#aro dean winchester

[schizosamwincester]

The term "aromantic" was first coined and used on the AVEN forums in 2005. Dean Winchester also made his debut in 2005. Coincidence? I think not.

[ebenelephant]

Happy wincest Wednesday! It's been too long since I've done this. I keep forgetting when it's Wednesday, lol.

Case in point: I meant to ask this one last week for aro week. Any aro Dean Wincest headcanons? Just like... Particular ways you think it does or doesn't impact the relationship. Or how it changes how they get together. Or their opinions on monogamy or the relationship in general. Or changes the sex. Or like. Anything.

- @schizosamwincester

incorporating the aro!dean hc into my worldview actually changes surprisingly little, wincest wise. i’ve always been a big proponent of a samdean which is neither inherently sexual nor romantic: dean isn’t in love with sammy, he just wants to wear his skin buffalo bill style, or crawl inside him like leo dicaprio with that horse in the revenant and huddle for warmth. 

the huddling part sort of ties into my view of him as a guy who’s desperate for intimacy. dean lowkey craves the mortifying ordeal of being known, but he’s also a massively insecure, generally superficial guy, who craves the equally superficial “apple pie life” as a stand-in for normalcy because he thinks he’s an unlovable freak who’s going to die alone for like 17 different reasons (see: s1ep6, skins). so he finds cassie, who he’s fond of, or lisa, who was great in bed and has a son that he feels a bit responsible for – even though she says he isn’t – and he almost manages to trick himself into thinking he could make a life with them because that’s what’s meant to happen. 

but then there’s sam and john, and the big writhing mass of black goo in his chest where he holds his feelings for them. and he does crave intimacy. he wants to be close to them, wants to be relied on, wants to sit in that fucking car with them for 70 hours a week, minimum. he would fuse every cell in his body with every cell in sam’s, and it could still never be close enough. maybe he thinks sam’s going to abandon him some day, but as long as john’s blood is in their veins he can never really leave. sometimes intimacy is getting knuckle-deep in someone, sometimes it’s unconvincingly play-acting a healthy nuclear family unit.

i don’t think sam fully gets this. sammy, in my heart, has issues with regards to gender and his identity as a human being, but i don’t think romance is something he struggles with. he’s been in love before: it pales in comparison to how strongly he feels for dean. maybe he’s in love with his brother, but dean is… whatever dean is. dean doesn’t do chick flick moments and soppy confessions. it’s a big source of tension that these men would actually rather die than discuss one (1) emotion. dean will say that he doesn’t love like that, sam will take that to mean that dean doesn’t want him, and they will go merrily on their way in an uncomfortable state of not talking about it for several more years. this is also why, if they ever get together sexually, their asses are not having the monogamy discussion.

but seriously, i think in terms of how i write/perceive wincest a big thing this would change is that as opposed to a dean who has felt romantic love for other people but feels this different thing for sammy, aro dean as i would write him simply hasn’t. this is like. probably what the people in hallmark movies feel. probably.

[psychicnatural]

there’s no new aromantic dean content and i know that means maybe i should make some but also that’s a lot of work that i don’t currently have the time or energy for

so if anyone wants to just chat about aro or aspec dean winchester headcanons lmk

[schizosamwincester]

This. THIS. This is it. You get it. The ambiguously ace Sam, who still does sex but less (I go back and forth on whether I want him to be ace. Which. I mean. I feel like that's how headcanons should be. Just flexible enough that you can let go of them if a certain fic requires it). The fact that aromanticism does not stop Dean's jealousy for a second. The fact that even if Dean can't see a shred of romance in the whole thing, Sam definitely does. Dean's continual worry over Sam getting to have the apple pie life. Etc etc etc. It's perfect.

Happy wincest Wednesday! It's been too long since I've done this. I keep forgetting when it's Wednesday, lol.

Case in point: I meant to ask this one last week for aro week. Any aro Dean Wincest headcanons? Just like... Particular ways you think it does or doesn't impact the relationship. Or how it changes how they get together. Or their opinions on monogamy or the relationship in general. Or changes the sex. Or like. Anything.

- @schizosamwincester

Happy Wincest Wednesday, @schizosamwincester !

