#but i have also had help sometimes
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What do you consider growing up middle class?
I am going to answer as honestly and sincerely as I can based on my own experience
If your parents told you to just focus on your studies instead of get a job because they need your help to pay the electric bill
If you were ever gifted a car of any age/maintenance state
If college was a given assumption and not a silly kid pipedream
If you had an icemaker, central air, and washer-dryer
If you didn't use every last edible centimeter of fruits and vegetables
If you paid someone else to clean your house
If you could get new glasses AND see the dentist in the same year
If ordering pizza was a routine event rather than a special occasion
If your back to school shopping consisted of completely new clothing
If you had hobbies that cost money or required your parents to invest time and effort (like traveling to tournaments or getting you specific gear/equipment)
You took a family vacation more then twice growing up and those vacations weren't just visiting extended family a little ways away because staying with them is free
You went on a class/school trip
You flew anywhere as a child
You had a passport
Your parents didn't hoard extra prescription meds so that the next time you got sick you could just take the leftovers and not require paying for another round of Dr visit and pharmacy costs
You had more than 1 bathroom in your home
You were allowed to pick something out every time you went grocery shopping
You didn't really worry about how you were perceived when walking into stores/restaurants because you weren't desperately hoping that no one could tell your financial status from the state of your clothes
You didn't have to learn how to run a household by 16 because you had parents who could afford to be home and awake to do that for you
Your only hope of escaping your hometown and breaking free wasn't selling your entire existence to a deeply disturbing national war machine by enlisting in the military or similarly selling yourself by marrying rich
The best paying jobs available weren't physically damaging or dangerous (like how I destroyed my back unloading trucks because it paid way more than cashiering or waiting tables or how I knew multiple people doing construction at the risk of severe accidents or corrections to get paid more while risking violence)
You could afford to take time out/off when sick, whether it be the flu or full on depression
I'm sure I could think of more but just some things off the top of my head. Please remember that my experiences are directly related to the specific area/culture/time period in which I grew up and are not universal. Do not come for my parents who were doing the best they could with what they had, understand that me working to help pay the bills was while they were working 2 jobs and 70 hours a week simultaneously, they were not abusing me in this regard, it was just our reality. Also, on that last point, I am not shaming people that can't or don't work for whatever reason, I am stating that the option of recuperating in peace was simply not available to me, and I was previously diagnosed with major depression, have attempted suicide multiple times, and am now known auDHD with pmdd. So I understand the need but could never have it (and yes this has resulted in huuuuge life problems for me).
I am lower middle class now at 38 because I was able to put myself back thru school twice while still working and "married above my social station" (lol) and my partner has been able to take care of me in ways I considered as fairy tale movie stuff (like pay for my health insurance so I could get cancer treatment). I could not have done so without them. So I get it. I do take time off now, I do have a passport and take international vacations, I do get my glasses AND contacts at the same time, I do buy myself new clothes and even expensive purses, I do get necessary medical care. Yes I am still a little bitter and I do have permanent damage/issues from this stuff. And don't get me wrong, I had a lot of privilege in other ways and I know it. But what I came from is part of who I am and that's just reality.
Here, have cat rewards for making it to the end
#thank you#this is a longish read#but you asked (and i say that not flippantly)#i have had to start over from rock bottom#but i have also had help sometimes#im not a bootstrappy bigot i swear#i do not think it should be this way and actively work to change things#but people cant change what they don't know about#so i took your question sincerely and responded sincerely#i hope its taken in the spirit it was meant#and i hope that people get what they need#i do my best to do my best#...but dont downplay the motivational power of Spite*tm#if you know me then you know lol#zash irl#lower class#childhood poverty#growing up poor#poor-ish at least#the american dream#i refuse to let it kill me
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As per usual, it’s DP crossover with (probably) DC, although you could probably adjust it for other fandoms
ANYWAYS
A little kid and his mother are trick or treating in another city, perhaps at some kind of event rather than knocking on doors, and the kid is dressed as Phantom. It’s very adorable, with his little ghost-shaped bucket and clearly homemade and already stained costume—listen, white only works if you can just fly over street grime or phase it out of your clothes—and his slightly I’ll fitting wig. The kid is SO happy to be out and about dressed as his favorite, and maybe even showed it off to Phantom back in Amity Park before his family left.
The hero, insert whoever you wish here, is probably in civvies and just enjoying the event. The kid, meanwhile, is so glad when people ask who he is so he can explain, and so- the hero gets to hear ALL ABOUT the local town hero who is probably pretty small time despite the kid’s clearly exaggerated stories. The hero certainly never heard of him, but the kid’s mom confirms that Phantom really was the town hero, despite some mixed reviews of the poor guy.
“Did you manage to show him your costume?” the hero asks.
“Yeah! We went down to the cemetery to leave flowers and I got to show him my costume.”
Wait. Cemetery? Maybe it was part of theme, because Phantom had to be named that for a reason, but… it sounded like…
The kid ignores the suddenly VERY still hero and instead turns to his mom. “Momma, do you think we should bring him candy? He doesn’t get to trick or treat like we do, and I can work super hard to get him a bunch!”
The kid’s mom just smiles. “We could, but maybe we should bring him something homemade. I bet he’d like something more filling, teen boys like him have a hollow leg.”
