#but i feel like the second friend understands that it’s important to express myself in that way yk

[fakevariety]

sometimes it’s so lonely being the only they/them in a chat full of girls, the only gay person in a group of straight people

[drchucktingle]

my masks

hey there buckaroos. due to all of the attention the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION situation has gotten i am going to take a minute to talk about my personal way as an autistic buckaroo. im going to tell you about my masks.

im doing this for a few reasons, some are good FUN reasons full of love and some are not so great. 

lets start with the GOOD STUFF. first of all, i am talking about this because speaking on my way can help other buckaroo feel more comfortable speaking on there own way, ESPECIALLY if they are good at ‘passing’ for neurotypical like chuck is. 

unfortunately the NOT SO GREAT reasons im talking about all this dang stuff are two fold. reason one: i have been put into a position of having to explain and justify my needs and boundaries by the TXLA. this is not something that i WANT to be taking up all of my time, but when large organizations do not make space for those who they have pledged to support, it puts us smaller buckaroos into position where were have to defend our existence. it is not plesent but it is necessary.

the second NOT SO GREAT reason is that ‘passing’ bisexual and autistic people like myself are ALWAYS just seconds from being gatekept from folks both outside and inside these communities. there will probably be a day on chucks deathbed where i take off my mask and say hello to this timeline (mostly so you can all see how handsome i am under here but I DIGRESS). i KNOW with absolute certainty (the same way other bi and autistic buckaroos are probably nodding along right now) that when that day comes i will STILL be accused of ‘not being real’ and ‘faking’ because i ‘dont look autistic’ and i have a beautiful ladybuck partner in sweet barbara.

ALL THAT IS TO SAY, i am taking a moment today to talk FOR THE RECORD about my neurodigence and my particular needs. hopefully i will not have to keep diving this deep every time an organization takes a discrimantory action against me, but i will also say this: at least it is a good fight on an important battlefield

anyway buds, here is the story of my way on the spectrum

when i was a young buckaroo i knew that my thought process was different. i could socialize easily, which is unique in contrast to many autistic buds (it is a spectrum after all), but my social ease was for an interesting reason. I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT OTHERS WERE ABOUT TO SAY. it was like a strange ‘human game’ where someone would say one thing and i would think ‘well you actually mean something else’ in a sort of logical way (this is why i later related to DATA from star trek so dang much). at first i remember thinking ‘well i am just NOT going to play along with this human game’. i quickly learned neurotypical buckaroos do not like this, that there is a BOB AND WEAVE to social interactions that must be learned. 

later i realized ‘actually if i WANT to make friends and prove love is real then i can do this like an expert because i can SEE the game where most cant’. this got chuck many buds and took me on many adventures. please understand, i am not saying these connections are not important to me, they are just different. they are full of love, but i express this in my own unique way.

HOWEVER, while growing up i felt disconnected from this timeline in other ways, like an alien or a reverse twin trotting along in a world that is not quite my own. i did not feel emotions the same way my buds did. they would get upset over the ‘human game’ interactions and i would not be moved at all, HOWEVER i could see the way sunlight hit a window and start crying my dang eyes out over the beauty. so my emotion was still there and VERY STRONG, i just felt it in more existential ways (like hearing the call of the lonesome train). these days that feeling has progressed to where i am pretty much in a constant blissed out state of cosmic emotional connection (make of that last sentence what you will, but it is the truth). when i make existential posts online i am not just FIRING OFF SOME CONTENT, i really mean every word. this is really my trot.

anyway as a young buckaroo these feelings made me worry sometimes. i thought about various mental health dianosises and marked the parts and pieces that matched with myself. am i this? am i that? sometimes, instead of just being’ different’ i worried i might actually be ‘wrong’. 

when i saw david byrne on letterman in my younger days i immediately recognized something connected to myself. i thought ‘wow this is the mystery being solved before my very eyes.’ i could hear it in the music of talking heads too. i started doing research and realized that i might be on autism spectrum, something that was later confirmed by a therapist (back then the diagnosis was called asperger's). it was a glorious and fulfilling moment. i was SO EXCITED TO BE AUTISTIC LIKE MY HERO. i felt very cool because of it, and i still feel very cool because of it.

one of the big reasons i talk so much about being autistic these days is because i want to make sure OTHER buckaroos can have that same moment that i did. they can see chuck and think ‘wow i really like this autistic artist, maybe being autistic is cool’

so what does an average day WITHOUT wearing the pink bag look like for me?

my thought process is exactly like ROSE from CAMP DAMASCUS, which is part of why i wrote the book. we have the same stim (complex order of finger taps), we prepare for social interactions the same way, we analyze things in the same logical trot that neurotypical people might think feels ‘detached’ but for me feels natural (certain reviews of camp damascus are very funny to me in this way. you can tell when a reader is just very confused by existing in an autistic brain for 250 pages.)

from the outside you would not be able to tell that i am on the spectrum. in fact you would probably find me very socially adept. 

the problem is, all of that masking can take its toll. i spent years trotting in and out the emergency room, talking to confused doctors who could not figure out the chronic phantom tension and pain that radiated through my body. i eventually accepted the fact that i would either live a life constantly on heavy painkillers or just stop living altogether.

eventually, however, i started noticing a correlation between the way that i felt, and the space that i allowed for chuck and the pink mask. i was exercising that tension, allowing my mental mask of neurotypical existence to take a rest. i started practicing physical therapy and this time THE RESULTS STUCK because i was approaching from two sides, MIND AND BODY. after a while, i got my pain down to about 5 percent of what it once was. i still have flare ups in times of stress, but the healing has been very real and life changing.

lets get VERY specific now. if i attended the TXLA confrence without a mask and gave my talk i can tell you this: i would do a dang good job. i can work the heck out of a crowd and (not to reveal too much about my secret way) I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THIS ON OCCASION VERY WELL. however, going home from this event i would very likely be in pain. i would likely need to do physical therapy. i would likely need to stim for a while. i would NOT be emotionally fullfilled in the same way. in other words, without my pink mask i can charm the heck out of buckaroos, but THE SPACE OF CHUCK TINGLE IS NOT THE SPACE FOR THAT. the pink bag is a place for me to not have to put up with that tension. it is a place for me to unmask mentally by masking physically.

this pink bag space SAVED MY LIFE and i am not going to risk blurring these lines. if and when that ever happens it will be MY decision, not someone elses. that is my boundary. the part of me that neurotypically masks could handle a library conference in a purely technical sense, but the part of me that chuck represents absolutely cannot and should not be asked to do that without the pink bag. unfortunately, the complexity of this point makes it even MORE difficult for me to think about and takes up even more of my time, because it forces me to START QUESTIONING MYSELF and my own needs. to be honest, that is the most insidious part of other people questioning your identify and refusing to accept your accommodation needs without ‘proof’.

the thing is, while all of this discussion of disability and accessibility is important, i have a much larger point to make by writing these words.

a conference should not uninvite someone with an unusual physical presentation or a strange way of speaking REGARDLESS of it being classified as a disability. it does not matter WHY i look the way that i look and wear what i wear. i should not have to spend all day writing this post instead of writing my next book, just because my sensibilities are unique and my presentation is unusual. 

fortunately the solution is very simple: let other people be themselves. its not hurting you to simply accept and nod at the buckaroos you think look strange. let us exist

[my-castles-crumbling]

OMG Clandestine is done!

I am so so so excited to say I just posted the epilogue to Clandestine! Featuring a beautiful commission from @itslotuseater!

Ships: Jegulus, background wolfstar, dorlene, pandalily, rosekiller Rating: M Length: 142k (FINISHED! COMPLETED! AHH!)

Summary:

He was crying. “You can do that?” He repeated, feeling like he was in some sort of dream. And then, Sirius seemed to realize. Because for a twelve-year-old, he was decently smart, and knew him better than anyone. “D’you…d’you want to do that, Reggie? I thought…I thought it was just a game?” But he could only shake his head. Because it wasn't��a game. He was a boy. And he could tell from Sirius's nervously resigned expression that Sirius knew it, too. "It's...not a game." --- There's not enough Trans Regulus Black, so here's a fic to help fix the problem. Rated mature for lots of references to transphobia and Walburga Black being a piece of shit. COMPLETED (I'm not crying, you are)

Ahhh, my long-winded thank-you note:

First and foremost, thank you to Arson, my amazing Alpha Reader who brainrotted with me throughout almost the entire process. I literally could not have finished this without you, and I am so thankful to have you in my life. You've helped me through so many cases of horrible Writer's Block, encouraged me whenever I needed it, and you're an amazing friend. I hope you love your "Barty and Evan's Bitch" shirt :D

Second, to my wife, who literally dealt with me talking about this fic for TEN MONTHS. You're literally the most amazing and supportive person in my life, and I love you more than words. Thank you for being the James to my Regulus.

Third, to my Beta Reader, Kat, who is still wading through the trenches of this fic finding all my mistakes. I am so glad to have you and thank you for dealing with all of my errors and answering my messages at odd hours of the night.

Fourth, to all of the people who have encouraged me: Abby, Danielle, Kelz, everyone on the discord servers who has seen me struggle, you guys are amazing and I am so thankful to you.

Fifth, to the lovely people who created fanart for this fic. You all are amazing and you brought this to life. I bow down to you, truly, you are so incredibly talented.

Sixth, to the people who I interviewed about dysphoria and being on T, so I could have a more well-rounded understanding about Regulus's experience. Though I identify as trans, I am so thankful that other trans people were willing to give their experiences in areas I wanted to describe as accurately as possible.

And last, to all of you, who read and kudosed and inboxed and recommended and commented and kept me going. You all are amazing, and you've made this such a positive experience. This fic really was for me, to work through my own gender an discover about myself, and I am so thankful you have been here along this journey.

I want to reiterate that this is one trans person's journey, but I think it's so important to have representation in all forms of media. I'm hoping that my version of Reggie has helped with that a little bit! He's my baby, and he deserves all the good things.

