#but i dont know the full spectrum

[terrarium-of-mistakes]

Don't you just love it when you're trying to find something that does exist. This information is known. But because of googl's inability to understand you aren't starting from zero, all you get is "Oh, you want to know about this? Here's the basic surface level information (that isn't even correct)."

Then you think you finally found a keyword to refine your search and now it's all "hmmm, a interior decorator I see." Or it's "HEY BUY BUY BUY BUY YOUR SHIT YOU STUPID IDIOT"

I JUST WANT TO KNOW THE ACTUAL COLORS OF FIREEEEEEEEEEEE

[sovawife]

sovaspectrum dump..... sorry for not being active recently i hope this makes up for it OTL

also my art style has kinda changed a lil (ive been doing active experiments on it. sorry art style) so if i reopen comms i think it will probs be with this style... or smth like this... whatever once i figure it out 🤷 but man do i love gay people! (ok to rb, insert uses any pronouns!)

[sodaf]

being mentally ill is so cool

[mimiatmidnight]

Are you voting in the election this year

I have voted in every election I have ever been eligible for, and I will continue to do so until the day either I or elections themselves cease to exist, lol. Whichever comes first.

I understand and empathize with the people who won't, but for me, personally, that will never be the case. Without dredging up too much already played-out discourse, I have never been able to buy into the "lesser of two evils" argument, no matter the context, no matter how jaded or naive I've been. By its own definition, you are admitting one is worse than the other. Why on earth would I not take the opportunity to choose the lesser? And YES, of course, they should not be our only options. I can't wait to see the day this current electoral system is dismantled. And YES, of course, voting should not be the only work we do to reach our goals. Activism extends so so so much further than the voting booth. But for me, personally, it starts there.

Also: I would still feel this way no matter what, but on top of all that, I am from Miami. I live in not just a swing state (barely, I know lol, rip), but an extremely contentious swing COUNTY. I would never, ever risk abstaining from an election here. My brother is currently living in a deep blue state and he already told me he's abstaining, and I understand that. But me? ME? The artist formerly known as mimi-of-miami-dot-tumblr-dot-com? I am in that voting booth every single election as soon as the doors open.

[skitskatdacat63]

2023 Saudi Arabian Grand Prix - Post-Race Interview - Fernando Alonso

[philomaela]

"She aims much higher, our Viserra.I have seen the way she preens and prances around Baelon. That is the husband she desires, and not for love of him. She wants to be the queen."

When I read this at first I was like... no Alysanne that was Saera (she wanted be a queen "like mother") you're reading this situation wrong because you're paranoid after Saera. Also Baelon isn't even the crown prince, Aemon is... and he already has a daughter who is presumably his heir. But then I thought a little more about it and tbh everything I previously said still holds, but also I think there's one more big thing.

So, Baelon and Alyssa are constantly compared to Jaehaerys and Alysanne. Alysanne herself makes that comparison when she's arguing for them to be wed. It's not insane to think that Alysanne saw her own marriage in Baelon and Alyssa. Which is funny because personality wise, Alyssa is not at all similar to Alysanne. But it doesn't matter, Baelon and Alyssa are an elder brother and younger sister in love, they're a perfect match. I wonder if it felt like righting a past wrong when Alysanne arranged their match? They're destined to be together just like Jaehaerys and herself, and this time the adults recognize it right away.

So when Alyssa dies and Viserra starts looking at Baelon as a potential husband (something that is relatively reasonable behavior in this family tbh)... maybe this stings Alysanne. Baelon replacing Alyssa with another sister? Wouldn't that be like Jaehaerys replacing Alysanne? Is Alysanne replaceable... one sister... why not another? IDK I think she's conflating this situation with her marriage and that's where the queen line comes in. I think just like how the Saera situation was damaging to Jaehaerys's self image, the idea of Baelon and Viserra marrying was damaging to Alysanne's self image.

In part perhaps because while she could look at her own marriage through the "pureness" of Alyssa and Baelon's love... Viserra is kind of a less generous view (from Alysanne's own POV) of Alysanne's past actions. Viserra "prances and preens", while Alyssa simply "chases after", Baelon; Which one could Alysanne be accused of with Jaehaerys? Viserra has no love of Baelon, she just has ambitions, so she's not like Alysanne, who loved Jaehaerys. Alysanne didn't do it for ambition... it's not that she wanted to be queen, but Jaehaerys was meant to be king and Alysanne would be a good queen regardless. Alysanne wanted to see herself in Alyssa, maybe she realized she could see herself in Viserra too and that hurt.

Which is what makes it sad that she ultimately tries to do to Viserra what was done to her. She arranges an unwanted marriage for her daughter and her daughter responds by trying to do what her mother did all those years ago. I think Viserra's way of going about it, lying naked in Baelon's bed and getting drunk (was she nervous, trying to get her courage up?) shows that there wasn't actually any trust between her and Baelon. She was trying to obligate him to help her, he has no love for her specifically, so if she just tells him her fears he won't intervene (why would he? his father even pointed out marriage is the Queen's domain and Baelon is a dutiful son). But if he compromises her... well he's honorable, he'll marry her. But of course, he's honorable enough that he merely sends her away. There's no one to help her, all she can hope for is a night of laughter before she freezes. See Alysanne? You've proved your point, Viserra and you aren't the same after all.

