#the deal is that I’m sad!!! and I miss my grandma!!!

[paranoidkid]

I am trying so so hard to think and do things but it’s become increasingly difficult for some reason! (I know the reason)

it just feels really really bad to not have a car. if I didn’t have an emotional attachment to my car I dont think I’d feel this awful, but it feels like I just Lost A Family Member (again) and it’s really making things hard to comprehend.

for reference. my car that I drove was my grandmother’s car first, she bought it and owned it. Recently (a couple years ago) I borrowed it to start driving places without using my parents car, and my grandpa just told me to keep the car (my grandma had really severe dementia and couldn’t drive much less leave the house). cut to November of 2024 and my grandmother dies. it’s very sad. on top of her passing, it feels like we’d been mourning her for years, because she was barely able to remember any of us and could not function on her own. [deaths 1 and 2]

The car was an extension of my grandma, to me, on some level. it was Her Car. so when we got the title transferred to me, that was already one step away from it no longer being Her Car. and I’ve been working so so hard to keep that car going for as long as possible; it had a lot of shit wrong with it but I was just glad that It Drove and Had Air Conditioning. bonus points to the speakers, I loved my car speakers. [death 3]

Cut to today, someone blows through a red light in front of me, trying to pass through an intersection, and totals my car. everything about the situation is cut and dry, I am not at fault and nobody is seriously injured. but my car is gone. [death 4]

I’ve spent the entire day having arguments with my manager and a very long panic attack and being at the ER because I panicked so bad I thought I had a concussion (I didn’t hit my head and I was just extremely disoriented). I’ve forgotten how easy it is for me to have a severe response to something that wasn’t “that bad” all things considered. my life has not changed significantly, I am not injured, I got all of my things, my car is totaled, my grandma is dead. I’m really having rough time today.

[webanglikethat]

"rigging" this, "rigging" that........OKAY someone’s rigging a poll for a fictional character ... okayyyyyy, lame, but why are we out here writing an investigative exposé like it’s some international exclusive scoop? it’s truly not that deep.

from what I understood, apparently, some group of people decided they couldn’t handle their fave losing, so they rigged a Reddit poll using 7-10 accounts each. they dragged their coworkers, parents, grandparents, and probably their neighbor’s cat into this by using their phones or something like that. because clearly, Grandma Doris voting for a brooding sexy vampire on Reddit was the missing piece to world peace.

like I seriously don’t get it. you’re out here with a literal PowerPoint presentation of screenshots and receipts like you're about to present this case to the Supreme Court. for what? to prove someone cheated at pretending their vampire boyfriend is more popular than an angel boyfriend?

I mean, seriously please 😭 let’s all be for real for ONE second. imagine sitting at home, seeing someone cheat in an online poll, and instead of laughing at the sheer desperation and ridiculousness of it all, you decide, “No, I must expose this injustice to the world!”

just . let them cheat, let the mods deal with it. do you want them to be persecuted? what’s the endgame goal? “Malbonte Fans Caught Rigging Polls — The Public is in Shock” articles? Malbonte, Cain, Livius, or whoever isn’t solving world hunger or stopping wars.

The LI isn’t real, the poll isn’t life-changing, and no one is getting a trophy.

drama can be fun. it’s entertaining to spill the tea and etc. but at some point, you’ve got to ask yourself: is this worth my time? is this the legacy I want to leave behind? they’re rigging polls like their lives depend on it, and you’re fighting back like you’re leading the Avengers into battle. are you really going to look back in five years and think, “Wow, I’m so proud of how I spent my time defending X and Y's honor on Reddit”?

this whole thing has turned into a spiral of pettiness, and honestly, it’s kind of hilarious but also kind of sad. so yeah, drama is fun, but maybe save your energy for something that actually matters? because if this is the hill anyone’s choosing to die on, I’ve got some questions about life choices.

if they need to cheat to feel good about their fave, that’s their own embarrassing problem. let’s not make it yours too. this is my only advice.

while you're here, use your fingers for this instead:

[writingroom21]

The Nanny

Pairing: Rafe x Nanny Reader

Summary: Being Wheezie's nanny was great. The only downside was dealing with the oldest Cameron, Rafe. What happens when his fascination with the nanny becomes a reality?

Warnings: Angst, mention of drugs, sexual harassment (some creep tries to force themselves on reader), forced kiss (same creep with the reader), slight comfort?, (please be careful if you have any issues with sexual harassment it doesn't go far but I don't want anyone uncomfortable), (let me know if I missed anything), fighting

Wc: 7.0K

A/N: One more part to go! Sad to see it coming to an end but thank you for all of your support.

Chapter 8: What are we?

You just watch as Rafe leaves. A sinking feeling builds in your chest. It’s like when you’re on a rollercoaster and you get to the really big drop. You always hated that part of the ride, somehow this feeling tops it. Fighting back the tears you walk to your room. Wheezie can wait until the morning, right now you just need to go to bed. You try to calm your breath the whole walk to your room. Scared if you made too much noise someone will hear.

Entering your room you finally let the tears go, finding solace within the four walls. The tears well onto your lashes, falling down in fat drops. Choked sobs echoing inside the silent room.You furiously try to wipe them away, hating how small you feel at this moment. This isn’t what you wanted. Deep down a part of you wanted him to fight for you. Seeing him give up so easily just adds salt to the gaping wound.

You strip from your clothes, throwing on a pair of sleep shorts and stopping when you reach for a shirt Rafe left. A part of your brain is screaming to find another shirt, the other is dying to have at least one last piece of him. Against your better judgment you grab the shirt and put it on. It faintly smells like him, another reminder how you truly thought he cared. The birthday cologne smelt slightly more bitter than it did before. But it was still him.

You turn to your bed, the sage green sheets lay perfectly flat, a bouquet of flowers on top. Walking closer you notice that they are white roses, your favorite. There’s a little note tied on the string that holds them all together. You pick them, opening the card to read it. I’m sorry Sunny. I fucked up but I can’t lose you. Please let’s just talk it out. I miss you. -R

The note makes you sob harder. He knew your favorite flower and he wanted to work things out. If you had just seen this before interrupting maybe things would be different. Maybe he would be he instead of walking away. Why would he remember your favorite flower? You barely even remember when you mentioned it around him.

“What are you doing?” The voice behind you makes you jump. The rose in your hand flies as you grip the scissors tighter.  You turn your head to see Rafe leaning back on the kitchen counter. “Jesus Rafe you can’t do that. You scared the crap out of me.” You lean on the kitchen sink, regulating your heartbeat back to normal. He chuckles a little, a small smile spreading on his lips. 

“Sorry didn’t mean to scare ya. Just saw you standing there and was curious.” He eyes your ass getting a perfect view from his spot behind you. “I’m cutting the stems of these roses.” “What Rose wants to be in every part of this house now?” He thinks he’s funny but he’s not. “No smartass. They are my favorite flowers, specifically the white ones.” You got back to cutting the stems, picking up flower to flower. 

He sits there and watches and you finish the rest of the flowers. “Kinda seems corny doesn’t it? Like every chick likes roses it's never another flower.” Rafe remarks. Teasing you for the choice. “Well I like them because of my grandma. She used to get fresh bach every week and put them around the house. I get them because they remind me of her.” That’s the most you’ve shared about her since she died. 

She was kind of the glue that held the family together. She always knew how to make everyone laugh. Always made you feel safe and welcomed. Your parents weren't that bad when you were growing up at first. They loved you so much as a baby, couldn’t have been prouder. Then the older you got the more money they had to spend. The more time they had to put into you and not them. It seemed the older you got the more problems they had. The more pressure they would put on you to be better.

Your grandma did a great job at shielding it from you for as long as she could. The flowers were the thing the two of you shared. Spending time picking out the right ones just to go home and build a bouquet. It was the highlight of your weeks and after she died it was over. You held on to the last bouquet until all the petals were left to nothing. Rotting on your dresser, burning holes into the wood to leave their marks. No bouquet felt the same after but it brought you comfort.

“Remind you?” Rafe questions. “She died when I was eight. I make bouquets to feel connected to her.” He just looks at you as you fill the vase with water, adding the roses one by one. He remembers watching his mom arrange flowers for the house. She would bring him along as she picked out various flowers. Always asking him for his input because he was her special helper. It was their special day activity, Ward would get upset at the sight of Rafe helping out. His mother would go to his defense, nipping Ward’s words in the butt the moment they exit his mouth.

