#but i just keep thinking about. everyone knows that the writers not knowing what to do with women killed tasha
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creamflix · 2 days ago
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christmas event looks so kewl! can i have sukuna + mistletoe (naughty) please? 😽😽
you’ve received a gift! ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆ want your own gift? ・:〃➜ click here! 
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SUKUNA has never understood your fascination with christmas. 
the baubles, the garlands, the lights strung across the tree — it all seems excessive and nonsensical to him. when he catches you draping the tree with shiny ornaments, your tongue peeking out in concentration, he’s half-tempted to ask if this is some kind of sacrificial ritual. 
but he keeps quiet. mostly because watching you enjoy yourself so thoroughly feels... oddly satisfying.
the mistletoe, though? that’s where things get complicated.
he first notices it dangling from the ceiling in the entryway. you don’t bother explaining it, brushing past with a knowing smile, leaving him to squint suspiciously at the strange green plant. 
“warding off spirits?” he mutters to himself. “what kind of pathetic charm is this?”
of course, his assumptions are shattered after an admittedly frustrating deep dive into google, of all things. the man searches everything from “green thing christmas ceiling” to “magic christmas plant meaning” before finally landing on an answer. 
and when he learns the truth? his mood sours instantly.
a kiss. it’s some absurd tradition that demands he kiss you underneath this thing. 
you’re his; he doesn’t need some ridiculous plant giving him permission. but then again... maybe it’s not so bad if it’s an excuse to remind everyone else of that fact.
the next time you catch someone entering a room under mistletoe, sukuna is already there, arms crossed, posture tense. his crimson gaze flickers between the plant and the unsuspecting victim like a predator sizing up its prey.
“don’t even think about it,” he growls lowly, stepping deliberately into their path. his presence alone is enough to make them reconsider, slinking away without so much as a glance in your direction.
“suku!” you scold, but your amusement betrays you.
“don’t ‘suku’ me,” he snaps, scooping you into his arms and positioning you directly under the mistletoe. “you think i’m going to let anyone else get near you? this is my right.”
his lips claim yours in a possessive kiss, fierce and unrelenting, as if marking you all over again. and when you pull back, breathless, his lips merely shift to your jaw, trailing downward in a heated path.
“sukuna,” you murmur, half-laughing, half-scolding. “that’s enough! it’s just a silly tradition.”
“no,” he grumbles, hands sliding to your waist and tugging you closer. “it’s a tradition that involves my human. and if some stupid plant demands it, i’m not going to stop at one kiss.”
his lips find the sensitive spot on your neck, and you can feel his sharp teeth scrape teasingly against your skin. one of his hands creeps beneath your shirt, splayed warm and possessive across your back.
“kuna, stop! your hands —”
“my hands are exactly where they belong.” his voice is a low rumble, a mix of defiance and desire. but he finally relents, letting out a dramatic sigh as he pulls away, though his hands linger at your waist.
“fine. you win. for now.”
you shake your head, biting back a smile. “you’re impossible.”
“and you love it.” his smirk is smug, but there’s something softer in the way his thumb brushes against your hip, his gaze lingering on your face.
truthfully, he still doesn’t understand half your human traditions, but if they involve you — your laughter, your blush, your kisses — he supposes they aren’t so bad.
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vi-arcanes-left-bicep · 13 hours ago
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Spoilers for Arcane S2 Finale❗❗
So, i keep thinking about Arcane's last pieces of dialogue and though they sounded kinda funny when I watched the end at the first time (in a 'really? This took 27h to write?' way), the more I think about it, the more I like it.
I think it has a ton of layers to interpret and I'm still missing a few of them.
Please forgive my multiple tangents while I try to gather my thoughts.
First, how Caitlyn finds Vi: no bandages, a glass of alcohol in her hands.
No bandages means many things for Vi: she's vulnerable -both because of what she's going through and beacuse she can allow herself to be vulnerable for the first time in the show, with Caitlyn-, and her fight is over, she doesn't have to fight anymore (Re: Ep7 Powder saying Vi fights because she's scared of losing everyone, and she has lost everyone). (Everyone but Ekko and Caitlyn, who have repeatedly proven they can fend for themselves and are leaders on their own right, I'd love to say Vi is in a point where she's able not to feel responsible for them too, though this is something I'm not so sure about). Bandages were also an important part of her character design, of herself, so this gives a sensation that she's lost a part of her identity too. Who is she, if not the big sister, the protector, the brawler?
Alcohol is another small details that just says she's not okay. We've seen her drink herself senseless for, presumably, months, in Act II, to cope with all that happened in S1 and particularly S2 Act I: accepting the loss of her sister after the attack on the council, becoming an enforcer even though she was completely against it because she still feels responsible for ending Jinx, recognising her sister again for just a glimpse and gaining faith that Powder is still there (with the realisation that she almost killed her sister -not the monster she convinced herself jinx was, her sister) falling in love with Cait and seeing her become a completely different person out of grief.... So after everything that just happened in Act III, where she saw that many people die, either strangers or friends, and where she lost her sister and father AGAIN, of course she's considering getting back to drinking. So much happened to her in the span of few months that she's considering drowning the pain away again.
Caitlyn's question: "Are you still in this fight, Violet?"
The line delivery is incredibly soft and intimate, and Cait calling her Violet is the cherry on top. She's knows Vi is not okay. She's knows she's going through a lot right now.
Caitlyn's question seeing this is really, at least, three questions:
First and clearest is a check-in: "How are you?" "Will you be okay?" "Do you want to talk about this?"
Second is "Are you staying?" Vi could leave to be alone as she did at the beginning of Act II, could go with Ekko to Zaun... I can also see an "Are you staying with me?" After everything that happens, after the little time that they've had to be together and to solve the many things between them, her asking "Are you still in this fight" can mean both "hey, are you holding up" and "Are we still together in this?"
