#but i don't. think it's too much salt!
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Okay, my brain refuses to think about anything other than Murderbot, so I looked at every use of the word "friend[s]" in TMBD and... created some pie charts. Normal human activities.
Some Thoughts™ I had while putting this together (under the cut):
In All Systems Red, Murderbot notes that the PresAux crew are all close friends (twice! and goes on to explain their internal relationships which I think is very cute). This is pretty much the only use of 'friends' in ASR, except for when Murderbot says that SecUnits can't be friends with each other.
It seems that this may be one of the first times Murderbot has ever really been around a group of friends before? Murderbot notes that this is not the norm for its contracts and admits that the fact that they are all friends and the way they interact with each other make it actually enjoy that contract (before!!!! the hostile attack, so it already enjoys this contract before they start seeing it as a person etc ghghhhh). [Inference: Friendship seems enjoyable.]
The first character that calls Murderbot its friend is ART in Artificial Condition. Murderbot immediately refutes this (and then goes on to call ART its friend to its clients for the rest of the book). [Inference: Maybe ART is Murderbot's friend. And maybe that is... agreeable]
Rogue Protocol has more than twice as many instances of the word 'friend' as any of the other novellas. Why? Miki. Friendship and its implications for non-humans are a central theme because Miki is friends with everyone. Murderbot initially scoffs at the notion that Miki and Miki's humans are friends. At the end of the book, after witnessing how desperately Don Abene tried to stop Miki from trying to save them, and her grief after its death, Murderbot has to admit that she had in fact been Miki's friend. [Inference: Humans can be friends with bots and can sincerely care about them]
In Exit Strategy, Murderbot tentatively uses the word "friends" for its humans for the first time (several times actually). It questions whether it can actually call them its friends or not and later realizes that it had been afraid what admitting that the humans are its friends would do to it. At the end of the book, Mensah tells Murderbot the PresAux crew are its friends, which is the first time a human has directly said that to it (at least on-page). [Inference: Humans can and want to be Murderbot's friends]
In Network Effect, Murderbot seems to be more habituated to the word 'friend', confidently calling ART and Ratthi its friends, like it is no longer just trying the concept on unsure if it fits. There are many instances in which other characters refer to MB as ART's friend or the other way around and Murderbot's humans refer to Murderbot as their friend several times. Generally, there seems to be less hesitancy, because yes, all of them are Murderbot's friends, why wouldn't they be. [Inference: SecUnits can have friends. This SecUnit has friends. They care about it a lot.]
Conclusion: The Murderbot Diaries tell the story of a construct that does not seem to consider the possibility of friendship for itself and is fine with that - until it accidentally starts caring a little too much and suddenly more and more people annex it as a friend (ew) to the point where it can no longer deny that this is happening and has to begrudgingly admit that yes, it has friends now and maybe that is actually not a bad thing.
#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#𓄿#hi i'm READY to write a thesis about murderbot i am having way too much fun with this#i created a pretty excel spreadsheet and everything#i don't know why i did this but now i can look at them while i think about this more! so i figured i'd share them haha#i didn't count uses of 'friendly' but special shoutout to when MB is all alone in its cold cubicle missing 20% of its body mass#and starts putting on a show because 'the friendly noise would keep it company' 😭😭#i feel sick thinking about murderbot all alone on its own not knowing what its like to have friends watching media for 'the friendly noise'#also YES okay i wanted to make a point about miki there but i just#couldn't bring myself to talk about that more so... yeah#also uhhh this data is very subjective#i didn't count particularly ironic uses of 'friend' and generally did not count every instance of friend and sometimes it was a hard call#also i probably shouldn't have counted the times murderbot refered to drones or secsystems as its friends (often after hacking them)#but murderbot does seem to care about them and shows kindness and respect and sometimes points out that a system is friendly#so while i don't think MB means “friend” in the same way referring to them as when it refers to ART for instance#i still think its CUTE and also kinda funny how many times that happened so i decided to keep those!!!#but yeah take my data with a grain of salt lol
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it's kind of funny how Ai of all people keeps complimenting his looks (she must have really liked it)
#oshi no ko#ai hoshino#hikaai#hikaru kamiki#it's pretty much something that's just there as a fact(a device even) but she even mentioned that again as the breakup happened#it was pouring salt into his wounds to say that to him considering his life and what he went through but yeah...#oshi no ko spoilers#doodle#spoilers#speaking of which I really like the ep where they date#it's very cute. It's similar to how aqua and kana's dates went like too#so I don't think that's entirely fiction
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ok i was gonna take a pic like look at my sad pathetic noodles boy but i took one bite and inhaled them so fast it completely slipped my mind. this is the best textured thing i have ever tried it's like ricecakes but long and potatoie
#also i did the sauce thing where you put the spices first and then pour hot oil over everything and it was sooo cool#and also ridiculously good? literally just paprika dash of curry dried garlic. bit of sugar and a pinch of salt#lil bit of soy sauce too i think I don't remember but definitely not much#I'm gonna save what remained in the bowl and eat it with rice tomorrow are you kidding me this FUCKS#joshua weissman call me if you ever need that dick sucked
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i like rose actually hes full of Concepts. i like how leon could easily remind him of peony and of himself (personality, talented champion / older brother, beloved golden child) and i like how bede could also remind him of them/what his remark about seeing himself in bede could mean if taken as truth (ignored child, desperate to prove his worth / uncompromising confidence, needs to feel in control, perfectionistic) so he gives them both important roles to keep them around. very normal very well adjusted good job man.
