#and that those fucked up values are not a result of a lack danger but the opposite. the *inevitability* of death

[lgbtlunaverse]

I feel like too often people frame Nie Mingjue's issues as ignorance borne from safety. Like, they think that because of his privilege as a sect leader he doesn't know what it's like to be in danger and forced to make hard choices to survive. And I disagree. Strongly.

First of all, Nie Mingjue is very familiar with death not only from war but from. You know. Actively dying since the age of fourteen. Let us not forget Nie Mingjue is dead! Super dead! And maybe he didn't die the exact way he expected to but he did, absolutely, know he was going to die. To act like Nie Mingjue is unfamiliar with the scenario of "do something you find morally reprehensible or die" is to ignore that he has been living that exact scenario and chose death.

Nie Mingjue knows death is a risk for someone like Jin guangyao, in fact he explicitly acknowledges it even in his worst moments like the stairs in chapter 49. Had his issue been ignorance, then he would've responded to Jin Guangyao saying that he's in danger and has to sacrifice others for his own safety with "No you aren't you'll be fine." But he doesn't. He accepts the fact that jgy is in danger with no qualms and says: then you should die.

That's not him betraying his values, those are his values. He is, essentially, pro-suicide. Jgy is like hey I have a moral dilemma what should I do and nmj straight up goes "Kill yourself" and earlier that same chapter when he was faced with a moral dilemma he went "I'm gonna kill myself." He believes the solution to moral dilemmas is suicide! He is extremely consistent about this! When it's pointed out to him that it would have been dangerous for Wen Qing to oppose Wen Ruohan it doesn't phase him because he thinks putting yourself at risk to do the right thing is the only moral choice. The idea that he can only hold this belief because he is himself somehow not in danger, again, requires you to ignore that he is dying the whole time. And it doesn't deter him. He is the idea of self-sacrifice as a moral good taken to its absolute logical extreme. Someone who is ready to die and demands the same from everyone else.

It makes him a very fun case study for fandom, because a lot of fandom spaces also tend to revere self-sacrifice as the ultimate good, and yet we get very uncomfortable when someone starts demanding it of characters we love. Like woah, hold on, that's a bit too far isn't it? Only we the audience get to do that!

[n0phis]

sometimes you have to remind yourself just how egregious google has become. the entire climate of the internet. ai is a plague, those peddling it are preying on the lack of internet and media literacy of so many people. perpetuating it!

out of sheer cynical curiosity i followed the citation listed.

THIS is what the ai drew from. it's that fucking easy to twist the information into something sensationalized and incorrect. we all know it but please let it sink in that it is THAT fucking easy. the most well known search engine on this planet promotes this at the top of their search results with no more than a tiny acknowledgement that it's ai- which won't help anyone who doesn't have a solid grasp of WHAT the flaws of ai are in the first place.

teach your family members media literacy as much as you can. look for references, do your research- this extends beyond ai. no, that twitter post should not be taken at face value either

this post is brought to you by finally being able to illustrate the dangers of ai to *one* of my family members using that result. to so many people, the idea of such a ubiquitous source of infomation being intentionally misleading is absurd. obviously that's made up, google wouldnt LIE! but it isn't, and it's everywhere! not just google !!!! man we all fucking know this but good lord it shouldn't feel this normal!!!!!!!! people have become reliant on a handful of wells of information and in one fell swoop they've all been poisoned. pitching the clean puddles to everyone is HARD but we have to do it because this shit is ruining everything

[kanchelsis]

⚠️ ATTENTION UK COMRADES ⚠️

never in my life did i think i would be making a post like this but here goes.

what's happening in the university of brighton?

during the past week, the university of brighton has announced 110 staff redundancies in a bid to save almost £18m.

meanwhile, senior management have recently shelled out an almost identical sum of money to buy out the lease of a sports facility on campus - a decision which nobody asked for or wanted.

these redundancies will be finalised at the end of june and will have a catastrophic impact on learning conditions, which rely on the expertise of our lecturers. though the ripples of this decision will be felt throughout the university, it explicitly and disproportionately targets 'non-profitable' degrees such as humanities, arts, social sciences, etc.

for the staff made redundant, it could mean the end of their academic career due to a surplus of unemployed academics as a result of sector-wide lack of funding for teaching and research. this is also happening during a cost of living crisis.

lecturers on work visas could be forced to leave the country and may not be able to support their families. those who aren't made redundant will suffer from increased workload, larger class sizes, inability to conduct research and more students per member of staff.

the university of brighton offers a fantastic range of unique, interdisciplinary courses in the heart of the uk's queer capital, allowing our vibrant student community to benefit from intimate seminars that immensely benefit our learning. with some of our departments being cut by more than half, the loss of these will be absolutely devastating.

in the e-mail the student body were sent, we were told the redundancies 'wouldn't affect us', with zero acknowledgement of the relationship students build with their lecturers.

this is an attack on the job security and dignity of our valued body of educational staff. the vice chancellor, who takes home around £250,000 a year, said she 'needs to pay the gas bill'. we say human beings over buildings.

the student body cannot allow this. this sets a dangerous precedent for workers all over the country.

so what can we do to help?

let them know that this not okay. voice your concerns to the vice chancellor debra humphris, who can be contacted at d.humphris@brighton.ac.uk

spread information. tell your friends. kick up a fuss. stand in solidarity with staff and students. contact your local representatives and encourage them to offer support. jeremy corbyn has already given his!!

consider following @ uobsolidarity on instagram to stay updated.

here is a petition you can sign and some relevant news articles. here's how to find your mp.

SOLIDARITY FOREVER. FUCK GREED. PLEASE BOOST!!!

[cosmicjoke]

How do you think Levi handled Eren being a “villian”? I think he always knew he couldn’t fully trust him but he put his faith in him and knowing Levi he seemingly cared about him as well.

I don't think Levi ever fully trusted Eren, either, though not because he ever suspected Eren might do what he did. There was no way for anyone to ever predict that, because Eren himself didn't even realize what he was going to do until he saw the future, and even then, he was in denial about it for a long time.

I think Levi's lack of trust in Eren had more to do with Eren's uncontrollable will-power and the way Levi rightly perceived in him someone who wouldn't and couldn't be controlled once he set his mind to doing something. He saw right away that Eren wasn't someone who could be persuaded one way or another against what he wanted, and that can be dangerous. And he also saw Eren was prone to go off half-cocked into situations without using his head and, by doing so, get others into trouble. That's always been Eren's biggest problem, of course, is that he doesn't think about other people. He's as selfish as it gets, and does what he wants without realizing or caring when he's leaving others behind or in a bad position.

Levi had no choice but to trust Eren, because he was their only, real hope in their fight against the Titans, and then, after they discovered the truth of humanity's existence beyond the walls, and their hostility toward the island, that became even more true. And as wary as Levi was of Eren's willful nature, he also believed fully that Eren wanted to protect humanity and fight for the cause of the Survey Corps. Eren's willful nature might have been potentially dangerous, but Levi believed, along with everyone else, that Eren's will was to help protect people and the island.

We see that Levi wasn't expecting Eren to become a villain at all from his reaction to him on the airship, after the raid on Liberio. Levi is shocked and disgusted that Eren would do something like this, would murder innocent people and start a war, that he would betray all of their trust and drag them into a conflict which endangered countless lives. I don't think Levi saw Eren as a bad person up until that moment. He saw him as someone who had the potential to be dangerous and out of control, someone with a monstrous will, but he didn't see the potential for cruelty and true ugliness in Eren until that moment in Liberio.

I think Levi was horrifically disappointed and devastated, to be honest. Particularly, I think what upset Levi so much about how things turned out with Eren, is that so many of them, so many of his comrades, died for Eren's sake, because they believed he was necessary to humanity's survival and salvation. Levi himself prioritized Eren's life for that reason. Because he believed Eren was necessary to humanity's victory, and thus, keeping Eren alive would make the sacrifices of his other comrades meaningful. They would have given their lives for something that would, ultimately, result in a better existence for people. That was the hope, anyway. But Eren of course completely betrayed all of that, and instead of helping to realize the collective dream of the Survey Corps, he spit on it and destroyed it by decimating the world. We see that what bothers Levi most of all about all of this is the thought that all of those people that gave their lives to protect Eren's did so for nothing. They died for nothing. And as I've stated again and again, nothing upsets Levi more, or feels more wrong to Levi, then people dying for nothing and without purpose or meaning. Levi values life too much, and sees life as too precious, to be able to reconcile the reality of people losing those lives for no reason. Eren, with his betrayal, rendered all those lost lives meaningless, and that really fucked Levi's head up.

And of course, Levi definitely cared about Eren, too, the way he cares about all of his comrades. I'm sure he was heartbroken at what Eren turned out to be, and he certainly didn't want to believe it, even as I think he accepted it as 100% possible. When he tells his soldiers in the forest that he's going to feed Zeke to one of the Yeagerists, instead of Eren, it's because, in that moment, with his limited knowledge, Levi knows the safer bet for them is choosing to trust someone they know in Eren versus trusting someone they know is a known liar in Zeke, who they know has been manipulating them from the start. Levi is caught between a rock and a hard place in this situation. It's not that he isn't willing to entertain or believe the possibility that Eren truly has gone rogue and turned bad, but he at least knows Eren and has experience working with him, whereas Zeke has done nothing but prove himself to be completely untrustworthy. Levi says he doesn't know if Eren is being manipulated by Zeke or not, but he'll choose the devil he knows versus the devil he doesn't, with the two of them being his only options at that point. But I think Levi had pretty much already accepted at that point that Eren was a lost cause, and would have been willing to put him down if he'd ever gotten the chance. I think if Levi had made it to the capital and seen what was happening, with the Yeagerists busting Eren out of prison and Eren trying to make it to Zeke, Levi would have cut Eren down before he ever would have gotten the chance.

[skeleton-mischief]

Lunar Serrif

He hasn't felt like the great Papyrus in a long time, not since the great starvation. Horrortale Papyrus deserves better and ourgh what I'd give to make sure he gets it

- Official height is 6'11

- He/Him

- His magic was altered when he started to starve, up until he unknowingly ate human flesh. He grew stronger, and is physically the strongest Papyrus as a result

- Loves flower language

- He has stretched out and thinner bones from unstable magic and starvation

- He has quick reflexes due to his time underground, but unlike Saint this is a constant state that he is in

- Has a dangerous temper, though he's improved since he's reached the surface

- Is sometimes too blunt to the point that he has little to no filter since he finds lying to be pointless

- He is an amazing cook, but overtime he's grown to bake instead since it lacks meat

- He is more weary about giving second chances and trusting others

- He worries about his brother constantly, though there is an undertone of bitterness when he thinks about him. He loves his brother, of course he does, but there are some things he hates when it comes to what Saint does

- He hates being the center of attention after his trauma nowadays, and prefers to shrink in on himself

- Good friends with Pitch and the others, but is especially close with him in private

- He is working to heal from the anger and trauma Saint unintentionally caused, their relationship is strained

- Will use violence if necessary, but doesn't like it

- kind, reserved, honest, idealistic but weary, loyal, self conscious, empathetic, open minded, compassionate, protective, cynical, observant, and patient

- Overall, he prefers cats

- Would be interested in gardening

- Does not curse often but will

- Yellowed bone, ash tinted due to starvation

- A huge romantic, but he doesn't focus on it anymore

- He doesn't say anything, but he feels inferior when around Cyperus

- He craves companionship in small portions, he doesn't value large crowds of friends anymore. This is especially true because he knows that he'd just be more lonely

- He has a scary amount of knowledge about others because he makes sure to remember everything. He has the best memory out of all Papyri except Cash and Rus, but even then what Lunar remembers is especially acute to even the most simple of things

- fucking terrifying when he's fighting, he's cold and calculated without so much as flinching. However, he doesn't like this side of him

- Will dissect people psychologically

- Talks to himself out of loneliness sometimes, a habit from the underground

- Cries quietly, but sniffles a lot and hides

- Would call his lover sugar

- Being part of the royal guard became a painful necessity when underground, it protected him and his brother

- He helped other monsters underground when no one else did, even if that did mean that he had to get hurt sometimes

- Hates the sensation of mud due to the texture reminding him of blood

- Like Cyperus, he's hyper aware of his strength but now he's extra careful when handling things

- He practices gentleness with gardening

- He has more sensitive teeth than he'd like to admit, especially since he had to tolerate it before. He is skilled at making something moist and soft such as baked goods and meat

- His favorite passtime is puzzles, so he'll do things such as word puzzles when he's above surface

- He's reluctant to be physically affectionate, especially nowadays. So, if he lifts you up, you can expect it to be the exact amount of delicacy that's needed

- Physically, he is the strongest Papyrus and he's been considered especially dangerous because he doesn't need to use his magic often

-Others being sincere about wanting to be close with him is a rarity, so he'll be taken aback. Nonetheless, he values it to the point he'd do anything for those he cares about. Anything

- Has a bald cat named June who has a missing leg

- He is pained to admit that he doesn't see Undyne as his friend anymore, that she's someone else. He is even afraid of her.

-Because he's had to lie so much when Underground, he can diffuse a situation and know exactly what to say to avoid conflict

- He is not intimidated by the other Papyri, but there are some things he envies from them

- Magic smells like caramel, magic tastes like peach

[shallowseeker]

I think it was you had this meta about how dean as when he's a leader has to be like a doctor that does surgery on his own family. This image stuck with me! I looked but tumblr won't let me find it. Was this yours? Do you know it off the top of your head?

I think you're talking about this? TFW are fascinating disaster parents and I dig it. There's a snippet at the end that compares Dean to a doctor operating on family.

///////

SNIPPET:

Dean craves safety and being protected, but that’s somewhat incompatible with protecting everyone

Dean never got to be valued and protected growing up, so he secretly craves that. But Sam is correct in his psycho-analysis. Dean’s neurosis is wanting to protect everyone, and this is often fundamentally, violently incompatible with letting your family fight alongside you.

All things considered, Dean rarely resorts to going lone wolf, like with the Mark of Cain. Despite his discomfort, he tries to marshal everyone under one roof, and that often results in a degree of my-way-or-the-highway type rigidity as a means of neurotically trying to keep everyone safe.

In fact, Cas often avoids this dilemma altogether by going lone wolf. (They all do this on occasion, but Cas's background as a soldier is especially tired to this. Mary, as a child soldier, has this issue, too. Jack has the same issue in AU earth when he tries to run away to confront Michael on his own.)

................ When the fights get too BIG (as they often do in Supernatural), Dean cannot ensure the safety of his loved ones, and he freaks the fuck out. When Dean can neither protect nor stop family/comrades from going into danger, you get these coping mechanisms:

Benching the player: “Wait, you might get hurt, so I’m gonna say that I don’t trust you to be in that fight at all so maybe you won't!" Sometimes, this need to kick people to the bench comes out as a barb: “You’re an incompetent baby who does stupid things. Baby in a trenchcoat. You’re an idiot. To Jack: You’re 98 pounds soaking wet.” etc etc.

Fatalism: “I’m powerless / this whole fight is meaningless / there’s nothing we can do / we have no choice.” All members of TFW slip into this in different ways. Giving up is a natural part of SPN, something that each family member goes through depending on the psychological wound of the moment.

Denial: Other times, Dean downplays the danger, which can result in meanness and occasionally a lack of support/neglect.

With regards to Cas, we see an even more colorful option deployed and one of my all-time favorites: goading him into being stronger. It's a barbed version of, “You can do it, Cas!”

SAM: Tell me again why you don’t just grab Adam and shazam the Hell out of there. CAS: Because there are at least five angels in there. DEAN: So? You’re fast. CAS: They’re faster. (CAS takes off his tie and wraps it around his palm. Dean looks on worriedly. ///Aside: Hilariously, two seconds later Dean is like WAIT YOU'RE GONNA TAKE ON FIVE ANGELS? :((((( )

Cas doesn't fit in his pre-conceived notions of anything

In early days, Dean is incredibly spun out and confused by Cas, who he wants to be protected by and protect. In the beginning, in season 4, he’s still wanting to think of Cas as invincible.

Post-Cas’s first death, Dean tries to pin him down as brother, and at times he even infantilizes Cas as he evolves into needing to protect him. 

But bottom line, he just can’t make Cas FIT. He’s a comrade, but there are extra layers to their relationship that get confusing real fast. We get these Dean coping mechanisms in seasons 5-6 alone!

(A) Goad him into being more powerful and better so he’s safe

(B) insult him to underscore that he’s in danger and maybe shouldn’t be fighting at all

© go full denial and pretend the situation isn’t that serious blah-blah Raphael

I think in season 8, Dean figures out what those extra layers are, and in season 9, they deal with rejecting each other by accident, and in season 10, they’re respectively dealing with their past traumas and baggage. Then, in seasons 11-12, they’re grappling with the whole embarrassing and terrifying fiasco of wanting to commit to each other.

But to my point about cosmic family members, there’s this simmering tension concerning the danger of celestial power running throughout. A feeling of:

“Dude you’re kinda scary and I instinctually know this because I’m a seasoned hunter. But I’m gonna keep ignoring that gut instinct because reasons.”

And confusingly, there’s also this feeling:

“I can’t really protect myself from you, since you’re stronger than me. And I’m not strong enough to protect you from your enemies… or stop you from leaving.

See this quote from season 8:

CAS: See, it wasn’t that I was weak. I was stronger than you. I pulled away. Nothing you could have done would have saved me, because I didn’t want to be saved. DEAN (distraught): What the Hell are you talking about?

Dean was SO upset that Cas let go. That he didn’t even try. (Dean and Cas often give up, but they become unhinged if the other partner gives up.) For someone like Dean, whose instinct is to squirrel away his family in a protective underground bunker? That’s a tension that feels devastating.

///

As a main character/battle commander, Dean knows that tactically, Jack and Cas will take on big, scary responsibilities by virtue of being, as season 15’s Belphegor so eloquently puts it, “the muscle.”

…and this is in direct conflict with Dean’s baseline need to protect everyone.

He doesn’t want to gamble with them at all. (See season 12's "We gambled with Cas, and now Amara's got him!") He wants to say, “you’re more than a weapon,” (13x14 Good Intentions script) and Cas wants to tell him, “in times of peace, I can be.”

DEAN: Cas, you’re more than a weapon– CAS: In times of peace I can be, but if (war) is coming…

....

TFW and the burden of leading

This, at times, makes Dean a rigid, unhinged leader. That’s because he’s too often sending his own fam into battle. And who wouldn’t be unhinged about that? There’s a reason we don’t operate on our own family members in a medical setting, for example.

