#but i really want to update before 2023 and i will die about it if i have to

[northern-passage]

[zegrasdrysdale]

Request for a Hughes!sister x Wyatt Johnston fic!!!

Hughes!sister takes Wyatt to her brothers family skate after dating Wyatt secretly for the past a year or 2

[ in every life ] w. johnston

part of the "falling for a hughes" au

paring : Wyatt Johnston x hughes!sister

summary : youngest Hughes sibling (and Luke’s twin) brings her secret boyfriend of a year to family skate the day before the Stadium Series, shocking not only her family, but the entire Devils roster

warning(s) : none (just a lot of fluff tbh)

author's note : i didn't mean for this to be so short tbh, but i caught some bad writer's block and didn't wanna give y'all (or anon) a half assed fic so ... here y'all go ig UPDATE: this is now apart of an au universe where reader gets a name

au masterlist

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〘 February 2024 〙

It's not a secret how nervous she and Wyatt are as they approach MetLife Stadium. Not only is she introducing most of her family to her boyfriend, she's basically hard launching their relationship after over a year of being together.

The actual secret is that she’s dating Wyatt Johnston.

The younger sister of Jack and Quinn Hughes, the twin sister of Luke Hughes is dating a member of the Dallas Stars and has been for over a year. She's not dating a member of the Devils or the Canucks like most people would probably assume she would be, but she's not. There have been rumors that she’s been involved with players on both teams, but they were never true.

Neither of them have told anyone despite her occasionally visiting Wyatt in the Pavelski household a handful of times over the last year or so. Her brothers never questioned why she was in Texas either. Honestly, she never really told them, but always made it a point to go with Jack and Luke when they would play Dallas or go to the Rock for the game.

That's how she met Wyatt to begin with. When she went to a Devils game in December 2022, she ran into Wyatt trying to find her brother after the game. Jack knows that they know each other because of that run-in, but has know idea of their relationship or that they even became friends after that day. It wasn’t until January 2023 when the Devils went to Dallas when they became more than friends.

They just celebrated their first anniversary together, and they both decided that it was time to tell people. She just didn’t think that it would be when all eyes are on the Devils.

She pulls up next to Jack’s car in the parking lot when she and Wyatt arrive at MetLife for family skate. It’s his one day off between games and he’ll be flying to Dallas early in the morning for the game against Edmonton tomorrow.

Wyatt doesn’t seem as nervous as she is. He’s typing away on his phone as she says, “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want.”

“You told your brothers that you were bringing your boyfriend with you,” Wyatt replies. He looks up from his phone and meets her eyes. “I’m not going to make you look like a liar.”

She smiles. “You sure you’re ready for everything that comes with publicly dating a Hughes?” she asks. “All eyes are always on my brothers, which means they’re on me too.”

He reaches over the armrest and tucks a loose piece of hair behind her ear. “I’ve been ready,” he admits. “I have never been more ready to be able to call you my girlfriend. Seguin, Pavs, and Delly tease me about you all the time and call you my girlfriend so I can’t wait to see their faces when I tell them that you are my girlfriend.”

With a laugh, she leans into Wyatt’s touch. “Luke might kill us for keeping this a secret from him,” she says. “He is my twin brother and thinks he knows all my deep, dark secrets.”

Wyatt shakes his head. “That’s fine,” he laughs. “At least I‘ll die a happy man.”

She pushes his arm away with a smile and gets out of the car. “Sappy,” she comments.

He gets out of the car too and they grab their skates out of the trunk. She holds out her hand for him to take. He slings his bag over his shoulder and takes her hand to walk inside.

Her nerves are shot as she shows her credentials to the security team so they can get into the building then onto the field where the ice is. Wyatt doesn’t say anything but her hands are so sweaty as they make their way out to the field.

The Devils are holding practice before family skate. Red and black jerseys fly around the ice as they have their last practice before the game against the Flyers tomorrow night. Players’ families and friends stand on the other side of the glass while they wait for family skate to start.

She finds her parents talking to someone on the medical team, probably about Jack and his shoulder. She doesn’t want to interrupt, but she’d rather not overwhelm Wyatt with being introduced as her boyfriend to her parents and brothers at once.

With a sigh and shaking hands, she approaches Jim and Ellen with Wyatt at her side. The medical guy walks off as she walks up to them. Wyatt lets go of her hand so she can be the one to tell them.

Ellen spots her daughter walking up in one of Wyatt’s white Stars beanies but a black Devils hoodie with Jack’s number on her chest. It’s a very interesting combination.

“Hi, darling,” Ellen greets her. Her mother gives her a hug and looks at Wyatt. Jim hugs his daughter as soon as her mom lets her go. “Is this the boyfriend that Jack said you were bringing?”

She nods and tucks herself against Wyatt’s side. He drapes his arm over her shoulders.

“Yeah,” she says. “This is Wyatt. He plays for the Stars. He’s one of their best players.”

Jim and Ellen exchange a look before Jim looks at Wyatt with a serious look on his face. “Have you been treating our daughter right?” he asks. “Because I’m going to need to have a conversation with you if you aren’t.”

“Uh, yes, sir,” Wyatt quickly replies. She looks up at him as he talks. “I try my best despite the distance between us. I’m always doing what I can to see her when I’m in the area. I do what I can with everything that keeps us apart.”

Her father seems content with his answer. Ellen does ask her own question. “Wyatt, do you love her?” she asks. “She deserves nothing less than to be loved.”

They’ve said the L word before so she knows Wyatt loves her, but she’s completely surprised by his answer.

“I love her to the stars and back,” Wyatt replies. “I’d love her in every universe. I’ll choose her in every life. Even if we’re thousands of miles apart, I love her. When we’re right beside each other, I love her. I can’t imagine not being in love with your daughter now that I know what it feels like to be in love with her and be loved by her. You’re right in that she deserves nothing less than to be loved, and I love her in every single way possible.”

She pouts as she listens to Wyatt’s words. She had no idea that he was that in love with her. It almost brings tears to her eyes as she listens to him.

The way he talks about her could genuinely make her cry. She never thought that she would ever be so in love with someone or be loved by someone the way Wyatt loves her. There were so many times when she thought she found someone that loved her, but they only loved her last name and who her brothers were.

Wyatt doesn't seem to think the same way that her exes thought. He genuinely seems to love her, and it has nothing to do with who she's related to.

She waits until he’s done talking before she talks. “You really feel that way?” she asks.

“I meant every word,” Wyatt tells her.

“Alright, I guess this is okay,” Jim says, tearing their attention away from each other. “As long as the two of you are happy, I don’t care how long this has been going on but I can tell you’re both very happy. Good luck telling the boys though. They might not be as happy as we are for you guys.”

Coach Ruff calls an end to practice so the guys leave the ice to find the people they've invited to family skate. Ellen and Jim walk off to get their skates.

She quickly tries to find her brothers before they can find her and Wyatt, but Jack and Luke sneak up on both of them.

A voice pipes up behind them. "The hell is this?" her twin brother asks behind her. She sighs and turns to face her older brothers. "No way you have been dating a Dallas Star."

Luke has a look of betrayal on his face and Jack just looks confused.

She smiles at her brothers. "Surprise?" she hesitantly says. "You're both familiar with Wyatt, right?"

"How long has this been going on?" Jack questions. "Because you never said anything about a boyfriend until like last month when you asked if you could bring him but clearly this has been going on for a little bit if you felt comfortable bringing him."

With a bite of her lip, she says, "We've been together since January of last year."

Jack's jaw drops and Luke shoots glares at Wyatt. "You've been together for a year and didn't think to tell either of us that you were dating another NHL player?" Luke asks. "Did you not trust us?"

"I did!" she quickly defends herself. "Neither of us really wanted to tell anyone. I didn't want Wyatt to feel the pressure of all eyes being on him while he finished out his rookie season and he agreed. If it makes you feel better, Wyatt never told Joe Pavelski even though he lives in his house during the season. None of his teammates know either so it wasn't just the two of you that we didn't tell. Quinn doesn't know either."

"Oh, he'll know as soon as I can get to a phone," Luke mumbles under his breath.

Jack smacks him on the shoulder. "Luke, shut up," he tells him. He turns his full attention to his younger sister. "Look, as long as you're happy then I don't care. Obviously you wanted to make sure that there were no other intentions like there were in the past before you officially introduced us to him. As long as he treats you right then I have no problems with it, and neither will Quinn."

Luke looks nothing less than mad, but he says, "I will knock you into the boards if you hurt her, Johnston. Don't think I won't because I'm four inches taller than you and I will defend my sister without a second thought."

"If I ever hurt your sister, I give you full permission to throw me into the boards," Wyatt tells Luke. "Both of you, and Quinn. Seriously."

“At least the Merc rumors will finally stop,” Jack sighs. “I mean, for two people that rarely ever are seen together, you and Dawson have faced a lot of rumors.”

She smiles and tucks herself against Wyatt’s side. “Thank God because I could tell that he was getting so annoyed over those rumors,” she laughs. “This is pretty undeniable, don’t you think?”

Wyatt hums and presses a kiss to her temple before they put on their skates.

No one was expecting Wyatt to be the person that she brought to family skate. Multiple of the Devils stop her and ask why Wyatt was there when he plays for the Stars. Every time she told someone that Wyatt was her boyfriend, their jaw dropped.

The only person that seemed genuinely happy was Dawson Mercer. Probably because he’s glad that the rumors are over because they were rough to deal with sometimes.

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MASTERLIST

requests are currently CLOSED !!

