#why did I wear my new socks if I was just going to crash my car? why did I wear a shirt I wanted to use as a conversation piece if-

[paranoidkid]

I am trying so so hard to think and do things but it’s become increasingly difficult for some reason! (I know the reason)

it just feels really really bad to not have a car. if I didn’t have an emotional attachment to my car I dont think I’d feel this awful, but it feels like I just Lost A Family Member (again) and it’s really making things hard to comprehend.

for reference. my car that I drove was my grandmother’s car first, she bought it and owned it. Recently (a couple years ago) I borrowed it to start driving places without using my parents car, and my grandpa just told me to keep the car (my grandma had really severe dementia and couldn’t drive much less leave the house). cut to November of 2024 and my grandmother dies. it’s very sad. on top of her passing, it feels like we’d been mourning her for years, because she was barely able to remember any of us and could not function on her own. [deaths 1 and 2]

The car was an extension of my grandma, to me, on some level. it was Her Car. so when we got the title transferred to me, that was already one step away from it no longer being Her Car. and I’ve been working so so hard to keep that car going for as long as possible; it had a lot of shit wrong with it but I was just glad that It Drove and Had Air Conditioning. bonus points to the speakers, I loved my car speakers. [death 3]

Cut to today, someone blows through a red light in front of me, trying to pass through an intersection, and totals my car. everything about the situation is cut and dry, I am not at fault and nobody is seriously injured. but my car is gone. [death 4]

I’ve spent the entire day having arguments with my manager and a very long panic attack and being at the ER because I panicked so bad I thought I had a concussion (I didn’t hit my head and I was just extremely disoriented). I’ve forgotten how easy it is for me to have a severe response to something that wasn’t “that bad” all things considered. my life has not changed significantly, I am not injured, I got all of my things, my car is totaled, my grandma is dead. I’m really having rough time today.

[sleepymarimo]

toji x reader // sfw!

𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 doesn’t remember the last time he was gifted something.

“you got me what?” he asks again, kicking his sandals off at your front door for what seems like the millionth time.

you rise from your couch, the wood creaking slightly as you do so. “just some stuff for you to keep here so you stop using mine,” you reply, the shrug of your shoulders indicating how little of a deal it is.

in the kitchen, you rinse out the glass you’d been using. toji’s footsteps are barely audible over the sound of running water.

“there’s a few pairs of sweats in the hall closet,” you tell him, setting the glass down to dry. “and some other stuff in the bathroom. shampoo, body wash, toothbrush…”

the assassin lets out a small huff, crossing his arms as he leans against the doorway. “you tellin’ me i reek or something?” he accuses, more so to brush off the odd feeling building in his gut.

“maybe.” comes your playful quip, your head tilting as you rest your weight on the counter and look at him. “but seriously, you just come around so often,”- his nose wrinkles at that, as he knows he crashes here much more than he should- “that i figured i’d just get you your own things. it’s not like it cost me an arm and a leg.”

with a yawn you stroll toward your room, lightly poking his chest as you pass him. “plus, you use up all of my stuff, dummy.”

he grunts, his eyes following you until you’re out of sight. “i don’t need fancy clothes or any of that crap,” he murmurs to himself, taking a few steps toward the hall closet.

his large hands wrap around the handles, sliding the doors open until he sees a pile of clothes resting on one of the shelves. three black tees stacked atop three pairs of sweats, some boxers and socks in a little box, all for him.

he picks up a shirt without hesitation, the fabric smooth against his calloused fingers. his brows furrow in concentration, maybe unease. this is for him, it’s his, and maybe that’s why this shirt is the softest one he’s ever felt.

with a gruff exhale, he snatches a pair of sweats and a clean pair of boxers, his steps unhurried as he heads for the bathroom.

the fan hums above him as the lock clicks into place, his eyes immediately darting to the shelves to see the new toiletries. his stuff.

inside the shower, toji’s shoulders sag.

it’s as if the water is washing away his defenses, the rugged, nonchalant exterior he wears now melting away in the comfort of your shower.

toji pops open one of the new shampoo bottles, taking in the scent and pouring it onto his palm. he wonders if this smell reminds you of him, if you put some thought into each item.

while he rubs it into his hair, he thinks about if he should pay you back. it’s not like he asked you to get him all this stuff, but still.

even when you’d first started letting him crash on your couch, you hadn’t demanded much in return.

“just don’t make a big mess and be decent, alright?” he remembers you saying.

and he was just fine with that. free room and board just for something so simple? he’d be a moron to decline.

it was only after around a week that he felt a familiar itch. he wouldn’t be in your debt, wouldn’t wait for the day when you’d inevitably ask for something.

so, he offered what he always did- himself. that’s what women usually wanted from him, anyway.

his idea didn’t exactly go as planned. if anything, it made him feel more conflicted, made him wonder why the hell you kept him around.

were you just lonely? did you enjoy his company?

“oh, no… i don’t do that,” you’d said, holding your hands up, flustered but adamant. “you don’t have to sell yourself to me or anything. who does that? like, what?”

the water patters on the tile floor, his body and mind feeling more clear and clean than they’ve been in a long time.

when the faucet squeaks shut, he steps out and snorts as he sees a new, fluffy black towel hanging beside yours behind the bathroom door. he grabs it, rubbing his scarred skin dry and running it through the damp strands of his hair.

the new clothes feel like heaven, truly.

in your room, engrossed by your phone, you barely hear the sound of the bathroom door opening. toji’s steps are almost silent, his arms crossing over his chest as he watches you beneath the covers.

he’s amused as you snicker at some post, the dim screen lighting up your face in the otherwise dark room.

“let me crash here, yeah?” he suggests, though it’s more of an order.

you’re startled, rightfully so, hiding your phone against your chest while you sit up straighter. “oh, you scared me! new clothes and you think you’re all that, huh? too good for the couch?”

yet, even as you chide him, you’re peeling back the covers for him, grabbing the extra pillows and moving them out of the way.

a satisfied grunt leaves him as he spreads out on the mattress, careless of the space he takes up. he tugs the blankets over his person, settling in like a big cat.

he curls into you. you don’t mind.

while you scroll along with one hand, the other supports his head and absentmindedly strokes the skin of his cheek.

his eyes watch you, his breaths becoming more steady and even. he’d never admit how much it means to him that you’d gotten him new clothes, new toiletries, practically a new home.

it’s more than he deserves, but he finds himself wanting to take as much as he can get.

he’s yours, even if he doesn’t know it. and, as the days go by, he wonders if you can be his, too.

[so-long-soldier-writes]

Airport Troubles

kai parker x reader

summary: you face some trouble with TSA while trying to catch your flight. the suspicious agent uses some unconventional methods to get the truth out of you.

tags: roleplay / sexual roleplay, fingering, oral, vaginal sex, cuddling, mention of pregnancy, minor breeding kink oops

word count: 3.4k

a/n: it's taken me 4 days to publish this bc I finish work and then immediately fall asleep. also this is so cheesy but I haven't posted in a while, so I pulled something out of my wip graveyard (this has been in there for months)😅 slowly working on requests!

“Hey, I’ve got a new idea.” Your boyfriend comes up to you, a mischievous smile on his face.

“Hm, what’s that?”

“TSA check.”

“Huh?”

“Like airport security.”

“I know what it is, Kai. What idea do you have with that?”

“You stand still and I check you over. Make sure you’re not gonna land in a new city and kill a bunch of people.”

You snort, “shouldn’t I be checking you then?”

The joke flies over his head, “no, because I need to be the one touching you.”

Instead of trying to explain your joke, you giggle, “okay. Friday night?”

“Yes.” There’s a dark glimmer in his eye as he agrees.

It should scare you, but it has the opposite effect. “Okay. I’ll be ready.”

Proud of himself, he gives you a kiss before crashing onto the couch. Not two minutes later, he’s calling you over to cuddle, and when you do, he’s instantly out like a light. 

◇◇◇◇

You spend a solid hour getting ready for Kai’s new roleplay idea. These types of things always get him so excited, both of you, really, so you put extra effort into your appearance. 

Underneath jeans and a plain t-shirt, you’re wearing a black lingerie set - one that’s a little more complicated than those you usually wear. Sometimes it’s fun seeing him struggle to take them off, but you have to hold back the giggles so he doesn’t catch onto your tricks. The difficulty makes him frustrated, which leads to him being rougher when he finally gets it off. 

Smirking at the thought, you complete the look with socks and shoes, plus a coat and backpack. You plan a loose dialogue to go with it, then head downstairs at nine sharp. 

The minute you come around the corner, Kai’s right there, and you almost smack straight into him. 

“Excuse me, ma’am, please watch where you’re going.”

“Sorry, sir.” You bite your lip to not laugh. It always takes you a minute to get comfortable with a new character. 

“Where are you headed?”

“Terminal A, going to New York.”

“I see. Well, good thing that flight’s not leaving for another forty-five minutes, because you’ve been randomly selected for a pat down.”

“May I ask why? Did I do something wrong?”

“Not entirely, ma’am. However, your inattention to your surroundings is a little suspicious to me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“No worries. Just come with me.”

“Okay.”

He leads you into your living room, blinds closed, illuminated by two lamps in the corners. 

“We’re using lamps instead of the overhead light so that the flashlights work better,” he explains.

“Oh, okay, sounds good. I like that better actually. Big lights hurt my eyes.”

“Why? Are you high?”

“What? No! Just… I have sensitive eyes.”

He’s quiet for a minute, then speaks into an invisible radio on his hip. “Gonna need you to bring me a drug test, Brenda. Might need it.”

You resist the urge to laugh, again. 

“Is security funny to you, ma’am?”

“No, sir. I’m sorry.”

“Alright, stand still. Do you have your ID and passport?”

“Yes,” you hand them over and he looks through both briefly. 

“Okay, jacket off. And I’m going to look through that and your bag.”

You bite your lip, shrugging off the items. If Kai drags this out, you’re going to die. 

“Just a little patience, won’t take long.”

“Okay.”

One-by-one, Kai pulls the things out of your bag and comments on them. 

“What’s this exactly?”

“Curling iron. For hair.”

“Okay.”

“Hmm, phone charger, small deodorant, pens, notebook, glasses, looking good. Hold up, condoms?”

You blush red.

“It’s alright, better safe than sorry.” He continues, “book, nail file, oh - this lipgloss, I’m going to have to discard it because it’s a weird color.”

“What?”

“Yeah, it’s showing up green on the light, and that’s weird.” He throws the gloss out without further inspection. As it flies across the room, all you can do is throw up your hands. “Protocol.”

“Sure.”

“Hmm, now what’s this? Another curling iron?”

“Um, no. That’s a… personal effects tool.”

“A what?”

“A, um-”

“You’re going to have to be crystal clear with me, young lady.”

“It’s a vibrator.”

“A vibrator?”

“Yes.”

“Then what are the condoms for?”

“Wha-”

“Nevermind, not my problem. As long as it’s not a weapon, you can keep it.”

“What about my lip gloss?”

“No, ma’am, you can’t keep that. I already told you why.”

You groan in fake frustration.

“But the rest of your bag is clear. Okay, now for the pat down portion, you’re going to have to stand still with your arms out. I’m going to check your upper body first.”

“Okay.” You do as you’re told, biting your cheek hard. 

Kai runs his hands along your arms, squeezing from your shoulders to your fingertips. On two occasions, he runs the back of his hand along your skin, letting his nails tickle you. Again, you fight the urge to giggle.

He then focuses his gaze on your chest. “What’s this necklace?”

“It’s from my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?”

“Yeah, he’s actually waiting for me in New York.”

“Why didn’t you just fly together?”

“Conflicting schedules and all that.”

“Okay.” He runs a finger along your collarbone before muttering, “all good there.” His hands are all over your body now. They cup your breasts and rub your nipples, then move down to squeeze your waist. Kai rests a hand on the small of your back as his other feels your stomach.

“Is this standard procedure?” You question as he touches your breasts again.

“Please don’t interrupt me, ma’am. This is very important.”

“Oh.”

“I’m going to need to check your lower half now.”

“Okay. Did I pass on the top half?”

“Yes.”

“Cool.”

“Spread your legs.”

He wastes no time moving to your hips, then thighs. “I need to touch here.”

“Okay.”

His hands hold and squeeze your butt. A finger is run along your crotch until it rests above your clothed clit. Suddenly he applies pressure, sending a jolt up your spine. 

“How’s your sexual performance?”

“What?”

“How do you perform sexually?”

“Um.”

“You must answer the question.”

“I’m fine, I guess. I don’t know.”

“Are you pregnant?”

“No.”

“Is there any chance you could be pregnant?”

“I mean, a small chance, but I doubt I am.”

“Okay,” he replies. Kai says nothing more on the topic. He moves down to your knees, then feet, rubbing his hands along them. “Alright,” he finally looks up at you. 

“Did I pass?”

“For the most part, but I’m still suspicious. Do you have anything in your jean pockets?”

“No. You told me to empty my pockets, so I did.”

“Sass isn’t going to speed this up, sweetheart.”

“Sorry.”

“I’m gonna need you to remove your pants so I can check them.”

“What?”

“It’s protocol.”

You fake a sigh, then unbutton your jeans and slide them down your legs. Kai licks his lips, and you can tell he’s trying his best to hide his excitement. The moment he glimpses your lingerie underneath, though, his eyes widen. 

“Ma’am,” he starts, sighing. He’s holding back. You can hear it in his tone, though the tightening of his jeans is giving him away quickly.

“Yes?”

“I’m not sure you wore the appropriate attire for this flight.”

“Oh! Sorry. I didn’t expect to be stripped in an airport. I was wearing it for my boyfriend.”

“Mhm, well you should’ve acted less suspicious or you wouldn’t’ve been stripped. Also, again, sass isn’t helping your case.”

“Can we just… finish this so we can both move on from this awkward situation.”

“Depends if I deem you able to fly.”

“Okay then can we start that process?”

“Sure. I’ll try to ignore your… outfit.”

He did not, in fact, ignore it. Kai continues his inspection like normal - well, normal for Kai - and pats down your body. Every so often, he mutters a comment about you passing this, or doing well on that, but when his fingers ghost over your clit again, he clicks his tongue. 

“See, this is the problem. I think you’re hiding something here. But don’t worry, it’ll only take a second. I just need to-” 

He doesn’t finish his sentence. Instead, a gasp leaves your lips as he pushes two fingers inside you. You’re already wet from all the petting, so by the time he’s finally touching you, he moves with ease. 

“What are you looking for?” You mutter out, hands gripping his head. He doesn’t correct you, but lets you hold onto him for balance. 

“Can’t tell you. Protocol.” His older hand is gripping your thigh, though it’s slowly moving up to grab your butt again. 

“Oh.”

“I think it’s deeper than I initially thought. One minute.” Kai positions himself in front of you to grab one side of your hips, his other hand holding back the lace, then begins to lap at your core with his tongue. He pulls you down onto him to lick deeper, periodically sucking on your clit. The feeling is absolute bliss, not to mention seeing him under you. A moan leaves your lips, and you immediately clamp a hand over your mouth. 

Too late, he heard it. “Please, no talking, ma’am.”

“I’m sorry.” 

You have no idea how he’s not cracking up right now. Then again, Kai has a tendency to take roleplays very seriously. You have a theory that he likes to pretend to be someone else every so often, but you’ve never mentioned this to him. Instead, you just play along into your boyfriend’s fantasies as best you can. After all, he erupts in a fit of content giggles at the end of each session, so you can let it all out then. You both know he can’t be serious for too long. 

“Have you found it yet?”

Kai adds his fingers again and “searches” deeper. “Not yet.”

“Okay.”

“Though I think I can get you to give it up and confess where it is if you’re relaxed enough.”

“I’m not sure what you mean, sir.”

“You will in a moment.”

Suddenly, he picks you up and tosses you over his shoulder. You squeal and claw at his back, wanting something to grip. Before you can say anything, though, he sets you down on the desk. Kai pulls your shirt up over your head, but takes a second to admire your set. A lump forms in his throat. 

“You have a very lucky boyfriend,” he comments.

“Seems I also have a very lucky TSA agent.” You bat your eyes playfully, then spread your legs open to him. 

“Naughty girl.”

His tone has you biting your lip. 

His eyes scan over you for a moment and you’re not sure what he’s thinking. Then, he takes the straps of your lingerie and pulls them down your body. When he reaches your waist, he realizes he has to unclip the garter belt before he can get your top off all the way. It takes a moment for him to do this, hands shaking with excitement. His tongue sticks out from between his teeth; his expression is deeply concentrated. 

He finally unclips the two parts of the belt, then tugs your panties down your legs. At last, he finds the solution to the top - unhooking it and letting it drop to the table. The same time he undoes the clasp, something small falls from its place, buried within the top, and hits the ground with a shudder. If he hears it, he doesn’t ask. Nor does he make a comment about the challenge of the set, though you know he’s thinking about it. Instead, he wastes not a minute more, and undresses himself quickly.

As he lines himself up with your entrance, you suddenly ask, “do you do this with all your cases?”

“Only the ones with boyfriends,” he winks.

The urge to laugh is hard, and your hand flies to your mouth again. For a second, you see a little smirk on Kai’s face as he tries not to break character with his own chuckle. 

But then that moment is over as soon as it comes, because he uses your distraction to push into you. You groan at the feeling, grabbing onto his shoulders tightly. He pulls out almost completely, but then rocks his hips back into you before finding a steady pace. 

As expected, his thrusts are aggressive, and you’re gasping for breath. Your tits catch his eyes as they bounce in place. His own grip on you is equal to that you have on him - both will probably leave light bruises for you to find in the morning. 

It isn’t long before you feel yourself losing strength. Your stomach muscles are sore from holding up your body, but when you lean back on the desk, Kai puts his hand out to support your head. He crawls up the length of your torso, kissing your neck and chest, and sucking on your tits. Neither of you will last much longer, but even in roleplays, he makes sure you come first.

“Come on, princess.” It’s the first thing he’s said in a while. It breaks through the obscene sounds of sex like a knife through butter. 

He uses his spare hand to rub your clit. You’re so close to the edge that tears form in your eyes. 

“Come on,” he prompts again. The hand holding up your head moves so it’s around your neck. Slight pressure is added, and Kai clicks his tongue to urge you to finish. 

Then, as if his convincing is exactly what you needed, you come. Your body shudders against the table, shaking, while moans spill out your lips. Your release is all he needs to follow close behind, filling you up with his seed. He pulls out before he softens uncomfortably, but plugs you up with his fingers before too much can escape. 

You take a moment to catch your breath. He helps you sit upright when you do, though, and he gives you a sloppy kiss to the mouth. 

“Relaxed now, ma’am?”

“Uh huh.”

“So where’s the weapon?”

Sleepily, you reply, “fell out of my top. It’s on the ground.” You point lazily to the floor where he now notices a small pocket knife. 

“Ah,” he clicks his tongue. “There it is! Okay…” Kai sets the knife on the table, then fetches an orange juice from the corner of the room. “I need you to drink this, please. It’s very important.”

“Okay.” 

Kai tinkers around while you drink the juice. By the time you finish the bottle, you’re able to stand up by yourself again. 

“Feel better?” He asks, buckling his belt back into place. 

“Yes. Thank you.”

“Good, because I still need to test that you’re not a criminal.”

“Wait, what?”

“Well, you had a knife on you that you tried to hide. And since you’ve been acting suspicious and have been way too sassy with me, I don’t feel comfortable letting you on the plane until I know you’re not a threat of national security.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Right. Give me one finger, please.”

You hold a hand out to him. 

Kai takes the liberty of pressing your pointer finger into something wet and black, and then stamps it down on a piece of paper. “Thank you. Just wait one minute.”

As he stares at the paper, you take to staring at your finger. Hesitantly, you lick it, wondering if he really used ink.

“Don’t lick it,” he reprimands immediately.

“Sorry.” 

It tasted like fruit, like he had mashed up blackberries or something. You want to giggle, but refrain. 

“While this processes, would you like to tell me why you were carrying a knife under your shirt?”

“I keep it there for self defense.”

“Why not in your pocket, or something?”

“Easier for me to grab, harder for attackers to see. But sir, may I add, I didn’t mean to hide it from you. I honestly forgot it was there. I was anxious about having to be in the parking garage and then totally forgot to put it in a better place. I’m really sorry. I promise I’m no threat to anyone.”

He sighs, reading your face. “I understand, ma’am. And it seems you’ve passed the test, so your story checks out.”

“I passed?”

“It appears so.”

“Okay, great!”

“That being said, you’re now free to go. Your stuff is right over there.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Thank you for your time. Oh, and might I suggest a few things?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, one, remember to not hide your weapons in your bra when you enter airports.”

“Sorry-”

“Two, throw out those condoms, because obviously, you don’t use them. Considering how fine you were without them ten minutes ago.”

“Excuse me?!”

“And three, you might want to get a pregnancy test. I come from a huge family, seven siblings, to be exact, and I also carry a twin gene.” Kai grins at you. “Have a nice flight!”

Keeping in character, your jaw drops. “Fuck! Are you serious?!” You exclaim loudly.

“Ma’am, please be wary of children in the airport.”

You shake your head in annoyance as you walk up the stairs, bag in hand, and away from him. 

◇◇◇◇

Twenty minutes later, Kai comes upstairs to find you on your bed. He wanted to give you some time to recover on your own, but will only leave you alone for so long before he needs to be by your side again. 

“Hi,” he greets, peering his head around the door.

“Hi, baby.”

“Can I come in?”

“Of course.”

“How are you? Was I too rough? Are you hurt anywhere? Was it too much?”

“Come here,” you gesture for him to join you. “None of those things, pumpkin. It was perfect. You were perfect.”

“Are your wrists bruised?” He asks anyway.

You send a question back before answering him. “Are your hips?”

“Maybe. But I don’t mind. It was worth it.”

“Well, my answer is the same.”

He’s only quiet for a second before continuing. “I liked that piece you had on today. That agent was right - you are a naughty girl.”

“Seems I am.” 

He gives you a kiss, then tucks his head into the crook of your neck with his arms around your waist. He doesn’t budge when you lean back and take him with you. Your head hits the pillow and he only nestles closer. 

After a while, though, he coughs. It’s not a sick cough, but more of a “new topic starter” kind of cough.

“You okay?” 

“Yeah. But I would, um, if I were you…”

“Would what, baby?”

“Take a test… like, a pregnancy test. Because we don’t use those condoms often, I didn’t even remember you had them, and I kinda…. I don’t know, but I think we should do that just in case.”

“You’re probably right. Especially after this time in particular.” You grow warm as you recall it. “We should probably use them more, too, considering how often…” You don’t feel the need to finish your sentence. Kai knows exactly what you mean. 

However, he just grunts. He adjusts slightly, enough to press a kiss to your cheek.

“What?” You pry. “You disagree?”

He shrugs. “I kinda like it being a roll of the dice. Which time are you gonna show up with two blue lines?” Your jaw drops in surprise “I already have a doctor roleplay planned out.” You go silent out of shock. Kai tenses after a minute. “Was that too far? We can use the condoms; I can work them into something.”

“No,” you finally say, “not too far.” A three second flash of the future runs in your mind. The first second, you stare down at a positive test. The second, his hands rest on your growing stomach, pretending to monitor a baby’s growth. The third, the sight of his smile at the prospects of being a father. It’s not something you really expected him to want, yet it seems to be on the forefront of his mind. “Not too far at all,” you repeat. 

Kai noticeably relaxes. “Ease into the doctor thing with me instructing you on the importance of condoms,” he jokes, “and then a couple months later, that conversation was obviously pointless.”

You can’t help but laugh. “Sounds like fun to me.”

“Good.” He nestles closer into you. “I like doing these with you.”

“I like them too, pumpkin. Are you getting tired?”

“Mhm.”

“Well on that note, goodnight. I love you.”

“Goodnight.” He places a kiss on your shoulder, too tired to pull himself back up to your lips. “I love you, too.”

[melanieph321]

Ruben Dias/Trent Alexander Arnold x Reader - Dark Rivarly Part 1/15

Yeah, y'all ain't ready.

Don't even think you're ready cuz you're not.

Part 2 and 3 are already out on my Patreon for FREE!

Reader is Trent Alexander Arnold's twin sister. The two have been inseparable since childbirth, more so now when Reader is fresh out of university looking for a job, crashing at her brother's place whilst doing so. One day Reader gets a job offer that she cannot refuse, however it would mean working for her brother's biggest rival in football, Ruben Dias. 

Enjoy!

"Y/N!"

It was six in the morning and Trent was already shouting.

"Y/N!"

You groaned, grabbing a pillow and smothering it against your ears. His footsteps emerged from down the hall and just like when you were kids, he had no respect for your privacy.

"Y/N, did you take my....."

He yanked the door open to the sight of you pretending to be asleep. He gasped, seeing you wear his Liverpool knee socks.

"I knew it, you fucking..."

Or to you they were knee socks, perfect for sleeping in.

"Hey?"

You twisted in bed, kicking your feet as you were suddenly being attacked.

"Aha. I knew you were bluffing." Trent exclaimed, and continued yanking the socks off your feet. "How about you buy your own clothes rather than stealing mine?"

"Why would I do that when you wear the same size as a girl?"

Trent got the socks off your feet, however your words made his cheeks grow red.

"How about you stop treating my closet like a fucking shopping mall you homeless parasite!" He stormed out of the room to the sound of your laughter. You had definitely struck a nerve.

"Technically, I'm not homeless. I'm job hunting." You said, after getting out of bed, entering the kitchen to make yourself some breakfast. Trent was washing the dishes, using the running water as an excuse to ignore you.

"I promise to be out of here once I get a job."

"And when will that be?" He muttered, shutting off the water. "You can't be job hunting for five years Y/N. How about we call it for what it is."

"Which is?"

His smile was spiteful. "Unemployment."

You pout your lips. "You're very mean whenever you have a game coming up, did you know that?"

He rolled his eyes, setting up the plates to dry. You watched him gather his things, getting ready to leave for the day. His team had a light training session ahead of their game tonight.

"Grandma will be at the train station at twelve." He informed. "Are you picking her up or should I give mom and dad a call, tell them to do it?"

"I'll do it." You nodded.

"Cool thanks."

"In one condition...."

He had turned around, reaching for the door handle. He sighed having to face you again, knowing damn well that whatever was about to come out of your mouth was not going to be to his benefit.

"What?"

"I'm going to need the keys to the Bentley."

"For what? To pick up Granny?"

You shrugged. "Take it or leave it."

Trent muttered under his breath, reaching for the keys in his pocket. It was amusing, seeing him give in so easily. The perks of being two minutes older than him. Technically you were twins, but on paper you were also his big sister.

He tossed you the keys.

"Have a nice day." You smiled.

He ignored you, slamming the door on his way out.

The silence that followed was soothing. Outside the sun was shining and you could simply feel it, the start of a wonderful day.

********************************************

"Grandma please, we're gonna be late. You don't need another Chanel bag."

You had spent all day tending to her needs. When the time came, getting your high maintenance grandmother to the football stadium was nearly impossible.

"You're late." Your patients said, stating the obvious as the two of you arrived at Anfield.

"Well, blame Grandma. She forgot to pack her scarf so we got her a new one, but of course the whole day then turned into a shopping spree."

Grandma was a retired seamstress, who still tended to a few shops where she lived in Manchester. Nevertheless fashion was her passion, some of it having rubbed off on you, however not as much that would make you run late to an inter-city football derby.

"How is Trent doing?" You asked,  searching for him out on the pitch. You spotted him in seconds, enjoying the fact that he looked cooked already. The game had only been running for twenty five minutes.

