#but id need a LOT of help to make it happen? and i dont think i could go to my parents for it

[eternally-tired-cryptid]

on one hand I wanna write my fic ideas wherein my marvel oc gets sent to the alternate universe of Gotham and hijinks ensue whilst she tries to survive and get back and the batfam and such slowly learn more info abt her world and how it's being threatened atm and she needs to go back and help and whatnot.

But on the other hand, the readers wouldn't know the marvel related backstory of this OC and would have. No context for her going in

But ALSO then the readers would know abt as much abt this mysterious figure as the batcrew do, and get to learn via flash backs and her slowly revealing info to them as safety allows

Then there's also just a general. Idk if there's any sort of oc etiquette when it comes to writing oc centered fics? My brain goes so hogwild when I read anything that I usually avoid oc fics other people write just bc I usually read and enjoy fics at face value but I also go "now what would happen if this OC was here?" And that gets real complicated when other people's ocs are involved

[zoppzoop]

GAAHAHHHHH

[silverislander]

idk if it's genuine excitement or the energy drink i had earlier that's actually letting me focus and work but dude. i am CRUSHING this essay. this is Fun To Write. i think i'm actually doing a really good job here. wtf. i love my major man

[wink-wonk]

.

[tittysuckersworld]

vent tw, if you have depression please please just dont interact-

[scarletanpan]

Mad at myself for thinking the tropical storm this week wasn't a fucking hurricane bc I was too tired to check the news, anyways somehow so lucky there was no damage to our house but we were fully blocked into the neighborhood bc of so many trees and power lines being down, apparently it was headed to atlanta and made a fucking heel turn to our city, no electricity at all and down to 6 hrs of water a day but my sister was like fuck nah and drove the 4 hrs to our parents house, plans to buy a generator and stock up on water bc were coming back today so she can be a spot for her friends who don't have electricity, and we fr might not get it back for a week anyway bc of how massive the damage is nearby

[synonymroll648]

IF LORE UPDATES APPLIED TO PEOPLE I WOULDVE JUST GOTTEN ONE OF MY HAPPIEST LORE UPDATES TODAY

[princessmyriad]

.

[1lovepeace]

I genuinely agree with your take. It's true that the trauma Rayla experienced doesn't excuse her actions, but it deeply explains the reasoning behind it. And in a way, you see Amaya soften up after seeing herself in Rayla in terms of being stoic, strong, and lonely in handing things alone. She's opened up more. Callum refuses to let Rayla push him away, that everything they do and face, they do it together, accepting his help and leaning on him for support. Little by little, she's growing and maturing, and I'm proud of her. There's still a long way to go for her, but she will get there.

With all the time that all four of Rayla's parents have spent self-reflecting, whether in the coins or while being alone and self-isolated from the community over the last two years, I sincerely hope that it can transition to all five of them reconciling, healing and repairing their broken, fractured family. No doubt that all 4 of her parents are incredibly scarred, haunted, devastated, and extremely hurt by the failures and negligence committed. Imagine the uncontrollable, horrifying nightmares they must be having of Rayla, being tormented by her memory every night. Their hurt, pain, heartbreak, emotional/psychological torture, and suffering are perhaps far worse than we imagined. I wouldn't even know where to begin with addressing Moonfam's family issues. But they deserve to have their family again after all they've been through.

But Rayla also has a right to feel and express her anger, resentment, disdain, animosity, and even her rage towards all four of her parents for what they put her through. Let her say what she needs to say. Let Rayla be angry and messy.

Seeing people crap on arc two Rayla genuinely makes me sad. I don't think many people truly realize the depth of Rayla's isolation. What happened to all the characters in arc one was horrible (I am not down playing that), Callum and Ezran lost their father, and Soren lost his family, but they all had Katolis to go back to. Their home. Rayla lost EVERYTHING. She lost the assassins who she grew up with and trained her, she lost her home, and worst of all she lost her parents. She lost Runaan and Ethari in one go, only months after her parents. And all she had to remember them by was what they taught her. And they taught her self sacrifice, they taught her to do questionable things in the name of protection and the greater good. Viren threatened everything she loved which WAS Callum and Ezran, and she thought he was still alive. She was stuck in fight or flight mode, she was bathed in trauma. And she had a point in TTM, everyone was just moving on, and didn't take or let her have anytime to truly grieve. She was in such a dark place in TTM and it influenced her decisions. She knows she did something wrong, she knows she hurt Callum. She hasn't brought herself to apologize yet, but why did we stop treating her as human? (Or elf, as it were)