When Dean is a leader, he can be like a dog with rabies foaming at the mouth, backed into a corner. It’s the worst.

Sam, on the other hand, fares pretty well as a leader, because he values independence so highly, and that kinda works for him. (He’s pragmatic and he dissociates very effectively.)

[aemiron-main]

reposting one of my mike analyses

ok so this post/writeup/reblog of mine is tied to a reblog by @laozuspo that can be found here & references quotes from it but i’m also putting it here in its own post because of all the recent discussion of mike’s mental health.  You can also find the google doc version of this here and I’m going to put the full post below the cut as well. This post centers around Mike’s mental health, his suicidality, the quarry, and the way that fans and in-show characters perceive mike through the lens of other people/characters instead of seeing him through his own lens & compare him to other people instead of comparing him to himself & how this results in people either accidentally ignoring or intentionally ignoring and dismissing his struggle and how some people are falling hook, line and sinker for the exact lessons about silent suffering, invisible queerness (gay men specifcially especially), and confronting one’s own personal biases and worldview that the duffers are trying to setup via mike’s character. so much of mike’s character is directed towards people who don’t see themselves as outwardly bigoted/judgemental/biased but still have those biases (as we all do) and people almost like ted, whose ‘neutrality’ and ignorance results in suffering much in the same way active hatred/bigotry does and the notion of being queer in the ‘right way,’ or suffering mentally in the ‘right way’. 

(the italicized/blockquoted sections are quotes from a reblog by @laozuspo that can be found here) 

 SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP YOURE SO RIGHT WITH ALL OF THIS!!!!! SO TRUE SO CORRECT AS ALWAYS!!! i have so fucking much to say about all of this so buckle up because i have had some Realizations including more about the quarry.



Literally, Mike's behaviour to the shootout is so tied to this pattern of behaviour that we've already seen with Mike. Something that interests me that I noticed about the shootout is not only do we have Mike defending Will, but Mike is also leaning pretty far out from the wall to the point where Jonathan has to pull him  back in. He's not just defending Will, he's also putting himself in a position where it's easier to get killed, and he may not even be doing this intentionally, it just may be that his own safety isn't even a thought for him, he's not even considering it.

"no mentally healthy child does that. no one who values their own life highly does that. there are other ways to protect your friend that don’t involve putting yourself in mortal danger.



he doesn’t care, though. he didn’t look for other ways, he just places himself in shielding positions over and over again even as the house is literally being ripped apart by bullets. he jumps in front of Will, hangs back so he can be the one behind Will/let Will run first, etc.



it could be argued that “he just loves Will that much, it has nothing to do with his own mental state and perception of his self worth”, but knowing what we know about him, his mental health, and the value he places on his life…unlikely."

YEP YEP YEP YEP THANK YOU!!!!!! HE DOESNT LOOK FOR OTHER WAYS HE USES HIMSELF TO SHIELD WILL, LETS WILL GO FIRST, AND LITERALLY ALSO JUST FORGETS/DOESNT CONSIDER TO PROTECT HIMSELF AT ALL. and if it was just about his love for will imo, we wouldn't have seen the way that he leans out past the wall and jonathan has to pull him back in. he didn't need to do that in order to protect will. it doesnt make any sense when just viewed through the lens of protecting will because mike leaning out like that did literally nothing for wills protection. what it is, is it's the result of mike's lack of consideration for himself and his own life and wellbeing.

 "people are always like “wahh we want s1/2 mike back”, but we see Mike displaying the same behavior here that he has across all seasons." 

 SO FUCKING TRUE AND I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT MIKES INVISIBILITY AND HOW BOTH FANS AND IN-CANON CHARACTERS ARE IGNORING MIKES BEHAVIOUR BECAUSE IT ISNT SOMETHING LIKE THE CLIFF ANYMORE!! like just because he's not stepping of a cliff right not doesn't mean that his issues magically disappeared?? like what i'm saying is that mike has set a suicidality bar so high with his behaviour that then when people feel that he's not meeting that bar, not walking off of cliffs anymore, that he must be fine or not suicidal. people want s1/s2 mike back because his actions and motivations were more obvious, his struggles aligned more with their preconceived, biased notions about suicidality and mental health,  s1 and s2 mike is easier to see through a Will Lens or a Dustin Lens or an El Lens or a "My Own Experiences As A Person Lens" instead of a MIKE LENS because god forbid they have to consider subtext instead of choosing to ignore it even when people point it out. its one thing to miss subtext i do that constantly 24/7. its another to willfully ignore it and not even provide a counterargument when people point it out. 

  and going back quickly to s1/s2 mike and how his behaviour aligns more with peoples' preconceived notions about suicidality than s3 and s4 mike's does, mike's actions in s1/s2 align more with that 'romanticized' view of suicidality, the literal dramatic 'stepping off of a cliff to save his friend but also because he has such little regard for himself' and that WORKS to have the effect that the duffers want, that 'romanticized' approach to it WORKS. it's fucking painful and evokes emotions in the way that 'romanticized' versions of things often do. but as soon as they shift away from that romanticization, people stop believing that it's there. just like mike's sexuality, as soon as it's shifted away from being able to be seen through an external lens, as soon as it has to be viewed through a Mike Lens, people start dismissing it. just like how canon characters dismiss mike. People are falling hook line and sinker for what the duffers have set up here and hell i dont blame them because it's a brilliant setup that forces people to confront their own biased notions about suicidality and mental health and internalized homophobia and sexuality as a whole. it's the epitome of 'people who are drowning don't look like they're drowning.' people are so focused on how will is splashing in the water, they see him and his attempts to keep himself afloat, they see his splashing and his struggle and mistake it for drowning. and while it IS  a struggle, while hes not OUT of the water, he IS staying afloat. but then they overlook mike entirely, because he’s not splashing! They don’t see his struggle in the same way that they see will’s struggle: but that lack of splashing SHOULD be what they’re looking for. They’re looking for the splashing to indicate drowning but they SHOULD be looking for the lack of it, because the splashing means that somebody is still keeping themselves up, still fighting, hasn’t drowned yet. And so people pay attention to mike when he splashes, when he walks off of a cliff, but they STOP paying attention to him once the splashing stops, once he’s ACTUALLY fucking drowning. Like again going back to seeing things  and mike’s experiences from an external lens vs a mike lens, when it comes to the drowning analogy, from mike’s pov/lens, when he’s splashing in the water, he’s safer, he’s less likely to drown, he’s STRUGGLING but the struggle is GOOD because it means he’s still alive, he hasn’t drowned, whereas when he stops struggling, from his pov, it’s hopeless and he’s drowning and dying.  JUST like how hopper said to remember the hurt, because the hurt is good, because it means you’re out of that cave. Will is out of the cave/goes in and out of it but always comes out because people around him help pull him out. And as a result, more people SEE WILL and SEE his struggle because they see him out of the cave and going in and out. People don’t see mike’s struggle as much because he’s still IN THE CAVE MORE THAN WILL IS THEY CANT SEE HIM BECAUSE HES IN THE FUCKING CAVE. and the cave is like the closet, too! Will is out of the closet in the sense that he’s out to himself, has admitted his sexuality to himself, and so when we get his pov, he’s out of the closet, he’s out of the cave, his head is above water. Sure, he’s splashing! That closet door is still open, he could go back in! He could go back into the cave. But he doesn’t, and it’s reflected in his POV and how his struggles, his splashing are more obvious to the audience, how his sexuality is more obvious because he’s out to himself, his pain and IH is more obvious because he’s ACCEPTING IT more and ADDRESSING that pain. Mike on the other hand? Mike comes out and goes back in and this is reflected in his pov. Mike comes out of the cave, out of the closet to himself more in early s4, with hellfire and that whole section of the show, but then he goes back into the closet, literally goes IN THE CLOSET AT RINK O MANIA, he goes back into that cave. And so people assume his struggle is over/doesn't exist/is less than Will’s because we aren’t seeing the splashing, we aren’t seeing Mike, we don’t see him out of the closet or out of the cave. 

 But the thing is, the lack of splashing is what indicates his struggle, that he’s losing the fight, we can’t see him or his sexuality as clear anymore because it’s his pov and he’s in the closet to HIMSELF, not admitting it to HIMSELF. We can’t see him because he went BACK IN THE CAVE, not because he just wandered far away from it and out of our view and getting away from his pain scott-free. People say that they don’t see Mike’s struggle and use that as evidence as to why it doesn’t exist. Setting aside the fact that we DO see it sometimes, we DO see him splashing in the same way that Will does, the thing is, the fact that we don’t see the struggle or the splashing, those moments where we don’t see it should actually be the BIGGEST indicator that it exists. The lack of splashing means he’s fucking drowning, not that he just magically rose out of the water and walked away. like some sort of pseudo-jesus. Just like how Ted is the epitome of the bystander effect, the epitome of ‘’welp! The splashing stopped, the rebellion stopped, the outbursts stopped, so Mike must be fine,” and how that’s affected Mike and resulted in him feeling like he might as well not fight because he splashes and splashes and fights and fights and people like Ted and the audience start to notice but as soon as Mike starts losing energy to fight, as soon as the REAL danger sets in, people stop noticing. But Will doesn’t stop noticing, at least not permanently, which is a whole other fucking topic I need to talk about at some point. Like that’s another fascinating thing about the rink o mania fight and how it ties into mike’s mental health AND sexuality and IH: will isn’t upset because mike said some mean thing to him over the phone over the last few months. Will isn’t upset because he got hit with ‘its not my fault you dont like girls 2.0’. Will is upset because Mike didn’t talk to him. He’s initially upset because Mike stopped splashing and so Will initially assumes, like Ted assumes, like other people assume, that Mike is fine. But throughout s4, we see Will realizing that Mike ISN’T fine, that Will was WRONG and that the lack of splashing is WHAT indicated how much Mike was hurting. We see Will realize that Mike tried to call him, tried splashing, but nobody saw him, that Will didn’t see him or realize that Mike had tried calling, that Mike was drowning. Will didn’t realize until rink o mania that maybe HE should have picked up the fucking phone and called instead of assuming that the silence mean that Mike was fine and didn’t want to talk to Will, Will realizes that he was looking for the splashing but instead should have been looking for the stillness!! Will realizes that he himself is out here splashing and struggling but that he’s still staying afloat, still had hope for his relationship with Mike, still made the painting. Will realizes that Mike stopped splashing, went silent, because he lost all hope for his relationship with Will, just like how Mike acts weird at the airport because he’s stopped splashing, he’s stopped trying. We see Will noticing this!! 

 Whether you believe that Mike has an ED or not, it is 100% canon that we see Will staring at Mike’s plate repeatedly during food scenes, and not just a single side glance in a big shot, but a focused stare in an intimate, close shot like the s4 breakfast scene. We see Will’s expression when Nancy mentions Mike’s bedroom at the end of S4. He looks CONCERNED, not amused. We see how Will gives Mike a speech and a painting to try and make Mike feel better right after Mike starts talking self-deprecatingly about himself. We see Will try and take the blame during the bedroom apology, say that ‘he deserved it,’ BECAUSE Will is coming to realizations about Mike’s actions and why Mike’s acting the way that he does. Will didn’t actually deserve it, but he does feel like he did because now that he’s seeing that Mike DID try and reach out and that Mike felt like their relationship was beyond saving and was devastated by this, now that he’s seeing that Mike IS drowning, Will feels like he deserved what happened at rink o mania, because he was operating under biased assumptions about Mike and not seeing Mike through a Mike Lens. But now, Will is seeing Mike through a Mike lens, at least way more than he was before, so why can’t people on here?? If WILL HIMSELF can get past his own experiences and biases and see Mike through his own lens and not a Will Lens, why can’t other people? Oh right, because unlike many other people, Will is willing to let go of his preconceived conclusions about Mike’s behaviour and character and sexuality, whereas many other people analyzing Mike would rather draw conclusions first and then analyze around that conclusion. Hell, Will still struggles with seeing Mike through a biased lens, which is why he codes his confession as being from El, because he’s not quite seeing through the full Mike lens, he’s not aware of Mike’s feelings for him and thinks that the painting/speech being from El is what will make Mike happiest. But even though Will is still struggling with seeing through the Mike Lens, he is trying SO FUCKING HARD to see through it. And don’t even get me started on how this ties into the themes of ‘normalcy’ in ST and how it ties into Henry and your posts about him and how he’s the ‘big bad’ and not the mindflayer and how the people who seem ‘normal’ are the ones that we should be watching out for the most in terms of being dangerous predators, but also how the people who seem ‘normal,’ who are trying to seem ‘normal,’ like Mike are the ones who we should be watching out the most for in regards to suicidality. Everyone thinks Mike is ‘normal’ because they’re comparing him to OTHER PEOPLE, seeing him through EXTERNAL LENSES, esp in s3 and s4. But when you compare Mike to HIMSELF, when you use the MIKE LENS, it’s OBVIOUS THAT HE’S NOT NORMAL!! Like if the s4 airport scene was our first introduction to Mike? If we were a bystander witnessing it? We would think he was ‘normal’ for the most part, we wouldn’t be able to draw conclusions about his feelings and sexuality and internal struggle from it- and that’s the flaw of seeing Mike through an external lens, because it compares Mike to other people and makes him seem ‘normal’ and erases his struggle with both his sexuality and his mental health, whereas Mike HAS to be seen through a MIKE LENS, an internal lens, compared to HIMSELF, you have to compare hellfire Mike to Lenora Mike to see the differences!! You can’t just compare Lenora Mike to Lenora Will!!

S4 especially is forcing people to see mike through the mike lens and  yet they still try to resist it. im gonna talk about it more later but this ties into mike's behaviour in s3 and s4 and being an 'asshole' and how people are so quick to write him off the moment that the show tries to make them see him and his struggles through a MIKE LENS rather than any other fucking lens. like part of the genius of mike's character and how hes written and portrayed is that he lends himself easily to being viewed through other characters' lenses and experiences BECAUSE HE values himself and views himself relative to other people and relative to his value towards them and because we're shown less of his internal struggle that will for example. but you have to look past that. you have to look through the mike lens. (when i say 'you' i mean a general 'you,' not you specifically tumblr user laozuspo because i KNOW you see through the mike lens 100%.

  Like people were shocked when Mike walked off the cliff but then continue to ignore the very behaviour and patterns and thought process that lead him to walk off of that cliff. they're surprised because they keep ignoring it. just like how a lot of people are going to be surprised in s5 when mike is shown to still struggle with these issues- they're going to be surprised by the outcome because they've been ignoring the signs and symptoms this entire time.

  And i need to make another post abt this at some point but i feel strongly that the 'invisibility' of mike's struggle in  s3 and s4 (even though it's not actually invisible it's just not being literally point blank stated to our faces) is intentional because it's meant to demonstrate how people ignore his struggle until he's at his breaking point and then act surprised when he lashes out or steps off of a cliff. it's meant to demonstrate how people ignore the signs of suicidality, even when theyre SO OBVIOUS, because the signs dont fit their preconceived notions of what a suicidal person is like.

   And this goes back to my other post about people viewing mike's sexuality through a Will Lens: they do the same with his mental health and suicidality. mike is less able to cope with that suicidality than will. because mike is invisible. he doesnt have that family support. people in-canon (nancy making jokes about the state of mike's room whereas will looks concerned about it, mikes family ignoring his obvious lack of appetite/food issues whereas we see will staring at mike's plate repeatedly with concern and dont even get me started on how mike was the one to make the 'real food' comment to el back in s1 and how 'real food' was tied to family and happiness for el via mike's comments but now we only see evidence of poptarts and cereal in the basement and literally NEVER see him eat 'real food' of his own volition etc) ignore the signs of his failing mental health, and people in the fandom watching the show do too.

  Hell, i think that people around Will, his family, have likely worried that will would be suicidal at some point in his life because of all the shit he's experienced even going as far back as lonnie, and so while i don't think that they had a 'hey Will dont kill yourself' talk point blank, i DO think that people like joyce and jonathan made it clear that they're there to support will and that he can talk to them.

  (like the 'i feel like a mistake' speech is directly connected to the scene with jonathan and while YES it is a 'coming out' scene for will, it's also a 'jonathan letting will know that he's there for will and not wanting will to feel like a mistake for ANY REASON' scene, it's BOTH)

  "imo Mike is clearly openly depressed in s4. The state of his room, the lack of eating, the dark circles under his eyes, the excerpt from Lucas on the Line…not a pretty picture."

 YEP!!! GOD I NEED TO MAKE A BIG POST ABOUT HIS MENTAL HEALTH BECAUSE YEP!! like imo its unlikely that the dark circles are an accident like sure people like finn and myself and other people can just have them naturally but if the makeup dept didn't want to show them, they would have covered them up?? and not emphasized them the way they seem to?? and they wouldn't have lit him in a way that emphasizes them for mike but doesnt emphasize them for will or any other characters in so many scenes??

  and god i need to make my full post abt mike's lack of eating because the fact that we see apple jacks/poptarts, things that are similar to eggos and therefore are deemed not 'real food' by mike and the 'real food' conversation between mike and el in s1 and what that represents for mike and how imo a fair few of his eating issues stem from his family especially considering the tension and fighting that we often see at the wheeler table and how we often see mike just picking at his food in those scenes and how we also see him turning to not 'real food' (doritos etc) in season 3 when he's stressed/upset and we don't see him eating 'real food'  (no shame over anyones food choices im just picking up on patterns of mikes behaviour w food and how 'real food' is defined in the context of the show).

 

"He’s been prone to suicidality since s1, when we realize that to him, his life has very little value, and he was willing to throw it away. He knew the rocks were there, he just didn’t care, especially in the wake of Will’s death." 

  YEP!! THANK YOU!! and oh my god i have so much to say about how mike cares about other people and centers his own life and value around others and his ability to help for others and care for others so when that 'fails' (when el leaves in s1 and when he thinks hes lost will forever) his perception of his own value is literally reduced to zero. ffs the cliff was even more tempting to him when considered through this lens because not only did he feel like he failed will and el and therefore had no purpose/value, but he was also able to HELP DUSTIN by stepping off.

  He gets hit by both sides because his lack of feeling useful/helpful to others makes him want to step off AND stepping off will make him useful/helpful to others?? the cliff was literally a carrot being dangled in front of mike's face. the cliff wasn't a challenge for mike so much as it was a literal dangling 'help others and punish yourself for failing to help others AND for actively hurting someone like el' carrot in front of mike's face. he barely had to be verbally pushed to do it. dustin was begging him NOT TO. hell I think part of the only fucking reason he hesitated at all was because dustin was begging him not to and again dustin is another person that mike doesnt want to hurt or disappoint either but then mike imo ends up weighing dustins hurt of seeing mike jump vs dustin's hurt of losing his baby teeth and deems the hurt of losing mike as a lesser pain for dustin to bear.