Keep an eye out for the B-sides of this fic! I'll add a chapter to this work linking to it, so if you're subscribed to this, you'll get an e-mail. I'll also be editing this work to fix all the errors, and I'll be doing the B-sides as I go. It probably won't be for a couple of weeks, since I am now working, and I won't have any strict posting schedule, but I'm excited for those as well!

I love you all. Thanks for being a part of this journey.

[waitingtobreatheagain]

One of my favorite parts of the argument outside the Modiste scene is one although it starts harsh/angry…it becomes vulnerable and communicative very quickly. This is due to the core of their relationship. They are each other’s favorite person. No one understands the other more or in the way they do. Even through the hurt, the love is so so apparent.

It is a great example of how anger is a secondary emotion and in this case the primary emotion are emotions related to feeling emotionally hurt.

People say all they had was miscommunication and that is absolutely not true. You wanted them to be all good in five seconds and that was never going to be the case. Two weeks to process what felt like a betrayal, work through it, and work through your own insecurities that could impact your relationship in the future is NO SMALL THING. Not to mention, Colin repeatedly shows his love even in his anger hurt and confusion.

My absolute favorite thing about the scene (and proof of them still having good conversation even while being on the outs) is Colin doing something that Eloise never did. He actually asks Penelope WHY she wrote what she wrote. Even in feeling his most hurt, he seeks understanding. He knows Pen better than anyone (as she does him) and he really needs to identify how and why his most favorite person in the world, the love of his life, could do this. After discussing it, he is still upset which again is fair but he does understand and knows that she is still who he has always know her to be.

To be vulnerable when you’re hurt instead of hurtful also so emotional maturity. Yes, we know their first time seeing each other after the reveal he says something hurtful but he immediately regrets it which is made evident by Luke Newton’s skill in facial expression. He even asks Pen’s questions which she agrees with and identifies why she couldn’t do those things back when she wrote about specific things (I.E. “why didn’t you just tell me to my face” “I know I should have I didn’t have the confidence to then”).

And the part where we see his insecurity about his writing skill and the biggest insecurity being deserving of her on full display. Colin has grown up feeling as if he has to be so many things for so many people to be able to feel worthy. Just being himself has never felt like enough so it makes complete sense that he cannot honestly fathom that his favorite person…the love of his life…loves him simply for being him. That’s beyond belief for him. That is why the “what good am I to you, then (if I can’t protect you) and Pen’s response of I love you is so important. We see Pen’s face go from on guard, defensive, and some indignation to soft and empathetic. She is truly seeing the insecurity and similarly to how Colin couldn’t believe that Pen had no chance of romance when she asked him to kiss her…Pen can’t believe that Colin thinks he can only be loved by her if he is in service of her or has utility. His reaction to her I love you also support Colin is demisexual theories. The affirmation that she does not need him to protect her or do all these things for her and instead just has to be the man she loves is the catalyst for the passion and desire we see him kiss her with afterwards As to say, that’s right. This is the only relationship in my life where I am able to fully be myself, where I am loved for who I am, where I am uplifted, understood, seen, and valued based on my true self not based on who society says I should be, where my vulnerability and emotional intelligence is seen as a strength and not a deficit, etc.

That is so beautiful to me.

This goes back to why for me Polin will always be the pinnacle. The depth of their relationship following years of friends especially as they got closer sets up how they work through conflicts. There are so many parallels when looking at Colin helping Pen work through her insecurity with her confidence and appearance and Pen helping Colin work through his insecurity with self doubt and feeling deserving/worthy of his love.

Truly, a love that is a beautiful as it is rare.

[ayatakami]

kerosene. ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Synopsis: You and Touya were close childhood friends. However, one day you find out that your mother arranged a Quirk marriage for you.

Pairing: Touya Todoroki x reader, random guy x reader Warnings: Suggestive content, typical MHA violence, abuse, endeavor being Endeavor.

Part one! I have a lot written for this so I'm just going to split them up into readable parts! Be on the lookout for the others!! Also lmk if you want to be on the taglist! <3 Taglist: @jenos-eye-smiles

Y/N followed Touya through the familiar route through his house. The front door to his bedroom. You didn't really understand what was so important that he just *needed* to talk to you today. After a quick word and dinner with his family, you found yourself in his room.

"Come, sit." *He patted the spot on the mattress beside him as he sat on the mattress. You followed, sitting beside him. He was uncharacteristically quiet, seeming a bit red in the face.

"You know...there's been something I've been meaning to talk to you for awhile now." This caught your attention as you straightened up on the bed, facing him. "Yeah? What about?"

He averted his eyes from yours, a faint blush on his cheeks. "It's just...I...wanted to tell you..." He sat, letting out a sigh as he ran his hand through his hair nervously. "You know that I've always-like I've been-". He increasingly became frustrated with himself, not seeming to get the words he wanted to out. You tilt her head at him curiously, your eyebrows furrowing together. It wasn't often you got to see Touya so...highly strung to say the least.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, the faint pink on his cheeks soon became more apparent and redder. He looked back up at you, with a serious look in his eyes. "The thing, for awhile now I've realized that I" He stopped himself, still trying to find the right words. "That I, I mean I'm just trying to say that-" He was struggling so bad you started to get worried that he was actually having a hard time.

"Touya? Are you having a stroke?" You said seeming a bit more panicked. He groaned and facepalmed. "No, no I'm not having a stroke god damn it. Just. Just give me a second" He took another deep breath, shakingly exhaling. His face was completely red now. He looked you in the eyes once more. "I'm just trying to say that I- I like you!" You sighed a breath of relief yourself. "Oh thank god, I thought you were. And I like you too!" You smiled softly at him, not seeming to get the hint. He looked at you with a dumbstruck expression. "No, no Y/N. I mean I LIKE like you" Then you suddenly realized what he was saying. It was almost like a dream come true. Your childhood best friend, the one who you had a crush on for ages confessed to you about having feelings for you. You found the timing to be bittersweet of the universe, considering that you were supposed to meet your suitor today.

A frown graced your features, which didn't go unnoticed by Touya. "What's wrong?" You sighed deeply. "I like you too Touya...but" You began. "But....?" He felt a heavy weight in his stomach as dread began to fill him. "But...I'm supposed to meet a suitor today.." He went silent, his eyes widening at her words. His mind spun as he tried to process the words. He felt like a freight train hit him. Suitor? Engagement? Arranged marriage?

His gaze focused on the floor. He opened his mouth a few times, trying to find the words to say but he couldn't get any out. After a while, Touya finally spoke. "This...is...unbelievable. The quirk marriage you told me your mom was thinking about?" You nod, your feelings on the matter were quite negative to be honest, as you were secretly in love with Touya.

His mind reeled with a mix of anger and disbelief. "Do you....even know the guy?" He was almost afraid of what you would say. "I've never met him." However, he was definitely not expecting that. He let out a bitter laugh, his head shaking in frustration. "I'm supposed to meet him today." You added. That caught his attention, his cobalt eyes snapping to you. "You're supposed to meet him today?" The same day that he was confessing his feelings to you, you were also supposed to meet up with your suitor. The irony was cruel.

"When...?" He gritted his teeth. Every part of him was hoping that you hadn't met the suitor yet. "After I heard what you wanted to tell me." He sighed his feelings a twisted mix of relief and dread. He was happy that you hadn't met the suitor yet, but on the other hand, he knew sooner or later you would have to. He sat back on the bed, his head resting on his hands.

"This whole situation sucks..." She sat back down beside him, falling down on her back as she stared up at the ceiling. He glanced over at you, before mimicking your actions. You kept your gaze on the ceiling as you were deep in thought. "Maybe...we can prolong it by finding me a better suitor." You offered. Touya's eyes widened a flicker of hope in his gaze. "Are you suggesting what I think you are?" He propped himself up on his elbows, his heart racing as he looked at you.

"That depends...Are you nice enough to save me from a certain doom?" You joked, trying to make the tension in the room lighter. He let out a huff as he got competitive. "Of course I'll save you from a crappy marriage." He sat upright, a new determined look in his eyes. "How sweet of you Touya" You teased and he rolled his eyes, trying to hide a blush that was resurfacing on his face. "Yeah, yeah. Shut up" He tried to play it cool but there was a small smile that tugged at the corner of his lips.

You smiled warmly back at him and he found himself drawn to your smile, captivated by the way it lit up your face. He moved closer to you, putting his hand on your cheek. He decided to voice the anxiety that was on both of your minds. "What if....things don't go our way. And you have to marry that you?" You looked down, your hand resting against his. "I...don't know Touya..." He sighed frustrated, his shoulders slumping. "We'll figure something out...just don't do anything stupid."

Their moment was interrupted by your phone going off. You could already guess it was your mother texting you that the suitor had arrived. "Ah...I guess I have to go home now." Touya's heart sank as you mentioned leaving. He reluctantly let go of your head, his expression of disappointment. "Right..."

"I can be a little late..." You started, as he looked up at you confused. You wrap your arms around his neck, before pressing a loving kiss to his lips. He was caught off guard but quickly melted into it, his arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you closer to him. He returned the kiss fiercely, pouring all of his love and protectiveness into it. As the kiss ended, he pulled back slightly, resting his forehead against yours. They were interrupted once again, this time by your phone ringing.

Touya let out a frustrated sigh, his lips hovering just above yours. The sound of the phone ringing broke the two of you out of the spell you were in as you separated. "I'll walk you home." He stood up, pulling you up with him. "Come on. Let's get you home." You hummed in response, grabbing your bag that was dropped near his bedroom door with your free hand as he intertwined his fingers with your other hand.

The two of you suddenly found yourself outside of your house. There was an unfamiliar car in the driveway, to which you tallied up to being the arranged suitor. Touya's grip on your hand tightened upon seeing the car. Despite trying to remain cool and composed, he couldn't shake the flicker of jealousy and anger that flared inside him. He glanced at you, trying to gauge your reaction.