"Manchester City looks to be a real challenge this year." Your dad said.

"Good." You muttered.

Ever since you were a kid you had the habit of rooting for whichever team that Trent wasn't rooting for, especially if the game was shown on the TV, and his team was losing. Liverpool seemed to be losing big today. Their coach was seen gesticulating vividly on the sidelines, shouting at the players to get their shit together.

"What's he doing?"

At some point a fight broke out and you were grinning at the fact that Trent was involved. They'd usually have him somewhere in the back, playing on the right side of the pitch, during this game however, he was seen running around in the middle getting into more trouble than he should.

"What's he doing, ref!!" Your dad stood up and shouted in protest, along with other fans in the stands. It looked to be some of the City boys giving Trent trouble after a fair but hard tackle that he made on one of the younger players on their team. There was one guy in particular that seemed to be all up in Trent's face, shouting at him, deliberately giving him shit. At one point Trent must have had enough because he ended up shoving the guy, to little effect however because the guy was huge and immovable. Nevertheless, it was all downhill from that, Trent ended up getting booked by the referee and his coach must have decided it would be best to send him off quite early into the second half of the match. It was safe to say that Trent wasn't happy when your family returned home.

"It was that dickhead Dias fault." He snapped, having slammed every door that he had stumbled upon on his way through the house to the living room.

"Please Trent, it's just a game." Your mother said, trying to calm him down.

"Yes but why was I the only one that got sent off? The referee didn't even bother to book any of the City players that came at me. You saw it, didn't you Dad?"

"I saw it son. We all did. It was complete bollocks."

You snorted.

Trent frowned. "What's so funny?"

You shrugged. "I dunno, maybe when you tried shoving that guy but ended up falling back yourself. That was pretty funny."

"Y/N." Your parents sighed. Grandma however, slapped her knee as her head tossed back with her laughter, fueling your own.

"Oh, so this is funny to you?" Trent stood, his expression trembling with rage. "How about I shove you and then let's see who's laughing."

"Trent!"

Your parents held him back, nevertheless you didn't even flinch. Everyone knew that out of the two of you Trent couldn't fight.

"Y/N, apologize to your brother. He's had a rough day." Your mother demanded.

"So? It's a part of life. Sometimes we get booked, sometimes we don't."

"You think you're so funny." Trent said,  through gritted teeth. "Let's see who gets the last laugh."

A jolt of your heart. "You wouldn't."

He smirked. "Mom, Dad, Y/N has been lying to you about her internship in London."

"What do you mean?" They frowned. Even Grandma looked unsure.

"Trent." You warned him.

He ignored you.

"She's been unemployed for five years, crashing on people's couches. Her university friends must have gotten tired of her because she's been living with me for the past three months, eating my food, stealing my socks. She's never even offered to help pay rent.

"You didn't."

Trent was the only person in the room with a smile on his face, your parents on the other hand....

Part 2 and 3 are already out on my Patreon for FREE!

[lauralifeleaf]

Another Problem: Chapter 17

~A/N: Hey! I totally didn't mean to go away for 7 months. Anyway, it's currently my b-day, and thought I would gift you all a new chapter. It's not my best work, but I tried, and that's what matters. Hope you enjoy!~ Laura

Violet's POV

After the last kid had left for the day, I began helping Sun clean up the daycare. "Are you sure you're okay, Starlight? You seem low," Sun asked as he lifted one of the bigger building blocks. I nodded with a neutral look, "Drained for the kids. Trying to recharge a bit before heading to the arcade." Sun tilted his head, "Why the arcade?" "Game night." Sun nodded in understanding as we continued to clean.

A few minutes passed as a knock at the daycare entrance made me stop and hand Sun the coloring supplies that were left out. "I got it," I stated as I made my way to the door. Peaking my head out, I saw Bonnie with his hands in his pockets. "Sup, mate! Mind letting me in?" he asked with a lazy smile. I nodded and opened the door.

Letting him in, I finally looked at his appearance. His rabbit ears were a lovely indigo color with a light purple in the inner ear. One was flipped down while the other stood up. Both ears had been pierced with silver hoops, but his left ear had one extra hoop that was blue. His hair was a similar purple and styled in a messy bun.

He was about an inch taller than Monty and a bit on the thinner side. He had traded his atrocious outfit, a joke onstage, for a red and white collared polo shirt, tight shorts, white socks, and bowling shoes. Looking down, I beamed slightly at the little fluffy tail they gave him.

"Is there something on my tail?" asked Bon as I jumped slightly. "S-sorry, I just zoned out... and your tail is fine." I looked at him, "So, what brings you to the Daycare?" His ears flicked a bit, "Came to meet the attendants. Fred insisted I meet them." I smiled and grabbed his hand, dragging him towards the ball pit.

"Sunny! Moony! You guys got a visitor!" I sang out, hearing the faint sound of something crashing in the distance. "I'll be over in a second, starlight!" Sun yelled, probably picking up the mess he made. Moon did not respond, but that made sense as he was probably changing out of his jester outfit. Sun poked his head around the corner a few seconds later and lit up. "Sunny, this is Bonnie. Bon, this is Sundrop or Sun for short," I introduced the two as I let go of Bon's hand.

"Nice to meet you. Fred's told me a lot about you." Sun walked over with the silly walk he did with the kids, making me giggle as he shook his hand. "Why hello, hello! It is wonderful to finally meet you, Mr. Bonnie! Do you like glitter glue? What's your favorite color? Is it true that you can spin a bowling ball on one finger?" Sun excitedly asked as he began to ramble. I smiled, "Sunny. Your rambling again."

Sun stood straight and released his hand, "Oh, sorry! I'm just excited to meet a new friend!" "Your good, mate. I was warned you could get excited easily," Bon reassured with a smile.

Sunny sighed in relief as Moon descended from the balcony in casual clothes and his signature beanie. He also had put in his lip ring piercing that he couldn't wear during the day cause it wasn't "child friendly," according to the higher-ups. It never made sense to me, but it made sense that he didn't want to get hurt due to how curious toddlers can be.

He looked at Bon and waved before heading towards the entrance without a word. "I'm guessing that was Moon?" asked Bon, seeming unfazed by the quiet man. "Yeah. He can be a bit distant and rude sometimes, but I swear he is fun and caring once you get to know him," Sun sighed. "You're good, Sunman. Now, tell me about yourself."

Sun nodded enthusiastically as I looked at my watch, letting them talk to each other. A message from Mr. Prestonwood popped up, followed by a picture of one of the enormous arcade machines in the west arcade. My brows furrowed at the sight of his name.

~~~~~~~~

Fix this.

~~~~~~~~

I sighed as I read the message. 'So much for going to bed early tonight.' I looked up at the two boys, who had finished their conversation surprisingly, with a frown. "I gotta go. Mr. Prestonwood needs something repaired. Sorry to leave you with such a mess," I apologized as I gave Sunny a side hug. "Oh, you've helped plenty, Starlight. I can take care of the rest." He stated as I went to grab my bag. "Have a great night!" he enthusiastically waved before resuming his introduction.

Chip was, thankfully, near my bag, ready to go. I looked at him and yawned, grabbing my bag and placing the rimless shades in the side pocket before picking him up. He chittered angrily before accepting that I was too mentally exhausted to give a damn. I walked out of the daycare with my headphones on and an annoyed squirrel in my arms.

With a neutral look, which some guests told me that it looked like I was unhappy, I walked silently toward the elevators leading to the atrium. While waiting for the doors to open, I felt eyes on me but ignored them as I was too exhausted to deal with them. I knew my appearance usually made people stare, seeing as I was the shortest known android in the building. That or the abnormally large squirrel in my arms.

The sound of the elevator opening brought me back to reality as I moved aside for guests to exit before entering myself. Just as the door was about to close, Bonnie rushed in, out of breath. "Crikey, you're quick," he mumbled as the doors slid shut. "Sorry, but I wanna get this done before I forget about it," I apologized, removing my headphones and placing them around my neck.

"Mind if I tag along? I don't have much to do since they closed the alley early," he offered. I hugged Chip a bit closer as I nodded, already nervous. His first introduction to me this morning was not what I wanted, and I was hoping to have the time to myself, but so much for that. 'Why do I have to be a people pleaser?' I thought as my ears lowered slightly, going unnoticed by the rabbit.

~Some Elevator Tunes Later~

"I know they're here somewhere," I mumbled as Bon watched me look for the toolbox that was supposed to be in the supply closet near the dancefloor. I had let Chip go once we arrived, and he went straight to the vents to hang out with MM. I don't know how he was already good friends with him, but I didn't question it. "You need help?" Bon asked as he leaned on the stage next to my bag. "No thanks."

After looking for another minute, I exited the closet with an annoyed look. "Can't even replace the stupid lightbulb, unbelievable." "Any luck?" he inquired, his ears flicking as I walked up. I shook my head, "Even after reorganizing the entire closet, I couldn't even find the toolbox."

Pulling out my phone, I made a note letting someone know they needed to restock the lightbulbs. "Okay, while I'm here...." I began to talk to myself as I went to repair the machine Mr. Prestonwood had asked me to fix. I ascended the spiral stairs, narrowly dodging one of the S.T.A.F.F. bots gliding past me.

I quickly spotted the machine in question, a unique version of Guitar Hero, and frowned. It was designed for those who play guitar that want a challenge and test how fast they can play. It can play up to four players and is occasionally updated for new songs that come out. Each guitar was styled and themed around the main four. It was really popular during the later hours according to staff.

One of the guitar's strings was missing on one guitar, and the other guitar had been snapped in half. "Oh, my fucking stars," I mumbled while rubbing my temples. "You should stop hanging out with Monts. He's a bad influence on you," Bonnie jokes from behind, making me jump. I forgot he was with me for a second. "I don't typically swear. It's only if someone scares me, I hurt myself, or when I'm pissed off," I replied quietly as I took the broken guitar and looked it over.

There was no way I would be able to fix this, though. The guitar was beyond repair and was missing a massive piece of its neck. I unplugged the guitar and turned to Bonnie, "Can you grab a replacement string? It should be in the supply closet I was in earlier. The second shelf on the left side." He nodded with a salute before leaving to retrieve it.

I sighed as my mind wandered. Something I usually do when I'm tired or don't want to be in the present time. I felt the tight feeling of anxiety creep up as I thought about tomorrow. I couldn't help but feel nervous about performing. I wouldn't lie, but I kinda started to get stage fright.

While still nerve-wracking, the fundraiser was manageable cause DJ helped me calm my nerves. That and the others made it easier to ignore the somewhat small amount of staff that attended that night. Playing in front of about a hundred or so people was one thing. Performing for thousands of people is another.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts as I unplugged the unusable guitar and brought it back to one of the maintenance rooms. Dropping onto the desk, I left a note as I turned to get one of the replacement guitars. As I went to grab it, a sudden wave of electricity shot through me, followed by an error message. My head twitched as more errors popped up, making my body spasm. I felt myself fall forward before it all went black.

Error! Error!

U̸̜̜͔̾͛̈͊͂̆͘̕n̶̦̮̩͈͒̔̀͝k̸͍̞̺̳̞̮̦̯̇̊̍̓̾̕͠n̶̟̖͒͊̈́͘ǫ̵̖̮̙̲̣͋̅͂̂̒̃́w̵̗̼͎͖͙̃n̶̲̺̲̰̻͗̂̈́͘͘͜͝ ̸̡̦̟̞̲̅̀͒È̷̥͉͈͓̭̥̀͂̑̽́̕͜ŕ̶̗̤̱͓̻̹̜͈͕̦̾̉͋͘͠͝r̵̡̡̙͚̉̂o̶̖͓̼̻̮̞͔͚̫̓͋̐͜ř̴̪̩͉̓͛̇͆̽!̶̢̨̖͇̃͑͋̊͌̽͗

Forced Shutdown and Reboot Initiated.

Rebooting...

Rebooting...

Reboot Successful!

I jolted up, looking around, confused as to why I was on the ground. "What in the-" "Oh, good. You're okay." I grabbed my head, still feeling somewhat out of it, looking up to see Bonnie hovering over me with obvious concern. "What happened, Bon?" His eyes went blue briefly before returning to its usual cherry color. "My scans tell me you had a system error, but nothing to worry about. Had it happened after a major update." I looked at him in confusion, and he chuckled as he helped me to my feet. "Come on. You can fix the machine later. I wanna get to know you better before the others get here."

I was slightly embarrassed that he's helped me twice already. He hasn't even known me for a day and being so nice. "Sorry," I whispered, knowing that despite being so quiet, he would hear me. "For what? Being nice and helping you? Mate, we droids got to stick together. As far as I'm aware, I should be thanking you," he stated with a smile. Looking at him in confusion, he chuckled, "I heard how you met the knucklehead and how you apologized for something that was clearly his fault. He's had a short fuse for as long as I have known him, which scared others away, but I was surprised to know you didn't avoid him." I smiled as I looked ahead, "I tend to have a soft spot for those who are misunderstood or treated poorly by others, I found out. I don't like seeing someone in pain and try my best to help where I can. I'm not the best at showing it verbally, so I offer a shoulder to cry on and such. You'd be surprised how often I get asked for a hug."

3rd Person POV

Bonnie just hummed in acknowledgment. 'No wonder they care for her.' He understood why they were so clear about not doing anything joke-wise until about a week or so of knowing her. She was pretty, he had to be honest, but the soft, sensitive, caring look in her eyes pulled something deep at his wires. He swore he saw something similar to a former employee he knew years ago, but he put that thought away for later. No time to dwell in the past.

"Can I be honest with you?" she asked with a slight blush. "Go ahead. I'm all ears," he stated while wiggling his ears. She let out a small snort before stating, as her ears twitched, "I'm kinda embarrassed about how I introduced myself." He smirked, "You mean when you manhandled Mont? I honestly thought it was fucking gold."

Bonnie chuckled before looking at the elf. She was shaking slightly, making him stop. "Hey, wanna know something embarrassing about me?" She looked at him and nodded. "Believe it or not, I fell face-first into the water traps when I met Monty. Was sparking for weeks due to water sneaking into my endo. He held onto that meeting like candy for the next month and a half." She seemed to relax as a soft giggle escaped her.

Once they got to the stage, Bonnie practically bombarded her with questions. He was quite surprised with some of her answers, seeing as she didn't seem like the type to enjoy certain things. He personally didn't think she would enjoy punk music like Monty and Roxanne, but I guess looks can be deceiving.

"Okay, last question. What's your favorite animal?" "At the moment, snakes and lizards. Mainly the Python Regius." "What?" "Oh, Python Regius is the fancy name for Ball Pythons," she explains with a smile. He chuckled, "Well, I'm not that well versed in reptiles aside from our resident redneck. Mind telling me more about the critter?"

From there, she began to ramble on about said snake with a sparkle in her eye. From different morphs and types to their behaviors and eating habits, she practically lit up when Bonnie asked questions. She didn't realize that she was rambling, too excited to talk about the animal.

It was like she wasn't her typical quiet and awkward mask she wore for the crowds. She felt like she could finally show a part of herself that she kept behind closed doors or around people she trusted. She felt a warm fuzzy feeling buzz inside her as she continued talking to an interested person.

Kinda like an old friend.

R̸̛͈͚̮̳͆̊̉͒̒̾̈́̚ę̶̹͋̈́̕s̸̘͓̪̭̜̥̀̾͐͝t̸̛̛̠̞͎̹͔̦͎̭͒̓̀̔̉͠ö̷͍̦̰̠͖̫̥͓̹̏̃̊̔̇̎̀̽͠ͅr̷̜͓̖͙͓̒̆̅̊͜ą̶̨̛̪̬̈́̑̀̾̿͝ţ̴̤͓̠͊̌̇̂͑̈́̈́͝͝i̸̦̠͕̤̥͓͚̭͎̊͗́͊͒̐̈̍͝ǫ̶̛̹͕͇͂̇́n̶͓̯̬͇͔̝̻̘̲̋̈́̈͊̌͊̑̚͠:̸̲̪̋͊̌̕ ̵̟̃̽͋͜5̴̯̬͖̉̑̔͘͠ͅ%̵͔̙̼̰͖̗̺̻̜̠̐́̄͐̍͊͝

[lost-in-faith]

The beginning, and ending, of an era.

Well everyone, 2024 has redefined me to say the least.

The beginning of this year started off as every other year does. Full of hope, promise. Exaggerated dreams of weight loss, financial gain, and of course, finding "the one".

I set my new years resolution with the same kinds of goals as many of us do. My list looked something like this:

-This year, I'm going to the gym. 5 days a week. AT LEAST.

(I've made it 0 days so far).

-I'm going to triple my savings account. (I was able to change it drastically, but not in the kind of way that makes it grow).

-I'm going to put myself out there and date again. (two failed "talking" stages and 3 bad dates later, still single).

But hey, that's okay. I learned that not every year is a chance for a new start, but everyday is. And that saying proved to be true, when on January 2nd, I still had the ghosts from 23's past lingering around to haunt me.

Truth is, it wasn't the new year that caused me to change. It's what happened right before it. My son had a bad accident, I got laid off from work, and I had lost my closest friends. As I stood in Times Sqaure watching the NYE ball drop, I felt like my world had already crashed at my feet.

The first couple of weeks were hard. I didn't want to put makeup on. I didn't want to wear my hair down. I even stopped hanging around after drop off to gossip with the other parents. I felt like a shadow of myself. It was not a pretty sight- by any means.

One cold morning in January, it was time to get up and get ready to take my son to school. I had my stained t-shirt on, my pajama pants from my family's Christmas photoshoot, and slides on- no socks. I threw on a robe, didn't fix my hair and walked my son to school.

As I walked up to his class, his teacher stopped me at the door and said "girl, I'm not sure whats going on with you- but you need to fix yourself up. I barely recognize you". I looked down, tried to break a smile, and wished her a nice day.

On my walk back home, I stepped on a puddle of slushy brown snow, my hair slipped out of its bun, and it started to rain. And I started to cry. Like why the fuck have I let myself get to this point. Where even people who see me just a couple of minutes a day can see that there has been a drastic change.

I got home, showered, and told myself- no more feelings. Just action. Don't overthink anything, that complicates things. No more excuses for my problems, only solutions. It's time.

And it was. It was time for me to grab the reigns of my life, and take it exactly where I needed it to go. And that's just what I did. (Well, it's what I'm doing.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

424 of 2023

lets-make-surveys posted this

1 - Surveys aside, do you use Tumblr for any other reason?

I have a personal blog and another side blog I run together with my sister, dedicated to our OCs.

2 - Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Do you update them all regularly?

I have a YouTube channel and an Instagram account, both updated fairly often. My Instagram is dedicated only to my photography.

3 - Does it bother you when your socks don’t match? What about your underwear?

How can I have "matching underwear"? Matching to socks or what? Anyway, I like my socks in pairs, and for the rest I don't care, as long as it's clean.

4 - How many times a year do you go on vacation? Do you tend to go to the same places each time?

zAt least once a year, this time we went three times. We alays go to the same place in Poland.

5 - How many times did it take you to pass your driving test?

I don't have a licence due to chronic neurological issues.

6 - When you’re in trouble, do your parents ever “middle name” you?

What? I don't understand this question.

7 - Which family member do you look like the most? Which one do you resemble the most in terms of personality?

I look like my dad with my mum's nose (we both have a little bump on our noses), and my personality is a bit like my dad and paternal grandpa, but mostly like my late paternal grandma.

8 - Have you ever been arrested?

No, I haven't.

9 - Do you prefer Apple or Android?

Android all the way.

10 - Does getting sweaty or dirty bother you at all? If so, has it ever put you off doing exercise?

Dirty doesn't that much, but being sweaty and stinky is a nightmare to me. No, iot doesn't put me off exercising.

11 - Have you ever broken a bone? What were the circumstances that led to this happening?

No, I haven't. My bones are ridiculously strong.

12 - If you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be?

Everything. Does it count as one thing?

13 - When was the last time your computer crashed or froze? is this something that happens often?

Two days ago and no, it doesn't happen often.

14 - Do you ever have problems with your sleep?

Sometimes, but this has improved since I started taking antidepressants again.

15 - What was the last thing you ate for breakfast? Is this a normal breakfast meal for you?

Rice pudding and no, it's usually oatmeal or cereals.

16 - Have you ever thought about how you want to spend your retirement?

If I ever make it to that point lol. I'd love to travel more.

17 - When was the last time you got a new tattoo or piercing? Do you have any plans to get either in the future?

Last tattoo I got in January this year and yes, I have plans for several tattoos already. For piercings, I want more ear piercings, and the last one I got was having my eyebrow redone.

18 - How would you describe your personality?

Hardworking, ambitious, funny, friendly, anxious.

19 - Have you ever heard of “hygge”? is this something you enjoy or participate in at all?

I have heard it, but I still didn't grasp the whole concept of it.

20 - What colour was the last vehicle you travelled in? Does this vehicle belong to you or someone else?

Black, and it legally belongs to my husband.

21 - Would you describe yourself as healthy? Why or why not?

I have chronic neurological issues and a physical disability, it speaks for itself.

22 - Would you describe yourself as messy or organised? Is this something you would like to change?

It depends on whichg area we're talking about. In general, I tend to be pretty messy, but at work, I'm definitely organised. The apps in my phone are organised, too.

23 - Do you miss anything about being a teenager? If you are a teenager, what’s your favourite thing about it?

I miss having better health and not having real problems. Even more so, being a child.

24 - Are you patriotic at all? Why/why not?

I am, but I can't exactly pinpoint why. I just love my weird little country.

25 - Have you ever had to wear a white lab coat before? Was this in school or for a job?

No, I haven't. I haven't had the chance.

26 - Would you ever want to do the same career(s) as your parents?

Lol my mum doesn't even have a career XD my dad was first NMBS- and then Infrabel worker, so he's been always tied to trains. I work in Alstom, which is a rolling stock company, so I kinda "continue the tradition", just from another perspective. TO clarify, NMBS is Belgian Railways, Infrabel is a railway maintenance company, and Alstom... I just said what it is. :P

27 - Do you believe in aliens? Is there a reason why (or why not)?

It's hard for me to believe we're all alone in the universe, because the universe is just too big.

28 - Which animated film would you most like to live in?

None, I'm not interested in any movies.

29 - When was the last time you got into an argument? Have you made up with that person yet?

Yesterday with my husband and yes, we made up.

30 - What are you going to do now this survey is over?

Probably another one, but I'm gonna go to the shower first.

[angryschnauzer]

Undercover Honeymoon

Summary; Having survived a helicopter crash that killed off the gang you and your senior agent had infiltrated, you hide out from the storm that brought the aircraft down by pretending to be Honeymooners at a boutique hotel... but what will 24 hours with August Walker bring you? Trouble, that’s what, and the best possible kind.

Pairing: August Walker x Female Reader (no race or body type specified)

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Smut, honestly this is entirely smut, its a crack fic too. Sigh, here goes: face slap, murder, August in a hoodie and grey sweatpants, oral sex (female recieving), blowjob, drunken antics, impared judgement, titty fucking, fingering, unprotected sex, anal sex, inappropriate lube, multiple orgasms, dubious consent, choking, dom-vibes, Sugar Daddy arrangement (but no Daddy kink).

I do not run a tag list, but if you go and follow @angryschnauzerwrites​ and hit notifications, you’ll get an alert to any new stories i post. All previous fics can be found on there or on my Ao3

Undercover Honeymoon

The helicopter spiralled out of control, the tall pines looming through the storm of the century rain, screaming filled your ears, unsure if it was the sound of the engines failing or coming from your own lungs. The aircraft made contact with the trees and everything went black.

-

“Agent… AGENT!” a slap across your face sprang you from your unconscious state, your vision blurred and you winced at the sharp pain that shot through your temple as the face before you came into focus.

“Walker?” you muttered; “Can’t blow our cover…”

Strong arms gripped your shoulders;

“Wake UP! Everyone else is dead”

The next hour was surreal. Agent Walker - your superior officer - had pulled you from the wreckage of the helicopter, past the lifeless bodies of the gang you’d infiltrated, some of which had injuries that looked suspiciously like gunshot wounds. Either way you were alive and so was the other undercover agent, and having spent the last four days running bank robberies you were relieved to be rid of the brutal gang.

Agent Walker had half dragged half carried you through the forest, and even though it was the middle of the day, the torrential rain and dark storm clouds above made the way feel like you were travelling at twilight. When you stumbled on some roots he caught you, his arm firmly around your waist;

“C’mon Agent, not much further now…” his voice softer than usual, reassuring even.

“Where’re we going?”

“Out of season ski lodge… should be quiet this time of year, just a couple of wildlife watchers no doubt”

-

What you’d been expecting was a cute little place with checkered curtains and cutesy decor, what you’d arrived at was a luxury boutique hotel. Agent Walker had managed to spin a very convincing tale of your car leaving the highway due to the weather and he’d arrange to get it recovered after the storm so you could continue your ‘honeymoon’. The receptionist had smiled warmly and offered the pair of you the luxury suite, August merrily peeling $100 bills off a stack he’d produced from his pocket, the paper band that held them together from the robbery slyly crumpled up and you quietly picked it up from the floor, a tiny smirk on the corner of his face when he spotted you covering his rare mistake.

-

Ten minutes later you were settled in your shared room, starting to peel yourself out of your soaked boots and clothing as you eyed the enormous bathroom and ultra fluffy robes that were provided.

“I’m going to go to the gift shop…” he announced, breaking the silence; “They do hoodies and stuff, i’ll grab some dry things to change into…”

“Thanks Agent Walker… I’m going to take a bath…”

He nodded quietly, standing at the door;

“It’s August… call me August”

You must have fallen asleep in the bath, as the next thing you know there is an insistent knocking on the bathroom door;

“Honey? Honey, everything ok in there?”

“Y-yes, Sorry, fell asleep…”

“Ok Honey, just got room service here delivering some lunch”

“Thanks Aug… Augie…”

Augie? Where the hell did that come from? You mentally chastised yourself. An hour ago he was your senior agent and all round grumpy supervisor, now he was ‘Augie’? You actually facepalmed yourself before taking a deep breath and climbing out of the bath. A few moments later once you were dry, wearing the fluffy robe you stepped out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, your breath catching in your throat;

“Augie… we have company?”

Agent Walker was standing in the middle of the room in his shirt, underwear and socks, talking to the room service attendant as he tipped the young man;

“Darling, lunch is here, you must be famished” he let a warm smile spread over his face as he turned to the staff member; “We must have a bite to eat… expending lots of energy, it is our honeymoon after all…”

Once he’d ushered the man out of the room he cleared his throat and his expression dropped, his face serious again;

“I got your new attire… it fits more with the location” he motioned for you to follow him to the bed where there were a number of things laid out, however your feet were rooted to the floor; “What?”

“You’re… you’re in your underwear…”

He looked down, almost in shock to discover he was without his cargo pants;

“Yes? And you’re completely naked beneath that fetching white robe” he motioned to a side of the bed where a bunch of things were sat on the pristine white duvet; “So unless you wish to eat lunch having me know you are naked save for a glorified towel with sleeves - and that would be a delightful thought - you may want to get changed whilst i shower”

Without another word he smirked, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief and grabbed a pile of clothing on the bed, before sauntering into the bathroom, leaving you open jawed at both his sassiness and his tight ass in snug jersey boxers.

