#but i dont feel very lucky
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Mav is gone. I have a thousand things I want to say but I don't have the bandwidth to write a proper post right now.
Send me asks so I can tell Mav's stories. I want to talk about him and remember all the funny and good stuff.
#about mav#tw pet death#he was the coolest dog in the world#i am so lucky that i got to plan his last days#he was truly happy right up until the end#i got to plan his last adventures and walks and meals and kisses and i got to tell him everything i wanted to tell him#and im so lucky for thay#but i dont feel very lucky#i just feel so cheated#i shouldve gotten ten more years#he only turned five last week#it isnt fair it isnt fair it isnt fucking fair#so send me asks so i can tell you the good stuff#you can ask anything and if its too personal i just wont answer#pinning thins so you dont have to scroll through a thousand asks to figure out whats happening
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bunch of portraits
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#ryomen sukuna#megumi fushiguro#gojo satoru#nanami kento#choso kamo#nobara kugisaki#yuta okkotsu#fanart#crying im so tired....#busts aren't hard on their own but 8 of them ???#i should have stuck at 6 if i knew what was good fr me#but lucky fr choso n yuuta enjoyers i dont know whats good fr me and tacked on the extra 2 last minute#i did a bust piece waaay back in 2020 early jjk days and it was this crowd minus choso/yuuta so i wanted to like. do a kind of redraw#im happy choso n yuuta made the cut tho they r fun they look as tired as i feel#i've been having a lot of fun w the more semirealistic skin render so i wanted to stretch those muscles a bit more#took the better part of 3 days but u know i'm pretty happy w these i dont think i have a hard least favourite#fun game guess my favourite characters based on how i draw them it is Glaringly obvious 2 me#ik i said i dont have a least favourite but i certainly have A Favourite#uhhhh misc notes i tried rly hard to make sukuna's face look like yuuji's and only rly change the expression#i think i was successful??? i hope?????? like i didnt want to make him look like his own person as bad as that sounds#he is Wearing Yuuji that is Yuuji's Face#also i rly . wish there were more women . but as much as i like maki as a character i fr some reason don't find drawing her very fun ?#so nobara out here pulling her weight fr the girls my goat my queen <333
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ive exclusively been playing it by ear with the makeup (no tutorials or anything) and i somehow always end up looking like a secretary kind of so ive been practicing looking exasperated while wearing makeup cuz i figure i gotta work with what im given ya know
#image#thank you for all the kind words#i typically tend to stay away from full sincerity online because i think having a few layers between what you see and what i am is like#a reasonable safety measure for someone with a massive following to take#but i will say that im very lucky to have already accumulated a following of people so in support of *this* already#because it makes it much easier#theres still a lot of parts of it that dont feel real and probably wont for a while but right now#but while im just putting on makeup to feel pretty and posting pics for fun#before im ready to take a deep breath and fully commit to a shift of name and pronouns#just for right now#i appreciate it
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ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--
But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.
And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.
That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.
Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.
And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"
So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.
Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.
#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#the case of the very long stairway#im sorry this really IS the short version of my thoughts i swear#i didnt want to get long and rambley backing everything up and mentioning everything else this forces me to reconsider#i just feel like i've barely interacted w this fandom and still seen quite a few odd duck takes on this moment imo#i dont think he wouldntve got the nerve to say it otherwise#(he was already going to! & if anything his new experiences in hell only cement that being the right choice)#and as much as i get what fear can do to a person i still definitely dont think he was resigned to staying in hell if charles reacted badly#i truly think he just couldnt keep it to himself any longer#the show is upfront about his escaping hell being a testament to his own strength rather than a lucky break of some sort#so i think even being on the receiving end of a rescue mission getting out still must take a lot of strength in this universe#and telling charles that definitely made him stronger/in less pain#so yeah totally necessary it happened where and when it did in my book#also i hope it doesnt sound like im being dismissive of anything charles says in this scene#but the way i see it those were all things they both already knew#so reaffirming them just adds to the idea that the act of Telling Each Other Things is what's so important here#rather than counting as a truly separate thing this conversation achieves#just my two cents
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Have any of your listener designs become the canon version? And for who if so?