swsh should have had 500 more lines of major npc dialogue. also leon and marnie should have talked about the whole being a symbolic king/princess thing. or she could talk to hop about it and he could talk about how he thinks leon feels about it which could be interesting also. even more economic fuckery talk i know its a sports thing but leon's Sponsor Cape drives me a little nuts. catch him between his own hopes/the needs of the league/rose's ideas specifically. he's been champion since he was like 10 right. something like that. im going back in time sneaking into the swsh writers room and taping up a big poster of N Harmonia. how soon we forget Boy King Prime. also pokespe was right rose should just be Objectively Correct about the impending energy crisis, his problem is that he tries to solve everything by himself by manipulating everyone around him, and is cool with putting the whole region in danger if he thinks it will Solve The Problem. his problem isnt being pro-nuclear power his problem is he thinks like a king. ideal swsh is anti-monarchy as well as anti-monopoly it would make more sense.
#pokemon swsh#this is part joke like pkmn games are pretty minimalist with storytelling. but swsh has So Much that they Could be doing yknow#the version of rose developing inside my brain is very funny. game-pokespe fusion guy#he's stumbled into the weirdo corner with ghetsis and lusamine but he thinks theyre super scary#like yeah kids are really convenient to manipulate and project my issues onto but i think you two are going too far perhaps *pleadingeyes*#leon should be tricked into fighting piers at 4am in a pokecenter parking lot. he regrets it later when he has time to think about it but-#-in the moment it is very heated#thinking about. formative life lessons for peony and rose#''the adults around you will discard you arbitrarily if they don't like you best''#the results of this projected back onto each other#rose keeping the idea that life is easiest when you don't have to invite conflict by letting other people have an equal say in what you-#-think is right#because conflict/tension/whatever will always make people act out and reject each other...#i can see the vision here. i get it. dont have to feel guilty if its just an inevitable consequence of human nature right#this turned back into a lot of pokevillain talk. its a hobby i guess. funny little conflict machines#take my bullshit with a grain of salt i havent played the dlcs and i dont plan to. money
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It's taking me ages to write this chapter because every time I look through old VODs / notes to check something, I come across moments like this that make me want to lie down face-first on the floor:
[Context: Pac commits to the idea of taking the Happy Pills so he can create a cure. He's about to write a note to Cellbit to explain his plan.]
Pac: If Cellbit puts himself in this position, it's worse for everyone, because Cellbit is smarter when it comes to coming up with strategic plans, so he is the thinking mind of the Favela Five group, so if he no longer has the mind, he’s not capable of solving this whole problem, you know? But if I put myself in this position to help Cellbit so he can get the cure... You understand? It's better if I'm the bait. Right? I can't- I can't carry things alone guys, I've already lost Mike [...] if I lose Cellbit and I alone had to carry things, I won't be able to. But I think Cellbit can manage better. He is more independent, and he has Roier. He has a husband. I'm trying to– to be lucid here, understand? That's all.
Date: September 11, 2023 || Timestamp: 03:10:10
#i talk#qsmp talk#Oh Pac... :((((#I know the Happy Pills arc is soured for a lot of us (for valid reasons) but I still love it because of how vital it is to Pac's character#This arc is what solidified him as my favorite character. He was so brave and he's so full of love and grief#Aghh. Those self-worth issues man... :(((#Pac cubito I carry you in my heart forever and ever and always#fic talk#I don't know if it's funny or miserable that whenever I fact-check myself thinking#''Am I misremembering this / misrepresenting this? Is this too grim?''#The answer is no I hit it dead center#I love Pac's dynamic with all the Favela members but Pac and Cellbit's relationship dynamic has so many layers#it's fascinating to explore#Especially since in the stream before this he had a complete breakdown because he was terrified Cell was going to come back#Love and fear and friendship and anger and hate and healing...#So many layers#The murderer who once mauled him who he left to die#Now a dear friend and co-parent of his son#It's fascinating#What breaks my heart is when Cellbit finds out Pac took the Happy Pills a few days later and they have a confrontation#Cellbit tells him ''You were my only hope- the only scientific person who could create a cure; how are we supposed to save you?''#''We still had one another and now I'm alone!'' <– As always please take my translation with a grain of salt#But man. MAN.... Pac saying Cellbit will be fine he can handle things on his own and he has Roier#vs. Cellbit having the same fears of being left alone#I wonder if; even for a moment; he remembered what it felt like when Pac (e Mike) abandoned him on that Island after Fuga#Obviously he realized / later learned why Pac took the pills but AGH!!!!!!!!!! It hurts.#I wish they logged on at the same time more frequently I WISH we got to see them interact more#I can't really explore this too much in the Fit Pac fic but I am delving into it in the Pac fic#I don't think I'll go as in-depth with the Happy Pill stuff as I'm doing in this fic though. This has been exhausting. It's a heavy arc#(Stream date: September 13 2023 || Timestamp 1:34:00 for Cellbit's POV of that conversation btw)
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I want to make my severance to those who preach the opposite exceptionally clear on this blog, because I am not part of this 'sisterhood' that unites in battle like this. No, not ever, not at any point in time, will I require you to write with my female characters as to 'gain access to' my male characters. I will never ask you to write with one muse, before you get to do so with others. And quite honestly, I'll say it: I think that demanding the opposite is pretty close enough to abhorrent social behavior. This isn't morally okay, nor is it justified— it is placing a 'problem' with someone else while it instead, and I apologize that I need to break this to you in 2025: lies with you. I don't know what happened, or when it started, but the concept of respect doesn't even seem like it's entirely flown out of the window for many people, but it simply, point blank, has flown out of the window.