Turning back to what was laid on the bed you looked over what he’d managed to get in the hotel’s boutique; a daringly short floral summer dress, a hoodie with the Hotel’s logo on, a pack of novelty thong panties also with bears on, and the highest heeled wedge sandals you’d ever seen. Although none of this surprised you, it was after all the kind of hotel where in good weather, the rich and famous could have cocktails on the deck as they overlooked the Rocky mountains, the fact he’d managed to find your exact size in everything was impressive.

Leaving the heels off for now, you pull the panties and dress on, throwing the hoodie on unzipped to cover up a little, before going to investigate the food, realising that you probably hadn’t eaten for close to 24 hours. You were bent over the service trolley scrutinising the various dishes that had been delivered when you heard his voice;

“Huh, didn’t need to buy you a wallet, those tiny panties show off your silken purse beautifully Princess”

Spinning around you gasped, about to give him a piece of your mind but your train of thought stopped like a record scratch. There before you stood Agent August Walker, grey sweats hanging dangerously low on his hips, chest bare as he pulled a khaki green hoodie over his still damp curls. You noticed how his beard was a little beyond stubble, his mustache curling as a small smile tugged as his lips. Your gaze unashamedly ran down the length of his entire body, emphasis on length as it was clear he was without any underwear, and those rumours that were quietly whispered in the ladies room at the Pentagon were looking to be true as to exactly why they called him ‘The Hammer’.

Still holding a cooling French Fry he sauntered over to you before grabbing a sandwich from the platter;

“My apologies… that was inappropriate” he took a bite, before talking with his mouth full; “Been a crazy 24 hours huh?”

“Y-yeah, you could say that… so, what’s the plan?”

Just at that moment an incredible gust of wind rattled the windows to the point you thought they would blow in, the lights overhead flickered before settling back to bright as he answered;

“Eat, Drink, Sleep. We’re stuck here at least overnight. We don’t have any cells or electronics people can trace, and having checked the map this is not the closest civilisation to the crash site so even if people did come looking for us, this isn’t the first place they’d think of… however in this weather the roads are impassable, at least two rivers have breached their banks, we’re basically cut off from the rest of the world here in our own little bubble” he took a bite of sandwich before grinning at you; “So eat up, the bar downstairs is well stocked, dinner is apparently served in about 4 hours, and there’s a game room if you’re up for a round or two of pool…”

-

Giggling you both tumbled into your suite, August flicking the light switch up and down before realising the power had gone out at the exact moment he’d unlocked the door;

“Oooh dark… are you afraid of the dark Princess?”

The pair of you stumbled and turned, pushing the door shut and you found yourself pressed between it and August’s body, his lips finding your neck as he pressed kisses along your jugular, his facial hair leaving behind a trail of tingling skin in its wake;

“Depends who i’m in the dark with…”

He was so close, in the faint last traces of daylight as the storm took hold of the night you could see the outline of his face, how his long eyelashes rested against his cheeks as he closed his eyes, his breath warm on your skin as you were surrounded by his scent, pine soap and single malt whiskey;

“A monster…”

“I was never afraid of monsters…”

He dropped to his knees in front of you, pressing a kiss to your clothed stomach before his hands were beneath the skirt and pulling your novelty panties down;

“Hold your dress up Princess, show me that pretty pussy”

Doing as he told you, you gripped the pretty fabric in your hands as he hooked one of your legs over his shoulder, pressing kisses to your inner thighs before his thick fingers parted your folds and he dived in. His mustache and light beard pricked at your sensitive skin, but his tongue and lips soothed your aching core, desperate for attention and dripping with need as he went to town on you. He quickly brought you to orgasm before pushing you on for the next, his fingers now knuckle deep in your velvet walls, curling just right to find that spot that had you dripping, his tongue working against your clit to the point where you had to steady yourself by curling one hand through his soft chestnut curls, riding his face as you cried out his name.

Now over sensitive, you pulled his curls to get him to relent, a grunt of frustration coming from between your thighs;

“Augie… please… too sensitive…”

He quickly stood, lifting you to kiss you roughly, his tongue pushing into your mouth and you could taste yourself on his tongue as he gripped your ass as he carried you across the room before unceremoniously dropping you on the bed;

“Strip” he commanded as he staggered to the bathroom. 

You ignored his request, instead reaching for a bottle of water at the side of the bed, taking a drink from he as he returned holding a bottle;

“August… what’s that?”

He looked down at the bottle, almost surprised he was holding something and blinked a few times before looking back at you;

“Baby oil. Its... Baby oil”

“Why do you have Baby oil?” you asked, already knowing the answer but with a sly streak wanting to get him to admit it

“Because they didn’t sell condoms in the gift shop so i cant fuck your pussy because i can’t check to see if you’re on birth control” he blurted out quickly.

Whatever you had been expecting, it hadn’t been that, and as you coughed on the water you had been about to drink, August got distracted and moved to light the candles that sat on the table in the centre of the room now that the only available light was the tiny light over the sink in the bathroom that was battery operated. You watched as he somehow managed to strike the matches and light the candles even though he was visibly drunk, before returning back to the bed and standing over you;

“Why aren’t you naked?” he frowned at you; “Don’t make me rip that pretty little dress off of you Princess”

Shimmying out of your dress you bit your lip as you watched him watching you, the low light dancing over your body and enough for you to see the obscene bulge barely contained by his sweatpants. He stood at the edge of the bed, towering over you before he took hold of your ankles and roughly pulled you to the edge of the bed before he pulled the grey sweats down and you finally got sight of his legendary hammer;

“Fuck…”

“We’ll get to that Princess, but first, suck”

Taking him in your hands he was hot and throbbing at your touch, his thick shaft patterned with veins, heavy and virile. You pumped your fist, your fingers unable to meet as you worked his uncut dick. You felt his hand on the back of your head, pulling you closer until you had no choice but to open your mouth and take him as deep as you could, gagging as he immediately hit the back of your throat and started to fuck your mouth.

Holding your head in place with both hands he rocked his hips back and forth, groaning as he stretched your lips almost uncomfortably. Soon you had spit running down your chin as he rained down a stream of degrading compliments;

“Cock hungry slut, look at you with my dick in your mouth… does it taste good, Jesus christ your tongue is perfect, yeah do that thing again, fuck, i can feel your throat tight around me…” with a gasp he pulled out, a trail of spittle hanging from your lips to his angry red tip, before he grabbed the baby oil and pushed you back until you were laying flat on the bed;

“Push your tits together, i’m gonna fuck them and cum all over your pretty face”

He climbed on the bed, straddling your lower torso as you found yourself pushing your breasts together. The click of a bottle of baby oil and it was being poured in the valley of your chest, before he settled his dick against the slick skin. He dropped the bottle and with a grunt pulled his hoodie over his head, revealing his glorious chest, covered in dark hair and thicker than you had realised. 

His dick was heavy against your chest as he took your hands in his and showed you how he wanted you to hold your titties for him, rocking his hips bath and forth as his hot flesh slipped through your soft pillows, the angry tip poking out at your neck with each thrust;

“So fucking pretty, gonna cum all over that face… you wanna taste my cum you little slut? Yeah? Cock hungry slut, can’t get enough of my dick, can you?”

You didn’t answer, the lust in his eyes making you drunk with desire, instead you tipped your head to your chest and opened your mouth, letting August’s dick slide into your mouth, the salty tang of his precum hitting your senses.

His thrusts were becoming rough and violent, his hips squeezing your ribcage as he fought back against the urge to cum, but you wanted it, needed it;

“August, will you cum on my face, pretty please?” you batted your eyelashes at him innocently and it was the final straw, and you watched as he threw his head back and thick ropes of his creamy seed spurted over your mouth and cheeks as he groaned so deliciously. On the last spurt you leaned forwards and took his tip into your mouth, gently laving your tongue over the leaking slit, before releasing him softly. August had eased his gasp on your tits, and using his thick finger he scooped the cum from your cheek;

“Open wide Princess”

Sticking your tongue out you sucked the bitter treat from his finger, before he repeated it with the other cheek. Finally swallowing you grinned at him;

“Thank you August”

His hand paused on your cheek, softly cupping it;

“Anything for you Princess… now scoot up the bed, i wanna eat that pussy again whilst i get you ready for my dick”

He swung his leg over so you could wriggle up the bed, and immediately he was laying between your legs, both of your thighs over his shoulders as he started to sloppily eat you out again, except this time his lubed fingers strayed to your asshole and he already had one knuckle deep in your back entrance. You were writhing against his tongue, and although not as accurate with his targets this time now that the alcohol in his system was taking hold, that wide tongue was driving you to heaven as his fingers pulled you down into the dark pits of depravity that hell could only contain. You were uttering almost incomprehensible gibberish, begging for more which he eagerly gave, a second and soon a third finger stretching your ass as he prepared you for what was yet to come. You came with a scream as his wide tongue tormented your pussy until you had to physically pull him by his curls to stop, breathless as you watched him kneel on the bed and grab the baby oil, pouring some onto his hand to lube his dick before smoothing a considerable amount over your asshole and lined up his now raging hard on with your stretched hole. He paused, looking down at you;

“Final chance to back out… do you want me to fuck your ass?”

“Yes… please August, i want your dick in my ass, i want you to cum in my ass, treat me like a dirty anal slut”

With a groan he pushed forwards, slowly breaching your body and you felt the uncomfortable stretch of having a dick slide into your ass. Even with the prep and the oil it still took a while for your body to relax enough for him to push in, but when he eventually was balls deep in your ass you felt so full you were sure you would burst;

“Oh my god… You’re so big…”

“Taking me like a champ Princess, even with the oil your ass is so fucking tight i’m struggling not to blow my load right here and now”

“Fuck my ass August, do it hard, i wanna feel it in the morning…”

With a roar he started to fuck into you, holding himself up on his massive arms as his hips pistoned into you, filling your barren depths as his pubic bone rubbed against your empty pussy and your juices flooded his crotch;

“So fucking wet Princess, leaking all down your ass, its only adding to the lube so i can fuck you harder. Your poor little battered asshole, you’re barely gonna be able to sit tomorrow… apart from back on my dick as we have breakfast, don’t think this is the only time i’m gonna fuck your ass, i’m gonna use this hole until you’re loose and stretched, so i can just bend you over and slide my dick into your ass. Gonna hide those stupid panties i bought you, i want you walking around bare, my cum dripping down your legs where there’s so much inside you, you can barely keep it inside… shame the gift shop didn’t sell plugs, i woulda’ filled you with my load and have you plugged and ready lubed for me to use whenever i pleased…”

August’s dirty talk had you cumming hard, squeezing him tight and yet he fucked you straight through it. Laying limp as he continued to fill your ass he slowed and moved, kneeling on the bed as he moved your legs from either side of his lips until both your feet were over one of his shoulders, pushing and pulling you until he had one arm firmly wrapped around your knees and he could fuck into your ass as he held you like a rag doll. The new position was tighter, deeper, and as you started to pant out with lust his free hand rested on your throat, squeezing carefully but firmly;

“Harder…” you panted out, your head swimming as your airway was restricted, and as he pounded into your ass you were both getting close.

“Gonna cum in your ass, fill you up with a massive load, you want that Princess?”

You tried to say yes, but all that came out was a tiny croak as his massive hand gripped your throat. Before you could even try again your orgasm hit, your eyes rolling back in their sockets as you squirted, your body gripping him so tight he reached his peak, pushing in as deep as he could as he pumped your ass full of his cum.

August released his grip on your neck, pulling out gently as he softly lay your legs on the bed;

“Did so well Princess, such a good little slut…”

You could only hum out a response, your mind as used as your body was.

-

You woke to the sound of soft rain falling against the window, peering out from beneath the duvet you could see that the grey light of morning was filling the room, the storm seemingly blown mostly through with just a persistent rain now dampening the earth. Shifting on the bed you winced, everything was sore, but especially your ass. But then a warm body pressed to your back, a large hand smoothed over your stomach and a familiar voice spoke softly in your ear as stubble brushed against your bare shoulders;

“Rise and shine…”

“Hmmmmm no, i don’t wanna get up” you grumbled

“But…”

“Noooo. If we get up then we’ve got to think about things going back to normal, i just wanna pretend i’m able to stay in a hotel as nice as this when i’m not trying to escape a dangerous gang… too many responsibilities, too much stress… i just want another half hour of being treated like a Princess” you grumbled.

A quiet chuckle came from behind you;

“There’s no reason why we can’t do this again”

Turning in his arms, you looked at August;

“How? You’re my superior Agent, the CIA pushes and pushes and pushes, I never get enough time off to do something like this, If i had known i was literally signing my life away i would never have signed up for the academy. What’s the fucking use of earning a good wage if i can never enjoy it… and its not even that good of a wage to be honest…” you paused and narrowed your gaze; “Have you showered?”

“Yes. And i have a proposition for you…”

“Keep talking…”

August started to move, slowly climbing between your legs and you felt his hard dick resting against your folds, your pussy instinctively growing wet, slowly rubbing against you as he smiled down at you;

“As a senior agent i get a considerably better wage than you do, but i don’t have anyone to share it with, anyone to treat like a Princess and spoil with gifts that they deserve… but i also want someone that will be agreeable to my darkest desires…” he rocked his hips back before slowly parting his thighs, and you felt the nudge of his tip at your soaked pussy; “... someone, a woman i can treat like a Princess but will let me fuck them like a whore… can i fuck your pussy like a whore?”

The gentle nudge of his dick just stretching the ring of muscle that granted access to the heaven between your legs had you begging, pleading to be August’s Whore. He let out a sigh of pleasure as he slowly sank into your pussy, bare and unprotected filling you with his virile shaft;

“You’re my Slutty Princess…taking my dick like a pro”

In that hotel room August Walker became your sugar Daddy, and over room service breakfast you agreed the details of your arrangement as you sat on his lap, his dick in your ass as he fed you strawberries, before he grew impatient and bounced you on his dick until he came in your barren depths. Resting back against his chest, his softening dick still inside you he played with your pussy as he discussed the next step, trying to decide if a trip to an adult store or a jewellery store should be the first stop after returning to DC;

“How about a jewelled plug?” you suggested; “That’s the best of both worlds”

Holding your jaw he turned your head so he could kiss you, pulling away and grinning;

“See, that’s why you’re the perfect Princess, smart and sexy…”

You felt him start to harden in your ass again, wriggling and letting out a giggle as you felt him stretch your insides;

“Over the table or out on the balcony in the rain?” you asked

“Oooh lets do the balcony… its check out time so a few other guests will be able to see my little slut have her battered asshole filled with another load”

There on the balcony that overlooked the serene mountains August filled your ass again, your naked bodies soaked with the rain as he gripped your breasts whilst he fucked you from behind. 

You couldn’t wait to be August’s play thing.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You (Part 8) - Good Days, Bad Days

Summary: The reader has a special birthday surprise for Jensen and starts to get to know Jared more. When Jensen returns home from Toronto for good though, he and the reader have their first big fight and make more moves in their relationship...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 5,300ish

Warnings: language, angst, fighting, smut

A/N: Enjoy!

________

Thursday Night

“So how do you want me?” asked Jensen, leaning against his closet door in nothing but his boxer briefs. 

“Oh well that’s a dangerous question,” you laughed. “Jeans are fine for where I’m taking you.”

“Alright,” he said. He ducked into the closet and returned wearing only a pair of dark jeans, smirking at you with his hands behind his back.

“Being a little shit?” you asked.

“One of my best qualities,” he said. You hummed and went past him into the closet. “So what should I be wearing on this date out?”

“I’m kinda a sucker for you a henley and flannel. Not to let that go to your head at all,” you said.

“Oh you should never watch Supernatural then,” he chuckled, grabbing a long sleeve white henley off the hanger and pulling it on.

“I did sort of start watching it,” you said. “You look like a little baby that hadn’t hit puberty yet.”

“I got better with age, sweetheart,” he said, flashing you a wink.

“Oh yes you did,” you said. “I like it. It’s kinda scary but not too bad if you watch during the day.”

“It gets less scary pretty fast,” he said, putting on his red and gray flannel. “I all set?”

“You look very pretty,” you said, walking out with him on your tail. “So does the show end happy? Like they live? It’s got this angsty feel to it where I feel like something bad is gonna happen.”

“Do you want me to spoil it?”

“Dean doesn’t like die, right,” you said. He made a face and you frowned. “No. Why? He doesn’t deserve that.”

“Eh, calm yourself woman. Things could happen in the future...he might not have to die...or he might come back and I really shouldn’t be discussing these things.”

“You’d do more?” you asked.

“Oh for sure. On a streaming network where we get to do all the shit we couldn’t on cable. Get some fresh eyes in on the writing or maybe we’d even take a crack at it. It’s not really an if, more of a when so don’t go worrying about Dean. I like my new friends at work and everybody’s great but I miss Jared and my old ones. I’m definitely working with them again.”

“That’s great! Now come on, move that tush. We have reservations.”

“Reservations. Fancy,” he said. He put on a pair of socks and shoved his wallet in his pocket, following you out to the hall when you spun around. 

“Oh yeah,” you smirked. “You may also have a little birthday surprise waiting for your downstairs so eyes shut mister.”

“You’re devious. I like that. I like that a lot. We should explore that later in bed.”

“Tempting. I’ll have to take you up on that,” you said. “Eyes shut.”

You held his hand and he shut his eyes, going down the hall with you. You went slowly down the steps, Jensen’s arm around you the whole time. You grinned and walked him over to the family room before leaving him in place.

“Open,” you said. He blinked open his eyes, quickly landing them on a grinning Jared standing there.

“How the hell are you here?” said Jensen, Jared giving him a big hug he quickly returned. “Shit I missed you man.”

“Me too. But it’s someone’s birthday this week and I don’t have work tomorrow so I caught a flight up this afternoon. Y/N thought I’d make a good present.”

“Fucking awesome present,” he said, still grinning ear to ear. 

“You doing okay?” asked Jared, Jensen nodding. He gave him another hug and you smiled. “So how’s that crush on the nanny working out?”

“Shut up,” said Jensen, smirking as he pulled you into his side. “Jared. I know you guys met already but Y/N is your soon to be best friend just as an fyi.”

“Oh we’ve already started chatting,” you said, Jared chuckling. “He’s really sweet. I had to legit stop him from jumping on a plane that second when I texted him he thought something was wrong.”

“I think between the two of us we can keep an eye on him,” said Jared. “So you mind if I crash your date?”

“Not at all,” you said. “I’m taking both you boys out. My treat.”

“I’ll be back in a minute,” said Jensen two hours later while he excused himself to the bathroom. Jared finished off the last of his beer and smiled as he leaned back in his corner of the booth. 

“You know I’m totally covering this right,” he said.

“Dutch?” you asked.

“I’ll take the alcohol, you take the food.”

“That I can agree to,” you said, glancing over the dessert menu. “I’m really happy you were able to come up to hang out. I know you got your own family and everything and this was last minute.”

“He’s my family too,” he said. “I’d do anything for him. Literally. Don’t ever hesitate to call me, no matter when or where. I’ll be there for him like he’s always been for me.”

“I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a smile on his face like that before.”

“I have. You just didn’t notice that night at the bonfire.” You shrugged and he cocked his head. “How long you two been dating?”

“A month or so,” you said. 

“You like him?”

“He’s alright,” you said, smiling before you took a sip from your glass. 

“Thanks for taking care of him lately.”

“Don’t need to thank me for that,” you said, sliding the dessert menu over to him.

“Yeah but I’m still going to,” he said. “I meant what I said earlier. Between the two of us he’ll be okay again.”

“He’s never gonna be the same. He’ll be happy and it won’t hurt as much. But it’ll come back and hit him time to time.”

“There’s a reason he’s my best friend and it’s not just because we worked together for so long. He’s always been there for me and I’ll be there for him. I feel better about him being up here when he’s got someone else watching his back.”

“You had the hard job, not me,” you said.

“He’s come a long way. Doesn’t mean this is a cakewalk though I’m sure.”

“No, you’re right about that,” you said as you spotted Jensen returning.

“You guys order dessert yet?” he asked, sliding in beside you.

“Why doesn’t the birthday boy pick,” teased Jared, handing the menu over to him. “You guys ought to come home for a weekend when you get a chance.”

“It’s kinda a long way to go with the kids for just a few days,” said Jensen. “But we’ll be home soon. Hopefully.”

“I can get you a gig on Walker anytime you want it dude, just ask.”

“Maybe. I kinda want to get with the guys and maybe work on that Supernatural stuff. I need good stuff to look forward to, you know?”

“I do,” said Jared. “As long as you come home eventually I’ll learn to live with just using your jet skis in the meantime.”

“See what I’ve been dealing with for over a decade?” asked Jensen.

“Oh yes. He’s horrible,” you teased. “We really shouldn’t have him sleepover then, should we?”

“You’re staying at the house?” asked Jensen with a grin.

“Duh. I didn’t just fly a thousand miles to not see you dude. I’m here all weekend. Let’s have some fun.”

“Boys I’m heading to bed,” you said around two in the morning. 

“Yeah we ought to go to bed ourselves,” said Jared.

“I’ll grab you some sheets and stuff,” said Jensen. You waved goodnight to Jared, heading down the hall towards your room when Jensen wrapped an arm around your waist. “I thought you were gonna sleep with me from now on.”

“I am. Want to check something real quick.”

“Hurry back,” he said. He kissed your temple and ducked into his room, leaving you in the hall. You went down to your own and checked your email, smirking when you saw what you were looking for. A rattling of fingers on the door made you glance up, Jensen smiling there. “Texting your other boyfriend?”

“No, I sort of...submitted one of my stories to a publisher. They’ve been talking to me this week and said they’d get back to me today on if they wanted to move forward. They want to do a five book deal. I already have the stories done and mostly drawn anyways. They gave me an offer just now.”

“That’s awesome,” he said. “Seriously. We’re gonna celebrate tomorrow for sure.”

“It’s no big deal,” you said.

“It really is,” he said. He picked you up and grinned, carrying you back to his room. “I’m proud of you.”

“They’re stupid stories,” you said.

“I love those stupid stories,” he said, setting you on the bed. “The kids do too.”

“You’re just saying that cause you’re supposed to say that.” You set your phone on the nightstand and crawled under the covers, Jensen pulling you into his chest when het got underneath.

“My children think their mom is really okay now. They don’t get sad anymore and they ask questions about her again and I don’t want to cry every time I talk about her because your story reminded me that the wolf dad can be happy again for him too. That’s really fucking important to me right now in life.”

“Okay Papa Wolf,” you said. You grinned and he returned it. “Night Jensen.”

“Goodnight sweetheart.”

Two Months Later

“Hey Jared,” you said as you answered your phone. “What’s up?”

“Jensen at work?”

“Yeah. Late night again,” you said. “He’s answering texts between breaks I think.”

“Cool,” he said.

“You need something?” you asked. 

“No, no. I’m good,” he said. “Thanks. I’ll catch you later.”

“You doing okay?” you asked.

“Yeah. Just want to talk to him for a minute,” he said. He was a little quiet and you sat down on the couch. 

“You want to talk to me?” you asked.

“That’s okay.”

“Jared...Jensen and I are starting to get serious which means we’re gonna be together a lot considering how you two can’t go more than a day without talking. We can be good friends too,” you said. He was quiet and you hoped you hadn’t sounded too corny.

“I uh, I have bad days sometimes. Really normal days can be bad days in my head. It’s kinda how I was built I guess,” he said. 

“Nothing wrong with that,” you said. “Today a bad day?”

“Kinda. Nothing happened. I had a normal day at work and home. I’m just off. He um...Jensen makes me feel better as lame as that sounds. Just talking for a few minutes helps my head get on track that somebody really does care.”

“He’s very good like that,” you said. “I know you mean the world to him. You’re his brother. It’s not lame that he makes you feel better. You make him feel better too. I owe you a lot for taking care of him after the accident.”

“I much prefer when I’m the one freaking out and he takes care of me,” chuckled Jared. “You guys coming home soon?”

“He’s got a few weeks left of filming but I might head down a little earlier, try to get the house sorted out down there with the kids and stuff,” you said. “He’s literally counting down the days.”

“He really likes working on the show though I thought.”

“Oh he does but he’s got a big circle on the calendar for the fifthteenth called Jared day. I think your boy is planning something fun.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” he said. “You mind if I ask a personal question?”

“Shoot, buddy,” you said, stretching in your seat.

“Do you love him?” he asked. 

“Going full throttle out of the gate I see,” you said.

“I know. I know how he talks about you though. There’s no...casual relationship with him.”

“Well I haven’t said it to him yet and he hasn’t said it to me so...maybe another time I’ll be able to answer that question.”

“It’s been almost four months. You get to spend more time together than most couples starting out. I’d think you know by now,” he said.

“I do. But he deserves to hear it before anyone else,” you said. 

“So you love him.”

“Most things I love have a habit of going away,” you said. 

“He won’t,” he said. “You do more than make him happy, Y/N. A lot more.”

“I just wish he didn’t hurt.”

“He hurts a lot less lately. Some of that’s time and some of it’s you. Enjoy being one of his best friends. He doesn’t let that many people in that close.”

“I know. We were supposed to be talking about you I thought.”

“Eh, sometimes I just need the talk. Thanks. I got somebody else I can call now too.”

“It’s never a problem,” you said.

“It’s getting late there. I’ll let you go. Thanks for talking, really. I feel better.”

“Anytime Jared.”

“You too, Y/N.”

Three Weeks Later

“Doug you’re a lifesaver,” you said as finished washing Jensen’s truck in the driveway back home in Austin. He smiled as he wiped off his hands and gave Arrow a wave goodbye. 

“I owed you for that 3am incident,” he said. “You got easy kids. Mine are vultures.”

“Yes, yes they are,” you laughed. He gave you a kiss on the check and smiled as he headed back for his car, another one coming down the open driveway. “Later Doug.”

“Later,” he said. Jensen exited the back of the car along with his backpack and a suitcase, the car pulling out, Doug following after.

“Hey. How was the flight?” you asked.

“Who was that?” he asked, dropping his bags on the pavement.

“Oh that’s just Doug. He’s a nanny. I needed an extra set of hands today watching the kids trying to finish up these chores before you got home and it was perfect timing,” you said. You smirked and walked over to kiss him, Jensen taking a step back. “Something wrong?”

“You kissed him.”

“No. I didn’t. He kissed my cheek,” you said. Jensen narrowed his eyes and you scoffed, wiping the sweat off your forehead. “Seriously? He’s my friend.”

“That kisses you.”

“He’s affectionate,” you said. “Also he’s kinda married so you can tone it down with the judgemental looks.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. You’re right. You should be able to kiss whoever you want despite being in a relationship,” he said. He grabbed his bags and brushed past you inside. You grumbled and went after him, finding him upstairs in his room. “What?”

“What stick is up your ass today? I haven’t seen you in almost three weeks. None of us have and you’re in a bad mood.”

“I was perfectly happy until I saw you kissing somebody else.”

“I wasn’t kissing him!”

“It didn’t look like that from my perspective.”

“Jensen.”

“Is this just a little game to you? You get bored of the older guy with kids finally?” he asked, crossing his arms. “Or maybe you just got caught finally.”

“I don’t cheat,” you said, getting in his face. “He kissed my cheek. I’ll call him to come back and explain this situation right now but I apparently you just think I’m a cheater.”

“Well maybe you are. Geez, we’ve been together over four months and no real sex yet? Cause that’s not sending red flags.”

“Because you weren’t fucking ready!” you shouted. “I’m not your wife and I’m never gonna be her. Don’t be mad at me for it.”

“No that’s for sure,” he said.