Listeners are definitely tricky as they're supposed to be audience stand ins, BUT there have been a few cases where my listeners have become the VAs personal canon!
First one that comes to mind is Faith Koria from @goodboyaudios Bastard Warrior!
I came to GB with the concept that she had more African features, and he loved the idea and made it canon to his canon! Hence why the official art of her brother is also black! Now that Faith has an official voice, she's more of a character then a listener. So you can consider this art accurate to her character!
Another option would be Raven from @escapedaudios Neon Noir, but that's a more complicated story
I headcanoned that Raven got a Crow tattoo on her back, shoulder and neck to memorialize Crow at the end of the series and going into Neon Wings. Escaped really liked the idea! but my headcanons had already infected enough of that series and I felt bad, so I asked him to not include that one lol You can blame a lot of Ivan's look and backstory on me though! I came up with his birds and their names, his prosthetic leg, and his actual design!
#being friends with VAs has its perks#I'm kind of glad its only these two? I dont want to feel like im stomping on anyone's toes#im very lucky and honored to be in the position i am as a frequently used artist in this community!#but i don't wanna overuse my “power” for lack of a better word#so i tend to collab with people for their actual characters instead!#its tons of fun working with all these guys#oc#art#originalcharacter#originalartwork#sketch#goodboyaudios#good boy audios#escaped audios#escapedaudio#gba bastard warrior#gba faithful#escaped neon noir#escaped neon wings#escaped raven#pali draws goodboyaudios#pali draws escaped audios#escaped ivan
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i know astrology is fake but i'm not too keen on how a lot of people on this website seem to be clowning on it as a hobby a bit too hard. i swear the woman who thinks it's neat how she and her friends with the same sun sign are all similar isn't trying to say that you are who you are born as and there is nothing you can do to change it. it's a hobby. an interest. what happened to finding meaning and joy in the small things. does it affect you if someone enjoys tarot reading or crystals. does it make you upset someone has interests that they enjoy.
#im not saying astrology/tarot/crystals/etc. get clowned on so much bc theyre hobbies mostly enjoyed by women But....#i saw a post about some astrology study and made the mistake of opening the notes on that bad boy#not fun. and that reminded me of that old post that was basically like ''liking astrology is transphobic''#anyways idk maybe its just that my bestie is very much a ''crystal girl'' but like. stuff like that are such neat hobbies#she makes some cute little jars with pretty rocks and they make her feel better bc if you believe in something you can make it happen#when it comes to small things#like yeah if you pick up a stone that's like ''this can help you be more open with your emotions'' and you are like ''oh hell yea!''#ofc that will be on your mind and the item will be a constant reminder and actually help you with your goals#and its like. ok what really stuck with me was when i was talking with my bff and i was like ''i think all this stuff is interesting but i#feel bad bc i am superstitious and believe in some signs like lucky numbers but i know that logically its just. if i pick a lucky number of#i pay extra attention to it but i want to believe its lucky but i know how human brains work in that aspect''#and she was just like. ''so? those things dont have to exclude each other'' and it clicked#if i have a little tigers eye with me it does not make me feel more grounded magically#but if i decide (or believe) it's grounding then it will b bc it's a reminder for me to calm down#and stuff#like. ah idk how to put my thoughts into words#but i just think its unfair that a few rotten apples have ruined the perception of fun hobbies for a lot#not every astrology enjoyer is trying to sell you mlm essential oils or genuinely believe peoples entire lives are dictated upon the stars#or something#idk i just feel like these things are v misunderstood even tho im not personally like super into them myself#but ppl super mean about that stuff arent invited to look at my medieval themed fortune telling cards#idkk im sleepy and cant articulate my points someone else say this but better#leevi talks#im just saying. i dont think its bioessentialism to decide to believe you personally have a season for growth when the stars are in a#certain position or whatever
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why is life nothing but misery and pain for some people?