Also hi, I've recently been liberated from TDP reddit

[yosh-iro]

just realizing my hearing can be summed up as having a fucking nasa computer for hardware but only ever using it to play that vid of a spinning rat with a compressed version of free bird in the background

[yanderespamton78]

sometimes i feel like toby fox made spamton and the addisons especially for people to hyperfixate on. everything about them seems so perfect for people to go rabid about its insane to me

for one, spamton himself pretty much counts for 4 people, those being addispam, big shot spamton, in game spamton, and spamton neo. now sure you mostly see people going rabid about in game spamton but ive seen plenty of people who are obsessed with a version we dont get to see on screen

secondly, even the main in game spamton himself is kinda up to interpretation. loads of people characterise him differently. if i compared two aus to eachother theyd often be very different and depending on the ones i chose could be almost like 2 different people, and then if i compared those to in-game spamton, theyd still be very different. also since you dont see addispam and big shot spamton on screen you dont even know what they acted like so again basically you can make your own guy to fixate on with a few prompts as to what he was like

dont even get me started on the addisons. now im biased as fuck here seeing that ive been fixated on the addisons for like 6 months now (send help) but toby fox basically gave us 4 templates for us to have fun with. sure based off of in game dialogue you have a bit to go off of when it comes to their personality (pink being an asshole and blue being caring for example) but even then every addison in every different au is slightly different and i have never seen two addisons turn out exactly the same. ALSO you dont even know the relationship these characters have to spamton meaning you can have them be siblings, you can have them be friends, or you can ship them based off of what you enjoy. OR you could just ignore them altogether (which a lot of people do lmao)

also another thing is the fact that you dont necessarily need to have your addisons' personalities just reflect off of spamtons. I mean the main 4 addisons give you enough to go off of to make your own, and you are given cyber city, an entire fantasy world for you to put them in. cyber city again is up to interpretation, some people have it be like a normal city, some people make it a utopia, some people make it a hellscape. the choice is yours!!

and even then in game spamton is so versatile. he is perfect for angsty stuff, fluffy stuff, or jsut silly stuff, and none of it is out of character. you couldnt really make an angsty spongebob edit could you, itd be weird and out of characer and no one would take it seriously. but also you couldnt make a silly walten files video, sure people do but its out of character and wouldnt actually happen canonically. but spamton on the other hand. hes the kinda guy who you can draw holding a wallet in his mouth like a cat and generally being silly but also you could draw him sobbing at the bottom of dumpster and neither would be out of character!! AAAA

also extra thing i thought id add but his backstory is also very up to interpretation, like i dont think ive ever seen two people who think spamtons rise and downfall went exactly the same. sure everyone has the same general idea of how it went but some people believe in acid theory, some people believe in puppetification theory, some people have a mix of both, some people have their own idea of how it went down, and with that you can project different parts of your own trauma onto whatever happened to him.

ok sorry that was so long thank you for reading my very biased ramble about why spamton is perfect byeeee

[normansnt]

Even

(Hazbin Rozie x soft!male reader.)

No warnings (not proof read)

You tried to tiptoe as quietly as possible through your and your wives house. You didn't know that the trail of blood you were leaving would give you away in the morning anyways.

"You're home late" you heard the lovely voice of your dear wife while she sat on the sofa and turned on the light on the small table besides it.

You exhaled through your nose.

"Yeaahhh..." was all you could get out of

When Rosie took in your form more carefully she saw the beaten state you were in.

"Oh dear, what happened to you" she sounded more sympathetic now and rushed to your side to help you sit down

"Hahh, you should see the other guy...he got out without a scratch it was honestly pretty impressive" you said with honest astonishment.

You have been getting into fights at bars lately...a lot. Why? Well the answer was rather easy really, your wife was the Rosie. A powerful overlord in hell and leader of cannibal town. She was powerful, strong, cunning, smart and most of all feared because of those qualities.

And you...well, you weren't weak not by any means but you were just...soft, to put it lightly. While other boys fought you enjoyed chasing a butterfly. You were a very kind soul and opted to see the good in people. You were a fallen angel, after all.

When you met Rosie you were the same dork you are now, you just liked to draw and she is very beautiful so you asked if you could draw her. Thats how you two met 10 years ago.

As time passed by, you fell in love with her, however you would have never guessed that a powerful woman like herself would fall for someone like you. Alas she did and after some time being together you got married.

Since Rosie was quite the public figure, people, of course, knew about your engagement and they had their own opinions, mostly bad ones.