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taglist : @dasiysthings @dancerbailey3 @love4lando @ivy-34

[btssmutficslovingfan01]

Day 8: Breeding | Try for a Baby

Pairing: Namjoon x Fem!Reader

Genre: EROTIC LITERATURE 🧐

Words: 1.2k

A/N: DOUBLE POST I AM FEEDING YALL HUNGRY ASSES! Edit: Updated cover because the last one didn't do him justice, I'd let him breed me all he wants if he approached me in the ICONIC red, DAMN!🎃 Kinktober 2023 m.list right here! 🎃

⇤ Prev | Next ⇥

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“Awww, Minhi, your baby is adorable.” You cradle the baby in your arms, bouncing him on your knees as the toothless child smiles up at you, eyes twinkling with innocence. Your heart skips a beat. You love your new nephew.

“Yes, Junha is a sweetheart,” Minhi replies to you as she watches you play with her baby as her husband returned along with her brother.

“We got the food. Korean Fried Chicken good enough for ya, sis?” Namjoon asks while scratching his neck, setting the plastic bag of food on the dining table before making his way over to living room to see his nephew once more.

“Yes Joonie, that’s fine.”

“Hey honey.” Namjoon wrapped his arms around you for a quick hello hug as you carefully shifted the baby over in your own grasp. It seemed like he was watching how your husband interacted with you carefully.

“Welcome back. Isn’t Junha adorable? I’m sure those shoes you got for him will fit perfectly on his tiny wittle feet.” You say in a baby voice, making Namjoon raise his eyebrows but softly his confusion turns into happiness as a little smirk makes its way onto his face.

“Yeah, he is pretty cute,” Namjoon takes his nephew into his arms. “He kinda looks like me, makes sense since I am his uncle.” He said a matter-of-factly.

“You would make adorable kids.” You comment, meaning it only in passing. Namjoon gave you a double take when you weren’t looking. He’d been thinking of it before but now more than ever, especially after his sister went through the delivery, naturally…Namjoon made sure to wife you up, hard.

You met in the park, while he was taking his dog for a walk and you were jogging. You were mutually attracted to each other and after running into each other by accident a few more times, he asked you out on a date. You hit it off immediately, and within six months you were engaged. And about six more months later, you were married. However, you were still somewhat still getting to know each other. You learned new things about each other every year and this journey of marriage with him was fun for you. You love him, and you would literally die for him.

You never talked about children before though.

After three hours visiting Minhi and her family, you and Namjoon got back to your own home, sighing and sitting down on the living room couch with two glasses of wine. You stare into his eyes while you both went through your nightly routine as newlyweds. It had only been five months, and you were barely a year into your marriage anyways.

“Y/N, you ever thought about having kids of our own someday?” Namjoon asks as he rubs your hands soothingly.

“Not particularly but….have you?”

“Yeah. I’ve always wanted to be a dad.” Namjoon says.

“Well, would you like to make one?”

“What?”

“Make a baby. With me.” You were HALF-joking. Only slightly. But then again if it meant you could get dicked down really well by your husband you were seriously in love with, you didn’t give a shit.

“Y/N?” You straddle his lap, staring into his eyes to ensure he knew you were 100 percent serious.

“Oh…Joonie.” His name rolls off your tongue easily as he moved his hands down the sides of your thighs, before slowly brushing his fingers against your inner thighs.

“You’re seriously…” You didn’t let him finish his sentence before pressing your lips against his in a heated manner. You want him, now.

“Joon, let’s try for a baby, right now.”

“Y/N, we…we can’t just…do that. We have to talk about it…” He rubs your thighs while staring into your eyes. You could tell he was struggling to hold himself back.

“Fuck a baby into me, honey.” Nothing more needed to be said as the primal desire filled your husband’s eyes as he finally gave in.

“You want to be bred that bad?” Namjoon’s deeper rasp comes out as he grabs your thighs, sinking his nails into them.

“Yeah..” You rock forward, rubbing your body against his, desperate to feel some relief from the friction of your panties rubbing on his clothed cock. Your clit is throbbing.

“You’re so needy for my cock, aren’t you, honey?” Namjoon asks, as he continues kneading your thighs as he had been for a few minutes as you grinded against him. Until you were begging. “Beg for it, beg for me to fill you with my cum,” You stop grinding against him and undo his belt, pulling off your dress and your panties slowly when Namjoon suddenly holds your arms, keeping you from sliding your panties fully down. “Y/N, beg for it.”

The dominance in his gaze awakened something within you as you look up at him. Fierce brown eyes piercing into your e/c ones. Your breathing quickens.

“Breed me, Joonie. Put a baby in my belly…I beg of you. Do it quickly….please….I can’t wait any longer…” 

“Course, sweetheart.” Namjoon smirks with a shit-eating grin before ripping apart your panties with his bare hands and sliding his cock into you instantaneously, and the deed was done. He’s inside, partly.

“Oh god,” Your eyes roll back. “Shit…” You close your eyes as your husband continues thrusting upwards, reaching, reaching for the back of your womb. “ Mmmm, gimme that sweet semen of yours, Joonie.” You whine, bucking your hips at the same time, your eyes filled with nothing more than lust for the man in front of you.

He digs his fingers deeper into your flesh, your thighs burning from both how he gripped you but also the sheer force of his movements. Underneath, your thighs smacked against his. Over and over, a raunchy rhythm of sorts, as you fuck your husband on the couch of your living room, your drinks long forgotten on the coffee table as he brought his hands up and stared up at you in bewilderment. He’d never quite seen you like this before, even on your wedding night. Reduced to a beautiful shell of a human being, only begging for his cock. HIS. He watches you as you move your hips along his, unable to tear his eyes away from the sight.

“Honey…” He calls out to you, almost in a strangled voice. “Baby?” He gulps.

“Don’t worry Joonie,” You breathe deeply, slowing down as he looks at you with concern in his eyes. “I have no intention of getting pregnant, but sometimes my breeding kink gets the best of me..” You say sheepishly. “Now how about it? Wanna attempt to impregnate me?” You ask.

“Thought you’d never ask,” Namjoon understands now. He grips your hips, pulling you back down. “Take the cock you were made for,” He thrusted hips even harder than before, making you squeal in pleasure. “Shall we try harder? Maybe I should hit it from a deeper angle?” You groan as he smacks your ass before picking you up, standing. You were fucked with a deep rot passion, eyes rolled back as he thrusted while throwing you up in the air, and you could only take it like the cocksleeve you were meant to be.

“Oh, Oh, Oh! Namjoon, NAMJOON!” He grunted, cum dripping from your hole as he fell back with you on top of him. His cock fell limp as you twitched on top of him. 

“So, ready for round two?”

[itwoodbeprefect]

Fic Writing Review 2023 🌈

i wanted to take a moment to reflect on the past year and bring it to a nice close, so i took to tumblr search and google to see if there was some sort of tag game going around. i frankensteined this list of questions from a few different versions of what was probably originally the same thing, but the nature of The Website of course makes it impossible to locate an original, so this is me just sort of, well, joining the fun by starting a parallel thread.

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Words and Fics (on ao3) 📚

words posted: 73,947, but this is a little deceptive because all the words for A flip-flop state of mind currently get counted for 2023, so it's probably something closer to 45-50k

fics posted: 21, which will eventually go down to 19 when i update the two multi-chapter works and they get sorted into the new year

first fic: Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream Throuple [Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948)]

last fic: Bases loaded, do your dance [h50]

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Ships and Fandoms ⚓

ao3 tells me the following:

Starsky & Hutch (8)

Hawaii Five-0 (2010) (7)

Ted Lasso (TV) (2)

Stargate Atlantis (1)

Hard Core Logo (1996) (1)

Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948) (1)

Top Gun (Movies) (1)

and for each of those it's probably the ship you most expect if you know the thing (and the way fandom works), except maybe ted lasso (both fics are keeley/roy/jamie) and sga (a gen team fic, no ships).

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Top 5 Fics by Kudos 🏆

no big surprises here. ted lasso was easily the biggest fandom i've written for this year (not to mention that these two fics had the good fortune of being posted very soon after the finale), followed by h50 long before s&h comes on the scene:

How To Build A Triangle (or accidentally fall headlong into one, or whatever the fuck) [ted lasso]

Honey honey, how you thrill me (Honey honey, nearly kill me) [ted lasso]

A flip-flop state of mind [h50]

Oh, kiss me like the final meal (Yeah, kiss me like we die tonight) [h50]

Something old, something new [h50]

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Top 5 Favorite Fics 💖

these are in no particular order!

3 AM, the time when most people die - this is a hard core logo (1996 canadian movie) fic which just kind of Happened, and it hung around on ao3 for a solid few days in a 0 kudos 10 hits sort of state, which had me giggling every time i thought about it. 2023 goal of writing for me, myself & i achieved (0 kudos on a fic)! ✅ (that said, it does also bring me great joy to see that the number is upwards of zero now. lovely to see an obscure thing find its audience. <3)

Your hands in my back pockets - a starsky/hutch fic, and in some ways the opposite to the previous one. i had a "this is alright" sort of feeling about it when i hit post, and the (lovely! very flattering!) way people responded to it surprised me somewhat. reading it back now, i don't know what bothered me about it at first - it's nice, it flows, it's all good! plus, i really like the title. it's a good s/h title.

POV: It’s a lovely day, you’re sipping a refreshing cold drink on your 70s apartment balcony, and the upstairs neighbor who always waters the sago palm outside your front door when you forget about it has that one friend over and his windows wide open. - this is a starsky/hutch all dialogue fic, and it was just plain fun! very easy to write, thankfully not hard to read, and the title is completely ridiculous in a way that still gives me a kick.

How To Build A Triangle (or accidentally fall headlong into one, or whatever the fuck) - can't not mention this one, i think. it's the roy/jamie/keeley ted lasso fic i wrote in record time (for me), and i had a blast doing that and i think that's palpable in the end result. i have warm memories of this!