The kid wrinkles his nose. “Like Vernie with the pizza bagels?”
“Like your cousin, yes. We can make some cinnamon rolls and take them to his memorial, maybe bring some of the apples from your grandpa’s garden…”
The hero is pretty much forgotten as the two-part family wanders off, not quite intentionally forgetting the hero is there so much as the hero somewhat accidentally ended the conversation when they just froze and didn’t ask anything further.
Not that the hero didn’t want to. But they’d learn something very serious.
One—there was a small town hero they’d never heard of. Two—that hero was apparently a teen. Third—most pressingly, the teen hero was both beloved enough to have kids dressing up as him and dead enough to have a grave.
This… might require some phone calls.
#dpxdc#danny phantom crossover#meanwhile Danny. sitting on a giant marble slab that has the most ridiculous gag gifts a ghost could ever ask for#he’s just like Oh Sweet Cinnamon Rolls!#he would try to convince people to bring him nasty burger but while val has MOSTLY gotten over her vindictive anger at Phantom DOES decide#that she’s gonna be petty and add cilantro to everything#because Danny has the cilantro soap gene#jokes on her he’ll still eat it#Danny likes his little memorial in the grave. it helps settle him sometimes. also he’s gotten to know the security guards for the cemetery#they’re fun. a bit morbid. they LIKE his jokes so you can stuff it JAZZ#MEANWHILE the hero. Whomstever they are but like 90% of you are thinking either batfam or Justice league#are having just. a TOUCH of a crisis#now they gotta figure out where the kid and his mom are from without either of them figuring out#dealer’s choice on what the GIW and why Amity Park isn’t on the radar#I’ll add my two cents bc when don’t I but I’m by and large not like… dictating this? anyways#I like making the GIW just a BIT more incompetent or just having some massive flaws as an organizational group#so they keep forgetting to tell people to not LEAVE and to keep quiet#average amity Parker if the GIW tried this anyways: aw that’s cute. anyways-#and if it’s dc I guess you need to figure out how the jl never found out. so#i mean there’s a LOT of heroes and cities in dc#and amity park is just lost to the noise or. bc Fenton bad luck#every time Danny tried to call. the jl had some insane disaster and or their systems were down#he eventually figured he might actually be cursed- jury’s still out on that -and he’s saving lives by just handling it himself#he can handle rhe metaphorical mega thunderstorms if it means he doesn’t accidentally summon a fucking tsunami to hit the planet ya know?#the kid and the mom have no idea that what they said was Odd#they are just so used to it. amity park already was using death puns and had an. interesting history and relation with death#even BEFORE there was a dead kid flying around in his white gogo boots
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thoughts, repeating.
#art#sketch#digital art#ocd#wish i could clear my brain cache sometimes!#but no instead everything that ever happens to me is a cognitohazard#anything can be my brain's favourite chew toy#there's nothing more to extract from that thought but sure let's run into it like a knife a million times#and it becomes habit that reinforces itself. i will wake up thinking thank god im not having the thought right now! oh! surprise!#i don't wish my memory was worse but i wish it knew how to let go#one beautiful day when im in a place more long term i will find a therapist that can help hopefully#also im doing fine mostly!!!!!!#ive been meaning to draw this for a while just havent had the time and im slowly smoothing it over
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I keep thinking about Merlin’s love for Arthur and how it’s so clearly portrayed in the show to the point that it practically drives the plot of the show. However when it comes to Arthur’s love for Merlin it’s more subtle and sometimes difficult to even grasp, and I started thinking why that was, aside from the obvious fact that Arthur has a lot of trouble expressing his emotions affection or otherwise. I think it also lies in the fact that Merlin knows Arthur intrinsically throughout the show; he is one of the closest people to Arthur, and sees him for who he really is. Arthur admits as much.
Sure, Arthur knows Merlin but the main part of the plot is that he really doesn't know Merlin. Merlin wants him to desperately understand him and “see me for who I am” but he can't yet. And I think this subconsciously creates a barrier in the way in which Arthur can care for Merlin, and how Merlin can let himself be seen by Arthur.
Which is why I think he was also so hurt when the magic reveal happens because more than the betrayal of Merlin having magic, it was the betrayal of Merlin not letting Arthur see him for who he really is and for hiding a main part of himself. Arthur says it himself “why did you never tell me” that’s what hurt him the most.
I think the most damning piece of evidence for this is the fact that while we see snippets of Arthur’s feelings for Merlin thought the show, the biggest signs are in the last episode after the magic reveal; in which he finally gets to understand Merlin, and this time REALLY know Merlin, and as the barriers of what held them back from understanding each other truly fall away, Arthur evidently “falls in love with Merlin all over again”. We see him actually express himself to Merlin.
This is another reason why I think if anyone was ever to create another season of Merlin after Arthur’s return, it’s physically impossible not to make it about Merlin and Arthur acknowledging their feelings for each other. Because there is no way forward without them acknowledging how deeply they care for each other, obviously anyone is free to argue what kind of love that is, but its impossible not to see the deep love there either way.
They always knew they loved each other, just maybe never realising how much and what that means, because its almost second nature to everything that they do.