You looked at the car with a dejected expression, as you squeezed Touya's hand. Something didn't sit right with you. He could practically feel the sadness radiating off of you. Seeing you like this tugged at his heartstrings, and he silently cursed your mother for putting you through this. He didn't want to let you go, but he reluctantly loosened his grip, knowing that he had to. He took a deep breath and spoke in a hushed tone.

"You're going to be okay. Just...be careful. I'll be thinking of you the whole time." However, you still tightly onto his hand, refusing to let go. His heart skipped a beat as you refused to let go of his hand, your grip tight and desperate. He stared down at your connected hands, a surge of emotions coursing through him. He wanted to pull you into his chest and keep you as far away from any suitors as possible, but he didn't dare make a move. Instead, he just squeezed your hand back, his voice low. "You have to go in..."

"Touya.." You softly whispered, as your voice waivered. You didn't want to let go of him. Not after finding out that he's in love with you too. Not when you know you're about to be sent off with some random guy and you probably won't ever see Touya again. His heart ached as he heard the waver in your voice. The mixture of pleading and sorrow in just one syllable of his name. He can see the pain and the turmoil in your eyes that mirrored his own. He gently pulled you closer, the distance between you lessening. However, the two of you quickly separated once you heard the front door to your house open.

Your mother, a well-known socialite, stood at the door with her arms crossed. Touya's jaw tensed as he saw your mother step out of the door. Seeing her cold expression, he could tell she was in no mood for any sort of nonsense. He forced himself to maintain his composure, knowing that he had to keep his cool for your sake. Your mother glared at you, for being late. And for being with Touya of all people. She always went on and on about how he was a bad influence.

She narrowed her eyes at you, before speaking. "I would lecture you, but we have kept the suitor waiting too long. Come. Now." The two of you tensed up at your mother's curt tone. You opened your mouth to speak, to plead for Touya to at least stay, but you quickly closed your mouth knowing she would deny it. You hesitantly released Touya's hand and walked up to the ground door. You kept your gaze on the floor as your eyebrows knotted together in frustration.

[oceane4loveu]

𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧. ݁₊ ⊹ ✩

Heyyyyy starfish! So now we're going to talk about how to create an alter ego and how it can be beneficial.

What is an alter ego?

Expression borrowed from Latin. A second self. A person to whom one grants absolute confidence and who is charged with acting in one's place. We also say colloquially: It's my alter ego, It's another me. So the alter ego is just another version of us that helps us reach a goal, some celebrities also use alter egos to evolve in their lives:

Beyoncé- Sasha Fierce: Beyoncé created the alter ego Sasha Fierce to express a bolder and more confident version of herself on stage.

Nicki Minaj- Roman Zolanski: Nicki Minaj has several alter egos, including Roman Zolanski, an eccentric and provocative character who represents a wilder side of her personality.

Lady Gaga- Jo Calderone: Lady Gaga has portrayed Jo Calderone, a male character, in some performances, exploring themes of gender fluidity and identity.

Now it's time to define the why. The why: the purpose of the alter ego, why I create it. Is it to leave weaknesses, adopt personality traits, etc. IT MUST BE STRONG, THAT'S WHAT KEEPS YOU CONSISTENT.

Then choose New traits. Things I miss or struggle with. Personality, values, hobbies. Why I admire certain people. understand every little insignificant detail of my alter ego. How would he act in a stressful situation. How does he approach his career, his dating. What is his state of mind in a romantic relationship. How does he act if he feels mistreated and angry. How would he act if he fell in love. How would he fix a bad day, what does a good day look like for him. If he speaks in public, how does he approach it? Funny, serious, is there any preparation, freestyle. Here are some steps to help you (I do them to create my alter ego)

1.MYSELF

My aura

My mindset

My confidence

My personality traits

What do I look like?

What do I dress like?

2.MONEY

How financial abundant I am?

Where do I invest my money?

What kind of things do I splurge on?

How do I save my money?

What does my money get me? Is it the freedom of time, is it luxury goods, is it travel...?

How do I get this money?

How do I make it work for me?

3. CAREER AND OPPORTUNITIES

What do I want my job to look like?

How often do I work?

Am I my own boss or do I work for someone else?

In what industry do I work?

What is my work / life balance like?

What does my office (workplace) look like?

What city am I working in?

Do I want to be around celebrities / in front of a camera / do something creative / fly over the world / win awards for what I do / be able to retire early, etc?

4. FRIENDS AND FAMILY

How is my relationships with my family?

How often do I see them?

How many effort do I put in them?

Can I treat them all the time?

How is my relationships with my family?

How often do I see them?

How are my friends like?

5. ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP

How am I treated in my romantic relationship?

How do I feel loved?

What love language am I receiving?

What me and my partner do?

How do we spend time together?

Do we move in?

Do we get married?

Do we have kids?

What do our dates look like?

What do I do for them?

What is our dynamic?

6. HOUSE / LIVING

The city that I live in

What does my house / apartment look like?

What does it feel like?

What do I gain from it? Is it sense of escape?

How many room do I have in it?

How is my closet?

How many bathroom do I have?

What it is a special things I have in my house / apartment?

7. HOBBIES AND HAPPINESS

How do I add fulfillment into my life on an everyday basis?

What are my hobbies?

What are my routines?

8. pleasure

How do I spend my weekends? How do they look like? Is it cozy at home, traveling the world, partying with my friends, etc?

What do I eat?

What kind of exercises do I do?

Choose your avatar: how your alter ego appears. Give a different name, change appearance, hairstyle, makeup, clothes.

Values ​​and core identity. Think about their story. What is important to them. Where do they want to go in life. What they are not as interested in. Preferences, strengths, what motivates them. What has been their story so far. Maybe they have always been successful, have good memories. Very good athlete, A+ student, etc.

The When. When to bring out the alter ego. At university, at work, in meetings or every day. For this part here are some methods that can help you bring out your alter ego:

"HOT ME METHOD"

- "What would a hot me do?"

- don't idolize your alter ego, it's not better than you.

- If necessary, the alter ego can have a set time and date (turn it off after the necessary time has passed)

- Practice:

- How does the sexy version of yourself walk, talk, and dress?

- Values? Habits? similar to the "steps"

- what bold moves have you been wanting to try? - This method is not just about appearance, it is more about changing your mindset and actions

- Implementing habits, developing skills and intelligence, being able to speak with confidence

- NOT a subliminal that maximizes appearance, NOT forcing parts you feel uncomfortable with (wearing a crop top, pleasing people, etc.)

"BUILD YOUR SELF-CONCEPT"

- Self-Concept (SC) = how we see ourselves (REALLY believe about ourselves, not what we say)

- "I am blessed/cursed", "My opinions matter/don't matter to people", "I am lucky/unlucky", etc.

- Alter ego can help expand what you think you deserve/what is normal for you

- Consciousness = perception = reality

- Believe that you HAVE THE POWER to change, you have the power to change your personal reality

Now let's talk about my alter ego! Her name is soo-ah which is a Korean name that means Beautiful Oceans. Why did I choose this name? Because my first name also means ocean so I thought it was the perfect name for my alter ego.

As for my alter ego, she is introverted but has a group of lovely friends, she is funny and laughs a lot, she has a mysterious aura, she does her dream job, she travels and has a lot of hobbies, she takes care of herself, she heals her trauma, has a healthy relationship, she reads a lot, she does the best for herself…

I made a playlist of music that reminds me of her that I will listen to every morning to help me feel like her. I prefer high vibration music to stay motivated because the songs of the weeknd make me less energetic I find.

To visualize what my alter ego could look like, I used the everskies app and created a simple vision board

That's all! On Monday when I go to work I'm going to give way to my alter ego and see how things evolve! I hope this helps you!

ﾒ𝟶𝐎𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐞

[stairain]

Wrong Move You're Dead.

Spencer was never shy about his obsession for you, but you don't know just how far he'd go to prove you belong to him.

Warnings: Switch Spencer, Possessive/Obsessive Spencer, mild mommy kink, knife play (only running against skin and tearing clothing), praise, scent kink, female oral, handcuffs, leg grinding, crying, he cums too quick.

WC: 3.5K

Your chest rose and fell as the cold metal of the chair sent a shiver up your spine. The skin of your wrists were being rubbed raw as the cuffs Spencer had placed on you tightly bound you to the arms of the chair.

Just as you try to escape once more, he walks in. His expression is stoic, and in his hands he holds a knife. The blade glistens in the faint light as he circles you, like a shark to its prey.

He was always one to get possessive whenever anyone talked to you, so it was no surprise that the second he had seen you talking to another man, he dragged you back home and made sure it wouldn’t happen again.

As he walks closer to you, you look up at him with pleading eyes.

"Spencer, baby.. Please let me go."

Your lover shakes his head, almost apologetically. His grip on the knife only tightened as he shook slightly, as if trying to control himself. As he speaks, his voice is shaky and gravelly. 

“I'm sorry, sweetheart. I never would want to hurt you.. but you don't understand. I need to protect you because I care about you. I love you too much to let things get messed up. It's the same reason I can't let you have other friends.”

Spencer turns his back to you and for a short moment you lean your head back against the chair and silently curse. 

“If I don't get you to myself.. that could lead to some serious problems. And I’m sure neither of us want that. You understand, right? Right?”

You swallow as he trudges closer to you, he lifts the knife and runs his fingers over the dull edge, as if to frighten you. His voice sounds desperate, almost like he was trying to appeal to that soft spot you have for him.

"Baby I'm serious. Let me go, and put down the knife."

He seems to ignore your words, just slowly walking closer and closer to you. “I will never hurt you. But I will never let you leave me. I would do anything for you, because I love you. I can't live without you. You mean everything to me. You are my life. 

 He gets a soft look in his eyes and his voice wavers as he speaks, his emotions getting the better of him as tears start to spring in his eyes. 