[flugame-mp3]

i finished good omens s2 and i fucking ugly cried through like half of episode six i LITERALLY KNEW WHAT WAS COMING AND I LOST MY MINDDDD NEILLLLLLLLLLL IM GOING TO FUCKING GET YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mejomonster]

Any other trans friends i could use ur personal knowledge input. Ill also look this up though so don't worry im assuming like the definution of bi theres gonna be varied overlapping definitions

(So pre warning these first big paragraphs are preamble on what ive heard as far as more recent definitions, it can ALL be skipped down to my question. Basic summary is: DEI taught about gender identity, gender presentatuon, and sexuality spectrums and how they dont necesarily match the way stereotypes would expect as each Individual experiences those 3 spectrums their own way). Okay so the last time i got proper formal definitions taught was a Diversity Equity Inclusion training. Which was eons ahead of what my schools ever taught but it was still not all encompassing. Training included mentioning: sexuality is a spectrum, pansexuality and bisexuality are being able to feel attraction to multiple genders, heterosexuality and homosexuality are attraction to one gender, asexuality as an umbrella term for people who experience no sexual attraction or various levels different than the other sexualities, queer is an all encompassing umbrella term that lgbt people may use but a person outside the community should not use to refer to a person unless specifically asked to (and its also a label various academic texts use to describe lgbt elements discussed). Also the romantic attaction spectrum was mentioned, as like the sexuality spectrum but not necessarily matching it for any particular person (as in one can be bisexual and demiromantic, homoromantic and asexual, not just say bisexual and alloromantic). Training mentioned gender identity is a spectrum (and nonbinary is an umbrella term, as is genderqueer, for various identites that dont identify as men and women, agender includes people who do not identify with genders - basically gender is diverse as human experience, as with all other points).

Gender Presentation is a spectrum, and they do NOT have to match up (such as a butch woman, a feminine woman who goes by he him, a feminine man who uses he him, a masculine looking man who wears dresses basically in terms of clothing hair pronouns social activities any person can embody any kind of traits along the masculine to feminine spectrum - and may also align them differently as in a country woman may see "girls dont cry!" As a feminine associated expectation while an oldest son might also see "boys dont cry" as a masculine associate expectation to his own life experience, i could go on forever but basically clothes/hobbies do NOT equal gender identity. Pronouns do NOT necessarily equal gender identity). So like. The trainer my nonbinary coworker used examples like them using the pronouns they/he/she and prefering to dress more masculine but still using they/she/he and sometimes really enjoying dresses and still using they/she/he, of how some butch women may prefer he him or she her and theyre women If they simply identify as women, women who wear pants and no makeup and go by she her, men who love makeup and go by he him, some of my coworkers realized that day they prefered they/them (presentation) even if their gender identity was man or woman. Basically the point is Presentation is diverse. There is no one to one perfect list of traits to define what each gender identity "must be." Youre your gender identity because you are that gender, it feels right for you. You express and present yourself how you want, and that doesnt necessarily align with masc for men or fem for woman or androgynous for nonbinary, those are just the basic things strangers might assume. And the person labelling themselves understands more than you. (So in this case like gender nonconforming presentation would be a man who wears glam makeup or woman who never wears makeup, a nonbinary person who leans heavily into clothes that arent associated with androgyny, im not explaining well but i hope u are kinda getting my point).

Anyway my point was Gender Identity (im a guy a girl im nonbinary im agender), is not the same as Gender Presentation (the spectrum of human traits society vaguely interprets as masculine feminine and androgynous and where each individual lands in terms of presenting themselves such as clothing, hair, hobbies, social traits, etc)

Now my question Im really confused about:

Im nonbinary im bi. Im also a few other things and sometimes just saying im queer makes my life easier.

Im a bit confused about what transmasc and transfem as labels mean. Because i can only interpret the words on my current knowledge by guessing the masc and fem in the words Either relate to Gender Identity, or Gender Presentation. The words obviously are for trans people. But i have no idea at all where a trans butch woman falls in this scale, or a trans man who dresses very femininely, or nonbinary people like me who embrace masculinity and femininity a lot (and hey its okay if maybe nonbinary ppl like me just dont fit inside these terms).

Is the masc and fem in those labels referring to "man-spectrum" gender IDENTITY and "woman-spectrum" gender IDENTITY?

So this would mean maybe transfem: trans woman, any nonbinary or genderqueer person who relates slightly more to feeling the gender of woman, this would include trans butch women, and nonbinary people with beards etc who present visually very masculine but identify slightly more with women

Transmasc: trans man, nonbinary or genderqueer person who relates more slightly to the gender of man. This would include feminine trans men who wear dresses and makeup, include nonbinary people who Present visually very feminine but identify slightly more with men

OR is the masc and fem relating to gender PRESENTATION? Which would mean the terms include any trans person of any gender identity, who mainly presents masculine or mainly presents feminine

Transfem: trans women who are feminine presenting, trans men who are feminine presenting, nonbinary people who are more feminine presenting visually (feminine presenting as in clothing, hairstyles, hobbies etc that generally are interpreted by others as feminine)

