#but i think that in some way it's just like a coping mechanism to cope with the fact that im so very alone

[skhv67]

comforting their partner with depression / during a breakdown

nam-gyu • thanos / choi su-bong • dae-ho

angst, fluff. sfw

tw not proofread

Nam-gyu

• This man is quite awkward with his feelings, so don't expect a sweet heart to heart talk with him.

• Quick to offer solutions, even if you don't ask him. He'll most likely get offended if you tell him you don't need advice and that you just want someone to listen to you. Like, he will listen, but he finds it useless talking about something without reaching for a solution, and he will feel his care is being rejected which will make him feel hurt.

• If this is your preferred way of being comforted, congratulations, because he will take care of all your problems. He's quite smart and knows how to fix whatever situation you find yourself lost in.

• More touchy than usual, but not in like a gentle, soothing way. He'll just be all over you, probably unconsciously, because he deep down wants you to feel better as soon as possible and doesn't know what to do with himself.

• During a breakdown he wouldn't show it but he's panicking HARD. He feels an overwhelming feeling of pain if he sees you gasping for air while trying to unsuccesffuly articulate what's wrong.

• Leans into physical touch and generic words of support to help you during this. His real feelings show through his anxious touches, as if he's trying to physically brush your problems off of you.

• He'll listen to you but if you don't want feedback he won't have much to give you in that situation besides physical comfort.

• If you're in a depression it'll probably wear you two down. I mean, he's most likely depressed even if he's not diagnosed. At best you'll stay together but it'll become a really toxic relationship.

• It's just you two sucking each other's energy and repeating unhealthy coping mechanisms.

• While he wouldn't offer you hard drugs because he still loves and cares about you despite all your problems, he'd provide you weed or alcohol to forget about it for a night. He's an asshole but he wouldn't want to give you an addiction in your worst moment so he'd be careful with it.

• He'd be understanding when you act on your feelings during a bad episode and if you happen to find him in a certain mood he won't take it personally because he can relate to you.

• Out of the three I think he's the most understanding, maybe not the best to help you with it, but he definitely understands you. He knows how depression can affect on your behavior so he won't think badly of you when you have outbursts.

• Shows his care by making you feel seen rather than helping.

Thanos

• Has some slow processing ngl he will see you having a breakdown and will stand in front of you without reacting to check the gravity of the situation.

• So once he actually realizes that something serious is going on, his first instinct is to take your face in his hands and try to calm you down with his words. He's probably not the best in these situations, he doesn't really know how to handle your panic and just tries to make it stop as soon as possible instead of trying to understand the problem.

• Once calmed down he will try to joke around and even make fun of himself to try to make you laugh. His jokes come out more awkwardly than usual, he's not too confident as he's not sure of how you're going to react or if it's the right move to make.

• Makes the mistake of going for quick solutions when you show distress instead of aiming for the root of the problem. This can make you feel a false sense of relief and happiness. He doesn't do it intentionally though, he has his best intentions when he tries to pull you away from your problems even if temporarily.

• If you're in a depression he won't encourage you to get help, he'd probably think he can fix you himself [incorrect buzzer sound]

• Unless you actually take the initiative to share your feelings I don't think he'll pry on them. It's not because he doesn't care, it's just that he avoids thinking too deeply about anything, specially problems. He already avoids his so he will be avoiding yours too, not with malice though. He will show care and has an intense need to make you feel better but he doesn't realize it's too shallow for the situation.

• If you do share your feelings I feel like it'd make him spiral. He can handle himself when he's feeling those things, but he feels so hurt for you and he's lost in what to do. For him it's easy to escape with drugs and fake facades but he would never want that for you and it lowkey makes him panic.

• Would ask everybody and their mother for advice on how to handle it but an actual qualified person. He'd even research on it (with no intention to use the advice on himself lol) and he would somehow be of some help after trying hard, but don't rely entirely on him to get better because there's just so much some internet advices can do.

• There's a 70% of chance of actually getting better with him. His emotional help might not be the best but paired with his lighthearted and fun personality it's definitely more efficient.

Dae-ho

• He's a sweetheart, he'll go above and beyond to make you feel better.

• Seems like the type to try everything really. He will probably panic at first if he finds you crying or if you start showing signs that something's wrong, so probably his first reaction is to soothe you physically.

• During a breakdown he'll calm you down firstly with his words. He'd guide you through your panic with his words and would encourage you to let it all out before you can tell him what's wrong.