It hurt to remember his mom, the memory causing more heartache than anything. The image of his happy mom crushed when he realizes she’s gone. Left him behind with a man that hates him. In a town where no one will ever care for him. But then he watches you do a simple action that brings her back. It hurts but he can’t help but smile watching you. “I’m sorry. I bet it was hard losing her. They look good, she’d be proud.”

You look him in the eyes, a soft smile gracing your face. Rafe can’t help but to think how beautiful you look. “Thank you. That was very sweet of you Rafe.” You praise. He blushes, straightening up and walking off. “WHatever don’t tell everyone now.” You laugh at him. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

The memory makes the feeling worse. He had remembered that conversation this whole time. It had happened early on to you working here, one of the first few meetings with the oldest sibling. You thought he was just being polite because you were new and you just told him something sad. But he still had that information stored away in some filing cabinet in his mind. The fact he still knew makes you want to find him and forgive him. Then you think about the fact he gave up.

You can’t really fault him, he has a right to do what he wants. Yet it still stings that you weren’t enough for him the first time and you weren’t enough for him this time. You place the flowers on the bedside table. Pulling the covers back you climb into bed, curling up into a ball and going yourself to sleep for the second night in a row.

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The sound of voices stir you slowly awake. “Come on, leave her alone.” A hushed voice breaks through the door. “I want to know what happened last night. She never came to tell me.” Wheezie’s hush whispers fully wake you up. “No, let's go.” Sarah’s voice firmly states, footsteps fading down the hall. The room is bright, the curtains are fully open, you must have forgotten to close them last night. The light is harsh on your eyes, they still sting from crying the night before.

Everything keeps replaying in your mind. Memories creating a slow motion picture just for you. They are on a continuous loop as you get ready for the day. Your mind keeps going back to what Wheezie said to you yesterday. Would you be okay if you saw him with someone else? No you wouldn’t, seeing him with Sofia was hard enough. You don’t think you would be able to handle it further.

That realization brings you back to the flowers and the note. He has kept the memory with him since that day. Rafe wanted to make it up with you and showed you that he does care about you. He used the memory to do something that would make you happy, even if he caused you pain. The note made it obvious he wanted to work things out, maybe you should have listened to him. He didn’t actually have any reason to stay loyal to you, no conversation was had for the next step to happen.

Once you are finally dressed you slip on your shoes determined to find Rafe. You look around the hall when you step out, not wanting to run into anyone and change your mind. You make your way to his door and knock. Butterflies fill your abdomen, the nervous feeling eating you from the inside out. “Rafe?” You call out, keeping your voice low. Your right hand opens the door and you are faced with an empty room. The room is still a mess, things littered everywhere, a perfect match to him.

Sighing you close the door again, heading downstairs to get some breakfast. Voices can be heard from the kitchen, they aren’t loud so it’s hard to make anything out. Entering the kitchen you see Rafe talking with Sarah and Barry just sitting at the island. “He shouldn’t be here Rafe. Dad will flip out.” Sarah argues with her brother. “He already doesn’t like me, why should I care?” He huffs out and turns around, pausing when he sees you at the door.  Barry and Sarah to look at what caught his attention.

“Well hello baby. Thought I would never see you again.” Barry’s voice rings in your ears but you can only focus on Rafe. “Hi.” You squeak, your voice giving away how nervous you are to see him. His jaw is clench, his hands forming fists as he looks at the man staring you down. “Let’s go Barry. We got shit to do.” He says pushing the other guy's shoulder as he passes him. Rafe gives you a nod as he walks by you and leaves. Barry tsk’s as he gets up making his way out as well. “That boy never learns does he?”

You just stand there, eyes glancing at Sarah. “I’m sorry I didn’t think you would be up right now after last night.” You smile at her and go in further to make food. “It’s fine. He already said he was going to leave me alone from now on. I just didn’t take him seriously.” Boiling water, you get the oats out of the cabinet, oatmeal was the fastest thing you could think of. “Wait what?” Sarah exclaims. Her shocked face staring at the back of your head.

You know she won’t leave you alone for the rest of the day. You have picked up on a few things over this past year. Never interrupt Ward when he is in meetings or talking in general. Rose really does care but the kids will never respect her so she lets them be. Rafe has been hurt for so long that he refuses to be himself now. Even though Sarah and Wheezie are different people they have the same personality trait. They care so much that they don’t know when to call it quits. Granted Sarah is better at keeping it at bay than Wheeze.

Knowing this and knowing how she feels about her brother you give in. You spilled and told her everything. How Wheezie accidentally was the reason why Ward knows what happened. How Ward was yelling at Rafe and how you stepped in. Then told her about the argument between the two of you. Finally leading to him saying he will leave you alone from now on. The whole conversation lasted all of breakfast, the oatmeal you made for the two of you long gone.

“I can’t believe that he just walked away like that. He was the one to mess up, he can't be mad.” She’s saying things you’ve already said to yourself. He did mess up and he shouldn’t be mad. But another part knows that you hurt him too in some way. You shut him out when he wanted to fix things. You ignored him and refused to talk. In the end you did the same thing he did, you didn’t communicate with him how you felt. “It’s not that simple, Sar. He hurt me yeah but I also shut him out. I’m sure that had to hurt him too, I can’t expect him to wait around for me.” You are trying to be reasonable. This is her brother you are talking about, you don’t want to be the reason why they are not on good terms. Things just started to die down between them.

“But it is simple. He messed up by kissing another girl and all you did was get space from him. He decided to just give up without much of a fight.” Her words force you to think back to when he was crying. Pleading with you to give him a second chance, just to hear him out. “He did try. I just didn’t give him the chance and it’s okay. He’s hurt and he needs his space too. I can’t get upset with him for doing the same.” Deep down you know you have a point. He is hurt and needs time which is what you did. It just hurts that when you figured out how you felt it was too late.

“Why are you defending him so much? I get that you liked him but he hurt you.” You are quiet, looking at your bowl. “Do you still like him?” She asks, watching your reactions. When she doesn’t get an answer she realizes it was deeper than what she thought. “Oh.” You both sit there, the weight of your unspoken words heavy in the air. “We never said we were exclusive. It was never something we talked about so he really didn’t do anything wrong. I just can’t hate him.” 

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The thrap of the tennis ball takes you out of your daydream. Wheezie had dragged you out to the country club for a round of tennis, stating it would help you feel better. It was sweet of her for caring but the exercise was not welcomed. You would rather be enjoying the day reading then out on the court hitting a ball back and forth. “How many points is that?��� She asks, a smile bright on her face. “6-2 I think.” You respond. You bounce the ball a few times before throwing it up and hitting it to her. 

The rest of the morning was uneventful after your talk with Sarah. She tried to talk to you more about how you should be upset but it got nowhere. Once Wheezie popped into the kitchen the conversation died and it was over with. You were relieved when Wheezie didn’t mention Rafe at all after. Even happier when all she wanted to do was go out. That soon faded when she said she wanted to play tennis. It was just an excuse to see the cute tennis instructor that just started there.

Everything was going well until you were both leaving. You were stepping off the court when a golf cart blew past you. “Watch it, asshole.” Wheezie yells causing the cart to stop. The boys inside it all turn around and low and behold there’s Rafe with some guy you’ve never seen. “Watch it, Wheeze. Next time you might get run over.” The boy next to him chuckles. “Yeah, stay out of the way.” Rafe shoots him a look and the boy quiets down. “Oh please like you are so scary. Stop driving like a maniac and be normal.”

Rafe looks at you, eyes lingering for a little longer than needed. You smile at him, opening your mouth to greet him. He turns away before the words could escape. The cart drives off again leaving the two of you alone. He was really taking this leaving you alone seriously. You had hoped that he would be able to talk to you or be civil at least. You miss his voice, his smile, you miss him. Standing there you both just watch them drive off, walking to the building to get changed into clothes. 

Wheezie wants to comment on how Rafe didn’t say anything to you. Noticing the look on your face as he ignored you. There’s a nagging in the back of her brain to ask you about last night. Her anxiety is getting the best of her, she’s scared that Rafe hates her. She has seen him get really angry and as much as she isn’t afraid of him, she still doesn’t like it. Wheezie doesn’t want to be the reason why her brother is angry at their father or at you.