The people of cannibal town thought Rosie deserved someone tough, not to protect her she can do that to, but to match her, to be her equal.

And you thought so too. It was a true wonder why she was still with you, really.

"(Y/N)"

The powerful voice of your beloved got you out of your thoughts.

"*sigh* are you thinking about what others are saying again?" She questioned looking at you sadly.

You looked away ashamed.

"My love" she slowly put her hand on your cheek and made you look at her.

"I have told you countless times but I wont stop until you get it into your head. I.Love.You their opinions do not matter, especially when they dont know you like I do, for if they did they would know that you have the strongest heart I have ever witnessed, you might not like fights and blood spill but I know for a fact that when its really needed you will step up, and thats what really matters." She smiled at you kindly.

"Also, I like violence plenty so we make the perfect pair" she grinned at you manically.

You really didn't know how you got so lucky as to have such an amazing wife. You let out a chuckle and kissed her.

"Thank you" you smiled lightly

"Of course dear, now go wash up and lets go to bed I'm tired" she said exhausted while she stood up and walked to your shared bedroom.

You smiled to yourself, sure you weren't a big fan of violence but you hat a cannibal as a wife, you guys kinda evened each other out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yall I know I said Id proof read tham and than post but I LOVE this one so much its short but so good😭

ALSO, ROSIE IS NOT TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH LIKE I LOVE HER SM ROSIE PLS MARRY ME😖

ANYWAYS

I hope you enjoyed your reading ladies, gentleman and others, good afternoon good evening and good night🧡🦖

[klxudykai]

things i've manifested over the past week

i didn't really manifest a whole bunch before this week because i felt like it wasn't working for me up until i realized i just needed to be persistent- (i know im goofy asf you can throw tomatoes at me now LMFAO)

i don't have much of a "routine" if anything it's short and simple. i usually do it when im tired because i feel like me being in a "sleepy state" of mind works better. then i just affirm. but i apply the affirmations to what im doing. so ill say smth like "with every breath i take i get this" or "as im falling asleep i get this". ill even mix it in with affirmations that sound like i have whatever im manifesting and ill say it casually too. like "oh yeah i have this it's pretty cool or whatever". i even visualize that i have what im manifesting and it makes it a lot more believable (i feel like if i can see myself with it, then its possible if that makes any sense)

i dont continue to affirm though because then if i do i dont go to sleep (ESPECIALLY when im trying to shift) and thats why i also add to the affirmation "as im going to sleep" because i feel like that makes me more sleepy. i dont even realize i fall asleep either so it helps a lot.

anyways i thought id share some of the things ive been manifesting considering ive been doing it pretty much daily:

i manifested that i would be in shape for volleyball at school since thats about to start back up soon and my coach wanted us to get a gym membership but i havent worked out once (havent had any time or motivation)

for a while i WAS manifesting that someone that i knew at my old school would transfer to my current school but something in my head was like "nah its not worth putting in effort" so i dropped that (but i have a feel that had i kept manifesting it, it wouldve happened)

i had really bad cramps one night so i affirmed that they would go away as im trying to sleep and they would be gone in the morning (safe to say that worked)

manifested that i have confidence (SPECIFICALLY the confidence that megan thee stallion and sabrina carpenter have)

while also manifesting more confidence i also manifested that people would want to hang out with me more and im desired (may have added a guy into that manifestation??)

its not anything big mostly cause i wanted to start small rather than bite off more than i can chew. its also cause i have a hard time believing my manifestations would work so i decided to just start small with them. also with the second manifestation that i dropped, thats not the first time ive attempted to manifest something and my head told me to just drop it. i dont think its meant to say "oh no that won't work" but its rather protecting me or smth (intuition came in clutch???) but yeah im not stressing about it considering i have all the things ive manifested and i can have so much more.

i dont have much to say anymore, but for the people that doubt manifestation, dont. that shit is real im telling you. if you persist and truly believe you have it, you got it. you dont even have to do much you could just slip it into a conversation or say it before you go to sleep and it will be there. persist, persist, persist. im so fr when i say it works yall. - coming from someone who thought none of my manifestations would come true

[alyimoss]

horrortale king papyrus "ending", aka what happens if horror joins nightmare

i was thinking of making this into a fic or smthn but idk when ill get to that so. nevermind that im just gonna make a post. lotta yapping ahead. (word count: 1972)

so, i see a lot of people, when including horror in nightmares pantheon, say that he was either a) abducted against his will, or b) coerced by food, both for himself and his world. and i dont have much against the first interpretation, but the second… something's bothered me about it for a while, and its the simple fact that canon horror isnt that selfless. if nightmare were to offer him a deal, he would first and foremost be thinking about his own interests (he has already proven to be this kind of person in the comics).