Transmasc: trans men who are masculine presenting, trans women who are masculine presenting, nonbinary people who are more masculine presenting visually

Can you see where im getting confused? Depending on if masc and fem are refering to gender identity Or presentation, a trans butch woman is transmasc or transfem. So would a trans butch woman be transfem for transitioning to a woman physically, or transmasc for physically presenting masculinely and being trans. Would a nonbinary person who medically transitioned taking testosterone who wears dresses and makeup be a transmasc (for being a trans man) or transfem for being a trans person who presents feminine fashion choices. And im assuming the labels dont include nonbinary people that dont really lean one way or the other but like... if a nonbinary person is included in the terms is it based on the gender they more closely identify to on the spectrum (which for some of us is None, is multiple, is gender identities not within man or woman), or in the terms it is based on their visual presentation (which again! Nonbinary people can be androgynous, can embrace masculinity and femininity, can embrace one more than the other, can present our selves in ways meant to exclude those categorizations).

Tldr: is the masc and fem in transfem and transmasc refering to gender Identity or gender Presentation?

(And i suppose part of my confusion is like. Unfortunately in my social media experience over the last 10 years i saw the rise of "are you afab or amab" which screamed unpleasant unnecessary attempts to drag us back to "but what were u before transition" bullshit, and then recently in the "girl dinner" "boys are academia girls are shopping" and the lgbt community similar memes "lesbians are cottagecore gay men are clubbing" "transmen are so bob the builder transwomen are so my little pony" its giving Gender Expectations. Its giving: old school traditional limiting gender requirements on people if they want to conform to traditionalist norms. Its giving girls are stupid and soft abd emotional and boys are strong and smart and analytical - which isnt true by the way, you can be any traits regardless of gender identity you are. Ive been seeing a lot of "transmascs are army clips" "transfem are delicate jewelry" memes lately and its just like... aside from the fact im already sick of reinforcing gender stereotypes in a broad way. The memes are also confusing me because im like okay so is this implying trans men MUST be masculine, and transwomen MUST be feminine? Cause if its about gender identity, then that sure feels like thats the implication. I dont necessarily think the actual labels imply that necessarily, but i do think the memes of this nature just like ALL the widespread gender-stereotype memes imply some shit about expectations i do not like seeing reinforced as much as it goes around)

[burinazar]

Could I get a fic of modern day Ganga Trio doing something like playing a video game or going shopping?

Delivered! Below the cut you'll find the Three Sages as housemates in a modern AU, two-thirds shopping and one-third video games. (btw if you haven’t seen it I did also write Vueko, Belaf and Irumyuui doing groceries once. This is definitely not in the same continuity as that for a few reasons, ex. I have a role in mind for Waz in that one that's definitely not 'goofy housemate', but if I start naming specific differences I'll go rambling.) Anyway since I can't help myself this 'ficlet' is not a ficlet it's 2k words lol. Hope you enjoy!

----------------------------

“Hmm…let’s see…this thing’s big, huh, Vueko?” So saying, Wazukyan worked his fingers underneath the edge of the long, flat box, lifting it a little from where it lay on the floor. A moment before, he had haphazardly slid the thing out from the big warehouse shelf, with Vueko spotting him and guiding the package with her hands as needed. And now it was on the floor, but where it needed to be on their trolley-cart-thing. 

Wazukyan was in a crouching position next to the box, looking up at her, which felt a little off to Vueko – she was used to her older housemate looking benignly down on her from the lofty heights. “Alright, careful not to pinch your fingers as you get a hold of the other end of this thingy.” 

Vueko did her best to oblige, chewing her lip as she carefully maneuvered her hand underneath the other end of the heavy box. “Now let’s do a ‘team lift’ just like these little guys in the drawing, on the count of three.” (Vueko stared at the tiny figures drawn on the box – they had funny, angular faces with cute little smiles.) “And, oh!” – with oh, Wazukyan made one of his habitual open-mouthed faces. It was a bit silly looking…alright, it was very silly looking. “Remember to use your knees, not your back! Hurting yourself would be no good, hey? One, two…three!”

Vueko did her best to lift with her knees, and they rose up to a standing position together. “Fueh. Arg. Uh, but now I can’t see where the trolley cart thing is…”

“Got a good grip?” 

“Yeah, it’s just a little awkward to hold. Wait – wait, Wazukyan, the cart–!” Nudged by a corner of the package or one of their legs, it had started to roll away. Without thinking, Vueko stuck out a hand to hold it in place – and her remaining hand couldn’t keep a grip on the suddenly-heavy cardboard package. It went slipping inexorably out of her grip. 

Vueko dropped her end. It promptly landed on her foot. “Fuheyouch!” she yelped.

“Ah! Oop,” said Wazukyan as he set his end down onto the floor slowly. “Dropped it, huh? Well, the particleboard stuff they use is sturdier than it sounds, it’ll be fine. No harm done!”

“I dropped it on my toes,” said Vueko, trying not to sound too miserable.

“Oh. Some harm done, huh…” Wazukyan frowned sympathetically and they both looked down at Vueko’s left foot. It was sneaker-clad and did not look any different for having been Ikea’d on.