“What should we watch tonight? I saw 10 Things I Hate about You the other day while scrolling and I’ve been wanting to watch it. What do you think?” You ask the younger girl as you walk the halls to the changing rooms. Wheezie clams up, her anxiety increases a bit more as she tries to think of an excuse. She needs this to go perfectly, nothing can get messed up. “Can we watch it as soon as we get home? My friends and I are having a Netflix watch party tonight.” 

“That’s fine. We can get some dinner and then watch it. How does that sound?” You ask while getting your clothes from the locker you put it in. “That’s perfect.” Wheezie wasn’t lying it was perfect. She needed you to be happy and complacent for the time being. She knows that you might be a little angry with her by tomorrow so she wants to butter you up while she has the chance.

You both got changed and packed up the rest of your things. You are trying hard not to think about Rafe but are failing. Would he still want a second chance if you gave it to him? Yes is the first answer that pops into your brain. Then you think about how he’s ignoring you and that changes. He seems to have no problems pretending you don’t exist, maybe he doesn’t actually want you. Maybe the roses and letter was a ploy to get in your bed again. Yeah that was it.

Snapping out of your thoughts, you have Wheezie order some food. Getting into the car you drive to pick it up before going home. The house is quiet, no one seems to be home besides Sarah. “Hey guys.” Sarah shifts her eyes back to the book in her hands. “Hey! We are going to watch a movie. Want to join?” You ask as you make your way to the living room to settle down. “What movie?” “10 Things I Hate about You.” Wheezie answers. “You had me at Heath Ledger let’s go.” Sarah bolts up, the book forgotten as it flies in the air.

The three of you all get comfortable and queue the movie up. You all just sit in silence, eating and enjoying the movie. Once the food is finished , everyone relaxes back. Only really speaking to comment on the movie. “Uh, I wish he would sing for me.” Sarah dreams out loud. You chuckle at her, nudging her thigh with your foot. “Want me to tell John B to serenade you?” Wheezie laughs at your teasing. “Oh my god. I would pay to see that.” 

You honestly can’t help but see the irony of watching this movie. Boy pretends to be into the girl only for her to find out it was all a lie. She tries to hate him but can never seem to, only to find each other in the end. But this isn’t a movie. Clearly Rafe is content with having you out of his life. There won’t be some big confession that absolves him of all his mistakes. He’s too proud to let anyone see how he feels. Maybe this wasn’t the best choice of movie.

Some masochistic part of you wants to feel the pain of watching something that will never happen. To soak in that feeling just to spite yourself. If the girls weren’t here you would probably be crying right now. Mourning the what if’s that plague your mind. It isn’t fair to do this to yourself and you know that. You just can’t seem to help yourself from finding comfort in your own pain. So used to the feeling that anything else seems foreign. 

The rest of the movie plays out. Patrick and Kat just made up and are now kissing. Every muscle in your body feels heavy. The weight of the situation pulls you down further into the couch cushions. The credits start to roll and the girls are stretching. “Okay I’m going to my room now.” Wheezie gets up to leave. “Already? It’s still early.” Sarah questions. “Yeah I’m doing a watch party with some friends.” Wheezie shrugs trying to walk fast out the room. Sarah squints her eyes at her younger sister and watches as she leaves. 

“Doesn’t she usually stick to you like glue until she goes to bed?” Sarah asks you. She finds it weird that she randomly watches parties with friends. She looks at you when you don’t answer. You were still stuck in your head that it took you a while to process what happened and Sarah’s words. “Um yeah sometimes. It’s good that she’s hanging out with friends. I’m not always going to be her nanny.” That’s when it hit you, this job isn’t forever. There’s no reason for any of them to stay in contact with you after Wheezie gets old enough. The girls would most likely stay in touch you know that. But you won’t be forced around Rafe anymore, maybe that’s a good thing.

“What are you even talking about?” She laughs. “You will always be a part of this family. At least you will be with Wheeze and I. You can’t get rid of us that easily.” She smiles at you. It makes you feel better having that reassurance. Even in the end you will still have them. “I think I’m going to go to my room and read. If you want to hang out or need me just come in.” You tell her. There’s a book on your night stand that you want to finish.

You must have been reading for an hour or two when Sarah bursted into your bedroom. “Is Wheezie in here with you?” She asks. You look up from the book, your face scrunching in confusion. “No, why?” Her face seems worried which only intensifies when she realizes Wheezie isn’t here either. “She’s not in her room and I can’t find her around the house. I wanted my sweater back and she was just gone.” Worry starts to gnaw at you. She has to be here somewhere, she couldn’t have just disappeared.

“Hold on. She has to be here somewhere. I’m just going to call her.” You place your book down and grab your phone. You dial her number and it rings. Sarah just stares waiting to see what happens. She didn’t answer. “Nothing.” You say. Sarah sighs not knowing what to do. “Let me track her phone.” Sarah gives you a bewildered look. “You track us?” She practically yells. “No. Your dad put it on Wheezie’s phone and I just have access to it. I never use it but this is kinda important.”

The app shows Wheezie at a house not too far from Tanny Hill. “She’s at a house. It’s close to here.” You get up putting your shoes on and grabbing your keys. “I think she’s at Trevor’s party. The one she was talking about yesterday.” Crap. Of course, that’s why she had a watch party. She just wanted me to leave her alone so she could sneak off. 

The car ride to the party was tense. You were so upset and worried. She went behind your back and put herself at risk to go to this party. No one knew where she was and something could have happened to her. Oh god what if something did happen? She is still young and people like to take advantage of that. This situation is setting panic alarms in your mind. You just hope Ward doesn’t find out because the Rafe situation can be forgiven. Letting his teen daughter go to a party and get drunk might be his last straw.

Loud music is blasting as you pull into the street. There are people everywhere and the feeling of dread increases. It’s going to take forever to find her here. Not only that, you know Rafe is around. There’s no way that he would miss the opportunity to sell and take drugs. Walking into the house was a hassle, people kept blocking the way. Drinks are being spilled on you, soaking your shoes in the process. This is the one thing you hate about parties, they are always a mess. People get too drunk and throw up everywhere. Others start fights or spend the night taking copious amounts of drugs. You don’t judge them, it's just not something you enjoy.

“We should split up. I’ll call you if I find her.” Sarah yells over the music. “Sounds good.” You head towards the stairs to check up stairs. The stairs are littered with cups making the floors sticky. Most of the doors are closed so you have to open each one. You found a couple in one room, the rest being empty or locked. Laughter fills your ears from the other end of the hall. Walking over you see a group of guys all sitting around.

Looking closer you can see that they are doing line and in the middle of all of them was Rafe. Barry was sitting next to him chatting up a customer trying to upsell. A girl enters your view and you watch as she walks over to Rafe. She leans down and whispers in her ear and rests her hand on his shoulder. You watch as he smiles up at her, shaking a little bag in her face. He turns to make a line for her on the table and he catches your eyes.

He freezes, the card in his hand stalling. He picks up his actions when the girl whispers to him again. She makes her way onto his lap and that’s when you look away. Heading back down the stairs, missing how he pushed her off his lap and shot up. How he looked for you but you were already gone.

You keep looking around the house. Stopping into every room to check them. The next thirty minutes were spent searching the house. You kept coming up short which was freaking you out even more.  You look at the app again and can see that she is still in the house. She’s here somewhere but you just can’t seem to figure out where. Your phone starts to ring in your pocket. “Hello?” You answer

“I found her. I’m bringing her to the car so we can leave.” Sarah tells you. Relief floods through your system. “Okay I’ll meet the two of you there.” She hangs up. Knowing that Wheezie is safe now you are ready to leave. You walk through the living room, eyes trained on the front door next to the kitchen. A body blocks you as you get right outside the living room. “Hey.” Some random guy says.

“Uh hey?” You say wearily. You are a little weirded out. You have never seen this guy before and he keeps blocking you as you try to get around him. “You’re that nanny for Rafe’s little sister right?” He asks. “Yeah.” He nods at you. His hands are in his pockets, he looks a little awkward like this. He takes a step closer to you, your body backing up closer to the wall. “Sorry for what he did to you. Think he’s kinda stupid for letting a girl like you go.” He says. 

As if his words would make you feel better about what happened. “Thanks. I have to go now.” You try to step around him again and his arm lands on the wall, blocking you. This is starting to get more uncomfortable by the minute. “Hey I’m just trying to talk to you. I think you’re really pretty. We can just have some fun.” He tries to ration with you. “I’m good, I really just want to go. I have to get back to Wheezie.” You try to push him off you but he just gets a little closer. 