#merlin meta#bbc merlin#merthur#ignore me im literally just rambling#im not sure this even makes sense but i had to yap it out anyway!!#i think merlins love for Arthur surpasses his destiny in a way#He foresakes himself and his people just to ensure Arthur lives#but that turned out to be the undoing of them all#I cannot stress enough how insane this makes me#its sometimes harder to look at Arthur and understand how his love for merlin takes form#but the way he starts taking small steps to check in on merlin when he's being particularly quiet#or noticing the changes in merlin is a good indicator because it is so completely opposite his nature#and ofc the way in which he trusts merlin so completely#remember this is a man who has constant problems with people he chooses to trust#and he also shows time and time again how far he's willing to go beyond the accepted norms to also protect merlin#I think it was always harder for him to allow himself to open about his emotions#and it was much easier to keep it under lock and key to avoid it being seen as a weakness#Obviously thanks to Uthers A+ parenting which could not have helped#but as the seasons go on he begins to open up and thats no small part in thanks to merlins influence in his life#and when it comes to the finale they are both boiled down to raw emotion having to face each other#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon
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hey guys 🤲 spare nille thoughts? s’il vous plaît???
#radio rambles#so many isat fics who brush over her addition to the found family#fine sure whayever but also. also#pls ? pls?#i still need to make a nille design………#in my mind nille is like 18 or 19 at best#raising her child sibling#and i think. i think. something so special about the party taking her in#and helping with bonnie. because. it shouldnt have to be her responsibility#ofc she loves bon but it shouldnt have. to be. her job to take care of then#and she still will ofc…. shes used to it now. instinct or smth#but having a whole family of ppl who are Equally (if not more after. everything) protective of bon ? like. pls 🙏#ALSO JUST#we dont know much about their home life… if nille and bonnie live alone etc#id like to think she has neighbors she might rely on sometimes. coworkers at jobs she wouldve had to have taken up#but just having like. actual and experienced adult influences in her life can be so powerful#someone to. talk to about. feelings#DO U UNDERSTAND ME. DO YOU THINK NILLE TALKS ABOUT EMOTIONS#about her own#auggh#this was supposed to be a short post but now ive said one billion things#oops#talk to me abt nille. in exchange. uh. nille design one day#ok?#isat spoilers#isat
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warning - bad guy wants to kill people and threatens to eat them + ship invasion
General Morbius was one an accomplished soldier. He was ruthless to his enemies, loyal to those who appreciated him, and willing to do anything. He was made for war. The coalition was not, it was made for peace and thus the general was rarely if ever used.
He had been fine with this...until he rejected as captain of the main ship. A tighalax by the name of Nox was chosen instead. Nox was not ruthless, was too hesitant to make the hard decisions, was a runt.
Morbius would not let a runt replace him.
That's when he met Sine Macula, a ruler who stood for everything the coalition did but was not afraid of getting their hands dirty to do so. Morbius respects that and so he fed him information. He got away with this for several months until found out...but not caught. There was not enough proof to charge him with treason and so he laid low. His schedule became tight and rigid, work then straight home. No dawdling or talking...well not to anyone he thought were a real threat.
The human chef from the west side cafeteria, the human who was head of sanitation, the human from the youngling centre, these were the only ones he talked to. They were the only one's who understood him and listened to him. At least that's what he thought.
He had a strange feeling about why the captain's first mate had reduced the amount of tails/watchers on him and so he did some digging. Oh how he longed to rip those filthy humans apart with his teeth...how he longed to watch the life leave their eyes as they gurgled out pleas through blood...
He let them into his home, he let them know of his thoughts and desires, he told them details and secrets, he let them meet his family-touch his family with those filthy dirty hands!!
He has calls to make.
.
The general cruelly smiles as he walks through the halls and sees his former allies escorted into the cargo bay, a temporary jail until they see who is worthy to join and who is to die.
His grin widens as he steps into the command center to see the Captain wrestled to the ground along with the first mate. A muzzle is shoved into the tighalax's mouth. A shock collar is strapped around the petronlic's neck. How lovely.
Growls and curses follow him as he turns around to continue to enjoy the show. He sees dozens of his new soldiers subdue an orc with tasers and guns loaded with rubber bullets. He hopes Fenrir will see his side and join, the orc will be a wonderful soldier.
Disgust crosses his face as he sees the ships tech supports throuple make the most offensive and crude gestures to him as they're dragged to the cargo bay. How Quip ended up Glip and Kal he'll never know.
..
"So we have everyone?"
"Not yet General, we're missing 30."
"30? How was I not made aware of 30 missing crew members??" he sneers grabbing the soldier by the shoulder.
"They weren't high priority-!"
"Well they are now since you lost them! Who did you lose?!"
"Th-the youngling centre sir!"
"...the youngling centre?" he whispers.
"Y-yes, sir."
"...you lost the youngling centre? The very centre run by the disgusting humans who betrayed me?"
"Well find them right away sir-!"
"You have two hours or I'll be using your bones as the broth for my diner tonight." he releases the soldier who sprints away to his team.
...
Kim knew she was going to die if they were found. The younglings would be most likely safe, Max too if he didn't fight back, but her? She would be killed.
When Captain asked her to spy on Morbius she did so without really thinking of the danger. She wasn't going anywhere dangerous, she would just talk to him whenever she him in the ship. Just talking, easy!