   Mike literally, canonically, in the show, values himself less than dustin's baby teeth, thinks that the pain of losing mike and watching mike kill himself is less painful than losing some baby teeth, because mike struggles to conceptualize of himself having value, of his loss hurting someone, he see himself as so insignificant that he thinks that his death is something that dustin could more easily get over than the loss of his baby teeth. like literally i cannot get over the fact that the reason that mike hesitated was likely only/99% because DUSTIN begged him not to and he didnt want to hurt dustin. the cliff and walking off of it isn't a threat or a challenge for mike. it's a fucking dangling carrot treat for that self-loathing part of his brain. the cliff and stepping off of it isn't a problem to him, it's the SOLUTION to his problems, in his mind at least.

  This is what i mean when i say that people need to see mike through his own eyes and himself and the world through mike's lens rather than seeing mike and the world and the show through will's lens or dustin's lens or any other external. because we can only understand mike and the depth of his character and mental state via his lens, by seeing things and himself the way that HE does.

  'Mike's room isn't that bad lol it doesnt look like the depressed rooms I'VE seen, it doesn't look like MY experience with depressed rooms and neither does the basement, mike isn't depressed because it doesn't meet my standards/experiences or the standards and experiences of other characters' ok well try comparing it to the previous presentations we've seen of mike's bedroom and the basement. start viewing it through MIKE'S lens. not yours. not will's. not nancy's. MIKE'S. compare how neat and tidy his bedroom was in s1. compare how  neat and tidy the basement was in s1 and s2 and how even though it did get messy in s3 that's because the basement is a reflection of his mental state and mike is struggling again in s3 especially during the scenes with will in the basement. Compare mike to HIMSELF, not to others, just like how i already talked about with hellfire mike vs lenora mike. 

  'Mike's food habits arent that bad, i just don't see him struggling with food because it doesnt align with MY experiences and preconceived notions about food issues or with other characters' experiences and therefore i dont think him struggling with food is actually a struggle/that its shown in the show'

  Don't just compare it to your experiences or other characters' experiences or your interactions with food or other characters' interactions with food: compare it with MIKE'S previous interactions with food too. Outside comparisons can totally be valuable but should not be the sole/main lens for a perceiving a character. Compare that character to THEMSELF, to previous versions of themself, previous seasons, ages, episodes, etc. Look at how Mike talks about ‘real food,’ in s1, look at how often we see him eating ‘real food’ in s1 compared to s4, look at what the dynamics are like at the wheeler table during meals in s1 vs s2 and how it becomes more tense by the end of s1 and ESPECIALLY in s2. Look at  how we didn’t GET a wheeler dinner table scene in s3 and s4, look at how we got Mike putting poptarts in a toaster in s4 but don’t even see him eat them and how that contrasts to the wheeler family breakfast back in s1 where we see them all sit there and see Mike eating eggs, and how even THEN, Nancy was making comments about Mike’s food choices and there was other tension at the table too. Look at the s3 dinner table scene at the Holloways while “american pie,” plays in the background, a song about loss of innocence and deep cultural changes and a farewell to the american dream in the grand scheme of things, sure, but ALSO a song and a SCENE that narratively creates that tie between dinner tables/nuclear family/american dream dinners like the Wheelers versus stress and tension and death. And then think long and hard about how that scene is very much a dramatized version of the Wheeler dinner table and how Heather’s dad treats Heather’s mother in a harsher way than Ted treats Karen, but the conflict between them is still there in both cases. 

  Look at how the dinner table is turned into a place of fear and anxiety and literal death after the Holloways are knocked out and kidnapped, and then look at how we see Mike in that house in a later episode, look at how Nancy seems to be the one who figured out what happened, because both of them HAVE that association with dinner tables and conflict on a subconscious level. Look at how in S3, we see Mike eating not ‘real food’ in the basement but don’t see a wheeler family dinner scene like we did in previous scenes. Look at how we don’t see those nuclear family dinner table scenes for the Byers, they rarely eat together, but in S3 we do see Will peacefully eating at the table, having breakfast, because the Byers aren’t dysfunctional in the same way as the Wheelers, Will doesn’t face that same ‘sit down at the dinner table and eat while also being emotionally neglected and dismissed about your clear mental health struggles the moment you start splashing so then you just go back to drowning while you watch your parents fight and feel like its your fault which feeds into your suicidality in terms of not wanting to  hurt other people and how your perception of your value is tied to how other people treat you and how you impact them’ that Mike does. Will is able to eat at his own schedule, but he’s also not totally alone/left to fend for himself!! And that’s all another reason why the S4 breakfast scene between Mike and Will is so interesting to me, in addition to Will clearly staring at Mike’s plate like I already talked about: because we get visual callbacks to the wheeler table! We get the fancy syrup and people sitting around a table and being expected to come down (El, who doesn’t show up, just like how Nancy doesn’t show up earlier in one of the seasons and Ted comments on it to Karen, yet another El-Nancy parallel), we get the syrup. We get the tension, the emotional tension between Will and Mike and Mike and El just like the tension at the Wheeler table. Mike is reminded of the Wheeler table in that scene and imo that’s part of why he looks SO uncomfortable and BARELY even plays with his food. Like in the Murray’s Dinner scene, it was actually a bit LESS like the wheeler table despite being more of a ‘family dinner,’ because the DYNAMIC is different, murray and joyce are different from Mike’s parents, and so, Mike is just a LITTLE bit more comfortable, he’s still deeply uncomfortable, but he’s MORE comfortable than he is at breakfast the next day! And this is reflected in his behaviour! Risotto Dinner mike still sips at his drink, plays with his food more. Breakfast Mike? Breakfast Mike doesn’t even fucking touch his drink, barely plays with his food. Will stares for a fairly long glance at Breakfast Mike’s plate.

 We DO see Will glance at Mike’s plate and stare at it for a second and look concerned during the Risotto dinner too (and imo Murray also noticed Mike’s lack of eating and I feel that his ‘I sense tension. What’s wrong? Everybody hates the risotto’ comment had a double meaning because a.) the tension is there but Murray clearly sees people eating the risotto?? He watches Will literally talk with his mouth full of risotto?? So him picking up on the tension cant just be based on that and b.) The opposite too, Murray commenting on people not eating the risotto/hating it can’t just be based on the tension. He’s noticing that Mike isn’t eating and is wondering why, if it’s because of the tension or the risotto or what). But even though the risotto dinner is a bit less like the wheeler table, just a bit, the tension is still there. Mike still directly parallels his father when making a comment about El the way that Ted makes a comment about Karen during that one ‘what did i do” dinner scene.

And this and the discussion of Mike's eating problems as a whole goes back to what I said about Mike's struggle being erased and how people want s1/s2 mike back because his actions (walking off of a cliff) align more with the stereotypical and 'romanticized' version of suicidality and dare I say, lots of people are viewing Mike’s eating issues through a romanticized lens of what eating disorders/problems are like and what they’re defined as and how they develop and present. They’re not just viewing him through an external lens, but a romanticized external lens at that. A few people wanted to accuse ME of 'romanticizing' mike's ed/food issues by pointing it out. But THOSE people are the ones with a romanticized viewpoint of EDs because they can't see Mike's because it doesn't align with that romanticized viewpoint. Take off the biased, romanticized goggles, and IMO his struggles are clear as day. 

   'mike's self isolation isn't that bad, we can't rely on what's in lucas on the line, it's not the show and in the show we see him at hellfire and smiling, right? so clearly he isn't isolating himself or struggling in the way that you guys think he is!” again quit seeing him through an external lens. Look at how Mike was previously, look at him being around his friends and social and defending them literally to the fucking DEATH versus s4 Mike struggling with a simple DND argument with Lucas and letting it pull them apart. Look at S1 Mike who clearly not only FELT deeply guilty about his fight with Lucas but also fought to resolve it. Now look at S4 mike who feels the SAME GUILT but is pulling away and isolating himself and feels almost as if Lucas is better off without him. Mike and Dustin were being dicks about DND, I’m NOT excusing their behaviour towards Lucas, but I AM trying to understand it. Explaining and understanding is not the same as excusing. Even then, during that scene, DUSTIN takes the lead more than Mike, we see Mike look to Dustin for approval during that ‘maybe I don’t want to be a freak/nerd’ scene with Lucas, And I’m gonna talk abt this more at another time/in my analysis but I also think that part of Mike’s response to that scene and why he’s more willing to withdraw and isolate from Lucas in s4 than he was in S1 is due to the fact that Hellfire works as an allegory for queerness and the clear ties between ‘freak’ and ‘fag,’ and so when Lucas starts talking about not wanting to be a ‘freak’ anymore, and not wanting Dustin or Mike to  have to be ‘freaks’ either, and then ALSO ties that to attraction to girls because he’s ‘sick of girls laughing at him,’ Mike starts panicking and isolating a bit because unlike Dustin and Lucas (to an extent because I saw some great posts about the racial connotations of ‘freak’ too and Lucas not wanting to be ostracized for who he is esp considering how much racism he’s faced in Lucas on the Line and how he can’t change his skin colour), Mike can’t change the fact that he’s a freak. Because ‘freak’ is paralleled to ‘fag’ in ST and Mike can’t change his sexuality. 

  So unlike Dustin, who doesn’t roll over as easily and takes the lead and argues with Lucas a bit more (Mike starts out the same way but once Lucas talks about not wanting to be a freak/talks about girls laughing at him, mike’s demeanour totally shifts and he gets anxious looking and quiet and starts look at dustin for reassurance/to take the lead), Mike stays quieter and resigns himself to his fear that he might lose Lucas over being a ‘freak’/queer. Because from MIKE’S POV at least Dustin can change the fact that he plays DND, at least Dustin can change whether or not he does nerdy things. He shouldn’t have to, but he CAN. Mike, on the other hand can’t change his queerness. But with that said, I have something important to say in regards to ‘Lucas, Dustin, Mike and the concept of being freaks and whether or not they can change it,’ because Lucas and Dustin CAN’T change it either, but Mike hasn’t quite clicked onto that because he’s so fixated on his own queerness and coming to terms with it and his own internalized homophobia. Mike feels like Lucas and Dustin are able to make a choice not to be ‘freaks,’ but doesn’t realize that Lucas is labelled a ‘freak’/outcast in hawkins as a result of being black, and Dustin is labelled a ‘freak’/outcast in hawkins due to his Cleidocranial dysplasia. Both of those are things that they can’t change. 

  I am NOT saying Lucas is homophobic. At all. He is 100000% not homophobic he is my son and he is brilliant and kind and wasn’t fully in the wrong at ALL and I adore him. I am NOT saying that lucas can ACTUALLY change himself/make people see him not as a freak. I’m saying that Mike THINKS that lucas can change himself and doesn’t make the tie between Lucas’ race being a large part of why he’s treated as a ‘freak,’ and doesn’t understand that racial targeting that Lucas has faced and why Lucas wants to try and get away from anything ELSE that labels him as a freak/puts a target on his back (see: hellfire) because he already faces so much targeting and ostracization based on being black. Mike thinks that it’s about him, that Lucas is rejecting him when he doesn’t ‘want to be a freak,’ but that’s not the case. It’s about LUCAS and how LUCAS has been treated and how it’s not about Lucas not liking Mike or being homophobic- it’s about  Lucas not wanting himself or his friends to be targeted anymore. Lucas even says that ‘WE wanted things to be different in highschool,’ he wants Dustin and Mike to join him and not face that ostracization, not realizing that a.) Lucas himself cannot change the fact that people judge him and see him as a freak, no matter how much he tries to fit in with the basketball team and b.) That Mike also has an unchangeable albeit different aspect of himself that gets himself labelled as a ‘freak’ (mike’s sexuality, which Lucas doesn’t know about). So if Mike sees Dustin and Lucas as the ones who can change from being a freak (ie ‘freak’ for Mike is seen relative to his sexuality, that’s how he centers it from his pov, and he sees Dustin and Lucas as straight and doesn’t take into consideration Lucas’ race and how he’s been targeted for it and Dustin’s CCD and how both of them get labelled ‘freaks’ for those unchangeable aspects of themselves). And Lucas sees Dustin and Mike and the ones who can change (Dustin and Mike are both white, Lucas’ targeting/’freak’ label has been centered around his race, and he doesn’t take into consideration Dustin’s CDD and doesn’t KNOW about Mike being gay and sees Mike’s freak label as being about his appearance (and hellfire but thats a choice) due to that being what he was bullied for in S1, but then rationalizes that Mike’s appearance has changed since S1 and people don’t call him frogface anymore, so Mike must not have anything unchangeable anymore that makes him a ‘freak’). And Dustin sees Lucas and Mike as the ones who can change (his ‘freak’ label is centered around his CDD, that’s what he’s bullied for in S1, and so he sees Mike and Lucas as not being affected by that, doesn’t take into consideration Lucas’ race or know about Mike’s queerness.) We’ve set ourselves up for miscommunication and misunderstanding and futility soup here!! They each think the others are making a choice, but the reality is that NONE of them are. 

  And similar with Dustin, and Mike may FEAR that Lucas and Dustin would reject him for being queer. Again esp considering the ties between hellfire and queerness and the media rhetoric around both at the time, Mike is likely fearing that his friends are changing from the accepting friends that he knows and possibly falling for that rhetoric. 

   it's all 'not that bad,' its all 'i just dont see mike's depression, people are reaching' up until mike walks off of another fucking cliff. such a key part of mike's character and the way that his mental health AND sexuality are presented is his invisibility and how people can't see him unless he's loud and boisterous and in their face and snarky and then they still get mad at him for BEING THAT WAY. it's all 'mike's just a loud asshole and thats okay we don't have to tie it to his mental health,' up until you realize that mike's loudness and assholery isn't the cause of mental state and him being the way he is, it's the RESULT of it. he's louder because he's used to not being heard.

  So fucking much of the sheer dismissal of mike's mental health (and his sexuality like i already talked abt in another post) comes SOLELY from comparing him to other characters, comes solely from 'well mike isnt struggling in the same way as will so therefore he isnt struggling' and comparing mike to will instead of comparing mike to HIMSELF. It's the wolf-arrow internalized homophobia analogy from my other post all over again!! Sure, mike and will don't struggle in the exact same way/to the same extent, but again, will is more able to OVERCOME that struggle, will is able to take more hits.

   if youre saying that 'well if mikes mental health is bad we would see him be more like will when will starts showing signs of bad mental health,' you're not realizing that because will has more of an ability to cope, something that devastates Will would absolutely fucking obliterate Mike. Even things that don't 'devastate' will, the single arrow, those minor wounds are again, a KILLING BLOW for mike, let alone what the final killing arrow for Will would be for Mike, let alone what the sum of all 50 or whatever arrows in the big wolf's back would be for mike. the single arrow is a killing blow, the 50 arrows would just be beating the corpse that is his mental state (and possibly his LITERAL, physical corpse considering his clear struggle with suicidality and how people keep fucking ignoring it and falling for the same trap that the characters do and the duffers KNOW that people are ignoring it because theyve set it up in a way that LENDS ITSELF to being ignored so that fans' actions/perception of mikes mental health DOES sort of actually affect mike in that way because the duffers are more likely to make him succumb to those issues because they KNOW that they've set it up in a way that would be a surprise to much of the audience  but also not totally out of nowhere).

  Mike Wheeler is a brave, strong, wonderful character. At the same time, though, Mike Wheeler would not last a second if faced with what Will dealt with from Lonnie, would not last a second if faced with Will's connection to Vecna or experiences in the upside down. If we want to compare mike and will and see mike through will's lens the way that some people are so keen to do then let's DO IT, it's fair to do for the sake of comparison but should not be the MAIN THING that drives your conclusions about mike. it should be a supporting factor if anything.

  Mike isn't 'weaker' by any fault of his own persay, he's 'weaker' because he doesnt have that a.) longtime experience of dealing with this shit that will has in terms of homophobia and abuse and upside down trauma  and b.) even less than the experience, because imo will's experiences would make things WORSE for him, make him weaker, not stronger, if it wasn't for the people that support will, his family and the way that they support him, something that mike lacks. Will is strong but even he says himself that he relies on other people like Mike to make him not feel like a mistake.

 

"it also crops up in the s2 tunnel plan. He knows “his hub” is likely to be swarming with demodogs, he doesn’t care. He'll throw himself in to protect El and Will, even at the cost of his own life."

   YES YES YES YES THIS IS SO TRUE. HE WILL ABSOLUTELY THROW HIMSELF INTO IT AT THE COST OF HIS OWN LIFE. Like he was willing to walk off the cliff for dustin’s baby teeth, deemed the pain of losing them as greater than the pain of losing mike/mike’s death. So protecting Will and El from losing their lives/getting grievously injured is a WALK IN THE PARK in terms of decision making for mike because he IMMEDIATELY feels that their injuries would hurt THEM more than his death, he sees himself as having so little value that he doesnt even realize how his death would devastate people. Which is part of why I think he’s gonna die and come back in s5 and how it would fit in perfectly with his arc as a character. 

  "and the s3 sauna test fight/battle of star court. he knows Billy is far stronger than him, he doesn’t care. He’ll throw himself against Billy to protect the party twice, even at the risk of his own life."

   YEP!! smthn smthn mike has been largely ignored/neglected by his family smthn smthn his warped perception of his own value smthn smthn helping others is the only way he sees any value in himself smthn smthn el rejects mike’s attempts to be himself, rejects his hobbies and his singing and the silly things about him that could’ve made mike see value in himself/that he thinks El could’ve seen value in him for, and so then Mike figures that he can only get El to value him and therefore can only value himself as long as he’s protecting/helping her and other people smthn smthn mike’s suicidality is NOT el’s fault, she saved him at the cliff, but their RELATIONSHIP and incompatibility and the way that she dismisses him is contributing to it JUST like he’s contributing to that pain for HER. they are hurting eachother. 

And also thinking about the sauna battle and how the original sauna scene CLEARLY shows mike displaying internalized homophobia and self-loathing and then in that SAME LOCATION we get mike effectively trying to kill himself by going up against Billy and how this represents not only Mike’s struggle with his internalized homophobia and how it’s intertwined with his suicidality, but also how Mike is starting to face EXTERNAL homophobia as he starts to branch out towards his attraction to men and being framed around his attraction to men (which we see even more of in s4). Billy is outwardly attacking him, representing that external criticism and homophobia, but Mike runs into the attack willingly, representing that internal criticism and internal homophobia.

