#but i hope it makes at least a little sense!!

[lorec-x]

I have a lot of empathy for your argument here, 81K.

Have you ever been in a hopeless financial position?

There are times where people can say to themselves, oh, that's just "the default human condition".

And then there are hopeless financial positions.

There are times where it makes sense to say to yourself "Oh, well, that's just economics, that's just how the market works", and turn back and keep calm and carry on and face whatever you were doing.

And then there are times where you can't do it. There are times where you can't do "what you have to do".

That's why you hear complaints. That's why you hear people saying "the economy". I didn't used to understand it. Now I do. 

The rising sound of authors and actors and food service workers and software engineers and everybody complaining that "the economy" has gone so far south that it's impossible to get anything done, that you hear, that's a swell in the numbers of people for whom it has become such that they can't do it anymore.

Like, I know from your perspective, the only thing that makes sense to do in a situation like that, where according to all legible measures of "the way this country is supposed to work", they haven't been wronged, they haven't suffered anything cruel and unusual and aren't particularly entitled to plead for redress of grievances, I know from your perspective, the only thing that makes sense for them to do is keep calm and carry on? They can't do that.

It's at that point that they start looking around and looking back and asking themselves why. Why is it so easy in the movies and only in the movies and why do the [romantic] movies [that aren't tragedies or morality tales] seem to take place according to a 'high'[er] moral logic completely removed from this world? Why have all novels been at least magical realism and probably located in an entirely other universe or a romanticized past for however many decades now?

"If it's supposed to be guaranteed possible for me to house and feed and clothe myself and get to see my friends with a reasonable amount of honest adherence to my principles of not lying or harming people, why does there not appear to be anyone for whom it is actually still trivial? Why have all the people who sort of exist as secondhand echoes in the stories I was raised on, who have lived a financially sound life on morally sound principles, and can advise me about how to do that, seemingly disappeared? And the advice of the ghosts rendered inapplicable, to which they are oblivious as they beam cruelly out of my memories?"

And a lot of them are looking back and seeing this transition from something that looks like an honest economy, that you could write honest, morally sane children's books teaching your children how to function in, an economy that you could honestly write and sell good children's books in, to a kind of derealized alienated hellscape where anything that makes money has to have all the humanity squeezed out of it first. Where instead of anything getting to be a product for a willing customer, it seems like everything has to be a signal to some unreachable third-party arbiter.

And they're groping for words, groping for - maybe they've been beaten out of really hoping that anyone will recognize them as having legitimate frames, but they're groping for frames and words they can hope a little will pass as legitimacy-adjacent. They were taught in school that the government and the market are supposed to be what's been propping up the state of people's lives being OK, right? Well, maybe the graphs don't show it, but maybe the graphs left something out. They theorize about what maybe the graphs left out because that's all they were taught to do, even implicitly, if the government and the market stop propping up a state of people's lives being OK. That's the only thing that's kind of a plea they were taught would be worth someone listening to.

But there's obviously this mass conflation of "understanding markets" with "being an economics professor". And "understanding governance" with "having a public policy degree". So it's unfortunate, but they're misunderstanding something, the graphs didn't leave anything out. The graphs aren't for them. Well, they can't really do anything about that, any more than they can "just muscle through", so they'll just keep theorizing about what maybe the graphs left out and maybe someday someone will listen. If they don't just sell their soul to the machine, or something.

woop there it is

[imnotshua]

joke me something awful - jww

٠࣪⭑ pairing: jeon wonwoo x fem reader ٠࣪⭑ summary: it's 2002 and you ask wonwoo to take you home. later, he wonders why you haven't been doing this the whole time. ٠࣪⭑ genre: childhood friends to lovers, smut, fluff, angst, college au ٠࣪⭑ rating: explicit. minors do not interact with me, i'll block you. ٠࣪⭑ warnings: swearing, drinking, undefined relationships. not really a situationship tho, it’s very much mutual pining. reader and wonwoo are just stupid regular people who say and do stupid things, it is intentional, please love them anyway. wonwoo is down bad i'm so sorry friends, he is just!!!!!! occasional use of pet names (baby & angel from wonwoo. darling/sweetheart from others), no use of y/n or other variations, porn with plot mostly, ambiguous ending (sorry my beloveds). wonwoo could do with some more confidence ig. a bitter ex (oc) is mentioned and important for the plot! mentions of previous hook ups between wonwoo and reader. toxicity from the ex, but i don’t particularly think reader and wonu are! they just :(((((( feel free to correct me tho. ٠࣪⭑ smut contents: gendered terms, kisses, fingering (pussy + mouths), oral (f receiving), unprotected sex (it's 2002 college students were stupid then ok), dry humping lmao, cum eating, wonwoo on top, cum in pants, sloppy kinda, wet patches <3, soooo much hand holding, morning sex, neediness <333333, all in all they are quite soft and disgustingly into each other. if you think i've forgotten anything please let me know so i can fix my post! ٠࣪⭑ wc: 5.4k - complete ٠࣪⭑ a/n: i listened to fob's from under the cork tree on repeat for like 2 weeks straight and needed to do something with the feelings in my chest. this universe started in a different work that i'll post another time, this is the before. it is complete on its own, can be read without the others, but please note that future fics for this couple will be non-linear and feature different stages of their lives. the title comes from Fall Out Boys I've Got A Dark Alley–. Please consider listening to Air - Yeji, it's the feeling this couple gives me. ٠࣪⭑ thank yous: to my loves, @100vern and @starlightkyeom– thank you for putting up with my screaming over wonwoo, thank u for reading this over and telling me it wasn't gross. to jewel again, thank you for the banner. i appreciate u both so much. to everyone else, thank you for coming to my little corner, i hope you enjoy this one.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

2002

Wonwoo didn’t apply for the fellowship program, despite all your insistence that if you got in he’d be sure to, that he’s smarter than you’ll ever be. At the time he said it felt like too much work, but later he realised he couldn’t take the fear of rejection. This would’ve just been another failed start. Deep down he wondered if he’d even deserve it.

The celebratory dinner for new scholars is supposedly an elitist, snobby, and frankly, horrid affair so naturally you’re going. If only to foster those connections you’re making for your future career. Wonwoo turns his nose up but he agrees to be your date nonetheless. You don’t have to beg, just ask the question and say he wouldn’t embarrass you like the man you’ve been dating for four months, and that fills him with some strange sense of achievement. 

Of course, once that guy hears you’re taking Wonwoo instead of him, he dumps you without ceremony. And now Wonwoo sits on your bed in a rented suit far too expensive for him to feel entirely comfortable in, watching your reflection choose which earrings to wear, and he wonders if you’re even bothered. He doesn’t know how to talk to you about this. Partners are off limits, usually, but since he had some involvement in the break up, in some roundabout way, he thinks maybe he should at least check. He wets his lips.

“How are you feeling?” he asks. “Since Hongseok?”

You meet his eyes in the mirror. “Fine,” you say. “I don’t think it was going anywhere. He wanted something more traditional. I started to get the impression he was setting up to cheat on me, actually.”

Wonwoo is unsurprised, sounds like you are too. “You’re better off without him,” he says, picking at bits of fluff from your blanket clinging to his trousers. It’s one his mother knitted for your sixteenth birthday. “You’ll meet someone new in no time.”

“Yeah, I don’t know,” you start. “I think I’ll stay single for a while.” 

Wonwoo lifts his eyebrows in surprise and you catch him in the mirror. With a laugh you say, “Don’t look at me like that.”

“You’ve been a serial dater since we moved to this city and you’re stopping now?” Wonwoo’s lips twist into a grin. Teasing is easier than edging too close to real. “Just when you’ve hit your prime?”

You scoff. “Rude. I’ll hit my prime in my thirties. Just watch.”

Wonwoo watches as you apply your usual lipstick and thinks about the time you didn’t wear any. You were just kids but it didn’t seem so long ago. You’re almost the same. Eighteen years of your starkly different lives intertwined and somehow still as close as you ever were. Still the sharpest person he’s ever known, still the sweetest if only in private. Still his parents' favourite person, still his. (His stomach twists). 

You’re giving yourself a final appraisal in the mirror before turning to Wonwoo and asking how you look. 

“Good,” he says, with a nod. Breathtaking, really. “Pretty.” 

“Thanks,” you say, smiling relieved, moving to sit next to him on the bed and linking his arm. “We scrub up well, don’t we?”

“Mm,” he agrees, following your gaze into the mirror, pinpricks creeping over his skin. You look like you’re together, he thinks, as he notices you’ve chosen earrings that go with his tie. Anyone could make that assumption. 

“You look sad, Wonwoo,” you say, quiet and soft. “Are you sad?”

“No,” he says, throat tight and feeling like his back is pressed against the wall. “What would I have to be sad about?” He lets you slip your hand into his, lets you lean your head on his shoulder for a moment, because this is how you make him feel better. Because you know that he can’t be pushed to talk about things he hardly understands. Barely a minute goes by before he sucks in a breath and says, “Shall I call us a taxi?” 

“Sure, number’s in the book next to the telephone,” you say. “Want a drink? I need one for this.”

“Water for me, someone’s got to get you home.”

“Aw, come on. Don’t make me drink alone.” You laugh when Wonwoo rolls his eyes. “I’ll be on my best behaviour, I promise. My reputation’s on the line.”

“One beer,” he offers. You pout and he can’t stop his smile.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

It went like this:

Both of you had no less than three drinks before the taxi showed up.

Your peers kept thinking that he was your “elusive boyfriend” and upon correction that he was ‘just Wonwoo’ their eyes lit up and exclaimed “oh we’ve heard so much about you!” 

The way he blushed made you want to kiss him silly (you had another drink instead).

Drink five? Four? Everyone here is obliterated, no one notices you and Wonwoo readying to leave.

He looks so pretty like this, tie undone, glasses slipping down his nose, pulling off his jacket and draping it over your shoulders, watching your lips as you talk.

The taxi you pre booked won’t be here for another ten minutes but the room was so stuffy (in both the literal and figurative sense) that as soon as you tell Wonwoo you need to get out of there, he’s nodding and pulling you out into the street. It’s so busy– of course, it’s OT week– that you struggle to find a spot where you won’t be bumped into for a while, eventually settling against the wall of the building opposite, in good view of the road. The noise around you is hectic, and you’re desperate for something less bothersome. Wonwoo looks drunk, looks fucked out. Cheeks flushed and lips parted. Eyes closed, he tips his head back against the brick and exposes the column of his throat. Pretty.

“Hey,” you say, slipping your arms around his waist. “Thanks for coming with me.”

Wonwoo hums. “Yeah, ‘course.” A pause– he wraps his arms around your shoulders. He’s so heavy but you like how it feels. “Anything for you.”

There’s a saccharine sweetness stirring in your stomach. You ask him to tell you the story of Baucis and Philemon again, press your body against his and hope he can still read you like he used to. It’s been years. Maybe he won’t want to.

“Why do you like that one so much?” he asks. You take in the smell of his soap. You know you shouldn’t want to go down this road again. “It’s hardly even a love story.”

“They’re the ultimate love story,” you insist, looking up at your friend to find him already watching you. “They’re precious to each other. I want that kind of love.”

It’s more than that. Baucis and Philemon have a timeless love. Their lightness oozes out of them, their love is both infectious and tender. So devoted they choose to die together. Never without the other even after they’re gone– turned to trees, and their branches and roots weave together so tightly that you can’t tell where either one of them starts and they stay like that, as relics of a lost ancient world. 

There is something ancient about Wonwoo, too. For as long as you can remember he has been older than his years, telling stories of places long buried, of deities forgotten about. You think maybe he was meant for then and not now, the cusp of the twenty-first century. He keeps echoes within him. Carries heavy stones to turn over in his hands and spend time memorising the marks. He is deliberate in the way he moves, no ill-perceived rush, and Wonwoo’s silence carries more weight than his words. 

So when his eyes flicker to your lips again, and he still doesn’t move, you know it’s on you. You know you’re going to have to be the one to shift the sands, change the direction of the tide. You’ve been lovers before. Neither of you have ever said never. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

He’d been thinking about it all night but you were the one to press your lips against the corner of his mouth, eyes on his and holding the proximity. Are you thinking about it like he is? Is your heart thrumming in your chest like his? 

“I can feel you thinking.” 

“Uh huh.” His mouth goes dry. He can’t kiss you with a sandpaper tongue. 

You run a finger between two buttons on his shirt, eyes up, watching his reaction. “Can I stay at your place tonight? Hansol’s at his parents' house this weekend, right?” 

Wonwoo’s mind goes blank and he can feel the pink creep over his cheeks. “Did you squeeze your Pompompurin pyjamas in that little bag?”

Your lips twitch in an almost smile, lean in to ghost a kiss against his bottom lip. Wait to see if he pulls back– he doesn’t. His hands just slip down your back, touching the skin under the strap of your dress. Didn’t imagine when he helped you zip up earlier that he’d be the one invited to pull it off you. Has he hidden his desire so poorly? “Do you wanna fuck me in those pyjamas, Wonwoo?”

The street noise is drowned out when you kiss him properly, and it’s embarrassing the way he’s breathless, gripping at your waist and pulling your body closer. Humiliating that this is in full view of strangers, doesn’t want them to see how you lick into his mouth, doesn’t want them to hear your sharp gasp as his teeth drag over your bottom lip. He spins you on the spot, crowds you against the brick and blocks out the world with his shoulders. You pull on a button and slip your hand through the gap. The touch burns. Your kisses are suffocating, loves the way you smile into it, the way you make him chase your lips, run your fingers along the waistband of his trousers an– fuck– he’s gonna get hard in the middle of the street. 

Desperate, he pulls off you and whips his head around to look for the taxi, you’re already complaining. “Not here–,” he says, words rasped, catching in his throat. He can see the taxi rounding the corner, and in a beat he’s pushing off the wall and dragging you toward it by the hand. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

He doesn’t touch you in the taxi. Hopes you know it’s not because he didn’t want to, he just doesn’t want to lose himself. His fingers flex eager on the leather seats, wanting something he won’t take. As the driver fiddles with the radio, you lean over to lay your hand across his, to whisper in his ear, “do you still lick your fingers after you’ve made someone come on them?” Wonwoo doesn’t answer, but he can feel the way you watch him swallow– thick– and stare hard out the window at the passing lights. He never did that with anyone but you.

Now you’re paying for it. He’s more confident in the privacy of his bedroom, in the dark. Cages you in his bed, doesn’t bother to turn on the lights before smothering you with his body. Your mouth on his– wet, and eager, and bruising. His hands move to your face, in your hair, angling your head to give his lips access to the tender spot behind your ear. He’s got your dress bunched up around your waist. Takes up all the space between your legs, still too much fabric separating you. One of Wonwoo’s hands cast over the swell of your breast, his thumb tracing circles over your nipple through the thin fabric. You melt into the touch, rolling your hips against him, he sighs into your skin. “Can feel how hard you are,” you gasp, hands pulling at his hair. Makes his skin electric. 

He moves faster, desperate, and you trap his body between your legs, angle your hips so his cock can rub against your clothed cunt just right. “Gonna ruin your trousers,” you whisper. Yeah yeah yeah, fuck it, he’ll pay for dry cleaning for once. The warmth, the wet, seeping through makes him insane. Needs it more than ever, needs you just like this, breath ragged and pupils blown. Needs you needing him so bad you can’t even get out of your clothes before you come. Needs you whining, needs you telling him how badly you want it. Won’t ask for anything, but you know what he likes. It’s always been easy with you. 

“Feels good,” you say. Wonwoo nods into your neck, the pressure building so fast it’s blinding. Hips thrusting rough, rutting like an animal against your clit, desperate for you to get off before he falls apart but he’s so cl–”Missed you so much, Wonwoo.”

“Ah, fu- fuck–” You’re sucking a mark into his neck and Wonwoo can’t stop. Comes hard, breath catching and his rhythm is all fucked up, so fucking embarrased that he couldn’t draw this out. You’re talking him through it– sounds like heaven whispering how good he is, how good this feels, how you love how he sounds when he forgets himself. Didn’t realise he was groaning. A mess of a person reflected in the cum staining through the fabric of this horribly expensive rental. 

Shit.

Needs to get out of this fucking suit. Needs to press his face into your cunt. Wants to ruin you for everyone else. Four years– you wasted four years with other people when you could’ve been doing this. Pushes away thoughts of you being someone else's not even a week ago. Some sick, possessive slice of him wants to reclaim you, mark you up and present you as his to the world. Wants to take the cum in his underwear and push it into your body. Look, see, she’s mine mine mine. Wonwoo’s chest aches.

Your clothes shed in silence. You lay him back against the pillows, kneeling next to him with spread legs, he loves when you let him see. You take one of his hands in yours and work circles into his palm as you pull two of his fingers into your mouth. Get them slick with spit, work your tongue over the tips of his fingers. He can hardly breathe watching you manoeuvre his hand down your body against your cunt, using him like a toy, until his remaining brain cells start to work and he takes over the movement. He’s half hard again already. 

“Shit, you’re so wet,” he rasps. Crooks his fingers and you whine. Wants to eat the sounds spilling from your lips. Needs to do something with his mouth so he doesn’t say something stupid. “Sit on my face?” he asks, obvious urgency in his voice. 

“N-no, like this first,” you say, almost like you’re begging. “Missed your hands so much.”

You look at him through hazy eyes as he works you quickly to the edge, pulling whimpers from your throat every time he plays with your clit. Feels you get impossibly wet when he slips his fingers in deep and moans unashamed along with you. You buck into his palm, head tipping forward to watch his soaked long fingers fucking into you agonisingly slow. Your breath stutters in your throat as he uses his other hand to tease your skin, trailing gently over the meat of your thigh, your ribs, cupping your breast and then dragging you over him to take a nipple in his mouth. Flicks his wet tongue over until it pebbles between his teeth, and you gasp. 

“M’close already,” you whisper. “Gonna come, Wonwoo.” He ruts his hard cock into the air, chasing heat that isn’t there. Fucking loser. You don’t even notice with the way he’s got your breaths coming in fragments. You come undone like lightning, cunt soaking and pulsing around his fingers, your body collapses on top of him, your forehead pressed into his chest. Wonwoo wants a taste but wants to work you through the aftershocks first. He teases slow circles over your clit until you fall apart with a sob, and have to drag his hand out from between your legs.

He waits until you sag to your side– catches sight of your cheeks, flushed and sweat sticking to your skin, your pupils blown out and breathing shallow, more beautiful than he’s ever seen you– before he brings his fingers to his mouth to taste you on them. 

“You’re indecent,” you laugh in disbelief. He almost feels gross until you’re babbling about how hot he is. How he makes you insane. You laugh again when he rolls you onto your back and settles between your legs. It’s been so long he needs to do this right. Starts by pressing a gentle kiss to your clit, ghosts more over your centre, waits for the sound of your gentle sigh before laving a thick stripe over you. Knows just the way to make you molten. He laps at your core until you’re almost sobbing. You jolt whenever his nose slips over your clit, and you’re begging for him to stop the tease. He’ll never deny you what you want. His tongue flicks fast over your clit, his face wet with you now. His moans sound muffled against your cunt when his name falls from your lips in staccato breaths. 

Things have hardly changed. Four years and now, it’s just the fucking same. Your fingers still find purchase in his hair the same way. Mouths at your inner thighs to give your cunt a break. Shit, you’re so hot. You’re clenching around fucking nothing. Pulls the skin between his teeth and you’re writhing, trying to get his tongue back where you need it. Love when you get desperate like this. 

Your nails drag over the nape of his neck and he’s close to losing control– fucks his cock against the mattress and almost cries at the pressure. You grind against his face, Wonwoo knows you’re close. Blacks out as he eats you like he’s been starving, his face so slick with spit and you it drips down his chin to the sheets. Doesn’t dare stop to breathe as he feels your legs begin to shudder over his shoulders. He watches the way you look down at him, brows pinched pleasure, waits for your lips to fall apart with a broken sob before licking into you so deep. He can’t tell who comes first, can’t tell who the enormous wet patch on the mattress belongs to, doesn’t fucking care, just wants to keep you. 

He moves over you when you’re done, pressing chaste kisses to the corner of your mouth, to your cheeks, to your temple, before you’re giggling and pulling his body next to yours. 

“Shift over,” he says, tapping at your hip. “Don’t wanna sleep in the wet patch.”

“Did you come again?” you ask, moving to the side to give him space.

Wonwoo nods, cheeks instantly flushing with heat. But there’s no need for embarrassment because you’re sucking in a breath. Seriously, you say “You have no idea how much I like that.”

He doesn’t reply, just fits his body against yours and presses a kiss to your shoulder. Lets your words wash over him. Sleep comes for him quicker than he wants it, but not before he slides his hand into yours, not before telling you he missed you too. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Mascara stains Wonwoo’s pillowcase but right now he doesn’t care. It’s still too early, still dark outside, but this room is hot, his breath is hot, your leg thrown over his waist is hot, and he’s considering just how monumental this is. It’s been almost four years since you touched him like this. In school it started with a ‘one kiss won’t ruin us’ and ended just before university with a ‘are we still friends?’ Way back then you both swore blind that you could just go back to your regular scheduled programming and nothing had to change. An agreement that those brief months you had (not quite) together in high school were just two best friends helping each other out. A mutual understanding that the love you share is completely and utterly platonic, and platonic friends can totally kiss/touch/fuck for a few months without it ruining something more special than sex. Except he didn’t really mean it. The trouble was that Wonwoo knew even then that he wanted something all consuming. Felt it with you. Wasn’t sure if you wanted the same.

Wonwoo is absolutely not spiralling. 

You’re still sound asleep (always are after nights like the last), and his arm is trapped. Back then he’d use this time to bask in you. With you wrapped up in him it was easy to feel like you were completely his. He used to feel like he could do anything to you, and you’d let him. You’d want it, even. Didn’t actually want to take you over but knowing that he could– the intensity of that scared him. Now that feeling doesn’t come, maybe because you’ve had the separation of time and different lovers, he doesn’t know really. He still doesn’t understand what happened before university. Doesn’t get why you stopped coming over when he was so close to unbottling the feelings in his chest. Just knows that the conversation took him by surprise even after a week of distance. Just knows how his chest ached even as he agreed that it’d be sensible to put it all to bed before leaving your sleepy town for the big city. Knows how his gut twisted sharp when you said that just because you were going together didn’t mean you should go together. Maybe he should’ve protested then, showed you how much he needed you. Impossibilities stretch out before him– if it went that way, last night wouldn’t have happened, he wouldn’t be tracing tiny figures of eight on the small of your back right now. If you’d been together then, young and stupid, would you have stood the test of time?

You stir, half roused, and Wonwoo swallows the lump in his throat, choosing to be grateful for the now. He pulls your waist closer, runs his hand under your thigh to gently adjust the weight. Your eyes are still closed but you make a soft sound of surprise. 

“What time is it?” you ask, voice thick with sleep.

“Too early,” he whispers back. “Go back to sleep.” 

“I was dreaming,” you murmur. 

“What about?” 

Your smile is lazy against his skin. “Can’t tell you,” you say. “You’d run away.”

Wonwoo thinks hard about this. “I don’t run away,” he says, quiet and serious. 

You blink open soft eyes to look at him, and Wonwoo feels too much. “Your face is all frozen, Wonwoo,” you say, gentle. “Are you okay?”

“Kiss me. Wish me good morning.” Wonwoo’s voice comes out with more edge than he intends. Doesn’t sound like his own. Feels cheap, something sleazy. Feels tragically guilty about it until he sees the look on your face. Like you want to eat him.

Your gaze is dark when you lock eyes with him. Push up with your hands, straddling his hips, his cock against your rear. You take his hands, larger than yours, place them on your ribcage, push them down down down, making goosebumps pebble along in his wake, until he’s using his thumbs to spread you apart. A little wet already, leaves a slick mark on his skin. He sighs at the sight of it. Your breath comes harder when he plays with your clit. You lean over, say– “Good morning, Wonwoo.” Press a delicate kiss to his top lip. “You’re gonna come inside me this time, okay?”

Wonwoo isn’t religious, but he feels like angels made you for him. Tells you so, and you gasp against his mouth. The way you kiss him this time is anything but angelic. Wet. Messy. Sharp teeth leaving imprints on his lips. It hurts. Nice in a way it shouldn’t be. A relief– the way the hurt makes his mind stop. You roll your hips against him and he makes a desperate sort of noise. Keeps his eyes focused on his fingers drawing circles on your clit. Your hands reach behind you to stroke his hardening cock and he arches into your touch. “Needy,” you chastise. Wonwoo nods. 

Doesn’t want it like this. Wants you under him, wants to fuck you slow. Tells you so, the words come anguished, almost– and you nod dumbly. You don’t drag out the build up. Lay on your back, open your legs for him, spread them wide and line his cock up with your wet heat so quick he doesn’t have time to overthink. He makes a strangled sound when he pushes inside. The slide is agonisingly slow. He’s being so careful, as if you’d crack like china - fragile beneath him. You clench around his cock, thick and scalding- God, it’s sweet torture. Wants more of it. 

You pull, desperate, at his waist, rolling your hips against him but he’s pulling out. This time he just slides the head in, hisses, teases, and back out. He does it again, and again, doesn’t know who this teasing is for. He’s licking into your mouth, pressing hungry kisses on your open lips, eating up all your noises, your whines, your soft moans. Things are still the same. He likes going so so deep into you, bottoming out and grinding his skin against your clit, likes when your moan comes muffled in his open wet mouth. It’s the same. Likes when your hands find purchase in the sheets, fist them in desperation, likes when you feel it’s not enough so you grab at his, intertwine your fingers and let him fuck you like this. Like you’re in love. It’s still the same.

“How do you feel, angel?” 

“Uh–” A pause to suck in a fractured breath.

“Tell me how you feel,” he says. Almost begging. Would be mortifying if he whispered that against anyone else’s cheek. Can feel the wetness there too. 

“Homesick,” you gasp. “I feel homesick.”

He fucks you harder then, driving into you so deep he could be part of you. Melt in, blend together, blur the lines, weave the fucking branches. You’re full of spells, he thinks. Made of magic. Doesn’t realise until after that he’s said it aloud. Wet starshine eyes on his as you come apart, pussy pulsing around his cock, impossibly wet, telling him come with me baby, babbling nonsense about how you want it inside, how you need it so bad, how he makes you feel so good. 

Wonwoo really looks at you before he comes. Takes a moment to commit your face to memory. Any time could be the last and he needs this– needs you– to stay with him. Doesn’t know if he’ll ever be the same. 