But then he actually opened up to her and that's when she realized how dangerous he actually was. The 'jokes', the wishes, the cracks that let her see who he really was...it scared her. And she couldn't do anything but grit her teeth and smile.
She was still safe though. They never met off the ship. She rarely actually talked about herself, he did all the talking, she never let anything slip.
But Morbius had still found out. He had found out, played along, and now the ship has been taken over.
They've done this before, her and Max, and therefore already had a plan. Lock the door, close the blinds, turn off the lights, hide in the supply room in the secret room and block the door. No one make a sound.
Hours pass and they do their best to keep the children quiet. Do their best to take their minds off the shouts, blasts, and shots fired with whispered stories and reassurances.
By the fifth hour, she knows because Max counted to keep himself calm, all is quiet. Kim hates it. She wants to leave, she can't breathe, her heart is too loud, she-
The tiny door opens.
Standing there before the group of 30 is a youngling. Standing between them and their fate is Morando. The General's son.
The youngling's mouth opens.
....
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" Morbius roars, sirens blaring throughout the ship nearly drowning out his voice.
"Sir! There is a fire in the youngling centre!" a soldier screams directing his comrades towards the fire.
"AND WHY ARE YOU PUTTING IT OUT?! WE'RE BLOWING THIS SHIP UP THE SECOND WE LEAVE!!"
"Your son is there sir!"
General Morbius is many things. A killer, a soldier, a liar, a betrayer, but in that moment he was only a father. And fathers' love their children.
"Kill the one who was supposed to watch him. All available soldiers with me. If my son dies I will skin you all and eat you whilst you still breathe."
General Morbius loves his child and if his child dies he will kill everyone and anyone who contributed to it.
.....
General Morbius loves his child. Morbius loves his child. He would kill for him. Die for him. And in this case forgive him.
The fire was a diversion. His son was not in any danger. His son was tricked by the disgusting humans.
Morando had found them while looking in the supply room for a toy to play with after having given his escort the slip. His son had intended to alert him, call for reinforcements. But the humans had used their silver tongues to trick him.
One last meal they said. Humans were given one last meal before defeat, before death. Morando had seen no issue with this, he respected Kim and Max, they had given him much fun and amusement.
The final meal involved fire but since the centre's kitchen was partially destroyed they asked to use Fure, a fyreian. Morando agreed once again.
They cooked, involving all the younglings, even Morando. They sat down together and ate, inviting Morando, giving him his own plate. Kim begged him to let her tell one last tale before capture, he allowed.
The comradery, a warm meal, a tale catering towards his son's taste...the humans were not as foolish nor soft as he had thought.
They lulled the youngling into a false sense of security before capturing him. Tying him up, his son. Gagging him, his child. Carrying him like a sack over their shoulder, his flesh and blood. Setting the fire and leaving Morando's shawl just outside the door to make it look like he was in there, trapped, burning...a brilliant plan.
With how little soldiers there were in the cargo bay they managed to sneak in and free their crew mates. How the orcs, rextalians, tighalaxes, and other apex species fought.
It was a swift defeat. They had taken control of the ship whilst he was distracted by the fire. They had the armory now. They had called in reinforcements. They had Morando. What else could he do but surrender?
Humans are so much crueler than others give them credit for. A species who have mastered trickery to such a degree that younglings are not even safe from them.
#no beta we die like men#humans are space orcs#humans are space oddities#the adventures of kim and max running a space child centre#happy halloween! ...in 20 minutes#i had the realization that bc of my job i have learned how to make kids trust me#i have learned how to make them see me as someone they can turn to when needing help or guidance or simply as someone fun#i also rembered/realized that young children are very easy to win over cause their standards are pretty much rock bottom#just play with them and entertain them and they like you#so bam! kid tricking for good!#also you do have to lie to kids sometimes for their safety#like i told them not to go to a area under repair because it was electric and could shock them#it was a ladder and toolbox and a pipe...if i didnt lie they would have played with it!
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the kids released a new album
#ts4#simblr#ts4 edit#ts4 render#sims 4#myedits#AUverse#dhestyn#kelly#ok i actually have things to say about this#FIRST OF ALL this is not what i intended to make when i sat down & started working on the bandAU#i had this big elaborate thing planned & then i realized... i didn't wanna do it. at least. not right now lol#idk why i think everything i make needs to be so elaborate & involved bc it doesn't?? like where did i get that idea from?#i can just make something small & silly sometimes yk#n e way. this is like. one of the kids' albums i guess? my thought is that dhes wrote it/was in charge of it#that's why he's on the cover.#kel writes most of their albums (w help from the others ofc) but dhes really wanted to try writing one & this is what came of it#most of the titles don't actually mean anything. they're just like. random words i thought dhes would use lol#but the first 3 are references to the canonverse#also i originally wanted to have dhes shirtless bc 1. symbolism of like vulnerability?#but also 2. i thought the lighting would look pretty against his skin#BUT he has a death note tattoo right there between his shoulder blades & i just.......... could not take him seriously like that so#he had to keep his clothes on
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Thinks about my next series again... I drew the icon for it!