• When you're more stable, he'd want to pull you into a hug but he'd adapt himself to whatever his partner prefers. If you don't like physical touch he'll just listen intently, maybe caressing your arm at most. If you don't mind though, he'll lay down with you in his arms for hours until you're calm.

• However if it's something like a depression he'll become your personal cheerleader. He'll give you more attention and will focus on making you know how important you're for him by taking you out in more dates, giving you handmade gifts or offering to do things he knows you want but never ask to do.

• Best believe that if you have depression while being with him you'll get better. He will handle it so well, he'd encourage you to get professional help early on and would support every change you make.

• The only thing he'd do wrong would be being too careful to the point he'd look like he's walking on eggshells, which could make you feel guilty. This would be fixed in a single conversation though, he'd be understanding promosing to be more natural with you.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

dear sex batman I have to buy pregnancy tests every 3-6 months even though my partner and I use condoms and I’m on birth control i don’t actually think i’m pregnant i just get really anxious about it and it won’t go away until I take a test any advice to make it less stressful or is this just the best coping mechanism i got

seems like some anxiety meds might go a long way here

[drdemonprince]

Re: what do dominant people need to recover after a harder-kink session?

Biggest things that helped me were taking some time afterwards to sit together, talk with her about what she had or hadn't enjoyed, just some reassurance that she knew I respected her IRL and that I only was willing to manhandle her in various ways because it turned her on, that I wouldn't ever purposefully do anything that she wasn't ok with, and so on. Basically just trying to get back into that soft/loving/protective mode, rather than rough/aggressive/etc

TBH, it's been a long time since I've had kinky sex, or any sex so I don't know what might help the best at this life point.

Something that I'm a bit nervous about wrt aftercare is having her confirm that she enjoyed it and wanted whatever we did to happen, but me going on some kind of shame spiral of worrying that she's just doing a fawn response and saying that because she wants to reassure me.

My current solution for that is that I'm just pretty tight about what types of harder kinks I'm willing to do at all, even if the woman says she wants it and enjoys it. Even if I might sexually enjoy certain types of CNC, for example, I kinda don't feel mentally/emotionally comfortable acting that kind of scenario out. Ignoring "no's" or getting really physically threatening, even as a LARP, are just things where I don't know if I can explore them in a way that won't make me feel like a bad person.

-------------------------

Had an experience of this type that I had early in my sexual career and which went really badly, but idk if it's the kind of thing that you really talk about on here.

cliff notes: haphazardly established cnc, it was her idea, but I thought it'd be hot in the heat of the moment, she got really really into it and horny for it, I (man in the aggressor role) tapped out once it started feeling kinda real, I had a huge emotional crisis, we had a giant fight about it. It was not a fun weekend. We were too young and bad at communicating for that kind of thing, but also too horny and dumb to not try it. Rough combo.

Mostly just funny to try to explain to people that I was roleplaying the aggressor, and I was also the one of the two of us who had a panic attack.

--------------------

TBH, I had a lot of problems as a young guy with feeling guilt over how my sexual urges were bad or dirty in some way due to my libido being directed towards women.

I'd managed to internalize a really dysfunctional blend of messages about sexuality, growing up in a liberal family in a very conservative state. Like, when I was a teenager I felt guilty about things as benign as "liking doggy style", "enjoying receiving blowjobs", and "fantasizing about getting with two bi girls". The latter was a fantasy that I had like one time as a teen boy, and I felt so guilty about objectifying bi women that I was almost sick to my stomach. I was a weird teenager.

I did develop some kinks that are probably coping mechanisms or ways to avoid the guilt of being sexually forward, now that I think of it, as well as the anxiety of needing to make sure she's enjoying it.

While I am dominant-leaning I'm very much into being begged for stuff. The more I can trick her into begging for what she wants, and directing the encounter as the bottom, the better. Saves my attention and focus for doing a good job of getting us both off rather than having to decide what's gonna happen next.

Never understood the hate for submissive women who "top from the bottom", it's incredibly erotic to me.

omggg anon you sound like such a sweetie with such hot fuckin kinks that you also are so wound up about. understandably so of course. here are some of my thoughts.

"worrying that she's just doing a fawn response and saying that because she wants to reassure me"

I think you can get around this fear by being open-ended in the feedback that you request from subs. So, for instance, you can tell subs that one thing that you need as a form of aftercare and ongoing negotiation is for them to give you a reflection of their experience a day or some days afterward. This can happen in a conversation or via them keeping a journal or something similar. Ask them to describe what they liked, what they'd like to see go differently, what they want more of. This will get you a lot of feedback that is reassuring without you specifically having to ask for reassurance and feel like you're manipulating the conversation in some way.

