrantoul ok i was going to make this a proper post but all i can get out of my head are these rambles, so apologies for the mess 👉👈

Regarding Leon/Isaac, i dont have a manifesto but rather why i think it'd be fun to see them interact:

it's mostly the similarity of their situations despite their completely opposite beliefs- two guys who lost everything they loved at the hands of someone they considered a friend. They had disaster divorces and are vindictive over it they can bond over that. And also the fact that (mostly going with PtR's Isaac), both have a certain code of honor, and both have gone to war in the name of a higher being, as twisted as both of these things are on Isaac. (This also ties w my funny "Mathias creating friction between Leon n the church hc"). And, assuming they do end up having something instead of instantly killing eachother, Leon (knowing he has issues but dealing w them on his own bc oops friendship failed me) sees part of his own pain on this guy and is like "i can fix him" in a "im gonna give him the support i wish i had" way. Meanwhile Isaac doesn't wants any help nor affection at all and just wants to wallow in his misery but he still ends up feeling attachment. Something something his older brother mentality and just, picking on Leon while also being overprotective of him (he'd also piss him off just enough to get the pretty noble knight to fuck him raw lmao). It end up being a pretty unstable and toxic relationship, with both having incompatible values but also needing eachother bc they got nothing left.

And Celiakado. Ooooh boi Celiakado. This one comes with the context of interpreting Arikado's general shittyness in the sorrow games as legit part of his character instead of just him being ooc. His whole mission all this time was to oppose his father and now he's no more. He's someone who has been chewed up and spit out by the cycle so badly that he ends up trying to control it in return. And this is where Celia comes in. Her goals match with Arikado regarding the need of a new dark lord (except the killing/turning Soma part) and it's implied she knows him or has heard abt him in the beginning of DoS, spends a lot of time offscreen like him during the game, and manages to escape in the neutral ending despite Arikado's stated goal of stopping her. So, why can't they be cooperating behind the curtains, caught in manipulation games between this messed up gal who considers Arikado an extra powerful candidate in denial that she can manipulate, and this fucked up guy who considers Celia a useful tool for his goals, someone extremely amusing to fall into manipulation games with (overconfident girl who is completely out of her level and yet thinks she's winning, we stan), and a bloodbank to snack on, with the potential of funny feelings to sprout between the two which wont matter bc they're in for the grind and have no emotional inteligence. Then something happens w Celia making a move on Soma anyways and pretty much ruining Arikado's previous plans, Soma, Yoko n Julius get involved and welp. Neutral ending gives them the chance to continue being assholes, Worst ending has her mauled by Somacula and Best ending has her crucified (Like a certain someone important to Arikado ya kno ), both in front of him :) (and shoutout to @viralvava for being the smartest person alive ;D)

So yea two funny ships to be normal abt

[kudzucataclysm]

how has se changed since you first created it? are there any plot ideas or concepts that fell by the wayside?

oh god, let me travel back in time mentally almost 3-4 years or so-

well first off, i rmm that a large foundation of SE was inspired by the Venture Bros? the guild of villains aspect of it most likely cuz i genuinely found that interesting. Dez and Francis were proper like, apprentices to VILLAINY and it was all meant to be a more lighthearted story, of them going on adventures while trying to be “professional criminals” (Dez doing so accidentally). Francis was actually NICER somewhat? and Dez’s family loved him to bits. Carmine was much more of a father figure to Frank (EUGH) and he wasn’t a former nazi? And Maya acted more like a chill business partner/friend to Carmine rather than like, his leash holder of sorts…Carson was also egging to be a prof villain and sucked at it so Hammond had to help her or something

i rmm also that the worldbuilding aspect of SE was ULTRA FLIPPANT? like, i would make just the stupidest/most fantastical shit happen in the timeline for no reason and i think that mainly fell through cuz i ended up wanting to justify everything…and the timeline became so cluttered and chaotic tbh. so much was going on that didn’t make sense, im much happier with the one i have now (smaller/less detailed tho it may be)

i genuinely don’t rmm how the city of Necropolis came to be however. i just knew it was Necropolis and it was BIG and built on top of the ruins of an old city, inspired by the coast spanning megacities in judge dredd. the babel-like structure of the city is entirely new/recent and its no longer in new york (got tired of ny…TBH…)