“Like that, Wonwoo” you’re saying, all breathy and high-pitched as he spills into you with a choked whine. “Like when you–” Cum slips out around his cock and he gathers it up on his fingers. Pushes them into your mouth to stop you talking. Can’t bear it. Can’t bear the way your pupils blow out and you lick the cum from his fingers. Can’t stand how his name sounds in your mouth, sweeter, more precious, because there’s something like love coating it. God, he wants to be yours. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Wonwoo likes your apartment better. Likes the way your sheets start to smell like him too. You’ve always carved out space for him but this time it’s deeper. Likes showering with you here, not to fuck, just to wash away the mess you make of each other. Likes holding you in his arms under the stream, running the lather across your skin, loving kisses pressed against your forehead. Lately he stays here more often than he goes home.

You haven’t said the words yet, neither has he. Doesn’t want to push too much too soon. 

It’s just after nine on Sunday morning, and you’re out of– well, pretty much everything. He offers to go but you insist he stays in bed, hair messed up, sheets pooling in his bare lap, glasses slipping down his nose while he rereads Kafka on the Shore. “Stay just like that,” you say it like a demand, but you’re smiling, pulling a scarf around your neck to run down the street to the shop, maybe stop at the deli for breakfast. “Back in a bit, don’t move an inch.”

A few minutes go by when the shrill of the telephone in the living room punctuates the silence. Wonwoo doesn’t get up to answer, it’d be improper, what if it was your mother? So he lets it ring through to answerphone, and when it clicks on it takes him a moment to recognise the voice calling your name. 

“Are you there? Pick up, darling, pick up.” Wonwoo knows Hongseok has been trying to get back together with you. You’d mentioned it a few weeks ago, how he’d sent flowers. You don’t even like roses.

“I saw you by the river yesterday,” he says. Wonwoo looks up, stares at the wall. You’d insisted on getting out of the apartment, pulled your bodies from soft sheets and into soft sweaters, and Wonwoo only complained a little bit. In truth he loved walking with you. That he can hold your hand in public and no one bats an eye. Loves that you can be his here, that you claim him too. “You’re with him now? How long, darling? Does he fuck you like I do? ” 

Wonwoo scoffs. Hongseok is just jealous. Wonwoo gets it. He does. Even if he’d never dream of saying it.

Hongseok’s voice turns nasty now. “Do you think he’ll stay this time? Does he know you’ve been in love with him this whole time? Everyone else knows. He won’t love you properly, you know. He’s just using you like last time, is he still keeping you a secret? You don’t deserve that, darling. You don’t deserve to be hidden–”

 Is that what you thought? That he hid you? Bile swirls in Wonwoo’s stomach. Does he do that? Did he hurt you?

“–he’s just gonna fuck you up again and you’re gonna be miserable. But he won’t let you be happy with anyone, will he? Selfish fucking prick, he’s so cruel to you. You don’t see it, do you? It’s pathetic how fucking dumb you are for him–”

Wonwoo didn’t think he was cruel. There is spit pooling in his mouth, his stomach churns. Is he cruel to you?

The line clicks off as Hongseok spits out every name under the sun, but Wonwoo doesn’t hear the rest as he retches into your bathroom sink. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Forty minutes later, you’re calling out to Wonwoo that you’re home as you kick off your shoes. “I got us bagels, do you want the salmon cream cheese or the egg and ba- oh! You’re up.”

Wonwoo sits on your sofa in soft sweats and a baggy white t-shirt. His skin and hair are damp from the shower. The whites of his eyes are bloodshot. “You okay?” you ask, tentatively. 

“Hmm,” he says. “Didn’t feel too good earlier.”

“Poor you,” you say. “Will breakfast make you feel better?”

“No, sorry,” he says, his voice uncharacteristically stiff. “I think I should head home. Don’t wanna give you a bug.”

You laugh softly, unpacking the groceries from the bags. “You spat in my mouth last night, if you’ve got something then I’ll have it in no time,” you say. “C’mon, stay. I’ll look after you. I’ll make soup.”

But Wonwoo is already standing, pulls a little money from his wallet and leaves it on the table. “What’s that for?”

“Breakfast,” he says. “Feel bad you bought all this and I need to go.”

You frown. “Stop being strange, I don’t care about the food, just get the next one.”

Wonwoo sighs. He’s annoyed, you realise. This is weird.

In the end you let him leave without drama, but not without a kiss to his cheek. He leans into it a little longer than usual. Closes his eyes as he hugs you goodbye. 

You eat breakfast alone. TV on, sound off, wondering what the fuck even happened before you notice the light of your answerphone flickering. 

New message, left 09:21: 

Hi Sweetheart! It’s your aunt’s birthday next week, just calling to remind you to send a card. Call me back, okay, love you, bye!

End of messages.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

sorry about the ending there :( if it helps, it does get better for them. thank you so much for reading! if you enjoyed, please consider reblogging so my fic can get seen outside my own little space <3 i love seeing your feedback. if you'd prefer to scream at me directly, feel free to send me a message <3 ily, goodnight!

[inuiiwonderland]

Empire

Being crowned as empress of the Yuunkaedangon empire at the age of 17, you begin to start loving the new status and power. But it soon gets a bit boring and demanding the moment you turned 18. Harem? Heirs? Tf not!

Chapter 2

Words:1.0k

Fem reader but I don’t really say any she or her in this.

-

Being an empress has started to get a little boring now if you’re being honest. You frown at the stack of books and papers you had sitting on your desk. You turned to your attendant with a pout. He only shakes his head with a soft sigh.

“It’s the only way you can keep the higher ups from demanding an heir at the moment” He says calmly. You sigh as you pick up your writing equipment.

Bill passing….

BORING!

“I’m too young to have a child” You muttered. A little annoyed.

“Having kids isn’t all that bad, but I get why you’re upset”

You hum softly.

Now this isn’t you saying you hate kids or anything! You think they're alright, a little needy and loud but overall okay.

It’s just

You aren’t ready

“Ah I’ve had a talk with one of the higher ups earlier and he said that your consorts need ladies in waiting” You perk up.

“Ladies in waiting?”

“Mhm”

“I guess you’re right. Plus, it’ll be nice company for them since I’m not always gonna be there”

“Great. I’ll tell the higher ups tomorrow and have them assign them their own”

“Make sure they do background checks. Can’t have creeps and unworthy people working for my lovely consorts now can I?” You say. Your attendant nods.

“By the way, how’s your son?” His eyes lit up. He then goes on a rant about how his son is currently taking swordsman lessons and that he's getting better day by day. You smile.

At least now you can slack off just a little bit!

-

You watch as the last of the few ladies and men have been brought into the throne room. You eyed every single one carefully, some shivering under your watchful eyes as others seemed confident or uncomfortable.

“These are the best candidates the higher ups were able to gather last night” Your attendant, atsushi bows before calling out the first person up.

Both Riddle and Leona watch carefully at every single person that steps up. Listening closely to every single thing that comes out of their mouth along with their appearance, how they carry themselves, etc.

“Ace trappola! Young man from the Queendom Of Roses, good talents are cleaning, tending animals, and��…card tricks?” The boy, “Ace” stifles a laugh but was given a stern look from his older brother which made him stop.

Riddle can already sense that he’s big trouble while Leona could really care less.

You get a good look at Ace.

He’s average height, fair skin, fluffy orange hair, and scarlet like eyes.

Not bad

And you won’t lie, he’s kinda funny.

You turn to riddle, wondering if he’ll take in trappola as a lady in waiting.

Riddle can already feel your stare on him. His cheeks turn a light pink at your stare.

“I’ll take him” He mutter softly. Small pout as he looks away. Leona scoffs.

“Excellent! Next”

After what seems to be hours (years even)

Your two lovely consorts have each of their own ladies in waiting.

Riddle: Ace Trappola, Deuce Spade, Cater Diamond

Leona: Ruggie Bucchi, Jack Howl

Once everyone was satisfied with their choices, your attendant dismissed the ones who weren’t chosen. You walked down to greet the new ladies in waiting with a soft smile.

“It’s nice to have you young gentleman here” You say. The boys jumped before quickly bowing to you. You smile.

“Now you know that each of you will be staying with and taking care of my two precious consorts right?” Riddle turns a bright red as Leona looks away. You can tell your charms got to him by how he fiddles with the hem of his sleeves.

“I hope you guys take good care of them!……or else” You gave them a menacing look. The five boys gulp, before nodding their heads. Some of them held a look of determination while a few….looked a little scared.

Perfect!

“Great! I’ll have my lovely attendant escort you guys back to your pavilions” You gave each concubine a kiss on the cheek before making your way out. A happy go lucky look on your face as the ladies in waiting can only look at each other and shiver in fear.

What a scary empress!

-

It’s been two months since you’ve gotten your consorts their ladies in waiting.

And it’s going great so far!

….

…..

Kinda

Riddle has been having trouble with Ace lately- scratch that, he’s been having trouble with him since he entered the heartslabyul pavilion.

He’ll rant to you about him every time you stop by and visit. You’ll just massage his tensed shoulders and whisper sweet words in his ears until he stops and relaxes.

Other than Ace, the other two don’t trouble him at all! Very good care takers, cleaners, and cooks!

Leona on the other hand, doesn't have any trouble with his ladies in waiting.

They’re patient, quick and ready to do anything he needs, and very good cooks!

Happy wives, happy life!

Not wives yet

Now speaking of wives, you are currently reading a letter from a high end family that wants their son to be a part of your harem.

Ha….you haven’t gotten one of these in months

“The Ashengrotto Family” You mutter. You paced back and forth in your home office as you read the letter.

“He’s the son of a very high ranking merchant. His mother owns a very successful restaurant somewhere near the east side and his stepfather is an ex military official”

“Mm”

You haven’t taken anyone in after Leona. And your vassal keeps pestering you to grow your harem.

Weirdos

Maybe it’s finally time to take someone in again!

“Schedule a meeting for tomorrow in the afternoon” You yawn out, ready to end this busy day and go to bed.

“Already done”

“Huh?” You turn around to see your attendant wearing a prideful smile.

“I know you will agree!” He says.

Eh?!

“Are you serious?”

“Mhm! Now go get some sleep, Mrs. Ashengrotto is very excited to meet you tomorrow!”

“You’re killing me”

“No”

“Yes….”

“By the way, are those papers done yet?” He asks.You froze. He raises a thick brow as he patiently waits. You batted your lashes at him as you sway side to side.

“Y’knowwwww you’re right! I should get some much deserved sleep, don't you think?” You slowly walk closer to the exit, still making eye contact as your hand slowly inches closer to the door.

“Y/n” he says sternly.

“Bye bye good night!” And with that you make a quick escape.

“Y/n!”

atsushi only sighs before a small smile creeps up upon his face.

“Just like their old man”

-

Tag list!🏷️

@gl00muraaii @ghostlysyntaxed @zoukaposts @twistedcece @kisses2kanao @s7-evermore @c0ralrubi @owl778 @rubyninja1 @roseapov

If you want to join the Taglist, feel free to tell me!☺️

If you have any questions or anything about this AU don’t be afraid to ask!

ALSO TYSM FOR 1k FOLLOWERS!!! LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT!!!

Can you guys see how reader cares for them? 🫣

[thepraline]

Based on some of the dms I've gotten...I'm not sure a lot of you understand the deeper goal behind me fighting back for my terminated blog. Some of you are telling me it's not worth it because I'll reach 46k again, and one person told me I'm insane for feeling entitled to being exempted from the TOS rules.

I'm not sure if you live your life letting people fuck you out of things based on the fact you can "get it again in time", but that isn't how I'll ever carry myself whether that's in a serious situation, or in regards to a silly little blog.

I know that I have a plausible argument, so what sense would it make for me to sit here and whine about how I got terminated while not actively pushing back? If I knew for a fact I posted against TOS, I'd have enough sense to just let that blog go and move on with rebuilding. But that isn't the case.

So yeah, I do feel very entitled to an answer and possible resolution to being terminated over posting within-tos nsfw, when explicit things skate by daily. I'd be fighting this even if that blog had 100 followers, because it's based on the sheer fact that I don't allow myself to be fucked over.

So, while obviously tumblr gets the final say in whether I get fucked over for good...at least I can say I fought and didn't whine without action. So if that's insane, I'll be insane 💅🏽

Being insane will be worth it if I manage to pull this off, because if anything, I'd want to show other people getting fucked over that there's hope if you stay on it.

[embeanwrites]

Zima and his Handler (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

A/N: I think this is the longest one-shot I have ever written, and I wrote it like a person possessed. I haven’t written for Bucky since I was 13 so I hope I still got it.

No use of y/n or reader, the reader is a honeypot (prostitute) for Hydra.

No descriptions of rape but heavily implied. No description of suicide, but suicide idealation implied.

This story follows when they meet during Hydra, till after the events of Falcon and Winter Soldier in short spurts from Bucky's point of view.

Word Count: 7.9k

The Winter Soldier had various handlers that Hydra used with him. It’s not fair to say that any of them were his “favorite”. Some were crueler than others, but it was always a painful scale with very little rest or sometimes understanding why he was doing what he was doing. There was no growing use to his situation.

He learned early on that questions got him nothing but pain, and it wasn’t worth questioning the new world around him. He knew much more time must have passed since he first got his metal arm, but he was in no place even to begin to question it. The world was changing, and the technology was different than he had ever been aware of, but he never stayed unfrozen for long enough to decipher anything of value, nor did Hydra seem to think it was valuable to clue him in.

His handlers seemed to change with the times as well. Sometimes, he was used as an assassin, sometimes a bodyguard, sometimes something worse he’d immediately block out of his mind.

However, when it came to his handlers, there was one thing that he was painfully aware of constantly. It was the use of his trigger words, constantly echoing around him and forcing him to do whatever the handler had in mind, regardless if it was for the mission or not. There were more times than not he’d be forced into situations he knew deep down weren’t part of the missions, and parts of him would be used without his consent, but he had no say in any behavior of his own.

Except for one handler. It was rare the Winter Soldier was assigned to her, though, her missions required him to simply be an attack dog, on stand by protecting her while she completed her own missions that involved going to a back room. He would stand and wait, and in the morning, the two would go back to the base. He would never say anything to anyone, but near the beginning of their time together, he felt like he was wasted on these missions; any soldier could do what he was doing. But the more time they had together, the more he was thankful for the break and time with her.

The Winter Soldier found himself surprised during their first assignment together. At no point did his trigger words slip from her mouth. She looked at him with not even the expectation that he would do what he was told; she just…looked at him, and he listened.

It started off small. It became increasingly clear to her that he wasn’t going to talk unprompted, and even prompted, he’d rather hold his tongue than not. He’d rather not risk some form of torture from Hydra for saying something out of turn, but she seemed to have no problem risking it.

“Do you prefer Soldat or Zima?” She asked him one day as he drove them to their mission location. It had been hours of silence in the simple black car as he followed the map on a tiny electric screen. Looking at the map, the Winter Soldier had learned it would be at least another hour before they arrived. She allowed the question to sit between the two of them, but when it became increasingly clear he wasn’t going to answer, she followed up. “I don’t mind calling you something else if there is something you’d rather, but you have to tell me. Winter Soldier seems so long, and there’s quite a few of you, but only one you. If that makes sense.”

The Winter Soldier felt his hands tense around the steering wheel, mouth tense behind his mask. Something inside him swirled at the idea of her working with other super soldiers like him. It was one thing picturing a regular soldier, it was another to picture one of the many he would fight for training.

“I barely remember what I was named before I was this for Hydra. Do you remember yours?” She asked, receiving more silence from him. Finally, after a long stretch of silence, she seemed to let it drop. They arrived at what seemed to be another hotel. She sat and waited for him to come around and open her door. As they walked through the building, he slowly dropped further and further back from her, still close enough to keep an eye on her, but far enough that she could do her job without him intimidating the target too much.

Her words did, however, give him something to ponder. He didn’t know much about her, but he knew that the individuals who did the job she did rarely were mindwiped or tortured, it wasn’t cost effective like it was to do for the Winter Soldiers. As he moved silently behind her, he wondered where she came from, if she knew anything from her past, if she had been frozen through time like him, and if she was awoken to a jarring sensation of knowing time had passed on without you.

Based on what he saw from her, he didn’t think she was frozen, and she certainly didn’t have much training in self-defense. She also seemed comfortable with the technology they were around, confidently typing in the address on the small screen for him when he seemed to struggle with something that never made sense to him. He wondered if she had a family looking for her or if they thought of her as dead like him.

He knew these thoughts were traitorous, and if anyone knew he was having them, he would be lucky to walk away with no permanent injuries. If they found out, they would stop assigning them together, and they might even do something worse to her.

Dragging himself out of his thoughts, he watched her whisper something in the mark’s ear before letting out a giggle. She grabbed the man’s hand, and with a wolfish smile, she pulled him towards the rooms. The Winter Soldier watched as she spared him almost a second of eye contact. He nodded and slowly followed them, ready to stand post at the door until morning.

She would come out in the morning, slowly closing the door behind her. The two would make eye contact, and for a small moment, he could read guilt across her features as she handed him a small black piece of plastic that she had on a previous mission. She explained to him that it was something called a USB drive. Then she would take a deep breath, and he would lead the two back to the car.

He also learned that rarely would she pose her questions on the ride back to Hydra. Opting for a silent ride.

___________________________________________________________

If he had to guess, he would say it was roughly every 3 weeks or so he would accompany her on similar missions. Every time it was a different hotel, a different man, and different information the two would return with.

Hydra seemed to care little about how she would return and cared very little about what happened on the mission outside of the two coming back on time and with the promised information.

Some weeks when there seemed to be more time between their missions, the Winter Soldier would find himself anxious about her. He’d wonder if she was safe, he wondered if other soldiers were accompanying her on her missions and if they were as good at looking after her as he was. Did they answer her questions? Did she try to talk and connect with them like she did him? If he never answered her questions, would she keep asking, or would she eventually give up? Leaving him alone with his thoughts.

He allowed himself in his darkest moments to think that just maybe, for some strange reason, it was just him that she asked questions to, that she wondered about. That she was only interested in him and wanted to get to know just him. But it never took much conditioning for him to leave those thoughts behind, as pleasant as they seemed.

___________________________________________________________

He found himself in his usual spot near the end of their missions, standing still and silent outside of a room. Trying not to listen while she did her job for Hydra. He began wondering how many times she had done this type of mission as he stood outside another hotel room. If his memory served him right, which it rarely did anymore, this had to have been at least the 5th time they had done this.

He had grown used to it, and in a strange way, it was nice to visit a place where he wasn’t expected to kill anyone, just keep her safe and make sure she completed her mission. There was silence after her mission was complete, silence that the Winter Soldier found himself cherishing

“No!” Her scream ringed out as the Winter Soldier stood tense outside the hotel room. He had learned that some of the men she was with played rougher than others, and he had been told more than once by Hydra that her saying no didn’t mean anything.

“Please, no!” Her voice rang out again, he could hear shuffling in the room, a loud thump, a cry. His hands tensed at his side. He kept telling himself that this is just the game she is forced to play. This is her mission; maybe they decided beforehand this is some sort of roleplay the target was into, and she was simply playing a role. He had no right to listen in outside of making sure she completes her mission. He is just her bodyguard. She has a mission she must complete for the good of Hydra.

He is not supposed to interfere.

He is not allowed to interfere.

He is not permitted-

“Soldat!” Her voice is all it took.

It felt like a blink later. The Winter Soldier found himself standing in the room, gun in his hand, a dead body on the floor holding a knife that he had clearly used on her, and her crying in the bed with a long cut running down her bare chest, he took one glance to know that the cut would not kill her but had to hurt like hell. Blood was dripping down her body, staining the white bedding. She seemed barely aware that she was naked or bleeding everywhere.

“He…I’m so sorry. Winter Soldier. Please, I'm so sorry.” She cried. He stood still, watching the body bleed out, anything to not look at her body. He reached down and grabbed her undergarments from the ground. Without looking at her, he held them out. He listened to her sniffle before grabbing them. It felt like hours watching the dead body before her voice rang out again. “What are we going to do? Hydra will punish us.”

He found himself circling this idea, that they would punish her alongside him. All she did was cry, and he was the one who killed the target. He will be lucky if he sees her ever again. At that thought, he found himself spiraling. How could he ever think himself lucky to go on a mission? And why was she so sure she would be punished for his actions? This could not stand. The Winter Soldier couldn’t let this be the last time he protected her, for what if this happened again? Would the other soldiers do what needs to be done to protect her?

“What did we need?” His voice sounds unused even to his ears, he realizes it must have been days since he’s said anything. He sees her out of the corner of his eye, still in nothing but her undergarments, looking at him like he’s just done the craziest thing. A small voice in the back of his head reminds him that this might be the first time she’s heard his voice.

“I…I was supposed to steal his phone. It’s black and plastic; it looks almost like a brick but thinner, if that makes sense.” The Winter Soldier nodded, thankful for her description of the phone, and began looking through the discarded clothes; it didn’t take long for him to hold up a black square object. “That’s it, yes, but what if Hydra knows we killed him?”

There’s that word again, he thinks. We. She thinks of them as a partner in this, as if she held the gun.

“People die.” He answered simply with a shrug as he began handing her more of her clothes. She takes them and slowly gets dressed.

“People die of a heart attack! Winter Soldier, we shot him in the head.”

“Not we.” He finally finds himself saying.

“If I hadn't called for you, he would still be alive. Yes, we.” The Winter Soldier can’t deny her logic as much as he wants to. What he truly wants to tell her is that it is just him because she has never said his trigger words. That he pulled the trigger at all instead of standing outside the door and waiting for the man to be done, but he couldn’t. “Get dressed and get your stuff. I’ll take care of the body.” With that, she seems resigned to whatever comes next.

___________________________________________________________

The car ride is silent as normal. He catches her a few times out of the corner of his eye, rubbing where the wound is, her thick clothing hiding if it was still bleeding. Hydra would be unhappy that she’s been damaged, but they would take care of the wound easily. For a moment, he wondered if this would be the first time she’d return with a wound like this and if they would ask her questions about it or if they’d accept it as a part of her role. Would she be able to play it off correctly?

Though part of him feels responsible for her state. She didn’t even complete the mission the way she normally does, and she’s acting as if she did, being silent and almost as if she’s mourning something.

“We won’t tell.” He finds himself saying before he can stop himself. Almost immediately, her eyes are on him, wide and confused. He spares her a glance, hoping it puts her at ease. It doesn’t seem to work; if anything, she seems more wound up.

“They’ll kill me if they find out we lied.” He knows she’s right. If Hydra finds out they failed a mission and killed a target, she will be lucky to survive it, and he’ll be lucky to survive another punishment.

“We’re not lying, we’re just not telling.” He finally decides. Hydra will not ask the two point blank if the target is alive; all they care about is if they got the information they were promised.

“Are you sure, Winter Soldier?” She asked softly, aware of this slippery slope the two were staring at. If they start lying now, where will it stop? What will it get them? Surely there’s no happiness, and this life has already been so punishing, are they really willing to open themselves up to more?

“You can call me Zima. Soldat if you’re in trouble.” He says instead of a real answer, hoping she’ll understand what he’s saying. What he’s trying to give her. She continues to look at him, expression not changing.

“Okay, Zima. It stays between us.” She agrees, and he finds himself desperate to keep it between the two of them.

___________________________________________________________

Their next collection of missions remained similar. His eyes stay locked on her, his ears listen for her calling for him if she’s in trouble. She never calls for him now, but on the ride, he is always blessed with at least one question for him.

Most of the time, he remains silent or shrugs. It’s rare she’ll ask a question that he genuinely has an answer to.

Sometimes, he finds himself wishing he had the answer, just to see the excitement on her face when he answers her.

Zima, do you remember where you’re from?

How did you lose your arm, Zima?

Did you have a big family or a small family before this, Zima?

Nothing would swirl of his identity before he was the Winter Soldier. Sometimes, there would be glimpses in his few hours of sleep, but he’d lose any real connection by the time he was awake. It was on their fourth mission since killing the target that he was finally asked a question he could answer.

“Do you have a favorite food?” Her voice was small next to him, he fought the urge to shrug his shoulders. This was a simple question, surely one he could answer even if he wasn’t 100% sure his answer was even true. He could name one of the few foods Hydra fed them, but that didn’t feel genuine.

“I…I think I like coney dogs.” He finally answers with as much confidence as he can muster, still not really sure what the taste is on his tongue and why he seems to remember it, but he knew it was something he must have enjoyed prior to Hydra, he just wished he could remember more to give her.

“What’s a coney dog?” She asked with a giggle. The Winter Soldier feels as if he’s been struck by lightning with that sound. He had never heard her genuinely happy, and even though it was so small, he felt electric that he was trusted with that sound. He wanted to sit in this car forever just being able to answer her questions. He wanted to bottle up that sound and save it to listen to before missions, when they’re apart, to have something to hold on to, something that Hydra cannot take from him.

“I don’t remember, but I think I used to like them.” He finally answered. She hummed and looked forward in the car.

“I hope one day you get to have another one.” She finally answered after a long pause as they got closer to the hotel. He fought with his own internal monologue, desperate to say something else to keep her laughing and talking, but he had nothing. Just the hope that on the next car ride, he’d be able to answer her next question for her, and he’d be able to hear her laugh once more.

___________________________________________________________

He’s sure it’s been months since he’s seen her. Maybe longer. It’s become even more impossible for him to get time straight; the more he is frozen and wiped, the more confused he finds himself becoming. Every time he sees her, she is not aged, but he knows she’s not frozen. Are they freezing him for just a few weeks at a time? Why? Why are they bothering to freeze him when he can do missions, he can train, and more importantly, he can fight between missions?

Since meeting her, he has found himself asking more and more questions, always keeping them inside, yet they were still bubbling around him, now more than ever. It makes him want her. He finds himself needing her. He has become almost desperate for her but hides it within himself. He needed to tell her about what had been happening. Maybe she can make sense of the stories he’s been hearing.

He knows there is no way he will be assigned to a mission with her right now. Not while his main objective remains to kill Captain America with Pierce breathing down his neck for a successful outcome, but he needs her to know what’s happening, and before he can fully understand his actions, he once again lies in order to protect her.

He is silent as he walks through the quarters she is kept. He had swiped the key to her room off a guard almost a full day ago, waiting to see if he got caught with it between training and mission briefs. He’d rather just get him in trouble instead of the both of them if it gets to it, but no one seems to notice or maybe care.

He is vaguely aware that there’s a chance that she won’t be behind the door, that she’ll be on a mission with a different Winter Soldier, but this could be his last chance before they wipe his mind again, his only chance to tell someone what’s happening.