“...Vueroeruko, Wazukyan, what are you two doing?” They both looked up to see Belaf standing nearby. Clearly he had been coming to meet them at the checkout area (a few dozen feet beyond the warehouse section) like they had discussed beforehand, and spotted their antics on the way. He was giving them one of his trademark Belaf Stares -- intense, slightly quizzical – and had his arms crossed primly on his chest. 

He also had a large stuffed shark shoved under one elbow. 

“Belaf, what is that?” said Wazukyan.

“That’s a – uh – Blahaj,” said Vueko immediately. She gave her best shot at pronouncing Blahaj, having only seen it in text. Blah-hodge. “I saw it on the internet.” She was standing on one foot now and leaning on the trolley cart thing. 

“Indeed! It is a Blåhaj,” said Belaf. He said it something like blue-hai. It was Belaf, so that meant this was the right way to say it.

“Ooooh. Found yourself a cute little friend?” said Wazukyan, grinning widely.

“I simply thought this would be a pleasant and versatile item to have around the house. Look,” said Belaf. He took the blue-hai and wrapped it around his neck like a travel pillow. “Ergonomic neck support. Good for the spine and skull. Or when you’re sitting down –” He put the blue-hai around his waist from behind. “Lower back support. It’s the perfect shape. I’m thinking of practicality, that’s all.” 

“And the fact it’s a cute animal has nothing to do with it, I’m sure,” said Wazukyan, in indulgent of-course-there’s-tea-in-Teddy’s-cup tones. Belaf pressed his lips together in slight offense and held the Blåhaj a little closer, as though it might be taken away. Vueko couldn’t help smiling a little.

“...anyway, I will pay for the Blåhaj, of course. But let’s still go through the checkout together as planned. I will Venmo you.”

“I’ll go splitsies with you on the bl…bloj….the shark,” Vueko piped up. “So I can use it as a pillow and stuff too. If that’s okay with you?” 

Wazukyan waved his hand dismissively. “We’ll all take collective responsibility for paying for Belaf’s blodge. It’ll be nice for everyone, I’m sure. Just like these shelves are going to be for everybody’s extra stuff.” He knelt down to thump the package, which was still on the floor where they had left it after it attacked Vueko’s foot. “But, ah, Belaf, will you help me get this in the cart?”

Vueko flushed, ashamed – she wasn’t helping anymore? She should be helping – but then Wazukyan looked at her and winked. “I mean, of course I know you could do it, Vueko, but we have to make Belaf do some work sometimes, eh?”

“Of course I am happy to help, Wazukyan,” said Belaf, through only slightly gritted teeth. He handed the stuffed shark to Vueko, who was quite happy to hold on to it. 

—--------------------------------------------------

“Vueroeruko, you have that part upside down,” said Belaf, tapping a portion of the instructions for their new shelf. 

“Oh. Oops.” Vueko turned over the thing – a little plastic button meant to cover visible screws – and indeed, it suddenly fit better. “Sorry.”

“No harm done. I think…” He squinted at the last page of instructions. “I think we’re about finished.” 

“Wow, hard work! Great job, everyone,” said Wazukyan, clapping his hands together. “Now how should we reward ourselves?”

“Wazukyan, you did not help very much,” said Belaf flatly.

Vueko was always a little in awe of the way Belaf spoke to Wazukyan so bluntly. It was technically his house, after all – but then, the two of them had been friends for a long time, before Vueko had met either of them and certainly long before the trio had hitting upon this living arrangement. 

Actually, they had all been friends, the three of them, for quite a while now. Several years which, sometimes, felt curiously like eons…

Wazukyan had not been listening. “You know what we haven’t done in a while? Mario Kart.” 

“What? Wait, Jomi didn’t take his consoles with him?”

“He took a few, the ones with sentimental value, but sold off a lot. He went overseas, you know – can’t be lugging every old big blocky thing! I got him to leave me the N64 for old time’s sake. Let me go get the thing plugged in…” Wazukyan opened a cabinet and pulled out a gaming console, which Vueko assumed was the Nintendo in question.

Belaf looked at the console, wrinkled his eyebrows briefly, and then scooted a little closer to Vueko and spoke in a lowered voice. “You know,” he muttered, as much to himself as to her, “I was just thinking about saying to him ‘Aren’t you too much of an old man for video games?’ But then I thought about when that console came out and how much younger he was then, and of course we were too, and…” He passed his hand over his face. “And then I realized how long ago the 90s were and now I feel old.” 

Vueko nodded sadly in commiseration. “Aw. Yeah. But you’re not old, Belaf.”

“Thanks, Vueroeruko…you know, one of my students called me a ‘boomer’ the other day. He wasn’t even trying to tease me, but…” Belaf made a heart-clutching gesture.

Wazukyan was oblivious to this little exchange. “Vueko! Have you ever played Mario Kart with us? Hmm, maybe not. I think that was mostly me and Jomi’s thing, but we got Belaf to join in once in a while.” 

“The 64’s been packed away for a bit. It predates Vueroeruko a little, I think. Uh, not, like, as a person, since she’s not a….teen…ager…. ” Belaf put a hand to his chin as he clearly did some mental math, and Vueko watched his face become very interesting as he realized people born after the N64 came out might well be old enough to have finished graduate school. “...augh…ah, anyway, I just mean we probably haven’t played it much during the time period we’ve known her, and certainly not at any point since she moved in.”