I'm planning to have it launched within a year! I'm hoping for summer 2025. I want to make a prelaunch page before Time and Time Again ends so people can subscribe if they're interested, but I'm worried the series return would be too early...
#SORRY HAHAHA REPOSTING IMMEDIATELY#i. it. IM SORRY okay the.#i had 'im not interested in the comic' as an option but it immediately made me feel bad#DONT FEEL BAD IF YOU PICKED IT i put it there#i just realized its not really a helpful metric to me at all!#im making the comic either way!#so i just want to gague interest. disinterest doesnt do much for me. you can come and go as you please!#just wanting to retain readers as much as possible but without losing them due to taking too long#ahhhh the balance of marketing. a beautiful beast she is.#anyways yeah hoping to launch like about as tta is ending#or like at LEAST a prelaunch page by then#im also not intending for the prelaunch page to be like. announced...#moreso just a link i append on art for the series!#just so when a drawing of zagan gets 500 notes#people who are interested in what hes from can. see that...#anyways. sorry i haven't been posting work is wild im going 70+ hours a week again i am so tired#not much time to draw non work stuff#im hanging on by a thread of having multiple projects i can bounce between again#and sometimes thats this one! so heres the results of some mental health work variety#we were legion#polls#sorry for the instant repost. in my defense. i am exhausted.#i can not wait until im making a different comic that i can do a fucking. normal ass schedule with#where im not every week gasping for breath in some kind of bad at swimming metaphor.#anyways if youre not interested dont tell me. it doesnt matter to me. no offense but i just dont wanna hear it.#i want to make the comic and my audience as much as i love you all is not going to have any control over what i do with my art#im gonna make this comic if i only get it done on weekends after getting home from the fuckin movie theater#i am not working for webtoon again wnd im not forcing myself into the dirt for comics again#but im also never gonna stop making them. just need to build a healthier relationship!#FUCK I MADE IT A ONE DAY POLL.
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Sometimes I wonder if Leo’s instant latching onto Señor Hueso is due to the fact that Hueso is an older adult man (specifically a father at that) who, while fed up with Leo a lot of the time, still deigns to give him a modicum of attention.
Considering Leo’s a Leo, he craves that attention from a father figure, even if said attention isn’t positive. As long as he’s acknowledged, that’s enough for him, since he’s already used to being his own biggest (and often only) fan as is.
Luckily, Hueso does come around and (reluctantly) forms a connection with Leo as well, but again, I have to wonder if Leo picked out Hueso for a reason.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt hueso#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#rise hueso#there’s also Tim Dunkman#even Marcus Moncrief too#like how Donnie is easily influenced by words of praise from parent aged adults#I find that Leo is influenced by attention from father aged men#unless these men are Baron Draxum who Leo met as a villain first#side note but sometimes I think about how Leo never had a true heartfelt moment with Splinter that wasn’t in a group setting#sure he and Splinter have time together in Many Unhappy Returns but that does more to help Splinter see Leo’s abilities than Leo himself#with how dismissive Splinter is (especially to Leo in that episode) and with how much Leo as a Leo is an ultimate Daddy’s Boy…#well I can imagine how much he longs for that attention#again - even negative#poor kid’s got Daddy Issues galore#they all do really#this is partially why I don’t think Leo reacts much at all to the negative things said about him in Many Unhappy Returns#partially because he’s likely heard it before#and partially because well…even negative that’s still attention#that’s still time he gets to spend with his dad one on one#so it’s not shocking that Leo basically imprints on Hueso#keep in mind that we meet Hueso in the Maze of Death episode#so Hueso at least loosely knows of one of Leo’s lowest moments#and still hasn’t kicked him away soooo congrats boneman you have a lifelong nephew now
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Hey here's an angle on the Jiang family dynamic and its impact on Wei Wuxian that I haven't seen discussed:
Wei Wuxian grew up seeing Jiang Yanli routinely having her agency cut off and denied in both large (betrothal) and small ways. That were largely tied up in her gender, sure, but this was also a family containing Yu Ziyuan. A daughter in this household had every chance of having her gender treated as of secondary importance.
She just had to earn it.
The way Jiang Yanli was hemmed in and her potential as an independent actor dismissed was at least as strongly correlated with her failure to be a powerful sword cultivator.
So Wei Wuxian's total refusal to let anyone know that he'd lost access to his cultivation and his violent reactivity against being diminished or condescended to during his Sunshot-to-death period, when before he was pretty immune to being looked down on, could have a lot to do with having been presented with this clearly labeled diagram of how your personhood gets stripped away when you are, by the standards of your society, disabled.
