#but i work in STEM

[inkskinned]

i wrote an interactive poem for my girlfriend in 3 parts. she said you need to read it.

go here: take only the final quiz or take all 3. i don't mind. it's sad, though. this is a poem about choice. about fate and mental illness and how love fits inside of all of it. this is a poem about a long dark hallway. mostly this is a poem about mango sushi rolls.

good luck. i love you. despite it all, i'm hopeful.

[nem0-nee]

"Forgiving who you are, for what you stand to gain Just know that if you hide, it doesn't go away When you get out of bed, don't end up stranded Horrified with each stone on the stage, my little dark age"

Shameless twitter plug

[viarayy01-blog]

just waiting for it all to get better!!!!

[linddzz]

nothing viktor did was more peak engineer behavior than when he so confidently explained evolution wrong except for him confidently explaining evolution wrong while disagreeing with the guy who explained it correctly

[theoldkyokodied]

Uploading all my Tomgreg art at once from the past few week before season 4 hits, who knows in what kind of mental state i'm gonna be once it does :')

[lgbtlunaverse]

I feel like too often people frame Nie Mingjue's issues as ignorance borne from safety. Like, they think that because of his privilege as a sect leader he doesn't know what it's like to be in danger and forced to make hard choices to survive. And I disagree. Strongly.

First of all, Nie Mingjue is very familiar with death not only from war but from. You know. Actively dying since the age of fourteen. Let us not forget Nie Mingjue is dead! Super dead! And maybe he didn't die the exact way he expected to but he did, absolutely, know he was going to die. To act like Nie Mingjue is unfamiliar with the scenario of "do something you find morally reprehensible or die" is to ignore that he has been living that exact scenario and chose death.

Nie Mingjue knows death is a risk for someone like Jin guangyao, in fact he explicitly acknowledges it even in his worst moments like the stairs in chapter 49. Had his issue been ignorance, then he would've responded to Jin Guangyao saying that he's in danger and has to sacrifice others for his own safety with "No you aren't you'll be fine." But he doesn't. He accepts the fact that jgy is in danger with no qualms and says: then you should die.

That's not him betraying his values, those are his values. He is, essentially, pro-suicide. Jgy is like hey I have a moral dilemma what should I do and nmj straight up goes "Kill yourself" and earlier that same chapter when he was faced with a moral dilemma he went "I'm gonna kill myself." He believes the solution to moral dilemmas is suicide! He is extremely consistent about this! When it's pointed out to him that it would have been dangerous for Wen Qing to oppose Wen Ruohan it doesn't phase him because he thinks putting yourself at risk to do the right thing is the only moral choice. The idea that he can only hold this belief because he is himself somehow not in danger, again, requires you to ignore that he is dying the whole time. And it doesn't deter him. He is the idea of self-sacrifice as a moral good taken to its absolute logical extreme. Someone who is ready to die and demands the same from everyone else.

It makes him a very fun case study for fandom, because a lot of fandom spaces also tend to revere self-sacrifice as the ultimate good, and yet we get very uncomfortable when someone starts demanding it of characters we love. Like woah, hold on, that's a bit too far isn't it? Only we the audience get to do that!

[hizerain]

2024.12.28

I've been thinking a lot about friendship. I'm trying to move away from immediate communication and general constant availability as much as I can given that it has a disastrous effect on my well being. However, that has lead me to reconsider how I approach friendships. Given the dominance of instant communication, it seems inevitable that much of our friendship is measured by response-times and general availability. I don't have clear definite new metrics to judge friendships, especially given that I have been considering whether I'd consider any of my presumed friendships as such, but it's been a good exercise to reconsider what I value in friendship, what I offer in friendship and what I require in a friendship.