mmm what else…ah plotlines. i rmm one that primarily featured tugarin as an antag and old foe of Carmine’s and there was gonna be a big confrontation in Soviet Russia or something…tugarin is now like, SUUUUPER background fodder. the villain awards ceremony plotline. dumb asf. i also rmm exploring a plotline where Martians tried to like, pull a transformers 3 and PUSH MARS right next to earth for some reason. it was dumb 😭 lots of nigh world ending events that these kids had to deal with…not anymore!!! and superheroes! that was a major thing. like them being corporate tools and such, and there being a lot of them that the kids had to fight due to aforementioned villainy…thats all def backseat now, there’s like only a handful of people considered supes now, everyone else is just a freak…and as of rn im wondering whether or not to dash everything with ATLAS and the comet and stuff like that…or maybe just redo the lore surrounding them! im unsure

EDIT OMFG LAS NEVADAS!!! how can i forget ok so like, it was meant to be a sort of solo arc kind of? like how pokemon had the spin off movies that weren’t like lore accurate. the main crew were to go to the city state of Las Nevadas and do a whole nuclear casino heist thing inspired by oceans 11 and casino 1995. WOW ya that got abandoned sadly 😔

that’s all i can rmm rn! mainly that it used to be way more lighthearted and episodic (think Adventure Time), just kids messing around with atompunk superscience, villainy and going on adventures together…i’m attempting to go through old notes but there’s not much substance to be found unfortunately- a lot of it is just dialogue…? like my mind straight up refused proper notes and things i think, all i have is old cringey dialogue between characters from 3 years ago now 😭😭😭

[philzokman]

help im leaving tomorrow for an 8 hour plane ride and i need fic recs

I AM SO GLAD U ASKED FJWKDHSJS

okay okay so these are gonna be a mix of skk and sskk but i hope u enjoy :D

1. everything or nothing by well that happened - skk

“College AU where Chuuya finds out that the boy he drunkenly made out with the night of orientation is his new roommate. His arrogant, smug, very straight roommate. And the boys are each convinced the other is trying to ruin their life by making them go absolutely insane.”

i think the most kudosed skk fic on ao3 so not very. underground indie. JDHSJ the writing style isn’t my favourite but the plot is really good and the characterisation. oh my ever loving fuck THE CHARACTERISATION!!! strong nsfw that i’m like 99% sure is quite crucial to the plot though so i’d maybe skip this if ur not comfortable with that!! (the first 6 ish chapters should be mainly fine though for that if ur just wanting smn small and funny)

2. waiting room by srxlee - sskk

“In which the smell of antiseptic becomes familiar, and the feeling doesn't hurt like it used to, yet it aches. Where Ryuunosuke battles his habit of loving that which is fleeting. And now his hand, calloused and bruised, just can’t seem to let go.”

HEKANDHWKS i would die for this fic. it’s absolutely amazingly written like genuinely there are like 6 chapters where my mouth was agape the whole time purely bc of the writing style. the plot is really interesting, and the author deals with illness very very well. it DOES have a happy ending im so proud to announce and it’s overall very very sweet and i love it please read it i beg KDHSJ

3. learn to love by thebackwardsstep - skk

“Dazai pissed in a stranger's car- because screw the bourgeoisie- and now he has a sugar daddy. What the fuck.”

i physically could not tell u a thing about this fic, i read it when i was suffering with the flu BUT from what i do remember it was surprisingly sweet and the main ending conflict is resolved by a bird so JDHAKSH also also also in spite of its name it only has like 2 nsfw scenes in it which are VERY easily skippable and also a scene where dazai dresses up as a girl and they go to a ball :D

4. debatable society by chlovrs - sskk

“Atsushi has always struggled with self-confidence so to boost him up, his friend Dazai convinces him to join their University debate society. It works for a little bit, he makes some friends and is actually able to like, ya know...join in on conversations without shaking like a leaf. But then they start competing with the students from their neighboring University and of course, Akutagawa, the one who is beauty incarnated just loves to fucking argue.”