Oh, kiss me like the final meal (Yeah, kiss me like we die tonight) - h50! steve/danny! they'd gotten swamped by all the starsky/hutch in 2022, but they made a minor comeback this past year. and again, this fic was just plain fun - a scene that really needed the mcdanno rewrite, and i'm glad it happened, and that it decided to flow so smoothly it grew twice as long as intended. the gag with the gun is still good, the banter works, and i like "it tastes like a laugh".

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Fandom Fic Events 🤝

my knee-jerk first thought was none, which would have been a blatant lie for this year! i wrote a fic for the SHareCon (starsky/hutch con) zine, which is currently still zine-only but will appear on ao3 at some point in the future, and i also wrote something for this year's Starsky & Hutch Advent Calendar, which can be found here (which will also lead you to all the other lovely advent calendar gifts of 2023 and previous years!). neither of these things would have happened if starsky & hutch fandom hadn't been such a warm, welcoming, unbelievably well-organized space. <3

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Projects for 2024 👀

oh god. oh god i have so many things on the grill.

the end of 2023 was a stretch of time where i did write some, and at times even a very decent amount, but nothing seemed to be getting finished - which was annoying for a bit, and then sort of petered out into oh well. it'll happen, eventually, when it wants to. which means that currently i have a whole bunch of nearly finished things for a whole bunch of fandoms:

bad buddy - should this be top of the list? who knows. but oh, i need to write something for this - i have to, i need to, you know. it's just that it's turning out to be more of a challenge than most new things i start writing for, because i do feel i have a reasonable grip on the characters, but the fact that it's a thai series which i'm only consuming through fan-generated subtitles is clashing with some of the fundamentals of how i usually write fic, as it turns out. usually i watch a thing and then mimic character voices to write a section of (probably mostly, maybe only) dialogue, which then gets filled out with descriptions and an actual setting later on. the problem with bad buddy is that i love, love subtitles, and i love, love the people who write them, but they do (understandably! naturally!) lead to some very clunky english at times, and i just can't write things like "are you chickened out, fierce eyes". i cannot. which means i need to half-invent the right english character voice (and how that blends with the little i know of thai speaking patterns and customs), which takes away the thing i usually lean on way more heavily than i previously realized i did, so. it's a journey! it's an experiment! i'm learning things! i'm making choices! and i'm pumped about it but it's also REALLY slowing down the bad buddy fic production.

starsky & hutch - many things are happening! many many! they're just happening slowly. there's one particular fic about starsky and hutch comfortably out at a party and hutch fielding questions about names which has been 98% done for a month or two, but i need one (1) more connective paragraph to wrap things up, and apparently i'm in no hurry. and i love that for me, at the same time as i'm tempted to flick my brain and go Do It. Just Do It. oh god, and then there's a much older comedy fic stuck in close to the same situation only there it's 95% and the missing part is the end, which is at least a little more serious, and there are. i think literally a dozen probably. things that are cooking, bubbling, making interesting little noises. it's yet to be seen which of those turn out tasty.

h50 - there are some shorter wips here that have great potential to go somewhere, but mostly i want to finally (finally!) wrap up a flip-flop state of mind, which only needs finishing touches (albeit a bunch of them) on the final chapter, and then maybe 200 more words for the short epilogue to round things out. i had somewhat hoped to get that done before the new year, but it didn't work out that way, and i'm at peace with it - the longer this fic takes, the more comical my initial estimate of "i can probably get this done within the month" becomes. and after that's done, i can refocus my energy on Sweet like a chic-a-cherry cola, another ill-fated plan which i Will see through (while also enjoying myself), dammit, but i think for that one i'll need to pre-write the whole thing before i start posting again or i'll just keep going in circles.

nashville - it's been a while since my rewatch, so i'm not sure it will ever really come together, but i have a fun little 5+1 will/gunnar thing which lives half in a google docs file and half in my heart. could be nice!

sga - there's One Fic that's near done and has a few turns of phrase in it that keep making me go "oh, this might be worth finishing, actually" every time i return to it, but i think i'll need to let that happen a few more times before we actually get there. there's also a light and comedy-ish aro/ace john fic (heavily featuring john&rodney and john&team) on a low boil. i think that one might need to wait for me to rewatch the show at some point so i'm correctly immersed in the Vibes of it all, but it's very dear to me, so it still gets a permanent In Progress label.

due south - there's one particular thing that i might get back to? maybe. it could happen. @redgoldblue's dedicated live reporting on their due south watch, as well as their ds fic, did stir something in my brain.

other - there's literally two paragraphs of hard core logo fic kicking around in my notes which might turn into something some day. (when i started writing 3AM those new words were intended to blend with the two existing paragraphs, but they never did.) there's some ted lasso that can still be considered wip, but my ted lasso fic moment burned bright and short, it seems, though it's nice to know the framework is there if i ever do a rewatch. oh man, and there's a weird homoerotic over the top (because that's what this canon is) tango & cash wip which i hope will make it across the finish line some day, but i wouldn't be surprised if in the end that's, like. coming to an ao3 page near you soon! in 2026.

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Tagging ✨

tag any number of people you want as far as i'm concerned (which can be zero! that's a valid number), but i haven't spotted this going around in my fandom circles yet, so i'll shoot for some good coverage: @redgoldblue @luredin @actingcamplibrarian @stephmcx @pterawaters @the-arya-silvertongue @logicgunn @incognito-insomniac @dedkake @spaceradars @spurious @sparrowsarus @flownwrong @theroseandthebeast @jimmyandthegiraffes @soleadita @ivycross @murphyhatesme @bgharison @thekristen999 @cowandcalf @msbeeinmybonnet @ruztyryan and you, reading this. i fully tagged myself to do this, so please don't feel shy about doing the same! i really do want to read your answers, if you feel like giving them.

obviously there's no pressure, and also feel free to modify this any way you want! give different stats, list top 5 by hits instead of kudos, name just one favorite fic, add in fics you only posted to tumblr rather than ao3, skip a category or invent a new one or throw the whole thing out and only reflect on a single piece of writing in more detail - it's all fair game, as long as it suits you.

[entertext]

HGSN 17-3

Chapter (Japanese)

(Please hit the green thumbs up at the end of the chapter to show support)

Rough translation by me

P1

Asako: A-anyways! If you're ever in trouble, I'll help you out, okay!! If there's anything I can do!!

(sfx: stomp)

Asako: Bye!!

...

Hikaru: Sorry I'm late.

P2

Yoshiki: ...Sounds like Asako has lost some of her hearing in her right ear

Hikaru: ...That's...

Hikaru: ...probably because I touched her a little

Hikaru: People, well...they break if I mess with them a little bit. And then after that, they start to hallucinate and die of their own accord

Hikaru: But Asako is mentally strong, so she didn't break, but...

Hikaru: Instead, the effects may have showed up in her ear...that's my guess

P3

Yoshiki: That's something that you did to her though

Hikaru: ...I do think that it's good that it was only her ear

Yoshiki: *sighs*...how cold of you.

Yoshiki: Let's go to the library

Hikaru: Yeah

Yoshiki: (Shouldn't keep hiding it forever...I guess)

P4

(sign: Cultural Center/Library)

Hikaru: That's a lot of books!

Yoshiki: We're looking for a map, an old one

Yoshiki: Ah, here's one...this map is early Meiji, from the later half of the 19th century

P5

Hikaru: Kibougayama... isn't anywhere on here

Yoshiki: No wait, here's Mount Tenban, and if this is the shrine, that means this is...

Hikaru: Sute...? Huh...?

Yoshiki: No, you're supposed to read it right-to-left

Yoshiki: ...Darumasute*?

(* - 達磨 (daruma) - a Daruma doll (wiki); 捨 (sute) - to throw away)

P6

Hikaru: "Darumasute"? What kind of name is that? Was Kibougayama actually named that all along?

Yoshiki: ...Let's line it up with the other maps. We have ones of Kubitachi and the other surrounding areas too right?

Yoshiki: Darumasute - there's a long and narrow region that extends downwards near the bottom. There isn't a place like that now.

Yoshiki: Udekari and Ashidori - these aren't any different from today

Yoshiki: Udeiri - this village has already been abandoned

Yoshiki: Kubitachi - the kanji for it is different from what it is now*

(* "tachi" - present day 立 (to stand/rise); originally 断 (to cut off/sever))

(Names and approximate meanings so far):

Darumasute - 達磨捨 - to throw away a daruma

Udekari - 腕刈 - to cut off the arms

Ashidori - 足取 - to take the legs

Udeiri - 腕入 - to contain the arms

Kubitachi - 首断 - to sever the head)

P7

Yoshiki: Is this... the shape of a person?

Hikaru: Huh!?

Yoshiki: The names of the places even correspond to the body parts...The arm is where Udekari is...The head is where Kubitachi is...Then the "daruma" refers to...the torso?

Hikaru: What the hell!? That's so creepy!!

??: Um, excuse me...

P8

Librarian: Your voices are a little too loud...

Yoshiki: Ah! Um...

Hikaru: Sorry 'bout that

Librarian: No worries...

Librarian: ...Is this a school project or something?

Yoshiki: U-Um... We're Kibougayama High students from Kubitachi...and we were looking up our local area...o-or something like t-that...

P9

Hikaru: Pfft.. (He gets like this whenever someone scolds him even a little)

Librarian: Oh my... I'm also from Kubitachi.

Hikaru: Huh, how about that!

Yoshiki: Oh, really? ... Then maybe we might have met you before when we were little...ma'am

Librarian: Oh, no, you wouldn't have...I've been away for 20 years and only went back after my mother's recent death...

Hikaru: ("recent death"...Ah!)

P10

(nametag: Matsuura)

Hikaru: Are you by any chance...Matsuura-san's daughter?