Third would be "So, are you up to face this, solving things between Piltover and Zaun?". I know some people have criticized the lack of resolution in the Zaun/Piltover conflict. I'd argue, as much as I'd love for the class conflict to be expanded, it is not the core of the series, and both the writers and the characters know that a conflict like this cannot be solved in such little time. The series was not going to solve it. What it does is solve it's main plot and character arcs, and leave a space for this theme to have the start of a resolution. Piltover an Zaun joined against Ambessa's army, and the ending gives us a glimpse of the will to change the relationship between topside and bottom (e.g. having Zaunites in the council). It's not a perfect ending nor it is a resolution for Zaun's class struggle -I'm pretty sure that was never the intent, though I would have liked for both cities' relationship to be more comented upon in this season-, it's the opportunity to advance towards a resolution. So Cait is asking Vi if she is willing to deal with that too. "Are you still in this fight?" can also have an implication to mean fighting to make things better. This also means fighting for them to be together.
Then, Vi's answer: "I am the dirt underneath your fingernails, Cupcake. Nothing's gonna clean me out".
Now, I like this because it sums up to Vi saying "I'm not going anywhere" but the line itself and the delivery gives it a few more layers of meaning.
First of all, Vi is clearly not okay. She's very emotionaly scarred and considering an unhealthy coping mechanism. She looks incredibly sad. And she's deflecting with humour to the question because she's probably not ready to talk about it. So her delivery here, plus the strange joke/comparison and calling Caitlyn "Cupcake" (which she's only done when she's teasing her in a flirty or funny way or deflecting the conversation by doing so) is telling Caitlyn that she's not okay right now, but that she isn't going to leave. "
I interpret "Nothing's gonna clean me out" as her basically saying "I'm tough, I'll get through this" to Caitlyn's "How are you?" and saying "You're not getting rid of me" to Caitlyn's "Are you going to stay?"
Furthermore, calling herself "The dirt underneath your fingernails" has an obvious implication about her being a Zaunite and Caitlyn being from Pilotover. I've seen some people saying this is insulting to Vi's character and to Zaun's storyline.... I don't think so at all. Yeah, I can get to see a layer of self-depreciating humor, but for me this is Vi using her humour as well to reinforce herself and her identity as a Zaunite (which arguably she left aside/lost sight of during Act I) while also teasing Caitlyn for being a topsider. I like to interpret this as Vi saying "Yeah, Piltie, I'm sticking with you and I will keep bothering you". The tone and calling Cait "Cupcake" reinforces this as a tease as well. Reinstating her identity as a Zaunite also gives insight on Vi's position on the Zaun-Piltover new relationship: yes, she's willing to help out manage this, always from the position of a kid from the Lanes.
Zaun and Piltover are also stuck together after the ending - they've fought together against a common enemy and that has also forced Piltover's elite to sit and listen to Zaun's demands. For sure Piltover's aristocracy still has to get their heads out of their asses but this is how I like to read the phrase in regards to Zaun-Piltover, layered upon what Vi is saying: I am the dirt underneath you = I (Zaun's state and problems) am a consequence of your (Piltover's) actions and I am not going anywhere. (You will have to listen).
Anyways, lots of rambling and I'll still be missing stuff!
Another thing is, native spanish speakers as I am use the phrase "Nail and flesh" to say that two people are inseparable, and this has enough similarity to that for it to feel like Vi is also saying they are inseparable. So yeah
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nikkalick · 12 hours ago
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Veilguard Spoilers below the cut. About the Blight, the current state of Southern Thedas, and the Veil…I’ve never made a rant like this so bear with my ramblings, please
I’ve seen so many people say, “We should’ve been able to tear down the Veil” and I feel like I’m going insane every time I see that take like…
MAMA A BLIGHT IS BEHIND IT??!
You think what happened to Southern Thedas was bad this game? You have no idea what’s in store for you if you open up the fucking Veil and let that trickle of Blight become a flood.
Point of Order just to set the scene with how bad the literal Blight is
“They (the writers/devs/Bioware/EA) nuked Southern Thedas so they don’t have to deal with the lore the past content set up there going forward”
Maybe. But also the only other Blight we’ve seen in game was the Fifth Blight. By all accounts a statistical anomaly in how it acted when compared to Blights 1-4. I don’t wanna delve too deep into this because it is so not the point I’m trying to make with this post, but the Architect very much had a hand in waking up Blight numero 5 and very likely impacted it in a way that made it less volatile. Past Blights saw Darkspawn hitting big populations hard and fast. The 5th started slow, in the wilds, at Ostagar. Away from large amounts of people. It is mentioned in DA:O that this Blight “feels different”.
The Blight we see in Veilguard is more in line with the Blights that came before the 5th. Something something the Inquisitor writing “worse than we have seen in living memory” because the only living memory anyone has of a Blight was the one from 20 years ago. Which was bad, but not as bad as they usually are. Veilguard’s is bad the way Blights are meant to be (if not worse because, ya know, the Gods), and it was still ONLY A TRICKLE OF WHAT THE BLIGHT IS BEHIND THE VEIL. If the full force of the Blight escapes the prison/the Fade that’s it. Goodnight to everyone in this world both within and without all of Thedas.
Moving on.
“Solas can move the Blight into the new prison that was meant for the Gods and then tear down the Veil. That was his plan.”
Sorry, did we play the same game? We know what the Blight is now. It’s the last remnants of the Titans. Twisted, broken, angry, nightmarish. It’s all that’s left. All that’s left are the plagued dreams of ancient beings that are so devastated because of what Mythal, Solas, and the rest of the Evanuris did to them with the very dagger we now hold.
I want to take a moment to address that what I’m about to say is said as someone who’s been trapped in Solavellen hell for years. I love Solas and his character, and I believe that yes, he had a plan that would have both moved (or killed) the remaining Evanuris and the Blight to a new prison while simultaneously tearing down the Fade. But if you, like me, wanted to redeem this idiot despite everything, then pray tell how does Solas locking up the Blight offer him said redemption?