I genuinely harbor little other than intense loathing for this 'third wave feminism' that has been taking Tumblr by extreme storm, I can't even begin to convey it. But please know that I do not associate with this mindset in any capacity whatsoever. And I also would urge those who are considering such ridiculous rules to reconsider— you're not only going to further harm (monumentally so) this 'cause' that you think you're fighting for (many things to say on this), but you're also presenting yourself as a prime example of what's wrong in this society at present. This is not how us humans work, this isn't how you treat other people, this isn't how you handle your own problems, this isn't how you communicate— I'm baffled, I'm floored, but I'm mostly furious.
#[ out of character. ] don't bend or water it down. don't try to make it logical. rather: follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.#[ public service announcement. ] so you're suggesting i'm graceful? / no. i am declaring it. it was not a subject for debate.#[ salt. ] should i be quieter next time? / no. no… it's fine. children don't learn unless you shout at them.#[ i was writing a much longer post about this-- but i decided against it for now. no need to be too rage-y too soon. ]#[ but my god what is this madness. ]#[ i'm genuinely appalled. ]#[ how do people get to that kind of mindset and think it's okay. ]
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Messy school doodles HAHEHHE
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Season 2 Robbie (not canon Robbie ofc, but rather the "S2" of my own fic which I may or may not ever finish). The lore is that his hair was MUCH longer than this, but it got shaved off due to Lore Reasons™ and now it's growing back :]
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NOT STAN. That's my beta Dipper HAHEHHEE. My notes are just emphasizing how similar they look. Me, earlier today, drawing beta Dipper: "STAN PINES ?! 😨😮😮😨😨😨"
Perhaps. Gay people. I am thinking about it really hard fr
#sometimes writing a story is toying with different dynamics and being like “auughh i LOVE this plotline but it'd go completely against -#- everything else in the whole story 😭“ so I gotta kill my darlings.#and I don't mean “killing off a character”#i mean “killing off this cool ass dynamic that sounds awesome but may not fit the story I'm trying to tell”#anyway#gay people... perhaps#do you see the amazing dynamic these two would have in the context of the story I'm making ??? no you don't#because i haven't told you anything about my story LMAO AHDHABHAHAHR#but point is: i love them#god#toxic yaoi is real#they've got the situationship that can almost rival whatever the hell Stanford Pines had going on (unfortunately they do not beat him)#they've got a dynamic that makes others think they don't care about eachother at all. that they hate eachother and that's all#and they DID hate eachother for most of their time together but after a bunch of years spent with no one else to rely on except eachother?#maybe you DO hate them still. but you can't deny the bond you share because the only other person in the world who GETS IT is him#you've seen him at his best and worst. you've driven him to the brink of insanity. you've taken everything from him#and yet you cuddle when the night is cold and it's so so lonely outside#you know how he likes his pancakes. how he'd rather cut his hair off than brush it. how he's entranced by the stars he never saw so clearly#you recognize when he's about to have a panic attack. you sit with him til he calms down. you hold hands and miss your families together#and you know he's the toughest person you know. so the occasional bang sessions? oh; those are NOT gentle#there's nothing more than a single safeword they never used more than once. because they've been together for so long and they know how far-#-they can push until it becomes too much. but to be gentle? to be soft? to a person who has grown so used to dodging your knives?#that is a whole entire INSULT !!! how DARE you treat me like I'm fragile NOW after we spent our lives on opposite sides of a battlefield?#how DARE you be gentle to me now after you ripped open my guts and shoved salt and dirt inside?#you know how much i can handle and you know I've always loved the thrill#so don't you dare make this any less of a battle unless you want me to bash your head in with a hammer. moron#the real valenpines dynamic i stg. i love them so much you don't understand#i can't believe I'm gonna have to sacrifice this dynamic#robbie valentino#dipper pines
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I can't sit on this any longer I'm sick and festering and autistic so here
Warning: mild spoilers for the Deadpool and Wolverine movie below the cut
Also blah blah blah I don't support Marvel Productions, I haven't for a while, won't any time soon
Here's an interesting character analysis:
Nicepool
I think his joke runs deeper than people think it does
