#but i procrastinated too long and overwhelmed myself
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Took a schoolwork break so I could get back into sketchbook doodling! Trying to keep the momentum going so I can finish the whole thing before the year ends. So here ya go feast upon some Puzzle propaganda /j
Is this page cursed? I like to think it is :))
Also here’s a digital collage of various notebook doodles from classes wow super neat (you can tell most were from October)
#We only have these two months in 2024 before it’s over I’m filled with dread!!#time is scary!! :’)#also this has been in my ‘drafts’ for a day longer then expected whoops!#was supposed to upload it yesterday but sudden anxiety stuff happened regarding schoolwork and I wasn’t feeling up to it#I go back in forth between ‘prioritize your own happiness! taking breaks is good to not feel overwhelmed’ but also berating myself for lazy#ah yes the long term mental health side effects of procrastinating because it’s too much to process#I probably should seek help again!! :’D#hplonesome art#doodles#mr. puzzle doodles#mr puzzle doodles#mr puzzles smg4 doodles
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/ The masculine urge to make an incredibly low maintenance single blog-
#;ooc#ooc#like; no intricate metas no long paragraphs lf replies no money no binches no-#in fact; its no longer a reply; its yes or no#NO OK NOT TO THIS EXTREME EOYKRLTNRTLR#BUT !! yes for a blog where the level of perfectionism for accurate portrayal doesn't drive me to freeze#it would be fun i think; to simply not overthink replies; like eventually it could help me unclog my procrastinating perfectionism#nd it would have to be ONE (1) character so my subconscious doesnt get overwhelmed#now the question is who-#bc it has to be someone i dont torture myself on trying to find a valid reason why they are talking#nor do they have to be smart PRTKEOTLL not in the logical mathematical type of smart#it would be nice to take one of these guys in here and make a silly single blog; but then i think ---#i could once again end up into the researching history rabbit hole and by the time im done; i just feel too accomplished to think of writin
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my ins and outs for 2025 ໒꒱ིྀ༝⁺
hi angels! here is a small list of my ins and outs for 2025! ins meaning things i want more of in my life and outs meaning things i want less of. this time of year can be so busy and hectic, normally there’s alot going on academically but also the pressure of new goals and plans for the month can get a bit overwhelming, it’s important to are a moments to rest and focus on the year as a whole.
INS ໒꒱ིྀ༝⁺
digital camera pics
pilates
painted nails
journalling
writing
listening to records
esotericism
pink!!
dinner parties
bigger words
being an academic weapon
driving
making memories
sewing more
loving my alone time
iced matchas
finding everyday joy
sylvia plath
long form content
thrifting
walks
writing letters
respecting myself
OUTS ໒꒱ིྀ༝⁺
too much screen time
procrastination
self doubt
envy
overthinking
being dragged down
microtrends
skipping my skincare
short form content
lack of self identity
anxiety
creative indecision (just write!)
comfort zones
negative body image
others opinions affecting me
doomscrolling…
thank you angels, just a short post today! tell me what your ins and outs for the year are - i love hearing all of your goals!
love, m.
#girlhood#girlblogging#becoming that girl#just girly things#it girl#it girl energy#glow up#that girl#clean girl#pink pilates princess
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Because Of You
Clarisse La Rue x Fem!AphroditeCabin!Reader
—-
synopsis: years after your rite of passage, the boy who’s heart you broke just won’t leave you alone. clarisse, your girlfriend, quickly decides she’s not a fan.
a/n: should i stop procrastinating and then forcing myself to write shitty fics quickly? probably. but not today!! this is kinda just like an au of dont delete the kisses but… you guessed it… IDC!!!!!!!! from this ask
thank you all so much for patiently waiting i love y’all soooooo muuccchhhhhh 🫶🫶💋 as i mentioned on my acc i have the next week off from school, pls expect more content then!!
Because Of You - Lana Del Rey (Unreleased)
warnings: NOT PROOFREAD, this sucks so bad y’all sorry lolllll, y/n is a year round camper!, starts out very background heavy but i really don’t care 😭, creepy men UGH, ugly bitches not being able to let shit go, im gonna say sexual harassment just incase, swearing, usual demigod stuff y’all know what you’re getting into, jealous!clarisse YESSS, possessive!clarisse ik i screamed!!, protective!clarisse too, slightly graphic makeout scene, i think that’s all, tell me if i missed anything!!
—-
When you were young, you were thrilled by the thought of love.
The idea of belonging not only with someone- bodies fitting together like puzzles pieces- but belonging to someone- wrapping around you like a warm blanket.
Later, your half-siblings would describe mostly similar experiences to yours- an overwhelming desire to be loved, wanted, needed. Ever since you ran into camp with a monster hot on your heels and satyr shouting encouragement next to you- everyone’s stared at you. They poke and prod, they act like they’ve never seen a daughter of Aphrodite before.
It’s annoying, but it makes you feel good- but not quite.
Until Alek came along.
You were both 13, you still believed in soulmates, and you wanted nothing more than to be with each other for the rest of your lives.
You were 13, and he felt like the only one for you.
And when you had to break up with him to fulfill your rite of passage- it felt like the world was ending. You cried for days and begged your sister Phoebe to say it wasn’t a true, it was just a mean, mean prank.
But she couldn’t tell you that, and there were more types of love that romantic.
While you longed to hold someone, to be held- you also craved your mother’s approval like you were starving. You wanted her love, you wanted her to visit you in your dreams, you wanted gifts from her, you wanted everything and anything she could give you.
So, it hurt like you had never known hurt before, but you did it. Alek seemed entirely indifferent to it, almost ignoring you and pretending you hadn’t said it- but you felt a warmness around you, a dove flew between trees, you knew your mother was there and she approved.
Breaking up with Alek felt like the sun had exploded on top of you.
Being with Clarisse felt like the sun was wrapped around you.
—-
After Alek’s initial denial, he went through all the other stages of grief, mourned your relationship like you did, and you came out on the other side with a one-sided agreement to forget it ever happened.
Alek got stuck. Or went back. He started to believe that you were still meant to be, that much you could tell.
Until that day at the training fields when your hand slipped at archery and you almost shot Clarisse in the head- and she had glared at you so harshly while you ran over and examined her head, gushing out apologies and fretting over her.
She pushed you away, hand lingering for a second, eyes softening before she quickly looked away.
“Just… be more careful,” she had said, almost like a question, like she wasn’t sure the words were coming out of her mouth.
And, Gods, were you terrified it was all some secret plan. Make you think it was alright only to corner you in the woods and probably kill you, or something.
And when she asked the next day to teach you how to shoot a bow, you agreed with tears in your eyes, knowing of her reputation, and it took a lot of trust and a lot of swapped secrets for her to prove to you it wasn’t all some elaborate plan.
But even if her plan was to kill you the entire time, you fell in love over her fixing your stance, hands brushing as you accidentally grabbed the same arrow, stolen looks across the pavilion.
It wasn’t until a random kid bumped into you, making you fall and twist your ankle. Clarisse had this look in her eyes that was so genuine, so full of love and care for you, softly caressing your leg after she had punched the other kid in the face.
And you realize as she said you were doing great, limping while she helped you to the infirmary, that this was something.
And as much as you hated the violence being committed over you, it was the hottest thing you’ve ever seen, and the warmth in your chest was all you had ever wanted. This was what it was like to belong with someone, to someone, with her, to her.
This was what it was like to be admired. Loved. Wanted. Needed.
And when she softly told you goodbye, you had kissed the corner of her lips and thanked her- turning to walk into your cabin, ankle already feeling better thanks to the ambrosia.
She grabbed you by the wrist and turned you around, pulling you against her tightly and kissing you so harshly like she had just found the secret to the world in her lips on yours, her hands on your hips.
And when she finally pulled away, embarrassing strings of spit connecting your lips, she said she was sorry. Probably the first time she had ever said that to someone, and you smiled.
“Sorry. It’s just… once your lips were on mine, I don’t think I can ever stop. I don’t wanna stop.”
And she kissed you again and it was all you ever wanted out of this life- to love and be loved, to hold and to be held, and it was all because of her.
—-
The welcome back campfire is your favorite time of year.
It’s when the camp comes alive, when the Gods themselves seem to return to this place- even Mr. D is a bit more lively with all the pure infectious energy running through the first few days of camp. Everyone’s getting settled, classes haven’t started quite yet, and the year round campers get a much needed break.
As much as you and Clarisse wanted to keep things private, when she punches someone in the middle of the pavilion for accidentally bumping into you, it’s not hard to figure out Clarisse cares for you more than she does anyone else.
And after one of your younger siblings, Cara, a 12-year-old notorious for staying up late, saw you and Clarisse kissing that first night- it spread like wildfire.