How does locking away the only thing that remains of the Titans into a prison and throwing away the key redeem him? The Evanuris fucked up when using the Titan’s, idk…life blood? To take form. Solas fucked up when he, upon Mythal’s behest, created a weapon that sundered the Titan’s (and the Dwarves as whole) from their magic, from their dreams, from their very being. And they did it because they thought they had a right to. They put themselves above the dwarves and as a result they caused the Blight. And then they hid the Blight away. Yes, they hid it away to keep people safe, and yes, locking it and the Evanuris away when they tried to use what was essentially a bio weapon to maintain their position of power was a call that kept people safe for a long time. But the Veil was a consequence of that call. And while the Blight was trapped in its prison, behind the Veil, it got angrier and angrier with every passing generation.
Removing the Veil and shoving it into yet another prison will not only piss it off even more, but it doesn’t allow for Solas to actually atone for the part he played in its creation and the part he played in destroying what the dwarves used to have. He has to uphold the current prison. He has to go to it to try to soothe it. To heal it as best he can. Locking it away elsewhere, and then trying to offer it salvation after the fact? It’s not gonna cut it.
He has to go to the Black City, he has to face what he did, and he has to put aside his favorable bias towards giving the Elves “back what they lost” (a world current day Elves don’t remember and have never known) to instead put the safety and wellbeing of every being in the current world at a higher priority. That’s part of his redemption arc by the way; learning to value the lives of the people that walk this new world he had a hand in creating. Because when he wakes up before the start of DA:I he doesn’t value anyone. Shit, when Felassan declines to help him destroy the Veil and suggests he learns to appreciate the world that has been in place for centuries, Solas kills him for it.
All that said, he can’t fully put things right. He can’t reconnect the Blight with the dormant remains of the Titans. Because, as the game tells us, we’d then be faced with a bunch of Titans the size of mountains rampaging, rightfully so, because of the wrongs that were committed against them. But Solas can put in the work to find a way to ease its agony. And maybe, if given the time and the patience, one day the Veil could come down because the Blight will have had the opportunity and been given the help it needed to actually heal from the trauma that created it. And maybe taking the time to do that will have, in some small way, allowed him to make up for the shitty hand he played in destroying the Dwarves. A race he (finally) sees as his equal. Because that’s a big part of his fucking redemption arc.
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d3lly1000 · 2 days ago
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About Sonic and the others forgetting the events of Sonic '06 + The Twitter Takeovers are semi-canons
Okay, here we go... I saw some people mention this answer about Sonic forgetting Elise and being upset about it, and thankful that the Takeovers are "not canon", so I'll share my point of view on that and talk about why the Takeovers are semi-canon! (oh boy a long post-) ~~~~
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To start: "But Sonic forgetting Elise is absurd! He was the one who put out the flame with Elise, they both should have known about each other." No. They shouldn't have. From the moment the flame went out, everything was reset and started at the point where Sonic was going through the festival. There was no invasion by Eggman at that moment, Elise was not kidnapped, there were no Events of 2006 EVEN though the game is canon. THIS has ALWAYS been a fact since the game's release. And it keeps gaining strength with new media (Sonic x Shadow Generations and mentions that Sonic make in external media).
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And I dare even more, not even Silver should know about the events. But if he knows, it's only him and Mephiles, who was ERASED from existence and ended up in WhiteSpace, the Limbo of Sonic's Universe. (As for Silver, he constantly travels through time, he could be the only one who remembers, but I doubt it a little) But the point here is: The representation of the flame going out at the end of 06 is that everything was rewritten in a new way. Things didn't happen that way and that's it.
"But it's absurd. Sonic would never forget Elise, they liked each other!"
I know that in some way there are fans of Sonelise, but I don't think it's right to support their romance so much when it was rushed and totally done in a hurry to make us get some kind of "emotional attachment" to Elise. Elise was the one who showed the most interest in Sonic, even kissing him (geez...), while Sonic, even choosing Elise in the "Trial Of Love", sometimes the game still throws you to Amy's option in a strange glitch. Which doesn't make much sense since theoretically he "would be in love with Elise."
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Elise had the potential to be an excellent character and I still believe in that! She was introduced in an obscure game (just like Silver) and we can't deny that fact. She always couldn't cry because she had sealed the Iblis Trigger in herself, she lost her father and had no mother and yet she was the governess of the kingdom of Soleanna. Have you ever thought how much she could have stood out by working on this issue of pressure that she suffers in a deeper way? Instead of Sonic's entire campaign revolving around a somewhat embarrassing romance, have you ever thought how incredible it would be if it focused on how far the line of our responsibilities goes and the fear of failing everyone? Elise could potentially even be an incredible parallel for Blaze being what she is, even if indirectly! There's the other idea of ​​Sonic and Elise being a parallel of sisterhood like Shadow is with Maria, and that's much more captivating than a romance, and I'm sure we'd get much more attached to her knowing that!
Sonic 2006 and plot holes...
Sonic's campaign is the weakest;
Elise is a character who has potential for much more than what we were given;
the time travel issue has many holes like the Blue Chaos Emerald being with Elise the whole time;
Blaze is in the game and we don't even have an explanation for it;
We're very vague about Silver and his future; So, the fact that Sonic and the others "forget" the events is something canonical since the end of the game and has always remained that way.
Now, about the Twitter Takeovers:
The Takeovers are silly and focused on humor, but that doesn't mean there aren't writers behind them!
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(Social Media Manager for Sonic's official Twitter account.) This same script is thought by the entire team, since the company's characters are acting! There is a lot of work behind it, which must be recognized! In other words, the information becomes "canonical", since it covers and gives us answers about things that we don't have in the games yet. It's an expansion of the characters, the universe and the story that hasn't been told or fully explored yet, and that's fantastic! The questions are selected based on what they can probably tell us. Whether it's just about Sonic's fur or Shadow's taste for coffee, or even about the Super Transformations and the relationships between the characters. They are Semi-Canons. They are information that adds to our knowledge as fans, but they are not necessarily real, like Sonic breaking the fourth wall. As a fandom, we have to know how to separate some things! That's what makes the Sonic universe unique. Everything can be considered more clues to add to the franchise, but we need to know how to understand the reasons and whys behind it!