Slowly, he opens the door and he finds himself letting himself slightly relax when he notices that she is there, sitting on the cold gray floor. He makes quick work of closing the door behind him, leaving it unlocked just to make sure he’s not caught in here stuck.

Her eyes are instantly on him and stuck on him, wide and almost haunting. She looked more unkempt than usual, but he supposed if she didn’t have a mission, why would Hydra waste resources keeping her pretty.

“Zima?” She asks. He hears a slight fear in her voice. He realizes that in some fucked up way she might think he is here to kill her or hurt her, a punishment from Hydra considering their partnership on missions. A reminder that while he is there to protect her, he would not hesitate to stop her if she ever went against Hydra. He did not have the time or vocabulary to assure her of anything, and who’s to say he hadn’t hurt her before and Hydra wiped his memory?

“I don’t have much time. Can you remember something for me?” He asked her as quietly as he could manage, his heart pounding in his ears as she nodded. “My name is Bucky.”

Leaving Captain America, no…Steve. His friend. Someone from his past, before he was this monster created by Hydra. Someone who saw through the Winter Soldier and gave him back his name. Something he had wanted to give her for so long. On the shore, he left him with mixed feelings that were for certain. He fought internally with himself about what this meant.

He failed his mission; he could not return to Hydra. They would torture him or maybe kill him for a mistake this grave, especially considering he could’ve let Steve drown and just be done with it all.

But he knew that man, he knew Steve from before Hydra. Steve told him his name was Bucky and gave him a starting place to remember who he was before Hydra took everything from him.

He wondered if they would assume he died or if they would know he deserted.

He wondered what would happen to her.

Would she manage to escape? Would they torture her for information on him? Surely, they didn’t know that the two were close. Surely, they wouldn’t think he would tell her his plan, certainly because he didn’t even have a plan. There was no universe where he could’ve predicted this outcome.

He allowed himself a moment, a fleeting thought that maybe he could just rescue her. Kill whatever soldier was assigned to her next on a mission and just take her and run. Surely he’s not the first to run from Hydra, and certainly they’d just replace her and move on with their day.

But if he goes back and tries to get her, he could risk her life even further.

And he had a spiraling thought that maybe she only talked to him to give herself some sort of break from their missions. That maybe the closeness was all in his head and maybe seeing him again would torture her, would scare her.

And he just wasn’t ready.

“James, is there anyone left on your list you’d like to make amends to? Real amends.” His therapist's voice brings him back into her office. He is exhausted and done with these court-mandated therapy sessions. He’s tired of other people telling him what to do and how to feel. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. It had been better than therapy (in his opinion) putting the ex-Hydra agents in their place.

“I don’t know.” He finally answers.

“Really? There’s no one you can think of that you’d like to make amends with. Non-violent amends with.” She tries again, and Bucky sighs.

“I don’t know, Doc. Do you have someone in mind?” He finally looks at her, and she holds out her hand for his notebook. With a sigh, he handed it over and watched her slowly flip through it before looking at him with a tired look in her eyes.

“Hmm, I think you already have someone in mind, James. Why don’t you go talk to her?” His therapist says as she throws the notebook back to him, and he catches it with both hands. He knows she’s right, that she’ll continue to haunt his nightmares and be on his mind till he confirms she was okay and she was safe.

He knew from his own…research (definitely not stalking) that she had managed to escape Hydra in all the chaos he and Steve caused and seemed to have a semi-normal life now, and who was he to stomp in on her normalcy and demand to make amends?

He wasn’t sure if she’d even want to see him or if seeing him would throw her into a bad state. He had his fair share of PTSD from his time with Hydra, and the idea of reconnecting in a positive way with any part of his Hydra past made him feel nauseous.

“It’s not as simple as just going to talk to her.” He finally answers, folding his hands in his lap, eyes fixated on his black vibranium arm, wondering if she’d recognize him with the different arm and hair.

“Why not?” She asks, and he watches her twirl her pen in her hand, knowing if he doesn’t start talking soon, she’ll start passive-aggressively taking notes like he hates to try to pull anything out of him.

“What if she doesn’t want to see me?” He asks.

“Then you leave, James. But I think for your own sake, you need to at least try.”

___________________________________________________________

“At least try.” He mumbles under his breath as he stands outside of her apartment, almost sarcastically. I mean, truly, what did his therapist know about the two's relationship? Seeing him would bring up a whole host of bad feelings for her, something he’d never want to cause, but a very selfish part of him was curious about how she was doing and if she could fill in the gaps for any of his memories.

Bucky took his time walking through the building and looking around her apartment. It was nice; the building was old but had a sort of old school flair that he really enjoyed looking at for the past 10 minutes, as he definitely wasn’t stalling. He let himself wonder what she did for work, if she had any roommates, if life was being kind to her.

It wasn’t until his hand was forced that he had realized how scary this moment actually was. As her door finally opened and she walked out, it took them both no time to recognize each other. She had stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed him, and he couldn’t help but drink her in. For a split second, Bucky couldn’t believe it was her. She looked the same to him; her hair was a little different, but he imagined she did it for the same reason he did. Just to have the illusion of freedom and choice, something to change for himself. She was dressed as if she was leaving, but her bag dropped to the ground the longer she looked at him. It looked like her, healthier, but still with the same wild look he sometimes finds in his own eyes. He feels like he can see the wheels turning in her head.

Why was he here?

Was he still with Hydra?

Was he going to kill her?

Finally, he forced himself to look her in the eyes, and he realized immediately she was crying.

“Are you here to kill me?” She finally asked, her voice coming out shaky. Bucky recognizes the panic, and for a moment, he wonders if she knows about him going after members of Hydra. If she thinks for a single second he blames her for anything that happened to them and that he would come to punish her he would never forgive himself. The thought hurts him more than he thought it would, but he pushes it aside as quickly as possible in order to comfort her.

“No, no, not at all. I promise. I just-” But that seemed to be all she needed because the moment he confirmed that he wasn’t here to hurt her, she practically jumped to him. Wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and pulling herself against him. It didn’t take him long at all to return his arms, more loose than her in fear of hurting her, but still around her.

___________________________________________________________

“Did I ever hurt you?” He finds himself asking, he still isn’t sure if he wants the true answer. He’s unsure if he can live with the idea that he hurt her. He watches her as she continues to pick at the fries on her plate. This was the second time the two had reconnected, and he had suggested the two get a bite to eat when he showed up at her apartment for the second time, this time being brave enough to knock. She nodded slowly and followed him out.

He had been more nervous this second time, now that he knows that some part of her trusts him he finds himself worried he’ll screw it up. That this fragile relationship the two are building will shatter at any moment, leaving him without anyone once again. They had arranged to meet up, to talk and try to be…normal, but Bucky still found himself struggling around her. His memories were still fragmented, but he wasn’t even sure how she was holding up with hers.

“No.” She finally answered. “I don’t think you ever even touched me, even in passing. You always let me lead.” This was news to him. He always felt so close to her and in control, but he guessed the proximity was enough for him to make it feel wrong and different from his usual missions.

“Did any of the Winter Soldiers hurt you?” He asks.

“Depends on your definition of hurt, I guess.” This answer surprises him, and he allows the silence to sit around them, hoping she would continue. “I mean, Bucky, come on, it’s not a secret what my job was.”

For a moment, he sees red. The idea that the other soldiers were putting her through the same torture Hydra did. That they saw her as nothing more than some toy, something that they could use and have and do whatever they pleased. That she was abused for other people’s pleasure makes him feel sick to his stomach to this day. It’s not until her hand finds his flesh one that he snaps out of his thoughts.

This is the first time since she hugged him that he’s touched her, the second time probably total throughout the whole time they’ve known each other, and it feels electric. He still feels the guilt bubbling in him, that she was being used and hurt, and he truly did nothing to stop it.

“It wasn’t your fault, Bucky.” She reminds him, and he finds himself smiling despite himself.

“You sound like my therapist.” He groans, and she laughs.

“Good, it means what I’m saying is right. I mean it, though; without you, I can think of a dozen different times I might have died.” She said with a smile. “Can I ask you a question now?”

“Of course.” He answered, almost excited at this sense of normalcy between the two of them, hoping that just like before, he’d be able to answer her questions.

“Did you escort any of the other girls?” She asked softly, thumb rubbing small circles against the back of his hand, his food completely forgotten as he tried to remember despite being distracted by her touch.

“No, I don’t think so,” He answered hesitantly. “A lot of my memories from Hydra are fractured. I can remember the people I hurt as the Winter Soldier, but sometimes the details of the mission I’ve lost them. I don’t think I ever escorted anyone but you.”

She nods at his answer, satisfied with it as she continues finishing her fries. There’s still a question bubbling under his skin, threatening to ruin their time together, but he can’t find the strength to ask, at least not yet.

“Can I ask you another question?” He asks and she nods. “When I came to tell you my name…was that the first time I had been to your quarters?” He watches her carefully, but she kept her hand on top of his. He watches as she picks her words carefully.

“It was the first time you had been to my quarters, yes.” He’s not blind to what she’s implying, but he looks at her until he continues. “Sometimes, Hydra would send other soldiers to visit me both as a punishment for me and a reward for the soldier, but no you had never been one of them.”

“When I showed up, is that what you thought was happening?” He asks, even though he already knows the answer. She sighs.

“Yes, but the thought didn’t last long. I never thought you would hurt me, ever. I still don’t.” She watches him closely as her words sink in. He has every reason to believe her, but he still finds it hard to believe, so he nods and gets back to eating. She follows his suit, clearly used to his silence.

___________________________________________________________

“You know I’ve been meaning to ask, did you ever get your coney dog?” She asked as they turned the corner. This time, they had decided to skip the food. She said she had somewhere she wanted to show him, and he was happy to follow along. He found himself not surprised by her question, he’s since learned since they started getting to know each other that she just seems naturally curious about the world with a memory sharp as a tack. She was always able to recall little things he had mentioned, he wondered if that’s why he trusted her with his name way back when because he knew she wouldn’t forget.

“I, uhh, no, not yet.” He said with a laugh. “I don’t think they’ll hold up as well as I’d remembered.” She hums and nods, seemingly satisfied with his answer.

“Do you have a new favorite food?” She asks as she continues looking straight. For a moment in Bucky’s mind, he feels like they’re back in that car, him driving them on a mission with her trying to learn a little about him. Either as a distraction or as a genuine interest.

“I really enjoy plums.” Bucky is surprised when she stops dead in her tracks and looks at him. For a split second, he’s worried he’s said the wrong thing, but within seconds, she’s laughing at him. Full-blown laughing, hands on her knees, tears in her eyes, the whole package and he can’t help the grin that finds itself on his face. “What?” He asks with a chuckle as she keeps going.

“I’m so sorry…I just, one second.” She said, trying to catch her breath. “I’m really sorry, Bucky, that is just the oldest man answer I’ve ever heard in my life.” She said with a cackle, and he couldn’t help himself and joined in on her laughing.

“Hey! I’ll have you know I’m over 100 years old. I’m allowed to enjoy my plums, okay! They’re good for your memory, and they’re healthy!” With his explanation, she continued laughing. “Oh my god, okay, I get it, let’s go; show me what you wanted to show me.” He said, gesturing for her to keep walking.

He follows her slightly behind, just one step behind. Overly cautious and knowing what following directly behind her could mean for the both of them, but not wanting them to take up the whole sidewalk. He wonders if she thinks about it too, how they must look together and how they used to look. He wonders if her actions haunt her the way he does him. He wonders if when she left Hydra if she had similar feelings of not deserving her freedom.

But this moment, answering her questions for her to laugh and tease him, something he’s unsure she would do to the Winter Soldier, causes a warm feeling in his chest, an understanding that while they are still the people they used to be, that they have changed. He is vaguely aware of these feelings that are making a home in his heart, and he’s unaware if they’ve always been there, but he’s starting to suspect they always were.

Especially as she opened the door and he stepped through. He immediately notices the smell, something so nostalgic that he immediately feels at home.

“I’m not sure why, but I just felt like you’d like this place. I found it on one of my walks.” He slowly walks past her, through the aisles, with her following close behind, wearing a sneaky smile.

The two were surrounded by a mix of old books from different genres, some in English, some not. Bucky was amazed by the collection, recognizing some of them from before he went to war. He felt as if he was walking through history, it was amazing.

“I know you’re from a different time, so I just think it’s cool because of history, but I just thought…that maybe you’d like it?” Even though it wasn’t a question, he could’ve sworn it was due to her nervousness.

“I love it, seriously.” He said, completely enamored with his surroundings. He watches her nerves go away with a small smile as she gestures for him to follow her deeper into the bookstore, and he happily obliges.

___________________________________________________________

It’s almost three weeks after the bookstore that they see each other again. Bucky had to go with Sam on a mission, cutting their time to short messages throughout the week instead of hanging out. There was a sense of nerves that had the unfortunate reminder of their time back in Hydra. The sinking feeling of something happening and him not being able to protect her was back in full force, and he had to fight the urge to call her at the end of every day, sticking to sporadic messages that hopefully didn’t feel as awkward to her as it did him.

All he wanted to know was if she was safe, just like before, but this time, there was more intent with it. He was remembering more of their time and the questions she asked, and their conversations finally got to stick with him; it was like they were building something that was a long time coming.

Finally, once he knew they were for sure coming back on a Tuesday, he asked her if she was free, but with her work schedule, they ended up not being able to see each other until Friday. Bucky had to fight the urge to just show up at her house and beg for forgiveness for needing to see her.

But he managed to wait, and once Friday rolled around, he showed up at her apartment, and the two of them made themselves comfortable on opposite ends of her couch, her cat in Bucky’s lap. The two of them did their usual of passing questions back and forth until a long pause brought Bucky’s biggest question to his mind.

“Can I ask you a really fucked up question?” He finally asked, feeling brave at this moment.

“I think all of our questions have been fucked up considering the our situation, but please let’s add to this.” She said with a watery laugh, clearly fighting off tears. Bucky took a deep breath, knowing he had to ask that he needed to know this answer and that he could no longer let this eat him up on the inside. Especially considering how their friendship is growing, he needs the answer before it’s too late, before it forms a black hole inside of him, tainting every action the two have.

“How come you never used my trigger words?” She freezes at his question, eyes remaining squarely on the floor, and he can barely believe he finally asked. He feels as if the silence between them is dangerous, as if she’s going to stand up and finally ask him to leave her alone. That all of this will be over and he will never see her again because he finally crossed that line.

“What if my answer is too fucked up?” She finally responded, doing nearly nothing to quell the rising feelings in his chest.

“Than it’s fucked up.” He decides, still desperate to know the answer.

“The trigger words were to control the Winter Soldier, but honestly, the worst thing you could’ve done to me is kill me, and that would’ve freed me from it all. From sleeping with all those men, from doing Hydra’s dirty work and being tortured. I would’ve welcomed the escape, Bucky.” Bucky allows the words to hit him, he understands what she means. He remembers missions where he was more careless in order to hopefully end his suffering with Hydra, but it never crossed his mind that she might be in a similar position.

“I know what you mean.” He whispers, understanding how she really viewed him during that time.

“But Bucky, I never thought for a second you would hurt me. The Winter Soldier…you protected me multiple times and were always as kind as you could be. I tried to never show favoritism to Hydra because I was afraid they’d stop assigning us together, but our car rides were the one break I got.” The words sit between the two; the truth Bucky probably could’ve figured out on his own, but it felt good hearing it from her.

“It never bothered you what I did?” He asks.

“Did it ever bother you what I did, Bucky?” She throws back, and he shakes his head. “We both were under terrible, horrible circumstances. Why on earth would I hold that against you?”

“I hold it against myself sometimes. I mean, I could’ve gotten us away during a mission; we could’ve run. I could’ve fought back.” He finally voiced.

“Right, because a man with a metal arm wearing all black clothes and a prostitute with no change of clothes would’ve been so hard for Hydra to find.” She said sarcastically, reaching over to put a hand on his thigh.

“I never thought of you like that.” He says with a mumble, unsure how she’ll react.

“Like what?” She asked, head cocked to the side.

“A prostitute. You were just doing a job required by Hydra. It didn’t reflect on you, at least not in my eyes.” He murmured, finally looking at her. Something had changed in her eyes at his words; somehow, they seemed softer, more understanding than before, as if how he viewed her had always weighed heavy on her.

“Oh, Bucky.” She said softly. She moved almost in slow motion as her hand found his and grasped it tightly. “If it makes you feel any better, I was so honored when you let me call you Zima,” The Russian sounded so familiar on her tongue to him, “I always thought of you as more than just the Winter Soldier; I knew you were in there somewhere and when you came to tell me your name was Bucky…Even though we didn’t see each other again from our time in Hydra, it did give me something to hope for.”

“You gave me something to hope for.” He finally said, trying to get his feelings across to her.

She simply smiles and squeezes his hand. He knows in this moment that those feelings constantly arising in him are some sort of love for her, for everything they’ve been through. He has no idea if she feels the same and wonders if he deserves her with the burden he’d be placing on her, but at this moment, it doesn’t even seem to matter. Because he loves her, and he knows it.

___________________________________________________________

Bucky wakes up in a bed, one that surely isn’t his as it’s far too soft. His memories of the night before slowly come back to him.

The two had talked late into the night, holding hands and clearing so much of the air left between them and their time in Hydra. A deeper understanding of the torture they went through and what each other meant to themselves. The reprieve she offered him and the safety he offered her.

He remembered insisting he wasn’t too tired to go back to his place, and he remembered her insisting that if he died going home from her place, she’d never forgive herself.

He remembered laughing but taking her up on the offer to spend the night.

He feels a slight pressure on his back, but when he begins to shift, the cat jumps off of him, and he lets out a chuckle as he watches the white cat make their way out of the room.

“She’s going to remember that.” Her voice supplied, and he flipped his body so he could look at her. She’s on the other side of the bed, looking at him with messy hair.

“Oh yeah?” He said with a smile.

“Oh yeah, Alpine holds grudges like nobody's business.” She said with a chuckle. He watched her gently shift. He knows at this moment that something has changed between the two, that their bond has changed, but he does not doubt that he will always be there for her, in any way she will allow.

“We didn’t have sex, by the way.” She blurts out in the silence, sitting up, causing Bucky to burst out laughing, blood clearly flooding her face and turning a darker shade. He’s almost positive his has turned red as well.

“Yeah, I do know that,” Bucky said, still laughing.

“I’m just…after everything, I don’t know if…” He watches her take a deep breath. “Bucky, if this…I mean, if we become a thing. I want you to know now that we may never have sex. I might never be okay or ready for it, but I do like you. I like you a lot, but I don’t want to lie to you or force myself to do anything I don’t want to do, so if you wish to just say friends, you have to say it now.”

“We could never touch, and I think I’d still be in love with you and happy to just be by your side, whatever that means to you.” He breathed out, almost surprising himself, but wholeheartedly meaning it. He watched the sunlight illuminate her surprised features.

“Yeah?” She asked, a smile like he’s never seen paint her face.

“Yeah.” He whispers out, and slowly, like she’s waiting for him to say no, she puts his hand on his cheek. He fights the urge to make any movement that might scare her as she leans in close, kissing him chastely on his chapped lips.

And it’s perfect and worth every bad moment the two had faced. All because he would get to come home to her and protect her. 

And it's all he had ever wanted.

[grudgecollector]

hii queen! i saw that your requests are open, could you write something with daryl and a reader in the earlier seasons who are dating in secret? (they dont want no one to know because daryl is new to relationships and i believe he would be more reserved a little in the beggining), however the group ended up noticing how soft he is to her and how he always keep an eye on her😩 and also i just wanted to say that i read some of yours writtings and they are amazing💕💕

Gimme Shelter | Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

Tags: Swearing, twd typical violence, kind of slow burn, fluff, lightish angst, half proof-read

Words: 4.4k

A/N: Fank you so much nonny 💖😭 I've been really enjoying writing for Daryl, he was one of my biggest obsessions as a teenager, and that obsession will continue to prevail.

And this is such a cute request, I love secret relationship tropes so much. I decided to do Prison era!Daryl if that's okay, I assume you probably meant for like season 1 or 2, but I felt like it would be cute in the prison.

I know that a slow burn wasn't requested BUT the thoughts just kept coming the more I wrote. Also sorry this took so long to post.

Growing up people would always say you will find the one when you least expect it. Whether it’s in a grocery store, at the park, in a museum. That one person you’re bound to spend the rest of your life with will be there. As if they were waiting for you, and you for them. It was a fairytale dream, one that you lost faith in long ago. 

There were moments you had thought that maybe you finally found that person. Until disappointment would strike time and time again. Your experience with relationships had been less than ideal, never lasting longer than a year. Cheaters, liars, and worst of all abusers. Those types of men had always been the most drawn to you. Making you feel as if you were cursed somehow, unlucky. 

After a while and a slew of pity attempts, you gave up on dating for your own benefit. Deciding it would be best to focus more on yourself. Not allowing yourself to succumb to the societal pressure of getting married by twenty and popping kids out by twenty one. 

That was the dream of a delusional small town teenager, too young to think for themselves let alone plan a future family, and that had been your dream once upon a time. Maybe you read too many stories about young girls finding their prince charming and living happily ever after.

You started to value your alone time. Enjoying the feeling of not having to walk on eggshells in order to keep the other party happy. Things were smooth sailing for about two years. You changed your life around, got a new job, a new car, and a new apartment all within a few months. 

A newfound happiness was settling inside of you, you were beginning to find yourself again. You became more confident in who you were as a person, allowing yourself to actually live your life instead of just simply being alive. 

But life had a twisted sense of humor. 

Things started with frantic breaking news segments on the news. Reporters talking about the horrifying developments coming out of France. In the beginning you had hoped that things wouldn’t escalate past that, hoped that this would be an isolated incident. But things just got worse the more you watched. An unknown virus wreaking havoc across the entirety of Europe, spreading like wildfire across each country. 

After the first case of the virus was reported in Ohio, you started to worry. Things were getting too close for your liking, and with the details they were releasing it wasn’t going to get any better. With each new segment that aired your mother would call, urgently telling you to come back to live with them until this sickness blows over. You knew that it would be your best bet. 

Once the local grocery stores started getting raided, you found yourself being thankful that your family was full of survivalist nuts. Growing up hearing them praise people like Jim Baker, and other televangelist hackjobs like him that weaponized fear mongering for profit. 

Your parents home was stocked full of all the essentials thanks to your aunt Jess. First aid kits, canned food, water to last just a little over a month. It was everything you needed and more. 

“Y’always gotta be prepared, honey.” Your wine-drunk aunt had told you after a week, the both of you lounging on the sofa as you watched the news. “You don’t know how long this crap’s gonna last.” 

It all went by so quickly. The news stations eventually stopped airing not long after the first report hit Georgia, they were urging everyone to evacuate to Atlanta, leaving the streets a mess of honking and dead-stop traffic right outside of your parent’s home. 

And for a short while you had settled into this false hope that you were safe there with them. 

That was until you came back from a short trip to a ransacked Dollar General just down the street. 

The house was oddly quiet when you walked inside. The TV was muted on a flickering static screen, your dad’s recliner was empty, a blanket on the floor. The backdoor that led to the porch was ajar, the sun shining through the crack onto the wood flooring. You remembered that feeling in your stomach as you walked closer, fingers slowly curling around the doorknob. 

When you walked outside it felt as if a bucket of ice water was dumped over your head. The horrifying sight of your mother’s body being gutted by your own father and uncle, fresh blood dripped down the side of the RV next to your aunt’s already mangled corpse. Your hands were trembling fiercely, a nauseating coppery smell filling your nose. 

All you could remember was running. Packing whatever you could get your hands on before taking your mother’s minivan.  

Not long after the death of your family, you were taken in by a small group of five. They were unstable, barely hanging on by a thread, with almost nightly arguments tilting them further over the edge. 

It made things harder for you. The tension starting to make you too nervous to sleep without a knife tucked securely under your pillow. 

The self appointed leader demanded too much, wanting more than half of the rations to himself. He was a cruel hearted individual, mind diluted by the atrocities you were all forced to witness. A dangerous man who was quick tempered, and ruthless to anything or anybody you came across. 

After a month of running with them you made a mistake. You hid a portion of your findings from him. Food that he would have taken the majority of. But you were starving, at the point of hardly caring about your survival if it meant you could eat just a little bit more.

Other members had found out though, outing you quickly. As a punishment he tied you up, stole everything from you. Photo albums, your weapons, your food, bandages, it didn’t matter what it was. After beating you he left you in the supply closet of a convenient store you were temporarily camping out in. 

Part of you half expected them to come back, but you knew better than to think positively now, that could get you killed nowadays. 

The minutes blended into hours into what felt like days. The zip ties around your wrists and ankles dug harshly into your skin, biting into the raw bleeding flesh as you struggled to free yourself. Eventually it got to the point where you started slipping in and out of consciousness, your body exhausted and dehydrated. You were sure you would die there. 

But, much to your surprise, your luck hadn’t run dry just yet. 

In your haze you could hear the sound of once shuffling corpses hit against the door with a heavy thud. Hushed voices barely graced your ears through the door, two men talking to each other. 

Your voice was hoarse as you pathetically attempted to call out. Your throat was dry from the lack of water, forcing your words to come out as a croaking squeak.  

The door had been opened cautiously, the beam of a flashlight assaulting your eyes. You attempted to focus on the man crouching down above you, his blurred features obscured by the baseball hat he wore. 

“Rick!” The man called over his shoulder, another figure coming into view. He was wearing what seemed to be a police officer’s uniform. Whether it was stolen or actually his, you didn’t care, you just wanted out of this damn closet. 

Both men were quick to cut your binds and hauled you to your feet. The quick motion was all it took for you to finally pass out. A thick blanket of exhaustion pressed into you, forcing your eyes to flutter closed and your body to go completely limp. Unable to cling onto consciousness any longer

In those last moments you almost thought that they would just leave you there. Not wanting to bother helping a now passed out stranger, and you wouldn’t have blamed them if they did abandon you. 

Instead when you woke up you were laying on a couch, an older man with short white hair standing over you. 

At first you had almost believed you dreamed it all, the outbreak, the group. That you were in some sort of comatose state and the world was not overrun by flesh eating monsters. But the stinging pain deep within your wrists proved otherwise, the gashes covered by white gauze and medical tape. 

The white haired man, Hershel, ran you through your current state. Malnourishment, dehydration, feverish temperatures. It was evidently clear that you had been through the wringer, and if Glenn and Rick had not found you when they did, you would have died within the day. In fact he had said it was a miracle that Hershel himself could have saved you. 

You figured you had always been stubborn, though, you never gave up easily. 