#and i know many many ppl have it sm worse than me#which makes me wonder why even more#why am i like this? why cant i enjoy my life?#i do feel awful bc like gosh there is so much suffering in the world#and i am in relation to most of it safe#why am i like this still? why am i constantly anxious and stressed and in pain?#i dont understand. and it makes me so mad#it could've been so many different things more wrong and bad in my life#that wouldve really been a reason and a cause#but now im like... i should be able to just live life andenjoy it so why fucking cant i?????#itmakes me so frustrated.#even if yes i do very much believe every person's pain is valid for them no matter what#i sometimes hear what other ppl has been thru and im like wow my stuff pales in comparison why cant i even function????#like i know it isnt a competition but thats not what i mean.. i cant explain what i mean#maybe that i know that if *i* was going thru that i wouldve not been able to mentally endure it bc my mind is fragile#and i am simply lucky for not going thru those things... yet i can still not deal with life.. so idk... *screams*
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How do you manage to take care of all those animals and still have time to do color quest? This may be the half time day job in me talking but I feel like I don't have time to do any of my hobbies with the 6 animals I have
I try my hardest to make some time.
The bird pens are set up so that, aside from daily feeding, and cleaning of the geeses water and pool, they do not need to be heavily maintained. I clean out their runs and pens more often in the wetter months, so I have less time in the fall and spring... Those days I can be outside for a couple hours at least. But the daily tasks don't take more than maybe 20 minutes. Sunny days I let them free range so I have to supervise because of eagles and hawks, so that can take another couple hours out of my day.
But I have that system, so I often have a lot of time inside. I have a dog to walk and feed, I spend at least a couple of hours in the kitchen cleaning and making food throughout the day, I have other stuff to manage in the house, I do commission work and I help my husband with projects for his haunted house. I'm actually very behind on some smaller things I need to take care of, but that's life, because somewhere I need to stop and indulge in my hobbies, lol.
Almost every drawing you see from me, are all that I have time to do. There is very little in terms of drawings that go unshared, so you guys basically get every morsel I have time to produce. I'm lucky, in a way, that I spent my time growing up learning how to draw fast, otherwise I'd never get anything done.
One factor in having just enough time to doodle or write a little, is that my work is commission work and I can dictate how much free time I have, basically. The other factor is that my husband makes enough to support us both right now. If I had a job outside of the house, I would probably not have time for CQ. That, or I wouldn't have time for healthy meals or keeping clean. Considering I have stomach disabilities, I'd rather eat well and sit clean than draw if it came down to it. Luckily I don't need to choose between those, at least not right now.
#i juggle my creative hobbies a lot#thats why you see some flux of drawing from me then like nothing for two weeks#cause during those times im writing or practicing instruments#i honestly feel very lucky to be where i am in life right now#so many people do not have the luxury to indulge in their hobbies at all#if i had an outside job honestly i dont know if i could even keep my birds#because some days they really do need hours of TLC
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It's deeply important to me that Loop kind of sucks
#they are literally awesome but they do kinda suck. just a tad#mostly as in i keep thinking about lucabyte's comics. they are critical to me#i love isat's postcanon as a space to explore recovery and communication#but sometimes you kind of have to drag urself through glass to get there. sometimes the glass sticks in ur skin and makes u prickly#i think constantly about like. loop being surprised by siffrin's kindness if u choose to be nice to them in certain dialogue options.#remarking about how time has made them jaded more than he is#loop is fundamentally kind. but they are scantly ever 'nice'#i think if loop joins the party it's inevitable that they are going to make each other bristle up#loop has a difficult time with all of the party members. between the guilt and the loss and them just not being capital s Siffrin#and to the party who only knows loop from one interaction and siffrin's apparent care for them i think loop would come off. abrasive at bes#like. like i dont think loop would act the same with the party that they do siffrin. their mask is very Piss Siffrin Off specialized#but how much of ur persona is an act and how much of it is yourself. or whatever. loop wouldn't want to be mean to their friends sure#but it's much easier not to hurt if you wedge some distance. no better way to get that distance by being offputting. i think isabeau esp#would get the brunt of this. poor man#plus there's just hte general fact that like. nobody likes the feeling of talking to somebody who clearly knows too much about them. who#will never show their own cards. added with the fact that there's just an inherent strangeness w loop. where they have a relationship to#siffrin thru the loops that none of the party members will ever grasp (and in a way they cant even guess frankly!)#i just have a hard time seeing loop's assimilation into the party as going smooth and nice. you know. i think the party members would think#that loop kinda sucks a little. i think loop would let them think this. all of this being said this is not irreconcilable or permanent#but i like there to be growing pains for the party's expansion. i won't even get into nille bc this aint abt her but yah#the lucky thing loop is you made friends with a lot of really nice people who would being willing to get to know you again.#isat spoilers