His breath fans against your neck as you squirm away from him. One of his hands grabs your bicep, keeping you still. “Come one don’t be like that. I just want to get to know you. I think we could really like each other.” His body is now pressed up to you. You can feel how hard he is through his pants. It's disgusting. Your hand raises to his chest trying to push him off. It only makes it worse, in lips kissing your neck.

From the kitchen Rafe has been watching the whole interaction. Watching as he hit on you and how you stood there. He watches as his hands are touching you, his lips kissing the same skin his own lips touched. He was angry. Angry at himself for fucking this up, angry at his dad for being the reason he’s like this, mostly mad at you for moving on right in front of him. He was just filled with anger.

It didn’t help that he was so high and coked out that the feeling was ten fold. He had spent all day yesterday and today taking bump after bump. Smoking the day away and drinking. There’s so much in his system that he’s surprised he’s even standing. No matter how much he takes you are always still there. There in his home, at the country club and now here. He can handle seeing you, not really but he could manage. But he can’t stand there and watch as you are with someone else. His breaking point is when the guy kisses you.

He doesn’t know what he’s doing. One moment he was just watching you, hating his life. Now he’s marching over to drag you out of here and yell at you. You can’t just rub it in his face how little he means to you. He was about to call you out when he heard you speak. “Get off of me.” It’s like a switch flipped. He is now paying attention to your body language. Rafe sees her hands trying to push his chest. How the guy keeps grabbing them to bring them down to his pants. “Just shut up and stay still.”

That was Rafe’s breaking point. He grabs the guy from the back of his shirt, throwing him to the ground. You watch in horror as the guy hits the floor in a hard thump. Rafe’s fist meets the guy's face in an instant. You stand there as his body holds the guy down and he keeps hitting him. Everyone is yelling in horror, telling Rafe to stop. “What is wrong with you? She told you to get off her.” Rafe yells. 

His voice snaps you out of it. The guy is trying to block Rafe’s hits but he can’t do much in his position. Rafe has him trapped on the floor. “Rafe stop, let him go.” You yell. You really don’t want to be the reason that he got into a fight. It’s bad enough that his dad yelled at him over you.

Topper and Kelce run over, dragging Rafe off of the poor guy. “Fucking touch her again and I swear I’ll kill you. I won’t hesitate if I see you near her again.” Rafe screams as his friends drag him away. You look at the guy on the floor, he just lays there as people try to check on him. “God he’s such a psycho. Who just attacks a random guy.” Someone says as they pull out their phone to call the cops. “Maybe he shouldn’t be such a creep forcing himself onto people.” You say without thinking. Heads turn to look at you in confusion. Some people connect the dots as to what happened. “DId he try to..” You walk away before people can ask questions.

You find Rafe outside, pacing in circles as he yells at his friends. “Why would you pull me off? FUcking asshole deserved it. He’s lucking I didn’t fucking kill him.” The boys just look at him with worried looks. “You can’t just say you are going to kill people Rafe.” Topper tries to reason but it falls on deaf ears. “Nah I mean it. He was going to hurt her and I wanted to kill him. I would do it to anyone who even thinks about touching her.” The boys don’t know what to say. Rafe is like a ticking bomb when he’s like this.

“Rafe.” Your voice calms him, he turns to you. “Are you okay?” He rushes to you. Examining you to make sure that creep didn’t harm you in any way. “I’m fine. Thank you.” You don’t know what else to say. He helped you out back there and you are grateful. “I swear if he hurt you I’m going back in there and killing him. DOn’t care if they arrest me.” He’s being irrational. “Hey, just calm down. Everything is fine now. You made it okay.” He pauses, your words sinking in. He made it okay. 

He was the one who helped you, the one that saved you. He reaches out to you, caressing your check. Relishing the feeling of you leaning into his touch. “You should go home.” He whispers. Your eyes open and meet his. Their red and his pupils are dilated. “Come with me.” He looks at you, debating if it’s a good idea. “I can’t. I said I would leave you alone, so I can’t.” He takes his hand off your face, about to back away from you but you stopped him.

“I want you to come with me, please. You can’t drive like this.” He gave in, no fighting was needed. You want him and that’s all he needs to know. He steps closer, walking side by side to your car. He sees Wheezie and Sarah in it. “What are they doing here?” He asks you. “Wheeze snuck off to the party. We came to get her and when I was leaving well.” You look back at the house and at him. “Well you know.”

He nods at you, not saying another word as you get into the car and drive off. The car ride was filled with you and Sarah lecturing Wheezie on how dangerous this was. That if something happened to her and no one knew where she was it could end badly. Rafe tenses at this thought. He was so coked out he didn’t realize his own sister was at the party. You were right she could have been hurt. Look at what happened to you, the same could have happened to Wheezie.

He’s on autopilot as he walks into the house and up the stairs. Your conversation plays in the background in his mind. He enters his room shutting the door but not noticing how it doesn’t click shut until a moment later. “Are you okay?” Rafe turns to see you in front of the door. “Yeah, I just want to get to bed.” What he really wants is to take another line and sleep the thoughts away.

“I just wanted to say thank you again for helping me today.” You shift your eyes from him. “No problem. Didn’t want you to get hurt.” He sits on the edge of his bed, folding his hands and looking at them. “That’s all? I got the flowers you gave me.” you take a step closer, wanting to be near him. You want to fix this, tonight made you realize he does care.

“Oh yeah. You can just forget about them. Don’t know why I even got them in the first place.” Your smile fades, the small flame of hope flickers out. “So that note was for nothing?” He doesn’t say anything. Guess you finally got your answer, it's over. “Don’t know why I even tried talking to you. You don’t care.” You go to leave the room. “Don’t leave.” He calls out.

Your hand is still on the door knob, one twist and you’ll be free. “Why? There’s nothing to stay for.” You hear him grunt, the bed squeaking under him. “Do you think I want to be like this? I can’t stand myself. I’m a fuck up, everyone knows it. For fucks sake my own father hates me.” He gets up, adrenaline coursing through him. 

“I wish I could be normal. That I was enough of a man to be worthy of anything. I’m just a failure at everything so no point in pulling you down with me.” His eyes are collecting tears. His breath came in short bursts. “That’s the drugs talking. You are normal Rafe.” He scoffs at you. “No, the drugs just make it easier to swallow that pill.” He laughs out.

“I know what everyone says about me, I’m not stupid. Ever since my mom died I was some monster. No one wanted to be around me and I just kept acting up. I know I’m not worth anything, then there you were. My own personal sunshine. For a second I was able to forget who I was. I was someone else and didn't have to worry about the rumors that go around. Guess I forgot I don’t deserve good things.” 

He’s laughing but you can hear the hurt in his voice. Tears fill your eyes at the thought of him feeling so worthless. “You do deserve good things.” “Look at what that got us. I fucked it up and you don’t even want me around. I get it, don't get me wrong but it sucks. I didn’t think you meant anything, the little voice in my head saying I was a fool for wanting to be with you. I let it get to me and now whatever we were is gone.”

A tear falls down his cheek. “I lost the last good thing that ever happened to me. You know you’re the only person that cared about me. It’s funny not even my own family likes me but you did. You were a breath of fresh air, the sunny day after a storm. I finally had you and I couldn’t even keep that. So no, I don't deserve good things.” His voice raises. A hollow feeling in his chest, he wishes it was a blackhole ready to swallow him up.

“Is that why you call me Sunny?” The nickname starts to make sense to you now. “Yeah, you’re this bright light that took everything away.” He sits down on the bed again, looking at the sun necklace laying on his table. He picks it up, playing with the gem between his fingers. “My Sunny. So beautiful it hurts. I’m sorry I’m such a fuck up. Wish I was different, maybe then we would actually be together.”

Your breath hitches, was this just the drugs? He did say that it just made it easier to handle how he feels. “I don’t want you to be different.” You stroll over to him, stepping between his legs. You grab his head in your hands so he can look you in the face. “I just wanted you to be you. I like who Rafe Cameron is. Why would I want you to be anyone different?” His eyes are shiny, glossed over with the tears that keep falling. 