In the Spider-Man and Deadpool team up run of comics, the one where Itsy Bitsy -their pseudo daughter- exists, Wade is seen to have his old face back as he's trying to be a genuine hero to Spider-Man, not trying to kill people trying to actually save people, and it's supposed to be a reflection of how much he hates himself, that he could look normal and be normal if he held himself with a little more respect
Further, as he kills someone so Spider-Man doesn't have to ruin his image of not killing people, he goes right back to that ugly mug he can't seem to shake, going right back to hating himself again because god damn it same shit different day no matter what he does he always ends up killing people
And I think Nicepool might be a joke about that, that if Deadpool learned to love himself he would actually go back to being normal, completely normal to the point where even his meta jokes ("I can gently tap the forth wall too- *glances to the camera* The Proposal...") aren't as meta or impactful because he's lost that connection to being Deadpool, he doesn't have regen abilities, he doesn't have the ability to see the fourth wall as clearly, and he doesn't have the god forsaken annoying voice
And the only one who seems to hate him is Deadpool
Wolverine -as far as I remember- doesn't seem to mind him at all, going as far as to being the one driving the Honda Odyssey, a car Deadpool hates but Nicepool has, furthering my point that maybe this is the canon, that Nicepool is everything Deadpool isn't and is the visual show that if Deadpool didn't hate himself so much he could have a normal life
Honestly as much as Wolverine was the main reason for Wade to eventually sacrifice himself in the end I think Nicepool was a moment of clarity, because he is the visual representation of everything Deadpool isn't and wants be and hates because he isn't
#i really like Deadpool#i don't know anything about much other heros probably Spider-Man and maybe wolverine but only because my partner really likes him#i think wolverine is a dork#he looks like a dork#that's a dorky suit#anyway take this with a grain of salt i suppose. i tend to think too deep about this and connect things that aren't probably there#hey. what can i say. i love puzzles#jay talk#jay yap#jay sick#sick in the head#but also. in the body. ow.
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TAG DROP 001.
[ ooc. ] one. one thousand. two. one thousand. three. and now my patience is up.
[ ic. ] chase the right bastard through the wrong ritual it'll knock you right out. of course. you might wake up with a new accessory.
[ answered: ooc. ] it is better to ask a question than to sit on your hands and let it fester.
[ answered: ic. ] most papers don't say much but read between the lines you pickup a thing or two.
[ psa. ] hear ye! hear ye! use that thing on the inside of your head or be doomed!
[ saved. ] i'm like a dragon with the things I like. I'll horde them forever.
[ prompts / memes. ] im not picky. i got a cup and it does the job. that's all I ask.
[ reflections ] I'm fighting rook. sometimes it feels like the city itself stabs me in the back.
[ introspection ] its not what keeps me up at night. its not the quiet. I never could sleep once work gets in my head.
[ crack. ] sing your praises and you still want something! I'll find you a treat if you don't tell davrin. have we got a deal?
[ salt. ] that's the worst-case scenario. but all too often; the most pessimistic speculation turns out to be the closest to the truth.
[ birthday. ] it's my hatch day! Im allowed to be happy and irresponsible.
[ self promotion. ] apparently I could something clever here but I am too lazy for that.
[ promotion. ] I like this blog. I think it's neat. it deserve attention. everyone! look here!
#[ ooc. ] one. one thousand. two. one thousand. three. and now my patience is up.#[ ic. ] chase the right bastard through the wrong ritual it'll knock you right out. of course. you might wake up with a new accessory.#[ answered: ooc. ] it is better to ask a question than to sit on your hands and let it fester.#[ answered: ic. ] most papers don't say much but read between the lines you pickup a thing or two.#[ psa. ] hear ye! hear ye! use that thing on the inside of your head or be doomed!#[ saved. ] i'm like a dragon with the things I like. I'll horde them forever.#[ prompts / memes. ] im not picky. i got a cup and it does the job. that's all I ask.#[ reflections ] I'm fighting rook. sometimes it feels like the city itself stabs me in the back.#[ introspection ] its not what keeps me up at night. its not the quiet. I never could sleep once work gets in my head.#[ crack. ] sing your praises and you still want something! I'll find you a treat if you don't tell davrin. have we got a deal?#[ salt. ] that's the worst-case scenario. but all too often; the most pessimistic speculation turns out to be the closest to the truth.#[ birthday. ] it's my hatch day! Im allowed to be happy and irresponsible.#[ self promotion. ] apparently I could something clever here but I am too lazy for that.#[ promotion. ] I like this blog. I think it's neat. it deserve attention. everyone! look here!#tag drop
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Introducing Spinster Pepper!! 💕
I got a few pictures of him eating as well, under the cut if you’d rather not see!