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It’s heartbreaking as a disabled artist to be reliant on always needing to make work and always needing to sell it. Always needing to sell everything you make to get by because there’s not other options for you. Not being able to plan bigger projects, not being able to hold onto anything. Not being able to take the time to work on things without feeling the timer ticking down because you need to finish something new to sell, so you don’t get the sleep you need.. And then when you do invest in future things you think are cool.. You will never be able to keep them. You can’t afford your own work, and owning art’s not a necessity and everyone around you is struggling, understandably.. most of them can’t either
#negative#one of those nights i legit just. think about giving up and going back on disability#its so hard. because both disability and continuing to try have steep negatives.#i just dont know how im supposed to ever survive when i get a bit older#def going to be one of those days i have a headache all day after i wake up#i deeply apologize for being negative.. i know there's other people in my shoes who have all the same feelings#and some dont have the option of disability assistance#it just feels so hopeless and idk how anyone does it#disability#i dont like talking abt being disabled nowadays. but sometimes the specific trapped feelings are overwhelming#anyway thank you to everyone who supports my work how they can#im still very lucky#i just wish it wasnt always a struggle. for everyone else too
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to love someone is to heal someone
#~ art#💚 memoryshipping#ignore tags if youre just here for the art and not me going full diary mode#anyways ... this is a little personal to me#especially with how i treat her here. i think this is a direct projection of how i'm feeling right now#today has been a little harsh on me - maybe a little painful even#i'm okay now - because i resolved it. albeit harboring some bits of anger to it but its not worth fighting about anymore#its hard to say that i'm - very optimistic so to speak because it's only one pillar i just jumped over and there will be more later#and this is me coping with it and im lucky to have mustered some energy to at least express it through drawing#i havent been drawing much for myself and it makes me sad because its my source of happiness#my time for drawing is being repurposed for other stuff right now and it still is and i dont feel entirely happy doing it unfortunately#i still have many things i want to follow up on my drawing list especially in my recent interests peaking again#but i resorted for now to making something im already used to. stevaide lol fgsjsddsjjsdjkghsdjgdjkhskjghshsgsasjhjsjksdjfhsfasgs corny ass#rest assured im at a somewhat relaxed state right now. throwing boops here and there calmed me down because theres people around me#who ig thinks im cool eajdhajhd#ahh anyway
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in-universe "logistics" aside, i think it's good that echo has the permanent scomp arm instead of a hand for like. real-world representation reasons.
in star wars sure they have fully articulated replacement prosthetics but we very much don't have that in real life, and i feel like echo with the scomp is good rep for that. he's one of the most competent characters and i think it's good to show that he can do All That as he is, especially with how irl people with only one hand usually are very capable, even more if they've been living with it for a long time, and very rarely do we see that in media.
like, mark hamill once said he talked to a kid for a make a wish thing who was about to have his arm amputated, and the kid said that he wasn't worried because luke did it too. i think that's important
#tbb#echo#.txt#the bad batch#arc trooper echo#SORRY MUTUALS this has been on my mind since i saw some people being really weird/Actually Ableist about it on twitter back in january and#that post going around just reminded me of it#NOT THAT OP WAS SAYING ANYTHING PARTICULARLY BAD bc like yeah utilitarially a multitool type arm could probably be useful#just imo its nice to have real world rep#also im still taking psychic damage from some of the twitter shit it was like how echo would ''have relief at having a proper hand'' or sth#like um. thats not very ummmm.... thats not really a good thing to say--#with regards to like. a lot of people with limb differences dont feel any particular desire to have a standard limb and a replacement#isnt necessarily the best for everyone or what everyone wants#and acting like all people who dont have standard are all suffering and sad about it is demeaning and patronizing#twitter users when theyve never read about people with limb differences from those people's perspectives#twitter users when theyve never heard of the Lucky Fin Project#sorry for going off agh prosthetics are what i plan on studying & specializing in so i read a lot about this stuff
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Babe wake up its time for my annual complain about how the 2021 broadway production of Company starring Katrina Lenk and Patti LuPone never had a proshot or cast recording.