THIS IS SO CUTE. it’s been a while since i’ve read it but from what i can remember the plot is rlly cute, and sskk’s dynamic is really sweet. the author is also the absolute sweetest person ever and i highly highly recommend leaving a comment or two bc they’re genuinely soso sweet and Will respond KDHAKSH (there IS one nsfw scene but again, very easy to skip and doesn’t affect the plot by any means)

5. thé art of precious scars by run_mello - skk

“Role reversal AU where Dazai is in the Port Mafia and Chuuya is in the Armed Detective Agency.

---

When a famous painting goes missing from the Mori Art Museum, the ADA jumps in to help investigate the case. So Dazai and Chuuya go on a mission together, solve the mystery together, fight enemies together... and somewhere along the line, they fall in love.”

holy ever loving FUCK THIS FIC IS AMAZING. i remember the first thought i had while reading it was “this authors read the irl authors books.” LIKE IT SHOWS SO MCUHF WJDKDH i think my favourite example of this was in i think the first or second chapter when dazai plays the synonym/antonym game from no longer human it’s genuinely really really sick. as well as that the author will occasionally sprinkle in quotes from books and poems and it’s just. very very very cool. the characterisation is phenomenal its so well written very highly recommend !!!

6. chuuya is red hot and dazai is so not by icedlightroast - skk

“Dazai couldn't wrap his brain around it. How could the student population think that Chuuya Nakahara was more attractive than him? And, alright, sure, maybe professors shouldn't get caught up in petty drama. But to Dazai, this wasn't just drama. This was war. A war in which he was not going to lose.”

this made me giggle an abnormal amount. KDHAJS this fic had me kicking my feet back and forth and twirling my hair oml it’s soso cute VERY short but very very cute

BAR LIKE 30 FICS THATS MY REC LIST FJSKS !! hope u enjoyed and have fun on ur trip !!!! :D

[ask-chef-teruteru]

i have generalized anxiety disorder and most times it’s really hard to believe the things people tell me. typically when im doubting things and people reassure me. do you have any advice? i try to stay optimistic,

“My apologies, hon, I just wanna be on the same page here— do y’all mean doubtin’ things in terms o’ self doubts, or somethin’ else? Is there somethin’ specific y’all tend t’ need reassurances on?

I ain’t no expert, I don’t got a formal diagnosis or nothin’ like that, but it’s fair to say I struggle a lil’ bit with anxiety sometimes too, so I s’pose I can tell y’all some things that work for me?

Used to be worse when I was younger— ‘fore I won a few competitions, got my ultimate title— back when the diner was strugglin’ financially n’ it felt like everything was goin’ wrong all the time all at once. Would get myself all in a tizzy, would start off worryin’ over one lil’ thing that’d snowball into another thing n’ another n’ another ‘til pretty soon I was a mess n’ needed help calmin’ down.

'I wasn’t feelin’ too confident on that last dish, it didn’t look as pretty as it did last time I made it. What if it didn’t look right cause I made it wrong? What if it was burnt or I forgot an ingredient or it was underdone? What if the person who ordered it’s a renowned critic n’ I blew our chances o’ ever doin’ any better? What if that critic doesn’t like the food cause I screwed up and writes an awful review and nobody ever comes back? How will we live? The diner’ll go under if we don’t get no customers, we won’t have no money to live, Mama won’t have no more money for medicine, what if Mama gets worse? What if we lose the diner’n that stress gets t’be too much for her? What if she hates me for it? It would be all my fault!'

I’m panickin’ picturin’ myself livin’ on the street n’ Mama in an early grave n’ hatin’ me with her last breath, n’ ain’t nothin’ ever even happened, mind you. Weren’t no complaints ‘bout the food, opposite in fact, n’ me worryin’ myself sick didn’t do no good.

O’course sometimes things do happen that don’t go good, but anxiety makes mountains o’ mole hills. Situations where y’all got the time to worry ‘bout somethin’ bad happenin’ ain’t usually gonna end with the worst possible outcome. Really though, even the times when it feels like things couldn’t get no worse, life still goes on. Always sounds like an eye roller of a thing t’ say, but it’s true. If ya screw something up for real n’ it ain’t all just nerves, things won’t always be just as bleak’s they feel at that exact moment. It’s hard to get outta your own head, but y’all really gotta try to take a step back, try to rationalize, think about it from somebody else’s perspective.