==

Next chapter: 2023/06/06

Twitter extra (link):

Yoshiki takes being scolded badly

It seems that it's more shocking to him since he's usually well-behaved...

Yoshiki: Ah! Um!

'Hikaru' (Hikaru) is fine with it

Hikaru: Sorry!

==

By the way, I've updated the place names in the previous chapter to match the correct readings.

There was also a typo to one of the lines in it that was officially corrected after the original translation was posted, so if you saw the original post and haven't gone back, you might want to double check, thanks.

[apatheticlexicographer]

BYLER FIC REC WEEK 2023 DAY 5: FULL AU recs

breathe (in the air) by clearskiies

mike-centric; no plot. 1970s AU, the party are in their 20s. mike and will’s friend groups meet at a music festival and they spend the whole time attached at the hip. there’s a lot of internalized homophobia angs,tbut mike doesn’t lash out at will over it and their flirting is sweet. elumax are going through their own shit in the background too. multichapter, ongoing

wheeler news by solarhazard

will-centric; some plot. social media fic where mike is a famous musician and will runs a stan twt account for him. his world gets flipped upside down when mike notices him and they start becoming friends. it’s so dumb but so fun. multichapter, hasn't updated in a while but it hasn’t been officially discontinued to my knowledge

Nocturne by lilacline

mike-centric; plot. mike rescues a small brown bat from a weirdly evil plant and nurses it back to health, befriending it in the process. side note: bats aren’t supposed to understand human speech, mike. that’s not normal. that’s not a normal bat you have there, mike. considering it’s tagged as a vampire AU, i’m sure u can see where this is going. mike is a mess (affectionate) and he’s filled with Queer Terror. will has only just appeared as a character (...officially) but he’s already melting all 3 of mike’s braincells. mike is actually the best brother ever to holly and i would die for her. multichapter, ongoing

A New Fight by Tea_For_One_Please, and both of its sequels

alternates between mike-centric and will-centric; plot. a star wars fusion AU where will is a stormtrooper who defects to the rebellion and becomes a member of mike’s crew. el escaped the jedi massacre and teaches him to wield the force. the first fic takes place about a year before episode IV, the second concludes directly before episode IV, and the third is set in the gap between episodes VI and VII. since this is a fusion AU the canon events of the star wars timeline happen as usual, with the party’s story taking place in the background. you could probably read this without having seen star wars, but it wouldn’t make much sense. i was so engrossed that i read all three 30k~ long fics in one sitting. multichapter, all entries complete

with honor, we hound by hiscleric

mike-centric (so far, may have will POV); plot. as of now there’s only been one proper chapter of this, not including the prologue, but i can already tell it’s gonna be sooo good. it’s a fantasy/cleradin AU which is always a win, and the writing is lyrical. will was the youngest prince of the kingdom, who mysteriously vanished one day. mike is a knight and the heir to a noble family, but secretly wished to be a scholar. there’s a prophecy, a quest, and what seems like it’s gonna be a secret identity plot with will. literally what more could you want??? multichapter, ongoing

ground control to major tom (your circuit’s dead, there’s something wrong) by andthentheybow

alternates between mike-centric and will-centric; plot. another star wars AU!!! there’s only one chapter out so far, but it’s the setup for a heist story so i just know it’s gonna slay. this one is set several centuries after episode IX, rather than in tandem with star wars canon. mike is a bounty hunter and will is very… mysterious ;))) i can’t wait to see what comes of it!!! multichapter, ongoing

A Flower That Resembles You by perexcri

will-centric; plot. a byler fantasy AU that’s not cleradin??? gasssp :000 i won’t spoil to much but it’s got childhood friends to strangers to friends to lovers, really pretty depictions of magic, hella quantities of angst and yearning so sweet and tender it makes even my aro heart ache. the mortifying ordeal of allowing yourself to love and be loved… effervescent. multichapter, complete

Ley Lines and Shadows by Aabh

will-centric; plot. fantasy AU! will is a baker who lives in a tiny town. the town was cursed years ago by a now-dead witch. he helps a stray cat after it gets attacked, but as he spends more time around it it becomes clear that it's not a normal animal. the ominous dreams that plague will's sleep only add to the feeling that something is…off. the writing is flowery and fits the fairytale setting nicely. there's a mild sexual content tag on the fic, but i believe that refers to a single paragraph. there's nothing explicit and they're adults. multichapter, complete

another one bites the dust by losingcontrolnow

will-centric; not really plot. high quality zombie apocalypse content!!! i like more hardcore apocalypse stories than the stuff you usually get in s5 speculative fics, so this AU makes me very happy. the contents of the fic itself don't make me happy because, duh, it's a zombie apocalypse AU, but it's soooo good. oneshot, complete

didn't i (blow your mind this time) also by losingcontrolnow

mike-centric; no plot. you know spiderwill, you love spiderwill, but for your humble consideration: spidermike!!! featuring yearning (both), pining (both), oblivious idiots (both), and sudden onset superpowers (just mike). mike is exactly as much of a mess about, well, everything as you would hope and he is so so dear to me. longshot, complete

[trubbishrubbish]

Happy Last Day of 2023. Here's a long overdue update over how I have been.

As you recall, Jabberwock Genocide Part 2 was uploaded 3 weeks ago. And the only thing I did this whole month of December after Part 2 was uploaded was that I went to Canada to climb a huge mountain and confront my other self because it’s cheaper than going to therapy.

Just kidding, I just worked on more Jabberwock Genocide, nothing else.

This is a positive as I have made so much forward progress in the animation and the upcoming part 3 that you guys won’t have to wait 9 months for more Genocide Jack fun time. However, there is a cost to just working on Jabberwock Genocide, one that I’m currently struggling to find a way to deal with.

Basically, all my free time, focus and thinking has been dedicated to Jabberwock Genocide, but other stuff I do and create I have left to the dust.

My output in making Genocide Jack posts has just stopped.

I keep neglecting to share updates to my Sho Shrine. I am still getting new stuff for it but I have not yet organized it and taken picture of it.

I have barely played any new games. The last game I have beaten that is new was Super Mario Bros Wonder. I loved that game, but I had a hard time sitting down to play it for long sessions as I wanted to work on Jabberwock Genocide.

And tragically, I have really neglected interacting with my online friends. This I feel the most guilty of as I have no excuse for it. I know there are friends I used to talk to a lot before that I have now stopped engaging with for a really long time. If you are one of those people I just to say that I am sorry for ghosting you. I still consider you a friend I don't want our friendship to slowly die out due to lack of communication on my end.

This is my struggle. I love making Jabberwock Genocide. It’s honestly the most enriching thing I am currently doing in my life. I’m creating a story with my favorite character, Genocide Jack. I’m developing my skill as a sprite animator. I’m constantly thinking about how to create a particular scene with the limited resources I have. I get a real kick of joy when I am creating a scene and suddenly an idea comes to mind that I love and I put it in the animation.

I feel so satisfied when the ideas I have for a scene that I see in my head are transmitted into actual animation on my editor. More often then not, what I make in the final product is better than what I imagine in my head. Every single line, every single detail, every single joke, it all feels so amazing to craft them into a video.

It’s crazy to think that just a few months ago, I was at a low point in the animation where all of my motivation was drained and I struggled to make progress for weeks. But now, I feel so freaking happy and elated just thinking about the animation. Heck, even doing really tedious tasks like making every single sprite jump a little is still enjoyable to me. I’ve been working on this project since August 2022. I never expected this to be what is now when I first started writing down ideas. But I am happy the project did turn into this, because I really, truly enjoy working on this.

But… That’s the problem. I enjoy working on Jabberwock Genocide so much that any other hobbies, I find less fun. I rewrote my brain to dedicate huge parts of it to think about Jabberwock Genocide. I’m fully being this attached to a project like this isn’t healthy. I should be consuming different media and doing other activities and talking to my friends. I know this but I find it difficult to summon the energy to do it.

I’m still trying to find a good balance between working on the project and doing other leisure activities that I enjoy doing. I’m going to make this a goal for 2024, it might take me a while to find that balance but I will try to. Hopefully when I do, I can slowly rekindle friendships that I have abandoned.

That’s what I wanted to say. Thank you for taking the time to read this. See you in 2024.

[tomato-fendo-writes]

Fun Fax: OLM Chapter 12

THIS HURT SO MUCH TO WRITE SHDKFJ LEMME TELL YOU. but also, so very fun! writing panic, spiraling thought patterns, and the snappy, warring ideas and emotions is something i enjoy immensely, and this is one of the first times i really get to do it in this fic

in ways, this chapter was one of the easiest to write in a long time, probably because i knew almost exactly how it would go. however, it was edited a TON and i trimmed about 400 words off before publishing

one of the sections trimmed was Jin briefly asking Kaz's favorite color to fill the silence (purple, btw), but it was cut because of the crazy word count, and to make room for the bit where they talk abt Lee! another cut bit was Jin doing a kata with Kaz, again cut for word count

for the record, i originally had Kaz and Lee younger when they met, but after the first draft the wiki got updated with a source saying Lee was 12 when he was adopted. as the source was an old japanese manual that i couldn’t read, i couldnt dispute it, and begrudgedly aged them appropriately. i’m still mad dhjs