 “I would kill for you. If that's not true love, then I don't know what is.”

Squeezing your eyes shut, you shake your head. It wasn't often he got like this, despite fitting into the role so well. Your breaths come out in shallow huffs as you try to reason with him.

"I won't leave you, Spence. Just–please, let me go and we can talk about this, alright?"

An evil smile spreads across his face and it makes you all the more nervous. 

“Oh, trust me. I know you won’t ever leave me. I’ll make sure of it.” 

He abruptly points the knife at you, and you shrink into yourself away from the blade. Your fear seems to only drive him on. 

“But I need you to swear that you will never be with any other man, ever, as long as you live.”

You feel the tip of the knife press against your jaw, and there's a slight tremble in your skin. You can feel his heaving breathing against your face, and you try your best to look up at him. His curly hair falling in front of his face, the heavy huffs from his mouth making the locks sway between the two of you. 

"I–I promise.”

Despite your confession, he doesn't move away from you, in fact, he begins to drag the knife lightly down your jaw, a sadistic smile plastered on his face. The shake in his hands allows for the blade to stagger against your skin. He pushed it gently to the side, so the flat side was flush with your sweaty skin. .

“You understand how important this is, right? If you make one mistake with this, it could ruin everything.”

His grip on the knife tightens, and he’s breathing so heavily that the metal of the knife is starting to fog up.

“You must promise to never, ever, ever think of any other man than me. You may never go out with a male friend. You shouldn’t even have male friends. You may never interact with a male in a way outside of business. I must always come first. Do you understand?”

Turning your head to the side so as to not get cut, he trails the blade against your skin. He's not pressing nearly hard enough to hurt you, but the cold metal against your face has you shuddering under his touch. 

"You're my priority always, Spence. You know that." You try your hardest to say your words with a confident tone, but the break in your voice gives away just how terrified you are.

“Say it again. Say it again, baby, please.”

Spencer seems to be enjoying himself, making you feel so much fear. His tone is serious, and he doesn't seem like he'll stop until you tell him what he wants to hear.

“Tell me I'm the only important thing to you, and that I come first no matter what.”

As he speaks, he's slowly running the point of the knife to your chin. His grip on the handle only tightens as he watches with a wicked grin at the way you're trembling.

"Y-You come first no matter what, baby."

But despite the sincerity in your voice, his expression doesn't soften at all. He bites his lip for a moment before moving the tip of the knife to the bottom of your chin and lifting it a bit, so you're forced to look at him.

"I don't believe you." He says, his soft voice dripping with a cold and malicious tone as the look in his eyes darkens. Your heart pounds impossibly faster as he mutters these words to you, and it takes everything in you to not try and break free once more.

“Tell me, again. Tell me I'm more important than everything. No matter what it is, I come first. Nothing and no one will ever take priority over me.” 

"You always come first, Spence. No one is as important as you are."

Your voice is uneasy, but he ignores your words. He’s moving the blade down your throat, the slight scratch has your breath hitching. As soon as he reaches the collar of your shirt, he gives you one last look before he's cutting through the fabric, beginning to tear the clothing that covers you. You gasp, and try to move away from him.

"Spence–stop it."

He lets out a slight laugh and drags the edge further down your top, the crude noise of cotton tearing filling your ears.

“It's too late to stop it, my love. It's already been done. Your collar’s already cut up, I can just take it all off and make you sit here with every inch of you exposed. How about that? Does that sound fun to you?”

His voice is borderline primal at this point, shaking with the primitive instinct to mark you as his forever and ever, and to never let you go again. You were completely and utterly his, and he planned on making sure you’d never forget. 

You shake your head, but the arousal rushing through your body betrays you. As he drags the knife down your chest, ripping through your shirt inch by inch, you can't help the feeling of how turned on you were. 

“Oh, baby.. Looks like I cut your shirt too much, you’re all exposed for me.. How could that be? I'm very, very upset.”

His tone makes it clear that he's being sarcastic. As the remnants of your top fall to the ground, absolutely shredded and torn to pieces from his actions, your skin raises with goosebumps as you're only left in your bra and pants. You look up at him and swallow, knowing better than to reply to him. 

“You look so cold. I mean, you might as well not be wearing anything at all at this point. Why don't I just take this off too?”

His tone is taunting as he scrapes the blade against the lacy material of your bra. The both of you can see just how labored your breathing is, meeting the knife halfway in the air with each greedy breath of air you took. 

"Spence, please."

Even though your words sound pleading for him to just let you go, you don't tell him to stop. You don't want him to. You rub your thighs together in arousal as he traces the wire of your bra with the knife.

There’s a shameful amount of slick pooling in your panties right now, and you just hoped he’d stop now to spare you from embarrassment when he sees just how much you’ve soaked through your underwear. 

Spencer cuts the strap and watches you as it falls to the floor. His eyes never leave you as his hands skillfully make work of stripping your upper half, and your skin runs hot as his gaze doesn’t break, even for a moment. He knew exactly what he was doing, he knew exactly how to work you.

“God, look at you. This all for me?”

The cocky tone in his voice just spurs you on further, and you shake your head slightly. You had no other choice but to let him do whatever he wanted to you, just the way you liked it.

Once your breasts were left exposed to him, and you were surrounded by shreds of fabric, he backs away from you and drops to his knees. Your eyes follow him, and you subtly press your thighs together in attempt for the littlest bit of friction. 

“You know, baby, you're very beautiful. I wouldn't have ever imagined when I met you that I would get someone this beautiful. And not only are you pretty, but you're kind. You're so sweet and caring, and you've helped me through so much.”

Spencer leans forward and presses his cheek into your clothed thigh, taking a deep breath. And as if a shark were to smell fresh blood, his pupils dilated almost immediately upon smelling your arousal and slick through your pants. His mouth parts in a silent moan and a burning hot blush washes over your face at the noise.  

“Which is why I love you.. No matter what happens, I will never be able to replace you. I could never replace my dear, sweet girl.”

He takes another deep inhale and you can hear just how much he was filling his lungs with you. His eyes involuntarily roll back into his head and he sighs. 

“You smell so fucking good..” 

The otherwise forgotten knife lifts in his fist, and he takes the handle between his lips as his now free hands move to unbutton and unzip your pants. You lift your ass a bit to help him pull them off of you, and soon enough the moment you were dreading is face to face with you. 

Through the mouthful of the knife, you watch as a cocky smile appears on his face. His eyes flash up to you for a short moment as he pulls your jeans down your calves and discards them. Taking the blade out of his mouth, he licks his lips once before he’s firmly grasping the weapon again. 

The sharp tip presses against your hip, just barely above where the dainty straps of your panties laid. Spencer absentmindedly traces your hip bones with the knife.

“You know, maybe I should just keep you here forever.. All spread out for me, have your scent fill the room and make sure no one else gets to see you but me. How’s that sound?” 

He gives you those dreaded puppy dog eyes as he desperately waits for your answer. You swallow and shake your head.

“No, baby.”

Spencer’s face falls almost immediately and he drags the knife down the strap, effectively slicing through it without a problem. Your eyes squeeze shut at the abrupt action, and he goes to do the same on the other side of your hip. 

“Why?” 

Your panties fall off your body with ease, exposing the soaked surface where your drenched cunt sat. You can hear the loud clatter of the blade hitting the ground, and you almost scream in relief. 

His cold hands slither up your legs, then spread your thighs open to reveal yourself even more to him. As he parts your legs, the folds of your pussy are coated with slick. Stringy arousal connecting from your cunt and thighs that has him dizzy. 

“I’m all you need. I’m all you’ll ever need. You don’t think the same?” 

The man leans forward and nudges his nose directly on your clit, making your thighs clench and mouth drop in a soft moan. He breathes in your raw scent and lets out a guttural groan.

He presses a small kiss to your dripping hole before licking his lips and sitting back on his calves. He looks up at you needily, head slightly tilted to the side in confusion. 

Your eyes quickly flitter to the discarded knife and you just pray he’ll keep his hands in his lap as they are now. He’s sporting a painful looking bulge. It’s straining against the fabric of his dress pants, begging to be freed and drained. 

“Don’t you love me?”

His eyebrows are furrowed, eyes wide and waiting. You sigh and extend your leg out so it’s nudging against his erection. His breath hitches at the stimulation, and he can’t help the way his hips hump against you. 

“I do love you, baby. But you can’t keep me here forever, you know that.”

Your tone is comforting and warm, trying your best not to upset him now. He doesn’t protest, too engrossed in what little pleasure you’re granting him. He moves his body closer to you once again, your leg still slotted between his thighs as he comes face to face with your cunt. 

“Love? Do you think you can let me out of these cuffs?”

Now that he had seemingly calmed down a bit, it was worth a shot to ask. He cranes his neck up a bit to look at you, and looks to the side for a moment as if to contemplate it. With a sigh, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small key. 

He’s quick to free you from your binds, hands trembling as he pulls them off of you. His voice is quiet when he decides he wants to speak. 

“I’m sorry, mommy..”

You twist your wrists to get the blood flowing back through them, and you shake them out for a quick moment before you reach out to run a hand through his messy hair. You card your fingers through his locks as he looks up at you in apology. 

“It’s alright, baby. Just–please listen to me next time, alright?”

The calf he’s nestled upon presses closer to him, and his lips drop in a gentle whimper. Spencer nods and starts to grind himself against you as he leans forward and licks a broad stripe up your cunt. 

His hands snake around your thighs to spread them open and hold you down as he begins to licks and suck at your folds and clit. Loud moans soar from you as he tastes everything you have to offer him. He’s letting out small whines, not only from the taste and smell of you, but also from the way he’s getting off by humping at your leg like some pathetic dog. 

With each thrust of his hips, he’s rubbing the weeping head of his cock against the rough fabric of his pants that’s stationed right against your leg. He’s already dangerously close, but he wouldn’t stop until he was positive he had drunk up everything you gave him.