“The kids are in the front yard. Don’t expect me back today,” you said. You stormed downstairs and into your room, shoving some things in a bag before taking your purse and getting behind the wheel of your car. 

You were seeing red by the time you were out of the suburbs. You slammed your hand against the wheel and shouted.

“You fucking asshole,” you said. You sniffled and drove for a bit before finally pulling off. You drove down a long road, rolling your eyes when of course you passed by his brewery. You’d never been but he’d told you about it more than once. You kept going down the road, eventually finding a park to pull into. You shut off the car and shut your eyes, a knock on the window making you jump. You put down your window when you saw a cop there and did your best to wipe off your face.

“You’re double parked,” he said. 

“What?”

“You’re parked on the line,” he said. 

“Sorry,” you said. 

“Bad day?” he asked.

“Something like that,” you said. You could feel snot threatening to drip down your nose, the officer reaching into a pocket and handing you a tissue. “Thanks.”

“Best not to drive when you’re upset,” he said.

“Yeah. I’m just gonna sit here for a little while,” you said with a nod.

“Probably not a great idea to sit in a car next a playground,” he said. “The mom’s are kinda intense around here.”

“Of course they are,” you said, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Why don’t you move your car and you can join me on my patrol,” he said. “It’s only a short walk. Fresh air might do you good.”

“Last time I talked to another man my boyfriend sorta freaked out on me so maybe not a good idea,” you said. You blew your nose and realized what you’d said, the officer staring down. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Why don’t we take that walk so I can find out what you did mean.”

Two minutes later you were walking next to the cop. He had a baseball cap on and was in all black. You weren’t sure how he wasn’t boiling considering it was May in Austin.

“This boyfriend got a name?”

“You gonna run his name or something?” you asked.

“Do I need to?” he asked. You shook your head and he smiled. “He the jealous type? He get angry over you talking to other men?”

“It’s complicated.”

“If it doesn’t get uncomplicated I might have to pay this boyfriend a visit you understand.”

“His wife died last June.”

“Okay. I understand part of the complicated thing now.”

“Why’s he gotta be a dick? Called me a cheater,” you said. You crossed your arms and the cop chuckled. “Sorry.”

“As long as you don’t call me a dick we don’t got a problem. Did you cheat on him?”

“No. He...he works away and he just got home today and my guy friend was over helping me with watching my boyfriends kids while I did some chores and my guy friend is like, a really affectionate guy and he kissed my cheek as my boyfriend was coming in and my boyfriend thinks I was kissing him back and been cheating on him for the past three weeks.”

“Why don’t you just call the guy friend over to explain?”

“He got so pissed so fast and accused me of cheating. I’ve been dating him for nearly five months and he brings up the fact we haven’t had sex yet like that even matters when I’ve been holding back for him and he just blows up on me for fucking nothing,” you said.

“You’re both stubborn people, aren’t ya,” he said.

“Maybe,” you grumbled.

“Maybe this guy is scared and looking for a way out of the relationship. Or maybe he thinks you want out. You mentioned kids. That’s not easy.”

“He’s also...older. There’s an age gap. I was the nanny and now I’m the girlfriend nanny. He’s also kinda...famous,” you said.

“So there’s a lot of stress in this relationship then.”

“No,” you said, dropping your arms to your sides. “It’s not like that.”

“Maybe the dumb bastard just got scared of losing someone again,” he said. “Just a theory.”

“I wish he wasn’t scared,” you said. “I don’t know how to make him not afraid.”

“You ever think maybe he said that because you’re getting in there pretty good now and he’s getting real scared that losing you might hurt just as bad as this wife did.”

“He’s an idiot. But he’s my idiot,” you said. 

“Talk to him. Get an apology and try to forgive him.”

“I already forgive him. I know him. He was scared and I got mad instead of realizing after so many weeks apart all he needed was a freaking hug.”

“Then go home and give him a hug,” he said.

“Thanks,” you said with a nod. “I must have looked like a hot mess or something.”

“Oh for sure,” he chuckled. You smiled and he laughed. “That looks better.”

“Jensen probably left like five messages on my phone by now,” you said. The cop you were with paused and smiled. “What?”

“A kinda famous Jensen. There’s really only one of those in town,” he said.

“Oh. Yeah. Please don’t share that he’s dating. He really wants to keep things private for a lot of reasons right now,” you said.

“He’s my buddy.”

“Your buddy?”

“We went to school together,” he said. “In tenth grade he went for a slide on second base, ripped his pants right down the middle. His hanes bright blue covered ass still managed to get around to home base.”

“He split his pants in a baseball game?” you smiled.

“I know quite a few of his dirty secrets,” he said. “I don’t really know that whole acting thing but him I know and that must make you Y/N. You ever in trouble kid, ever just got a bad feeling and want a cop to come by, give me a call.”

“Thanks,” you said as you took his card. “You really think he’s a dumb bastard?”

“Oh knowing it’s him, 100%. Give him a break. We like him when he smiles,” he said.

“I’m gonna give him a call,” you said. “We should hang out sometime now that Jensen has a break.”

“Definitely. I gotta finish my patrol,” he said. “Take care Y/N.”

“Bye,” you said as you headed back towards your car. You pulled out your phone and saw seven missed calls and twelve unread texts. You tapped the screen and put the phone up to your ear, only ringing for a second.

“I’m sorry,” said Jensen.

“Me too.”

“I’m the one that...shit I’m so sorry, Y/N. I don’t know what happened.”

“You missed me and you were scared and seeing Doug probably hurt like a bitch,” you said.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t want to be the stupid jealous boyfriend.”

“I’m not too far from your brewery if you want to meet there. Get a beer. Blow this over,” you said.

“I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you. Stop apologizing. I want to give you a hug,” you said. 

“I’ll meet you there in thirty minutes?” he asked.

“I’ll see you soon honey.”

“Hi,” said Jensen as you sat at a quiet table in the back, sipping on a beer and eating a piece of pizza. You smiled and stood up, giving him a hug. He tucked his head down and sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey we survived our first big fight as a couple,” you said. “That deserves beer and pizza.”

He sat down next to you, forcing a smile on his face. You reached over and cupped his cheek, Jensen turning into it. 

“Please forgive yourself,” you said.

“I don’t really want to,” he said.

“You called me a cheater. I get what I want today and that’s for you to forgive yourself.”

“I don’t know why I said that.”

“Jensen,” you said, stroking his cheek. “I love you.”

He stared at you, a different look in his eyes, the tiniest sliver of a smile peeking through. You inched closer and slid your hand around to the back of his neck, pulling him into a kiss. He felt softer than usual, lips barely moving against yours. 

“I love you,” he said. He wrapped his arms around you and grinned. “I have loved you for a very long time.” You kissed him again, Jensen returning it. 

He left his arm around your back, smirking when you did the same to him.

“Can we forget about earlier?” you asked. He nodded and rested his head on your shoulder.

“One last I’m sorry though,” he said.

“Just don’t call me that again and we’re all good, Jens,” you said. “Now eat some of this pizza so I don’t feel like a glutton.”

“I don’t have to slip into a superhero costume any more so dad bod here I come,” he chuckled.

“Does that mean Solider Boy meets some untimely end?”

“No spoilers,” he said. “But I don’t think I’ll be going back to that show. At least as often. I know I want to direct an episode of walker in the fall. I talked to Jared about it actually so that’ll be fun. I might do a duck and run guest appearance on it. I’ll line up something for next year but I want to be home for awhile, do work around here.” 

“I know quite a few people who would be more than okay with that,” you said. 

“Don’t make any plans for Saturday,” he smirked.

“I thought you were having your Jared day tomorrow.”

“Oh we are. Gen invited you and the kids over. She’d like to get to know you. You’ll love her,” he said.

“So what’s Saturday then?” you asked.

“I’d like to take you and the kids out on the boat. We haven’t been since before the accident. Maybe we can go out for dinner and put up the tent in the backyard, have a sleepover out there with the kids.”

“That sounds fun.”

“And...I’d like to maybe next week take you out for the day, just us, maybe...spend the night somewhere,” he said.

“Like a hotel?” you asked.

“Yeah. Or the kids can have a sleepover at Jared’s. Maybe.” He glanced down and you moved your arm from his back, reaching behind yourself to hold his hand. Green eyes flickered over to yours and you smiled. “I’m-”

“You know if you keep apologizing about earlier I’m not going to have sex with you,” you said. “That’s just facts.”

“Okay,” he chuckled. “No more apologies. Aside from...I really am sorry about what I said. I’m the one that’s been holding back and not once have you asked for more.”

“We said we’d take it slow and that’s okay,” you said. He squeezed your hand and nodded. “I don’t like you because you’re attractive or your hair is great or your arms are massive. Having fun with you is fun but that’s not why I’m here.”

“I don’t know if I can give you things you want,” he said.

“Just give me you and that’s good with me,” you said.

“Okay,” he said quietly. You scooted closer to him, Jensen tucking a stray hair behind your ear. “Let’s do it now.”

“Uh, what?” you said, taking a sip from your beer.

“The kids aren’t home and I don’t want to wait and-”

“You don’t have to ask me twice,” you said, knocking back your beer and flipping the cardboard down over your pizza. He stared and you burped, picking up the box. “There’s like six slices left and this is too good to waste, even for sex.”

“You have literally never been more attractive than in this moment,” he said. 

“I could be.”

“I’ll see you at the house in twenty?”

“Yes you will Ackles.”

Forty minutes later you hand was slapping against his headboard, legs squeezed so tight around his waist you were shocked he wasn’t complaining. You moaned loudly as he teased your clit and he delivered one more hard thrust. He grunted as you gripped his shoulder with your other hand.

“Jensen,” you breathed out. “I’m right there. Please, please, please…”

You arched your back when he thrust hard, fingers rubbing just a bit rougher and you came all around him, every muscle tensed and riding out that high, long, deep, absolutely perfect orgasm. Jensen thrust a few more times before he groaned and rested his head on your shoulder, big panting breaths fanning over your skin. 

He was sweaty but pulled out slowly, plopping down on the bed beside you, hand resting on his chest.

“I don’t know about you but that was good,” he said. “Damn good.”

You giggled between breaths, nodding your head slightly. You tilted it over towards his, Jensen already staring at you with soft hooded green eyes. 

“Definitely damn good,” you breathed. His lips tugged up into a smile, warm and gentle, his head inching closer to you. You sat up and leaned down to kiss him, Jensen breaking off when he needed air. You trailed a finger down his chest before climbing out of bed and excusing yourself to the bathroom. After you cleaned up you found Jensen chucking the condom in the trash and wiping himself off quickly. 

“Come here you,” he said. He picked you up bridal style and carried you back to the bed, laying you down carefully. “I’m big on after sex cuddling just so you know.”

“I find that to be a very attractive quality,” you said as he lay down. He reached down to the end of the bed and grabbed the bunched up blanket, pulling it over the two of you. His arm slid under your head and he pulled you into his side, encouraging you to use him as a pillow. “You’re warm.”

“So are you,” he said. He kissed your temple and let out a deep breath. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“I never thought I’d be able to do that ever again. Let alone not feel bad about doing it,” he said.

“You okay?”

“I’m great,” he said. “Really. I know Dee would have been telling me to not worry so I didn’t. I don’t...I feel like I can talk about her again, you know?”

“You used to call her your wife a lot. Recently you’ve been saying her name more. I think you really are healing, Jensen.”

“I knew the second you left earlier I messed up. I dropped the kids off at Jared’s and then I wound up at the cemetery. I saw these purple flowers there. It’s kinda a different flower but they were her favorite. I’ve only ever told one other person those were her favorites,” he said. You traced your finger over his pec and rested your palm flat on his chest. “Why’d you put flowers there?”

“Why wouldn’t I Jensen?”

“That’s how I knew I can stop being so scared when it comes to you. Purple fucking flowers. You’re just…”

“I love you too,” you said, giving his whole body a squeeze. He returned it, holding you for a long time, neither one of you saying a word. It wasn’t until you noticed the light starting to change in the room that you both moved. 

“Y/N,” said Jensen when you sat upright. You looked over your shoulder, a smile on his face. “Do you want to stay upstairs with me from now on instead of your room? It’s okay if-”

“I’d love to,” you said. “To be honest, I slept up here the other night.”

“You did?” he asked as you nodded.

“I missed you.”

“Me too,” he said.

“I know three little faces that really missed you too,” you said. He smiled and nodded. “Let’s go get the rascals.”

______

A/N: Read Part 9 here!

[queenshelby]

A New Life

Part Two: The Hangover Date

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Words: 1,510

Warning: None

It was about 10 o’clock in the morning after the party when you slowly crawled out of bed as you were woken up by a loud banging noise coming from the downstairs living room.

You were staying in the guest room of your brother’s house since Max had a sleepover there with his cousins so that Janine, Evelyn’s sister, could look after the children for the night. She always had been your brother’s go to babysitter and you’ve known her for many years as well.

‘Morning’ you said with a hasty voice as you walked into the kitchen, rubbing your eyes and staring out of the window. Clearly, you were hungover after having had too much alcohol to drink the night before.

‘Morning’ you heard from the small butler’s pantry and, whilst this voice wasn’t your brother’s voice, it sounded very familiar.

‘Jesus’ you eventually huffed out as, suddenly, Cillian appeared in front of you, holding a box of marshmallows.

‘One would have thought that your brother kept those on the top shelf, out of reach from the kids’ he chuckled just as you were looking at him rather stunned and embarrassed.

You were wearing one of your brother’s old t-shirts, black cotton panties and a pair of fluffy bed socks which Evelyn had lent you. Your hair was messy and the remains of your mascara was smudged beneath your eyes despite the fact that you had removed your make up the night before, before you went to bed, at least so you thought.

Cillian, on the other hand, clearly had been up for a while. He was wearing a black hooded jumper and blue jeans which, clearly, needed to be stitched up around the knee area. His hair was freshly washed and messy and he didn’t even have bags under his eyes despite the fact that he had left the pub just before you did.

But, what stood out to you, were his colourful purple striped socks which didn’t match his rather trendy outfit whatsoever.

‘Uhm, have you seen my son, Max?’ you eventually murmured concerned as it was clear to you that Evelyn’s sister had already left and, whilst you heard the shower going downstairs, you didn’t see anyone else around.

‘He is in the living room, having a hot chocolate. Apparently, I forgot the marshmallows though’ Cillian said with a warm smile and you followed him into the living room as he did.

‘Cill, shit, Max is lactose intolerant’ you panicked as you saw him sip on his blue sesame street cup.

‘I know. You mentioned it to me last night so I gave him soy milk’ Cillian then said and you were somewhat surprised that he had remembered your passing remark about your son’s intolerance to dairy.

‘Thank god, because this would have been one hell of a day’ you said relieved which is when Max told you that Cillian had made pancakes for him and his cousins too.

‘Oh wow, that’s lucky’ you said before thanking Cillian for making Max and his cousins some breakfast.

‘So, uhm, what are you doing here so early in the morning?’ you then asked, curious as to why he was at your brother’s house.

‘Early? It’s 10 o’clock’ Cillian then chuckled before telling you that Cian, Evelyn and him were going to see a mutual friend’s new art exhibition in Dublin at noon.

‘I knew Cian would be hungover, so I came over early to force him to get ready’ Cillian then explained and you couldn’t help but laugh before sitting down with Max. Cillian obviously knew your brother well and, once he started drinking, there was certainly no stopping him especially when it comes to beer.

***

It wasn’t long until Evelyn and Cian walked into the living room and, whilst Evelyn didn’t look much better than you, Cian had managed to have a shower and had gotten dressed.

‘I don’t think I am going to come with you guys. My head is pounding’ Evelyn said.

‘So, you rather hang out with my mother? Fine by me’ Cian laughed and, sure enough, it wasn’t long until the doorbell rang and Cian’s mother arrived in order to help with the kids.

‘Do you like modern art?’ Cillian then asked you.

‘It depends. Some I do, some I don’t’ you explained and that was when Cillian asked you whether you wanted to come along instead of Evelyn.

‘Dude, this could have been fun now that we ditched my wife and now you invite my sister along instead? Common’ Cian joked as you agreed reluctantly to tag along with them after Evelyn and Cian’s mother offered to watch Max for the remainder of the day.

‘I need to go home and get changed first though. I would have to meet you there’ you explained.

‘It’s pouring outside Y/N. I can drive you and wait, if you like. That way, you don’t have to walk and catch public transport. Surely, you won’t take more than 20 minutes to get ready, right?’ Cillian then offered.

‘That would be great, thank you. I think I can manage to get ready in 20 minutes’ you confirmed before quickly grabbing your stuff.

‘Are you coming man?’ Cillian then asked Cian as you were ready to leave.

‘Mate, just pick me up on the way into town. You have to come this way again anyway. I am still not feeling so flash’ Cian then said before asking you to grab some of Max’s sickie bags from your house for him to use in case he needed to vomit.

‘You better don’t throw up in my new car man’ Cillian then chuckled before following you out of the door.

***

When Cillian pulled up in front of your apartment five minutes later, you offered him to come inside and make him a cup of tea while he was waiting for you to get ready.

You desperately needed at least a quick shower and it felt rude to leave him sit in his car after he had just gone out of his way to drive you.

Cillian gladly accepted your offer and, just as he sat down in the living room and you handed him a cup of peppermint tea, he apologised to you for talking to Robert and forcing you on a date with him.

‘It’s not your fault Cillian. Cian already explained what happened and I appreciate that you tried to hook me up with the man you thought I might be interested in. The truth is, I am not. I am not interested in any sort of relationship at the moment and, whilst he is nice, he is also a little too young for me I think’ you said carefully, not knowing what Cillian’s relationship with Robert was like.

‘Too young? Isn’t he a year older than you?’ Cillian said before admitting to you that he had googled your name the night before after you met because he was curious.

‘You googled me? Okay, so you are well aware of all the bad press back home’ you said, thinking back about the bad things the papers back home had written about you following your recent break up with your ex-boyfriend who, clearly, wanted to make a name for himself.

‘I don’t tend to read gossip Y/N. Over the years I’ve learned that only half of the shit the papers say about someone is actually true’ Cillian said reassuringly, making you smile.

‘That is good to know. I wish everyone had this sort of mindset’ you said with a warm smile before looking at your watch.

‘I better get ready’ you then said, causing Cillian to nod.

***

You had quick shower and washed your hair which took five minutes at the most and, when you were done, you tippy toed through the living room into your bedroom, covered only by a white fluffy towel.

As you walked through the living room quickly, you could hear Cillian inhale sharply. He was clearly watching you and you certainly didn’t mind.

But the fact that he did watch you bothered him. In the back of his mind, he knew that he should look away. You were his best friend’s sister and much younger than him.

Eventually, after another five minutes, you emerged from your bedroom wearing black jeans and a grey jumper. You put your semi wet hair into a bun and applied some mascara and lip gloss.

‘Is this alright, you think?’ you asked, seeking some reassurance from Cillian.

‘You look nice’ he then said almost shyly before you both headed off and picked up Cian.

But, little did you know that Cian wasn’t the only person who you were picking up on your way to the gallery.

Cillian also made a small detour to collect Laura who, when she saw you sitting in Cillian’s car, was rather surprised and also a little annoyed.

Whilst it was not clear to you last night, you realised now, that Cillian was Cian’s friend who she had her eyes on and this was meant to be a double date which you had ultimately just crashed.

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[insomniumstella]

heartbreaks 

bucky x reader

summary: Bucky has experienced many heartbreaks in his life but this might just be the most painful

warnings: angst, some talk about blood, guns, knives, but not really

word count: 1,456

author’s note: got my heart broken and this is the outcome. ruelle’s the other side & war of heart songs fit this perfectly

Bucky was a man of heartbreak. Throughout his life, he experienced many. Some were more gentle than others, but all of them hurt nonetheless. The heartbreak of getting rejected back in his teen years, or the heartbreak of having to see Steve getting beat up. The pain of losing a sister, and later on, the pain of losing himself. The crushing guilt of taking someone's life; it didn't matter if he wasn't in control when he killed all those people. The sin and sorrow didn't ease. Bucky didn't enjoy pain, but he was for sure familiar with it. An intimate feeling but never a pleasurable one. It always crept upon him when he least expected it too. Sometimes it was soft, so slight Bucky wondered if it was even there. Other times, well other times, the pain was excruciating and exhausting, an icy cold feeling that crept into his bones and froze him in place. Those times were the hardest. In those times, he felt utterly hopeless. And even though he promised himself he wouldn't let the pain consume him ever again, there's no way to stop your heart from breaking. That night, the night when Steve walked in with y/n's nearly lifeless body in his hands, proved that pain always finds a way. It's ruthless and unpredictable. 

"What happened?" Both Sam and Bucky jumped from their seats. Steve didn't have the energy to answer. His eyes were dull and tired and pleading for someone, anyone, to get the help y/n needed. Bucky saw the injuries on his best friend's body, but the deep, gushing red wounds on y/n made Steve's seem insignificant.

"Buck?" Bucky didn't realize he froze. Didn't realize pain bound him in his bones again. He didn't think much after that, not when her life depended on him. It took a split second for the soldier to take y/n's body from Steve and start running to the medical wing. Bucky has never run this fast in his entire life, not even when his life depended on it. Not even when people chased after him with guns and knives, ready to cut his heart out. No, this was the fastest Bucky has ever run. If Bucky ran fast enough, then maybe, just maybe, she'd get to live. He pressed her tighter to his chest.

"I need a doctor, please." Usually, Bucky remained calm. Usually, he only spoke when it was necessary. Over the years, words became a luxury Bucky didn't feel worthy of. He grew accustomed to staying silent and it's what he did most days. Some thought he was weird, a deadly outcast, a dangerous loner if you will. Others, oh, others didn't even try speaking to him. He was The Winter Soldier after all. What if he lost control? What if he tried to kill them? It was a title destined to burden him forever. Three simple words he could never get rid of, no matter how much or how hard he tried to run away from them. If one thing was for sure, it was that no one could ever hate him more than Bucky hated himself. He was a monster, right? Bucky accepted that the word monster was a name fit for a man like him until she came along.

"She'll survive, right?" He asked once again.

"Mister Barnes, I need you to remove your hand from the stretcher. We're taking her into the emergency surgery room now." Bucky took a shaky breath. y/n was a woman like nothing else. She'd yell snarky remarks at strangers if they looked at him for too long. Ask him the most ridiculous questions to get him to open up, and every once in a while, crack a smile because they were so stupid, he couldn't keep a neutral face. Lounge at him full speed during training when the only other person brave enough to do so was Steve; no, she gave her all every time. Never treated him as a broken man, but always sat outside his bedroom door to let him know she's there if he needs her. Accepted every touch he gave and didn't dare to ask for more, even though Bucky knew how much she loved it. y/n was extraordinary, so it came as no surprise that her love was extraordinary too. A special kind of love people hope to find in their lifetime.

"Please. I need to be in there." Bucky wasn't ready to let go. The world wasn't ready to lose a soul like y/n. Bucky wasn't ready to lose y/n. It was a mean, painful heartbreak to see her fighting for her life and, as much as Bucky hated to admit it, losing.

“Please. Just tell me she’s fine.” He broke down, voice hoarse and tired.

"Mister Barnes, let go." And so they wheeled her away, leaving Bucky utterly hopeless. He hated feeling hopeless. Hated feeling as if there wasn't anything he could do to help. But he wasn't a doctor, wasn't a nurse either, so the only thing he could do was wait.

"You're okay?" Sam sat down beside him. It was just the two of them in the waiting room.

  "I'm fine. How's Steve?"

  "He needs a couple of bandages, but he'll survive." Sam joked, but his smile quickly fell when he noticed Bucky's expression. "I'm sure y/n will too." The only thing Bucky could do was nod. He thought about the first time she came into his room to help with the nightmares. Sleepy-eyed, wearing an old t-shirt and boxers for a pajama, a pair of fluffy socks on her feet, another in her hand. Here, warm feet, warm thoughts, she said then. Bucky couldn't lose her. He didn't have the chance to admit he wears those damn socks to bed every night since then. He thought about his first birthday at the compound. It was 5 am, everyone else was sleeping, so it came as a surprise when he found y/n in the kitchen when he walked in. The smell of coffee in the room, flour all over her face, clothes, the counters, and a crooked smile on her face. I wasn't sure what to get you for your birthday, so I baked a cake. Sorry it’s kind of ugly!, she said then. It was a very messily decorated cake with too much salt added to it, but Bucky was sure she stayed up all night just to make it for him, so it was the best cake he ever had. Bucky couldn't lose her. He didn't have the chance to admit that the cake meant more to him than she'll ever know. He thought about the first time he joined her for her usual Friday movie night. She had managed to escape going to a fancy gala with the others, instead opting for sweatpants and a big hoodie to hide all bruises and cuts from their mission a couple of hours prior. Bucky was mad as hell at her for the decisions she made on the field that day. I'm alive! No need to worry, she said then, chuckling, but it was the first time he saw fear paint her features. She fell asleep halfway into the movie, her body so worn out it fell against his. Bucky fell asleep a couple of minutes after that, and they both had the pleasure of explaining why they were "cuddling" to their teammates the next morning. But it was the first time Bucky slept peacefully through the night, so he couldn't lose her. He didn't have the chance to admit he was mad because he cared, perhaps so much it scared him, about her. He thought about the first times they snuck out from the compound together for late-night walks. The first times they spent the nights in each other's rooms. The first times they cuddled on movie nights for real. He thought about the first time they kissed too. That time she didn't say much, afraid it was all an illusion, but her body spoke volumes. The feeling of her lips on his, and her trembling hands finding their way into his hair, the nervous but cute smile when they pulled away? Bucky won't ever forget that. So no, he can't lose her yet, because he didn't have the chance to admit he fell in love. Deeply, painfully in love with her. 

"Mister Barnes." Sam had already left him to go to sleep when the doctor approached him hours later. It took 4 coffees just for Bucky to stay awake but it didn't matter. All that mattered was her.

"Yes?"

"I'm afraid I have some bad news for you."

One sentence was enough to make the world underneath Bucky’s feet come crashing down. 

[tommyspeakycap]

again, your new john stones fic blew me away!!! Amazing. Please feel free to write about him all day every day!! <3

thank you again!! here’s another sweet one inspired by my own 1am experience tonight :) i wish I had a john stones

My hero

Your heart is quite literally thundering in your chest. There’s no feeling like it, this kind of fear that sticks you to the ground beneath your feet. You honestly feel like you can’t catch your breath, tears streaking down over your flushed cheeks as you hold your phone in your right hand with trembling fingers, one thumb finally letting go of the little microphone shaped drawing in your iMessages app. Even the whooshing sound of the message you knew was about to send to your best friend catches you off guard, making your shoulders clench and raise in fright.

“Are you seriously alright??”

She texts back, her confusion and teasing is something you know is laced into those letters across the screen creating a glow in the dim room. You roll your eyes at her, trying to keep your vision up while sending another voice note back; “No, seriously. Why does this only ever happen when I’m alone??”

“Probably because you live alone?” She replies back, and you curse yourself for a choice of friends who clearly have no empathy for what you consider to be a very serious situation. You know you won’t hear the end of this teasing once it’s all over. But the fear to you is all too real.

“(Y/n) I got your text! Came right here, are you alright?”

The sudden voice makes you literally clench your entire body, nearly shooting off the floor in fright and making one of those internalised fear noises that sounds like you just been attacked with a taser. You hear keys dropping down by the door and then a pause of his footsteps as you try to catch your breath. Your heart swells a little at the thought of him being here.