#like what an atrocious crime really#i dont care that the same production in London with a different cast (save Patti) got a cast recording#i want to hear Katrina Lenk sing Being Alive#i want to hear Matt Doyle since Getting Married Today and Bobby Conte Thornton sing Another Hundred People#i feel very lucky to have a very nice b**tl*g but I still mourn what we could of had.#Company#Katrina Lenk#Matt Doyle#Bobby Conte Thornton#Patti LuPone#Stephen Sondheim#also I want to SEE Christopher Fitzgerald act my man is talented#I just really love this production and I'm sad it has essentially become lost media along with countless other theatre productions#we have had and will have. but we dont have time to get into how I feel about that
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i love ryomina
no but seriously. even when i’m thinking about other things that captivate my interest, i find myself coming back to them and feeling like i fell down three whole flights of staircases every time i do. they are one of my favorite pairs in media and are very special to me.
it’s the way that ryoji and minato’s lives are inevitably intertwined with each other due to the circumstances 10 years ago on the moonlight bridge. without no minato, there is no ryoji. minato as he is today is because of ryoji. they have irreparably affected each other’s lives that you cannot discuss one without bringing up the other one.
ryoji mochizuki, who is death, pharos, thanatos, nyx avatar, the man of many names and identities, is the perfect summation of p3′s messages and themes.
minato arisato, the wildcard and protagonist, who has boundless kindness in his actions despite the unfortunate cards handed to him.
the two of them complement each other and tell a beautiful story from start to finish.
minato’s personas capture this perfectly. he awakens to orpheus, who’s flames burns bright, is snuffed out by thanatos during the encounter against the arcana magician. a visual precursor of the idea that ryoji stole from the life that minato could have had.
it’s the way that over the course of the game as minato interacts with pharos, talking throughout the dark hour, forging a bond that cannot be broken, that allows ryoji to exist. minato humanizes death.
november. the bells toll, calling the appriser. and yet, it’s peaceful... quiet, and full of life. ryoji, who breaks free from death’s chains, refusing his role, is given the chance to live for a month. to make the most of the humanity that minato has given him over those ten years. and what a life he lived. ryoji’s life is a reflection of what minato’s life could have been like in another universe.
it is the way the two of them are reflections of each other. ryoji with his hair down is just like minato. they are both stubbornly committed to choosing to be kind, to love life, yet are chained down by the cards the narrative dealt them with. they finish each other’s sentences, knowing each other intimately in a way no one else does.
how is that, a boy who lived for only one month, profoundly changes the course of the narrative? he is simultaneously relevant and irrelevant. blink, and you miss it, the beautiful life that he led.
ryoji is horrified at the revelations of being the appriser. he who so desperately wished to forget that his existence was meant to bring the end to all life, was unable to escape the inevitability of death. in a non-human way, of course. he becomes remorseful. a shadow of his brief time as a human who was enamored by the small beautiful things that life had to offer.
he is swallowed by grief. grief knowing that his very existence will take away not only minato’s life, but everyone else’s. the very thing that ryoji loved- life, fundamentally went against the role he was born for- to be the harbinger of death. and unable to grapple with this sadness he believes that the best thing for minato to do is to kill him, so that SEES can live in bliss not knowing about their inevitable end.