“And that’s the only one we had Mario Kart on…you really never played it, Vueko?” said Wazukyan.

“Oh. Yeah, I don’t think I did. I might have played it as a kid, at a friend’s or something, but, um, I don’t know if I remember how…” Vueko stood up from the floor. “Why don’t you two just play? I don’t want you to have to show me…”

“Nonsense,” said Belaf, at the same time Wazukyan said, “Nah, nah!” The two men looked at each other. 

“Jinx,” said Wazukyan.

“That– that’s not how a jinx–…never mind, you go ahead,” said Belaf, rubbing his face again.

Wazukyan turned back to Vueko. “Come on. It’s going to be a lot more fun if you join! Hey, maybe beginner’s luck will be on your side and you’ll wipe the floor with us.”

“Fheh…I don’t know how likely that is…” Vueko was looking at her own fingernails, fiddling with them. 

“You’ll never know until you try, huh? Oh, good, looks like this thing still works…”

—----------------

“I…I won again!” Vueko leaned forward in her blanket cocoon on the middle of the couch – she was so warm and so comfy. She watched Yoshi blaze across the finish line.

“You are absolutely vicious with those shells, Vueroeruko,” Belaf murmured beside her. Vueko couldn’t quite see him – she was well and truly cocooned inside of her blanket, with her face, hands, and controller peeking out. But she knew him well enough to picture his face, the crease of consternation forming on his brow. 

“Good, good!” she heard Wazukyan say on her other side. She could picture him too – smiling benignly as she absolutely wiped the floor with him. “What did I tell you about beginner’s luck? Let’s go again…” 

They arrived at the select screen. Yoshi was adorable, so Vueko did not bother changing her selection. (“I’m picking Peach this time,” said Wazukyan. “If I can’t win, at least I can be pretty.” At which Belaf made a strangled noise.) 

She sat back on the couch, feeling her friends’ warm bodies on either side. There was an additional lump which she recognized after a moment as Belaf's new shark friend. This was so nice…Sometimes she still felt like something was missing. Someone, perhaps. But there was a sense that this too, if she waited, would come right again…

“Are you still planning to start your volunteer work this weekend, Vueko?” said Wazukyan, setting down the controller.“That thing, helping take care of kids? I’m not sure I understood what you’ll be doing exactly…”

“Oh. Yeah,” Vueko said, startled out of her thoughts. She nudged her way forward out of the blanket a bit so she could speak with Wazukyan more easily. “Um, it’s with children who don’t have a, uh, consistent caretaker or mentor figure in their life and, like, have been in and out of the, uh, like…”

Wazukyan waved a hand to indicate he didn’t need a full explanation. “That should be good for you.” He looked oddly knowing now, a bit distant – he made that face sometimes, usually when he was about to be right about something. “You’re good with kids, and some of them could really use someone like you in their life…” 

“Yeah.” Vueko hoped he was right this time too. She wasn’t sure how much good she’d been able to do, but she had felt drawn to the opportunity when she heard about it. So drawn that it was a little strange – it was like something was pulling her as though she were a compass needle.

“If they have video games there, you can beat all of them at Mario Kart to break the ice,” said Belaf, and Vueko smiled. She snuggled back in the blanket and thought about how happy, how lucky she was to have such good friends, to live in such bliss, after the tumult of her childhood and the dark times she didn’t like to think about. Safe and surrounded by people she trusted. She wondered if things might somehow get even better, if it was possible for her life to gain more blessings…but perhaps that was greedy of her. 

For now, she would settle for winning another round of Mario Kart.

[boyduvet]

Been overworked too long I have music apathy now

[rillette]

Yea I don’t care much for the joker I was just thinking what a horrible idea it would be to give him any power lol.

Also I was surprised when I found out there was different lanterns, I thought it was only the green ones but now there like red and blue and a bunch of random ones. Idk if it’s just me but that feels overly complicated lol

TRUE!!!! I think someone should give him the power of being 6ft under the ground for ever and ever that would be cool and epic I think.

The broader emotional spectrum is a bit confusing and it's kinda daunting from like a newcomer's perspective to try and understand it all, I will not lie! I do really like the existence of other lanterns bc it just makes sense from the whole green wavelength power perspective. I'm kinda iffy on the existence of white and black lanterns tho, that's a bit overly complicated for me

[drchucktingle]

my masks

hey there buckaroos. due to all of the attention the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION situation has gotten i am going to take a minute to talk about my personal way as an autistic buckaroo. im going to tell you about my masks.

im doing this for a few reasons, some are good FUN reasons full of love and some are not so great. 

lets start with the GOOD STUFF. first of all, i am talking about this because speaking on my way can help other buckaroo feel more comfortable speaking on there own way, ESPECIALLY if they are good at ‘passing’ for neurotypical like chuck is. 

unfortunately the NOT SO GREAT reasons im talking about all this dang stuff are two fold. reason one: i have been put into a position of having to explain and justify my needs and boundaries by the TXLA. this is not something that i WANT to be taking up all of my time, but when large organizations do not make space for those who they have pledged to support, it puts us smaller buckaroos into position where were have to defend our existence. it is not plesent but it is necessary.

the second NOT SO GREAT reason is that ‘passing’ bisexual and autistic people like myself are ALWAYS just seconds from being gatekept from folks both outside and inside these communities. there will probably be a day on chucks deathbed where i take off my mask and say hello to this timeline (mostly so you can all see how handsome i am under here but I DIGRESS). i KNOW with absolute certainty (the same way other bi and autistic buckaroos are probably nodding along right now) that when that day comes i will STILL be accused of ‘not being real’ and ‘faking’ because i ‘dont look autistic’ and i have a beautiful ladybuck partner in sweet barbara.