“John!” You yelp, your voice coming out something more like a strangled cry. The tall defender hears that sound and finds himself in panic, those long legs carrying him quickly and easily up the stairs of your small home until he spots you standing now in the doorway of your bedroom. He rushes towards you, seemingly checking you over for potential injuries the best he can in the darkness only broken by the lowest setting of flashlight on your phone. The first thing he notices when checking over your face with his hands is the wetness still making its way over your cheeks.

“Are you alright? what happened? Is there someone in there? Are you okay? Did someone hurt-“

You cut off his rambling with a finger over his lips, creating even more confusion for the fluffy haired brunette who had very clearly rolled himself out of bed to hurry over here. He was wearing shoes without socks, dirty shorts from training that he’d thrown off before going to bed only to pull back in to come to your, and an old sweater that usually sat somewhere downstairs in the closet closest to the door. It was obvious he had come in a wild rush the second he got your erratic message.

“It’s a wasp, John!” You whisper, as if the little creature that sitting on your lightbulb unwilling to move from the place you couldn’t reach and wouldn’t dare to even if you could, was able to hear you.

“A wasp?” John repeats incredulously. “Seriously?”

You nod vigorously, and and as much as the exhausted footballer wants to complain or even sigh at you, he doesn’t. Maybe he can’t. Because he’s got his arms around you and he definitely can feel you quivering against him. He had expected something more along the lines of a one night stand gone wrong or even someone breaking it, but as his consciousness began to catch back up with his previously very sleepy self, it made a lot more sense. In the event of a break in, you would probably have been bloody calmer than you are now to be honest. John had seen you after a pretty dangerous car crash completely still and relatively calm as you gave statements to police officers with blood still trickling down your face. But put an insect in your path and you scaled the closest thing to you for protection.

It just so happened that closest thing was often John Stones, and he was happy to be that person really.

It has become a norm between the two of you in the years you had been friends. Winter was the worst for spiders, but he generally didn’t mind the mildly irritating insects. He just got rid of them one way or another while you hid as far as you could get and then he’d come get you when the coast was clean. But you hated summer for this particular reason.

Wasps.

They fly in, fly into things and somehow never make it back on the window on their own despite it being the most easy thing one could ever imagine. Then, they try and sting you as if they aren’t in your house. They just creep you out, even the sight of them with their nasty little bodies. Bees aren’t a problem, they’re fuzzy looking and don’t intrude in your home nearly half as much. Also, they don’t try to sting you all the damn time.

“Where abouts?” He asks, his voice showing no hint of any destain or irritation he may harbour. “On the light,” you tell him shakily, following close to him back as you both enter the room. “Right up there- careful!”

John sniggers a little to himself, much to your dismay. He kicks off his shoes by your bedside table and climbs up onto the bed with ease on those ridiculously long legs. By luck, chance or both, he has some toilet paper in his hoodie pocket that he’d probably used to wipe his nose or something like that earlier, he can’t remember. He holds it out at arms length, only inches away form the unsuspecting black and yellow insect. “Where?” He asks again, “I can’t see anything.”

“There!” You insist, pointing up with a shaking finger. “I don’t see anything (y/n).” He repeats, making you whimper slightly, more tears suddenly appearing as you try to come to terms with the fact it might’ve moved while you were outside the room. The thought of having to sleep in your house while not knowing where it was would send you absolutely mental. “It was there I swear, look-“

“Ahhh, I got it. Stand back.”

He leans forward with relative ease, careful with the force he used so close to a live electric source and grips the buzzing creature in his tissue. “There we go,” he hums, stepping down from the bed. “All go-“

As if on cue, it flies out of the paper and you let loose a literal shriek as you dive backwards, crashing into the wall and then jumping forward in fright at that. “Woah!” John calls, “it’s alright, it’s right there. Calm, calm. Take a deep breath. Look,” he tries to calm you. That deep accent with his fatigue coating each word seeps into you, carefully calming your firing heart as he grabs it tighter from the floor, making sure he squashed it this time and immediately takes it to flush it down the toilet. John doesn’t know if you’re supposed to kill them or not, but at this moment in time he genuinely does not care. Was he fuck going to chase a wasp out of a window at half past one in the morning. Not a chance.

When he returns from the bathroom now empty handed, you still seem upset.

“That was scary.” You announce.

John smiles, pearly whites all on display. “I noticed.” He teases, making you scowl tiredly at him.

That scowl falters when his smile breaks into a light, soft laugh and he moves to stand in front of you. You absolutely don’t mind the fact that he’s babying you a little, using the sleeves of his sweater to wipe your cheeks before pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead and taking you into his strong arms. In fact, it’s very much welcomed. His arms are the safest place in the world to you and even the residual discomforted shivers from the concept of a wasp in your bedroom couldn’t get through that defender. He looks after a lot more than just the Manchester City goal line. No, he’s the sole defender of something much more precious that he doesn’t even realise.

Your heart.

“You okay now?” He asks softly, his tired voice rumbling through you. You nod against him, “Feeling a bit better. Thank you Stonesy.” You mumble, words muffled by the muscled chest that your face his resting against. “Anything for you, lovely.” He responds easily, pulling back from you in a way that aches his heart. The sudden lack of your warmth and presence against him is utterly brutal. He loves holding you, but hates it in the same breath. He would love to hold you if it was something he got to do freely instead of fleetingly.

His eyes are stuck watching you sit down on the edge of your bed to grab your phone and check the time with an element of shock rolling through your eyes when you realise it’s nearly two.

“You got training tomorrow?” You ask sweetly, a yawn following the tail end of your words adorable in a way that makes John’s heart flutter like a teenage boy. He nods, “Not till after dinner though, around 5.”

It’s your turn to nod, seeming to be chewing over something in thought as you lie down in the middle of your bed.

“Wanna stay then?”

John has to pretend to think about it at least a little bit so he doesn’t look like he’s jumping right up at the opportunity, which is exactly what he wants to do. “Why not,” he shrugs, chucking off his hoodie to the foot of your bed, “Scoot over.”

He clambers in, long limbs moving nowhere near as coordinated as they are on the pitch as he lays down by your right. It’s like a familiar dance, one you both know so well as you shuffle around so you can lay against his chest, one leg hooked over him as his arm wraps around you to pull you even closer. A silence falls between you as he feels your eyelashes fluttering shut, tickling his chest. He can’t find that same relaxation, can’t seem to shut his eyes for the thoughts flying through his mind all at once.

“I should teach you how to catch them.” John states, rumbling voice interrupting the peaceful quiet in which you had nearly found sleep. “You know, for the future.” He adds almost flippantly. Almost.

“Why?” You hum groggily, sleep croaking your voice ever so slightly. “I got you.”

John has to pretend your half asleep admission doesn’t send his heart flying into his throat. You do always have him, right there in the palm of your hand. Always.

“I don’t think other guys would appreciate me barging into their house in the middle of the night.” He suggests, making you quirk an eyebrow in question, but you still don’t look up at him and he isn’t even sure if you’ve got your eyes fully open. “No other guys here,” you state, “Single, living all alone.” You add lazily. The words almost make John wonder if he has fallen asleep, each one spoke playing straight into the dream he’s had for years for you to be his.

“Yeah, I know but…but there will be, at some point.” He suggests. You give no response for a moment and he briefly thinks you’ve fallen asleep at some point in this conversation.

“Bet those other guys wouldn’t come get rid of wasps for me in the middle of the night like you do.”

“Maybe,” John shrugs, “but I think there’s plenty of guys like that, especially for you.”

He feels you shake your head against him, your words decisive as you speak;

“There are no guys like you, John Stones.”

His words and his breath are caught on his throat, his heart erupting in his chest as he replays those words in his mind, trying to figure out if he had actually just heard them or if his tired mind was playing tricks on him because it was so late and he hadn’t had enough sleep.

But then you look up at him with tired eyes and a sweet smile. You know what you’ve just done, know the bomb you’ve just dropped and you’re hoping with everything crossed that he feels the same way.

“You’re my hero, Stonesy.” You say softly, your voice now a little sheepish and he can barely just make out the flush of your cheeks in the dim room lighting. “And I love you with everything I have.”

He doesn’t know what to say, his eyes wide as his heart beats as erratically as he had felt yours beating when he first arrived with fear coursing through his veins thinking you were in some kind of mortal peril.

“John?” You ask timidly, voice sheepish as you sit up in fear.

“Sorry,” he rumbles, pushing himself to a seated position, allowing him to lean forward and slide his hand around the back of your head to pull you into him, your lips crashing down onto his.

It’s just about everything he’s ever wanted.

“God I love you.” He says against your lips, a groan leaving his throat from pure satisfaction, pure relief of finally getting those words off of his chest. You giggle, resting back against his chest. “Can we sleep now, please?”

He nods, both of you shuffling so you can resume the position you had been in before a life changing confession that had spun you and the Barnsley brunette into the kiss that had been years in waiting. This was the happiest either of you had probably ever been.

“Guess we have the wasps to thank for this eh?” John lulls just as sleep is about to encompass you. He feels you shiver against him, the hairs on your arms immediately raising to attention at the mention of that which you hate so much.

“Don’t say that! That’s basically an invitation for them to invade my house!” You hiss, giving his chest a gentle swat as he pulls you closer to his side.

“Let them come,” he says almost triumphantly, “You got me now, always.”

You cosy yourself against him, a soft sigh of complete content and comfort tickling his chest as it dances across him. He feels that gentle smile that settles onto your gestures as your heavy eyes allow sleep to truly begin to take you.

“Always,” you mumble, words diluted by sleep “My hero.”

[milfgyuu]

Moonlight Cafe II [final] Pairing: Lim Jaebeom x OC!Fem Reader Tags: 7.5k, Fantasy!AU, Vampire!Jaebeom, Romance, Mystery, Sequel, Smut. Summary: The man you’ve fallen for turns out to be both immortal and your soulmate. You and Jaebeom travel to his home in the city where you meet new friends who offer you both a new beginning.

A/N: Thank you everyone who waited patiently for this update! I really hope you enjoy the rest of the story. | Read Moonlight Cafe here!

Warnings: mature themes throughout, sexually explicit content, language, minor mentions of blood/biting, unprotected sex (mxf), vampire stuff.

It’s nearly three in the afternoon when you finally wake, jumping out of your skin when you see the time. There is no way Cheeseburger would ever let you sleep this long without feeding him and you’re worried he somehow got out. You bolt out of your bedroom to find a familiar figure sitting at your kitchen table and an even more familiar fat cat atop that table happily munching away. 

The events of the day before come crashing back to you and it’s like having a bucket of cold water dumped over your head. Vampire. Immortal. Mates.

Jaebeom senses your presence and turns slowly, a small smile upon his lips, “I hope you don’t mind. He was terribly hungry.”

You watch in shock as the cat allows Jaebeom to scratch behind his ears, bunting his furry head against his hand and purring like a madman. Cheeseburger never let strangers near him, let alone close enough to pet him. 

“He likes you,” You mumble more to yourself but he hears it anyway. 

“I like him too,” Jaebeom says happily, a sincere grin plastered on his handsome face.

“You stayed,” You said just as quietly but your feet were already carrying you closer to him. He reaches for you without thinking but you meet him halfway, hand slipping into his naturally and he has to physically restrain himself from kissing your knuckles. 

‘Baby steps’ he thinks to himself. You passed out after the mate bomb was dropped and he doesn’t want a repeat of last night.

“I’m sorry for crashing,” You told him, smoothing your thumb over his skin.

“Don’t be. Your body was just really overwhelmed,” Jaebeom explained, “You were under a lot of stress yesterday and I’m sure the shock of everything I told you didn’t help. Are you feeling better?” He asked hopefully and you offered him a smile, sliding into the seat across from him. 

“Much better,” You sigh “Could use a shower and change of clothes but I feel good. Surprisingly enough, I woke up without any chest pain for the first time in a while.”

Jaebeom is quiet for a moment but he doesn’t look upset. Just thoughtful. “Do you have any plans today?”

“No, I was just going to lay around. Nothing important.”

“Would you want to spend time with me?” He asks hesitantly, “We could talk some more and I can answer any questions you might have.”

“Yeah, of course. Do you mind if I go shower and change my clothes though?” You ask, grimacing at the fact that you’re still wearing your uniform from last night minus the shoes and socks Jaebeom stripped from you before tucking you in. 

“Not at all. Go ahead.” Jaebeom grins, running a hand along Cheeseburger’s back, making him arch happily, “I’ll make you something to eat in the meantime.”

“Oh,” You stop midway out of your seat but Jaebeom can read the question before you ask it and he chuckles, “I’ll explain later.”

“Got it,” You nod once. “Did you already change?” You ask, noticing his fresh clothes and slightly damp hair.

“Super speed,” He reminds you with a grin and you just nod dumbly, getting up and backing toward your bedroom until you're behind closed doors again. 

Holy shit. It was all real, wasn’t it? 

The word ’Mate’ circles around and around in your brain and though you don’t understand the full implications, your body seems to understand just fine. It aches to be near him at all times and explains why you gravitate toward him unknowingly. You recall following him halfway out of the diner the first night you met him. 

You seek him out without even realizing it and that must be one of the effects of being his mate. You crave his physical proximity. His comforting touch. 

You step out of the shower and dry yourself off, swiping a hand across the foggy mirror to look at yourself but your head jerks toward the door when you hear singing coming from the kitchen. There’s no hope of stopping yourself as you move through the house, the singing growing louder, clearer with each step, beckoning you forward. 

Jaebeom is so distracted at the stove that he doesn’t notice your bare feet padding across the floor, even with his superior hearing. It’s not until you're less than five feet away when he spins around, words caught in his throat as you stand before him in nothing but your towel, one hand fisted at the top of the material and he’s completely dumbstruck at the sight. 

With the sudden silence you shake your head, wondering when and how you got there before looking up at a stunned Jaebeom, his hand gripping the wooden spatula so tightly it splinters and snaps in half, the sound waking you both up. 

You look down and realize your state of undress and turn bright red, “How did I get here?” You look panicked and Jaebeom puts two and two together.

“It must be the bond...” He cocks his head quizzically, “I didn’t know it could do that.”

“Oh, yeah. Sure. Of course...mates,” You laugh awkwardly, eyes about to bug out of your head, “I’m uh, going to put clothes on now.”

Jaebeom is really trying to hold back a proud smirk at this new discovery. He feels like the fucking Pied Piper but he’s actively trying not to scare you off and it takes every ounce of self-control to stay rooted to the spot. 

You poke your head back out of your bedroom door and catch his attention again, “Maybe...no singing until I’m dressed, okay?” With your luck, next time you’d be standing before him stark naked. 

Although, you weren’t sure you would consider that unlucky.

You’re dressed in record time, sticking to something comfortable, before you exit your bedroom and the smell of hot food hits you, making your stomach rumble loudly. Jaebeom is at the table with a cup of coffee and you slip into the seat across from him, taking up a fork and digging in, “This is amazing, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” He grins, watching your cheeks poke out adorably as you eat, “It’s been a while since I’ve had to cook but I’m glad it’s edible.”

You hum thoughtfully as you swallow another bite, “So, what’s the um...eating situation like?” You ask, embarrassment is clear in your features, and Jaebeom can’t help but laugh. 

“Hey!” You whine playfully, “It’s a legitimate question!”

“It’s fine, it’s fine!” He continues laughing, waving a hand, “It’s just cute the way you’re blushing like it’s too personal to ask.”

You roll your eyes and stuff your mouth full. 

“Yes, I can tolerate some human foods but I don’t need them to survive. It’s more like a habit I guess? I eat sometimes to blend in but nutrition-wise it does nothing for me,” He answers and you hum appreciatively, “I do consume human blood but not from the source. I haven’t fed from a human in over a hundred years and I don’t plan on it.”

“How do you get blood then?” You ask curiously, scraping the last bits of food off the plate and into your mouth before getting up to place your dishes in the sink. 

You motion over to the living room and Jaebeom gets up to follow you, taking a seat on the couch next to you, both turned comfortably to face one another.    

“Hospitals and Blood banks. With my power of influence, I literally walk in and out with whatever I need and people are none the wiser.”

“Cool,” You whisper and the genuine interest in your tone has Jaebeom chuckling again. 

“You’re not grossed out by that at all?” He asks and you're quick to shake your head. 

“Food is food, Beom,” You shrug matter of factly, “You gotta eat and you’re not hurting anyone, why would that bother me?”

Jaebeom tries not to show how much your little nickname makes him want to pin you to the couch but he needs something, has to touch you, so his hand falls upon your knee. You both look down at it and he almost panics and pulls it away but you place your hand over his, keeping it there. 

“Hey,” You whisper and his stare pierces through you, “I don’t fully know what it means to be your mate but...I can feel it. I can feel the bond between us and I want to understand it.”

“Really?” He looks completely shocked and hopeful, and so adorable your heart thuds heavily in your chest making you grip his hand a bit tighter and smile. 

“I can tell you what I know about it so far, but there are things I don’t know, like the singing...I had no idea that was a thing,” He offers a lopsided grin, hand sneaking up to the back of his neck bashfully, “I’m kind of learning as we go.”

“The physical aspect of the bond is interesting,” You say thoughtfully, playing with his fingers, “My body seeks you out on its own sometimes and I don’t even realize I’m moving. Just being in your presence is soothing but touching you is absolute serenity. And the pains when you’re gone, sometimes they get so bad,” Your face screws up thinking about the chest pains that are always mysteriously gone whenever he’s around. 

“The chest pains are my fault,” He sighs, lifting your hand and pressing your warm fingers against his cheek, “I figured that out pretty early on and tried to stay close to you as often as I could. I am uh, well acquainted with your back porch actually.”

So that’s why you have been able to sleep at night? Jaebeom had been camping outside your house just to keep you comfortable all this time? That also explains how he knew your address last night. 

“Will it always be like that?” You ask and he shakes his head. 

“It’s because our physical bond is not sealed,” He explains, a nervous edge to his voice, “It is my understanding that any ill effects caused by the bond will disappear once we’re mated.” His eyes widen and he quickly adds, “If that’s what you wanted!”

“Like...sex?” You ask innocently and Jaebeom nearly chokes on his own spit. 

“Well, it’s uh,” He curses under his breath and you try not to giggle at his struggle, “It’s called ‘mating’ but it’s mostly, um, biting. I think the sex part is…optional.”

You eye him curiously and he swallows hard. “Duly noted.”

Jaebeom is now looking anywhere else when he nearly jumps, feeling you tap the inside of his palm and he looks up to see you smirking. “Why are you being so shy all of a sudden?” You giggle again, making him smile bashfully. 

“I’m trying not to freak you out,” He laughs, “Normal people can just say ‘I like you, will you go out with me?’ and I’m trying to ease you into ‘Everything that I am belongs to you, would you be interested in being being mated to me for eternity?’” He snorts with a sense of self depreciation and your breath catches in your throat. 

“Oh shit,” He panics again, “I’m an idiot. That was too mu-”

He can’t finish his sentence because you’ve cut him off with your lips against his and it takes him a moment to process that before he’s wrapping his arms around your body and pulling you against him. If you thought simply holding hands felt divine it was nothing compared to being kissed by him or held against his chest with his hands sliding up your back and into your hair. 

Your mind was void of anything but him and it was easy to find yourself drifting, your head tipping back, mouth falling open on a sigh as Jaebeom’s lips trapeze down the column of your throat. He suddenly pulls back and blinks a few times, the spell broken, leaving you both panting and staring at one another. 

“Why did you stop?” You ask, chest still heaving with unused adrenaline. 

Jaebeom’s hands are entirely still, his breathing evening out when he finally reminds himself that he doesn’t need the extra oxygen. “Because, if I don’t stop now...I don’t think I could. Don’t know if I’d be able to fight it.”

“What do you mean?” You ask as you reach for his hair but his hand shoots up and grabs your wrist lightning fast.

“I mean,” He grunts as he struggles to remain still beneath you, “That my mate instincts are screaming at me to claim you and if I don’t calm down, I will end up doing something stupid.”

“Like?” You dare to ask, not an ounce of fear for what his answer may be. 

His eyes darken before the warm brown is overtaken by a deep red color and his voice drops an octave or two when he says, “Taking you right here in the middle of your living room without you fully understanding the repercussions of mating and I really need you know what you’re signing up for because there is no going back.”

You swallow that lump of information and climb out of his lap, moving toward the other side of the couch and sitting with your knees tucked to your chest, “Feel better?” You ask sheepishly and he cracks a half smile. 

“Still might jump you if you move too fast,” He somewhat jokes but it eases the tension in the room, “How about you?”

“I...don’t like being so far away,” You admit, embarrassed to even say it aloud. After being so close to him, it’s like fighting a strong magnetic pull. Your body was near vibrating with the need to simply touch him. 

Jaebeom surprises you when he reaches for both your ankles, stretching your legs out and placing your feet in his lap, “This better?”

It’s not a cure-all, but it provided some semblance of physical contact and you were more than happy to accept it. “Yeah, actually,” You cover up a laugh, “Thank you.”

After a moment of only slightly awkward silence, you peered over at him. “So...are you always so...intense when it comes to sex? Or...” You snicker and he swats your ankle light-heartedly.  

“Only for you, my love,” He smirks and you regret opening your mouth to tease him in the first place. Your cheeks are burning and you pull a pillow over your face to hide it. 

“You can’t say stuff like that!” You whine, taking the pillow and tossing it at his perfect face. Too bad he catches it with ease, blocking your shot. 

“Why not?” He grins, fingers tracing over the soft skin on your foot. 

“Do you want me to come back over there before you get to the fine print?” You fix him with a stare and his eyebrows shoot up before he’s shaking his head rapidly. 

 “As much as I would love that,” He sighs, “Fine print first.”

“From all that I’ve read, being mated is a life-long deal. Once our bond is sealed, we will always be linked to one another. Even if one day you came to hate me, you would still ache for my touch to the point of madness if you resisted. It would be the same for myself.”

You process his words. A lifetime commitment. 

“Hypothetically, if we didn’t like each other, could we choose not to be mated? Like what would happen if we never sealed the bond.”

Jaebeom leans against his fist with his elbow propped on the back of the couch. “Well, from what I’ve read, if two mates were separated by choice, and by a great distance, permanently, the bond would fade over time though sometimes it can take years of living with the negative effects before the bond fades completely.”

He notices the way you swallow, eyes shifting to your hands in your lap before you look back up. “Would you um...change me?” You ask quietly and his brows shoot up so you wave your hands, “I just mean, obviously you’re immortal and I’m, well, not, so when we’re talking ‘life-long’ is that just my human life? Like one day I die and you live on without me? Would that hurt you?”

“I would die of heartbreak,” He says simply. 

You chuckle awkwardly thinking he’s just being dramatic but his expression does not change. “You’re kidding, right?”

“To have your mate torn from you and your bond severed in such a way is said to be the cruelest fate,” He goes on, fingers dancing over the skin of your calf reverently, “Some starve until they turn to stone and dust, some driven mad by the loneliness take a stake to their own hearts or toss themselves into the flames.”

You cover your mouth in abject horror. You didn’t want to have to think about Jaebeom having to experience something so tragic and painful that he’d cease to exist himself. 

“Vera,” Jaebeom calls your name gently, leaning closer, “Even if we only got to spend the next sixty years together, it would have been worth it and when your time comes, I wouldn’t want to remain in this world without you anyway. My own death does not frighten me. Continuing life without you...that’s not something I would wish for myself.”

“So, change me.” 

His eyes widened astronomically. It’s not as though he didn’t think you’d ask but you sound so at ease with the notion trading in your human life for an immortal one. No fear, no hesitation, just your own simple solution to your dilemma. 

“You seem surprised,” You interrupt his train of thought, dragging his gaze up to your face with your fingers beneath his chin. “Do you not wish to have me forever?”

Your teasing tone makes him roll his eyes. “Of course I do.” There is a pregnant pause where he just drinks in your features. “I have never wanted anything in all my years as much as I want you.”

“So, have me,” You tip your head back and laugh, “I’m not asking you to do anything right this second. I just want you to consider that perhaps I don’t like the idea of leaving you behind and a forever together sounds much nicer.”

“I would always remain at your side,” He argues and you cut him off. 

“So you can be eternally young and handsome while I grow old and grey. Tell me, do you have a grandma kink you haven’t told me about?”

Jaebeom scoffs and huffs out a laugh, “Alright, alright...I just want you to take the time to really think about it. We don’t have to rush anything.”

“And how long shall I think about it? Until I’m fifty? So I can be old forever?”

“You’re going to cause me a lifetime of trouble, aren’t you?”

You nod with a smug satisfaction and climb back into his lap. He wraps his arms around you and meets your lips halfway, grinning like a fool as you kiss him with every bit of assurance that yes, you will give him a lifetime of trouble.

A long lifetime. 

He pulls back, chuckling when you chase his lips blindly, “I’ll make you a deal.”

You raise your brows, fingers toying with the neckline of his shirt and he sighs bemusedly. “I will turn you,” he says and your eyes light up with excitement, “On your thirtieth birthday.”

Deflating, you smack his shoulder. 

“Oh, come on...it’s not that far away.” He kisses your pouted lips and you hum thoughtfully. He was right and honestly, what did a few more years matter in the grand scheme of things. 

“Fine,” you finally agree. His resulting smile is worth it alone. “What about sealing the bond? Will you make me wait for that too?”

“Are you sure you want it?”

It’s silly of him to ask such a thing at this point. “I’m sensing more stipulations…”

He laughs, a beautiful, rich sound falling from his lips. “Hear me out.”

As it turns out...his suggestion to wait to seal the bond was not so terrible. 

Even though you had reassured him about a million times that you were ready, not to mention how physically difficult it was to refrain from giving in and sealing the bond out of pure instinct, he had only good intentions. 

It wasn’t as if he really thought you’d change your mind, but he wanted to give you a taste of what life together could be like, he wanted to prove to you that he was worth it. 

You spoke to your boss at the diner and as taken aback as he was at your request for the next three weeks off, he granted them with a little knowing smile.

 You immediately drove home and packed a few bags, Jaebeom chuckling at your indecision on what to bring along for the extended trip. Cheeseburger for the most part seemed disinterested. That is until you stuck him in the back of your car and started off toward the nearest airport. 

New York City was an entirely different world. 

Jaebeom spent most of his time traveling but he kept a few homes in different locations around the world, this one being the closest to one of his primary employers in the states, The Museum of Natural History. It was incredible to see so many new things and almost a shock to your system but it was nothing short of amazing. 

Cheeseburger quickly found a new favorite sunning spot in the window seat in Jaebeom’s living room and once finding out where his food bowl was placed, had acted like this had been his home from the beginning. He hadn’t even made a fuss about all the travel time. Perhaps that fat cat had wanted out of that old town just as much as you had. 

Your first two weeks were spent sightseeing, trying new cafes and restaurants, and just taking in every bit of wonder the big city had to offer with your lover by your side. He bought you a vintage camera and found endless amounts of joy watching you take photos of every little thing that caught your eye. 

Just as often as you spent time out exploring the city, you found nights home together happening frequently. Jaebeom loved to watch you cook, hands around your middle as he followed you around the kitchen pressing kisses into your hair. Staying up late into the evening hours on the patio with a few glasses of wine, sharing life stories until you could hardly keep your eyes open and he carried you to bed. 

Speaking of beds...you still roomed separately. 

Jaebeom had given you your own room and for a good reason you supposed, if his wish to wait was going to stand a chance. You were both caught up in a whirlwind of romantic dates and whispered affirmations tangled up on the couch with heated kisses and wandering hands but that leash of restraint remained and he always put you to sleep in your own bed each night. 