His large nose bumps against your sensitive clit, while his long hot tongue slithers into your hole. It scrapes against the insides of your walls, letting you gush on the muscle as it licks over every surface it possibly can. 

The hand in his hair twists as your grip tightens, urging him closer to your core, despite being so deep inside of you already. He’s noisily slurping at your sopping cunt, swallowing down each little spurt of slick you offer to him. Incessant moans spill from his mouth, vibrating against your folds as he pushes himself closer and closer over his edge. 

“You’re doing such a good job, baby..” 

He tries his hardest to hold himself back, but as he relishes in your praise, the push of his hips only speeds up, and the friction is simply too irresistible for him. He lets out a pathetic whimper before his entire body stills for a moment. Shaking his head against your thighs, he whines into your cunt.

“No, no, no.. Fuck–Fuck I-I’m sorry, mommy..” 

Spencer’s voice shakes and his eyes involuntarily cross in his skull as his orgasm makes him fill his boxers with his thick warm release. You can feel the warmth of his cum spurting against his garments, and stroke his hair. 

“It’s okay baby, It’s okay..”

You try to comfort him in which he just shakes his head. His lower body is twitching unceasingly, and you can feel hot tears spill from his eyes, running down the expanse of your inner thighs. 

As he cries into your core, you bite your lip and try to pull him back to comfort him more. But he stays glued to your thighs and cunt as he sniffles and speaks. 

“P-Please.. Please let me make it up to you, I’m so sorry.”

You can do nothing but give him a shaky nod, relaxing against the chair as he dives back down and plunges his tongue right back into you. The feeling of him fucking you with his mouth has you keeling over him, hands gripping his thick locks, lifting your ass off the chair to grind against his nose. 

His tongue swirls around against your deliciously drenched folds as his lips encompass your pulsing clit. You throw your head back against the top rail of the chair and squeeze your eyes shut. His premature orgasm seemed to only fuel him, wanting to make you cum on his tongue and scream out for him and only him even more than before. 

Spencer’s chin is absolutely drenched at this point, you were so wet that it was dripping down his neck and soaking his skin. Through his ministrations to your pussy, you could feel just how desperately he was begging for you to give him what he wanted so badly. 

As his tongue pistoned in and out of you like a jackhammer, and with how he relentlessly sucked at your clit, you knew you could only keep your composure for so long. When you look down you almost choke on your moan, he was already staring at you. Wide hazel eyes boring into your figure like you were the only thing that mattered to him.

And you are. 

Your gaze never tears from his, your eyes locked in on each other as he shoves you towards your orgasm. Through a broken whimper and slur of praises, you’re bursting in his mouth. Streams of your arousal gush against his tongue, and he’s eager to swallow and drink down everything he can. 

Spencer moans and tries his very best to guide you through your release, battling whether or not to gently coax you through your orgasm until you stop shaking, or to greedily suck on your folds until you give him a second helping of your juices. 

Thankfully, he doesn’t go for the latter. 

Your thighs tremble around where he’s buried between them, and the hand in his hair gripping for dear life slowly loosens as your moans begin to die down. He’s still attached to your clit like a man starved, and after a few minutes of him being latched on, you pull him off of you. 

He lets out a small noise of discontentment of being interrupted, and you almost laugh at how positively soaked his face is. His lips glistening and nose shining with your slick, chin almost dripping with your release. Licking over his lips and wiping his mouth, he smiles up at you. 

You push the fallen sweat covered hair out of his face as you even out your breathing. And he’s just about on the same boat as you, panting and chest heaving as if he had been holding his breath the entire time. You wouldn’t be surprised if he had. 

“Feel like you’ve proved your point?” 

You cradle his jaw in your wavering hands, eyes hooded and mouth dry. Spencer lets out a small huff of a laugh and sighs. 

“Not quite yet. Your neck is far too empty for my liking..”

[moonsandmobilityaids]

Jealous

Pairings: Poly!marauders x disabled!reader Summary: Sirius sometimes feels a bit jealous that Remus knows more about your conditions than he or James do. He finally admits it. Warnings: Discussions of atonic and tonic-clonic (grand mal) seizures. Series Masterlist | this makes references to Learning

Sirius paces the length of your room, his boots making heavy, deliberate sounds against the stone floor. It's as if he's trying to fill the silence with noise, unwilling to let it linger in the air between you. You watch him from where you sit in the armchair, a blanket draped over your lap to ward off the November chill. The nearby fire crackles, casting flickering shadows on the walls, but it does little to dispel the tension that hangs like a tangible cloud.

He stops abruptly, turning to face you, and his expression is a storm of frustration and confusion. "Why does Remus always know first?"

You blink, taken aback by the suddenness of his question. Jealousy doesn't typically colour Sirius Black's interactions—at least not like this, not when it involves James or Remus. You study him, your brow furrowing slightly. "Know what first?"

"About you." He crosses his arms over his chest, a defensive gesture that seems at odds with the vulnerability creeping into his voice. "Your health. Your...everything. You told Remus about the seizures, about the studying, and I—I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me. Or James."

His tone is almost accusatory, and you shift uncomfortably in your chair, fingers tightening around the edges of the blanket. “I didn’t tell Remus. Not in the way you're thinking.”

Sirius' frown deepens, a puzzled crease between his brows. You exhale softly, reaching for the now lukewarm mug of tea on the bedside table. The ceramic feels solid, real under your touch—a tangible anchor amidst the storm of emotions.

“Remus figured it out himself," you explain, tracing the rim of the cup with a trembling finger. "I never intended to keep it from you or James. Remus... he was just there more often than not during those hospital wing days in our first and second year. He saw things, put them together. That’s all."

You watch as Sirius wrestles with this revelation, torn between understanding and resentment. "But why didn't you tell us?" His voice is rough with hurt, an echo of the confusion etched across his face. "We're supposed to be your boyfriends—shouldn't we know these things about you?"

"Sirius." You say his name softly, coaxing his gaze back to yours. When he finally looks at you, his grey eyes are stormy, a reflection of the turmoil within him. "You and James...you came into my life later. We weren’t even friends until third year, let alone anything more. And by then, it just...didn't seem necessary to bring it up again. I've always taken care of myself, you know that."

His expression shifts, softens just a fraction, as he sinks onto his haunches in front of your chair. His hands rest on the armrests, fingers almost brushing against yours. It's a concession, a sign that he's willing to listen, even if he doesn't agree. "I know you can look after yourself," he says quietly, the rough edge to his voice smoothed by some unseen hand. "But that doesn't mean you have to. I want to be there for you. I hate feeling like I'm not seeing the whole picture, like I'm missing something important."

Your hand moves involuntarily, coming to rest in his hair, fingers threading through the thick strands. His eyes close as you make contact, a sigh escaping him that speaks volumes of the tension coiled within. "You're not missing anything, Pads. You're not out of the loop. This isn't about Remus being special or me keeping secrets from you. It's just... different timelines. He was there for certain things that you weren't, that's all."

A subtle easing of his coiled muscles answers your touch. His hands, no longer balled into fists, come to rest on either side of your legs. The pressure is feather-light, cautious not to press against the tender spots. "I just... I want to do right by you, love," he murmurs, the words tumbling from him like a confession long held close to his chest. "You and Remus and James—you're my world. I need to be part of this... all of it."

His vulnerability tugs at the edges of your heart, a reminder of just how deeply this has been gnawing at him. Your fingers trace soothing circles at the nape of his neck, guiding him closer until his forehead comes to rest against your thigh. "Sirius," you whisper, the intimacy of your shared space lending gravity to your words, "you've been supporting me all along. Just because you weren't there to witness the fits doesn't mean you haven't done enough. You're here every day, loving me in your own way."

His breath is a warm exhale against your leg through the blanket, and you feel his hand tighten on your thigh ever so slightly. "I know you pride yourself on not needing help, but maybe... maybe you could let us be there more often. I want to feel like I'm part of your fight, not just watching from the sidelines."

A soft chuckle escapes you, though the humour doesn't quite reach your eyes. "You're never on the sidelines, Sirius. You're right here in the thick of it. With me. Always."

For a moment, he simply stays like that, his forehead resting against your leg. Then, lifting his head, he looks at you again, his features slightly less tense than before. "Promise me you'll keep us informed about any changes in your condition," he says, "even the small ones."

You nod, reaching up to brush your fingers lightly against his cheek. "I promise, Sirius. You and James... you should know if things get worse. But I need you to promise me something as well."

"Anything," he replies instantly, his gaze never leaving yours.

"Trust me when I say that if I don't divulge every detail from the start, it doesn't mean I'm trying to hide it from you."

He nods, his eyes softening with understanding. "Alright. Deal." His words carry a hint of relief, and he leans into your touch once more, a silent testament to the bond that remains unbroken between you.

Just then, the door swings open with a creak, and James strides in, his hair even more dishevelled than usual, no doubt from an impromptu Quidditch practice. He spots you and Sirius, his glasses sliding down his nose as his eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

"Blimey, what did I miss?" James grins, his face brightening with curiosity and perhaps a hint of mischief.

Sirius glances at you, his lips curving into a small smile before he turns to James, all traces of earlier tension gone. "Just catching up."

James strides over then, defying the laws of space as he somehow manages to squeeze into the armchair with you. There isn't much room, but that doesn't deter him. "Good," he murmurs, draping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you in until you're flush against his side. "I hate missing out on anything with you lot."

Something warm unfurls in your chest as Sirius's smile widens, genuine and reassuring. He takes your hand, his fingers interlacing with yours in a silent promise. "We'll make sure you don’t," he replies, his tone light yet laden with unspoken understanding.

[leilohsstupidgaystuff]

Erik knew there was going to be trouble, when he saw the shit-eating grin of his son, who came towards him.

"Sooo... I heard you're in love with my favourite professor?"