#hoc est meum#like jiang cheng's desire to die about it also has this#but he had some specific shame issues#and the realistic assessment that rebuilding his sect and getting revenge was now impractical#and his problem was never really feeling like his place in the world was actually going to be taken#just like he failed to deserve it#whereas wwx had his secrets to keep but even after he'd lived up to most of his obligations#during this period#and i think it's what he's so mad at himself about looking back#during the Empathy flashback#that he valued his pride and clinging to his status when it turned out#it did jack-all to help and he got everyone killed#(Present-Day wwx is not an objective source on himself lmao)#and this in turn is why in the present-time of the novel he's so willing to lean into the indignity of mo xuanyu#he now has nothing to lose and it's liberating#but during his march-toward-death era having any more of his self-respect and conceptual status stripped away was agony#because it felt like an unpersoning#and some of the disability angles around this come up in fandom sometimes but#the fact that he internalized the idea that not having this specific type of power means you lose your personal freedom looking at jyl#doesn't really#and i think she Very Much informed his relationship to#power gender disability and#marriage#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang yanli
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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me trying to explain the berserk trio:
ok so you know that famous internet question: "the man or the bear?" well. casca would choose the bear cus she is a woman who has suffered her own share of experiences with men and understands the true gravity of such a question. guts would also choose the bear, cus according to him fighting a random man would be considered "too easy" and he needs "a real challenge". griffith would choose the bear cus he misunderstood the question and he is a feral bisexual twink with oddly specific needs. in this essay i will-
#day 1208463 without berserk. i have lost smell in my left ear and eyesight in my right. something wicked grows inside of me but i still#dont have a name for it. the bars of the enclosure sometimes move about and coil around my arms like snakes. i crave nutella.#SOMEBODY GET GRIFFITH A SERVICE TOP BEAR OR SO HELP ME GODD#why should the world be terrorised cause nobody stepped up to wreck his absolute shit?? its just so fucking unfair#also casca talking straight up fact as always💯💯#guts gets 2 bears to fight just cause he's been a good boy lately <33#berserk#griffith#guts#casca#casca berserk#griffith berserk#guts berserk#berserk shitpost#griffguts#gutsca#im just tagging whatever at this point sorry#anyways#somebody come shoot me ive had enough#my posts
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sooooooo when i jokingly said to myself "haha did ruan mei play aeonic necromancy on tingyun's remains or something" i wasn't expecting that to literally be the case what the fuck
#ON ONE HAND! TINGYUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ON THE OTHER! HELLO???????????????????????????????????#that was a really good update . a little clunky in those transitions sometimes but ooooh boy that came together GOOD#jiaoqiu nearly sent me into hysterics i was so upset . and flabbergasted. mostly flabbergasted#also the part where hoolay let him go for a little bit and you had the option to try asking for help#with severe consequences to be reaped afterwards. that was so nervewracking#i ended up doing it once out of curiosity and immediately regretted it and was horribly anxious the rest of the time i was running around#and yeah those consequences sure do. Consequence#props to the writers and stuff for that one that was great i felt ill#FEIXIAO... GOD FEIXIAOOOOO OHHHH BOY I LOVE HERRR what a great character#i hoped and i prayed and i dreamed for a deep dive into her condition and not a vague gloss-over as hyv loves to do AND I GOT IT#moze didn't do enough tricks (aka just . being a part of the story and interacting with other characters) for me to care about him still#it's like#the yaoqing trio: yay yahoo yippee WOOOO YAYYYY#moze by himself: closes my eyes forever#DO MORE TRICKS FOR ME#lingsha's pretty cool. i will save her from her bad design#oh oh oh YANQING!!!!!!!!!! USING WHAT JINGLIU TAUGHT HIM AND IMMOBILIZING HOOLAY ALL BY HIMSELF!!!!!! OH YM GOD#MY LITTLE BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#that cutscene was terrifying i almost died of stress . i'm so proud of you yanqing. never do that again#i had fun and now it's 3 am and i have work in the morning. help me
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I never touched it but I feel like i only ever hear positive things said about song of achilles.. in (rough strokes at least) what makes it dogshit to you?
Okay it's been a while since I actually read it so some of this might not be spot on accurate. Sorry if at any point I say 'the book never does xyz' and it actually does once or twice but I think my underlying criticisms are accurate
-Patroclus is made into like this soft gentle tender quivering little yaoi boy. In the source text, he's shown as compassionate and moved by the suffering of his own men (and apparently having some medical skill, tending to the wounded in the camp), but very much invested n combat and very, very good at it (pages worth of descriptions of the guys he's killing left and right). In this, the arguably more complex character from this 8th century BC text is flattened into Being A Healer, he doesn't want to go to war he just wants to help people, he only goes because Achilles has to but he doesn't want to fight he's a HEALER he's a gentle lover NOT A FIGHTER who just wants to help he just wants to help everyone around him he HEALS while Achilles is a doomed warrior who is so good at fighting and KILLING its a DICHOTOMY GUYS!!!LIKE THE BEAUTIFUL SUN AND MOON DOOMED LOVERS SO SAD patocluse HEALER . (I Think he's specifically characterized as being BAD at fighting but might be misremembering)
-I don't remember much about Achilles' characterization I think it just makes him less of a jackass while not adding anything of interest and levels out into being mad boring.
-Not getting into the literal millenias old debate whether the mythological characters Achilles and Patroclus were being characterized as some type of lover by the original oral sources of the Iliad or its Homeric writers. We will never know. We don't even know what (if any) culturally accepted conventions of male homosexuality existed in bronze age Greece (we know much more about their descendants). But there are some interesting elements of their characterization in this direction, with how unconventional their relationship is WITHIN the text itself- Patroclus is described as cooking for Achilles and his guests (very specifically a woman/wife's job), Achilles chides Patroclus like a father, but there's also scene where Achilles' mourning of him directly echoes a passage of Hector's wife mourning her husband, Patroclus is explicitly stated to Achilles' elder, and is overall treated as his equal or near-equal, closest confidant and most beloved friend (to the point that pederastic classical Greeks would debate over who was erastes (older authority figure lover) and who was eromenos (adolescent 'beloved')- many took it as a given that this text depicted their present-day cultural norms of homosexual behavior but it existed so Outside of these norms that it had to be debated who was who). Their relationship is non-standard both within the text and to the descendants of the civilization that wrote them.