But it was the winter, so it still felt secret, until summer rolled around and Clarisse kept getting more and more annoyed by every camper who entered the gates. She would grab at you in the middle of meals, drag you into her bed, even kiss you in public- do all these things that seemed so out of character for her, but she was a different person when she was with you.
Everyone had been looking at you oddly all night, shocked, confused, even Clarisse has cracked a genuine smile at someone who dropped their drink- squeezing your hand.
Maybe they had all heard the rumors. Maybe they didn’t believe them.
But it’s all cleared up when Clarisse leads you to the best seat, the log not too far from the fire but not too close, wrapping her arms around you and kissing your temple.
Your cheeks heat up, only because Clarisse is never this touchy in public, and never around this many people before.
All of the eyes on you feel weird- they feel so judging.
And you’re not used to that, however vain it may be.
“Everyone’s staring at us,” you mumble, shuffling closer to Clarisse so your legs are pressed together.
She leans her head against your shoulder. “‘S okay. Don’t worry about ‘em, baby.”
You huff. “Did no one ever teach them it’s rude to stare, though? Like… c’mon.”
She sighs dramatically, lifting her head from your shoulder.
“Stop fuckin’ staring,” she says. Not quiet shouting, but her voice is loud and forceful. Her voice carries weight.
And eventually, at the risk of Clarisse’s wrath, all the wandering eyes stop.
A few of Clarisse’s siblings laugh from around you, commenting that the stares were getting a bit ridiculous, everyone just grateful that you all might get a little reprieve from the overwhelming stares and whispers.
But, you still feel uneasy. Clarisse kisses your shoulder.
And while you look around at the faces very pointedly not staring at you, there’s one person who still is. You roll your eyes, open your mouth to comment on it- but your mouth quickly snaps close at the sight of Alek.
—-
You don’t mention it to Clarisse. Maybe because breaking his heart haunts you, maybe what could have been haunts you.
You try not to think of Alek or that night, you try not to think of the entire age of 13. You always knew that Alek never quite let you go. He still sort of believed that the two of you would come back together- subscribing to some abstract belief soulmates.
You don’t think about Alek. Everything you do is because of her, because of Clarisse.
Sometimes, knowing you have secret admirers makes you feel all happy, but now that Clarisse sneaks you into her cabin every night- it makes you feel weird. You really don’t want anyone except for Clarisse, the idea of even being near someone else kinda disgusts you.
But, you choose to believe that maybe he was just shocked, and he’ll get over it in a few days.
You spend your days in the summer sun with Clarisse, holding her hand on walks through the strawberry fields, still using your archery lessons to spend time together, staring at each other from across the pavilion at meals, dreaming about a future together when it gets dark and you’re forced to whisper softly.
Alek is just always lurking. Is it coincidence? Is he stalking you? Every time you’re with Clarisse, trying to enjoy a nice date, he’s there- staring at you like a lovesick puppy.
And if it wasn’t because of her, you would probably be flattered. But you have Clarisse, you’ve moved on, you’re in love and happy.
It’s the late afternoon, you’re trying to enjoy a long moment with her, breathe in the sweet smell and just feel how happy you are, know it’s because of her.
The fields are still crowded with kids who pushed off their chores until the end of the day, so you and Clarisse stay on the outskirts. Not too far into the woods that’s filled with satyrs and nymphs who have grown very hostile towards any two campers who make their way into the woods. But not too close.
You don’t even register that other people are there. You’re going on about your annoying half-brother, she’s pretending to listen intently- but it’s just enough to be here with her, and at least she’s listening to the sound of your voice. At least that brings her some comfort, and that makes you feel good.
“And then, he said-” you trail off, feeling like something’s crawling all over you, practically being able to feel the anger in the air.
“Hm, what?” Clarisse asks, snapping out of her reverie at your silence.
Alek is glaring at you, of course. It just feels so juvenile. You had received letters from him for years- ones that he didn’t sign- but you knew. He said that the two of you had so much more to give together, that a second chance was all he needed to make you forget about the rite of passage, about pleasing your mother.
Clarisse squeezes your hand, leaning closer to you.
You used to like the feeling of getting those letters, of knowing you were loved and wanted. But now, with Clarisse, because of her- it feels wrong.
She follows your eye line and Alek quickly looks away, back down at the strawberries he’s supposed to be picking.
Clarisse’s hand tightens around yours.
“Who the hell is that?” she huffs.
You suck in a breath. “Alek.”
“Al-huh?”
You smile, despite how uneasy you feel.
“Alek, Clarisse. From my rite of passage?”
“Oh,” she nods, nose scrunching ever so slightly. “The one who left you those creepy letters? Has he left anymore?”
“No, no,” you say, risking one more glance at his back- just to assure yourself. Maybe you’re just making it all up. “Not since last summer. I mean, he was staring at us the night of the bonfire too, he’s always around on all our dates- it’s just creepy, at this point.”
“Sounds like the fucker has a death wish,” she drawls. “I’d be happy to help him with it.”
You bump her shoulder with yours. “Yeah, yeah Miss Violence.”
She smiles back, but she searches her eyes and you can tell she doesn’t like what she sees.
“Hey, c’mon. I’ll kill him if he pulls some shit again.”
“Clarisse.”
“Beat him up?”
“Clarisse.”
“Physically threaten him?”
“Clar-”
She smacks her hand over your mouth. “Shhh,” she smiles. “Don’t stress. I’ll take care of it.”
“Clarisse!” you shout, laughing, but her hand is still pressed tight over your moth.
“Oh, sorry, baby, I can’t hear you!”
“Bitch,” you hiss, and she frowns.
“Mean.”
—-
Clarisse, unfortunately, is true to her word.
Alek finally leaves you a note. It’s simple, unsigned, but obviously him. You recognize his chicken scratch scrawl.
All it says is:
I miss you, we could be something
She writes him a note back, a long one- first talking about all of her accomplishments as a daughter of Ares, then detailing all the ways she’ll make him regret thinking about you.
She tells you now, whispers in her bed, she laughs and your mouth hangs open.
“Clarisse!” you gasp, scolding her with a soft hit to her shoulder.
She rolls her eyes and moves closer to you.
“What else was I supposed to do? Ignore it? You don’t know me if you think I could just ignore some random dude flirting with my girlfriend. He’s a fuckin’ weirdo, and hopefully that note will teach him somethin’.”
“I mean. I doubt it will,” you mumble after a moment.
She smiles, your heart squeezes- because her smile is so beautiful- and because Clarisse never smiles like this. It’s bloodthirsty. It’s almost inhuman. It’s Godly.
“Then I’ll have to teach him in… other terms.”
—-
Dinner this evening is slow and relaxed. It’s Friday, so you’ve all made it to the end of the first official week of camp. Chiron let’s the rules fade away tonight, cabin tables have been abandoned and everyone sits where they want.
A few Hermes kids volunteered to start a fire, Mr D is busy trying to get the new kids to sneak him some alcohol- but he’s hard pressed to find ones who haven’t already been warned not to.
The energy in the air is infectious. The promise of a late wake up tomorrow, a fun night, the feeling of the moon and the fire, warmth on your skin- it’s a recipe for lowered inhibitions, for everything to come a little easier.
Clarisse sits next to you a table in the pavilion. You’re surrounded by Silena and Beckendorf, a few Hermes kids, a few Ares kids- a big mosh of random campers squeezed together at this one table- but it works, for whatever reason.
There’s nothing like laughing at someone’s shitty joke and feeling Clarisse laugh with you, pressed close to her so you can feel her chest rumble, feel her arm squeeze around you.
“He did what?!” Silena screeches, looking at you with wide eyes.
You laugh at her shock, at the audacity of Alek.
She sneaks a quick glance at Clarisse, who seems entirely engrossed in her siblings’ arm wresting tournament at the next table over.
“Yeah,” you sigh, feeling sort of complacent with it now. It’s not like anything will change. You’re here because of her, because of Clarisse. Everything you do is because of her.
Breathing, eating, sleeping. Basic human functions and the need to survive has only strengthened with the motivation of staying alive for her.
“Anyways,” you smile. “Clarisse left him back this big, long note. All about how she’s the strongest girl at camp,” you roll your eyes, but you’re smiling too big to be anything but joking. Besides, everyone knows she’s probably right. “And then threatened him a whole bunch. So, hopefully, he’ll just get his head out of his ass and then everything will be good again.”
You breathe out at the end of your small rant, and Silena smiles sympathetically.
“Hopefully,” she echoes.
But, because of Clarisse, because of her arms around you, you don’t feel anything but peace.
—-
Of course, life is not straightforward for demigods.
At the end of the day, you’re doomed to fall in your parents footsteps- except there is no immortality for you to fall back on. You’re vain and you’re proud, just like your parents, and you step too far, jump too high, and you’re as left dust on the floor.
Even though the same path had been left out for you to repeat, doomed footsteps to follow in, you step where they stepped and expect a different end.