Next time you’re feelin’ anxious ‘bout somethin’ y’all did, try thinkin’ ‘bout how you’d feel if somebody else had done it. If Mama’d made a dish that weren’t good n’ we got a bad review from somebody important n’ it meant financial ruin, I still wouldn’t have started hatin’ her or worryin’ ‘bout how to go on— it woulda just been a bad thing that happened that we’d learn t’ live with, y’know?

Ya gotta not be your own worst critic n’ gotta not assume people’re just tellin’ y’all sweet lies when they’re try’na reassure y’all. A lot o’ things you’re anxious about aren’t gonna cross other people’s minds ever again. That time y’all answered a question wrong n’ only realized it once the person walked off n’ there was no good opportunity to correct yourself? Moment’s passed, that person would probably just go 'oh okay' if y’all told them later. Ever waved at somebody cause you thought they was wavin’ at you but they were actually wavin’ at somebody behind you? Now that person just thinks you’re friendly cause you’d wave back if they waved at ‘em first.”

“I feel like I’ve gone on a while now and I don’t actually know how on the mark I am with any o’ that, so please don’t hesitate to talk to me again n’ follow up if I weren’t helpful, so I s’pose I’ll leave it at that for now. I hope I’ll hear from y’all soon!”

[songbirdtayler]

Im posting this here since no one will see it and I don't want my brother to find it in my journal. I still want to die. I keep thinking about it every day. It's been this way for months on end and it's at the point where I'm not scared to die. I already have things mostly planned out. I know when and which day would work best, Im gonna write a will soon and then letters to everyone and maybe do some videos in case the letters are unreadable. I just need to get that all done and choose how to go out. I do want a bit more money before I go so my family has less to worry about but they can sell all my stuff im not giving to people. They won't have to worry about another mouth to feed or the upstairs being too hot, they can move my fans downstairs to help keep things cooler and hopefully make the electrical bill go down some. They also won't have to worry about another person getting COVID. I won't weigh them down anymore. I won't weigh anyone down. I won't ever have to be in pain or cause anyone more pain again. It will be my last act of pain. Sure it's a big pain but they'll be okay. Everyone I care about has people there for them. They won't see me become a bigger monster, they'll be able to have some good memories of me. I don't want them to have more bad memories of me. I don't want to hurt them anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to hurt. Everything hurts so much. My heart hurts so much. I'm not strong enough to keep going on. I'm so tired of being hurt all the time. Things just keep getting worse. I've managed to hurt my best friend so much that he doesnt even love me anymore. We're still friends but it hurts ya know. And it hurts more knowing that I'll never even be close to the one he likes. I can't make him comfy anymore, I can't make him happy or laugh or support him etc. I just hurt him it seems like:/ he used to really love me but I ruined that. I ruin everything I touch. That's the other reason why I gotta go. I don't want to ruin more things. I just want everyone to be happy and okay. I don't want to make the world a darker place. I think I've done all I can, I don't see what Im needed here for anymore. I don't think I really matter. Its hard to see why I would. How can a monster matter ? Not only that, people don't really talk to me...I'm ignored a lot so I stopped really reaching out. I'm pretty lonely most of the time tbh. I'm not someone people really check in on or want to spend time with. I'm just here. Im not even good at what I used to be good for so I don't even have people really reaching out for those reasons now. It's pretty funny people always tell me they love me and care but they don't really reach out or try to talk to me one on one yet they always will for other people. I can't even be treated kindly when I'm clearly worried about someone else yet they love me. The irony of it all. If you care then why don't you try with me!!! Do you see why it's so hard to see why I matter? If I matter why don't people try..I don't get it. People know I'm going through a rough time yet they still don't even reach out. IM NOT THAT STRONG IVE BEEN THROUGH THE RINGER OF PAIN I NEED SUPPORT AND CARE GODDAMNIT. So I gotta be a monster it's what makes sense. Maybe I would have been stronger if I had more support and if things stopped getting worse all the time. But I don't have either of those things. All I have is more pain and suffering and loneliness and seeing myself further descend into being a bigger monster. I try so hard to do good and be kind and happy and a good friend but I keep fucking up. I can't even do something simple. I was too greedy letting myself live this long. If I was gone noone of the pain I caused would have happen and I wouldn't have to experience all this pain. I would be at peace and people would be happy but I'm foolish and hopefully. I won't let that get the best of me now tho. I'll be gone soon enough