Kazuya’s “hands only” line and training sentiment was based on how Heihachi trains Jin in Bloodline! im figuring they were trained similarly enough, or at the very least it was something Heihachi used on Kazuya growing up as well, so i wanted that to carry over

the kata i have Kazuya start with is based very much on Sanchin Kata, a Goju-Ryu style one that i have mentioned in Fun Fax before - in reference to Heihachi. this doesnt mean anything in particular, but i do find it interesting that this unfortunate sequence starts with Kazuya copying his father

the whole slow build up to Kazuya snapping and telling Jin the most traumatic event of his entire life out of spite is a concept i had VERY early for this fic - the first version of that scene was written back in february 2023! that version was a lot less, uh, mean, and more unfortunate than anything else. he didnt make jin really upset (on purpose) in that one 😬 art for that draft version HERE

the “If I wanted you to know me, I would have stuck around, wouldn’t I?” line had me screaming into my hands and my jaw dropped when i first thought of it. HES SO MEAN HES SO MEAN WHY IS HE SO MEAN

i have SO MUCH FUN writing juvenile Jin, oh my gosh. his petulance and inner monologue (”that jerk,” “whatever,”), his teenagerness is so fun to work with, and im gonna miss it when it eventually has to go with his maturity 😭 but not his moodiness! thats here to stay, or its not Jin sdjf

me writing “a gun to his head” in reference to jin

extra, one of my betas literally got a bag of popcorn to read because the drama in this chapter was so good to her hdksjd. the other was lamenting and saying "i hate this man" aloud, and even commented "DIE YOU BASTARD" on the doc itself sdhfjk

ALSO. just wanna say. this chapter was fully written ages before the release of 8, and i nailed a few lines without even knowing hdskbd. kaz being impressed with jins resilience, “little shit,” tiny things but things nonetheless lol

[its-koili]

hey guys. sorry for being gone for so long. heres an update

(tw for: mention of violence / gore, general distress, mental health issues)

(tw below)

.

basically i had a huge mental health crisis. i was having 24/7 constant rolling panic attacks from may of 2023 to january of this year. my last big meltdown was in early february. been processing a lot of CSA trauma and some recent trauma that ive gone through. i think i talked about my panic attacks before leaving social media but idk i dont remember. isolated myself from absolutely everybody.

the main thing that made me leave was that while i was keeping up to date on the g3n0c1d3 (censoring bc idk how tumblr is about it), and when i was looking in the replies / related of the awareness videos, i came across 4 accounts dedicated to using gore for clicks / shock. not videos of the g3n0c1d3 (thank god bc of how they were using the vids) but of unfortunate every day situations and cam footage. like, the kind of stuff you could see on liveleak back in 2010. just out in the open on twitter. they all had usernames like "(insert number here) ways to die)". they were all content farms for click/ad revenue. it was too much it was a huge trigger and i had a full on meltdown. the bluecheck ppl on twitter were using the replies of the videos people uploaded for raising awareness to upload mindless g0re for money. the fact that peoople have 0 compassion for human life sent me into a spiral that i couldnt get out of. (i reported 3 out of the 4 accounts i was able to and 3 got taken down but 1 is still up and it odesnt seem to be uploading the hardcore g0r3 anymore. so thats good. but that was one of the reasons i left social media. ive been keeping up to date w the news but thats it. i left my socials entirely and ive only been on my phone to look up recipes or to use my computer for media research groceries and gaming and shows

that was the main thing that pushed me to leave. i just couldnt take it anymore. during the start of my crisis last year, i was planning on taking a small break, but all of that pushed me over the edge and i dropped everything. after that, my issues got worse and i dont remember most of it. thankfully. but i couldnt bring myself to talk to anybody. i isolated myself and just. laid in bed. but im doing better so i guess thats good

on another topic ive beeen nervous to post this on main but during all of this (ive talked abt tihs a little bit on my priv before i left) i found out that im a system a long while back. my dad (one of my abusers) had/has DID and it terrified me to think that i could be anything like him. i also knew cereal abuser who pretended to be a system to get away with stuff/abusing their friends (and then years later admitted that they werent a system and siad that systems are fake.) LOTS of tears. lots of crying over this. was in denial for a few weeks. cried some more. then eventually came to terms with it.

i dont want to post abt my system online too much bc i dont want to act like this is some fun trendy thing bc its not. it makes day to day living very hard (some lighter/funnier issues that make it hard are: arguing with an alter bc YOU dont know where THEY put YOUR MEDS, not being able to cook because one alter can and the other cant, your art style not being consistent because their styles are different). i dont want to really make it a massive part of my identity online bc its not a big deal! theres just Multiple Little Guys in my brain. so. im a system! im the same but....this explains why i dont remember talking to certain people SUIDHUFHX. i always felt bad. makes conversing with online friends hard especially if icons/usernames are changed. ill make a separate post about this someday thatll go into detail a bit more.

i went years thinking it was just "kinning" but it wasnt lol. it turns out that your personality completely shifting, tastes in food / music / art / media changing, the way you walk / talk dress changing, and having complete memory blackouts when you """"kin shift"""" isn't normal. /lh (dw ive had a lot of time to come to terms with this)

but basically right now ive been spending time getting to,,know myself?? iive been using simplyplural for myself for several months and im uncovering a lot of my memories / trauma ect bc alters can write down what they need to in the chat. so i can go back later and read it. its been v helpful!

i will not be coming back just yet. i have no interest in using social media rn or drawing or writing unfortunately. ive been working on my original stuff here and there but i havent been drawaing fandom stuff bc im not hyperfixating on a fandom.

also. some things have come up. im not going to say anything until the party in question is stable/safe/comfortable before i even suggest anything for context (i dont plan on talking abt anything at all unless they start talking publicly). right now i am helping someone through abuse. their wellbeing is my #1 concern. i'll think about other things after im sure theyre okay.

i dont really have any resolutions as to how things are going but i do feel better and im not having as many panic attacks. i dont really know where im going with this now sorry. just trying to brush over the basic topics before i go. idk if anybody remembers me bc ive been gone for so long so idk if im just talking into the wind but if i am thats fine honestly this is helping me reorganize my thoughts (i type these vents out a lot on docs so i probably wont remember posting this hiudhvu)

other than that. i dont draw or write anymore. i think in the past 6 months ive drawn like....5 things. its. weird. im completely disconnected from fandoms now. coming up to a full year of not having a hyperfixation at all.

my bday was on the 6th. im 27 now im very old (everybody forgot it asides from my husband (and the people he reminded) n my abuser). ive been trying to cook and bake more and ive been playing video games again. planning on getting back into drawing soon and working on my original stuff. when i come back im planning on redesigning my profiles and updating my social media bios and stuff bc theyre so old. also ill make a section on my carrd for my system. there you go theres some positivity to the update nxfjdfjh. sorry if i dont seem very enthused im very tired so typing has been a chore hfuidshuifv.

sorry that this was a lot or if it seems disjointed i was trying to put down as much into this as possible without making it too long

bye!!! see u all soon!

[reynita9]

The year is 1912, The luxurious “Millionare’s Special” steam engine oceanliner RMS Titanic is about to embark on her maiden voyage. Aboard it are John Aster, Isador Strauss & Benjamin Guggenheim; three of the world’s wealthiest men, who are opposed to the creation of the federal reserve banking system and turning the USA into a corporation. JP Morgan Chase, the owner of the ship, coincidentally was not aboard. He’d intended to be, but cancelled just hours before it’s departure. Which is terrible considering he’d invested 7.5 million dollars into it (1911 7.5 million… according to an internet inflation calculator that is equivalent to $2,401,002,631.53 “two billion ,four hundred one million ,two thousand ,six hundred thirty one dollars and fifty three cents” in 2023!) Tragically amongst thousands of others Aster, Strauss, and Guggenheim perished at sea when The Titanic crashed at full speed into an established iceberg. So sad. But without them around to use their wealth and power in opposition of the creation of a Federal Reserve System, in 1913, a year later, it was signed into law.

It’s interesting that now in present time, 2023, Billionaires were adventuring to the bottom of the ocean sea-floor, for entertainment’s sake, to traverse the oceanic graveyard of Titanic Shipwreckage.. of course they died too, and with full time coverage. All of those of us who never even asked suddenly being non-consensually updated and roped in. I was at work today and people were like “Did you hear? They ran out of air.” I’m like who the fuck even are they? But still, it’s trippy. Especially after a year of many satirical eat-the-rich-laugh-at-them-suffering films topped charts. In these times laughing at kings fall is all we have, I get it. But it gets weirder, because the CEO of OceanGate Expositions was married to a woman named Wendy Rush, who’s the great-great-great granddaughter (by blood) of Isador Strauss (remember him? mentioned above ^) it’s crazy! How esoteric. But I don’t really even want the focus to be on waterlogged billionaires or the late Strauss Bloodline.. I want to go back to 2023 JP Morgan Chase.. the original man is dead but his namesake and legacy live on, leeching evil into the earth. I wonder why it doesn’t get more press when ten days ago JP Morgan Chase Bank agreed to pay $260 million dollars to victims of Jeffrey Epstein to settle their class action lawsuit around the bank associating with Epstein as he trafficked people and even after he was convicted of pedophilia. TODAY, the same fucking day that these random rich bros die 20,000 leagues under the sea. 6/22/2023, JP Morgan Chase (bank) is fined 4 Million dollars for permanently deleting 47 million emails. I wonder what future lawsuits they sunk by deleting that info. I wonder if this OceanGate Submarine story is real or an intentional distraction/ psyop. Idk I’ve been writing for 15 min n just got hit with so much sleepiness I’m going to be lazy and not actually conclude this at all. Banks own media Banks have bloodlust Banks know how much we love bread and circuses and it’s all smoke and mirrors. A Triangle Of Sadness that we can’t do anything about until we realize how disgustingly low they will sink to get what they want. Abolishing these unimaginably massive wealth and power inequities is the only path forward, but first we have to sit with the information we’re given, and discern and be open minded, be curious, hold massive possibilities with our mind’s eyes. not shut down, or deflect with laughter. Not be lead like a mouse to a trap. They invest trillions into keeping us busy/distracted/subdued/subservient and it doesn’t even matter because we mock and police each other and make jokes of curiosity. “Conspiracy Bullshit” / unconscious trust and devotion.