The night is pitch black, besides for the brilliant stars and the bright, bright moon. It makes everything feel so private and secret. It makes Clarisse relax, makes her hold you closer but looser.
It feels good to feel her arm loose around you. She’s not afraid of you disappearing, because she knows of someone dragged you away you would rise up from the waves and straight back into her, into her arms.
The Apollo kids are playing music, voices hum along, the night is on fire with the crackles and the rising smoke, on fire with the peace, the content.
It feels like nothing can hurt you here.
But you’re a demigod, and life is not that easy.
The seat next to you is abandoned, and you barely even take notice as it’s quickly filled again- but you take notice of the eyes on you, of the body leaning forward to speak softly to you.
The fact that he’s here, the fact that he blatantly didn’t listen- you suppose you could have felt some sympathy for before, craving a life that wasn’t his anymore. Living off of memories made him too hungry.
Your mouth presses into a thin line as you recognize the voice in your ear.
“Y/N, I jus’ wanna talk.”
The rest of the table has fallen silent, and you realize everyone had almost immediately taken notice of his entrance- and you could tell by the way Clarisse’s body was tense against yours- he would regret ever coming over here.
“Clarisse,” you mumble, shifting closer to her.
She hooks her head over her shoulder, shifting completely so she’s straddling the bench, pressed up against your back.
Her tone is genuinely confused.
“Are you, like, okay in the head?”
The table, previously silent with fear, now bubbles with forced laughter.
“It’s not of your business,” Alek says, staring directly into your eyes. You feel like a deer caught in headlights, just completely shocked, too scared to move like it will all become real.
Clarisse puts her hand on your forehead and floats it down across your face, and your eyes voluntarily flutter shut.
“You’re not even worthy of being looked at by her,” and you can hear the smile on her voice. She confidence seeping from her pores- you can feel it all with the way she’s protectively wrapped around you.
“Y/N,” he says again, ignoring her through gritted teeth. “I just want to talk.”
“If you say one more fuckin’ word to my girlfriend I’m gonna kill you.”
There’s no smile on her voice, no edge of a joke. Not even angry. She’s deathly calm. She’s focused, like a 20 pound weight sinking to the bottom of the sea. She cuts through whatever she has to and everything else knows to avoid her.
You don’t know why the hell Alek just can’t let the 13 year old version of you go, why he’s looking something where there’s nothing, and you’re just so done with all of this.
You open your eyes, sitting up, letting Clarisse’s arms fall around you in confusion.
“Alek,” you start, softly. “We dated for a month when we were 13. That’s all it was, that’s all it’s ever gonna be. It’s over, okay?”
“Exactly,” he breathes. “A month when we were 13- and we were that good together? We could do so much more now, I wanna show you.”
“Okay, I’m done,” you mumble, standing up.
And without you in between, Alek finally gets a good look at the daughter of war. She’s pure, streamlined muscle. Every inch of her body has been meticulously trained to kill monsters- Alek knows that killing him would be easy.
Clarisse cracks her knuckles and you almost laugh at how cinematic it is.
—-
You hum as you run the alcohol pad over her split knuckles. Clarisse likes to leave the scars like this, the small ones, let them heal on her own. Even though she winces at the feeling, you know she’ll be walking around, proudly showing off her scabs until they finally fade away. She’ll cross her fingers and hope they scar, probably.
Clarisse watches you with admiration, admiring your movements, your voice, even though you’re really not doing anything special. But, to her, everything you do is special.
“Did you see how bad his face was?” she asks, trying to remain calm, but eagerness slips into her voice.
“I did,” you laugh. “It was real bad, baby. Good job.”
She huffs, as if it’s common knowledge.
“I always do a good job, just matters what level of good I’m on. I think this was one of my best works though, huh?”
She admires her split knuckles and you roll your eyes, finally starting to put some bandaids on the clean wounds.
“You’re crazy,” you mutter.
She shrugs. “You’re the one who let me. You’re the one who loves me.”
“Yeah,” you mumble after a moment, not really wanting to lie to her, tease her right now. She smiles soft and sweet, placing her fingertips against your jawline and leaning forward.
“Did you like watching me?” she breathes, her low voice hitting you right in the stomach, breath against your lips.
You circle her biceps with your hands and run them up and down the tense muscle.
“You know I did.”
“Three months no dessert,” she smiles.
“Three months of sharing with you,” you laugh. She smiles wider before finally, mercifully, putting her lips on yours.
Everything you do is because of Clarisse. It feels so good to be close to her like this- practically in her lap- fo feel how strong she is, to know what she did for you today.
It feels so good to know she loves you.
When you pull away, trying to chase her, she dodges you and kisses your jawline, your neck, and you throw your head back and release the most unladylike sounds as she leaves hickies on your neck, seemingly determined to make them as dark as possible, as easy to see. And a lot of them.
“Jealous?” you say, biting your lip to keep in a moan.
“Just want everyone to know you’re my girl. Want everyone to know who makes you feel good, feel loved, huh?”
You stomach twists and your mind goes blank.
“Huh?” she repeats, sticking her face in your neck to breathe in and out, catching her breath. “Why you feelin’ like this, baby?”
“Because of you,” you breathe. “Because of you, Clarisse.”
—-
y/n walking around the next day looking like she got attacked by a vampire
silena trying to be happy for y’all but also concerned for your health
clarisse just being proud as hell
—-
this was small so idk if y’all picked it up but clarisse was jealous before alek even came along- jealous that there were more campers coming! like? she just doesn’t like unworthy losers looking at her girl 🙄
—-
possessive!clarisse i love you so much baby
—-
taglist:
@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme @mar2ss @restellsss @ravisinghs-wife @marsconer @evangelinexo @randomhoex @luvrrish @rebecca37 @saltair-and-palemoonlight @ace-spades-1
#clarisse la rue#clarisse la rue x reader#clarisse la rue x y/n#clarisse la rue x you#pjo tv show#pjo x reader
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I wish you would do a full post dedicated to toxicity or angsty shortcomings in relationships with the boys 🫠 I loved reading the toxic head canons ❤️
angst hurts my heart but !!
RIIZE RED FLAGS based on astrology~
hyung line edition ❗️
reminder this is based off of MY opinions of their birth chart placements + aspects and is not exact fact unless I knew them myself and I am not a professional astrologer
Shotaro
Vague - not exactly a red flag but he cares a lot about the things going on within his personal life but sometimes he might prefer to keep things to himself due to paranoia of how his s/o will react or if they’d use it against him..he might have a fear of betrayal that can make him be pretty vague and unable to tell his s/o a lot of things in regards to him which can feel secretive to someone who wants a relationship with open info
Intense - His Scorpio moon paired with his Cap venus leads to a need for loyalty as well as his moon/mercury aspect making him very observant of your words and even remembering things you said a longgg time ago which can be overwhelming and feel even persecuting to some. He might also be paranoid in the relationship of cheating or disloyalty.
Coldness- When he's upset he might have a tendency to be cold yet indirect. He has a scorpio mercury and when upset or protecting themselves they can say things that really hurt or could be pretty cutting. He also has a libra mars so he'd be pretty passive aggressive or indirect with his upset.
Eunseok
Nonchalant- (reminder that nonchalant means that a person cares but acts in a way that suggests indifference/disinterest) He can sometimes be too nonchalant and can make someone overall feel as though he has no passion in the relationship when really he does but just doesn't think you have to be lovey dovey 24/7 or he cant express his passion super well as times
Outburst- Eunseok has a cap moon and moon/saturn aspects paired with a mutable mars so he doesn't express his emotions well or bottles them up which can lead to him getting triggered at random and having a spontaneous outburst out of NOWHEREEE due to suppressed feelings which can be super problematic to some
Insensitive- it’s not on purpose or with malicious intent but Eunseok can sometimes not realize that though a situation isn’t a big deal to him to someone else it might be, he also can forget the more subjective side of things which can accidentally hurt peoples feelings
Sungchan
Sensitive - His pride is high and his reaction to things may be 3x more dramatic than the actual event that happened. When he's been hurt emotionally (whether it was intentional or not) he has a hard time letting go of what happened and might even give a silent treatment until he feels you've shown remorse.
Insecure - He cares a lot about what other people think of him and that can bleed into his relationships. He might act one way in public but another way in private which can make his words/actions seem insincere or disingenuous.
Internal struggles- Has a hard time balancing his feminine side and masculine side and what I mean is he is someone super emotional and feels his emotions very deeply but might try to cover that side of him up with a masculine facade which can bring tension.
Wonbin
Avoidance - He might refuse to acknowledge the red flags or obvious shortcomings/problems in the relationship or himself and may take a long time fully accepting or facing these problems as they are or has a weak approach in attempting to fix or acknowledge the problems. Idealizes a lot of aspects and tends to withdrawal when things don’t match his vision.