You can see just how tiny he is here lol - he’s in his food enclosure, aka a salt/pepper shaker hehe ♥
I don’t know why he pulled the mealworm up the wall with him, he caught it on the floor of the shaker lol
Probably the best shot I have of his abdomen - look at those beautiful markings! 💖
World’s most wonderful little hunter <3
#Spider#Phidippus#I haven't been able to ID him yet but he seems like a Phidippus of some variety - not an Audax and not a Regius but I don't know which one!#If I had to guess based on his markings he seems like either a Princeps or Johnsoni#Both very beautiful spiders :)#And both easy to tell male or female once they're fully matured!#I call him ''he'' but that's just a guess based on the size of his abdomen - he's much plumper now that he's eaten haha#But that's my guess! I'll find out as he grows more - as you can see he's still quite tiny so his pedipalps aren't a clue yet#He is - So cute <3 <3#So Smol has been accompanying me on my spider hunts recently - we found a few juveniles at our local library which were very cute!#Too small to bring home just yet but very pretty :D Black and white but not zebras - if I get the chance I'll try to ID them next time#But this little one was a surprise#We ended up in a thread-spinning shop and smol noticed him first - she also was a smart lad and brought the catch cup with <3#It didn't even occur to me to do so but I'm so glad she did - although he's so small that he was able to slip out through the air slats!#He was hanging out on the ceiling of the shop and we got permission to bring him with from the spinner and she was so cute about it haha#Told some spider stories of the other resident spiders that she'd noticed over the years ah <3 Really lovely!#And I got to talk a little about jumping spiders and their intelligence and how they move and observe and just <3 <3#So since the catch cup couldn't contain him we had to think up an alternate solution - and luckily one of the other shops had some ♪#Specifically a matching glass salt and pepper shaker which he - adorably ;; - tried to escape by sticking his little legs out the holes#I was most concerned of getting him to eat! Since some spiders don't take well to captivity so I was willing to release him if need-be#But I was so set on calling him Spinster Pepper from how we found him and transported him home hehe <3#As you can see he took to eating no problem! Which is good because he was quite thin when we brought him home#And it took me a little bit to remember how to get Jumpers to eat lol he couldn't find the mealworm(s) in the big enclosure#I actually got to watch him hunt - watch as the mealworm wiggled and back off and come around the side and strike! Ah <3#He's also So silly lol - the enclosure I bought has a soft open-sided pre-built nest that I pushed up into the corner for him#He's successfully gotten on top of it! Very clever! But - lol - he doesn't seem to realize that it's open and that he can go inside#So this silly little spider has opted to make his little pocket-hammock /on top/ of the pre-built nest. He is So Silly <3#I also swear he was watching me as I watched him a few nights ago :) So curious! Obviously recognizes a big shadow but what is that?? Hehe#He runs laps around the top of the enclosure and I'm pretty sure I can see the streaks from where his belly and legs rub against the inside#He's too adorable I'm love this spider so bad already ♥
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@tinybigfoot no i love information! which is unfortunately often in conflict with "i'm not looking up shit," like might be found on wikis easily lmao, except for when i'm having an "i'm extremely looking up shit" moment. love the drama of the scene having a known time via Newspaper b/c of the accurate contemporaneous headlines rather than being able to simply read the date; didn't know about that event! and this is me just yesterday looking at bits of paper in the backdrop of one of the Introduction comic pages like ooh can i read this (no) imagine it if had Clues (don't think it would & doesn't seem to anyways)
another zany fact to remember that yeah according to those character profiles mitzi Would Have It Be Believed she's at all younger than mordecai, ft. the implication that since yeah he was born in '99 & mitzi Was born in the nineteenth century too, she's either the same age or slightly older. let's go Circa Thirty Characters....which is mostly just mitzi who'd deny as much & mordecai having a couple years to go, fingers crossed. then we leap over to people born in the '80s lol
#which still leaves the timeline a bit fuzzy....bobby estimating mordecai ''couldn't have been very much older than [ivy] at the time''#like well that's true at his entire early twenties really....and all this from a person Bad At Estimating Ages IRL Or Otherwise (me)#lackadaisy#thanks for the info fr it's like now you Know if this is out there it may be lookuppable. and then i don't#(his age when on the train / meeting atlas might've been answered in an ask fairly recently too iirc)#i'll remember that the ask was there but not what it said lmao. think i More So recalled that the age based pants length conventions were#discussed in another history moment. which i'm Also interested in and Also forgot the pertinent details of lmfao#looking up the wall street bombing there like oh first link to the fbi website? not on my watch....#looked at the smithsonian website's extremely brief Synopsis with a grain of salt too. well alright
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think i like him a lot
#[Do you remember what I told you about Bayesian inference? When you asked to hold me?]#North of the silver beach there is a river cutting a hillside restaurant in half. It smells of saffron and singed meat#and there,grandmother would sit there on a carpeted platform and tell us how change is only sometimes a constant. In Gorgan,clouds clash#against mountain-stone below. [Remind me.] In England,the swan turns to me so I embed stars into the concrete above. Today#my house is an empty seminar room lit only by gutterglow spilling. I learn he is not afraid of heights.#I do not notice him laying on the table next to me. He probably joins me in carving the ceiling. [Two sets of states refuse to entangle.]#Do you miss Iran? asks the swan. Yes,I miss it very much. He says there is a way for him to visit. I have a game plan,#and still it requires a miracle of diplomacy. 'I'd be monitored at every stage' and of course I shut it down. Oh stop grinning,boy.