That came to an abrupt end three days before you were due to fly home. 

One thing you had been particularly interested in checking out was the city’s nightlife. It wasn’t as if your little old town had anything close to a club like the ones here, thrumming with loud music and a euphoric sort of energy. You found yourself in a dizzy state as you entered the Lynx night club on the arm of your mate, staring up at the extravagant lighting fixtures and dancers covered in body paint on elevated stages throughout. It wasn’t any old club, even you knew that. 

You spent a little time at the bar together drinking and enjoying each other’s company, Jaebeom’s hand resting on the exposed skin of your thigh. He’d taken you shopping the day before and you’d found a dress that you instantly fell in love with.

Having nowhere to wear a short black dress such as the one painting your curves currently, you hadn’t ever owned something so risque and the way Jaebeom’s eyes hadn’t left you all night made you feel sexier than ever. It was a heady feeling and you let it take over, leading you out to the dance floor to put on a show for your mate who lingered at the bar, raking his eyes over you unabashedly. 

One song turns to three and your eyes close for a moment just letting the sound wash over you as your body responds naturally to the beat and the bartender briefly steals Jaebeom’s attention away.

“Hello, little human,” A melodic voice rings out, causing your eyes to pop open. 

Before you stands a man with a crisp black suit, hair perfectly coiffed aside from a few stray wisps framing his forehead. He smiles, blindingly white teeth and pointed canines visible as if he feels no need to hide them. 

“Why is it that you smell like a vampire?…” He moves and is suddenly towering over you, “It’s all over you and yet, you’re left unattended...no mating marks on your pretty skin.” There’s a calculating look in his eyes as he assesses you, “A play thing perhaps?”

Your heart rate spikes and he smirks, hearing the sound. “Where are they, little one? I think I’d like to meet your keeper.”

You’re about to point over his shoulder but the man suddenly turns to find Jaebeom glaring at the back of his head. By no means does the man look at all nervous or offended, he merely takes a step to the side and you quickly glue yourself to Jaebeom, his arm wrapping around you automatically. The protective stance is telling enough.

“There you are,” The man draws with a smile, “I could smell another vampire nearby but all I found was your pretty little human mate.”

Jaebeom’s hard gaze softens just a fraction. “You’re a vampire?”

The man laughs, eyebrows furrowing, “Is it not obvious? Should I be offended?”

“I’ve never met another of our kind,” Jaebeom admits freely and he’s met with a stark look of shock. 

“Surely you have a maker?”

“Deadbeat, I suppose,” Jaebeom shrugs before reaching out a hand, “Jaebeom.”

The man seems impressed and takes it, “Jinyoung,” He offers before glancing at you, “And your darling mate?”

“Vera,” You squeak out, distracted by the two powerful beings at your side. 

“Enchanted,” Jinyoung grins, “Would you both like to sit and have a drink with me?”

Jaebeom looks down at you for approval but you can tell this is something he wants. He’s never met another vampire and you know he’s curious. You look up at Jinyoung and nod your head, “Sure, let’s grab a table.”

You almost spill your drink when Jinyoung says he’s nearly five hundred years old, though the elder vampire’s hand dashes across the table and stills the glass at the last second. Jinyoung is intrigued by Jaebeom and the fact that he’s been on his own since the beginning. Even more so that he’s as well in control as he is without guidance. 

Jaebeom’s fingers ghost along the inside of your knee absently as he and Jinyoung chat like two people who have known each other their whole lives. He was so at ease with the older vampire, asking him questions about his maker, his abilities, and so on. 

Jinyoung was in his early twenties when he turned. He had fallen ill around his twenty-fifth birthday and his town’s doctor couldn’t cure him...or at least, that’s what the townsfolk were told. The doctor's daughter, Selene, spent two weeks at Jinyoung’s bedside, nursing him in hopes of the young man surviving but when his time neared she begged and begged her father to fix him by any means necessary. 

He awoke to find Selene staring down at him with alarmed ruby irises.

“So your mate bond didn’t even register until you were turned?” You ask curiously. You were still plenty human and your bond was palpable. 

“Selene believes that I was too weakened for her to realize what we were to each other,” He smiles wistfully, “She always says she just thought I was too pretty to die and didn’t want to see me go.”

“Is your mate near?” Jaebeom asks, his fingers subtly squeezing your skin. 

Jinyoung notices the shift under the table and smirks quietly, “She has some business with the owner here. She’ll be down shortly, ” He chuckles pinning Jaebeom with his gaze, “Now, if you don’t mind me asking, is there a reason why you’ve not marked your mate? It’s dangerous for her to be unmarked, especially in such a big city.”

“I only wished to give her plenty of time to change her mind,” Jaebeom answers with an underlying tone of guilt. You lay your hand over his atop your thigh comfortingly. You understood why he had wanted to wait. “Why is it dangerous for her?”

Jinyoung opens his mouth to speak but a strikingly beautiful tall woman appears  behind him, laying a hand over his shoulder elegantly. She has deeply bronzed skin and sharp yet gently inquisitive hazel eyes. Her long hair falling in waves around her as shifts forward, “Jinyoung, mi corazon, have you made new friends?”

He takes her hand and pulls it to his lips, looking up at her with a smile, “Selene, this is Jaebeom and his mate, Vera. It seems as though we are the first vampires either of them have met, ever.”

Selene gasps, her eyes widening, hand shooting up to her mouth. She says something in Spanish you don’t understand but Jaebeom seems to understand just fine and dips his head in acknowledgement. Jinyoung pulls out the chair next to him and she falls into it, switching back to English easily. 

“You are human, no?” 

You nod nervously and she pouts at Jaebeom, “You haven’t sealed your bond though you already recognize each other as mates?”

“Darling, I was just about to explain,” Jinyoung chuckles, “You see, Vera stands out like a beacon to other immortals. She is human, full of blood and a beating heart but she smells like a vampire and well, we’re a curious sort.”

“It is not unheard of for a vampire to keep a human mate but the bond, your mating marks are what protects you from other vampires,” Selene explains. She cranes her neck and shows you a crescent shaped scar at the base of her throat. “Mates are rare and sacred in our kind….without them someone might think you’re an unclaimed plaything.”

Jaebeom turns toward you, eyes flitting down to yours. “I’m so sorry, my love,” He whispers, “I wasn’t aware I had left you so vulnerable by bringing you here...perhaps we should go home. It’s a small town. It'd be safer for now…”

Selene and Jinyoung seem to share a quick thought through a simple glance and she reaches out toward your free hand, grasping it gently. 

“You don’t have to leave, either of you. Our kind tend to stick together like...familia,” She chuckles at the way you nod along, “We call it a coven and though there are none established here currently, we are hoping to change that,” Selene offers with a proud smile, leaning into the kiss Jinyoung presses to her temple. 

You look at Jaebeom, eyes tracing over his features in an effort to read him. “Beom, I don’t want to go back. I want you. I want our new life together, forever. This ironically sounds like a blessing.”

There's a round of light laughter at your choice of words and Jinyoung clears his throat, stealing your mate’s attention. “We can teach you things about yourself that you cannot learn from old texts and when it comes time, we can help you support Vera through her transition.”

That perks your ears and Jaebeom huffs, “We agreed on thirty.”

You open your mouth to protest but Selene loosens a beautiful laugh, “You will still be young and beautiful at thirty. I would have let Jinyoung settle into maturity for a few more years if I could have,” She cups his jaw, thumbing over his cheeks adoringly, “Then he might have been able to grow a proper beard.”

Jinyoung nips at her fingers and she pulls them away with a light laugh. They were so beautiful together, so happy, even after all the time they’ve been at each other’s side. It gives you hope for your future with Jaebeom at yours. A lifetime with your soulmate. 

You spend a few more hours chatting together until you release a little yawn making the other three chuckle. One day, you wouldn’t have the need for sleep as humans do but for now, you bid your goodbyes to your new friends and let your mate take you home for the evening. 

Jaebeom seems pensive on the way home, his fingers drumming absently on the steering wheel. You can tell he is thinking about Selene and Jinyoung’s offer as if his thoughts echo in your own mind. A home, a family, the opportunity for the both of you to learn more about who he is and who you are yet to be.

It sounds so promising to you but for Jaebeom who has lived a much longer existence, you know there may be some hesitancy. Whatever you choose, you’ll choose together. That much you know. 

You can feel the shift in the atmosphere the moment you hear the car keys clink against the marble counter top and you look over your shoulder to find your mate watching you. There is a cracking sound and you glance down at his hand, white knuckled, gripping the counter. His eyes shifted from his usual dark brown to a crimson red and you pause mid-step. 

“You’re ruining the marble,” You whisper, skin beginning a slow burn from the heat in his stare. “What are you thinking?”

Jaebeom grits his teeth and straightens his posture, releasing the stone audibly as pieces crumble off and hit the floor. “Forgive me, love. It’s been an eventful night.”

You turn around and close the distance between your bodies, reaching up to cradle his face in your hands. “I liked them, if that’s of any help to your internal debare. I like it here, in New York...I think it would be a great place for us to settle down, for as long as we can. Cheeseburger likes it too.”

The last sentence is punctuated by a fat “Mrow!” as Cheeseburger himself seems to appear from nowhere. You chuckle as Jaebeom reaches down to scoop the mammoth sized feline up and cradle him in his arms.

“Why don’t you feed the cat while I go change out of this and we can talk a little more about it? Sounds good?”

Cheeseburger nearly nose dives out of your mate’s arms at the mention of the f-word and you laugh at the way Jaebeom struggles to catch him despite his quick reflexes. 

You flick on the light in your bedroom, taking a moment to admire the view of the night sky from your open window. The city lights are beautiful yet far below and create a magically sort of glow. You really do love it here.

Dropping your bag on the dresser you peer at yourself in the mirror. 

Your hair isn’t half the mess you thought it would be considering your dancing was cut short and your makeup still looked rather put together. It was a shame you’d wash it all away so soon but what catches your eye is the little purple bruise on the side of your throat. It’s so small, you hadn’t even had the sense to cover it and seeing it now brings another wave of desire crashing over you. 

Selene’s mark was beautiful and something she was so proud of. You wanted that too. A mark that solidifies your bond to your mate. You wanted to see your lover’s impression permanently, not in some small, fleeting symbol of affection. 

“Jaebeom, can you come here for a minute?”

You consider recanting but Jaebeom is already stepping into the threshold of your bedroom, glancing at you curiously. You turn your back to him, looking at him through the mirror's reflection. “Can you unzip my dress?”

The flash of his eyes is so quick but now you know what you’re looking for and you don’t miss it. He steps closer, fingers grabbing the zipper and pulling very slowly down the length of your spine. Every inch revealed sets your mate on edge and so you call his name again, just loud enough for his hearing to pick up, and his eyes meet yours in the mirror once more. 

“Would you do anything for me?”

Jaebeom kisses your hair, eyes fluttering closed for a brief moment only to open with full crimson irises, “Of course, my love.”

“Seal the bond.”

Your command is final and he hasn’t the will or want to argue with you any longer. 

He spins you around and pulls your body close, hand coming up to brace the side of your face gently. His brows furrow for a moment, deep in thought. “The bite can sometimes be...painful without a good distraction,” He says quietly, free hand stroking the bare skin of your back exposed by your open dress.

“So, distract me then.”

Jaebeom’s head tips back with laughter. “My bold, beautiful, bossy mate,” His eyes dip down to your lips with a smirk, “Any requests on where to place your mark?”

You pull out of his arms and shimmy your dress the rest of the way off. Jaebeom’s fingers flex against nothing but air and he tries to keep from stepping forward until you give him an answer. “Somewhere others will see it and know I belong to you.”

One second you’re standing near the dresser in your bedroom and the next you’re flat on your back in the middle of Jaebeom’s four poster bed in the next room over. He flits around the room and you try to keep up with his movements. The door clicks shut and the lock turns. The lights cut off until all you’re left with is the glow of candlelight and the city skyline coming to life through the tall glass windows. 

When he stops moving his shirt is open revealing smooth, flawless skin, and his belt is discarded somewhere on the ground. He suddenly appears above you, caging you above the mattress in his cool embrace. You reach for him and that's all it takes for his lips to find yours, tongue tangling smoothly with your own in a need to get as close as humanly possible and beyond. 

The grip on his control slips for just a moment but it’s enough to tear the silk brasserie from your chest. A chill races over you and your lover compensates for it, dropping his mouth to your chest to warm you with searing lips and tongue alone, his hands busy at the hem of your matching underwear he’s trying desperately not to ruin as well. 

Every touch is euphoric. Your body thrums with energy and you arch in his hands, gasping for air each time he kisses your skin or nips at it with sharp canines, tongue laving over the love bites soothingly as if he’s preparing you for the real thing with the constant pricking sensation. 

You push his shirt over his shoulders and he pulls it off, quickly discarding it over the side of the bed. Now with a clear view, there are scars that litter his torso. Some small, some wicked looking and you’re reminded of the person your mate used to be. It’s easy to forget how much life he has lived, how much he is yet to live and you want to live it with him. You want to uncover his past and map out a future by his side.

He tongues the tip of one pointed canine and keeps himself propped over you with enough distance to appreciate your body completely. He cocks his head as he runs his free hand between the valley of your breasts, down the plane of your stomach and your breath catches in your throat when it slips into your panties, deft fingers stroking your heat slowly. 

Your mouth parts upon contact, eyes falling closed on a whim but his voice pierces through the quiet of the room, commanding you to keep your eyes open. The eroticism of watching him holding himself over you with supernatural strength while he fingers you open is intense, so much so that your body spasms with early warnings of an impending orgasm. 

The heel of his palm digs into your clit with a jolt of electricity and you keen loudly into the air between you, breaths coming in short pants now, chest heaving with the effort. With one simple flick of the wrist you’re free falling into a weightless abyss, only your mate’s soft voice coaxing your body into a state of relaxation. 

“Beautiful,” He whispers, hands stroking every inch of your skin, “I’ll never tire of watching you fall apart like this.”

He kisses your face, the side of your open mouth, and you catch him before he can pull away, licking into his mouth with hot, wanton tongue. He obliges you as always, allowing you to pull at his hair, bite his pretty lips. He grinds his hips against you, eliciting a high pitched moan and the tether to sanity tears just a little more. 

Your hands reach for his pants and you shove the material past his hips, eyes meeting briefly before he follows through with your silent order. With his gift of speed he merely flashes before your eyes at the side of the bed, one second half dressed, fully nude the next, and then he’s covering your body without barriers because you hadn’t even processed the removal of your underwear in the mix of it all. 

Your lips meet in a flurry of motion and he slips between your thighs, finding a home in your heat and making you cry out in pleasure. He rolls his hips, your body thrumming with elation of finally having your mate deep inside you. His kisses fall upon your face, your jaw, your neck and his tongue rolls over the spot where your shoulder meets the base of your throat in question. You nod your head in affirmation and he kisses the spot over and over again as he brings you impossibly close to your end. 

Your eyes shoot open the second his teeth sink into your skin. You're flooded with warmth and an overload of euphoria that sends you crashing into ecstasy with a loud cry. Your mate works you through it, rolls his hips until his own falter and still, teeth still buried deep in your shoulder as he groans around his mouthful, only releasing the deep sound when he pulls back, pupils blown wide. 

Jaebeom brings his own wrist to his mouth, biting down until blood blooms at the surface of his flawless skin and lowers it to your mouth, “Drink, Vera,” He lifts your head gently, “Drink and our bond will be sealed.”

It’s an eternal vow, a bonding of souls and you don’t hesitate. 

You swallow down the bitter taste and the most shocking part of it is the tingling sensation over the bite mark. Your eyes flash to the side and Jaebeom's thumb strokes over your collarbone in fascination. “It’s healing itself,” He says softly, “A scar will be left behind but the wound itself heals with the blood of your mate.”

Your lover suddenly jolts back, placing a hand against his chest in bewilderment. 

“What’s wrong? What’s happening?” You ask, pushing yourself up on weak limbs. 

He’s quiet for a moment and then he laughs, a joyful sound erupting from his chest. “I can feel it,” He says wondrously, “I can feel your heartbeat in my own chest, like...like you’re here, you’re a part of me. It’s amazing!”

He wraps you up in his arms, kissing you until you place your hand against his chest to pull back for air. You stare at your hand curiously. You feel nothing beneath his skin and look up at him curiously. “I can’t feel it.”

“My heart doesn’t actually beat, love. The feeling I'm experiencing is more like an imitation of your own. I could even feel it speed up when we kissed just now.”

He is so elated by this turn of events. It must be because you’re still human because Jinyoung had mentioned no such thing. He and Selene were both turned before they sealed their own mate bond though. 

You stretch your limbs tiredly, falling back against the pillows with a warm smile. You run your fingers over the mark and feel the dips and ridges of the scarring that signifies your bond. Jaebeom watches you fondly. 

He comes to rest next to you, planting his lips on the soft skin of your shoulder. 

“My mate,” He sighs happily, “I love you more than the moon loves all the stars in the sky. I will faithfully stay by your side and vow to cherish you every day of our long lives filled with many adventures.”

You meet his gaze and smile. “I love you and I’m looking forward to it.” 

You roll closer, kissing him softly before pulling back with a playful gleam in your eyes, “I promise to give you a long lifetime filled with nothing but trouble.”

GOT7 M.List | Main M.List

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[missdawnandherdusk]

Love Story

Draco X Reader

Request: @dracofeltonmalfoy​: your heart breaks at seventeen when you realize that Draco doesn’t love you enough to not marry his betrothed, Astoria. It’s years later and though you’re still hesitant and bitter about what occurred, you still answer the call that Ginny makes to you to help Draco. 

A/n: Look at me posting!! And during midterm week no less!! Thank you so much for this request! (I promise I’m getting to the rest of them). And can I say that I am in love with grown up Draco? Like yes ma’am I’ll take them all. Maturity is attractive. Let me know what you think! I love y’all so much. 

“You don’t understand,” Draco paced the small room. “I have to marry her,”

“Sure,” I spat. “Marry Astoria. I don’t give a damn anymore Malfoy,” I hadn’t used his last name in such a malice tone in years. I could see the effect that it had on him, his face fell.

“Don’t say that,” He begged softly, “Please, I love you,”

“But not enough,” I raised an eyebrow at him. “What happened to everything that we planned? All of the things you promised me? Where did that Draco go?” My voice became thick with tears. “No, you’re so paranoid about your reputation... I’m not waiting around for you to figure out who you want or who you want to follow. I don’t care.” A heavy silence and I had decided. “Have a nice life, Draco.”

“Y/n,” He called as I stood to leave.

“No,” I snapped. “Just... no. I deserve more than this.” 

“I know,” He confessed in a small voice.

That was the last time I spoke to Draco Malfoy in years. At first, I was okay with it. I felt free. I had moved on, found someone new that made what he did to me hurt a bit less. It wasn’t the same, nor what I felt when I was with Draco, but it was enough for the moment. He didn’t last long, and my heart still waited for Draco on some nights, but I had grown up. I had grown confident. I was independent. I didn’t need anyone to tell me they loved me because I loved me. And that was enough. I had healed from having to walk away or face being cut off forever.

I assumed that Draco was happy. His union with Astoria was in the paper. The invitation I received was burned. Why he’d think to invite me left me aggravated and loathing him more than before. But that night I was weak. I cried for Draco Malfoy that night. I almost went. But I refrained. I knew nothing would change even if I did go, so I’d rather be left wondering than left crushed.

The next time I saw Draco’s name in the paper, it was splashed across the front page. A scandal that Skeeter couldn’t wait to publish and get her hands on. Astoria Malfoy caught in an affair with Blaise Zabini. I saw Draco’s stoic face, and though the image moved, and the small child in his arms squirmed, he remained static. I threw the paper down because though it was just a photograph, his eyes still bore into mine, in the same pleading look that he gave me before I left him. I wonder if he knew that I see the photo.

I wonder if he knew that I still loved him even after all these years.

And I had no intention of crossing paths with him. Though I thought about it. A lot. And maybe I had actually written the letter before I burned it... but I decided that no. I was not interfering with his life.

I just never thought that he’d interfere with mine. Well, Harry interfered with my life. Well, Ginny did.

Ginny and I got lunch every once in a while, to catch up along with Hermione. Now that our Hogwarts days and the war was over, an amity fell between the three of us. And it was nice to see some old faces that didn’t cause my heart to rabbit trail into painful memories.

It was a phone call that I had gotten that interfered with my quaint Friday night. 

“Are you in town?” Ginny’s voice sounded strained and frantic.

“Yes, why?” I set down my book, standing.

“Can you come over? We... have a situation...” She voiced.

“What sort of situation?” I pressed, going looking for my shoes and cloak. “Harry just did a spell wrong and now he can’t speak English situation or Ron and Harry tried to do something stupid on their brooms and need medical attention sort of situation?” I teased lightly.

“It relates more to the former...” Ginny sounded almost hesitant to give me details. Her voice was suddenly far from the receiver and muffled. “No, Scorpius, put that down! Harry! No don’t encourage him!” That caught my attention.

“Ginny, what in Merlin’s name!?” I demanded.

“Please just get over here, you were better than we were at potions,”

“Ginny,” I baited.

“Thank you!” Was all she got out and I heard a crash before the line disconnected.

Utterly shocked and standing in deafening silence I let out a frustrated growl. After grabbing my carpet bag of miscellaneous counter curses, antidotes, and talismans I took the Floo network to the Potter’s.

And the sight before me was something that I would not have ever imagined. Draco was slung over Harry’s shoulder, looking intoxicated and completely out of it. Nothing like the cold refined man that I knew him to be. Then Scorpius was running around with Albus all trying to be corralled by James and Ginny while Lily laughed in the background, sitting on the counters.

Deciding that Harry could help with the children more than I could, I rushed to his side and took Draco off his hands, supporting him.

“What’s wrong with him?” I bit out, watching as Harry scooped up Albus as Ginny swooped in and caught Scorpius.

“Nothing, well, he’s been drugged but we’re sure it should wear off in a few hours.” Harry appeased, almost nonchalant.

“Drugged?” I demanded, leading Draco to a well-loved recliner.

“I’m finnnnne,” Draco slurred, his fine blond hair hanging into his eyes in a complete mess. “You have such pretty eyes Y/n,” Draco’s head lulled back against the recliner back as his half- opened eyes gazed into mine.

“Yeah, okay,” I smiled sweetly and gave an alarming look to Ginny—Harry having disappeared into the house with the three other children. “You’ve got to be bloody joking,” I hissed, nearing her.

“I know! Harry was filming him. You should have heard him on the way over. Wouldn’t shut up about you.”

“Get him upstairs.” I begged, exasperated and rubbing my face. “I’m going to find Harry.”

“What? Why?” Ginny’s eyebrows furrowed as she set Scorpius down now that he was calmed with the lack of the other children.

“Because no one makes fun of Draco!” I shouted, not realizing the depth of my words, or how much I sounded like I did back at Hogwarts... when Draco loved me.

Ginny and I both seemed to grasp this as I went red and sighed, going to find Harry. After throwing his phone out the third-floor window, I headed back down a level to where Ginny had taken Draco to a spare room. I found Draco asleep in the bed and Ginny leaning against the doorjamb.

“He’s still asking for you,” Ginny muttered. “He wants to know where the ‘fairest maiden has gone and when will she return’” She raised an eyebrow at me.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I groaned, distressed. “How am I supposed to deal with him like this?”

“You probably know better than any of us.” Ginny pointed out. “Isn’t there a counter curse? Or something that you have or know?”

“In all my years I’ve seen nothing close to this. It’s like he’s drunk and on Veritaserum and Amorentia and believe me there is no legal potion out there with that sort of affect.”

“So... what do we do with him?” She asked.

“Wait it out? That’s all I know to do.” I paused. “I’ll stick around and make sure he doesn’t start to die or anything... but I can’t fix him,”

Ginny nodded and gave me a pity look. “Are you going to be okay?”

“That is not the question to ask right now,” I muttered, shrugging off my cloak. “Go on up to Harry and your little ones. Make sure Scorpius is alright, I’ll look after him,”

“If you need anything,” She baited.

“I’ll call,” I smiled.

Alone in the room, I sighed and stared at him before heading to the edge of the bed and sitting gently on the edge.

“Draco?” I asked softly, trying to hide the hurt that sparked in my chest. 

“Y/n, my fair maiden,” He slurred, trying to get up.

“No, no, you need to lie down,” I scolded, pushing him back down, pressing my hand to his forehead—he didn’t have a fever.

“As my lady commands.” He mumbled, causing me to withdraw my touch.

“Don’t.” I inhaled sharply. “You need to sleep Draco. You need to get better.”

“I’m already better with you here,” A dopey smile crossed his face.

“Oh my god Draco!” I snapped, standing, pacing the small room. “Stop saying things like that! You don’t mean them, and I don’t want to hear it!”

When I didn’t get a response from him, I looked over and he was fast asleep at an awkward angle. Sighing, I brushed the stray strands of silky hair from his face and slowly righted him, taking off his shoes and socks positioning him in the center of the bed. After I laid a blanket over him, I sat in the lone chair that was in his room and taking my book from my bag, started again.

It neared eleven at night, and he still hadn’t woken back up. My book finished, I sighed again and stood, stretching. Leaving his room, I saw Harry nodding off in his chair downstairs, Scorpius in his arms, also asleep.

“To bed with you,” I smiled, helping him up.

“Draco?”

“Still asleep.” I informed. “I’m gonna change and I’ll be back to watch him.” 

_______________________

Draco blinked, his head pounding, trying to keep up with the blurred image around him. The first thing he noticed was the blanket over him and his shoes were gone and that you were asleep in the chair next to his bed and this bed was most certainly not his—neither were you for that matter. His memory was fuzzy, and he didn’t remember much, and he didn’t like not remembering.

In an attempt to get up, he woke you, not sure why some part of him cared. He didn’t ask to be taken care of like a child. He processed that he was at the Potter’s for some godforsaken reason, and that you were next to him. Some part of him wished he was just having a really awful nightmare.

“Draco?” You asked sleepily.

Who else would it be?

“Yes,” He spoke quietly.

“Are you... you again?” You mumbled.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He snapped, defensive that you were there, or anywhere near him. The nightmare continued.

“You were drugged... were acting weird for a while... I had to throw Harry’s phone out a window.” Your words made some sense... except the last part.

“Why would you do that?” He mused, enjoying your half-asleep state.

“He recorded you... was making fun of you... wasn’t right...” You stretched and rubbed your face yawning.

“I see,” There was a pang in his heart at your words. Something reminiscent in them. Maybe this wasn’t a nightmare after all.

You nodded and stood, staggering slightly. “How long have you been there?”

“What time is it?” You asked weakly. 

“Five in the morning,”

“Mhmm... twelve hours? Finished my book.” You gestured vaguely and yawned again. “M’gonna head back home.”

You started to walk towards the door and almost fell. He was there to catch you though. Your hands clutched at his shirt, running the fabric through your fingertips.

“Okay, yeah. You’re going to stay right here,” Draco muttered. “Because I am not dragging you down those stairs or back home.”

“I’m fine, I’ll get Ginny to take me home,” You yawned gesturing vaguely, your eyes still didn’t open all the way.

“No, you’re not. You’re sleep deprived, and whereas I can handle it, you can’t.” However long he had been asleep—twelve hours apparently—had given him enough rest to be completely awake and alert.

“You’re bossy.”