I’m not saying any of this applies to anything: I am sure it is all coincidental, this is just here to make u smile. A joke. Love u.

[padfootagain]

Masterlist - Requests are still open! Please check my guidelines before requesting - The tag list is open!

Hello lovelies!! Here is my posting schedule for the upcoming weeks! I'm keeping my usual rhythm and will be posting a new story every two days!

I'm also going to update Something Good every Sunday from now on, which is why there will be three fics posted back-to-back every two weeks. I've written up to chapter 20 for this fic, so I want to speed up the updates!

I'm also getting close to a milestone for my blog in terms of followers count, so expect some announcement and polls to prepare a celebration in the coming weeks!! Thank you all for your support!

I hope you enjoy these stories!!

16/07/2023 - Chapter 11 for Something Good

Ben Barnes x Reader, Professor AU!, angst, fluff, slow-burn, enemies to lovers, on-going series

Summary: Coming out of a divorce and trying to get used to being a single mom, while teaching your classes at University, you thought your life could not get more complicated than it already iss. But when you are asked to take care of the theatre club with the colleague that you really can’t get along with, you realize that everything can still get ten times more complicated in your life. And when you start actually liking Professor Barnes, the troubles only grow exponentially…

18/07/2023 - Chapter 2 for The Last Ones on Earth

The Darkling x reader, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, mentions and depiction of warfare and violence, on-going series

Summary: You and the Darkling are a team, even if no one knows it. Beyond being a team, you are the only one he trusts, and he's the only one you care about, and you're each other's true love. But if you've kept your secrets hidden for a long time, now that the Sun Summoner is fighting against you, it's time to reveal who you are, and what you are capable of...

20/07/2023 - Professional

Ben Barnes x reader, tooth-rotting fluff, so much fluff you might die of fluffiness, lots of teasing, one-shot, requested

Summary: You and Ben answer the lie detector interview to promote the new season of SaB, where you have worked together. But the interview reveals a lot more about your relationship with Ben than what was intended to begin with.

22/07/2023 - The Surprise

Ben Barnes x reader, angst, fluff, very fluffy, one-shot, requested

Summary: Despite his love for you, Ben starts doubting you as you seem to be hiding something for him these days. Little does he know that you’re actually preparing a surprise for his birthday.

23/07/2023 - Chapter 12 for Something Good

Ben Barnes x Reader, Professor AU!, angst, fluff, slow-burn, enemies to lovers, on-going series

Summary: Coming out of a divorce and trying to get used to being a single mom, while teaching your classes at University, you thought your life could not get more complicated than it already iss. But when you are asked to take care of the theatre club with the colleague that you really can’t get along with, you realize that everything can still get ten times more complicated in your life. And when you start actually liking Professor Barnes, the troubles only grow exponentially…

24/07/2023 - Chapter 4 for You and the King

Caspian x reader, fluff, angst, Sequel to The King and You, on-going series

Summary: After meeting Caspian in your own world, you decide to follow him to Narnia, your love for him too strong for you to keep your old life. But as you discover the magic of Narnia, you soon realise that this extraordinary world is as dangerous as it is magnificent. Will your love for Caspian be enough to defeat your new enemies?

26/07/2023 - Like Tracing Lines

The Darkling x reader, hurt/comfort, fluff, one-shot, requested

Summary: The Darkling has always kept an eye on you, from afar, although he doesn’t admit why. But when the Sun Summoner arrives at the Little Palace, your lonely habits seem to grow exponentially, and he is more and more worried about you.

28/07/2023 - Some Perfect Bloopers

Ben Barnes x reader, tooth-rotting fluff, the fluffiest of the fluff, one-shot, requested by @thenerdysimp

Summary: The cast of SaB and you organise a surprise for Ben: you’re coming to Hungary without warning and surprise him on set. Of course, the camera’s rolling, it will make some amazing bloopers…

30/07/2023 - Chapter 13 for Something Good

Ben Barnes x Reader, Professor AU!, angst, fluff, slow-burn, enemies to lovers, on-going series

Summary: Coming out of a divorce and trying to get used to being a single mom, while teaching your classes at University, you thought your life could not get more complicated than it already iss. But when you are asked to take care of the theatre club with the colleague that you really can’t get along with, you realize that everything can still get ten times more complicated in your life. And when you start actually liking Professor Barnes, the troubles only grow exponentially…

01/08/2023 - Chapter 5 for Pirates!

Caspian x Pirate!reader, angst, fluff, adventure, mentions and depiction of violence, on-going series

Summary: As ships disappear across the sea, Caspian is forced to go investigate himself. But to win against the wild uncharted waters he must cross to reach his people, he needs to bargain with pirates. And then, he finds you…

03/08/2023 - We’ll Speak Through the Screen if We Can’t Find the Words for Real

Ben Barnes x reader, angst, fluff, one-shot, requested

Summary: You’ve been in love with Ben for a long time, but have never gathered your courage to confess your feelings for him. Everything changes though when you feel that you could lose him and your friend gives you a crazy idea…

05/08/2023 - Part 2 for Where We Kept Out Magic

Sirius Black x Muggle!Reader, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, unbearable cuteness, on-going series

Summary: You and Sirius meet when you’re still young, and yet you fall head-over-heels for each other. But everything gets complicated when you learn that Sirius is a Wizard! Now, your whole world has to be reimagined. - This series is made of many independent snippets taken from Sirius and Muggle!Reader’s lovestory

06/08/2023 - Chapter 14 for Something Good

Ben Barnes x Reader, Professor AU!, angst, fluff, slow-burn, enemies to lovers, on-going series

Summary: Coming out of a divorce and trying to get used to being a single mom, while teaching your classes at University, you thought your life could not get more complicated than it already iss. But when you are asked to take care of the theatre club with the colleague that you really can’t get along with, you realize that everything can still get ten times more complicated in your life. And when you start actually liking Professor Barnes, the troubles only grow exponentially…

[d1et-cok3]

Hey so i know i haven't posted in a month or two and im sorry about that but for like all of November Ive been in a binge cycle and i cant stop its genuinely scares me how much i eat and im constantly hungry i an feel my body begging for food and Ive recently started looking forward to meals which is terrifying i can see myself getting fatter instead of skinnier and it makes me wanna die i just want to stop eating but its getting so fucking hard to even skip one meal then i get home i eat more its like all my self control is gone and all my progress is going down the drain im horrified of getting back into the 170s i was so huge and at least right now im not as big as before but Ive been smaller even though i never really been small in the first place Ive been fat all my life and i need to break the cycle and be the skinniest one in my family and friend group i want to look pretty in clothes and be able to shower without wanting to drown myself right then and there and i cant help but notice how many times Ive said im getting back on track but it never works i miss my honeymoon phase when i dropped like 15 pounds in a month then it all just kid of froze and i gained and dropped the same weight for like 3 months and now im gaining even more and it feels like im suffocating in it in all of the food i eat and my fat i miss almost passing out when i stood up and always being dizzy i miss the dread when it came to eating not me squealing like a pig in excitement i can tell its bad when i finish my food or get seconds or eat faster or let myself get dirty plus i broke my phone so i cant track everything as efficiently especially because of school and its been really hard and i don't have a scale and i can feel clothes that were getting looser getting tight again and its mortifying i want to die or just bleed out i want to cut all the fat out of my body and just be skinny i know i need to love the process but its hurts and this cycle has hurt me worse physically and mentally then starving ever did i miss bruising easily being pale and looking like i hadn't slept or ate in days i wish that i didn't give in so easily its embarrassing how sometimes i ask if someones hungry and they say no but i eat anyway my brain still judges people for being fat when there skinnier than me and it hurts because i wish that i could be that skinny and eat food without gaining its not fair people in my school say that they wanna be fat or gain lots of weight and i tell them why they don't but they don't understand how much worse literally my whole life is because of it sorry about my ramble i just am struggling to cope with his and a lot of shit is happening in my life and me losing control is not helping i hope this is the last time i have to say this but i am going to be getting my life together and i will be skinny my goal was to be skinny by Christmas while i know that cant happen now kms but i can be skinnier and i can be better then now i hope to weigh less than my sister for once and get the smaller size unlike now when i bet a size bigger every time people will buy us stuff and she gets a small and i get a medium and there like i hope it fits like im not that fat damn but there right Jesus that was a lot to type anyways wish me luck and i really hope this works ill try and update you on my progress but i might forget lol. bye thank you.

November 29th 2023

[talenlee]

January 2024 Wrapup

One month down! 2024’s going to be easy, you’re going to see! We made it this far, we just have to do this again and I’m sure we’ll find a way. This month has seen a Games Done Quick event, a bunch of videos, five story piles!

Let’s get into it, looking at what you might have already seen and what you might have missed if you’re at all a fan of Things Talen makes!

This month’s Game Pile were:

Exploding Kittens, where I opine about an interface mistake in a game that’s pretty much entirely about revelling in its interface, right?

A Patreon and Channel trailer update, where I made a pair of videos for that

Puzzmo, a game that I have already stopped playing because it fails to localise to non-American spellings

A video form of my Gene Wars article, which adds some details and context about this aggressively tedious game that’s remarkably hard to play, even without Dosbox overcycling and making things die of old age

It also is the first month where, in the off weeks, Fox and I have been playing a game together – in this case, we played through Space Quest III, completing the trilogy. There are, after all, never any other Space Quest games, and you can go check those out over on Youtube (part 1, part 2).

While Story Pile articles covered:

The Sopranos, a TV series that took a lot of time to watch and was worth it and I immediately stopped caring about once I was done watching it,

Godzilla vs Megalon, a charming hokey 70s piece of kids’ action entertainment

Appare-Ranman!!, an anime about going fast that fails when it comes to races

The Traitor Baru Cormorant, a dense book about economics where some betrayal happens,

Afterschool Dice Club, an anime about board games, no really, actually about board games.