ALL THAT IS TO SAY, i am taking a moment today to talk FOR THE RECORD about my neurodigence and my particular needs. hopefully i will not have to keep diving this deep every time an organization takes a discrimantory action against me, but i will also say this: at least it is a good fight on an important battlefield

anyway buds, here is the story of my way on the spectrum

when i was a young buckaroo i knew that my thought process was different. i could socialize easily, which is unique in contrast to many autistic buds (it is a spectrum after all), but my social ease was for an interesting reason. I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT OTHERS WERE ABOUT TO SAY. it was like a strange ‘human game’ where someone would say one thing and i would think ‘well you actually mean something else’ in a sort of logical way (this is why i later related to DATA from star trek so dang much). at first i remember thinking ‘well i am just NOT going to play along with this human game’. i quickly learned neurotypical buckaroos do not like this, that there is a BOB AND WEAVE to social interactions that must be learned. 

later i realized ‘actually if i WANT to make friends and prove love is real then i can do this like an expert because i can SEE the game where most cant’. this got chuck many buds and took me on many adventures. please understand, i am not saying these connections are not important to me, they are just different. they are full of love, but i express this in my own unique way.

HOWEVER, while growing up i felt disconnected from this timeline in other ways, like an alien or a reverse twin trotting along in a world that is not quite my own. i did not feel emotions the same way my buds did. they would get upset over the ‘human game’ interactions and i would not be moved at all, HOWEVER i could see the way sunlight hit a window and start crying my dang eyes out over the beauty. so my emotion was still there and VERY STRONG, i just felt it in more existential ways (like hearing the call of the lonesome train). these days that feeling has progressed to where i am pretty much in a constant blissed out state of cosmic emotional connection (make of that last sentence what you will, but it is the truth). when i make existential posts online i am not just FIRING OFF SOME CONTENT, i really mean every word. this is really my trot.

anyway as a young buckaroo these feelings made me worry sometimes. i thought about various mental health dianosises and marked the parts and pieces that matched with myself. am i this? am i that? sometimes, instead of just being’ different’ i worried i might actually be ‘wrong’. 

when i saw david byrne on letterman in my younger days i immediately recognized something connected to myself. i thought ‘wow this is the mystery being solved before my very eyes.’ i could hear it in the music of talking heads too. i started doing research and realized that i might be on autism spectrum, something that was later confirmed by a therapist (back then the diagnosis was called asperger's). it was a glorious and fulfilling moment. i was SO EXCITED TO BE AUTISTIC LIKE MY HERO. i felt very cool because of it, and i still feel very cool because of it.

one of the big reasons i talk so much about being autistic these days is because i want to make sure OTHER buckaroos can have that same moment that i did. they can see chuck and think ‘wow i really like this autistic artist, maybe being autistic is cool’

so what does an average day WITHOUT wearing the pink bag look like for me?

my thought process is exactly like ROSE from CAMP DAMASCUS, which is part of why i wrote the book. we have the same stim (complex order of finger taps), we prepare for social interactions the same way, we analyze things in the same logical trot that neurotypical people might think feels ‘detached’ but for me feels natural (certain reviews of camp damascus are very funny to me in this way. you can tell when a reader is just very confused by existing in an autistic brain for 250 pages.)

from the outside you would not be able to tell that i am on the spectrum. in fact you would probably find me very socially adept. 

the problem is, all of that masking can take its toll. i spent years trotting in and out the emergency room, talking to confused doctors who could not figure out the chronic phantom tension and pain that radiated through my body. i eventually accepted the fact that i would either live a life constantly on heavy painkillers or just stop living altogether.

eventually, however, i started noticing a correlation between the way that i felt, and the space that i allowed for chuck and the pink mask. i was exercising that tension, allowing my mental mask of neurotypical existence to take a rest. i started practicing physical therapy and this time THE RESULTS STUCK because i was approaching from two sides, MIND AND BODY. after a while, i got my pain down to about 5 percent of what it once was. i still have flare ups in times of stress, but the healing has been very real and life changing.

lets get VERY specific now. if i attended the TXLA confrence without a mask and gave my talk i can tell you this: i would do a dang good job. i can work the heck out of a crowd and (not to reveal too much about my secret way) I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THIS ON OCCASION VERY WELL. however, going home from this event i would very likely be in pain. i would likely need to do physical therapy. i would likely need to stim for a while. i would NOT be emotionally fullfilled in the same way. in other words, without my pink mask i can charm the heck out of buckaroos, but THE SPACE OF CHUCK TINGLE IS NOT THE SPACE FOR THAT. the pink bag is a place for me to not have to put up with that tension. it is a place for me to unmask mentally by masking physically.