Hershel had been kind enough to allow you to stay in his house until you got better. Providing you with enough water and food to get you back on your feet. 

The family allowed you to use their shower. When you looked at yourself in the mirror you understood why they were so insistent. A thick layer of grime and blood coated your skin, your hair was matted, your clothes ripped beyond repair. 

You couldn’t help but cry, realizing just how quickly you lost yourself out there. Your humanity has faded so much in such a short amount of time, leaving you a hollow shell of your former self. You looked like a stranger to yourself.

Over the next week Rick’s group urged you to stay. They knew you had nowhere else to go, no family to run back to. 

You were hesitant, though. You didn’t want to continue to be a burden, you were a stranger infiltrating an already close knit group. The closeness they had made you feel even more lonely than you did in your previous group, because at least when it came to them, you didn’t crave that companionship. 

Gone were the days of blind trust, knowing that everything always came with a price these days. So your knife stayed tucked beneath your pillow, fingers clutching onto the handle as you kept an eye on the zipped up entrance of the tent. 

On many sleepless nights, which were frequent, you would sit yourself in front of the dwindling fire outside of your tent. Mind wandering to everything that’s happened to you in the past three months, the things you’ve done to stay alive, the permanent scars you would carry with you for life. 

You stewed in your bitterness. Chewing ruthlessly on the skin around your fingernails. 

Your tent was further away from the rest of the group’s, tucked away in your own area. You found yourself watching the rest of them at first. Thoughts of running away while everyone slept crossed your mind more times than you could count. 

Until one night you heard a twig snap behind you, your knife quickly unsheathed and pointing towards what you thought to be a threat, 

“Geez. You’re almost as bad as Daryl.” One of the older men from Rick’s group, Dale, chuckled as he walked closer to your secluded camp, his hands up in surrender. “But I can go if you want.” He smiled softly. 

“Sorry… Bad habit.” You said quietly, setting your knife back down next to your thigh. 

He shook his head, taking a seat in front of the fire, “No need to be sorry. I can’t blame you for still being a little paranoid.” 

Dale quickly became a source of comfort for you, sporting an almost fatherly personality when talking to you. He was kind, and realistic which was exactly what you needed after everything you’ve been through. Over the course of a few nightly visits he was able to get you to open up a little, telling him about your former group, he was sympathetic and understanding. 

“The world has truly gone to hell.” He grimaced, taking his bucket hat off of his head. “But, we have good people here. Believe it or not.” His smile was reassuring. 

After a few days you started to come around more. Helping the women with laundry, listening to the stories they told about their lives before, anecdotes to keep themselves sane. 

It wasn’t hard to understand why they were so close. The tragedy of their former camp just outside of Atlanta, the C.D.C, Lori’s son getting shot, the people they’ve lost along the way. 

Slowly you felt more like yourself again.

Every so often they would mention that same name Dale did, Daryl. The only member of the group you had yet to meet personally. 

You had seen him walking around the camp, or tucked away in his own tent, further away from the group much like yours was. He was gruff looking, intimidating to the eye, and his occasional temper didn’t help much. But with how insistent he was on finding Carol’s missing daughter, you could tell there was warmth beneath his rigid exterior. 

The first time you talked to him was less than ideal. You were attempting to set up a snare trap in the woods, wanting to try and contribute a little bit more. The frustration quickly turned to embarrassment when he snuck up on you. Your feet got caught in your own trap and caused you to trip and fall. 

“Looks like y’caught somethin’.” Daryl attempted to joke, walking past you and deeper into the woods with his crossbow pointed towards the trees. 

You cut yourself free of the poorly made snare and ran to catch up with him. Choosing your words carefully. 

“Daryl, right?” All you got was a grumble in response, “Listen I know you don’t know me or anythin’... But could you teach me how to hunt?” 

“Teach yourself. I ain’t got time for babysittin’.” His response stung a little, harsher than you had hoped it would be. 

You figured you should have expected that, though, the conversation him and Shane had this morning was heated. An argument almost leading to a full on fight. The tension was growing higher and higher as the days dragged on with no signs of Sophia. 

Then the group found out about what was inside the barn.

One day when Rick was out helping Hershel, Shane took it upon himself to break the chains on the barn door. Walker after walker spilled out, being shot down ruthlessly by some members of Rick’s group, while the Greene family cried out for them to stop. Their worst nightmare coming true, as well as Carol’s. 

A little girl limped out, skin grey and beginning to rot. Her hair was matted with leaves, eyes a milky grey color, and a rasping snarl emitting from her. There was a large gash on her shoulder, a bite. It was devastating to see a child fall victim to such a death. But even more so for Carol, coming to realize that each day they restlessly searched, she had already been dead.. 

The safety that the farm provided didn’t last long after that. 

Shane was quickly losing his grip, Dale was killed by a lone walker, and eventually the fields were overrun by walkers. A massive hoard stumbling onto the property, drawn in by the frequent gunfire. 

You had lost quite a few on that night, good people that had helped you come out of your shell, people that didn’t deserve what they got. In all honesty you didn’t think you would have made it out either if it wasn’t for Andrea and Daryl. 

After the fall of the farm, you were all lost. Hershel and his family had lost their home, and the entire group was left to search. 

But you had to bury your sadness for the time being, winter was quickly approaching. The leaves were changing into a crisp orange color, and the wind had a bite to it in the mornings, leaving you shivering as you huddled closer to the fire. Daryl had been kind enough to let you borrow his poncho some nights, insisting you probably needed it more than him. 

Daryl seemed to warm up to you after a while too. He would subtly make sure you ate by leaving a half eaten can of vegetables next to you, or would occasionally sharpen your knife for you after doing his own. It was a kind gesture, letting you know that he was starting to trust you. 

Eventually it got to the point where your group finally ran out of canned food. There were no stores around, and everyone was too cold or tired to go anywhere. So Daryl decided to take you out to the woods, finally going out of his way to teach you how to hunt. 

“Y’know what you’re trackin’?” He asked one day, slowly walking beside you, following a small winding trail in the woods. 

You were quiet for a second, thinking as you analyzed the tracks next to your feet, “Could be a deer, whatever it is, it’s got hooves.” 

“Obviously.” He huffed, resisting the urge to smile when you glared at him. 

“Shut the hell up, man.” A small sigh came from you, “Could be a hog.” You crouched down and moved the leaves out of the way to get a better look, “The prints are close together, if it were a deer they’d be further apart, right?” 

Daryl just shrugged, “You tell me.” 

That’s how your hunts would usually go, Daryl providing frustrating nonanswers as you attempted to close in on your prey. He wasn’t going to babysit you, as he had originally said when you first asked, you had to figure it out yourself. You knew that was the only way you’d be able to learn, even if it was mildly annoying. 

The winter finally started to melt into spring, temperatures rising and falling occasionally until settling into an in between. And soon enough your restless searching came to an end, the high chain link fences surrounding a prison with walkers meandering the expansive field calling your names. A soon to be shelter for your group and many others. 

The fight against Woodbury had been a painful ordeal, with Maggie and Glenn getting taken hostage, and Daryl leaving with his brother. The group was briefly left in shambles, hanging on by a thread as Rick slowly faded away, losing his way after Lori’s untimely death and the birth of her daughter. 

When Daryl left it broke your heart a little. The two of you had bonded over the course of the harsh winter, often seeking each other out as a heat source. Whispering stories of your families filling the silence as the biting wind wrapped itself around you. But you could never blame him for leaving, knowing you would do the same thing if you could. 

The first attack from the Governor was when Daryl finally returned, his mouthy brother in tow. They had rescued Rick on the outskirts of the fence, luckily finding him just in time before he was overpowered. 

It made you happy to see your friend again, a hand squeezing his shoulder before pulling him into a hug. It had been a lot less awkward than you expected, his arms wrapping around your middle and squeezing softly, reassuring you that he was okay. 

“Well, ain’t that just cute.” Merle had teased, pinching his little brother on the cheek. 

But the tragedies were never ending, your group seemed to constantly be one step away from death’s doorstep. 

The Governor decided to make his way back to the prison, armed gunmen following behind him. 

They wanted to execute every last one of you no matter what it took. Your group had laid out traps, pretending to have left as requested, lulling them in with a false hope that you were gone. Until the shrill sound of the prison sirens started, smoke grenades being thrown down at their feet in the darkened hallways. 

The armed militia of men, mothers, and teenagers the Governor recruited had run away in fear, knowing that their fates would be sealed if they stayed any longer. 

As the weeks continued after the attack, things started to look up. That once forgotten positivity slowly makes its way back into your heart, along with a smile as you allow yourself to get to know the former residence of Woodbury. Your community was slowly forming, a home being made out of the prison. 

It was easy to become comfortable. 

And as your fondness grew for Daryl, you remembered what your mother used to tell you. 

“You will find the one when you least expect it.” 

Who knew that the world had to end in order for you to find him. With every soft touch, lingering whisper, and a quick stolen kiss in the shadows of your cell, it grew increasingly more obvious that your mother may have been right. 

Daryl was the only person you felt safe enough to be vulnerable around. His gentleness towards you breaking down the walls around your heart, settling himself deep within it. And you gladly let him. You both decided to keep your relationship a secret. Enjoying the thrill of sneaking around, while also avoiding any teasing remarks that would come from your group. 

You knew that this was Daryl’s first serious relationship, so you wanted to allow him the grace of warming up to the idea. You wanted him to become more comfortable with himself, taking his time with you, soothing any anxious wandering thought he may have. 

But you knew that the group would notice eventually. Hell, they already were. The small teasing remarks being thrown your way would make Daryl stiffen. He would pick at the strings on his denim jacket as he huffed and grumbled something in response. 

“You want me to slip her a note or somethin’?” Carol teased him, nudging her elbow into his side, “Do you like me? Check yes or no.” She laughed quietly when he rolled his eyes, “Come on Daryl-” 

She was cut off by someone running up to him, Glenn’s frantic eyes meeting Daryl and Carol’s before quickly sputtering out your name, “I don’t know what happened but-” 

The poor boy could barely get the words out before Daryl ran off towards the cell block. 

You were laying in your cell, blood covering your shirt as your side bled profusely. Hershel was quick to try and stop the bleeding, urging everyone to give him room to work. 

“If you want her to live, get out, now!” 

The blood drained from Daryl’s face as he looked at you. Bruises were beginning to bloom on your face and arms, your nose was bleeding and there was a slash on your cheek. Your boyfriend directed his anger towards one of the new members you had taken on a run, pinning him roughly against the concrete wall with his forearm. 

“The hell happened out there?! Huh?!” Daryl shouted in the scared man’s face, shrinking in on himself as Rick and Maggie tried to pull Daryl off. “Talk!” 

“We-” The man gulped, “We got attacked by a small group…” There were tears in his eyes as he tried to explain, his swollen lip trembling. He didn’t look much better than you did honestly, his eye was almost swollen shut, and there was blood coating his hairline, “She said- said she knew them, some group she was with. I thought they were gonna k-kill us.” He swallowed harshly, “They shot her…”

Daryl swore he could see red. His shoulders heaving as he started to pace, fingers running through his hair as he tried to process what the man had said. His face was hot, body pulsing with anger as he glanced back into your cell to see you lying there motionless. 

He stalked back up towards the man, his gaze hard and threatening as he spoke in a gruff voice, “If she dies, her blood is on your hands.” He pressed his finger hard into the man’s chest, pushing him harshly back into the concrete wall before stalking towards the exit of the prison. 

It took the entire council to talk Daryl out of hunting this group down himself. Carol telling him it was a suicide mission, and he would die if he left like this. Going into a situation blinded by rage was never good for anyone, especially now, with you lying unconscious in your cell. 

Luckily for you the bullet went straight through, and all they had to do was wait for you to wake up. 

Daryl didn’t dare leave your side, a rag gently dabbing across your forehead as he whispered softly to you. Unspoken words that he had wished he had told you sooner, words that only you were allowed to hear him say, something he had never dared utter to another person. Not even his own family. 

“I love you.” 

The time seemed to drag on slowly as he waited, his watchful not leaving you for more than a few seconds. His gentle fingers traced patterns on your skin, ignoring the occasional staring that would come from someone passing by your cell. He couldn’t bring himself to care about the secrecy, not now. 

“That fuckin’ tickles.” He suddenly heard you rasp, your eyes fluttering open and glancing down at his fingers on your forearm. 

Relief washed over Daryl like cool rain on a hot summer's day. His shoulders sagged and he couldn’t help but lean his head down to rest on your arm, a long sigh being released from his lungs. 

“Daryl…” You whispered, making him look at you, “It was my old group.” 

The look on your face was similar to the one you sported when they first found you, terrified, lost, confused. You didn’t know what to do with yourself knowing that not only were they still alive, but a lot closer than you would have liked. 

“I know.” He replied, his hand holding onto yours, “You don’t have t’worry about that right now.” 

Even though you were able to find happiness in the apocalypse, tragedy never ceased to sneak up from behind every corner. And you guessed that it had become easy to forget that life had a cruel sense of humor. 

It always would.

[zluckychap]

i give my thoughts on sebastian and painter's roles in pressure's story because i am bored (see below)

sebastian is selfish.

he isn’t inherently selfish. his circumstances, however, forced him into a situation where he had to be. i would argue that his selfishness is the only reason he is still alive.

as of the lockdown, sebastian only has 2 goals in mind.

1) his own survival and 2) urbanshade’s downfall. anything he must do to accomplish those goals is a moot point.

in the midst of the lockdown, sebastian encountered something. or rather, someone. a fellow victim of urbanshade, who hated them just as much as sebastian did. someone willing and able to assist him in his goal of achieving freedom.

that was all he needed to hear.

sebastian is at least a bit fond of painter. he finds the little guy endearing.

but he mainly likes painter for his usefulness. he sees painter as an asset. therefore, he isn’t really inclined to treat him as a friend.

the deal they made stated that painter would buy sebastian time to organize an escape, in return for seb taking painter with him. in the end, painter’s fate relies entirely on sebastian’s willingness to honor that deal.

is there any chance that sebastian might actually do that? of course there is. that chance is just very, very, very low.

one thing that might compel sebastian to make good on his deal is his sense of honor as a businessman. he honors the sales deals he makes with the expendables, even if he hopes they all explode.

though i suppose if he had a habit of cheating them out, or killing them without reason, they’d stop coming to his shop, stripping him of a valuable source of data. sebastian is kind of forced to honor his deals in that scenario.

if sebastian chose to break off his deal with painter, he would not get the short end of the stick. painter would be the only one inconvenienced.

what about a sense of kinship? granted, while seb had it way worse, seb and painter are both victims of urbanshade. would seb feel compelled to save another poor soul from the same fate as him? ehhh…

in order for sebastian to care enough about honoring his end of the deal… he needs to put someone else’s needs before his own. does he care enough about painter to do that for him?

right now, as things currently stand within the story… my money’s on no.

it’s evident that sebastian doesn’t check in on painter much, if at all. he isn’t bothering to keep him updated on a plan that they are supposedly both in on.

despite that, painter holds onto hope that sebastian will come back for him. it’s not like he has any other options.

sebastian doesn’t check in on painter because, well, he is selfish. his circumstances have forced him into a mindset where he thinks his only chance at survival means exclusively looking out for number one.

in order to improve his own odds of survival, he did the bare minimum of what it would take to get painter on his side… and then left him out to dry.

heck, painter’s usefulness is the only reason the two are even acquainted. if, when they met, painter had been unable to assist sebastian at all, i guarantee seb would have just been like “welp sucks to be you, byebye” without a second thought.

so as things are now, painter is most likely doomed, as is the friendship he thinks he has with seb.

the only question remaining is: is there hope for them in the future? is there a feasible chance that they could both get the happy endings they deserve?

in order for that to happen, sebastian needs to learn to care again. to trust again. to do the work to keep and maintain painter’s friendship.

to try to accomplish his goals not just for himself, but for those he cares for.

could that possibly be in seb’s future?

i don’t know. but i don’t wish to rule anything out.

and i’m certainly not going to give up hope on these two just yet.

after all, anything is possible.

[thefeverburningalive]

࣪𖤐.ᐟ 𝖳𝖾𝗇 𝖳𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝖨 𝖧𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝖠𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝖸𝗈𝗎.

billie eilish x fem!reader

chapter three | ch2 | ch1

summary: due to the recent new rule given to your sister by your father, some meddling parties decide the easiest way to get you to date is by paying somebody to take you out. who better to do so then the hot mysterious delinquent

link💙

a/n: i’m so sorry this took so long to come out </3. i had a super crazy past couple of weeks plus some writers block sprinkled in there. there will most likely be only one or maybe two more parts of this so i hope you guys enjoyy.. also! i put a little star (*) where a specific scene starts, in order for the scene to make sense please watch the link above or at least listen to the song above (bc it was the best thing ive ever written and i want it to make sense so bad) tysm!!

genre: slow burn, tooth rotting fluff, angst, probably a curse word or two

warnings: slight cursing, idiots being idiots

word count: 4.2k

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・

“y/n, m’lady, you sway to the rhythm of my heart.” kissy sounds and off beat comments where all you could hear the second you entered the classroom, reminders of the fool you had made of yourself at that party. english had always been your favorite subject but you where dreading all classes today. how could you be such an idiot? you couldn’t give any of those jerks the satisfaction of your acknowledgement. you sat down and began to take your materials out. just ignore and pretend like you always do. “y/n stratford you where on fire! wonder where you learned to dance like that babe.” joey’s voice makes anger bubble deep inside your gut. you kept cool on the outside, not even glancing up, keeping your eyes fixated what’s in-front of you as joey joins his friends. right as the bell rang, billie came in. she quickly looked for your eyes which where still preoccupied. she timidly walks over and slinks into the seat behind you. you knew it was her. you weren’t sure if you recognized the sound of her necklaces rattling together or her musky perfume first, but both where indicators of her presence. billie knew she fucked up. the entire situation was fucked up. she couldn’t help but ask herself if the money she was getting was worth breaking something that’s already fragile. billie wants to know you, to be real with you. your cold shoulder was enough for her to make up her mind. she’s calling it off with joey. you listened intensely as mrs. blaise explained the upcoming assignment. something about writing poems- or something like that. before you knew it the bell was ringing, and you waisted no time in scooping up your stuff and rushing off. you didn’t even hear billie say your name as you left.

you always spent lunch with your friend juliana, being that she was one of your, if not your only, close friends. “you went to a party? i thought we where officially apposed to social activity.” she linked her arm through yours, connecting you guys while the two of you walked through the campus. “i didn’t have a choice jules.” this was the last topic you wanted to discuss, not only where you embarrassed over getting fucked up and making a fool of yourself, but also embarrassed by getting turned down by billie. “didn’t have a choice? where’s my y/n and what have you done with her?” you knew she was just poking friendly fun but you really where in no joking mood. “i did it for bianca and it backfired. i got drunk. i danced. i fell. i puked. i got rejected. it was big fun.” juliana didn’t push after your short angered rant. she could tell it was something that was still raw for you. she really wanted to ask about the being rejected part, you having failed to mention to her you where even remotely intrigued by anyone. as you two walk you see and make eye contact with billie. she nervously smiles and gives a small wave. you huff and roll your eyes before immediately turning to walk on a different path. juliana made eye contact with billie. without knowing or hearing anything, juliana knew all she needed to know before continuing to follow you. you decided to have some ‘you time’ after school. the vintage book store was always a comforting place for you. you could spend hours trailing up and down the rustic istles. “exuse me? do you know where i could find a copy of the feminine mystique? i seemed to have lost my copy.” it seemed as if billie came out of no where, suddenly standing directly in-front of you. you stop dead in your tracks and cross your arms. “what are you doing here?” she smiles and shrugs her shoulders at you. “heard this is a pretty cool joint.” you let out a sarcastic laugh before turning to a near by shelf, picking up a book, and shoving it into billie’s chest before exiting. when billie looked down, there was now a copy of the feminine mystique in her hand.

the next day flew by fairly quickly, and quietly. you where on the soccer field going about practice as usual. the coach announced a fifteen minute break since the marching band was also on the field, practicing for the next football game. you chatted with some of your teammates, discussing tactics for the next game and complaining about whatever else.* “you’re just too good to be true,, can’t take my eyes off of you,,” suddenly a beautiful voice could be heard over the loud system of the game field. “you’d be like heaven to touch,, i wanna hold you so much,,” billie was suddenly seen coming out of the announcer booth, microphone in hand, lips moving perfectly in sync with the singing. she was singing. “at long last, love has arrived,, and i thank god i’m alive,,” she then finally finds your eyes on the field, holding the most intense eye contact with you. “you’re just too good to be true,, can’t take my eyes off of you.” as she finished the phrase she points a finger at you. before you could even continue to process what was going on, the entire school band starts playing music- the music to go along with billie’s singing. your mouth hangs agape, an unavoidable smile spreading onto your face. everyone else on the field was in total shock, people laughing, teasing, gossiping. but you couldn’t even be bothered to care. all you could focus on was billie. she sang and danced through the bleachers, along with running away from campus security. all you could do was watch and laugh and smile, not even believing what was happening. as the song came to a close billie eventually had to stop dodging security and go with them to the principals office- probably to get in trouble for hijacking the sound system. you whistled and cheered for her though, as did everyone else. you definitely couldn’t let her sit through detention after that. the loud whistle the coach was using snapped you out of your thoughts. unfortunately, you couldn’t help her until after practice. luckily, it wrapped up about twenty minutes later. after lazily throwing sweat pants over your soccer shorts and slipping on some low top sneakers, you made your way to the detention room. all you had to do was distract the teacher long enough to let billie escape. as you entered the room, billie eyes where the first thing you looked for. your eyes met instantly, she gave you a ‘what are you doing?’ look as you gave her a ‘don’t worry about it’ look back. “mr. elicks! just the guy i was looking for!” okay so maybe you weren’t an actor, but you could be convincing enough for the sake of the task at hand. you created small talk with the older male teacher, once he turned his back you looked over at billie- mouthing the words ‘escape while you can’. billie had a huge grin on her face as you continued to chat away with the teacher. slowly but surely, billie made it out of the classroom undetected. once she was out, you quickly said goodbye and dashed out of there. the both of you laughed and giggled while running down the halls, booking it for the parking lot. you lead her to your car before unlocking the doors allowing you both to sit. “dude i can’t thank you enough for helping me sneak out of detention. very cool of you.” she was still panting a bit, but you where too, having just run down four hauls and several flights of stairs. you laugh through the pants before responding. “yeah no problem.” you put the keys in the ignition and begin to drive, existing the parking lot. “i thought i was gonna be a goner trying to sneak out of there. so how did you do it? keep him so distracted?” due to you driving, you couldn’t exactly look over at her. but you could tell she was still smiling. “oh you know..i dazzled him with my wits.” she chuckles as you pull into a gas station parking lot. “so what now.” you turn to billie, now being able to actually talk. “are you up for it?” billie has this mischievous look on her face. “up for what?”

that’s how the two of you ended up covered in paint, laughing your asses off, playing paint-ball. “eilish watch out!!” you two start laughing as she got hit with a paint ball. you take a few step closer to her but you’re suddenly hit with a paintball straight to your back, sending you stumbling forward. before you know it you’re falling onto the ground- right on top of billie. “well how cliche.” billie placed one of her hands on the small of your back, while the other came up to brush some of your paint covered hair from out of your face. “shut up and kiss me already.” “with pleasure.” billie then finally brings her face to yours, and places her hips atop of yours. her lips where softer than clouds, seemingly melting into yours. the kiss was soft and gentle. she tasted like cherry chapstick and spearmint gum. when the kiss was done, you felt yourself missing it. after the kiss, you both just looked at each other for a moment. neither of you being able to find the right words to say now. billie was the first one to speak. “maybe we should uh- head out.” you nodded and scrambled to get up and off of her, offering your hand to help her stand. the walk back to the car was silent. it wasn’t awkward, but there was still a slight feeling of tension. as you got to the car you handed her a towel from in your trunk. she raised an eyebrow at you. “bianca always has me pick her and her friends up from the beach. i hate sand, especially in my car. so ive just gotten into the habit of keeping towels in the trunk.” she nods and listens as you both wipe as much paint as possible from off yourselves before entering the car. “do you wanna go to my place?” the question catches you off guard. you’d never been to billie’s house before, hell you dont even know where she lives. she continued to speak. “we’re both covered in paint, and exhausted. also- i’m pretty sure your dad will go all ‘sargent dad’ on you if you go home looking like a kindergarteners finger painting project.” she had a point, your dad would ask way too many questions, and you hated the feel of the paint drying in your hair. “yeah why not. but i have no idea where you live.” she smiles as she puts her seat belt on. “i gotcha mamas, i’ll give you directions.” and she does just that. it was about fifteen minutes of her giving you directions before you finally made it back to her house.

it was different then you pictured in your head. she leads you inside after unlocking the door. you’re suddenly met with a large pitbull, jumping up excitedly onto billie. “shaaark hi buddy, hey big guy, who’s a good boy!” you watch as billie crouched down to give love to the dog while she talked to him in a cute baby voice. it was a side of billie you’d never seen before, and it made you smile. the dog suddenly comes over to you and sniffs you, before sitting in front of you seemingly waiting for you to pet him. you smile and pat his head. “nice to meet you shark! aww you’re so cutee.” now you’re crouching down to pet the dog as he rolls over for you to rub his belly. “oh yeah he’s a looker.” she watches closely while you interact with her dog, something about it makes her stomach do backflips. “he’s literally the cutest thing i’ve ever seen.” you turn to look at her while still petting the dog. “not as cute as you.” she shoots you a wink and you roll your eyes, your cheeks blushing slightly. “here come i’ll show you where the bathroom is, i’ll grab you a towel and some clothes to throw on.” she guides you up a flight of stairs and to a bathroom, seemingly to be her own. “i’ll be right back with the supplies.” she turns and leaves while you study the bathroom. it has one tooth brush, so this must be her own bathroom. you see some skincare products lined up on the sink, along with some vanilla body lotion. a knock at the door is heard before billie slips in. “clothes and towel as promised. there’s shampoo, conditioner and body wash inside the shower on the shelf. once you’re done you can come to my room that’s where i’ll be. it’s the first door on the left when you walk out.” you nod taking the pile from her hands, while she closes the door behind her. you quickly shower, ridding yourself of the paint. billie gave you a black nike hoodie with some red basket ball shorts. the outfit was a little big on you, but it was almost comforting. the clothes smelt like her arms where wrapped around you.