But that’s not all I wrote about this month that you can read, with your eyes! I wrote about how much I missed having the physical ritual of a bullet journal. You know, for the nine days I didn’t have it, which is weird because it’s not like I was doing detailed journalling at the end of December.

I wrote about the Speed stat in Pokemon games, and how it currently works. This article actually started as an introduction to the competitive idea of ‘speed tiers’ and how things could be generally positioned against one another. Turns out that no, just explaining how Speed works took a thousand damn words. I thought about ‘hey, who’s the fastest Transformer‘ and found the best answer I could have for that was absolutely nonsense and completely at odds with how Transformers presents that. Keeping with the theme of ‘speed’ during GDQ I wrote about the Speed of Communication and ways to categorise and consider that in your worldbuilding.

I talked about the Minotaur, the Iron Hearts, and the 404 Not Found of Cobrin’Seil, cultures that matter and need to be available for players, but need to also have a material presence in the world that makes them matter. 3rd Edition D&D had some real weird rules corners, and one of them was The Monk, and hey, hey now, I am talking about 3rd edition. You know, the real actual 3rd edition, the 3rd edition before 3.5 that everyone likes to pretend was just part of the same continuity. Anyway, monks were bad. And weird, and they didn’t have game language to describe their mechanical needs.

I also tried to confront the way that Atheism gets treated as a special kind of social evil which just happens to be in contest with someone claiming absolute knowledge of the runner of the whole universe, but we’re the smug ones. Also just vented about how much Mike Winger sucks ass, truly besmirching the noble name of Internet Weirdo Dudes Surnamed Winger, RIP to a real one.

For Magic: The Gathering content, I inspected 2023’s mechanics and what I want to do with them, along with my articles reflecting on 2023’s daily cards and announcing the plan for 2024’s daily cards — the story of Vox Maxima.

This month’s shirt/sticker design was this cute artwork I did of a Ralts reading books:

You can get this design printed on things here. Time is probably limited on this one.

And what else has happened this month, what do I have in terms of diary? Well, truth be told, I don’t have a good answer to that right now because as I write this it’s the twelfth of the month. January is a weird month, lots of stuff gets done because the year is now open in front of me, and as a result, I get a lot of stuff in the queue. I also had a subtheme for this month, with GDQ providing Speed Week.

What I do know about this month though, what I know about my diary, is that I’ve been working on things that need work. I have had to reconcile that the pandemic didn’t just pause my work it made it worse and that means that I’ve been finding victories where I can: What can I do? What can I make better? How much faster can I get things done? How can I make sure I’m always working? And …

At this point…

I’ve done it. I’ve done what I can so far, and I am going to get better.

I wanted to have Lysen Co out by now. I wanted to have Cancon stuff done, too! But money makes a lot of things in that space not stuff I can idly play around with, which is frustrating. This is a point where I’m really grateful for my Patreon – and yes, that does make me worry that I’m going to be trying hard to be crowd pleasing. I guess what I’m saying is if you say ‘I like this’ you might find me overproduce that because I want you to have more of it.

Got my booster shot. Jab in the arm. No reactions, no notes, incredibly boring. Actually no, my shoulder hurts a little bit which I think might be because a guy in a coat stuck a thin piece of metal into it so they could stuff some MRNA shedding nanomachines into my bloodstream so Bill Gates could track me. Mentioning that because it should be a thing people remember to do, and I did it. Easy Feel Good Points for me, since I don’t have any meaningful reactions and they could be sticking maple syrup in me for all I know. I’m genuinely at the point where I think I might be nonsymptomatic, and Fox might be too, and I may have contracted and shared Covid a hundred times and never noticed it because the canary in my personal coal mine is… immune… to… coal? Anyway.

I spend some time this month reading Michel Foucault, right at the source, and lemme tell you that guy’s work is dense. He’s got this really nuggety attitude of words, where there’s very little use of example and demonstration – there’s these heavy laden words that get explained, then he’ll drop all four of the ones he’s been explaining in a sentence and moving on. It means there’s a lot of back tracking and like ‘hey, is this what I think it means?’ It’s a really interesting experience of spending four hours with a twenty-two page essay and realising that yeah, I have these great ideas and I can explain them but it’s translated to… two hundred? words on the page.

There’s also been some delving into Roland Barthes, and back to Johan Huizinga, because Magic Circle theory has become more important to my demonstration of why I’m not invested in Magic Circle theory. Got to demonstrate that expertise.

It was CanCon month! I didn’t make a post about CanCon specifically, because the schedule filled up and that’s just how things go. CanCon meant three days away from my normal computer, and you know what that meant? When the Gene Wars video went up it went up with an audio error and I had to wait two days to fix it! Oh well, I’m sure we all had a laugh about it. I unlisted that video and by the time this goes up it should be fixed. And a new video should be a few days away. Shh~.

Anyway. CanCon was great! Nothing terrible happened and I’m definitely not writing this on night 2 of 3 thinking ‘well nothing bad is going to happen tomorrow!’

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[uncle-dusknoir]

SHIT I forgot I should do one of those pinned posts explaining who I am. i mean probably i kinda like the mystery but eh whatever.

im Basil. unovan. she/her. Hex Maniac "curse fanatic" by circumstance.

blog title source - personal curse tracker

I've got Toothpaste, he's a shiny Obstagoon and my baby boy; Thyme, that Dusknoir, my uncle; Jupetta, a Banette, Thyme's Pokemon before he turned into a Dusknoir.

There's also Skorna, the bone Runerigus. She's just a pest.

Deckard, a white-furred Zorua (NOT HISUIAN) i found in my backyard. He's baby

Mint, a Sneasel I got as a gift from a friend of mine 💜 she's very bity

I've also got a new Poryphone named Porypory. it speaks in pink, is very polite.

oh and the 19 shuppet from the halloween party

... And Bluebell! An Alolan Meowth I found in the dumpster in Alola. She's a million years old and the sweetest cat in the world

image of thyme here

image of skorna here

image of toothpaste here (also me)

image of jupetta (mostly toothpaste tho)

image of deckard (and also me)

image of mint (and my arm)

this weird breloom someone let loose outside my house??

> ooc notes under the cut

9/15/23 updated her 'main' image to be more in line with how i draw her

subscribed blogs only dash (I'm really just putting this here for myself but if y'all need it idm)

my other pokeirl blogs are @crossbones-n-skull and @nifuunbakufuun!

join the hex maniac discord server! more info (kinda) in linked tumblr post. if the link is dead lmk ill fix it (discord added a thirty day link cap)

basil's cousin, sage, is over at @sage-the-exorcist (run by my friend, statik!) she currently has him blocked (its not working)

additional facts for my own reference:

skorna speaks in orange.

thyme speaks in green.

porypory speaks in pink.

jupetta, toothpaste, and deckard don't speak through the blog. (however, if given voice through an event, their text will be colored as seen.)

two voice claims that i'm debating (but i take suggestions)

family bibliography (books)

loose timeline

view the blog in chronological order here! (bear in mind there is quite a lot. lol)

Basil is 25 (as of nov 1st 2023!). I'm (the mod) 20.

she lives in the woods around icirrus city, in an old house that she just... took. it was abandoned so what about it its hers now

thyme the dusknoir is her uncle. he did not die naturally.

jupetta the banette was her uncle's, but technically is hers now. she inexplicably knows Teleport.

skorna the runerigus isn't kept to a Pokeball, as she and Basil are literally bound to each other through possession bullshit.

back when thyme was alive, they did a LOT of travelling. she's primarily been to galar and kalos, but have stopped in every region at least once. only place they haven't been to is paldea, and that's because thyme isn't allowed in because he tried to go in the crater

thyme had a TV show.

mun is aromantic, but Basil is bisexual with a female lean

post detailing Basil and Skorna's connection

old ref image, for archival purposes:

if anyone ever wants to plot anything, feel free to dm me! I'm always down, could be fun. I just don't do "in-person" RP on Tumblr- this is strictly a social media site for the character. update- i will rarely do off-rotumblr RP, but it is not going to be frequent. all threads will be completely under readmores

note that, while Basil most likely won't be super active in high-stakes plotlines, i might have her react to some, especially if i find them interesting. she's no main character.

if you want your character to know basil out-of-rotumblr, feel free to DM me here on tumblr! my PMs, unless specified are an ooc-only zone and im always happy to chat about rp.

(however, please keep in mind that i'm really not one for small talk that doesn't have to do with rp; i have too many bad experiences with people befriending me in my PMs and then just offloading trauma. i don't shut the fuck up in discord servers where other people are though lmao.)

on that note, i do have a discord! if you wanna invite me to any servers feel free to pm me about that too!

[jheselbraum]

Very disappointed that there are, apparently, no plans for totk dlc, because this means that:

There's no replacement for the master cycle. Seriously Nintendo? You transfer my horses from the regular game and my priceless photo of my dead friends from the dlc but my motorcycle is just gone and all I have is a shitty zoanite dupe??? I can make a fucking plane with zonai tech don't act like the presence of a working motorcycle would break the game I paid good money for that bike

There's multiple sidequests in gerudo town that Nintendo seemingly forgot to put in and normally that'd be, like. Fine, whatever, I don't need to give this guy ten frogs or whatever, I actually think it'd be really funny if there was one guy who would normally be a sidequest but link is just "No" and doesn't do it. But for some reason all the broken sidequest markers are shit like "bozai, you know that creep from the first game no one liked? He's illegally entered gerudo town and you cannot turn him in" and "an innocent man just trying to check on his wife and daughter during a natural disaster has been thrown in jail. You logically should have the ability to a) alert his wife to his predicament and b) at the very least bail the husband out of jail, come on. Multiple NPCs talk about this dude and even tell you where his wife is, like they're trying to guide you towards a sidequest, but the only thing you can do is show the poor schmuck a picture of his kid. The fact that you can do nothing about either of these situations is bad, and it makes me as a player feel bad. Like this is bad, Nintendo. I shouldn't have to tell you why having these things go unfixed is bad Nintendo. I shouldn't have to tell you why having someone successfully creep on your already sexualized race of middle eastern coded warrior women is bad, Nintendo.