Well... fuck. On the inside, Erik slammed his head against the nearest wall. On the outside his expression remained as cold, as it was before Peter had spoken way too loud about his annoying secret. "I have really not the slightest idea, what you're talking about."

Much too Eriks displeasure Peters grin didn't fade, if anything at all, it just got wider. "You know you're not the only one here anymore that talks german, do you?"

Erik didn't answer to this. He was aware of Peters new friendship and he really hoped this conversation wouldn't go as he feard it would.

"And if, let's say you confess your undying love to your 'old friend' in german, so he doesn't understand you, a little blue elf might overhear you and tell his new, really good looking best friend," Peter pointed at himself. "just how adorable his father actually is."

Erik glared at him. The conversation actually went exactly as he had feard. "I don't know what Kurt thinks he heard, but you're talking nonsense."

Peter met his glare with a smile. "You know, this, normaly really scary, look only works, if you're eyes aren't filled with panic. I know you're down bad for the professor."

"What do you want, Peter?"

"You know, as disgusting I think this all is -I mean, you two are really fucking old-"

"Charles just turend 40."

"My point still stands, also: Notice how you didn't talk about your age?" The raised eyebrow of Erik still scared him. "As disgusting this all is, you are way more relaxed around him and things may get easier for me and all of your classes, if you two just get it over with and fuck."

Peter already ducked, before the little metal toycar, some younger student lost in the hallway, hit his head.

"What did I do too deserve you as a son?" Peter opend his mouth to answer, but Erik shut him up with a gesture of his hand. "Don't answer that, it was a rethorical question. I know."

"So you're going to ask him out, or what?"

Erik looked at him like he was mad. "First of all: lower your voice, or I will make sure Logan will make you read your homework out loud the next lesson. Second of all: No, I will not."

Peter raised his eyebrows. "What are you waiting for? Another 20 years to pass by? You know being gay is legal now? Or is dating in your age just really slow? Do you know how to date? Did you ever? Do you-"

"Shut up. I will not embarrass myself in front of Charles and destroy our friendship, by telling him how I... feel."

Peter just looked at him for a few seconds and than bursted out laughing. "You think the prof sees you as a friend? The dude, that talks about you all the time in his lessons, with the biggest hearteyes in the universe? Also isn't the whole story of you two, just a big romantic drama? You know, the pessimistic one with the shitty backstory meets the optimistic one with the big heart, fucks up really bad, but still is being forgiven, because how of much in love the other one is?"

"He talks about me in his lessons?," Erik asked. He had not really paid attention to the other stuff Peter's been saying. Peter looked slightly disgusted. "Oh my god, you're really patheticly in love with him, aren't you?"

Peter looked over Eriks shoulder and the look on his face, already told Erik he was going to do something, that Erik really wouldn't like. "Hey, Prof!"

Erik turned around and saw Charles in the hall, now coming towards them. He looked back at Peter, who would be dead now, if looks could kill, but before he could yell at him, Charles already reached them.

"Good morning, you two." Erik smiled at him, panicking on the inside, as he saw how Peter already started speaking with a very suspicious grin. "Hello Professor, my father and I were just talking abou you. In fact he told me, that he wanted to ask you something very important." The smile on Eriks face faded and his panic started to show on the outside. "I have no idea what he's talking about," he said, way to quickly, to Charles who looked at him now with these goddamm beautifull blue eyes, giving him his full attention.

Enjoying himself, Peter didn't drop the topic. "Oh yes he does. The question goes something like 'Do you have plans this evening?'" Charles smiled amused. "I don't... What's happening here?," he asked turning to Erik again. Erik couldn't even do or say anything, before Peter talked again, so he just put a hand over his face and hoped to just die on the spot.

"My father would like to ask you out, professor. As in a date. A real date not as friends, because he's super in love with you, and I, and all the other students in this school, believe you too, are totally in love with him in return. Also it was nice seeing you, but I will go now, because I think I'm gonna get murderd if I don't." The next moment Peter wasn't there anymore.

Erik slowly lowerd his hand, meeting Charles eyes. Charles had turned a bit red, but he grinned at him. "So you're super in love with me?" Erik let out a small pained laugh. "Shut up." Charles grinned even wider. "Meet me at 7 at the front door?" "Yes, please."

[star-anise]

So, Easy Beauty by Chloé Cooper-Jones is not by any means a straightforward tale of the specific traumas and experiences of being a disabled woman. In many ways, it's an examination of how holding onto those traumas too tightly can keep you not just from positive chances for connection and experience, but understanding when your choices and behaviours are hurting other people.

But. It does talk about the trauma. And specifically, this splinter I've spent months now slowly drawing out of my soul, because this never happened to me except for the version of it that did happen to me. In her case, it was a conversation with a friend in high school:

I approached him in the library of our school. He was studying for a geometry test. He saw me, closed his notebook, and smiled. “I feel like,” he said, teasing me, “there might be something you want to talk to me about.” I told him yes, there was, and I said that I wanted to go to the homecoming dance with him and would he take me. “Of course,” he said. Relief flooded through me so quickly it turned my stomach. “But,” he continued, “there’s something very important I need to talk to you about first.” He proceeded to tell me that our female friends had been pressuring him for weeks to ask me to the dance, not wanting me to feel left out. “They love you,” he said, “but they pity you and their pity won't help you in the world.” I can, to this day, recall the exact even tone in his voice, his smile. He reached across the table and took my hand. “I want to tell you something as your friend,” he said. “I want to protect you. When you ask a man like me on a date, you put us in a bad position.” He was still smiling; I was having a cute delusion and was in need of his loving, if uncomfortable, correction. “It’s just the truth,” Jim said. “No man will want to date you unless he, too, is desperate or ugly.”

What I've felt, since I was very young, was this sense not just that no one would ever love me, but that I was so pitiful, so unlovable, such a complete failure of femininity, that expressing interest in another person was tantamount to forcing them to pity-fuck me. And how could I do something that horrible to them?

Well, at least in the years since then, I've learned that actually people feel no compunction about rejecting me!

I have almost always felt like such a complete failure at femininity, to the point that discussions about the female experience feel hypnotically surreal, because these things never happen to me. Y'all get catcalled and hit on? I'm struggling to dredge up memories of experiencing that firsthand. I grew up with grownups always warning me about men who'd want me for sex but didn't actually love me, and now I'm like... being wanted for sex? What's that like? I have literally ten seconds of experience of my desire for someone else being something that excited and interested them.

This is my own personal neurosis, not a prescription for widespread behaviour. But I've always kind of hated when people talk about slowburn romances and stories with pining as "two idiots in love" because on a visceral level, it doesn't feel stupid to me to believe you're repulsive and nobody will ever want you. It has always felt like the natural and obvious conclusion to enter adulthood with.

Up until two weeks ago I've always been very careful to describe my feelings about my body as part of me being crazy--I hate the way I look, I don't like seeing or hearing recordings of myself, I think I'm not pretty. Because obviously that means I'm actively working to rid myself of those emotions and attitudes! I've got it handled! I've admitted that I have a problem!

And that's because I always had it locked away in my heart that if I tried to make a factual claim about being ugly, people would say "No you're not!" just to make me feel better, and then I would never ever know if anyone who found me attractive really meant it, or if they were just doing it out of pity.

That is crazy. That's holding onto the lesson of that fucking shitbag who found Chloé attractive and fuckable two months fucking later once he got over himself. That's sitting around waiting for someone to come climb up into my unfuckable tower and do all the work of establishing a relationship themselves. That's lesbian sheep behaviour.

It's only just begun to feel possible that I could begin to take steps to seek people out and express interest in them, instead of holding perfectly still and making someone else do all the heavy lifting to get to me, when I haven't even made it known I wanted them to.

But this doesn't get talked about as part of "the female experience". When men talk about women's experiences in the dating market, they absolutely never mean women like me. Why bother with the experiences of women they wouldn't want to fuck anyway? It's not like we're people or some shit like that.

[pocket-watcher]

So I (female) suck at holding eye contact in informal/social situations but can maintain a hard stare in professional/serious ones, even if I'm not fully paying attention. Could I have a hypno-fic about someone taking advantage of that?

Hi lil Watchling! No problem, I’m sure I can whip something up for you…

We first met at a bar.

They were wonderful, really. Very interesting to talk to. Engaged in what I had to say. They asked me about my interests, where I worked, what I did for pleasure.

Such a charming person.

And attractive too, not that you could tell I thought that from the intense gaze I had on my half-empty glass.

The night had continued and they began to trail off… most people didn’t last this long. Only friends who knew how hard it was for me to keep eye contact. I was so interested, though. I just couldn’t fully express it in a way they’d understand.

The second time I met them was at this little after-work thing.

I hated not leaving as soon as the clock hit 5, but it was important to build good relationships with coworkers or something like that. My manager had suggested it.

In fact, she stood about ten feet away schmoozing with the CEO’s son.

Wonderful,

That was when I bumped into them again, and learnt their name was Kai.

Again, they really helped guide the conversation to myself as well as their own input, which I greatly appreciated.

And once again I could feel them pulling away slightly the more I stared at my nails instead of at them.

We were sitting in a small booth when my manager approached.

“Hey Riley, can I run over some proposal stuff for tomorrow? There’s been a few tweaks and I don’t want you to be caught unaware tomorrow.”

My eyes locked onto hers as she slid into the booth.

That was when I heard Kai make a sort of choking sound.

“Are you okay?” I asked, watching my manager spread documents out on the table.

“Yes, fine thank you. Is it alright if I stay and listen?”

My manager looked quizzically at them.

“Not at all, are you interested in working here?” She said.

“I am, actually. I find your work miles ahead of the industry.”

Kai could charm anyone. I was sure of it, as my manager smiled at him and turned to talk me through the next day’s proposal.

I could feel Kai watching me, but I didn’t pay them too much mind. They were thinking, though. About what, I had no clue.

The next day went incredibly smoothly.