He chuckled at your sleep ridden words and moved you to his bed, tucking you under the blanket he had been under. You smiled and inhaled them deeply, relaxing instantly. He wondered why you thought of him as a reason to relax.

When he got up to leave, your eyes opened partly.

“Where are you going? You need to rest more. You were drugged.” 

“I’ve dealt with worse drugs Y/n,”

“Mmm I don’t think you’ve ever been like that. I’ve seen you high and drunk and that was... something else.” You mumbled. “Please rest Draco. Stay with me and sleep.”

Your words were like daggers to his heart. Were you aware that you were saying them? Surely you couldn’t be, because surely you wouldn’t ever mean them. It had been too long since you ever murmured those words.

“Am I not allowed to find to where my son has gone?” He mused, knowing you’d let him go for that and then be too far into sleep to notice that he didn’t come back.

You hummed in agreement he supposed. Just as he went to close the door, he heard you jumbled words again.

“Why would you say that?” There was hurt and confusion in your tone. “Why would you...?”

Not knowing whatever that was about, Draco closed the door softly behind him and sighed. He felt disgusting. He wanted nothing more than a warm bath and some fresh clothes and for Merlin’s sake a comb. But those things would have to wait, because bright blue eyes blinked up in the early morning as they always did.

“Good morning my little birdie,” Draco smiled, pulling Scorpius into his arms. “Quite a change of scenery here isn’t it?” He mused, to a nodding giggling Scorpius.

“Draco, you’re awake,” The tired voice belonged to Ginny, who sounded surprised even in her weary state.

“I am,” A quiet pause. “Thank you... I’m not quite sure what happened last night but...”

“Do you have any memory at all?” Ginny asked, taking out a jar of applesauce, setting a bowl and spoon for Scorpius.

“I... no. I was at the Gala, next thing I know, I wake up and Y/n is asking if I’m me again,” Draco thanked her and began to spoon feed Scorpius the apple puree.

“Are you, you?” Ginny asked, leaning against the counter before setting off to brew a pot of coffee.

“Quite,” He clipped. “What does that even mean? What happened last night?”

Unbridled terror set in Draco’s chest as Ginny recounted the night back to him. The only thing that kept him from breaking something was the toddler in his arms, clinging to him.

“I... I was asking for Y/n?” Draco asked, his voice shaking.

“Honey, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say even intoxicated and drugged, you knew she’d be there for you,” Ginny raised her eyebrow at him. “You wanna explain that?”

Draco shot her a cold look and went back to aiding Scorpius eat. Maybe that had been why you asked why he would say something like that... and that was a valid and honest question: why would he? He had gotten over you. That was that. He moved on.

Not that he loved Astoria. No, he could never see her as more than someone who drove you away from him. And perhaps that was the reason behind her affair. Maybe it was because she knew that he didn’t love her, and she didn’t love him. Some part of him wished that she had just been honest with him... then it wouldn’t be such gossip in the Wizarding World. They could have divorced and gone on their own ways. But perhaps not. The marriage was arranged. It would take more than a divorce to end it. Perhaps the scandal was for the best after all.

“Thank you for your hospitality, but I’m afraid I have to go,” Draco said softly. 

“Draco,” Ginny chided. “You can’t just leave her here,”

“I can do as I please,” Draco snapped harshly before remembering himself. “Thank you, once more,”

Draco only hesitated when he went to fetch his shoes from the spare room, and caught sight of you sleeping soundly, a soft smile on your face. Something in his chest distorted a bit more.

_________________________

I woke in the late morning, semi remembering why I was at Ginny’s, then it all came flooding back. I didn’t even have to ask where Draco had gone because I knew he had gone. I knew he’d leave at the first chance he’d get.

Apologizing and thanking Ginny, I headed back home to shower and don clean clothes. Ginny gave me a worried look and said to call if I needed anything. I assured her I was fine and wasn’t going to have an emotional breakdown. Crying while I showered meant nothing.

I was fine.

Monday at work, Harry found me in the staff room fixing a cup of tea.

“You’re going to have to talk to him eventually,” Harry nudged my shoulder as we stood at the mini coffee bar, not even having to specify who he thought I should speak to.

“I’m not gonna follow him around like a lost puppy Harry, I’m done with that.” I shifted the weight on my feet. “He’s grown, he can handle himself,”

“Well I get that, but you can... act human at least. You’re shutting him out completely.” Harry pointed out. “And I don’t think either of you want that,”

“I wouldn’t know what he wanted,” I sighed in vain. “It’s not that easy Harry,” I pressed, cradling my mug in my hands. “I haven’t worried about him before, why should I now?”

“Because when he was drugged all he could do was ask for you and you dropped everything to make sure he was alright and slept in a chair for a night to keep an eye on him?” Harry raised an eyebrow.

“And maybe it was the drug and maybe I’m a decent person,” I refuted.

“All I’m saying I’ve been his work partner for a better half of five years and I’ve never seen him like this. He’s shutting everyone else out since the affair... everyone but you,” Harry’s green eyes reaffirmed his words.

I stared at my tea and didn’t say a word. I didn’t want to believe Harry’s words. I didn’t want to entertain the idea that maybe there was something left between Draco and I. But no matter how much I didn’t want to, I still thought about it all day during work, despite my best efforts.

How fitting it was that it was raining as I stepped onto the London street. Typical of London, no doubt, but it seemed as a sign all the same. Going to cast a shielding charm I froze when I saw in my peripheral pale skin and near white hair. I tried not to pay him any mind, but it seemed that whatever intentions I had were stopped by the words Harry had said earlier. My eyes wandered out to the city streets as rain started to fall slightly harder.

“Y/n?” Draco called my attention, his use of my name barely having any life in it.

“Yes?” I tore my attention away from the view.

“It’s raining,”

“Stellar observation,” I commented, remembering my shielding charm, creating an umbrella over me.

“Perhaps you would like to get out of it?” His voice was hesitant. “I suppose I do owe you for Friday night,”

That caught my attention and I finally turned to look at him. His was reserved, guarded. Yet there was something in his eyes that he couldn’t hide. A hope. A wish. A fantasy that I had written myself out of.

“You don’t owe me anything,” I finally whispered.

A sad sort of smile played at his lips. His eyes still didn’t leave mine as if we were transfixed on another, the stars wishing us to remain connected.

Screw the stars.

“Have a nice evening,” I ushered out before Apparating back home.

It was that night that I gave in. For the first time in almost ten years I gave in. There was a small fabric box tucked into my closet, collecting dust. Green and black with silver engravings. Tears streaming down my face, I sat on my bedroom floor and opened it.

It was every letter he wrote me. I should have burned them long ago, but I never did.

~

My Dearest, Y/n,

In the midst of this darkness, you are the only light I need. I’d face a world full of demons for the sake of you, my angel. I know it is dark now, and this path isn’t ideal, but I will fight for you, I will fight with you. Stand by my side my dearest angel. Be the fairytale maiden in this narrative and let me be your hero. I’ll never leave you, my love. And when morning light comes, I shall be in your arms again and my world will be complete.

Look after my heart, I’ve left it with you, 

Your Draco

~

My Beloved, Y/n,

Do you know what my paradise would be? You and me, away from it all. Free and able to love and live freely. Rainy days and warm cups of tea. Even without a fire to keep us warm, the warmth of your smile will keep me from freezing even on the coldest night. And though it may be nothing more than you reading a book or watching the sun rise, you’d be my goddess, the reason I existed, the one that I praised and prayed to each morning and evening. My paradise would be you and I, in a heaven of our own when I could worship you in every way, in every language known to man.

Your Draco

~

My Darling, Y/n,

How this summer grows longer with every day that passes. I wish that I weren’t away in Paris having to accompany my parents. I’d much rather be in your arms. And each night I watch the stars and the moon, knowing that you are doing the same. We are watching the same moon after all, no matter how far apart we are. That gives me more hope that you are true, and not a dream that I’ve let run wild.

And just as the night that I could not see the moon because of the clouds, I know that even now, though I do not see you, I know you are still there and that you still love me. You are my moon, my darling. You are my stars, my night sky. You hold every bit of majesty and wonder as they do.

I shall be back soon my love, 

Your Draco

~

Though the pile of unread letters was still tall, my vision was blurred by tears and heart wrenching sobs that broke from my chest. Hugging my knees and hiding my face in my arms, I wept. For the first time in years, I let myself mourn Draco Malfoy. For the love that I had for him. For the love that we shared. For the boy I knew in Hogwarts and for the man I resented. For the Draco Malfoy that called to me while drugged and inebriated. For the Draco Malfoy who had tried to make amends. For the Draco Malfoy I had turned down.

I mourned the girl in the mirror as well. For her broken jaded heart. For the years she spent alone and in denial. I mourned the girl who would still do anything for him if he’d only ask. I mourned the girl who was tired of trying to be strong on her own. I mourned the girl who craved companionship even though she was confident in herself.

I cried for the lovers in the letters. I held them close to my chest and cried. Tears dripped off of my cheeks and onto the faded aged parchment. Senseless words left my lips as I tried to rationalize these emotions. As I tried to make sense of this feeling—something that I had neglected for too long.

The hour was late as my fire burned lower and lower in my hearth. I sat curled up under a blanket on the floor with a mug of tea. Watching the flames, I let myself reminisce about the past. About Draco. About what could have been. A small smile lingered on my lips as gentle tears fell occasionally.

The rest of the week, I didn’t run into Draco. Not that I sought him out. Or that our departments ever crossed. Or that I cared.

I did however run into a former Malfoy in Diagon Alley a week after having to babysit Draco. 

“Astoria,” my voice was calm and gentle as rage lurked beneath.

“Y/n,” she seemed almost happy to see me as she came forward to hug me. My cold step back stopped her, her eyes finding my judgemental gaze. Her demeanor changed. 

“Of all the people I know, I thought you’d understand,” her voice was guarded and hurt.

“Thought I’d understand?” I nearly gasped, surprised at my anger towards her. “I know Draco like I know my own mind. I hope you’re happy because you’ll never find someone that trusting and kind again.” Our glares combatted another as tension grew between us.

“You walked out on him same as I did.” She accused. “Who do you think had to pick him up from that?” Her words were sharp as I took a breath in.

“I walked away because he had to marry you!” I snarled. “I’d never walk out on him if I had another choice!” We were starting to draw attention of passersby. I didn’t really care. “I chose his happiness over mine,”

“Oh really?” She didn’t seem convinced.

“I chose your happiness over mine, even.” I realized. “He had to get married. He had to marry rich. A pureblood. Someone his parents approved of. He desperately wanted their approval...” my voice fell as the memories came flooding back. “That made him happy back then, doing what he thought was right...”

“You should be thanking me then!” Astoria exasperated. “I gave him his happiness!”

“Are you serious?” I demanded. “You broke his heart! You left him with a child alone! You publicly humiliated him! In clearing your name from the Malfoy’s you’ve ruined his life! And you think he’s happy now!?”

“How about we ask him?” She countered; her gaze fixed on someone in the distance.

I whirled around, meeting curious jaded blue eyes as he strolled down the lane. 

“Draco,” The soft gasp left my lips.

“What’s the meaning of this?” His voice was calm despite the firmness it held as he addressed me, not Astoria.

“Nothing,” I answered softly. “It’s nothing,”

“Sure, defend his honor and call it nothing,” Astoria sneered.

“You don’t get to talk,” I snapped, turning back to her. “You’ve done enough.”

“Y/n,” Draco chided softly, taking a place beside me. “I can handle this,”

“Draco,” I argued, looking up at him only to be silenced by a steady pleasing gaze from his eyes.

“Astoria,” He finally greeted, and I could see his guard go up. There was a warning in his single word and something passed between them.

“Draco,” She nodded then turned to leave without another word. He went to leave as well, and I caught his arm.

“Draco, hang on,” I called.

As he faced me, a sadness lingered in his eyes. I wondered about Harry’s words and how he was shutting everyone out. Everyone but me.

“If that offer is still open...” I tested. “I’d love to get out of the rain with you,”

Calculations ran through his eyes and I could see each one. For a moment I thought my request was a lost cause. That he was about to turn me down as I turned him down not a few days ago. Our eyes locked and the stars seemed to draw us back together. Now... now I felt something different. Something new in my heart towards Draco. It wasn’t what it had been before, but something morphed, changed, unyielding.

“Alright,” He nodded with a sigh.

“If you don’t want to... you don’t owe me anything Draco,” I rushed out, taking a small step back.

“Publicly defending my honor might count for something,” He mused softly. “Shall we?”

“I think I mentioned tea,” A soft chuckle left my lips as we entered Florean Fortescue Ice Cream Parlor.

“This is a favorite of Scorpius’,” Draco murmured. “I’ve grown accustomed to it...” He paused. “You used to like it as well,” A small smirk lingered on his face. “Has that changed?”

“No,” I admitted, flushing a bit pink.

“Butter pecan, waffle cone?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Waffle bowl,” I amended. “I’m not a child,”

“Oh, I’m sure,” He let out a soft laugh and ordered for the two of us. He hadn’t changed either, he still chose mint chocolate chip in a sugar cone.

“So, where’s Scorpius, he’s not old enough for Hogwarts, is he?” I asked as we sat at a small table outside.

“Merlin, no,” Draco chuckled. “He’ll be six in January, and at the moment he’s with my mother. She watches him while I’m away at work,” He said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“How’s he doing with—um...” I asked timidly,

Draco’s smile sobered as his gaze dropped to the table to the used napkins that had gotten the stickiness off of our hands and left colorful wrappings from the cones.

“Or not,” I whispered. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. It wasn’t my place,”

“Still the apologetic I see,” A sad sort of smile hit his lips. “And he’s taking it hard... harder than I am, I think. I knew she didn’t love me... I don’t think he ever understood it all...”

“I’m so sorry,” I offered.

He shot me an amused look.

“I mean it,” I insisted. “It’s not fair for either of you...” 

“Thank you,” Genuine gratitude held in his voice.

“Oi, Malfoy! Lunch ended twenty minutes ago!”

I heard a familiar voice and turned to see Harry walk into the small shop. As soon as Harry saw me sitting across from Draco, his demeanor changed and a grin grew on his face as if to say: ‘I told you so,’ but to which one of us I wasn’t sure.

“Hi Y/n,” Harry said cheerfully.

“Not a word, Potter,” Draco and I said simultaneously before catching the other’s gaze. Harry and I began to laugh, and I heard the gentle sound of Draco’s true laughter—something he rarely did, even when I knew him, but I cherished the sound all the same.

“I’m glad you two got to catch up, I am, but Draco, Mulligan has my arse because you’re missing,” Harry air-quoted the last word.

Sighing, Draco stood. “Y/n,” Was all he said as a goodbye before he and Harry set off.

I sat and stared at the empty space he left for a while, wondering what was going on between us. Was something going on between us? My heart said yes but my mind said no. I had forfeited the right to have anything with him. I walked away.

But still I wondered.

The next morning my phone kept chiming. Again, and again it wouldn’t stop with notifications and calls. I groaned and grabbed it off my beside table and squinted at it. A lot of the notifications were from friends and people I rarely talked too. One of them was from Ginny. I opened that one.

“How was your date?” It read and showed a picture of Draco and me at the ice cream parlor yesterday. We looked happy. The headline read:

Malfoy Moving On? Head Auror Caught with Old Classmate Sweetheart After Scandal

Then it dawned on me. This made the news. National news.

Scrolling through my phone, I found a number that I had but never called before. I had gotten it from Harry and Ginny long ago for emergences if Harry got injured on a case. I don’t think he knows I have it.

“Hello? Auror Malfoy,” A slightly tired voice answered, and it drew a smile on my lips before I remembered why I called.

“Draco,” I began, not knowing how to start this conversation.

“Y/n? How did you get my number?” In his weariness his tone was a lot harsher and blunt. His words stung.

“Harry gave it to me in case I needed it if something went wrong on one of your cases,” I explained softly. “I can delete it if you want... I was just wondering if you’ve seen this morning’s paper yet,”

“I have not,” He replied.

“Oh,” Anxiety grew in my chest. “Call me when you do?” I squeaked out. “Or don’t. Yeah, bye,” I quickly hung up and screamed at the ceiling, throwing my phone across the room. “Stupid Draco Malfoy!” I shouted at no one. Staring at the ceiling I wasn’t aware of how long I sat there.

Then my phone started ringing across the room. Of course, it was Draco.

“Hello?” I answered timidly.

“When can you be at the Manor? We need to talk,” Nothing scared me more than those four words.

“I—uh... half an hour?” I fumbled for words. “Draco—” The line disconnected. “Draco!” I yelled in frustration.

My body trembled as I got ready, knowing that that last time we had “talked” had ended our relationship and set us on different paths. I hoped to the stars that that wouldn’t happen again. I... I liked having Draco in my life. I wanted to be there for him, because according to Harry, I was the only one he would let in. Then there was the matter of whatever happened the night he was wasted and calling for me.

Taking the Floo network, I stepped into Malfoy Manor—a place I hadn’t been in over ten years. Draco was waiting for me in the grand foyer, appearing quite unkept, his hair a rumpled mess and his dress shirt still untucked, the tie hanging loosely around his neck.

“Hello,” I offered softly.

He hummed a greeting and motioned for me to follow him. I thought that I was going to throw up with the amount of anxiety bubbling in my stomach. I didn’t like this at all.

Leading me into the grand kitchen he nodded to the island bar where two mugs of tea had been set out. My heart panged as I looked at the warm liquid that held the right hue of creaminess and I wondered if Draco remembered how I took my tea after all this time.

“I’m having Mulligan and Granger take care of it,” was all he said as he took a careful sip of his tea, his gaze fixed upon the newspaper on the counter before us.

“Take care of it?” I pressed, frowning.

“The photos. The newspapers.” He filled in.

“No, I get that,” I almost rolled my eyes, “But why? It’s just gossip...” 

“Why?” Draco almost snapped. I looked to my tea ashamed. He took a breath. 

“Do you regret it? Yesterday?” I barely spoke.

“Why would I?” He acted if I were the insane one here, “We went out. We enjoyed each other’s company. It was fine.”

“Then why would you tell Mulligan to— “

“I didn’t.” He stopped me. “He told me he was doing it. He was supposed to have stopped it from ever happening.”

“You knew. You knew this was going to happen,”

“Yes, or something like it, and I tried to stop it. The press has been... unforgiving of my name and business as of late and I didn’t want to drag anyone else into it,”

I nodded and looked down till I heard him sigh.

“Especially not you,” He tacked on.

“What?” My sleep deprived brain was trying to catch up.

Draco pursed his lips and stared at the photo of us smiling at another on the front page.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I do believe that I have forfeited the right to ask anything of you or hope to include you into my life in any way,” Melancholy riddled his words and my heart fell as I yearned to reach out for him.

“So, you’ve been avoiding me?” I didn’t understand the frustration I felt. “I... You—God above Draco.” I hissed. “Why don’t you let my make that choice myself? I forfeited that right just as much as you did,”

“I don’t see how,”

“I walked away from you... I made that choice.” 

“But did you have a choice?” Draco countered softly.

I didn’t have a response for that. Not a good one that I could defend well. Sure, I could claim I did and that I made the choice... but back then, our hands were tied. There was fear and war and uncertainty, and perhaps I didn’t have a choice after all.

He spoke before I had the chance to form a sound argument.

“As you know work with Harry as well.”

“Yes,” I acknowledged.

“And that a week ago Friday was a bit of a disaster for the both of us,”

“Wouldn’t be one of my least favorite nights, but a disaster... sure.” I drawled, raising an eyebrow. He ignored my taunt and pressed on.

“Harry suggested that I take you out to make it up to you. Hence the invitation that one day and then our date yesterday,” His explanation made me pause.

“That was a date?” I asked, anxiety growing in my chest of where this could go.

“I mean... it fit all the perimeters of a date.” He was testing the waters as much as I was.

I let out a short laugh.

“I suppose it did,” I nodded to the paper in front of us.

“He also said that perhaps I shouldn’t have to be inebriated to figure out and express my emotions toward you—or anyone for that matter,” He tacked on, a mumbled mess.

“I... you—”

“You asked me why I would say something like what I said,” Draco gave, pressing on, not giving me a moment to process. “I doubt you remember it—you were half awake—but... No matter how much I’ve lost the right and privilege, I want you in my life, Y/n. Apart of it, if you’re willing,”

They talked about time freezing around you and how everything comes into focus. And that there are moments when all of the heartache and pain will one day count for something, and perhaps this was it. This was that moment. That point that I could make all of the pain and tears mean something beautiful. Something not quite new, but no longer old and forgotten.

“I... I want you in my life too,” I whispered the confession. “It’s... it’s really nice... to have you back,” My gaze dropped to the counter and the tea in my hands as guilt pierced through me.

“Can... can you ever forgive me? For all the hurt and pain I’ve caused you? Have I done too much that there’s no hope?”

“I... I never blamed you.” I admitted. “Or if I did, I don’t now. But Draco, we’re both different people now. I... I need your patience. Because as much as I want to say yes, I... I don’t know. I don’t know what hurts are going to come back up or what scars might reopen... If you’re willing to deal with that...”

“If you’re willing to deal with the rumors and gossip and stuffy life that I lead... I’ll wait a thousand lifetimes for you to be ready again,”

________________________

The kindness and forgiveness in your eyes brought him back. Way back. To the Yule Ball when you had been introduced to him. It was a dance of formalities and posture. He knew that you were a bit of a flirt, but after spending time with you, he could see that your bright over-friendly personality earned you such a reputation.

When Draco was younger, when he was at Hogwarts, when you were by his side, he thought he knew three things that would never change.

The first was that he was a Malfoy. He had to marry rich, marry whoever his parents picked out for him. There was no debate about that. It was the way things were. Keep the pureblood line going and the wealth in the family, if not expound upon it. He was the only son of his parents and it was his duty to carry the name on, carry it higher. He was a Malfoy.

The second was that as soon as he saw your face, that all changed. There was no one quite like you. He had never met anyone who matched him heart and mind and yet somehow you were kind and gentle at the same time. Your intelligent eyes that made him forget his name. He knew there would never be a day that he didn’t love you. That freedom you gave. He loved you.

And thirdly: he was betrothed to Astoria Greengrass.

That was about a decade ago. Now, only one of those things held true. Blinking away the memories and thoughts, he met your intelligent determined eyes once more. Everything came crashing down around him. The truth.

Draco didn’t have to marry rich. He had and the girl he married had an affair with another man and he was free from the obligation. He was no longer engaged to Astoria. He no longer had to entertain her listless petty stories or her frivolous shallow needs. He had a son. That kept the family name going, that kept the pureblood line alive.

But Draco still loved you.

And God damn him if he wouldn’t find every way to express that to you.

Maybe that was the reason behind his further actions. It was the reasoning behind why he reached out to you, stroking your face softly as he did long ago. He caressed your cheek as if it were precious marble, a sculpture given to him by the gods.

And for the first time in ten years, Draco didn’t have to fantasize what it would be like to kiss you again. He didn’t have to desperately cling to how your lips felt against his. He didn’t have to deny how much he missed you.

Frozen under his touch, Draco worried that perhaps this was something he should regret. That he should stop. That he should deny still.

But your hand came up slowly, not to push him away but to hold him close as he held you, cradling his face as if he were the most precious thing to you. Your fingers curled into his hair, causing the butterflies in his chest to set flight. Your soft sounds were met with his steady purrs.

His tongue danced with yours in a forgotten waltz. Even after all this time you still tasted the same: sweet, alluring, and faintly like chai.

But you pulled away all too soon for his liking.

“You’re gonna be the death of me one day, Malfoy,” A smile curled on your lips.

“‘Til death do we part,” He jested lightly, earning a slight giggle from you as you pulled away and rebalanced yourself on the barstool.

“So... are we doing this? Like actually doing this?” You asked, fear lurking in your voice.

“I will do everything I can to make this right. To do this properly. To give you what you deserve,” He couldn’t quite understand why you laughed this time.

“I know you love your rules and traditions, but Draco I don’t need any of that and I don’t want any of that. I just want you. To get to know you again. To get to know Scorpius. I want my friend back,”

The desperate plea in your voice mirrored in your eyes and maybe he understood you a bit better and maybe himself, because he wanted that as well. He wanted you in his life. Woven into it. And possibly the first step to having that, was to get to know you again.

So, he would wait. He would learn. And he would love you till his dying day. 

“That would be enough,” Draco smiled softly and took your hand into his.

A few months of dates and quiet nights and lunches together in the break room and the rumors in the papers seemed to fade and the shock value seemed to wane to others. But Draco was still amazed that you decided to stay by his side. That you let him back into your narrative. That you completely adored Scorpius more than his own mother ever did.

As you crouched beside Scorpius and a peacock on the Manor grounds as the three of you took an evening stroll, the smile you gave him made him believe that the past ten years were nothing but a terrible dream. A trial to prove that he had earned this reward.

Though you had asked for patience, it turned out that he needed some as well. Draco had no idea how deep seeded the betrayal from Astoria and his supposed best friend affected him. There were times that he grew angrier than he meant to. There were times he was harsher than he wanted to be. There were times he was more distant than he needed to be. There were times that he was more reckless than he should be.

And there were times when something lingered in your eyes that he didn’t quite enjoy. Fear, or hesitancy. There were new boundaries that you had, and he had learned to respect. You weren’t the same girl he knew at Hogwarts. You were independent, confident, self-made, but still kind and gentle. You didn’t depend on him for everything. You didn’t lean into every touch. You didn’t smile at every jest. His perspective of you changed, and he loved every change made.

A weekend when Scorpius had gone to his parent’s house in Paris for a weekend was the night that Draco truly felt alone for the first time in a long time—since you had been back in his life. As the hour grew later, he paced his study, debating on going to see you, knowing well you’d still be awake.

As the ghosts of his past came to life and overpowered your gentle voice in his mind, Draco was decided. Drawing his wand, he apparated straight to you.

“What in Merlin’s name!?” You demanded, wand drawn, looking frantic, only relaxing when you saw that it was him.

“I... couldn’t sleep. Everything is...” His voice was small, like a frightened child.

You lowered your wand as he stood in the doorway of your bedroom. Running a hand through your hair you sighed softly. He knew he was asking a lot—too much even. It had been a boundary of yours. You weren’t ready to sleep with him—innocently, not sensually—yet.

“Well, come on then,” You smiled softy, sliding over in your bed. “Just like old times,” His memory flickered back to the sleepless nights in the dorms at Hogwarts behind drawn drapes.

“This isn’t me trying—” Draco started, not wanting to push your boundary. He’d sleep on the couch for Merlin’s sake. He just wanted to be near someone who cared for him.

“I know,” You replied softly, reading him like an open book, as you were always able to. 

“And I don’t—”

You rose from your bed, going over to him.

“Still trust me?” You whispered, your hands running up his arms, earning a shudder from him.

Draco nodded; his gaze transfixed on you. He knew what the question meant. It had been a routine of yours at Hogwarts. When he couldn’t seem to get a grip on the day and came to you at night, you were always there to care for him.

And you were there now.

Slowly you unbuttoned his shirt, leaving it to the floor. Going over to your dresser, you pulled out one a shirt that he recognized as his and placed it in his hands. He gripped the fabric tightly.

“You kept this?” His eyebrow furrowed.

A shrug left your shoulders as you neared your dresser again, opening another drawer. “Cotton or fleece?” The question was soft.

“Cotton,”

“I have flannel?” You offered, pulling out a pair of plaid sweats.

“That’ll do,” Draco smiled as you handed him the pants; he gripped them tightly as well.