[marblegroves]

Presenting fire opal! The team TIES fusion 🔥

[holymolyfizzie]

i don't wanna derail @kityana's post about stolas's pill popping, so i'm making a separate one. but something kityana said finally made me think about something: "i'm still not sure if those pills are actually helping him or if they were just given to him to numb him to how shitty his life is"

I've wondered something related to this a lot myself. but Stolas takes his antidepressants with alcohol (and in the aftermath of alcohol, like at the end of The Circus), which is a depressant. taking antidepressants + alcohol at best just cancels out your antidepressants so they don't actually do anything. but both at once, at worst, makes your depression symptoms a lot worse. taking them together is the sort of stuff that college girls get yelled at for, but i guess no one told stolas. i wouldn't be surprised if he's been popping them like candy and upping his dosage because he was told they would help him…and then they don't because of the rampant alcoholism. which is to say that we don't know if the meds even worked for him at all (i'd argue strongly they didn't, considering his alcoholism only ever got worse and he kept taking more and more pills, like they never worked enough) or if they were a placebo while he was taking them

and this might be a bit too nuanced for such a show, but as someone who has suddenly gotten off antidepressants that didn't work at all, the withdrawal symptoms don't always affect mood that much (they did nothing for it to begin with) and they sure as hell don't last a full month after getting off. in fact, going cold turkey off of meds that do work for you shouldn't have withdrawal symptoms that last a full month (if you do, it's a Talk to Your Doctor moment). i just really wonder if Stolas noticed the lack of antidepressants after the first few days beyond the old habit of taking them, and if we really can contribute much of his mental breakdown to getting off antidepressants

but you know what he was taking religiously, that did affect him for sure, and that we haven't seen him touch in a month now? the alcohol. he was drinking during Mastermind, but he clearly hasn't touched it since the trial. Blitz doesn't seem to have alcohol around, and Stolas wouldn't ask for the extra expense -- he's being forced to quit. he passes up Loona's beelzejuice at the Sinsmas party, noticeably. the beelzejuice is brought in, and Stolas immediately goes outside for a smoke instead. he's not drinking anymore. and quitting alcohol cold turkey is an insane process, esp at his level of hard liquor. we're talking about disastrous health consequences and a whole host of withdrawal symptoms -- anxiety, depression, irritability, fatigue, loss of appetite, brain fog, hallucinations, and much worse stuff (in humans, seizures). it's impossible to underestimate the severe damage alcoholism does to your brain and body longterm. and a lot of those withdrawal symptoms stay weeks after stopping cold turkey

like, i don't want to detract from him going off of antidepressants; he needs and obviously wants working antidepressants, he's desperate for them. but i'm gonna be so for real, i've had my experiences going off ineffective antidepressants, and i've watched family members try to quit alcohol. an alcoholic quitting is a brutal, drawn out process that shakes me to my core. there are reasons a person still says "i am an alcoholic" even a decade after quitting. that shit's insidious in a way that antidepressants aren't, and it was affecting stolas noticeably more, surely enough to render his meds useless. if you want him back on antidepressants, then you need a sober Stolas first, and this is what he's FINALLY working on

so i think more emphasis needs to be placed on Stolas's recovery from alcoholism when discussing his mental breakdown, irritability, etc. the fact that he's doing this without rehab or other interventions is miraculous, nearly impossible. i don't want his impressive recovery (so far) from alcoholism to end up getting buried under the antidepressant talk ngl, especially when his getting off of alcohol now means that his antidepressants may actually work in the future and help him. this is something to be so so proud of!!

[chimielie]

cw: reader is a business major. read tags if concerned about canon deviation

kuroo’s schedule this semester is insane.

he’s working part time to cover housing because his roommate dropped out without telling him, he’s taking something like fifty labs all worth half a credit each (only a slight exaggeration), and, worst of all, there’s no time in his day to see you.

he misses you. you’re trying to buck up and not be needy, but he can see it in your eyes, in the way you always fall right into his arms every time you do see each other, like you need to sate your skin-hunger because you don’t know when you’ll see him next. he appreciates your understanding, but… he misses you, too.

he’d set up a fucking chart, made you fill in your weekly schedule, overlapping his, until he found a hole in both.

“it’ll have to be while i do homework,” he’d said, foot tapping anxiously, “is that okay?”

“of course,” you’d given him your easy, sunny smile, and he planted his face in your lap and moved your hand to muss his hair more.

now, he looks over at you fondly, lying on your back spread-eagle in his bed. it’s something you rarely get to do, since he’s usually crammed in it with you. you sleep holding hands, when you stay the night, locked together like sea otters drifting on the waves.

he’s exiled to the desk next to the bed, though, working through reactions of aromatics and sneaking longing glances at your prone form.

“do you wanna—”

“i’m not in chemistry for a reason,” your voice floats up from the bed, though your eyes stay peacefully closed. “do your molecule splitting or whatever yourself.”