My main headcanon regarding aro Dean + Wincest is that they operate mostly as a qpr, except they have few physical boundaries and sometimes they fuck. When it comes to their sexual relationship, to them it's different from relationships with other people. Their relationship isn't really defined, but outsiders might call it "open." Dean just calls it being brothers---listen, they've had their hands all over each other's wounded and dead bodies, what difference does it make if they get into each other's guts for orgasm purposes, too? Especially when Dean strikes out at the bar and Sam is in a giving mood?

Late seasons Sam isn't threatened by Dean's sexual proclivities, because he knows Dean isn't looking to settle down (with anyone else), and as great as they can be together, and as wild and kinky as they can get, Dean's appetite is bigger than Sam's, largely because I also headcanon gray/ace Sam. Though Dean can still get jealous when Sam has the rare outside hookup, because Dean gets a complex about Sam's romantic attachments, and what kind of white picket fence life he's keeping his brother from. Dean can be a little oblivious to the fact that Sam gets a good bit of romantic fulfillment from spending his time with Dean.

Dean doesn't really know about aromanticism for a long time, until things settle down post-Chuck and Sam brings it up. Even after that, Dean doesn't really like being introspective enough to label himself. He is what he is---they are what they are. Mostly Dean just thinks he tried the relationship thing and it wasn't for him. It felt like pretending to be someone else, and he does enough of that while hunting that he needs to be able to be himself at home. When he'd "settled down" with Lisa, it had been easier to fall into the role of family caretaker than it had been to fill the boyfriend/husband role. Even the idea of settling down with another hunter doesn't really tickle his fancy. He's got Sam to spend time with and understand him, and he doesn't have to worry about dating and domesticity---well, except when he worries that maybe Sammy wants more than this...whatever it is they have.

Sam knows all his brother's insecurities, but trying to reassure Dean can toe the line past chick flick moment into smothering, and then Dean gets antsy. It doesn't help matters that Sam's relationship to sexual attraction usually requires an emotional connection, because that's the real threat whenever Sam feels like fucking someone else.

Maybe sometimes Dean fantasizes about a girl or guy he's fucking coming back with him to play house with Sam, like he's taking interviews for Sam's spouse---but beyond the wank fodder of it, Dean's interest in it fizzles out when he tries to imagine it longterm. What are they gonna do---Sam handles the romance while Dean handles the fucking? What if Dean didn't feel as attracted to the new person once they settle in? What if Sam decided that new person was all he needed, and went off to make a new family, sans Dean? What if they're not even worthy of his brother, pretty as they may be?

Besides, Dean doesn't want to have to pretend they're not brothers when they're fucking. And, anyway, who besides Dean can Sam really let go all the way with?

Then they'll get back on the road, driving away from whatever hookups, and go back to being brothers fighting over music and directions and where to stop for dinner...with maybe a pullover for a handjob and a beer. And maybe Sam peeks over at Dean while they're looking at the stars in companionable silence, the smell of the road and the hunt and their spunk between them, and smothers his smile with the lip of the beer bottle before Dean catches on to how Sam finds the whole thing to be damn romantic.

[phrysic]

happy pride month but im ace so everyone in spn is on the ace/aro spec now

[quietwingsinthesky]

genuinely, supernatural's most impactful theme to me is the elevation of sam and dean's relationship not just to the same level of importance as any of their romantic relationships, but above them. that we are told time and time again that they will pick each other over any potential love interest, for better and for worse. it would have been extremely easy for the show to sideline that at any time, but it sticks to its guns all 15 seasons (even if the quality of the writing around it. suffers.) sam and dean are the most important people in each other's world, they are blatantly each other's chosen life partners: own a home — adopt a kid — go to heaven together. when they are paralleled to actual married couples, it's the show shaking you and going 'what they have is just as important as a marriage, as a romantic partnership. do not discount it because it is platonic. do not underestimate that love.' it is fantastic.

[hyunjuenthusiast]

WHO I WILL WRITE FOR!