Procrastination- Once again, has a hard time facing things head on and takes a while to put action into something and avoids the messier more negative emotions that one must face in relationships; he could also take a long time to let the relationship reach the next more serious levels.
Stubborn- It's hard to change his mind about certain things..in arguments he'll try to pull a "lets agree to disagree" but it's a topic where you both need to be on the same page. He might even just straight up go mute in arguments if he doesn't feel like his opinion was valued enough.
#sh0tanzz#riize#kpop astrology#riize shotaro#riize sungchan#riize eunseok#riize wonbin#riizenet#riize fluff#riize imagines#riize reactions#riize headcanons#riize scenarios#riize x reader#riize x imagine#riize soft hours#riize soft thoughts#riize angst#eunseok x reader#riize shotaro x reader#sungchan x reader#wonbin x reader#jung sungchan#osaki shotaro#song eunseok#park wonbin#briize#riize is 7#riize reading#riize smau
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Become Your Best Version Before 2025 - Day 28
How to Keep Yourself Motivated
Hey Goddesses! Today let’s talk about staying motivated, it’s one of those things that sounds simple but can feel so tricky in practice.
Staying motivated is hard sometimes, isn’t it? You start off with this burst of energy, but somewhere along the way, that fire dims. Maybe life gets in the way, or maybe you start questioning if it’s even worth the effort. That’s okay. It happens to all of us.
But motivation isn’t some magical power reserved for “those people” who always seem to have it together. It’s a practice, one that grows stronger when you nurture it in small, intentional ways. So today, I want to walk you through what’s helped me stay motivated, even on the hard days.
First, let’s start with your “why.” Why did you start this journey in the first place? Maybe it’s to feel more fulfilled, to grow into a version of yourself that you’re proud of, or to show up for your dreams in a way you’ve been putting off. Whatever it is, hold onto that reason. Write it down if you need to. Sometimes I even put my “why” on a sticky note and slap it on my bathroom mirror. It’s a gentle reminder that keeps me grounded on days when I’d rather not try.
When motivation starts to fade, breaking things into tiny steps makes a world of difference. Let’s say you’re working on a project, and it feels overwhelming. Instead of thinking, “I need to finish this,” focus on, “I’ll work on it for 10 minutes.” That’s it, just 10 minutes. Starting small makes the task feel less daunting, and once you’re in the groove, it’s amazing how often you keep going.
I remember one day when I was procrastinating on writing. I told myself, “Just write a single paragraph.” And you know what? That one paragraph turned into a page, and then another. Sometimes, getting started is the hardest part, but once you’re in motion, it gets easier.
Another thing that’s helped me is pairing tasks with something I enjoy. When I sit down to work on something, I’ll make it a little ritual, like lighting my favorite candle or putting on a playlist that makes me feel unstoppable. The other day, I found myself dancing around my living room between tasks. It didn’t make the work any less real, but it made it feel lighter.
And let’s talk about celebrating wins. We’re so quick to criticize ourselves for what we haven’t done, but how often do we acknowledge what we have accomplished? Even the small stuff matters. Wrote a sentence? That counts. Made it through a tough day? That counts too. I’m serious, celebrate those moments. A little self-high-five or a favorite snack can go a long way in keeping you going.
Of course, there will be days when motivation feels completely out of reach. On those days, remember this: it’s okay to rest. Motivation isn’t about being “on” all the time; it’s about showing up when you can and being kind to yourself when you can’t.
Imagine this: It’s December 2025. You’re looking back on everything you’ve accomplished, all the times you chose to take a step forward, even when it was hard. That future version of you is proud. They’re looking at you right now, cheering you on.
So here’s my challenge for you: What’s one small thing you can do today to move closer to your goals? It doesn’t have to be big, it just has to be yours. If you feel like sharing, I’d love to hear about it.
See you tomorrow for Day 29! You’re doing amazing, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
♡ ☆:.。 Keep glowing, babes! ♡ ☆:.。 With love, Goddess Inner Glow.
#self love#motivation#get motivated#be confident#be your best self#be your true self#becoming that girl#becoming the best version of yourself#confidence#growth mindset#it girl#self confidence#self improvement#dream life#lifestyle#self development#self care#self acceptance#self appreciation#self concept#personal development#glow up tips#that girl#it girl energy#become that girl#girl blog aesthetic#girl blogger#goddessinnerglowmagazine#goddessinnerblog
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Ache // Yandere! Ticci Toby x
Fem! Reader {SMUT}
[Hello, this will be the first fic that I post. What I'm going to give you guys beforehand is some trigger warnings before we get on to it. Other than that, I hope you enjoy it and give me some feedback whenever you're done if you feel in the mood.]
TW // Violence, r@pe, and a whole lotta mention of murder as always.
𓌏 ☒ 𓌏 ☒ 𓌏 ☒ 𓌏 ☒ 𓌏 ☒ 𓌏 ☒ - First P.O.V
Every day, it started like this. Planted in my bed, tangled in my grey sheets, waiting for that one sliver of motivation to get out of my blankets. My room was a mess. Pieces of clothing scattered across the floor, piling up around my dresser, and hanging off of places I tossed them.
I stared over the rest of what I could see while trying to get rid of the bitter taste of soda left on my tongue from last night. The posters I've collected of my favorite bands clung onto the wall for dear life, fading away from how long they had been there. An empty Sprite can stood on my nightstand, left there after my body decided to have its third caffeine crash this week.
It was getting so warm where I was lying that I was starting to overheat, making me shuffle around to stay cold. That wasn't too hard because of how freezing my room was.
When I looked at my window, I noticed it was cracked open. If I didn't shut it soon, it would get worse. But minutes were melting into each other and I didn't want to get up. Why did I love to procrastinate so much? It shouldn't be this hard to move on with my day.
Silence filled every corner of my apartment, leaving me to peacefully rot. Was it selfish of me to be like this? That's what it felt like they were trying to say when I talked to relatives. But that's the reason why I prefer to be shut-in. I never had to hear that about myself. The world outside would remain indifferent. And hopefully, by the time I had to move, I was swallowed into the Earth below.
A sudden vibration of my phone startled me. I mumbled a barrage of curses and reached for it slowly, furrowing my brows and groaning. I could only pray that it wasn't him trying to contact me.
The last time he visited, I no longer felt safe outside. I would check behind me constantly, feeling as if his light brown eyes were glued to my back, and at any moment, he could come back and chop off my limbs until I was a headless torso. Remembering that he existed caused that horrible anxiety to spread goosebumps across my skin. I was shaking as I tried to unlock my phone.
Hundreds of notifications popped up that I had been ignoring, some of them messages from my mom, and the rest were emails. I almost accidentally clicked on one before I found the most recent. "Return library books today," it read. Fuck, I forgot today was the due date for those. Despite not wanting to, I had to get up. I did promise that if I had a reason to, I would.
I peeled myself from the comfort of my bed. My sheets clung to me like glue, trying to pull me back as if it were a bad idea. Fighting against it, I shivered at the sudden change in temperature and pulled down the bottoms of my shorts so they weren't wedged in between my ass.
After not walking for what felt like forever, I took my first steps, a soreness on my left thigh making me place a hand on my dresser for support. I looked down at a bruise from that encounter, biting my lip to distract myself from thinking about it. I need to take my pills or I'll get suicidal. So many things to do. So overwhelmed.
Encouraging myself in my head, I found the strength to go for the door. I opened it and turned down my hallway, going for the bathroom with quick and light steps.
Many pictures of family and portraits were loosely decorated on the wall, a pit in my stomach opened when I stared at them. I lingered on my dad and had to tear myself away from the picture before I felt the need to cry.
Stumbling into the bathroom, I flicked on the harsh yellow light and stood before the mirror, running a hand through my disheveled hair. I reached for the medicine cabinet, the hinges squeaking as I rummaged through it. I grabbed my medication and popped the bottle open, tossing out a tiny pill into my palm. I swallowed the bitter capsule and cringed as it slowly went down.
Turning my attention to the sink, I turned on the cold water and brought my mouth to the tap to take a sip. Then I splashed it on my face after I was done, relieved that the pill was no longer there. On the counter, I focused on the facewash I hadn't used in god knows how long. I missed the feeling of my face being clean. At least, I can't forget about it now.
I poured the runny liquid into my hands and rubbed them together, slapping it on my face and rubbing it in circles to get deep in my pores. It foamed up a bit and burned. If I'm going to be honest, I don't know if I'm supposed to be using this, but it works.
As I was splashing the water on my face again to clean it off, I opened my eyes to a man staring at me in the mirror, causing me to freeze. I could see the glisten of his goggles from here, that blue hood covering his messy hair, but it didn't contain enough around the edges. It was him. The man who attacked me and my dad a couple of days ago.