I think once you have established a really good rapport with a sub and can communicate with them effectively (and TRUST them to tell you when things aren't working for them), then you can say, straight up "I feel like an awful person sometimes after doing CNC/etc, can you check in the next day to tell me you're doing okay and that I'm not evil?" Or whatever else you might need.

I get you very much about the gender political baggage that comes with wanting to be a Dominant man with woman partners... from the opposite side of things. One barrier to fully enjoying my kinks pre-transition was that I considered it totally socially unacceptable to be a "weak woman." I wasn't even especially feminist, it was more about not being taken advantage of and being worthless. I came from a cultural mileu in which women were expected to be strong and capable and practical, and in academia, women were similarly pretty no-frills and had to appear confident. I felt like being too passive would be unattractive or make me less human, almost. One way to get around this was transitioning. It was really a hell of a hack for this. I don't feel bad about being a passive hole getting used anymore, and I don't have to worry much about the motives behind my partner's Dominance... they're not seeing me as a gender stereotype of a woman anymore and so i'm freed of all that. For cishet couples, I think affirming one's shared feminist values etc is helpful for everyone involved, and clarifying that these roles are not inherent they are chosen.

My current dog handler/mommy interestingly needs a partner to beg for their cum before they can bust a nut inside someone. I don't know if it is for similar feminist/consent hesitation reasons because they're pretty good at letting loose on me otherwise, but they've articulated to me that it's a thing that they need. This was initially a challenge because we do pup play and I become really obedient and nonverbal. But we have found ways for me to signal to them that I want what they are doing and that i want more of it.

So for example, a few nights ago after they were really whaling on me for a couple hours, they stopped and said I'd been a really good puppy and they were going to give me a break. But I didn't want a break. I wanted them to cum in me. So when they rolled me onto my side, still inside me, I started wriggling against their dick and licking their hands and whimpering for more, which made them get really hard again and then they fucked the shit out of me for another 15-20 minutes before spraying a load way up in me. It was incredibly hot and tender.

Wanting your subs to beg for treatment from you is a great way of working with your anxieties and making an ongoing consent affirmation into a hot activity and another act of submission on their part. It's a great move. There's a few other things you can do as well when that fails. For example, when my Dom/mommy thinks that I might be getting too headspacey and zoned out of being fucked they will ask me to fuck them -- they'll stop moving and i have to hump at their dick and take it in as deep as I can get it myself. That shows that I'm still alert, motivated, and interested as hell in whats happening. just a really fun hot way to check in and get reassurance without breaking scene. I'm sure there's so many other options.

I hope you get to have fun out there with the kinky bisexual topping from the bottom women of your dreams!

[yanderedrabbles]

How about if the reader (that's us) were Samara Morgan (from the movie The Ring)?

Y'know what, I can see it. Chronically online loser boy with a fixation on horror manages to obtain an old VCR tape that's supposedly cursed. When it comes, he's practically bouncing on his heels with excitement. He went to the thrift shop all on his own to get a VCR to watch it on and everything!

When he pops the tape in, all that excitement drains away. He was expecting something spectacularly creepy, something he could brag to his buddies on r/GenuinelyHauntedGoodies about. Instead it's just a low quality tape with shitty b-roll and bad sound.

When the phone rings the second the tape ends, he assumes it's the pizza guy getting lost again.

"I told you, it's Elm Street. Not Eve-"

"Seven days..." Your voice is scratchy with static and his heart jumps in his chest.

"Yo, I think you've got the wrong numb-"

Click.

For someone so into horror, he's real slow to pick up on the signs in his own life. Nightmares about a well and a dead girl? He just had too much Mountain Dew before bed. Doors creaking in the middle of the night? Must be the humidity messing with the hinges. The guy who sold him the tape calling him in a panic two days before his obituary shows up in the paper? Weird, but definitely a coincidence.

It's only when the tape starts playing on its own that he starts to get a little sketched out. It's probably just the VCR being old and stuff, right? He forces the tape out of the slot and the screen goes black. See? Just the side effects of old, obsolete technology. He's halfway out the door before he hears it.

Click.

He freezes. He can hear the static again, the sound of leaves crunching under your feet. He turns and there you are, getting closer and closer to the screen, your dress soaked and sticking to your skin.

Holy shit. Holy. SHIT. Haunted dead girl and she's a total babe.