this pink bag space SAVED MY LIFE and i am not going to risk blurring these lines. if and when that ever happens it will be MY decision, not someone elses. that is my boundary. the part of me that neurotypically masks could handle a library conference in a purely technical sense, but the part of me that chuck represents absolutely cannot and should not be asked to do that without the pink bag. unfortunately, the complexity of this point makes it even MORE difficult for me to think about and takes up even more of my time, because it forces me to START QUESTIONING MYSELF and my own needs. to be honest, that is the most insidious part of other people questioning your identify and refusing to accept your accommodation needs without ‘proof’.

the thing is, while all of this discussion of disability and accessibility is important, i have a much larger point to make by writing these words.

a conference should not uninvite someone with an unusual physical presentation or a strange way of speaking REGARDLESS of it being classified as a disability. it does not matter WHY i look the way that i look and wear what i wear. i should not have to spend all day writing this post instead of writing my next book, just because my sensibilities are unique and my presentation is unusual. 

fortunately the solution is very simple: let other people be themselves. its not hurting you to simply accept and nod at the buckaroos you think look strange. let us exist

[mothiepixie]

Motti and Vio (Lust Sans) are going to learn to navigate their feelings and relationship while Motti is demisexual and Vio deals with hypersexuality, but they both have feelings of inadequacy from their respective struggles

It's gonna be so fun and delicious story telling

More of my ramblings below

I'm legit researching hypersexuality because i dont want to depict Vio as sex crazed maniac that you often see highly sexual characters shown as for a laugh or a pervert trope.

I legit want him to have a thriving life but showcasing how dealing with hypersexuality actually impacts him daily and the struggle he faces.

And I want Motti to be there to help him navigate through his therapy and struggles. Because she understands what it feels like to feel "broken" and "too much" just on the opposite spectrum.

But with Motti, even though she is demisexual, she does have bouts of times where she wants to have that kind of connection with him. But society norms of sex culture take affect on her insecurities to the point where she'll see Vio, living large and unafraid, able to partake in escapades that Motti only has an inkling of understanding from movies- She'll worry that she won't be enough for Vio, not in just a sexual sense, but just a full filling partner in general.

Where as Vio will feel inadequate and will pull away from Motti sometimes because he knows she's on the opposite spectrum and he cares and respects her deeply that he doesnt want to scare her away. He longs for the domestic moments with her and vice versa, but they're afraid of messing it up.

But they'll fail to realize despite their deep seeded insecurities, they have a fully healthy and communicative relationship.

[as-i-watch]

Hey I know you’re busy and is very possible you don’t want to take time for this,

But would you consider ranking your favorite duos of the straw hats?

I WOULD LOVE TO

And im gonna make it a Top 10 just bc i can

Brase yourselves

10. Zoro + Sanji

I dont even ship them but there's a reason why they are such a popular ship. They are very entertaining and you know when they go solo shits gonna happen

9. Brook + Zoro

They dont have that many moments just the two of them but oh god they are good. They are opposites in the swordman spectrum

8. Luffy + Robin

Problem and Problem Enabler. He has no braincell, she has them all. He is full of bad ideas and cero preservation insticts and she wants to fuck around and find out.

7. Franky + Robin

Married.

6. Sanji + Usopp

I dont ship it but i respect Sanuso shippers so much. Usopp being totally able to handle himself but chosing not to when Sanji is around just bc Sanji will always play into his knight in shinning armour ideal if given the chance. Usopp not being afraid to be the damsel in distress vs Sanji's frail masculinity, its so funny to me

5. Zoro + Nami

Actual siblings. They will never tell eachother they love them, they fight like crazy but would kill and die for eachother without question. Himbo brother and Big Sister

4. Chopper + Zoro

Zoro met Chopper and lit become the meme 'I've only had him for 24hs but if anything happens to him i will kill everyone in this room and then myself'. And Chopper? Chopper is the only reason Zoro's dumb ass is still alive today

3. Usopp + Luffy

When they get together all their cells in their bodies vibrate in the same frequency. Nothing is serious, they will follow everysingle idiot impulse in their bodies just for fun.

2. Usopp + Nami

They most BFF to ever BFF. They have the best time and support eachother throught the monster trio bullshit. Allies, siblings, partners in crime, fellow bitches.

1. These two meatheads

There's absolute no other way around it. They cannot be left alone. They could set fire to the kitchen trying to open a can of food or overthrow a goverment in the same amount of time. Everything and anything can happen. There's no braincells ever, there's never been.

[demisexual-in-distress]

OK U GUYS

CONFIRMED SEXUALITIES IM SO HAPPY

IDK IF U CAN TELL BUT FULL CREDIT TO VIVZIEPOP LOL

SOMEBODY UPDATE THE FANDOM PAGE

BLITZØ: PANSEXUAL

MOXXIE: BISEXUAL

MILLIE: STRAIGHT?