#This is going too far for the challenge. One-quarter of your heart is buried somewhere in Tehran,he implies,and I feel I should witness it.#There would be no helping you. This is a dangerous idea to entertain. [The first set is I,the agent.]#But oh it is my home and oh how I miss the taste of pomegranate seeds and salt and golpar. His eyelashes are full and dark and glistening.#It was all a mistake? And do you wish it would all go back? Nostalgia is a terribly charitable narrator.#But yes,it was a mistake. And no,we cannot return so we should not think of return. Conjure a martyr-to-be and materialise firearms.#Throw a match into the piston box. How do you uproot a decentralised army? [The second set: the environment. That's you,pretty boy.]#A government sleeping with china is one no dares to fuck with. Baccarat,rum,rose,wince. Opulence is kitsch. Five violins are gluttonous.#He walks on the edge of the half wall by his river. What do you think,clever boy? I think I really want to kiss you.#Two sets of states refuse to entangle,seperated by a third set of boundaries. The air or my skin or your lips. The Markov blanket. My swan#your systems are not exempt from tending to energy minimisation. He says how I think is never so coherent.#Bring on maximal surprise. I want all systems shocked and fuck the optimal path. Why is a rupture so terrible?#Infiltration like a virus or a wound. Exfiltration,a mind reader. The system must reorganise in response. His grace irritates me.#Two sets of states refuse to entangle except for when they don't. We could talk about dynamic optimisation or I could crack you open.#[A state: a body,a country-polity,a model,the condition of a quantised system,a state as in] he says he walks an average of 15 kilometres#per day and much of that distance is traversed feeling a vivid absence. We are scheduled for seven hours of being kicked in the chest.#I'd do anything to share a cigarette with you. I think I like you very much. I kiss him until I taste blood.#He agrees to start a revolution for my birthday.
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BS vs skill issue?
should know by now but what's an SMT moment and what's a skill issue?
was the slime x2/chagrin preemptive sweep of my team an example of this?
or was it a skill issue?
It happened so fast so figured that it was indeed an example of SMT BS ~~ but I'm unsure~~
baby's first SMT moment~~ was funny in hindsight~~
sorry if this is a stupid question~~ been watching so many SMT moments and I wanted to confirm before posting what I thought was an SMT moment but was just a skill issue~~ if/when i post more gameplay shenanigans~~
#thoughts#thinking#i think too much#shin megami tensei#smt#megami tensei#megaten#SMT moment#or skill issue#how do you tell the difference?#should know by now as many SMT moments videos I've watched#but I second guess myself a lot and get too stuck in my head over stuff#iirc an SMT moment is random bs that you don't forsee and is game ending#like hitting you so fast you don't even realize you're dead#salt generator#sorry for newbie question
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girl with the most severe form of kidney disease forgets to adequately hydrate for six hours and starts to feel the Effects
#:)#if i don't drink enough water i start to feel like i'm dying#on account of the specific organs that are damaged i need more water to be adequately hydrated#however watch out! because if i drink too much i throw up. organ failure is a series of many such saw traps#on the upside i think the anemia being treated is finally starting to fix the fatigue#which is nice! i'd say i'm starting to plan my comeback to my Projects#but i still have to go through kidney biopsy 2 the biopsing at some point in the near to intermediate future#so i STILL can't commit to anything until after then#however i'm in a good steady groove with the rest of my medical stuff. enough i can start to map out a schedule finally#hopefully once this surgery is out of the way the rest of the year should be a regular rhythm#of meds/injections/blood tests/consultant appointments until whenever i get approved to go on the transplant waiting list at. some point#wish i knew when anything was but i've almost been sick for a whole year and STILL don't have a diagnosis so i'm not holding out hope!#but if everything holds stable for another month or so i might be in a place to genuinely try working on stuff again#as always grain of salt but things SHOULD be more predictable this year#i mean. i can't have a sudden mystery life threatening illness happen twice lol. it's all uphill! apparently
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Hi! I just read your post about Mateo recently. If I may, can you give me any specific instances in the narrative of the show where Mateo isn’t called out as heavily as they should have? I’m just curious?
During the Shuriki returns arc in particular, Mateo makes some pretty glaring mistakes that I feel like he should've gotten much more flack for (and based on what we see elsewhere in canon, I feel pretty confident that if Gabe, Naomi, Isa, or Esteban at least --and possibly even Elena-- had made these mistakes, they wouldn't have been swept under the rug nearly as quickly as they were for Mateo).
While it's unfair to completely blame Mateo for Carla's manipulating him during the "Rita" arc, I feel like it's reasonable to hold him a *bit* accountable. He did after all blab highly confidential information (on more than one occasion) to try and impress a pretty girl with how clever and important he was. (Something tells me that if any of the others had done likewise, they would've been called out for it. But because it's "beloved" Mateo, we don't even get "wait, you told Rita how to get into your workshop? And you've known her for only a few weeks? What were you thinking, Mateo?") Moreover, he never even apologizes for this or promises to do better/be more careful with such important, sensitive information in the future.
Even more aggravating is his behavior in "The Scepter of Night." Mateo is so eager to play the hero and claim all the glory for himself that he twice (!) disobeys a direct order/abandons the plan and goes looking for the scepter piece on his own. This directly leads to Fiero and Victor finding the scepter piece and (temporarily) stealing it. And it's really only due to luck and very conveniently-timed infighting amongst Shuriki's allies that Elena and co. are able to get the scepter piece back. While Mateo does receive some (brief) criticism, it's nowhere near the level that it should be.