When you put your palms on the glass and start pushing your way into the real world, he almost can't believe his luck. It's finally happening! A genuine haunting! He's been waiting for years.

You expect him to scream, to run away, to start praying to a God he only half believes in. Instead he squats down so you're on eye level and asks...

"Can you do the back bend thing from the Exorcist? 'Cause I think that would be like so hot."

You growl, throat still waterlogged. He tuts and waves the tape in front of your face.

"Full words babe. You want to keep haunting people right? Want to get back to your cozy little well?"

He looks you over and can barely believe you're real. A hot girl on her knees is his living room? Hell fucking yeah!

"Listen up hot stuff. You do what I say and I won't crush your little tape into dust, 'kay? I'll even let you keep killing people in your spare time, if it's that important to you."

You blink. What is wrong with this guy? You've seen plenty of coping mechanisms, but this is just taking the piss.

He gets impatient waiting for you to answer. "Fine. If you want to do things the hard way..."

He stands and brings the tape down on the edge of the coffee table. Hard. The plastic cracks right along the centre and small black chips scatter across the room.

You flinch and pull backwards. He follows you, opposite edges of the tape in each hand like he wants to snap it straight in half.

"What do you say gorgeous? We got a deal?"

There are some things not even a ghost is equipped to deal with.

"Fine," you rasp, "Deal."

"Sweet!" He shoves the tape in his back pocket. "Now about the back bend thing..."

The world is full of freaks and horrors. And you make the mistake of thinking you're the only one.

[What popped into my head when I read the ask]

[schizosamwincester]

You know... I've said many times that Dean has no idea that romantic attraction is even real, but upon further reflection, I think I was wrong.

Dean is extremely self-aware. It's easy to forget that he knows about his problems and bad coping mechanisms and general neuroses because he generally doesn't do anything to fix them, but he absolutely does know about them. Here. Have some quotes to prove it:

No Exit (2x06):

Jo, you've got options. No one in their right mind chooses this life. My dad started me in this when I was so young... I wish I could do something else.

Jump the shark (4x19):

You know, I finally get why you [Sam] and Dad butted heads so much. You two were practically the same person. I mean, I worshipped the guy, you know? I dressed like him, I acted like him, I listen to the same music. But you were more like him than I will ever be. And I see that now.

The End (5x04):

I was wrong. Dean. I was wrong. I'm begging you. Say yes. But you won't. 'Cause I didn't. Because that's just not us, is it?

There are definitely more, but these were the ones that were easiest to find because I wrote "self-aware" in my notes.

Dean has a lot of time to think. He routinely drives for twelve hours straight. He keeps a lot of his baggage to himself, and that means the thoughts are stuck rattling around in his brain instead. He can examine himself and his feelings and his problems over and over and over again. Just because he doesn't cope with them the way someone who's having these revelations in a therapy session would doesn't mean that he hasn't figured them out.

So with all that in mind, with how well Dean does actually understand himself... Why wouldn't he have noticed that he views sex and romance in a fundamentally different way than the people around him? The two biggest figures in his life, Sam and John, both loved women so much that they went on massive revenge quests after they died. They let their romantic love for people who were already dead completely uproot their lives. Surely Dean has noticed he's never felt that way about anyone, not even the hookups and situationships he liked the most.

Dean knows who he is. He knows that he's the hookup guy. He avoids baggage, strings, and feelings at every opportunity. It would make a lot of sense for him to do that because he's figured out that he just doesn't feel the same way about women as they usually do about him.

Dean Winchester is Dean Winchester on purpose. It's easy to forget that when you're someone who would never choose to be like that, but he very much did. So even if he does not have the vocabulary that we do and thus can't explicitly call himself aro, it makes sense for him to have created the "love 'em and leave 'em" part of his persona precisely because he knows he doesn't have romantic feelings towards anyone.

All that said, the pace at which he accepts it is definitely variable. He obviously knows he isn't interested in romance right from when we meet him in Season One, but he might not have come to the realization that other people actually are. It is probably a revelation that happens in stages, and I think there's a lot of wiggle room for when those happen and how he comes to terms with it. There's time for denial (I've definitely felt things for women, actually) and bargaining (other people can't possibly feel all that) and all that jazz.

The main thing is that I have absolutely said in the past that "Dean Winchester dies without ever learning that romantic attraction is real," and I do not believe that anymore. He may be stubborn, and he may not tend to actually change his behaviors, but he is too self aware to not have noticed them.