“It doesn’t matter now right? It’s too late.” His hand wraps around your wrist. “We can talk about this tomorrow. You should get some sleep, we’ll talk when you have a clearer mind.” You go to leave the room but he stops you. “Stay. Don’t leave me.” His eyes are pleading with you. “Okay.”

You take off your shoes as he gets up. He hands you a change of clothes and he strips from his, laying in his bed waiting for you. You don’t know whether to change here or go into his bathroom. His eyes are are staring at you and you decide fuck it. He divulged how he felt, you can give in for at least this. You change into the shirt he gave you, leaving the pants to the side and get into bed. His fist still holds the necklace, you take his hand. The piece of jewelry moving to you.

You look at it, mixed emotions fill you. The happiness when you first got it, how you thought it was a step further in the relationship. The sadness of when you found him at the bonfire. The confusion you feel at this moment. You forgive him. You want to get past this and it seems like he does too. There’s still this fear in the back of your mind.

He traces your facial features with a light touch, scooting closer to your body. You are both on your sides facing each other. His eyes are drooping, sleep knocking on his door. Slowly fading his consciousness as he fights it off to have one more minute with you. “I think I’ll always be in love with you.” His words are softly whispered between you two.

Your mind short circuits. He said he was in love with you. There’s no way he actually said that. His hand lays motionless on your side, the sandman claiming him as his next victim. You look at him and then the necklace once again. Shifting slightly as to not wake him, you put the necklace back on. You move closer to him, touching his jaw. Letting sleep take you with it.  “I’ll always be in love with you too.”

[galaxywarp]

(please like if you read. and it would mean a lot to me if you read.)

————————

My body and my mind have been sick lately

So my sleep schedule has been fucked.

3am is a normal time to wake.

And just before the sun rises,

I find a couple of dollars

And I put some gas in my tank and I buy a cheap iced coffee,

And I drive and I watch the sun come up

While I listen to music that makes my friends sad.

And as I’m standing at the pump and overdrawing my bank account to put a few dollars of gas in my car,

And my speakers are playing a song about wanting to kill my father with a baseball bat,

I see a man around my age walking towards the gas station,

From out of the shadows of the distant sidewalk

Into the harsh light.

And he’s wearing an oversized sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants and he’s walking alone through the dark to a gas station at 5 in the morning to buy a lighter

And some part of me registers that this is a man who others may feel nervous about him approaching them through the darkness.

But in him I see myself.

And I miss being a meth addict.

And I miss his world. And I miss dragging myself, dirty and beaten, to the nearest gas station at 5 in the morning with loose change in my pocket to buy myself a lighter so that I can smoke my meth pipe.

And I get back in my car that’s still playing a song about wanting to kill my father with a baseball bat.

And I try to think about what it is I’m missing.

And I think of rooms of faces,

Painful, terrible, beautiful faces,

Where every person there understands exactly what it’s like to be at a gas station at 5 in the morning listening to a song about wanting to kill your father with a baseball bat.

And you don’t have to think about it.

You don’t have to talk about it.

They just hand you a pipe

And a lighter

And the pain goes away.

And I drive to pick up my iced coffee

And I don’t feel as bad about the iced coffee as I thought I would.

It’s only two dollars, after all.

And it’s easy to find two dollars, even when you have nothing else.

You can find two dollars in a lot of places.

In your couch.

In old jacket pockets.

In the kindness of a stranger.

And I’ve been hoarding loose change for years.

I keep it in my grandpa’s old ammunition box from the war.

The box where I keep one of the shells from the guns they fired at his and grandma’s funeral.

The box where I keep a dirty rusty nail that someone gave me in rehab.

Someone who didn’t make it, but I did.

The box where I keep the smooth pretty blue stone that the other patients passed around on my last day, that they held close to their hearts as they wished me strength on my journey. As they told me that I was strong and that I was going to make it.

And it’s the box where I keep my loose change

For iced coffee

And meth lighters.

It’s easy to find two dollars.

Your mom will give you two dollars

If you tell her it’s for iced coffee

And not meth lighters.

Your mom will give you two dollars

If you promise it’s not to kill yourself.

And in the drive thru the girl asks me to please wait a moment, she has to refill the coffee.

And I tell her it’s okay, really, no rush.

And she thanks me

And tells me she appreciates me.

And I think about all the jobs I’ve had

Where I had to ask a customer to please wait a moment

So I could do something important

Like refill the coffee

Or use heroin in the bathroom.

And when she hands me my iced coffee I say thank you

And I tell her “I appreciate you too”.

And I see her face fall, briefly,

As she is stunned by my words

Taken aback by this brief, fleeting moment of genuine kindness and connection.

And just as quickly she smiles at me

Truly smiles

And says thank you.

And I hurry and drive away, so she can deal with the rest of the cars in line

Many of which are running late for work

And who will blame her for it.

And I take my drive.

And I watch the sun rise.

And I listen to music that makes my friends sad.

And when I come home

I wash down my antidepressants with what’s left of my iced coffee

And I think about how I don’t miss being a meth addict.

I am a meth addict

Without his pipe.

[asshlyyyy]

Strawberry Pie

It is time to get rid of some drafts that I have had for months at this point. Even if they have a few sentences I want to get them out. I also hope that having these one-shots thrown in people will remember me... and maybe my posts will do better then... (22 notes). It really is unmotivating sometimes. Looking at your follower count and then your notes. Like so far... the year is not going good for this account.

Masterlist

Pairing: Austin Butler x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of Death, Fluff, Mentions of Baby Talk, Perhaps Some Swearing. Spelling and Grammatical Errors. Let me know if I missed anything!

Word Count: 1.6k

You scrolled through the list of songs on your phone. Today you were in a cheerful mood. You were happy, and you felt no sense of sadness. Let’s not jinx it just yet, but you had big plans today. Austin was out with his agent talking about some upcoming deals. You wanted to surprise him with a small gift. 

Once you finally decided on the song you turned off your phone and went over to your recipe box. You only had a few recipes in there that were from you, but you had your grandmother’s as well. She always talked about how you were going to get that box when she died and well… That day came a couple of months ago. It still pained you, but you were finally in a good mood. 

Peering through all the recipes your eyes found the one you wanted, Strawberry pie. You remember eating this during the summers at your grandmother’s house. It was such a fond memory and such a wonderful pie. You pulled it out of the box and brought it over to the middle island. 

You brought out all of the ingredients needed and started to get to work. You had a few hours before Austin came in, so in theory… the pie should be cooled down when he arrives. That way you two can have a slice after dinner. Seems like today is a day you’ll be spending in the kitchen. You had no issue with that though. You loved being a housewife. 

As stereotypical as it was… it was nice. Not having to worry about working. You were able to stay home, keep the house clean, cook your husband a wonderful dinner… or order it… and tend to other matters. Hopefully one day you can add a little one to the equation. For now, that wasn’t on Austin’s list and you had to respect that. 

For dinner, you had planned a dish that would go along with your pie. You were thinking about making salmon with mashed potatoes, and then some type of veggie on the side. It just depended on what you had. That seemed like a good meal, and then you two could have some pie afterward… It sounded perfect. 

Once everything was in the oven and everything was getting cooked you decided to take a break. You untied your apron and took it off. You’ve been standing on your feet for some time now, you wanted to sit down, and that is exactly what you ended up doing. You grabbed your phone to check your notifications.

A few messages from Austin, some even from your sister. A missed call from your mother, a few emails- wait… a missed call from your mother? You went ahead and called her back. Your mother usually didn’t call. If she did, she would let you know. Plus, she didn’t leave a message either which… is even weirder. 

“Hello?” Your mother’s voice entered your ear.

“Hi momma, I was just returning your call. I didn’t know you called.” You said to her. 

“Oh, I didn’t mean to. I just accidentally hit the call button instead of something else. I tried to hang up quickly so… I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry honey.” Your mother explained. You let out an oh sound and nodded.

“It’s okay, I just thought it was weird is all. Figured I would give you a call and check-in. Make sure that everything is okay.”

“Well, now that I got you. What’s going on? Anything exciting happening today?” She asked you.

“Well, you remember that strawberry cake grandma would always make us in the summer?” You questioned her. 

“Of course I do,” she replied.

“Well, I decided to make that today for Austin. I was just feeling in a good mood and I figured to use that energy and create something with it.” You explained to her.   

“Oh, that sounds delicious. I wish you would bring us some over, but that is too long of a drive.” Your mother chuckled. You rolled your eyes playfully and shook her head.