(Mostly my hyper fixations, lmao)

My requests are open

- Cho Hyun-ju (Squid Game)

- Hwang Inho (Squid Game)

- Jeon Jae-Jun (The Glory)

- Severus Snape (Harry Potter)

- Aro Volturi (Twilight)

- Marcus Volturi (Twilight)

- Caius Volturi (Twilight)

- Felix Volturi (Twilight)

- Demetri Volturi (Twilight)

- Dale Kobble (Longlegs)

- Aaron Hotchner (Criminal Minds)

- Crowley (Supranational)

- Lucifer (Supernatural)

- Dean Winchester (Supernatural)

- Death (Supernatural)

- Amara (Supernatural)

- Asmodeus (Supernatural)

- Tig Trager (Sons of Anarchy)

- Carol Denning (OITNB)

- Hannibal lecter (Both NBC and SOTL)

I'm sure I forgot some, but I'll add to the list. DONT BE JUDGING ME OKAY I KNOW MY TYPE IS WEIRD.

[schizosamwincester]

No you're making perfect sense. That's exactly how I think of it, too! I don't think they're doing anything considered overtly romantic, at least not in Dean's eyes. To him, sex is sex and kissing is sex and sleeping together is sex and cuddling is sex. None of that is romantic chick flick stuff. And then everything else, going out together, traveling together, working together, living together... Well that's just normal family stuff. He did that with Dad, too. He's never done any of it with a girl, at least not for very long. So to him, none of it is romantic.

But to Sam? Come on. They've lived together way longer than him and Jess. They have their own place, even if it is a bunker. Plus he's just so down bad for Dean that every little thing Dean does feels romantic. Like, Dean's relationship to Sam is "there is no me without you; I need you to breathe" while Sam's relationship to Dean is "I don't want to exist without you; I don't want to take a single breath where you aren't there." So he's going to see the starry eyed romance in how he gets to ride in dean's passenger seat every day and to have breakfast, lunch and dinner with him and to spend far more time with him than people in any normal couple do because they have separate jobs.

Which is basically me saying the exact same thing you just said but in more words so I can make it clear how much I agree with you. Lol.

Happy wincest Wednesday! It's been too long since I've done this. I keep forgetting when it's Wednesday, lol.

Case in point: I meant to ask this one last week for aro week. Any aro Dean Wincest headcanons? Just like... Particular ways you think it does or doesn't impact the relationship. Or how it changes how they get together. Or their opinions on monogamy or the relationship in general. Or changes the sex. Or like. Anything.

- @schizosamwincester

Okay so I wasn't on board with aro dean before I started interacting with you because I was deep in D*stiel denial. Now I have seen the light.

I think Sam and Dean don't have a drive for romance in their relationship. I have a friend who is aromantic who is married to another friend who is very much not aromantic and I love learning about how they navigate their relationship so everyone feels comfortable and fulfilled. I think that Sam and Dean would do something similar to what my friends do.

For my friends, they're really just two people who love each other very much and enjoy spending time together. While one friend may feel like something is romantic, the other doesn't and nobody is offended by them taking different interpretations from their interactions. They occasionally will go out on a "date" so that the non-aro gets that experience but there's no pressure for the aro friend to act any different than they do during a regular outing together.

I think Dean is kind of grossed out by romance in general. He may not be fully romance repulsed but he feels weird when he's expected to fulfill this fantasy of romance that people have in relationships.

Sam knows this and doesn't want Dean to do something that isn't genuine and also ultimately causes him emotional harm just to appease him. I think Sam finds joy in the little things that someone could see as romantic but for Dean they're just normal acts.

Does this at all make sense? Sorry I just got back from the mosque and the stress of so many people around me has my words all jumbled.

[hannaxjo]

“ you can’t hc every character as aro” it’s hardly my fault they are all aro

[pinliteral]

aroallo-spec dean winchester youll always be canon to me

[lovelessloverboy-dean]

Reading All About Love by bell hooks and thinking about aromantic dean. He doesn't have love as a noun the way it's just supposed to exist in you. But he is the king of love as a verb, the most loving man to exist. He actively cares and protects and supports and comforts and knows and TRUSTS everyone in his life even when he probably shouldn't and he does it ON PURPOSE. Because he wants to and chooses to every fucking day. And he builds this family for himself over time by choosing to do love over and over again.

Aro dean is just so very very dear to me

[schizosamwincester]

You know... I've said many times that Dean has no idea that romantic attraction is even real, but upon further reflection, I think I was wrong.