And okay disclaimer I loathe Billy he’s a racist, abusive POS and I think people baby him WAY too much. At the same time, though, I feel like we can acknowledge the homophobia that he dealt with from his father, REGARDLESS of whether or not he’s queer, and how Billy attacking Mike represents Billy continuing the cycle of that homophobia and throwing it onto Mike. None of this absolves Billy, but the subtext is there for a reason, Billy was the one to attack Mike in a place (the sauna) that is already tied to Mike’s sexuality and internalized homophobia. Billy was the one trapped in the sauna, and the sauna does represent internalized homophobia, and so I do think that Billy may have dealt with it to some extent, and even if he didn’t, even if he wasn’t queer, he’s still continuin that cycle of homophobic abuse that he learned from his father. 

 "Even now, it’s the same thing repackaged in an older body. He’s depressed and his life has little value to him, so he’s willing to throw us away for someone he perceived as having more value." 

  Completely fucking true. Completely true. It’s repackaged in an older body AND is now being shown through the MIKE LENS, not a romanticized/external lens like it was in s1 and s2, which makes it harder for people to grasp because it forces them to confront their own preconceived notions about mental health and depression and suicidality and forces them to see things from MIKE’S perspective, not their own. It forces people to confront their own lens, and that’s the genius of the way that his character is set up and presented. And there’s something to be said, too, for the capitalist nature of the wheelers and the idea of the ‘value’ of a person and how that value is determined. 

 

"Mike’s suicidal tendencies have been an open secret since day one. No one talks about them in the show, but they’re painfully obvious." 

  YES!!! Okay I want to talk about ‘no one talks about them in the show’ because I feel like it’s true to an extent, but people do TALK about the signs of his suicidality, like Nancy talking about his room, but what they DON’T do is make the link of those topics and behaviours to Mike’s suicidality. Nancy comments on his room but doesn’t understand or care why his room is the way that it is. Ted comments on Mike’s falling grades in a roundabout way ‘highschool dropout club’ but doesn’t make the connection to Mike’s mental health/suicidality. Dustin also comments on Mike’s falling grades (the C in spanish), but doesn’t make the link to Mike’s mental health. Because they’re not seeing him through a Mike Lens. WILL is the only one seeing Mike through a Mike Lens, just like I already talked about. They’re comparing Mike to OTHER PEOPLE, not to HIMSELF. Nancy compares Mike’s room to the cabin, not to the previous state of his room in past seasons. Dustin compares Mike’s grades to his own, not to Mike’s previous grades. Ted talks about the ‘highschool dropout club’ and compares Mike and his slipping academic abilities to the other members of the hellfire club rather comparing it to Mike’s previous grades and academic tendencies. Even back in S2, Karen talks about Mike plagiarizing work and graffiting the bathroom stall and Mike says “everyone graffitis the bathroom stall,’ even MIKE is comparing himself and his struggles to other people, because like I said earlier, he’s a character that lends himself heavily to that, AND it results in him invalidating his own struggles. Even Ted says ‘if your friends jumped off of a cliff, would you?’ meanwhile mike IS the one who jumps off of the cliff, the comparison of him to his friends relative to the cliff doesn’t work for him because he IS the cliff friend and can therefore only be accurately compared to HIMSELF. 

  (I absolutely agree that his grief is paralleled to Joyce. They both love Will so much, and many of their reactions are in sync. They’ve both been on the edge for a while, all it took was a push.) 

  THANK YOU!!!! IM GLAD YOU AGREE BECAUSE YOU LITERALLY NEVER MISS!!! And okay so this is probably semantics but the phrasing of ‘all it took was a push’ is SUPER interesting to me and im going to use this as an opportunity to talk about  it. I already mentioned this, but Mike didn’t so much get a push as he did a dangling fucking carrot in the form of a cliff. 

When Hopper talks about Will’s ‘accident’ at the quarry and the idea that it could’ve been a hatecrime, he implies that maybe Will was pushed/had some external force/person put him off that cliff against his own free will. But when it comes to Mike, Mike wasn’t pushed in the same way. Mike was LURED towards the cliff, like I talked about before,  it’s a dangling treat for that self-loathing part of his brain, but he wasn’t pushed. But he was pushed TOWARDS make that decision, towards taking that step, if that makes sense, but he wasn’t pushed off of the cliff physically or even 100% emotionally. He STEPPED OFF physically and mentally and emotionally. He CHOSE TO. We see the bullies literally PUSH MIKE to the ground physically in s1. They’re not afraid to push him. But they don’t push him off the cliff. Mike steps off out of his own free choice. But the bullies have INFLUENCED that choice, everything that’s happened to Mike has influenced that choice. The bullies DID literally put him a ‘few steps from the edge’ when they grabbed him and Dustin, but Mike was the one who chose to walk off even though he was being pressured, he still made that choice and made it terrifyingly easily. It’s like how people will bully others, especially queer or outcast kids to the point of suicide but often don’t catch murder changes for it because they technically didn’t kill them. 

 Joyce is the same. She didn’t get pushed off of the cliff into her mental decline, she STEPPED OFF. She  got pushed towards it by Will’s death and Lonnie and Hopper not believing her. But at the end of the day, her and Mike both took that final step. They may have been pushed to the edge, pushed to being those few steps from the edge, but they weren’t pushed off of the edge. They stepped off. They chose to. And YES that choice was absolutely totally influence by others’ and the ‘push’ from others, but the push wasn’t the final blow. The final blow was self-inflicted. 





LIKE GOD YOU ARE SO FUCKING RIGHT AS ALWAYS!!!!!!! SO TRUE AND RIGHT!! And as a final note, something that’s funny to me is it’s all ‘max and mike are the same person different fonts’ until people like you and I point out mike’s suicidality and how MAX has it too. They're the ‘same person’ until their characters and similarities don’t align with peoples’ preconceived notions about them. Mike is the ‘same’ as Max up until somebody points out he’s suicidal too, and then they immediately can’t see it because it’s not framed the exact same way as Max’s despite the numerous parallels in their suicidal tendencies. People will put an El Lens, a Will Lens, a Personal Experience and Bias Lens, a Nancy Lens, a Max Lens and literally any other fucking lens onto Mike before they even CONSIDER a Mike Lens, and even then it’s like they have to be dragged kicking and screaming to see things through the Mike Lens because the Mike Lens doesn’t align with their preconceived notions and conclusions about him. (can you tell im a bit annoyed ™ about the erasure of mike’s issues and misinterpretation of his character?? People who refuse to see the signs in mike are likely going to refuse to see the signs in their IRL friends and THATS why im so passionate about this.) 

[mermaidsirennikita]

Thank you so much for all your detailed recommendations!! I'm a picky reader and often disappointed by recs from my real life friends so this blog is like a gold mine to me.

Given how much you've read in the genre, I'm curious what makes a really great romance in your opinion? And are there any flaws in a romance novel you just can't look past?

You're so welcome! I enjoy doing it. I too am often disappointed by RL recs lol. Currently, I don't know that my tastes always align with what's happening in trad publishing, so I kind of have to look off the beaten path for books myself.

I hope you don't mind me publishing my answers, because I find this really interesting.

As for what makes a great romance novel--for me, I think that big feeling is what takes a romance into greatness. Taking the love story that extra mile, taking the risk that really moves me? That's what takes it to another level. And I do tend to love big swings and risks; that does often make a book appeal to me more. But that's because those big swings tend to yield a higher volume of emotion.

And that doesn't mean every book has to be like... As dramatic as Dreaming of You, or Mafia Madman, or Lothaire. Heated Rivalry is a novel I love with all my heart, which I've re-read multiple times. It is, in many ways, a slice of life book. The plot is the character development and emotion. However, those emotions are challenging, and not easy, and I found myself completely and utterly invested in the character development as a result. I could say the same of a book like The Duke Gets Even--really, more of a character book than a plot book. Nobody does anything INSANE. But it feels like people have their hearts on the line, and that's what I want. To me, you can have a good romance without that sense of "oh my God, I am losing my head to this" in the story. But I don't know if you can have a GREAT one without it.

I think some of the BEST romances have a moment where you're genuinely like "I know there's an HEA, but I am kind of sweating it right now".

There are flaws I can't look past. Aside from the more political ones, I'd say what I can't really get over is:

--A lack of tension. To go back to Heated Rivalry--nobody is in danger of dying in that book. But people do have their careers and personal lives at stake. Even a "brother's best friend" contemporary romcom can have stakes (what if someone finds out) though... in some ways, I think a contemporary romcom is kind of more difficult to write than some of the alternatives. Because it is harder to add stakes to scenarios that aren't really THAT big a deal. You need to pitch the emotion in a big way.

But yeah. If a book is just two people feeling relatively comfortable, I don't want it. What am I reading for?

--Conversely, if the tension is forced... we've got a problem. Again, this is a tough needle to thread with contemporary romcoms, and the threading is usually in the character development. I'll use a non-Heated Rivalry example lol. In a contemporary romance I recently loved, Kristen Callihan's The Friend Zone, nobody is going to die if Gray and Ivy ruin the friendship and get together and then break up. But Callihan spends a lot of the book making you recognize how much those two value and lean on each other, so the stakes feel higher. Additionally, she gives both Gray and Ivy backgrounds that shape how big and risky crossing that line feels for them. She WEAVES these aspects into the story, rather than word vomiting at us. She writes good chemistry.

All of these things add to the tension. Whereas tbh, a lot of books I've read recently have had this incredibly forced sense of stakes. These are books wherein I'm like "okay, but you're a grown woman, why do you CARE if your brother finds out you're fucking his bestie" (this is just a tough one to pull off with adult contemporaries, let's be super real). It feels incredibly contrived, and I'm gonna be real. The only way you can handle this is with good writing. There are subpar writers who can make books work if the story itself is a good concept, even if it's not as good as it could've been had a better writer been working on it. But to me, if a story is simple, the writing needs to be good to beef it up.

--Going back to contemporaries... Oooh, boy, I can't do the "he's kinda conservative and learns the errors of his ways when he falls for her" thing in recently published books. It's not that the guy needs to be perfectly on the up and up (more on that in a minute). But when I read a book set in 2024 and the guy calls women "females" (and it isn't a demon/vampire/whatever lol) and talks about how crazy women are, whatever... Nah. That's a no from me. It's like--what's his excuse? He's not in the 1800s. He's not a warlord. He's FRED FROM WORK. I deal with that shit enough in real life to know that it's not something I want to have to fix.

--Conversely, I also think there's something really boring and bad about books right now, regardless of the genre, that feel like they're ticking Acceptable Behavior Boxes. Like, the amount of times I've read books where... and I'll be honest here... there is TOO MUCH asking for consent? Yes yes, it's all nice and good.

But is it something that feels authentic to human behavior? Yes. A quick "you sure?" is one thing. When a hero sits back and is like "[heroine], I want to make sure you're comfortable and that we're both fully consenting" I'm like... who the fuck talks like this during a random hookup lmao.

And this is FICTION. When I constantly see the rhythm of a scene--not even a sex scene, all the time--interrupted so that a character, usually the hero (which in itself feels kind of weird, as men aren't the only ones who can violate consent) can give a spiel about how very aware he is... It feels so fake lmao. FAKENESS is the big flaw here.

A really good example of this sort of... over-awareness, imo, is Lisa Kleypas removing the kiss in the dark scene from the prologue of Secrets of a Summer Night. The scene before literally just has a quick kiss--nothing more--between Simon and Annabelle when a room goes dark. He doesn't ask for consent. He kisses her. She doesn't flip out. It's intriguing. It's fine. To me, the fact that this was overthought to the point that the scene was removed... You FEEL that kind of calculation, and the calculation and artificiality that comes with it really fucks with a book for me. (See: the changes to It Happened One Autumn, on a bigger scale. Those changes ruin a great book.)

I'm sue there's more I can't deal with lol, but those are some of the issues!

[bossuary]

i never, not once, felt like the writers wanted us to sympathize with solas. i felt like the point (for better or worse) was to realize that narrow ideas about who is worth our sympathy are a danger to everyone. Solas is performing a Sympathetic Character, and not very well, but only if you don't look past what you expect to see. is he poor? nope, he dresses like a hobo, harhar, but wow he sure seems to have absolutely everything he needs. his every physical comfort is met at all times. and he's got access to books and artifacts to feed his intellect as well. wow. doesn't have to live in a sewer. interesting. is he powerless? PLEASE. even before you know who he is, solas exhibits nothing less than total control. he jokes about cassandra putting him in chains, and somehow he just doesn't sound threatened. you come to learn that this man has world-ending power at his fingertips, and you also realize that what power he lacks he will manipulate out of others. he does this FROM THE VERY BEGINNING, literally grabbing your hand and using you to close a rift.

having the physical powers of a mage, or even mage + spirit doesn't confer social power or agency. the writing in the games hammers that home pretty hard in every disgusting way you can imagine.

Trespasser shows that some kind of oppression was part of Solas' past, but not necessarily that he was powerless. He used his position to help those who were. BUT, solas has more agency than any character in all three games, (arguably more than fucking FLEMETH). what barriers he faces are purely fiction, the result of his trickery and his own choices (unlike actual disenfranchised people).

to have so much choice that you invent ways of giving yourself less of it is power of the highest order. does he care about people? SOME people, maybe? He struggles to apply kinship to anyone he interacts with in the world. "They're just like me," is a thought he will never have, not even for a romanced Lavellan, who barely has time to get over being dumped, being elfsplained about their markings, and being told they're one of the 'good' tranquil...but a pitiful tranquil nonetheless.

People are a misfortunate curiosity to Solas. Ants in an ant farm. But enough of them coming at him at once might still sting, so...The moment even his favorite 'people' become an obstacle, he is ready to plug up the air holes and watch them eat each other. And he'll feel real bad about it.

is he alone? yes and he has the power to change that but continually chooses not to because his is always actively pursuing the harm of others. he's not alone because the world rejects him specifically, reviles him, or wants to torture him (ahem, Anders). he's alone because he rejects the world. this is particularly aggravating as HE IS RESPONSIBLE for it.

Anders was always written as a sympathetic character (how well he's written is, apparently, in perpetual debate), because for him the answer to all of the above questions is YES. that's how a character can cause the deaths of innocent people and still be worthy of sympathy. especially if that character believes the only remaining value in his traumatic life is to end it so violently as to make undeniable the suffering of people "just like him." When the answer to all of the above is NO, what you have is a decidedly UN-sympathetic character who has so much power and agency that he can spend every waking moment in open rebellion against reality, at the explicit cost of lives he does not value as equal to his own.

It's baffling to me how differently Solas and Anders are treated by the narrative and the writers

Both commit acts of incredible devastation that kill people in the hopes of bringing forth a better world.

But Solas is often depicted as sympathetic, as caring about people despite what he's trying to do and the writers seem to want us to empathize with him

And yet Anders is demonized at every turn and is talked about like he just Went Crazy. Even the way Varric talks about them is very different

[scandalsavagefanfic]

Hello! I am a huge fan of ur writing. I've loved everything I've read of yours. I've read alot of what you've posted, except for a couple of the tags that are squicky for me (so I'm very thankful you tag very thoroughly). No judgement for the squick, it's just not for me. & when I'm having a bad day, I usually just go thru ur ao3 and find something to reread. I think about Therapy's Bruce & Jason every damn day. While I obvs appreciate ur darker more "problematic" content (I really vibe with some of the themes you write about bc of my own trauma, & so it's very cathartic to read about in a fictional setting), I am truly a sucker for ur more happy content. The Happily Ever After verse also lives in my head rent free. Idk more wholesome stuff just seems more special when you write it. Anyways. I would die for you. But the point of this ask is cause I'm curious as to why you don't like Urban Legends? I'm sorry if you already talked about it here or on twitter and I missed it. I was just wondering because I really enjoy your take on things and would love to hear why you dislike it. I've been enjoying it so far personally, but I am always open to DC comics criticism.

Aw thank you so much! I'm so flattered by everything you just said. You're so sweet ❤❤❤❤❤

I haven't talked about Urban Legends here or twitter (I haven't been very active in either place lately. Just a lot going on and no energy 😔) but I'm happy to do it here.

Before I start though, I just want to add a standard disclaimer and make it clear that if you like it, there's nothing wrong with that and you don't have to let me ruin it for you lol. Like what you like.

That said, since you asked...

I said this when I was talking about it on discord, that there is a difference between hope and expectation. I always hope that a new story centered on Jason (or anyone really, but things have been especially egregious for Jay for 15 years) will be good or at least treat the character with a minimal level of respect (to be honest, the bar is super fucking low). But my expectations always temper my hope, to keep it from getting unrealistic. Because my expectations are based on experience.

The long history of Jason Todd, since even before his resurrection, has been one of retroactively trying to make him "a bad seed" in order to absolve Bruce of any responsibility in his death.

I don't even expect DC or their writers to start honoring the fact that Jason was not an angry, reckless Robin (and less of the later than Dick or Tim and definitely Damian). There plenty of ways that retcon can be folded into his history and be compelling and sympathetic. And if they're going to stick with that retcon, I'm only asking that they do it in one of those compelling and sympathetic ways because Jason was 15 when he died, heroically, in one of the most selfless acts in comics, to save a woman who literally handed him over to be brutally murdered. He was 12 when Bruce plucked him off the streets, he'd been homeless and fending for himself for at least two years. I personally think that Jason's story hits harder for him and Bruce if their original, canon relationship, of Jason as starry-eyed and eager to learn and absolutely devoted to Bruce and Bruce to Jason, is preserved. But Jason's origins does leave room for a meaningful interpretation of him as angry and frustrated at the lack of meaningful results of Bruce's methods.

And that's really where my irritation at stories like Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer and Batman The Adventure Continues has it's roots.

Every time one of these stories comes out, I think (or hope, rather) that this will be the one that remembers and respects the origins of the Jason and the Red Hood, that takes into account the changed sensibilities of comics readers in the 30 years since Jason's death and the subtle, 20 year, retroactive campaign to make him the "bad Robin". The "born bad" trope is played out and literally no one likes the message it implies. That some kids are just bad eggs and there's nothing parents or the adults around them can do. Especially when it's played as the kid's fault. If Jason's time as Robin is going to be characterized by anger, then it should be rooted in anger at the social injustices he witnessed as he grew up in an impoverished, crime-ridden, area and the horrors he faced raising himself when every day was a battle for survival. There are topical, meaningful, stories to tell with that backdrop.

But those are never the stories we get.