so i instead think that were nm to offer him a deal, horror would only agree to a specific multi-part deal. and the first part? undyne's death.

we already know the whole "eating humans" thing was moreso to spite undyne and foil whatever plans she has than to help the residents of snowdin, shown by the fact that sans himself doesnt eat humans and that he urges everyone to keep this a secret from undyne and the rest of the underground. if a mysterious, powerful entity suddenly appeared and asked horror for his servitude in exchange for something he wants, a "mutually beneficial deal", i guarantee you that first and foremost he would think of undyne. of the traitor who sacrificed him "for the greater good".

and he would get that. i dont know if he would prefer to kill her himself or let nightmare to the dirty work, but either way, its not a hard thing for someone as powerful as him to do. only after his final act of revenge is certified does he think about everything else. with undyne gone, the underground would be left without a ruler, and things would likely get even more chaotic than usual. plus, they would still be left without food and without power.

i think hed ask for their CORE to be repaired or something else to be done about the power and magic situation going on in the underground first, but. i see this as something out of nightmare's range. hes not exactly a mechanic, and he doesnt want to waste time and energy getting someone who is just for another underling. so horror compromises on just food. regular deliveries of enough to feed all the monsters left in the underground. and this is a bit tedious, but still doable, and nightmare would likely agree.

but theres still one more part to the deal, and that is an opportunity to set a plan in motion.

with undyne out of the picture, someone would need to take control. and sans has the perfect idea of who.

the monster who has kept snowdin fed for years; who reported to undyne and mediated when her temper flared up; who kept up the puzzles and security around snowdin; who tried to keep the others' spirits up even when times were darkest…

thats right. he wants papyrus in charge.

i often see ht papyrus being portrayed in fandom as kind of a dope. someone innocent despite his creepy appearance and still rather incompetent. and this frustrates me because hes anything but. hunger, death, murder… all have taken their toll on him, and hes certainly not fine or completely sane. but id say hes arguably the sanest out of all the monsters weve seen in the comic so far (other than flowey and mettaton, i suppose… though mettaton is uncertain since weve only seen him in the past). hes also shown handling a lot of responsibilities, like the previously-mentioned providing of food and mediating when undyne goes too far. this applies to his brother, too, who was also known for having a temper. horrortale papyrus is still pretty cheery, but hes less idealistic, more responsible…

anyway, all that to say that 1) horrortale papyrus is horribly underrated and idk why because i love him dearly, and 2) between the reasons above and the fact that he's his brother, i think sans would consider him a perfect next-in-line. plus, all this power and respect and recognition… werent these all things he yearned for?

so before he leaves with nightmare, he does a little manipulating of the playing field. i dont know what this would be, honestly. talking papyrus up to others? making sure other monsters are aware of his capability and his kindness and his resolve? i dont know. but he does it. and after hes gone and undynes death is discovered, papyrus is chosen as the next king.

and you know what? i dont think he would want that.

because hes already gotten a taste of his "respect and recognition" via being an important figure in snowdin, and its been nothing but hell the whole time. hes exhausted. hes not one to be lazy or give up, but even a guy like him has his limits, and frankly hes probably reached them a long time ago. but the people desperately need a leader… and he cant exactly deny them. reluctantly, he agrees.

maybe a week into his rule, a miracle happens. food appears.

no-one knows where its from, but no-one can really care. "dont look a gift horse in the mouth" or whatever. the royal guard has to tear ravenous monsters away from the food in an attempt to save some to be rationed out. some guards undoubtedly succumb to the temptation themselves. but a good amount is saved and rationed. and the people look to papyrus with a new kind of reverence.

because how is it possible? under undynes rule, everything went to shit, and despite the years of promises, nothing was ever fixed. but as soon as papyrus take control, they get food, a good, livable amount of food, for the first time in years. theres hushed whispers that there must be a higher power involved. some seem to view papyrus himself as that higher power. the support for him grows from acceptance to wild endorsement. parents able to save their children thanks to the food cry and promise him unyielding loyalty. monsters who had all but accepted their deaths and met with a miracle instead fall at his feet. some compliments are backhanded: "i thought you would just be a useless stand-in, but youve actually saved us!!"

and papyrus smiles tightly at them all as panic mounts inside him. what will happen once this food runs out? will more appear? what if it doesnt?