A scream clawed its way up my throat, but before the sound could escape, I reached for something. Grab anything to protect myself, that's all I needed to do. But before I could, the room blurred as I twisted, my hand grasping a razor for a split second.
I was torn away from it. I felt a hard impact on my back as I was slammed against the wall, the air forcing out of my lungs in a sharp gasp. I struggled to breathe, my hands grabbing onto his wrists while they dug into my neck.
He had me pinned against it and struggling to get any sort of noise out. Slowly, I was dragged up upward and lifted off of the ground. I choked, my vision was fading as his glare burned into mine. He's going to kill me. Just like he did to Dad. He's going to get away with it. I pulled my head back against the wall before lunging it forward to collide it with the serial killer's, his hands faltering their hold and dropping me from the force of it.
I collapsed to the floor and sputtered out several coughs, hunched up in a ball and desperately trying to regain the oxygen he took from me. My neck felt numb, the indents of his fingers bruising and stung like a bitch.
He crouched down to me. I closed my eyes and thought he would finish it right there. But when I suddenly felt his lips press against mine, they shot back open. Breathing heavily through my nose, I stared at his shut eyelids. I glanced down at his lashes, feeling his breath as he sighed. He relaxed into me for a split second before pulling away, lowering his voice to a rough whisper to introduce himself, "It's nice to meet you finally, {F/N}. The name's Tobias."
Struggling to get myself sitting up, I made it by resting on the wall and using my hands to keep me there. My chest rapidly went up and down as I watched his every move. He backed away a bit, but not enough to give me leverage. I repeated, "Tobias?" And his eyebrow quirked up like he was questioning my reaction.
"I can also go by Toby. Whatever you prefer. But I gave you my full name because I really like you, [F/N]," he added. I knitted my brows and shook my head, unable to understand what he was saying. He liked me? He just kissed me? What the fuck?
I pushed myself away from him and got back up, running for it and successfully escaping the bathroom. The front door was right in front of me, I barely got to reach for it before I felt a hand grab a fistful of my hair. No, I almost had it!
Strands of my hair were ripped out as I was yanked backward and thrown onto the couch, falling onto it and yelping in pain. Tears fell from my eyes and I clutched my head, grabbing the part that hurt the most. A headache was coming on and I couldn't help but rock myself to soothe it. I sobbed, "Leave me alone! Please, just leave me alone..." I twisted myself to let out the rest in the cushions, hearing him approach behind me.
After crying for a bit and nothing was happening to me, I hesitantly lifted myself to take a peek. Toby was sitting next to me, almost as if he was waiting patiently for me to finish. When he saw that I was staring at him, he patted his lap and said, "Here. Rest your pretty head and we can get to talking about this, sweetheart."
I was too scared of him to tell him no. It was the first time I felt pure terror from somebody. Like I would never be able to fight back with him. And I was right. I couldn't. The sad truth was that if my dad had fallen to this man, I'm sure I would live the same fate if I didn't listen. Dragging myself, I cringed while laying my head onto his leg, feeling his hand rest on my head and causing me to flinch. "Sh, sh, I'm not going to hurt you anymore. I told you, I really adore you, [F/N]," he reassured me. A part of me wanted to bite his leg to pieces, but if I went along with this until he fell asleep or left, then I could escape and possibly go to the police.
Deciding to go with it, I pretended to enjoy the warmth and snuggled into him. I wouldn't call it pretending actually, he was pretty warm. Toby hummed and it stayed like this for some time. He kept petting me, brushing my hair out of the way, soothing me from the chase earlier.
Eventually, he got bored of it and nudged me to sit back up. I tilted my head and asked, "What?" His hand went to rest on my lower back, applying pressure around it, pushing me forward until I was easing into sitting on him. A smile crossed his face at the compliance. He seemed intrigued by it.
"I didn't think you would give up this quick. I thought I was going to have to give you a couple more marks for memories," he sounded pleased as both of his arms wrapped around my waist. They were much bigger than mine, with a couple of veins etched up around them like vines, and faded scars littering everywhere on his skin. He had been doing this for years by the looks of it. There was no way in hell I was going to escape, huh?
Placing another kiss on my cheek, soft and gentle, his eyelashes brushed against me before he pulled away to speak again, "Do you know what I've been picturing every night to the thought of you, [F/N]?" His hands dropped lower to skim over my ass, lightly gripping, and dragging me toward him. My breath hitched. I didn't say a word.
Toby answered for me, "I've been picturing taking these off..." His fingers gripped around the waistband of my shorts and teased me about taking them off by pushing them down lightly. Continuing that, he said, "Have you to myself for a couple of hours..."
There were so many reasons why I should say no to him and why I shouldn't allow him to touch me like this. For one, he killed my father. He broke into my house and he was physically violent to me. I felt disgusting that he had gotten to this level too. But, I didn't stop him. I didn't say no and I didn't deny it. I looked into this killer's eyes and I leaned onto his chest, giving into what he wanted
When we kissed for the second time, I noticed how chapped his lips were, and opened my mouth a little to swipe my tongue across his bottom one. Toby tensed up. And without warning, I felt his tongue use the opportunity to have an exchange with mine. I gasped through my nose, the escalation getting worse and worse. A blush began to spread across my face.
He lifted me off of his lap to flip me onto the couch, putting both of his palms by either side of my head. I was back to being pinned underneath him. I don't know what was happening to me. Something was wrong with me, I was sick for this. I was sick... because I enjoyed this.
His sweater and shirt fell to the floor as we fought each other with kisses. His teeth bit into my lower lip and pulled it back while I moved to unbuckle his belt. I was giving in to this. I was really fucking the guy that took away everybody I loved in my life.
Barely in any clothes, we both took a moment to stare at each other, oddly feeling like he was admiring me from how he looked up and down my body. Toby took his time, pressing small pecks across my chest up to my neck, snaking his arms around to my back. He unclipped my bra and slipped it off of me. I wanted to cover myself, but I no longer wanted to move. I didn't have any motivation. There was nothing left to fight for.
The gloves and bandages around his fingers felt weird against my skin especially when he played with my chest. He squeezed one, bit the other, and once he heard a moan slip out of me, he stopped to let me process. He complimented me, his voice a bit raspy like he was fighting the urge to do something to me already, "You look even better so close like this, with how foggy those windows would get. It would make me want to break them and threaten you then and there."
I bit the inside of my cheek and he got closer, hooking onto my panties and pulling them down as a smirk spread on his face. My lack of response didn't concern him. He kept going despite that, throwing the thin fabric somewhere in the room before he looked up at me. His hair was in his face and the eyebags around his eyes told me he was more than dangerous. How many times has he done this?
Toby muttered seriously, breaking me out of the moment, "Who do you belong to?" I blankly gazed at him, watching as he stood up and slowly inched his boxers down. I can't speak. I can't tell him that. More scars appeared, his v-line making my eyes linger, and I got distracted. His dick was let out before I could respond.
My eyes widened and I tried to squeeze my legs shut, but he kept them apart as soon as they moved, holding both of my knees up to my shoulders. I was breathing super fast, my heart raced, and I was feeling the ache in between both of my legs. It was nothing compared to when he positioned himself and pushed the tip inside.
Digging my nails into his arms, I cried out in pain and threw my head back, looking up at his satisfied face. Toby groaned, a laugh following behind it, "You don't have to answer. I'll do it for you." He rammed most of what he could, grabbing both of my thighs so tightly that it was guaranteed to be bruised. I screamed out. He was too rough and too much for me to take like this. It hurt. It fucking ached. I was being drilled into the cushions.
Trying to handle it was impossible. He made it impossible for me. His hips connected as he went deeper, loud slaps coming from it, bouncing off and echoing. I didn't want to think about the neighbors hearing me lose my dignity like this. I didn't want to think about the fact my dad could be witnessing this. But it was starting to feel good. Really fucking good. My eyes rolled to the back of my head and after that, I didn't care anymore.
I wrapped my legs and arms around him, pulling him closer and savoring his dick carving into the parts I didn't know were there. Moaning, swearing, and muttering filled the room. We were getting lost in the bliss and saying whatever was on the mind. Or I was. His name left me a couple of times and so did encouragement, "More.. More, please, Toby!"
Flipping around again when he got a little tired, I gyrated my hips and sat on his lap so I could bounce, sliding up and down until I could feel my walls beginning to squeeze. I was close and this position wasn't helping. I held my breath and Toby took notice, pressing his forehead against mine.
"Let it out for me, baby. Don't be shy," he cooed, sweat dripping down his forehead like he was holding back his own. I bit the inside of my cheek and a desperate moan came out, "Fuuuuuck, cummm with! Please!"
He didn't listen to me and lifted me off of the couch with him, holding me up in the air while guiding me down onto his shaft. I went limp and drool fell down the side of my chin as I buried myself into the crook of his neck, biting it a little to vent out the overwhelming pleasure. Toby didn't let up until a couple of more minutes of fucking me passed and I was fucked out enough that my legs were shaking.