“Well next time you guys come and visit, or we come to yours to visit I’ll be sure to make some. I know Grandma would want me to share it.” You told her. 

“Yeah, she would have.” Your mother said softly, “I miss her.”

“I miss her too… it’s been rough… I honestly hoped I would’ve had kids before she passed. She was such a wonderful lady but… You have one fall and it’s all downhill from there…” You replied back with a soft tone. Here was the sadness, that sadness you all so had to jinx yourself with earlier. 

“I know… but, she’s still around. In our hearts… in our minds… in spirit. She will always be around. We just can’t see her,” Your mother recited some type of religicall sentence. Like the father, son, and the Holy Spirit. 

“I know… well… I better get back to it then. I have to check on the Salmon and see how the pie is cooling. Bye, momma, I love you.”

“I love you too, honey.” She replied and hung up. You placed your phone down and let out a sigh. 

You pushed yourself up and walked over to the big sliding glass doors. You pushed them open and stood in the middle. You felt the cool wind brush past your skin in a soothing manner. The clear blue skies let you know that… she was here. The clear blue skies those summers you would spend with her. 

You smiled softly and went back to check your mood, leaving the doors open to let in fresh air… and maybe even your grandma. You knew spirits could do anywhere they wanted, but your grandmother was a respectful woman. She would only enter when allowed, and when it was okay. 

You pulled out the food and started to get the plates ready. You heard a ding from your phone and went to quickly check it. A text from Austin that read, Just down the street. I’ll be home soon :P 

You giggled lightly at the expression he added and shook your head. For once, you had managed your time, and everything will fall into place right when you need it to. You brought the food over to the table and went to quickly wipe your hands. You rushed over to the door and opened it just as Austin was.

“Oh, hi,” Austin chuckled lightly. You smiled and pushed yourself up on your tippy toes and kissed his cheek.

“Hi, I missed you.” You greeted him and moved out of the way. 

“I missed you too, sweetheart… but what is going on?” He looked at you confused.

“What do you mean?”

“You hardly greet me at the door.” He pointed out to you. 

“Well- you aren’t wrong, but I made dinner… and I made a special dessert. One I’ve been wanting to make you for quite some time.” You explained to him.

“Let me freshen up and I’ll meet you in the kitchen then okay?” With a nod of your head, Austin made his way upstairs to freshen up. 

You made your way back over to the kitchen and decided to get the drinks. You poured two glasses of water and brought them over to the table. You sat down and patiently waited for Austin. You looked out into your guys’ backyard and smiled. Your grandmother’s backyard was a field of memories. Easter time in the annual Y/l/n egg hunt. You always won of course. No one could ever beat your skills. 

You remember around Christmas time when you would go out with your grandparents and build snowmen with them. The snowball fights you all shared. The summer barbecue with the strawberry pie. God, you’re going to miss having those every year. 

“Oh wow,” Austin said as he entered the kitchen. You looked over at him and smiled.

“Remember how I tell you the stories about my grandma’s strawberry pie?” You asked him gently. He nodded and found his way across from you.

“Every time you tell it, it leaves my mouth watering.” He chuckled lightly. 

“Well… I made it,” you smiled.

“Is there a special occasion? I didn’t forget anything right? Cause I swear our anniversary isn’t until another two months. Your birthday isn’t until another five months… As far as I know, today is nothing.” He started to freak out a bit. You laughed gently at him. 

“I guess I just wanted to celebrate being in a good mood. It’s been rough these few months you know… and I finally wake up and I’m in a good mood. Wanted to treat my boyfriend.” You admitted to him.

“Dammit, I knew I should’ve stopped for flowers.” He swore at himself. 

‘’Austin stop,” you shook your head, “you get me flowers all the time. I wanted to treat you for once.”

“I love you,” Austin said as he reached over for your hand. You blushed gently as he gave your hand a squeeze.

“I love you too.” 

“Well, shall we dig in so we can get to that pie?” Austin suggested with a smile. You nodded early and started to eat your dinner. 

You two talked about each other's day. Though, Austin’s was much more entertaining than your baking story. Though, Austin would never say that. He always had nice things to say no matter what. When the time came to eat pie, you two went out onto the deck to enjoy it. Where you shared stories about your grandma to him.

“Maybe one day we can do that.” Austin hummed from beside you. You turned to look at him confused. What did he mean by that? “Make new memories with our kids.”

“Our kids…?”

“Yeah, I think… I think we can start trying. That is if you want to of course. Share your grandma’s pie to generations.” He smiled as he wrapped his arm around you. 

“I would like that,” you whispered and kissed him softly. 

I think you all could have noticed that I don't post as much as I used to. It's mostly because I am loosing motivation. I know I talk about the lack of notes a lot... but it really is a big factor. I used to get hundreds and now I'm barely breaking a hundred.

I know it sounds like I'm being ungrateful but I'm just lost and confused in what happened.

Thank you to everyone who voted for a time! I really appreciate it. Also, this is my first time using the queue function so… let’s see if I did it right.

Mutual Taglist: @babyhoneypresley @emmymaehereeeeee @venus-haze @austinstyles

[mosterriblewoman]

talked with a friend whose grandma shows early signs of dementia/Alzheimer and i was trying to give advice based on my 4yrs spent around my grandma and.. that made me think hard about the pain i’ve been through all these years while having to deal with her and about my grandma having to deal with her own pain. it’s so sad but also incredible how she lived on her own, would get ready for bed and went to sleep completely alone despite her messed up head. i remember how i’d go over to her house to cook her dinner and she would always ask me if i’d join her for dinner and sleep over 💔 (which if you know anything about alzheimer, you cannot sacrifice your own life and routine for the sake of making an ill person temporarily happy -besides the fact they won’t remember it-). i wonder where she even found the strength. this is the first time i sit down and accept i’m thinking about her since she’s gone, i miss her

[creative-caramel-coffee]

Update

Hey guys sorry for the delay in posting. I know I said I would hopefully be uploading the next chapter for spiders sister / fics in general soon(ish) but I have a few things going on.

1. I have work for my job I have to do.

2. I am extremely exhausted as of late because of worsening heart issues. I’m scheduled to see a cardiologist soon to find out more which is really sad because Im actually quite young (but still over 18 dw hehe). I went to the doctor and they did an ECG I got diagnosed with tachycardia (my heart beats too fast). And aside from being really tired, I am out of breath and almost faint when I stand up. The almost fainting thing happens because my heart rate spikes when I stand / do things which makes daily life a bit difficult rn. And it’ll probably remain an issue until I can know more about what’s going on and how to treat it. So far all we know is it’s a heart issue of some kind.

3. My both of my grandmas are sick and it’s not looking good for either of them. Which is hard to deal with because of how important they are to me and my life.

I am not giving up on my writing (at this point I don’t think I ever even could if I wanted to ((WHICH I DONT)) it might just be anywhere between a few days to weeks until I’m able to write more (for either my ongoing series or just one shots). Basically if my workload eases up or I’m not so tired / have some motivation I might get some more writing done. But for the next little bit I may be a bit slower in bringing out new works.

I probably will be writing a fair few fics ✨projecting✨ though so … yeah.

And I need ALL FOUR of my wisdom teeth out but can’t until we sort the heart issues.

Don’t worry about me though I’ll be ok. And I just thought I should explain why I’m a bit absent lately which has also been partly due to uni workload (in term time).

Also idk if I have said this but I’ll assume I should reiterate based on my lack on anons in my inbox but I’m taking requests (that I deem fit) for both marvel characters (wanda, pepper, Natasha) and marvel cast (Lizzie and Scarlett but I can also have the Olsen twins show up if you want but not as the main characters).

Make sure y’all drink water today and take breaks.

Also if ur one of my anons and you feel like it, come say hi I miss y’all (hehehe)

- ccc ☕️

[mag200]

its time for me to admit that perfectly straight white teeth with no gaps or anything scare me soo so much. like people smiling with those things activates a primordial fear response in me fr i’m like oh we are just animals and you are showing me your teeth (threat). get some irregularity in there please. tooth gaps are cute anyways and it makes me so sad bc my grandma smiles with her mouth closed bc she’s insecure about her tooth gap but its like a top tier feature. like obviously dental health is a huge fucking deal but the purely cosmetic shit can miss me. no thank you i’m scared you are all like evil dolls or, worse, celebrities. this is the same way i feel about CW actress beachy waves btw.