you made your way to her room, the sound of low music to be heard from the door that was cracked open. when you stepped inside you’re met with a whole different billie than you’re used to. billie is seated at a desk- she’s wearing a darker red hoodie was some sort of band logo on it, along with some checkered pajama shorts. her hair was wet but thrown up in a messy bun, and she seemed to be applying some skin care products to her face. she seemed so much more real. she noticed your presence and smiled. “c’mon in, i don’t bite.” she grins as she speaks while motioning for you to sit on the edge of the bed next to her chair. without a second beat you indulge. “do you live here alone?” you couldn’t stop yourself from being nosey. it was strange there was no one else here. “nah i live with my parents and older brother. my parents travel a lot for business and my brothers almost always at his girlfriends house- if not then working.” you head nodded as she spoke, your eyes locked with her blue ones. “its not too bad tho. i usually just kinda hang here with shark. sometimes zoe will come by.” as hard as you tried to pay attention to her words, her presence was overtaking your mind. your mind couldn’t help but question how you ended up here. “what about you? have anything you like to do while home alone?” it was clear billie was continuing to try and get to know you, which you appreciated. “well i’m also usually home alone a lot. bianca’s always god knows where. my dad works in a hospital so he’s off saving lives. jules is usually busy- she works and studies a lot, and she’s pretty much the only person i hang out with. i kinda just read or listen to music or practice the guitar.” speaking with billie felt so natural to you as you’ve grown accustomed to her being around. “nice nice. i’m more of a piano person myself.” billie smirked as she spoke. “speaking of music- i didn’t know you could sing??” you’d almost forgotten about the public performance from earlier today; even though it was only a few hours since it felt like days. you could see a small blush creep onto her cheeks as she just smiled and rubbed the back of her neck. “i- yeah.. it’s not something i talk about a ton.” you could tell the topic made her slightly nervous. it was cute. you start to think back on the reason for her show earlier, and it makes you slightly frown. billie must have noticed the shift in your mood because she immediately perks up. “hey, what’s wrong?” the concern could be heard in billie’s voice. “why didn’t you kiss me in the car?” the question you’d been dying to ask finally spilling out, you stood as you continued to speak. “you flirt with me. you call me pet names. you- you take me to a party- take care of me- open up to me- but then you don’t kiss me-? and then today you do this big gesture and you hang out with me and kiss me and bring me to your home- i just.. do you not want to be with me or what because i-i can’t just play games with you billie.” you let out a sigh after speaking, having just ranted and spilled out everything you’d been thinking.

billie just looks at you. you couldn’t tell what she was thinking- her eyes being so unreadable. she sighed as she stood up from her chair so she was standing directly infront of you. without saying any words she just brought her arms around your waist and pulled you in for a hug. not knowing what to do- you put your arms around her shoulders. billie buried her face in the crook of your neck and sighed. “i’m sorry.” was all billie said, her voice low as she was so close to you. you could feel her breath on your neck and it sent shivers down your spine. the two of you stayed like that for a moment, not knowing when to break apart- not wanting to break apart. billie pulled away and cupped a hand on your cheek. “i was scared- you where kinda drunk and i don’t know i thought that you’d either regret it or forget it if we kissed that night. but i-i do- i do want to be with you.” billie’s eyes slightly glossed over, a mix of emotions clouding her brain. none of this was actually supposed to happen. she wasn’t supposed to fall for you, she wasn’t supposed to get so involved, but she couldn’t help it. her stomach was sick with guilt, she wanted to be real with you. she wanted to be with you because of her feelings, not because of joey. you smiled and pulled her into another hug. “i forgive you.” you spoke just above a whisper. “i know i can be a lot.. i’m very closed off but it’s just because- i’ve just been hurt a lot. it’s hard for me to trust people.” your confession sent another wave a guilt through billie. billie knew she had to be sure that this ‘deal’ with joey was buried dead and gone. she also knew she had to make sure you’d never find out. when you finally let go, billie could see more of the pink hue that dusted your cheeks. for the first time, you felt nervous under her gaze. billie gave you the softest smile, the same pink hue now covering her own cheeks. she slightly stepped closer, if that was even possible. “can i kiss you again?” her voice was low, quiet, like her words where only meant for your ears. all you could do was nod, not trusting your voice to be stable enough to answer. she placed her hand behind your ear while her thumb rested on your cheek before leaning in, and kissing you once more. this kiss felt different then the first one. the first one was soft, a spur of the moment kiss. this kiss felt more real. it was passionate, like she was confessing her feelings through her movements. she pulled you closer by your waist as you put your hands on her chest, slightly grabbing at her hoodie as if to pull her even closer. by the time you’d both finally pulled away, you where on the brink of gasping for air, the kiss having lasted a life time. she rested her forehead atop of yours, her eyes staring deep into yours. “go to prom with me.” it wasn’t even a question she was asking you, more of a demand. “prom-? why would you even want to go?” you didn’t take billie as the school event type of girl. “i want to be with you. i want to do things with you. please go to prom with me.” the desperation in her voice made the butterflies in your stomach start to flutter. “i don’t know billie..” you wanted to protest the idea but then you just saw her staring at you with her big blue eyes. how could you say no? a sigh escaped you lips before you finally answered. “okay- i’ll go to prom with you.” billie immediately picks you up by the waist and spins you around. you laugh with wide eyes while gripping onto her shoulders. “i promise you won’t regret this y/n.” she holds your face in her hands as she speaks. you blush once more, the strong brick walls you had built around your feelings slowly came crumbling down.

it had been hours since you’d arrived at billie’s house, her having suggested to you guys watching some tv on her living room couch turned into an hour and a half long nap. when you woke up, you where clung to billie’s torso. her arm was draped around your shoulders while the other one was playing with your hair. you groaned, having been so comfortably sleeping. “hey sleepy head.” billie spoke very softly, sounding like she’d possibly also been sleeping. “how long was i asleep for?” you sat up slightly, still staying close to billie. “like an hour and a half-ish. i woke up like twenty minutes ago.” you nodded and sighed as she spoke, knowing you’d most likely have to go home soon. before either of you could say anything else, the sound of the front door opening and shark barking filled the room. billie looked over and noticed the two that had just walked in and smiled. “hey fin, hey claudia. finally gracing me with your presence?” you assumed this must be her older brother and his girlfriend, who billie had briefly mentioned earlier. she then got up from the couch and headed in their direction. a part of you wanted to pull her back and keep her next to you but you knew the moment couldn’t last forever. you knew you should also get up and say hi so you did. as you approached you got to actually see the couple that just arrived. you took notice of her brothers ginger hair, wondering if maybe billie’s jet black hair wasn’t her natural color. the girlfriend was tall, and very beautiful. even in a sweat suit she still looked like a super model. the girl seemed to notice your presence before the other two. “hi there.” billie and her brothers heads turned at the sound of her voice. “oh right- y/n this is my brother finneas, and his girlfriend, claudia.” claudia gave you a warm smile and wave while finneas extended his hand for you to shake, which you reciprocated. “hi nice to meet you guys. i’m y/n.” you felt slightly nervous interacting with the two despite their kindness. the conversation flowed with ease, both finneas and claudia being incredibly nice and friendly. the four of you sat on their living room couch, discussing various topics like music, tv shows, movies, food, and sports. after about a half hour you had decided it was probably a good idea for you to head home being that you had been out the entire day and it was almost 6pm. billie was leaning up against your side, so you lightly tapped her knee. her head perked up and she looked over at you. “i should probably head home.” she frowned but understood. “cmere i’ll walk you out.” you turned to finneas and claudia after standing up. “it was so great meeting you guys.” the couple also stood and each came in to give you a hug. “you’re welcome any time.” finneas said as he hugged you goodbye. “i hope we see more of you!” claudia stated as she gave you her hug. finneas then turned to billie before you two exited. “you better treat her right kid. she’s a keeper.” you could feel heat rush to your cheeks, and you saw billie’s do the same. billie and you walked out without a word, walking to your car in silence. “i uh- loved spending the day with you.” billie opened your car door for you as she spoke. you giggled slightly before leaning in and kissing her cheek. “me too, see you tomorrow?” billie blushed once more before nodding with a smile. you started your car with a sigh and waved to billie before driving off.

billie watched your car drive away, before going inside and picking up the phone. she waited a moment, letting it ring, before beginning to speak once the line picked up. “the deals off joey.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・

tag list <3: @emilyshortcake

[dandelionsresilience]

Dandelion News - March 8-14

Like these weekly compilations? Tip me at $kaybarr1735 or check out my Dandelion Doodles!

1. Caribbean reef sharks rebound in Belize with shark fishers’ help

“Caribbean reef shark populations have rebounded beyond previous levels, more than tripling at both Turneffe and Lighthouse atolls[…. The recovery] arose from a remarkable synergy among shark fishers, marine scientists and management authorities[….]”

2. Landmark Ruling on Uncontacted Indigenous Peoples’ Rights Strikes at Oil Industry

“[T]he Ecuadorian government [must] ensure any future expansion or renewal of oil operations does not impact Indigenous peoples living in voluntary isolation. [… E]ffective measures must be adopted to prevent serious or irreversible damage, which in this case would be the contact of these isolated populations,” said the opinion[….]”

3. America's clean-energy industry is growing despite Trump's attacks. At least for now

“The buildout of big solar and battery plants is expected to hit an all-time high in 2025, accounting for 81% of new power generation[….] The industry overall has boomed thanks to falling technology costs, federal tax incentives and state renewable-energy mandates.”

4. Study says endangered Asian elephant population in Cambodia is more robust than previously thought

“A genetic study of Asian elephants […] reveals a larger and more robust population than previously thought, raising hopes the endangered species could slowly recover. […] “With sufficient suitable habitat remaining in the region, the population has the potential to grow if properly protected,” the report concludes.”

5. Scientists are engineering a sense of touch for people who are paralyzed

“[Engineers are] testing a system that can restore both movement and sensation in a paralyzed hand. [… A]fter more than a year of therapy and spinal stimulation, [… h]is increased strength and mobility allow him to do things like pet his dog. And when he does, he says, "I can feel a little bit of the fur."“

6. Florida is now a solar superpower. Here’s how it happened.

“In a first, Florida vaulted past California last year in terms of new utility-scale solar capacity plugged into its grid. It built 3 gigawatts of large-scale solar in 2024, making it second only to Texas. And in the residential solar sector, Florida continued its longtime leadership streak.”

7. Rare frog rediscovered after 130 years

“The researchers discovered two populations of the frog[….] "The rediscovery of A. vittatus allowed us to obtain, more than a century after its description, the first biological and ecological data on the species.” [… S]hedding light on where and how they live is the first step in protecting them.”

8. Community composting programs show promise in reducing household food waste

“The program [increased awareness and reduced household waste, and] also addressed common barriers to home composting, including pest concerns and technical challenges that had previously discouraged participants from composting independently.”

9. Pioneering Australian company marks new milestone on “mission” to upcycle end-of-life solar panels

“[…] SolarCrete – a pre-mixed concrete made using glass recovered from used solar panels – will form part of the feasibility study[….] A second stage would then focus on the extraction of high value materials[…] for re-use in PV and battery grade silicon, [… and] electrical appliances[….]”

10. Beavers Just Saved The Czech Government Big Bucks

“The aim was to build a dam to prevent sediment and acidic water from two nearby ponds from spilling over, but the project was delayed for years due to negotiations over land use[….] Not only did the industrious rodents complete the work faster than the humans had intended, they also doubled the size of the wetland area that was initially planned.”

March 1-7 news here | (all credit for images and written material can be found at the source linked; I don’t claim credit for anything but curating.)

[slaaverin]

What do you think about jikook living together (in jk's new house) after ms ? I've seen some discussion about it but i wanted to hear what you have to say about it

Look.

Everytime I tried to be cautious and say "let's not get my hopes up" jikook managed to blow up my expectations out of the park and more. Every. Single. Time.

So you know what? Hell with caution.

I think they will move in together.

Maybe not right away, not immediately, because it would be perfectly normal after 18 months to take a breather from each other.

But eventually 👀

It only makes sense, right?

They don't have MS anymore hanging over their shoulders. The pressure will be gone.

Being even a little time apart in 2023 made JK miserable.

They had to decide how they will live their life from now on.

Of course they will remain intertwined.

JK has a huge house, way too big for 1 person.

This is a family's house.

Will there be back and forth between Jimin's appartement and his house? Certainly. Will Jimin keep his appartement? Most probably.

But you can't tell me Jimin will not at least spend a large amount of time in JK's house. They are not even far in distance from each other.

Idk if they will move in move in, like officially and such. They would probably keep it on the low.

(Or maybe not and once again they're gonna do the crazy thing which?? Is totally possible.)

But I'm pretty positive about that move, if not entirely at least partially for now. And then who knows.

I can't get out of my head Jimin & JK and Bam living happily in this house 😭 ahhh 🫠

I'm sure we'll eventually learn about this. There will be clues.

Let's keep our eyes open.

Aren't you excited to find out? I really am.

Wait&see but 👀 this is a start of a whole new life and it's difficult to predict for sure in which direction they're gonna go.

Even if I think we all collectively have a hunch about this.

Can't fucking wait

Thanks for your ask anon 💜 Do you feel the same?

Take care

[nanaluvssevi]

MEN AND MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

University Professor Sevika x Fem reader. ₊⟡.⋆☕ ᝰ.ᐟ

Hi! this is the main story of this au. You can find the masterlist here! This story would continue, in the form of drabbles, short stories and headcanons.

I worked really hard in this so I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it!!.

Kind of slow burn, but not really, they just take their time. No yearning or doubting

TW: Suggestive talk, talking about nudity, cursing, a little bit of angst, not too much tho, family issues, drug addiction, consumption of alcohol and weed, shotgunning, suggestive talk again, nudity, making out, they have sex. Fingering and Cunnilingus !reader receiving. Groping. Humping.

Also feet?? LOL. nothing sexual or suggestive but just fyi.

WC: 15.2K

Professor!Sevika, who could teach about every subject but wouldn't she just be so good at social studies and political science?.

Professor!Sevika, who was known for her sassy tone and remarks to make the lectures manageables but also for her impressive knowledge about what she teached.

Professor!Sevika, who didn’t tolerate any type of disrespect in her class, and when someone dared to disrespect her she would be the roughest and meanest professor in the whole building.

Professor!Sevika, who noticed you on the first day of the new semester, she didn’t know why at the moment but you just stood out from the rest.

Professor!Sevika, who despite her relatively young age for a professor she had forged a great and known career path. She had started teaching as soon as she could, and you could notice that in her expertise. Someone who had collected degrees like they were easy to get, expanding her knowledge every time she could. Knowledge and expertise you could notice only by looking at the way she moved around the lecture hall, how her low, deep and raspy voice for too many cigarettes captured the attention of every person who put a foot in her class. With the days you started noticing that special glimpse of pride that made her grey eyes sparkle when she got elbow deep on the class topic of that day.

Professor!Sevika, who doesn’t talk much about her but more about what she knows. Who is excited to help the moment she sees your name as the remittent of an email asking for papers or articles to read about the matter she talked about in that day's class.

Professor!Sevika, who always dressed similarly, a button up in darker colors, sometimes in a deep red or an eggplant color when she got tired of the most neutral ones, that usually got tighter around her bust and arms, with the first two buttons always loose and the sleeves usually rolled to mid forearm letting you see part of her tattooed right arm and the black color of her prosthetic left arm. Her eyes are always half covered with her glasses that rested in that beautiful nose. You never saw her haircut change; it was always in that sharp cut that went from short in the nape of her neck, leaving a beautiful undercut behind, to longer closer to her cheeks. Her slacks were always black or dark gray. Combat boots were her staple and even if she owned different pairs the dark purple shoelaces were present in each of them.

Professor!Sevika, who always was capable of keeping you hooked at her words, at the side smirk that covered her plump and dark colored lips while talking. How could you not put all of your attention to what she was talking about? There was an inexplicable energy that she radiated that made you want to wrap yourself around her and listen to her talk about anything for hours without an obvious end.

Professor!Sevika, who got used to paying attention to you, you intrigued her to an enigmatic level. Firstly, you weren’t close in age to the rest of her students. It wasn’t hard for her to notice your experience when reading your work, watching the way you took notes, and the attention to detail in every essay you sent. It made sense that you excelled in her course.

Secondly you weren’t hard to miss, at least in her eyes, without fail you were 5 minutes earlier than the rest, with the same coffee cup every time, consistently dressing in just a style that screamed ‘you’.

And lastly because of the amount of attention you put on everything she says, sevika was used to capture everyone's attention but yours just felt… different.

₊⟡.

Professor!Sevika, who was the strictest professor you had encountered in university. It wasn’t hard to imagine how hard she could be as an outsider, after all what she wanted was the best for her students, she wanted to make them excel, she was not going to permit unfit people to pass her course.

For the same reason professor!Sevika normally wasn’t kind to the idea of befriending or being close to her students. A self imposed rule of just keeping all of her relationship with students strictly professional. She knew people would tend to get close to her with the idea that being friendly would make them gain something from her, a few points here and there, or any type of advantage… She would just laugh inside at seeing the poor job some students did at the end of a semester to try and get anything she was noble enough to give them (she wasn’t noble at all, at least not with those who didn’t put in the work. After all her heart wasn’t made of stone as you could imagine, she would help the people she knew did their part during the school year.)

But… there could always be an exception, right?

₊⟡.

Professor!Sevika, who didn’t want to be surprised when you approached her before class started, but she was anyway. You were earlier than ever before, your hands occupied and your voice sounded as soft as always with a hint of something she couldn’t decipher in that moment. She never had the chance to hear you talking only to her, she was accostumbrated to listening to you talk with your classmates or when you always so cleverly answered a question in class, but directly and only to her? never had the chance to hear more than a few words, until today. Maybe what has been stopping you was her gaze, that gaze that seemed to be the only one that could make your knees tremble, and it wasn’t because you weren’t confident, you were, but it was sevika after all. The only times you directed your voice to her and her only was just as you entered her sacred place of teaching, a small cordial greeting when you entered the class and a soft nod accompanied by a “goodbye” after classes ended. A small paper bag was gripped by your perfectly manicured nails and a drink carrier that sported two cups that rested in your open hand when you entered the hall this late afternoon.

She didn’t know how you got stuck with this class schedule that was normally the least desired one, after all… who wanted to take a lecture on a friday at 4pm?, but today she was pleased with it. This class normally has the least amount of students so it tends to be more relaxed, although at the same time this is the one where the tiredness that she accumulated during the week usually gets to her.

A surprised look appeared on her face when she saw you, with a small rise of her eyebrow. She was willing to be the one who started a conversation, until you got ahead of her.

“Good afternoon, professor” The words left your lips slenderly while a soft and shy smile appeared on your lips. This might be the first time she heard your voice clearly with no other sound to interfere, now that she had heard it loud and clear she found it enticing, a sudden spark of curiosity arose in her. Only a greeting wasn’t good enough, she wanted to hear you talk more.

“Good afternoon,” your name left her lips like it was covered by slick honey. “you are earlier today” Her usual smirk now plastered on her lips. Her thin metal frame glasses were lower on her gorgeous nose than usual, letting her eyes peek from the top of them. A soft blush appeared on your cheeks, she said ‘earlier’ which only could mean she had noticed that you were here before your usual time.

“Oh! Well… I was on my usual coffee run, it’s been a rough week for all so i thought it would be kind to bring one for you. I hope this isn’t an overstep.” She didn’t know where you kept all of these words before, but she wasn’t going to complain about it. This sudden rush of confidence from your side and the detail of thinking of her made a smile appear on her lips, suddenly her tooth gap was on display only for you to see.

“It isn’t an overstep, don’t sweat about it. And thank you for this, I was almost on my way to grab a cup from those vending machines.” A short chuckle left your lips. Sevika was never used to kindness, at the end of the day her background wasn’t colourful. Everything she had made of herself was thanks to her effort, unthinkable hours spent on working and studying at the same time, sleeping when and where she could, having to endure men thinking and telling her she would always be ‘a no one’. She was used to always thinking the worst, especially coming from students, and although this time it felt different the little voice in her head told her to not let her guard down. While her mind was quickly filled with information you occupied yourself taking the cup from the holder with only one free hand. She thought about what could have driven you to do this; you didn’t need extra points on your assignments, your work was basically perfect, you weren’t failing for the same reason, so then why?.

“But those suck!” You quickly interrupted her train of thought. She blinked slowly, focusing on you. “I didn’t know what you would like so I chose just a latte, I also asked for sugar and sweetener in case you preferred that”. You said as you put everything you just mentioned in front of her.

“They indeed suck. And I don't really mind the way the coffee is made. Coffee, it's coffee after all.” Confused was how she was feeling, she couldn’t really understand it, again why?. Before she could stop herself she asked “Can I ask you a question?”

“You already did” a soft laugh escaped your lips. Ah! now you’re toying with her, her own smile grew a little bit more making her gaze look gentler. “but yes, of course”

“Why?” Now you were the one surprised.

“Why?” This time you were the one asking the question.

“Yes, why?” A look of confusion appeared on your face.

“The coffee?” A small nod came from her side, a hot tingling sensation took over you, you could feel it on your naked shoulders and the back of your neck. You could feel it in your face too, probably a soft blush appeared on these areas as you stumbled with your words, she still made you nervous after all. You were grateful that you weren’t that young anymore, if you were still in your early twenties your hands would sweat and your whole body would start to tremble. After a soft sigh left you, you answered. “I don’t think there is just a specific ‘why’, you are probably my favorite professor and your lectures always leave me with this sensation of wanting to know more. I thought making a move to be closer would be great, after all I am really interested in what you teach and would love to have someone to talk about all of this and who is better for that than an academic that teaches about it.”

Her gaze softened the more you talked, her left mechanical hand held the cardboard cup close to her mouth to take a sip. After she was confident that you were done talking it was her turn. After she cleared her throat she talked in her characteristic deep voice. “That’s fine by me, after all I'm the one who reads what you write. You are different from the rest of the people in this course, I can notice your actual interest in everything I teach.”

She had also noticed your slim fingers taking notes, and the smile that appeared on your face when you where learning something new, she also notice the furrow on your brows when you were focused, and the way you bit the corner of your lips at the same time, but she wasn’t going to tell you that, it was dangerous, at least for now. What was that about a rule?.

₊⟡.⋆☕ ᝰ.ᐟ

It never felt easier for sevika to get comfortable with someone, after a few minutes talking the hour of the actual class was about to start. You went to your usual seat, third row and in the exact center of the room, in her eyes you were glowing like a beautiful firefly in the middle of a forest of faces that blended in one dark mass. Before the class started she directed a smile just for you.

You have classes with her two times a week, Fridays and Wednesdays. A weekend and two days separating the times she would be able to see your face. Days that for some reason never felt longer to Sevika, you have grown like a vine around her thoughts.

She wasn’t dumb in the slightest, she started noticing how she felt about you on a sunday morning while her usual coffee started pouring in a cup, she was preparing her big girl to go on a run. Jaan, her blue merle australian shepherd, her little baby, the only animal that saw her softest side. When the black coffee was ready the smell brought her back to last Friday, to that softest smile and the smallest portion of shyness that had escaped from your lips while you talked. She noticed the smile that adorned her face in the reflection of the microwave door. After just a shrug of her shoulders and a sip of the piping hot cup she went with her day. She wasn’t a child anymore and neither were you, so, why would it be a problem to have a little crush?.

Yeah… it wasn’t just a little crush. Every single time she smelled a coffee she was transported to that day, every single time remembering something different about that few minutes you talked… and about the duration of the lecture and how you looked while listening to her talk… and at that disgustingly sweet smirk that you gifted her before waving goodbye. And it was going to begin being a problem if she didn’t do anything about it.

Sevika was never someone to wait for things to happen, if she needed to take the initiative she would do it, and this time it would not be different. When Wednesday rolled around you appeared in the class ten minutes before it started. A white top with a square neckline that did a really bad job at covering your chest while a black flowy skirt that would be touching the ground if you weren’t using platform shoes covered your legs. While you walked closer to her, a small slit made its presence, the slit going up the right side of your leg until mid thigh, the sight of your soft skin made her swallow hard. Before she could keep on detailing every part of you she heard your voice snapping her back to reality. “Good morning professor!” Oh she was one hundred percent going to lose her mind if you kept smiling like that.

“Good morni-” she got interrupted when a soft combination of chuckles erupted from your throat, one of her eyebrows went up with curiosity while she saw how you covered your mouth to try to stop them from coming up. “Something happened?” Genuinely preoccupation started seeping from her. You started shaking your head ‘no’ while signaling her chest.

“You… Your overshirt, you put it inside out.” The blood drained from her face quicker than ever before. She looked at her arms, noticing that the seams were showing up.

Trying to feel less awkward now was her time to chuckle, her left hand going to the right cuff to start pulling from it. She started talking while completing the work of taking the overshirt off so she could put it on correctly. “At least it was the overshirt and not the actual shirt. I don’t think it would be a good idea to undress in front of someone before a first date” Your eyes were fixed on the flex of the muscles on her right arm that looked like if she forced them a little more the shirt would rip in half while trying really hard to focus on the words that leave her lips.

“Well, you are still undressing in front of me before a first date, sadly not completely.” you crossed your arms under your chest making your breast more pronounced, her eyes this time stopped there for less than a second, but you noticed, your smirk growing every passing second.

“We should change that, don’t you think?” She copied your actions, both can play the same game, she thought. Your throat felt dry for a moment, with your eyes fixating on her biceps. Oh how good would her arms both flesh and metal feel around your waist, and her tall and broad figure towering you from behind. FOCUS!

After a few seconds you talked. “Are you inviting me to a date professor?” with a faked severe expression you looked at her. Your eyes attempting to send daggers to the stormy ones that were looking at you.

“I was talking about undressing completely actually, but a date sounds like a better first step.” Laughter erupted from both of you at the same time, she watched in awe as you tilted back giving space to your lungs to breathe so you wouldn’t choke. In her eyes you looked ethereal, like a nymph. With your hair cascading behind you and hands resting on your stomach for a little bit. She noticed in that second again that she was too deep, she was into you and it felt good to think about it. After you relaxed yourself your eyes sparkling with the wetness of tears that formed from the force of your laughing and a big smile covering your face you talked.

“I'm free for the rest of the day after this class and on the weekends, professor.”

“Today works perfectly, and please, call me Sevika.”

₊⟡.⋆☕ ᝰ.ᐟ

The weeks went by quickly, every wednesday like clock work after class you two walked together to some place close to campus to eat something, sometimes it was your favorite café when she made you know that her favorite type of coffee was just plain black coffee. Every so often you eat at that pizza place that looked like just a door from the outside but once inside you felt in another country where you talked about the love you had for any type of bread. Sometimes one of the two made something to share and went to a nearby park to eat sitting on a bench under a gazebo observing the people walking while conversations just flew by.