When he was about to cum himself, he set me back down, rushing up to my face to give me a facial. My mouth was open from panting and I caught a bit on my tongue, swallowing it when we were back to locking eyes. The rest landed on my nose, cheeks, and lips. He let out a loud groan as he unwinded, pulling away to see the display once he was done.
I lay there. Used. I lay there for him to stare at. Until he walked away for cleaning supplies. To think about what I was doing. To come back down and face the new reality I was in. I was his now and he was mine. And there was nothing I could do about it.
#creepypasta smut#creepypasta#ticci toby x reader smut#ticci toby smut#ticci toby x reader lemon#ticci toby x y/n#ticci toby
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How do I stop procrastinating getting my life together. I'm not sure if you understand what I mean....as in how do I stop procrastinating getting out of my comfor zone to do better
GUIDE TO DEALING WITH PROCRASTINATION
Procrastination is delaying a task because of fear or anxiety about doing it. If you frequently procrastinate, it may result from your current mindset. In this post, I will discuss the reasons behind procrastination and how to overcome it by getting started.
AVOIDANCE MINDSET
If you’ve been in their comfort zone for quite a long time, you may be familiar with this term. An avoidance mindset is when we focus more on preventing possible negative consequences, rather than pursuing positive outcomes. This leads to procrastination, avoiding risks or challenges and generally staying in their comfort zones to avoid discomfort and failure.
This mindset usually stems from a fear that is holding you back which is keeping you ‘safe’, which is why we feel discomfort when trying new things. Fear of failure, wasting time, rejection and change are a few common ones.
Doing self-reflection or quizzes are the most efficient way to identify your fears if you haven’t already. Challenge negative beliefs that cause that fear to grow.
The recommended way to shift your mindset from an avoidance one to a growth mindset is by focusing on the benefits that you’ll get from it. E.g.
‘Exercising is too hard’ -> ‘I’ll feel good about myself after’
‘Studying is boring’ -> ‘I’ll be proud of myself after achieving high grades’
‘Meeting new people is scary’ -> ‘I can’t wait to have a new friend’
PRODUCTIVITY WITH PROCRASTINATION
BREAK TASKS INTO SMALLER CHUNKS, and if it seems too difficult, do it over a week/fortnight. When tasks are smaller, they seem simpler and easier, so we don’t feel the need to delay them. For example...
Deep clean my room -> Wipe down all surfaces & put new bedding OR Monday I’ll wipe down surfaces, then Wednesday I’ll put new bedding.
MAKE THE TASK SPECIFIC. If the task is vague, it can seem too daunting to start because we have no idea how to start. For example, instead of saying studying for my science test, say do 3 rounds of science flashcards. We know exactly what to do, so it doesn’t give reason for us to delay it.
HAVE A ROUTINE. Having a consistent daily routine helps us to stay on track because our brains love routines and familiar activities, and it pushes us further because our brains will feel discomfort if that routine is not done.
However, if you are someone who procrastinates, avoid micromanaging your day. It can seem way too overwhelming, but even if you do it, it can lead to being burnt out.
KEEP ORGANISED. Being in an environment which is constantly cluttered, or having no way to remember everything that goes in your life, will make you have a cluttered mind, A cluttered mind will influence your actions to also be out of place.
DEVELOP A GROWTH MINDSET. I do have a post on this which is linked on my masterlist. The whole idea of a growth mindset is to embrace the idea that failure further improves us, instead of setting us back.
#becoming that girl#becoming her#being productive#productive#productivity#productivitytips#procrastination#glow up era#that girl#dream girl#wonyoungism#pink pill#pink pilates princess#pink pilates aesthetic#clean girl#girl blog#girlboss#green juice girl#it girl#pink pilates girl#dream life#dream girl vibes#dream girl life#dream girl tips#dream girl energy#that girl lifestyle#that girl energy#that girl routine#glow up#routine
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hey remember when i was obsessed with sanders sides circa 2018. remember when i made my own sides and basically predicted remus and orange/rage/whatever but no one will ever believe me because i procrastinated too long on sharing them. remember when i redrew them in 2023. no you don't cause i never shared that either but now you do!
2018 ver and more rambling under the cut. if u even care /ref /lh
in any case, creating my own sides has helped a whole lot. being autistic and having trouble with distinguishing my own emotions is overwhelming sometimes, so trying to categorize where each thought/feeling is coming from has been extremely helpful and i highly recommend it. i haven't drawn these sillies as much as i would've liked but they also serve as a great avenue for vent art, something i mostly used established characters for up until creating them.
my art style evolving definitely played a part, but i think growing myself, going on T and into therapy was the biggest component in helping me sort them and be able to communicate with these different sides of myself. being more aware of my body and face in a neutral rather than negative way and not dissociating from them entirely was huge on finally being able to draw them how i picture them; have them look authentic and resemble me AND not be dysphoric or body dysmorphic about it
all this to say. make your own sides. i know some people already have, and i think a lot more would benefit from it.
#sanders sides#except not lol#thomas sanders#again. not really#ts sides#tss#tss fanart#AGAIN . NOT REALLY#des draws#desides#i guess??? what the hell sure#ocs#oc#original characters#original character
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to the only boy i've ever loved | 02
prev // next // series m.list
pairing: choi san x f!reader
word count: 652
-- the first meeting
january 1, 9th grade
hi san,
it's a little past 12 a.m. so it's finally new year. i wonder if you have any goals you want to achieve this year? i'm not so sure myself but i think i want to take school more seriously and improve my grades and gpa.
i got a 'c' on two of my classes: science and spanish, and it's not even that i didn't understand the materials, more so that i procrastinated so much until the last second and wasn't able to turn in some major assignments. i'm going to do better this upcoming semester, hopefully.
(recently, my dad has taught me to stop using probable but not certain terms like maybe, probably, hopefully... and to be more sure and confident in myself. i'm learning but it's still a habit)
i'm writing this because i don't have anything better to do this late and i can't sleep. it's also new year and because i have a laptop now, i figure i should probably write about some things i would be able to look back to in the future if my memory starts losing itself? perhaps like the first time i ever met you.
i think that's a good start if i'm going to be writing about you for a long time.
but it was in the 6th grade and you just transferred from another school. i remember thinking you were so cute (you still are) when you first walked into our classroom. you had such big eyes and a cute little nose. because of this, you got popular among the girls pretty fast and even got yourself a girlfriend not too long after.
granted, i was a tiny bit jealous even though i was really good at acting like i didn't care about you and the only time we interacted at all in 6th grade was when we were assigned in line orders and i was put right behind you for a week and accidentally stepped on one of your shoe laces.
you wouldn't even be able to tell at all that every time we got in line for lunch, my heart and stomach always felt funny for that entire week. i was both sad but also relieved when the teacher reorganized the order.
just thinking about it now, you've changed quite a bit in comparison to my very first impression of you. you looked so timid and overwhelmed by the attention at first, i couldn't have predicted you would be best friend with wooyoung jung to this day.
he has always been loud, silly, and a bit disruptive in class from time to time, i for sure thought there was no way you two would get along. i was very wrong because by the time we were about to go to middle school, you two became two peas in a pod.
(wooyoung really only knew i existed because before you came, i was 1 of the only 4 asian students in there and the only other korean besides him)
from then, you started hanging out with the popular crowd and i felt the gap between us grow wider.
i never planned on asking you out and i don't plan to, but it was just a feeling that was hard to ignore, even now.
sophie asks me all the time if i don't plan on doing anything about my crush then why do i still keep doing the things that i do, such as writing these letters and always talking about you.
honestly, i don't have an answer right now either. maybe i enjoy the feeling of liking someone? that there's something to look forward to when i go to school? i don't know, but hopefully my future self will know the answer haha. (sorry dad, i used a maybe and hopefully).
this is getting a bit too long, but i hope you have a good new year and again, i'll see you in less than 2 weeks!
sincerely, y/n.
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taglist: @brown88
#ateez angst#ateez x reader#ateez series#san x reader#choi san x reader#san angst#ateez imagines#san imagines#fic:ttobiel
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I Don't Smoke
"If you need to be mean, be mean to me."
Kayson x Reader
Finals, deadlines, submissions.
Three words rang in your head as you felt as if the day of your judgement was impending. No matter how many times you assure yourself, it was futile; knowing that in a few days the accumulated results of your performance throughout the semester would be represented by numbers that you can't take back once it was written. The thought of it terrifies the perfectionist in you.
In these times, library wasn't an option for you to catch up with the subjects. Suddenly it was too crowded, too noisy, and too crammed; not an ideal place to clear your mind and study. Luckily, your friends were generous enough to lend you their dorm while they're away, spending the night away in a party that you were never interested to know.