SEES is left rattled, calling into question what the meaning of life is and what they do when faced against the inevitability of death.
and!!! minato chooses!! for ryoji to live!! even in spite of what ryoji is MEANT to embody, minato still stubbornly chooses to defy death itself! and if that’s not cool i don’t know what is!! minato wants everyone to have the chance to live!!
so he climbs. he ascends tartarus, to meet ryoji, again, who is now the nyx avatar. and i just think there’s something so so beautiful about being able to use messiah, minato’s ultimate persona, against nyx avatar.
messiah, being the fusion of orpheus and thanatos is peak ryomina to me. because ryoji and minato have established an unbreakable bond from having been entwined for 10 years, minato still has a piece of death with him, and by proxy!! ryoji is able to defy and rebel against nyx trying to bring the fall! and i think that’s fucking cool shit if you ask me!
even when all of the arcanas have been gone through, it’s still not enough to stop the fall. and yet. minato knows. in the way that ryoji was sealed in minato 10 years ago by aigis... minato becomes the great seal so that everyone can live. it comes full circle.
march rolls around. he fulfills his promise to SEES on graduation day. minato dies from exhaustion. but goddamn does his sacrifice make me weep- he’s had such, such a tiring journey. he’s been through so many things because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. but at the end of it all, he’s reunited with ryoji in death.
and i think this is why ryomina continues to evoke so much emotions for me, to this day. the relationship that they have embodies so much of persona 3′s messages and themes that it makes me feel like a microwave with nothing running in it.
p3′s message is very hopeful, for me. my favorite takeaway from it is that even if death is inevitable, appreciating the life that we were given and choosing to live as best as we can with kindness (even if we can’t feasibly do everything), is just? really nice? and you see this manifest in both ryoji and minato’s personalities and what they do for the other characters.
ryomina just feels so distinct to me, the flavor that their relationship ties back to my favorite takeaways from this game and im just!! god!! i love you minato arisato! i love you ryoji mochizuki! im so glad that i could meet them! i’m happy that they changed my life! they made me want to appreciate the connections in life even if they were fleeting! they made me!! want to pay attention to the good moments in life and cherish them!
i love ryomina so much!!! i’m so glad that these two could bring so much joy into my life! and i hope that others can have this joy too! 💛💙
#lizzy speaks#persona 3#ryomina#ryoji mochizuki#minato arisato#meta#long post#(literally)#HI SO UM YESTERDAY I COULDN'T FUCKING SLEEP so to cope i was like 'i will talk out loud about anything and everything'#and somehow that turned into me talking about ryomina out loud and something about verbalizing my thoughts made me feel crazy about these-#two again. i mean for the record i continue to love them always very dearly but like my p3 braincells sometimes go into hibernation bc-#ive been on a really huge splatoon kick. but anyway my voice was like cracking at 3am because i was tearing up#i was like 'THE!! IM! SO NORMAL ABT WHAT ORPHEUS AND THANATOS AND MESSIAH SYMBOLIZE' etc etc etc#so i kinda just went to sleep like 'ok well you GOTTA type it out. everyone needs to know about this.'#and um i didnt mean to make 1069 words! sorry! not really! but i love them!!! even if im very quiet these days!#ohhh how lucky i am to have had the chance to experience ryomina they are such a gem. they make me so goddamn emotional#they really mean a lot to me because of well. (gestures at the entire post) but also they came at a really good point of my life and FUCK!!#im so so grateful to them!!! i love them!!!! the themes that their relationship and characters convey just !! IM SO NORMAL ABOUT IT!!!#they've affected me so profoundly and deeply and i wish i could make better art to get this across. but its ok. one day i can. one day#they make me so fucking talkative like actually but um. i had a lot of fun writing this! i dont think ive had like. a proper appreciation-#post for them that articulates why i like them so much (unless you count the essays i write in my art tags) so it was nice to make this.#admittedly theres a lot abt p3 that im rusty on since its been a goodwhile since ive interacted with the source material#and in a way you could say that like. i need to renew my p3 license LMAOOO but god some parts of p3 still have such a huge death grip on me#and what i mean by that is that the big Fucking Events have such!! clarity!! in my mind!! i recall them and i wilt on the spot!!#oh god i cant fucking shut up. the tags are probably 500 words long. enjoy my ramble. i wish every ryomina enjoyer a Good Life <3#actually no. i hope that EVERYONE on the dash today has something that sparks joy for them the way ryomina does for me.#everyone deserves 2 have something that makes their brain do a little excited dance that makes them blow up and explode. its good for u!#BYE FOR REAL this is why i have to post my thoughts very spread out otherwise yall would have so many WORDS on ur dash pls help i have so#many emotions and i am so tiny i cannot possibly fit all the feelings i have about ryomina and other things inside my tiny little body