“You’re safe,” You encouraged, stroking his cheek. “No one’s going to hurt you. No one expects anything of you. You’re alright here... You’re with me,”

“You knew I was coming,” It wasn’t an accusation.

“Eventually, yes. You hate nights alone.” The warmth of your eyes was intoxicating. 

“I prefer it when you’re here,” He admitted.

“Then go change and we can get some sleep, yeah?”

That night had been quiet. It had taken some time, but eventually you laid in his arms, holding onto him as he held onto you. Silent tears fell for the both of you—of fear and acceptance and a new beginning. A step forward.

..........

Draco paced the floor, keeping a close watch to his temper as you arrived, looking confused and worried. And with the scarce information that he gave to you, it was well placed. Without a word—fearing that it might not be a kind one— he led you into the den, to where Scorpius was sitting on the couch, looking guilty and repentant.

“Scorpius,” Draco’s voice was concise and controlled. “Would you care to explain exactly what you told me to Miss Y/n?”

Some anger leaked through. A gentle hand on his shoulder reminded him to find calmness. A gentle smile on your face appeased and welcomed Scorpius as he began to speak.

“I... well... mother left. And papa had these letters... I found them and...I didn’t know who she was... but I thought—” the young boy stammered. “Father always has potions on hand down in his study... I thought that—if I just... he could be happy again,” Scorpius’ voice broke as he started to cry.

Your face crumpled softly, and Draco could see that you yearned to reach out to Scorpius and gather him into your arms but you refrained.

“So, you’re the one who drugged Draco,” You understood his son’s words, not nearly as upset as Draco had been because something else held your attention. “You kept my letters?” You seemed baffled. “All this time?”

Draco scoffed and his face remained stoic, but his cheeks tinged pink, affirming what you had said. And possibly it was the right thing to call you over to deal with this because with calmness and kindness that he never could find, you reprimanded Scorpius.

“Do you understand how dangerous that was?” You scolded. “Potions are not something to be played with or mixed. You could have really hurt your father.”

“I know,” Scorpius cried out, tears falling. “But—he... I thought I could get some answers. Find out who he loved—”

Your eyes met his with wonder and curiosity. There was no escaping that one. Draco wasn’t sure he wanted to avoid it.

“Okay,” Draco pinched the bridge of his nose, his face folded into a pained expression. “We’ll talk about this later young man, now go start your studies.”

“Yes sir,” Scorpius nodded and disappeared into the house.

“Draco don’t be hard on him,” You pleaded, reaching out to him. “He’s just a kid,”

“I know,” Draco sighed, taking your hands. “That’s why I called you. I knew you’d handle it better than I ever could.”

“I’m not his mother, Draco,” You reminded him softly. “I don’t have authority here,”

Draco held his tongue before he really did ask you to be Scorpius’ mother but Merlin he wanted to. And maybe you could see that in his eyes because you looked down, flushing.

“He does seem truly sorry,” You changed the topic quickly before something was confessed after all.

“I think so,” Draco looked to the door from Scorpius had exited. Sighing softly, a hopeless chuckle left his lips. “As livid I am that he got into my stuff, and that I was drugged by a six- year-old, it brought me back to you,”

“I suppose it did,” You smiled. “As long as he promises to keep from your stuff, and to come to talk to you instead of taking matters into his own hands... I don’t see any harm.”

Draco nodded and pulled you into his arms, finding comfort in your solace and steady compassion.

“So...” You drawled, pulling away from him. “You kept my letters?” A mischievous smirk fell upon your face as you raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yes,” He admitted, defeated. “I know, I know. It’s wrong and—” You burst out laughing, causing him to pause.

“I kept yours too,” Beaming at him, you reached up and stroked his cheek. “Granted I didn’t read them until again the day we got caught in the rain...”

Draco chuckled softly and drew you in for a kiss, marveled that you were even standing in front of him.

______________________________

There was a day that Draco did ask me. Another four words that made my heart soar and want to scream from the rooftops that he was truly mine. It had taken some time, make no mistake. It was redefining what it meant to be married and figuring out what it meant to marry for love and not advantage, but we made it. There was love, patience, and a strong foundation.

“Ginny, I can’t do this,” I whispered, tearing my eyes away from the mirror. “I... I’m not a wife... I—”

“Hush,” She ordered and fixed a hair that was out of place. “You’re the perfect one for him,” 

“But... me? Getting married? I can’t.”

“You love him, don’t you?” She tested, and I nodded, not trusting my voice. “And you can’t see a day without him in your future?” I nodded again, fighting back tears.

Ginny’s face softened. “I know,” She took my hand. “It’s a lot and it’s scary sometimes, but you deserve this. You deserve a happily ever after with a man who is willing to do what it takes to give it to you,”

I looked down at the floral lace of my dress, blinking away the moisture in my eyes. 

“Maybe you’re right...” I murmured.

“Of course, I am,” She smiled and picked up my bouquet, offering it to me.

Cannon in D began, and the door opened. My veil hid the water in my eyes and the fear on my face. Fears that faded when I saw him at the end of the aisle. He looked just as nervous as I did. It made me smile. It was so like him to be nervous about this. I almost laughed.

I took Harry’s elbow and inhaled deeply.

“You look beautiful,” He murmured.

“Thank you,” I mumbled back as we made our way down the aisle.

Harry placed my hand into Draco’s, and I felt secure. I felt safe and sure of my future. My eyes darted to Scorpius who I had seen grown up the past couple of years. He waved to me and I giggled before turning back to Draco.

There were tears in his eyes as he beamed down at me, our vows exchanged, and rings placed. 

“Don’t you cry,” I scolded quietly. “Because then I’ll start crying,”

“I’ve waited so long for this day,” He defended. “I’m allowed to cry,”

I laughed as my husband leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, sealing our promise to each other.

.

masterlist

.

more like this:

beautifully beastly

together in paris

.

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[whileyoursleeping]

Here

Hello all, I wrote a lil oneshot post-canon for the season 4 finale. Shameless fluff. You’ve been warned. This has also been posted on AO3 - link HERE: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31520699

TW: Mentions of the shooting; mentions of PTSD.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Buck wears socks to bed.

It’s disturbing in a way. Eddie doesn’t know anyone above the age of ten who still wears socks to bed – except, apparently, Buck.

Buck is also still sleeping on his couch.

Eddie’s been home for a week. He’s mastered the on-off motion of his sling for the shower, he’s sleeping okay – as okay as anyone can while being literally fucking shot for no good reason, and not even in Afghanistan, at that – and he’s not in significant amounts of pain, anymore. The meds have taken care of that, and he’s taking them dutifully, because he might not like them but Chris needs him. Chris needs him more a little stoned than he does bedridden from pain.

But it’s been a week, and Buck is still sleeping on his couch.

It’s not even comfortable. Buck’s not small enough to fit on there without cramping up. And Eddie just – kind of hasn’t told him to go home, and Buck just kind of isn’t going home, he’s more or less just ferrying his things back and forth between Eddie’s coffee table and his own apartment, studiously avoiding eye contact each time, as if Eddie is going to catch his eye and say – well, say what? “Go home? Thanks for taking care of my son and carrying my lifeless body to the fire truck and risking your fucking neck again to save my life and keeping a vigil – but go home?” Not fucking likely.

So he’s sleeping on Eddie’s couch. And Eddie’s not sure how to approach it – or if he even wants to approach it. Buck was scared. He said as much, and other people said as much, and Eddie remembers Buck picking him up and putting him in the ambulance. Fire truck? He doesn’t remember the details, he just – remembers Buck picking him up.

If he’s honest with himself – and he’s trying to be after that whole “follow your own heart” crap Carla pulled on him – he doesn’t particularly want Buck to leave. Buck saved his life, and Eddie feels weirdly safer with him here. It’s nice to have him around in the mornings – even if he looks tired. Even if Eddie’s couch has not been useable as a couch in over a week now.

He wanders into the living room that morning to find that Buck is already rubbing his eyes, sleepily, looking totally worn out and like he’d like to go back to sleep, but can’t. He sits when he hears Eddie enter – a dog standing at attention.

“Okay?” he checks worriedly.

Eddie smiles drowsily. “You know the pain meds keep me pleasantly high almost all day, right?”

“Yeah.” Buck doesn’t look soothed. “But you’re okay?”

“Yeah, Buck. I’m okay.” Eddie pats his shoulder on the way past, yawning. “Breakfast?”

“I’ll make pancakes.”

~*~

Buck is exhausted.

Eddie knows this because Eddie wakes up a lot at night and goes wandering. He does this because despite the pain pills, he’s just not moving enough to be tired, and his normal army sleep schedule never really left him. He’s like a fucked-up, traumatised meerkat – awake every two to three hours, patrolling the perimeter, looking for enemies.

Just so happens that his perimeter is the length of his hallway between Chris’s room and the couch, where Buck is decidedly not resting peacefully. His enemy, at the moment? The Roomba. Chris has stuck several dozen googly eyes to it and, at one point, had armed it with a butter knife. It’s mildly terrifying. Butter-knife-less at the moment – but terrifying. Eddie squints at it as he moves towards the kitchen.

(“Because it’s funny, Dad,” he’d giggled. “Maybe it’ll make Buck laugh.”

Buck had laughed, but in a strained, I’m-so-tired-I-want-to-cry kind of way. Eddie’s dreading coming off his pain pills for the pure fact that it’ll probably be him next. PTSD is a bitch.)

He was going to get water, but that requires moving through the living room. Buck is crashed out on the couch – his duffel is spilling over on the floor, his phone facedown on the coffee table. Eddie can see him relatively well with the street lights and moon lighting up the smallish living room – he doesn’t look like he’s sleeping peacefully. In fact, even as Eddie watches, Buck twitches.

He goes ramrod still, abruptly not thinking about his heavily-armed Roomba or meerkat analogies. He is suddenly, painfully, sober – the pain pills feel burned out of him as he watches Buck twist, his fingers twitching and then curling into the duvet, face scrunched.

A nightmare. Buck is having a nightmare. Eddie’s not high anymore. The pills are no longer filling his head with cotton and fuzz – every single sense feels alight like it hasn’t in two weeks, tuned in to Buck, struggling, on the couch.

What’s he supposed to do? What can he do?

He watches, alarmed, as Buck gasps and jerks – his stupid socked feet flail and kick into the arm of the couch, and the duvet goes flying back. Buck’s upright, at least semi-upright, on one elbow, panting and scrabbling against the thin, shitty mattress – for what? Purchase? A hand to hold? A memory to cling to, something to soothe him through the remainder of the night?

The room’s quiet. Eddie’s frozen, unsure of what to do. Is this what it was like after the tsunami?

After a moment, Buck makes a sound – a whimper, or a cry, or some awful hybrid of the two – and collapses back, rolls onto his side, away from the TV, and curls up, not bothering to adjust the duvet. His feet – he’s wearing white socks tonight – flex, toes clenching.

Buck drags the corner of the duvet up over his face. The next noise he makes is very clearly a quiet sob and Eddie – oh, he cannot stand this. He’s not going to watch it any longer.

It’s not like he doesn’t know Buck hasn’t been sleeping, at least not well. He did the first night – eleven hours, actually – but every night after that has been plagued with nightmares. He’s heard Buck rustling around or pacing and watched him try to put on a brave face every morning at breakfast, and he can’t do it anymore.

His feet cross the floorboards. He sits on the edge of the couch – Buck flinches – and puts his free hand on Buck’s shoulder, rubs gently.

Buck sniffles. He doesn’t move for a long time, keeps the duvet up over his face. He doesn’t make any more noises, but his shoulders shake, and Eddie remembers – I kinda lost it when I told him you got shot. I’m sorry, I should’ve held it together.

Eddie wonders when anyone reasonably expected Buck to hold it together.

Buck moves suddenly – his fingers grip at Eddie’s, and they’re shaking. He holds on and – well, if Buck wants to hold hands, it’s not like they haven’t done it before. Eddie held his hand for an hour or more while they were getting him out from under the ladder truck two years ago. Eddie’s happy to hold his hand.

He doesn’t know how to help. Buck’s still sniffling, his face angled away from Eddie’s. He’s happy to take the comfort, but not happy to let Eddie know he’s crying, apparently.

They sit like that for a while. Eddie’s helpless and almost angry for it. It’s not like he hasn’t suffered – he has. It’s going to take therapy, physical and mental, to get past this. But Buck – Buck watched it happen. Watched him almost die. Buck’s not stoned and he wasn’t shot and there’s no buffer between him and the memories. For the first time, Eddie is angry at the team – how has no one noticed? How has no one cared?

Buck drags a hand across his eyes. “Sorry,” he whispers, his voice cracking. “Bet you’re sick of me crying.”

“What?” Eddie asks. “No, I – I am, but not for the reason you’re thinking.”

Buck nods into the pillow. His legs flex – he has to be cold; the air is definitely cool and Buck hates cold weather with a passion. He’s wearing socks and boxers and a hoodie and all of that thoroughly confuses Eddie – he wants to arrange the duvet properly but he can’t with Buck clinging to his hand. That’s fine too.

He thinks about it for a moment. Problem – Buck is sad; Buck is scared. Buck is clearly traumatised. Nobody appears to have addressed that last one.

Solution. Well, Chris seems to help a lot. But Chris is asleep, and Eddie can’t really properly address the trauma thing.

But he can maybe make Buck feel less alone.

He removes his hand from Buck’s shoulder, clumsily adjusts the duvet, and then climbs under it, adjusting until his side is pressed to Buck’s back and he can feel Buck trembling horribly against him. His legs twitch; his socks brush Eddie’s bare feet.

“Why do you wear socks to bed?” Eddie asks.

There’s a long pause. Then, “That’s what you want to know?”

“Sure.”

“I… don’t know?”

Eddie makes a face at the ceiling. Buck hasn’t rolled over. “You don’t know?” he asks dubiously. “Are your feet cold?”

“Not particularly.”

“Do you wear socks to bed in summer?”

“I… sort of do it all year round – Eddie, what’re you doing?”

He doesn’t know, truthfully, beyond trying to cheer Buck up. Although, maybe he just – needs to cry? Sometimes when Chris is upset he just needs to cry. No solutions, just… comfort.

He pushes against Buck’s back more, and, because he can’t reach Buck’s hands like this, links their ankles together. Buck shifts – but only to stop the knobs of their bones rubbing uncomfortably. He sighs, shakily, but when breath finally leaves his lungs entirely, he almost feels steadier.

“Thanks, Eddie,” he whispers.

~*~

Buck rolls during the night, a soft breath leaving him. Eddie’s only aware of it because it ghosts across his throat – Buck’s rolled towards him.

The mattress shifts. Buck is deliciously warm against Eddie’s side – his socked feet brush against Eddie’s shins, a few times, almost deliberately. Buck sighs again, settles.

The air goes still. Eddie can smell something new and different, faintly – the couch bed smells like Buck, like the woody, fresh scent of his aftershave and a little spicy and like Buck’s own shampoo. There’s something indefinable about it – something that’s just how Buck smells.

Eddie yawns. His jaw cracks. His shoulder, at the moment, doesn’t hurt, even when he shifts and looks for Buck’s hand, clumsily – he finds it, pulls it up until he can link their fingers together and rest their joined palms on his own belly. He squeezes. Are you there?

A second passes before Buck squeezes back. His palms are rough and hot and his thumb nervous where it brushes Eddie’s knuckles.

Yes. I’m here.

Eddie yawns. He goes back to sleep.

~*~

The sunlight punching through the living room window wakes him up.

He blinks. He’s on his back still – his feet are cold. When he turns his head to the side, the first thing he sees is Buck’s face – buried somewhere in the vicinity of Eddie’s shoulder, eyes closed, mouth slightly open.

He’s drooling. It’s a little cute. Eddie raises his head – his shoulder twinges unhappily – and looks to the end of the couch.

Yep. Buck’s still wearing socks. His legs are curled up, almost like he’s trying to keep warm, and he’s more or less pressed to Eddie’s side, but not quite on top of him.

Eddie’s struck with the sudden though that if his shoulder wasn’t injured, he’d roll over – put an arm over Buck and let Buck hide as long as he needed to. He can’t do that right now, and the impulse is frightening if only because it doesn’t come from the so-called brotherly love he’s continued to tell himself is what he feels for Buck.

It’s not so frightening he can’t deal with it though. Quietly. And he might not be able to hug Buck right now – but Buck slept through till morning, the first time in more than a week in all likelihood. He even looks peaceful.

If Eddie does pursue this – whatever this is, this little, fledgling, hopeful thing in his chest – he can only hope that Buck reciprocates. It’ll take time, of course. Plenty of it. But – Buck is already Chris’s other parent in the ways that matter and he’s kept bedside vigils and they slept here, last night, holding hands for the majority of it. Is there a lot left to think about? Eddie doesn’t think so.

He raises his head again. Looks down.

Except those socks, maybe. He’s not sure he’ll ever get used to that.

[cheri-translates]

Headcanon - When he realises that you aren’t taking care of yourself

Original title: 当他发现你不好好照顾自己

Original writer: 池离子 (chi li zi)

[ VICTOR ]

Working overtime at night, you finally complete your work and return home fatigued. You haven't had dinner, and only drank a cup of coffee and took a bite out of a sandwich in the afternoon.

You slump on the sofa, so tired that you don’t feel like moving an inch. The shops have closed. Because you’ve never had the time to eat at home, there’s no food available. Your tummy grumbles, but you don’t have the energy to search for food.

"Ding dong."

"Ding dong ding dong."

Who is it...

You drag your tired body to open the door, and what enters your line of sight is Victor’s expressionless face.

"Ah... Victor. It’s already so late... what’s up?”

"You’ve only returned home at this time?”

He seems a little angry.

"I was working overtime... How did you know? Were you squatting downstairs or something?”

Before you even finish speaking, your stomach grumbles inappropriately. 

This is so awkward.

"You haven't eaten?"

You nod.

Victor squeezes into your house, walks straight into your house, and takes off his coat before draping it on the sofa.

"What are you doing?"

"Cooking dinner for a dummy."

"Ah, wait...”

You try to stop Victor from opening the refrigerator, but it's too late.

Victor opens your refrigerator, which isn’t even powered. Inside, there are only two bottles of glucose supplements. 

You watch as his face darkens. 

“You don’t have food at home?”

"Nope...”

"Snacks? Biscuits?"

"...nope...”

“How do you normally settle your meals?”

“I... would buy bread from the store. But I didn’t have time this morning so I skipped it... it’s too late now and the stores are closed. And I didn’t have time to cook.... and the food I make isn’t even nice!”

Victor takes two steps towards you, clasping your waist with both hands, and frowns.

"You’ve become thinner.”

You respond happily. "That's great!”

Victor releases his grip on you, puts on his suit jacket, then walks over and takes your hand.

“What?”

"Forget about the rent for this apartment. Come back with me. I’ll cook three meals a day for you. And I’ll pick you up at night.”

"A certain dummy can't take care of herself, so I’ll take care of her."

"Resign from your company. Come to work at LFG. The salary is high, and you’ll get to send your boyfriend to work.”

-

[ GAVIN ]

You’re truly a careless person.

You’d fall down on the street, crash into trees while walking, knock your head against low walls, hit your elbow when you lift your hand, and bump your toes against furniture when doing household chores.

As such, your body always has bruises. Sometimes, they appear without you even noticing.

Today, you accidentally cut your fingers while slicing vegetables. While cooking, you were also scalded by the hot oil, resulting in blisters. 

Ah, what a dismal life.

Doing some mental calculations, you realise that today’s the last day of Gavin’s mission, and the day he returns home.

Rinsing the blisters on your arm with cold water, you continue dealing with the dishes in the pot. 

You’re going to prepare a table of food for Gavin! That boy must be incredibly hungry after working outside for so long. 

Click.

You hear the sound of the door opening, followed by a voice in the hallway.

"MC--”

“Hey!” You respond. “You’re back! You came back at the right time - dinner’s ready!”

Gavin changes into a pair of slippers, removes his outer uniform, and heads to the bathroom to wash his hands. You’re currently serving the final dish of stir-fried cabbage, and the table is all ready.

Gavin sits across from you, meticulously eyeing the dishes before him. Without any hesitation, he delivers praise. “Smells good. You’ve worked hard.”

“Hehe, go ahead and eat. I’m really confident in my cooking skills!” While speaking, you hand Gavin a pair of chopsticks. 

Taking the chopsticks from you, he catches a glimpse of the blisters on your arm, and the band-aid wrapped around your finger. 

“What happened?” He asks frantically, setting down the chopsticks and taking your hand in his. 

“This one was due to hot oil... this one was when I was cutting vegetables. I’m okay now!”

You slowly extricate your hand from his. Gavin looks really worried. He stands up and walks to you, carefully looking you up from top to bottom. As expected, he discovers two new bruises on your calf. 

“And this?”

“The one on the left was caused by the corner of the bed... the one on the right was because I bumped against the corner of the table...”

Gavin’s eyes are filled with worry, and he hugs you.

"Why are you so careless... why didn’t you tell me over the phone?"

You pat him on the back.

“You already have many things to worry about! I can’t make you worry about me too... Besides, you don’t always tell me when you get hurt either...”

You feel the arms around you tighten.

“I’ll tell you next time... so you have to tell me too. I’ll try to accept fewer missions, and spend more time at home with you. Okay?”

“Good, good! Commander Gavin must make sure that I don’t get hurt again!”

"Mm.”

-

[ LUCIEN ]

It's late at night. Walking out of the elevator, you stand at your door, looking for the keys to open the door to your house.

"Click."

The door opens, but it isn’t yours, but your neighbour’s.

"Little Butterfly.”

It’s Lucien. He opens the door, half of his body out as he peers at you.

"Lucien! Good evening!"

"Why did the Little Butterfly return home so late?"

"Ah, I worked overtime..."

Lucien shuts the door and walks out, standing in front of you. He has changed out of his usual white coat and white shirt, and is currently wearing loose home clothes. Feeling his stare on you, you rub your head in embarrassment. 

“W-what’s wrong? Is there something on my face?”

“Have you not been resting well? You’ve got heavy dark circles...”

“Ah, this...” you look at him in embarrassment. “It looks really bad, doesn’t it... I’ve had too much work on my hands these days, so I’ve been having trouble sleeping at night since my mind’s filled with work even though I’m obviously tired...”

Lucien takes your hand.

"Come."

"Huh? Where are we going?”

"To my house.”

You’re pulled into his house, and a sweet-smelling aroma wafts over to you, making you feel drowsy. 

"There’s a spare pink toothbrush and toothpaste on the counter. There’s a set of pyjamas I’ve been wanting to give you. I’ll bring it over for you. Sleep at my house tonight, okay? This aromatherapy assists with sleep. I promise that you’ll have a very good sleep."

You’ve stayed over at Lucien's house before. The previous time, it was because it was too late and you didn't bring your house key, so you had no choice but to knock on Lucien's door for help.

You brush your teeth and put on the one-size pyjamas he bought you. The fragrance and warm light in the room make you slump on the bed very quickly.

Lucien covers you with a thin quilt. The heater is turned on, making the place especially warm and cosy.

You feel him sitting at the side of the bed, a warm hand on your back, patting your back and coaxing you to sleep. 

"Little Butterfly... don’t go back... live here with me, and you can sleep well every night..."

"Mm... mm..."

Admist his gentle voice and gentle tapping, you fall asleep.

-

[ KIRO ]

You’re on your period, but the company’s affairs are getting busier and busier. Every day, Kiki can see your pale face as you shift between various departments. 

By the time you get home, the heater has stopper operating.

You’ve always felt cold easily, no matter what time of the year it is, and whether you wear shoes and socks. 

At the end of a busy day, you collapse on the sofa while covering your stomach, but it just hurts more and more. Because your hands are cold, it's perhaps more accurate to say that your stomach’s covering you.

"Click--"

You heard the sound of the door opening.

"Miss Chips!!"

Kiro's energetic voice drifts over.

This is your home, but you gave Kiro a key, and he occasionally stays over at your home without notice. He just finished filming a drama today. After rushing through a dinner with the producer, he bought a lot of snacks and visited your place.

"Ro Ro... ooh..."

You lie on the sofa and stretch out your hand to him. He tosses down the bag of snacks, grinning while giving you a hug.

You tousle his short blond hair as he nuzzles against your chest. When he reaches out to grab your hand, he ends up grabbing a cold object.

Lifting his head, he sees that it’s ndeed your hand.

"Miss Chips, why are your hands so cold..."

He releases his hold on you, then covers your hands with his. Unfortunately, they aren’t sufficient to warm you up.

"Want to take a bath? Maybe your hands will feel a little warmer."

You frown.

"I don't want to! I'm so tired... also, my stomach hurts so much. I... can’t take a bath right now.And my feet are so cold..."

Kiro tilts his head to look at your feet. Soon after, a pair of thin socks are pulled onto your feet.

"Miss Chips... why don't you lie down on the bed? You’ll feel warmer under the covers..."

"I’m tired-”

Even before you finish speaking, Kiro’s arms reach behind your back and knees. He lifts you up steadily, and easily carries you to the bed.

After he covers you with a quilt, you watch as he hurries out. After a short while, he returns with a cup of hot ginger tea and two warm water bottles.

Placing the cup into your hands, he heads to the end of the bed, placing a warm water bottle underneath your feet. Once you’ve finished drinking the ginger tea, he hands you the other water bottle. 

"Miss Chips... if you don't feel well, let someone else handle the work. Don’t tire yourself.... I’ll come over more often next time, to make sure that you’re taking good care of yourself.”

Soft blonde hair once against nestles against your chest. 

-

[ SHAW ]

You’re almost late, and you’re rushing to the company. The scorching sun beats down on your pale face. 

All of a sudden, darkness overcomes your vision.

When you regain consciousness, you find yourself lying on a hospital bed. A noise is at your ear, but you’re still in a daze and unable to comprehend what is being said.

Turning your head towards the sound, strands of lavender hair occupy your vision. Your eyes widen. It’s Shaw.

“Hello, hello? Are you deaf? Can you hear me?”

Mustering the final bit of energy you have, you return his words.

“Lower your volume. I’m not deaf.”

Shaw purses his lips.

“You’re still in the mood for jokes. You scared me to death. If I didn’t see you collapsed on the street while skateboarding to class, you might still be lying there right now.”

"Thanks...”

Shaw leans in closer, staring at your intently.

“Mary Sue, the doctor said that you have low blood sugar. Didn’t you have breakfast?”

“I didn't have the time... I worked overtime till late yesterday, and didn’t get enough sleep. I was almost late this morning, so how could I have time for breakfast...”

Shaw ponders for a while.

“That’s not right. If you’re fainting like this, it’s not because you didn’t have breakfast. You didn’t eat last night, did you?”

You nod.

“It was so late... I was so tired, so I skipped dinner...”

"Tch.”

-

Once you’re discharged from the hospital, Shaw moves into your place.

In the mornings, he’d shake you till you get up, and you’d enjoy the breakfast he prepared. At noon, you’d receive the snacks he buys for you, garnering envious glances from female colleagues. When you work overtime at night, he’d appear in your office with his skateboard and a bento box. After returning home from a long day of hard work, he’d retrieve a small cake from the refrigerator like magic.

“Shaw, stop feeding me. I’ve gained five pounds.”

He spins you around twice, pinches your tummy, then chuckles.

“That’s just right.”

–

More translated and original works: here

–

[ Permission to translate ]

池离子: OK! Just state that the source is LOFTER池离子. Also, if you’ve posted it, could you also take a screenshot for me? No need for the whole thing - just a little will do!