You sat down on the study table. Finally, peace and quiet. The soft sound of your stationery and notes filled the room as you began to set things up. The idea of procrastinating lingered in your mind, but you're sure that that idea would just lead into more trouble. Opening your laptop, you were bombarded by lists and to-dos. There was this simmering disappointment in your stomach, you should've started studying earlier this week. Why haven't you started earlier? You scolded yourself. You rack your brain, trying to pinpoint where the routine changed, and there it is: Kayson. Your sweet, handsome, endearing Kayson.
"Hey, I just finished practising. Wanna grab lunch?"
"I missed you so much. Come over, my dad bought a new board game."
"You know what you deserve? Another nap and kisses!"
You smiled as you remembered his sweet voice. There's a glint of longing and sorrow as you look back on those memories. It was rewarding yet a hint of regret creeps through slowly. You should've used those times to study– You shook those thoughts off, familiar words echoed in your mind. You can't let those memories turn into regret. You need to prove your parents wrong. So you began.
It’s been minutes– hours? You weren’t counting. The words in your notes were overwhelming, the laptop screen was too bright; everything became incomprehensible. It was too much. You sighed, leaning on your chair to look at your progress. You came so far, but not too far for you to be satisfied. It’s not enough.
Your ears perked up at the sound of the door opening. “There you are!” A familiar voice caught your attention. “Thought I might visit before you study yourself to death.” Kayson sighed, wrapping his arms around you. He was warm, a comforting touch after a stressful day.
“I’m not studying myself to death. How’d you find me?” You retorted, rolling your eyes.
“I used my superpowers to track you down.” He laughed at his joke. “I’m kidding, I asked your friend. And besides look at you, you’re alone with nothing but papers and notes.To be honest, I consider this as prison.” Kayson picked up a chair, sitting down beside you.
“Look, I’m not in a mood for jokes. I have seven topics to catch up with.” Sighing, you faced your study desk once again.
“Seven?!” Kayson’s eyes widened. “Can’t you just ditch that and you know… join the party?”
Your brows furrowed, irritation visible in your face. “I can’t just ditch this. Finals are around the corner, I’m not gonna flunk it.”
“You’re not gonna flunk it, you’re just taking a break.” He sighed, eyes softening as he looked at your situation.
You shook your head, you knew that your boyfriend was dead set on convincing you to take a break. He was stubborn, but so are you. Leaning back to your seat, you began skimming through notes. Thousands of words, hundreds of pages welcomed you; it was dreadful. But progress is progress. You heard him sigh as he watched you continue studying.
“Maybe after this we could go to the new spot I found.” Kayson spoke softly. Usually, you didn’t mind, it’s not unusual for you to listen to his stories about his day; like how hard the team laughed when Alex fell flat on his face or how his brothers facetimed him last night. But his voice, along with the topics you tried to read, was overwhelming.
“I don’t have time, Kayson.” You curtly replied, eyes focused on the papers. Flipping the pages, you were met with another topic: research. Great. You began reading. The research gap must be clearly stated in the study to establish objectives.
"Maybe we could go there, I heard they're serving your favorite food."
Discuss the problem, elaborate the significance, and state the method.
"You know what? We really need to try those. You could use a break from those books."
The gap. The method. The study. The aim–
"What do you say? Are you–"
"God, Kayson, I said I don't want to! Can you stop being such a distraction?!"
It was loud, biting– enough to fill the room with silence. No words were muttered. It doesn’t have to when the look on his face showed what he felt. His mouth slightly agape from shock, his eyes filled with hurt. Your words ripped his heart out and it was too late to take it back.
Kayson only nodded, looking away from you. "I uh..." He composed himself, trying to hide his glossy eyes as tears threatened to fall down his cheeks. "I-I'm just gonna see myself out. Study well." He immediately left, without a kiss or a small wave. You sat in silence, guilt filled your heart as his painful expression burned in your memories. Maybe he’s right, you should’ve taken a break.
Pattern banner from Cafekitsune
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how do you stay so consistent with your work without getting burnout/procrastinating and still maintaining the level of your writting doesn't it get monotonous??? Any tips on how to be consistent with your work without overwhelming ones self
Sometimes it does get monotonous -- not the writing, but what is being written. I feel like I only have so many ideas about the Sakuverse characters, and although requests bring a sort of gust of fresh air into my writing because I am forced to think about a specific scenario and build a scene from there, I wonder if perhaps the way I write and the way my mind interprets these requests might get a bit repetitive.
It takes me about two hours to write a one shot; from having a (vague) idea about what to write to having the full thing proofread and edited and ready to post. I used to have the time to spare back when I was finishing school -- especially after I had finished it and was doing some other stuff while waiting for university to start -- so I wrote a lot and put it all in a queue to post daily fics for about a month while I used that time to finish my Asirel novella.
Long story short, writing, in a way, is an art of habit. Again, I used to write about one fic a day back when I was in school, because I had the time. And I believe I've said before that I sat down and just did it -- no matter if I felt motivated or not. That's the art of it, in my opinion. Just to do it, even if you don't feel like it; more often than not, at least that's the case for me, the motivation will come during the process.
As for tips, that really depends on how you write and how your creative process works. I recommend creating a writing playlist (if you can stand listening to music while writing) and only putting it on when you sit down to write. Also, try changing the font to Comic Sans? It sounds ridiculous, but I've found it to further creativity.
What I think is the most practical advice is just do it, even if you don't feel like it. If you wait forever for the muse to strike you'll never get it done. I know starting is the hardest part, and overcoming that initial fear of staring at a blank document is the true mastery of the craft.
These are big words for someone who hasn't done a lot of writing recently, part of that is because I feel a little burnt out. The Asirel novela truly took everything out of me, and although I feel the need to slowly start writing again (for context: the novella was done by the end of autumn), I also have to admit that I currently really don't have the time for it. And I could make the time, but I'm also weary of pushing myself too hard this time around.
It will probably be a long time before I could get close to anything resembling my previous publishing schedule of daily fics, and hey, that's totally alright as well.
Despite what I said about writing even if you don't feel like it, it shouldn't feel like a chore. It's a hobby and a form of art -- and if you really don't want to do it then you shouldn't push yourself out of a sense of obligation.
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HiiiiIIIIII 🙃
Just coming from your post on improving focus and this idea popped into my head. I want to hear your opinion on it /any tips.
For a bit of context, whenever I have too much to do and a lot of time to do it I'll generally just settle for sitting on social media. Sometimes I'll remember about taking a walk around the house, getting some water or laying on the floor for a minute or even just reading a bit instead but I never do them. And when I'm in the flow of work, especially housework I tend to get so much done until I sit down and pick up my phone. I don't often have the self control to just set it down after scrolling for 30 mins (I'm just realising that this might get quite long, sorry about that 😅)
The regular pomodoro technique doesn't work for me for studying, but might it work for getting tasks done instead?
By blocking off a few hours, say 4, and setting a, for example, 30/10 pomodoro timer for that time, you could be productive in some way (even if it is a rest outside of social media) and take a scroll break for those 10 mins.
I though that this might work out well because for me personally, time blocking doesn't really work. If I set out to do a task for/at a certain time and don't get it done in that time-block, or I forget about it and I start the task late, it throws my productivity off balance, I get incredibly stressed and quickly demotivated. But with a pomodo set up I can get started on a single task and if I don't finish the task before the break, I can just continue it after. Or I can treat myself and have an extra 30 min break.
I'm just not 100% sure how to set up what I get started on 'in my next pomodoro' (which I can decide on during the breaks). This circles back to the first issue I settled where I see a list and it seems like too much or I don't know what to get started on, and it overwhelms me to the point of never starting. And what to do when I finished/can't do any more of what's on the To Do list but could still continue to be productive. I would be afraid of just picking my phone back up for the rest of the day after that.
I'm thinking that I could write a 1-6 numbered list and roll the decide to decide what to work on? But the numbers will repeat, and again it'll be a short list that might end up getting done quickly (I doubt it would but still).
I'm mostly rambling and telling you this because I have a few urgent things that need to get sorted soon among with having to do revision for my mock exams, and I just don't have the time to get into a rabbit hole of fully experimenting with this idea. So what do you think?
hey, pretty,
i can definitely relate to forgetting and procrastinating tasks (picking up stuff in my room/studying/putting away dishes/doing the laundry/…), which can turn into a massive and overwhelming pile of things to-do.
pomodoro can help you balance work with breaks - motivating you to quickly get your work done whilst allowing you time to rest (or time to look forward to).
when you finish your to-do list and turn to scrolling because you “have nothing to do”, it’s a telltale sign that you need a rest. your brain is tired and needs a break.
if you’ve heard of the concept of a self-care menu or hobby menu, i think it may be quite helpful to combat this. that way, you can participate in activities that allow you to rest and refresh rather than doom scrolling.
personally, the dice idea sounds complicated and confusing - but it can definitely be helpful with changing things up a bit (removing boredom and monotony), which can improve your motivation.
remember that productivity is not the be all end all! you are a person and you have a life to live! perhaps reward yourself for every five tasks completed with a longer pomodoro break, or a hobby.
good luck for your mock exams, and i hope that your idea works out for you!