Basically what I'm saying is this book had opportunities to like, explore the unconventionality of the relationship (being presented here as explicitly lovers), explore the dynamics of why Patroclus wants to do 'women's work' (besides being a tenderhearted softboy), the weird dynamics where they take on paternal roles to each other but also roles of wives, how they feel about being this way, and just kind of Doesn't. Which I guess isn't an intrinsic fault (because it omits much of what I just talked about to begin with). it's just like.... Lame. This book takes jsut abandons everything interesting about the source text in favor of flattening it into bland Doomed Yaoi.
-The conflict that sets off the core story of the Iliad is Achilles and Agamemnon fighting over Briseis, an enslaved Trojan woman taken by Achilles as a war-trophy, Achilles spends most of the story moping because he was dishonored by his 'trophy' being taken. Achilles and Patroclus and everyone else are raping their captives, all the women in the story are either captured Trojans (or in the case of the free women within the walls of Troy, soon to be enslaved, and are slave owners themselves). Slavery as an institution and extreme patriarchal conventions are innate to the text and reflective of the context in which it was developed. You cannot avoid it.
But obviously you can't have your soft yaoi boys doing this, so the author has them capturing women to Protect Them from the other men. Their slaves are UNDER THEIR PROTECTION and VERY SAFE (and they might even Like And Befriend Them but I might be misremembering that. Briseis does though). Our heroes have apparently absorbed none of the ideals of the culture they exist in and the author seems to think "they're gay and aren't sexually attracted to their captives" would translate to them being outright benevolent (also as if wartime sexual violence is just about attraction and not part of a wider spectrum of violent acts to dehumanize and brutalize an accepted 'enemy')
In the source text, Briseis mourns Patroclus as being the kindest to her of her captors, who tried to get her a slightly better outcome by getting her married to Achilles (which probably would be the Least Bad of all possible outcomes for a woman in that situation, becoming a legal wife instead of a slave), and wonders what will happen to her now that he's gone. This is a really really sad, horrible, and compelling dynamic which could be fleshed out in very interesting ways but is instead is tossed entirely aside in favor of them being Besties. Like brother and sister.
All of the above pisses me off so much. If you don't want to engage in the icky parts of ancient/bronze age Greece then don't write a retelling of a story taking place in bronze age Greece. I'm not gonna get mad at children's adaptations of Greek myths or silly fun stories loosely based on them for omitting the rape and slavery but it is SO fundamental to the Iliad. If you're not willing to handle it, either fully omit it or better yet set your Iliad inspired yaoi in an invented swords-and-sandals setting where you can have all your heartbreaking tragic doomed lovers plot beats and not have to clumsily write around the women they're brutalizing.
-The author didn't seem to know what to do with Thetis and she made her just like, Achilles bitch mother who spends most of the story trying to separate our Yaoi Boys (iirc her disguising Achilles as a girl and hiding him on Scyros is made to be more about getting him away from Patroclus than trying to save her son from his prophesied doom in the Trojan War) until she sees how much they loooove each other and I think helps Patroclus' spirit get to the afterlife or something in the end?
-This is more of a personal taste gripe but it has that writing style I loathe where the prose feels less like a story and more like an attempt to string together Deep Beautiful Hard Hitting Poetic Lines that will look great as excerpts on booktok (might predate booktok but same vibe). It's all very Pretty and Haunting and Deep but feels devoid of real substance.
I really like The Iliad and The Odyssey in of themselves. They're fascinating historical texts that give a window into how 8th century BC Greeks told their stories, saw their world, interpreted their ancestors, etc. And genuinely I think these texts have 'good' characters, there's a lot of complexity and humanity to it.
WRT the Iliad- all of the main Achaeans are pretty fascinating, the one singular part where Briseis Gets To Talk and laments her situation is great, Achilles fantasizing that all of the Trojans AND the Achaeans die so he and Patroclus alone can have the glory of conquering Troy (wild), Achilles asking to embrace Patroclus' shade and reaching out for him but it's immaterial (and the shade being sucked back underground with a 'squeak' (the squeak kinda gets me it's disturbing and sad)), Hecuba talking about wanting to tear out Achilles' liver and eat it in a (taboo, exceptioally pointed) expression of rage and grief for his mutilation of her son's corpse, just one tiny line where the enslaved women performing ritual wailing for their dead captors are described as using it as an outlet to 'grieve for their own troubles' is heartrending, etc. A lot of grappling with anger and grief and the inevitability of death, a lot of groundwork laid for characters that could be very interesting when expanded upon in the framework of a conventional novel.