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i genuinely cannot describe how much accepting im asexual has helped me feel more confident and comfortable in my preferences and needs and general identity
#but im gonna try anyway!#i never actively put myself in uncomfy situations in my current relationship#but something always felt a bit off#my old friends always kinda. projected sexuality onto me. in a weird and uncomfy way#especially seeing as we were like 13!#im so lucky that my gf is as patient and understanding as she is#it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder since i accepted it and started telling some people#i feel more complete and i dont feel the need to overcompensate or 'correct' my thoughts so i think the 'right' way about intimacy#which. as a very sex positive person who doesnt dislike having sex. was a very weird experience#it also made for some funny conversations. like when i told my gf id never felt sexually attracted to anyone except her#she was so shocked it was very funny#but yeah this is awesome :]#i still feel a bit iffy sometimes because i feel like i should feel differently. but its much easier to shut those thoughts down now#asexual#aspec
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Considering the. Ahem. Ways this year has gone, I've not been thinking about it all that much, but. I did start this year with the motto of Year Of Unfucking My Life. With a few goals involved in that.
I got an official adhd diagnosis, as well as a diagnosis for PCOS. Other diagnoses in progress. Gotten adhd meds and birth control to regulate periods. I've gone back to school and I'm keeping up with it better than ever before. I've even been working on practicing driving, something I've been largely neglecting since I first got my driving permit, um... 11 years ago...
I just need to actually Get my license. And I need to get it before the end of the year. If I can accomplish that, then I'll say the Year Of Unfucking My Life was successful.
#speculation nation#i had some pretty major negative And positive influences for this goal of mine.#primary negative influence of course being my dad abruptly dying.#but that also led to the primary positive influence of the life insurance payout that's letting me just focus on school for my final year.#it's like a monkey's paw curl kind of moment. i got a genuinely astounding amount of money#more than enough to live off for a year+ and pay off the rest of my schooling.#with this i have finally exited the purgatory of part time school full time work to pay my way through school#a setup that led to endless stress (both physically and mentally) and suffering grades.#failing some classes and taking longer bc part time Anyways. locking me into years and years of this perpetual fucking Hell.#ive escaped it. school is so so so much more manageable when i dont have to work a job. im actually keeping up with my assignments.#for once theres no uncertainty about passing any of my classes. i Will pass them all. and i expect As in most if not all of them.#it's been fucking Amazing. everything i couldve wanted. and it came with the low low cost of losing my father when i was only 26.#... 'low' being sarcastic here of course. he was the 2nd worst person i couldve lost in my life. second only to my sister.#the 2nd worst grief i will Ever experience. bc he was my Good parent. hes the very reason i have a future at All.#and losing him fucked me up Severely. im still working on recovering. i kind of figure i always Will be.#thank god id already been taking spring semester off bc that would've been Horrible to go thru while in school.#i honestly probably would've just withdrawn from the semester. theres no Way id have kept up with it#given how damned BUSY those first few weeks after were. between funeral prep and inventorying and packing up his house.#so fucking much involved in settling an estate. and im the lucky one in that my sister's been handling all the legal shit.#so i simultaneously was dealt one of the most severe blows i ever Will be dealt#while also being given probably the biggest boost i'll ever get in my life.#if everything goes well with graduating and getting an IT job then i'll never want for money again.#considering there was a time early last year when i got as low as literally $7 in my bank account. this is a pretty big deal.#it's just... strange. the ways things go in life. this has been a very strange year for me.#just doing my best to use this boost to the best of my ability. even if it feels like im taking advantage of his death.#it's what he wouldve wanted me to do.
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