Also noteworthy Elena doesn't really get particularly "mad" at him (especially considering how angry we see her get at other characters even for more minor things) . She's not truly, actually angry at Mateo (and Gabe and Naomi are only a bit angrier); she's just a little frustrated and disappointed at him in the moment. And apart from a (very short) little "do better next time" speech, Mateo doesn't face any real consequences or lingering resentment unlike other characters who do.
When Isa obeys direct orders in "Sister of Invention," she has to face consequences (Elena grounding her). Similarly, Elena holds a grudge against Esteban for days (if not weeks) after he interfered with the Feast of Friendship (a much lower stakes mistake than Mateo's imo). Moreover, it's possible to interpret Esteban's staying behind in Avalor when the others go to see the Norberg Lights as a punishment (either self-inflicted or imposed by Elena) for his actions in the previous episode.
In contrast, Mateo just gets a brief "I expected better from you" speech from Elena and Gabe jokingly assigning him push-ups as punishment (which he immediately takes back when Mateo tries to do them). I'll give Mateo a little bit of credit for actually apologizing this time (which he doesn't always do). But it's still frustrating that everyone is so ready to forgive and forget Mateo's missteps immediately while this same courtesy is seldom shown to others.
I think it's worth directly comparing a few Mateo-centric episodes with a few more similar ones that focus on other characters so that we can see how there does seem to be a noted narrative bias in his favor compared to the others.
Let's start with two "feeling kind of insecure" episodes: "Spellbound" for Mateo vs. "Naomi Knows Best" for Naomi. In the former, Mateo expresses doubt that he's capable of rising to the occasion as royal wizard. No one (except Gabe and he gets over it by the end of the episode) blames him for not having reached his full level of confidence and potential right away and not being able to immediately solve the problem. And Elena in particular (and by extension the narrative) gives him so much validation and support. Whereas in "Naomi Knows Best" (and to a lesser extent "Finders Leapers" and the "Carla-as-Rita" arc as well) the narrative "punishes" Naomi for her feelings of self-doubt. We're told that *if only* Naomi had trusted her gut instincts and stood her ground right away, Elena and co would not fallen right into the trap and that Naomi needs to screw her head back on straight and embrace confidence ASAP to fix her mistake.
When Mateo feels insecure, the narrative gives him every reassurance about how capable and special he is, that he can learn at his own pace, and his insecurity isn't really such a problem after all. When Naomi feels insecure, the narrative encourages her to get over her doubts as quickly as possible because unlike with Mateo, there's "no time" for her to wallow in self-doubt and actually the fact that she even had said doubt in the first place is what "caused" the disaster.
On a slightly different note, Naomi is also called out for taking a little free, fun time for herself in "The Last Laugh" when the group needs her, and yet somehow I have a feeling that Mateo would've been allowed to take a day off if he wanted without any protest. He complains about long hours in "Movin' on Up" and Elena gives him the big royal wizard's chambers for him to relax and unwind in. Naomi asks for one (1) day off to spend with her childhood friend for her birthday , and suddenly it's big drama. (And at the time, Naomi asked for said day off, all Elena needed from her was help doing paperwork. The Team Ash stuff came up unexpectedly.)
Similarly whenever Gabe and Mateo get their little rivalry on ("Spellbound," "Party of a Lifetime," "Captain Mateo" and a few other examples) , the narrative either presents them as equally at fault or Mateo as the only one in the right.
When Gabe brings in Bronzino to train the Royal Guards in magic, it's specifically because Mateo failed to explain how and why he was training the guards in the way he was. If he'd just explained how they were going apply the seemingly basic exercise they were doing to real magic, Gabe likely would've allowed Mateo to continue the training at his own pace.
(Also like. it's super hypocritical imo for Mateo to get annoyed at Gabe feeling impatient/impulsive about their apparent-lack-of progress when Mateo himself is easily the second most impulsive character in the show after Elena.) Mateo feels entitled to keep important information to himself (or blab it to a cute girl he barely knows) even when its no one else's best interest. He's only okay with being "cautious and patient" when he specifically is the one setting the pace. And yet, Gabe is the only one who is called out for his behavior in this episode--even though he might not have acted as he did if only Mateo had trusted him and the guards with an explanation in the first place.
And then there's just a few other "dude not cool" little moments that never really get acknowledged/Mateo never apologizes for. For instance, there a two low-key terrifying Mateo moments in "Captain Mateo" that are not only not acknowledged but are also framed in context as Mateo being just "so funny and quirky". Near the end of "Should be in Charge," Mateo magically gags Gabe so he can't protest anymore about Mateo taking over as leader of the mission. And this is after having already enchanted one of the stationary suits of armor to come to life and fight Gabe. (Gabe admittedly does lightly shove Mateo out of the way during his parts of the song, but that's still a far cry from literally drawing a sword on Mateo as Mateo does via magic to Gabe.)