Conclusion
I still hope that if Sonic '06 gets a remake, they'll do a good redemption of it, because it deserves it! And who knows, maybe we'll see more of it in the future?
If you want to comment, feel free, this is an open field for that discussion. Just keep it respectful and friendly! I'd love to read and participate too!
Thank you very much for reading! Sorry for the bad English... Stay determined! 🤍
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littlebigmouse · 1 day ago
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Sure, episode 7 doesn't really have much time to spend on Ekko's disorientation in this new reality and everyone else's reactions to it. But I have to respect that the writer's solution to this was to make AU Ekko pretty mentally unstable.
From Powder's perspective, she startles him, he throws something at her, becomes hostile, tries to defend himself with a screwdriver, and then just starts staring into space and goes nonverbal while giving clear signs of a panic attack, and Powder and Benzo's reaction to that is a benevolent and casual "One of those days, huh?"
Given where they leave off, and pick up in the Last Drop again, it's implied Ekko has his crisis the entire way over, and probably didn't react much to either of them the whole time. When Claggor and Ekko remain at the table while Vander and Powder have their conversation, Ekko is ignoring Claggor and drawing repetitive circles over his notes and constantly clutching his head in pain. Right up until he gets up, which is when Claggor finally reacts to what he's doing but is waved off easily, and stumbles outside throwing up in a dumpster. And no one seems to notice or care about him acting weird or being in pain.
Everytime he says something off-colour or outright concerning it's met casually or chalked up to his sleep deprivation and imposter syndrome. Man's dissociating like nobody's business and everyone just claps him on the back in understanding. If that's normal for AU Ekko, or everyone thinks that's normal for AU Ekko, that's uh, pretty concerning actually.
I mean, given context clues and Powder's conversation with Vander, all the kids (or at least Ekko and Powder) withdrew pretty heavily and keep themselves on the down low. I assume they both blamed themselves for Vi's death to some degree and became overly cautious and more quiet. Powder prefers to support her siblings similarly to how Vi did, but there's fewer problems to solve with violence as they grow up (and they all know how that ended) so Powder plays emotional support and prefers to stay in her familiar bubble (The Last Drop, close to her family).
AU Ekko seems to be overcompensating with his inventions, focusing on (academic?) success and productivity. Between his fancier clothes (even fancier than the others, who all have newer outfits, but stick more to zaunite dressing sensibilities than him) and his AU friendship with Heimerdinger it's reasonable to assume that he's involved with the academy in some way, maybe gunning to become a student if he isn't one already. That's a lot of pressure for a kid from the undercity, nevermind that academia itself is pretty competitive even if the deck isn't staked against him.
That all is to say, I don't think the AU is all sunshine and roses, for either of them. AU Ekko and Powder are both way less extreme versions of their canon verses, but especially AU Ekko is apparently way more quiet, withdrawn and insecure (and not at all active within his community?? I'm gonna be honest, I'm a bit mad the Firelights weren't even mentioned that episode, they've been Ekko's main family for the better part of a decade now, they deserve some focus, damn it).
So yeah, I don't think AU Ekko is doing too hot.
(And now I want a fic of him waking up in canon Ekko's body, lmao).
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hexite-nightmares · 11 hours ago
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My very unorganized thoughts on S2 of Arcane but only about Viktor
Alright I finally had time to think and write everything down so here we go. I want to preface that I have been weary about this season ever since I watched the act 1 leaks. Mainly because it was very clear he was never going to be a machine, and they didn't give him enough screen time to develop his motivations into ACT 3 Viktor being convincing enough
LET'S START WITH THE FALSE PROPHET VIKTOR
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Alright so he has about 11 minutes ish of screentime. Aside from the glaring issue of Jayce reviving him and not destroying the hexcore, taking away agency from a disabled character. It was clearly a false prophet situation, but it was so fucking confusing on whether he could feel like a regular human, if he was under the Hexcore's control which makes the agency issue worse or just jaded. He all of a sudden starts speaking like he's reading Deuteronomy passages ?? We don't know for sure if he's aware that he's basically creating a hive mind now, did he start his plans of making everyone into one right here? Sky seems to encourage him to do this, what does she know about it since shes been in the hexcore ALONE for a little longer? (writers didnt confirm whether it was the real her or not) . Act 1 Viktor's issues are mostly about agency, and a seeming full abandonment of his identity as a scientist, his personality does a full 180. He doesn’t seem to question that the object that revived him and killed Sky is giving him healing powers, but he’s angry at Jayce so we have no clue if he’s being controlled or not.
The show doesn't seem to care to spend time with him bc Isha and Ambessa I guess.
Anyways lets move on to not even act 2, but ep 6, his only episode in this act.
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I had huge gripes with this episode, mainly because whatever the fuck was going on with Viktor trying to "keep" Vander's humanity, when he clearly was taking it away from everyone he touched, does he actually believe what he's saying or is he under the Hexcore's control still?. Obviously the glaring issues of Sky being there without any actual input, they're cosmic friends I guess but with very generic lines, and the fandom has to fill in the blanks with whatever Amanda Overton feels like saying about Sky in the moment(if we don't see it in the show I don't take it as her development, sorry). So Viktor builds Colloidal silver drinking Joshua tree and ppl think it's fucking Eden, Jinx calls him a Machine Herald when there's NO SIGN OF MACHINERY JUST PURPLE MAGICAL METAL LOOKING FLESH. We get a whole ass different realm with no explanation other than, oh yeah Viktor is inside there. Jayce comes in and almost kills him. The only option there is at this point is for Singed to start his MH era. The choice of becoming MH is nonexistent now, other people have to jumpstart things for him. I know some people interprete this commune as Viktor achieving his dreams, thinking he was being himself, that he was in paradise with Sky and.. that wasn’t the case for me.. it was extremely sinister. Worst part of this Act, is that MH was seemingly a damn trial experiment for Orianna.