“mean,” kuroo says, pushing his chair back and running his hands through his hair. “what if i was gonna say ‘do you wanna cuddle?’”

“mm, you weren’t,” you say. “i said that earlier and you were all, no, babe, i have to finish my lab workbook because the—”

“i know what i said,” he grumbles. “go back to sleep.”

“okay,” you say. “i believe in you. or whatever. good luck.”

“thanks.” he picks up his pencil again for a moment, then tilts his chair back, tipping his head backward, hands braced on the desk. his room is so small he’s almost touching the bed. you tilt your head to the side, eyes opening the slightest bit. “what am i even doing this for?”

“because it’s your passion, honey.” one of your hands rests on your stomach, just beneath the hem of your shirt. that’s where he likes to hold you.

“but you’re gonna be the one making all the money,” he whines. “and all you have to do is make a bunch of supply demand graphs all day.”

“yep,” you say brightly, “but i make those graphs so you can be my stay at home husband someday. so watch your mouth.”

“fine,” he grumbles, righting his chair. “that’s what i’m doing this for. to be your househusband.”

“that’s right,” you say encouragingly. “work hard, tetsurō.”

as he settles back into the flow of his work and your breath eases into the steady rhythm of the sleeping, he looks at you again, now facedown in his pillows, one arm curled around the space where he should be. the melody of a life taking shape rings in his ears; for a second, he can see it. a house with a yard, with a garden, with a kitchen where you kiss his cheek while he cooks dinner and where he spins you after a couple glasses of wine. light suffuses him; he gets back to work.

[thou-babbling-brook]

I can’t believe canonically this holiday season Basim can go see Wicked and Sonic 3. I hate ac lore.

[thechy-fychannel]

y'all ever think abt how it was julie having the affair and it is even said multiple times that she was the one who left him, yet wilson was still the one who left their home and moved in with house. like. he couldn't bear to stay in their home alone. he immediately ran to house and stayed on his couch for weeks. suffered through his pranks and his laziness and his manipulation. telling him he wants him gone while sabotaging his attempts to leave. and he only left once he got a girlfriend again.

[nefelegies]

reanimator if it was good

12/17/2024

[foulpaperplane]

Vladco Heiress au is constantly on loop in my head so here my ideas for the other DP characters:

Jazz - researcher psychologist with a focus on socio-cultural psychology. After Danny manages to come to a compromise with his rouges, creating a long-term truce, she becomes interested in cultural differences between Realm beings and Amity Parkers & later on how the two cultures started to blend and form unique social norms.

Tucker - didn’t go to college and just started immediately working at Vladco as Danny's assistant/advisor to help him out while he figured out how to run the company. Once Danny started getting things under control Tucker became an engineer (still at Vladco) to focus on his inventions.

Sam - she properly sat down with her parents and talked to them leading to them realizing they have been acting unreasonably and compromising. Her dad offers to teach her and Danny both business and how to lead a company as an olive branch. I imagine her family has a successful telecommunication company but for now her dad is running the company so Sam can start her own company which creates and researches eco-friendly solutions (e.g biodegradable plastics) while working with a bunch of eco charities.

Valerie - in my au she joins the Phantom team during 50 Shades Of Valerie Grey. The team has trouble trusting her at first but eventually they become close friends. I imagine that she took some odd jobs after high school trying to support her dad and then ended up with a security job she enjoyed. Once Ellie started traveling Danny hired her to act as Ellie's bodyguard because she's the only person he could trust keep Ellie safe. Whenever she's back in Amity she meets up with Danny and Tucker to have geek out sessions where they create ridiculous technology while not sleeping for 3 days.

Wes - became part of Team Phantom after Val but before the release of Pariah Dark. Became an investigative journalist so he travels a lot - this and his tendency to hyper fixate on his articles means that he's horrible at keeping in touch with people. He's closest with Valerie (she was the first one to properly accept him onto the team) and Ellie (they meet up whenever they are in same city and compare notes about rich people - Wes tells her which CEO's he thinks are doing shady shit and she tells him which rich people gave her bad vibes or are assholes).

[studyblr-perhaps]

08/07/24 || Monday

I have finally understood why my (surgeon) dad's gallery used to be filled with random pictures of cut open stomachs. My gallery is now filled with just coatings after coatings on aluminium. Once the research starts, it genuinely gets so exciting. I love the work here and I finally, truly, believe I have chosen the correct career path.