More of a side note than a dlc idea but, is Kass...... dead? Is he just dead? Was he dead the whole time and just didn't tell his wife and kids because he didn't want them to be upset? Did he die before botw and just hide his body and tell his wife "my, uh, mentor died, so I have to go on a journey to fulfill his last request" and she didn't notice because apparently ghosts can just. Decide if they're going to be transparent or not in this game? That's the only explanation I have for all traces of him being fucking gone in totk and Penn talking about him like he lived 100 years ago. DLC could answer these questions. Why did you think we wanted an update on our bird bard friend less than we wanted an update on the relationship between Finley the zora child and Sasan her adult Hylian groomer, Nintendo? You could've just quietly erased Sasan from existence instead but no you had to double down on that didn't you.

The plot of totk is that Zelda accidentally Isekais herself into a different Legend of Zelda game and Nintendo is passing up on a golden opportunity to do a splatoon 2 and have the dlc be a playable Zelda campaign. I shouldn't have to explain to you why this would do well in 2023.

DLC for this game would not only objectively improve the plot but not having any is also, like. It's like saying "eh, we don't really feel like printing money today"

I don't want to hear shit from Nintendo about pirated games ever again. I mean that was true before this whole "No totk dlc" thing came out I genuinely do not care about Nintendo's profit margins, but I don't think any company that sits on a product like this and has the opportunity to make even more money and chooses not to has the right to complain about pirated games hurting their bottom line.

[belle-keys]

An update to my chronic OCD and OCPD story: A new chapter?

So, in October of 2021, four months after I had gotten my official OCD and OCPD diagnoses, I made this post sort of briefly chronicling my experiences with OCD and OCPD since childhood (more so my OCD, as I really don’t have that much intense or debilitating OCPD symptoms). Little did I know that in June of 2022, I’d have a sudden, awful OCD relapse that would put me back on Paxil. So here’s how it’s been since then.

I obviously did not think I’d have an OCD relapse, but guess which stupidhead decided to stop taking Paxil the day before Ramadan started in April of 2022 and suffered unimaginable withdrawal symptoms while fasting and also on the most hormonally destructive birth control ever? I do think having an awful immediate post-Paxil period was what had kicked off the relapse. I didn't give myself time to experience withdrawal in a healthy way. And then I got Covid in May, hah. By June, my sleep schedule had not adjusted since my Covid had hit and I was only sleeping properly about 3 or 4 nights a week. I started compulsively ruminating about some vague stuff one day and then my sensorimotor OCD specifically dialed up to 100. I think I didn’t sleep for about five days straight before my mom was like… girl. You need to go back on the Paxil. Look at you. I was extremely hostile towards the idea of going on Paxil again, because it’d mean I’d be going into my fifth year of OCD medication and I’d have to deal with the pain of tapering and withdrawal all over again at some point. It felt like I was back to square one. This would have been my fourth time turning towards medication in desperation, my third ever OCD relapse, and I was like just please no. However, after another sleepless night, I realized I simply could not go on like this without doing anything. I kind of short-circuited and just agreed to restart the Paxil that day, and so I started a course in mid-June with an even larger dose than I had been taking in 2021.

I spent the rest of that vacation actually really chill and contented with life, no lie. I was really excited for uni to reopen in the fall. I was also feeling my obsessional doubts lurking about much less. My mind was quiet and lulled. Let me make it clear: my compulsions did not cease, they were just much less intense and less debilitating. I still did compulsions daily, in a maladaptive way. But I also started paying attention to the idea that, huh, maybe I don’t absolutely need to immediately do all my compulsions for several hours a day. If the medication can make the obsession go away, then the obsession’s not… real. Whoa. Like while on the Paxil, I knew my fears were still, logically speaking, wriggling behind the surface, but I wasn’t responding to them because I didn’t feel the anxiety and the panic they would usually cause. So, didn’t that mean that I simply… don’t have to respond at all? I won't die if I don't do it. So it was in October of 2022 I tried some very passive non-engagement and non-responsive strategies for the first time on my own. I would simply remind myself that I don’t have to do this thing even when I felt the mortal urge to do the thing and that I wouldn’t collapse into pieces if I didn't do the thing. I was still drugged up, but it was a turning point in my OCD journey where I applied some logic to my predicament and realized I don’t need to be doing any of these compulsions at all for something catastrophic not to happen. By last fall, my OCD was revolving around four main themes (the usual suspects): existential OCD, sensorimotor OCD, general Pure-O, and perfectionism OCD. Since I was a small child, I have had multiple theme switches but these are the ones that have stayed for the last couple of years. I discovered last fall that non-engagement was very much doable (even though I wasn’t actively doing ERP yet).

By the first week of 2023, I firmly decided I wanted to make a change in my life: cut off the meds and stop being plagued by OCD. So I started researching the basics of ERP, the different ERP models, stuff like ACT and ICBT, and liaising with therapists. (These different treatments and acronyms are all easily googleable so... yeah.) The nature of my OCD is 90% mental and almost constant, and so it was decided between me and my psychiatrist that I'd have to do my exposures by myself, which was ultimately for the better. I supplemented the time not spent in a therapist's office by listening to podcasts by psychiatrists, licensed clinicians, and certified counselors which tremendously helped me as I started practicing ERP. And ERP is brutal, like I cannot stress this enough. I compiled a list of notes and ERP instructions to follow, following the model of RF-ERP developed by Dr. Michael Greenberg whose articles on OCD have completely changed the way I conceptualize OCD, and they deffo sped up my recovery. Ali Greymond's model for reducing OCD compulsions also immensely helped me on a daily basis to reduce compulsions and navigate recovery. The theories behind ICBT also helped me "respond" to my OCD in a logical realistic way, even though I don't believe ICBT in a bubble will truly work for me by itself to reduce my OCD; I think it'd only fuel rumination if used in isolation for me. What has really worked for me on the individual level is ERP using the Inhibitory Learning Model, supplemented with ICBT theory as a secondary measure. I truly believe each OCD client needs a customized approach to OCD treatment depending on their individual symptoms and compulsions. For example, traditional ERP sees obsessions as something "normal" and intrusive, which I've come to fundamentally reject and instead choose to see as the obsessional doubt which is is part of the obsessional process, following the ICBT model. However, to get rid of my intense compulsions and reduce the grip of the obsessional doubt on me, I still need to mainly do ERP using an Inhibitory Learning model. I don't see enough of ICBT being applicable to all of my obsessions and compulsions nor do I believe ICBT will work well enough on its own for my frequent theme switches. I think ICBT helps me logically conceptualize the obsessional doubt as a mechanism and reiterates everything I learn in ERP, but doing ERP with Inhibitory Learning is what primarily helps me understand and accept that the obsessional doubt was never true in and of itself and that not acting on it is always possible.

Most importantly, I stopped Paxil at the end of January 2023 after taperin for 3 months before. And I gave myself an ample emotional window to deal healthily with withdrawal while also doing ERP multiple times daily. Which feels great. I was honestly sick and tired of living on medication for 5 years straight. Honestly, I feel like I've made some leaps in terms of non-engagement with my OCD symptoms. In the past it was always "I'll just mellow my mind with the meds" but I've come to realize my own personal agency in terms of doing compulsions. A major step I've made was the dissolution of the Thought Parliament and the Thought Guard (my psychiatrist approves of the names). For many years, I've manually sorted through and compartmentalized my different thoughts in a large mental cabinet that was carefully surveyed. I essentially, for many years, had my thoughts categorized and sorted in folders and cupboards, which I've come to name the Thought Parliament. I also used military-esque strategies to do the constant "checks and balances" on my thoughts in the Thought Parliament, a process which I've thusly named the Thought Guard. For the first time in my life, I've not let the Thought Parliament and Thought Guard dictate my life and I've been kinda normal in the head. I could not believe that this is how the majority of people live their lives, that is, with the absence of the constant irritation concerning just... regular thinking and information processing. It feels like coming up for air after being submerged for my whole life. As I had explained in Part 1, since I was a kid I've had OCD and so it's been very difficult for me to separate my OCD from myself, constantly defined by precise self-imposed mental rituals, and so it's quite a jarring (but welcome) experience to just think normally and realize I'm very capable of that.

I had a couple of setbacks in mid-March and early April. I've had several minor setbacks since starting ERP which is entirely normal, but I haven't had any signs of a relapse. I've tried to remain consistent in doing ERP and listening to information about OCD and ERP a few times weekly. Likewise, when I was diagnosed with OCPD, my psychiatrist said it's less about my visible behaviors-slash-relationships and more about my values and thought processes in terms of how my OCPD manifests. Essentially, my OCPD has often been one of the main driving forces of my OCD which in turn made my OCPD stronger. So I've been trying to reorient my values and be more mindful of my clinical perfectionistic tendencies, my workaholism, my rigidness. And I'm grateful that I've been doing better. I find I feel light-hearted when I conceptualize my mental health future right now. So I'm officially considering myself in OCD recovery, which isn't something I've ever actually done before. I think (I hope) that I experienced some growth this Ramadan, and so I'm going to try to keep the best of the holy month with me as I go forward into 2023. If you wanna discuss any of what I talked about here privately or via an ask, that's fine, but no reblogs on this post please!