And Song Of Achilles really doesn't do much with all that. I know a lot of my gripes here are kind of just "It's different from the Iliad", I would have thought of it as mostly mediocre and forgettable rather than infuriating if it wasn't a retelling (and I DEFINITELY have strong biases here). But I think the ways in which it is different are less just a product of a retelling (of course there's going to be omissions and differences) and more a complete and utter disinterest in vast majority of its own subject matter, to the book's detriment. I think a retelling has a point when it EXPANDS on the source, or provides a NEW ANGLE to the source. This book doesn't Really do either, it just shaves off the complexity of its source material, renders the characters into a really boring archetype of a gay relationship, and gives very little else. Its content boils down to a middling tragic romance that has been inserted into the hollowed out defleshed skeleton of the Iliad.
Bottom line: I definitely would not be as mad about it if I wasn't familiar with the source material but I think it's fair to expect a retelling to Engage with/expand on its source, and I also think it's weak purely on its own merits. This book was set up to disappoint Me specifically.
#Sorry this turned into a 100000 word essay on The Iliad it can't be helped#I read Circe by the same author and thought it was like.. better? Definitely not great just less aggravating and kind of boring#Just rote 'you heard about this villainous woman from a Greek myth... Here's the REAL story' shit#It did have a few things I thought were good I remember it starting kind of strong and then just going limp for the remaining duration#I think part of it is that in that case she's expanding on a figure that Didn't have a whole lot of characterization in the source so#like. She had to actually Expand The Character#Again Silence of the Girls is the only Greek Mythology Retelling I have like....positive?.leaning positive? feelings towards#I've got BIG issues with it too but it does pretty much the exact opposite of everything I'm mad at SOA for and in some very#compelling ways (it's just that the author seems way more interested in Achilles and Patroclus than The Main Character Briseis#to the point of randomly starting to have Achilles POV interjections (which I thought were Good in of themselves but#really really really really really really really didn't need to be there) and then get kind of lampshaded by Briseis narrating 'I guess I#was trapped in Achilles' story the whole time lol!!!!!!')#It undermines the book on both a thematic level and just like. a construction level like it's real sloppy at times.#Also the Briseis POV sometimes has these like really out of place Author Mouthpiece Moments where she's very obviously#Stating The Point to the audience and it's like yeah we get it. We get it.#Wow in the scene were our mostly silent enslaved protagonist removes the gag from the mouth of a dead sacrificed girl as a#small but significant act of defiance and grieving in a book called 'Silence of the Girls' you inserted an ironic repeat of the line#'silence befits a woman'. in italics even. Thanks for that. I could not possibly have grasped the meaning of this scene if you didn't#spell it out for me like that. Thank you.#Actually hang on the only Greek mythology retelling I have unequivocally positive feelings for are the 'Minotaur Forgiving'#songs on 'This One's For The Dancer And This One's For The Dancer's Bouquet'. Fully love it. Like not just as songs I think it#does function well as a narrative and engages with and expands on the source in really beautiful and creative ways
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Augustus: *throwing a tantrum* "DAD WHY AM I LIKE THIS"
Octavius: "Well, I didn't sculpt you but it seems they ran out of marble."
Augustus: "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT STINKS HAVING NO HANDS"
Jed: "Or legs."
Octavius: "That's not helping."
Omg you can't just say that Jed!
#dialogue? I hardly know her#sometimes I wish I was doing digital art instead but then I remembered that I'd probably spend insane amounts of time to fix little mistake#like. pixel lever of mistakes#still. it'd be nice if I could have more detail on my drawings#it would also help if I drew these a little bigger#the whole thing is less than 10cm tall (in the first panel they're like 1cm tall. little guys)#anyway#natm#night at the museum#natm octavius#natm jedediah#jedediah smith#gaius octavius#augustus caesar#jedediah and octavius#jedtavius#fanart#art#traditional art#ask#anonymous#answered#sorry this took so long. i had trouble coming up with the panels#I'm not good at making comics#btw I don't think they'd actually allow him to have the roomba unsupervised by a normal sized person or exhibit#because he literally have no arms or legs. if he falls he breaks#and jed and oct can do nothing about it#sad#parents or bust au
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but who told them all my distorted thoughts lmao
#miraculous ladybug#marigami#ladynoir#kagami#perfection#neurodivergent#autism#adhd#audhd#unmasking#mlb#mlb s5#mlb caps#mlb capspam#and not ladybug trying to be a CBT therapist or something lol#i think DBT might help you more kagami chan#i know distorted thoughts is a CBT term but i'm just starting to explore DBT#what's their term automatic negative thoughts or something? that does make more sense#i don't wish anyone would disappear i just always isolate myself#and used to feel sad about it but now it feels kind of peaceful#i still have my family though so that helps#but i've accepted i don't have the energy to be social right now i only have enough capacity for work and family#and maybe someday i can try to (re)build friendships again idk#just like kagami i don't know how to be : (#i do also hate being perceived and wish i could be a hermit sometimes lol#i used to be so certain about what the “perfect” i wanted to strive for was and had so many rules for myself in order to appear acceptable#but now that i know i was being excessively literal and perfect doesn't exist - i don't know what's acceptable or safe or “normal” enough#i feel like i'm in a cocoon or something trying to figure out who i am#but i'm so different from how i was when i was trying to be perfect idk if anyone will like or accept this version of me#i'm also so shell shocked from life the past few years everything is hard lol
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