[princeguri66]

Hi! I don’t know if you are still doing requests or wanting to but I saw a post asking for writing ideas and I’ve been searching for a specific fic or just something to read. I don’t do this at all so I’m sorry if I get anything wrong really.

Further explanation on request below!

I’ve been searching for something along the lines of a poly141 x reader (+roach, I don’t know if you write him. The want and need for him is inhuman I swear but if you don’t it’s okay!) but then with the soulmate au. I have seen some but I haven’t seen a poly one yet and I’ve been craving for one. Starving. 😭

The ones that are floating around that I’ve read so far with cod and soulmate au goes around with names and colours, I have even seen a really good AleRuby x reader soulmate au one on AO3 with ‘the first words/sentece your soulmate says to you trope’ (I don’t know if h should say trope or if it is**) but I’ve been imagining a soulmate au where we have the reader who’s in the military getting these thoughts and emotions of her soulmates and just being confused as to why shes hearing IT GIRL (I fully believe Roach would listen cunty music and I fight for it) in one ear and being scolded in the other or even feeling the sudden emotion of anger or sadness or at times none at all.

I can see them just standing in there teams kitchen in front of a toaster butt ass in the morning, trying to eat only to be bombarded by emotions or thoughts. I can see them trying to get through a meeting but can’t focus because of one there soulmates it’s just pulling out the roast on someone just roast them and it being unhindged as hell or just once day they are trying to shower and suddenly.

“Oh my god, he fell out of the helicopter.”

“Oh my god. I fell out of the helicopter.”

Like, the reader who’s been trying the get the shampoo out of there eyes is just: 💀

All the while the 141 are completely clueless that they have a sixth to there group just out there hearing the latest gossip on a recruit about how they fucked an entire family tree without knowing they did. Just one day they are having a quiet morning and no one’s said anything and then they finally hear the reader and it’s just them thirsting.

“Like damn, I can go for a good fuck too.”

And there Ghost is telling Soap it’s way too fucking early to be thinking of that 🙄 and he’s like ‘no, no, that ain’t me.’ And everyone is also saying it’s not them so they are all just sitting or standing there taking in the information that there is, in fact, someone missing in the group. It’s just dawning on them that there are thoughts and emotions that have been looked over and through to be one of theres or someone else’s in the group.

Reader is over hear wanting to know how a recruit was even able to get with both the mother, father and the sister and brother even there grandma and still not find out years later like??? Drop the tea.

But make it better by just added the reader to the Shadow company, being Philip’s favourite soldier. where Graves is also just do his shit in his offices and reader is there. Complain about how there soulmates are out getting Burger King and they also want Burger King. Him having to put up with it and just like wondering how he can help his soldier at two in the morning while having to finish his papers.

“Okay, we’ll go get McDonalds.”

“Burger king!’

“No, it’s to far, McDonalds has the good smoothies I like.”

“Fine but we’re going in that pink jeep the shadows make for you then. Oh and we can wear our pink gear or outfits!”

“Absolutely not, we are taking the truck.”

“No. Pink jeep and you can listen to Red Solo cup by Toby Keith with your cowboy hat but you still need to wear your pink shirt tho.”

“Deal.”

Like, the poly141 group are just like: How did we even miss this???

And finally they figure they are just going to keep track on what they hear then they take notice of the very consistent themes.

“Yup Yup.”

Or even

“If he weren’t my Commander, I’d be owning his ass all night.”

And they haven’t the slightest clue on where to begin searching.

Until finally, they meet the shadow company and all they hear is: Yup Yup.

Ps. The whole soulmate: thoughts and emotions au, I figured to just make it so they can’t say each others or there names or even code names just to make finding each other harder.

LSST(TO PUT IT SHORT): Poly141 x reader soulmate au where they are hear each others thoughts and emotions and 141 who didn’t know about the reader find out they have a 6th lover by hearing them thirst for the commander aggressively 😔

I’m sorry if I got to specific, my imagination has been through the roof lmao. This doesn’t need to be done, don’t feel pressured to actually do this request if you don’t want to please. Thank you for your moment!

I would love to do this for you since it's such an incredible concept but I noticed you used "she/her" when explaining the reader and I exclusively write male/masc readers. Your idea sounds real solid so either you try writing yourself or go find someone who writes for fem readers. Good luck!

[devilsrecreation]

I actually do have thoughts on the Season 2 trailer of MAW

First off, it already looks super promising with the MU characters coming back and the entire plotline with Tylor

Johnny’s the CEO of Fear Co. bc of course he is lol. Having said that, it’s really fitting for him. I still bet that Chet is his right hand monster

I love the little Easter eggs during the college reunion clip, like we get to see Frank McCay (the guy in the beginning of the prequel who gave Mike his hat) and Earl “The Terror” Thompson there

“Don’t quit your day job!…Oh wait, that IS your day job” Lmao stop djdhhd

The youtuber DazzReveiws mentioned the kid in the trailer looks like a Cocomelon baby and I can’t unsee it 😭

I wonder what Fear Co. is like. Do they use closet doors or do they scare from under the bed? Or do all monsters come from closets and the bed is just a hiding place? I’ve always wondered that 🤔

Can’t wait to see Duncan again I miss him

I hope Oozma Kappa and the other ROR members come back. I wanna see what they’re up to. Did OK also go from Scarers to Jokesters? Did they move to Fear Co? What’re they gonna think of Tylor? They’d like MIFT altogether cuz misfits

If Javier makes a cameo, I really hope he has lines. I’d love to see what he sounds like. Personally, my voice claim for him is Diego from Awkward Puppets but I also heard Danny Trejo is making a guest appearance so maybe he’s gonna be Javier

Claire looks great, but I wanna know where Brock is. Where is my hype man?

Jennifer Coolidge is apparently another guest star and now I’m curious to who her character is

The new characters look promising too. I’d like to see what they do with Grandma Tuskmon. She seems like the type to bake you cookies if you’re feeling sad but also capable of ripping someone a new asshole if they deserve it

I bet there’s gonna be a lot of references to MI and MU. I can see Mike trying to persuade Tylor into not going like “This is the same guy who dumped paint over me and Sully back in college! You can’t trust him!”

I know Randall’s probably not coming back but can you imagine what it’d be like? Like while Tylor’s dealing with Fear Co, Mike and Sully have to deal with Randall along with keeping the company afloat

Then again, it’d be cute if Randall helped Tylor just to get back at Johnny

“I thought you’d want me to go back to scaring”

“Yeah, but at the same time, screw Johnny”

I can’t wait to know who this lizard lady is

Is she gonna be an unlovable, one-sided villain? A lovable villain? Is she gonna be one of the sweetest characters in the show? Does she have an accent? She looks like she’d have an accent. Or at least an iconic voice.

[ytcat123]

I made a poem

I was feeling some complicated emotions regarding grief, emotions around grief, and other stuff. My grandma died on May 17th last year and I was feeling some confusion around all these feelings so yeah. Okay here’s the poem:

Blanket of grief

Grief, it’s complicated It feels so heavy Like a heavy blanket wrapped around your body It cuts so deep Like a knife going right for the heart It stings so bad Like a bunch of needles pricking your very soul It hits so hard Like a freight train going at full speed And hitting your spirit, which is stuck on the tracks At full force, without mercy It hurts, it hurts so much

And yet, as I’m starting to move on As the grief becomes less and less fresh As I’m starting to get used to the new normal A weird part of me, a twisted part of me, even Kind of misses it

A part of me misses the blanket The heavy blanket of grief The heavy blanket of empty sadness The heavy pressure on my soul Part of me finds comfort in the empty hollowness The deep sorrow my soul experienced While having that heavy blanket wrapped around itself

Part of me misses the knife The knife that cut through my heart at every memory I remembered Every memory of her The knife I tried to avoid by distracting myself The knife of truth, a painful truth, I tried to dodge Even though that only made the cuts bigger, the pain worse

Part of me misses the needles The needles that would prick my soul The needles which poked and taunted me from within The needles that came with each guilty thought, each unanswered question The needles of guilt and confusion, which I didn’t know how to deal with back then The guilt and confusion plaguing my very self at random

Sometimes, the freight train hits me again That’s the only thing I can’t really miss Not yet, at least It’s less bad, it hits less hard Less noticeable than when it was still new and fresh But it is there It hits with anything that reminds me of her It hits as I imagine what it would be like if she was still here Only to remember that she isn’t Not anymore The freight train brings the missed feelings back It comes with the blanket of sadness, knife of truth and needles of guilt and confusion Even though they’re all less heavy Less hard to deal with Less hard to swallow pills

I don’t know why I miss the fresh days of grief I didn’t like those times at all And still, an odd part of me Feels drawn to them Like a nostalgic memory I miss the blanket, even though it’s better that I learn to sleep without it I miss the knife, even though it’s good my heart is healing I miss the needles, even though it’s good that I’m hurting less What’s going on with me?