Dean is extremely self-aware. It's easy to forget that he knows about his problems and bad coping mechanisms and general neuroses because he generally doesn't do anything to fix them, but he absolutely does know about them. Here. Have some quotes to prove it:

No Exit (2x06):

Jo, you've got options. No one in their right mind chooses this life. My dad started me in this when I was so young... I wish I could do something else.

Jump the shark (4x19):

You know, I finally get why you [Sam] and Dad butted heads so much. You two were practically the same person. I mean, I worshipped the guy, you know? I dressed like him, I acted like him, I listen to the same music. But you were more like him than I will ever be. And I see that now.

The End (5x04):

I was wrong. Dean. I was wrong. I'm begging you. Say yes. But you won't. 'Cause I didn't. Because that's just not us, is it?

There are definitely more, but these were the ones that were easiest to find because I wrote "self-aware" in my notes.

Dean has a lot of time to think. He routinely drives for twelve hours straight. He keeps a lot of his baggage to himself, and that means the thoughts are stuck rattling around in his brain instead. He can examine himself and his feelings and his problems over and over and over again. Just because he doesn't cope with them the way someone who's having these revelations in a therapy session would doesn't mean that he hasn't figured them out.

So with all that in mind, with how well Dean does actually understand himself... Why wouldn't he have noticed that he views sex and romance in a fundamentally different way than the people around him? The two biggest figures in his life, Sam and John, both loved women so much that they went on massive revenge quests after they died. They let their romantic love for people who were already dead completely uproot their lives. Surely Dean has noticed he's never felt that way about anyone, not even the hookups and situationships he liked the most.

Dean knows who he is. He knows that he's the hookup guy. He avoids baggage, strings, and feelings at every opportunity. It would make a lot of sense for him to do that because he's figured out that he just doesn't feel the same way about women as they usually do about him.

Dean Winchester is Dean Winchester on purpose. It's easy to forget that when you're someone who would never choose to be like that, but he very much did. So even if he does not have the vocabulary that we do and thus can't explicitly call himself aro, it makes sense for him to have created the "love 'em and leave 'em" part of his persona precisely because he knows he doesn't have romantic feelings towards anyone.

All that said, the pace at which he accepts it is definitely variable. He obviously knows he isn't interested in romance right from when we meet him in Season One, but he might not have come to the realization that other people actually are. It is probably a revelation that happens in stages, and I think there's a lot of wiggle room for when those happen and how he comes to terms with it. There's time for denial (I've definitely felt things for women, actually) and bargaining (other people can't possibly feel all that) and all that jazz.

The main thing is that I have absolutely said in the past that "Dean Winchester dies without ever learning that romantic attraction is real," and I do not believe that anymore. He may be stubborn, and he may not tend to actually change his behaviors, but he is too self aware to not have noticed them.

[call-me-jack]

Who needs a crush when you can have the urge to be that person, or be friends with them.

[ricky-tiki-tah]

Some character boards for Stanford Era Au Claire and Dean

[fandom-hoarder]

do you really think dean is aro? no judgement, it's a cool thought, i just can't reconcile it with all his secret desires for romantic picnics and an apple pie life

My answer is a little complicated, anon.

Essentially, yes, I headcanon Dean as aro/arospec. But this is a headcanon, not what I think the show intended as canon; much as I'm sure it wasn't their intention to canonize Sam and Dean as a queerplatonic life partnership, nevertheless they did, for those of us who know and appreciate what that is.

I've seen arguments for him being frayromantic (when someone only experiences romantic attraction towards those that they are not deeply connected with, and lose that attraction as they get to know the individuals), and that lends itself well to the way Dean has been shown to be a very romantic lover, I suppose.

But I tend to think of him more as greyromantic (feeling romantic attraction rarely/infrequently, and only under certain circumstances). I think this can account for Cassie and Lisa, and lends itself well to my SamDean headcanons.

Now, as for "all his secret desires for romantic picnics and an apple pie life," I personally think this perspective only works if you haven't finished the series. Particularly if you haven't gone past season 5 or 6.

Now, in s2, we get a glimpse of this idea of Dean's secret "apple pie" desires in What Is and What Should Never Be. But that is less about Dean's romantic desires than it is a manifestation of his boyhood desire for his family to not be affected by the supernatural. For he and Sam to have grown up in a normal, stable family (with normal chores like mowing the lawn for your mom, instead of cleaning the guns for your dad), and for Dean not to be the reason his dad is dead. And once again, Sam is the one with more of an apple pie life, whilst Dean has a reputation for drinking and doesn't have a relationship with Sam.