A week later my manager put me in charge of interviewing for a new role in our team. I told her I wouldn’t let her down.

The first applicant seemed nervous, and couldn’t meet my eyes. I didn’t hold that against them though. They warmed up as the interview continued and by the end I saw them as a strong contender.

The next told me to smile and that my stare was unnerving. I told him to go to another company.

The third was, surprisingly, Kai.

“I know, I probably should have warned you… I hope you can be impartial with me?” They smiled, and for the first time I held eye contact into those deep, warm brown eyes.

It was no bother though. Of course I could remain impartial.

I rattled off questions and Kai answered them confidently.

Their eyes lit up as they talked about confidence and taking charge, making the role their own. I felt myself losing focus on the interview at hand.

Under the desk I pinched myself awake slightly, continuing, but my thoughts drifted back to their eyes.

The way they caught the fluorescent lights above. The way they seemed to almost shine. It was mesmerising.

“Um, are you okay?” They asked me, after I’d been silent a beat too long.

“Yes, fine.” I cleared my throat, tucking my hair behind my ears. “Sorry, the question was what makes you feel like you deserve this role?”

Kai fidgeted for a moment, not once breaking eye contact with me.

“I think because I’m trustworthy. I’m someone who’s reliable and you could trust to take care of any problem, big or small. I’m strong in the face of resistance, and I’m good at leading others. I’m also a great people person,” they laughed, “I don’t know why but it seems that most people tend to like me.”

My pen dropped to the floor, my hand now entirely limp.

Something about it all had just captured me so thoroughly,

Kai stood and leant over the desk.

“Finally, that was more of a chase than I expected, but I got you in the end, didn’t I?” They tucked my hair behind my ear.

My mouth hung open, and my mind was empty.

“Now, how about you give me that job and I can make you feel this nice and relaxed and fuzzy every day?”

[veren-cos]

Hi!! How are you?? :)

I'm not sure if you're still up for taking requests, but I'm gonna try anyway!

This is actually the first time I've gotten myself to read Stardew Valley stuff, I was looking for content and came across one of your posts (the comforting after a rough day one) and I just couldn't help but keep reading. I love the few I've read so far honestly!!

I have a very specific topic in mind for the bachelors that you could use for headcanons; it would involve the farmer being asexual, the bachelors' reaction to that knowledge and how they'd act towards the farmer from that point on in their relationship (already dating), since I know that some people actually feel weird about it after finding out (needless to say that I'm in fact ace myself)

You can decline the request if you're not open to that at the moment but most importantly if the topic makes you uncomfortable in any kind of way, I'll understand and accept it right away :)

I'm a really awkward person so since I don't really know what else to say, thank you so much (even for reading this) and keep up the good work!! <3

Coming out as asexual to the bachelors

These are assuming you are already in a (relatively new) relationship.

These are also more for sex repulsed aces. Not really a tw, but Alex's section is a little more angsty than the rest?

Sam

• Would not have heard of asexuality at all.

• He honestly gets confused for a second and thinks that you didn't like him at all.

• But once you explain that you just don't want the sexual aspect of a relationship, he is actually pretty chill about it.

• He wasn't expecting anything to happen with you for a while because you'd just started dating.

• So it really took the pressure off of him because he was really nervous.

• Nothing really changes with him! He would probably just show you a lot of nonsexual physical affection. Like a lot more than before.

• There is no pressure to go any further. I could honestly see this guy being ace himself, but regardless he loves you.

Sebastian

• Sebastian would probably be like. One of maybe 3 Bachelors who have heard of asexuality.

• And he would by no means have any problems with it!

• He would just love on you by sososoo many cuddles.

• He likes being intimate with you physically, and doesn't want to pressure you at all.

• He understands that you definitely still like him, you just don't feel the sexual attraction or want to have sex.

• Like Sam, I could see Sebastian being ace. He just wants to be with you, in whatever ways you want to be with him. <3

Alex

• Okay so I love Alex. And I like to think of him as accepting. But he basically canonically has internalized homophobia.

• I don't think he would of even heard of asexuality.

• It truly depends on how much character development he has had.

• So basically. He would either be like chill about it, or break up with you (and not because he doesn't like you! That's important!)

•

• If he was chill, I think the relationship would progress just as normal!

• He would just hold your hand, and give you so many kisses.

• He would try and learn ways to show you affection without crossing your boundaries.

•

• But if his character hasn't developed, I could see him breaking up with you. And it's not because he wouldn't like you anymore. Please don't get him wrong, he really likes you.

• He just seems like the kind of guy where sex would be the epitome of intimacy. I don't think he would know what to do, and he doesn't want to pressure you.

• If he hasn't had character development, he would want to go back to just being friends. He wouldn't know how to express how he feels about you in a non sexual way.

• Alex would, however, much come to regret that. So once he has a grasp on his own emotional needs and learns more about emotional intimacy, give a relationship with him another try. He will be great :)

Harvey

• Harvey!!

• Harvey would be so respectful.

• He probably wouldn't have heard of it before? Not in like a sexuality way anyways. Maybe like in the science way tho. So he can guess.

• He wouldn't want to push you, and he hadn't made any sexual advances in the first place so it's not like there would be any backtracking.

• He loves you for who you are, not what you can do for him.

• Once you explain what it is, or for your specifically what it is, he just hugs you and tells you he loves you.

• Harvey is a sweetie.

Shane

• Shane wouldn't care.

• It's your business lol

• I couldn't see him being ace himself, but I could see him having a really low sex drive.

• Depression can often decrease a sex drive if ya didn't know 🤠

• Soo yeah, it wouldn't be a big deal to him :)

• He, like Sebastian, would just give you a lot more cuddles instead! Shane just likes to be close to you

Elliott

• Elliott would be so amazing with it?

• He just wants to love you the way you want to be loved. And if that means never having sex? He us okay with that.

• He was already the king of nonsexual intimacy.

• He would love taking baths with you, washing your hair, etc.

• He wants to make sure you know he loves you, and is incredible respectful of your boundaries and sexuality.

An* To my ace readers ilysm!! Aroace-spec identities are so underrepresented. So I was so happy to write about it! I love giving fiction for underrepresented subjects. Hope you enjoyed!

And to you who requested thjs, ty! I'm glad you like my writing, that means a lot to me :) I'm always open for requests, they just take me a while- so feel free to send more if you'd like :3

If something about this fic is iffy or weird, please let me know. I'm not ace (I don't think? But that's a different topic lol) so I don't know if I wrote things right. I'm mostly iffy about Alex's response. So if you have a suggestion please do lmk. 🤠👍

Masterlist

[kassiekole22]

At First Sight

Pairing: Syzoth X Fem!Reader Description: On a mission to cause a great diversion, Syzoth gets distracted when he lays eyes on a gorgeous woman who sits all alone at one of her family's biggest festivals.  Warnings: None... Word Count: 508 A/N: I'm sorry this turned out so short. I didn't know how far I could go with this, especially since I wrote the first fic before watching the game. So I tried to keep the reason he was there discreet so it would make sense for both my story and the canon story. But I'd be willing to do a part two where it fits in with the canon storyline, if that's what you guys want. Anyway, more Syzoth x Fem!Reader requests are coming soon. 💚 Main MasterList: 🖤 Kassie's Angels: @lorebite, @mornandil, @bihansthot, @katiralovely, @queenkhepri, @blackbunnymayw, @simpforhotmaskedmen, @theleftkittycollection, @kiashines. (If you want to be added to the taglist, let me know in the comments! 🖤)

》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《

As soon as my feet touched the shingles of the roof, I was on the run. I scurried across as fast as I could before stopping at the very edge and looking below to see if I had been noticed. Fortunately, everyone was too busy enjoying their time at some festival the royals had thrown. Everyone danced and mingled with each other without a single care disturbing their perfect night. For a moment, I pondered what it would be like if I was able to do that with my people — to be one with them once again — but I knew that would never happen; that was just the sad truth.

I shook myself out of my moment of reflection before turning back to my mission, since this was clearly no time to be taking my mind away from it. So I waited and watched on the rooftop, studying everything below me and trying to decide where and when it would be best to cause my diversion. Everybody was heavily distracted with dancing and talking with their friends and family so I decided that now was the best time to make my first move, but then my eyes landed upon someone different.

A young girl — dressed in a beautiful (favorite color) dress with her hair done all up — sat alone with a rather melancholy expression etched on her features. In fact, she seemed to have no desire to participate in her people's antics at all. She looked too rich to be a normal lower-class person like the others surrounding her, so I figured she was a part of the royal family. But what I didn't understand was why she seemed so down and... Alone.

It was a moment that I was grateful that one of my Zaterran abilities was brilliant sight, so I could see every detail of her — the way her eyebrows turned up due to sorrow, her pink lips forming a straight line until she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, her beautiful (E/C) eyes twinkling under the lanterns' light — she truly was a sight to behold.

I watched her patterns for a moment — watched how she slowly brought her drink to her lips every minute or so and how she nervously played with the few strains of hair that fell gracefully over her shoulder. It was as if everything she did — even the most natural things known to her kind — were done in the most beautiful way. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster by the second and then when I got that burning desire to be near her and never far from her presence, I realized that she was the one. I just had to have her all to myself.

I wanted to learn more about her; I had to… Soon. But for the time being, I had to finish my mission. It was too important to let anything distract me from it, no matter how beautiful the distraction may be. Maybe once the fire is out and the smoke is cleared, I'll see the beauty once again.

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[justxtalking]

the shooting star

I'm sure this observation was pointed out before, but I can't find it anywhere to quote it. Original post, you take all the credit. I just needed to express my thoughts because I can't stop thinking about it.

I feel like it's been a hot minute since the last time I've made one of these, but here I go.

the scenes

In chapter 64, Gon and Killua promise to stay together under the stars and they have a heart-to-heart. When the scene ends, we see a shooting star in the sky.