BONUS:
So it seems that Christian Linke has confirmed Sky was the hexcore using its influence to manipulate viktor into the glorious evolution. He said it was meant to be as a misdirect. So to everyone who got dunked on here for “wanting to be spoonfed” or “not reading into it deep enough” for thinking he was being mind controlled, you were right about it being the hexcore. Viktor has been confirmed to have no agency until episode 9 I guess. He also mentioned Viktor’s goal was getting the most power/influence… we never saw a fucking glimpse of this in season one I’m sorry.
ACT 3
First awful problem here is obviously Singed having to jumpstart things. Viktor is aware for his choice of whatever is happening with the egg thing. Yet....there's still no sign of machinery. We get a scene where Sky fucking dies again, he refers to her as Ms Young, which im guessing is a parallel to the other time he dismissed her in S1. But of course we get the double fridging in the show, cuz making female characters just for the sake of advancing her crush's plot line is sooo amazing. Here lies sky, the character who is barely a character. Well after that we get the sequence of his transformation and we get that butt ugly mask. His personality does another huge change again. So we know the hexcore is not influencing him anymore as the hexcore completed its goal of the glorious evolution.. so I guess viktor really does think this is the right way?
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A huge issue I have again, is the lack of agency. In this particular scene Jayce goes "My partner died in this room" yeah..Viktor didn't fully choose to become this right? it all started with Jayce using the hexcore on him, it’s been manipulating him the whole ass season…Kinda wish there was some sort of acknowledgement from Jayce that he’s basically the catalyst of this.
He gets his laser because...fanservice. There's no way he went all the way to the lab and magically attached it to himself just to cut off a wall. He keeps going on that choice is false, but a few minutes before he said he’d evolve all of those willing?
In the cosmos, beautiful sequence. I don’t love Jayce’s dialogue choices(about his disease) here and then it all being about viktor hating himself.. since the hexcore was leading to all of this, his motivation for it all being self hatred feels a bit eh. The sequence is beautiful and Jayce and Viktor destroying the anomaly with the rune shard is nice, that part was cute. But then they kinda disappear and we only know that viktor is alive so far, no clue about Jayce. The sequence is touching towards the end and I’m a sucker for characters finding each other in every timeline/universe but it can’t make up for all the other things that are bothering me. This seems to be the one time Viktor has some sort of agency I guess.
Then obviously the worst part that will bother me forever. The thing that made me almost slam my laptop shut
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This retcon is just awful I shouldn’t even have to say why, it makes things fucking weird and it’s frankly stupid. Also viktor can’t rock a beard like that.
Anyways this is very disorganized, fuck you riot I felt like an insane former this whole time but I was right.
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iz-star · 3 days ago
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About the latest polemic about Zayne and Sylus over twitter...
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I left twitter for good. I'm honestly so tired of the drama that arises there everyday. I literally decided to log in today just to see some Arcane spoilers and the first thing I was hit with was with the most recent drama about CN players and specially Zayne and Sylus players having a heavy argument about plagiarism and how some lines of Zayne seem to have been copied onto Sylus' lines...
Firs of all, I don't know how the CN fanbase is, so I can't really say anything about that matter. From what I read, it seems things are quite complex there and arguments & harassment among LI's fanbases seem to be quite intense from what ppl is saying but, again, I can't really say too much on that matter cause I don't know how the fanbase is there, I'm not part of it neither I go to CN websites to look up for lads content. Most cases my experience visiting CN websites has been because of kind ppl that has respectfully asked me permission to repost my art and give me credits there, from that perspective my opinion about the CN fanbase has always been good and it still stands, I'm pretty sure that great part of the fanbase it's nice and it's only the small little toxic portion that is overshadowing the nice and chill part of the fandom.
My point here it's: Don't let yourself to have a tunnel vision about this situation.
You can probably see 10, 100 or even 500 ppl arguing and harassing others and even so it's not even a quarter of the whole total of players that belong to the fandom only in China, let alone global. To generalize from your point of view is not the objective take you think it is, talking from your experience doesn't talk for others experience, no one's experience here is universal. I read a lot of ppl trying to find someone to blame all the time "Zayne players started everything" "Sylus writers copied Zayne" etc and you know? Rolling this ball to one another is not going to lead us anywhere because as always, it's not acknowledging the true issue here: that is, us as players, keep enabling this kind of toxic behaviour if that means to stand up for or to 'defend' our main LI.
To try to portray one LI's fanbase as the guilty one is just creating more trouble than solving it and it's also not having a general understanding of the situation at hand and instead, encouraing biased opinions that only create more division and discrimination within the fandom.
And let's be honest, it's not the first time (and probably won't be the last, sadly) that drama arises within the fandom where we attack others LIs and their fanbase. This game is targeted towards adult women, we are not supposed to behave like adolescents making tantrums and messing up with our peers, yet here we are, enabling arguments, harassment, bullying or overall having an ugly and mean attitude in order to defend something that honestly, all the LIs would feel ashamed for if they were real. Like, literally all of them hate to be on the spotlight for the stuff they're good at, it would be even worse if the spotlight it's caused by them for all the wrong reasons.
I know lads guys are fictional, and I'm not going to invalidate people's feelings by saying that you shouldn't take it too seriously just bc they're not real -most of us find a lot of comfort in fiction, after all- but that doesn't give you the right to harass real people neither hurt their feelings [the same ways you feel when they attack your fav LI]. You are able to feel whatever you want to feel, however, you're still responsible for your words and actions. If this game is turning you into an awful person, then I'm afraid to say that you probably must step back and reconsider if your passion for it is healthy for you.
I know it's easy to get upset and sometimes we have the need to express it. However, to decide to be a part of a fandom is to accept that you are not going to always like what ppl say, let alone agree with them. Not everyone's opinions might aling with yours but it's enterily up to you the way how you take and respond to them. As I said before, I left twitter for good bc I found myself often wanting to be mean to others upon reading the negative stuff some ppl said about Zayne, especially in order to compare him with other LIs just to make him look bad. I would often felt so ugly thinking like that. Staying away from that drama has been super helpful and that's the best advice I can give for now: try and enjoy the game and your LI by yourself if the fandom is getting too much to handle.