but it does. it appears consistently, on a schedule. the people rejoice every time. but papyrus still finds himself fearing every day. barely able to rest amidst his panic. being king is a lot of responsibility, and he finds himself constantly overworking, so, so tired… but hes still putting on a smile for the public and assuring them that everything is okay.

with a consistent source of food, hes able to focus on other problems, such as getting monsters treatment for the effects of this hell that theyve been living in for so long and restoring the core. he's constantly meeting with different monsters, doing paperwork, handling this matter and that…

hes not alone. toriel would help him, i think. she knows what being a ruler is like, after all, and he is her good friend. but i dont know if other monsters, who rejected her as their queen, would be thrilled to have her even as an advisor. if mettaton is still sane, perhaps he would help, too, in whatever ways that he can. but papyrus still feels this… absense.

because his brother isnt there.

he never told anyone where he was going or what was happening. the most papyrus knows is that hes sure this all has to do with him somehow. but nothing else. not how, not to what extent. not whether hes even alive.

and for this one reason i think he would be so much more tired, so much more miserable. hes lost his only family, his support. the brothers' relationship in horrortale is pretty clearly strained, but theyre still shown to be close because, well, theyre family. theyve always been close. always helped each other. they were always there when the other needed to get something off his chest or get help. they kept a lot of secrets even from each other, yes, but im willing to bet that number's a whole lot less than the number they keep from others. what im getting at is that sans and papyrus are extremely important parts of each others lives, and one losing the other is a huge and unbearable change.

…and yet, with growing pangs of horror (ha) and guilt, papyrus finds that he doesnt know if its really much different now.

hes lost his biggest support, the one person he could tell almost anything to. but really he lost him years ago. for a long time, hes kept more secrets, done more work, put up with so much not to agitate his brother… even through his love, i think there was a mounting resentment and aversion to him… and he finds that with sans gone, he really gets about the same amount done. maybe more, actually, now with food and with toriel's help. and its a horrifying realization to him because thats not how he wants to think of his brother!

he did his best. he did help them, even if it was through backhanded and frankly horrible methods. his personality was a result of the hunger and that wound. if he was here, hed likely be more like his old self now that food is finally available. his brother isnt a bad person. he cant be, because papyrus cant handle that thought. but that resentment is unresolved. he feels abandoned. he doesnt know what emotion to feel. he prefers to just not think about it after a certain while.

and its the same with undyne. he misses her, he misses his friend. but she's been gone for years, too. when he thinks of her, he cant help but feel fear and anger. and thats not what he wants, either. he doesnt think of her, either.

and so hes left to rule in misery. roaming the unnaturally empty underground with the entirety of monsterkind praising his empty step. he has help, he has friends, but he still tries to handle everything himself. hes so tired that he doesnt even lie down because he doesnt know if he'll be able to get up. hes so stressed. even though they now have food, he barely eats. his eyesockets seem to sink somehow deeper into his skull. for the leader of a people finally recovering from devastation, he looks like hes only getting worse, and really he is. every day drains him more and more, and though he pushes himself to persevere for the sake of the people, he doesnt know how long he can go on.

doing what he thought was best, sans doomed his brother. if he ever goes back to his au to visit or something, he would see that first-hand. i think he'd struggle to accept it. would just run away. try to convince himself that he did what was right even as the guilt burns at his ribs.

this deal turns out more beneficial for nightmare than horror. nightmare gets a servant and a new source of negativity through ht papyrus (and though it would also spread a lot of positivity, i think its so little when compared to the whole mutliverse that nm finds it an acceptable trade and that some "positive" feelings, like the kind of god-like reverence some monsters in horrortale have for papyrus, are actually quite negative and feed him still), and horror gets to better his underground by sacrificing the only monster he probably bothered to care about: papyrus.

anyway. horrortale king papyrus. thats it thats all im gonna say goodnight

[choccy-milky]

hey! They already asked you but I don't know if you forgot hehe, what are the mbti of Clora and Sebastian? 😸