STOLAS: GAY

OCTAVIA: ASEXUAL‼️

LOONA: BISEXUAL ‼️

ANDREALPHUS: GAY ‼️

VASSAGO: QUEER? ⁉️

BEELZEBUB: PANSEXUAL‼️

ASMODEUS: PANSEXUAL ‼️

FIZZAROLLI: GAY ‼️

MAMMON: ASEXUAL ‼️

CHAZ (RESURRECTED LOL): PANSEXUAL ‼️

BARBIE WIRE: PANSEXUAL‼️

SALLIE MAE: TRANSGENDER LESBIAN‼️

IS VEROSIKA'S FIT A FLAG IM SORRY I DONT KNOW DON'T HURT ME

I'm really glad we got some confirmed asexuals here, since we only knew of Alastor in the Hellaverse!!! While other sexualities and identities are obviously important, as someone who identifies on the asexual spectrum, it's nice to get that representation!

This post is dedicated to all the dirty little shippers.

I see you.

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH‼️‼️‼️

[echoes-of-mia]

okay this is a long ramble and kinda personal, so bear with me, but i want to talk about being aspec in the joker out fandom bc I'm full of emotions and i need to share them somewhere

(just a short warning for internalised aphobia before i go on)

for context, i identify as aspec, more specifically asexual and some flavour of aromantic. I've known about the ace part for about 3-4 years now, the aro part is more recent and I'd say that before, lets say, a couple of months ago, I'd always seen that as something negative, something that makes me miserable, a deficit that will always be there and that others will never understand

and then i joined the (tumblr) joker out fandom around... june of last year, probably? and at first i thought "theres no way there are many queer people in this fandom, its essentially a boyband, and other aspec people? no way"

well, oh boy was i wrong

because not only is this fandom, like what, 90% queer? (i know someone made a poll at some point but i dont remember the percentages) but it's also around 50% aspec. and there's just this general positivity and support surrounding the a-spectrum in the fandom. like, some days ago there was an aphobic comment somewhere and before i even saw it my dash was FLOODED with people defending aspec people and i was just sitting in the kitchen reading through the posts and crying.

and yes, this is tumblr, i could have seen this coming and it's probably different on other platforms, but so many aspec people in one place, in one fandom, is still something that I've never experienced before.

so why are so many aspec people drawn to a slovenian indie/shagadelic rock band that, at first glance, is just 5 very good-looking probably-straight guys making music? that doesnt really make sense, right?

and then you see how much more they are. how they interact with each other. how comfortable they are in their sexualities, in their masculinity, in being themselves. you see a group of friends that love each other so unashamedly it's a bit unbearable to watch sometimes. you don't see them holding back because "thats not their partner!" or "that's reserved for romantic relationships!", you just see love. you see them supporting each other, being physically affectionate, looking out for each other, laughing together, even living together. vse kar vem could easily be a romantic song, but it's about their friendship!!

and what is all of that, if not THE dream of many aspec people? to be okay with not feeling sexual or romantic attraction because you have your group of friends that you love the same amount as allosexual/-romantic people love their partner(s) and to show it, and to know that they love you the same (and won't replace you with romantic partners) because they also show it, without thinking twice about it, without thinking about how others might interpret your relationship because it just doesn't matter as long as you love each other.

so of course aspec people see themselves in joker out. we see hope for ourselves in them, we are probably a little (or in my case very) jealous of their friendship, we want what they have or we just love to finally see real people live with the sort of affection we would like to have. (just to clarify, this is based mostly on what i feel, so other aspecs might feel completely different about this, idk why I'm trying to generalise this)

and this is about all five of them, but to take jan and nace as an obvious example: they love each other so much that the fans start to speculate, and they know about it. but instead of hiding their affection, they just keep on doing what they're doing. because they know how they feel for each other, and it's no one else's business, and they won't be stopping their love just because of "conspiracy theories". and to me it doesn't matter how they love each other (platonic, romantic, whatever), it matters that they do and that you can't help but notice it, because they show it in every interaction we see of them. the damon baker photoshoot just confirmed that, they look at each other and the amount of love makes me cry, it's so incredibly beautiful.

(just some other things i want to mention: them probably cooking mostly potatoes because nace is glutenfree. nace calming down bojan after his panic attack in summer. jan and bojan casually kissing on the lips during a concert. the jure and bojan getting married photoshoot. bojan touching kris's hair during concerts. kris being carried around during a photoshooting. jure and jan drawing a heart together. them gathering around jure's drumset during concerts. i could go on but for my sanity and yours i won't, there are so many moments that just make me soft)

I'd love to be more physically affectionate with my friends, but every time there's this voice in the back of my head saying what society has conditioned it to say, which is that that kind of affection is reserved for romantic relationships, and this voice stops me every time. i feel like bojan, jan, jure, kris and nace either don't have that voice (anymore?) or they've just managed to ignore it, they don't hold back and i admire that as much as i wish i could be like that.

and while i still have a long way to go until i can be affectionate with my friends without worrying about it or holding myself back, joker out have shown me that it's possible, because of them i finally have days on which i think that i can be aspec and actually happy about it. being aspec finally feels as freeing as it should feel and I'm just grateful

joker out has allowed so much queer joy into my life without intending to and although i don't think anyone i know irl will ever understand this, i hope that some of you can relate to this in some way.

I've said this a lot during the past two weeks but i can never say it enough: all the love to my fellow aspecs, and also to all the non-aspec people who support us <3

feel free to add to this if you want to; my dms are always open if you want to talk about it without posting about it, i love hearing other people's thoughts about stuff like this ^^