Be careful about the discourse you support and always ask yourself if your words and actions will truly lead you somewhere good and healthy or it will only cause more chaos for you and others. Flammable opinions only light up and burn if we feed the fire, if there's no one to keep it alive, the flame will drown out very quickly.
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sarbear94 · 2 days ago
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Because Evan-
(It’s a long one…sorry not sorry 😘)
Okay…. I’ve been rewatching some old Buddie scenes because of the potential of Eddie moving back to El Paso and…. excuse my language but…. What the fuck?
It’s like the writers are new or don’t know what to do with Eddie anymore. Or like someway, somehow the episodes are out of order.
In THAT scene, Buck asks “he has grandparents, family” and Eddie reply’s “After Shannon left, they tried to guilt me into giving Christopher to them. It wasn’t what I wanted then, it’s not what I want now.” They then both agreed that no one would fight harder for Chris than Buck.
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So WHY THE FUCK haven’t either of them gotten him back yet??
Eddie started season 7 with Marisol and Chris and everyone’s fine. Then Chris is dating multiple girls (Eddie is baffled and doesn’t know how to handle it so he asks Buck for help) and said it has to do with his mom to Buck and we get that EMOTIONAL shot of Eddie devastated after hearing this. Then proceeds to give him a letter to bring about closure for him. Eddie seemed to already have closure or at least repressed it.
Then Eddie meets Kim…. And the Eddie we have loved for 6 seasons is IMMEDIATELY GONE. He does the exact same thing that he told Buck about Christopher was not okay And needed to be fixed (he was BEGGING Buck for help).
Like, my dude, how did you think this was gonna go? You kept everyone in the dark. Your son, your best friend, your GIRLFRIEND and even Kim! What was his end goal? It doesn’t make any sense.
Like I understand that if Gavin wasn’t gonna be around next season, and you need to write him off but have him potentially come back, there were several ways you could have done that but still kept true to the characters. Have Chris go to a boarding school. Or a school trip. Or literally ANYTHING ELSE! Then season 8, keep the Kim storyline, but Chris is already gone and doesn’t witness it. Cause now that whole confession thing with Kim pretending to be Shannon and actually get closure was pointless. If they’d done that with Chris gone, he’d have the closure. Work on the PTSD crawling back up in an empty house, keep the Priest and finding Joy and then keep that for a bit and then heal.
That was a whole side tangent really for the main point I was trying to make, but why does Eddie- lose Chris, grow a mustache, grieve for not having his son, have an episode where a Priest says “let yourself have Joy,” then take it away in the next couple of episodes by saying “I’m thinking of moving to Texas” based on the words of a psycho actor??
Chris is a TEENAGER! Hell- he might still be a preteen, grow the fuck up and go parent your son. You’ve put your foot down before, why is this any different?? After a few weeks, I would have been like “nope, we’re done with this. I get I fucked up, but I’m still your dad so we are gonna talk about this and figure out some common ground.” I understand feeling guilty and not wanting to push him even farther away but you’re not even trying! Phone calls don’t show “I want you here with me,” it says “I’m okay with you being gone.”
You’re thinking moving to El Paso is a great idea… but it’s not. Your parents suck. You know this. YOU MOVED HALF WAY ACROSS THE US TO GET AWAY FROM THEM FOR A REASON! I get you patched things up slightly, but not enough.
ALSO! Why wasn’t Buck an option?!? Because of Tommy? I get because Gavin being out of the show(temporarily?) would have made that impossible but why wasn’t it even mentioned? I mean, He’s run to him before, he’s called him when Eddie had his breakdown and Chris didn’t know what to do. But like THEY HAD THE WILL, why wasn’t it even a factor in this. At the time, it felt like, at least to Chris, that Eddie was incapable of taking care of him, which means that Chris should go to Buck. Not his grandparents.
I just don’t understand what they are doing with these two. E and C. Bucks got his bisexual journey(relationship with Tommy). Bobby has multiple storylines. The Hans had the Mara and new baby storylines. Hen and Karen had the Ortiz/Mara and Denny/Halloween storylines. Athena has literally any storyline involving cops. And all those storylines make sense for each character. Eddie’s and Chris’s doesn’t. They keep pushing Eddie to be sad then happy then making stupid decisions. DEVELOP YOUR FUCKING CHARACTER! You’ve been dropping the ball since at least the network switch. Which I find super funny because yes, he does the emotional scenes super amazing but now it seems like his character is more open. He’s making more funny faces, he’s got the loose hair, he makes comedic jokes. But he’s almost(so close) to reminding me of Buck 1.0.. but it doesn’t fit with the storyline at all. At least to me…
Like does anyone agree with any of this? Am I just seeing things? Did the writers get told Gavin was leaving too late and made this story on the fly and rolled with it? Does Ryan want out of the show and they are keeping it under wraps? Like WHAT IS HAPPENING? Make it make sense!
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Ps. I did not proofread this before posting so if something doesn’t make sense, let me know. I was just trying to get down all my thoughts on this. Currently me vvv
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the-blue-wraith · 3 days ago
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My review for Dragon Age: The Veilguard (SPOILERS BELOW)
These are my personal opinions and not personal attacks to anyone who loves the game.
Pros:
Combat is invigorating.
Exploration is just fine, not too overwhelming.
Side quests are not lengthy.
CC was great and had lots of sliders and lots of good hair too.
Harding, Bellara, Lucanis, and Emmrich’s voice acting are in point.
NPCs are more active in terms of animation, unlike in previous games.
The codex you found in areas is short and easy to read.
Dragon fights are more challenging.
Banters outside the Lighthouse are compelling.
Emmrich and Harding's quest are impactful.
No major glitches, only encountered a few minor glitches.
Cons:
Writing is just basic. Humorous/aggressive dialogues are not totally funny/aggressive. Companions/Rook are too polite.