You talked a lot, not only in person. You had also interchanged numbers, normally talking by messages but sometimes a call would happen in the middle of the week, the days passing without her voice felt like a torture for you. Even if you enjoyed her voice in a cell phone you would always prefer those conversations face to face more. You learned more things about her in those, like that time you noticed she was only a softie, even if she didn’t accept she was, you saw it in her eyes while she showed you pictures next to Jaan, also when she also explained her name ‘soul’ and ‘life’ were the most usual connotations for it, but it was also ‘darling’. She explained to you how her grandparents came from india and that she felt the necessity of connecting to her roots, also told you about her favorite food, which to no one surprise was a indian dish her mother made when she was a child ‘Rogan josh’ she grew up with the one that wasn’t spicy but now that aspect was the one she enjoyed the most today apart from the tender lamb meat.

You also made a habit of getting half an hour earlier to class every Friday with her favorite coffee, an unsweetened black coffee, and your usual, a deep long macchiato, and an assortment of different types of pastries each week. You two made a bet, she told you that you couldn’t guess her favorite dessert after you said she was a basic woman for sticking to just plain coffee, until this moment you have failed; donuts, cupcakes, typical desserts, brownies, cookies, croissants, cakes, lemon pie, pound cake, tiramisu, every each of them was just not it. The bet was that she was going to buy for you whatever you asked (under a price limit of course), and you were a woman on a mission.

One day you saw at the bakery a beautiful bunch of just cream puffs covered with a dark chocolate, you only picked those that day, your bank account could not support you paying for 5 different desserts each friday. When you made it to the classroom with a smile on your face she was focusing on organizing something that looked like sheets of paper.

“Are those last week's tests?” You said dropping the bag softly in front of her while walking to peek from behind her.

“FUCK!” She did a small jump on her seat for the surprise before reincorporating looking at you. “why are you so silent when you enter, you scared me to death”

“Uhhh professor I don’t think it’s very professional for you to curse in the classroom.” That was probably the best trait from you in her eyes. You weren’t scared to play with her. In your eyes she wasn’t this strict monster that noticed every detail and graded accordingly, she was just another pair.

“Oh shush, yes they are, you got a 98%. What did you bring this time?” She said opening the bag while she received the cup you were handing to her.

“It’s a surprise, something basic for a basic woman.” You watched from your seat a few feet away from her as she rolled her eyes taking the red box from the paper bag, opening without much care put into it. Her eyes that before denoted false annoyance were known bright while a grin grew on her face.

“What was that thing you wanted?” Now you were on your feet with your arms raised above your head with a smile that shined proudly.

“We can discuss that lately, Sevi.” You receive an eyebrow raised while she takes a bite of one of the pastries and offers one to you.

“Sevi?” she asked, her forehead relaxing and her face looking softest as ever.

“It’s that alright?” a delicate pink covered your cheeks while taking the pastry to your mouth.

“Yes, it is… smarty pants.” Laughter arises from her while watching your face contorn on exasperation.

“Oh my god, you have to be kidding me.”

“I am indeed kidding you. What should I call you then?”

“I don’t know, you have full autonomy, just anything that isn’t smarty pants.” Another bite was made to the sweet dessert that was picked between your fingers, a little of the crem from the inside smearing in the corner of your lips. The world seems to stop when you feel her calloused hand grip your chin softly when her thumb cleaned up said cream carefully. Your cheeks tinted red watching how she took the finger to her plump lips, liking it clean.

“I think I like sugar, is it fine… sugar?” She tested it on her tongue with a grin as watching you crumble a little bit, for surprise, for confusion, for excitement, for appreciation, for shyness.

“It is fine.” When your smile accompanied hers everything felt right. She didn’t need to know you were going to scream on your pillow when you made it to your apartment and run in circles in the living room. You were just keeping your calm right now. You were going to act like the look in her eyes didn’t affect you in the slightest, like you didn’t feel your knees trembling when you heard the nickname with her gruff voice that you had grown accustomed to listening to on a daily basis. Like your heart isn't beating with all of its force in your chest. Like you weren’t falling in love with her each passing second you spent next to her.

“And just so you know, the same with black coffee, they may look simple but to perfect them you need to master the recipe.”

₊⟡.⋆☕ ᝰ.ᐟ

One day talking on a voice call you let slip that you wanted to start moving more, just to help your muscles take a little shape. She almost instantly asked if you wanted to accompany her and Jaan on their sunday runs, in an act of foolishment from your side you accepted.

So that’s why you are here, in the slight heat that spring brought. Dressed with some running shorts, the comfiest shoes you could find and a fitted long sleeve shirt with a zipper that runs in the middle of it. Sevika was helping you stretch correctly while Jaan waited expectantly watching every movement her momma did.

“Just because you’re new here we are going to go slower, but Jaan gets anxious and would want to run at some point. So we are going to stay close to the park so I can let her roam free when she gets bored of us.” She stretched her back lifting both of her arms over her head leaving in sight a little of the skin on her waist with a patch of dark hair that went from her navel down and disappeared on the inside of her shorts.

“Does she run much?” You tied your hair carefully to not let your ponytail neither too tight nor too loose.

“You are going to see yourself, don’t worry.” She took the strap attached to the collar of her dog before signaling with her head to start walking.

₊⟡.⋆

She was trying to kill you, you didn’t have any doubt of it. First she looked extremely hot in this moment: sweating with her back damp from said fluids, the muscles on her legs looking like she was an ancient Greek statue by how sculpted they looked.

And secondly and probably worst: acting like this was just light work while you struggled to keep her pace.

“THIS ISN’T SLOW, YOU LIED.” You barely screamed at her while you stopped in your tracks flexing your lower body and putting your hands on your knees trying to catch those breaths that you felt like were escaping away from you every second you runned next to her. The first twenty minutes weren’t hard, it was enjoyable until she started incrementing the pace and you started to fall behind.

A few seconds passed between your stop and a comforting hand roaming up and down on your back and a softly cooing that accompanied it. “You should have told me to go slower, sugar. Sorry, I didn’t notice you were struggling.” You straightened yourself letting her hand rest on the small of your back, a smile plastered on your lips for the feeling of warmth on your body.

Although you have grown closer day by day it was hard to get her to touch you, at least in more intimate areas. And your insides were screaming for her touch. To be able to sense the feeling of her hands on your body. The feeling of skin on skin. To be able to take her hand in yours, to observe the scars in her human one and the details on her prosthetic.

Neither of you have brought up the talk about your evident flourishing relationship, you two knew you weren’t just friends but felt scared to bring the subject even though it was obvious that you both wanted the same.

“I’m okay now. I also didn't want to make Jaan stop, she looked happy.” After you said her name you started looking for the dog watching her run across the field in front of you with her mouth open and her tongue sticking out. Carefully and without thinking about it you leaned into Sevika’s touch, making her hand move slowly to your hips sitting there comfortably, no one said anything about it. You two just stayed there and enjoyed the feeling of just staying close for a little while.

“I brought some fruit and snacks, should we go look for them?.” Your voice came out dovelike while your eyes went to focus on her face this time, a small ‘hmm’ left her lips while her eyes stayed focused on the dog.

“Yeah, but let’s just…” Her grey eyes, light like the smoke coming from an ongoing fire and glowing like a pair of diamonds, went to meet yours in an instant with her velvety and husky voice she continued. “stay a little longer.”

“Let’s go, we can walk like this, and I also brought a picnic blanket.” a small chuck left your lips when immediately after you were done talking her eyes narrowed, her characteristic smirk coming to her lips followed by a strong and loud whistle that made Jaan come back to you two in a few seconds.

“Did you say something about a Picnic blanket?”

“I did, indeed.”

₊⟡.⋆

The food was already eaten, the dog laid with her back on the grass while Sevika herself rested her head on your bare thighs, one of your hands tangled in her short hair while the other worked as a support for your weight. You three rested under the shadow of a big maple tree enjoying the chirping of the birds, the gasp of the wind, but most importantly the closeness. The calm went interrupted when Sevika's phone started ringing, a confused look appeared on her face while taking the device from her crossbody bag, a smile appearing on her lips immediately, one different from whatever smile you have seen from her before. She picked up the call quickly.

“Hi sweetie” your hand stopped moving instantly after hearing the nickname. Why is she referring to this someone with such a lovely name? Did she have a girlfriend she forgot to mention?, you didn’t even ask if you remember correctly, after all who would be flirting and going on biweekly dates if they were in a relationship, you at least wouldn’t. “Could you pass the phone? Thank you.” Was there more than one person on the other side? A crawling feeling went up on your spine, the trickling sensation making you stiffen up. “Hi. No, I’m not home right now… Yes, Jaan it’s with me… Who else?” Her eyes went to your face, you can’t imagine what was your expression right now. You surely were trying really hard to appear normal, to don’t show on your face the sensation of pressure that grew on your neck and the weight that had found place inside your chest that was making it so fucking hard to breathe.

Your hand slowly withdrew from her hair without looking at her face trying to focus on something you could see, hear or smell. You wanted to escape, to go running but as far from her as you could, you wanted to scream and cry in the loneliness of your own space without some of the most beautiful eyes you ever seen watching you. But the space you created didn’t last much longer, she changed her phone to her left hand while her right went to catch yours to keep it in between her fingers squeezing softly as a way of reassurance. “I’m with a… friend, yes Jinx a friend. No she isn’t going to steal from us don’t worry. Yes, she is pretty. No… maybe, I can’t answer that right now. Yes, tell Isha I will be there in a couple of hours. Buy some pizza if you want, save me a few slices.”

Confused was short to describe how you were feeling right now. Your mind felt hazy, you didn’t notice in the moment the call had ended or the gruff she left out while sitting normally.

“Sugar?.” You heard her voice and your eyes flew directly to her face, your hand still trapped in hers.

Before talking you cleared your throat. “Can I ask who it was?.” A nod came from her side at the same time she reincorporated. A specific expression crossed her face, it was easily recognizable it was the one she made while preparing to start lecturing. She was organizing her way to dive in the conversation.

“Will you listen and not interrupt?” You let out a doubting nod while still focusing on her. “Alright, it’s a long story, before everything, I’m sorry for not telling you before” Oh that’s it, you are breaking up before even being something. Like she could read your mind she kept on talking. “I’m not in a relationship. I will not be flirting with someone if I was taken. Loyalty it’s the bare minimum for me.” She took a break passing one of her hands through her hair. “I was the godmother of this kid, Jinx, when her father died I was the only person available to take care of her. Her older sister was… not available at that moment. I took care of her from when she was 11 until today. She is 21 now. She is not living with me anymore, at least not full time.” Her eyes focused on the look of your hands between hers.

“When she was 16 I was going back to the apartment when a little child started following me. I was completely alone on the street, no one around us. She had the softest smile of all the world, and the cutest gap tooth you could imagine. With all the heaviness of my heart I took her to a police station. Isha is her name, and she was an orphan. They tried to take her away, but I don't trust those assholes and I also couldn’t leave her with them and let her go into an orphanage. Jinx's sister it’s called Vi, it took a long time for me to grow kind to her. Her girlfriend was a student of Social Work and she was also at Law School at the time. She also comes from this big rich family. After a few calls I was taking her as a foster child. I was already able to take on foster kids, for all of what happened with Jinx.”

She took a break to look at you, she was expecting you to go up and run away with a quick ‘Sorry, I can’t make this.’, after all you were still younger than her and probably would probably prefer to be with someone who didn’t already have two children. She wasn’t expecting you to have the most understanding eyes and a comforting smile plastered on your face, no pity, just pure sympathy and understandment. So she continued. “She was almost four years old at the moment, no one knows how or why she was on the streets alone that day, but I'm glad I was the one that she decided to follow. She is now nine, she doesn’t like to talk much, she has selective mutism, only talks when she is really happy and when you answer a call, she finds joy when you say ‘Hi’ to her on the phone.”

You don’t know at what moment your whole body relaxed and both of your hands were on hers admiring her profusely with a grin on your face. You also don’t know what possessed you in that second to say what you said. “Can I kiss you?.” The pure shock on Sevika’s face lasted less than a second before both of her hands were on the side of your face pulling you in a kiss. It was all you could wish from a first kiss with her, the movement of her plump lips on yours made you gasped, your hands resting on her thighs while you rearranged your position to till yourself closer to her, the softness of her touch made you feel hazy, the warm of her lips and the daintiness of her touch make you feel like you could crumble at any second on her hands. Your brain went quiet the second her lips touched yours all preoccupation you had before had already dissipated in the air. The soft scent that was so her covering all of your senses, woody tones that mixed wonderfully with a rich jasmine and a little touch of what you read as pomegranate. After what felt like just measly seconds but probably were a few minutes you two let go of each other, one of her hands lingered on your face while the other stayed put on your waist, and yours remained on her shoulders, you didn’t even remember how they made it there. Soft giggles escaped both of your lips almost in unison.

“You are so beautiful.” Her thumb brushed your cheek with care while you closed your eyes and tilted your head to feel her closer.

“I can say the same thing about you.” humming came from her side before her lips left a chaste kiss on your forehead. “I don’t think today it’s the moment because it’s a lot of information to explain, but I understand you. My two younger sisters are like my own children. I think all of this just makes me fall even deeper for you.

“Are you falling for me? It isn’t so professional of me to let a student fall for me, sweetheart.” Your eyes opened again with an inquiring look on your face, meeting a mischievous smile on her face that made you roll your eyes.

“You exasperate me, you know that?.”

“Oh I know, but now I also know you are falling for me while I already fell for you.” An affectionate grin came from you this time while you closed the distance between the two of you once again.

₊⟡.⋆☕ ᝰ.ᐟ

You were officially dating now. It came up naturally during lunch together at her house, the conversation went so easy that you almost got undressed in front of her of how hot she sounded. There isn’t a label yet, but everything has worked beautifully.

Although you were dating your actual professor in class she would still treat you like what you were in that second: her student. She still graded you like each one of her students, your tests weren’t easier just because you two spent hours making out on your couch, or because you have spent a few nights just sleeping over at her place. In class you answered the question as always, and did your research how you would before dating her. And it felt nice, it felt nice to have someone you could count on, someone to kiss, to spend time with, but also to care for someone that was such a good teacher, to see her do what she loved and appreciate every constructive critic to your work, because being with her felt like she was making you a better person.

And she felt the same. She felt safe around you, she started to understand herself more being by your side. She understood she was able to give love and to receive it, she was able to be given kindness, and softness. She learned that she could talk about her little family, and that it shouldn’t be a turn off or a reason to stop caring about her. She would say that with you it went the other way around, you were interested in how good Jinx did in her last project in Art School, or how Isha was doing in her first year at elementary, if Jaan paw had healed correctly or when her next vet appointment was. But she also had a great student, someone who was always willing to learn more and to investigate even more of what she taught you. Someone to talk to for hours about this new perspective, or someone to consult when she didn’t know how to get a point across. You too were making her a better person.

Today you were at our usual Friday lecture, you two shared some sweets before class and you were still sipping in your coffee when all of your attention was on her. She was given away the last arrangements and fixes to be made on next week's paper, when she got to your seat she talked.

“Here is yours, I just put the grade on it. There aren't any arrangements to be made. You still can make changes and send it my way before the deadline and I would grade those accordingly.” You took the paper gracefully with a smile on your face. Before you could answer her a grumble was heard from a few seats back, an inquiring look was painted on her face, her usual eyebrow raised, her sharp eyes looking at the person where this sound came from.

“I’m sorry, is there anything any of you want to complain about how I manage MY class?.” Her arms crossed in her chest when her face transformed in that robust expression that could make the legs of every person in this room crumble. Yours didn’t crumble, they just got a little wet.

“We all know you two are fucking, of course she is going to get a 100% in everything.” An audible gasp came from your mouth and apparently from everyone else in the class. You were starting to stand up when she signaled with her hand that she was the one who was going to talk. ‘Hot’ you thought while sitting back down again, rage either way sipping through your pores.

“First of all, whatever goes between her and I in our private lives it’s none of your business.” She was never known as someone with a big patience and even less if it was directed to a man. The steps got louder by the second until she was standing in front of him. “Secondly, I don’t let whatever happens in my private life numb my thoughts and my knowledge, and for that same reason it doesn’t change the way I grade.” Her human hand now was in front of his face with her index and middle finger extended to be pointing at his chest. “But you know what does? disrespect. So I hope you know that you fucked your way out of this course, if you want to pass it you would have to give 200% extra of what your pairs are doing. And that I would be the strictest I have ever been in my more than 15 years of career, so you better toughen up little boy.” The furrow of her brows accentuating the harshness of her eyes. You were pretty sure that if looks could kill you he would be 10 feet under the soil. “Now get out of here for today your class it’s over, and I hope that you ask for forgiveness from your colleague before you step foot inside of my class again.” The guy who probably was less than 25 now looked like a child, trembling and pure fear plastered on his face. He also appeared to have lost every single drop of blood from his face, looking as pale as a ghost. He stumbled while taking his stuff and almost fell running outside of the room.

After he was out she talked. “Everyone can go home, today class is over. You all will get an email with today's topic and content to visit it on the time we would have been in here. To those who didn’t get their paper, you will receive the corrections between today and saturday in another mail, and the amount of time it takes for these corrections to get to you will be added to the deadline so it is fair for all. Hope you all have a great day and a great weekend.” In a matter of minutes every person in the class picked their stuff up and started getting out of the class, except you.

When the only people occupying the space were you two she walked to where you were still sitting. “Everything okay? Did whatever that asshole said affect you?. Promise to Janna I wanted to slap his face so fu-.” Before she could keep talking you took her face in your hands closing the distance between your lips. Her prosthetic arm immediately grabbed your waist while her human one went to the nape of your neck, grasping into you like you were trying to escape from her. The kissing part was nothing too new for the two of you. What was new was the force that you both were applying to it, the feeling of her hand gripping you with possessiveness, and the constant fight of your tongues for dominance. A small moan quickly got away from you, getting trapped inside of her mouth. Her teeth bit your lower lip when you separated from her.

“Fuck you looked so hot talking to him like that. Wanted to kiss you since you told me to sit down.” A chuckle escaped her when your confession touched the air, she leaned in to leave a quick kiss on your lips once again.

“Did I now? good to know you like when I get angry.” You started picking your stuff up when she started walking to her desk. She continued talking while stuffing the paper sheets on her usual folder. “Wanted to go eat with you after this, but now thanks to that son of a bitch I have extra work to do.”

You were in front of her with your bag on your shoulder. “We can go eat dinner and drink something in the night. It’s friday after all and my hot professor that it’s supposedly fucking me so hard and giving me a 100% in each of my assignments without of me putting any effort on them already left me free for this weekend.” A strong laugh came out from her and now you were being sad that what he said wasn’t real, you still were putting your energy and knowledge in your assignments and she still wasn’t fucking you.

“Well your hot professor did leave you free of anything to do, so she would accept this proposition happily. I know a place. Can I pick you up? I think nine it’s a good hour.”

“Yes you can, and it’s perfect. I have to go to the library now, so, see you in a few hours?.”

“Oh you will see me sweetheart.” A chasté kiss was left on your lips while her hand traveled to the small of your back to start walking out of the room.

₊⟡.⋆☕ ᝰ.ᐟ

Night has come, after you left the library you ran home, and started getting ready. A bubble bath was the first step, while lounging in the bathtub you took the time to see your body. You propped your leg on the lip of the tub. You appreciated the feeling of your skin, checking the scars of years behind, of little falls and accidents of a younger you. You watched the hairs sticking down, will it be ok if you shave them? You didn’t think Sev would care much about that, it would make you feel more confident though, so you did. You went to your arms next, they felt a little dry so a little scrubbing was made and a soothing butter came after. Your hair was washed after you stepped up, a deep conditioning applied on it as you went out of the shower. Your skin was moisturized with a body butter that smelled like strawberries.

Standing on your feet you looked at your toes, they maybe would look pretty painted. While letting your hair air dry after rinsing the conditioner off you started painting your nails, hands and toes, all in black. After they wew dry and your hair done in a simple hairstyle that puts your hair up in a relaxed look with two delicate curls framing your face, you start looking for clothes. Your closet wasn’t huge, and there wasn’t so much information of where you were going, picking your cellphone up you texted her, receiving an immediate answer.

₊⟡.⋆

You 19:58

Are we going to a fancy place?

Sevi 💌 19:58

Sort of.

But no need to dress too formally, doll.

There was a small break after her last message with the bubble with three dots started blinking.

Sevi 💌 20:00

One of your usual skirts should be good enough ;).

You 20:00

OK. Thank uuu.

<3

Sevi 💌 20:00

See you in an hour. xx

₊⟡.⋆

A small blush covers your cheeks, a skirt will be it then. You picked a black one, a little bit higher than middle thigh length, with a few pleats. For the top a deep red blouse with long sleeves and a deep neckline that exposes your cleavage beautifully. Although it was still the start of spring the nights were still chilly, when you went to pick a leather jacket you stopped in your tracks imagining the chance of her just giving you hers, she was always running hot after all. For shoes, black knee high boots with a few inches of platform, paired with some cream high socks under them.

You looked at the clock after you were done dressing, less than thirty minutes on the clock for her to show up. You took a seat on your desk taking everything out of your makeup bag, it has to be something simple. A dark brownish red went on your lower eyelid curving up in the corner to create the appearance of an eyeliner, blush on the higher parts of your cheeks, mascara coating your long eyelashes, and a dark cherry lipstick went on your lips. You packed the last item on your shoulder bag next to your keys, phone and your wallet.

When you were walking to apply on perfume your cellphone ringed with the special tone you have picked for her. You quickly applied your favorite perfume before answering your phone. “I’m closing the door right noooow.” You extended the last vocal while doing said action after hanging up. You took the elevator down, walking at a quicker pace to find her.

When you saw her you could hear a soft curse in the silence of the night, you felt her eyes ogling after your appearance while you walked towards her. When you come to a stop in front of her a grin emerges on her lips.

“Hi beautiful.” her right hand went to yours taking it to her lips leaving a soft kiss. The sensation of it lingering on your skin. You took the chance to get a good look at her. It wasn’t uncommon to see her in formal clothes, and you have grown to watch her in more casual outfits. Today she was wearing dark washed jeans and a deep red shirt styled the same as always, two buttons open and sleeves rolled up. Her usual combat boots are also on her feet. ‘We are matching.’ you thought to yourself. Her brown leather jacket that she took out when she saw you walking without your own was now being offered to you.

“Hi handsome. Thank you.” You said while she helped you out said jacket on.

“You look amazing today.”

“Well I followed the advice of someone who always has good styling choices.”

“Is that right?.” A slight chuckle left you while she walked you to the passenger seat of her car, she opened the door, let you slip in, and then quickly returned to her side.

“It is, she said she loooved how I looked in skirts.” Now was her time to chuckle, she helped you to put your seatbelt on and put hers after.

“Hey, I didn’t say that.”

“Oh!, you don’t love how I look on skirts?” She started the car and began to drive to the restaurant.

“I also didn’t say that. Because that would be a lie, and I hate lying.” A soft laugh erupted from you as you dedicated the time on the road to watch her. You would never get tired of doing that, of using your time to observe her, at the little furrow of her brows, at the look of both of her hands gripping on the steering wheel, just at her.

₊⟡.⋆☕ ᝰ.ᐟ

You two made it to the restaurant fairly quickly, it wasn’t that long of a ride. It felt expensive but cozy at the same time. You were sitting next to each other, both decided to take a booth that gave the chance to stay right by the other. The menus came and went easily, in the end she decided for both because you haven’t any idea of what could taste good, two different plates with the idea of sharing. You asked for a mojito and she asked for just water.

It wasn’t long when you were a few mojitos deep, the food already eaten and probably the best slice of cheesecake you have ever tried was already half eaten. You were tipsy, it wasn't hard to miss, a smile that seemed to never want to leave your lips, glittering eyes thanks to the alcohol. Your right hand on her shoulder while you were leaning into her, exposing without noticing everything under your shirt. She looked at you with an expression that if you didn’t know better would have thought was one making fun of you. Her hand rested comfortably on one of your thighs, the roughness of it making contact with the soft plump skin of your leg.

“Mmmm, you haven’t drank anything, that’s unfair.” a pout formed in your lips while your slightly teary eyes softened making you look like a poor puppy.

“Mmm, you are right, but I'm the one driving, sugar.” You stopped for a second thinking about what she said giggling after realizing the point she made.

“But that’s unfair!! I want to see you drunk!.” She took a quick look at her wrist looking at the hour, it was close to eleven, time had as always flown around you.

“We can go to my place. I have drinks there if you really want to see me drunk.” You clapped happily while drinking the rest of your third mojito and raising your hand looking for the server.

“I would love that. I think you are a sappy drunk, and I have never seen you being sappy!!.” She already knew for this first instant that you transformed into a bubbly creature when tipsy. If you asked her she would probably say you were either a horny or a screaming drunk.

₊⟡.⋆☕ ᝰ.ᐟ

Back in the car you were singing to the songs that blasted the speakers, she has let you put your phone on the aux. You said this was like a free concert and she wouldn’t think otherwise.

“Sugar.” a humming sound came from your side asking her to continue. “Do you mind the use of recreational weed?.” You shake your head ‘no’ while sitting even more incorrectly than before, fully facing her.

“It’s only allowed if you share.” An approving smile appeared on her face as she started to park her car outside of the house she lived in.

“That’s ok by me, let’s go, we are here.”

₊⟡.⋆☕ ᝰ.ᐟ

You love her home, everything screams ‘her’, the leather and dark wood furniture, the faint smell of tobacco and incense, the toys of Jaan are always in the same corner of the house. The dog slept in her own house in the backyard, being able to go in and out whenever she liked. But at the same time it was full of things that reminded you of her children. Pens, pencils, paint over a tray in the island of her kitchen. Toys and children's books on a big bookshelf reserved for them. Pictures of a smaller Jinx and Isha graduation pics of High School and Kindergarten. Drawings put against her fridge and a big painting that occupied almost a full wall. Said children sleep at the house at least three times a week, sometimes the full week. Jinx had her own apartment closer to university and to Isha school for when they wanted more alone time. After all Isha also felt Jinx as her own mom, and also her best friend, they were inseparable. Sometimes they would crash at Vi’s apartment when they felt like they needed to bother someone who wasn’t Sevika. Her voice took you back to reality.

“Ok, we have bourbon, wine, rum, and some beer. What does the princess want?” She asked while she prepared her own glass with bourbon and ice.