OK, I FINALLY HAVE AN ANSWER!! took me a hot minute to figure out sebs, but after reading all the pages and comparing, i do think entp fits him the best. also i saw this picture on pinterest about a relationship between isfj and entp and its so true, esp the "do not listen to each other's advice, still get each other out of trouble" LMFAO. also the 'protecting isfj at all costs' 🥺🥺🥺im soft. (ALSO DONT COME AT ME I KNOW I SPELLED KNOWLEDGEABLE WRONG IM TOO LAZY TO FIX IT😭) OKAY!! and its been a while so i'll be using this ask to reply to a buncha others🙏🙏

my fanfic does follow the plot of the game, but with sebastian added to every sidequest/story mission. and then from around the third (niamh's) trial, it starts to branch more into (mostly all) original stuff!^^

yes actually LMAO, clora's lawley-slap wasn't even planned. but as i was writing it i started to get so offended on her behalf i was like GIRL, SLAP THIS BITCH🤬 so she did😇😇 id say its normal, yeah! even tho i stick to my outlines, a lot of what happens just kinda happens without my prior planning as i begin to write bahaha, especially dialogue scenes.

aw, im glad u like my blog so much and that it can help u even in the smallest of ways 😭thank u!!💖💖

BAHAHA AWW TYY IM GLAD U LIKE IT SO MUCH!! i saw u re-reading it recently on wattpad and ur comments always have me dying. also im just gonna address your other ask here in this one, but as u know seb has now met mr.clemons, and you 10000% nailed the dynamic between seb and clora's dad LMFAOO, they will absolutely bond over disagreeing with how careless she is and wanting to protect her/stressing over her LOOL. ty again for all ur messages, i love seeing how much u love my art/fic😭💖

OMG u are so right i need to draw this

also god idk....following the sebinis example, i guess they'd be...sebora?? reminds me of sephora LMAO. ive also had someone call them "alliteration shipping" which i think is so cute BAHAHA. HONESTLY PPL CAN JUST SAY WHATEVER THEY WANT, i aint picky.

oh god its been too long since ive read the books (tho i do really wanna re-read them esp in the winter) but my fav movie is half blood prince, just because i love all the ron/hermione moments and the highschool drama BAHAHA. what do u mean harry potter isnt a romcom??? ok and last but DEFS not least

THE UNHINGED ENERGY OF THIS ASK CRACKED ME UP SO MUCH WHEN U SENT IT BAHAHAH, couldnt even fit the whole thing in my screenshot. IM GLAD U LIKED/HATED THE CHAP, and also your pfp just makes everything you say funnier, i love it LMAOOO. ty🙏🙏

[blushingbubbles]

tonight was hard

bodywriting is one of those things that im sooo excited about before i start.

invariably though there's one moment that knocks me down and its really really hard to bring myself up again

why do i keep doing it?? i literally have no idea.

if i do another bodywriting task i will be purchasing childrens water-based markers beforehand. i will also be purchasing cheap lipstick because frankly mine is too expensive to use like a crayon, and "wasting it" (i know its not wasting but please understand what i mean) in a scene just burrows guilt in my gut.

i recently discovered micellar water is great for sharpie removal, so i thought id be okay tonight. thought that if that moment happened i could easily take the offending words off.

but tonight when i was done, i was DONE. hard stop. i wanted everything off. it wasnt one thing. it was all of it.

i wanted to be done. wanted to be clean and cozy and out of play. i was done looking at the degrading words. i was done objectifying myself. and the "done" ness came so quickly i got whiplash.

i couldnt move fast enough. despite the micellar water, the markings weren't coming off, and the words i had written started getting to me. id been looking down at my breast so long that when i met my eyes in the mirror and saw "whore" across my cheeks and "dum cunt" across my forehead, i completely broke down.

tonight, i just needed help cleaning myself off. but when no help came (naturally, because all of you are online) i had to be the one to take care of myself. (and that of course makes sense. i know it makes sense. but having to feel it?? the loneliness?? the fact i couldnt get the words off?? the inadequacy laid plain in the "dum cunt" smeared across my forehead??? pull my teeth out one-by-one before you make me go through that again. god it was fucking awful.)

all of you are online. and ive been perfectly fine and content with that -- from play to aftercare -- until tonight.

tonight was a big blow, and im still working through the feelings. still crying (only because im writing this and reliving). still trying to get the words off. a lot of them are still there.

i wanted to post this for any other subs out there starting to or already in any kind of dynamic like mine. if u feel anything like this it's completely normal. nothing is wrong with you and it's okay. get waterbased markers.

and any new Doms who want to know what's going on in a sub's head??? here you go. if you're playing online one-on-one with your sub, i personally suggest going back through every single word written on their body during aftercare and countering the splinters of objectification that embedded during the scene. (looking back on tonight, i think i wouldve benefitted if someone had told me to slow the fuck down and go one by one over everything. but i was so desperate for it to be over i dont know if i wouldve listened anyway.)