🫶nene
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#nenelonomh#nenelonomhasks#study blog#student#productivity#it girl#student life#academia#becoming that girl#it girl aesthetic#chaotic academia#that girl
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Is there anything you miss about your old life, from before you started your business?
I miss when I wasn't having so much work to do but I have it that many because I'm ambitious and I want keep biggering, I'm just overwhelmed when I'm taking at myself too much and I'm often procrastinating... But overall I'm doing good!
About past me, I didn't changed much. I'm also sometimes wearing my old outfits because I still love them. Remember my ad for new Thneed with Truffula trees pattern? I was having my outfit with black vest on it instead of business one, I love this outfit soo much!
About what changed, by example now I'm more fixated on business but before I was too!
Not long ago after Truffula forest got destroyed I was feeling nostalgic and I was thinking about times when I was happily wandering through this forest and playing on guitar. After that I realized that before thinking about this situation from past I was playing on guitar and I was still in this forest near my factory.
It was same forest but empty and I was playing on different guitar and having my business outfit but it was kinda same thing. Slightly different but not much.
Can you guess what song I was playing? :>
#onceler#once-ler#onceler art#onceler fandom#askbusinessler#greedler#lorax#lorax 2012#the onceler#onceler askblog#art#onceler 2012
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30 days of intentionality
starting this challenge with the goal of taking it one day at a time. i have a hard time doing that these days. i spend more time ruminating on the past or worrying about the future than staying in the present, even if that's when i'm most content. not sure how i'll format my posts and most likely, i'll only do weekly updates bc daily ones are too overwhelming. i'll just go with the flow, trying to trust that everything will end up as it's meant to be and maybe i'll be more productive as focusing primarily on the present moment becomes a habit.
---
1. suo gân (arr. john williams for the ambrosian junior choir): i believe that if everyone lived by the idea of global citizenship and so saw the humanity in every individual from every background, there would be no war. reading the news fills me with fear, sorrow, and anxiety, but i also feel the responsibility to stay informed. did some studying today, more than yesterday, but it was kind of uncomfortable with the state of global politics lurking in the back of my mind. i'm still a little behind on school.
2. souvenir de paganini (chopin): today is not so bad. i'm making progress academically, but i do need to make time for social activities soon or i will get lonely and lose what little motivation i have very quickly.
3. once upon a december (arr. emile pandolfi): sometimes in the face of events and issues much bigger than myself that i have no control over, i feel like my dreams are pointless bc i think there's no way achieving them or trying to achieve them could possibly empower me to make real and important change that can truly benefit many. who knows if the future would even allow me to get that far. there are many things that could change the course of our lives that we don't have control over. but if others in worse situations than me and others much better informed than me can still have hope, then so can i. i didn't do much other than pharmacology and a little bit of philosophy today. i made more progress in pharmacology than expected, but that's only bc i didn't do any psych work. i also earned a few more mastery points on khan academy's integrated math 1 (not a priority, i know, but i wanted an easy win) and started lab tasks. i'm far from done with that, i need to do a little every day... i don't want to let them down! 🥺 (note to self: lying in bed is maybe NOT a good study break activity bc that just makes me not wanna do anything else after that and it's very very very hard to get out of that procrastination rut once i let myself fall into it.) 4. let's stay together (al green): everything should be going well, except i'm easily overwhelmed, and this time, it wasn't in an openly frazzled way, it was in a tired and slightly defeated "what's the point?" way, so i didn't realize it as quickly as i usually do. after some bed rest, cuddles 🧸, listening to steve jobs' commencement speech, and a little yoga, i felt better. "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future." was something i didn't know i needed to hear today. i modified my to-do list and found that the list of things i "must do" was nearly as long as the list of things i "want to do" 😅
5. kreutzer sonata, movt. 1 (beethoven): pretty sure i've mentioned some of these songs before but...they really fit the mood! sometimes i feel things so strongly that i develop a tightening in my chest that can only be relieved in a scream... since i can't actually scream and i don't actually really like the physical feeling of it, i scream through exercise and music 😅 beethoven is very nice for when i'm feeling very annoyed or angry, especially if it's an anxious kind of angry or if it's anger at injustice/inequality. i can't find a piano solo version that does the fiery spirit of the violin justice. so in the vague future when i actually play this, either i try (and perhaps fail) to replicate that on the piano, or i find a violinist friend who would want to play with me 😅 right now though, imagining how i would physically create that sound on the piano will have to be enough. the prevailing thought/feeling of the day: sometimes i just really wanna believe in the good in people and believe that i can trust (some of) them. i long for that feeling of safety in a broader irl community that i actually belong in. i'm surprised by how often i long for it. but then my negativity is reinforced by news and people's opinions on it.
6. violin sonata no. 1 in g minor, bwv 1001 (j.s. bach): stuff was done. i felt calm/chill throughout the day, but even tho i feel good whenever that happens, it usually means i don't get an extraordinary amount of things done that day (lol since when do i ever). i'm not sure if it's enough, as there is still lots to do and i'm pretty sure that it's just wishful thinking that i'll achieve all my goals for this week by its end. i need to cut down my goals list to the realistic rather than idealistic version as always (school, lab, and basic self-maintenance tasks) 😅 gaawwwdd i hope i can do this...good night.
7. waltz in a minor, b. 150 (chopin): today and yesterday i have been able to keep my phone time under an hour. the days are blissful (if not at least calmer) and focused. 📚
8. only mine (laufey): cuddles in bed while listening to laufey is so soothing 🧸 takes me back to my childhood listening to lullabies in the dark 🥺 motivation to study is hard to find today. i just want to relax 🥺 i'll just do one tiny thing and see where i wanna go from there...
#30doi#30 days of intentionality#100dop#studyblr#philosophy studyblr#bioinformatics#premedblr#dark academia#study aesthetic#digital diary#heydilli#heyfrithams#astudentslifebuoy#brown aesthetic#vintage aesthetic#heyzainab#warm aesthetic#cafe aesthetic#cozy academia#romantic academia#classic academia#light academia#chaotic academia#highly sensitive person#100 days of productivity#100 days of studying#100 days of self discipline#music recs#song of the day#inspirational quotes
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I am in love with the fic so much ughhh I can’t describe it!!!! IT’S SO GOOD!
I feel like one of the main reasons I love it is the way it’s written. It makes it feel more…impactful? More emotion I guess. Or makes the emotions Peri feels easier to understand. I can’t describe it well but it’s very good. Your writing is very good. That with the names of the chapters being silly while the fic is pure angst it great. It kinda makes me wanna read more angst that’s long and emotional.
keep up the good work bro the fic is so good ahhhhhh!!!!!!
I’m so greatful people enjoy my writing.
I honestly wasn’t sure if anyone would bc there wasn’t much angst in the fandom, but also I thought people might because there wasn’t enough angst in the fandom, ya know?
But also because I have a bit of a unique writing style. I write in a way that feels right for me.
No rules.
I allow myself to format the way I want, and word things the way I want without worrying about what I’m “supposed to do”
I write like poetry in a way, it’s fun and allows me to express myself more. I focus on what I want to focus on. If something feels boring to write, It’s probably boring to read, so I rather leave it out or write it from a different angle.
I think I’ve said this before in an AO3 comment reply, but I think a lot of my writing style has to do with the fact that I have ADHD. I struggle with focus a lot unless it’s something I’m really interested in, but even then I get distracted and procrastinate. I’ve learned a few tricks around this that helps, and it affects my writing style a lot.
-I have more spaces between lines so it doesn’t look too overwhelming.
-“if something is boring to write, it is boring to read” thinking
-focus on the good parts
-Always keep in mind what your readers came here for.
-keep things snappy and to the point (don’t go overboard with describing unimportant details)
In a way, I guess you could say I’ve created an “ADHD friendly work” idk if that’s already a thing, if it is, I haven’t seen it and want to see it.
I kind of wish there was more works that were like mine. I struggle a lot with reading books. I only really read fanfics because those are the only things that can keep my interest without me zoning out or getting frustrated that I couldn’t process what I just read or I get lost in meaningless words.
I guess I really just write what I want to read. I hope I can inspire others so that I can also read what I want to read.
We need more ADHD friendly works, and I’m happy to fill that role a little.
#paranormal peri#para.peri q&a#ao3#ao3 fanfic#angst#adhd writer#adhd problems#ao3 writer#fairly odd parents#fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop#fop a new wish#adhd#adhd friendly work#adhd writing
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