⚠⚠ Spoilers for Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer ⚠⚠

I'm particularly disappointed in Urban Legends because for the first issue, it looked like that was the kind of story we were going to get. I was put off by the first flashback of Jason being mesmerized by Bruce's guns, and I got that feeling in my gut that it was a bad sign. Jason depicted as impatient and overconfident and the scene with the guns is heavy-handed foreshadowing that got my spidey-sense tingling. I had a inkling then (in the first three pages) of how this story was going to play out, but it was early and I could still see many narrative paths that could lead to a satisfying story. My concerns were soothed somewhat and the little flame of my hope fanned, with the flashback of Alfred scolding Bruce, with Barbara's concern for Jason. A bit of worry returned with the way Jason ruthlessly pursued an addict who didn't appear to be a dealer and with the ending of the issue. The stuff with the addict sat wrong with me but the ending was tempered some by how despicable Tyler's dad was written. The scene was clearly set so that the reader could sympathize with Jason's decision and the scene with the addict could be brushed aside as a side-effect of comics over-the-top need for constant action, so I still held hope.

Issue 2 made me uncomfortable and it's where my hope starts to take a backseat to my expectations. I can dismiss Jason's self-deprecating internal monologue as unreliable narration, except that the flashback reinforces his thought process to explicitly show that it's not unreliable narration, and should be taken at face value. Jason faces physical abuse at the hands of his mother's drug dealer and when the flashback continues later, Jason kills the drug dealer. To be clear, this is a pre-Bruce Jason. His mom is still alive. He's like... 10. He kills this guy for shoving his head into a wall and implying Jason's mother paid for her drugs with sex. This is a scene that serves a single purpose. To show that Jason has always been prone to violence.

In the spirit of full disclosure, there is the small chance the drug dealer might not be dead. But the story obviously wants the reader to think he is, and it hasn't done anything to change that yet.

Starlin already did this story with The Diplomat’s Son in 1988 and he did it infinitely better. AND that’s still technically canon. So now I’m supposed to believe that Jason lost his cool bad enough to kill two douche bags before his sweet 16? Like it’s totally normal for abused kids raised in poverty, who’ve led hard and heartbreaking lives to just... haul off and kill people? That’s bullshit, and when taken with the Jason in the third issue, who is little more than an idiot thug, this story is really doubling down on some fucked up stereotypes.

Which brings us to the most recent issue. I went into this installment with very low expectations. I thought this story was going to be about Jason, through this experience with Tyler, a young boy with a similar background to Jason's, coming to the realization that Bruce's way is the best way and that Bruce did his best by Jason.

That would be annoying (in no small part because it takes increasingly absurd levels of plot armor to keep Bruce's no kill rule relevant, let alone irrefutably right). But I can probably live with that, if only because maybe if Jason officially falls back into line with the Bats crusade, maybe I'll get stories that treat him with respect, stories that don't relegate him to comic relief, dumb brute, or a background body with no lines in a story about the Joker burning Gotham (like Jason would just fucking stand there quietly for that).

And that may still be where the story is going, Jason realizing Bruce is right.

But holy shit do I not have the right words to describe how fucking insulting and gross issue three is.

From start to finish--including the flashback--Jason is written as cruel and fucking stupid. Like straight up dumb.

The entire issue is Bruce explaining the fucking basics to Jason like it's his first day. And Jason flies off the fucking handle and terrorizes a doctor he knows isn't a part of making the Cheerdrops, beats the shit out of some random addicts, and finally, when he can't accomplish anything on his own because he's a dumb brute he calls Barbara for help and rushes in with no information where he's promptly incapacitated and must now wait to be rescued by Batman.

This panel is the least of the issues sins but I can’t screenshot the entire story but it’s representative of the tone for the whole issue (and retroactively tainted the prior two issues).

This is beyond insulting. The only conclusions Jason comes to in this issue are the ones Bruce leads him to by talking to him like he can’t make the simplest connections. And like... in this story Jason can’t make the simplest connections.

This (and the Jason throughout the entirety of this issue) is a far cry from the Jason we fell in love with in Under the Red Hood, who was competent and strategic and intelligent enough to seize control of Gotham’s underworld from Black Mask (who’s no fucking slouch, he’s the first and only person to unify organized crime in Gotham) AND elude and manipulate Bruce until the time and place of his choosing.

This is a far cry from even the Red Hood and the Outlaws Jason who is competent enough to fight the League of Shadows and Ra’s al Ghul (among very dangerous and skilled others) and smart enough to create antidotes for mind control nanotech viruses.

As he should be, by the way. Jason Todd is one of the best, most comprehensively trained fighters in DC’s stable of non powered vigilantes. He’s not irrational or hot headed. He’s pragmatic, tactically minded, and patient. He’s a detective. Right now. Has been since he was 12. Bruce doesn’t have to make him one because he already is. 

Jason is not a stupid thug who uses his fists because his brain doesn’t work. And I can’t tell you how so very exhausted I am by this narrative. 

This is actually the most egregious example of Jason’s skills and intelligence being not just undermined but dismissed entirely. Even Morrison’s Jason had some degree of competency. 

The one, single redeeming factor of this story is the art. It’s beautiful. And Marcus To is a godsend he seems to be one of only a couple of artists who remember that Jason was a child when he was Robin and I’m literally only buying this book because of him. 

Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t want that to come out so... um... passionately lol. I’m just very very tired. My intention with this isn’t to ruin it for you, if you like it, that’s fine. 

But this issue shot this story to the top of my "Vehemently Despise” list. 1) Batman: Urban Legends (Cheer), 2) Battle for the Cowl/Morrison’s Batman and Robin, 3) Batman The Adventure Continues.

I hope the next issues somehow salvage this dumpster fire. But I’m not expecting it.

(Damnit. That sounded harsh again. To reiterate, I’m not trying to judge anyone who enjoys it, I just personally hate it and you asked me why lol 😅)

[yoontaethings]

normal kind of love — jjk (1)

pairing: jungkook x reader 

rating: explicit

word count: 2.5k

warnings: a lot of cussing and some teasing if you squint, but other than that none really (the warnings will come next chapter lmao)

you’re one half of hollywood’s on-screen it couple. the greatest chemistry known on-screen with the one and only, jeon jungkook, the bane of your existence.

a/n: this was supposed to be a longer chapter but i decided to split it in half to tease potential readers mwahaha btw this chapter is very very unedited, though i did postpone the upload because i had to remove some parts because i just thought the story didn’t need those bits anymore lol but the rest of this story i haven’t even read through yet, i just wrote and wrote and wrote so please excuse any errors (my tenses might also not be consistent but i’ll edit this soon)

taglist: @min-nicoleee @thisartemisnevermisses @ggukkieland @kokoandkookie @somelazysundays

There was no way.

There was no way in hell they were pairing you up with him. Again.

You were confirmed to be cast as the female lead in the movie before any other characters were casted. They should have chosen a different male lead for this romance film. Heck, even Kim Taehyung, a friend of yours, received an offer for the role and you were certain he planned to take it. Unfortunately for you, even if Taehyung wanted the role, he couldn’t accept it because of scheduling conflict with another film he’s already working on.

Jeon Jungkook, an actor you starred alongside in “Dangerous Illusion”, was just confirmed as the male lead of your upcoming movie “Chosen for Pleasure”. The same man who seemed to make it his life goal to ruin you. After Jungkook was confirmed to play the male lead in your upcoming movie, fans on Twitter have been blowing up about it and made you two a trending topic worldwide. Elated fans mentioned you in their tweets expressing how happy they were to see you two again together. You wish you could say you felt the same.

The previous movie you worked on was a thriller/mystery. You played the part of Jungkook's wife in the film. The film was a blockbuster hit, as a result of the well-thought storyline, yet additionally because of its leads. Fans adored the chemistry between you and Jungkook, regardless of not having a lot of romantic scenes in the film. There were a lot of fans who wanted to see you two on-screen once more, this time, in a romance focused film. Looks like their wishes were coming true.

To add insult to injury, your impending film was going to be an adult romance. It required some steamy scenes that normally didn't trouble you because you were a true professional, yet absolutely irritates you now since you need to do them with Jeon Jungkook.

The script reading was to be done today and your eyes opened an hour later than the time you set for your alarm because of the fucking snooze button. Seriously, why were snooze buttons even invented? They just allowed people to sleep through their alarms continuously.

Hand reaching for the phone on your nightstand, you knocked over a booklet that was over it. It was the script you spent hours reading to grab a sense of the character you were going to portray. Obviously, you already knew the basics about the part you were going to play, but knowing the entire story helped in portraying your character.

Your eyes squinted at the bright light of your phone that had the numbers 8:33 glaring at you, unlocking it to see a couple of texts and missed calls from your manager.

‘Are you awake yet?’

‘Please don’t tell me you forgot about the script reading today’

‘Ok I know you’re still asleep but just make sure you get ready on time, being late won’t do you and your image any favors’

‘I’ll pick you up at 9’

You rolled your eyes at his messages. You loved Hoseok and he was the best manager you could have been given from your agency, but he nagged too much. He was also your friend and his endless nags made you want to rip your eyeballs out sometimes because even when you’re supposed to unwind with him, he never forgets to remind you of your job.

‘I’m the fucking lead, Hobi, they’ll wait for me’

You slapped your phone back onto the nightstand and started going about with your morning routine. You didn’t have a lot of time, and even though you knew they would definitely wait for you, you hated being that bitch who made people wait so you took a quick shower and slapped on some sunscreen, powder, and finishing off with your go-to lipstick. You didn’t bother with makeup and dressing up. This was just going to be a script reading and sure, there were going to be photos taken but the thousands of dollars you’ve spent on facials and treatments already made sure your face was at least flawless despite the lack of effort.

Bringing only your phone, wallet and script, you exited your building and as usual, a shiny black van already awaited outside. Hoseok was leaning on it, scrolling through his phone when he sensed your presence and looked up.

“Oh, thank god you’re on time.” He exhaled in relief, pocketing his phone.

“I value sleep but you’re well aware I also value my career.”

Hoseok grinned. “Now there’s the y/n I know.” He then slid the van door open and you entered without another word.

The drive was pretty much uneventful, with you scrolling through your social media, seeing what fans have been tweeting about recently and with Hoseok humming along to the random pop music playing.

You longed for a distraction, something much more interesting than working your thumb throughout the drive because of the chasm that you were about to jump into when you arrived on set. You weren’t stupid enough to forget about the man who got the role of your romantic interest in the film. But you were wise enough to not let it haunt you for the past weeks. Now though, you can’t really avoid it anymore since you were supposed to be seeing him in person again after almost 2 years. You didn’t exactly leave on the best terms with Jungkook but who knows, maybe you’ll be able to act civil around each other.

At least you were sure you were going to act civil around him, already decided on taking the higher path. You’re not so sure about him, but fingers crossed he’ll at least be an adult about the situation and pretend he can stand being in the same room as you.

Soon enough, you were entering the room the script reading was to be held in. Bowing and greeting the actors and staff seated around the table as you passed by to get to the last vacant seat. You caught Jungkook’s eyes following your movements as you sat down. Luckily, he was seated across from you and it was easier to ignore his presence with the staff members greeting and coddling you.

As always, script reading began with actors introducing themselves and the role they’re going to play. As the female lead, you started off.

“Hello everyone. I’m y/n y/l/n and I’m going to take on the role of Yuri.” Hands clapped around you as you sat back down.

“Hello, I’m Jeon Jungkook and I’ll be playing Ryan.”

You didn’t bother clapping unlike the rest and avoided the eyes of the voice’s origin.

The script reading continued without a hitch– for the most part. The other cast members were very friendly, and laughter was exchanged during the read. The same couldn’t be said for you and Jungkook though.

When lines between your characters were exchanged, there was a weird tension in the room. It felt like everyone else were holding their breaths and waiting for either of you two explode and announce that you can’t do this film anymore. As dramatic as that would be, none of that happened. Instead, cheesy romantic lines sounded flat and bored from both you and Jungkook. The director made a tsk-ing sound whenever that happened.

“It’s always been you.” You read. The script said that Yuri and Ryan stared in adoration towards each other before Ryan uttered his next words.

“Marry me?” Jungkook asked.

You nodded your head as a wrap for the script reading. According to the script, there was supposed to be a kissing scene at the end, so you make ridiculous smooching noises. The cast burst into giggles before the director stood from his seat.

“…and that’s a wrap!” He clasped his hands together. “Hopefully when we start shooting things only look up from there.” He flitted his eyes between you and Jungkook.

Honestly, you wish that too but from yours and Jungkook’s history, you don’t really think that’s possible.

You were both professionals though and you’re sure you could at least count on him to make the on-screen romance feel real.

“I’m sorry.” Hoseok said with pity in his eyes.

“Wha- but… why?” You asked, confused with what was happening.

Your part in the new film ‘The Notebook: Remake’ has apparently been withdrawn. As one of the rising stars in Hollywood, this was a really great opportunity for you. It’s one of the most anticipated films and accepting the offer of being the female lead in the movie was a no-brainer. Anyone who refuses that role is just stupid.

But now they were apparently taking it back.

Hoseok sighed. “There were too many scandals surrounding you recently. It doesn’t matter if they’re true or not, but you’ve been seen in hotels that Jeon Jungkook has been in too, and in everyone’s eyes you’re now secretly seeing him.”

“But we’ve never even been seen together in any of those photos. Don’t people know the word fucking coincidence?” Your brows furrowed, fists clenching at your sides. “And what does this have to do with my role in the film?”

“It seems they wanted someone with a ‘cleaner image’ and someone who’ll get the film to be a hit. Apparently, the romance won't be convincing if the female lead is dating someone in real life.”

You stared at Hoseok. He stared back waiting for a lash out, an angry outburst, anything really, but you remained silent, eyes unmoving. Soon enough, the dam doors burst open and the tears suddenly came streaming down your face. Hoseok exhaled and wrapped his arms around you.

“Hobi what did I do so wrong to deserve this?” you sobbed into his chest.

“Shh, it’s not your fault they’re all dumbasses. But you know the industry, y/n. We’ll find better films for you, okay?”

“Why is Jeon Jungkook such a thorn on my side? Why is he always ruining everything for me?”

“We can’t blame him, honey. He’s probably a victim in this too because of those damn rumor outlets.” Hoseok rubbed his hands along your back.

“But I’m getting the short end of the stick! The rumor is probably just feeding his bad boy persona!”

“Life’s unfair, y/n. Surely by now you’re aware of that. Just remember, karma’s going to bite them in the ass someday, okay? For now, do you want to call it a day and go home? I’ll drive you back and I’ll just report to the agency that you’re not feeling well.”

You nod your head, too listless to bother answering with words because there was only one thing on your mind right now.

Fuck Jeon Jungkook and his good looks. He just ruined the best opportunity for you. You were going to get him back for this. Like Hoseok said, karma’s going to bite him in the ass someday. And that karma was going to be you.

You were supposed to be looking forward to filming one of your dream movies with your dream director. But all you felt was dread when you arrived on set. You promised yourself that you’d stay unaffected to Jeon Jungkook, but you couldn’t help the distaste for him to be left on your face while filming.

The scene you were shooting was when your characters first met and the first takes were a total disaster. You and Jungkook barely spared each other a glance, even when your character was supposed to be enticed by him, breaking down Yuri’s cold exterior. A break was called after the 6th take because the director was so frustrated that he looked like he was about to call the casting director and replace his two leads.

You sighed, not knowing what to do with yourself after the announcement of a break. Your feet led you to your dressing room, ready to pass out on the couch but before you could, someone barged in. Your head turned towards the door, expecting it to be your manager or the director or anyone really, just not the person who currently stood at the doorway.

“Can we talk?” Jungkook asked. Your eyes were suddenly drawn to his biceps which bulged from his shirt as he crossed his arms. The damn arms looked delicious. Too bad they belonged to someone you would never ever be attracted to.

“Sure.” You shrugged your shoulders. You were sure he came here to talk to you about filming and how to work out your indifferences and shit like that and honestly, you were so tired of hating him you’re ready to just go along with whatever. Hating someone actually takes a lot of effort, you realize.

Jungkook stepped towards you until he’s close enough that you had to tilt your head upwards to look at his eyes. His eyes locked on yours for a moment before his arms uncrossed and one of his hands landed on the wall behind you. He successfully caged you in with no way out. His lips part and your eyes are drawn to the movement, feeling his exhales on your nose. You swallowed nervously.

Good lord his breath smelled so good.

“Babe, I’m sure you’re just as thrilled as I am to be working with you again as you are with me, but let’s not mess this up okay? Let’s get this over with perfectly and quickly so we don’t have to deal with each other again after. Deal?” His eyebrows raised in question and you nodded dumbly, unable to form a coherent sentence with how close he was to you.

You felt a sudden rush of heat down there and was mentally cursing the man in front of you for how much he was affecting you. He tilted his head to the side and leaned in closer to your face as if he was about to kiss you then he suddenly stopped, his mouth forming a smirk, taunting you.

That smirk was all it took for you to snap back to reality. No, you were not going to let him take the upper hand here. A burst of confidence surged through you as you leaned closer to him too and allowed your lips to brush lightly against his cheek.

“Deal.”

You pulled away, satisfied with how his lips drooped apparently not expecting that. You looked down and there it was, the tenting of his pants that brought a coy smile to your lips. Ha, take that.

You glanced back up at him, your fingers trailing over his thighs. “Aw, didn’t realize you saw me that way Jeon.” You abruptly pulled away and walked out of the room without another word, leaving him hard and defeated.

This is the beginning of his karma, you thought as you grinned to yourself.

[meteor752]

Dsmp Hogwarts AU, except it’s all the characters and I go into why they are what they are, please reblog this took a long ass time

Man, what a title Huh? Anyways, this will obviously go over the characters and not the content creators, because in some cases those are vastly different

Also, before we start, I will go over an important thing that I will mention probably a few times, and that is the difference between Hufflepuff Loyalty and Slytherin Loyalty.

Both of these houses value loyalty, but in very different ways. Take for example that you’re a spy who has their best friend as their partner, and you’re out on some super important mission. Let’s also say that your partner got shot and is close to death, and the only way to save them would be to abandon the mission entirely.

A Hufflepuff would try to complete the mission because it would be the best for all, while the Slytherin would abandon the mission despite the fact that it could result in countless deaths, just to save their friend.

See it as Selfish Loyalty vs Selfless loyalty. Both are great things to have, but are still different.