In s3, we get Dean's dream about Lisa and the picnic. This dream often leads to the interpretation that Dean loved Lisa the whole time, and sometimes causes upset at the apparent slighting of Cassie as Dean's first/true love, but I think it's a mistake to take this dream at face value -- dreams rarely are just what they show, even if spn tends to be heavy handed in their storytelling.

-- again, I think it's less about Dean's romantic desires, and more about the idyllic life he's never been able to have -- and won't get a chance to because of his Hell deal. Lisa is the one in the dream because of that split second where Dean thought Ben could be his son-- in the middle of this middle class neighborhood with a bouncy house and backyard bbq-- and he imagined an entirely different possible life for himself if he wasn't a hunter headed to Hell. Dean is easily baby-trapped, lbr.

Being aromantic doesn't necessarily preclude fantasizing about being able to be romantic, either. Especially if a person is still on their journey of self discovery. Sexual and Romantic orientation are a spectrum, too, and sometimes that spectrum is traveled throughout one's life. And sometimes we spend time fantasizing about the ability/ideal to do what is socially expected of us.

But the Dean of mid-to-late seasons doesn't really show a desire for an "apple pie life" beyond his belief that he wants Sam to have one. He doesn't talk about settling down himself, or show a desire to build lasting romantic relationships with anyone other than Sam, who he married in a handfasting in Sacrifice.

And when Sam asks Dean in Baby if he never thinks about settling down-- well, actually, here's how that post-Piper scene goes:

SAM: Dean, I can explain what was going on -- DEAN: No, no, no. No. SAM: Don't "Night Moves" me. DEAN: Shh. Just let it wash over you. SAM: Let . . . DEAN: Just take it in. Bob Seger’s “Night Moves” plays on the radio.

[The Night Moves interlude, my beloved...but cut for length.]

Let's take a moment here to appreciate Sam's apparent need to explain himself to Dean. 👀

SAM: I tried to give her my number. You know what she said? DEAN: "We got tonight. Who needs tomorrow"? SAM: Is everything a Bob Seger song to you? DEAN: Yes. Well . . . [ sighs ] SAM: It was nice knowing you, Piper. DEAN: Piper? That's awesome. Heather. One-night wonders, man. Shoot, we're lucky we still get that at all. SAM: Really? You don't . . . Ever want something more?

DEAN: I'm sorry, have you met us? We're batting a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs. SAM: You don't ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But . . . Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life? DEAN: Have you not heard a single word Bob's been singing about?

And Dean leaves it at that, but it's pretty clear romance is not something he's really thinking about. He's seemingly fine getting even the small amount of "one night wonders" that 'they' do get. (Another moment here to appreciate that Dean's pronouns are we/us, in a SamAndDean kind of way. --and that this conversation takes place over the course of a very domestic montage.)

Now, granted, at this time they're dealing with the release of the Darkness and all that entails; and granted Dean has been dealing over 3 seasons with the perpetual idea that he should expend his life and soul for the sake of Sam getting that apple pie life; but Dean seems to have left those "domestic" thoughts behind even before he had Castiel wipe Lisa and Ben's minds in s6. Dean's primary domestic relationship is with his brother, and as long as Sam is there, that's alright with Dean.

And what does Amara give Dean as his reward for helping her with Chuck in s11? Mary. Ignoring the later reasoning/retcon that she did it to teach Dean some lesson, we can say that once again Dean's domestic desires are pinpointed as having a fulfilled family life, but not necessarily romantic fulfillment.

And later, when Dean's "greatest desire" comes up again in Lebanon, what does he get from the pearl? He gets his father and mother, alive again under the same roof as him and Sam (and if you want to give subtextual meaning to Doylist ~fanservice~ concerns, wished it so that John and Sam would get along better than they would've if that were the actual 2003!John).

All this, and the fact that he and Sam continued to live and hunt domestically after Chuck was gone, are why I like to headcanon Dean as aro.

[warren-keplers-funk-band]

when i tell you i'm arospec what i really mean is that i'm never going to love any real person as much as i do dean winchester