It's played for laughs (The Grand Council is just smiling happily in the background throughout the scene which is so yikes), so it's easy to overlook what's actually happening. Frankly, it's pretty horrifying that Mateo's natural instinct upon his experience/authority being questioned is to literally attack and then silence. (And attack and silence someone who is supposed to be one of his best friends and closest allies at that!)
Rather than the narrative acknowledging that maybe it's a bad idea to immediately grant power to someone to someone who is so retaliatory against fairly minor criticism, the Grand Council just gives Mateo exactly what he wants and doesn't even offer a "maybe next time, let's not gag or attack our friends, okay?" alongside it. I mean sure Mateo does step down as captain at the end of the episode, but it's very specifically presented as his and Gabe's voluntary choice and not an order from Elena/the Council.
#elena of avalor#eoa salt#it's not mateo that bothers me so much; it's the double standard that nearly every other character is held to while he is not#gabe is the only one who ever seems to call mateo out on his shit regularly#and most of the time; it's framed as petty jealousy and/or gabe being unreasonable#even when gabe is the one talking sense#i feel like i've heard that mateo is one of the writers' faves and dang does it SHOW!#we were owed a dark mateo arc tbh#mateo thinks he's the next alacazar but I don' think it would be all that hard to turn him into the next fiero instead#it writes itself and honestly i would've liked him more that way#instead of just presenting him is as the specialest; cutest; quirkiest magical boy instead#let him go dark for a short time before realizing his mistakes and then have to work hard for everyone's forgiveness#esteban has to sacrifice his life in order to earn forgiveness for an (admittedly huge) mistake he made 40+ years ago#yet it's apparently too much for mateo to get more than the mildest rebuke over a (also big) mistake he made less than an hour ago?#also like whenever esteban or gabe are really proud/cocky or naomi gets single-episode acquired situational narcissism in “my fair naomi”#the narrative absolutely punishes them for it#whereas mateo is free to be as over-confident and braggy and vain as he wants and seldom gets called out on it#because i guess he's genuinely as 'cool and special' as he claims so he deserves the right to brag?#whereas the others' apparently aren't and don't?#anti mateo de alva
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/breathes in real deeply. I'm trying to sit on my hands, and I managed to sit on only one for the time being, but even that'll falter as I get tired. Ladies and gents, please hear me: Dorian Pavus was born in 9:11 Dragon, Veilguard takes place in 9:53 Dragon, that places him at the age of 42 years old. I will not, I absolutely will not stand to see people infantalize him in any way whatsoever, be that jokingly or not. Dorian Pavus' entire backstory up until his 'departure' from Tevinter, is ripe, and I mean absolutely dripping with everything starting from lack of agency, to a planned violation of self-autonomy at the hands of his father, and constant 'infantilization' by his mother; I will not see it continued. Have a little respect for a character (and his struggles) that meant, and mean, a great deal to not just his creator, but to many fans who are part of a community that hasn't had a character that hits this close to home.
And as a little addendum here: Necromancy is a specialization, which is not taught before anything else, and thus not at a young age. When you go to learn, or refine your use of magic, you first work on your basics, your chosen school of magic. The school of Power, consisting of Spirit, and Primal; or the school of Matter, which is sub-categorized by Entropy, and Creation. This takes up a substantial amount of your formative years as of potentially a child, until adulthood (if we loosely take the Circle's ages as reference). The specializations are not an addition pursued by all mages, and if one is pursued, they come after the basics, which means that no young child/teenager is dabbling in Necromancy, Rift Magic, Spirit Healing, the ancient art of Knight-Enchanters or anything similar. With which I aim to say that Dorian Pavus was not a teenager when he started his specialization into Necromancy, nor was he likely under the age of 20 when taught for one term by Emmrich Volkarin in Nevarra. Do not use that man to infantalize Dorian Pavus, do not use that man as an adoptive father figure, do not call Dorian your 'son', do not— Oooh, I feel strongly about this topic. It's so easy to preach respect, but it's so selectively applied in practice, and it bothers me greatly.
#[ dorian pavus. ] he says we're alike. too much pride. once i would have been overjoyed to hear him say that. now I'm not certain.#[ dorian pavus: etc. ] you can't call me pampered. nobody's peeled a grape for me in weeks.#[ salt. ] should i be quieter next time? / no. no… it's fine. children don't learn unless you shout at them.#[ dorian pavus: meta. ] you inspired me with your marvelous antics. you’re shaping the world. how could i aspire to do any less?#[ i ended up touching a little bit on meta here so let's just add it. ]#[ oof i just saw a post-- and i'll admit to it. but man it made the salt grate in my veins. ]#[ i need a coffee. it's just. it's about respect. it really is. it's not hard to practice a minimal amount of it. ]#[ and no-- i don't/won't take 'but i don't know dorian pavus well to know this' as an excuse. ]#[ then do your due diligence. because don't we live in this climate where everyone claims to 'want to do right'? ]#[ then put in minimal effort to do better. especially considering because people are using banter that isn't automatically triggered-- ]#[ to /try/ and substantiate this. ]#[ sorry; i have always stood up for this character and i don't think that i'll ever stop. and it's because of stuff like this. ]
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