Anyways, on with the show

Tomathy Danger Kraken Careful Innit

I have seen people try to argue that this boy is a Hufflepuff because of his loyalty and such, but gosh darnit everyone this child is a god damn Gryffindor. I mean, one of his main character traits is that he’s brash and too brave for his own good. The reason he got fucking exiled is because he burned down George’s house without thinking of the consequences, and then just screamed at Dream without thinking of the consequences. The same goes for Ghostbur’s “death”, it was because he had no real plan except Stab Dream with an axe. So yeah, Gryffindor

Wilbur Soot

Slytherin, 100%. This man has created one and a half nation, one entirely out of spite, he was both a general and a president, he’s a smart lil fella, and he managed to hold his own against the god of the server. I don’t even thing you guys wanna argue with me here

Tuberculosis Underscore

This one is tricky, because it’s really between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw for me. Like, he does possess the Hufflepuff loyalty™ plus he is very kind, but he’s also one of the more logical and observant characters we have in this server (The bar is very low let me tell ya). But I think I will have to go with Ravenclaw, just because like, the boy invented nukes. He built fucking nukes. So yeah, a very chaotic Ravenclaw that will spout bee facts at you, be prepared

Technoblade

My man is a Ravenclaw, no doubt about it. I mean, he started talking about an old greek myth in the middle of a war? Just Ravenclaw things amiright?

Philza Minecraft

I will have to go with Slytherin on this one, simply because of the large amount of Slytherin Loyalty, but also because of his cunningness and resourcefulness, but for real this was very tricky, simply because I don’t like to think about c!Phil too much because as some of you may know, I kinda hate him (Not the cc though, obvs, he’s awesome)

Ranboo My Beloved

Hufflepuff. This boy’s ideology is literally “Choose people, not sides”, he’s an honest and compassionate boy who works hard, and has a very open mind. He’s literally the by the book Hufflepuff

Eret

Honestly, Slytherin. I mean, they are ambitious as fuck, both shown by them betraying L’Manburg for the throne, but also by working hard towards their redemption arc. They are also a good leader of the smp, and in general a great role model to have

Nikki Nihachu

This one is actually difficult, simply because Nikki has gone through quite the character arc the past couple of months. She started out kind, sweet and loyal, a classic Hufflepuff. Then she joined the syndicate and straight up tried to kill a child, which is less Hufflepuff but who am I to judge. But in her core, as seen through her discussion with Jack about Tommy’s revival, she is still a good person that works hard for what she believes in, wants the best for everyone (Despite sometimes working in her best self interest) remains kind through it all. So yeah, Nikki is a Hufflepuff, just a bit of a sadistic one. But we can’t all be perfect ya know?

Fun Jonathan Michael Vincent Georgina James Sus Dy Soot

Ah, my favorite character, and also one of the best examples of a Ravenclaw. And I ain’t saying that just cuz I’m a Ravenclaw, Fundy is one of the most Ravenclaw characters out there. He’s creative, Clever, Spontaneous, Witty, Curious, Sharp, and a real trickster. The idea of Ravenclaws being the goody two shoes kids that always does their school work is just false, we never do our Homework and instead sit and read about things we find interesting, and Fundy is a good example of that. Also he was quite the eager learner during the Dreamon Hunters arc, which again is a good example of a Ravenclaw. So if Ranboo is the by the book Hufflepuff, then Fundy is the by the book Ravenclaw.

Dreamwastaken

I’m pretty sure it’s confirmed that Dream is actually a Slytherin, and I ain’t arguing with that. This boy is cunning, sly, a leader, traditional, Self-Preserving, and a master with words. There is not much more to say here, apart from the fact that Slytherins main colour is literally green, so it all checks out, this boy is a snake.

George Lore

Mr not found over here really is hard to pinpoint down, simply because his main character trait is his apathy, which isn’t really a trait for any of the houses. I was discussing this one with my girlfriend, and both of us were pretty clueless of what to do with him. I was thinking if Hufflepuff since they take the ones that don’t fit anywhere else, but then I was reminded of the most recent Dream XD stream, which showed us one thing, and that is that George is clever, observant, and Sharp Minded, all the traits of a Ravenclaw. Sure, he could also be Slytherin as he was both cunning and sly as well, but I think Ravenclaw fits him more personally.

Sappitus Nappitus Boyhalo

Finally we have another Gryffindor, there’s been a serious lack of them on the list. My man is a fighter, he’s bold, he’s brave, he’s passionate, he’s confident, and he doesn’t really think that much of the consequences of his actions (Cough the pet war cough), so yeah this boy a lion.

Punz

Ah, Punzie, the mercenary themself. Tbh, I know very little about them because Punz don’t get involved that much in lore unless they are hired for something. I mean, they were in the eggpire, but even then they were barely involved, which is sad cuz I like Punz. But what we have seen of Punz is that they are someone who does not care about you or what you want, as long as you pay them. They are power hungry and self preserving, which means that I have to put them in Slytherin.

Jack Thunder1408 TV Manifold

The boy who I can’t help but be sympathetic towards. Jack is also a hard character to pin point because of the reason that he’s gone through quite the development. Jackie boy is a very broken character that has literally been through hell, so it’s hard to properly sort him. He’s quite confident and clever, yet cunning and resourceful, so for me it’s either Slytherin or Gryffindor. But I do lean towards Gryffindor more, partly because of his stubbornness and gullibility, and part because of all the fire imagery that’s associated with him. I mean, the cc described him as burning inside, he’s been through the scape of fire and death, and he burnt his nation to the ground. In case you didn’t know, Fire is the element of Gryffindor, so yeah, another red and gold boy.

JSchlatt

Schlatt is as both charming, charismatic and calm in the early days, using subtle manipulation tactics to get his way and achieve ultimate power. He’s ambitious, narcissistic, cunning, and tyrannical, while still hiding it all behind a facade of smiles and waves. He could also be both cruel and irresponsible at times, aka the time he had an underage child drink during an event, but ya know, mistakes. So all in all, I think it’s pretty clear that he’s a Snakey boy.

QuackityHQ

As much as I love CC!Quackity, I also fucking hate him because of the many, many different directions he’s taken this character which makes it possible for him to fit in literally any of the houses. The duckie is both Chaotic and lawful, he’s both friendly and hostile, he’s a smart cookie and a fucking dumbass, so like bruh. But, I’m gonna have to go with how he is now, which is manipulative, power hungry, cruel, and strong willed. Aka, another Slytherin.

Karl Jacobs

Finally, a character that is not broken down to the point of barely making out a readable personality. Karl is a kind and funny person, who is very open to new people considering how often he gives tours to visitors and new people, and he is quite literally loosing himself traveling through time in an attempt to help people. Hufflepuff

Awesamdude

This one I know will be controversial, but I’m saying Hufflepuff on him. Sam is one of the best cases of the Hufflepuff loyalty, literally letting both Tommy and Ghostbur be stuck and ultimately die in the prison just so he wouldn’t risk Dream breaking out. Before that point he was very kind and gentle towards Tommy, literally building a robot to keep him safe and take care of him. Sam nook is a reflection of Sam’s feelings towards Tommy, and they are kind and gentle.

Dropsbyponk

Ughhhh, another tough one. Ponk is a chaotic being who is mostly neutral in conflicts, but is shown to be very open about their feelings towards those they care about, like Sam or Foolish. They seem to be have strong feelings in what they believe in, and can be a bit brash sometimes, not really caring about the consequences of their actions, which is what makes me say Gryffindor for them.

Badboyhalo

Our favorite muffin demon. I assume, I don’t know what life you live. Anyways, Bad is like the stereotypical Hufflepuff. The kindhearted, well meaning, sweet, responsible Hufflepuff. The Hufflepuff that’s like in all of those incorrect quotes blogs and “Slytherin and Hufflepuff friendships uwu” posts. But for real, Bad is very Hufflepuff. He does however have Slytherin Loyalty, considering he pretty much sacrificed the entire server for Skeppy, but if you would try to convince me that Bad is a Slytherin I will just laugh at you

Skeppy

It was at this point I realized what I’ve gotten myself into with this post, which you know, not fun. Skeppy is both cocky and filled with energy, with a real ambition to cause chaos. He’s also shown to be willing to sacrifice himself for the person he loves, Bad, when he gave himself up to the egg. I’ve seen some people say Slytherin, but I’m kinda getting Gryffindor from the lad, so yeah, another lion.

Antfrost

Frosty here is a kind hearted person that for the most part seem to be along for the ride. He reminds me a bit of a parent of toddlers, with his patience and serenity towards the more chaotic people on the server, so of course my natural instinct is Hufflepuff. Buuuuut, then there’s again the issue with the egg and the Slytherin loyalty, this time towards his boyfriend Velvet who he was willing to join a cult for (relationship goals) but again, you can’t really say Ant is a Slytherin considering how wrecked he was about what he did while in the eggpire when he was released from it’s grasp. So yeah, Puffle boy

Captain Puffy

Oh captain my captain, you are such a Gryffindor. And some of you may disagree on that, stating that she’s a Hufflepuff or something (I did research before this to check what other people think, I know) but naaah, she a lion. Puffy is very motherly and protective towards other people on the server, especially the minors, but in the way that a Bear is protective towards its cub, which is gentle towards them but fierce towards others. Puffy also falls natural in the role of a leader as seen with Pro-Omelette, but that is kinda expected since she’s a past Pirate Captain. But she wasn’t the leader she was supposed to be, as she waited quite a while to act against the eggpire out of fear of hurting her friends, which lead to quite the damage towards the rest of the server. She’s also been shown to act on impulse, killing Antfrost and taking one of his lives after he killed her son. Idk if this is a good explanation of why I believe Puffy to be a Gryffindor, it sounds more like I’m claiming her to be a Slytherin or Hufflepuff, but she is a Gryffindor I promise!

Foolish Gamers

Foolish is a kind and friendly being, if not a bit naive and easily distracted. He’s also not the brightest person, in fact I’d go as far as to call the guy a Himbo, and he can be a bit skittish sometimes if he’s stressed or haven’t taken a break in a while. But despite it all, the guy is someone who’s creative and hard working, with a brilliant mind for his building. The man is an artist who can get grumpy if you suppress his creative aura, and put his heart and soul into his works. He also has a habit of getting wrapped up in big projects, and ignoring sleep or personal care until he’s finished them. This all leads me to say that Mr Gamers is a Ravenclaw, just not the smartest one. But hey, we can’t all be geniuses, can we.

Slimecicle

Slime is very naive and very trusting towards people around him, taking every word they say as a fact. He can also be a bit dark and ominous at times, but quickly shakes it off as nothing important. This all makes him quite childish, which is very hard to sort, so I’m gonna say Hufflepuff for his friendliness and move on.

Purpled Bedwars

I actually started loving this guy the minute I saw him, purely because Purple is my favorite colour, like my man has taste. Purpled, like Punz, is a guy who helps whoever pays him the most. He’s not interested in most things on the server, too busy looking out for number one (And Dogchamp of course). He’s very self reliant and resourceful, but still quite passive. He may not be the most ambitious guy, but Purpled is definitely a Slytherin (It also brings me and my girlfriend Serotonin knowing that the mercenary siblings are both in the same house, we love those two)

Hannahxxrose

I don’t watch Hannah that much, but god I love her voice, it makes my lesbian little heart happy. Hannah is a friendly person who is very naive about the conflicts on the server, thinking it all can can be solved by placing a rose (God I wish). She’s a good decorator and a good hearted person, who unfortunately fell victim to the egg’s influence. I’m going with Hufflepuff on her, but I’m honestly not entirely sure as I don’t know that much about her.

HBomb94

H is a very well meaning person that only really wants people to be friendly towards each other. He had a strict moral code and he keeps to it, as shown where Fundy tried to get his help with blowing shit up. He’s very helpful to those who ask and is willing to back up his friends when it’s needed, which makes me say that the friendly totally not dirty cat maid is a Hufflepuff.

Connoreatspants

I just want you all to know that I’m writing this before Connor’s lore stream that surely will just go against everything I say because fate hates me, just so ya know. Connor is not a person that does stuff on the server with lore and he for the most part keeps to himself, so this is a bit hard. Connor also has this thing where he likes to say things just to confuse him, and also making a bit of cursed lore, but he’s still a fairly humble person. He does lie and steal a bit, and has this habit of moving into other people’s houses, but I digress. I’m actually leaning towards Ravenclaw on him, for some reason, so that’s what I’m going with until I have more of an established character.

ItsAlyssa

I know she has left the server and stuff, but she was one of the original members so it would be a crime not to include her. Alyssa is a bit chaotic, often going on killing sprees, or burning down the trees outside of L’Manburg. So I’m placing Alyssa in Gryffindor, but to be honest I don’t really know at this point.

Callahan

How do you sort a person who does not speak, stream, or show like anything of his personality? The answer is, you don’t. Hufflepuff is the house of those who don’t fit in anywhere else, and that’s where I’m placing him.

Vikkstar123

Please log onto the server I’m begging you, I didn’t watch you as a kid and honestly know nothing about you. From what I’ve seen of Vik he’s a very humble person that tries to stay out of it all, instead forming a land together with his bro Lazar. Honestly my instincts say Ravenclaw and I trust my instincts, so I’m putting him in Ravenclaw

Lazarbeam

Lazar was actually a big part of the exile arc which I realized after already have written his, so now I gotta rewrite it. Lazar is fairly ambitious on the server, and has the goal to obtain the most powerful objects on the server just to rival the other strong members of the smp. He’s especially against Tommy, and aims to do a lot to be the opposite of him, aka well respected and not a war criminal that got exiled (Totally fair goal). Despite that, he was able to show some empathy to the British child, even going as far as to give him a disk during his exile. This all makes me say Slytherin on him.

Michaelmcchill

Newest boy. Michael is a very apathetic person, showing little to no empathy towards most people’s trauma on the server. The person he does feel empathy for however is Dream, who of course did nothing wrong and is locked up in the prison which is just horrible oh no. Michael just truly does not care about what you’ve been through (as of now) which is why I’m gonna say Slytherin, because he does have Slytherin loyalty towards Mr Was Taken.

TL;DR

Tommy-Lion

Wilbur-Snake

Tubbo-Eagle

Techno-Eagle

Philza-Snake

Ranboo-Badger

Eret-Snake

Nikki-Badger

Fundy-Eagle

Dream-Snake

George-Eagle

Sapnap-Lion

Punz-Snake

Jack-Lion

Schlatt-Snake

Quackity-Snake

Karl-Badger

Sam-Badger

Ponk-Lion

Bad-Badger

Skeppy-Lion

Antfrost-Badger

Puffy-Lion

Foolish-Eagle

Slime-Badger

Purpled-Snake

Hannah-Badger

HBomb-Badger

Connor-Eagle

Alyssa-Lion

Callahan-Badger

Vik-Eagle

Lazar-Snake

Michael-Snake

So all together we have Seven lions, Ten Snakes, Seven Eagles and Ten Badgers. I think that’s fair tbh

[zenosanalytic]

Growing Up is Hard; It’s Hard and Nobody Understands

So I noticed netflix has Neon Genesis Evangelion up last week and started watching it front to back for the first time ever(this happens to have coincided with me being in a down-mood for your edification, dear readers u_u), finished it today, REALLY liked it, and I wanted to try my hand at explaining what the hell is even going on in NGE cuz it actl seemed super-clear to me(a person who has been consuming NGE analysis and post-NGE media for literally 25 years) u_u

Surface Plot; Or NERV: What the Hell Is It?

I’ll try to make this as brief as possible: An organization of super-wealthy individuals calling itself Seele(looking this up, it means soul in german) wants to possess the power of God. The final third or so of the series is clear on this; it’s all about power. Ikari Yui, a geneticist, is recruited by this organization, and her husband Gendo(having taken her name which says a LOT given typical Japanese practice) comes with her. In seeking out this power, they discover a hollow sphere underneath Antarctica(”The White Moon”), send an expedition there under the guise of the UN, encounter an entity with this power which they label an “Angel”, and do SOMETHING which prompts it to explode the continent flooding the earth and killing half the population(that Gendo left beforehand implies this may have been intentional, or that a bad outcome to Seele’s approach was easy to predict, tho in typical Gendo fashion, his is the only ass he cared to save).

Afterwards Seele blame the scientists for this outcome and send Gendo on a salvage mission which recovers both remains of the Angel, now dubbed “Adam”, and a device they dub “the spear of Longinus”. Seele creates Gehirn to study these remains for practical use; they clone “Adam” and dub the result Evas(Eves). Having cloned them, they now need a way to use and control them as the Evas are non-responsive. They hit on the idea of injecting people into them via the Entry Plug system, presumably to act as a brain. The first person to try this, Ikari Yui, was absorbed by the Eva(Unit 01); the second(Soryu Kyoko Zeppelin; Asuka’s mother) was partially psychologically absorbed by Unit 02, psychologically and mentally injured by this, institutionalized, abandoned by her shit USian husband Langley who remarried to her LEAD DOCTOR, and eventual kills herself in a hanging which Asuka either is the first to discover or, given her memories of promising to die with her/begging her not to do it, was present for. An important thing to note about this: Shinji and Asuka’s ability to sync with their Evas comes from the fact that their mothers are PART of their Eva’s identity, and all of their classmates are potential pilot-candidates. The implication here is that Seele KNEW this happened when you put adults into an Angel, and they KEPT DOING IT ANYWAY to create more pilots, but there’s no confirmation of that in series.

After the attempt at human adult control fails, Gendo combines Yui’s DNA with Adam’s and creates Rei. At the same time he is doing this another team, under Akagi Naoko, is developing Magi, a biomechanical computer for simulating the human mind(again: certain implication to this re: Evas though the series never says anything). Naoko is romantically interested in Gendo, and they start getting together(Gendo’s too much of an asshole to be said to date, I think). After Rei, a toddler, tells her Gendo calls her an “old woman” in private, not realizing this is insulting, Naoko kills her, then kills herself out of shame over having MURDERED A CHILD, and Gehirn is folded into a new organization, NERV, which Gendo is put in charge of. Rei forms the basis of the second attempt at controlling the Evas; child-pilots.

How they use Rei for this I’m not exactly sure. It could be because Rei is cloned from Yui(she easily syncs with Unit 01 before Shinji bonds with it completely), or because she’s part Angel via her Adam element(Kaworu says Angels merge with one another easily and naturally), or it could be they did something with Rei I’s corpse and Unit 00(I dont see how as it seems to require a LIVE pilot). Regardless, she is raised to be the pilot for 00, the prototype. MUCH later, when the rest of the Angels finally decide to come looking for Adam, Shinji is called in, and after his success Asuka(who like Rei and unlike Shinji has been training to pilot her whole life) is called to Nerv headquarters(under Japan, in the “Black Moon”; a second spherical hollow where they found another Angel they call Lilith) too.