English Translation: VIZ Media

In chapter 286, Killua talks about commiting "shinjū" with Gon (translated as "I'll go down with flames with him") to Meleoron, tries to make it seem like a joke and Meleoron's inner monologue makes us understand there's more to the story than what Killua is saying out loud. When the scene ends, we again see a shooting star in the sky (and move to Gon and Pitou's scene.)

English Translation: VIZ Media

side-note

Do I really think that this detail has a bigger meaning than it has? No, Togashi most probably just likes shooting stars and thought this was a good transition between scenes. However, I think it would make a nice analysis if I connect the concept of the shooting star with certain aspects that are present in both scenes and the story in general. I just couldn't help myself, I find it so interesting and beautiful.

my brief and informal analysis

To begin with, what does it mean to see a shooting star? There's three popular and mostly global beliefs I would like to point out.

1) Wishes: Shooting stars have always been associated with dreams, wishes and promises. Many believe that if you make a wish on the shooting star, it will come true.

2) Positive Change: They are typically considered to be signs or messages from the Universe. They tend to symbolize new beginnings, transformations, and spiritual development.

In relation to these two, I believe it would be also connected to the meaning of encouragement. It can serve as encouragement to take risks or make important life decisions.

3) A Sign of Love: Seeing a shooting star can represent the love and connection between two people.

Then, which of these meanings are actually related to these scenes? The three of them, but let me explain a bit more.

In the first scene, Gon and Killua promise to stay together and continue their journey. As shooting stars are often associated with wishes or promises, in this context, it could symbolize the sincerity and earnestness of their promise to each other. By including the shooting star at the end of the scene, it seals their promise and it also marks a new beginning for them. At that moment, they are making an important decision in their lives, it's a new and positive change for them.

For the next meaning, I would like to point out first what scenes with two people under the stars at night usually mean. As we probably know, those type of scenes are ideal for characters to share their feelings and even secrets. The darkness and the soft lighting of the stars allow this space of intimacy to just talk to someone, which is what Gon and Killua do. They are already friends, but it's at that moment that they talk about what they are going to do and speak about topics such as Mito. The shooting star marks a significant bond between Gon and Killua. It represents their connection and love (platonic or not) for each other, as shooting stars can also symbolize a new love. This is related to the hope we have when seeing a shooting star, which is connected to that hope (and excitement) we feel when we start a new relationship. Using the shooting star could work as a narrative device to highlight the importance of this moment and the bond between Gon and Killua.

In the second scene, Killua discusses the possibility of a double suicide if something were to happen. Again, the shooting star appears at the end before transitioning to the next scene.

As I said before, shooting stars commonly symbolize wishes and promises. In this context, it could symbolize Killua's inner turmoil and/or even his determination to protect Gon (and be with him), possibly hinting at a resolution or decision he has made internally. Because of his words, we can guess he made the decision to die with Gon if that's what is needed. What he says can even foreshadow significant events or intense emotions, such as the ones that follow in the story. For example, Killua running to reach Gon and save him. It could even be related to other characters, such as Meruem and Komugi committing double suicide.

Killua's statement about a double suicide is a serious and intense moment, and the shooting star might emphasize the gravity of the situation. In this case, I wouldn't say this is a "positive change," though we could argue that for Killua maybe it would have been because Gon would have included him.

However, it is a moment in which Killua makes a big decision, one that would take to risk practically his life just to stay with Gon or protect him.

In addition to this, it could also bring us back to the first scene, in which they promise to stay together, symbolizing their strong bond. This is emphasized by the fact that the next scene is about Gon and Pitou. However, in this case, both Gon and Killua seem to be in different head-spaces. On one hand, Killua is worried he could lose Gon to the darkness, as he feels their bond is wavering and he can't reach him no matter how much he tries. On the other hand, Gon is too focused on his goal to save Kite. He is in too much pain and despair while trying to control the situation on his own terms.

In both instances, the shooting stars seem to add a layer of emotional depth and narrative emphasis to the scenes. They highlight the sincerity of promises, the intensity of emotions, and the transient nature of crucial moments in Gon and Killua's lives.

side-note

Something that adds to my delusional mind to all of these and I think it's really interesting is the following:

The fourth ending Nagareboshi Kirari seems to mean "sparkling shooting star". The song is an exploration of longing and hope, entrusting wishes to the stars, unanswered thoughts and unspoken feelings. It delves into the theme of connection, particularly the emotional bond between the narrator and a distant loved one. There's a lot to say about this song and its lyrics, but that should be a whole new post.

I think the song speaks perfectly about Gon and Killua's situation in general (not only about what I mention here, of course) and I think it's a good way to finish this post.

Thank you so much for reading! Have a good day or night, whichever the time is when you're seeing this.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

If you could say something to all TSAMS characters, what would you say?

Sorry this is late, it took me a bit to answer this, because sometimes it's hard for me to imagine myself in these scenarios.

Because as a writer, I like to imagine what I want characters to say, and not what I would say to the character.

I guess for Nexus, "You don't need to be anything. You can just Be. Calm down, you're safe. No expectations, no fear."

I guess for Sun: "It's not your fault"

For Lunar:

Realistically, there is nothing that I can say to him that Gemini has NOT TOLD HIM Millions of times before. He just doesn't listen. Gemini has had adult conversations MILLIONS of times.... and Gemini always tends to overexplain, because they know they don't have emotions or work on Lunar's mortally system and they want to make it work so they try to make it so he understands... but Lunar always takes away "oh im being infantilized" when that's not what they're trying to do, EVER. Gemini treated Lunar like an adult... and Lunar was unprepared to be one.

Eclipse: You are changing. This is not the end for you.

Puppet: Can you just.... CHILL. And give people their personal space for five minutes? I don't care if it's your love language, practice that with your boyfriend.

OMoon, I don't know what I would say to him... Just... "What happened to your promise to Sun? that you'd try to be better? You're helping in your own way... but have you considered that's not what Sun needs right now?"

To Earth: "You go through so much, and while it's important to take care of yourself every once in awhile, remember not to loose your compassion. It's slowly fading inside of you, and you should nurture it."

To Monty: Nothing. I want to punch him in the balls.

Solar: You're the glue that's holding this family together right now, but I wanted to check in, are you okay? You haven't been expressing yourself outwardly since Nexus died... I know... he hurt you. But he used to be your best friend, Earth and Sun are both hurting right now... How do you feel Solar?

Foxy: You can't read people as well as you think you can. Have you ever considered that you bringing up the idea of morals to Nexus might have triggered the idea he should abandon them? Obviously, not your fault. But sometimes, you're like the Shikamaru from Naruto. You act like the smartest person in the room and have all the answers but sometimes your super biased assumption is wrong, and you tend to accidently trigger a domino effect to make things worse. Second-guess your gut sometimes, dude.

But I guess that's all I have for the cast members that are alive. I have not much to say for the rest of the EAPS cast miscellaneous... Like... Ballora is perfect.

Oh I guess Ruin...

Ruin........ When you first came onto the show, I thought you were weird... and annoying.

Ruin: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand~

Me: And you are.

[wyrmswears]

wyrm thinking about jordana do you want to talk about your thoughts 👂

ok it was 2am so i saw this ask, thought to myself damn id be incomprehensible, and went to sleep to get up in time for my 9am lecture. BUT!!! yes i would like to share my thoughts.

first of all, ive been rotating lightning master au in my head a Lot. like tumblr doesnt even know a fifth of what ive got going on there. so ill share a little bit keep the general public updated nod nod (though im always happy to elaborate). jordana is so ignorant to non-imperium cultures and thats really fun to explore because it means that she knows little about elemental powers and even less about the significance of lightning in particular. at first jordana assumes that it was one of the new elements created by the merged (because, well, lightning sounds like a bit of a niche) and has no clue about the 'finding a new host' thing.

He was likely the holder of a new element created by the Merge, as so many now were. And just as quickly as the Merge had created it, Ras had destroyed it.

not to mention, almost every realm outside of imperium learnt the significance of the ninja in the aftermath of the merge, with them being such an important part of ninjago's culture. even as the rest of imperium became more open and started interacting with other cultures, jordana went with ras, continuing her isolation and only ever learning of the wyldness.

all this is to say that she is woefully unprepared for the reaction people would have towards her element.

“The most shocking competitor of the tournament!” A burst of amusement at the pun, courtesy of Jay. “Jordana - master of Lightning!”

For a brief second Jordana enjoyed the shocked look that washed over the ninja, but as the expressions of shock turned to dread, her smug smile twisted into an uneasy frown.

The arena and stands had fallen into eerie silence. Jordana felt like she was missing out on the punchline of a joke, a common feeling having grown up isolated in Imperium’s culture and more recently finding herself surrounded by citizens of the Merged Realms, all of which had learnt from and shared with and found understanding in one another.

There was common knowledge underlying the dread, she knew. She just didn’t know what it was until one of the ninja - the master of Earth - stepped forwards.

“Your element is… lightning?”

Her hand found its way to her chest, rubbing above where her heart would be. “What does that matter?” She said, not dismissively but with fear creeping into her voice.

the tournament is an awful place to realise the significance of your situation. surrounded by friends of the ninja and a city of people who know far more about elemental powers than jordana, who has held the element of lightning for maybe a month at this point. all of whom know what it means for jordana to be the master of lightning, far more than she herself does. to jordana, every ounce that someone cares about jay is an ounce less that they care about her. the silence as an entire city of people understands and processes and starts to mourn the death of jay is the backing track to when peoples perception of jordana changes from a kid participating in a competition to an enemy. effectively through her introduction she has made a far greater enemy of herself than she has ever been considered before

so silly that jays attempt to give jordana protection (by passing on his element to her, hoping that it would defend her against ras) instead leads to her persecution at the hands of the ninja and allies

anyway. breaking out of lightning master au, lets trans jordanas gender. i think this would save her. i really do.

oh fuck i have another lecture uh. more thoughts later