“If you have coke then a rum and coke. If not just straight rum.” She laughed slightly at your words while preparing the first option. You have already taken a seat on her couch sitting with bent knees making sure your shoes didn’t touch any furniture. You are still dressed in her jacket hiding your nose behind the garment to soak all of the smell.

She took the place next to you offering your glass, in the kitchen she had already drunk half of her glass and refilled it to be in a similar condition than yours. “Aren’t your shoes bothering you?” She said with genuine interest while letting her glass on the coffee table. You nodded at her question. With a few slaps on her thighs she signaled to extend your legs to her so she can help you, something you of course did. With extreme delicacy she takes them off slowly and lets them next to the couch.

“Do you want to smoke right now?.” She asked going to the small tin box that rested on the table opening it to take a pre roll from there. After you nodded again you got closer to her, leaving your glass on the table exchanging it with hers to take it close to her lips. She took a long sip from it before you put it on when it rested before. Her hand went to your lips placing the blunt between them, with a quick movement of her fingers she lightened up letting you take the first puff.

The cigar went back and forward in her lips and yours, on and off, the taste of it felt amazing mixed with the liquor and the kisses exchanged in between. At a point in the middle you ended up sitting straddling her legs. When the pre roll was close to and end Sevika’s hand went up to your chin taking a good grip of it that made your lips part. Smoking a big part of what rested slowly she let the smoke that came from her mouth curl its way inside of yours. A low moan came from you while your eyes instinctively closed.

“Mmh you shouldn’t do that doll.” Her free hand rested on your hips making sure you didn’t move. “We are both intoxicated, we can make out all of what you want but nothing else, yes?.” A pout formed in your lips before nodding, starting a kiss quickly after.

₊⟡.⋆☕ ᝰ.ᐟ

What you think was about two hours or more passed easily, in between kisses, a few refills to her glass and a few normal cigarettes. You still were on top of her, your hands interlocking in the back of her head, your face resting on the crook of her neck leaving a trail of soft and wet kisses from the sharp line of her jaw to where the shirt interrupted your path. Her human hand rested on your thigh, her fingers about half way up your skirt, leaving designs of soft circles. Her head tilted to the side leaving you enough space to be comfortable.

In a few seconds you stiffened up while you took your time to appreciate the smells that mixed in the air, the most notorious one being the one of the cigarettes she had lightened up. A soft laugh found its way out of your throat. Laugh that quickly turned into broken sobs. The second sevika noticed she put off the cylinder to take a grip on your face.

Her velvety voice was lower than ever. “Everything alright sweetheart?.” Humming came as an answer while her inquiry continued .

“It’s just, the smell reminded me of home, of my grandma. She used to smoke like a fucking chimney, I told her it was goin to kill her one day, and it did.” Her hands went up to clean your tears. You let her for a few seconds until you went forward rubbing your face on her, her skin, her shirt, her face trying to get that smell all over you. If you were a cat you would be purring right now. Light kisses were left on the top of your head while she pulled you into an embrace.

“Are you ready to talk about it?.” After a few minutes you took a deep breath nodding.

“Well, you know that I'm not the common age that someone ‘should’ have in the 3rd year of a career. I entered university at 18, I had an important scholarship that covered almost all of my expenses. I had to break myself apart studying to maintain it, but it was all worth it. I always enjoyed learning. Who would have thought I would end up with an actual professor that I spend hours talking about what I learn, right?.” A humorless chuckle left your lips.

“There were five children in my home. I’m the middle one, two younger sisters and two older brothers. When I entered my second year everything was going right, or at least that’s what I thought. My two older brothers already lived on the other side of the country, they didn’t have the same luck as me to be able to study.” Your hands traced senseless patterns on her skin. “My dad died when my younger sister was 2, so I was around 12. Mom always grieved his dead, for what I can remember they were deeply in love.” You left a soft sigh before continuing. “She was on antidepressants the biggest part of my teen years. I grew up seeing her as this emotionless person, so different from the one I remembered from my childhood. The antidepressants worked until they just didn’t have such a strong effect to numb all of her feelings anymore, and she decided to take on something stronger.”

“I don’t know specifically what she was in but I know that she started when I left for that semester, and when I was in the middle of it, she was already wrecked. I remember it was finals week, my grandma called telling me she was gone out and hadn't come back. My mom left my two poor babies alone for at least two days before she could go check on them, 9 and 13 years old, feeding themselves on whatever scraps of food there were in the fridge, without notifying any of us.” Your hands had transformed into fists that gripped the cloth of her shirt. She didn’t appear to mind. “I had to leave as soon as I could. Lost my scholarship for skipping a final. When I arrived home I noticed she wouldn’t come back. The only thing she left apart from wrecked stuff in her room was her wedding ring, with a note where she didn’t even ask for forgiveness.” Tears were streaming down your face at this point.

Sevika tried comforting you slowly, cooing and cleaning your tears as best as she could. After a deep breath you continued. “We moved into my grandmother’s house because we couldn’t afford rent anymore. She didn’t only leave us but also the mess she created. I started working in everything I could while also being a mom for my sisters. My brothers helped when they could, they had their own families now. Grandma was old so she only could just do much, cooking, maybe washing some clothes, everything else was dropped on my shoulder the moment she stepped out. I did my best, I promise I did. Went to every recital of their school, helped with their homework and projects, went to football games, all while maintaining two jobs at the same time. I didn’t sleep much, or eat much, well, I didn’t live much. I didn't have time for it. Got really sick at some point but I didn’t stop, I was the only thing they had, I had to be there for them.” You took a break downing whatever was left on the two glasses before continuing.

“When I was 22 she died, found dead somewhere. I didn’t investigate much more. I-” your voice cracked mid sentence, the furrow in your brows was deep and your eyes lost in the background without focusing on anything, doing your best to not cry. “I didn’t go to the funeral, or the burial. Didn’t let any tears spill in her name, I couldn’t give it to her. She didn’t deserve them.” Her hand cupped your face slowly, when your eyes catched hers you felt clarity coming from the cloudiness on them causing the dam to break. “And I hate her, and what she did. But at the same time I cared so much, so deeply. Spent nights without sleeping thinking if she was ok. I didn’t go looking for her, I abandoned her, like she did with us. It could even be my fault that she is dead.” Breaking sobs left your lips while her comforting arms wrapped around you in the most warm way possible. You don’t remember the last time you felt so cared for, where someone cuddled you instead of you to them.

“Nothing of what happened to her it’s your fault darling. You can keep thinking it is, maybe you couldn’t even change anything if you did reach out, but we will never know. You are safe now, and so are your babies. You are the strongest person I know, I don’t think a lot of us could have survived like you did.” Your head rested in the crock of her neck while her hand moved soothingly on your back.

“I miss her sometimes, like a little kid. I never cared to admit it because I was so busy hating her. I miss the way she laughed, and her smell. I still haven’t been able to find her perfume. I miss the way she looked at dad. And how she was before everything happened. But I still have troubles thanks to everything, I have this crippling feeling on my body always that I feel something for someone, like I was 19 again and would be left alone in this big world. I don’t know if I forgive her, but maybe accepting that I do care for what she was will make me feel better.” An understanding sound came from Sevika while she made you look at her.

“It’s probably the best first step, baby.” A smile formed in your lips when you noticed the freeing sensation that stood in your chest. Then a loud yawn made its presence. A soft chuckle came from her side. “We should go to bed.”

“Mmmhm. Can I ask you to do something for me?” You crossed your arms behind her neck while her strong hands went under your legs keeping you raised while she started walking to her room.

“Maybe.”

“Can you be the one to change my clothes?. I think that if I stand on my feet I will fall to the ground.” A laugh came from her while she nodded.

“Yes I can do that for you, sugar.”

₊⟡.⋆☕ ᝰ.ᐟ

You were already on her bed sitting with your legs on the border of the mattress. “I didn’t think the first time I would be undressing you was to dress you again.” A drunk giggle came from you.

“What a waste hmm?.” You put your arms above your head while both of her hands got busy lifting your blouse up. Revealing a lacy black bra that cupped your tits perfectly. A side smirk came to her lips while she took the time to pass her fingers over the border of the clothing item, you felt the sensation of her cold metal hand and the roughness and heat of her human one.

“Hello to you two.” maybe it was the alcohol but you felt bubbly letting her appreciate and care for your body. Your hands went to the mattress slightly behind you so you can extend back letting her eyes roam over you. “Foot up darling.” Softly she took your socks giving a short massage to your feet followed by a little kiss, she did the same on the other one. “Hmm, how should I take your skirt off darling.” She asked more to herself while her fingers fumble with the zipper, slowly letting it go. “Rise your hips baby.” You followed her order without saying a word . The cloth left your legs leaving you only in the matching set you have put in case something else happened. And although it wasn’t what you expected you were still enjoying it. She took a step back to be able to observe every detail of your body. The softness on your skin, the stretch marks that cover your hips and part of your tummy. The freckles on your chest, and whatever birthmark she could pick up. “You are so pretty.” She came closer to leave a kiss on your lips before busying with her own clothes.

“Wait! Can... Can I help you?.” A grin made its presence while you rearranged in the bed, flexing your knees to be sitting on top of your calves. When she agreed your nails went to her shirt, un-bottoming it with care. When it was open you left a small gasp out, your hand touching her abdomen after asking for permission silently and being answered with a nod. Slowly your slender fingers went up, passing over her bust to her shoulders where you helped the shirt for it to roll down her arms, taking the chance of letting your hands linger in both of her biceps. Her left arm was the one with a prosthetic. She still haven’t told you much how it happened, apart of that it was a chemical burn that went to deep fucking the nerves and muscle of her forearm. The prosthetic initiated in the middle of her arm, being articulated on her elbow.

Your hands went to her belt, opening it giving you access to her jeans. You easily let it open letting it fall to her feet hearing the clanking it did when touching the wood floor, you haven’t noticed she didn’t have shoes or socks on. Your eyes went up all the way from her legs to her eyes, watching a little bit sober than before how big she was and the towering she did to your figure. Her body was now only covered by her underwear, a pair of short boxers and a gym bra. “You don’t sleep with a bra if I remember correctly.” The same way as before you asked for permission and she granted it to you. Your hand slipped to the lower elastic of the item. Your finger going under it feeling the lower margin of her boobs enjoying the sensation. In a few seconds the item was discarded on the floor next to the rest of her clothes. Your mouth was slightly open as you drank in her figure, noticing the two bars that went through her nipples, you could feel your mouth watering. “You are so beautiful Sev.”. You felt a soft kiss in the center of her chest and one over each one of her nipples, laughing when you saw them erecting.

“You are a menace.” She laughed cupping your jaw before walking to her closet to take some stuff so you can both sleep comfortably. You stare at her ass all the time her back was turned to you. She came back with a t-shirt for you and a few makeup wipes that she used to clean your face.

“Maybe. You know I sleep without underwear so you still have work to do.” A raise of her eyebrows followed by her characteristic smirk occurred while she got closer to you after throwing away the wipes.

“It’s my pleasure to do so.” Her human hand went to your back easily opening your bra in mere seconds, letting it flop out of your chest exposing it to her eyes to see. She also couldn’t keep her hands to herself and cupped both of them with the smile of a child looking at a candy shop. “Fuck you are going to make me go crazy.” You giggled while putting the t-shirt over your head.

“You still have to take my panties off.” An acknowledgment sound came from here while she help you stand up, her hands starting it’s way down in your bust taking in the shape of your waist and hips while slipping under the cloth to grab the elastic of the underwear sliding it off your legs letting them fall to the floor with the obvious shiny spot in the middle of them.

“Time to sleep, my girl.” The possessive tone of her voice made you smile while you climbed into bed again. She following you quickly after.

“Good night Sev.” Your hands rested under the side of your face.

One of her hands took place around your waist. Her chest making contact with your back and her nose buried in your hair. “Good night Doll.”

₊⟡.⋆☕ ᝰ.ᐟ

The place was extremely silent, no shower running, no clacking in the kitchen, not even footsteps were heard. You stood up walking to the bathroom, Sevika had never left you alone in her home before, so it felt strange to be habiting her space but without her presence there. She wasn’t in the bathroom as you expected for the lack of signals, you took your time to do the usual stuff you did in the morning, including a shower. After leaving that room dressed in one of her clean t-shirts and nothing else you went to the kitchen passing through the living room, still not signal of her presence anywhere in the house. If you were in your home you are sure you would start to panic at this point, but you weren’t so you tried your best to make your heartbeat go back to normal. The girls weren’t coming today for what she had told you yesterday.

You took the chance of being in her kitchen to drink a few glasses of water to help with the dehydration that the alcohol had left in your body. You were thankful for never having to live with headaches after a night out, and today wouldn’t change that. You tried to recall where your phone was, probably dead so it wouldn’t be helpful. You remembered what she said yesterday in class about sending the mails. You took a look at the electric clock that marked that it was in fact saturday. That’s it, she is in her office.

You stretched your back while walking slowly to her work place. You have been inside just two times. The first time you only stayed in the door calling for her to go eat. And the second one you helped her to organize it after she couldn’t find one specific document. When you got there you use your fist to knock two times. A ‘come here’ was heard so you did as you were told.

You opened the door slowly entering the room. It was only lightened by her desk lamp and whatever entered from her semi opened blinds. Both of these lights made her look effortlessly gorgeous, even as she was dressed in just some pants and a grey tank top and only accessorized by the cigarette that rested in between her teeths. Your eyes focused on her face. Her glasses were on and her fingers tapped relatively slowly on her keyboard. Next to her computer there were two small piles of paper sheets, one that looked like it only had a few pages clipped together while the other one was much bigger and taller.

“Working early, I see.” You walked slowly to where she was sitting standing next to her while looking at the screen.

“I’m going to make that asshole fail the class, I assure you.” Her right hand went to her face rubbing with disdain over her skin. A humming came from your lips as your hands went to her shoulders massaging them slowly. A sound of enjoyment came from her lips while she moved in the chair separating herself from the desk. “I had to leave my gorgeous girlfriend alone in bed at 8 in the morning just to do this shit because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.”

A soft blush climbed your cheeks while you walked to accommodate yourself in between her legs taking the cigarette from her lips putting it off on her ashtray. “Am I your girlfriend?, since when?.”

Her hands went to your hips pulling you closer to her. Her face finding a place in between your breasts. “Since this exact moment, if you accept obviously.”

Her chin was now the only thing touching your chest while her bright and full of emotion eyes were fixated on yours “You can’t look at me like that and expect me to deny that offer.” A soft chuckle came from her as her hands bringed you to sit on her lap. “The only thing I am going to say it’s that I’m still naked under this and bothered from last night.” A knowing smirk appeared on her face as her flesh hand went up one of your legs to the back of your thigh up to the plump of your ass confirming the information. Where she groped strongly while the ashy color of her irises disappeared under the expansion of her pupil.

“Then we should celebrate the start of our relationship. Don’t you think, dear?.” Your hands went to the nape of her neck, going upwards to feel the softness of her short hair tangling your finger in the longer strands.

“Hmm. I don’t know…” A mischievous giggle came from you as you pulled her hair while shortening the distance between you two. You talked softly on top of her lips making them brush against each other. “Show me how you would do it, baby. Show me how you would celebrate it.”

Before you could react her bold lips took contact with yours, the bitter taste of smoke and black coffee mixing with the bright and clean of the toothpaste. Her free hand flew to your hips accommodating you on her lap, making you straddle her. Same hand that followed rapidly the movements of the robotic one going to your free asscheek squeezing the plumpness of the skin. A soft moan escaped your lips giving her enough space for her tongue to slip in. Without thinking much apart from the feeling of her lips and the growing warm sensation in between your legs you fixed yourself on her lap, getting as close to her as humanly possible. A low groan came from her when she put pressure on your skin making you slightly grind against her.

“Sevi… mmghm.” Carefully she broke the kiss leaving you room to talk, taking the chance to appreciate your looks, the dampness of your hair, your dazed eyes, the redness of your cheeks and the pink that colored your lips for the action a few seconds ago. “Please.”

“Please what, sugar.” You heard the smirk on her lips before you saw it going into another feverish kiss that lasted the same or more than the first one.

“I need you, I need you so much, please.” You talked over her lips before kissing her again. With an insane amount of care and show of strength she stood up with you in her arms, acting like you weighed nothing. Without breaking the kiss she walked into her room. You didn't notice that you were there until your back touched the fluffiness of the bedding.

“Fuck you look so pretty begging, my love.” Her human hand went to your face caressing your skin, making its way to your chin and then your bottom lip. As an instinct you opened your mouth slightly. She took the chance you were giving her, in a few seconds your lips were around the digit, your tongue flat against the surface for her to rub on, before you circled it over the tip. Eyes dizzy on hers succumbing to the slightest pressure of her dominance. Your cheeks were hollowed sucking at the length, a string of saliva started coming from the corner of your mouth dripping to your chin. “Look at you, so eager to please. Fucking drooling for only taking my finger.” A needy moan came from you while your eyes rolled back in your head.

You couldn’t focus on anything, your head was empty. Only occupied by the feeling of her thumb inside your mouth, the filthy sounds that it made when she moved it in and out of your mouth and the growl in her voice when she talked. Your legs were now open giving her a semi covered view of your sex, already covered in slick, not like it was hard around her, just looking at her could make you go wet. After a few seconds she took her finger out of your mouth leaving you empty, as an instinct you tried to take it again when she gripped your chin to make you look at her. “Tell me what you need, doll.”

“You.” Her smirk intensified while her robotic had busied herself by slowly taking your t-shirt off.

“You should be more specific.” A pout formed in your face while you lifted your arms for the clothing to fly to the floor of the room. Her hands started rubbing your shoulders going slowly down your chest until making it to your boobs. “So perfect.” She murmured to herself.

“I just need you, I need to be yours in any way you want me, I want you to do with me everything you pleased. Sevi, please.” The neediness in your voice was palpable and it made her brain short circuit. Her mouth went to your neck attacking it. Her humid tongue danced over your pressure points and her teeth slowly took the chance to bite. Her lips apart for the kissing was being used to suck on the skin to mark what now was hers.

“You are going to look so beautiful, full of bruises and hickeys. I need you so bad.” Her voice was so deep it sounded more like a constant growling, one that made all of your skin tingle. She made its way to your bust taking the chance to appreciate them before indulging in taking one of them in her mouth, lapping her tongue over your erect nipple and putting the smallest amount of pressure with her teeth, making your breath get caught in your throat coming up as a shaky whine. With a loud ‘pop’ she let it free going to the other side to do the exact same thing. “I don’t understand why I waited so much to make you mine. What a dumb fucker.”

Her words made you chuckle. Your head went back slightly as another moan made its way to fill the room. “Baby, please.” A gruff came from her as you went to lay on your back.

“Stop being so eager.”

“But sevi.” Your legs rub together without thinking about it, seeking a release for your neediness. A disapproving sound was heard before the noise of a slap was made when her hand touched your legs, making your whole body shake opening your legs once again.

“If you keep squirming I would not give you what you need, sugar.” Pouting lips and puppy eyes looked with her darkened ones. “Fuck you look so sexy acting like a begging pup.” Your mouth opens slightly to let a shaky breathe out. “You like that huh?, being called out for what you really are?. My needy baby.” Her hands went to your legs, opening them completely, giving herself a full view of yourself. You were covered in a glistening slick that made your dark curls look delicious in her eyes. “Mmhmm. That’s what I’m talking about. I should fuck you in front of a mirror so you can see how wet and needy you are for me.” You threw your head back once again while your hand gripped the bedsheets.

Even when lust was swallowing all of her facial features you could notice all the love behind it. Before you could beg again she gave you mercy, touching you where you most needed her, an immediate high pitch moan was heard as her long and thick fingers rubbed your slits. Going from your entrance to your bundle of nerves, taking with them all the slick they could possibly carry. Same fingers left you quickly to go to her mouth, when this time it was her that moaned. In that moment you were sure you could come only from hearing her moan. “You are like a drug.” Before you could say anything you were startled, her mouth went to your sex and suddenly you were floating.

“Oh my fucki-, fuck sev.” Your hand went to her hair in a second while your back arched trying to get even closer to her face. You were a mess immediately, moans coming from you like you were singing while she ate you like a starved woman. “Baby. Oh mmhgm. fuckfuckfuck.” Your lips were open completely letting everything that came from your throat touch the air. Her wet and warm muscles move with such an experience over yourself that you felt jealous of the people that could and had gotten this before you. Her lips went around your clitoris, taking it inside of her mouth, sucking at it with strength. You haven’t even noticed the cord that laid tight in your lower abdomen before it snapped, releasing yourself in her mouth.

“So delicious baby. That’s it, give it all to me.” She talked while continuing with the back and forward with her tongue.

“You should know it’s bad education to talk with your mouth full.” A laugh was heard muffled for your own skin that covered her mouth. You haven’t completely ridden your orgasm when you felt the coil tightening again. “Fuck baby just like that.” Her two point fingers went to your entrance, introducing themselves easily for the abundance of wetness that your orgasm had left behind. They started pumping and curling inside of you getting to that specific point with the ease only someone like her could have found it. Your fingers tightened her grip while the combination of her mouth and digits took you to your limit once again. “I’m gonna cum baby.” You said so quickly that she probably could only understand the ‘cum’ part.

You put your body weight in your elbows just so you can see her better. Your legs still trembling and she without even trying to stop, not like you were even going to ask. You saw the movements of her hips grinding against what she could find. You readjusted yourself so she could have access to the first part of your leg, thanking the added pressure she moaned with her mouth still stuffed with your cunt. Her moans were enough to keep you going for more as she added a new finger inside of you. “Cum for me Sev, please. You treat me so right. Fuck if only you could look at yourself right n- Aaahgg.” You couldn’t complete what you were saying before a whine interrupted you when you came once again.

You heard the noises of pleasure that escaped her and also the panting. You felt the eagerness of her hips before a growling moan surged with her as she made you sit up to take your face in her hands kissing you. You tasted yourself in her lips as you felt her own slick covering part of your skin as she came for rubbing on you.

₊⟡.⋆

You two laughed softly going limp on the bed trying to recover your senses to start breathing normally again. She rested on top of your chest with your hands in her back, a thin layer of sweat covered your body and probably hers too.

“Who would have thought that the severe professor Sevika would have such a filthy mouth in bed, huh?” A gruff came from her as she made herself look firm.

“Are you trying to mess with me? After you came three times? Only thanks to my mouth and fingers in less than what? 10 minutes?.” A blush covered your face as you laughed loudly.

“I am. And I have no shame in admitting that my girlfriend made me cum so hard and so good more than once in less than ten minutes.” Now it was her time to laugh as she sprinkled kisses on your skin. “You should be proud of it, some people date men that doesn’t made them cum in a fucking lifetime.”

“Oh I’m proud baby. How couldn’t I when you looked so good screaming my name.”

“Shut it.” A fist of giggles left both of you as you took her face in your hands kissing her freely. “I hope you know that now I would want to have sex on every surface and moment possible.”

“Well, I hope you know that I would be happy to please every desire you have.” Her human hand was resting in the plump of your ass.

“Sevi…”

“What happened baby?.” Your eyes locked on her reflecting all of the emotions of the last few months vibrated through your body. Your hands intertwining in the back of her neck.

“I love you.” A smile that showed her beautiful tooth gap made her eyes look softer. After leaving a short kiss on your lips she talked over them.

“I love you more, sugar.”

Please do not repost my work.

I hope you all enjoyed this, my dms are requests are open in case you want to drop something about this au <333.

[chimckenns]

Some beautiful quotes hidden within BA spicy times✨

“Shit, Honey. [laughs] Nothing, it’s just… seeing you look down on me like that, it’s so fucking hot. Well, you always look at me so… deep. It actually used to make me really worried back when we were first just flirting and stuff. Yeah, I was always scared you were mad at me or something. Well now I know it’s just you, you think a lot. A lot more than I do. I know that I fill up the silence a lot, cuz that’s just what I’m used to but, with you, silence doesn’t feel bad. You, looking at me, doesn’t feel scary. It feels really good. Feeling seen by you feels good. I love you so much, honey.” (Guy)

“Touch of your skin. The feeling when I press my lips against you. [kisses] Before I met you, I didn’t really ever think about touch as being super important to me. But it’s something that comes naturally with you. And it’s something that has come to mean a lot. Plus it pairs well with quality time. Quality time with tangential cuddling or hand holding or, you know, little back scratches done in passing. Or quality time where the cuddling itself is the quality time. It just feels good. It feels important and I love when we do it. I love just being with you, in every sense. You make bad days good. And good days great.” (Unnamed)

“No, I’m ok. So much better than ok. I just… I can’t… I can’t believe how lucky I am. I never thought I could have a life like this. I mean, maybe when I was a kid, but since everything started to change, when everything started to get real, when I became Alpha, I… I never thought I could have this. I just figured I would be alone. And then even once we got together, I was such a fucking prick most of the time. And I’d have these moments where even after I said something, I was like, I was screaming at myself in the back of my own head like “why would you say that, why can’t you be better at the shit going on inside your head”. But somehow you stayed. And I got my head out of my own ass. I just… I never thought I could be this happy. I never thought I could have a life that was this beautiful. Even for all the shit in it, it is beautiful, what we share is… and I just… I just can’t believe it sometimes. We’re married now. We’re not just mates, I’m your husband. We’ve gotten rings, we’ve got… we’ve got the rest of our lives ahead of us, together.” (David)

“Thank you, baby. Yeah, thank you for trusting me like you do. That’s what makes it all feel so good, knowing that you trust me like that. With that part of you. That you’re willing to give over control to me like that… I know you’re used to holding onto that so tight in your day to day life. The fact that you’re willing to trust me with your control like this… it means a lot. And all I want to do is prove myself worthy of that trust. I love you. And thank you for believing in me when it came to this job. Having you in my corner when it comes to all this, it really meant more than you could know. I wouldn’t be what I am today without you.” (Aaron)

“Thank you for trusting me with that. I mean, for all of it but, even just trusting me enough to ask. I know it took me a long time to show you more of that side of myself. I love my powers, but, I never wanted that to be all I was. To anyone. Least of all you. Thank you for being someone that I can trust that part of myself with. That I can trust all of myself with. I love you very much, Angel. I’m grateful for you. [kisses] My perfect mate.” (David)

“You’re so good for me, Sweetheart. I’m pretty sure my lips are bruised. [laughs, and kisses] Thank you, Sweetheart, for this. For all of it. That trust that you have in me, it means everything. That’s what makes it all feel so fucking good when we do this shit. That control you hand me is such a gift. I hope you know just how much reverence I hold for that. It’s beautiful. It’s vulnerable. And It’s honest. And it’s so fucking hot, Sweetheart.” (Milo)

“Just be with me in this moment. Breathe with me. You turn my brain into a haze in the best way imaginable. [kisses] You are a thing of wonder, my love. Watching your eyes in that moment as you went over the edge, it’s like looking into pure feeling. So beautiful, it almost aches. [kisses] Thank you for sharing this part of yourself with me, and for letting me share myself with you in return. You make me so unbelievably happy. Truly. Like I haven’t been able to believe.” (Gavin)

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

who wants a bit more of false angel grian au? As always, thank you to @greenekangaroo for their fantastic worldbuilding that I am very much cribbing from.