Feel free to comment and give your opinion on it but please don’t be mean, as this is a vent poem.

[justanamesstuff]

I’ll add to the mix my own scenario that I’ve been thinking about for All I Need:

Arthur is sad Matty is away, he misses daddy a lot, he asks constantly about him until one day he asks ‘is daddy coming home today?’ And reader tries to explain to a 5 year old that his dad is doing his job…but Arthur only wants to hear that Matty is coming home. So, during the next FaceTime daily time with daddy, Arthur is not there and Matty is VERY SAD about it. Reader tries her best to explain what’s going on and matty understands although he hates the idea of one of his kids being upset or angry with him.

A few weeks later, they all travel to see the boys…it’s a bit of chaos because Ruth is still very little, the kids are just kids haha and the journey is a lot. Thank god grandma is there to help!!

They’re in the green room at the next arena, playing around, when Matty and the boys showed up. Mel spots him, running to hug him but Arthur goes to hide on readers side. Matty notices, not making a big deal about it to not upset Arthur more.

After a few minutes, he goes to say hi to reader and his mom (leaving a few kisses on Ruth’s chubby cheeks he missed sooo much). Then is Arthur’s time.

‘Say hi to daddy’ his mom encourages him.

‘Hi Archie’ Mattys voices is a bit broken due to emotions. ‘Did you miss daddy?’ He asks, opening his arms.

Arthur jumps forward, burring his face in Mattys chest and his dad whispers ‘it’s okay, baby. I’m here…I missed you so sooo much’ kissing his little head 🥺

[takenbythestarcatchers]

⚠️ I have the big sad and I’m missing my dad so this is a long ass, VERY personal, sad post because I need to let it out. ⚠️

I haven’t been able to read our texts since he died… three months since I lost my best friend and I’m sitting here reading these texts and I’m hating life again. We had our ups and downs and there was a time in my life when we didn’t have a good relationship but I eventually tried and I gave him a chance. I built walls up and wouldn’t let him be apart of my life but I tore those walls down and I ended up developing an amazing relationship with him and he was truly my best friend. Now, he’s just gone… it’s the little things like this that I miss. I still call his phone just so I can listen to his voicemail and hear his voice. I was finally able to look at old pictures without completely breaking down and I finally put all his clothes in boxes. I miss the smell of cigarettes because the smell reminds me of him. (I know it’s gross but that’s who he was.) I miss how he would call me just to bother me. I miss how he would blow my phone up with jokes like in this picture. I miss his laugh. I miss how frustrating he could be. I fucking miss him. It was hard enough dealing with the loss of my mom. Now I’m having to learn to live without my dad as well and sometimes, I feel like I’m going absolutely insane. He died and a huge part of me died with him.

I remember leaving the hospital the night before he died and I thought he would be okay. I thought he was finally sleeping, but really, he was dying… I never woke him up or said goodbye because I knew he needed sleep… I told my grandma that we would see him in the morning and that he would be fine. I will never forget the very next day, walking down the hall and seeing the state he was in, knowing that he was already gone. I’ll never forget how I yelled at the poor doctor who told me that he would have three years left but he only made it three days. I was so angry, scared, and broken… it all happened so fast. My brain couldn’t comprehend how three years turned to three days.

Now, I spend hours imagining my mom and dad sitting in a huge open field of flowers. I imagine that they’re both happy and I imagine that neither of them feel any pain anymore. I tell myself that they are happy and they have finally been reunited after 23 years apart. I tell myself that I’m special because I have two guardian angels now instead of one. It’s so hard living in a world with no parents but I keep telling myself that they’re happy. They’re watching over me and protecting me and one day, I’ll see them both again.

I usually apologize after making long personal post like this but I’m sad as fuck right now and tumblr is my diary.

[futuramaswrld]

I lost my family

One by one I’m counting

I’m wondering why it’s missing

The love I been drought-ing

The love I been taking.

Making em stronger, miss me

Too much for me I’m late

I’m judging because of personality

Personally I been dealing

When my grandma passed first

I was wondering did she miss me

And she do, she just told me

She miss me so much that they hold me

They keep me going, they keep the peace

Between you, between me.

Between us, im sorry I told.

But I miss something that’s old.

Between God and I

Keep going.

Between all of us, because y’all know it.

Started writing poetry, I can careless about rap.

But once you put a beat on it that’s a wrap.

You see what I did there?

So effortless, and nothings my fault

I just take the sh—

I’m taking risks to keep going.

I’m letting everyone in.

Do I, or do I not have friends.

I blame myself for everything, I’m the reason I haven’t changed.

I didn’t want to be sad, laugh it out because at the end of the day it’s the same.

I’m the same & it still rains.

Release what? Release the pain.

Release love?

Released the game.

But—

Realizing that I went through all this because I missed you.

“Missed who?”

The start of the beginning. Let go of the past. I still love you, that there will last.

- D. Burton

[rielzero]

General Life Update

tw: death of family member, mention of body

Been working on improving a routine for the colder seasons to deal with SAD- but unfortunately January took a big hit after the first week for me because my grandma ended up breaking her hip.

It’s very tough to realize she’s gone now. Last week friday I said goodbye to her in the hospital. She’s very old, so she couldn’t get a surgery. Her heart had problems already, and realistically we couldn’t let her suffer. She was still very clear-headed through it all. Planning her funeral with my mom. It’s weird to me. This is all new.

I got to see her body, apparently its very common for people to hallucinate a body to be breathing in the back of their eye. But when you look at her, she’s like.. A wax doll. You can tell she’s empty by the color on her hands.

I’m going to miss her very much.. Being able to say goodbye meant a lot to me. I have a bunch of precious memories of her swimming around in my head somewhere. Sadly due my disabilities its very difficult to try and remember stuff without some sort of triggers, now that she is gone it will become more and more difficult to remember her.

At the very least, I know I loved her and that she loved me very much. We were close.

I’ve been drawing in between here and there. 1st week had 2 updates ready for my webcomic on tapas / webtoon canvas. Sadly episode 3 took me a bit longer to finish because I was emotionally drained. Because the funeral is tomorrow- It might take me a bit longer to get back into things as I first planned to. My life already has gotten situations like this before- were whenever I get the handle on things, something disrupts it. This time, it feels like its okay to take a break. I need to grieve. I am already at peace- but my body is not.

The exhaustion is just everywhere. There’s no drive, no energy spikes. I just want to rest, doodle in between when I can manage to.

Do not worry about me. I’ll crawl back. I’ll get back to streaming too as well- I was streaming earlier this month but onstreamchat app died on me again and I don’t want to focus on fixing things right now. I just want to rest, play games, and think about fun things.

I love working on my webcomic, but it takes a lot of focus and emotional energy- It’s difficult to draw when I’m out of emotional juice.

I owe it to myself- the webcomic is for myself after all. If I can’t work on it, that’s just how it is. I’m excited to work on it again as soon as I’m back to my usual self. Death of a family member is just really weird to me right now. My brain doing all the akhdkhsfhgh brain.exe not found kinda stuff.

Will post another update with doodles I did during my deviantart exodus (december) and one about were my adopts went probably sometime later. For now, whoever cares- this is how things just are currently. Thank you for sticking around!

[talentbloomed]

//hi friends, im sorry for not being here and being slow to reply to everything. ive been dealing with a lot in rl 🥺…trying to find time for myself but it’s so scarce and things are nonstop. struggling to balance the new school semester, family, pets, and work. on top of that, waves of grief. been crying and missing grandma so much lately. my birthday is on the 22nd and—i think since it’ll be the first one where she’s not here, it’s really, really hard. makes me think how i’m supposed to go on with the rest of my life without her. im sorry i didnt mean to get too sad on here ; v ; ill probably delete this in the morning, good night