Regardless the child-pilots are only a step in Nerv and Seele’s plans, as Rei is ALSO the template for the Dummy Plug system, the final step in complete control of Eva units. To put it simply, the Dummy Plugs are Rei-clones without her personality or memories, and will just do whatever the heck they’re ordered to. At least once during the series(and I’d argue two, possibly three times) Rei dies and is replaced by one of these clones through some process, which involves what looks like a pre 00 Eva’s spine and probably a Magi-like backup, which transfers her personality and memories into the new body.

So what is Nerv? Well it’s hard to say EXACTLY because Gendo is in some sort of conflict with Seele(and I want to keep my watches of End of Evangelion out of this post; to focus entirely on JUST NGE itself) and Nerv IS Gendo, but as the series states repeatedly it’s an attempt to control the future of humanity by controlling what they call “the power of god” which, given that it’s what most distinguishes the “Angels”, is the AT, or “Absolute Terror”, Field. What is the AT Field? It’s a field that can make or unmake any kind of matter or energy from basically nothing, and it also seems to have a strong tie to what you could call the Ego; to desires and sense-of-self. An AT Field gets stronger when the person generating it is experiencing powerful emotions; Confidence, sure, but also Fear, Abandonment, the Will to Live, and Anger.

That last bit is very important. Why? Strong AT Field effects require a powerful emotional motivation in the pilot combined with high sync-rates with the Eva(basically a lobotomized Angel-clone) generating the Field. The three pilots we meet, the Strongest candidates, are all exceedingly traumatized people, and Gendo is the direct cause of the trauma of two of them. At no point in the series is Gendo ever a good father to Shinji, he is CONSTANTLY unreasonable, neglectful, and cruel to him; he’s kinder to Rei but at the same time her loneliness, the state of her “home”, and her lack of self worth shows that he rarely interacts with her outside of missions or explains what’s going on beyond bald facts; and he COMPLETELY ignores Asuka, a deeply lonely child with a history of abandonment and close brushes with death; he even delegates bumping her from the program. This point is important because it’s important to recognize that Gendo is a bad dad on PURPOSE; that he instrumentalizes his bad dadness to traumatize Shinji(and Rei and Asuka, though sadly the series doesn’t focus on them enough for us to see much) as much as he can, because he thinks that trauma, that emotional instability and anger, MAKES SHINJI A MORE USEFUL PILOT; ie lets him generate more powerful AT Fields. This is never said clearly, but it’s clearly what’s going on as forcing Unit 01(and thus Shinji) into awful, heartbreaking, life-threatening situations is vital to his plan. Gendo’s a piece of shit, and I want ppl to recognize just HOW BIG a piece of shit he is, because I feel this powerfully.

And for what? For Power. To be “God”. To get the highest numbers. To generate the MOST Invincible Invincibility Shield. For Ridiculous, Absurd, Childish reasons. For, you know, the same reasons rich and powerful people do all the fucked up shit they do in the real world where giant magic robots thankfully DONT exist.

And how do they plan to do this? Through “Human Instrumentation”, which will literally kill everyone by turning them all into goo.

Metaplot; Or “SHINJI! Don’t Get in that Robot!!”

So, maybe this is just because(as said previously) I’ve been reading NGE Analysis and consuming media which NGE heavily inspired for ~25 years, but I think it’s old hat at this point to note that Neon Genesis Evangelion is ALSO an allegory for becoming an adult, centered on Shinji. However, it’s just really SO on the nose in this, so PERFECT as such a narrative, that I want to run through it real quick. Also: A Cruel Angel’s Thesis is basically a thesis-statement for this series; please check out the lyrics.

So Shinji is living under the guardianship of a teacher(yup: this series even takes a swing at how our society uses schools to warehouse kids so their parents can waste their lives producing “Value” instead of raising them), when the shitty dad that abandoned him decides he has a use for him after all and calls him up.

On meeting with a child he has not seen SINCE HE WAS A TODDLER LITERALLY ABANDONED HIM ON THE STREET WHEN HIS MOTHER DIED he immediately ambushes him with the command that he get in a huge body(that he grow up) to do what? Whatever Gendo tells him to, but specifically: commit acts of violence for Gendo and Seele’s profit. He tells him this will protect people; meanwhile doing it destroys those peoples’ literal homes. The rest of the series is a series of monotonous, incomprehensible “Tests” judging his, and his peers, worthiness for approval and affection on the basis of how well they can use those giant bodies to do what Gendo tells them(so: capitalist work), punctuated by unpredictable, brutal, traumatizing, and physically dangerous events(so: capitalist work). Every friend, and the one lover, he meets, he is placed in unnecessary, destructive competition with and, when they are male, forced to attack and(in the case of the one lover, Kaworu) kill them; this last comment on homophobia is so stark and obvs I don’t even feel like you can CALL it subtext, even IF it plays out over mostly a single episode(honestly this plotline should have been given more time). And all the time they’re doing this, they must ALSO continue going to school and maintaining the front that they’re happy smiley Heroes, completely normal and not traumatized at all, and Nerv and the government that lets them run this city is a great and wonderful organization. Is this not what becoming an adult, over your teens and 20s, feels like?

And then there’s Seele and Nerv. Able to move state governments as they wish, Seele CAUSED Second Impact(Global Warming). By not returning Adam’s remains, they’re CAUSING the Angel attacks on Nerv meant to retrieve them(the threat of Human extinction). The Angels eventually begin trying to communicate and Nerv’s response? Destroy them before they can; blow up the Evas(and their pilots) if they succeed. And to top it all off Seele and Nerv are actually trying to CAUSE the very extinction(Third Impact) they claim to be preventing! Seele and Nerv are just SUCH good metaphors for capitalism in our modern day.

The transwoman reading of Shinji also seems pretty dang strong to me, though I’ll only deal with it shallowly. Shinji is the only “male” of all the pilots. Outside of command and security, most Nerv staff are women. Being an Eva pilot, being Nerv staff, is marked as “feminine”, and Shinji is an Eva pilot; is a Nerv staffer. The body he gets into, Unit 01, acts as a metaphor for the large, imposing, masculine body he’s expected to have as an adult “man”, yet it’s also spiritually his mom -feminine- and his ability to use it is tied DIRECTLY with his ability to “Sync” with that spirit; with his ease and comfort being feminine. Even at the level of mere aesthetics, Shinji’s plugsuit makes him appear to have breasts! Going a bit deeper, he initially relates to the women around him by relating to their gender. He’s most at ease with Rei because of the personality traits she shares with him which, we know from his gender-policing of Misato from earlier in the series, are traits he considers feminine(ie: he doesn’t feel like Misato has them, so he thinks she’s being a woman “wrong” and gets oddly offended by this in a way that really feels more about him than her). Asuka is constantly expressing her frustration with him for not “being a man”, ie, for being “feminine” in her eyes, and he isn’t really bothered by it(her calling him an idiot seems to stick much more firmly). Misato and Shinji establish a modus vevendi when she accepts him as he is, allowing him to do the household chores and to cook; he’s comfortable and happy when accepted into roles his culture considers feminine, while most of the series is him bucking AGAINST the masculinity forced on him by Nerv, his father, and others. Again: this is a very surface-level engagement with the subject, but even at that shallow level I feel like the case for reading Shinji as a transwoman is pretty solid.

Dislikes

It’s not a perfect series by any means of course.

There’s allot of dialogue that’s pure 90s nonsense, though the series mostly includes it only to shoot it down.

Like I said above, I don’t think Rei and Asuka really get the time or attention they deserve. In general the series treatment of women is ...Weird... especially around the issue of sex. It’s really strange; in many ways it’s far better than most anime(spcl from that period) on this. Women are ACTUAL PEOPLE with psychology, opinions, and pasts; they’re allowed to have emotions of their own, and struggles, and to be damn competent; they are independent and their own selves rather than accessories or “prizes” to men. But on the issue of feminine sexuality it just gets suddenly so weird in this very particular old-school misogynist way. Like: it treats women’s attraction and reactions TO relationships as something devoid of and impenetrable to reason, without belittling the emotions(the desire and hurt) behind those reactions. That’s the only way I can describe it, and it’s so strange to see something that is both so insulting and sympathetic at once. Oh, and the Akagis in particular are done super-dirty for seemingly no reason I can see, tho I can guess, and Akagi Ritsuki is CLEARLY a lesbian(possibly bi lesbian) and also Rose Lalonde(srsl; her Deal should have been an unrequited, unspoken crush on Misato. They openly dealt with queerness re: Kaworu and Shinji they could have done it here too).

The Kaworu storyline should have been a series of episodes or even developed from the start with him as another pilot(maybe replace Toji with him), though they’d have to tone down his weirdness, at least at the start. A deeper dive on Shinji’s sexuality(honestly his attraction to Kaworu is SO much more immediate and believable than anything we see with him and Asuka, which there is basically nothing of beyond the ep where they had to do choreography for a fight, and that’s not developed on) would have really been appreciated, and having Kaworu be a bigger part of the series would have facilitated that.

Also honestly the whole series feels a bit rushed? Spcl the second half. Like I said: I haven’t done any followup reading lately, but I remember there being some budget problems or something, so maybe that’s the cause. Ironically it might actl also be why it’s as GOOD as it is; having to keep it short forces you to write concise and lean, and that’s probably why its themes and message are so clear. But, I’d have liked more rambling for character development, and more time spent on seeing Rei and Asuka react to the stresses we saw Shinji face(also they never really get moments to shine like he does; another negative common to the medium and genre). Asuka in particular, as a Japanese German with a USian temperament abandoned by her parents, already an outsider in SO many ways, coming to live in an entirely different culture where she’s even MORE of an outsider; forced to live with people(Misato and Shinji) she finds it impossible to relate to or connect with; who has literally NO ONE beside a single adult guardian who totally blows her off THE WHOLE SERIES after delivering her; PLUS her awful past: there’s just SO MUCH material I’d have loved to see explored more slowly and with greater depth, detail, and sympathy even if what IS there already is pretty powerful and effecting. She’s SUCH a good Vriska(so I’d also have loved to see her break more shit too >:>)

Conclusion

So Anyway: I really liked this series. It had its problems, there are things I’d have liked to see, but it absolutely deserves the reputation it has. I might write more about this, I might do a watch through INCLUDING End of Evangelion(which actl makes much more sense having watched the series, though having done so makes Shinji’s masturbation scene comPLETELY out of left-field like where the hell did THAT come from); we’ll see.

[c0ffeebee]

you got any rare kliego fic recs? i’ve probably read the first five pages of most kudos’d results but i know there are a ton that slip thru the cracks

ok, i'm sorry for replying so late, nonny, but i guess looking at the list you'll understand why ❤

i'll be honest with you once i've gotten into kliego i read through their entire tag of ao3 [at least those fics where i was ok with the tags and summary felt intriguing] so now i literally went through it again and picked those of the fics the names of which i remembered, and there's A LOT 😀 some of those are really popular, some not at all, but i remember loving those ❤

at first i thought i would tell you a bit about every fic on the list, but it would take me forever, so i will just give you titles/links, authors and summaries, hope it's fine ❤ look out for the tags tho, to know if you’re fine with everything! and some of those are benkliego ❤

i'm sure i forgot or missed something, but i did my best, trust me ❤

so without further ado i present to you: 

bee's big kliego rec list (in no particular order)

till you can breathe on your own by iwishii

Diego has never been more frightened than he is now, trying to help his brother reach the surface in time.

❤ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ❤

practice makes perfect by iwishii

Klaus doesn't want to show up to parties totally inexperienced and virginal, so he asks Diego to help him get some practice in.

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master of my domain by achilleees

“You’re asking five 13-year-old boys not to jerk off for �� it can’t be done,” Luther says. “Now that we’re older, it would be different, but back then –”

“Excuse me, I could do it,” Five says. “I could certainly outlast all of you.”

They all look at each other.

“Oh, no,” says Allison.

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the year that wasn't by achilleees

Diego turned to Five. “I’ve already, uh, lived today. This has already happened.”

Everyone went still.

“Ooh, that’s a mind-fuck,” said Klaus.

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The Weight of Himself by sarkywoman

If he could, Diego would unfurl his middle finger.

For the 'can only move the eyes' square at badthingshappenbingo. Reginald's experiments have devastating consequences on Diego, but both he and Klaus refuse to let that be the end.

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Laid Bare by MilenaDaniels

“So,” Five continued matter-of-factly, “you’re in a cramped, human sized box, in a graveyard where you can’t see light or hear sounds. What are the odds that you’re above ground?”

Diego blinked. He thought he’d been smelling the iron of his blood pooling and drying under his head but it was humid in here, and musty.

“Fuck,” Diego said.

Diego and Klaus are buried alive together.

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Flies in the Kitchen by yourfearlessleader

Klaus is sixteen and love is a rot.

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Before, During, and After by yourfearlessleader

Before the apocalypse, life was making the best of a bad situation, and Klaus found that he grew up to be very good at it.

During is, for lack of a better word, hard.

After they try to kill Vanya, after the apocalypse, after they jump through time to avoid it, after they survive and make up and a million and one other things, here they are.

❤ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ❤

break it like you're breaking a code by findyourfortunefalling

"Are you planning to sit in a chair like a person today, or are we all eating our breakfast off of you this morning?"

"Kinky," Klaus purrs, but he rolls off the table anyway, and piles himself into a seat near the head of the table. Diego puts the plate of pancakes in front of him; he's put blueberries in them today. "Thank you, chef."

"Eat," says Diego. "Quietly."

Instead of replying, Klaus picks up a pancake with his fingers, stuffs the entire thing into his mouth at once, and chews noisily.

Diego sighs, and goes back to the stove. "Man, I remember a time when you were house trained."

❤ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ❤

two boys emerging from shadowed hallways by spikeymarshmallows

After Ben dies, Diego drags a broken Klaus out of the Academy. They're both determined to never return, to find their own way out in the world.

Things are not as easy as they would like.

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the things i can't say by  spikeymarshmallows

"Diego, wait!" Klaus shouted, clutching Diego's arm.

"You look like Antonio Banderas with long hair," he choked.

*

Five times Klaus doesn't say 'I love you'.

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Into the Night by  spikeymarshmallows

"Hey," Klaus whispered, "hey, Diego, wake up." Diego grumbled, dragging his blanket higher up his body before settling again. "Hey." Klaus tried again, voice a little louder. "Hey, wake up." He poked at Diego's arm insistently.

*

The Hargreeves siblings go on late night adventure to get doughnuts

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all tangled close by spikeymarshmallows

They were all going to have to deal with the pheromones for however long Klaus' first heat lasted.

Diego was, in a word, screwed.

*

Five times Diego and Klaus have heat sex; and one time they don't.

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the kliego genderswap/sexswap by spikeymarshmallows

The name speaks for itself.

❤ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ❤

The Fools' Journey by sweetstuff

After his release from prison on a manslaughter charge, Diego tries to leave behind the life he adapted to survive on the inside. He finds himself drawn to a beautiful and peculiar sex worker named Klaus in a local bar, and when danger strikes Diego makes a decision that will have them both running for their lives.

❤ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ❤

and death i think is no parenthesis by laiqualaurelote

“You guys seem really chill about all this,” observed Ben. “By this point most people are running around screaming.”

“Occupational hazard,” said Klaus.

“I’ve lost a lot of blood,” said Diego. “I’m just accepting everything at face value right now.”

Allison is the best damn realtor in the business, and she is going to sell the Hargreeves Mansion if it kills her. Never mind that it’s packed to the rafters with the ghastly relics of grisly murders, or that there’s a vampire in the basement who looks like a 13-year-old, or that the medium she hired to exorcise its inhabitants keeps flirting with some of them, i.e. the one with the knives and the one with the tentacles. Or that if they all spend enough time together, they just might cause the apocalypse.

NotSiblings!AU that is basically The Umbrella Academy as American Horror Story: Murder House, though you need not have seen any AHS to read this.

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i got troubles (they won't let me be) by antipathy

“I don’t understand why you’re hung up on this.” Five didn’t bother to mask his scowl. “Let me spell it out for you: either you two fuck, or we all die.”

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Eye Of The Storm by shadowhive

Diego decides to surprises Klaus by taking them on a weekend trip, but it doesn’t go as planned.

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Mine, All Mine by Electra_XT

“No!” Klaus said. “Move the other way.”

“What are you trying to get a good look at, exactly?” Diego said.

Klaus blinked at him. His eyes were wide and kohl-rimmed, as fetching and alluring as the rest of him. “Why, your ass,” he said. “That thing is fine.”

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On Sight by Electra_XT

“Oh,” Klaus said, stopping in his tracks with his hand on the mouse.

Ben leaned over his shoulder. “‘Cute Latino camboy gives a show’?”

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Practice Makes Perfect Sense by punk_rock_yuppie

“Practice… kissing?” Diego asks.

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Aftershocks by punk_rock_yuppie

Saving the world is hard work, is Klaus’ last thought before succumbing to the heat of the puppy pile he and his other siblings have formed.

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Passenger by Cunninglinguist

“And you’re sure that’s okay?”

“I mean, yeah. It’s fine with me. All we have to do is ask Diego.”

“And you think he’ll be...cool with it?”

“Dunno.” Klaus shrugs and stirs his smoothie with his straw. “But I’m on board with it, and he usually gets on board with whatever I’m on board with, so. I’d say it’s at least worth an ask.”

Klaus feels Ben’s eyes burning into him as he sips his beverage. Sure, the idea of Ben possessing him had initially been about as appealing as a coffee enema, and the first few times in practice had been more than slightly traumatizing. But once they’d established ground rules and worked to get more in tune with one another, Klaus had come to find the experience to be...interesting. It could be pleasant, almost zen—there is no sensation in the world quite like being a passenger in one's own body. And to be privy to both his own sensations as well as Ben’s? Well, that’s something else entirely.

Which is why the idea of Ben possessing his body during sex both freaks him out and turns him on in equal measure.

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i am a dark and wicked thing by Cunninglinguist

Klaus is staring at Diego with hollow eyes, straw still perched between his lips. No reaction, not even a spark of joy or schadenfreude as he watches Diego disrupt breakfast. Diego shifts. He’s seen corpses before, and were Klaus not sitting close enough to touch, chest rising and falling visibly with his breath, Diego could easily mistake him for one.

Vampire!Klaus AU

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The Diamond Sinners by Cunninglinguist

Another drink and a half later, he’s finally back on the right side of numb. The house lights dim and a new dancer is announced. He’s gazing across the club, eyeing the buffet with semi-tipsy hunger, thinking that it’s probably time to call it a night, when suddenly, his heart stops dead in his chest.

There, onstage, rolling his lithe body sensuously against the pole like he was summoned out of one of Diego’s wet dreams, is Klaus.