Dialogue after the fall of Weisshaupt feels off, they don't need to say directly to players that companions need to resolve their problems before fighting the Gods.
Interaction inside the Lighthouse feels like an interaction inside the workplace. I wish I was kidding.
Some dialogues are repetitive (ex. “The elven gods have broken free from their prison” “Dragons don’t have kings, they have queens”).
Factions lack introduction. We didn’t get to know each faction in depth.
Story and companions lacks conflict/disparity.
Choices from the last 3 games didn’t matter, and became a wasted chance to explore in Veilguard.
Can’t talk to NPC like in DA:I.
What's the point of having gifting scenes where all they could say is "thank you"?
Some voice actings are a bit off, lacks emotions (American Female Rook/Neve)
Enemy designs are repetitive.
Ability wheel is lacking, it should’ve let us get 5 abilities to use in battle.
Qunari designs are not good.
Overall music is too ordinary.
Romances are lacking and have no growth
I really enjoyed the combat it reminds me of Mass Effect. The best part here are the dragon fights because this was one of the things that I anticipated years ago, and I'm quite satisfied! I like the flow and conflict at the end of Act 2 up to Act 3. That scene with Varric in the Fade still hits hard to me. 😭 I know it was sad, but in that phase I was motivated to finish the game. I just wish the flow of Acts 1-2 were intense like Act 3. Like I said, it lacks conflict.
After finishing the game, I ended up liking Emmrich and Harding. I didn't give a shit about Harding back in DA:I but now I like her even more 😆. Emmrich's quest was the most impactful to me, I chose to revive Manfred, and after that, I saw how much he loves him, that scene was heartwarming. Kudos to their voice actors 🙌🏻
I resonate with Bellara's quest, but I wish it could've been more dramatic. Like after what happened to her brother, her companions should've given her a hug and comfort. But I still like her quest; kudos to her voice actress too.
What bothered me was that Varric and Solas both got sidelined. I wanted Solas to have more screentime! I wanted to see him more as a villain. I don't know why Bioware decided to kill Varric, to me, it felt like they just used him in the game to attract fans. If you ask me, that's disrespectful to Varric's writer, who got laid off.
The romance here sucks. I was disappointed in how they handled Lucanis' romance. I didn't feel the buildup of my Rook's relationship with him. I felt like he was interacting with me as a friend 😭. Veilguard has the weakest romance system in Bioware games.
Overall, I would rate this game 7/10. I think the game is decent, but not for everyone. This game is for casual players who want to experience different RPGs, but for DA fans? It really depends. As a longtime fan, I would say I'm half-satisfied with Veilguard. I just wish the writing/dialogue could've been better and not repetitive. I wish we had an option to become evil and upset companions if we make bad choices, but sadly the game lacks conflict and disparity. Veilguard didn't keep up with the current RPGs, despite its lack of RPG elements.
Will I replay this game? Yeah, someday maybe. Do I think the game is that bad? Nope, but it's lacking. The game is not for everyone. Do I think the game deserved the hate it got? Yes and no. Yes, because the writing/dialogue in this game is basic and some times felt off. And no, because I still think the game is fun. Do I want DA5 to happen in the future? Sure, why not.
Despite all my criticisms of this game, I still love Dragon Age. This series saved me in high school. If my younger self were here and witnessed Veilguard, I know she'd be happy because she waited so long for this game.
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butterflysonnets · 10 months ago
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yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.
to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!
i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.
also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.
they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.
they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.
i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.
#eve text#elmike#stranger things#byler#only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol#tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS#god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear#i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable#i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts#elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about#even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike#i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up#the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me#and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing...#the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me#and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin#also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice…#fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK#so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows#i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too???#love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk#tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO...#like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their “golden couple” LMAO#stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest#anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul#i need frivolity#ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show
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puppyeared · 7 months ago
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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enterprise-bee · 2 months ago
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man okay so. i'm on season three of my tng watch and have been so glad to have dr. crusher back but i keep on thinking about dr. pulaski and. man the thing about her is that in a show where she'd had more time and more episodes focused on her i think she could have turned into a character i'd like. in a show where she had like, an arc she could have been so cool. there was potential there! the problem is that the writers decided to make her literally the only "good guy" character in the entire show to be a dick to data and not really apologize for it (literally this is otherwise the single most reliable flag for a character being a villain; do they treat data like a person), have that be her only notable character trait that wasn't shared with dr. crusher for her first two episodes, and then immediately forgot to do anything interesting with her ever again. and it's killing me because if they'd just like... given her a Single Story that i don't think dr. crusher could have done, or explored at all the reasons why she was a technophobe, or even had an episode where she Learns Something and Grows, she could have been good. alas it was tng season two and the only characters they knew how to write so far were data and picard, let ALONE any of the women,
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clonehub · 1 year ago
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nobody can talk to ridge about fighting for the republic once he's succesfully escaped it, he's gotta be probably the most critical of the republic government out of all the clones. saying "our purpose [as clones] is to fight!" will get you "who told you that? The Kaminoans that 'bred' us for money or the government that won't pay us and won't let us vote?"