-

It wasn't that there weren't strange happenings on the regular, on Hermitcraft. It was just that the strange happenings usually originated from the Hermits themselves, as they had a whitelist and a very strong (unnaturally strong, some might say) firewall. So the full-server shiver that went through every one of them as the firewall was breached, the green crack in the night sky and the shooting star that fell from it into the shopping district, that was something a bit beyond their usual shenanigans.

Bdubs, naturally, didn't notice, as he was sound asleep. A few of them woke briefly, but settled back down before they could notice anything was wrong.

Everyone else was messaging Xisuma, or Hypno, or Cub, trying to figure out what, precisely, had just happened, and if they should be worried about it.

Just stay where you are for now, we're looking into it, Xisuma said to everyone who messaged him.

We should grab Imp and Skizz, Cub messaged the admin group chat as they tried to organize any kind of response. They're good in a pinch and they're probably the most likely to know what our visitor is.

Get em, Hypno responded immediately. I'm too far out to be any good.

Me, Cub, Impulse, and Skizzleman will be the welcoming committee, Xisuma told them. It looks like whatever it was crashed behind Scar's sand shop. We'll meet at the shopping district portal and go from there.

Sure thing, see you there, Cub responded, then fell silent as he focused on corralling Imp and Skizz.

-

The four of them were convened a lot quicker than Xisuma had expected, though the worried looks on Impulse and Skizz's faces (and the armor they'd clearly donned before coming) were an easy enough explanation for their promptness.

"Do we know what happened yet?" Impulse asked immediately upon getting in range of Xisuma.

"Just that something broke through our firewall and landed by Scar's sand shop," Xisuma said, pointedly not wringing his hands anxiously about it.

"Which means it's something powerful," Cub added. "And probably something old."

"Something like us," Skizz clarified. Cub nodded. "Right, guess that means we're up, Dippledop."

"Just what I was hoping for in the middle of the night this week," Impulse mumbled grumpily, clearly having been woken up to deal with this. "Full demon mode, you think?"

"Maybe at first, anyway," Xisuma replied. "Just in case."

"I hear you, X." Impulse's form stretched and grew - not too much in height or width, precisely, but in bulk, his horns lengthening and his skin yellowing. He rolled his shoulders and settled into the form he took so rarely these days, before grinning viciously. "Right. Let's do this."

-

They had honestly been expecting a fight. Not even a fight to protect the server, but at the very least a fight of panicked self-defense from their intruder. What they got instead was a rather small man dwarfed by the three pair of wings that curled weakly around his battered form. Xisuma started to relax, before noticing Impulse and Skizz were both on high alert, staring at the small still body in the crater below them.

"That's an angel," Impulse growled immediately. "Skizz."

"No he's not, Dip," Skizz replied immediately, frowning. His wings were still mantled, his sword still held at the ready, but he seemed confused rather than anything that would make more sense to the people around him. "He looks like one, even feels like one a little, but it's... off, somehow. I can't feel him the way I'd be able to if he were actually an angel."

"I mean, does it really matter?" Cub asks. "Same possible danger levels, if it could break through the firewall, and you both still peg it as mostly an angel."

"Technically I have no idea what his power level's like," Skizz clarifies. Impulse growls, low in his chest, anxious and protective. "But probably he's not quite at angelic power levels, actually. If he pings as almost an angel, he's probably what's left of someone's attempt to make angels for themselves. And I've never heard of any of those projects being successful."

"Successful enough one of them crash landed on Hermitcraft," Impulse points out.

"I hate to say it, buddy, but that's not necessarily that big of a deal, depending on what happened," Skizz retorted. "Like, the firewall's great against intentional intrusions, but I knew a bunch of other third circles who could've done this if they were in panic mode."

"Well that's not disconcerting at all," Cub commented casually. Impulse snorted.

"I mean, there really aren't any more third circles to try, to be fair," Skizz pointed out.

"We should probably at least check and see he's still alive?" Xisuma suggested.

"Right, we'll get down there," Impulse said, jumping down into the crater with Skizz close on his heels. Once they were both down there, he did let Skizz take point, if reluctantly, as their guest was clearly closer to an angel than anything else they were familiar with. Skizz took a long moment, assessing the state of their guest's wings, trying to connect properly as angels should be able to.

"It's like we're speaking different languages, but on the same radio frequency," he murmured to Impulse. "I got no idea where he's from, but he's out like a light. We should probably get him in a bed."

Impulse looked over the very wide wingspan of all three pair of wings, and sighed wearily. "You get him, I'll get the wings," he said.

-

They carry him to Cleo's Kitty Cafe, and hope that when he wakes, he won't try to destroy them all.

[nikamuhlsrealwife777]

Can you do a Nika Muhl x Reader where reader is pregnant, and they meet up with Nika’s UConn teammates, and they find out Nika and reader are going to have a baby. (Hope this makes sense!)

i tried for this one...

FOR REAL?? - N.M.

"I'm pregnant."

Those words, I thought would never leave my mouth. Based off the way Nika was looking at me, she thought the same.

"Wait?" Quickly, she pushed herself off the couch. Her hands resting on my arms as she got closer, "You're being for real?"

I nod, watching her face light up with excitement. We had talked about it, having kids. But so soon? I couldn't lie and say it didn't scare me.

"Oh my God. We have to start coming up with names, oh, and buying things for her...or him...shit. When can we find out the gender?" Her rambling came to a stop, her eyes finally meeting mine rather than trying to scan the room for a plan. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

I chuckle. The fear of the pregnancy wasn't gone, but watching Nika and listening to her joyous rant, I couldn't help but forget for a moment. "Nothing...I just couldn't have asked for someone better to go through this with."

A content smile rested on the Croatian's lips, "We're in this together. Besides," I tilted my head, waiting for her next words, "I can't wait for a mini us walking around here."

I laugh, "Nika, I love you."

Her arms snake around me, pulling me closer into her embrace, "I love you too, y/n."

-----------

"Have you decided if you're declaring for the draft or not?" Geno's voice carried throughout the room, his question had been one of the biggest things rolling through Nika's mind.

"I've decided," her head turned back, her eyes finding me, "I think it's time I move on from UConn. Start my life outside of college."

Geno nods, "alright, kiddo. Whatever you think is best."

I knew Nika had a weight taken off her shoulder. She had made up her mind, but she didn't tell me exactly why she had made her decision. Nika's hand on the small of my back pulled me back to reality. The thoughts calming at the comforting touch. Her smile big as we moved towards the gym, her teammates practicing away.

"I wanna break the news to the team," I nod. It was probably best if they knew they were losing their best point guard.

The teams heads cocked in our direction, the doors giving us a way before we even stepped foot into the large area. Paige was the first one to make her way towards us, her smile big as a question left her lips. "What was your decision, twin?"

Without a thought, Nika answered, "I'm declaring."

"Why? Like two days ago you thought about staying," Azzi asked as stopped beside the blonde.

"Well," Nika looked at me, her expression unreadable, "y/n's pregnant...and I wanna be able to give her a place to stay that isn't a dorm room. I wanna have space for the kid, I wanna get our life moving."

Surprise was the only thing I could read on everyone's faces, probably including mine. I hadn't expected to tell anyone about the pregnancy, at least not yet.

"WHAT?!?"

"I didn't know we were telling them today, " I whispered into my girlfriend's ear, but she just looked at me and smiled, "Nika."

"Yes?"

I didn't know whether to feel relieved or angry. Angry at the fact she let her mouth speak before her mind could make up its thoughts. Spewing at our personal life. But something in the way she couldn't help but wanna tell everyone, it made the anger subside. She was ecstatic. She wanted this. A family.

"You're impossible."

Her smile grew. Whether she was expecting me to yell or to pull the 'we'll talk later' card; it was neither of them. Her support and excitement made all the second thoughts, the worries, whatever you wanna call it, go away. She was anchoring me to reality without knowing it.

"You love that about me," she wasn't wrong, "but to be fair, you love everything about me."

As her friends chattered among themselves, we had a moment to ourselves in the public eye. It didn't feel like it, we were in our own little bubble. Her hands on my waist, my arms stretched and around her neck; nothing could have been better. We didn't have to say anything, just looking in each other's eyes was enough to feel, to hear, to see what she was feeling.

"You know there's other people here?" The blonde's voice broke the barrier hiding us from the rest of the world. Laughter rung out through the gym, echoing off the walls.

"Yeah, yeah," Nika's hands fell, but one of her arms slid around to hold me from around my waist. "Y'all just jealous we got something real."

Azzi and Paige take a glance at each other before bursting out into laughter.

"That's not quite it," Azzi started.

"It's more like, we see the look in y'all's eyes and don't wanna be around when whatever y'all are thinking about gets released," I felt my face heat up.

I wasn't thinking about anything bad necessarily. Just what it would be like to be a parent with Nika by my side.

"What were you thinking about, bebo?" Nika's voice was soft, her smile the same.

"Just what it's gonna be like to be a mom...with you."

She nods, "I was thinking the same thing, y/n. And Paige," the blonde hummed in response, "get your mind out of the gutter."

Paige raised her hands in surrender. Nika tapped my lower back, signaling to follow her.

Once we got into an isolated area, Nika lips were on mine. Soft and sweet, the exact way she was.

"What was that for?"

Nika shrugged, "I love you."

"I love you too," our hands interlocked, "you okay?"

"I'm more than okay. I'm just...I'm just so happy to be with you. To go through this with you," a pink shade dusted her cheeks.

"You're adorable like this..."

She rolled her eyes, "let's not do that now."

I laughed, "you are...but I feel the same way. Everything just feels better with you."

No more words were shared, just a deepened feeling of appreciation for each other. I couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with her.

-----------

A/n : I lowkey didn't know how to finish this but yeah

[faistoconnors]

art pissing himself at a haunted house w pat n all their tennis friends.. getting too scared by one of the super realistic animatronics (to be fair though pat and the boys forced him to take an extra hit off of a blunt before they left..) once they all come out of the house and make their way to their packed minivan one of the boys sitting next to art & pat notices the wet spot ion art’s jeans (his hand is too small to cover it up 🥺) and everyone starts teasing him about !!



Live Fi Reaction (real)

I hope this is acceptable and coherent 🫶🏻

Art walked into that place PARANOID, to say the very least

he was high and anxious and a little jumpy upon entering. it didn't really help that Patrick's hand was at his back or tugging on the hem of his hoodie, the touch serving to make him more flustered, his senses heightened.

as soon as that stupid animatronic ghoul popped out from around the corner with a loud shriek, he froze.

the warmth spreading over his crotch and down his thighs is more mortifying than the way he'd completely stiffened at the sight of the thing.

the place is dark enough that none of the boys notice the way his jeans are soaked right away. however, this has the added side effect that he has to walk through the whole rest of the building absolutely drenched with no relief from it.

the pee cools in the fabric of his jeans, and then he's just kind of wet and shivering.

that is, until a scare actor makes a run towards him and a fresh wave of warmth blooms around his cock

when they make it outside and back to the van, he hangs back, trying to somehow come up with some way to hide the accident. when he falls short of figuring that out, he hesitantly, shakily gets into his seat. and of course, with the doors open, the lights in the van are on. it doesn't help that he smells like piss, either.

so, of course, the boy to his left, Liam, turns and spots it immediately. his eyes go wide, and he lets out a loud jeer.

"fuck, did you piss yourself, Donaldson?"

his voice is raucous, getting the attention of all of the rest of Art's friends.

including Patrick.

Patrick, who's sitting at his right, who turns and immediately flushes a shade of pink Art's never seen on his face before.

the rest of the car ride is deeply uncomfortable. the teasing and laughing goes on for ages, even as Art rests his hands in his lap like he can somehow hide his humiliation that way.

when they get back to campus, the boys all pile out of the car one by one. Art is the last one out, and he watches as they all walk off in their respective directions.

the tears start, then, hot and fast down his cheeks. if he'd cried in front of all of them, the shame would've been a million times worse.

now he's just standing in the parking lot, head in his hands, trying to ignore the way his skin smells like pee.

"hey, c'mon. never gonna get to your dorm if you just stand there."

Patrick's voice is a welcome distraction from the pit of despair sitting in Art's stomach, but he still can't stand the fact that someone is here to witness all of this.

he stares at Pat, expecting some kind of teasing or rude remark. it never comes.

instead, he finds an oddly affectionate look on the dark-haired boy's face; a kind of care that Art isn't sure he's comfortable with.

Patrick's hand is on his back again, and they set off to the dorm building. when they make it into Art's room, he's never been more thankful his roommate is gone.

he walks into the bathroom, and midway through closing the door, Patrick's foot is sticking in the frame and keeping it open. he watches silently as Patrick pushes his way in.

"come here."

his voice is quiet, so much quieter than Art is used to. Art stands still, eyes hooked on Patrick, unable to even process what he wants.

"come on, dipshit, are you just gonna stare at me?"

there's the familiar lightheartedness that Art is so used to. even through the joking remark, Art finds himself stepping forward and letting Patrick drag him into a hug.

it lasts for a few moments, and then the boy is reaching down with his big hands and tugging at Art's belt.

the tears begin again, sliding steadily down his face, as Patrick strips off his wet jeans and underwear. he lets Pat guide him into the shower, both of them standing under the hot spray of water, trying to ignore Patrick's muscular frame bumping against his own while they wash off. the showers at Stanford aren't that big, and he shivers at the contact every time it happens.

then, Patrick's turning the water off and drying both of them with the same towel. they fall into a familiar routine, and soon enough, they're clad in clothes that neither is sure who belongs what, and crawling into Art's twin bed. Patrick's limbs tangle around his own, his breathing slowing, his head heavy on Art's chest.

despite the mortifying, humiliating experience, Art finds himself very thankful that night. thankful, and confused at the amount of sensations he'd gone through.

maybe he can just chalk it up to being high.

[redsrooftopprincess]

*comes skidding into your inbox with a pant*

Speak of the devil girl because I was literally stalking your blog just today with a thought that’s been bouncing around in my head for a bit about our favorite big boy Red and wanted to ask your thoughts about it when I saw that your asks were open! So here me out on this (and if this isn’t something you don’t feel comfortable no worries at ALL I’m just in a chatty mood and thought I’d swing my shot) but how do you think Raph would handle being in a relationship or being interested with someone who is demisexual? AKA someone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction until after a deep emotional connection? I know I know at first thought that wouldn’t make sense at all because like look at him…that man must be a late library book because he is FIIIIIIINE and the best/worst part? He knows it. Or at least, knows his body and is confident in it. I just think it would be so interesting for Raph to meet with someone who thinks like “hey yeah cool I can tell you work and you look great but like has anybody recently told you that your soul is beautiful?” Because Raph never really gets that chance to explore that emotional vulnerable side of himself? I know a lot of folks expound on these moments in sexual light and we all know how good those parts of the story can be *eyebrow wiggle* but I am curious on how Raph would handle exposing that part of himself and having to like work his way into more physical moments by first being emotional upfront with someone.

Again, ramblings of an insane person that you are MORE than free to do whatever you’d like. I just think you’re cool and I’m curious to see/ hear your thoughts on the matter if you’re up for sharing.

AnYhOo, you’re cool. You deserve good things and I hope all the good things you do come back to you this week. Kay love ya BYEEEEE!

When it comes to humans, I, myself am Demi (though, if Red ever shows up in the flesh, my partner knows where they stand), and many of us know the pain of "too late," well.

...

Demi

Raphaelxgn!Reader

No warnings

It was disappointing at first. Mike had introduced you at one of his parties. Raphael had only been to a few, and they had all been fun as hell. Honestly, being the center of attention in a large group of people and it's not a bad thing? Sign him the fuck up.

It did have it's drawbacks. It could be exhausting. He never thought he'd be sick of beautiful people fawning all over him, but some nights he didn't have it in him to "perform."

The second he walked in, the usual throng of enamoured humans flocked to him, and to his credit, he was prepared to do his best. He'd been in a low lately, and Mike had basically dragged him out in hope that it might keep him out of his own head for a while. Raph didn't want to disappoint him, but he *didn't* want to be there. He'd stay for an hour and then slip out once the party was in full swing, and Mike would be too busy hosting to notice.

But if Hamato Michaelangelo excels at anything, it's knowing people, and he knows his brothers better than anyone.

The adrenaline barely had time to hit his system as the crowd descended, before his brother had him by the elbow and was steering him through a crowd of disappointed whines toward the back of the club.

He patted Raph's shell, comfortingly, as they moved beyond the throngs of the thirsty, to a secluded booth in the back decked out in white, purple, black, and grey. You smile up at them from your gaming laptop as they approach, and Raphael is a little worried that his brother is trying to set him up with someone again.

"Hey Mike!" you chirp, as he pushes his brother into the booth, sitting beside him and trapping him inside. You raise an eyebrow.

"Big bro needs a breather," Mike says, Raphael gives him an annoyed look and you suppress a smile. "Raphael, this is Y/N, Y/N, this is Raphael."

You smile politely, "Pleased to meet you. I've heard wonderful things from your adoring fans!"

Raphael smirks, half chuckling, a little intimated. Out on the floor he had swagger and he could play the part, even if he wasn't entirely up to it. He could hide in the crowd. Pretend that he was like everyone else. He didn't have to do much to show off, people wanted him. Even those that weren't directly turned on were at least a little curious. But you're beautiful, alone, and while your not being rude or anything, you don't seem all that impressed. It was nice. And terrifying.

"Welp, I'm needed elsewhere," Mike says smoothly, sliding out of the booth. Raphael's head snaps to look at his brother. No. He wasn't just going to drop him here with this gorgeous person and leave. Mike shoots him a wink and disappears in a crowd of passing patrons.

It takes you a few minutes to get through the initial awkwardness of introduction, but after a while, Raph starts to relax and despite the low he's currently slogging through, he actually has a really good time. You're funny, and smart, and gorgeous, and you don't look at him like a piece of meat or a monster.

For the next few days he's quiet, contemplative. The day before another party he catches Mike in his room.

"Hey, you got a second?"

Mike pauses his third playthrough of Assassin's Creed 2 [aka, the best one, fight me] and looks up from his pillow pile, "Sure! Sup?"

"So, uh, you know Y/N?"

Mike raises a brow, "Yeah...?"

"Are they, uh," he clears his throat, fidgeting uncomfortably, "are they... seeing anybody?"

Mike sighs, looking at his brother almost apologetically, of course you're the first person he'd *actually* be interested in. "Dude, they're Demi."

Raphael looks confused.

Mike sighs, "Okay, crash course in the ace/aro spectrum. Most people hear ace and they think no sex ever. Which is only true for some people."

Raph looks more confused.

"Just, stay with me," Mike encourages, "asexuality and aromanticism is a spectrum like anything else. While yes, people that are totally ace don't really get turned on by anything, you also have grey ace, demi, and other fun combo ones where sex drive and romance isn't necessarily a 'no' it's more of an 'only under certain circumstances,' situation. Demisexuals can't get turned on until they're already really close with someone. Most people, you turn on their body and their heart will follow, Demi's are the opposite. The only thing that gets them going with someone is a strong emotional bond. Your heart has to turn them on before your body even has a chance. They pretty much wrote the book on friends to lovers."

"...oh, okay," Raph nods, before furrowing his brow, "so..."

"So," Mike continues, "if you want to pursue something with them, it'll take time for them to be anywhere near ready for a relationship. And a hookup is fully off the table."

Raph thanks his brother for the clarity, and thinks about that for a while. You're beautiful, and he had a lot of fun just hanging out with you, but realistically, if your going to end up close to and attracted to anyone, it's probably not going to be him. Which was disappointing, sure, but you were still an awesome person, and he was pretty new to this whole "making friends," thing. He decides that even if nothing more was ever going to happen, your still more than worth hanging out with, as long as you feel the same about him. He doesn't need you to like him back as long as you like having him around.

And thus began, honestly, the best friendship either of you have ever had. Without the stress of "do we like each other" on the table, the two of you could just be together. You talked about anything and everything under the sun, and he told you things he would never, could never, tell anyone else.

You were the best wingman anyone could ever ask for, and were able to get him more than a few dates with beautiful, interesting, and fun people. For over a year, you were the closest of friends. It actually ended more than one relationship when Raph's potential partner couldn't handle the fact that you were basically a packaged deal.

Not long after your one year "anniversary," he noticed some changes. The last few people you tried to set him up with, you didn't seem as enthusiastic about. You're usually all about helping him get a date, but lately you've seemed almost... upset?

You tried to hide it. But as time went on, watching him leave the party with someone else was becoming more and more difficult. It took you a few weeks, but when you finally figured it out it hit you like a train.

It happened the third time you watched him leave a party with Sarah. Hand at her lower back, holding open the door like a gentleman, he caught your eye on the way out and you tried your best to make your smile look genuine before hiding behind the glass you'd raised in his direction. He noticed and gave you a quizzical look as you quickly buried your face in your glass, before Sarah called him away and the fire exit door closed.

You'd drained your glass and left right after.

The last time you developed feelings for someone it was a good friend of several years. They began the friendship wanting you, and tried for a long time before giving up. Once they did and you finally had the freedom to get close, you developed feelings, and they accused you of playing games. It ruined your friendship completely. This was before you knew what Demisexuality was, but knowledge is a pretty useless power when you're the only one who gets it.

Mike had let slip over daiquiris one night that you were the first person Raphael ever showed any actual interest in. Until he learned that you were Demi. And of course he didn't push, he probably didn't think there was any way you could ever want him. Despite his swagger he really doesn't think all that much of himself, even less so back then.

But that was a year ago, and while his own insecurities haven't exactly gone away, he's definitely becoming more confident. Sarah is gorgeous, the type of woman he'd never have considered approaching when you met. And you really like her. If you didn't you wouldn't have set them up in the first place.

So you're going to keep your mouth shut where it's safest for you, and everyone else involved. Raphael is the best thing that ever happened to you. You can't lose him.

You've started distancing yourself, hoping some space might help things go back to some kind of normal. You just need time to breathe, to take a step back and collect yourself and pretend like it doesn't kill you that now he's on his sixth date with Sarah and things are going really really well. Why can't you just be happy for your friend?

Eventually, one night, you just don't go. He would be spending all night with her, so it's not like you'd be missed. You would honestly be surprised if he noticed your absence at all. And you aren't bitter, honestly. And you aren't mad at him, how could you be? It just seems a little unfair that you could never feel anything until it was too late.

Surprisingly, he texted you near sunrise,

Red: [Missed you tonight. You okay?]

Y/N:

Y/N: [Yeah, work was just really hard today.]

Red: ...

Red: ...

Red:

Red: ...

Red:

Red:

Red: [Okay.]

You don't work on Wednesdays, but you're pretty sure he doesn't know that. You hope that will be the end of it. He won't press. What you aren't expecting is a certain orange-clad ninja in a seafoam jacket tapping at your window the following night.

"Hey, Mike," you say curiously, opening the window so he can move inside, "what's up?"

"Hey," he says, fixing his lapels, "Raph said your probably not coming to the party tonight. Aaaaaaand that you're lying to him." He gives you a genuine look, "So, what's up, buttercup?"

You know your not getting out of this. He gives you a look that says he already knows, he's just waiting for you to say it. Raph says he gets that from their dad.

Your cheeks burn and you look down and away. He dips his head to recapture your gaze. "The real reason you bailed wouldn't have anything to do with a certain reptile in red and the pretty blond bombshell hanging off his arm... would it?"

You sigh heavily and close your eyes, before turning, and walking over to the couch, "It doesn't matter. It's too late," you sit heavily, defeated. "It's always too late," you mutter to yourself.

"Wow," Mike says, watching you, a small smile working the corner of his mouth, "you know, in all the time I've known you I think this is the first time I've ever seen you actually into anyone."

"Not that it matters," you snap back, gently, the smile annoys you a little, "he's got Sarah. And they're really good together. And I'd be some kind of asshole to say anything at this point. And you don't say anything either," you demand, pointing at him, "He's happy. I'm not going to fuck that up for him."

Begrudgingly, he acquiesces, and not long after unsuccessfully trying one last time to convince you to go to the party, Mike makes his way out, and you put on a movie and curl up on the couch to distract yourself.

A little after two, you hear a quiet tapping on the window before the unmistakable sound of it sliding open in the casement, and a familiar soft landing on carpet.

You stand as he slides the window shut, "I thought you were with Sarah tonight. Everything okay?"

He turns to face you... and you know.

"Fucker ran his mouth," you laugh sardonically, shaking your head. "We don't have to talk about this, " you say, turning around to walk, somewhere, anywhere else.

"Yeah, I think we do," he argues. You stop walking with a sigh.

"Raph, please. Just go back to the party. Back to Sarah, have a-"

"Can't."

You turn and give him a quizzical look. "Wha- Why not?"

"We broke up." He says simply.

Your stomach drops, "You didn't break up with her because of- Raph, that's-"

"Relax," he says, holding up a hand and moving slowly toward you, "I didn't have to. She saw Mike and I talking, and she knew the score. Said to tell you, 'no hard feelings.'"

"But, I-"

He takes your hand before his eyes meet yours once again.

"But, I was too late..." You say softly, confused.

He can't help the smile that blooms across his features, "Not for me," he raises your hand to his lips and kisses the back of it, "Never for me." He looks at you, earnestly, and you can see the trepidation in his eyes. In the last year, the guy has developed one hell of a game, but you know the heart of him. He can't hide from you, and when you look at him, you see everything. He's terrified it isn't real. That he's getting his hopes up. That all that he is isn't enough.

And you want to tell him that he is. You really, really do. That he's more than enough. That he's so damn beautiful there was no way for you *not* to fall deeper the deeper you came to know him. But you don't. Not yet.

You just kiss him.

...

Tag list!

@thelaundrybitch @the-cauldron-witch @fyreball66 @ninnosaurus @tmntngl @thegirlwiththeninjaturtletattoos @zagreustomb @ramielll @silverwatergalaxy @gornackeaterofworlds @daedric-sorceress @sophiacloud28 @iridescentflamingo @milykins @sacred-holy-light @celeste-clearwater-06 @pheradream-15