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Broken Like Me by Starrstruck_64

“This s-s-stuff will kill you,” he says plucking the cigarette out of Klaus’ fingers, delighting slightly in the fact that he’d only partially stumbled through the sentence.

Klaus smirks and it’s such a far cry from his fun loving brother he had two weeks ago that Diego nearly flinches.

“Ever stop and think that’s the plan,” Klaus says moving to stand and reaching to snag the cigarette back.

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sing it out, hard as you can by plingo_kat

The first time it happens, Klaus doesn’t notice.

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Soft by Dirty_Corza

Sometimes, between the boxing matches and vigilante business, Diego likes to be soft.

Klaus and Ben surprise him by liking the softer side of him, too.

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Wait for it by nishiki

A mission gone wrong, a dream shattered.

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all that i have to lose by UnrememberedSkies

Diego does some good, and Klaus pays the price. 

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wasp by Chelseylovesllamas

Diego is scared of bugs, Klaus saves the day.

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Friday at Four by Kliegology

Diego's life takes a nosedive when he's forced out of work and into an art therapy class. He's clinging to his last shred of normality when he meets Klaus, who takes one look at him and threatens to tear it away.

“I think you’ll find you have a lot in common with the other people there,” The Therapist said, watching him shrewdly.

Diego was vividly reminded of the jittery, barefoot man in the pink fluffy cardigan. He snorted. “I don’t think so.”

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[skinfeeler]

you may notice so-called progressive members of religions (including those which are minority religions in ‘the west’) spend much more time on critics of religion than conservatives in their own circles. sentiments such as “X discussion belongs within the community” might clue us in as on why, but allow me to proffer a red thread that i believe i have identified throughout all of this.

it is, obviously, true that critique of religion often constitutes or is a vehicle for assorted bigotries. a certain vigilance can be understandable and i advocate among my peers to not let us become callous of the very real dangers that members of certain ethnic and cultural groups (however one might understand these) face, even people marginalised in and by such religious communities. this is then, in fact, the crux of my project: the acknowledgment that say, ex-muslims aren’t really helped by islamophobia given the fact that it’s not like they’re going to get support from those people peddling it, which is exactly why it’s so tragic that many of them feel there’s no place for them on the left, because so many people on the left refuse to acknowledge that even though islamophobia is well, extant, it’s not like people stuck in certain spheres (among which gay and trans people, women, and all children) are impervious from being harmed just because larger society might not be accepting of those who level that harm unto them. this much then is important: to do right by everyone who must be done right by in whatever way and to leave people’s dignity intact, and to do so in such a way that cannot be co-opted by white supremacists and the like— the most important way to do this is to attack the concept of parental authority, which (culturally) christian conservatives will never accept but will resolve basically all problems that result from the shape of religion as a non-elective membership propagated through the family (as structured by clergy etc etc, whatever).

inoffensive as this clause should be to anyone who claims to be part of the left — which must fundamentally oppose the family for either marxist reasons per engels or for other reasons — even anti-theism which very clearly takes this form is mistaken, usually on purpose, by many religious apologists, to be something it’s not. one of those things that get invoked is the very real white supremacism and imperialist thought that is too endemic in our circles. i’ll admit to tendencies herein appearing from time to time — including in myself, at times, regrettably — but i also insist that a large part of this is simply the fact that while religious people enjoy the benefits of community and avenues for discussion and review, many of us do not: all we have at this stage, sadly, is the diatribes of new atheists who consider christendom an important ‘bulwark’ to protect the ‘occident’ who are useless to anything but an insipid culture war. mistakes are going to be made, and i think some small leeway should be allowed those most ambitious of us who still have a clear and provable dedication to justice and equity (and this is in fact the point of any useful notion of freedom of speech), especially since what we currently have works for nobody except those who want first and foremost to remain comfortable— which is exactly what i believe describes so many anti-anti-theists, but we do in fact need an alternative.

it’s not easy to be leftist and religious and my heart goes out to those who try, even if i don’t ultimately think that where they are heading will allow them to keep their principles coherent and intact: members of one’s congregation and one’s spiritual leaders may tacitly condone or endorse ethnic cleansing in the levant, assorted infant genital maiming rituals, reifications of gender that only those least abject to it can find peace with (consider the humble theyfab), the imperative and exaltation of procreation, to name a few possibilities, which one then is implicitly required to respect in order to remain part of such communities, and i understand the struggle of wanting to be or remain part of those and to have to tangle with that. what i don’t understand then, though, is the abhorrence of people outside such circles who perform critique of the like: i simply do not agree with the fact that certain discussions should stay within the community and they should be well left alone in literally every way with no demands made given the fact that certain members in those communities who this harm is visited upon and whose membership isn’t elective (including all children) do not have voice or agency in those discussions — they deserve support and solidarity across cultural lines, especially as it’s apostates from so many religions who helped me survive and i will owe this to them forever — let alone those in the outgroup who fall victim to the real geopolitical consequences of the substance of certain positions that proliferate in some of these communities, as is now more relevant than ever. this latter aspect is obvious to even the progressive religious apologist, however… at least those conservatives, both inside the congregation and in much more conservative movements don’t threaten what they perceive to be the faith.

an instantiation of this which i will see even most progressive religious people abhor is the notion that any religion is tied, inherently, to not just a nation, but a state. and so they can quibble with their zionist peers and spiritual leaders on this, because both of them have one thing in common: the idea that even if one’s religion/culture is not most meaningfully embodied through state, it is through family, and the criticism of the conservative that the progressive has is not that they are wrong, but merely inauthentic and clinging to something unnecessary, but they are not. i vehemently disagree: the nature of most organised religions has changed through both necessity and acknowledged moral imperative. why can a religion which doesn’t transmit through the family (one of only adult converts perhaps) be envisioned— which in turn wouldn’t depend so heavily on the reification of bodies and family immanent in the aforementioned (a conclusion worth stressing on its own)? if you ask me, it’s a matter of a lack of courage borne from a lack of understanding of history— one may want to read doubt: a history by jennifer michael hecht who is considered jewish according to halakha (for however much that fucking means) who speaks on what the german jews in the 19th century, understanding that they could either stay stuck in the present (and thus have their worldview eventually become as farcical as those who believed that recreating the temple era of judaism was either viable or desirable in any histiographical or theological sense as a result of you know, history historying) or establish those principles which they believed were actually important that could be passed on regardless of how judaism was envisioned before. their work, however hegelian in nature, produced some of the greatest minds even among their apostates, including theodor adorno. turns out that even when people become philosophers rather than rabbis (or ministers, or imams, or gurus), they have plenty to offer, there is wisdom and value in exalting sagehood above the pulpit and how the pulpit must always lay down the law for the mechanisms of familial transmission.

consider second, the ancient greeks: the ancient greeks no longer possess the structures required to exercise their worldviews and theodicies as a bloc (in diaspora or otherwise). regardless, many of their concepts and wisdoms persist in various cultures literally all across the worlds, including mine: their strands of cultural dna have germinated in a larger cosmopolitan phenotype, and i believe this is beautiful and worthwhile in its own right, and in no way whatsoever a loss. sure, their influence might not be recognisable as an enduring culture, but does that make it any less valuable? no, not in the slightest. the fact is, once you are on the other side this is the most normal thing in the world, nobody will mourn it, and everyone who wishes to return will be easily dismissed as entertaining a fantasy. the only way to forestall this is in fact a tautological clinging to the present which will necessarily through the course of history become an immanence of reaction, after all, the prime fallacy of reactionary thought is that it is in fact possible to recreate the past, which is plainly not true except perhaps for aesthetic but which will regardless necessarily be rooted in the current conditions of the world. all that forestalling this progression constitutes is the insistence on the completely artificial. much like the workings of the state are one that imposes a false reality, a phantasm, a reification onto the world, so with family, and literally the moment you stop propping it up it will be superceded. let me repeat that: supercession is inevitable, and the most sophisticated elements of any culture acknowledge this and have for literal centuries (although some cultures are ahead of others in this regard by-and-large). for every generation of a culture persisting as itself, apostates and deviants emerge and at this rate they have done more for the progress within any cultural body than will ever happen within such cultural bodies, which must begrudgingly acknowledge that they are dependent on modernity in order to make any progress at all (and as such, will wither away together with modernity), although of course they will deny this at any front— the adaptation of any covenant is desperately contingent on integration and naturalisation of the apostate and the ‘modern’, or at least her wisdom , which the embodied religious individual will then, of course, pretend to practisee more ‘maturely’ than the apostate because they insist on integrating it in a neutered fashion where it is stripped of future potential of development until the next steal comes along, which is better than fully embodied anti-atheism as the ever-sublating struggle against entropy, for some fucking reason.

this is the promise of ‘externality’ that foucault dreamt of: that there is a way of thinking ‘outside the box’ that allows us to once and for all dispel and move on from the ways of thinking that we cannot think outside of. derrida then disputed him by arguing that there is no outside context. derrida is right— regardless, i remain optimistic: perhaps this cosmopolitan neotenous emergence is a culture in itself, but it is as divergent from what came before as christianity is to judaism, and islam to both christianity and judaism. all it takes is courage, and once the leap of faith has been made, this state of affairs will be the most normal thing in the world. in light of this, the claim that anticlericalism is simply an outwash of christendom becomes obviously farcical and a clear double standard when one considers in juxtaposition their insistence that christianity is divergent from what came before, even though in both cases (christendom versus judaism, anticlericalism versus christendom) perhaps some commonality in language exists and perhaps some people exist who have not managed to estrange themselves from the trappings of christian thought— not to mention the worldwide history of anticlericalism that is yet to be integrated which exists exactly because clericalism necessarily has the same structure and function across all religions. join me in this supercessionist bliss, reject the idea that chronology of thought implies that successors are one and the same as what they draw upon or co-opt, and help usher in the only future world worth conceiving of, resting easy and comfortable in the truthful rejection of the notion that any culture needs to cling to the notion of familial transmission to have any worth at all or that its existence as such is inevitable. the complete and utter nullification of familial logic will happen regardless of whether you want it or not anyway, because it is as artificial as the logic of nation and state and likewise unsustainable and on its death march— this is the one and final eschatology of this world which is not a threat, but a promise, since it will (and can) not be the result so much of repression but of religion collapsing under its own weight, and this much is only uncomfortable to those who are disciples to the family regardless of whether they admit it to themselves or not.

[kingofthewilderwest]

Hi! here's part 1 of the ask XD: So I have this friend whom I try to love unconditionally but she is not as involved in the friendship, but I wanna try to still be there for her just in case something happens to her in the future plus, but most of my friends say that I should leave her if she is not as invested and I started thinking maybe there is something wrong with me? I consider my loves ones my purpose/goal, meaning and dream, I can't leave her! Since you are very insightful, thoughts? XD

Hey there. <3 <3 I'm so so so sorry you had to wait this long for my response. I've been thinking about you and chewing over the right words. Sometimes it's hard for me to muster up words. I hope these words are slightly okay and aren't coming too late. Also sorry that it's long. XD

I've been in friendships I consider imbalanced; one of us feels a much greater love for them than vice versa. I've been in both directions: as the person feeling the greater love, and as the person receiving that love.

Loving another person is beautiful. I think it's the most beautiful part of the human soul. Wanting them to be happy and being willing to help them through challenges is some of the purest things a human can feel. The fact you are someone filled with love and devotion shows that you have some beautiful things in your heart. <3

Unfortunately, I do believe that imbalanced relationships are not healthy until they get handled. It doesn't have to mean there's something wrong with you. Sometimes it just be. But it might indicate the relationship is not in good, stable equilibrium; it might indicate you will have to adjust your behavior; it might indicate there are psychological things you have to process (depends on your situation); and it might indicate both of you are getting unintentionally hurt by this current imbalance.

Several times I've been in relationships where I loved that person way more than vice versa. In both notable cases, they were uncomfortable with me. I felt like I was straining to be around them because I loved them so much, but I felt in pain too because I didn't get enough good time from them. I wanted my happiness in them, but I couldn't actually get secure happiness from them because they weren't invested in me in a level that'd satisfy my emotional-psychological strainings. And when I wanted to help them and got turned down, I felt extremely frustrated. I wanted!! to!!! help!!!!! them!!!! :(( One time the friendship would have been healthy if we'd both felt the same, but it wasn't meant to be. Another time, while I believed I was acting out of the right amount of devotion, that devotion was good and correct, I actually had insecurities I had to deal with. My devotion was an inability to accept my reality. I was emotionally unstable. I am not saying this is what you have; I'm just saying this is what happened to me one time.

On the other hand, I've had multiple situations where people adored me. Either I felt so-so about them, or they were friends, just not to that extent. And I will admit, it's very unfun being on this side, too. I knew I couldn't give them what they wanted. I didn't want to hurt them, but I couldn't magically create a type of love in me I didn't have for them. I didn't want them to be the people I was confiding in or relying on for my worst struggles; I had other friends who fulfilled those roles and I was sufficient that way. In the imbalanced relationships, I'd enjoy hanging out and going to the coffee shop once in a while, sure! I wanted to be casual or everyday friends with many of 'em! But it could easily accidentally feel like they were hanging over me and not giving me breaks I sometimes needed. Or it felt... I mean... there's times where someone who is romantically in love with you makes you feel awkward, and I absolutely believe there's the platonic equivalent when it's that unrequited level of friendship-love. And because the intensity is unrequited, the level of love the lover feels is never going to be matched, and nothing you do will make that change. The only thing you can do is adjust yourself and your actions and try to get that unrequited straining tampered down over time.

I'm not saying you are obtrusively hanging over the other person or annoying them. I don't know your situation's details and I'm not going to presume them. <3 It very well could be the case that other folk is just indifferent. It could be the case you're simply at a miscommunication about basic balance needs. So I'm agnostically covering all scenarios. But when I hear about situations like these where the love is imbalanced, my go-to response is: the person who's in further has to back off.

Because at this point: it's about boundaries of comfort. You have to prioritize the comfort of the person who feels their space is being (for lack of better words, sorry) "invaded".

Perfectly fair friendships sometimes need to readjust their boundaries so everyone feels comfortable. Backing off doesn't need to be cutting your friend out of your life. I think it depends on the situation. If you're actually friends where both are willing to work with the other, sometimes it can be successfully communicated out. I've had that work in my friendships.

You can learn what your friend's boundaries are, and then you'll have to learn how to stick with them. It might feel unpleasant when your heart is screaming to do and be more, and I sympathize. I know we can't turn our hearts off. Hearts will continue to yearn. But I think you and I can both understand that ultimately, in loving our friends, the most loving act we can do is make sure they feel comfortable with us. If that means your buddy only wants you as a sometimes-go-to-the-mall-with person, then that's the role you do; to go further is to breach into an intimacy they don't want. Over time, by acting carefully, hopefully your screaming heart will not scream so bad, and you and your friend will both feel happier with how your day-to-day interactions go.

In other cases, the imbalance might be irreparable. If the other person is legitimately indifferent or disinterested in you, you are investing a ton of spoons and emotional energy that are taxing you and helping nobody. They're not actually your friend. This type of person doesn't want your devotion, and while that kindness is wonderful, you're not actually going to be able to help them. In such a case, your other companions could be right, and that leaving the person is the best choice you could make. Kindness takes a lot of energy, and we are only hurting ourselves if we are over-investing in someone who literally doesn't care. It's not healthy emotionally, it means you don't learn how to move on and allocate emotions, and you burn yourself out for someone who wouldn't bat an eyeball and help you. Good friendships are ones where people are going to help each other to at least some extent, right? Because you deserve that, too!!!

I've seen plenty of one-sided "friendships" where the endless lover gets manipulated, taken advantage of, and abused to serve the other, uncaring person. I would be really sad if you ended in a situation like that one, because damn, those mess folks up. In such a worst case scenario as that one, "helping" the person, "loving" them, just perpetuates and "justifies" their bad behavior to you (and probably others), and means every action you do doesn't help them... it hurts you, and that's the only result. Again, I'm not saying this is you. I am NOT. But fucking hell, I've seen it happen a lot, and it's dangerous, and it's why love also involves knowing when to say "no" and step aside, right?

There was one time I was deeply in love with someone who was toxic. But even though she was toxic, I couldn't leave her! I wouldn't abandon her!! That's what I thought. [sigh] Leaving her ended up being the best thing I did, and the best thing that happened to her, too. That was a greater, more loving, more humble choice than the anxious (frankly very unhealthy) paranoia I had trying to keep her in my life. And I have majorly psychologically healed and gotten better, stabler relationships with everyone around me since making that choice.

Human love is like a candle. It's a beautiful light shining for the edification of others and everyone's happiness. But what good is it if you burn yourself out in an empty room? All you do is harm yourself, lose your light, and nobody else receives it. And if you're a candle, you probably need other candles to relight you, too; we're reciprocal beings. Considering your loved ones your entire purpose, meaning, and dream ergo could end up to nothing but personal harm if you pursue something like that empty, dark room. It doesn't even have to be a malicious room... just... indifferent to anything you could do. </3

I hold a huge value to devotion and loving friends. None of my answers are intending to say, "curb love!" I do believe in sacrificing for others when they need it, and I do believe in showing kindness to folks who'll be buttheads to me. But I also believe that we need to make sure we are in good relationships where we're being cherished too. Whether your situation is one where the friendship can continue after a good conversation about comfort, or it's one where you're better off investing your heart elsewhere, I believe this might be a hard case of learning restraint.

I'd say it's restraint in how we channel our love.

We can still love unconditionally while knowing there are boundaries we won't cross and energy we won't extend. We can always give people love to the degree to which each relationship merits it. Sometimes someone is out of our boundaries and that's just how it is. All interactions can be made with love in mind. A best friendship and an acquaintanceship both involve love, but each type of relationship has different actions we can and cannot take to make the other comfortable, or make the relationship solid and balanced. This is not limiting love. I believe this is using love right.

Because there's so many instances where friendships aren't bad, aren't toxic, aren't shitty, aren't doomed or something... they're just imbalanced, and balancing is hard! Nobody is doing anything wrong-wrong, and love is good, we just aren't channeling our love right or designating our emotional energies well. There are successful cases where folks I know initially made me uncomfortable but stepped back to my comfort zone. We stayed friends and have had a good time. I've felt better about being with them after having conversations and making adjustments. Sometimes it took a while because hearts HAVE EMOTIONS, but! We refound balance! Our friendships returned to a stable, healthy state. And I've felt better after receiving feedback from friends saying I've exceeded their bounds, and learned (ever-so-painfully) to step back and tell me heart there's places I cannot go.

I wish you the best with finding balance. Take care, have an awesome one. <3 Rock on.