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starlooove · 1 month ago
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I alluded to this in tags awhile ago but like. IK continuity doesn’t work this way and when things shifted from kooky and silly 40s stuff with psas scattered to like dark brooding whatever we’re supposed to take it as like either time passing with some hand waving to personalities or ‘it was always like this for them trust’ but thinking about dick specifically going from holy galloping grasshoppers Batman to dealing with Bruce in spyral and shit is so so so sad I can’t articulate it well rn but like everyone kinda agrees the shift happened after two face and jason but like no dick saw it all he saw it while it happened he saw Bruce taking tim to baseball games and then gaslighting him at 16 he saw the man who’d take care of a random baby on the fly threaten to send his youngest son back to the league he saw the man who helped usher in a new era of young heroes treat Steph like shit he saw the man who inspired hope for a future in civilians heroes and enemies alike take advantage of cass’ suicidal thoughts and separation from her own humanity he saw everything and he just has to. Deal. To everyone else this is just Bruce and ppl like Tim and cass justify it to an extent bc they love him and get exasperated and when Dick is angry but how couldn’t Dick be angry? That’s his dad and he’s being so fucking mean and idk I’m rambling
#i promise this is better thought out on the daily Im so so tired rn autocorrect is saving me#and It’s like the lighthearted era of the 40s smacking someone across the face into shit like throwing him into Jason’s memorial#like It’s not even whiplash bc it’s always happened it’s just. aaruhdsjak#and this is why I hate the entire thing where Bruce does nothing and it’s ALL terrible writing like#they had Superman doing corporal punishment bro idk#and not saying that’s good or necessary today I’m just saying unfortunately for Bruce Stans literally everyone is shaped by his behavior#It’s why they’re so fucked to eachother too#like the reason perfect dad bruce who’s only issue is miscommunication is annoying bc u#sets up every following issue tk ve of the same vein#he and Jason DONT have genuine morality clashes that usually end up violent and beLetha#near lethal bc they’re both secure in their own righteousness#It’s ‘they need to talk and Jason needs to call alfie and gl#go to Sunday brunch and Bruce needs to be okay with killing the really really bad ppl :(‘#like no bro sorry they’re not as wishy washy as u 🙄#that’s a joke#Im not saying bruxe should hit his kids I’m just saying when he does it’s not automatically the writer doesn’t know him#they might know him all too well actually#also it’s just the way it’s framed for me sorry I think Conflict is interesting#so bruce growing up (at 60 lmao) and dick just having to deal with it is sooo#like idk IK dc is trying to happy family Damian and Bruce rn but to me Bruce DID get somewhat better but Damian can’t ades#address tough shit without feeling luke he’s dragging it and rlly he should be grateful they’re turning a blind eye tk his mistakes so he#goes along with it#pretend the soulless ‘i hate you bc I’m insecure and secretly think ur my favorite Drake!’ is actually#‘i know the role I need to play in order to keep things smooth and if u#i talk to any of you genuinely I’ll explode and also you’ll hate me and also I think I’ll hate you I think I already do so’#that’s my coping#and thats for me personally like this entire post Is how I personally like to see it#i like happy go lucky batfam in microdoses except WFA y will not be forgiven for what u did to Duke#also for the og post I have a whole thing about how Bruce’s attempt to separate the man and the mask causes him to do crazy shit to his kids#but diff time THATS just how I get my middle between incorrect quotes bruce and dudebro bruce tbh
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mariatesstruther · 1 year ago
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the way some ppl villainize maria whilst simultaneously extending the most grace humanly possible to tommy and and abby and joel and tess is….. odd
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void-tiger · 1 year ago
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Well…if there’s one (1) good thing about having a crush, it’s that when I’m (for the moment anyway) not worrying about the other person’s boundaries and terror about whether I’ve stomped on them or not + my own frustration at how slow things are to just communicate verbally and directly instead of constantly dancing around nonverbal reads (that are two-way, I suppose but still no substitute, can still mean just about anything)…
…yeah. I do let myself be selfish. Acknowledge what I want instead of burying it so deeply away from my consciousness to not “take up space” I suppose. Finally give myself some damn permission to fall in love with another person “despite” being ace, and “despite” being chronically ill and struggling with my mental health.
And what is it I want?
To feel cared for. Cherished. By someone here. To wake up and have someone greet me with a gentle embrace mindful of the constant chronic pain especially in the mornings to not accidentally pinch things, but not treating me like glass, either. To be given autonomy instead of having it taken away—to do things together, FUN things, without being made to feel guilty about that “taking away” spoons from chores or “well why won’t you just work a job then!” but also respecting my need to rest periodically or take a longer rest after the fact.
To feel heard. To trust that there’s love enough for us to disagree and feel angry and frustrated and sad around eachother and with eachother without judgement, without the risk that things are forever one disagreement or misunderstanding away from falling apart completely or worse.
And please tease me. Teasing is a love language just as much as communication and encouragement and acts of service and finally being held. It’s verbal play, and I trust you to not bully me.
And…I’ve shown as much as I can, I think. I know you’re trying to mirror at least some of it. And I think I’m reading you correctly, but I wish I understood why you seem so terrified to talk directly to me.
#tiger’s musing#screw it. ‘don’t say i’m in love’ or whatever#and well. it will fade eventually. and I am very practiced at Behaving and keeping my feelings to myself#legit always have to do that the very few times I’m liked someone This Ain’t ‘Just’ Platonic Is It#because…guess what. the other person’s comfort and boundaries matters more to me#and friendships aren’t a ‘consolation prize.’ they’re the Good Shit#it’s…just that much harder when there isn’t that Direct Communication With Frequency for me#…bUT!! if he didn’t like me…why does he keep looking at me Like That?!#…right. hang in there for a few more weeks. I did hand over a script as..#…yeah. wonder if he realized /he’s/ the reason I finally found my nerve to write it the way I want#and for all my current ‘will you just RELAX and TALK to me yET?!’ frustration? he’s my muse for joseph!#I needed to see what a GOOD man even remotely looks like just as much as I needed someone like him#to accidentally or intentionally show interest (look. if ya gripe about wanting to do something. PUBLICALLY#(and it’s within my skills to make it available. guess what. I’m gonna call your bluff#(I’m too much of a writer and actress. if I see Checkov’s Gun I’m firing it!)#…does he realize that I basically told everyone off for pressuring him via social media and semi privately?#that the only reason why I started using facebook again was to get people to leave him alone?#(who knows. but that + him…kinda witnessing just How Bad my mental health is? is…when I think there was a turning point. maybe. probably.)#…I suck at socializing in Initial Stages. so much. it’s so uncomfortable#but…screw it. I’ve learned that I’ll use what power I have to change environments and make opportunities#even when it’s (deeply) uncomfortable for me to do so#…because sometimes you gotta blink first to make someone else feel safe. and hopefully latch onto that#and…yeah. guess I am patient. but also griping the entire time
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