[aropride]

thirteen-chase coworkers-with-benefits relationship is a fascinating concept to me ... i don't think they WOULD (thirteen's too self aware and also smart enough not to fuck a coworker, chase hopefully learned his don't-fuck-your-coworkers lesson from cameron and i like to think that at some point he realizes his hypersexuality is unhealthy, and iirc thirteen isn't even on the team for a fair portion of chase's big half-of-new-jersey-all-of-ppth moment anyway-- also both of them are impossible communicators)- but i think they COULD and it would make sense to in a way. i think they are both very unwell and they have very bad relationships with sex and their own boundaries so if they WERE going to be fwbs like i said it'd either go really well or really bad

i think really bad is the most likely outcome. and that's the one where it's fueled mainly by their own self-destructive tendencies & using sex as a coping mechanism, & complicated by chase's reluctance to say no and thirteen's reluctance to speak vulnerably with people. like they would be like. so if YOURE using hypersexuality as a coping mechanism and IM using hypersexuality as a coping mechanism and we're coworkers well we can work something out here. Lead to them endangering their professional lives within a month because they both keep compulsively skipping work to go have sex or staying up all night to have sex with each other. this makes their work dynamic weird which makes the team's work dynamic weird which makes house go. can you people stop fucking before i slip paroxetine in your morning coffees maybe it'll make you happier AND less horny. and eventually they do start bc they start getting weird about it and they refuse to talk about the fact that theyre getting weird about it and it's A Whole Thing that stretches on way too long because they just won't Talk To Each Other

the other option. requires both of them to heal enough to be able to understand their specific boundaries with sex and also communicate them. but i do think if they sat down and were like. "im working on being normal and safe about sex do u want to do it one time for fun". and then theyre like waittt that is fun we should do it multiple times in a way that does not interfere with our daily life and is healthy and safe both physically and emotionally. and then they do and it's a fun and healing experience for both of them. and they become closer friends bc they have to actually talk about like. their feelings and such. on account of The way these characters all Are this would be incredibly unlikely but i want one (1) good thing to happen to either of them so bad.

depending on timing chase and thirteen would have either the worst most unhealthy most hypersexuality-driven life-ruining soul-destroying coworkers-with-benefits relationship that would fuck up their friendship and work lives forever. Or they would be each others therapists and stay up late talking and practicing talking about their feelings and experiences out loud with their mouths. occasionally share a joint and watch cars drive by on the porch type of deal. as best friends who kiss sometimes

[cruelplatonic]

my personal headcanon is the vees were unremarkable nobodies when they were alive. i just love it as a thematic throughline for them. they love to let the public of hell speculate on them being famed and acclaimed since before death, but the the truth is they were a d-list failed influencer that got by on cheap controversey and scamming, a broke junkie who burned every shaky bridge he ever had, and a worn-out broadcast production assistant with more rejected auditions and tossed out script pitches than he could count. nobody missed them when they were gone, nobody cared who they were until they were dead.

[mephoj]

late night chat

[sieglinde-freud]

oh im obsessed with this actually… who ever wrote this one i am kissing u on the forehead and hugging you real tight… inigo is such a loverboy im kkkhhhhhhijnsdnfng

[ahalliance]

qantoine’s coping mechanism to feeling left behind being both self-isolating and becoming possesive of those he cares for is so juicy as a concept . like yeah you go you funky creachure, manifest those complicated and sometimes contradictory emotions

[lifeof-pink]

when i first learned about how the fourth wall worked (making him view reality as a novel) the first thing i said was “…so he’s mentally ill. duh.”

because like????? “everything is awful and i am in terrible physical and mental anguish. i know how to make this better!” *enters derealization but like. magical*

[dawdlecentric]

Yeag...

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

sometimes all a sad boy needs is a good collar

[retributory]

when you think about it clive and flora are actually perfect narrative foils on complete accident. like what's up with that. professor layton and the completely imagined literary devices

[bitchy-peachy]

I really wish that antis stopped using real life sa victims in their shit especially since they tell real life sa victims that we deserved our assaults cos we all handle our trauma differently.

[yuripira4e]

I want to preface this post by saying that I love the cat king as a character, especially one that has such a major impact on Edwin and his relationship with his queerness and learning to be okay with it; HOWEVER, I also believe that everyone that genuinely believes he should be a love interest for Edwin should read this. (Also if you just like the cat king as a character and want to understand his character better and why his and Edwin’s relationship is not something that would be healthy or “real” for either)